Playcentre

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His mother had done her best to keep his mind
on the painting they’d started together,
but his pallid nostrils twitched, lifted up,
sensed something in the air, or on my face.

Scuttling through a gap in the giggling fence
of other children huddled round the hutch,
he found it easy to slip the catch, and run,
his head hidden by the long tall grass,
which she had kept on saying should be green,
to the rabbit-hole, where he’d not be caught.

Clawing down the apple-crumble tunnel,
he wasn’t sorry he’d screamed this morning
as she tried to cut his sharp bunny-nails.
The burrow had that nest-of-arms smell like
when she was warm-straw in her happy-dress.

No, he didn’t envy Ben’s thick coat of fur:
it was good for burying your face in
and for drying your cheeks while your fingers
gurgled in the soft-water of his floppy ears,
till the owl-ringed weariness floated from your eyes,
gliding down into Ben’s dark vigil of honesty:
animal truth that wouldn’t blink or look away,
a sky-darkness you could sleep in now, soft-centred
like the kangaroo-pocket your bedroom used to be.

‘Come on, darling.’ He could see his Daddy’s
twinkling stars much more clearly now,
‘Come on, love,’ all around him, bright,
like all the nicest smiles he’d ever known.
‘l want to stay with Ben.’
‘It’s time to go,
Daddy will look after your painting.’
His mother lifted him up, stroked his hairless head.
‘The nice doctor’s waiting,
Ben will still be here next time.’

And another time …. But this time,
going home, clawing up the apple-crumble tunnel
into the bright starry night outside,
we blinked, looked away, and gently cried.

Great Ormond Street Hospital for Sick Children 1985

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© Nemo 2020
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critique and comments welcome.
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Sweetwater

I have read this so many times and on each occasion it becomes a little clearer, it’s extremely visual, and beautifully written, but also so complex. Obviously desperately sad. Could you explain a little more about it. Sue, x

Mikeverdi

Fucking cancer, I understand in the children’s wards they alow pets, maybe this is the story here. Great writing as always.
Mike

TheRecluse

Beautifully written piece with skilfully worded lines in narrative form about a sad and difficult time in your life, Gerald, though this one exemplifying the situation you’ve actually experienced, but not about your own child? The place description line at the end helped put it all in a clearer context too. Fine and balanced emotive writing from the perspective of the different people involved, giving it greater impact. I especially liked the rabbit being used to both convey and conceal the pain being felt.
Best, Trevor

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