Autumn Secrets.

*******


Silence not of the ear,

but the soul hangs like a

promise in the air.

In muted voice, bright

leaves whisper, as rain 

scatters satin tears upon

the day, and every path

becomes a secret

waiting to be found.

© sweetwater 2020
Views: 1669
critique and comments welcome.
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Ifyouplease

nice poem, very interesting ending, for some reason “waiting” was not the verb i’d like to see there, in fact i wouldn’t choose a verb, i’d say ” becomes a secret, available to be found “

Ifyouplease

i know it’s the first thing that pops ups in our mind, “waiting” but what is waiting is what is available. isn’t it? i like the soft quality, the satin tears make sure your poem is softly qualified. i want us female poets to use both sides, the soft and hard aspects of poetry. because we can do it better than men who sound effeminate if they use the soft side but we sound poetically indestructible when we our conclusions are hard, not that many modern male poets know how to be hard without sounding childish or harsh but that’s… Read more »

Mikeverdi

Hello Sue, just a thought on this one. I know you’ve already had critique but…. rain drops has an almost double meaning…Maybe rain scattered instead? As always it’s just a thought
Your friend
Mike XxX

TheRecluse

Yes, another fine poem Sue. Autumn whispering and crying secretly, great descriptions. Great suggestion from Mike, but I would keep scatters in present tense as with hangs and whispers. Suits “becomes” better too. Yes drops could be both noun and verb, but don’t forget only nouns can have the possessive apostrophe, never verbs. so “rain drops satin tears” or “rain scatters satin tears”, both verbs (your original couldn’t be the noun: the raindrop’s satin tears as drops means they’re already in tear form of course!). Little gem again and much enjoyed.
Trevor

Nemo

Excellent scene painting, Sue. I think it should be ‘rains scatters satin tears … present tense in keeping with the tense of the rest of the piece.

Gerald

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