The Christmas Cashier
Spare a thought for the exhausted exploited retail store employees who hear Jingle Bells a million times over Christmas tannoys. This is to honour their sacrifice and exhausted cynicism…
THE CHRISTMAS CASHIER
Ka-Ching!
Let’s hear it now for Christmas Time
Clean up crew to Aisle C
We got a special deal in store for you
Two loan sharks for the price of three
Oh! How they laugh at your overdraft!
We got every single gift you need
Optician to Aisle Zee
All our bling made their eyeballs bleed
We hate working for this company!
While we all smile like a crocodile
While we’re robbing you blind
Oh! What hope for mankind?
Let’s hear it for your holiday
A frenzy for your fork and knife
Don’t you worry about the extra stone
We’re taking ten years off your life
Oh! How we’ll laugh at your epitaph!
We hate Christmas Cheer
As we have no Happy New Year
We hope the plum duff is giving you piles
We hope the reindeer smash all your tiles
Working these fifteen-hour shifts
You’ll find us asleep in the lift
When you raise a glass, then won’t you shed a tear
For the soul – the soul of a Christmas cashier.
Let’s hear it now for Christmas Day
Oh, we’ll be here from eight till late
If we hear one more Christmas tune
I think our minds might disintegrate
Oh! We’re in hell with each jingle bell!
We got Toblerone and tambourines
Brain-dead Barbies inside aubergines
He’ll make you laugh; he’ll make you smile
Our indoor Santa is a paedophile
You make your peace with the store police
While we’re robbing you blind
Oh! What hope for mankind?
Let’s hear it for your Christmas Cheer
Clean up crew to meat queue
We got a Disney deal in store for you
Cute Bambi-steaks and some Thumper stew
Oh! How we smiled at your crying child!
Oh! let the tills ring out
let the tills ring out
For Christmas Time….
(c) 2016 Paul D E Mitchell – Words, music, instruments and vocals by Paul Mitchell – copyright PRS protected
Oh how I loved this cynical piece. It should be set to music and sung by Philip Green and the choir of BHS!
I agree – but I have indeed set it to music! I moved the audio track to the top of the piece! Thanks for the read and the comment. Hope you enjoy the audio. Mitch 😉
Wonderful piece overflowing with the spirit of sarcasm and Christmas excess. You have captured the true meaning of modern day Christmas. Sue.
Thanks, Sue – hope you enjoyed the audio. A lot of it is based on first hand experience. Mitch