The Christmas Cashier

Spare a thought for the exhausted exploited retail store employees who hear Jingle Bells a million times over Christmas tannoys. This is to honour their sacrifice and exhausted cynicism…







Let’s hear it now for Christmas Time

Clean up crew to Aisle C

We got a special deal in store for you

Two loan sharks for the price of three

Oh! How they laugh at your overdraft!


We got every single gift you need

Optician to Aisle Zee

All our bling made their eyeballs bleed

We hate working for this company!

While we all smile like a crocodile

While we’re robbing you blind

Oh! What hope for mankind?


Let’s hear it for your holiday

A frenzy for your fork and knife

Don’t you worry about the extra stone

We’re taking ten years off your life

Oh! How we’ll laugh at your epitaph!


We hate Christmas Cheer 

As we have no Happy New Year

We hope the plum duff is giving you piles

We hope the reindeer smash all your tiles

Working these fifteen-hour shifts

You’ll find us asleep in the lift

When you raise a glass, then won’t you shed a tear

For the soul – the soul of a Christmas cashier.


Let’s hear it now for Christmas Day

Oh, we’ll be here from eight till late

If we hear one more Christmas tune

I think our minds might disintegrate

Oh! We’re in hell with each jingle bell!


We got Toblerone and tambourines

Brain-dead Barbies inside aubergines

He’ll make you laugh; he’ll make you smile

Our indoor Santa is a paedophile

You make your peace with the store police

While we’re robbing you blind

Oh! What hope for mankind?


Let’s hear it for your Christmas Cheer

Clean up crew to meat queue

We got a Disney deal in store for you

Cute Bambi-steaks and some Thumper stew

Oh! How we smiled at your crying child!


Oh! let the tills ring out

       let the tills ring out

       For Christmas Time….   


(c) 2016 Paul D E Mitchell   – Words, music, instruments and vocals by Paul Mitchell – copyright PRS protected

© mitch 2023
Views: 2340
critique and comments welcome.
Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments

Oh how I loved this cynical piece. It should be set to music and sung by Philip Green and the choir of BHS!


Wonderful piece overflowing with the spirit of sarcasm and Christmas excess. You have captured the true meaning of modern day Christmas. Sue.

Flag Content