Discarded.
For the lost souls on our streets, homeless or otherwise.
Am I so disposable,
to be thrown away..
Disregarded
beneath life’s ebb and flow
wanted no longer
for an accidental flaw, written
across your horizon:
yet I bleed the words of sorrow,
from soul to pen,
upon your eye.
You desert me, leave me lost,
devoid of light
in ever passing skies,
will my time grow darker still
before you see my abject form
prostrate,
fallen to the final page?
This says a lot in a few words sweetwater.
“yet I bleed the words of sorrow, from soul to pen,” β love that line.
May I say that I would punctuate it a little differently and maybe split it into 3 stanzas? Just a suggestion. El
Thank you Elfstone, I liked that line best π I have tried just about every way of punctuating this, but I just can’t get it how I want it, it’s so annoying. I hadn’t tried splitting it into stanzas though, I’ll try it out. Many thanks for the suggestions, it’s always helpful to hear the ideas of another person. π Sue.
If there were no opposing views how dull life would be π Thank you very much I always feel so sorry for the genuine ones, there must be a normal life in their background, and a real desire to be noticed and forgiven and perhaps welcomed back, regardless of past shortcomings. Sue.
A very emotive poem about the plight of so many, as you rightly say, homeless or otherwise. For not all those cruelly discarded are homeless, or indeed obvious to others in their plight. π I agree that some re-considering of layout may help to accentuate the poem more. Here is only one way of changing some punctuation as a suggestion but only you know how you want it to come across π so just as a rough example Am I so disposable, to be thrown away.. Disregarded………………………..(could also be βdiscarded) to emphasise being thrown away beneath lifeβs ebb and flow?… Read more Β»
I had discarded at first, but decided on disregarded as I wanted to infer being ignored, as I’d already mentioned thrown away. The across your horizon was a statement rather than a question, as so many people become ‘lost’ due to a mistake of some sort. I do like your suggested layout, I wish I had a better eye for that, after Elfstone’s suggestion I tried verses, but not as divided as you have here, which I think is far better. Thank you so much Alison, you have been a great help, I daren’t edit here as I’m not confident… Read more Β»
That was my fear the other night with my fancy layout. It was perfectly in line on the page until I pressed post then it all went to blazes lol eeeekkk
I also found I could not alter comments from my ipad. It does take time to get into the swing of things but I do think once you do, you will find it easier than UKA.
I find adding media a breeze now, compared to before and altering my recordings a doddle where it was a right fankle before π
Alison x
I have never heard the word fankle before, love it! I would like to occasionally use the audio for some of my more awkward to read poems, but wouldn’t dare, my second hand iPad keeps freezing and my computer is old and refuses to consider updates, so I will start saving for a new tower thingy, as keyboard ok. Then I may experiment π xx
Great piece Sue, and regrettably their numbers seem to be increasing – sign of a divided society perhaps?
Val xx
I’m my town we seem to have more every week, trouble is, they are not all genuine which means those really in need lose out. I think there are many reasons, trouble is when something goes wrong, redundancy, marriage break up, family arguments etc, too many turn to drink or drugs which just spirals them down.
Thank you Val for reading and leaving a comment, I’m pleased you liked it. π Sue xx
Heart-hitting words, Sue. A well written and memorable poem.
Eira
Thank you Eira, I’m so pleased you think that π Sue.