Goad ‘A’m Hungry, whit A wid dae furra a16 0z steak wi aw the trimmings, onion rings and chips, aw that’s whit a could go right noo,”Charlie mused.

“Right, ma turn, Cottage pie wi cabbage, loads ae cabbage, wi a salty broon gravy,” said Davy smacking his lips.

The lamp flickered again; the pit walls could be seen seeping with water, running down to pour away in a stream six inches wide. They had been trapped for two days. The roof had collapsed sealing them in and one of the lamps had gone out. The other was weakening. The sound of the mine rescue guys could be heard drilling and boring, getting reassuringly closer, cheering the trapped miners.

“Right, fur yir sweet noo?”



“Profiteroles. It’s choux pastry wi chocolate pasted oan wan side and served wi cream, it’s magic.”

“It wid huvtae be magic, pastry fae a shoe, fur fuck sake, Davy.
How can yie git pastry fae a shoe?”

“It’s no shoe pastry. It’s choux pastry, C, H, O, U, X. It’s French ya fuckin wahoo, huv you never left Pumpherston?”

“Aye A went tae Ayr wance, tae the seaside, aw Davy, A hud never seen the sea, it’s absolutely mahoosive man.”

“When A seen that big body ae water, A wanted tae be a sailor. A sailor oan a big boat goin all over the world with a girl in every port, that wid be me.”

“Ha, Yie wid need tae git an awffie lot ae port intae a lassie afore she wid go wi you ya ugly bastard.” Said Davy, as he punched Charlie on the leg.

“Ugly is it? Yir no sae braw yirsell.”.

“A’ll huv yie know ma Mammie says A’m good looking.”

“Well goin wi the look ae yir Faither, she’s nae Judge.”

“Aye true, ma auld Da’s gote a face like a cat’s arse, mind yie, your Maw, fuck sake, your Maw, whit a face.”

“We need mare new genes intae this village, we’re aw ugly bastards.”

Just at that, the face of a mine rescuer peered in from the blockage,

“See whit a mean, whit an ugly bastard he is.”

© weefatfella 2023
critique and comments welcome.
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A nice little tale, Paul, that I understood even though it was in the Scottish vernacular.


I read this in Alan Brazils voice…beeky! 🙂 Nice one.


HaHaHa! This so you, you mad bastard. Only you would write and post a story that needs an interpreter. I loved it mate, so pleased to read you again.


Very funny in your own particular style but extremely poignant and captures the camaraderie and bravery of those men who work the pits.

Alison xx


Och, Aye the noo, that’ll do frae youl Like the humour mate 🙂

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