UKArchive ID: 36115Garbage Disposal by gothicman
Originally published on January 22, 2016 in Poetry        

kids, do not try this at home!

Connecting his brain
to his gaming computer
using an beanie electrode skull cap
with an oozbee t'other end,
to his astonishment,
four new HDDs appeared in Disk Management:
Stem, Cerebellum, Limbic, Cortex,
and a FDD labelled: motivation?

Ignoring Total Loss warnings,
he formatted Cortex,
marking all sneaked-in garbage
from parents, teachers, church, CIA,
changing FAT 32 to THIN 64,
as an extra, see-what-happens,

Confirming ok twice,
an enormous load left his mind;
clicking Defrag, and Trim,
cleansed off eighteen stones more,
his underpants and cap dropping loose
as his bum and head became
frighteningly elongated!

In this state of panic,
he carelessly snatched out the oozbee
before safe pausing 5v power,
the floppy disk icon flashed red,
and his dick went limp!

With cyber-porn no longer
an edifying pastime,
and intelligence deleted,
his only option was to find a job
as politician!

Oozbee is nerd for USB connector
Warning: Use exFAT, not THIN 64!


© gothicman (Gothicman on OLD UKA)
UKArchive ID: 36115
Archived comments for Garbage Disposal
stormwolf on 22-01-2016
Garbage Disposal
Made me laugh out loud (no mean feat);-)
another for the anthology

Alison x

Author's Reply:
Hahahahaha! Thank you ma wee highland lassie, and for the nom and rating. Yeah, there's lots of limp dicks and rickety fannies in British politics! Most will be made lords and baronesses for a cushy, overpaid lifetime bequeathing damage and debts. Glad it made you laugh in the Winter gloom.
Lowland Goth, the Nordic nerd!
Trevor x

pdemitchell on 24-01-2016
Garbage Disposal
Techno-angst and very clever even though I am a politician, I've never misused my dongle, I can tell you! 😛 Paul

Author's Reply:
Hahaha! Yes, some political dongles can stand up to the task, confirmed by the high frequency of sexual harassment in the political arena! Hahaha! No, very unfair to generalise.

Bozzz on 24-01-2016
Garbage Disposal
I am a bit out of date with my nerdwordmanship but all this sounds perilously close to rape by masterbation - anything is possible these days. Should the police have been notified and should we then wait a few tens of years before discovering they have hushed up everything? Wickedly clever words my friend. Yours aye....David

Author's Reply:
Hahaha! Yes, I should have written "remained" instead of "went", as even a nerd shouldn't get sexually excited while technically removing superfluous software! Hahaha! Yes, another victim of unregulated social media access and his own ingenious mind, now active in the House of Commons with the usual blank look on his face! The police are still trying to work out how to turn on a computer, a little way to go before they can deal with internet-based abuse! Thanks for your fun comments, David.