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sweetwater's (sweetwater on UKA) UKArchive
245 Archived submissions found.
Title
The Garden. (posted on: 29-07-16)
Really must get down to some new writing, but in the meantime in the spirit of supporting the group I have posted another older one πŸ™‚

With gentlest breath all hopes caress my fingertip of dreams. Please step you soft upon the day, for I so wish to beg them stay. Still whispers there with sweetest song the twinkling brook will carry long. As willow weaves with bend of bough my dreams are woven with you now.
Archived comments for The Garden.
Kipper on 29-07-2016
The Garden.
Hi Sue
I've been there and know it well. Wish I had your way with words.
I live in an estate of 'semis's' with small gardens but no view and yet after many years of nurturing it is a private place.
Your poem describes it well and though gardening is not so easy for me now, it remains a place of dreams.
Got any more 'old' ones?
Best wishes, Michael.

Author's Reply:
Hi michael this is the second poem regarding this garden, the first describes the rose hedges, tiny copse at the bottom and the stream with willows. It opened into a 'nature based ' park, I loved it. Today's poem was to the estate agent ( not literally of course ) it was finally up for sale after I'd been wanting it for fourteen years, I pass it everyday walking my spaniel. I could have bought it, and was desperate to, but the house was miniscule and I have grandchildren likely to stay over so I just couldn't.
I'm very lucky where I live, it's buiit up but retains it's rural roots. I love the sound of your garden it's exactly what a garden should be..a place of dreams πŸ™‚ as for more old ones unless I get down to some more writing they will be appearing fairly often! Many thanks for your comments, much appreciated. sue x


November Tapestry. (posted on: 25-07-16)
An oldish one, but recently reworked.

Silence watches.. as sunshine spins a golden thread to weave between the emerald leaves. Then the day comes alive! Noise and light, and life abound, as wind cries loud about the way. Breeze caught colours tossed astray: tips of trees like silvered snow cast across the clouded grey. Yet peace still walks to guide my tread. On painted paths my feet shall fall, step soft and make no sound, upon this tapestry of life.
Archived comments for November Tapestry.
Savvi on 26-07-2016
November Tapestry.
Delightful read Sue, filled up my senses and I felt I was walking beside you. Best Keith

Author's Reply:
Thank you Keith, I have fiddled with the layout so much that now I can't tell if it's better or worse. I think I prefer it this way, but... I'm very pleased you liked it, at least I didn't change or mess up the words lol. Sue πŸ™‚

cooky on 26-07-2016
November Tapestry.
A poem to free the soul. I like this a lot

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much cooky, I love your comment πŸ™‚ Thank you too for the unexpected rating. Sue x

Supratik on 28-07-2016
November Tapestry.
Very nice and very smooth. I would re-work on the verb 'cries', but that's okay; it has a wonderful flow.

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much, I'm really happy you liked it, and very honoured you chose it as a favourite and gave it a great rating too. You have paid me a lovely compliment. πŸ™‚ Sue.

Kipper on 29-07-2016
November Tapestry.
Hello Sue
I asked for another old one and here we are. A very nice description of a November day, clearly seen from the very start.
Best wishes, Michael.

Author's Reply:


Losing Time. (posted on: 15-07-16)
Just musing about growing older and 'moving out' so to speak.

There are days I feel time slips away, darker drapes drawing close. So many things: to be left.. unfelt, lost forever. Unsaid to those so loved. I sit lost in fearing. A knock on the door calls me back tells me I am yet still here.
Archived comments for Losing Time.
Pronto on 15-07-2016
Losing Time.
And long may you remain here. I enjoyed what you wrote but felt there was much left unsaid.

Author's Reply:
I am pleased you enjoyed this, it's just a feeling that has hung over me this year, I can't explain it more than that, which is why the poem is rather abrupt, plus I didn't want to sound depressed, which I certainly am not. There has been a lot of 'emotional stuff' going on in my world at the moment, that is the ' left undone, unfelt and unsaid bit' but on the whole I just feel the passing of time very strongly at the moment, the knock at the door was my young granddaughter bringing something round, seeing her brought me to the here and now, but still those underlying fears remain.
Thank you for reading, your comment and your interest in my words. Sue.

Savvi on 19-07-2016
Losing Time.
Hi Sue, just a hint of melancholy in this thought stalled moment, I like the way it snaps back in to life as if to say ok but lets get on with it. enjoyed Keith

Author's Reply:
Thank you Keith, that is exactly what I was saying, this year I have had this feeling of something terrible waiting in the wings, I have always felt 'things' but can usually decipher the meaning, or it passes off after a minor problem, but this year it is really weighing me down, I cannot work out what is afoot. Whether it's in the world's problems getting worse, or within my own world but it's really giving me edgy and almost panic filled moments, so my Granddaughter knocking when she did bought me back to reality that day. And as you said made me say to myself, stop it just get on with what's happening now, whatever is to come is already planned, I can sense it, but can't change it. Many thanks for commenting, Sue.

stormwolf on 20-07-2016
Losing Time.
Boy I can relate. I was going to repost a poem I wrote some time ago along the same lines but because it was written in winter I left it.
Yes, we are yet still here. If we had no more to do in our life walk we would be gone.
The knock on the door brings you out of your ( fearful ) reverie
Everything can change in a moment so we can only summon courage and keep going.
I like poems that suggest rather than tell. This is one of those. Well done.
Alison x


Author's Reply:
Thank you Alison, I am glad you understand. The anxieties really came to a head a few days ago, I thought I was going mad, but I had a text from my daughter a bit later saying her little girl, Ellie not yet two, was very poorly, with a severe chest infection, her heart rate was too low, and if they noticed it drop even a little lower it was hospital immediately. Fortunately overnight she improved and is now on the road to recovery, and my anxieties are at a more normal level as somehow I knew this was the cause this time. I don't know why I can sense things coming and I don't like it but it's always happened. Of course as you say things can change in a blink of an eye, and perhaps I am in tune with the past and the future I don't know, but the world has become so much more unstable that it really affects me. Apologise for not replying yet to your message, but I am going to find out a bit more on meditation so I can reply more knowledgeably to you. Thank you again. πŸ™‚ Sue.xx


Fallen Flame. (posted on: 08-07-16)
I think this works better read aloud.

What hope for me this sorry spirit bound where lie's the spark of filtered essence found. What hope the heart with rhythmic heat to throb the verse so used, where muse and lover meet. What hope for life in breath this day, indeed the want of life itself does this broken, time betray.
Archived comments for Fallen Flame.
Mikeverdi on 08-07-2016
Fallen Flame.
Love this one Sue, the lay out looks good to me as well 😊
Mike XxX

Author's Reply:
Thank you Mike, I'm really pleased you liked it, it's quite a personal one, I was trying to make sense of something ( someone ) to get it off my chest without actually giving anything away. Sue xxx

Pronto on 08-07-2016
Fallen Flame.
Sounds well when read just as you suggested Sue. How you have the patience to fiddle with the layout I can only admire. I've tried it a few tomes on and gave it as hopeless.

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much, I'm glad you too thought it sounds ok read out, I'll have to practice in case someone wants to hear it lol,
Your comments are very kind and greatly appreciated πŸ™‚ Sue.

Supratik on 09-07-2016
Fallen Flame.
A very well-written poem Sue!

Author's Reply:
A huge thank you for reading, commenting and putting this poem into favs, I really appreciate it I'm so pleased you liked it that much. Sue πŸ™‚ x

cooky on 09-07-2016
Fallen Flame.
This is a beautiful poem. Written from the heart.

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much, it was very much from the heart. Thank you too for the unexpected and much appreciated rating Sue πŸ™‚ x

stormwolf on 09-07-2016
Fallen Flame.
Another poem written from another age. You channel these so well!
Good stuff.

Alison x

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much Alison, I'm so pleased you think that πŸ™‚ Sue.x

pdemitchell on 09-07-2016
Fallen Flame.
Well written, Sue - but for some reason 'throbbing the verse' made me think I needed a cold shower! Good use/muse internal rhyme there. Mitch

Author's Reply:
Oops sorry I had no intention to cause anyone to need a cold shower, πŸ˜‰ It was basically about me trying to my head around a long standing emotion, nothing erotic, sadly. Many thanks for your interest
and the added grin you gave me. :-)) Sue.

pommer on 11-07-2016
Fallen Flame.
Hi Sue,
I loved reading this one, as you suggested aloud.Great stuff as usual.Peter.xxx

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much Peter, I'm really pleased you liked it so much, I love your comment ' great stuff as usual' that is a wonderful compliment to receive. :-)) Sue.

Kipper on 11-07-2016
Fallen Flame.
Hi Sue
This reads so well it almost doesn't matter that one or two of the references elude me. ( Pretty sure they won't after a couple of re-reads)
This is real poetry, which I notice is not yet promoted, so I have taken the liberty!
Michael



Author's Reply:
Thank you Michael, what a lovely compliment you have given me, I am quiet speechless at your kind words, and the promotion of this poem. The poem is a little obscure, as I didn't want the true meaning to be immediately obvious, basically someone whom I have believed in deeply for three quarters of my life is not the person I thought them to be, fundamentally it won't change my feelings but it will take a while to come to terms with it, this poem stems from my inner turmoil. Thank you so much once again. Sue x

Savvi on 14-07-2016
Fallen Flame.
Hi Sue
This one rolls off the tongue delightfully, I would love to hear the audio. Very much enjoyed, Keith

Author's Reply:
Hi Keith, thank you so much, if I knew how to do the audio I would be happy to try it, so far I have only recorded my poems on my iPad. πŸ™‚ Sue.

Supratik on 29-07-2016
Fallen Flame.
Listen I had to come back to this poem. Attractive and attractive.

Author's Reply:
That is so kind of you, thank you very, very much. plus another thank you for the ten rating. Sue xxx.


Temptation. (posted on: 01-07-16)
No literary merit here, just plain greed and syrup pudding affection, with the added ingredient of a cold wet day.

A cheerless day and I am torn. Should a bowl of syrup pud, cradled in a custard cloak slip with comfort down my throat, snuggle happy at my hips, smash the diet into bits. Or.. Should I grit my teeth and say, no it's salad..every day. Ignore the pull of sweeter things, await the glow denial brings, and step with pride upon the scale. Or shall I just enjoy this fail?
Archived comments for Temptation.
Mikeverdi on 02-07-2016
Temptation.
HaHa! That's something we can all relate too. Good piece Sue, not a tree in site πŸ™‚
Mike XxX

Author's Reply:
Nope, no trees this time πŸ™‚ a totally different passion, and I couldn't say no in the end. Many thanks for reading and commenting Mike I wasn't sure anyone would. Sue xxx

pdemitchell on 03-07-2016
Temptation.
Ha - I too can resist everything except temptation... Mitch

Author's Reply:
Hi Mitch, I guess most of us are the same, I could have resisted them as separate offerings, but not together :-)) Many thanks for the read and comment, much appreciated. Sue.

stormwolf on 04-07-2016
Temptation.
Ah, have yer pudding and bugger the diet!
You know the saying..."A moment on your lips, a lifetime on your hips" but of late I think we should grab our pleasures while we can

Alison x

Author's Reply:
Many thanks Alison, my thoughts entirely, it's a scary world and getting more scary by the minute, and if syrup pud and custard make it all go away for a while, well then why not lol. Sue x


Summer Grey. (posted on: 01-07-16)
I usually enjoy the rain, but there was depression carried down with it this time.


Archived comments for Summer Grey.
pdemitchell on 03-07-2016
Summer Grey.
Excellent but may I suggest line 6 and 7 be a bit more dramatic? i.e. "the whip of wind now stirs/their tongues" Good stuff. Mitch

Author's Reply:
Oh I do love the 'whip of wind' change, pretty sure I will use that in future poems.- too good not to.
I think it's a little too dramatic for what I was seeing here though they were more restless with sorrow than stirred up with a whip, ( hmm that idea too may lead to a future write hehe πŸ˜‰ ) Thank you for the ideas Mitch, watch this space as they say πŸ™‚ Sue.

stormwolf on 04-07-2016
Summer Grey.
Hi Sue, You nailed it.
There is a confidence in your spacing too. I know exactly what you mean. There is a strange disquiet in the rain of late.
I am the same. I tend to love the rain but it seems to have a sense of forboding about it somehow.
Alison x

Author's Reply:
Hi Alison, that's very kind thank you. There really did seem to be something unnatural in the rain, it just didn't feel right. The whole world just lately seems to be very on edge, I dread to think what it is waiting for. Sue.

Kipper on 07-07-2016
Summer Grey.
Hi Sue
You do have a way of setting natures variations of mood to the music of poetry.
Unlike you however I do not much care for the rain, happy to do without it until the garden starts complaining, and hose pipes are banned.
Despite that you your poetic description of a rainy day was spot on.
Michael

Author's Reply:
Thank you Michael, I have no way of watering my garden other than manhandling watering cans through the lounge into the garden one at a time, so rain is much easier to deal with. But I do enjoy it anyway. Many thanks for your comment I'm pleased you think it was spot on :-)) Sue.


Embryo Words. (posted on: 24-06-16)
I was listening to the prose writer's at my local writing group, they were saying how much of their time and dedication went into a book, the months of writing the struggle to find just the right word, phrase or storyline, then all the going back to re-write certain bits. This verse is for them.

Set free those struggled words of birth that toss and tumble from your tongue: their time not yet begun. From embryo, to new born life their cord is severed to a page. Those infant words with blood of ink, run through the pen to come of age.
Archived comments for Embryo Words.
Mikeverdi on 26-06-2016
Embryo Words.
I like this a lot Sue, I've read it several times. I have a couple of thoughts and will message you later.
Mike XxX

Author's Reply:
Thank you Mike, I'd like some more ideas, I'm not totally satisfied with it. πŸ™‚ Sue.

pdemitchell on 26-06-2016
Embryo Words.
I loved this. Good metre when read aloud but hits at more of a story to come such as a mid-life crisis! Mitch

Author's Reply:
Mid life crisis? I wish. Passed that signpost a while ago lol, depending on where it's situated of course πŸ™‚ appreciate you commenting Mitch, as I said it was for those poor prose writers in my group struggling with untamed stories roaming at large about their head. Think I'll stick with poetry. Sue x

stormwolf on 04-07-2016
Embryo Words.
A really, really good poem. Very original and with an air of wisdom about it to boot!
Sad to see work not getting more interest. It deserves to be read more than it has.
Things have been in the doldrums generally but you can always repost later.
Alisn x

Author's Reply:
Thank you Alison I really appreciate your comments and the unexpected rating, I can't understand why so many of the other members no longer seem to either write or comment on here anymore, unless because there are so many other sites to choose from they have all jumped ship. Thank you again, Sue x

ifyouplease on 07-07-2016
Embryo Words.
yeah fantastic like mantra it can be used by those who suffer from some sort of nearly over writers block.

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much for commenting, and choosing it as a favourite both are very much appreciated. I am glad I am not a prose writer I could not sustain writing thousands of words. πŸ™‚ Sue.x


Summer. (posted on: 20-06-16)
A very simple poem.

The sky at last has wiped the tears that fell to mourn this day, now sunshine sweeps the clouds along to paint her blue upon the grey. And birds hold words of summer in their song.
Archived comments for Summer.
Pronto on 22-06-2016
Summer.
A sweet simple poem indeed but none the worse for that! Sometimes simple says it best as is the case with this.

Author's Reply:
Thank you, I did wonder if it was a litle too simple, but it did sum up my thoughts. πŸ™‚ Sue.


Defenceless. (posted on: 20-06-16)
Simply, for Geoff.

Ah time, you wanton wretch, defiler in each darkening sky, cutting through the legions of all dawns. No hand to stay your unquiet voice, or earthly shield, your spear decry. No succour found for he who mourns.
Archived comments for Defenceless.
Pronto on 22-06-2016
Defenceless.
Aye we all "strut our hour" No point worrying about it though!
A very well constructed poem I thought.

Author's Reply:
Much appreciate your commenting, thank you. I wrote this for my ex husband who died suddenly last Sunday, we married when I was nineteen and he was twenty. and although we divorced we have been long distance friends ever since. He was sixty five, heart attack. I shall miss him. Sue.

Pronto on 22-06-2016
Defenceless.
Aye we all "strut our hour" No point worrying about it though!

A very well constructed poem I thought.

Sorry to hear that Sue please accept my my condolences.

Author's Reply:
Thank you, we had good times, so lots of happy memories to look back on. πŸ™‚ Sue.

Mikeverdi on 22-06-2016
Defenceless.
Pain is a great provider of 'The right words' this is excellent writing Sue. Sorry it had to have such trauma to build them.
Mike XxX

Author's Reply:
Thank you Mike, I will miss sharing our mutual memories, he often reminded me of funny things I had forgotten. He was a good, kind man. Sue. xx


Moonlight Alone. (posted on: 17-06-16)
Another beautiful night she cannot share. I blame this on a song I heard.

In softly silvered moonlight when all but time, lies still she feels the weight of wanting fold deep within the night.          As certain as a rippled rill erodes the fallen years, ardent burns a heart aflame as onward flow the tears. Onward too, abides the love that constant rides unknown, to circle round upon itself and hold the seeds unsown.
Archived comments for Moonlight Alone.
Savvi on 18-06-2016
Moonlight Alone.
Oh, I love this Sue, especially rippled rill, the whole poem is a master class in alliteration and simply a delight to read. Best Keith

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much Keith, I certainly hadn't expected such praise, as I honestly wasn't sure about submitting this one. So glad I did now though. Thank you again. Sue.

Mikeverdi on 19-06-2016
Moonlight Alone.
One of your best Sue, well done.
Mike

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much Mike, this one has surprised me, I really didn't feel at all sure about it, I don't particularly like the rhyming of 'years' with 'tears', it's too obvious but I couldn't find anything else to replace them, and they did represent what I wanted to convey.
I'm so pleased you like it :)) Sue.

pdemitchell on 19-06-2016
Moonlight Alone.
Good pace and well-placed but restrained alliteration. Mitch

Author's Reply:
Thank you Mitch, I wanted to try and express a loneliness made even worse by such a lovely night. Sue.

Pronto on 20-06-2016
Moonlight Alone.
A lovely read that flowed easy in the mind. Well done Sue.

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much, I'm glad you enjoyed πŸ™‚ Sue.


No Words. (posted on: 13-06-16)
I had two other poems on the go and was not happy with either, I just could not get them to my liking, so this one was born out of sheer frustration.

Doubt takes my pen and strikes it blind, let's bleed from there in stilted tongue a burning pyre of shackled thoughts, wreathing ribbons of defeat through canyons in this false and fettered mind.
Archived comments for No Words.
Pronto on 13-06-2016
No Words.
There's not a lot wrong with this one SW it expresses well the frustrations that sometimes beset us out of the blue.

By co-incidence I am having this same problem with one of my poems. I changed from straight stanzas to Limerick form and a couple of verses just don't work any more.

I shall persist. Good luck with yours

Author's Reply:
I have thought about Limericks, but I am not witty enough for that, but I do like reading them. I have already binned my other two, they were obviously never meant to be lol. Very pleased you read and left a comment, thank you πŸ™‚ Sue.

Mikeverdi on 13-06-2016
No Words.
I agree, the words are fine. Maybe look at the lay out, use the drop down and center it. This can sometimes add to the feeling of the poem.
Mike

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike I keep trying to fancy up the layouts, but I always go wrong somewhere, just my total inability to get my head around all the jargon, and messing about, I forget half of what I have just read in the instructions too, so that never helps! I write and lay it out exactly as I want it in the notes on my ipad, so I want to get a proper printer for that then I can at least have it printed on paper correctly. Unfortunately it's not that straightforward posting on here, well for me it's not.
I am pleased you liked the poem itself, and appreciate the layout suggestion and will try it out on the ipad for when I save enough for the printer πŸ™‚ Many thanks Mike. Sue xx.



Elfstone on 13-06-2016
No Words.
The sense in it is strong, but I'm not convinced that the rhythm works. The first 3 lines are iambic tetrameter, but then it breaks down. I'm a bit tentative about putting forward a suggestion, but it is possible to keep the rhythmic structure going while maintaining the sense. Elf.

Author's Reply:
Thank you Elf, I appreciate you reading and posting a comment and I agree about the final line, I found the other three just fell onto the page, the last one has had many changes cutting out the extra syllable, but found that didn't help the rhythm, I think maybe the 'and' blocks it. I shall continue to tweak πŸ™‚ Sue.

Mikeverdi on 14-06-2016
No Words.
I can show not tell if you want😊
Mikexxx

Author's Reply:
Can you come up here and do it for me! Lol, yes I am that incapable. I think the centre bit I can do. But it's all the other layouts where you have lines in various different positions on the page completely flummox me. If you could give me some idea of that it would be very helpful. Thank you Mike you are very kind.

Ionicus on 15-06-2016
No Words.
Forget about fancy layouts, Sue. You have expressed the frustration of writers' block quite clearly and in a simple way. That should suffice.

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much Ionicus, I really appreciate your words, my feeling was just to 'get it all out' thought momentarily about moving it over a bit but, as I said to Mike that just adds to my frustrations. My mind just goes blank and I get panicky, then do it wrong! I know some poems look so good with an interesting layout, I just wish it was more straightforward for idiots like me lol. Sue πŸ™‚


High Winds. (posted on: 06-06-16)
A very blustery day.

Wind calls loud about the way, sends a rhythmic beat this day to drum within the greenwood now, sets feet to dance along each bough
Archived comments for High Winds.
Mikeverdi on 06-06-2016
High Winds.
I think this needs a bit of work Sue, not quite there yet.
Mike XxX

Author's Reply:
I'd had four days of those blasted winds, they made the trees jump about so much they cut out the TV signal for the entire time, you should have seen some of the lines I'd written before I settled for those! Again this was written for the five lines or less site. Not quite sure what work it needs, but no doubt I shall return at some point and twiddle it a bit. Many thanks Mike :-)) Sue. Xx

pdemitchell on 07-06-2016
High Winds.
Hi Sue - this is okay but with short a verse strong simile tied to a rhythm and zen (does a tree make a sound when it falls in a forest with nobody there to hear it?)always helps i.e.:



Gales banshee shriek and scatter leaves

Drum dark tattoos about my eaves

Limbs yield and creak age-furrowed brows

The one-hand clap of shattered boughs...



Hope this helps! Twiddle those dials! hugz. Mitch

Author's Reply:
I love the strong drama and vivid images of this re write idea, so much better than mine. As I said to Mike this wasn't the first idea I had about those wretched trees, but after watching them for a while along the whole of the wooded embankment from my upstairs window the graceful bending and arching of the tree branches swaying this way and that made me rethink my earlier ideas, they reminded me of ballet dancers moving to the beat of the winds moving through them. Not dramatic, just hypnotic and rather beautiful.
As for the tree falling question, I have wondered this myself, and decided yes it does, if I talk to myself at home I still make a sound although there is nobody there to hear me πŸ™‚ Many thanks, for suggesting which dials to twiddle, I will leave this one untwiddled for now, but I may write another more exciting one as you suggest. Sue.


Curtain Call. (posted on: 06-06-16)
Time flies, enjoy each day for as we all know time goes faster the older we become.

Velvet drapes that hold, enfold, await in death's dark chalice for fast the wine of life now flows, through years still yet to be.
Archived comments for Curtain Call.
Mikeverdi on 06-06-2016
Curtain Call.
I like the flow of this, I like it enough to read three more verses. Great little piece, wish there was more. HaHaHa!
Mike XxX

Author's Reply:
I have written a longer poem on this theme, but this was written for the five lines or less poetry site, so I had to keep it short, may add to it later though. I am so pleased you read and left a comment, Mike, and glad you liked it thank you. Sue xx

pdemitchell on 07-06-2016
Curtain Call.
Ah, chalice and wine and velvet and a passing hold enfold intenal rhyme -- bingo! Good quatrain. Mitch

Author's Reply:
Thank you Mitch, I rather like the gothic feel about it, no idea where it came from as I was admiring the dog roses in the hedgerow at the time, not really thinking about writing anything. πŸ™‚ Sue.

Supratik on 09-06-2016
Curtain Call.
Very sweet, simple and succinct.

Author's Reply:
Thank you Supratik, very much appreciate you reading and leaving a comment πŸ™‚ Sue.


My Choice. (posted on: 30-05-16)
It's much better to aim for the sun.

No more a pebble shall I be, constant washed in streams of sorrows shaped and polished by a careless ebb and flow. For I shall choose the glint of sun, and ride the bright tomorrows.
Archived comments for My Choice.
Mikeverdi on 06-06-2016
My Choice.

Just a thought to play with...or bin HaHa!
Not to say I didnt enjoy your words, I did as always.


No more a pebble shall I be,
washed in streams of sorrows.
Shaped and polished
by a careless ebb and flow.
I choose the glint of sunlight,
and shall ride the bright tomorrows.

Author's Reply:


Contentment. (posted on: 30-05-16)
A lovely day to just sit awhile.

The air awash in tumbled song whispers sweet with breathless scent, daisies dance the day along, rejoice upon this favour lent: And I? I just sit and dream.
Archived comments for Contentment.
Kipper on 01-06-2016
Contentment.
Hello sue.
It has long been my view that if I could wish for just one thing for a friend, it would be contentment.
Your poem, short and sweet, has done nothing to change my view.
Best as always, Michael

Author's Reply:
Thank you Michael, I could have sat there all day dreaming, it was the sort of day that makes one feel at peace.
I am so pleased you enjoyed it and left such a kind comment. πŸ™‚ Sue.

Kipper on 02-06-2016
Contentment.
Hello sue.
It has long been my view that if I could wish for just one thing for a friend, it would be contentment.
Your poem, short and sweet, has done nothing to change my view.
Best as always, Michael

Author's Reply:

pdemitchell on 02-06-2016
Contentment.
I agree with Monsieur Kipper!Mitch

Author's Reply:
And I am very grateful to you 🤗 Thank you Mitch.

Mikeverdi on 06-06-2016
Contentment.
I've said before, your writing has gone from strength to strength. You are the person that shows what good critique and a willing mind can do on a site like UKA.
Mike XXX

ps. not sure you need to have a question mark.

Author's Reply:


Abundance. (posted on: 27-05-16)
Blink and you'll miss this one, the title's almost longer than the poem.

Thick the sky with green leaves stiring not a breath to bless between them. Beats of birdsong calling, yearning cadenced notes of life resurging.
Archived comments for Abundance.
Gee on 29-05-2016
Abundance.
Spring is definitely sprung.
I love the descriptions here, the beautiful renewal of life after the winter.

Author's Reply:
I wrote this about the wooded area behind my garden, the trees have suddenly become so dense with foliage that there are only a few dots of sky peeping through now. Beautiful shades of green and so many birds. I am so pleased you have read this and kindly left a comment, thank you very much. Sue.


Another small selection of short verse poems. (posted on: 23-05-16)
Following on from last week's Words that wound ( A mistake made,) - remorse follows, forgiveness sought, (hope arrives) none given (hope dashed ) wasted guilt fades.

     Cold Rain. I thought those rains would never fall again upon this land but dark the clouds that graced my sky, and fell to salt beneath my eye. And jaded there all joy.      ----------     Springs Concert. Bright the day of hopes return for spring does sing the bough. Light has breached the darker turn where winter's grip shall disavow, entice the breath of life to burn.      ------------     Sunset Words. Guilt rides lower in the sky slowly skims horizon's line, as sunset calls those fading words held unforgiven, within your eye, to fall beside the dusk of time.      -------------
Archived comments for Another small selection of short verse poems.
stormwolf on 24-05-2016
Another small selection of short verse poems.
Lovely!

Alison x

Author's Reply:
Hi Alison, thank you so much. Xx Sue πŸ™‚

pdemitchell on 25-05-2016
Another small selection of short verse poems.
Typo in the penultimate line of the third verse. Good solid shorts of well-travelled themes. Mitch

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much Mitch, have sorted out the typo very glad you saw it πŸ™‚ As you say well-travelled themes, I guess we've all been there at some point. Sue X

Pronto on 25-05-2016
Another small selection of short verse poems.
Lovely shorts (Don't take 'em down!) Seriously I loved these.

Author's Reply:
Haha, I haven't worn shorts since junior school, much to everyones relief!
I am pleased you enjoyed these verses. One can only apologise for a silly mistake and get rebuffed so many times before you say Oh sod it, and let the guilt go. Families are such fun arn't they!
Thank you once again for your comment, it made me smile. Sue x


Lazy Weather. (posted on: 23-05-16)
As titled.

Grey the day, tho' bright the sky languid leaves soft stir the eye, a petal drops, a snowflake's fall enticed to leave with summer's call. Contentment's kiss is passing by holds warm caress in wind's quiet sigh. Sweet perfumed breath the air enthral, wrapped within a scented shawl.
Archived comments for Lazy Weather.
Mikeverdi on 24-05-2016
Lazy Weather.
How much your writing has blossomed Sue, you are a fine poet. this is beautiful.
Mike
XxX

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much Mike you are very kind, and have given me a much needed boost to my day too. :-)) Sue xx

stormwolf on 24-05-2016
Lazy Weather.
A lovely moment caught in time.
You do these poems so well.
Alison x

Author's Reply:
Many thanks Alison, it was a beautiful day I couldn't let it pass without a word. I'm so pleased you liked it. πŸ™‚ Just read that you picked me as a hot author, thank you so much, that means a great deal to me. Sue.xx

pdemitchell on 24-05-2016
Lazy Weather.
You have really grasped the imnportance of sybillance and metre which was perfect. I am impressed somewhat! Mitch

Author's Reply:
Thank you Mitch, the whole atmosphere in that moment seemed to flow, so I guess the poem had to as well πŸ™‚
I have to aplologise to you, I appreciate all your comments to me, but I never comment on your work as I do not read prose etc on a screen, I just cannot concentrate at all. If it was written on paper in front of me then I could read it several times over, no idea why, but I cannot even read half a page of a Kindle without my mind getting sidetracked and wandering off. Strange. Sue x

Pronto on 25-05-2016
Lazy Weather.
Loved the poetic flow of this piece. well done.

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much, for the comment and unexpected rating, both are greatly appreciated. Sue πŸ™‚


Kipper on 26-05-2016
Lazy Weather.
Hi Sue
Here we are just out of Spring and yet your words make us all long for winter.
You make it so easy to read, and to enjoy. Apart from that I agree with just about everything the others have said.
Michael
PS. I too find 'screen' reading to be less gripping than a book, but these days one has to do what one has to do. M.

Author's Reply:
Thank you Michael, your comments are very kind, and I am so pleased you enjoyed it. I'm also glad it's not just me that doesn't like screen reading. πŸ™‚ Sue.


Words That Wound. (posted on: 20-05-16)
: # : # : # :

The knife is sharp upon receipt yet dull within the hand, words shall hold their own deceit inflict a wound unplanned. And time does oft repeat.
Archived comments for Words That Wound.
pdemitchell on 22-05-2016
Words That Wound.
I have written many an ode on this very theme. Concise and sharp - mitch.

Author's Reply:
Thank you Mitch, I wrote it for a ' five lines or less' poetry group, but I fear it makes one lazy although it also makes one tighten up the writing. Much appreciate your comments. πŸ™‚ Sue.


Loss. (posted on: 16-05-16)
It was my mum's birthday on the 15th May, can't believe it's nineteen years now since I lost her. This is for her. Obviously more than one tear fell, and still does.

The ghost of sunrise lingers still across the fading sky, and fading too upon my cheek the spirit of a single tear, that fell to your goodbye.
Archived comments for Loss.
Mikeverdi on 16-05-2016
Loss.
Some things never leave you, some things aren't meant to. The loss shines through the love.
Mike XxX

Author's Reply:
Thank you Mike, it hit me terribly hard we had always been very close, I was an only child so had no brothers or sisters to turn to. I appreciate you reading, and your kind comment. Sue xx

pdemitchell on 16-05-2016
Loss.
Been here, and so empathise with the sentiment. Lots. May I suggest a wee tweak or to refine it? Fading is repeated; a sunrise is not usually in a fading sky; the preposition in line 5 is askew and perhaps shades of sunrise has the double meaning of both colour and ghost. Hope you don't mind the suggestions as I feel myself welling up a bit too. Mitch.

The shades of sunset linger still
across the twilit sky,
and fading too upon my cheek
the dewdrop of a single tear,
I shed as your goodbye.



Author's Reply:
Hi Mitch, thank you for your kind interest in this poem, and I appreciate your alternative one, however I think you see it differently to they way I was looking at it. The sunrise was fading not the sky, and I used the repeated fading to emphasise the slowly drying tear that fell years ago at the goodbye. I must add I had to suppress a giggle at the use of dewdrop, visions of old men with drippy noses and hankies at the ready! Why not post your suggestion in it's own right, as I did really like it. Thank you once again, Sue x


Harvey's Op. (posted on: 13-05-16)
I wrote this after I had taken my spaniel in for a large op on his leg, was expecting to collect him, but they wanted to keep him another day, seeing him I was so wracked with guilt I wrote this, will no doubt edit later, but it's 3.30 am and I am sitting watching over him and decided to post it.

I did this to you, took you there - and left you - Lively, happy, trusting. Yet you welcomed me: with a glad eye pain dragged steps, forgiving wag of tail; a coat of checkered red against your burnished gold. And yet you love me still while I did this to you. They kept you in I walked away - and left you - once again. Now you're home and oh the joy, written bright upon your face. And yes, you love me still.
Archived comments for Harvey's Op.
Kipper on 13-05-2016
Harveys Op.
Hi Sue,
I don't think this needs any editing. I'm sure if you wanted to you could find some 'improvements' but as this piece is a testomy of the love you share with your dog it says it all, and it clearly comes from the heart.
I suspect many readers will be envious.
A wag from me!
Michael

Author's Reply:
Oh thank you Michael, that's a really nice compliment. I'm happy to say he's doing well, and I am totally forgiven. Whether or not I'll get him back through the vets doors to get his stitches out I don't know, lol.
I'm very pleased you liked it. πŸ™‚ Sue xx

pdemitchell on 15-05-2016
Harveys Op.
For a 3am guilt trip, it's not bad. Experience is the best muse - that and a bowl of Winalot. Mitch

Author's Reply:
I'm very good on guilt trips, I've had a few, fortunately not all at three in the morning! Harvey will agree with the Winalot πŸ™‚ I'll give him a week off, then it's back to bringing the post to me, fetching shoes/ slippers, fighting cat separation, and control, and many others jobs he does about the house. Much appreciate you commenting Mitch πŸ™‚ Sue.


A Selection Of Single Verse Poetry. (posted on: 06-05-16)
These poems were written for an online social media poetry group specialising in single verse poetry, only one per day and 5 lines or under. Just thought I would give it a go. PS, have had a quick edit, and now added another line to last verse.

You Left. Lost to the bleak void where night birds call, lovers cry, and lone tears fall.     ---------- Broken. Complex-these emotions that chase about my head, leaving scars upon my heart and words of love unsaid.     -------------- Sunshine. The sun blooms gold against the green, smiles her love to earth serene, then drops a kiss upon her brow.     ------------- You Take It All. You grab my heart with both your hands and all my breath waylay, then call a smile unto my lips and sing my soul away.     ------------- Country Lane. Take me where the hedgerows rise, the birds sweet call their song Yellow posy's nest the grass with daisies all along; sun's soft kiss to bless the eye and worldly troubles drift on by. ------------------
Archived comments for A Selection Of Single Verse Poetry.
Mikeverdi on 07-05-2016
A Selection Of Single Verse Poetry.
Nice collection Sue, thanks for posting. The last one feels unfinished, maybe another line, or change a word?
Just me again 😁
Mike XxX

Author's Reply:
Hi mike, love the grimacing little face πŸ™‚ it's ok I did think it could have been longer, and it's my favourite of this bunch, but as it had to be under five lines I kept it to that. I'm truthfully not satisfied with the last line and have juggled with it for ages ( still am ) but as I like it so much I shall enjoy twiddling with it ...oops blushes! Many thanks Mike, I hope medication isn't too unpleasant. Sue xxx


Sleepless Night. (posted on: 02-05-16)
One I posted quite a while ago, we all agreed it needed a bit of tweeking, which I did but then forgot about it. Found it last night so decided to repost to see how it stands up this time.

Wrecked and ravaged torn at the seams. A storm tossed ship rides sleepless dreams. Like wind blown birds thoughts fly my head, all weary to travel yet still land led. A quieter haven there shall seek. Those raging waves, their ardour cease. Find gentle balm on quieter seas, in realms of peaceful sleep.
Archived comments for Sleepless Night.
shadow on 02-05-2016
Sleepless Night.
As good a description of insomnia as I ever read. Hope you don't get it too often!

Author's Reply:
Thank you, have to say I haven't really had a good nights sleep for many years, I was doing shifts at work: 6-2 then following week 2-10 I am a night owl so I found early starts dreadful, it certainly messes the sleep patterns up permanently I have found. Sue xx

franciman on 03-05-2016
Sleepless Night.
Hi Sue,
like Shadow says, this is the perfect metaphor for insomnia.

'all weary to travel
yet still land led.'

This bit doesn't work for me. It throws me out of the poem, which is such a pity as the rest is really good.

Perhaps:-

'And weary I quit
this land-locked bed'

I'm never sure about making suggestions as I don't know whether it seems cheeky or insulting? It's great poetry though, and worth yet another review?
cheers,
Jim x



Author's Reply:
Hi Jim, yes sometimes suggestions can be seen badly, but I think they show one has really taken an interest in the work and considered it in a way that perhaps the writer hadn't. Plus of course the chance for the poet to explain the reason they have written it that way. Anyway I do appreciate your suggestion πŸ™‚ however I hope I can explain my meaning behind those lines, although it's about a sleepless night, I saw my bed as a ship being tossed about ( me tossing and turning ) I am likening my struggle to sea birds battling wild angry waves, seeking a calm place to rest, they are all exhausted from the journey ( my journey to get to sleep ) but have to travel on to get to the peace and shelter of land, where they ( and I ) can finally sleep.
I hope that has helped, if I have missed your point completely I apologise and would welcome any further comments you may wish to offer. Many thanks Jim. Sue x.

pdemitchell on 04-05-2016
Sleepless Night.
Love it Sue but I did share a Jim-qualm - when you pare down lines like this the contractions can seem odd: ie "thoughts fly my head" We know thougts are in the head so "Thoughts fly unsaid" for example. Well done - though I feel a bit sleepy myself - zzzzzzzzz. Mitch

Author's Reply:
Hi there Mitch, there seems to be more I need to do with this poem than I realised lol. Well again I imagined the thoughts trapped inside my head were flying about trying to escape as the flying birds were trying to escape their rough journey at sea.
I'm not sure " fly unsaid " wouldn't carry the same meaning. However, that doesn't mean I won't be changing it to your suggestion, I will certainly be mulling it over as I hadn't thought of it ( although if I didn't think of it, should I include it, as it wasn't mine arghhh) lol. Many thanks Mitch for giving me food for thought, I honestly will think it over. πŸ™‚ Sue.

Mikeverdi on 06-05-2016
Sleepless Night.
The age old problem, how many suggested changes before your poem is lost? It's a dilemma we all have faced. They have a point however. Knowing you as I do, you will agonise.
Mike XxX

Author's Reply:
Absolutely Mike, and yes I'm agonising over this, but as its had such a lot of changing since I last posted and is indeed fast becoming lost, plus I was pretty satisfied I had reworked enough until I was proved wrong lol, I think I shall leave it as it is, for now at least. Thank you for reading and commenting I always value your opinion as I know you only want the poem to be the best it can. Sue xxx


Anxiety. (posted on: 18-04-16)
When anxiety attacks!

Dark clouds gather- rain un-called tears to dull the light from breaking dawns. Cruel fingers pluck at threads of fear, unravelled from each time worn night. Where shadows grope the unknown path to steal a future from all sight. And drums beat loud upon the torment of the mind.
Archived comments for Anxiety.
pdemitchell on 20-04-2016
Anxiety.
A pared down ode of a darh and hopefully transient
moment...

Author's Reply:
I think we all, for one reason or another have times when the future ahead seems very bleak.
I very much appreciate you reading and commenting, thank you. Sue. πŸ™‚


April. (posted on: 11-04-16)
-+-+-+

A haze of green         now whispers         through the trees,         laughing and teasing         with baby-steps         that dance a world         fresh seen.         Skies swept clear         by spring's new broom,         will scatter now         a gilding dust         to rest upon each         waiting bloom.         A smiling day         of new found life,         to wrap this foundling         year.         
Archived comments for April.
Mikeverdi on 11-04-2016
April.
Lovely poem Sue. 😊
Mike XxX

Author's Reply:
Thank you Mike, xx And I got it in the centre :-)) Sue x

jamalbbd on 14-04-2016
April.
so sweet and lovely.

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much for your lovely comment, and for the rating too, both are much appreciated. Sue. πŸ™‚


A Step Back. (posted on: 08-04-16)
A bit fanciful perhaps? I don't feel it is.

I've walked the ways in time's fair past, when skirts were long and hands hard worn. Summer rang with nature's song but winter bit, and savage, fell. Men aplenty toiled the land, a horse to head the plough, time fell slow about the day and I did love it well.
Archived comments for A Step Back.
Mikeverdi on 08-04-2016
A Step Back.
Yep, works for me. I like the words and the style Sue. As it's so short, I think I may have paragraphed it. Maybe centered it using italics, just to show it off. Just me I expect😊
Mike xXx

Author's Reply:
Thank you Mike, I wasn't sure how this would be received, I would love to try different styles of layout etc, but every time I try it still ends up with everything on the left hand side, I expect one needs the secret IT code lol
Each time I try and find out how to do it, it comes up with sideways 'V's hyphens and all sorts of gobbledegook before every sentance and I am sure that can't be right. Why can't one just type it in as one wants it, press enter and it's posted exactly as one has written it? Anyhoo, thank you again for reading and commenting πŸ™‚ Sue xx

franciman on 09-04-2016
A Step Back.
Hi Sue,
This is authentic and timeless. I love its wistful nature and could see it as a frontispiece to a Thomas Hardy story.
Well done; it's good to be adventurous..
Cheers,
Jim x

Author's Reply:
Morning Jim, I am so pleased you enjoyed this, I would love to step back I know times were very hard but that was known, accepted and dealt with. I feel no affinity to town life so I know the land would be my place.
I debated all week whether to post this or not, so I very much appreciate you reading and commenting, thank you. πŸ™‚ Sue.

stormwolf on 09-04-2016
A Step Back.
Hi Sue,

In my world view we have all lived many lives before. I see some on here who are tuning in to past lives in their poetry. I feel that some were poets in a previous life and some just remember things long gone and are pulled in ways they do not understand.

I would say in your last life this was who you were. There is a yearning and homesickness in this poem that I can relate to.

On the crit side...I would say the whole rhythm changes from 'men aplenty,

so it's almost like two separate poems.

I did enjoy it though and feel it's authentic that alone is enough for me.

Well done and if I can help you with spacing and positioning just ask. I too tend to be a technophobe.

It's horrible to feel so frustrated but it really is quite simple once somebody shows you.



Alison x
<



Author's Reply:
Hi Alison, by the age of eleven or twelve I knew I was in the 'wrong time' I didn't understand it then, just felt it. Over the years I have begun to sense the mid seventeen hundreds were where I belong, I'm not comfortable in this one at all too much change, each piece of countryside taken away cuts through me, I can almost hear the earth's cries.
You are absolutely right about the change of pace after 'men aplenty' I think I could have put the first eight lines more to the centre and the last four as a second verse beneath, rather like an upsidedown T.
My technology is not the most up to date, the iPhone and iPad are hand me downs from my son in law from five years or so ago, so any updating just makes them go do-lally, and lose other stuff, the computer was new six years ago but is no better, so I don't mess with them, I would like to somehow achieve layouts like you do, but that is as beyond me as the stars!
Thank you so much for your lovely comment and the very unexpected rating, both are greatly appreciated. Sue xx.

stormwolf on 09-04-2016
A Step Back.
I understand totally what you have shared.
A part of you really suffers when you see what they are doing. I feel the same when I go home and see the place of my childhood memories all built on but we live in a multi-dimentional universe, where everything exists in every place in the 'eternal now'.
So, you still exist as does the land..as you remember it. That may bring you some comfort. As for the stanzas...
yes, it's as though they are sort of downloaded chunks of info or observation...so they would work well divided and you may well find some more come to join them in the future.

They read well together or separate.

Author's Reply:
I daren't return to my childhood places, I have looked at them on the google view thing, and have seen the dreadful and unforgivably ugly damage done in the name of progress.
I understand what you are saying about me still existing in the land as it once was, and I do find that comforting, in fact I can look through what is now on our mutilated fields and still ' see' ( not just imagine ) what was there only a year ago and that too is a great help.
As for adding more stanzas to the poem in the future I hope I can, as I feel there is more I can say.
I believe you put the poem into 'favs' according to a UKA email, if that's correct thank you so much, that is such a compliment. πŸ™‚ Sue.

stormwolf on 10-04-2016
A Step Back.
Yes, into favs, sorry forgot to say.
I love poems that remain wth me. This one will.

Alison x

Author's Reply:
Thank you Alison, that means so much. :-)) sue xxx


A Journey Failed (posted on: 01-04-16)
Pride, but not of oneself.

Should my clock neglect to chime and winds no longer claim my name, my trusted pen can hold no more poems spill across the floor: to seep away in final rhyme, and wiped from there with same disdain, rejection's cloth with you remains; - well, then my hopes have come to nought. Now the pride I sought to give, becomes a moth about the night. There to ride toward the light where hope is held in flickered flame. But falls to die uncalled, upon my name.
Archived comments for A Journey Failed
Supratik on 01-04-2016
A Journey Failed
I feel it's good, but not sure if I understood the essence of the poem. Especially the last verse, does it talk about the hope that falls, or is it the time with which the poem took off. Need some paraphrasing please. Supratik

Author's Reply:
Basically, I had always hoped I could make someone proud of me, firstly my parents but as far as I know I never did. When I began to get better known with my poetry, people liked them and I have had some published I hoped my family would be proud of me for that, but instead I am laughed at and mocked. This poem is about my hope that when I am gone they would look back and read my words and maybe then be proud, but I realise that no, things won't change. I just wanted to feel I have left them something to be proud of, not in a self congratulatory way but just to feel I have 'done' something to be remembered for by them. Thank you for your interest, It's much appreciated. Sue.

stormwolf on 02-04-2016
A Journey Failed
Lovely sad poem with a wisful finality to it.
I have to say that I get no recognition at all from my family as far as poetry goes..even in my healing too.
I understand totally the need to leave something for future generations, to make them know what made you tick. I cannot understand why family show such disregard for thier own family like this but I know it is widespread, I have heard it so often.
The thing is to rise above it and embrace your true soul. In actual fact, we do not need affirmation from anybody (even although it would be lovely) Be true to yourself and bugger the rest is my philosophy now.
Alison xx



Author's Reply:
Many thanks Alison, I think your philosophy is spot on. When I still had my mum we were very close, I thought the world of her, but she was my 'mum' now I don't have her and I am a lot older I wish I had known more about the real person. And because I get all comments I make about things I care about put down by my family, which makes me feel even more inferior, I just want them to read the real 'me' in my poems after I am gone, but I suddenly realised that they will not be any more interested in them, or in reading them once I am gone than they are now. So being me I had to write about it! As we all do to relieve our feelings I guess.
I really appreciate your understanding, and your comments Alison Thank you. Sue xx

Mikeverdi on 02-04-2016
A Journey Failed
Love this Sue, you excel when it comes from the heart. Bugger the family, just keep up the good work, it's their loss and our gain.
Mike XxX

Author's Reply:
Thank you Mike, thats a very kind comment, and gratifying to think I excel in heart driven poems, writing them certainly gets everything off my chest. I just wish that my family would stop putting down every damn thing I care about though.
Thankfully on here that doesn't happen πŸ™‚ Sue xxx

pdemitchell on 03-04-2016
A Journey Failed
So sorry, Sue, to hear you crave that unreceived familialaccolade but you're not alone with the tuts and rolling of the eyes when poetry is mentioned. Sometimes it's ignorance but sometimes it's jealousy too. Keep a-scribblin', Chuck! Mitch

Author's Reply:
Thank you Mitch, Do you know my family, as the tuts and eye rolling are spot on! hehe.I have no illusions that it certainly isnt jealously, I think one of the worst comments from my daughter was 'Aww sweet' Nooooo thats the worst ever, never aww and sweet together, that really is 'damning with faint praise,' to be honest I think she was struggling for at least something to say lol, what made it worse was that I was showing ( okey, forcing her to look at) one of mine which is in the latest UKAuthors book, an achievement of which I was rather proud. Hey-Ho families, you can't force them to like you, can you πŸ™‚ Sue xx


Poisoned Arrows. (posted on: 21-03-16)
Metaphorical, nothing to do with nature.

Shades of night claw ever near to halt this songbird's flight, time has cut his lovers trill and holds him still, upon the bough. Cold their hearts who shoot him down this minstrel born to thrill. Shadows call unto my fears to loose the bond so held, unlock the chains that keep me close; set free those many years, but it is I who wield the key and cannot use it so, for I still hear my songbird sing and shall not let him go.
Archived comments for Poisoned Arrows.
Supratik on 22-03-2016
Poisoned Arrows.
Loved the last four lines. Wow!! Listen three points of suspension in the intro would suffice..but this is my opinion, strictly speaking. Best. Supratik

Author's Reply:
Thank you, I wasn't quite sure what you meant by three points of suspension in intro would suffice, were you talking about the intro box at the side. Or the beginning of the poem itself? I am glad you liked it though πŸ™‚ Sue.

pdemitchell on 22-03-2016
Poisoned Arrows.
Hi Sue - I love this and the rhythm work you are doing but may I suggest a minor tweak to the penultimate line: try "for still I hear" not "for I still hear" then the accent falls on the second beat (still) of the line. Good stuff! Paul

Author's Reply:
Thank you Paul, that's very helpful as I hadn't thought like that, I was going to edit immediately but as it was 2 am and I was looking on my mobile I decided to wait and ponder a bit, expect I will amend though. πŸ™‚ Sue x

Supratik on 23-03-2016
Poisoned Arrows.
Sue, I am sorry I wasn't clear enough. This poem may also do well without an introduction... this is what I mean, let the readers decide if it's metaphorical or literal. I hope I have been able to explain. Supratik

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much for clearing that up for me, I thought I had better explain it in the intro as I have written several metaphorical poems lately and people seemed confused by what they are reading. Also I have written so many nature ones I didn't want to deter people from reading. Sue x


A New Leaf. (posted on: 18-03-16)
Speak's for itself πŸ™‚

A page now turned to bless of spring, fine tune's the voice on branch to ring. Blossom, bud and blush of green along the bough this day careen. Now coyest wink in yellow dress send's kiss of warmth from sweet temptress. Where birds aflirt the skies, now reign cascade their song to verdant plain.
Archived comments for A New Leaf.
Mikeverdi on 19-03-2016
A New Leaf.
Ahhh....That's nice to read 😊 You in a happy mood HaHa!
Mike XxX

Author's Reply:
Couldn't fail to be, Mike, it was a lovely day plus I stayed well away from any diggers lol. Can't keep depressing everyone kind enough to read my scribbles or they will all stop πŸ™‚ Many thanks Mike, glad you enjoyed it. Sue xx

Supratik on 19-03-2016
A New Leaf.
Lovely poem indeed!

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much πŸ™‚ Sue.

pdemitchell on 20-03-2016
A New Leaf.
Hi Sue - I can tell you are reading your work aloud to get the meter and rhythm right. Well done. Paul

Author's Reply:
Hi Paul, this is such a basically simple type of poem it fell into place easily, for a change. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, it's much appreciated πŸ™‚ Sue.


Time Steals. (posted on: 14-03-16)
It's not about age, honestly.

I turn my face from beauty past where steal the wounds of future pain. What was now is, too sharp, too fast for time deep-cuts like acid rain. Breath less, now to mist the moon no steps to dance the stars. Beneath the skies the earth to swoon and weep upon her scars.
Archived comments for Time Steals.
Supratik on 14-03-2016
Time Steals.
I know it's not about age Sue. It's about the helplessness of the passing away of things. I am sorry if I wasn't able to understand, but that's how I interpreted it. You have I think covered the entire world in these beautifully-written meaningful lines. Supratik

Author's Reply:
Don't be sorry Supratik, you have understood the meaning very well, the first verse is how fast the much loved and what I thought permanent countryside is lost, just a few months ago it was stunningly lovely fields, now it's a filthy quagmire dominated by huge ground work machines. The second verse is all the wildlife that has paid the cost with their lives. Less than three years ago we were surrounded by fields reaching the skyline ( which is the reason I moved here ) now its industrial estates, warehouses and housing reaching that skyline. My world once so open has shrunk to a tiny park behind my house, and I can't live like that, but I can't move away either. Thank you so much for commenting, sorry for such a long reply. Sue.

Savvi on 14-03-2016
Time Steals.
Very well crafted Sue this one really hits home as these vistas are ever increasing as we strip the green off the back of the country, somethings you just have to shout about and I can hear you from here. Best Keith

Author's Reply:
Thank you Keith, we are so over developed in this part of Banbury, thousands upon thousands of new builds and other stuff all round here, but no new roads planned or extra schools, doctors etc., And still they are building more. The six minute drive into town is now a slow crawl in a queue on every road, taking half an hour or more. But far worse than any of that is the loss of all the fresh air, beautiful views to give the soul joy, freedom to breathe and roam, and worst of all the loss of all the wild creatures whose lives were taken. I very much appreciate you reading my poem and understanding my concerns. πŸ™‚ Sue.

Mikeverdi on 14-03-2016
Time Steals.
And still they dig on green fields, when all around are brown sites, decaying buildings ripe for re-development. Cheaper to build new with paper thin walls, tiny gardens and rooms not big enough to sit four people.... unless you are rich enough to afford the top of the range.
Mike xXx

Author's Reply:
My daughter and I had a nosey round a show house close to us when they were first built, ( only up six months ) and it already had a large hole halfway up the hall wall, looked like it had been knocked by furniture being moved, not good! Many thanks for reading and commenting Mike, I appreciate it. πŸ™‚ Sue xxx

pommer on 14-03-2016
Time Steals.
There is no end to the rape of the countryside.I too have been concerned about the ever increasing "need" for more housing.It appears that the powers to be in their glass houses have no idea.A well expressed poem with such a powerful message.Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
Thank you Peter, I have no idea who all the houses are for, but we have been told they are not intended for those who already live in Banbury, but for those coming in from other areas, and from ' overseas'. Which makes them doubly obnoxious as we have many here that need decent homes. Sue xx

pdemitchell on 14-03-2016
Time Steals.
Yowzah - now tell me you didn't read this aloud and refine it! Line 3 and 4 are perfect phonetic stocattos... well done.
Paul

Author's Reply:
Yes I did Paul, πŸ™‚ I had a completely different last line for days but it didn't read right, either in my head or out loud. Finally I got there though. I'm so pleased you liked it, thank you. Sue x

Bozzz on 15-03-2016
Time Steals.
Lets face it Sue, for me you are writing with your usual precision and elegance about the destructive power of the greed of mankind - in short the capitalist system that orders competition and profit above all else, expand or bust. The status quo is not yet an acceptable situation for its world in any corner of its existence. When the need for that finally dawns, I fear it will be too late. Congrats..XXX....David

Author's Reply:
If man goes on stealing from the earth he will destroy the very thing he needs most to survive, then I suppose he will try to conquer other planets to feed his greed. Thank you for reading and commenting David, I appreciate it. Sue xx


My Star. (posted on: 11-03-16)
Nothing to do with nature this time. Make of it what you will πŸ™‚

A star has slipped beyond the moon too far from evenings sight, its light has failed within the skies and fallen all too soon. Yet to my deepest soul it cries for I shall hold it tight. To shine forever in my eyes the love that is my right.
Archived comments for My Star.
Mikeverdi on 11-03-2016
My Star.
I would suggest this is personal, clearly one could read much into these heart felt words. I think a better lay out would help this poetry.
Mike

Author's Reply:
Thank you Mike, it is very personal, but I think one can read their own situation in it. As you know I am useless on different layouts and have no idea how to do it well. I do agree with you though. Thank you πŸ™‚ Sue xx

pdemitchell on 12-03-2016
My Star.
Hi Sue - this is very moving and personal but when deciding on layouts - read it aloud several times and record it too if that helps. Then the line breaks and layouts will slip into your breath-breaks and pauses. So many people write it down but never do this when poetry after all is primarily a SPOKEN art - listen to Under Milk Wood for example.

Hope you don't mind me suggesting that a star "slipping beyond the moon" seems odd astronomically especially as it later 'falls' and "evenings sight" misses an apostrophe and an evening cannot "see". Try reversing the orders in the lines and experiment with what evolves - reading aloud as you go: i.e.

The Moon eclipsed my one true star
Selene robbed me of my twilight...

Keep at it - no one does 'heart' like what you does!. Paul

Author's Reply:
Sorry Paul, I was concentrating so much on my reply I didn't realise I had used the wrong box, and it was too long to rewrite it all. Sue xx

sweetwater on 12-03-2016
My Star.
Hi Paul I think I'll begin with the easiest bit. I debated the " evenings star" a lot, the apostrophy was in, then out, then in, but I was meaning all evenings not just that one evening, or maybe it should go after the "s" ?? Arghh I hate them! The star slipping beyond the moon just meant it had moved so far away even the moon couldn't see it. The fallen from the skies too soon was the light it once shone, not the actually star, and extinguished before its time. It's all metaphorical, the star is someone personal to me in the spotlight at the moment and faring badly. I was in two minds whether or not to post something so personal to me, but as it is written mostly under the " poetic licence" banner and as I said metaphorical I went ahead. I really appreciate your thoughtful ideas and helpful suggestions, thank you very much. But I think I may just tuck this one away and keep it to myself :-))

Author's Reply:

pdemitchell on 12-03-2016
My Star.
No, don't tuck it away, Sue! It's just good to challenge and crit a friend's post as I love it when Mike or anyone else wants to post some constructive crit on my 'umble stuff. The explanations hold poetical water so stand by it! The suggestion about reading aloud when editing though is one I've always treasured. :o) Paul

Author's Reply:
Thank you Paul for this second comment, I am glad you understood my explanation as it was a tad garbled. I too appreciate someone taking enough interest in one of my poems to want to help tweak it a little, Mike has helped me beyond measure.
I always read mine into my phone and play it back and change where necessary, I don't like doing it particularly as I am dreadful at reading poetry aloud, the poem read aloud by me is never what I hear in my head. But I have always preferred to read poetry ( all poetry ) rather than listen to someone else reading it. Occasionally someone can make me stop and listen, Pam Ayres for example. I watched a film about Dylan Thomas's life, and the poetry read by the actor was actually stunning, but when I heard it read by Dylan, nothing, I think the actor had a much better 'poetry' voice. And that is how I feel about mine, it just doesn't happen, my daughter can capture them perfectly but won't as she is completely disinterested.


Lost Land. (posted on: 07-03-16)    
Think picturesque rather than picture or photo.

A picture shrunk within a frame the heart no longer bears it's name, no steps upon the soul can lie or joy from lips in praise to fly. Stolen now the kiss of hope where love fall's lost to hangman's rope.
Archived comments for Lost Land.
Savvi on 07-03-2016
Lost Land.
I could have this wrong Sue so forgive me if I have but I read this as the end to a relationship due to lies and false promises, I agree Let em dangle. Best Keith

Author's Reply:
Well I hadn't intended that but now you mention it I can see what you mean. I suppose you could even liken it to the end of a relationship, and the lies and false promises were there there too, it was the destruction of a field left untouched for many years, a favourite of mine for the diversity of wildlife relying on it, I have walked, and loved it for many years, we were promised it would remain as is, but developers have grabbed that one as well and it has been ripped up overnight.
Thank you for reading and commenting πŸ™‚ Sue.

Mikeverdi on 09-03-2016
Lost Land.
The continual desecration of your world must be destroying you bit by bit. Such a shame you can't move to Devon Sue, a little cottage near a village would get you back on track. The double meaning helps with this poem as it works in both. I think it's beautiful. I shall nominate it.
Mike

Author's Reply:
Hi, Mike yes it is, the counryside around me is no different to much of the Cotswolds, yet they are a treasured tourist attraction while 'my' fields are no more than estate fodder. We are now getting reports of deer running headlong across roads straight into fences in sheer fear and bewilderment at all the diggers ripping across their territory. If I had the money a small cottage with countryside washing up to the door would be my idea of heaven. But then of course I would need extra to ship my family there too, always ties of some sort πŸ™‚ Thank you so much Mike for your comment and the marvellous nomination, It has made my day, I am so pleased you think so highly of it. Sue xxx

pdemitchell on 10-03-2016
Lost Land.
Nice but sad and well constructed lament. As a councillor in Cardiff I know how weak planning laws are and they ever favour the developer. But the flat I live in was build on a green field and so it goes as the cities sprawl and their edges creeep ever outwards. paul

Author's Reply:
Here we are becoming too overdeveloped, thousands of new houses but no new infrastructure whatsoever, our roads are almost at a standstill throughout the day, we have no new schools or facilities to accommodate all the extra people pouring into Banbury. The council here has let us down badly, they have signed off the land as having no impact on wildlife yet the survey team have shown there are 4-5 red listed ( quite rare ) animals relying on therm. Residents living along the road where all the developments are taking place have seen, countless animals, badgers, foxes and deer running in panic headlong into traffic, or crashing blindly into what's left of the field fences and injuring themselves, in their desperation to escape the noise and smell of the diggers ripping out centuries old hedgerows and trees. This is what breaks my heart, as well as losing the countryside I love dearly. It absolutely disgusts me. Having ranted on far too much, for which I apologise,I will say a grateful thank you for reading and leaving a comment, it's much appreciated. Sue x


Annabel. (posted on: 29-02-16)
I am online friends with a fellow poet in America, he has a long list of extreemly painful and debilitating ailments, and registered disabled, its the constant love, commitment and deep love he and his wife have for each other that gets him through each day. I wrote this as a small tribute to her.

When pain burns deep to wound your heart and shadows hold a demon's curse, you call Oh Lord, what have I done that I am torn apart? Softly comes the comfort close the tortured soul to nurse, a gentle hand upon the brow the kiss of solace sung an angel sent to quench your hell, the pain robed demon disavow. Bequeathed to you the love you won, His greatest gift, Annabel.
Archived comments for Annabel.
Bozzz on 29-02-2016
Annabel.
As someone in constant pain, but by choice, I can relate very much to your poem Sue. It brought a tear to my eye. Yes, it is often easy to quell pain but at the cost of one's compos mentis and may be legs. I chose to think and walk, perhaps Annabel's husband did too? Thank you for your elegant and sympathetic thoughts....David

Author's Reply:
I am sorry to read about the choice you had to make, but I am sure I too would make the same decision were I in your position.
He is a very interesting person, he and his family remind me of The Waltons, his whole family have owned and lived on their own mountain in America for hundreds of years. His list of health issues is extensive, I have no idea what many of them entail, but I know the pain is agonising most days, but through it all his wife is his comfort and his rock, and I just felt I had to acknowledge that love, fortunately they were both pleased with the poem.
Thank you so much for your comment, I although I hadn't intended to cause any tears! Sue xx

pommer on 29-02-2016
Annabel.
Hello Sue. thank you for sharing those lovely thoughts.I too can relate to your words. Thank you, Peter.

Author's Reply:
It must be a wonderful blessing to have a partner to share and therefore halve the other persons pain. That must take a great deal of love. I hope you can relate to the love and not the pain though Peter. Thank you for commenting Sue xx

Supratik on 01-03-2016
Annabel.
I completely second David here. Thank you for this very elegantly sympathetic words. Supratik

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much, It must be such a wonderful thing to find such a love. πŸ™‚ Sue.

Mikeverdi on 03-03-2016
Annabel.
beautiful, I too have my angel.
Mike XxX

Author's Reply:
You are very lucky Mike, I have never and now will never, find that type of love and commitment. It must be such a wonderful thing to know you are the most important person in the world to someone. Sue xxx

Mikeverdi on 03-03-2016
Annabel.
They say....it's better to have loved and lost, than never having loved at all. I'm not sure thats true. As you know, it took me a long time to find mine. The pain of losing such a love would be more than I could take. True friends can work wonders in your life.
Mike XxX

Author's Reply:
Well, I was going to say it's not better to have loved and lost, but maybe in a way it's better to love with all your heart, even if that love holds no hope of being returned, than never to have loved at all. You have all the joy, the highs and lows, know the depths of passion, and feel the beat of him in your heart. When catching sight of his photo automatically brings a smile to your lips and catches your breath, it's very difficult at times and causes real pain too, but I will take that over any 'real' love I have known, plus it's been forty four years now, decades longer than both marriages added together. ( sorry to both ex's! ) πŸ™‚ Sue xx


I Asked Why. (posted on: 26-02-16)
A bad week, have heard even more of the local places I love are being built on, and also watched the diggers tear the heart out of the remaining field I thought was safe. Have been rethinking the future.

As I look at my world from the window I wonder, where am I going and why? Skies grey and bleak send chill winds that blow and call through the trees, I don't know. The axis on which my world turned is denuded, uprooted, and burned. My future deluded, decaying, and spurned. Uncertain as thistledown carried away divided and lost, to the cruel kiss of day. So I look to the winds and ask again, why? And they whisper once more....I don't know.
Archived comments for I Asked Why.
franciman on 26-02-2016
I Asked Why.
This is really good, Sue. Not a greetings card message, it starts bleak and is consistent throughout. The winds don't know - fantasy with a harsh reality. You've got to admire their ability to keep a secret, I suppose?
Great work.
cheers,
Jim x

Author's Reply:
Thank you Jim, this latest development has knocked me for six, not just because it was so important in my life, but at the loss of so much wildlife, plus it was a haven for ground nesting birds because it had been left rough for about twelve years or more. I just can't see a way out anymore, there is nowhere left to run. I expect the trees are keeping quiet in case they become next on the list! Thank you too for the rating, much appreciated πŸ™‚ Sue x

Mikeverdi on 26-02-2016
I Asked Why.
A subject you are passionate about, I like this approach to it. You know I would change some words, so what...it's great.
Mike XxX


Author's Reply:
Haha Mike I heard that little voice in my head as I read and re read it through, and did actually trim it down quite a bit, but I was so upset I just wanted to let rip and to heck with it all. My first thought was, house on market and move, but where? I have run from this all my life and they have chased and caught me each time. Anyway realism must play a part step over the sixty line and time and money are on the other side of it. I'm really grateful you read and liked it, extra words and all, thank you, Sue πŸ™‚ xxx

pdemitchell on 26-02-2016
I Asked Why.
Every day, I look at the world from my window - sets the Kinks tone that carries on throughout. I can almost hear Ray Davies singing this! Passionate stuff, Sue. Paul

Author's Reply:
Ahh, so thats where those words came from! shame on me I should have known, I love the Kinks they are a real favourite of mine. Sorry Ray, Oh well I only work with the best hehe. Many thanks Paul πŸ™‚

pommer on 27-02-2016
I Asked Why.
I like this one Sue.You really emphasise what is unfortunately happening all over this once beautiful rural Country.Well done, be lucky Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
Many thanks Peter, It breaks my heart field after field a mess of mud and uprooted and discarded trees and hedgerows which only a week or so ago were full of tiny creatures and chattering birds. We are close to the Cotswolds, the countryside just as beautiful and I wonder what makes councils protect one
for tourists to enjoy and destroy the other. Sue. xx

Bozzz on 27-02-2016
I Asked Why.
In winter there are few trees with leaves. In the summer the wind blows and the leaves talk to each other about what is going on and the wind hears tittle tattle. In the winter there are few leaves so the wind knows nothing. A lovely touch you made with this one Sue. My best…David

Author's Reply:
Much appreciated David, I have an embankment behind my house, it is a disused mineral railway line, made into a small park, and I love it to bits, I pray nothing happens to it. I have seen old photos of steam engines running along it, difficult to visualise as it looks far too small now. Perhaps that is what the trees whisper about, times long ago. Oh and most of their leaves are now in my garden! Thank you for the comment and totally unexpected rating, very grateful for both πŸ™‚ Sue.


Poet's Lament. (posted on: 19-02-16)
A simple poem, it was just a passing thought. ( This is not the layout I wanted, but didn't know how to change it ) Ooh, I just went to edit a bit and it has worked on the whole poem, yay!

Step's too soon         shall fall to time, as shaded eyes         to shadowed night. If pen to page         no more may chime then heart to beat         can have no right.
Archived comments for Poet's Lament.
Pronto on 19-02-2016
Poets Lament.
Sad thoughts but pertinent to the poet for sure. There are clever folk on here who will advise on layout. Look to the forums.

Author's Reply:
Well blow me down, just went to edit the roaming second line, and it has put the whole thing into the correct layout! Yes! I have the power hehe. I was in a rather pensive mood when this arrived, probably feeling the years :-/ I don't normally go on forums but as you say it would help with bits and pieces. Thank you Sue x

pdemitchell on 20-02-2016
Poets Lament.
Forums are okay, sue, but they end up on tangents. Keep on what you're doing - read it aloud as often as possible even recording it if possible - even for a simple quatrain like this it works wonders! Best Paul

Author's Reply:
Yes that is the trouble with forums. I record into my phone but I have absolutely no voice for poetry, can never read out loud the way I am reading it in my head, but if I'm out with my dog and a line or whatever arrives and I get that on record it sounds ok, weird or what ( or just flipping annoying! ) Thank you Paul for commenting, I appreciate it πŸ™‚ Sue.


Love Behind The Glass. (posted on: 15-02-16)
Photo. +*+*+*+*+ With grateful thanks to Mike for the layout suggestion.

Through eyes of glass you look at me across the years that could not be, my kiss now placed upon your mouth shall fall unfelt within your heart. Your lips so cold feel no desire yet still my hunger feeds the fire, left unquenched by fallen tears that slip unheeded through the years.
Archived comments for Love Behind The Glass.
shadow on 15-02-2016
Love Behind The Glass.
That is so sad. You have the knack of distilling an enormous amount of emotion into a few lines.

Author's Reply:
Thank you Shadow, that's a lovely compliment and greatly appreciated. πŸ™‚ Sue.x

pdemitchell on 15-02-2016
Love Behind The Glass.
Nice rhythm and such condensed sentiment! Could it be made stronger still with a rhyming scheme for lines 3,4, 7 and 8 I wonders? Just a thought! Paul

Author's Reply:
Hi Paul, it possibly could but I just fancied having a change from the norm, I usually either do all rhyme, or free verse so I though why not have a mix :-). But I shall have a play around and see what happens as you suggest, many thanks for reading and offering a different viewpoint, and for the much appreciated rating too, thank you. Sue x.

Pronto on 15-02-2016
Love Behind The Glass.
Yes indeed so much emotion carried by so few words. Real talent shown here.

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much, I am glad you liked it. It's probably obvious that it has personal meaning to me.
Sue πŸ™‚

Supratik on 16-02-2016
Love Behind The Glass.
The poem is short in size, limitless in meaning. Well done Sue. My suggestion would be to either use yet or still, I'd prefer still though. Cheers! Supratik

Author's Reply:
Thank you Supratik, thats very kind of you. I will be looking at tweaking it a bit after taking on board so many helpful suggestions. You may see a totally revised edition by tomorrow, ( if that is in fact allowed ) πŸ™‚ Sue.

Mikeverdi on 17-02-2016
Love Behind The Glass.
Hello Sue, I would play around with this a bit, it's good....but it could be great. Maybe think about the lay out as well as the words. This doesn't mean I don't like it, I do.
Mike XxX

Author's Reply:
Hey Mike I've missed you, good to see you πŸ™‚ I have changed, rearranged and had verses, but cannot think of where to go from here ( perhaps because it's very personal maybe ) as most people have suggested changes I shall of course have another look, but honestly can't think how to proceed if I change one bit then another no longer fits, as always happens of course. Thank you for reading Mike, and offering your suggestions they always result in me learning more πŸ™‚ Sue xxx

pommer on 17-02-2016
Love Behind The Glass.
What a lovely emotional piece of poetry.I can see where other commenters come from, however it appealed to me as it is, and as long as you feel it says what you mean to say it should be allright. Follow your heart.Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
Thank you Peter, I am particularly pleased you liked it as it was, I did too but felt, like a few other people that it may need something more, but I didn't quite know what, so as Mike had commented I asked for his ideas, and as he always does got it spot on, just a layout change and a small tweak to a word or two, I think it looks so much more interesting, and still says what I intended, which as you say is the important thing. Sue xx


Hurricane. (posted on: 12-02-16)
This is about a mighty wind, but having thought a little deeper, it could also apply to those damn developers!

Oh how the trees do bend and sigh, caught within the lion's cry gnarly fingers claw his breath, defend against the coming death yet fall as prey beneath his feet. He takes his fill, then leaves replete.
Archived comments for Hurricane.
shadow on 12-02-2016
Hurricane.
This packs an awful lot into a few lines. Loved the 'gnarly fingers' - I could really see that tree. And you're right, it could refer to the developers.

Author's Reply:
The main tree in this is one of my favourites, and the way all the branches and twigs were thrashing about made me think of arms with twisted contorted hands. Hopefully this tree will be safe from any developers. Thank you for reading and commenting. πŸ™‚ Sue.

pommer on 12-02-2016
Hurricane.
Hi Sue, you are so right that this excellent little piece could apply to the land grabbing developers.Peter xx

Author's Reply:
Thank you for calling it exellent Peter, you are very kind. Hopefull these trees cannot be taken away.
Sue xx

Bozzz on 12-02-2016
Hurricane.
A charming but important message. The only advantage of a felling by the developers is that the tree would have a controlled fall - and would avoid crashing on to electricity and telephone cables. Our problem living in a lonely outpost of a village is that power cuts are frequent and the electric pumps we use to protect ourselves from flooding are silenced ! We wish we had more trees - they too are a protection against flooding. They absorb and evaporate 25% of water falling within their umbrella. Oh dear Sue, where do we go from here? We love our trees, but since the electricity supply was privatised, the private companies have long given up inspecting and controlling trees near cabling. Catch 22?

XXX David



Author's Reply:
I read all your electrical issues with sympathy but would still love to find that kind of haven, There's too much electricity around here, cannot really see the stars beyond the yellow haze from any of my windows. Our area although not a flooding risk as such is criss crossed by streams which are never ever maintained, which to my mind if they were, would be a tremendous asset as everywhere is a boggy, marshy mess when its been raining. I tried to get people interested in joining me in doing the clearing and restoring of the overgrown places, but although people thought it a good idea, nobody wanted to help. we need more willows along the banks too, because the ones we had have been cut down. Thank you for commenting Peter, its nice to know there are still places like yours, even with all the electrical issues, Sue xx

pdemitchell on 12-02-2016
Hurricane.
Like the double meaning to 'leaves' in this context. Excellent. Paul

Author's Reply:
Thank you Paul, I couldnt really avoid the double meaning of leaves, but I think you are the only one to spot it :-)). Greatly appreciate your comment. Sue x


My Plea ( to developers ) (posted on: 08-02-16)
Another field gone, this one had been left rough for more than ten years, a real haven for all wildlife, so many lives relying on its bounty. Overnight all ripped out and burnt, not due for developement yet, so why?

I do not ask for greater things or more than is my share, gold and silver need I not for wealth I do not care. Just one thing I beg of you, please leave some fields for me they need not be the very best, but need them so, you see. For in the fields my heart shall sing, my soul in joy, dance free. Don't set my eyes to concrete bare, where life itself will pall and pale all spirit wither to despair, and like a petal, fold and fail.
Archived comments for My Plea ( to developers )
pdemitchell on 08-02-2016
My Plea ( to developers )
Joni Mitchell had it right " they put all the trees in a tree museum, and charge all the people a dollar and a half just to see 'em..>"

Author's Reply:
Yes she certainly did, I always find that song desperately sad. I appreciate you reading and commenting, thank you.

pommer on 09-02-2016
My Plea ( to developers )
Hi Sue, as to the point as ever, I feel the same, I remember the concrete cows of Milton Keynes.Where eill mit end?Perhaps one day this country will be called "Concretia"Love,Peter xxxx

Author's Reply:
Oh gosh those cows are still horribly there I think. If my world gets any more concrete covered I will suffocate! Many thanks for reading and leaving me a comment, I appreciate it. Sue xx

stormwolf on 10-02-2016
My Plea ( to developers )
Hi Sue
I share your anguish about the loss of nature in return for concrete that deadens the soul and divorces us from the life affirming fields or trees. On the crit side I felt the rhythm stumbled on line 8 where the ( I ) added an extra syllable that knocked it off course a bit.
A small thing but important on the road to perfection!!! 😜
Alison x

Author's Reply:
Yep, you are quite right, the 'I' fits its own line but not the overall rhyme, I will edit, thank you Alison, such a small thing and I hadn't noticed, but I'm pleased you did. 😊 Sue xx

Supratik on 11-02-2016
My Plea ( to developers )
True true true...Midas touch is not so touching what say! I love this poem. Supratik

Author's Reply:
Totally agree Supratik, although if I had the money I would buy as much land ( without being greedy ) as I could for the wildlife and those like me who only come alive in such places. And no concrete in sight! I'm glad you liked this and appreciate you commenting, thank you πŸ™‚ Sue.

shadow on 11-02-2016
My Plea ( to developers )
Charming poem on a very important subject. The green places are being nibbled away all the time, and we do not notice until too late.

Author's Reply:
Last year walking down the hill to my house my view was undulating countryside, as far as one could see it lifted my heart every time. Now only months on, that same view is of industrial units, houses being built, and huge warehouses. Now my heart breaks instead. I simply cannot believe how fast my world is being destroyed, I moved here because I had known how much countryside was here and I am a country person. No point moving as it's happening everywhere.
Thank you so much for reading and commenting. Sue πŸ™‚

Bozzz on 12-02-2016
My Plea ( to developers )
Yes Sue, there is a need for a well-organised crusade to deal with this problem - it is a major cause of flooding. We need trees not concrete in our open spaces. With you all the way....Yours, David
P.S Apols for missing you on Monday last.

Author's Reply:


Road Builders ( and snails ) (posted on: 05-02-16)
Too many of each, but snails are preferable!

Sneakily, in silence and secrecy they come; cloaked in the silvered night devouring delights, snail like crawling across the favoured bed. Voracious of tooth to tear apart, leave all that was beauty wretched and ripped, destroyers in their yellow shells, ever there, always taking a shining trail left in their wake.
Archived comments for Road Builders ( and snails )
pdemitchell on 06-02-2016
Road Builders ( and snails )
Ah, sans arbitrary line breaks this is really starting to cook. The 'and ripped' line is a bit odd but you have an internal rhyme and open with a triple sybillant alliteration! A cool juxtaposition of snail-trails and autobahns. Cool. Paul

Author's Reply:
Thank you for reading and leaving a comment, much appreciated. I put in the ' wretched and ripped' as both words begin with an 'r' sound, I didn't want rhyme as such but I did want certain words to tie it together. But to be truthful I am not particularly
pleased with it, not too sure it works. πŸ™‚ Sue.

Supratik on 07-02-2016
Road Builders ( and snails )
Wow! I love the flow of the poem! Very nice. Supratik
P.S: I came back, re-read. This goes into my faves too!! What a wonderful reading day today has been. :-))

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much, I have had so many doubts about this one, so to know you think so well of it and have saved it, is a wonderful compliment. Thank you once again πŸ™‚ xx Sue.


Winter Walking. (posted on: 01-02-16)
+*+*+*+*+ Have made suggested alterations.

Swirls of misting breath arise encircle now the silvered trees. Somewhere in the silence, hidden comes the crunch of frost's sharp teeth. Gathered here along the bough await the fluffed-up few, untill, upon their rime dipped wings they'll heed a songster's cry to rise up through the whispered shade: become a speck in heaven's eye.
Archived comments for Winter Walking.
Bozzz on 01-02-2016
Winter Walking.
…and the songster’s cry is usually that of the winter blackbird warning of your intrusion. This is fine Sue, but I did find the line breaks a bit disturbing in some cases. You could let the sentences and lines end as they fall.....just my feeling...Yours aye, David

Author's Reply:
I was was hoping it would read rather like unbroken mist, with no defined sentences or sudden stops, just flowing on. Probably worked better in my mind rather than on the page. I will try some rewrites and rearrangements to see if I can make it better. Thank you David for your suggestion. Sue.

pdemitchell on 01-02-2016
Winter Walking.
Lovely, Sue - I can see why you see supratik as a kindred spirit! I think like Dave that a less arbitrary line break system will enhance it still further and maybe an alternative to the first 'frost' ie Jack's sharp teeth or 'hoar-rimed wings' to avoid repetition. Hope you don't mind the suggestions as I certainly welcome yours! Great stuff. Keep at it. Best. Paul

Author's Reply:
The repeated frost did bother me a bit, ( although unless a word is repeated carelessly in a poem written by someone else it never worries me ) I did think about white dipped wings, but as I was thinking of sparrows that sounded wrong. I will look again at that, plus changing the sentences to something more formal. It never hurts to listen to informed comments, so thank you πŸ™‚ Sue.

Savvi on 03-02-2016
Winter Walking.
Lovely Sue, very much enjoyed the atmospherics you really manage to transport the reader, well done, Keith

Author's Reply:
Much appreciated Keith, thank you, glad you enjoyed it πŸ™‚ Sue.

pdemitchell on 04-02-2016
Winter Walking.
Love the finished piece, Sue. Hope you found all the comments useful! Peace. Paul

Author's Reply:
Sounds like I have it right this time πŸ™‚ I found the comments very useful, second opinions always help. Thank you for this second comment. Sue.


Never Doubt That You Are Loved. (posted on: 25-01-16)
Plain and simple.

Your shadow hold's the silent steps that I have walked with you, and in the rain my wanton tears have fallen where you go. The gentle breeze upon your skin will bring the kiss I blew and every breath I ever take, is the one I give to you.
Archived comments for Never Doubt That You Are Loved.
Bozzz on 25-01-2016
Never Doubt That You Are Loved.
Gentle poignant touch in few words - your trade mark, Sue.
Personally I think the impact would be greater if you omitted the 'is' from the last line. Yours aye....David

Author's Reply:
I thought perhaps the 'in the rain' wasn't quite right, or last line remove ' the' but I hadn't thought about the ' is,' having given it a lot of thought I most probably will, thank you David, I appreciate your help. Sue. πŸ™‚

Savvi on 26-01-2016
Never Doubt That You Are Loved.
The gentle breeze upon your skin will bring the kiss I blew, just lovely Sue, your usual high standard

Author's Reply:
Thank you, I just wanted something very simple, I'm glad you liked it πŸ™‚ Sue.


A Lesser Crime.....( The Mistake ) (posted on: 22-01-16)
Very personal for me, time will show the truth.

Tho' winds of change now blow they seize no threshold here, but I am left bewildered in their wake. Life's tumbled clouds have changed their course, and tear across my sky now I am deeply troubled and ask the question why? What always was, but now is not yet I shall steadfast be, and come the favoured time and place they"ll give you back to me.
Archived comments for A Lesser Crime.....( The Mistake )
stormwolf on 24-01-2016
A Lesser Crime.....( The Mistake )
Hi Sue,
I felt the fourth line was a couple of beats short. It works but then the poem gets into a swing. It may have been better to have the first bit as stand alone?

Like an intro...
Tho' winds of change now blow
they seize no threshold here,
but I am left bewildered
in their wake.

Life's tumbled clouds have
changed their course,
and tear across my sky
now I am deeply troubled
and ask the question why?
What always was, but now is not
yet I shall steadfast be,
and come the favoured time
and place
they"ll give you back to me.

I just felt the change threw me off a bit after reading it several times. I do like the way the poem comes over as deep and hints rather than tells which always adds another dimension.
Alison x

Author's Reply:
Hi Alison, yes you are right, you have a real eye for layout so I will change it now. This is so personal to me that I confess to wanting to express my support more than considering how it looked. Thank you, I really appreciate your interest and help :-)) Sue. Xxx


Requiem For Earth. (posted on: 18-01-16)
I was thinking about last week's poems regarding the fearful state our world has been thrown into, and as they played across my mind my own contribution was formed, it is a subject I feel extreemly strongly about.

Our distant lands lie dying beneath their clamoured wrath, their mighty sword is raised aloft to smite the heads bowed at their feet. Dark eyes have they, now in command when demons hide in their belief. For now the devil in his stride shall reign in flames across the earth. And those who can, yet cannot see for he has masked his face, now walk us up destruction's path and on to Lemmings Leap. Time shall sing it's saddest song- lost requim for peace and those who follow in our stead inherit not the earth.
Archived comments for Requiem For Earth.
e-griff on 18-01-2016
Requiem For Earth.
It's a nice, expressive poem, but on a personal note I don't think you should beat yourself up about the state of the world. In my view 'twas ever thus' and I really can't see how things are any worse than in the past, although the unwelcome things are regrettable and worth trying to change.

But that's my view, not yours I think πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Thank you, I wish I could feel as ' at ease ' with the situation as you as it really does no good to fret over something one cannot put right, but when I see or hear about the millions of people of unknown identity , pouring across the world demanding we take them in, leaving litter and carnage behind them if they don't get what they want. Or terrorists now able to attack, maim and kill anywhere they fancy having recruited enough followers to blend into the shadows. And all those dreadful beheadings splashed ( oops no pun intended ) across the media, which are becoming less and less shocking, I really fear for the future, yes perhaps it was forever thus, but never ever on such a huge scale, or so out of control as it has now become. And those with the power to do something which may alleviate some of it seem completely blind to what is really going on. Sorry rant over. I bet you wished you hadn't commented now haha. But I'm very glad you did thank you, Sue

Pronto on 19-01-2016
Requiem For Earth.
A note of despair in this poem but it's all happened before Genghis Khan, Alexander, Adolph Hitler, Pol Pot these IS types will perish and be lost in the annals of history. This too will pass! Have faith. Good write.

Author's Reply:
I will do my best to be hopeful, but the whole thing is escalating so fast I find it very scary. Many thanks for reading and leaving this kind comment. Sue.

Bozzz on 20-01-2016
Requiem For Earth.
Sue, You put so well and I share your feelings as you know, but we must not feel too buffeted by the press and other media for they feast on the worst evils under the guise of 'what our readers want to hear about'. Reload your salt dispenser frequently. My love...David

Author's Reply:
Thank you David, and I am glad you do share my feelings, I shall do exactly as you say, and perhaps even buy a larger salt pot to hold even more, just in case. I have stopped listening to the news on the television, the radio is much better, it reveals much less. Too much time alone to dwell I guess πŸ™‚ Again many thanks, Sue xxx

Supratik on 21-01-2016
Requiem For Earth.
It's a very expressive poem Sue. The language is quite unsueish, if I may say so, very sharp. But hey, I have read it more than once just to understand what could have made the shift. Keep writing on this, if you may. Yours, Supratik

Author's Reply:
I am so pleased you have read it several times, yes I suppose it is unsueish but all that killing in the name of religion, the hardship of those who's land has been destroyed, and now have lost everything. The terrorists hiding behind innocent faces, and ever more homeless in in my town. I find it very hard to accept and it is spiralling out of control. I fear for our lands and the future of humanity, in the years ahead. I am a peace and harmony person, and I just needed to get these negative thoughts out of my head. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and understand my point of view. Sue xx


Age Of Cruelty. (posted on: 15-01-16)
The fears of a country poet.

Where careless call the strands of time, and life no longer bears a rhyme her hands which long forgot the pen can't take her back to where and when. No roaming now or freedom found within her mind so tightly bound, beyond her window now unknown where concrete crawls no seeds are sown. The fields she knew no more show green for life has taken from her dream, shades of mist dark cloak her eye: no loved one near to heed her cry.
Archived comments for Age Of Cruelty.
stormwolf on 15-01-2016
Age Of Cruelty.
Very sad and poignantly put. Perfect timing that makes the poem flow along and nice choice of words.
It affected me due to seeing my own mother losing to Altzeimers a slow death.
I like to remember the saying about trying to not take life too seriously as none of us gets out alive 😜
We do at times give in to fears though and life can indeed be very sad. How lucky then to be able to write!
Alison X


Author's Reply:
I read Eva's beads by Harry last week or so, and it really struck a chord and made me think about my former son in law's elderly mum in her nursing home, she ended up in one in town which didn't worry her at all, but every time I went there I couldn't bear it. Those two things set me on the path to this, as I cannot imagine how I'd cope if I could no longer write and also get dumped among roads and pavements with no ' green' around me. I'm lucky in that no relatives have had dementia in any form, but that isn't a promise that I won't. I was sorry to read about your mum it must be dreadful to ' lose' someone bit by bit, like that.
As you say we are lucky to be able to cleanse our minds of powerful emotions in writing, and should cherish the ability while we have it. Thank you for reading my poem Alison, and for your kind comments. Sue xx

Supratik on 16-01-2016
Age Of Cruelty.
Very sad indeed. I had one my uncles with a similar challenge. In his last stage, he'd forgotten to eat. But Sue, you will receive blessings from the universe for having penned it with your unmistakable style. Supratik

Author's Reply:
Thank you Supratik for such a lovely comment. How sad for your uncle though, age can be a terrible endurance for the suffer and the relatives who love them. Sue.

pommer on 16-01-2016
Age Of Cruelty.
So very touching Sue,the last two lines made me really more determined to be here for my loved one I would hate it if there was no one there to heed her cry.Thank you for this sad well compose contribution. with best wishes,Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
It is a real worry to me, living alone I both value my single life and independence, but fear becoming old and alone and placed in a ' home' in the centre of town without the rural open spaces I have here and desperately need to keep to survive. Your wife is a truly lucky lady to have you to care so much for her, she need never be alone. I greatly appreciate you reading and commenting. Thank you. sue. Xxx

teifii on 17-01-2016
Age Of Cruelty.
Excellent poem, well structured as well as highlighting this awful human predicament. A very good friend of mine had Azheimers. She was lucky in that the two friends she lived with her looked after her well into the illness. They too are old so eventually she did have to go into a home but on the whole she liked it, even though she didn't know where or what it was. I think many sufferers have a much worse time.

Author's Reply:
Thank you teifii, I greatly appreciate your comments on this subject. My mum told me of an idea a few of our older reletives had, when they had reached a certain time of their lives they would buy a large house between them and live together for mutual support and help. It never did come to that as they were all able to carry on mostly as normal to the end. Sadly they have all gone now including my adored mum. My one remaining elderly relative is now living in a home for dementia type sufferers, her memory isnt very good, but she is fine apart from that. She has lived alone all her adult life and is enjoying the company now. My fear is no longer being able to escape in writing, and also ending up away from any countyside. Sue.

Bozzz on 17-01-2016
Age Of Cruelty.
Hi Sue, Excellent poem. Your last fears are mine too. I may be able to afford a modest care home, but how many have internet access for the patients yet? Using the mains sockets with plug-in adaptors costs about Β£100 per room so if the home has a modem and therefore an advertising site promoting its service, a solution is possible in many cases. Using mobile phones is another, but far more expensive option. My best, ...David

Author's Reply:
Hi David, I doubt the small amount I would get for selling my home would keep me in a goodish home for more than a year, if that, so I'd probably end up broke in a council run place, no personal internet there, I guess. I'll just hope to stay independant, as most of my relatives have done. I am very grateful for your ' excellent ' comment, thank you, a real compliment. Sue x


Hidden Demons. (posted on: 11-01-16)
A guilt poem.

A demon crept inside my head, and stole my mind away. Blinded there I could not see, I used his hand to slay. And cutting deep no bounds I saw, I bled my hope from you. Now silence stalks beside each hour to mourn the love I knew.
Archived comments for Hidden Demons.
stormwolf on 11-01-2016
Hidden Demons.
Excellent in content and spacing.
Short meaningful and confessional.
Congrats on the nib.

Alison x

(guilt is a waste of time robbing the present for something that is past. Give it the old heave-ho! ) πŸ˜‰

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much Alison, for the congrats on the nib, your kind comment and the rating. Your advice is completely right, and I am working on it. πŸ™‚ Sue xx

Pronto on 12-01-2016
Hidden Demons.
Loved this sweet sad verse. Those of us who suffer guilt will understand.

Author's Reply:
I am so pleased you liked this, and understood the sentiments behind it. Thank you for reading and leaving a comment on it. πŸ™‚ Sue.

pommer on 12-01-2016
Hidden Demons.
A great poem.If you never have suffered guilt you will find it difficult to understand.I loved this sad one. Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
Thank you Peter, you are absolutly right, true guilt gnaws at the soul every second of every day. So beware that demon lurking just out of sight waiting ... I am so glad you read and commented, and for the rating too, thank you very much Sue xxx

Bozzz on 13-01-2016
Hidden Demons.
For me, guilt is like pain in the sense that in hospitals one is asked one's pain level on a scale of 1 to 10. Almost all of us suffer guilt of some sort and at different levels all the time. Part of our lives as social beings. Succinct and beautifully worded piece as usual....David

Author's Reply:
Hi David, I think I would register my guilt as 10+ ( no I didn't kill anyone, honestly ) for me this guilt goes way beyond the usual
' picked up along the way ' stuff.
Thank you for your very kind comment , I'm pleased you enjoyed it reading it. πŸ™‚ Sue.

pdemitchell on 30-01-2016
Hidden Demons.
Moving ansgsty piece that I loved having dealt with many demons in my life.

Have you tried rearranging the line-formats to add tension? Positioning line-breaks is a classic lily-gilder worth revisiting and revisiting a piece time and time again. I confess I do it again and again and again, reading or singing them aloud, with some pieces morphing endlessly over THIRTY years like children. Hope you don't mind this suggestion with such a powerful piece:

A demon crept
inside my head
and stole my mind
away.

Blinded
there I could not see:
I used his hand
to slay.

And cutting deep
no bounds I saw
I bled my hope
from you.

Now silence
stalks beside each hour
to mourn the love
I knew.

It seems to me to have more power and symmetry like this. Love your stuff! Paul πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:


The Blackbird Sang. (posted on: 08-01-16)
The first morning of the new year.

The first sigh of spring no more than the breath of a bird. A note, caught at the heart of his song carried on the wind and welcome heard. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~             He sang upon the new year's dawning wrapped beneath a shrouding grey, he tipped his head to bless the ear and spilt the sun of spring's first day. Glad the soul, that second found with joy of hope to carry long, to steal the whispered sadness there, and cast away upon his song.
Archived comments for The Blackbird Sang.
Mikeverdi on 08-01-2016
The Blackbird Sang.
Hi Sue, sorry not be on here much of late. I like this very much, wouldn't be me if I didn't suggest something 😊
Maybe lose the word 'felt' ... not needed.
As usual only me, others may not agree.
Mike xxx

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike, great to have you back here, glad circumstances allow it. As usual I see your point and I admit I have not expressed my meaning very well. I struggled with 'felt' but I wanted to emphasize it was a feeling nothing more tangible than that. I shall get rid of the it as you have suggested I think. As always I appreciate you taking the time to read and offer helpful suggestions, thank you. Sue xx

e-griff on 08-01-2016
The Blackbird Sang.
Overall, a nice poem I enjoyed. But to be honest, the first verse started me worrying, the the subsequent two were fluent and meaningful. I think, if you want to consider improvement, I suggest work on that verse to make it as good as the others. I'm sure you can think of phrases to replace the awkward 'welcome heard' for instance, and make the whole verse flow better. πŸ™‚

with my best wishes, as ever, JohnG

Author's Reply:
Thank you John, I realised the first verse read differently to the others, but hoped it would work as a lead into the poem. I shall certainly take your advice and try to think of ways to improve on it. I appreciate you reading and offering a suggestion, it all helps when you view a work through someone else's eyes. Sue πŸ™‚

pommer on 09-01-2016
The Blackbird Sang.
Hi Sue,a lovely poem as usual, but like the others I feel it needs some re-editing.I would hae written the following for what it is worth:

The first sigh of spring
Like the breath of a bird
At the heart of its song
In the wind welcome heard.

Just my way of thinking.I hope you don't mind.Sorry I haven't been very active lately, but still under the weather from uncertainty about what's wrong and following numerous tests including minor surgery.Hoping to be back in full swing soon. A belated Happy New Year, Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much for reading and leaving these helpful comments and suggestions Peter, I appreciate it very much especially as you are feeling unwell. I hope all gets sorted out very soon. I have looked at this poem over and over and tried all sorts of re-editing but cannot find anything that works better overall or expresses what I want to get across but will go back to it several times more no doubt. Thank you for the New Year good wishes, I wish the same for you too. Sue xxx


Reminders. (posted on: 04-01-16)
After three brightly coloured days over Christmas, I was contemplating on the dull sober coloured reality of a single life, and how those few days shone out from the rest, and had made me feel part of life once again.

A brightly coloured comma in the dull alliterated sentance of a week. A half begun word on the blank page of a day. The first few lines of a forgotten song now lost beyond the age of time. Such are they, the silent signs that we still burn within the candle's flame.
Archived comments for Reminders.
Bozzz on 05-01-2016
Reminders.
The unchosen road is always a hard one - but sometimes - just sometimes a glimmer of light shines down it as if changing the switch on your car from dipped to full beam.
You describe it well, Sue and I hope it will occur more often for you through the new year... Yours...David

Author's Reply:
At the back of my mind growing up, many years ago I thought I may end up living a single life as I have always been a loner, but to be honest ( after two divorces ) I now realise I would be happier if I could have someone who feels I am number one for them, even if we weren't together 24/7. I do miss being a main part of someone's life. You'd think after 20+ years I'd be used to it lol.
Thank you for reading and leaving your kind comment David, Sue xx

ValDohren on 06-01-2016
Reminders.
Know just where you are coming from Sue, Christmas was a brief respite from my loneliness to, but now it's back to reality. I can sympathise with you totally, and can relate to your very well expressed poem. Well done on the nib, and I hope this New Year will bring you some happiness.
Val xx

Author's Reply:
Thank you Val. I wasn't expecting the nib so it's very nice to receive one. I am pleased you can relate to this, but also sad that you can, it's a hard, and often dark road alone isn't it. The bright days are so welcome but they do make the others seem darker than ever. Although I couldn't live 24/7 with anyone ( perhaps I should have met an oil rig worker! ) I hope the new year will be a happier one for you too. Very best wishes, Sue xx

Mikeverdi on 09-01-2016
Reminders.
I have good friends who (like you and I) have been in relationships, that for one reason or other have failed. These have never been able to pick up the pieces again, to love another. Some sadly never will, unable to leave the past they find a hiding place in their memories. They envy me my ability to let go, they say I never really loved the others. I say they are afraid to love again. To risk all after losing so much of oneself is a big ask.
Congrats on the well earned nib Sue.
Mike

Author's Reply:
Thank you Mike for the congrats and for reading and commenting on this write. I think it was the contrast of all the fun, company and distractions of family at Christmas and the New Year, but I am like a coin with the two sides, one side wants to be the number one in someone's life, share days together, interests, walks etc, the other side still wants to be a number one but also feels cornered, restless and tied down unless I have lots of absolutely free time alone days, weeks and more. I have never felt I lost anything of myself in marriage break ups as you mention, I don't think I have given all of myself to anyone. You have a much better attitude towards relationships than me. Sue xx


Hooked! (posted on: 01-01-16)
I was thinking about something a musician said about the hook in songs, the chorus or phrase that makes it stick in the mind, and went from that to ideas thrashing about the head like a hooked fish. They can escape but we are still hooked by the need to write.

It could be nothing much a word, a thought, something seen, but the hook has settled deep and you are caught. A thrashing fish on a line desperate for release. Ideas tumble and turn fighting to escape, finally the way is found they shall travel far. But you, you are still tightly tethered to the line.
Archived comments for Hooked!
jamalbbd on 01-01-2016
Hooked!
nice to say it this way. Jamal

Author's Reply:
Thank you Jamal, I am still pondering some changes though, not quite sure about it yet ... See, I'm hooked! Haha. sue.

Bozzz on 02-01-2016
Hooked!
Well Sue, my son is a composer of music for films and groups. He sometimes talks in Hook lingo - yes it is a disease - the power of rhyme - caught it from me.
My best for New Year...David

Author's Reply:
And I bet he is so glad he did catch it from you, no doubt it has served him well. Appreciate the read and comment David, my best to you too for 2016 too, thank you. πŸ™‚ Sue x


I Do Not Need.... (posted on: 28-12-15)
Based on a phrase in a song I heard last week.

I do not need to have you near to know my love is strong. I do not need to have you here to sing with you, life's song. I do not need you close to me to know that I'll stay true. I do not need for you to know my thoughts are just for you. I do not need at all my love for you to care for me. Indeed I know that need of you will flame eternally. But oh the searing want of you now that does burn me whole, with every passing second it consumes my very soul.
Archived comments for I Do Not Need....
Bozzz on 29-12-2015
I Do Not Need....
Dear Sue - is this what they call a love/hate relationship?Or is it that you are trying to protect yourself from your feelings of loss if he goes away? For me this is a puzzling piece in a way. Excellent meter as usual. My best...David.

Author's Reply:
No, not a love/ hate relationship, or fear of him leaving. Completely the opposite actually, it's basically saying that when love is absolute it goes on without needing to have the person close by, or continually reinforcing it in anyway, it's just there and constant. No matter what changes in life, that love is un dimmed, but the wanting is a totally all consuming pain when in reality the person loved is forever unattainable. I hope I have made some sense here, ( not too sure I have though ) so pleased you have read and commented on it, I hope I haven't confused you too much πŸ™‚ Sue.


Midnight Mass (posted on: 21-12-15)
When we lived in the village my family and I always loved going to the Midnight Mass in the 'big church' it really isn't the same watching it by myself on TV.

Reflections dance in candle's flame where held the spell of summer's sun. Silk soft touch of ancient pew, and walls rough hewn with tales to tell. Joyful notes in upraised voice the age old carols sung, while drifts aloft the soft sweet smell of incense slowly swung. A final prayer, the Blessing given. And Christmas Day begun.
Archived comments for Midnight Mass
e-griff on 21-12-2015
Midnight Mass
Very sweet poem, and effective, Miss Water! πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Thank you. It's rather an old one but not posted on here before, I came across it and decided to give it an airing. Sue. πŸ™‚

Bozzz on 22-12-2015
Midnight Mass
Sweet song in the church, echoes abroad. Lovely piece. I have always been worried about incense - keeps asthmatics away - but then I avoid church for other reasons ! Well done again Sue....David

Author's Reply:
I have to admit we're not church goers as such, but when it's a village you get absorbed ( so to speak ) into things, my daughter was a bell ringer there, then a Sunday school helper so... But I did love the midnight service plus knowing so many people there made it a real family celebration. As I said in the intro it's not the same watching it alone on the TV but I like to hear the carols. I'm so pleased you read and commented David, thank you. Sue xx


Village school Nativity play. (posted on: 14-12-15)
I apologise for repeating this one from last Christmas, I had forgotten about it until I was invited to two grandchildren's Nativity plays this week. Thought it apt so re-posted, I hope no one minds.

< SPACEBLOCKQUOTESPACE > Chapel hall with parquet flooring ancient door with children pouring, christmas tree in corner stands, nervous infants, holding hands. Stuttered words from nervous lips shuffling feet and nervous tics. Giggling shepherds try to hide, poking neighbours by their side. Tiny noses finger's picking, parents with their cameras clicking.
Archived comments for Village school Nativity play.
Gee on 14-12-2015
Village school Nativity play.
I remember it well! Definitely brought a smile to my face this morning.
It was wonderful getting them all changed and into the hall but the head teacher always had a pack of tissues for me, because I'd always get emotional and tearful at the sight of them.
Loved it. I'm very glad you posted it because it brought back wonderful memories.

Author's Reply:
I'm so glad it gave you such good memories, I don't remember many of my daughters nativity plays, but one stands out we lived in a small village and a Shakespearian actor (Tim Brierly ) from the Stratford theatre also lived there and he directed the Nativity play one year, and my daughter age 5 was Mary, it was a far cry from the usual amateur fun, the story was of King Herod ordering the destruction of the baby boys, she had pages and pages of script to learn as it was an accurate portrayal. But she managed to do it. I much appreciate commenting , thank you.

Supratik on 14-12-2015
Village school Nativity play.
Yes it's a privilege to re-read this lovely poem. Supratik

Author's Reply:
Thank you, that's very kind of you πŸ™‚ Sue.

Bozzz on 14-12-2015
Village school Nativity play.
Sue, you make couplets sound like gold dust - delightful read...David

Author's Reply:
Thank you, that's a lovely compliment, and much appreciated. Sue.

pommer on 14-12-2015
Village school Nativity play.
Great and memorable. Well done Sue, Peter.xxx

Author's Reply:
Thank you Peter, that's much appreciated. Sue xx


Modern Reality. (posted on: 07-12-15)
This was inspired by neighbours opposite, throughout the summer when the parents and 2 yr daughter were in the garden not once did I see them interact with the child, no playing, very little talking to her or each other, as both had mobiles attached to their ears the whole time, so sad.

Caught in chains from keyboard ink where time is stolen by each link, life is lived within that screen while life in truth shall pass unseen. A child ignored by parents eye as fingers to the letters fly, she plays alone at daddy's knee her childhood lived beneath a key. With smiling lips, and arms to greet grandma struggles to her feet, again the dross-fed limpet phone leaves this lady's words unknown. All life entombed upon that stage reflecting there the modern age. Outdated now, our social skills are ground to dust by online mills.
Archived comments for Modern Reality.
Supratik on 07-12-2015
Modern Reality.
Sue! Excellent! Sometimes sadness has to be stated. A poem on a very relevant theme. Thank you for sharing. Supratik

Author's Reply:
So glad you enjoyed this, I was worried I sounded too harsh, all these technical devices can be freeing, helpful and a joy to many, but used to excess can be so isolating to those around you ( in the real word ). I feel so sad for that little girl, the garden has only a lawn, no flowers, trees or even toys, a barren land because neither adult has any time for anything except that phone. Really appreciate your comment thank you. sue πŸ™‚

Mikeverdi on 08-12-2015
Modern Reality.
Having a recent Granddaughter has proved your words correct sadly. This is an excellent write Sue, sadly all to true.
Mike
XxX

Author's Reply:
Congratulation on a new family member Mike, I bet the technology she uses in her lifetime we couldn't begin to imagine. I see far too many young mums on the bus either texting or having long and far too loud conversations on their phones, with a bored child becoming ever more fed up, there's so much happening outside the window, just put down the phone and enjoy the child's company, it's not difficult. I appreciate you saying it's excellent as I did wonder if I was too harsh, thank you very much. Sue xx

Mikeverdi on 08-12-2015
Modern Reality.
Having a recent Granddaughter has proved your words correct sadly. This is an excellent write Sue, sadly all to true.
Mike
XxX

Author's Reply:

Elfstone on 09-12-2015
Modern Reality.
I have seen this happen so often and it is doing untold damage. Thank you for posting. Elfstone

Author's Reply:
Yes I believe it is, My two older grandchildren (7 and 10 ) have no idea how to interract socially now, when I have them they either run around my small house yelling or want to be left alone with their tablets, neither of which are great habits. They have no idea how to have, nor do they wish to have a conversaion, I only hope they grow out of it as they get older. Thank you for commenting, its nice to know its not just me being 'old fashioned' and that it is a real concern. Sue.

ifyouplease on 09-12-2015
Modern Reality.
i agree with you and it's a very nice poem

Author's Reply:
Thank you, this is one of two I wrote on this theme, the second is shorter and I think less harsh. But if it carries on this way we won't need to build robots, we will have given birth to them! Sue.

teifii on 09-12-2015
Modern Reality.
Yes, so sad. And unfortunately it's not only mobile phones that cut children off from parents. Good writing though.
Daffni

Author's Reply:
You are quite right Daffni, too many children do not get enough guidance from their parents, except those with crininal minded ones who learn all too well! A greatly appreciated comment, thank you.

Bozzz on 09-12-2015
Modern Reality.
Afraid I have almost copied your theme before I read this, but though drivel in comparison to your elegantly-worded poem, the lesson is nearly the same - watch my space and be disgusted - again !. Thank you Sue for airing this - from an ageing and experienced RSI couch potato.

Author's Reply:
I very much doubt anything you write could ever be considered drivel, but I appreciate the compliment very much, thank you. I look forward to reading your words ( and being disgusted at this modern world again ) Good to know I do not stand alone on this :-)) One small concession I feel I must make to this modern-age technology, the texting and messaging experience I do like as I find it much easier to write than speak to people on a phone, I've never been comfortable with that maybe it's because one cannot see their faces or read body language. But I will not touch the phone etc., if I have company.

pommer on 09-12-2015
Modern Reality.
A wonderful description of our modern times.I recently read that children have no longer a good grip to hold a pencil, hence the need for thicker and longer pencils.Whilst feeling the same way as you I consider the tripe I write inadequate.as far as the mobile is concerned I am a one finger geriatric ditherer.Well done Sue, Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
Thank you Peter, that pencil thing is quite shocking, it's like using language correctly, with all this 'text speak' and 'lazy spelling' with no capitals or punctuation either, in a generation or so we will have lost all the skills it has taken hundreds of years to perfect. I have real problems with the tiny modern mobiles, as I have arthritis and my fingers are somewhat going their own way so I usually hit the wrong letter or number, so annoying. :-)) sue xxxx

Gee on 10-12-2015
Modern Reality.
Sadly, this isn't something new to social media. There are too many people who don't seem to appreciate the gift of a child. I wish I knew the solution.
I think you've expressed this perfectly, Very nicely done.

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much for your comment, it is sad, when I see both parents sitting at the garden table, both completely absorbed in their phones, not even looking at each other, and the little girl just pottering around a garden devoid of anything of interest to explore, and only a ball in her hands, I wonder how her future will turn out. Sue.


The Evergreen. (posted on: 30-11-15)
Almost a second spring.

Where bare of bough shall call the view set forth the leaves all death eschew. To find the eye in brightness glows to tremor hence where late wind blows. Forego the autunm's vengeful spleen, to stand in pride of second spring. And to the heart a blessing bring with emerald sheen, the evergreen.
Archived comments for The Evergreen.
Supratik on 30-11-2015
The Evergreen.
A poem of hope; of a new beginning. Wonderful!!!
Can't believe I wrote a small poem of barely four lines with the title evergreen.

Author's Reply:
Great minds think the alike πŸ™‚ I would love to read your poem, Supratik. Thank you for saying it's wonderful that's such a compliment, Sue x

franciman on 30-11-2015
The Evergreen.
Oh yes, Sue; great poetry. It has a classical feel.
cheers,
Jim x

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much Jim, nature never fails to surprise me, did not expect to look through the window and see a replica of spring in November. πŸ™‚ Sue. Xx

Bozzz on 30-11-2015
The Evergreen.
I fear the worst may yet be to come - global storming. When there is no electricity supply, snow on the ground and the wild wind blows, I shall think of this fine poem and have hope. Thank you Sue.....Yours, David

Author's Reply:
Ahh the wild wind! How easy it would be to lift the feet and be swept away by the hunger of the wild wind. But not so the imminent global warning, which we have created we are literally biting the hand that feeds us, and too few care.
Thank you for reading and giving me such a lovely compliment, I am so pleased you find it a hopeful poem. πŸ™‚ Sue.

shadow on 01-12-2015
The Evergreen.
Delightful poem, loved the image of the tree standing in spite of all the winter could throw at it.

Author's Reply:
Thank you Shadow, I do love trees they are so inspiring. I'm so pleased you enjoyed this. πŸ™‚ Sue.

ValDohren on 02-12-2015
The Evergreen.
A delightful write Sue, we can always find a hint of green amongst all the debris of winter.
Val xx

Author's Reply:
Much appreciated Val, thank you, since I wrote the poem I have been looking more closely at everything and there are signs of young growth everywhere, whether it's because it's still warm or not I don't know, but I am grateful to see it. πŸ™‚ Sue xx.


Wishes. (posted on: 23-11-15)
x*x*x

Constant, breaks the rolling wave to fall upon a further shore, If I were such a favoured land I would wish for nothing more. Gentle, blows the breeze that drifts against the highest mountain peak, to be that breeze and drop a kiss no other pleasure should I seek. Steadfast, grows the greenwood tree that stands alone within a glade, If a snowdrop I could be I'd bloom forever 'neath your shade. Endless, dance those fires of night to skim their way across the sky, If I could hold that shooting star beneath the moon with you I'd lie.
Archived comments for Wishes.
shadow on 24-11-2015
Wishes.
This flows beautifully, and has great charm. A really enjoyable poem.

Author's Reply:
Thank you, I'm really pleased you enjoyed it πŸ™‚ Sue.


Love Hurts. (posted on: 20-11-15)
I was listening to the radio when a certain song came on, it really hit home.

An arrow burns across the night the aim is true, and swift the flight. A string was plucked across the seas, the arrow loosed with practised ease. Unseen it flies to find its mark the cut goes deep straight to the heart.
Archived comments for Love Hurts.
pommer on 20-11-2015
Love Hurts.
Wonderful emotive stuff.Reminds me of the dear John letter I received when I was a Prisoner of War, and which inspired me to write and post a poem entitled thus some time ago. I really enjoyed this very heartfelt poem.Peter

Author's Reply:
Thank you Peter, I hope the memories I stirred weren't too sad though, sometimes the only way to come to terms with a very painful emotion is to consign it to pen and paper. I am so pleased you enjoyed this, and I'm very grateful for the 10 thank you very much :-)) Sue xx


Time. (posted on: 16-11-15)
This is not what I had intended but its what arrived lol.

Time is but an ocean, deep, with every rise and fall to weep. The mood it changes day to day, it picks you up, and sweeps away to break upon the furthest shore and leave you wanting, needing more. Never ending, or relenting always turning, reinventing.
Archived comments for Time.
stormwolf on 16-11-2015
Time.
A nice short philosophical poem.
There's a lot said in those few words.
Alison x

Author's Reply:
Many thanks Alison, I'm still not sure where it came from it's certainly not what I had intended πŸ™‚ Sue xx

pommer on 16-11-2015
Time.
Beautiful Sue.so much said in so few well expressed words. Love it. Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
Thank you Peter, I am really happy you like it so much πŸ™‚ Sue xx

chant_z on 17-11-2015
Time.
Succint like I'm used to. A great deal in there. Nice.

Author's Reply:
Thank you appreciate you reading it and taking the time to comment, I'm glad you liked it πŸ™‚ Sue.

ValDohren on 18-11-2015
Time.
Short and to the point. Well expressed.
Val xxx

Author's Reply:
Thank you Val, really appreciate you reading and commenting on it, it went it's own way as I had planned something different
:-)) Sue xxx

ValDohren on 18-11-2015
Time.
Short and to the point. Well expressed.
Val xxx

Author's Reply:

Supratik on 19-11-2015
Time.
Sue,
Very well expressed.
Supratik

Author's Reply:
I'm so pleased you think so, thank you Supratik Sue πŸ™‚

shadow on 19-11-2015
Time.
Short and sweet - very enjoyable.

Author's Reply:
That's very kind of you shadow, thank you. Sue xx


Doubts. (posted on: 13-11-15)
This is an older one from last year, just popped it on as a change from my nature ones, and not to be taken too seriously. πŸ™‚

They laugh at me.. Indeed why not for I am but a fool. I dare to shape a world of words and to the page they fall. Nature draws emotions, deep. Visions come entice, enthrall and I embrace them all. I think, I hope I've written well but then I think I must be wrong. Rejection steals inside my mind, all confidence leaves me behind. A poet's words burn bright as flame, a doubter's heart denies the name.
Archived comments for Doubts.
MrMarmite on 13-11-2015
Doubts.
Hi Sue.Enjoyed this a lot as it has a deep meaning behind the words I feel.Doubt and rejection ? Those two dreaded words that all of us have encountered in our lives no doubt.
But they're both negative words and feelings,so best get rid of them I've found and be more positive instead.You have a gift so why be in doubt ? All the best. Kevin.

Author's Reply:
Thank you Kevin, I very much appreciate your kind words and unexpected rating πŸ™‚ I am nowhere near as bad as I was thank goodness. I have had so much positive feedback from various sites that I am beginning to think that maybe I can write some reasonable stuff, and most important of all one of my daughters, although not interested in the subject of poetry, has told me she considers my poems are good, and that means the most. πŸ™‚

Supratik on 13-11-2015
Doubts.
Excellent Sue! It's certainly one of your best. Never mind the they, I have also joined the fool's club long ago...it's so comfortable here..keep writing and keep enthralling your ardent readers. Yours, Supratik

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much Supratik, I am really pleased you liked it so much, I thought I had submitted it last year but it was one similar. Since posting on here with so much help and positive feedback from others ( such as you ) has made a huge difference to my confidence. Although I will never consider myself a poet, I do feel I can say "I write poetry" with more confidence. Sue πŸ™‚

shadow on 13-11-2015
Doubts.
A succinct exposition of a perennial problem - we've all been there - but not all managed to get a great poem out of it. Respect.
Moya

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much Moya, it can be a real nuisance can't it, might as well use it to get something positive from all the doubts :-). I am so glad you read, and enjoyed it. Sue x

ValDohren on 13-11-2015
Doubts.
I'm a member of that club too Sue, lost confidence a long time ago, but your work is just great so you can walk tall.
Val xxx

Author's Reply:
I cannot imagine you having doubts Val, your writing is always top class. Thank you so much for saying my poems are great, that's a huge compliment, and I shall walk as tall as my five foot hight will allow ;-)) Sue xx

stormwolf on 14-11-2015
Doubts.
As others have said, we have all been there. I don't know how many times I have been tempted to delete a poem after posting and almost always alter it once it's up ;-( I think it's healthy to want to try but lack of confidence can work against us too.
I hope the comments have given you heart!
Alison x

Author's Reply:
Hi Alison, me too I do exactly the same lol. I love the way you write, so different to mine which is what makes poetry so interesting I think. My problem is just me, If someone gives constructive critique I accept it and re-look at the work and change it if I think it's better, if someone says they don't understand a poem or it's not their thing as long as it says what I wanted that's fine. But it if I get told truthfully by one or many that my work is very good, brilliant, or that I really am a poet, well I am so pleased, so happy and grateful and confident. Then every single time an icy cold hammer hits me after an hour or two and I think no, they are mistaken, I cannot be any good, I must never be so stupid as to think I can write anything, never believe I am any good and I must certainly never ever think I am an actual poet writing 'real poetry'. That's the lack of confidence that hits me, not the writing of it as that's something I have always needed to do, but the thinking I am good, then realising of course I'm really at the bottom of the pile and should accept it. That realisation really, really hurts, and is so damming to the spirit. This reply was never meant to drag on so long, very sorry I must stop rambling!! It was only meant as a short explanation lol. Thank you for reading the poem and your kind comment on it ( bet you wish you hadn't now hehe ) :-)) Sue. Xx

pommer on 15-11-2015
Doubts.
Hi Sue, as good as ever, one of your best.Just keep them coming.Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
You are very kind Peter, thank you so much. I had forgotten about this one, knew I hadn't submitted it so thought why not. Sue xx

Mikeverdi on 15-11-2015
Doubts.
Get a grip, do you think we would lie to you HaHaHa! This poem alone is full of expression and heart felt emotions. Everyone who dares to post their thoughts and dreams on an open site feels the kind of worry you do, everyone.
Mike
XxX

Author's Reply:
Well Mike I know you'd never lie which has given me the confidence to get this far πŸ™‚ Also I have such high regard for you and everyone on here, the standard of everyone's work is first class and if mine is considered worthy of compliments, nibs and nominations along with everyone else's, well who am I to not believe in myself. Now look what you have done I am getting above myself I shall prepare for the fall ;-)) Many thanks Mike, your kind words are always appreciated. Sue xx.


Autumn's Grace. (posted on: 09-11-15)
I apologise for another one of these, but there is so much of autumn still around, and I can't resist writing about it.

Autumn holds no platter bare or golden chalice unfulfilled, such wine to fall upon your lips and tasty morsels resting there. Disappointment has no place within this maiden's hand. For when the winds do turn their face her graces fall unto the land. In her heart such secrets hid all promise there to keep. When comes the dying of the year her tender eye shall weep.
Archived comments for Autumn's Grace.
Supratik on 09-11-2015
Autumns Grace.
Please do not seek apology for giving us wonderful gifts of autumn... 'her tender eye shall weep' is a beautiful line Sue.
Supratik

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much that is such a lovely compliment, I was genuinely worried I may be annoying people with so many autumn
Poems. Your comments are always so kind, and give me confidence which I admit I lack. Thank you again Sue xx

pommer on 09-11-2015
Autumns Grace.
Another wonderfully expressed seasonal poem. Enjoyed it. Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much Peter, was rather unsure how another of my autumn poems would be received, so I am very grateful you have read it and taken the time to comment too. Sue xx

Corin on 10-11-2015
Autumns Grace.
The way things are going here you had better start practising for winter:-)

Dave

Author's Reply:
Oh dear that sounds ominous, it's so warm here ones thoughts are still with late summer most days. Appreciate the early warning πŸ™‚ Sue

Mikeverdi on 12-11-2015
Autumns Grace.
Another gem Sue😊

Author's Reply:
Thank you Mike, so pleased you like it, must get off this theme soon though or I will be blacklisted! Maybe it will snow before long, lol. Sue xx

ValDohren on 12-11-2015
Autumns Grace.
Really lovely Sue, as are all of your poems. So very inspired. Autumn is indeed a beautiful time of year and worthy of your skill in writing about it.
Val xxx


Author's Reply:
Thank you so much Val, sadly it's getting a little less beautiful here now though, but at least I can see through the trees to the park and see people coming and going. πŸ™‚ Sue xx


Yesterday's Sorrows. (posted on: 06-11-15)    
Just thinking how past sorrows can still cut deep.

Scars, torn from the cuts of years burn across your cheeks rip tracks across the skin, carving their memorial with falling tears. Unquiet souls no peace to win with wounds that seep the blood of sorrows. No future step that can begin when bound in heart to lost tomorrows.
Archived comments for Yesterday's Sorrows.
Mikeverdi on 06-11-2015
Yesterdays Sorrows.
I love this Sue, so sad but beautifully written. I hope others appreciate how much you have put into this. You have grown in your writing. You should be proud.
Mike
XxX

Author's Reply:
Thank you Mike, many tears went into this I must admit, not in a ' feel sorry for myself way ' but in the knowledge we can never truly put deep sadness behind us, even though we think we have. Many people know this but I just decided to write down what I felt when time spiralled back to a black time for a few minutes.
I wouldn't have come this far forward if it hadn't been for your advice and guidance, and the time you gave in messaging me with helpful suggestions. πŸ™‚ Sue. Xxx

franciman on 06-11-2015
Yesterdays Sorrows.
Sue, you have to stop listening to that old charlatan, Mikeverdi! Your poetry is getting altogether too good.
Seriously, this is such a tactile poem. It rips and tears at the reader saying: here, share my pain...
And there's no need to explain this piece - it says it all in very few words.
cheers,
Jim

Author's Reply:
Haha, just wish I'd had his poetry guidance years ago. Thank you so much for your very kind comments Jim, I know we are supposed to write mainly for ourselves but it's such a compliment to hear that others have read and enjoyed the piece. πŸ™‚ Sue.x

sweetwater on 06-11-2015
Yesterdays Sorrows.
Would like to say a big THANK YOU for the nib and nomination. :-))

Author's Reply:

stormwolf on 06-11-2015
Yesterdays Sorrows.
When reading this I heard it being recited. I don't know why but like many good and deep poems that need a Richard Burton voice to do them justice, this one came across like that.
Congrats on the poem's success.
Alison x






























c

Author's Reply:
Thank you Alison, I hadn't thought of this one like that, but I would love to hear my poems read aloud, I have tried many times to read and record them on my phone, but I just cannot get it right, I can do it in my head perfectly but never out loud, so annoying. Thank you too for the congrats on the poem, I'm very pleased people have liked it so much. Xx

Bozzz on 07-11-2015
Yesterdays Sorrows.
Oh my, Sue, you sure can make the words bite when you have a mind to do so. Sorrow is not enough - we have to get rid of it in brilliant print. Love, David

Author's Reply:
You are quite right David, write about something that causes you pain and it flows away from you in the ink. Capture in poetry something outside ourselves we find stirring though, and it becomes closer, strange that. I appreciate very much you reading and commenting on this David, thank you. Sue xx

pommer on 08-11-2015
Yesterdays Sorrows.
So beautifully written from the heart Sue.Loved reading it. Love, Peter xx

Author's Reply:
I am so pleased you read and enjoyed it Peter. Thank you so much for your lovely comments. Sue xx


Dying Embers. (posted on: 02-11-15)
~*~*~*~*~

This day upon the altar, lies a flaming pyre beneath the skies, cast from bronze in Amber light, a flush of orange burns the night. Nature's bones too soon are seen beauty by the flames, picked clean. Yet vibrant still her farewell call as brightly glowing embers fall, ignite the leaves below our feet where autumn rages her defeat.
Archived comments for Dying Embers.
Mikeverdi on 02-11-2015
Dying Embers.
This is beautiful, sorry not to have been commenting of late, stuff been going on.
Mike xXx

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike, lovely to hear from you, I quite understand health must take the front seat at the moment, I am hoping things are less fraught now. I'm so pleased you like this one, it's the third version I have written ( I'm still not sure I have it right) so to have a thumbs up from you means a lot. I may post the first and shorted version on Friday. Thank you for commenting, all the very best. Sue xxx

Bozzz on 04-11-2015
Dying Embers.
Sue, you have inspired me to try and write about autumn as my next submission - from a man's perspective of course and I will not be able to match your skills. It will be a pleasant change from writing political nonsense. We rhymers have to support each other on the page and your poem here is - as usual - taut, apt and charming - what a mix ! Yours ever, David.

Author's Reply:
That is such a compliment David Thank you, I would love to read your take on autumn, I would expect a sharper more manly approach which I would enjoy, you have a very knowledgable and clear view when you write, I often wish I had the abilities that you do I know nothing about the intricacies of politics, all the politicians tell lies and distort the truth to gain their own ends, I have lost all faith and trust in them which saddens me, as they are actually in positions of trust, supposedly to do their best for us. Sue xx


Melancholy. (posted on: 26-10-15)
:~:~:~:~:

Unknown the reason why sadness wraps the day, a silent withdrawal towards the dying of the year. Melancholy, soft and golden drifts the air, like leaves lost from knowing. Sorrow stirs my mind as time removes her hand takes away the promise once bequeathed, upon the beauty of the spring.
Archived comments for Melancholy.
Supratik on 26-10-2015
Melancholy.
"Sorrow stirs my mind
as time removes her hand
takes away the promise
once bequeathed,
upon the beauty of the spring."

Beautiful, soothing, and accepting, the poem to me appears very wise. Thank you for sharing.
Best. Supratik

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much for reading and commenting, I am pleased it appealed to you. Your words are very kind and much appreciated. πŸ™‚ Sue.


A Grain Of Time. (posted on: 23-10-15)
Wrote this one ages ago, pondering on how quickly time, and life itself flows away like sand in an egg timer.

Time, like grains of sand the tighter you grasp the faster it runs away. Each single grain that falls from your hand, like time, can never be regained. Time, like the grain of sand can be blown away with the smallest breath. And the clutching hand with the precious sand, dreads the last grain.
Archived comments for A Grain Of Time.
stormwolf on 24-10-2015
A Grain Of Time.
A philosophic poem highlighting the inability any of us has to stop the clock. I do see that you have used repetition but I feel that it would maybe have been more effective to keep it to the first lines in eqach stanza and then to find synonymns for the rest.



that falls from your 'hand,'

like 'time', can never be regained.

Same in second stanza

I really do feel that would give it the polish it deserves.

example


Time, like grains of sand
the tighter you grasp
the faster it runs away.
Each single jot
that falls from your hand,
can likewise never be regained.

just for your consideration
Alison x

Author's Reply:
Thank you Alison, I appreciate your help. To be honest, I have never got this one right, I wrote it a few years ago and changed it a lot since but still don't really like it. I posted it here hoping I might have some feedback on how to improve it. I will re arrange as you suggest. Sue πŸ™‚ xx

stormwolf on 24-10-2015
A Grain Of Time.
Great. You have the concept you want to put across.
You have decided to do it in two stanzas which IMHO is perfect as you are using the second to highlight the truth of the first.
All you need to do is to make the meaning come across minus the repetition.
Discovering synonymns can really enhance a poem.

I am going over many of my old ones changing words here and there, looking for ways to say the same thing in a more powerful or neater way. It's honing a poem and it's really the best way to improve but again, I just go by how it feels or looks to me.

Alison x

Author's Reply:
I think perhaps because I have changed and re changed this so often with little or no improvement I have turned against it. I always seem to be doing exactly as you, going back over older poems and making a change here and there for the better, but this one just won't play ball at all. Having read your comments several times to really take them in, It has finally hit me, I need to remove the needle stuck in the groove! For some reason all I have done is change things round a bit, not really listened to what the poem has been trying to tell me all along. It's ironic really as I usually try so hard not to repeat any words at all if I can find another of the same meaning. I shall have a good re-write taking all your suggestions on board and if.. If, I can get it right I will submit it again. Many, many thanks Alison you have been a great help. Xx


If You Gave Him To Me. (posted on: 12-10-15)
~x~x~x~x~

This lovelorn life, if I could flee would you give my love to me. That I may stay if just one day within his world as four winds play. Or just one hour that I may sup, where his lip's, have touched the cup to taste of love that's carried long and drink the words he pours in song. If just one minute is all you give that's all the time I'd wish to live. I'd give to him my heart's last beat, my life's last breath lay at his feet.
Archived comments for If You Gave Him To Me.
stormwolf on 12-10-2015
If You Gave Him To Me.
Ah, such sweet yearning. I know the feeling well.
Alison x

Author's Reply:
You do? Not much fun is it! Appreciate you reading, and the comment, Thank you Alison. πŸ™‚ Sue x

Supratik on 13-10-2015
If You Gave Him To Me.
How poetic! I don't know if it'd be good enough to draw relevance to my Mom who said that every romantic poem or song had a spiritual connect too! Much enjoyed this poem Sue.

Best.

Supratik

Author's Reply:
Thank you, very much I am so glad you enjoyed it, I rather think your mum was right about spiritual connection. πŸ™‚ Sue.

Wordhoard on 13-10-2015
If You Gave Him To Me.
Beautifully written and poignant.

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much, so pleased you liked it. πŸ™‚ Sue.

pommer on 14-10-2015
If You Gave Him To Me.
Beautifully worded Sue, I could feel the longing,and that what a poem should do to the reader.Well done, Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much Peter, it is one from the heart. Although I was concerned it may be too ' full on ' as they say and wasn't too sure about submitting it. So I very much appreciate your comments. πŸ™‚ Sue. Xx


The Lark. (posted on: 09-10-15)
It's been so long now since larks filled the skies where I am, I miss them very much.

With sun dipped wing and feathers glossed, about the tumbled sky he's tossed. Climbing, climbing ever high, until in wandering eye he's lost. Now less a speck far side the cloud, this tiny life whose song falls loud.
Archived comments for The Lark.
Bozzz on 10-10-2015
The Lark.
Oh Sue, yes great - and how I love your lark and mine too. My talisman. He saved me from oblivion in 1978 - sang as I tried to climb into my car and got stuck - missed my plane that crashed on take off at Heathrow, killing all aboard. Thanks for the memory.....XXX...David

Author's Reply:
Oh my gosh David, reading your last sentence really took my breath away, you were certainly being looked after that day!
Thank you so much for reading, and commenting. I am pleased you enjoyed it, not too sure I'd want to be reminded of such a close shave by it though. Sue xxx

Wordhoard on 10-10-2015
The Lark.
Loved this, especially

With sun dipped wing
and feathers glossed,
about the tumbled sky

"dipped, glossed, tumbled" superbly placed

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much, it started off as something quite different, then sort of morphed into this, strange how they do that sometimes. So glad you enjoyed it πŸ™‚ Sue.


Eclipse. (posted on: 02-10-15)
While it's still ( just ) current, this is what came to mind while watching the eclipse.

Beneath the darkest, blackest sky where neither breath nor cloud deny. Such stars as I have never seen threw to earth a sabre'd sheen. As time and dust pass all too soon I cast my dream to a blood red moon.
Archived comments for Eclipse.
stormwolf on 03-10-2015
Eclipse.
Lovely! Has a feeling of the arcane about it. Well captured.

Alison x

Author's Reply:
Thank you Alison, it was an amazing sight, and it did indeed feel arcane I am pleased you felt it in the poem. Sue xx

Mikeverdi on 04-10-2015
Eclipse.
Beautiful.
Mike XxX

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike, It's good to hear from you, I've missed you. Thank you for reading and commenting on this I'm so glad you think
It's beautiful, it was indeed a magical sight I have never seen stars like that before. Sue xxx


Autumnal Thoughts. (posted on: 28-09-15)
My family are all posties, this was inspired by my daughter's hatred of those brown chubby 'autumn spiders' that love spinning webs across any entrance where they cannot be easily seen just to catch and stick, to the unwary posties face or hair.

Hips and haws, and berried hedges, tumbled leaves on window ledges. Spiders round and tiger bright weaving webs by dark of night catch unwary postman calling, to their feet all letters falling. Spangled grass of footfall printing, holding dew and sun's first glinting. Drifting scent of bonfires burning holding dreams, nostalgic yearning. Colder night's and sun dipped days turn all thoughts to winter ways of sparking hearth, and fireside teas toasting fork and plates on knees.
Archived comments for Autumnal Thoughts.
pommer on 29-09-2015
Autumnal Thoughts.
A wonderful description Sue, Peter.

Author's Reply:
Hi Peter, thank you, wish I hadn't mentioned fires and toasting forks though, really fancy some hot buttered toast now πŸ™‚ Sue.


Autumn Notes. (posted on: 21-09-15)
A few of the things that took my eye within a few feet along a headgerow.

Each bank and bough are fulsome blessed, upon September's tide. In every nestled blanket green bright jewels of autumn hide. Where brown of wing in polka'd dance, two summer spirits twine. And tumbled still, in disarray late winks the bramble's shine. With painted nails, and empty hands the hip's now show their thorns, and summer's kiss is carried down upon the leaves that mourn.
Archived comments for Autumn Notes.
Kipper on 21-09-2015
Autumn Notes.
Hello Sue
It's hard to speak of autumn in a new way. Most of us try I think but finding a way to say what has been said so many times before is a challenge.
With this poem I think you have found that illusive new way, avoiding the clichΓ©'s and seeing with new eyes. (Dam! I think I just used a clichΓ©. They are elusive little critters - not always easy to spot.)
A quiet and pleasant read. Michael

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much Michael, I console myself remembering something I read somewhere, that there are so many poems, and so many readers no one has read them all so they are always new to someone. But as you mentioned I was hoping to make this one a change from the norm, but it drove me mad in the process, I have two versions now! So glad you read and commented, another persons opinion always helps see things more clearly. πŸ™‚ Sue.

Supratik on 24-09-2015
Autumn Notes.
I absolutely second Michael here. It has a unique way of looking at something that has been viewed many a times with a conventional glass. I especially liked the following lines:
"And tumbled still, in disarray
late winks the bramble's shine.
With painted nails, and empty hands
the hip's now show their thorns,
and summer's kiss is carried down
upon the leaves that mourn."

I did not understand why there should be an apostrophe with hips... maybe I am missing something... but thanks a bunch for sharing this beautiful poem. Best. Supratik

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much for reading this and for commenting, I'm never sure about pesky apostrophise I am always being picked up on them, every time I think I have got it right someone says I haven't, there's even a chain of thought saying they are no longer needed or relevant ( may go with that one hehe ) but I put it there because the hips had the empty hands and painted nails and they personally were showing me something, and the grammar book said the apostrophe is there if the word 'owns' something, but if I am wrong I can easily delete it ( done it often enough lol ) I will double check anyway :-)) I am glad you liked it, as you and Michael say it's hard to find a new way of writing about such a beautiful time of year. Sue xx


This Day. (posted on: 14-09-15)
~#~#~#~

Oh my love, come, walk with me, the deepening woods do call. Let the dust of sunbeams play upon our hearts this day. See how they beckon, invite us there, lay moss beneath our feet. Kick off your shoes, let fall your cares, come, dream with me this day
Archived comments for This Day.
Weefatfella on 14-09-2015
This Day.
 photo c673dadc-2d28-4407-9a21-a191bcf6d656_zpsp2y54f3y.jpg

A lovely emotive piece.
Weefatfella.


Author's Reply:
Thank you very much, it was such a lovely day, just right for a walk and this popped into my mind.:-)

pommer on 14-09-2015
This Day.
Hi Sue, a lovely emotional piece of poetry. Be licky, Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
Thank you Peter, Autumn is a good month for walking, so pretty.xx

sweetwater on 15-09-2015
This Day.
Thank you very much for the unexpected, but greatly appreciated nib. Sue xx

Author's Reply:

Ionicus on 15-09-2015
This Day.
A short and sweet romantic poem, pleasant to the ear.
Luigi x

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much Luigi πŸ™‚ Sue x

MrMarmite on 15-09-2015
This Day.
Hi Sue. Nice poem as usual on the beauty of nature.I love walking myself but round here it's all motorbikes and travelers taking over any land,so peaceful rambles are sometimes out of the question. By the way look out on Friday for the snooker poem I've done for you !Cheers: Kev.

Author's Reply:
Hi Kev, you have written a snooker poem for me? That's so kind, I'll be looking forward to reading it, thank you. :-)) Most of my poems come from the small but fairly wild park right behind my house, but like where you are it can get busy, it was rarely used by anyone but me then the council decided to put a wide path straight through it and now it's a cut through, for every Tom, Dick and Harry. So annoying, especially when one is trying to get something on paper ( or recorded on phone. ) Thank you for reading and commenting on this poem, it's much appreciated. Sue xx

Bozzz on 16-09-2015
This Day.
Sue the sweetness that tumbles from your pen is inexhaustible. Sadly I am at the other end of the spectrum, but 'chacun.....' It does not stop me from admiring your pieces. Yours, David

Author's Reply:
Thank you David, how dull would it become if we all wrote from the same spectrum edge. I think sweetness needs to be balanced by sharper words, I may not always understand a poem, or agree with the sentiments but if I like it, I like it as you do. And I am so glad you like this one of mine, and very much appreciate you commenting on it. Thank you. Sue xx.

shadow on 17-09-2015
This Day.
You make it sound so inviting - only wish I could. Very evocative.

Author's Reply:
Hi shadow, thank you so much for reading and commenting, if it wasn't just imagination you would be welcome. πŸ™‚ Sue.

Kipper on 17-09-2015
This Day.
Hi Sue,
It's my fault! I'm far too late and others have said it all.
Very short, very sweet, and very nice.
Michael
PS I'm looking forward to the snooker poem as well!

Author's Reply:
Hi Michael, I am happy you read and commented, either first or last, I really appreciate it, thank you. Another snooker fan, brilliant, :-)) Sue x


Joyous. (posted on: 11-09-15)
Couldnt help this one emerging, it was indeed a joyous morning. I have written it to be read in a breathless joyful way.

Oh welcome, welcome, all you glorious colours that fall upon my way, spark the palette gay, to lay below the crane fly's dance and chance upon small globes of grey, dusted neath the trees in dew, there greet this painted day brand new. Oh how can I or you, deny, this joyous day does bless the eye.
Archived comments for Joyous.
Weefatfella on 11-09-2015
Joyous.
Aye, when the big man gets his brushes out there is no finer art than his. When someone appreciates his efforts that is the greater art.

Weefatfella.

Author's Reply:
Hi, thank you for reading, much appreciated, He did indeed get His brushes out that day, and I hope, appreciated by many more than just me. πŸ™‚ Sue.

MrMarmite on 12-09-2015
Joyous.
Hi. Smashing words Sue and well described at the joy of nature.Autumn's on the way and I love it and there's so much going on that it inspires poems and stories too.Nice one !

Author's Reply:
Hi, Spring and Autumn are the two most inspiring seasons to my mind, I never tire of writing about them, or reading about them. Thank you so much for commenting, and for the most unexpected rating. πŸ™‚ Sue.

Supratik on 13-09-2015
Joyous.
I love the hues that creates the poem. Well done! And yes... I have read this three times, as of now... the last two times in a 'breathless joyful way'. Best. Supratik

Author's Reply:
Haha, I didn't intend to sound bossy with the instruction, it was a case of emotion over head, sort of 'Oh wow wonderful day, oh those colours, oh look mushrooms under the tree oh and against the dew..so lovely' You get my drift, total nutcase! The dog thought so anyway. All the gorgeousness of autumn hit at once and overtook me, and that's how I wrote it, breathless and joyful :-)) Thank you for reading three times that's a great compliment and I appreciate it very much. Sue x


No Less A Love. (posted on: 07-09-15)
Love cannot always be neatly boxed.

Oft heard, are words of pure disdain, as echoes hold that sad refrain for what I feel is yet untrue to there deny this want of you. A love no more than wasted time to have no right, he is not mine such public face to light a stage, and well penned words upon the page. Yet love may fall where'ere it may bid a heart to come, and stay no less a love that steals this mind, than any love this life shall find.
Archived comments for No Less A Love.
chant_z on 08-09-2015
No Less A Love.
A bit longer than what I'm used to but nevertheless flawless in a kind of simplicity that I wish I could do myself at times. Great piece.

Author's Reply:
Thank you, I was going for an old fashioned romantic feel, in simple form as a change from my last few more complex ones.
Sue πŸ™‚

Kipper on 09-09-2015
No Less A Love.
Hi Sue,
I've come back for a second read of this poem (third actually) as I could not quite get the feel of it first time round.
It is surly the expression of anguish for an impossible love affair. Perhaps someone not free (or willing) to make a total commitment.
There is clearly a pulling of the heart strings but I'm still not quite sure. Is it the other person who is holding back, or is it you?
On the other hand I may be way off the mark; Michael


Author's Reply:
Hi Michael, thank you for sticking with it πŸ™‚ you are certainly not way off the mark, I'll try to explain without boring you, but I am afraid you may find it rather silly and pathetic, as apparently everyone else does. Yes it is an expression of anguish, this person I fell for ( and I mean really fell, a once in a lifetime fall ) over 43 years ago , he was 26 just about to become a world famous singer/musician, hence the 'public face /stage' and 'penned words on page' ( online info ) the only way I can know how his life is going if he's happy etc., He's celebrating his 70th birthday with a concert in October, which I will be at. Our lives have run along parallel paths, same likes, dislikes, interests and concerns, of course his life is at the top of the mountain and mine on the pebbles beneath, but my feelings have never lessened, as they say it gets stronger every day, and he's been my inspiration since the first day. The words of disdain come from my family who consider me nothing more than another stupid fan simply mooning about over a singer, and I am way too old to be doing that! But as I said you can't choose who you fall in love with and if nothing else he has given me the experience of a lifetime of a powerful emotion I have never experienced for anyone else, and I have been married and divorced twice during that time. I apologise for the length of this, and how silly it must seem to you, but I wanted to explain the poem. Sue.

Kipper on 09-09-2015
No Less A Love.
Hello Sue, In explaining this poem you also given us a potted version of your life. Very brave of you. Although I am tempted to wish you better for the future I sussect that despite the frustrations of love unrequited, you would not change it.
Nevertheless I do wish you well for the future and look forward to reading more of your poems.
Best regards, Michael
PS I hope you enjoy the concert!

Author's Reply:
Thank you Michael, you are very kind, I don't often go into things this openly, and you are right I would not change it for anything, he's given me so much. At his last concert in May, I was only feet from him and at one point he was in front of me so close I could see the lights reflected in his eye, then he looked straight at me, actually looked right at me and held my gaze for so long that had it been anyone else I'd have looked away embarrassed, but obviously I didn't, I couldn't ( rabbit in headlights comes to mind ) and I didn't want to and it felt as if he were seeing everything I feel for him. To have our eyes held together like that well I had won the lottery! Of course I wrote a poem celebrating the event πŸ™‚ and yes, I know I will enjoy this next one, but I don't expect such a wonderous happening again. Thank you again, Sue.


Dodgy Ground. (posted on: 17-08-15)
Just had to get it off my chest!

Yes, I heard you loud and clear you've made it very plain, It's yet another bright red tick on this failure list I've gained. But....beware the nicks and tiny pin pricks, the unsheathed sly attack. For very soon you'll find the straw that breaks this camel's back.
Archived comments for Dodgy Ground.
Mikeverdi on 17-08-2015
Dodgy Ground.
Oh dear....I hope this is a memory Sue. I love the tone of this. As you've read my auto, you may recall my second wife...this could be me to her. Excellent, hope you feel better for it πŸ™‚
Mike

Author's Reply:
Sadly no it's not a memory, more a weekly occurrence! Every time my daughter's two young children drive her round the bend you can guarantee I get it in the neck for never baby sitting ( it's always these ' undercover ' remarks ) and I'm getting sick of it as I am a very frequent sitter, especially at short notice! Perhaps I could divorce her like you were able to do with your ex wife, no? shame πŸ™ but yes, I do feel better for the rant πŸ™‚ Many thanks Mike. Sue xx

Bozzz on 18-08-2015
Dodgy Ground.
I am shuddering to think what your ire may produce - I have enjoyed the mostly love and roses so far!. Tut Tut Sue, steady at the helm. XXX David

Author's Reply:
Hehe, sadly I'm a peace lover and can't carry confrontation through (darn it ) also this is aimed at my daughter, and no one argues with her! Even as a small child she could out reason me in any disagreement. So there's no need for you to shudder anymore as I will go steady as you advise πŸ™‚ I very much enjoyed your comment David, Thank you for making me smile Sue xx

deadpoet on 20-08-2015
Dodgy Ground.
Oh Golly Sue-glad the rant helped- I could feel the anger. I never let my son drag me around by his own desire- I have become very good at saying No to him. I have a life too- I remind him whenever I feel he is too much. I don't babysit unless I really feel like and it fits into my life. On the other hand I would never say to my kids when they were expecting their children - that i didn't want to be a grandma- like my Mother said to me. I never forgave her for that.
Loved the words you picked to express your anger- they fitted so well.
Pia

Author's Reply:
Thank you Pia, I love my children and grandchildren to bits, I have been minding the two older ones 10 and 7 most of the school holidays for my daughter Sarah,as she needs my help then. They are fine. I have a knee replacement and need the other one done, plus the arthritis is in most of my joints so I have difficulty on bad days getting out of a chair, no way could I have a 3yr old and a 10 month old ( weighing in at 2stone! ) on the spur of the moment and running rings around me, Koby is a demolition expert if not watched every second! Melanie above in poem doesn't take this into account and thinks I am just being a bad grandma and mean, I have never refused to help out and I have usually only just had them, but then I get the digs and veiled moans which really hurt. So I just had to put it all down in a poem. I am not maternal and my kids have always known I didn't want to be a grandma right from their first date! I am so pleased you think so well of my poem, and I admire the way you handle your baby sitting responsibilities. Many thanks πŸ™‚ Sue xx


Little Eyes. (posted on: 14-08-15)
A day out last Sunday to Warwick castle with my family, I wrote this for my grandchildren Koby 3yrs, and Ellie 10 months. The ' water mountain ' is what Koby saw instead of a fountain. I couldn't let that imagery slip past.

Upon the greensward galloping by a clash of swords, and battle cry. Sweet Avon chuckles by the weir, cast's her song for all to hear while little eyes gaze through the pane to know the time before this reign. A water mountain sees the rose in gardens where the peacock goes. Great battlements bear birds of pray, who's mighty wings shall sweep away. Those tired legs, and little eyes that lived a day in time's disguise.
Archived comments for Little Eyes.
Mikeverdi on 14-08-2015
Little Eyes.
Its a great idea Sue, maybe a little tweak πŸ™‚



I went to that Castle a few years back, bloody brilliant.

Mike

XxX

Sent you a PM πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Any pointers Mike, I've re read several times but I cannot see where you mean, unless you think a prune is necessary? Will look again, many thanks πŸ™‚ Sue xx

deadpoet on 20-08-2015
Little Eyes.
I remember you telling about your grandson's small wonderful sayings- Great you are quoting him- priceless words.
lovely poem.
Pia

Author's Reply:
Sorry Pia I have only just seen your comment. He is very wildlife and nature orientated and does seem to have a way with language, so I try to capture his more unusual words when I can. He is still talking about the Knights jousting so the day made an impression on him. Thank you so much for reading and commenting on this poem. Sue xx


Velvet Paws. (posted on: 10-08-15)
The other side of the foxy coin.

He walks in stealth on velvet paws when shadows hide the moon. ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ Where circling round your chicken run, you'll think he killed them just for fun. For kill he does come dark of night but not with any thought of spite, yet with a desperate sense of need he has his growing cubs to feed, he needs to kill to bind the flight so they'll have food another night. Secure your run, protect their pen then clever fox can't take your hen. For moonlit nights will show your flaws to stealthy fox on velvet paws, and he will walk the shadows soon as star led nights reveal the moon.
Archived comments for Velvet Paws.
pommer on 10-08-2015
Velvet Paws.
Great, I really liked the description of the prowling predator.My daughter used to keep chickens, until the fox killed all six of them twice.A good poem ,Sue, Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
I always wondered why the fox killed them all untill it was explained by a wildlife chap, but it's obvious once you know why. He can only carry one back at a time and the others may escape, so it's a basic fox method of stock control, kill them all, they won't go anywhere, and that bits done, then on his next visit he only needs to grab a carcass and run. simple. Thank you for reading and commenting, appreciate the rating too. Sue πŸ™‚

Mikeverdi on 11-08-2015
Velvet Paws.
Love the first two lines, liked the rest as well πŸ™‚

The poem itself rhymes well, (as with all your work) I just think the first lines are better than the whole poem if that doesn't sound rude. It could have been a Vampire or Werewolf HaHa! Shades of E.A.Poe even.
Mike
XxX

Author's Reply:
Haha Mike, I think I outdid myself with those two first lines, downhill from there πŸ™‚ tried to balance it with the last four. Don't joke about vampires and werewolves, they are what I know for sure crack the twigs and rustle through the bushes in the copse at the end of my garden when it's dark, and I am late putting out the fox/ badger food lol :-/ especially now the security light doesn't work! I may steal those two first lines to use for Halloween now you have mentioned Poe, I loved his books. Many thanks Sue xx

deadpoet on 11-08-2015
Velvet Paws.
This is just how I imagine a fox operates. Sly as they are πŸ™‚
Very good Sue..
xx

Author's Reply:
I guess they have to be sly to survive, although when you see the ones round here lying happily on my neighbours lawn waiting for their tea to be brought out, you'd forget the sly bit. πŸ™‚ Many thanks for reading and also commenting Pia, Sue xxx


Unread. (posted on: 10-08-15)
My family have no interest in my poetry, won't read any or even look at them, but their interest would mean everything.

Scattered petals wrapped in ink guided to the written word . When naked in expression's pose are bound in time to go unheard. Unknown, those words now cast away from pen to page shall fall. The eyes of those who hold the key have yet no sight to read at all.
Archived comments for Unread.
Mikeverdi on 10-08-2015
Unread.
Oh Sue, I can feel the pain. So sad that they show no interest. I know you've mentioned it before, just not as eloquently.
Mike

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike, I can't deny that it does cut deep, I feel I have finally achieved something in a realm that is very important to me and would love to share it with them, and maybe they would be proud of me. But it's pointless trying to force someone to like something they don't for ones own benefit.
Thank you Mike for your understanding and sympathetic comment, it's very much appreciated. Sue xx

pommer on 10-08-2015
Unread.
Dear Sue,
I am so sad that no one in the family takes any interest.I feel really privileged that my lot show some interest in Granddad's scribbling.However, having said that Sue, rest assured that some of us will always take an interest in your fine work.Regard us all as part of your family,after all, we seem to be a family of like minded people. Be lucky, Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
I am sure they are very proud to have such a talented writer for their Granddad.
I may have the last laugh though, my 3yr old grandson Koby, comes out with some imaginative phrases, he turned to me and said " nanny look at that fairy, just floating by" not only was that an unusual way of saying there's a seed fairy, but the inflection in his voice was poetic. He called a fountain a ' water mountain' so he's already seeing the mundane as something more, I said to my daughter I've passed my family's genes on, she wasn't impressed! So you never know I may get my own back haha. I really appreciate your kind comments Peter, and it if wasn't for all the lovely people on this site who have been so helpful and encouraging I certainly would not have improved my writing and confidence to where I am now. :-)) Sue xx

bo_duke99 on 11-08-2015
Unread.
same here, go figure, but poems rock so we get that

Author's Reply:
Yes they really do rock, and you can find them in anything. The ability to get ithem onto the paper in a way the writer is happy with is the main thing. Many thanks bo_duke99 Sue.

chant_z on 11-08-2015
Unread.
I'm getting used to these succinct and efficient pieces. Great stuff!

Author's Reply:
Thank you chant_z they do seem to have taken me over at the moment, although I do have all sorts on here, the shorter ones can often say it better. πŸ™‚ Sue.

deadpoet on 11-08-2015
Unread.
All the more reason to put them down into a book of sorts Sue- because your family will regret it I know and it will be too late if they aren't saved somehow and can/will be read by them! Believe me! They will read them!
Your grandson sounds like he has a very creative imagination. He sounds wonderful! Don't forget to write his small nuggets down so he also can read them when he grows older! (and starts to read! πŸ™‚
I am loving your efforts. They are very lovely even though some of them are sad- you still write them beautifully-

Pia xx

Author's Reply:
Pia you are so kind, you have way more faith in my family than I do! πŸ™‚ I have hopes my grandson may carry on the poetic vibe, ( my dad was a great poetry reader, as far as I know he didn't write them though ) From only months old Koby had a feeling for the natural world. Your idea about writing down the unusual things he says is brilliant I hadn't thought of that. I greatly appreciate this lovely comment, and am really pleased you think I write beautifully, a real boost to my confidence, thank you so much. Sue xxx.

Supratik on 12-08-2015
Unread.
Sue! You have represented the whole fraternity in those poignant lines. Excellent. But hey, keep writing anyway. Writing is what matters, Everything else is of less relevance. Accept my cyber-hugs please. Yours, Supratik

Author's Reply:
Cyber-hugs accepted and appreciated πŸ™‚ Its strange I've written most of my life, but only in a small way, circumstances etc., With no interest or support from anyone, then suddenly the internet opened up so much, now lots of people read my work, and enjoy it, and like yourself have praised it, some have now asked me to put a book together! wow it's more than I ever dreamed of. But with nothing from my family I am still that silent voice that mustn't use the 'P' word, still full of self doubt and dare I say, shame over what I put on paper when I am with them. But being on here with other like minded souls, chatting and being free and understood is the absolute best, and has given me so much confidence in myself. So to you and everyone else who have been so supportive a huge Thank you! :-)) Sue.

MrMarmite on 15-08-2015
Unread.
Hi Sue.Your family are missing out as you write so well and from the heart,so it's their loss at the end of the day.There isn't a little bit of jealousy lurking is there,or who does she think she is type of thing ? I say that as when I started to write after years of not doing anything creative,I got sarcastic comments and things said behind my back,and even now still get them from people who are ignorant and not worth bothering about.But luckily my son and sister and friends encourage me, and I've even got a few customers on my window cleaning round who keep cuttings of my poetry and football articles that feature in our local paper in scrapbooks,which give me such a boost !
My mum passed away years before I started writing stuff but I know she would be proud as punch to see me keeping going etc if she was around today,as she had to witness me in and out of prison and going downhill,but my dad lived long enough to read poems and articles I'd written and loved to tell his mates in the pub how pleased he was I'd finally got my act together and doing something positive.So really all that matters Sue is that you keep writing and maybe one day they'll see they've got a talented writer in the family,and give you the encouragement and respect you deserve,but if they don't as others have said you've always got us !

Author's Reply:
I am so sorry I have only just seen your comment. How kind you are to put so much time and thought into this comment, I really do appreciate it. No it's not jealousy they've always known I write, not to this extent as there wasn't the opportunity but they have never been interested. To my younger daughter( although she's slightly better than my older one about my poetry) whatever I am interested in or concerned about is treated with derision by her, the environment, too much land going under concrete, etc etc. I am just put down and laughed at, and she is now 31, so an adult. I am so glad your parents could be proud of you, ( I don't think mine were ever proud of me but that's beside the point ) you have done marvellously well to overcome such a bad period of your life, no wonder they could be so proud of their son.
It sounds as if you are becoming a local celebrity, that must be a rewarding experience. I can't imagine my family ever being interested in, or reading my poetry, maybe they don't want to see ' me the real person' only me the 'mum'. I don't know. But it's people like yourself on here who are interested and encouraging that make up for their lack of interest, and make such a huge difference to me, So a BIG THANK YOU, for your lovely comment. :-)) Sue xx.


And So It Goes On. (posted on: 07-08-15)
When love is not returned, an observation.

Spinning, always spinning a circular rotation. Convolutions in a mirage of unrequited expectation. Dancing on a rainbow in coloured revelation, soaring to the heavens descend to desolation. Image turns upon the top no limits or cessation. The turning unforgiving no succour or salvation.
Archived comments for And So It Goes On.
Supratik on 07-08-2015
And So It Goes On.
Reading the poem gives a spinning sensation thanks to the most effective placement of words. Best. Supratik

Author's Reply:
This one just spun through my mind so to speak, I was thinking about the unrequited love thing and the words arrived. I am pleased you think they are well placed, and appreciate your comments thank you. Sue.

Bozzz on 09-08-2015
And So It Goes On.
Sue, your poems are the the epitome of rhyming excellence - make it seem like a doddle - but you and I know it is hard work pushing things to perfection....David

Author's Reply:
Hi David, So sorry for late reply, only just got in. This comment is a huge compliment to me, and I am very grateful to you, thank you very much. πŸ™‚ Sue.xx

Mikeverdi on 09-08-2015
And So It Goes On.
I agree the rhyme is complete, as is the circle. Another great effort Sue.
Mike

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike apologies for late reply, been out all day at Warwick castle with family. So glad you enjoyed reading it, and liked the rhyming, I was lucky there were a lot of rhyming words which suited my purpose, doesn't always happen as I expect you know. Thank you for reading and commenting on it. Sue xx


A Summer Evening. (posted on: 03-08-15)
Just lately a typical summer.

Night falls early today: Windswept branches roam the horizon, leaping and breaking like wild sea foam. Rain, blind behind the drear hit's with a heavy hand yet holds a spark, glinting silver upon the green. Reflecting too, a golden thread cast from lamps in amber, near.
Archived comments for A Summer Evening.
deadpoet on 04-08-2015
A Summer Evening.
Beautiful Sue- what is a drear, please?


Author's Reply:
Thank you, so glad you enjoyed it. As for drear I asked myself the same question when it popped into my head, so I looked it up in several dictionaries just to be sure, and basically it means dismal, gloomy, dusk like. I can't remember reading it anywhere before, but as is the way with these things, I was reading a new poetry book I bought yesterday ( Best loved poems) and it was in an old poem from last century. I must have heard it then lol.
Another thank you too for the rating, it's much appreciated. :-)) Sue.

chant_z on 06-08-2015
A Summer Evening.
I can relate to the "drear" thing ... πŸ™‚ As beautiful as it's short. Goes to say that you needn't do it very long to pull a suggestive meaning across. Thanks!

Author's Reply:
Hi, Thank you, That's a very kind comment, and much appreciated :-)) Sue.


Fox. (posted on: 03-08-15)
A late night friend visits.

You visit me on comely paws when shades of night befall the moon, if, catching sight in quickening eye my breath held wonder you discern, no panicked turn to freedom, fly to steal away in stealth once more for sighting me calls no concern. Then prick of ear and all too soon to darkling shadows you return.
Archived comments for Fox.
Bozzz on 03-08-2015
Fox.
The urban fox has soon learned not to fear us, we have long legs, but no stamina and he is always close to cover. Your poem has lovely and loving touches. Well done again Sue....Yours David

Author's Reply:
Thank you David, I am very fond of our foxes they all seem to be living happily in harmony with the neighbours. It gets pretty busy after dark when they and the badgers are out and about together. πŸ™‚ Sue x

pommer on 03-08-2015
Fox.
Thank you Sue for sharing. I had a fox visit me regularly when I was working in my garden in Cornwall.We became friends,and he was so lovely to see lying in the sun.However, he soon went if anyone else came in the garden.Well done Sue, be lucky, Peter.

Author's Reply:
A much appreciated comment Peter, thank you. Your friendly fox sounds lovely I am quite envious. I had a small female who was happy to doze by my washing line pole quite a few years ago now, I fed her and called her lady, but then she didn't come as often, then not at all. I always worry what happened to her, I know it's silly but I still look out for her. All the best, Sue xx

sweetwater on 03-08-2015
Fox.
Was not expecting a nib, thank you so much :-)) Sue xx


Author's Reply:

Mikeverdi on 04-08-2015
Fox.
Walking with dogs I don't get to see them as much, I can smell them though... and so can the dogs HaHa!.
Mike

Author's Reply:
I expect where you are there are so many more than here, occasionally there is a whiff of fox on the air, but nothing too bad, even when they are sitting on the lawn opposite, or in my garden you can't smell anything. Harvey, my spaniel certainly doesn't but then if I throw a small dog treat to get him running about I have to direct left, right, no over there! ( a bit like ' The golden shot ) so embarrassing! Many thanks for reading and commenting Mike. Sue xx

deadpoet on 04-08-2015
Fox.
I like foxes too- one came into my garden the other day but was in no hurry to leave- he/she wasn't afraid of me. It was a very beautiful specimen. In the past when I commuted to the capital you would see many foxes lying in the sun on the slopes along the railway tracks. They don't do that any more. I don't know why?
Lovely poem with your usual gentle touch.
Pia πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Oh my gosh Pia, I have just read your comment and you have given me a 10! Thank you so much, you've made my day. I think perhaps foxes aren't quite so obvious in public places now because people are less tolerant of them, due to bad press etc., and older kids seem to find a sadistic enjoyment in causing pain or fear to other creatures, especially in the world of dog fighting. I was in the park by my house the other day and was dismayed to hear two young women with a little girl urge their two staffies into the bushes to 'go get the cats' and as there were quite likely to be cats in there ( we're near farmland with feral ones ) I went the other way just in case there was a mass slaughter!
I'm so pleased you liked the poem, thank you again for your kind comment and rating Sue XX.

Pronto on 05-08-2015
Fox.
I used to have one living on a bit of spare land behind my house. It caused no bother and I liked to see him sneaking over to the bins behind a nearby hotel for it's supper.
Beautiful poem well deserving of a nib!

Author's Reply:
Thank you, that's very kind of you, I certainly wasn't expecting a nib, but very happy to get one. Thank you too for your rating, it's much appreciated. It's so nice to hear everyone's favourable comments on their foxes, they certainly don't deserve the bad press they always get. I was listening to an expert in their baviour he was explaining that when they get into a chicken run and kill every hen its not a game the fox is playing , it's a for a serious reason, they never know where their next meal is coming from, so logic tells them that if they kill all the hens they cannot go anywhere so the food supply is secured for several days. Of course the hens are removed before they can come back for them, so consequently they go for more hens in another run. It makes sense once you know. Thank you again for your comments πŸ™‚ Sue.

gwirionedd on 06-08-2015
Fox.
You're a fox fan too, then?

They're beautiful creatures, aren't they? They make a very odd noise when they're making love, but they're beautiful nonetheless. And getting tamer and tamer all the time. It's astonishing how close they'll come to us nowadays. They'll be our pets soon, I'm sure.




Author's Reply:
Oh yes I'm a fox fan πŸ™‚ I always get pleasures from seeing them, we have a lovely badger that I also feed. I managed to take a quick photo of him/ her running off with a digestive biscuit in his/her mouth, looked so cute. The wildlife sanctuary I support had a rescued fox called Misty, she went round schools with Graham when he gave his wildlife talks, everyone loved her.
Many thanks for reading and commenting Sue xx

MrMarmite on 06-08-2015
Fox.
Hi Sue.My favourite wild animal by far but then again they have become less feral now and have become urban and common.
In fact I was walking to a pub just a fortnight ago and a fox calmly crossed the road a few yards in front of me,and looked at me and went behind a shop nearby which has bins etc.I thought I'm going for a drink while the fox is searching for something to eat so our way of life isn't that different is it ? Smashing poem by the way. Kev.

Author's Reply:
Yes they have become pretty common now, I am lucky here we are semi rural, having once been open country. They have left most of the original hedgerows and old trees, although we have lost many creatures that were also common here, we still have the foxes and badgers in their normal environment, they don't hang around the bins, well wheelie ones aren't much good to them!
If the fox was going for food while you were going for a drink maybe it won't be long until he joins you :-)) Thank you for the 'smashing poem' comment, and the unexpected rating Kev, you're very kind. Sue xx.


Nature's Game. (posted on: 27-07-15)
The title gives it away πŸ™‚

Blind to eye, in silence falls no brush upon the leaves, there lie within a silent pool as brightening sky deceives. No polished green to give away or kiss upon the pane. Nature plays her game this day as softly fell the rain.
Archived comments for Nature's Game.
Yutka on 27-07-2015
Natures Game.
very calming, very peaceful...I especially like the last two lines:

Nature plays her game this day
as softly fell the rain.

Youth πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Thank you I am glad the feeling I was going for came across, the rain was so soft it had no impact on anything, not even causing a ripple on the birds water. So pleased you commented on the poem. πŸ™‚ Sue.

Mikeverdi on 28-07-2015
Natures Game.
I see a book of poetry all about your world,lots of beautiful pictures to match your words. I think it would sell πŸ™‚
Mike
XxX

Author's Reply:
You are very kind Mike, I would love to do a book, I think it could be a lovely thing to read ( so sorry that sounds terribly big headed ) given the right pictures, thanks to you I have so much more confidence in my work now, but all that internet publishing stuff sails way over my head, I would not have the first idea of how to do it. Having said that I will look into it though. Your comments have made my day, thank you Mike :-)) Sue xxx

chant_z on 29-07-2015
Natures Game.
Beautiful piece.Short and succinct. This one is no exception to other things I've read in a simlar fashion. It's obvious that one can do wonders with just a few lines.

Author's Reply:
Hi chant_z , thank you very much for your kind comments, although I have to admit I am a little confused ( doesn't take much! ) I am not quite sure whether you liked it or not. When you said it's no exception to other similar pieces you have read I wasn't sure if you meant it was very ordinary and a bit 'samey' or if I am misunderstanding your meaning? But you have also complimented me too so I am very grateful and pleased you read it. Thank you πŸ™‚ Sue.

deadpoet on 29-07-2015
Natures Game.
Nature is a kind topic to depict and you are very very good at it Sue- you have your own mark. I agree with Mike- a book with your nature poetry would sell well. I don't mind the soft rain you describe - but the rain we have been having for weeks gets on my nerves and depresses me- hardly any sunshine- and it's supposed to be Summer- this is the down-side of nature I think- and we can do nought about it! Sorry πŸ™‚ anyway love your poem.

Pia

Author's Reply:
Thank you Pia I really appreciate you thinking I am very, very good at nature poems, you have really made my day. Since Mike mentioned a book which completely amazed me to be honest, I have given it a lot of thought, but I have absolutly no idea where to start on that, over several years many, many years ago now I had quite a lot chosen to go into books the so called Vanity press published. But other than that I'm stumped!
It's been cold here and pretty wet, but I'm lucky being surrounded by greenery any weather is okay by me. Thank you so much for such a lovely comment πŸ™‚ Sue xx

Bozzz on 29-07-2015
Natures Game.
I agree about your book possibility. Your delightful short jewels would be ideal to lighten London tube journeys - Edgware to Morden. The train company should publish it for you - worth a go with them. ...David

Author's Reply:
Thank you David, you have given me food for thought here, light reading on a tedious journey is a good idea, bringing a bit of nature into the bustle and rush of London journeys may be very acceptable to people. I will seriously make enquiries.
If I don't try I will never know! Very grateful for your idea. Sue xx

deadpoet on 29-07-2015
Natures Game.
think Bozzz idea is good too- or London Town council-
you can self-publish- here is one link I am familiar with. We had last year's Gold Dust calendar published there. They print as you order I think. You might think they're expensive. You can make an e-book- I don't think that costs anything- not sure- but some give away downloads for free and later take a symbolic amount for downloading it!
But first you have to collect all the poems you want to publish- edit them carefully etc. But take a look at Lulu- they have lots of tips. Or hunt around on the internet under self-publishing.

[url] https://www.lulu.com/[/url]
here's the link- if it doesn't work just copy it into your browser.


Author's Reply:
If I could find someone to whom I could send a collection of poems and they do the sorting through, printing / publishing etc., ( for a fee ) now that would by my ideal lol! I will certainly try your link and also look at Lulu and the various internet sites. Thank you Pia for so much helpful info. Sue xx.

ValDohren on 30-07-2015
Natures Game.
Another lovely little nature rendition from you Sue. Very imaginative.
Val xx

Author's Reply:
Thank you Val, much appreciated πŸ™‚ Sue xx


The Troubadour. (posted on: 27-07-15)
I was listening to an interview with a famous muscian, he was talking about growing up in the 50's and what made him who he is, and this came to mind, it sounded a romantic life which is where the 'my love' came from.

My love he walks beneath the moon to follow stars across the plains, his future cast from times long past wrought in nature's beating pulse. Each breath and breeze will call to him, and he will weave for you, a dream. Atop a mountain, arms upraised he plucks some stardust from the skies; to place within his poet's pen, where truth and beauty coil in rhyme.
Archived comments for The Troubadour.
Mikeverdi on 28-07-2015
The Troubadour.
One for your book, I loved it Sue.
Mike

Author's Reply:
Noted Mike, will include πŸ™‚ hehe, thank you, you may have realised ( or maybe not ) the poem was somewhat more personal to me than my intro suggested, so for that reason if a book were possible to include this would mean a great deal to me. I am really pleased you liked it so much. Sue xxx

deadpoet on 28-07-2015
The Troubadour.
I grew up in the 60's-70's and that left me a Revolutionary- I would puke at love songs- thinking them too soft. That has formed my life and sometimes I wish I had been more ignorant and fallen for the glossy romantic songs! But then waking up would have been hard.
Hats off to the dreamers. Congrats on your nib!
Pia xx

Author's Reply:
Hi Pia, I too hated love songs rock all the way for me. The person being interviewed is a true troubadour. Still touring the world, doesn't need to but still loves the life. Dylan's generation, protest songs, environment, nature and emotions, and so much more. It seemed such a romantic way of life, just roaming and singing. Thank you so much for commenting, and the congrats too, was not expecting a nib, but very pleased. Sue.xx.

pommer on 28-07-2015
The Troubadour.
A good read, liked it very much.as romantic as ever. Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
Thank you Peter, so pleased you enjoyed it. πŸ™‚ Sue. Xx

ValDohren on 28-07-2015
The Troubadour.
Beautiful poem Sue, lovely to read. Congrats on the well deserved nib.
Val xxx

Author's Reply:
Hi Val, thank you very much, really happy you enjoyed it, much appreciate the congrats on the nib, was not expecting to get one. πŸ™‚ Sue xx


Stars. (posted on: 24-07-15)
Just a quick write, wondering if it's overly juvenile.

Should stars of night glance from the sky, to see my love as he walks by, pray light his way with kindly eye, and all life's shadows, to decry.
Archived comments for Stars.
deadpoet on 24-07-2015
Stars.
I don't think it's juvenile- even if it was it doesn't matter, does it? No your word choice is definitely NOT a Hallmark card. Well done Sue- love it!

Pia xx

Author's Reply:
Thank you Pia I really appreciate you reading and commenting on this as I was hoping for a second opinion. I'm so glad you don't think its juvenile, I didn't at first then the thought hit me and I couldn't ignore it, as you say it doesn't really matter I guess as long as it has meaning. πŸ™‚ Sue xx

Mikeverdi on 24-07-2015
Stars.
Its simple, but what's wrong with that? I like simple, I also like your poetry πŸ™‚
Mike

Author's Reply:
Thank you Mike your comments always make me feel better about a work I am doubtful of. It's very good to know you like my poems too. πŸ™‚ Sue xxx

ValDohren on 24-07-2015
Stars.
It's short and very sweet Sue, just like you - well, I don't k ow about short but certainly sweet.
Val xx

Author's Reply:
Haha Val, spot on with short ( 5ft ) and the sweet is very kind of you πŸ™‚ Thank you your lovely comment is gratefully received. Sue xxx

gwirionedd on 25-07-2015
Stars.
Simple and concise, but not juvenile.

The only thing I'd lose would be the word "pray". A bit too Romeo and Juliet...



Author's Reply:

Bozzz on 26-07-2015
Stars.
I see in this the whole of our universe and a long lost soul meandering - I too would hope the myriad of stars would spare a glance. Love the poem...David

Author's Reply:


The Gate. (posted on: 20-07-15)
A mix of what I see now and a lost garden I found in countryside many years ago, which I loved. The first four lines are slightly pushed together as I wanted to give the feel of an overgrown secret hideaway.

Hidden beneath the old tree's shadow, lost between the hedgerow's reach, there stands a broken dark wood gate. Secretly seen, where damp leaves lie and leisured feet no longer go. Backdropped by a wooded knoll two stony tracks to lead below. Through the gate a garden hides not pressed upon the casual eye lawns and paths, with rampant rose. Where only nature's hand now guides: As scent drifts wasted, to the air.
Archived comments for The Gate.
Mikeverdi on 20-07-2015
The Gate.
This is wonderfully written Sue, I think it needs more. There is a story to tell, and this seems like the start. Maybe try and expand the feelings, the emotion that you felt, then and now.

Only me being difficult πŸ™‚
Mike XxX

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike, no you are not being difficult I posted on another site and was told the same thing! So I guess I should re look at it, but there really was no more I felt the need to say, I will give it some more thought though, and see what happens. Thank you Mike, I always appreciate your comments and ideas they are very helpful. πŸ™‚ Sue xx

pommer on 20-07-2015
The Gate.
A good write, agree with Mike, It could do with expanding, but even as it stands it appeals to me. Be lucky, Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
Many thanks Peter, I'm glad you liked it. I have been trying to think of more to add but don't know where to go with it really. Sue xx

deadpoet on 20-07-2015
The Gate.
A lot left to imagination I say- nothing quite like a secret garden- beautiful Sue- I haven't seen a secret garden since I was a little girl- around here everything is so built up- πŸ™

Pia

Author's Reply:
Hi Pia, leaving it to the imagination was how I saw the ending of the poem, as there really is no more to add. I found this garden while walking my dogs through a large clearing in the woodland where I used to live, and it had such a quiet atmosphere it drew me in every time, until the hedges grew across and I couldn't get in anymore. Yes everywhere is becoming so over- built now, it's heart breaking. Thank you for reading and commenting I really appreciate it. πŸ™‚ Sue x

Bozzz on 22-07-2015
The Gate.
Your natural poetic skill shines bright in this poem. In my view it is a little gem that stands on its own - the odour of precious privacy. Just great, Sue....Yours David

Author's Reply:
Thank you David, privacy is very hard to find, and very precious once found. I am so pleased you enjoyed this, and describing it as a little gem is a real compliment, and much appreciated. πŸ™‚ Sue.

ValDohren on 22-07-2015
The Gate.
Love this little poem Sue, I can just picture the beautiful scene you have painted here. There must be many such gardens which sadly we never see.
Val xx

Author's Reply:
Thank you πŸ™‚ It did seem a strange place for a garden but it was so different from the surrounding countryside it must have had a dwelling there sometime. I often wonder about it. Thank you for reading and commenting Val. Sue xx


You Ask For My Denial. (posted on: 17-07-15)
<~> <~> <~>

Now ask of Heaven give up the stars, or stars give up their moon. Waves deny the sceptre'd shore. And poet's, all their pens deplore. Will flames not die bereft of air, an ember fail it's one desire? Does warmth not chide the snowflakes fall, the touch of winter's tears not pall? Life has decreed, it stays as thus, what has been tied stays bound in time. With silken chains the heart is held. No threshold crossed till death does meld.
Archived comments for You Ask For My Denial.
teifii on 17-07-2015
You Ask For My Denial.
I like this one. I reads beautifully and is so well crafted.
Daffni

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much Daffni, you are very kind. Sue πŸ™‚ X

ValDohren on 17-07-2015
You Ask For My Denial.
Lovely Sue. agree with Daffni, very well crafted.
Val xx

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much Val, that's much appreciated, Sue xx

Bozzz on 18-07-2015
You Ask For My Denial.
Sue, you will never walk alone while my pen lives - deplorable though it be on many occasions - call it poetic adhesive, wordbond. Cyber hugs. XX...David


Author's Reply:
You are so kind David :)) I love the phrase poetic adhesive, wordbond. Thank you very much for the cyber hugs too. Sue xxx.

Gee on 20-07-2015
You Ask For My Denial.
Oh Sue, that's lovely. So beautiful written and with such wonderful sentiments. xx

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much. I really appreciate you reading and commenting, I am glad you enjoyed it. Sue xx

Supratik on 20-07-2015
You Ask For My Denial.
Sue! This is so well crafted! Your characteristic softness comes across so well in the poem with its enormous depth. I love the way you have used apostrophe here in this poem. I am curious to know why you used it's and not its in s2l4. Kudos! Supratik

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much, your comments are a real compliment. In answer to your question about the 'it's' basically I gave up fighting with this iPad! I wanted to put the correct form but it would not let me, but then it's about fours years old so probably getting cranky in old age :-)) thank you again. Sue.


Reality. (posted on: 13-07-15)
How many shades of reality there are, and yet no reality at all.

A star sang in the heavens the lark had risen high. He took my life upon his wing and taught me how to fly. This little bird he never left, his singing fills my sky. Now glancing back on all those years the truth I find is this: He's filled my heart with woven dreams, from which I've lived life by, and he will go on weaving them untill the day I die. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The reality inside my head is all I wish to know.
Archived comments for Reality.
deadpoet on 13-07-2015
Reality.
I'd say there were just as many versions of reality as there are people in the world.
This is a friendly poem Sue. Enjoyed.
Pia πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Thank you Pia, I hadn't thought of it as friendly but since you said it, I can see what you mean. Although this sounds as though I am talking about a real bird, it's a metaphor. This poem goes in conjunction with my other one on here. I Very much appreciate you commenting. πŸ™‚ Sue.

Bozzz on 15-07-2015
Reality.
Hi Sue, your lovely poem stirred an important memory for me. We lived in Devon. I heard the lark singing as I woke on the day I put my back out and had to be a "no show" for my plane at Heathrow on a Sunday at Heathrow in 1972. The plane crashed on take off. All aboard were killed. For sure the lark was singing a warning and saved me. Yours aye, David

Author's Reply:
Gosh David that's an incredible memory to have, and so scary too! The lark is a lovely bird, I mourn the ones that sang here all day, every day until the builders arrived, they were just making a comeback when in moved the builders again! But the lark here is a metaphor, it's about the way Don McLean ( other poem on here ) has woven through the whole of my life, and made me the person, and writer I am today. Thank you so much for reading and sharing that amazing memory with me. Sue x.

Mikeverdi on 15-07-2015
Reality.
Wistful, and as always well composed Sue.
Mike
XxX

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much Mike, I hope you are keeping well. Sue xxxx


Songbird. (posted on: 13-07-15)
Most of you will recognise the artist in this. I have written it to mark his upcoming 70th birthday in October, I am lucky enough to have tickets to his concert on the very day. Now after almost 44 years I get to spend this special birthday in his company. ( Please suggest any changes necessary.)

The lark ascending plucked a chord and sang to a starry sky. Glories rained in honour then fell welcome at his feet. Returning home he feasted well upon the apple pie. Still he sang, as high he flew along the Amazon. From castles tall, his lovely call yet lingers in the air. And prairies' blue paint tapestries where homeless brothers meet. On and on this skylark soars, while dropping notes at statue's base. From shadowlands he turns his face to see a waving man; quietly sitting in his chair beside botanic gardens, where this song remains so sweetly heard.      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A world of songs beat in his heart with many still to sing, and I give thanks to our good Lord He gave this songbird wings.
Archived comments for Songbird.
MrMarmite on 13-07-2015
Songbird.
Hi. A well written and crafted poem on a beautiful bird.But I'm unsure who the artist is that you're going to see ? The lark ascending is a very old poem so the poet is no longer around,and neither is Vaughan Williams who turned it in to a wonderful piece of classical music. So who are you talking about ? Kevin.

Author's Reply:
Hi Kevin you have made my day, I really thought I had made this too easy. My songbird is, and has always been for over 43 years, Don McLean, this poem is full of references to his songs over all those years. Here are just a few. The starry sky -Vincent. apple pie -American Pie. along the Amazon -On the Amazon. Shadow lands is a reference to his last album, and botanic gardens a reference to his latest album coming out next month. Thank you so much for your interest and comments, and for your very kind rating. πŸ™‚ Sue.

MrMarmite on 13-07-2015
Songbird.
Hi Sue. Sorry for not guessing who you were hinting at. American Pie is a classic record ruined somewhat by Madonna's version !I had Don's original version and the words in the song still sound fresh today. It's rated as one of the best pop songs ever written,so you have good taste. I recall having to look up the word levee when I was younger as I'd never heard it used before ! All the best. Kevin.

Author's Reply:
No need to be sorry Kevin, unless you are a totally dedicated fan ( or very sad individual, according to my girls! ) you wouldn't know much of his work. American Pie , as well as being a classic and much loved song I feel is also a bit of a mill stone for him, nothing else apart from Vincent, is really mentioned. And he has such a huge catalogue of music and wonderful vocal range, really one would never need to listen to any other musician, oops got carried away! He is also an environmentalist, and a great supporter of homeless charities. Sue.

MrMarmite on 13-07-2015
Songbird.
Hi. My dad was a huge Perry Como fan and was always singing his songs around the house.One of his favourites was called :And I Love You So.It was written by none other than Don McLean ! Did you know that ?

Author's Reply:
Hello again, oh yes I know that πŸ™‚ Many people have covered it, including Elvis and Glen Campbell. Don also wrote ' Wonderful Baby,' which was recorded by Fred Astaire. Don's a very talented man :-)) May I say your dad knew a great song when he heard it. Sue.

Savvi on 13-07-2015
Songbird.
Empty rooms that echo as I climb the stairs
and empty clothes that drape and fall on empty chairs πŸ™‚ I love this guys lyrics. Got tickets for Limerick in Sept can't wait. Top poem sue

Author's Reply:
Ah-ha a fellow fan! Beautiful, beautiful lyrics. Don't know if you have ever heard him sing " No Irish need apply" or "Johnny McEldoo" ? I managed to find it on You Tube ( I typed in No Irish need apply / Johnny McEldoo) it's a concert from '84 in Ireland. The first one is very good, of course, but the second completely stunned me, the speed with which he sang it yet pronounced every word clearly is astounding, and great fun. I know you'll enjoy the concert in Sept, I went to Birmingham in May, and as soon as I heard on his website about Oct I booked tickets immediately - the day after the one I had just been to. I too cannot wait. I am so pleased you enjoyed my tribute to him, thank you. Sue.

teifii on 17-07-2015
Songbird.
Lovely poem although about a world I don't know as I avoid pop music. It's a prejudice I know but can't help it. From the quotes in this I think I'd probably like this chaps songs but I'm too old to change my habits. However none of that stops me applauding your poem.
Daffni

Author's Reply:
Hi Daffni, so very sorry for such a late reply, only just found this comment while I was printing off a few for me to record for when I go to my writing group, I can't read them 'live'.
Thank you so much for reading and commenting, I am sure you would like his songs, He's a country lover and a loner, none of his songs are 'pop' more a mix of folk, country and light rock, its just him and his guitar, a real troubadour. A wonderful man. Sue. x


Kitchen Stool. (posted on: 06-07-15)
Just a little ditty on overcoming one drawback of being only 5ft tall!

I have a little six inch stool made by my dad, long years ago. I keep it by my kitchen sink to stand upon while washing up for at my sink in elevation I can see the folks who pass . Across the fence, and hedgerow too! This height exceeding expectation, defying all my limitations.
Archived comments for Kitchen Stool.
Mikeverdi on 06-07-2015
Kitchen Stool.
And bringing memories of times past, proving that sometimes all it takes is a moment...and your back there, if only for that moment.
Mike

Author's Reply:
That is very true, he must have made it around forty years ago, its now looking fashionably 'shabby chic' but I cannot bring myself to repaint it. Standing on it makes me feel like a giant I can see so much more, and I can even see inside my cupboards on the wall. Its wonderful to be an 'average person's ' height for a while! Many thanks Mike, Sue x

Gothicman on 08-07-2015
Kitchen Stool.
Sue, now I've got a picture of you dragging this old stool round with you everywhere so you can reach light switches, door handles etc.! Get some springy blade runners then you can hop at regular intervals while washing up. The neighbours will think you're totally mad and extremely nosy, but, who cares? No best perhaps to keep your old Dad's stool, the getting up and down are your daily step-ups, you'll be healthier and see more!
Good fun poem about a simple possession. Plath said she wanted to be free enough to be able to just write a poem about a toothbrush!
Trevor x

Author's Reply:
Hi Trevor so sorry for late reply technology was playing up ( again) I rather like those springy things, I could walk so much faster with those. It's amazing how much extra I can see being 'average ' height for a while. So pleased you read this little bit of nonsense and I appreciate you commenting on it, thank you πŸ™‚ Sue xx

deadpoet on 09-07-2015
Kitchen Stool.
I myself am very tall- makes stooping to the lowest shelves not too easy- Loved your little poem Sue- how dear with a stool your own father made. πŸ™‚
Pia xx

Author's Reply:
I can imagine it must be awkward being very tall too, I hadn't really thought about that. Dad always wanted to be a carpenter and made many things around our house. Thank you very much for commenting, it's greatly appreciated. πŸ™‚ Sue xx


Step Out With Me. (posted on: 29-06-15)
~*~*~*~*~

Step out with me upon this night, where only stars can shine as bright. As still the Robin haunts the sky and moon song shines within your eye. Step out with me in country fair, for I'll be waiting ever there.
Archived comments for Step Out With Me.
stormwolf on 30-06-2015
Step Out With Me.
Lovely short and sweet in the purest form of the word.
I think I would have hyphenated moon-song but that's just my preference and may not even be right.
There is an ethereal feel to this invitation which is right up my street.

.Alison x

Author's Reply:
I'm so glad you found this pleasing, I did start with the hyphen but it didn't look right, it seemed to bring the whole poem more down to earth, took away the ethereal feel. Many thanks Alison. Sue xx.

chant_z on 01-07-2015
Step Out With Me.
Short and succinct. It has a very fresh feel to it to me ...

Author's Reply:
Thank you for reading and commenting, it's appreciated. I'm glad you though it had a fresh feel I like the idea of that πŸ™‚ Sue.

Mikeverdi on 02-07-2015
Step Out With Me.
Like this a lot Sue, needs one of Storms pictures to grace it πŸ™‚
Mike

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike, I don't normally like pictures with poetry but in this case I can see your point, I can imagine how much the right one would add to the atmosphere. I'm so glad it appealed to you, many thanks :-)) Sue xx

Ant on 06-07-2015
Step Out With Me.
I enjoyed this Sue, it is quite catchy. I like the way it bounces along as though a cheerful bird beaking about.

Author's Reply:
Thank you Ant I appreciate you reading it and commenting, perhaps the 'cheerful bird' is the robin in my poem πŸ™‚ Sue.


Breath And Blessings. (posted on: 26-06-15)
The rain was so soft it felt as though it was trying to keep it a secret.

Rain fell with such finesse. Breath and blessings beneath a soft dusting of drops. Newly polished emerald green, every leaf bears jewels to celebrate this lover's kiss.
Archived comments for Breath And Blessings.
Gothicman on 26-06-2015
Breath And Blessings.
Sue, I thought your intro the better poem! I do think though all living things even plants have a love affair with with sun, earth, and rain, why would they bring forth seed otherwise?
Fine poem again.
Trevor x

Author's Reply:
Hi Trevor,if the intro is better than the poem then what does it say about either haha! Definitely the majority of all life finds those things essential, including us. In this poem I was trying to show how softly and gently the rain fell, it seem to stroke the leaves rather than landing on them, unlike a few days ago when it fell like a stone! Thank you for your comment Trevor I am pleased you considered it a fine poem. Sue xx

Mikeverdi on 28-06-2015
Breath And Blessings.
Agreed, fine like the rain that preceded the poem.
Mike
XxX

Author's Reply:
Much appreciated Mike, didn't really expect it to be liked I did have doubts about submitting it. So the comments are very welcome. Thank you. Sue xx


Summer Waltz. (posted on: 22-06-15)
:-:-:-:-:

A breeze sings through the trees, supple boughs waltz in time to summer's tune. Small softly rounded leaves tremble and gossip, fluttering fans in Victorian hands. Some, bounteously brazen show silken, silver petticoats, kicked up by flashing heels. Seductive winks spin golden glints as sunlight dances by.
Archived comments for Summer Waltz.
deadpoet on 22-06-2015
Summer Waltz.
Now that's making music of the breeze! Wonderful πŸ™‚

Pia

How to win a Golden Egg!


Author's Reply:
That comment's a poem in itself πŸ™‚ Thank you very much Sue xx

Mikeverdi on 22-06-2015
Summer Waltz.
Your off with the fairies again HaHa! Nice poem Sue.
Mike
XxX

Author's Reply:
Best place to be Mike :)) actually I was on my exercise bike looking out of the window, there I've completely spoilt the illusion now! Many thanks for commenting xxx Sue.

Supratik on 23-06-2015
Summer Waltz.
The poem gives a very nice summery picture! Interestingly, the whole poem rests on the first and the last lines! Beautiful! Supratik

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much, I hadn't realised the first and last lines did that! πŸ™‚ Sue.

pommer on 24-06-2015
Summer Waltz.
Beautiful Sue, Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much Peter, πŸ™‚ Sue xx


I Was Loved. (posted on: 22-06-15)
+-+-+-+

The moon winks across my face, I lie alone lost in darkness. Sorrow clings, no hand will trace with love again. So long ago..... I was loved, so long ago.
Archived comments for I Was Loved.
Corin on 22-06-2015
I Was Loved.
no hand
will trace with love again.

Sweetwater this sentence requires an object for the transitive verb β€˜trace’.
Do you mean:-
'no hand will trace my face
with love again.’?

You could do the same with β€˜cling’ though poetically 'sorrow clings’ seems to work well to me.’

Maetheforsbye

Dave



Author's Reply:
Hi Dave, Ms ignoramus here had no idea what a transitive verb is, so looked it up. I didn't follow it up because I wanted to leave it open to interpretation, it could mean trace the moon's beam, or my face ( but didn't want to put 'face' again ) Or my body, anywhere really. I wanted to bring trace and love together. I also tried to inject a sense of bitterness over what can never be again by making it quite sharp. I hope my ramblings have helped explain πŸ™‚ I'm very pleased you have taken time to read and comment on this. Thank you for your interest, and for the rating Sue x

deadpoet on 22-06-2015
I Was Loved.
Very mournful Sue but really gets the feeling across in such short space.You picked all the right words. Well done πŸ™‚

Pia

How to win a Golden Egg!


Author's Reply:
Thank you Pia, that's very good to hear as I wasn't too sure about it. :)) Sue.

Corin on 22-06-2015
I Was Loved.

Hi Sue - I understand what you mean and your intention is a very poetic one but I still think that you need to edit it a bit to make your idea work. How about this?-:

The moon winks across
my face, I lie alone
lost in darkness.
Sorrow clings, no hand
will trace love again.
So long ago.....
I was loved, so long ago.

Arte you aware how strongly this echos a sad line from Twelfth Night:-


SIR TOBY BELCH Good night, Penthesilea.
SIR ANDREW Before me, she's a good wench.
SIR TOBY BELCH She's a beagle, true-bred, and one that adores me:
what o' that?

Maetheforsbye,

Dave
SIR ANDREW I was adored once too.

Author's Reply:
Twelfth Night has never appealed to me but I know the ' adored ' quote from other books, it's a lovely line although I wasn't thinking of it when I wrote this. I can see what you are saying but I am not really sure, I feel it needs to be ..' Will trace to love again' to fit. I will certainly give it a lot of thought, thank you once again for your comments and suggestion. Sue πŸ™‚

Mikeverdi on 22-06-2015
I Was Loved.
Love it, so much said in so few words. Right up my street...and right from the heart if I'm not mistaken.
Mike
XxX

Author's Reply:
No, you are not mistaken Mike, it's been over 20 years that I have been alone, getting a bit fed up with it now! I am glad you liked it so much, thank you for such a lovely comment. Xx Sue.

Gothicman on 23-06-2015
I Was Loved.
I think this is another little gem again too, Sue. That someone so gentle and emotionally expressive should need to live alone not from will is beyond me, but then again when you are like that it's hard not to suffer in some way in today's world!
Trevor

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much, such a kind comment, and a lovely compliment. I had a hug from my son-in-law last week, it made me realise it was at least nine or ten years since anyone was that close to me, I think that's what prompted this poem. The years ahead seem very empty, or maybe I am just getting old haha! Serves me right for always being a bit of a loner I guess πŸ™‚ Thank you again Trevor, I am glad you liked it. Sue xx.

Supratik on 23-06-2015
I Was Loved.
Sue, This is a poem I liked reading. Given my current state, I could connect instantly with it. It brought tears in my eyes. Best. Supratik

Author's Reply:
Ah I'm sorry, it wasn't meant to do that, but as you can connect to it I can understand why. I hope things soon improve for you πŸ™‚ Thank you so much for commenting, Sue x

pommer on 24-06-2015
I Was Loved.
Loved it, well done Sue.Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
So sorry for late reply Peter, so glad you liked it so much Thank you. Sue xx

Yutka on 25-06-2015
I Was Loved.
I read all comments and think all words are in place,
should be altered ( yes Corin) the message is simple and powerful. " no hand will trace with love again" ( will trace whatever leaving it to the imagination of the reader, yes, one can use transitive verbs poetically Corin) and will be understood by those who have experienced loneliness, a language we all have to learn sooner or later. The touch of a loved one had been the music that has now faded. And all this now magnified by moonlights.
I know it well....
Great poem, Sue. Thanks for sharing.
Yutka

Author's Reply:
Hello Yutka, I am sorry I didn't reply straight away, I didn't get notification of your comment until the middle of the night, so had to wait until now πŸ™‚ Thank you for such a thoughtful and understanding reply, I am so glad you ' felt ' the poem the way I did when I wrote it. Sue xx


Summer Rain. (posted on: 15-06-15)
:-: :-: :-: :-:

Heavy hangs the air, carrying the weight of expectation. Warmth builds draw's damp scents from thickly shadowed, shady places. Sharply heard, the birdsong rings, sparking on the breath-held day. Lustred leaves now listless, lie awaiting the kiss of summer rain.
Archived comments for Summer Rain.
Corin on 15-06-2015
Summer Rain.
I think that that the tense of this piece (and punctuation) could be changed to allow the poem to flow more smoothly.



This is how I would do it:-



Heavy hangs the air,

carrying the weight

of expectation.

Warmth builds

drawing damp scents

from thickly shadowed,

shady places.

Sharply heard,

the birdsong rings,

sparking

on the breath-held day.

Lustred leaves,

now listless, lie

awaiting the kiss

of summer rain.



Beautiful images that succinctly capture the scent of approaching rain on a summer’s day.





Maethforsbye (See http://www.creative-poems.com/poem.php?id=284432)



Dave

Author's Reply:
Ah punctuation, how you do haunt me lol. Used to be so good at it too! Seriously though I very much appreciate you taking the time to suggest the changes, when I submitted it I felt it wasn't quite right but couldn't figure it out. Can see it now and you are right, will change. Thank you too Dave for the rating, I wasn't expecting that πŸ™‚ Sue.

Gothicman on 15-06-2015
Summer Rain.
A little gem again, Sue, reads better with David's "drawing" change. (a comma after "builds" though?) We've had too much Summer rain here! Better now, time to travel soon. Reminds me of Leila's fantastic poem here "Goodbyes" where she refers to the "trembling weight of rain". Better than parched dryness any day though.
Trevor

Author's Reply:
Well, I didn't change the 'drawing' bit as it just didn't seem to flow as I intended, but the other changes are good. It must be a wonderful thing to travel, never wanted to when I was younger ( did not get the chance anyway, only managed Guernsey ) but as I've got older I have changed my mind and now really wish I could. I will look up the poem you mentioned, I like the sound of the line you quoted. Greatly appreciate your comments and will look at the extra comma for 'builds'. Many thanks Trevor Sue x

Rosco on 15-06-2015
Summer Rain.
What a delicate sensibility that seems to vibrate from childhood.

Author's Reply:
Thank you Rosco I've always been susceptible to the energies around me ( or whatever they are ) Much appreciate your comment. Sue.

Mikeverdi on 15-06-2015
Summer Rain.
Yep...that's good πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Many thanks Mike, glad you liked it. Sue xx

chant_z on 17-06-2015
Summer Rain.
Wonderful piece. The opening was a few punch lines themselves to me. And the rest followed that line ...

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much for such a kind comment, it's very much appreciated. :-)) Sue.

deadpoet on 18-06-2015
Summer Rain.
This is wonderful Sue- If we weren't having both cold and rainy weather I'd feel much like you describe . Summer hasn't arrived here yet sadly! Such a gentle poem with soft words- that's your style! πŸ™‚

Pia xx

Author's Reply:
Condolences on your weather, mind you it's not been that great here really, after I wrote the poem we had days of grotty weather. Not so much a kiss of rain more an all out assault!
Very much appreciate you saying the poem is wonderful, that's so good to hear, Thank you, Sue xx


Chains That Bind. (posted on: 01-06-15)
A slight nod to rap!

I find I want to get away to go, to where? I don't know. I feel I am too tightly bound, too wrapped around. I want to run have some fun. Unshackle life's constraints, tear apart all dull restraints. Jump and shout deny the doubt. See the world this life unfurled, break away from chains that bind remove the shades that keep me blind.
Archived comments for Chains That Bind.
deadpoet on 02-06-2015
Chains That Bind.
Young people don't know how good they've got it (imo). Great Rap- flows well.

Author's Reply:
Hi deadpoet Thank you for your comments, to be truthful I wasn't really expecting any as I have strayed from my usual style, it wasn't written as a rap originally but seemed to drift that way. You are right it is so much easier for the young to rush off and explore the world, It was never an option for me and I guess I am now getting late onset itchy feet! Thank you too for your very kind rating. Sue πŸ™‚

stormwolf on 02-06-2015
Chains That Bind.
Hi Sue,
A change of style cerainly but good to see someone pushing the envelope! To me it came across as a very short performance piece.
The title could not be better because IMHO in writing the chains that bind are so often a gag to creativity.
I have found this to be true in almost everything. If we constrict ourselves to what may be approved, we shall never expand beyond a limited horizon. All power to your elbow!
Alison xx


Author's Reply:
Hi Alison, as I have got older I often look back and can now see how much my own chains have held me back in everything, I have never had the confidence to break them and fight for what I wanted. It's still happening and I still can't break away although my chains are different now. I truly wasn't expecting this to be read, much less inspire any comments, so thank you very much. πŸ™‚ Sue.

Mikeverdi on 04-06-2015
Chains That Bind.
Wonderful to see the new confidence in your writing Sue. We will always need critique, but look what it can bring...you have come out of the shadows and found something special in your writing.
Mike
XxX

Author's Reply:
Hello Mike, apologies for slow reply, I admit I was scared to receive critique at first in case it put me off writing forever, but it did the opposite and I will always be grateful for the kindness in which it was wrapped. So glad you read and commented on this one even though it's not my usual. Sue xx

Rosco on 15-06-2015
Chains That Bind.
Blakian energy. Keep it going for another two stanzas so you can read it aloud to real effect. It would be impressive where it leads.

Author's Reply:
I wanted to write more I too feel it needs another couple of verses, I shall return to it but the original emotion passed as swiftly as it came, and I doubt I could recreate it convincingly. I have never read anything of mine aloud to anyone, no one I know would be interested in hearing them. I love the reference to Blakian energy, thank you. Sue.


May. (posted on: 25-05-15)
May perfection.

What joy is this to rest, enthralled, at pleasures breast. And oh! the wild rose how you do draw me near; The calling of your heady scents falls soft upon my ear. In splendour flows all verdure here, beneath the bluest eye. While on her breath the thistle down, is quietly blowing by.
Archived comments for May.
deadpoet on 26-05-2015
May.
A very fine poem Sue- though our May here in Eastern Denmark has been awfully windy, cold and rainy. Not much time to enjoy nature I'm afraid. First time I've seen the Spring this "bad"- weatherwise. πŸ™

Author's Reply:
Oh dear,it's supposed to be England that has the worst weather, our April was terrific but May ( apart from the day I wrote the poem ) has not been up to much, pretty chilly really. So pleased you thought it a good poem Thank you. Sue x

pommer on 26-05-2015
May.
A lovely poem Sue,thank you for sharing. Peter xx

Author's Reply:
Hi Peter, thank you for reading and commenting. πŸ™‚ Sue xx

Mikeverdi on 26-05-2015
May.
Nice touch Sue πŸ™‚
Mike

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike, thank you I appreciate the comment, I wasn't too sure about this one. Sue xx.

Rosco on 15-06-2015
May.
I hope it's still possible to be in England before the 20th century. It makes me dream of that: A latter day, feminine John Clare. Edit: pleasure's(possessive)

Author's Reply:
I like John Clare's writing, I really should read more. I may live in this century but at times it seems the things I sense come from an earlier one. Daft as that may sound. Thank you for your comment, and the edit will be put in place, I should have known better. πŸ™‚ Sue.


He Looked At Me! (posted on: 22-05-15)
Nothing to add ~~~~

He looked at me, saw me his eyes held mine for all eternity yet only seconds passed. I pray, if he can't be mine in this present world, nor yet in Heaven's grace then take my mind when age has come, and sensibilities race has run. Give him to me where memories hide, let me believe he's at my side.
Archived comments for He Looked At Me!
Mikeverdi on 22-05-2015
He Looked At Me!
That is so sad, but so beautiful.I felt the pain,the longing; a deeply moving piece.
Mike
XxX

Author's Reply:
Thank you Mike, it means a lot to know it has expressed all I needed it to. Sue xx

deadpoet on 22-05-2015
He Looked At Me!
This is very deep- quite beautiful- I understand the Nib- well done.

Author's Reply:
Thank you, that's very kind of you. Sue.x

pommer on 22-05-2015
He Looked At Me!
Sad and so full of longing.Well composed Susan. Peter xx

Author's Reply:
It's been ages since I've been called Susan makes me feel posh, πŸ™‚ Thank you for your comment Peter, I appreciate it. Xx

Mikeverdi on 23-05-2015
He Looked At Me!
The more I read this the better it gets....I'm nominating this one.
XxX

Author's Reply:
Mike, you are a sweetheart, thank you so much, had not expected that. XX Sue XX

Supratik on 24-05-2015
He Looked At Me!
Sue! It's poignant, but beautiful! Supratik

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much, so pleased you liked it. πŸ™‚ Sue.

stormwolf on 01-06-2015
He Looked At Me!
I can relate. Well done on the nib and the nomination
Alison x

Author's Reply:
Thank you Alison, I'm really glad you liked it and could relate to it. πŸ™‚ Sue xx

stormwolf on 01-06-2015
He Looked At Me!
I can relate. Well done on the nib and the nomination
Alison x

Author's Reply:


Returning Home. (posted on: 11-05-15)
<~> <~> <~> <~>

The walls breathe silence, reach out cold hands to draw a tear. Hours chill, lie in wait loneliness steals ever near. Thoughts stray where laughter rang. Other places, another time. Another life, where sunshine sang.
Archived comments for Returning Home.
deadpoet on 11-05-2015
Returning Home.
Very well written. Captured an atmosphere so bleak and sad. In just a few lines. Well done..

Author's Reply:
Thank you, I'm glad the mood came across so well. Very much appreciate the rating too thank you πŸ™‚ Sue.

Gothicman on 12-05-2015
Returning Home.
Yes, contrasted loneliness using few words, the contrast coming mainly from what's not written, subtle and more emotional because of it. Another fine little gem, Sue.
Trevor

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much Trevor, I am glad the feeling behind it came through. πŸ™‚ Sue.

Mikeverdi on 12-05-2015
Returning Home.
I like this very much Sue, my type of poetry. You are writing with such confidence now. Your use of metaphor has grown and adds to all you write.
The last three lines.....beautiful.
Mike
XxX

Author's Reply:
Thank you Mike, I felt it so strongly I had to write it down. Thank you too for the lovely compliments you have given me. Sue xxxx

stormwolf on 12-05-2015
Returning Home.
Captures the feeling in a few lines.
Alison x

Author's Reply:
Thank you Alison, I felt it needed to be short and to the point. Sue πŸ™‚ xx

Supratik on 13-05-2015
Returning Home.
"Thoughts stray
where laughter rang.
Other places, another time.
Another life,
where sunshine sang."

I could imagine the ecstasy of the poet upon creating these brilliant lines! Congrats Sue!
Supratik

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much, I'm amazed at how well this poem has been received πŸ™‚ very, very much appreciate the great rating too. Thank you Sue xx

pommer on 13-05-2015
Returning Home.
Well done Sue,great emotions expressed in very few words.Thank you for sharing. Peter xx

Author's Reply:
Thank you Peter so pleased you read and enjoyed this poem πŸ™‚ Sue xx

Rosco on 15-06-2015
Returning Home.
You really have the effortless dual vision of the anthropomorphic seer. You must have had this as a child. Can you touch on things you can't see?

Author's Reply:
Thank you, that's a very interesting comment, I have never thought about it that way it's just how I see and 'feel' them. I know from about the age of twelve or so, I have never felt I belonged in this time. It always did, and still does feel wrong that I am in this century I just don't fit somehow. I must just have a really weird imagination! As for things I can't see, I don't know, I work on strong emotions that hit me, mine or other people's. πŸ™‚ Sue.


Spring's Sad Goodbye. (posted on: 04-05-15)
Just watching the recently arrived blossom having it's petals thrown to the ground by blustery winds. And thinking how brief the first excitement of spring is. A short and simple poem.

Drifts of blossom Raining down lovelorn tears mourn the loss of spring. This April bride has shed her gown and dawning bells no longer ring.
Archived comments for Spring's Sad Goodbye.
stormwolf on 06-05-2015
Springs Sad Goodbye.
Hi Sue,

I really enjoyed this short poem. I feel you lose the rhythm on the 4th line... so if you take out 'the' it reads better to me. I liked the layout too.



Drifts of blossom

Raining down

lovelorn tears

mourn('s) loss of spring.

This April bride

has shed her gown

and dawning bells

no longer ring.



It's a wee beauty with beautiful and descriptive imagery.



Alison x

Author's Reply:
Hi Alison, so sorry about late reply. I had a few days in Devon my daughter and son-in-law booked a spur of the moment break and invited me to go too. Unfortunately our mobile signal was reduced to just calls and texts. Thank you for reading the poem it was a passing observation really, but I am glad you thought it beautiful.
I think you are right, it does flow better your way thank you for suggesting it. πŸ™‚ Sue. Xx

Mikeverdi on 09-05-2015
Springs Sad Goodbye.
Excellent writing, short.... and so Sue πŸ™‚
Mike
XxX

Author's Reply:
Had to smile at your comment Mike, the short and so Sue bit, I am only 5ft tall ! Lol. Pleased you liked it, thank you πŸ™‚ Sue xx


Come The Night. (posted on: 27-04-15)
Just trying this idea out, it's a two metre poem, the first verse is read slowly the second much faster.

Oh come the night come to me, set alight the wild, the free the passioned kiss each day denied. Oh, bring him bring him to my side. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Let the beat of his heart, light the heat of my flame. And the joy of the night holds him calling my name. For a second of time In eternity's line, Oh give him to me, just let him be mine!
Archived comments for Come The Night.
e-griff on 27-04-2015
Come The Night.
I think the two rhythms work well together, and you have kept strictly to the metre in each case so there can be no confusion for the reader - - / is a 'hurrying' stress, so a reader automatically adopts that style at the change.
Technically, your line breaks aren't strictly correct, but I don't think it affects the reading. Good job!

Author's Reply:
Thank you for the comment as I wasn't too sure if this was a good or bad way to set it out, it was two separate poems to begin with but I prefer it this way. I agree the line breaks aren't quite correct but they too seemed to look better this way. Sue. πŸ™‚

deadpoet on 27-04-2015
Come The Night.
I thought the rhythm was good- felt in place on my tongue. I wonder if this is slightly religious- the passion seems almost god-like- like a chant- perhaps mythical? I can imagine Psyche and Eros? Very good indeed.

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much your comment was more than I could have wished for, your Psyche and Eros was pretty accurate, but in the modern day. Very much appreciate the rating too. Sue πŸ™‚

Mikeverdi on 27-04-2015
Come The Night.
Love you trying new things Sue, great stuff. πŸ™‚
Mike XxX

Author's Reply:
Thank you Mike this was the one I said I wasn't too sure about, seems to be okey though. Sue xxx

Ionicus on 28-04-2015
Come The Night.
Yes, it is good to experiment. This reads well.

Luigi x

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much Luigi, x Sue.

Gee on 28-04-2015
Come The Night.
As I read this, I can feel a longing that seems to gather pace and there's almost an impatience at the end, that the speaker simply can't stand to wait any longer. It's very nicely done and, even though you say it was two separate pieces, they fit very nicely together.

Author's Reply:
Thank you, you have summed it up well, the years are gathering pace and impatience is settling on me.
Greatly appreciate your comment. πŸ™‚ Sue.

pommer on 28-04-2015
Come The Night.
I really like this little experiment. You have done well Sue.
Peter xx

Author's Reply:
So sorry for late reply, everything electrical decided to go a bit haywire yesterday pm. I'm glad you think my experiment went well, and glad you liked it Thank you Peter, πŸ™‚ Sue xx

stormwolf on 29-04-2015
Come The Night.

Hi Sue,
A nice experiment that works well.
The yearning comes over well and is almost palpable.
Alison x

Author's Reply:
Many thanks Alison, I am glad I managed to get the feelings across so well. πŸ™‚ Sue xx

Rosco on 15-06-2015
Come The Night.
"In eternity's line" really elevates this piece.

Edit: Using 'And' in second stanza suggests the verb in the second sentence should parallel the first i.e. drop the 's' on holds to match 'light' in the aligned sentence.

Let the beat of his heart,

light the heat

of my flame.

And the joy of the night

hold him calling

my name.

Author's Reply:
I can see what you mean about the edit, I shall have another look, thank you. Help is always appreciated. Sue πŸ™‚


Can't Sleep (posted on: 24-04-15)
:+:+:+:+

When dark hold's the night and stars close their eyes, the black clouds fly swift with the moon in disguise. Then chill thoughts invade to crawl through the brain, all sleep evade and senses play games. Imagined, the visions in corners they stand. A thump on your bed cold grip of a hand. A creak on the stairs or footsteps instead, to creep through the door and catch unawares!
Archived comments for Can't Sleep
Mikeverdi on 26-04-2015
Cant Sleep
I like it Sue, something a bit different from you.
Mike
XxX

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike I'm pleased you like it, if you'll excuse the expression it was a quickie, just appeared in my brain no idea why, wasn't planning on writing anything. I am wondering where everyone is, there seem to be very few people commenting this weekend maybe they are all busy. Just you, me and one other I think. Sue πŸ™‚

Rosco on 15-06-2015
Cant Sleep
Thanks. Your poetry is calming in some strange way no matter how unsettled the subject matter. It's like reading Walter de la Mare with contemporary usage. Better than medication. I really like getting a instant ticket to England for twenty minutes or so.

Author's Reply:
Thank you for reading and commenting Rosco, I am amazed and flattered that you find my poetry is calming, no one has said that before, I really appreciate it. Sue.


I'm Late, I'm Late! (posted on: 20-04-15)
A careless mistake, an important credit card payment missed.

Time ticks on as the white rabbit runs, and the house of cards begins to fall. Dormouse snores as the mad hatter chatters unconcerned. Too late, salvation lies beyond reach, dates fall from the tree where silent, the calendar mocks.
Archived comments for I'm Late, I'm Late!
Mikeverdi on 20-04-2015
Im Late, Im Late!
When I read this, I thought of life....not credit cards. Maybe I need to 'get a life'
Mike
ps. I don't think you need the word 'as' πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike, not sure which 'as' you mean I looked at both, but feel it would turn both lines into basic sentences which isn't really what I intended, but I am more than happy to give it another look. Really pleased you took the time to comment, thank you. πŸ™‚ Sue.x


A Blackbird Sings. (posted on: 13-04-15)
Something in a blackbird's song catches me, and takes me somewhere else, I can't describe it just 'feel' it.

A blackbird sings... I see apple blossom layered along branches. Embryo stems of eager green twisting, growing. Daylight drawn ever longer towards the dusk, sun-scented hours drifting on, living on, drawing out the last delicious tastes of the day. Memories lost to youth rise unrecognised for what they are, yet stir a quickening of the heart. All captured then released in notes from a blackbird's song.
Archived comments for A Blackbird Sings.
deadpoet on 14-04-2015
A Blackbird Sings.
The Blackbirds song for me is synonomous with Spring or visa-versa. I love his song. I heard it early this morning and it made me so glad. Cherry blossoms for me. Thank you for a truly delightful poem. πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Much appreciate your comment, thank you. We have a small cherry blossom walk in the park behind us, it's beautiful but so short lived sadly. πŸ™‚ Sue.

Pronto on 14-04-2015
A Blackbird Sings.
Yes I too love the Blackbird singing late into long spring evenings. I have a pair of thrushes nesting in a nearby tree with magpies checking it out every day waiting to steal their eggs. Nature is raw, bitter/sweet. I loved your poem and it was a treat to read it this morning.

Author's Reply:
We have many magpies patrolling our gardens, I also saw a sparrow hawk on my neighbours shed hopping back and forth between the shed and the hedgerow beside it. Nature looks lovely but it has much that is cruel, however it seems to know what it's doing, after all it's been around for ever πŸ™‚ Thank you so much for your lovely comment on the poem. Sue xx

Mikeverdi on 14-04-2015
A Blackbird Sings.
Wonderful.
Mike XxX

Author's Reply:
Thank you Mike, so pleased you think that :-)) Sue xxx

Nomenklatura on 16-04-2015
A Blackbird Sings.
Yep, a splendid effort. I think you might find a taker for a pamphlet containing this and similarly-themed poems. Why not think about assembling some and seeing if there's any interest?

Author's Reply:
Thank you, I am pleased you think people may be interested in a pamphlet of my poems, I would love to do that but wouldn't know where to begin, I will look it up but I'd rather just hand it to a publisher and go from there. ( or maybe that is what one does? ) I will definitely think about it. Sue πŸ™‚


Nature's Tantrum. (posted on: 06-04-15)
"*"*"*"

The rain throws anger against my window pane. As dark thoughts chase across the heavens, urged on by hurtful words called upon the winds. Trees bend, turn their heads bow to nature's rage.
Archived comments for Nature's Tantrum.
Mikeverdi on 07-04-2015
Natures Tantrum.
I never thought I would say this but....this is a few words short of a really good poem πŸ™‚ Not to say it isn't good...just could be even better.
As usual... just me and my.
Mike

Author's Reply:
Bugger me Mike, I've been busy taking them out! Do try to be consistent haha, πŸ™‚ still appreciate the comment though, will look to see which words to return. Sue xxx


Life Anew. (posted on: 03-04-15)
I apologise that this is an old one from over a year ago, but with all these wild winds, it seemed appropriate, it had favourable comments, so I hope no one minds seeing it again.

Black robed birds on wings of grace upon the March thrown winds, keep pace. Beneath the towering cloud decked skies winter sheds its cold disguise. All along the greening bough are buds of quickening colour now. Spring brushed trees are blossom blessed and all the birds are courting-dressed.
Archived comments for Life Anew.
Nomenklatura on 03-04-2015
Life Anew.
Beautiful poem.
You have two rogue apostrophes in line 4. As it stands you have Shed is/has in contracted form - the 3rd person singular has no apostrophe. You also have It is/has in contracted form. Belonging to it is written 'its'.

'March thrown winds' is splendid. Well done.


Author's Reply:
Thank you for putting me right, I really struggle with those little pests. The computer insisted I had it right first time and kept putting the apostrophe back in front of the s, so perhaps I can blame the iPad for that mistake. πŸ™‚ I liked the way you have
picked out ' March thrown winds ' I think that would make a better title, will consider that. I am so glad you liked it. Sue.

Mikeverdi on 03-04-2015
Life Anew.
Sue...this for me is the best thing I have read of yours,I love it. I'm pleased that Ewan has corrected you as I would never have known, he does. Please accept my Nomination as I think this is more than worth a page in any book.

Mike

Author's Reply:
Oh wow Mike thank you so much. I only posted it because of the recent weather, wondered if I was being a bit too cheeky posting it again. I was glad of Ewan's help I hate apostrophies they always catch me out! ( I think they are the bullies of my 'mature' years haha ) Really appreciate all the honours you have given this poem, thank you again. Sue xxx.

e-griff on 03-04-2015
Life Anew.
Very nice.

sorry if I seem to be repeating the same comment as last time πŸ™‚ but the last line didn't quite work for me (birds are courting dressed). I understood it, but it's a bit awkward, and the style doesn't fit the rest. If you can't think of anything better, it's still fine though.

Author's Reply:
Its ok , I value all comments and always take another look at poems from another's perspective. I thought it did fit as its just another part of the spring day as I was seeing it, but I shall look again. Thank you for reading and giving me food for thought. Sue :-).

Nomenklatura on 03-04-2015
Life Anew.
Actually, E-Griff may have a point, but if you hyphenate 'courting-dressed', you'll have a compound adjective meaning dressed for courting, which no-one can argue with on grammatical grounds at least.

Author's Reply:
Gosh my edit button will be red hot, have done as you suggest though thank you once again πŸ™‚ wasn't quite sure what the problem was with this line so I am grateful to you for pointing it out. Sue x

pommer on 03-04-2015
Life Anew.
Hi Sue, a very beautiful.I enjoyed reading it. Peter xx

Author's Reply:
Thank you Peter I am glad you enjoyed it πŸ™‚ Sue x


Progress ? (posted on: 30-03-15)
I hope future generations will be able to turn our mistakes around.

The roof tops rise.... Brown ripples in a bloodied river. Flowing on to overrun, drown unheeded, the last gasp of the dying land. Unforgiving runs the road this headstone, this marker to stamp our fate with misplaced pride. Streaming, boundless, dripping detritus as it suffocates the earth's final breath.
Archived comments for Progress ?
Mikeverdi on 30-03-2015
Progress ?
Another fine write about a subject close to your heart Sue.
'just a thought' I think it could finish at the word 'earth'. As usual... it's just me I expect πŸ™‚
Mike
XxX

Author's Reply:
Thank you Mike, actually your idea would tie in with the short first line, will ponder on that for a bit as I rather like it, although part of me feels it needs to go on. Ah decisions! Lol. πŸ™‚ Sue xx

pommer on 30-03-2015
Progress ?
Well written Sue, I would leave the words:final breath,which tells me that the end of the beauty of the countryside is near.Be lucky, Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
That's how I saw it Peter. Not necessarily soon but for future generations I can see a very different world. Very grateful for your helpful opinion, Thank you πŸ™‚ Sue x


Desecration. (posted on: 27-03-15)
Building rant.

Rolling hills there bless the eye uplifted now to praise the sky. Galleon clouds, the green seas drifting cast their sails, to breezes lifting. High above the reaper waits all this treasure death will take. Turn this cherished land to clay to lie beneath a headstone grey. And time shall leave a sad bouquet of crumpled litter tossed away. Plastic bags and crushed beer cans will desecrate these dying lands.
Archived comments for Desecration.
Mikeverdi on 27-03-2015
Desecration.
You paint a vivid and bleak picture Sue....sadly in most cases a true one. Plymouth's waterfront is a case in point. I can remember guys with bags going around clearing things up, maybe they could use some of those none custodial to do the job now...or would that be a breach of their human rights. Great writing.
Mike XxX

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike funny you should mention rubbish being cleared, we had a big 'litter pick' at the weekend, and everywhere looked fresh and clean, as I walked there today the litter was creeping back, so as usual I cleared up crisp packets, subway cups etc thrown into bushes only yards from a bin. We are losing our countryside to inconsiderate, uncaring yobs and it drives me mad. I have to admit I wasn't sure about this poem, have been playing around with the layout all week, this one seems to work best. As for human rights it seems those in the wrong have them, the rest of us don't. Thank you for commenting Mike, perhaps this one isn't the damp squib I thought it was πŸ™‚ Sue xx

e-griff on 27-03-2015
Desecration.
A nice rolling rhyme with a message. I was slightly disappointed by the last line, it just seems a little awkward and I think it could be improved.

best JohnG

Author's Reply:
Hi John, I agree with you I had trouble with this one, took a while to get layout right, but I am not sure about the last lines either, keep going back with different ideas, not found a solution yet though. I am pleased to receive your comments, and that you took time to read it. Thank you Sue πŸ™‚

pommer on 30-03-2015
Desecration.
I like the message you are sending and I do agree.As for the last four lines I thought of this:

Plastic bags and beer cans,
crushed by idle hands
will sadly desecrate
these dying lands.

I hope you don't mind,I hope it might help.
A good poem just the same. Be lucky, Peter.xxx

Author's Reply:
Thank you Peter for your suggestion, I hadn't thought of that, it would certainly fit. I am afraid I nipped in before I had read this suggestion and changed it to what is there now. I really like the 'crushed by idle hands' line I will hang on to it, as I can see it fitting in, in something else. Many thanks, I am very grateful for your kind interest and help. Sue xx


The Lake. (posted on: 23-03-15)
Looking into the distance from an upstairs window, the clouds produced this oasis type of vision for me.

Such a shine... Glimmers of rippled satin silver the surface. Bank and bush undulate between two framing trees, just edging from the shore a pool of puddled ink draws out, towards the silken sheen. My vision drank upon the view, as evening blinked her eyes, wisps of wind then raised a hand and took my lake away.
Archived comments for The Lake.
Mikeverdi on 23-03-2015
The Lake.
I can see your vision Sue, but for me this is not quite there. It's good... when I know it could be great.
As usual it's only my opinion, I think with a little work it would up there with your best πŸ™‚
Mike
XxX

Author's Reply:
Many thanks Mike, this one was mainly for my own benefit, I just wanted to record what I had just seen. Popped it on here because I have never seen anything like it before, it was only the clouds but it was like looking at a real scene, it amazed me.Sue xx

ValDohren on 26-03-2015
The Lake.
Strangely poignant, some lovely lines and great alliteration.
Val xxx

Author's Reply:
Thank you Val I really appreciate your kind comments. I edited it a little after Mike's comments, so was hoping I would get another comment so I could get an idea which version was better. sue xx.


Growing Pains. (posted on: 23-03-15)
Spring blows hot and cold.

Spring breathes chill today, puff's out her cheeks blows cold thoughts across the hills. Temper's the bitter with the sweet, on lower plains. As nature struggles to assuage the growing pains of this infant year.
Archived comments for Growing Pains.
Mikeverdi on 23-03-2015
Growing Pains.
I think you need to do a book on these poems 'the changing seasons' maybe πŸ™‚
Mike

Author's Reply:
Love the idea, Mike but wouldn't know where to start, it's a nice thought though, xx

ValDohren on 23-03-2015
Growing Pains.
Lovely Sue - Spring is definitely on its way.
Val xxx

Author's Reply:
Thank you Val. So many buds now, even some early blossom. Sue xx

pommer on 23-03-2015
Growing Pains.
Enjoyed this one Sue, yes, spring is here at last. Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
Yes I think it is, we have had some lovely days lately. I am glad you enjoyed the poem, thank you for commenting Peter. sue xx


Red Kite. (posted on: 16-03-15)
I was watching a Red Kite sailing the sky, and under constant harassment by two large black birds, and not the least bothered.

Atop the hill, drawn to gaze upon the pasture's fall and raise. In the blue, to catch the eye a group of three now dance the sky. Wings outstretched on thermal tide, two black spectres at his side. Like paper caught within a breeze they rise and drop, harry and tease. Round and round they circle there two defenders of the air. One rides close thoughts to attack the other near yet holding back, unconcerned the Kite sails on. A drift of clouds and they are gone.
Archived comments for Red Kite.
franciman on 16-03-2015
Red Kite.
The language of this is one of movement; soil and swoop. It is a delight to read aloud. Reel Kites and marauding crows are a daily given abode La Creuse.
Brilliant work and another favourite.
cheers,
Jim

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much Jim for all the compliments you have paid me, praise for the poetry, the rating and having it as a favourite, they are all greatly appreciated. I don't normally read mine, or any, poems out loud I am dreadful at it, I know how it reads in my mind but it doesn't translate to my voice. On rare occasions when I have nagged my daughter into looking at one and persuaded her to read allowed she gets it spot on, so annoying! Thank you once again, Sue xx

pommer on 16-03-2015
Red Kite.
A beautiful little poem.Well composed and lovely descriptive.
A wonderful line:"a group of three now dance the sky", perhaps dance in the sky might enhance this line.Just a thought. Well don Sue, Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
Hi Peter thank you, much appreciate you reading and commenting on this. I did think of putting those exact words in at first, but decided ' dance the sky ' sounded a bit different. I'm so pleased you thought it beautiful. Sue xx.

e-griff on 18-03-2015
Red Kite.
Excellent little vignette. Totally descriptive story in a very short snippet, no wasted words, flowed well. I liked the speedup in the line 'they rise and drop, harry and tease.'

I did have a slight problem with the landscape's 'raise' though, I think you should see if that could be slightly reworded, or the gaze/raise rhyme could be changed. But I can't think of anything immediate to suggest, and it's your poem anyway.:-) JohnG

Author's Reply:
Hi John many thanks for your very nice comment, don't think I've had an 'excellent' before πŸ™‚ like you I was unsure of the ' raise ' and struggled to find a replacement, perhaps when I read it at a later date something will appear. Thank you again, Sue x

Mikeverdi on 19-03-2015
Red Kite.
Sorry, not been well. I'm not going to critique, just here to say I loved it. So pleased you stayed to blossom into the fine writer you've become.
Mike

Author's Reply:
Ah Mike there you are, I hadn't seen your comments to anyone and was getting worried, so sorry you have been ill, I Hope you are feeling more yourself now xx. Thank you for such a lovely compliment Mike, you taught me well, right from the beginning. πŸ™‚ Sue xxxx


Moon. (posted on: 13-03-15)
Another wakeful night.

Gold, the moon gilds blue terrain a shining heart in stars' domain. Keeper of all lover's dreams. Hope burns bright upon her beams. Her watchful eye glints bright the pane, till day breaks even, once again.
Archived comments for Moon.
Mikeverdi on 13-03-2015
Moon.
This world has become a rich vein for you Sue, you are writing beautiful poetry. I could always nit-pick a word, but this would be churlish.
Mike
XxX

Author's Reply:
That's a very kind compliment Mike, thank you. I was not too sure about this one, it seemed a tad basic but wouldn't leave my mind so after quite a bit of tinkering I decided to submit it for better or worse. So I am very glad you liked it. Sue xx.

franciman on 13-03-2015
Moon.
Hi Sue,
This is a complex poem, its complexity presented in very few words. For me it is an exploration of the cold stark side of the moon, interwoven with the wistful, warmer dimension of its character. The dual nature is maybe what keeps you awake on occasion?
This is the nature of great poetry surely.
cheers,
Jim



Author's Reply:
Yes you have got it right, it stares coldly down on us, far away and impersonal, promising warmth but giving none, yet it holds the power of romance, a keeper of dreams, giver of hope. You could have put your finger on why I don't sleep, too much thinking! Thank you very much for commenting and rating, and also for picking it as a favourite, that is a great compliment. Sue xx

e-griff on 13-03-2015
Moon.
Well, I'm going to be slightly churlish with the aim of helping you improve this good poem πŸ™‚


I think you mean 'gild', and I would be more comfortable reading if the line were: 'Gold, the moon gilds
blue terrain'

lover's dreams

I would prefer 'within her beams' but that's personal opinion.

Her watchful eye glints bright the pane,- now this just seems very awkward grammatically and is hard to make sense of. Perhaps it could be improved.

Apart from all that, I enjoyed it nonetheless.






Author's Reply:
Firstly, thank you for the apostrophe, another one slips quietly past me! Apologies for careless spelling mistake too, honestly I need to go back to school :-(( I was juggling between 'within' and ' upon' I went with upon because I was imagining the hope riding along on top of the beams, rather than inside them. The ' glints bright the pane' refers to the glinting of the moon on the window caused by the trees swaying. I shall have a good think and see if I can change the last bit at all. I am glad you enjoyed it in spite of my shameful grammar πŸ™‚ Sue x

pommer on 14-03-2015
Moon.
so very beautiful Sue, after my own heart.Wished I could have expressed it as well. Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
Thank you Peter, so glad you read and enjoyed it. Sue xx.


Midnight. (posted on: 09-03-15)
This is the longer poem from which last week's 'Alone' was taken.

Silence stalks my empty room no breath is heard but mine. I long to hear another's voice yet never hear a word. And the clock ticks on just wasting time. Held against the midnight sky a lone star peeping then retreating. Through the dark etched charcoal trees careless winds are brushing by. On the air a lonesome note as sweetly falls the robin's tune. This lovers song calls from his heart serenading to the moon... and me.
Archived comments for Midnight.
MrMarmite on 09-03-2015
Midnight.
Beautiful poem Sue. Like how you've kept it fairly short and it is just enough to paint a vivid scene.Well done !

Author's Reply:
Thank you, much appreciate your comment, and the unexpected rating too πŸ™‚ I am glad you liked it. Sue.

stormwolf on 09-03-2015
Midnight.
Hi Sue,
At the risk of being a party (poetry) pooper...this did not do it for me. The rhythm kept changing so every time I thought I was getting into it...it changed.
I started off thinking it was going to rhyme too so I feel that although it has lovely imagery in it and feeling, it was too disjointed for me.
It has been nibbed so my opinion is obviously not shared but nevertheless, I feel some tweaks would have brought it out.
Anyway, I am confident that you have been posting long enough to know this is a genuine comment for honest feedback
Alison x


Author's Reply:
Hi Alison, I read it as a series of sentences, read the relevant lines then stop, go on to next lines read then stop, and so on. It doesn't really work if you try and read it as a whole. I wrote it as a series of separate images as I was experiencing them. But I wasn't too sure about it myself, which is why I posted the smaller piece taken from it last week. I appreciate all your feedback as it all helps to move forward. πŸ™‚ Sue. Xx

stormwolf on 09-03-2015
Midnight.
Ah right!
Spaced out as though they are just random thoughts but all stemming from the same innate feeling the piece comes alive.
You may not agree with where I have put the breaks but just to show you how I read it second time around.
Thanks for explaining. I really does help each other when we can interact in genuine desire to know.

Silence stalks my empty room
no breath is heard
but mine.

I long to hear another's voice
yet never hear a word.

And the clock ticks on
just wasting time.

Held against the midnight sky
a lone star peeping
then retreating.

Through the dark etched
charcoal trees careless winds
are brushing by.

On the air a lonesome note
as sweetly falls the robin's tune.

This lovers song calls
from his heart
serenading to the moon...

and me.

Could even be broken up more than that to make a bold 'statement' type poem.

It reads so much better now that you pointed that out.

It's like a sort of aural voyeur listening in to someone's inner thoughts that come and go.
Looking like this it works really well but a nice shift perhaps out of your comfort zone or mine for reading 😜😜😜


Author's Reply:
Alison you have got it totally right, that is exactly how I meant it but did not have the confidence to set it out that way. Would you mind very much if I edited it to read this way?

stormwolf on 09-03-2015
Midnight.
Fill yer boots m'dear 😀
It will come over stronger 👍
Alison xx

Author's Reply:
That looks so much better, will give more thought to different types of layout in the future, thank you :)) Sue.xx

MrMarmite on 09-03-2015
Midnight.
Hi. Sorry but I disagree with Stormwolf it was written out perfectly and doesn't need changing at all that's why you got nibbed.If it ain't broke it don't need fixing ! Kevin.

Author's Reply:
Thank you Kevin I guess you realised how I intended it to be read straight away, I'm so pleased you did. I feel a bit better about the first layout now although changing it may help other readers ( if any of course ) to 'get it'. Many thanks again. If you no longer feel it should have the rating now the layout is different I shall understand if you remove it. Sue x

Mikeverdi on 10-03-2015
Midnight.
I got it Sue, we can always look to improve our work, after all no ones perfect. This for me was well worth the nib.
Mike
XxX

Author's Reply:
Glad you got it too Mike, Alison always comes up with good ideas so I appreciate her suggestions. Thank you heeps for saying it is worth the nib, they are always an inspiration arn't they. Sue xx.

Mikeverdi on 10-03-2015
Midnight.
Sue, nibs are given for many reasons, not just because the poem/story is the best in the show. They are also given for effort,for taking heed of critique and trying to improve. You have shown willing and I did...we have improved. Nominations are given for the best considered by anyone, you can nominate. No one knows who awards nibs. Critique is given by anyone,its for you,and you alone to decide if you agree with any of it. Keep writing....keep improving!
Mike
XxX

Author's Reply:
Ah didn't see them that way, I just thought they were to point out a poem or prose which would be, as they say, a good read. Didn't think of them in quite such a ' school room' way if you see what I mean. I just wonder if there is a point when one can no longer improve, and where do we go from there? I just hope it's not backwards! Guess I have a long way to go yet anyway. Many thanks Mike Sue xx.

Mikeverdi on 11-03-2015
Midnight.
Yes nibs do point out a 'Good Read' but also what goes into making a good read. As to reaching the end of our journey...I'll let you know if I ever get there πŸ™‚
Mike
XxX

Author's Reply:
I guess as long as the brain and motivation stay intact we can keep going further. πŸ™‚ Sue xx

e-griff on 12-03-2015
Midnight.
I hope you'll forgive me for saying this, but this is not a patch on the short version. For me, it lacks the imagery and impact 'alone' has. Given your intro, I found it impossible to avoid comparison, so ... πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
You are perfectly allowed to prefer the other version, and don't need any forgiving :-)). 'Alone' was supposed to be short and snappy, this one is the opposite, more for atmosphere than sharp images. Your comments are always valued, Thank you Sue.


Alone. (posted on: 02-03-15)
In this poem I have taken the main points of a longer one which I am posting next week, and made them sharper and more precise.

In a dark world where silence screams through empty hours, a robin serenades the moon. The touch of lonely souls for the merest blink of an eye. Black etched fingers scrape against the Heavens, praying almost, for their salvation amid the uncaring stars.
Archived comments for Alone.
e-griff on 02-03-2015
Alone.
You may have noticed I don't often comment on abstract poems. This is because for some reason, they just don't involve me. This poem is not strictly an abstract poem of course, but has elements of one. However, I enjoyed it very much, especially 'silence screams' and the fingers. Nice imagery.

Author's Reply:
I have changed the intro to this, I thought it may seem a bit random without an explanation. I am so glad you enjoyed it, I wasn't sure if it would really appeal to anyone. So I am very grateful for your comment. Sue.

Mikeverdi on 02-03-2015
Alone.
Wonderful, one of your very best.
Mike
XxX

Author's Reply:
That's a great compliment thank you Mike. Xxx

franciman on 02-03-2015
Alone.
I love this Sue. It's been any effective exercise if this is what is left from it. For me it needs to lose: merest;almost; and the last 'the'.
Just me though.
cheers,
Jim

Author's Reply:
Thank you Jim I put merest as I wanted to emphasise a moment even more fleeting than a blink of an eye. The last 'the' I will look at as you have a good point. I will put a comma after 'almost' as I only wanted to say they were giving the impression of praying, not actually doing so. Many thanks for the suggestions, they are always appreciated, as is the rating. πŸ™‚ Sue x

stormwolf on 09-03-2015
Alone.
Hi Sue
Me again. I much prefer this version. It's stark and short as befits the mood.
Alison x

Author's Reply:
Thank you Alison, I prefer this version myself too. Sue xx


Downpour. (posted on: 23-02-15)
~:~:~:~:~

How wantonly does the sky weep, heartbroken clouds let fall their sadness. The day grey, disillusioned, breathes despair upon the trees. Drip chases drip as leaves unleash their burden to puddle, listless beneath their feet.
Archived comments for Downpour.
Mikeverdi on 23-02-2015
Downpour.
One of your best Sue, some really terrific lines. Well worth the Nib I think.
Mike XxX
May I ask if 'their feet' should be 'our feet'...leaves don't have feet πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Ahh Mike, hadn't thought of that when I wrote it, oops. Let's call it metaphorically speaking, or poetic licence. πŸ™‚ Thank you for the congrats on the nib, that was a lovely surprise. I am so pleased you liked it so much, it was one of those that just seem to write themselves. Sue xxx

franciman on 23-02-2015
Downpour.
Had me reaching for my wellies. A brilliant metaphor for the Blues. Enjoyed this enough to take into favourites.
cheers,
Jim

Author's Reply:
Thank you Jim, having it chosen as a favourite is a huge compliment, and so is the generous rating. :-). Sue.

Mikeverdi on 23-02-2015
Downpour.
Just re reading a few (this being one) please accept my NOM on this one Sue...it really is good. (change the feet if it goes in the book)
Mike XxX

Author's Reply:
Wow Mike, thank you very, very much for nominating this, I promise I will re look at the 'feet' πŸ™‚ Sue xxxx

stormwolf on 23-02-2015
Downpour.
Going from strength to strength
Your confidence is growing and you are coming into your own IMHO 😜
Such a simple, short poem but leaves the reader with a clear mental picture and inner feeling.
Alison x

Author's Reply:
Hi Alison, your comments are very kind thank you, I wasn't even thinking of writing anything, looked at the rain through the window and the words arrived. Wish they were all that easy! The only problem I have is that Mike suggests I change ' their feet' in the last line and I am happy to if it's necessary, but I feel it sounds okey, do you have any advice please. Sue xx

stormwolf on 23-02-2015
Downpour.
Going from strength to strength
Your confidence is growing and you are coming into your own IMHO 😜
Such a simple, short poem but leaves the reader with a clear mental picture and inner feeling.
Alison x

Author's Reply:

Bozzz on 24-02-2015
Downpour.
Rain is lifeblood to a tree, for through its roots it absorbs a quarter of the rainfall that surrounds it over a wide area and evaporates it through leaves into the air whence it came. Trees are a better flood defence than concrete. As you say, they convert the cloud's misery temporarily into splosh beneath our feet, but then ...... Good poem my friend, but please do not desert rhyme and rhythm - you excel at that too... Yours, David

Author's Reply:
Trees are wonderful things, they do so much. Very glad you liked the poem, and I am sure another rhyming one will come along soon, I do prefer them. Many thanks David. Sue.

Nemo on 25-02-2015
Downpour.
Nice use of personification. "Beneath", in my opinion, doesn't seem right as the puddles are not "under" the feet (of the trees.) Perhaps "on the ground" would make better sense.

Just a suggestion, Gerald

Author's Reply:
Gosh, this short poem has given different interpretations to many readers. The puddles are beneath the 'feet' of the leaves as it's the leaves the rain has dripped from. Mike wasn't keen on the ' feet' bit as leaves don't have feet as such. I am trying to find a word to replace feet but nothing else feels right so far. Many thanks Gerald for reading the poem and taking such an interest in it. πŸ™‚ Sue.


The Man...The Musician. (posted on: 20-02-15)
Not nature for a change! Was watching a Programme about the effect Barry White had on his fans.

Caressed by your words falling, soft as snow upon my welcoming flesh. Imagined kisses leave your lips to brush against my skin. Every indrawn breath holding back the liquid notes, will find the weakness I possess. Ever wanting, always waiting for your heart to let me in.
Archived comments for The Man...The Musician.
Mikeverdi on 20-02-2015
The Man...The Musician.
Really???? Barry White....the walrus of love? Ah well, what ever turns you on... as we used to say way back when. HaHa!
Mike

Author's Reply:
Hehe Mike, it's ok those are not her words, I just took the general idea of her feelings for someone in that industry, who is unattainable, yet those feelings go way beyond that of an ordinary fan. I was not picturing Barry White himself! Many thanks Mike. Sue x

franciman on 20-02-2015
The Man...The Musician.
It summons the picture of a fan; a fading, aging woman. Well that's how I see it. It paints a picture, is what I'm saying.
Enjoyed. . .
Jim

Author's Reply:
Funnily enough the lady on the programme was far from that idea, she was a vibrant, coloured
woman, as out going as Barry White himself. However as it wasn't her I had in mind, obviously it was my fan you saw as a fading, aging woman, I hadn't viewed her as such, just a fan who had misguidedly fallen for the wrong man many years ago, but they do say one can see more clearly through another's eyes, which is how I can now picture her. I found your impression of her very interesting. I am glad you enjoyed reading the poem, I don't usually write this type of thing, so was a little outside my comfort zone. Many thanks for commenting Jim. Sue.

Nemo on 22-02-2015
The Man...The Musician.
Should poetry be understandable? Should I know who Barry White is? Am I missing something?
Gerald.

Author's Reply:
Well, I don't know if you are or not, but basically it's just a poem about love, it may be about the seemingly wasted love of a fan for someone who may never know her. But is love ever really wasted if it brings joy, even if it's not returned ? That's the question the programme was asking. Thank you for reading and asking your questions, I can only say Barry White was a singer, but it wasn't him I was thinking of. The other two questions I can't answer though πŸ™‚ Sue.


Spring. (posted on: 16-02-15)
Walking with my dog a few days ago, I was made aware of the slightest change in the air, only for a short time but it carried the promise of spring.

A softening, a lilt carried lightly across the zephyr'd sky, with no more than a lover's first tremulous kiss, comes the hint of spring. A holding of breath, the first tender thoughts fleeting as a sigh. A gentle caress as winter whisper's a brief goodbye.
Archived comments for Spring.
Mikeverdi on 16-02-2015
Spring.
Lets hope so Sue, I've had enough of winter πŸ™‚
Beautiful poem.
Mike

Author's Reply:
I don't mind the winter too much, but I am really looking forward to Spring, which is why I enjoyed the little taster so much last week. Thank you for calling it ' a beautiful poem' that's much appreciated. Sue xx

franciman on 16-02-2015
Spring.
And spring comes in on tip-toe. Beautiful verse, Sue.
cheers,
Jim

Author's Reply:
Hi Jim, it did indeed come in on tip-toe, only lasted around ten minutes before it went again, but it was made very welcome while it lasted. So glad you enjoyed the poem, thank you very much for the rating and for promoting it, I wasn't expecting that,
I appreciate it πŸ™‚ Sue.

Bozzz on 18-02-2015
Spring.
Yes Sue, loved the poem. I think we had one of those little moments too. We sat on our bench in the sun for ten minutes, but then Meg jumped up to trim a rose bush, so we forgot the kiss - tut- tut. slipped up again - but send one for you instead - more tut tuts?...David

Author's Reply:
No tut tuts David I will accept the kiss with gratitude, thank you. That's the trouble with enjoying the sun in the garden, always something to be done. So glad you liked the poem πŸ™‚ Sue.

holsen on 19-02-2015
Spring.
I love spring. I love how you captured love for spring. We have our first kiss. unusual for us. Here in Idaho we usually or freezing. But the sun is shinning and flowers are peaking. Crazy change to our world. πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Hi, thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I too love the spring, so much happens. Glad to hear spring has paid you a visit, let's hope she stays for a long time. I think we are likely to have a return to winter over here. All the best, Sue.


Winter Dusk. (posted on: 09-02-15)
*+*+*+*

A woven lace of winter's wood embraces silver skies. The robin drips his mournful song to weep upon the hour. This day, from dawn born unfulfilled falls grey across the vale. With final breath, to die away, beneath a frost hung bower.
Archived comments for Winter Dusk.
Mikeverdi on 09-02-2015
Winter Dusk.
Not quite there with this one for me Sue, only me and as usual others may differ.
Just a thought πŸ™‚

'This day born unfulfilled falls grey across the vale'

Author's Reply:
Morning Mike, I wasn't sure myself about this one, I have read it through minus the dawn bit, as you suggested but I trip up a little that way, but will keep re reading, as you are usually right. I appreciate your continued support πŸ™‚ Sue x

e-griff on 10-02-2015
Winter Dusk.
I can see why 'dawn/born' can appear to cause trouble with the rhyme. However, when I read it aloud, it wasn't a problem, didn't stand out.

I know this is not a rhyming poem, but I think in this case, it would come across better if you rhymed the 3rd and 6th lines in each verse (and I'd show the split of those verses) . That may be a bit conventional, but I think this poem is actually constructed as a rhyming poem in layout and metre and so needs completion in that sense.

Author's Reply:
Thank you, that's most helpful, I had trouble with the last line, nothing seemed to sound quite right, now I know why. I should have listened to what the poem was trying to tell me. So glad you heard it. I will have a think then amend. I am glad you think the dawn/ born works, was a bit bothered about it. Sue πŸ™‚

stormwolf on 10-02-2015
Winter Dusk.
Beautiful.
Alison x

Author's Reply:
Hi Alison so pleased you liked it, thank you. Sue x


Hopes And Dreams Unfound. (posted on: 02-02-15)
Not sure if unfound can be used, as it's not in my dictionary, but it say's what I mean.

Years, like wind blown leaves drift on breaths of time. Falling, always falling to cover, with bright pretence the faded promise of spring's fresh blooms. Comes the frozen tear of age to weep upon the leaves. Clutch within an ice cold hand the fading heat of dying dreams. To bury then, beneath the sod all wasted hopes below.
Archived comments for Hopes And Dreams Unfound.
Mikeverdi on 02-02-2015
Hopes And Dreams Unfound.
This is a winner Sue, I really like it. I think it brings together all of your writing, I feel the pain and the anguish. Maybe your best for me.... Please accept my nomination.
Mike
XxXxX
I would have said 'Strands of time' but its just me πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Gosh Mike Thank you, I will gratefully accept your nomination, and send a hug in return :-)) I like the strands of time idea, hadn't thought of that, I will give it some thought now as it does sound good. Thank you too for the rating. Sue xxxx

Nomenklatura on 02-02-2015
Hopes And Dreams Unfound.
Unfound is in OED (the big multi-volume one) it is used exactly as you use it. It may be a little old-fashioned since the last reference quotes H Rider Haggard, but some older words go well in poetry, I find.
Regarding strands, I disagree with Mike in this case. Unless he means strands as in beaches and not as in threads. If they're drifting they can't be tethered I shouldn't think. So I reckon breath goes pretty well here.
Good poem, congrats on the nomination
Ewan

Author's Reply:
Thank you Ewan I was pretty sure it was a word, I need a better dictionary I think. I am pleased you think breath fits well I do prefer it, I have been mulling it over, and go from one to the other, I really should be more decisive! Much appreciate your helpful comment, and your congrats on the nomination. Sue x.

stormwolf on 02-02-2015
Hopes And Dreams Unfound.
Sue, I think this is excellent! The only thing I would be tempted to change is the repetition of the word 'dreams'
Although you have repeated 'leaves' it works well. The repetition of "falling always falling" is great! That is repetition working to advantage.
I just feel that the poem is riven with deep feeling and meaning and the word 'dream' is to me a very strong word that stands out...so in the second stanza I would have tried to find a synonym for it so you keep the meaning.

Clutch within an ice cold hand
the fading heat of dying (dreams.)

This is my personal opinion but the poem has the feel of a deep mind giving voice so well worth the accolades given.
I hope you are beginning to thaw out ha ha and realize that your work is really blossoming.
The old saying "argue for your limitations and they are yours" applies to you.
I know how difficult it can be to accept you have a skill in anything from poetry to say needlework or being a hostess etc. etc. Many of us were brought up knowing only criticism (many times the parents were raised like that so it is self perpetuating)
It takes time to change the mindset but self awareness is the start. Well done...very well done!
Alison x


Author's Reply:
Hi Alison thank you, I always value your opinion and now you have mentioned the 'dreams' I can see it too, I shall try and find another to replace it, normally I try not to repeat a word unless I think I need to, this time I decided to as I hadn't got another to replace it. (Sorry that was somewhat garbled)
I used to do embroidery until the arthritis made it too painful, I could tell easily if that was good or bad and had no doubts, one's own poetry is much harder to judge. My upbringing was indeed the 'put down' sort, I can't remember ever being told I was any good at anything by my parents, a friend of my cousin once said I was good at drawing horses, I was always drawing them. Couldn't draw anything else though! I am very grateful for all the advice, lovely comments and the rating you have given to me and to this poem. Sue xxx.



Nemo on 04-02-2015
Hopes And Dreams Unfound.
I'm admiring the compression and strong feelings in this, plus how the concrete images make the abstract ideas work. It's hard to say anything new about life slipping us by and being snuffed out but this poem gets your rage, sadness and frustration across. I'd change the second 'dreams' to 'hopes' and in the last line 'hopes' to 'yearnings.'
Congrats on the nom and nib.
Gerald

Author's Reply:
Thank you Gerald for such a nice comment, such a difficult poem to get right though! I have given a great deal of thought to everyone's suggestions. I didn't think any of the offered words said what I meant (sorry) and I was stuck, but I thought that if two "dreams" was the problem the first one would be easier to alter. So I have substituted " faded promise" I am hoping that works better. Thank you for congrats on nib, and nom. hope they will still apply with the new words! Sue xx.

ValDohren on 05-02-2015
Hopes And Dreams Unfound.
Congrats on the nib and nom Sue - hope these give you renewed faith in yourself and the comments you receive.

Val xx

Author's Reply:
Many thanks Val, didn't expect either of those, but very happy and grateful to have them. Sue xxx


Disbeliever. (posted on: 02-02-15)
Was in two minds whether to post this or not, but for me it's theraputic, and a revelation. I am NOT saying I think I am being lied to when told a poem is good, I am saying I have come to realise my problem is in my own head and by writing this poem it's in black & white, so I can't argue. πŸ™‚

They say I am a poet, their words I don't believe. They say my work is very good, I think their tongues deceive. Every plaudit kindly given leaves me riven, with distrust. Poets held in high regard by them my work discussed, they tell me truly, I can write; Yet how do I allow my mind to trust that they are right?
Archived comments for Disbeliever.
stormwolf on 02-02-2015
Disbeliever.
OMG πŸ˜‰
First the crit on the poem then the content.
The rhyme and rhythm was going along nicely then the last two lines were out of sync, the last line particularly.

You need to work on that a bit. just because you are making a point does not IMHO mean it’s good to lose focus.


I see what you are saying and can tell by some lines and the 'about' section you are trying to say the problem is with yourself i.e. a lack of self confidence or self worth but this line galls a wee bit..
'I think their tongues deceive. '

Deceive in its true form speaks of some sort of underhand workings...or are you the one who you feel is deceived?
This really opens a can of worms, same as my comments on rating in the forum. Too much praise loosely given can in fact give someone an idea their work is better than it is...and also against what do we rate? The others here or the poetry produced everywhere or the old established poets?

Also, it brought up some hard questions about who has the right or the knowledge to actually say whether a poem is any good? I think it was left that poetry is very subjective and therefore its 'horses for courses' but there are some basic glaring mistakes that many make especially in rhyming poetry and that is to mangle a poem or repeat words on order to make a poem rhyme when it is at the expense of the meaning or the rhythm etc..

Nobody can give anybody else self esteem. Some have an abundance of it, too much maybe...some woefully lacking.
I am speaking for myself here..
i think its wise to go from a position of being open to well meaning feedback rather than fight your corner as some do...then to always strive to get better and accept we all post inferior work sometimes but if the impetus is to improve the way is always uphill with passion πŸ˜‰
I hope you understood what I am trying to put over. It affects all of us.

Poets are very sensitive souls in general but those who progress as far as I have seen since coming here, are those who are willing to be open to the feedback from others who all had to start somewhere.
Some are born naturally gifted and most of us have to learn with the skills we have and the desire to speak through words.

It is not easy to lay ourselves bare to the world and his wife but like in everything else it's a case oh 'who dares wins'

hope that helps πŸ™‚

Alison x

Author's Reply:
Oh gosh Alison, I had to read this several times to absorb all you have said, the crit first, the last two lines I wanted to set apart as they are are asking the question, a plea if you will ' please tell me how DO I believe them, why won't my brain allow it?'
The line 'their tongues deceive'... I read positive feedback, my first thought is that I am glad I have written something that has been enjoyed, and I feel I have written something worthwhile, but then the stupid doubts take over and blind me to the facts by telling me no the reader was just being kind and I have no right to think I am any good and I should not try and write any more rubbish. So It is my own mind doing the deceiving towards me. I have only looked in on the forum a few times, as I thought some of the comments were generally a bit harsh. I completely agree with you about poetry being " horses for courses" we all like different things, and I have learnt so much from the positive or otherwise feedback on here and have acted accordingly, how else do we learn,except by listening to others. The rating system I think is a good idea, but as you point out can have its drawbacks, the way I rate anything is, did it say something to me, was it well written
with no, as you said ' mangling 'of the poem, and would I read it many times over with the same enjoyment. I must admit I can be a bit tight on the rating it has to be ( to my mind ) exceptional to get a high score.
I hadnt intended too much to be read into this poem, as it was only about my own doubts, and I really wasn't sure about posting it, but thought well 'in for a penny in for a pound.'
I very much appreciate you taking the time to give me such an interesting and detailed comment, It has given me much to think about. Thank you, Sue xx




Mikeverdi on 02-02-2015
Disbeliever.
Errr... this is well written, well rhymed etc.. but total bollox. I would take this out into your garden and set fire to it, sacrifice it to what ever gods you believe in, and NEVER let me read it again. HaHa!
Mike

Author's Reply:
Ah Mike thank you for giving me a laugh, appreciate the well written and rhymed, and ( I never thought I would ever say this) the fact you think its total bollox, you have lifted my spirits and given me the good kicking I needed too. I promise never to post its like again Hehe. In gratitude, Sue xx :-))

e-griff on 02-02-2015
Disbeliever.
Essentially a nice little rhyme expressing your point. I think all creative people feel this way, so you are not alone. The consolation is it's spurring you on to improve, and that's good.

I didn't like the awkwardness of 'by them my work discussed' just to fit the rhyme. I'm sure you can improve on that. And the last three lines don't fit the rhythm/rhyme. You need to insert a line before they tell me truly .... also the next to last line reads a bit awkwardly I would say.

There, have I depressed you? I hope not. I assume this is a bit of fun, not a serious poem you have honed. πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Haha no you haven't depressed me, I have very good tablets to stop that, only joking. About the lines
' by them my work discussed' perhaps should have said 'with them' as I was referring to the back and forth of feedback comments (not put in just for rhyming purposes )The last three lines is a kind of summing up of the whole thing, sort of 'in conclusion, I am being told I can write, but how can I convince my own mind, which constantly deceives me by saying I cannot, that really I can?' To be honest the line I expected to get negative comments was the 'leaves me riven with distrust' its too close to the 'given' above it. The whole poem was just a 'sort my own mind out' type thing. My biggest fear is, am I writing drivel and I can't see it? Did wonder whether I should have submitted it though. Your comments are very helpful and have given me some ideas for changes, Thank you Sue πŸ™‚

Bozzz on 02-02-2015
Disbeliever.
Dear Sue, in effect you are asking "What is truth"? and how can you tell. Of course there are no absolute answers, but to allow that to affect the mind is, in my mind, a non-scientific approach. Because there are no absolutes, man has to learn to live with likelihoods. and in this case it reduces to like and dislike. If the likes outnumber the dislikes - rejoice for that is the nearest to truth you can get. I am a 'like' and think you are a natural. My love too...David

Author's Reply:
Hi David you have put together a good argument, and are quite right, it does come down to like or dislike, and I am very pleased you are a like πŸ™‚ My main fear is to write something which I think is good, people say it is to humour me, but it really is rubbish. On the other hand I would like to think I would know if it's good or really bad, I can tell when I read other people's poems. Thank you, I appreciate all you have said and will keep it in mind for when the doubts creep in. Sue xxxx.

pommer on 04-02-2015
Disbeliever.
Hi Sue,
I agree with Mike to a certain extent, but I would not go as far as burning it.In fact, if I ever had any doubts I would re-read it and the comments others have made, and gain belief from those comments.We all have ,moments of doubt like it. Best wishes, Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
Haha Peter I know what Mike meant, he wasn't being literal, It's not the poem he wants to burn but my doubts. He was giving me a ' good shaking' I believe. πŸ™‚ Without dwelling on this I was bullied for the majority of my school years, the putting down, and humiliating following around chanting, by a group of older kids, variety. I was an only child of older parents of the " mustn't praise the child" era, so I never had any back up or confidence building. Which I guess has remained, ah alas poor me lol. I'm over it now but I suppose a residue of doubts remain to plague the Soul ! Thank you for taking time to kindly comment, I appreciate it. Sue xx.

ValDohren on 05-02-2015
Disbeliever.
Don't know why you posted this Sue - I am sure most of us lack confidence in our efforts sometimes, I know I do. I have considered leaving this site a number of times in view of not feeling good enough, but then someone comes along and gives me a great comment and it puts me back on track rather than leading me to feel deceived. Yes indeed, throw it in the bin.
Val xx

Author's Reply:
I had doubts about posting this as I was worried it could be misunderstood, that when I said deceived I meant I was being lied to, that's not it at all, it's my own brain that is deceiving me, when I am feeling happy and confident about the appreciative comments on a poem, my brain kicks in and brings me right down by telling me I have no right to accept the truth and I must not think I am as good as people say. That's all I was meaning, ( eight years of put down bullying hasn't helped! ) I like this site because we are given no holds barred appraisal, if a poem is good, it's good, if it's not there is a reason given and helpful advice offered. This may sound mixed up and contradictory, and that's what I tried to convey in the poem. I shan't bin ( or burn it, thanks Mike! πŸ™‚ ) as believe it or not I like it, I'll just keep it under wraps lol. Thank you Val, it's good to know there is so much help and support for each other on here. Sue xxx


Ancient Voices. (posted on: 26-01-15)
A litle fancifull perhaps.

I hear the voices in the wind calling through the trees, and I listen to those voices for they whisper things to me. They tell of fears from long ago of tears from grief in waiting. Soldiers who have left to fight and shall not be returning. Hopes and dreams not come to pass, and feet that walked a lonely path. The voices circle round the hills along the valleys, across the plains. Forgotten Souls misplaced in life drifting through the midnight lanes. Perhaps these winds are aeons old, they blew when life was young, and then to all the sorrows hold; Carried forth since time begun.
Archived comments for Ancient Voices.
Mikeverdi on 26-01-2015
Ancient Voices.
I like it Sue, I get the voices from the past. I sometimes feel that when in an old house; the past reaching out.
Mike



Author's Reply:
Glad you like it Mike, I'm not too sure if I do, something doesn't feel quite right perhaps it's just me though. Think I must be feeling my age I seem to be dwelling on the subject of time lately. I love old buildings, but not the mean tempered ones that shout at you to go! Thank you for commenting , at least it's not another nature one haha.

pommer on 26-01-2015
Ancient Voices.
Hello Sue, I don't think for a moment it is just old age,I very often have heard the voices and seen the faces of friends from my early years, who like myself went,but never came back.They lost such a lot.It is good to remember.Best wishes, Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
Hello Peter, so sorry for my late reply. I always feel there is 'something' more than what we see, can't explain it but I guess it's a bit like Alice going through the looking glass. As you say it's good to remember lost friends, who may still be around us. Thank you for commenting, I appreciate it. Sue xxx

Bozzz on 28-01-2015
Ancient Voices.
I guess being human is what enables us to imagine what we choose. Sadly it is both a strength and a weakness - we take our choice. Most feel that nature, our surroundings, are the proper food for thought and yours, as a true poet, have that extra charm. Sue, a poem that resonates for all. It works for me.....David

Author's Reply:
Thank you David, I always seem to see more than is actually there, too much imagination maybe, or perhaps there is something more? I am glad you enjoyed it, I'm still not quite sure if I am satisfied with it though. The lovely compliment you gave me, calling me a true poet is deeply appreciated. Thank you so much Sue xx.

Gothicman on 29-01-2015
Ancient Voices.
Yes, a pleasant read, Sue, from your much loved inspirational source. Would prefer "moonlit lanes" rather than "midnight", as negative lunar influences are well known! But that's just me. Spring will be here soon!
Trevor

Author's Reply:
Thank you Trevor, I can understand your point about " moonlit lanes " but to me that says romance, softness. For this poem I wanted a colder, darker and more lonely feel. Yes, as you say spring will soon be here, sooner rather than later I hope. Sue. πŸ™‚

Nemo on 29-01-2015
Ancient Voices.
I appreciate this ability, Sue, to evoke those who are no longer with us. I walk my dogs past late nineteenth century houses and I often think of the families who lived in them whose sons, brothers and husbands didn't make it back from WW1, the women waiting on doorsteps for the telegraph boy... Thanks for sharing, Gerald.


Author's Reply:
I love old churches, and have always felt comfortable in them, until I went to my grandson's carol concert in a village church. The minute I walked in I felt very uneasy, the church was pretty, with ancient wall painted murals, small and decorated for Christmas, I had to concentrate really hard to stop myself running out before the end, I felt as though centuries of past lives were packed in there with us, the murals too seemed to draw less than happy feelings around us. No one else seemed to be bothered but I could feel real animosity towards us. I can understand what you mean about those old houses, they can make you see their past. Sorry I have waffled on too much! Thank you Gerald for your interesting comment. Sue xx


Winter Jasmine. (posted on: 19-01-15)
_+_+_+_+

The canvas from my window has a sky that's painted bleak. Buckled bough's of barren trees stand beneath this sky of flint. Washing over hidden hedges waves of listless ivy flow. With here and there a brighter tint on younger, lime flecked leaves. Sprigs and twigs, cascading down, a waterfall of winter. Painted gold, in shade and shadow the yellow jasmine grows.
Archived comments for Winter Jasmine.
MrMarmite on 19-01-2015
Winter Jasmine.
Love the words here very descriptive.I envy your view as from my window I see a huge block of flats !Great poem worthy of a nine.

Author's Reply:
It is a lovely view, I have a wooded embankment at the end of my garden, and a small park with cherry blossom trees in spring. The Jasmine I planted beside my patio door for winter colour, and it flower's from November to April, a bower of yellow stars. I am very lucky. Thank you for your very kind comments, and the high rating, much appreciated. Sue.

pommer on 19-01-2015
Winter Jasmine.
It sounds absolutely wonderful Sue. It is not unlike our view from our bedroom.A pleasure to read as always.Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
Thank you Peter, glad you enjoyed reading it. There's nothing like an inspiring view I find, if someone would kindly knock down the two houses opposite the front of the house, the view would be even nicer there, I'd see the stream Haha. Sue xx

ValDohren on 19-01-2015
Winter Jasmine.
You have painted a beautiful scene Sue, and some great alliteration in there too. Great stuff.
Val xx

Author's Reply:
Hi Val, much appreciate you reading and commenting on this, I did wonder if I had gone a bit overboard on the alliteration though. πŸ™‚ Sue,xx.

Bozzz on 20-01-2015
Winter Jasmine.
Although of Chinese origin, winter jasmine is not quite naturalised in UK but is so in France. It must look lonely in the cold - you are lucky - gracious and nicely tucked up poem, Sue....XXX David.

Author's Reply:
I didn't know it was Chinese in origin, must admit there are not many around here but I love mine. I am pleased you liked my tribute to it. Thank you, Sue. Xxx

Ionicus on 21-01-2015
Winter Jasmine.
A nice description of floral beauty and of jasmine in particular. Your appreciation of nature is summed up by this poem, Sue.

Author's Reply:
Thank you for reading, and taking the time to post such a nice comment. Sue πŸ™‚

Nemo on 22-01-2015
Winter Jasmine.
I like the painter-like use of 'canvas.' It nicely sets up the background from which the jasmine radiates its colour. Effective.
Gerald.

Author's Reply:
Gerald, I am glad you liked the canvas idea, it was the colour of the sky looking like a blank piece of canvas that began the train of thought. That lovely Jasmine cascading down gets me through the winter all by itself, love it! Sue x

stormwolf on 24-01-2015
Winter Jasmine.
I have come to see your forte in poetry which is also your true love...nature. I can so relate, it being a love of mine also. πŸ™‚
You are original in imagery and seem to be coming into your own now so a true 'blossoming' in tune haha

Alison xx

Author's Reply:
Thank you Alison you have given me such a lovely compliment, nature never falls short I find. I do hesitate to keep submitting so many though, I try to find another subject instead, but nature keeps pushing in. I fear people will become bored with them and decide not to bother with anything with my name above it :-// Thank you again I am so glad you feel as I do about this subject, and very much appreciate the rating. πŸ™‚ Sue xx.


Winds. (posted on: 12-01-15)
Mainly inspired by Mike's wonderful holiday descriptions.

Oh those winds that call and cry how I wish with you to fly. Across the oceans tumbling free looking down on azure seas. I'd scatter dust on desert plains. And blow along the monsoon rains to fall on India's land of spice. Across the skies I'd travel on, to lands of Northern light. Ruffle coats of polar bears, on isle's of snow and ice. In lazy wisps I'd drift across the Caribbean sea, wrap around the colours there, and whisper soft " Come dance with me "
Archived comments for Winds.
charliesgirl on 12-01-2015
Winds.
Really like this. How wonderful to be able to do all these things. Especially 'ruffle the coats of polar bears'!

Author's Reply:
Hi, charliesgirl, I have only just seen your comment, I'm so sorry you must think I am terribly rude, not replying to it sooner. Thank you so much for reading and commenting on it. Polar bears do invite a bit of fur ruffling don't they, :-)) Sue x

Mikeverdi on 12-01-2015
Winds.
HaHa! Sue, I wish I could fly you there. So pleased to read that you like my little exerts πŸ™‚

ps. And no...I'm not going to critique this one HaHa!
Mike
XxX

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike, I like the idea of flying but after a ride in a Weymouth swing boat with only two pulls on the rope I realised I really, really don't like heights! If you want to critique this you can I won't stop reading your holiday stories haha. Many thanks for reading and letting me get away with no changes ( yet! ) xx Sue.

ValDohren on 12-01-2015
Winds.
Beautiful Sue. Can I say, I found the rhyme scheme a bit inconsistent, but having said that, the content overrides with some very inspired and imaginative lines.
Val xx

Author's Reply:
Hi Val, I agree with you about the rhyming, I knew what I wanted to say but it kept morphing into something different, so I split it into two different poems, neither of which I am totally happy with! I appreciate your very kind comments, perhaps it's better than I thought :-)) Many thanks Sue xx.

Bozzz on 15-01-2015
Winds.
Oh Sue, I know too well the morphing problem, but with me it is the other way round - trying to be straight and then sucked into rhyme. Dreadful. And yes, I would love to be your partner and dance in the wind, but I am such a clumsy oaf that you'd be better off with the Devil. Sweet poem... XXX...David

Author's Reply:
Thank you for reading and commenting David, I may post the other morphed half of this poem in a week or so, but still not entirely happy with it. As for dancing even the Devil himself would be disappointed with me as a partner ! Sue x

Gothicman on 15-01-2015
Winds.
Don't go to the Arctic, Sue, been there, and it's bloody freezing, got the T-shirt, fur coat, and mittens to prove it! Hahaha! Lots of good places to visit in Oxfordshire, Abingdon, Clifton Hamden, Bicester, Weston-On-The-Green! Sorry, got carried away there! As someone once said: you can travel the world and not really know the beauty of your own back yard; or words to that effect! Good or suspicious rhyme? I enjoyed it, anyway. As David says, easy to start straight and get sucked into rhyme, or vice-versa!
Trevor x

Author's Reply:
Hi Trevor, forget Bicester, have been twice and each time it put me in a bad mood no idea why. , But yes it's beautiful around here, only trouble is unless my family invite me to a trip out with them, I have no way of accessing it, no car and the busses /trains are no good to me. ( arthritis ). Hey-Ho. πŸ™‚ Think I may change the layout of this, bit late I know! May read better. Many thanks for your interest and comments Sue xx


Solitude. (posted on: 05-01-15)
-*-*-*-*-

A distant train, lost to sight calls gentle through the grey, carried along on song rich air, to drift upon this day. A wisp of wind to catch the leaves, and hold a child's laugh. All unseen, yet softly heard, on this sequestered path.
Archived comments for Solitude.
Mikeverdi on 05-01-2015
Solitude.
Nice one Sue,I like it a lot.

It wouldn't be me if there wasn't something πŸ™‚ one word at the end...For' is it needed?
Mike
xXx

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike, the ' for' was 'as' at first, didn't like that, thought about going straight into the line, but decided on 'for' but still not sure. Oh decisions, decisions! Glad you like it though πŸ™‚ Sue xx

ValDohren on 06-01-2015
Solitude.
Another lovely poem from your pen Sue. The full stop at the end of the penultimate line suggests you should drop 'for' as per Mike. Without the full stop and replaced with a comma, it would be fine as it is.
Val xx


Author's Reply:
Hi Val, this poem started off with a comma but I wasn't sure, so very grateful for your suggestion, I felt it needed to keep 'for'
so have one put the comma back. Many thanks πŸ™‚ Sue xx.


Vista. (posted on: 05-01-15)
-+-+-+-+-

Fold upon fold, of voluptuous green, to rise and fall, on horizon's crest. Rolling and swaying, padded and preened. With hedgerow's hand's against her breast. Unfettered clouds, like tangled tresses drape across those shoulders bare. A field of poppies blush her cheek, and voice of birdsong, ring's the air.
Archived comments for Vista.
ValDohren on 05-01-2015
Vista.
Lovely as always Sue. I can just picture the scene.
Val xx

Author's Reply:
Thank you Val, it is a beautiful view. Thank you too for picking me as a hot author, I'm very pleased you like my work that much. :-)) Sue xx

Chew on 05-01-2015
Vista.
Really enjoyed the imagery here. For a moment I thought I was there! I particularly liked the line "a field of poppies blush her cheek". Very enjoyable.

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much, I'm glad you could 'see' the picture I tried to show. Much appreciate your comments πŸ™‚ Sue.

pommer on 05-01-2015
Vista.
Yes Sue, I could see this. Beautiful, Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
Hi Peter, so pleased you could picture it all, thank you. Sue xx

Bozzz on 06-01-2015
Vista.
Oh Sue, I too was first saved by the blush of poppies. But long ago I visited my uncle, an artist and sculptor. I asked him why he had not painted the beautiful country view from his house. His reply "There is just too much green". this moment came to mind after reading your poem, " but your words "Fold upon fold of voluptuous green", made me see the shame of his remark. Beautifiul piece my friend....David

Author's Reply:
Thank you David, as I had viewed the rolling countryside as a beautiful woman laying there, I thought a blushing cheek would
add a touch of virtue πŸ˜‰ Although there is never enough green for me. So pleased you enjoyed it and thought it beautiful. Sue xx.

Mikeverdi on 06-01-2015
Vista.
I have come back to this one several times, at first I was unsure; I thought it didn't work. I now see the problem....it was me. I am seeing it now as if for the first time; and getting it. "Unfettered clouds like tangled tresses drape across those shoulders bare" I must have been blind to that; now I am lost for words.
Mike

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike, your comment made me smile, but I am so pleased you persevered with this poem. You certainly have given me a great compliment in your comments. And the rating and nomination have made my day, thank you very, very much. :-)) Sue xx

ifyouplease on 06-01-2015
Vista.
it's a beautiful poem, but is there a hidden meaning? what has Mikeverdi seen? I'd really like to see it too! please help.

Author's Reply:
Thank you for saying its a beautiful poem, that's very kind. There's no hidden meaning, I saw this view as a buxom
Lady with curves and beauty, maybe Mike's imagination saw something in it that he liked. πŸ™‚ Sue.

ifyouplease on 07-01-2015
Vista.
okay now I know why I liked it so much, I also kept coming back and read it again and again, you suddenly see something perhaps too personal that has nothing to do with the poet but yourself. magical!

Author's Reply:
Gosh that's very deep, perhaps you have Mike's imagination πŸ™‚ Seriously though I am very touched by your words, you have truly made my day thank you so much. Also I would like to say another thank you for the high rating, and making it a hot story. sue xxx


Somnolence. (posted on: 02-01-15)
I wrote this about twenty years ago as an experiment, I read a poem in a similar flowing sing/song rhythm and wanted to try it for myself. I rather like it, but doubtful if others will.

The sighs of the trees caressed by the breeze, the drone and the hum of bees as they tease the pollen from flowers, as they drowse through the hours. While the soft coo-coo's are the words of the birds. And the squirrels who ponder, midst the boughs that they wander, watch the ducks as they ride and they glide to the side, of the lake so awake with the ripples they make.
Archived comments for Somnolence.
Bozzz on 02-01-2015
Somnolence.
Well I like it Sue, but I am a sucker for rhyme and rhythm every time. It is like those everlasting finger movements they used to give to the demented, saying when you get to the top you can go free from the asylum. Easy peasy - keep going....Love from Uncle David - I will be out of here tomorrow.

Author's Reply:
Thank you uncle David, I have never heard of those finger movements, perhaps if I end up in the asylum before you leave you can explain them to me, I have a feeling I may need them :-)) Sue x

pommer on 02-01-2015
Somnolence.
Yes Sue I do like it too. Peter.xxx

Author's Reply:
Thank you for reading and commenting Peter, I really was not sure about it. Sue x

Mikeverdi on 02-01-2015
Somnolence.
That makes three of us πŸ™‚
Mike
XxX

Author's Reply:
Well, I am somewhat stunned, I wrote this about the summer woods around my cottage in Witley, and although for me it summed up a lazy, drowsy afternoon by the lake, I have never been sure it works as it was an experimental style. Which is why I sought comments on here thinking I would get improvement suggestions! I am so pleased you liked it Mike, Thank you Sue xxx

ValDohren on 03-01-2015
Somnolence.
Cleverly written Sue, love the rhyming and the flow. Great stuff !
Val

Author's Reply:
Thank you Val, just wish I'd had such positive feedback years ago, I was always so doubtful about this one. Very grateful to you. Sue xx


Thoughts. (posted on: 29-12-14)
Random thoughts, there is far more to this time dimension than is actually seen.

Words I see have given birth to dreams that flew my mind. Shades of things are visions felt, for eyes that seek but never find. Essence of time flows side by side to the minutes lost today, for time itself falls to decay. Yet rises forth on ageless wings, to step once more beside the day.
Archived comments for Thoughts.
Mikeverdi on 29-12-2014
Thoughts.
Reading this after your 'memory lane' piece, I get the feeling that the changing of the year is bothering you. So much in your work hints at loss, as you know I have had my share of this. I wish a lotto win for you to move away from the diggers that live on your doorstep.
Mike
XxX

Author's Reply:
I am always nervous at the turning of the year, scared of what may lie ahead.
If I did the lottery, and won, I bet the damn diggers would still find me, but I'd buy a small house and as many acres as I could to surround me like a fortress, and perhaps a shotgun, just in case haha. As for loss yes we both have had more than we would wish, let's hope for better things. Sue xxx

ValDohren on 30-12-2014
Thoughts.
Hope the New Year brings you all that you wish for Sue. Poignant little poem many of us can relate to.
Val x

Author's Reply:
I hope the same for you too Val, thank you. I am always pleased that you read, and comment on my work, thank you again. Sue xx

Bozzz on 31-12-2014
Thoughts.
Yes time is a different thing to us all. For me it is a train; a sort of non-stop express to infinity - the Appleton layer is no impediment. The man markers like week and month and new year are imaginary stations where people have been waiting for years for a time train that might stop - but it never does. Lovely thought in your poem, Sue, stay happy and here is a whole slab of love - Oh dear what an awful thought - love in slabs - possible?. Yours, David

Author's Reply:
Hello David, I like the idea of time as a train, I can picture it like that. I also like the idea of slabs of love, I normally just get the crumbs so a whole slab would be a real treat, and greatly appreciated thank you. πŸ™‚ I hope 2015 is all you hope it will be, and more. Sue xx

ValDohren on 01-01-2015
Thoughts.
Hope the New Year brings you all that you wish for Sue. Poignant little poem many of us can relate to.
Val x

Author's Reply:
Hi Val, Thank you, I wish the very same for you too. I have been thinking about time and continuity a great deal lately, no idea why, probably age and the turning of the year. Just noticed I have already replied, hadn't realised your comment came up twice, sorry. Perhaps I shouldn't be on here at nearly 1am ! Think I'll go to bed now, πŸ™‚ Sue xx


New Years Eve. (posted on: 29-12-14)
My daugher was a bell ringer at our village church, I used to walk her there and wait to walk her home when she she rang in the new year, these are some of my memories of those times.

A winter's eve and all is still. The Church bell's peal is crystal clear for frost hangs chill about the night, and leaves it's gleam on cottage sill. A pool of gold on ice cold path is shed from lamp lit pane. Scents of wood smoke climb the air from flames in log filled hearth. The long awaited midnight chimes are drawing ever near. For winter's clock moves slowly on towards the turning of the year.
Archived comments for New Years Eve.
Mikeverdi on 29-12-2014
New Years Eve.
The way this reads, I guess these are times you would live again in a moment Sue. Hope this New Year is good to you.
Mike
XxX

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike, A happy New Year to you all too, I hope 2015 will be a great year.
As for the poem, yes I would re-live those times in a heartbeat, those years were the best I ever had, or will ever have. Sue xx

pommer on 29-12-2014
New Years Eve.
I love the scene you set Sue. Reminds me of a midnight mass attendance many years ago,when only the clergyman and I were there, and my walk across the snow covered fields in Hertfordshire.A lonely but beautiful night. Thank you for sharing.Happy New Year, Peter.

Author's Reply:
Happy New Year to you too Peter. Your evening does indeed sound beautiful. Thank you for reading,and sharing your memories, I appreciate it. Sue xx

e-griff on 29-12-2014
New Years Eve.
Lovely description.

May picky old me make proofing suggestions?

Peal, its (my own tablet put a ' in first time!)

And a simple personal preference only.. Lamplit

Author's Reply:
I thank picky old you, can't believe I put "peel" what an idiot! My phone is more helpful in correcting me, this tablet only does it if it's blindingly obvious and I notice it anyway then. The lamp lit ( separated ) I hoped would slow down the reading of the line. Have to admit I toyed with "lamplit" though. Much appreciate you reading the poem, and your helpful suggestion. Sue xx

ValDohren on 30-12-2014
New Years Eve.
Lovely Sue, you have painted such a beautiful scene here.. Happy New Year to you.
Val xx

Author's Reply:
Thank you Val, your words are much appreciated. A Happy New Year to you to. πŸ™‚ xx


Midnight Mass. (posted on: 22-12-14)
~+~+~+~+

Norman arch and flickered flames. The silk soft touch of ancient pew, and walls, rough hewn with tales to tell. Joyful sounds of upraised voice, the age old carol sung. While drifts aloft the soft sweet scent of incense slowly swung. A final prayer, the blessing given. And Christmas Day begun.
Archived comments for Midnight Mass.
Mikeverdi on 22-12-2014
Midnight Mass.
A couple of words I could have done without... But that's just me πŸ™‚ A cracking write Sue. XxX


Author's Reply:
Thought you might say that Mike, I did try removing some words but I felt it didn't read as I wanted it to so I put them back. I'm glad you enjoyed it, I was thinking of the village church where I used to live. Thank you for reading and commenting. πŸ™‚ Sue xx

Bozzz on 28-12-2014
Midnight Mass.
Hi Sue, I am not a churchgoer, but am sure I miss a lot by not being one - in this old Dorset village the church is 13th century, much like the one you describe so beautifully - including the smell and almost everybody attends at Xmas.
I know that in America they are talking about depriving all atheists of the vote - regarded as worse than terrorists ! Oh dear, never mind, we will get by somehow. A good write, Sue.... Yours David

Author's Reply:
Hi David, I must admit I wasn't a regular churchgoer either, but my daughter helped with Sunday school and was a bell ringer so we had connections. It was a priority to attend Midnight Mass just for tradition's sake really. Once we moved it was more difficult to get there, and we went less and less. I do miss it though. Thank you for reading, I always appreciate your comments. Very best wishes for the new year. Sue xx


Village School Nativity Play. (posted on: 19-12-14)
As title.

Chapel hall with parquet flooring, ancient door with children pouring. Christmas tree in corner stands, nervous infants, holding hands. Stuttered words from shuttered lips, shuffling feet and nervous tics. Giggling shepherds try to hide, poking neighbours by their side. Tiny noses fingers' picking, Parents with their cameras' clicking.
Archived comments for Village School Nativity Play.
Bozzz on 20-12-2014
Village School Nativity Play.
Splendid cameo. Delightful and so accurate. Brilliant word choice. Congrats....David. Nibworthy piece too

Author's Reply:
Thank you David, couldn't resist writing it, my granddaughter was a cat ( ? ) Didn't realise any cats were there :-)).so pleased you think it worthy of a Nib. Sue xx

e-griff on 20-12-2014
Village School Nativity Play.
ah, yes you DO have a good ear! :-)Excellent metre and good observation. The only thing I might query is did you mean 'fingers' and 'cameras'. With the apostrophes there is meaning, but it's a bit distracting to be honest.

Author's Reply:
Thank you, that's very kind of you. And yes I do mean 'fingers' and cameras' many thanks, boy do I hate those apostrophes, never seem to get them right, will change. Very grateful πŸ™‚ Sue x

pommer on 20-12-2014
Village School Nativity Play.
Yes Sue great stuff. I can see the scene. Congrats,Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much Peter, glad it conveys the scene as I hoped. Sue xx

Mikeverdi on 21-12-2014
Village School Nativity Play.
Wonderful writing Sue and well worth the Nib. So sorry to have been away and late with comments. Sadly had an neck problem and had some more scans/Xrays.
Mike

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike missed you on here, glad you're back, hope the neck gets sorted out soon πŸ™‚ Thank you for the lovely comment. Sue xx

ValDohren on 21-12-2014
Village School Nativity Play.
Succinct and tightly knit - says it all Sue, excellent. Congrats on the nib.
Val xx

Author's Reply:
You are very kind Val, thank you. Happy Christmas and all the best for the new year, to you and yours. sue xx


Contentment. (posted on: 15-12-14)
Had the basic outline of this then heard the developers had begun to rip out all the trees in the top fields ready for building after Christmas, beautiful trees, been growing there for years all ripped out, and burnt in one day. Too upset to write much did my best to finish this.

It's raining, but what matter is that, when golden leaves hold sunshine's light, and squirrels own the trees. Birds still dance the zephyr'd sky, and time walks well with me.
Archived comments for Contentment.
Andrea on 15-12-2014
Contentment.
Terrible (the trees, not the pome, which I liked). I hate man sometimes...

Author's Reply:
Hi Andrea I'm so glad you liked the poem, have to admit my heart wasn't in it really. The view across these fields is amazing rolling countryside as far as you can see, full of wildlife. They are being covered in 2000 houses now and possible more in the near future. I knew we'd lost our fight to save them, but I hadn't expected the developers to jump in so quickly, the worst thing though is that we don't need anywhere near that amount yet, but as they had the go ahead for some they applied for far more and got it. One woman said how awful it was, thought about it, then said oh free wood for the log burner great, I could have throttled her, you can't fight if that's all people can see in the loss of such beautiful living things.

pommer on 15-12-2014
Contentment.
Hi Sue, how I symphasise with you. I experienced this some years ago, wrote a poem about a very old oak.All this progress takes away so much beauty.Nice poem.Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
Hi Peter thank you. As I said to Andrea, those fields are part of beautiful rolling countryside, stretching as far as the eye can see, to walk in them is a real privilege, don't know how I'll manage without them, I've always needed open countryside. Sue.xx


Silent Skies. (posted on: 08-12-14)
"*"*"

All countryside now brown plaid dressed in quiet comfort lies. Time folds in upon itself, fall's gentle on the mind. Here silence steps through noon-day skies. Where past and present breathe the hour, and time flows undefined.
Archived comments for Silent Skies.
Mikeverdi on 08-12-2014
Silent Skies.
This is good Sue, but take another look... it could be great!
Mike

Author's Reply:
Could you give me some pointers Mike, can't quite fathom out which bit needs changing. Sue xx

pommer on 11-12-2014
Silent Skies.
I like this one Sue, well done. Peter.

Author's Reply:
Thank you Peter, I was beginning to have serious doubts about this one, so I really appreciate your kind comments. πŸ™‚ Sue x


November. (posted on: 01-12-14)
:~:~:~:~:

All is becalmed, save a lone leaf drifting silent to the ground. Shrouding mist whispers through portrait posed trees. Stand awhile, be at peace, feel saddened spirits lifting. As quietly these grey-light, daylight, November hours long remember the slowly fading night.
Archived comments for November.
Mikeverdi on 01-12-2014
November.
One of your best for me Sue, I would like a comer after Shrouding mist, a small thing and just me. Please accept my nomination...I love it.
Mike

Author's Reply:
Oh wow, Mike thank you so much, you have just made my day, there will be s skip in my step when I walk my dog ( knees willing haha ). So glad you liked it so much. πŸ™‚ Sue xx.

stormwolf on 02-12-2014
November.
A lovely poem which captures perfectly the feeling of hush.
One of your best without a doubt.
Alison x

ps capital N for November πŸ˜‰
I would like to see it in the anthology.

Author's Reply:
Thank you Alison, to be honest I wasn't sure about this one, but glad I submitted it now πŸ™‚ Another thank you for setting me straight on the "N" I wasn't too sure, as some people I have read read use the smaller letter which threw me a bit. I will put it right. πŸ™‚ So glad you enjoyed the poem. The rating is very much appreciated. Sue xx

stormwolf on 02-12-2014
November.
November is 'capital noun' so should always have capital letter. Some chose to never use capitals at all and some simply do not know when to use them but if using punctuation in traditional way I would always see non use of capital as error. 😜 x

Author's Reply:
Thank you Alison for clearing things up for me, I used to be so sure of my grammar but being on different sites and seeing so many styles I'm not as confidant about what does and doesn't go, anymore. :-/ Sue xx

pommer on 04-12-2014
November.
A great poem Sue,it was a pleasure to read it.I felt the silence of those November nights. Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
Thank you Peter, it felt like time was wrapped in cotton wool. So glad you enjoyed reading it. πŸ™‚ Sue xx

Gothicman on 08-12-2014
November.
Beautifully written, Sue; this your best I've seen till now. One to go in my favourites. Sometimes pieces just become special for some reason. Excellent work.
Trevor x

Author's Reply:
Gosh, thank you Trevor, to think one of my poems is liked enough to be saved as a favourite means a great deal to me. Your comments too are very much appreciated, as is the rating, thank you very much. Sue xx


Just A Reflection. (posted on: 24-11-14)
Inspired by a book I was reading about a single woman chasing a married man, would not normally read "love" stories, don't really know why I read this one!

I come closer, drawn in. Deep behind your eyes I see always a mirrored reflection of me. Lip's kiss, such heat a rush of blood, the taste, so sweet. I hold your face a lover's touch. This man I see I love too much. I drop my hands, let them fall. Replace your picture on the wall. This man I love, yet cannot have.
Archived comments for Just A Reflection.
Mikeverdi on 24-11-2014
Just A Reflection.
Stunning!

Mike XxX

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much Mike. πŸ™‚ Sue xxx

Gothicman on 27-11-2014
Just A Reflection.
Yes, stunning and with desire!
Trevor x

Author's Reply:
Thank you Trevor that's much appreciated, so glad I managed to convey the strong emotions. Sue xx


The Day Lies Easy. (posted on: 24-11-14)
*~*~*~

The day lies easy about the hours, as leaves cast their colours to decay. Yet bright, they colour still this dampened way. Foretold, they lie in wait of winter's voice. Now nourish here, the sodden earth till light of year at spring's rebirth. Begin again, and dance anew.
Archived comments for The Day Lies Easy.
Mikeverdi on 24-11-2014
The Day Lies Easy.
Another gem from you, the words are strong and build the picture well; if I could suggest.... a better lay out to show them off?
Mike

Author's Reply:
Very glad you liked it Mike. The lay out is rubbish, I have tried several different ones but none of them seemed right either. I shall continue to rack my brains πŸ™‚ Many thanks, Sue xxx.

stormwolf on 26-11-2014
The Day Lies Easy.
You do these short nature poems so well. It has a timeless feel about it to match the timeless message of decay and rebirth.
One tiny thing would be to think of another word for colour in one of the lines to save using it twice here.

Yet bright, they liven still this dampened way ( just example)

I could see it beautifully displayed with a nice pic...not at all necessary but it can be the icing on the cake although some feel it's just novelty.
I know I spoke about the placing on the page before as its all sort of lying squashed in the corner and not shown off to its full potential. I know it should not matter ( and doesn't really) but as a work of art it calls to be nicely balanced .
If I can help at all I will although I'm no great shakes at describing things lol
Anyway, a wee treasure
. Alison x




Author's Reply:
Hi Alison, I know what you mean about the lay out, believe me I have taken all the helpful suggestions on board, but try as I might all the "spaceblockquote's" etc,. that I use haven't made any difference to where the poem actually ends up. What I need I think is someone sitting next to me actually showing me, and as no one is around to do that the poems end up along an edge. Its no good me reading instructions as the computer language goes over my head and I just get frustrated at my stupidity. As for pictures I have never really liked them, whats the point of describing in poetic detail something thats in the minds eye then put it next to a photo of the same thing. I know it works for some people and can look very nice, but its not for me. I see your point about the " colour" twice, how I saw it was although the colour of the leaves was on the verge of decay, the colour itself was still there. I do try not to repeat a word in a poem usually, but sometimes I put it in again for emphasis. Oh dear it does sound as if I am being awkward and ungrateful, please don't think that, I am very grateful for all your kind suggestions and complimentary words, they really do mean a great deal to me. I will grab my daughter and ask her to help me with the layout, when she next has some time to spare, bribe her with chocolate or something! Thank you again Alison. I am so pleased you have read my poem Sue XXX

Gothicman on 27-11-2014
The Day Lies Easy.
Keep these little gems coming, Sue, they always work as tasty morsels from Nature. < B L O C K Q U O T E > at start, and < / B L O C K Q U O T E > at end of piece, with no spaces between these signs and letters, in poem box only, not title or description area.

Please try!

Trevor

Author's Reply:
Hi Trevor thank you, believe it or not I put that every single time I submit anything, I must be doing something else wrong but no idea what. 😡. I just get so frustrated that I cannot get my computer to do what I want. Sue x


November Tapestry. (posted on: 17-11-14)
<*> <*>

Silence watches as the sun spins her golden thread through the last emerald leaves. Then the day comes alive. Noise and life, and light abound. As wind cries loud about the way. Breeze caught colours, tossed astray. Tips of trees, as silvered snow cast against the clouded grey. Yet peace still walks, to guide my tread. On painted paths my feet shall fall. Step soft, and make no sound... Upon this tapestry of life.
Archived comments for November Tapestry.
Mikeverdi on 17-11-2014
November Tapestry.
Another of your splendid nature trails πŸ™‚

It wouldn't be me if I didn't offer something....

On painted paths my feet shall wander; 'go' is a bit blunt for me. It's only me as usual πŸ™‚
Mike XxX

Author's Reply:
As always Mike I very much appreciate all your suggestions, if it wasn't for them I wouldn't have moved forward. Even if I don't amend the poem itself I always remember your advice and use it another time. I can see what you mean with "go" I read it through several times with "wander" which is a softer word but it didn't sound quite right to me, also I was rhyming it with snow, however I may try "fall" instead ( still doesn't rhyme with snow ) but seems to sit better. I will contemplate ( ok put off for now πŸ™‚ ) the changes but will probably amend as you are right about " go ". I love the word splendid to describe my mumblings, thank you. Sue xxx


Empty Dreams. (posted on: 17-11-14)
All my life I have strived to remain close to open countryside, it is paramount to me. Where I am now was to be the boundry of housing, the open country beside us would remain untouched. Change of plan 2.000 + houses to be built around me. And I cannot afford to move. Wrote this out of bitterness.

Dreams that never sail the sea. They wash to the shore on island's of fools, detritus of all hope. Dreams were never meant for me.
Archived comments for Empty Dreams.
Mikeverdi on 17-11-2014
Empty Dreams.
There is much one can read into this, I will stick with despair. I'm so sorry for you Sue.
Mike

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike, my earliest memory is at 6-9 months old, sitting in a pram, hustle and bustle one side ( wasn't interested ) and a large park with trees and bushes on my right, I was hooked by nature there and then. After that all of my memories are of heading out to the nearest open green space. I lived for a short time by the docklands of Plymouth in a bedsit, if I stood on the loo seat at the highest point of the house I could just see some fields in the far distance, I spent a lot of time there ! πŸ™‚ all my life I have dreamt of living surrounded by open country, partly achieved it on many occasions but always had it taken from me by circumstances beyond my control. Thought I had finally done it this time, but no and there is nothing I can do, can't move, won't be able to walk the distance to reach what may be left. To take it away from me, is like taking a goldfish from its bowl. Sorry rambled on too long. Thank you Mike for your kind words. Sue xx.

Bozzz on 18-11-2014
Empty Dreams.
Yes Sue, suburbs are truly the "detritus" of a city. Just a few houses brings neighbourly friendship, too many brings loneliness. My son, then aged five once described our suburbs as "the petticoats" of London - he confused them with the "outskirts". I feel for you and understand the cry, the sorrow in your sharp but brief and elegant poem. We moved to the west when the opportunity came and will never ever return....David

Author's Reply:
Hi David, I like your son's use of the word "petticoats," sounds much nice than "outskirts". I bet even if I moved to the wilds of nowhere the developers would find me. I used to live by a country lane running through vast woodlands, on the Surrey/Sussex border,( the address was Rose Cottage, Sweetwater lane. Beautiful! ) hence my use of sweetwater. Sadly in the last few years large chunks have been carved out of it for huge homes, or executive estates now it looks more like bits of woodland sandwiched between the houses. I hope your lovely area can stay as it is ( I promise I won't move there, so it should stay safe ) Thank you for your comments, I appreciate your interest and kind words. Sue.

Ionicus on 18-11-2014
Empty Dreams.
You are so right in saying that no area is now safe from the grasp of developers, Sue. They are also trying to grab 'green fields' because, as they say, it necessary to build new houses for a growing population. The fact that there are many run-down properties that could be repaired and refitted is ignored.

Author's Reply:
I am a member of our local anti development group, and Malc who runs it is very good at getting to the truthful facts, and he was told the reason we need so much new housing is mainly to accommodate the expected huge amounts of incomers from other countries, over the coming decades not so much for our own use. Which really shocked us all. To do up and repair the rundown properties is less cost effective than doing new builds apparently. To me all this is very wrong, once we have destroyed our environment it's lost forever. Thank you for reading and commenting, it's much appreciated. Sue x

pommer on 19-11-2014
Empty Dreams.
Yes Sue, you are right .We have been plagued by n particular developer for about three years. We have fought the developments, lost some, won some, but they keep coming back.Presently fighting against the erection of 31 more houses, which will further increase the danger of flooding to our community. I sympathise. Be lucky in your fight, Peter.

Author's Reply:
Hi Peter, I wish you luck in your new battle, at least you have won some. We have lost all ours here. The village I brought my girls up in before I came here has a river and a canal close by, surrounded by floodplain, which covers the fields to five feet or so in depth every winter, they have now built an estate on them, and plan even more. There is a flood defence but it was still touch and go this spring. It is getting ridiculous now. Thank you for reading the poem, and for sympathising with me, it's much appreciated. Sue x

MrMarmite on 22-11-2014
Empty Dreams.
My sister and her husband moved to the countryside in Leicestershire twenty odd years ago from Coventry as they wanted like you to be rural and close to nature.About ten years ago a council estate was built near them on open ground,so the peace and solitude went with it.I love the countryside but will we have any of it in the near future ?

Author's Reply:
I have never understood why all the industry and wealth continues to be squeezed into a tiny fraction of this island all centred around the south, it's destroying everything in the area, we have three quarters of our country unused and the population are facing a hopeless future with no jobs. I don't understand why we cannot spread our industries and financial sector further north. Provide more housing and work in the decaying rundown areas to revitalise it, and save what little we still have of our beautiful and productive countryside here. Thank you for reading and commenting on my poem Sue.


The Room. (posted on: 14-11-14)
I knew the background to this, but wasn't prepared for such strong feelings to pour from its walls.

Such an air of sadness held within that room. It spoke to me of sorrow. Of love that failed too soon. It told me too, of longing, of futures lost, denied.. For there is no tomorrow when tears walk at your side.
Archived comments for The Room.
Mikeverdi on 14-11-2014
The Room.
Short, bitter sweet and beautiful πŸ™‚

I love it.
Mike XxX

Author's Reply:
Thank you Mike, the sadness in that room still haunts me, I just hope I'm not invited in for another cup of tea ! Sue xx

pommer on 14-11-2014
The Room.
Simply beautiful Sue.I enjoyed reading. Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
Thank you Peter, you are very kind. πŸ™‚ Sue xxx

Nemo on 16-11-2014
The Room.
It is hard to write effectively and movingly with direct language. There is no dressing up with metaphor, no clutter, just words - and they work! This is an unspecified sadness in this utterance that is all the more poignant for going deep, a sadness that blights the life of nearly everyone. (On a different note, I think there should be a comma after 'longing' because 'longing of futures lost' doesn't seem right.)
Gerald

Author's Reply:
Thank you Gerald, oh crumbs, of course the comma should be there, it must have wandered off somewhere πŸ™‚ I will amend, I was once told ( on another site ) I scatter too many commas about, so I am always a bit wary of them. I have never felt such unhappiness in a room ever before. I had to write about it to get it off my chest, so to speak. Very grateful for your interest and comments. πŸ™‚ Sue.

Ionicus on 16-11-2014
The Room.
A nice one, Sue. Well done.

Luigi x

Author's Reply:
Thank you Luigi, you are very kind. Sue πŸ™‚


Dreaming. (posted on: 14-11-14)
~*~*~*~*

I'll walk with you in the deep of the night, where shadows dark will guide our way. The distant shore we'll call our right. Just take my hand to bid me stay. On sensual seas we'll ride the waves till morning light shall grasp the day.
Archived comments for Dreaming.
Mikeverdi on 14-11-2014
Dreaming.
Its good...but I think you can better it; make it great πŸ™‚
Mike

Author's Reply:
This one for me doesn't have to be great, I'll settle for good ( just this once ) however I may change last line, not sure where else to make changes though. Always appreciate your comments Mike, many thanks. πŸ™‚ Sue x

Nemo on 16-11-2014
Dreaming.
Intriging and mysterious, Sue, but I could spend a long time wondering what 'The distant shore we'll call our right' means and wanting to swap 'shadows dark' around. Feels more like a poem you've written for yourself than one you want us to understand fully. Well me, at least.
Gerald

Author's Reply:
You are spot on Gerald, I did write it for me, not really sure why I submitted it I suppose I just wanted opinions. I was just thinking of someone always far away ( Maine, America ) and the words just arrived, the "distant shore " ect., is the mix of time and distance. The shadows dark is that way round because I thought dark shadows a bit mundane. I very much appreciate your interest and your time. Thank you. Sue x

deadpoet on 16-11-2014
Dreaming.
I like this. It is extremely sensual and expresses a moment that may be personal for you but is quite universal for many. I can definitely relate to these emotions and descriptions. This is at least what I caught in this lovely little poem. Well done Sweetwater- love that alias!

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much, you have given me such a lovely compliment, and an unexpected, and very welcome rating, Thank you again. πŸ™‚ The "sweetwater" was because the address of my first home ( sadly only rented ) was Rose cottage, Sweetwater lane, The sweetwater bit was because the lane ran through vast woodland with lots of large lakes in it. I couldn't resist using it as an alias. Sue xx


Verdure. (posted on: 10-11-14)
Thoughts on country living.

Take me where the church bells ring and softly calls the cuckoo's spring. Let time walk slowly down the lanes to kiss the dusk as evening wanes. On silent steps the night shall come and quietest feet the shadows run. Where echo's call the winged to flight there dance the hours across the night. Where day breaks gentle, whispers fall and voices on the wind shall call. Come, let us walk this verdant way, seek a place, give thanks and stay.
Archived comments for Verdure.
Mikeverdi on 11-11-2014
Verdure.
Beautiful, another look at the life you cherish.
Mike
XxX

Author's Reply:
Thank you Mike, on Friday I am viewing more plans to build over nearby fields, soon all I'll have left is my imagination and memories hope to goodness those aren't taken away too. Sue xx

Ionicus on 11-11-2014
Verdure.
Another good piece from you, Sue. Enjoyed it.

Luigi x

Author's Reply:
Thank you Luigi, really glad you enjoyed it. Sue xx

PSPaul on 12-11-2014
Verdure.
Beautiful poem with a blissful feeling. Kudos for this great poem.

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much, your comments are greatly appreciated. Sue.

Kipper on 13-11-2014
Verdure.
Hello Sue
The others have said it for me. Beautiful as always.
I wonder if I dare, without the slightest hint of criticism, suggest a one word change - verse 2 line 2 - 'With' instead of 'And'.
Regardless, you see beauty where some of us do not, then pass it on.
Michael

Author's Reply:
Thank you Michael, you have given me some wonderful compliments. I have looked at your suggestion, and think you have seen the line differently to me, if I put "with" it infers the shadows are running. I put "and" because I was thinking of the silent paws of foxes running through the shadows. I hope I am making sense? I am glad you liked the poem enough to suggest your idea, and I may yet change it. I used to be scared to change anything but thanks to so much good advice kindly given on here I now have the confidence to do it. πŸ™‚ Sue xx


After The Rain. (posted on: 10-11-14)
^*^*^*^*^

The tick, tick of the last rung out raindrops, errant in their falling. Morse code winks silver from sun flicked droplets, still held fast. Driftwood twigs, cast down upon ripples flowing on the back of the black river road. Flotsam and jetsam remain, careless tossed about the grass waved sea.
Archived comments for After The Rain.
Mikeverdi on 11-11-2014
After The Rain.
You continue to write with great style Sue, nature is a subject you have made your own.
(sun flecked maybe)
Mike
XxX

Author's Reply:
Yes you are right I did think of flecked, but the leaves were constantly moving a tiny amount, reminding me of someone flicking them with a finger. Very much appreciate you saying I write with style, that is such a lovely compliment Thank you Mike. πŸ™‚ Sue. X

Ionicus on 11-11-2014
After The Rain.
Mike has got it right, Sue. Writing about nature seems to be your forte.

Luigi x

Author's Reply:
That's very kind Luigi, I must admit nature is my favourite. Thank you. Sue xx

Kipper on 11-11-2014
After The Rain.
Hi Sue
Same as him
and
same as him
another
goody
Michael

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much Michael, so glad you also liked it. πŸ™‚ Sue xx

Gothicman on 11-11-2014
After The Rain.
Brrrr! Made me tighten my neck scarf Sue, very descriptive and finely expressed. Yes, your forte, lovely little gems and glimpses into natural life, like this one especially.
Trevor

Author's Reply:
Hi Trevor it was definitely getting colder when I wrote this, winter's not too far away. Very much appreciate your complimentary comments. Thank you so much. Sue x


Fallen Leaves. (posted on: 07-11-14)
*+*+*+*+

Tree's, grey of bough bear their leaves, as flags at half mast now. There to flutter, helpless binding tight, lest they should fall to rest beneath. Comrades to the multi coloured rags cloaked upon their autumn dress.
Archived comments for Fallen Leaves.
Savvi on 07-11-2014
Fallen Leaves.
I really like the observational detail in this one, the metaphor isn't half bad either. The rhymes are well masked both end and internal. Very nicely done, It makes me want to get out for a brisk walk and go see it for real. Thanks Keith

Author's Reply:
Thank you Keith, your words are greatly appreciated. It amused me to see the last few leaves hanging on for dear life while all the rest were waiting for them beneath the tree. πŸ™‚ Sue.


Painted Horizons (posted on: 03-11-14)
^*^*^*^

Horizon swept in colour's, blending catches eye, all senses holding. Call's the lips to freely ask to taste of wine in nature's cask. Sweet burgundy, pours through the gold. magenta tips to green enfold. Like painter's palette, liquid flows, of paintbox colour beauty shows. Where breath of wind is cast around scattered droplets grace the ground.
Archived comments for Painted Horizons
Mikeverdi on 04-11-2014
Painted Horizons
This is good, but needs work in my opinion Sue. I like the idea though, just think it would benefit from some word changes.
Mike
XxX

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike, appreciate your comments, I've looked at it through " different eyes" but I can't quite work out which words you mean,
I'm very happy to change whatever it is that's not working, as I value your opinion very much, and you have a good "eye". But as I said I'm not sure which ones. Thank you for the advice. πŸ™‚ Sue xx


Love Denied. (posted on: 03-11-14)
Thoughts on unattainable love, is it really wasted or a chance to feel deep emotions otherwise denied?

Oh cruelest hand of Heaven's own, to set my feet on paths alone. To give a heart all passion's drive, the truest love through life, survive. No love to lovers here to give, condemned alone my life to live. Pray tell me why did Heaven decree to keep the one I love, from me.
Archived comments for Love Denied.
ValDohren on 03-11-2014
Love Denied.
Lovely Sue - nature is cruel to give us the capacity to love but often not the opportunity.
Val x

Author's Reply:
Thank you Val. I agree nature can be very mean. What is the point of having the feelings, if one can't share them with the one who is loved. Sue xx.

Mikeverdi on 04-11-2014
Love Denied.
Simply beautiful Sue.
Mike
XxX

Author's Reply:
Greatly appreciate such a lovely comment Mike, and a 10 too. Thank you so much, thats a lovely compliment. Sue xxx

pommer on 04-11-2014
Love Denied.
Sue, this is a very sweet sentimental poem.Well done. Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
Thank you Peter, I was trying to make sense out of it all by putting it into words. πŸ™‚ Sue xx.


Times Past. (posted on: 31-10-14)
This is the village my daughters grew up in, the one place I consider home. We knew everyone we met, not always by name, but by face, can't remember a time I did not meet someone to chat to wherever I walked. This isn't the greatest piece of writing, just a sad reflection of change.

We went to the village fete today, Melanie and I. Gloss green grass all trees asway, stalls set out with care. ~~~~~~ Many tears, and many years were seen within these bounds. Janet ran her homely shop. Harry "the baker" went his rounds. Sarah rang the "big church" bells, at Sunday school the lessons tell. Melanie, so many friends gathered on the green. Games of forty-forty hide and seek, and tag. Water fights and fizzy drinks. Ice cream from the van. No walk along the village street would see you go alone, with many there to meet or greet. Every person known. ~~~~~~ We went to the village fete decked gay, Melanie and I. Many faces passed our way. Not one of them we knew... Today.
Archived comments for Times Past.
pommer on 31-10-2014
Times Past.
What a lovely nostalgic reflection Sue, brings back memories for me as well. Thank you, Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
I think we enjoyed the tail end of it being a real village, now it's more commuter based. I am so glad we knew it when we did.
Glad too that it brought memories back for you, thank you for your comments. Sue πŸ™‚

Gothicman on 02-11-2014
Times Past.
Has an old-worldy feel about this Sue, like Christina Rossetti's "Goblin Market"; probably here because of of using rhyme. I still believe that capturing nostalgia and emotion in poetry, with few exceptions, is best achieved using free verse, letting the context drive its meaning home freely, using the reader's powers of contemplation uncluttered by lyrical effect. The content is poignant and contains treasured memories and moments, so a pleasure to read and much enjoyed, real village life. Trevor

Author's Reply:
Thank you Trevor, I appreciate the free verse advice very much as I have struggled with this one for ages, writen and re written many times, and wasn't too confident about using free verse here. So I am glad you cleared that up for me. I am pleased you enjoyed reading it, as you say real village life then, and I miss that here. Sue x

Mikeverdi on 02-11-2014
Times Past.
Hello Sue, I love the story in this. After reading it a couple of times I wonder if you had written it as prose; controversial but I think you should try it. You have such feeling it would be interesting. Please don't think I am disrespecting your poetry... I love it.
Mike
XxX

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike, it took ages to get it as a poem, I had so much I wanted to add, but had to keep chopping bits out or it would have been pages long, so maybe your idea would have worked better. I have often thought about prose, I tried my hand years ago, just on a whim but soon gave up. I remember in school I enjoyed essays though. You could be right about writing this as prose but I wouldn't know where to begin I'm afraid, but will certainly think about giving it a go. I am so glad you think that highly about my poetry, it is a great compliment,
Thank you. Sue xx


Bozzz on 02-11-2014
Times Past.
The pure friendly sweetness of village life - unbeatable. We moved from Devon to Dorset and started a fete in our little village, first in our garden then in our adjacent orchard and then in our big field - grew like topsy - dog show, jazz band, scarecrow competition - such fun. Your poem brought it all back - thank you Sue...David

Author's Reply:
You are right David, there is nothing to beat village life, I loved getting the bus home and listening to the older countrymen talking about their peas, and how the runner beans were, or weren't coming along. The sound of chickens chatting amongst themselves such a welcome, comfortable sound. And of course the fete, wonderful. Yours sounds really good. It's nice here but very bland, compared to the village, if I could I'd be back in an instant but I know it wouldn't be the same now, too many new estates. Thank you for reading and for your comments. Sue.


Tempus Fugit. (posted on: 27-10-14)
The future begins to draw closer, bringing its fears of loss with it, whether the loved one is human or animal, beside us, or across the sea. All we can do is view today and a short time ahead and pray that the horizons remain clear.

How fast the flow this rivers run. Too close the eve, so low the sun. Finger's reach to grasp and hold Stem the river rushing bold. Eyes that love, see time fall cold. Each beat of heart a moment sold. Bitter winds the time forerun my love to lose, yet still un-done. Though dark the evening drawing near, the cup of life does yet run clear.
Archived comments for Tempus Fugit.
Kipper on 27-10-2014
Tempus Fugit.
So true Sue
The balance between past and future though indeterminant is constant. Each day imperceptibly changed, each year the difference more noticeable.
A bit scary? Yes, but consider the alternative. Remember those who did not make it to the point that this becomes an issue
So we hold on as best we can to those we love, knowing that they are holding on too.
A very meaningful and thoughtful work.
Michael


Author's Reply:
This came about because we have unexpectedly lost so many people from the entertainment industry just lately.
I fell heavily for someone, singer/ songwriter at 20, I have been in love with him ever since, through two marriages/ divorces for 42 years now. Every day starts and ends with him still ( I know ridiculous, isn't it ! ) circumstances have always prevented me from the chance to meet him, although I have seen him in concerts, He tours here next May, this may be my last chance all I ask is to share his life for just a minute or two, that's all. He will be 70 next October,and may not want to tour over here much longer, and suddenly with so many people being lost to us late 60s / early 70s, I realise how short time really is. And it really frightens me, for him.
Sorry this explanation was not meant to be so long. Thank you for your interest in my poem, and also for your comments Sue x

pommer on 27-10-2014
Tempus Fugit.
Well composed as usual Sue,I always consider myself lucky.I lost so many friends at a very young age and throughout life.I know the cup is running out, but I try to enjoy every day of what is left.I am lucky to be here still. A good poem Sue.Be licky, Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
Hi Peter, it must be terrible to lose so many people, I have lost quite a few but the worst was my mum, every year that passes
I get a shock at how long it's been, because I miss her more each day. I think you have the right idea to enjoy every day, I try to do that as much as I can. Thank you for commenting, I appreciate it. All the best Sue xx

Bozzz on 28-10-2014
Tempus Fugit.
Taking this and your other piece, you seem somehow threatened. Losses past not yet completely sorrowed? Nevertheless a good tight poem here. Stay strong...David

Author's Reply:
Hadn't thought of the two like that, but looking at them both together I can see what you mean. I can see parts of one in the other. I think I unintentionally blended a similar feeling into both.
The other is about past loses and stupid, stupid mistakes, this one is more about something that is so precious but may be lost in the future, and how quickly that time is falling away. Thank you for your insightful comments David πŸ™‚ Sue x


Mistakes (posted on: 27-10-14)
Lesson's learned.

Complexities of feeling leave you breathless, leave you reeling. Life's lesson learned, and hours, too many spurned; turned away, wasted and lost. Love, far too much far too little, pay the cost. Open doors welcomed, beckoned. Tight shut now, time has chosen listened, reckoned. Olive branch offered. Taken, tossed aside and broken. Too late now a worthless token.
Archived comments for Mistakes
Kipper on 27-10-2014
Mistakes
Hello Sue
It seems to me that this poem speaks not of the sadness of lost love but of heartache even bitterness of spurned love.
I think it tells it very well.
Michael

Author's Reply:
You are absolutely right Michael, it's for my daughter, things went so terribly wrong between us, but once bridges have been burned, even accidentally , and walls gone up nothing can restore a treasured relationship that has been lost. However much we long for it. Much appreciate your interest and comments, thank you. Sue.

stormwolf on 28-10-2014
Mistakes
Hi Sue
I got a real sense of what it was about feeling sort of way.
The short, terse lines are in perfect keeping with the subject matter. There is a huge amount of pain and hurt here, so well done on being able to bring that out.
The line 'tight shut now' speaks volumes but if I may be so bold as to suggest...it's not over till the fat lady sings. No matter how dead or hopeless a situation may seem.
However, sometimes we have to cut loose to enable fresh energy to flow...
On a happier note, life's a bitch, then you marry , then you die 😝
( just to give you a laugh )
Well done
Alison x

Author's Reply:
Hi Alison, I greatly appreciate you taking the time to read and comment, especially so at this time, thank you. This is about my daughter, I bought her up single handed until she was ten, we have been through so much together and had such a deep bond, knew each other's thoughts, both rang at the same time for the same reason etc., She was the whole world to me. Then the unimaginable happened and she emotionally took herself away from us and because of it our small family was ripped apart, fault on both sides. We have now been able to move on, but that wonderful bond is gone, we live two doors away, and I see her briefly when I babysit, and on the odd occasion when the new " man in her life" is a away, but there isn't the easy loving feeling any more, more polite neighbourly chit chat. I will never be able to come to terms with what I have lost.
It tear's me apart every second of every day. Your last few lines did indeed make me laugh. Thank you, Sue xxx.

Supratik on 29-10-2014
Mistakes
Sue! It is very sharp and pointed. I guess it is necessary sometimes to throw up like this in poems... it gives a sense of release doesn't it? Well while shutting the doors, one has to be conscious of the windows too..:-) Of all the lovable (ironic as it may sound!) lines here, my pick is 'Life's lesson learned' since 'life is lesson learned' is adding another dimension. Great read. Supratik

Upon reading your reply to Alison, I feel sorry. At least smile that she's your neighbour and that you can see her child too. And when in pain, just give it out to readers like us, so we know we are not alone! πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much for such kind and thoughtful comments, I have written several poems similar to this just to pour out the built up sadness and stupidity of it all, but this one is really slamming the door when I leave the room.
Having her so close is double edged, as you say she is close by and I can see her, but it's a constant reminder of all the joy
She had brought to my life. But life has stepped in to help, my other daughter who I love just as much but was never a "mummy's girl " and was out more than in, I now see far more often and am a real part of her family life they make me feel valued and needed. So not all bad and for that I give thanks.
I very much appreciate your understanding and comforting words. Sue xxx.

Gothicman on 29-10-2014
Mistakes
Yes, fine poem, Sue, many will identify with how this sad situation developed and think it represents all too well how they would express themselves and feel. At a personal level, I hope it all resolves itself one fine day, who knows, it's all about reevaluating the things that matter and realising how short life really is. You're in contact still, and your daughter doubtlessly loves and appreciates you more than you'll ever know, belongs to breaking away, to be defiant and self-willed. Fine poem with flowing rhyme....Trevor x

Author's Reply:
Thank you Trevor, I have done exactly that, reevaluating the situation over the last year, as you say life is short and can suddenly be snatched away, I may not ever get the relationship I had back, but at least I still have my daughter and she is more important than anything else. I am beginning to wonder if guilt ( on my side ) lies at the bottom of all my turmoil, I am her mum, she expected me to stand by her no matter what. But I and the rest of the family felt the way she went about things was very wrong, and she hurt us all. It helps to have a poetic rant now and then though!
I am grateful you have taken the time to read, and give me your good advice, it's much appreciated. Thank you. Sue xx


Spider. (posted on: 20-10-14)
This holds no literary merit, written on the spur of the moment. I later bumped into my little friend ( literally ) a bit later and relocated him to my garden shed, freedom and more food, he'll probably be back though, they usually are.

Huge black spider in the bath pleads with me as I walk past. I'm sure I've rescued him before when safely set on hallway floor. Yet here you sit to gaze at me. Once again I set him free. Bath mat placed on slippery side, to either run, Or creep and hide. Should you prefer to step outside I'll leave the window opened wide. If you wish to stay instead, all I ask ? don't share my bed!
Archived comments for Spider.
Mikeverdi on 20-10-2014
Spider.
HaHa! Lesley is terrified of spiders, as is our daughter Jo. I have to be brought in to transport any to another county if they appear in the house. There are some huge ones down in the west at the moment, bigger than I have ever seen; some with green fangs. We are told they are not lethal, this does not satisfy my family. I am buying a flame thrower.
Mike XxX

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike, I've heard about those, I think they can stay where they are, sorry Lesley!
I don't mind anything like that really. My phobia is feathers, absolutely stupid, especially as I live among so many trees. Terrified of them, if there are too many in the garden I can't go out there until my daughter has removed them!
Many thanks for reading and commenting πŸ™‚ Sue xx

Ionicus on 21-10-2014
Spider.
The message is not so daft, Sue. There are people who are terrified of spiders and yet unwilling to kill them. My solution is to trap them in a glass jar and throw them out in the garden. But you are right, they'll be back!

Author's Reply:
I've put them out and many times they have got back indoors before me. If they do that they earn the right to stay. As I said to Mike, I am terrified of feathers, can't go out in the garden if it's windy as they sometimes come down like snowflakes, I counted 17 that had landed in the garden in just 2 hours last year !! But I love the birds and feed them ( I know really daft ) obviously I wouldn't keep a budgie though haha. Many thanks for your comments. πŸ™‚ Sue x

pommer on 21-10-2014
Spider.
Hi Sue, I too had a spider in my bath,one of those big black West Country spiders.He disappeared during the day, but came back through the plughole every night.I am daft enough to talk to him, if it is a him, called him Fred. One night he appeared and brought a friend with him. I think it might have been his girlfriend.However I had to put them both out one night when instead of my usual shower I wanted a bath.Fred has never come back. I think he took umbrage. Ha.Ha.I don't mind spiders, but I am terrified of Snakes.All of us seem to have a phobia of some sorts. I liked your poem.Be lucky, Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
So glad I'm not the only one who speaks to spiders, I can't think why they are so drawn to bath tubs though.
Don't blame you for being scared of snakes it's very sensible after all so many are dangerous. I'm so glad you liked my poem, only a bit of nonsense really, but really appreciate you reading and liking. Sue xx.


October's Leaves. (posted on: 20-10-14)
A shaft of sunlight cut through the trees in a dark corner, and fell on damp leaves reminding me of the amber glow of wet pavements beneath a street lamp, reflecting back the light.

A lamp haze glow of fallen leaves, where bright light weaves, through darker bough. When early rain has gilded now, to spark these embers into flame. Those that fall; on soft winds, fly and send a glint of burnished bronze, across the blue horizon'd sky.
Archived comments for October's Leaves.
pommer on 21-10-2014
Octobers Leaves.
Great Sue, as usual enjoyed every word of this lovely little poem.Such well chosen phrases. Be lucky, Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
Thank you Peter, that's so kind :-). sue xxx

Supratik on 22-10-2014
Octobers Leaves.
A moment captured well! October's leaves written and read in October has an instant connect, and if I re-read this in March, it would have a different impact. This small experience tells me a lot about relevance and moments of reading! Best. Supratik

Author's Reply:
Thank you, the colours held in those few moments, the shining orange /gold of the leaves, the dark dampness and the light catching it at just the right angle could only be caught at this time of the year, and I am so glad you too felt that. As you say read in March it wouldn't really work as well.
Your commenting is much appreciated. Sue.

Gothicman on 22-10-2014
Octobers Leaves.
Lovely little gem again, Sue, enjoyed...Trevor

Author's Reply:
Thank you Trevor, such a nice description. πŸ™‚ Sue x.

Mikeverdi on 23-10-2014
Octobers Leaves.
Ah... the falling leaves, they do look so beautiful. I was driving through a river valley on Dartmoor recently, it was stunning. You capture it well.
Mike
XxX

Author's Reply:
That drive sounds lovely Mike, what a beautiful place to live.
Much appreciate your kind words thank you, Sue xxx.

ValDohren on 26-10-2014
Octobers Leaves.
Lovely Sue, beautifully expressed. Love your little nature gems.
Val xx

Author's Reply:
Thank you Val, that's a lovely comment. πŸ™‚ Sue xx

Kipper on 27-10-2014
Octobers Leaves.
Hi Sue
This is your turf. Where you belong to send mind pictures to some of us who don't quite have your imagination.
Another beauty
Michael

Author's Reply:


Distance. (posted on: 17-10-14)
Just a bit of soppy stuff for a change.

I take your face within my palms. And place upon your lips, a kiss so soft, it's lost Unto the miles between. I speak your name, with words of love in whispers low. But to the winds those words shall blow. My heart is yours, every beat, I gave It long ago. With you it stays, a secret breath. The one you'll never know.
Archived comments for Distance.
Bozzz on 18-10-2014
Distance.
Not so much soppy stuff as the right behaviour to avoid Ebola. Keep one's distance. Enforced or otherwise. Lovely words to treasure, Sue....David

Author's Reply:
Haha, I hadn't thought of it that way, you have a good point. πŸ™‚
Many thanks David x

Gothicman on 18-10-2014
Distance.
Is this about somebody or fiction Sue? Either way fine sentiments, bit soppy okej, but then why not when the mood takes you! Trevor

Author's Reply:
I have to admit, for someone. ( 42 yrs now) living in Maine, doesn't know I exist. How pathic is that ! Oh well onwards and upwards at least he can't break up with me πŸ™‚
Appreciate you reading and commenting, thank you Sue x.

pommer on 19-10-2014
Distance.
Lovely words Sue,why not be a bit "soppy" if you feel like it. Be lucky, Peter.xxx

Author's Reply:
Thank you Peter, pleased you think they are lovely words, don't normally do soppy, bit difficult when you've been on your own
for 20 years ! Lol Sue xx.

Kipper on 19-10-2014
Distance.
Hi Sue,
Nothing wrong with. 'soppy'. When someone cries on the tele I cry too.
There! Now everyone knows.
These are very poignant words that make me suspect that they were not easy to write. Perhaps one day?
Michael




Author's Reply:
Hi Michael, I find I can be reduced to tears far too easily, I think the more you go through life the more empathy you feel.
As for the poem you have summed it up very well. Perhaps as you say one day. I've waited four decades. But it's unlikely.
Thank you for reading and commenting, it's greatly appreciated. Sue xx


Naked Limbs. (posted on: 13-10-14)
No, it's not what you may think ! Wasn't sure about putting it under humour, but it's not a " serious " poem either.

Nature flaunts the shyest bough for autumn trees stand naked now. Awaiting winter's harsher cloak, which to their limbs shall fall bespoke. When every tree in wedding best, can stand in pride all fully dressed.
Archived comments for Naked Limbs.
Mikeverdi on 13-10-2014
Naked Limbs.
You do these SO well Sue, and this is no exception. It reads beautifully, are you related to the 'Green Man' of the forest? πŸ™‚
Mike

Author's Reply:
Many thanks Mike, haha no I don't think I am related to him but I think he keeps putting nature poems into my head! Every time I try to steer away I get drawn back.
I have been looking back through my family history ( Mum and Dad were first cousins ) so inherited things are pretty strong ie arthritis, anyhow, the majority were market gardeners, or had a connection with the land, several read or wrote poetry, one water colour painter, and one spiritualist who saw dead people. so I guess I have a bit of all that churning around !! Glad you like what arrives from pen and paper though. πŸ™‚ Sue xx

Bozzz on 13-10-2014
Naked Limbs.
I can only offer myself as 'best man' at the wedding of your trees - no marginal jokes, I promise. Graceful Sue - just like you...Yours, David

Author's Reply:
Thats a very kind offer David, thank you :-)) The poem was a bit tongue in cheek really, I was wondering if the trees ever felt embarrassed to be unclothed for so long, I know... I think I am finally losing it! Many thanks for such a lovely comment. Sue xx.

pommer on 13-10-2014
Naked Limbs.
Written as beautiful as ever.I could see it in my mind. Bets wishes Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
Peter Thank you, thats so kind of you. I'm hoping we don't get that much snow and ice this winter though! Sue xx.

Kipper on 14-10-2014
Naked Limbs.
Hi Sue
Another poem drawm and beautifully observed, from nature. You clearly have great affinity with the natural world and long may you delight us with your visions.
Michael

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much, thats a lovely comment. I really do try to go in a different direction, but do not seem able to escape. So I am very pleased you enjoy them πŸ™‚ Sue

Gothicman on 16-10-2014
Naked Limbs.
I have a free-verse poem somewhere about how cruelly the weather treats that old lady, Mother Nature, might sub it. Another little gem, melting like butterscotch on the tongue, Sue. (Left margin + Β© SF:2014 ten lines down under the piece would make it look so much better! Hahaha!) Beautifully worded and compact, enjoyed. Trevor

Author's Reply:
Hi Trevor, I love the melting butterscotch idea, sounds lovely. Thank you so much for your kind compliments about the poem,
I wondered whether or not to submit it, seemed a bit frivolous when I wrote it.
I would like to read your Mother Nature poem if you did submit it. I am guessing the left margin + bit is about copyright ?
I cannot get the space block margin bit to work, so dare not attempt anymore lol. Thank you once again Sue x


City Cattle. (posted on: 13-10-14)
Was just thinking of the hustle and rush of somewhere like london, and how unbearable I would find it.

I thank the heavens that guide my way my feet arn't bound to path's of clay. Where cities call a daily battle, and shuffling feet draw pay cheque cattle. Penned by windows gates of glass, invite escape but none may pass. Untill the herdsman's whistle calls and freedom beckons through the halls. To crowd once more past hills of stone, where tarmac rivers lead them home.
Archived comments for City Cattle.
Supratik on 14-10-2014
City Cattle.
"where tarmac rivers
lead them home"

Wonderful!!! The poem, for me, represents the fix mindset that tends to flock around mindlessly. The poem gives a bird's eye view whose 'feet aren't bound to paths of clay'

Best. Supratik

Author's Reply:
I saw it rather like a wild west cattle drive, with cowboys shouting the herds onwards. But your flock
idea now reminds me of starlings and their acrobatic flights, so tightly grouped there's no room for the individual. So glad you understood my idea, and enjoyed the poem. Thank you very much for the kind comments and unexpected rating, I'm very grateful πŸ™‚ Sue.

Mikeverdi on 14-10-2014
City Cattle.
My how your writing has grown. This is wonderful Sue, retirement gives you this freedom, I love it even if I'm not able to enjoy all the things I could; I can sit here and read your words and think....how lucky am I πŸ™‚
Mike

Author's Reply:
Mike you are very kind, I did think enforced retirement would be dreadful, but how wrong I was. So much time and space " to stand and stare " then come home to huddle over a pen and notepad!
I am making the most of it, as the future isn't in our hands, sadly. The developers are getting ever nearer :((
I think one can say this isn't nature inspired, so maybe there's hope for me yet haha.
Many thanks for the lovely comments. Sue XX.

Gothicman on 14-10-2014
City Cattle.
A rhyme with very good content promoting the theme, Sue. You can of course enjoy both city life and country life, the contrast preventing home blindness as to the value of either. I'm thinking here of museums, exhibitions, beautifully planted parks, exotic and interesting company, varied and ancient architecture, new places to be discovered, pubs, cafΓ©s and other venues etc. It's not just monotonous commuting. The merits of the countryside need no listing. But, lucky if you're born with, or develop a love for both? Love the metaphor of "city cattle"....Trevor

Author's Reply:
I throughly agree with you Trevor, towns are exciting and fun, so much hustle and bustle, I enjoy art galleries, and Museums, not fancy planted parks though (prisons for flowers) and all the other things you describe, which conversley is exactly why I prefer the country, although as I said I do enjoy them, towns have too many people for me. I just can't seem to breathe in them. I feel stifled and boxed in.
I gave this a great deal of thought when the idea for the poem came to me, how I saw a town in relation to me, the differences between town and country. My mind just saw swarms of commuters going over Waterloo (?) bridge, and piling into glass walled offices, then trudging, or driving back home along hard grey roads. When there I was among swaying trees, damp green grass, birds singing, with freedom and space to breathe. For me no contest. πŸ™‚ Very much appreciate you taking such an interest in the poem, and giving it so much thought. Thank you very much, glad you liked the "city cattle" metaphor too. Sue.xx

pommer on 14-10-2014
City Cattle.
Great Sue,Have experienced both, know which I prefer. Can't help loving the country.Be lucky, Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
Me too, towns are great fun, but I can't breathe in them, I need to be in the countryside and free. Very much appreciate you reading and commenting. πŸ™‚ Sue.xx


I See. (posted on: 06-10-14)
~*~*~*~*

I see quietly spoken places hidden shadows, shyest faces, soft of eye with down swept lashes. Whispers of enchantment calling. Waves of coloured tears enthralling. Hides and hollows, secrets waiting. Arching bower finding, binding. Autumn now, in sorrow dying.
Archived comments for I See.
Mikeverdi on 06-10-2014
I See.
Back to form with this one Sue...Love it!
Mike X

Author's Reply:
I had to smile at your words Mike, you really didn't like the other one did you lol. Glad you enjoyed this one though, thank you
for risking reading it ;-)) Sue xx

Gothicman on 07-10-2014
I See.
Yes, finely written mixture of rhyme, concise, and enjoyed, Sue. Love your addition to the diversity and different personal styles, and the open and gracious encouragement of this, on this site, when the time is taken, like with yourself, to give it to others. Enjoyed...Trevor

Author's Reply:
Hi Trevor, thank you very much, The feedback that people so kindly give to each other on here makes this such a nice site to be on. I have had so much help and encouragement on here from everyone, for which I am very grateful. Thank you so much for commenting πŸ™‚ Sue xx

stormwolf on 07-10-2014
I See.
Hi Sue
I hope I don't sound patronising (perish the thought🙊) but you seem to have grown in both confidence and style since you came. Remember how wary you were about crit and now you are displaying a style all your own.
This has a lovely soft feel to it and your choice of words and phrases are refreshing.

Alison x

Author's Reply:
Hi Alison, yes I agree with you I was rather worried by that, I had always felt that once a poem was written any changes would somehow destroy its worth, I have never possessed much self confidence either, and I was worried any negatives would make me feel I had no right to carry on ( whether it was the years of bullying I endured or not I don't know ) but having girded my loins and accepted the crit, always kindly given and well meant, I find all my previous ideas were wrong. I have written far more since I bacame a member here than ever before, redundancy plus recent early retirement have given more time I admit, but mainly because I now feel my writing is worth something. And if a change is suggested I don't panic lol. Thank you so much for this comment, I hadn't meant to give such a long reply though, sorry. I always appreciate you reading my work. Sue xx

ValDohren on 07-10-2014
I See.
Another lovely poem Sue, with some great metaphors.
Val xx.

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much Val, so glad you enjoyed it. πŸ™‚ Sue.xx

Savvi on 08-10-2014
I See.
Love this one Sue and I'm with Val on the deft metaphors, the gerunds in line 8 and 9 really makes it a pacey read to the close and I like that and the images you give the reader in those two lines. I have one small nit and that's all it is but I wasn't sure about the inverted syntax in the close, I can see why you chose to use it this way round to pick up the rhyme from binding and I guess its just about preference. Thanks for the read best Keith

Author's Reply:
Hi Keith, apologies for taking so long to reply, sadly I had to look up some of your meanings, lousy education I'm afraid, never heard of gerunds, sounds like an illness "he's got gerunds disease" lol.
Also the inverted syntax bit, but now I know and can thank you for adding to my knowledge πŸ™‚ I am pleased you enjoyed it, I thought about brambles as the bower and how they find gaps and then wrap themselves over everything else. You are right about the end, but also I wanted to make it read a litle differently. Very much appreciate you reading and commenting. Sue xx.

pommer on 09-10-2014
I See.
Yes Sue, another lovely poem. I feel privileged to read it. Be lucky, Peter.xxx

Author's Reply:
That's such a lovely thing to say Peter, Thank you so much. πŸ™‚ Sue xx

Bozzz on 12-10-2014
I See.
Lovely to see and read Sue, because it comes so naturally to you. Where has your mind been all the time before - ready to burst or hidden within - unknown to you?
Your aye, David

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much for such a nice comment David, my mind has always come up with poems, but without feedback I didn't feel able to allow myself to think they were any good, so kept them to myself. since I have been writing on here and received help, encouragement and direction and realised that maybe I can write after all, there's no stopping me! Sue xx.


Just Sitting. (posted on: 03-10-14)
It does what it says πŸ™‚

Though the din is all around.... Silence lies heavy. Within the hedge a flick of cobalt blue cast below the vibrant hips. No stir of grass, or breath of leaf to blow your thoughts away. To sit beneath the shades of mist, with joy of blackbird call.
Archived comments for Just Sitting.
Mikeverdi on 03-10-2014
Just Sitting.
I'm not in tune with this one Sue, not easy for me to say as I love your writing; it just seems out of kilter.
Sorry.
Mike X

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike, yes it is different from the usual of mine, I was sitting by the school in our park, pretty noisy, it was a still very misty day which deadened everything. Recorded the words on phone to use later, when I played it back I quite liked it in its raw state. It's more a list of things that caught my eye and made an impression. Don't worry though you are not duty bound to like everything I attempt lol. Thank you for reading and commenting, I always appreciate hearing from you ( good or bad ) πŸ™‚ Sue xx

ValDohren on 05-10-2014
Just Sitting.
I like it Sue, it's lovely, although I struggled a bit with line 5 - not sure what you mean here. It's probably me just not getting it.
Val xx

Author's Reply:
Hi Val, I am glad you think it's lovely, thank you. In line five when I was looking at the hedge the gorgeous blue berries just looked as if someone had flicked a loaded paint brush onto it, and the paint had just missed the shiny orangy red rose hips dotted above. And cast as in "broadcast" sowing seeds the old way by hand in a field to land where they may. I hope that long winded explaination has helped. I recorded my thoughts on my phone exactly as they came to me, I had planned to work it into more later but rather liked it as it was, so took a chance with it. πŸ™‚ Sue x


Hasty Words. (posted on: 29-09-14)
Forget sticks and stones, words can sometime's wound far more deeply.

Time folds darkly round the day. Hour upon hour drips with grey. The first bright ember burned and died. A lone voice stilled while silence cried. Lowering clouds show bleak the path, quells flames of joy in life's cold hearth. Seeds of hurt were deeply sown, when bitter words in haste were thrown.
Archived comments for Hasty Words.
Mikeverdi on 29-09-2014
Hasty Words.
This is brilliant writing in my opinion.
Mike

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much, Mike. :-)) Sue.x

ValDohren on 30-09-2014
Hasty Words.
Agree with Mike Sue, you have really excelled here, not that you don't always.
Val x

Author's Reply:
Hi Val, that's really kind, thank you so much, I would never have thought I excelled, but very much appreciate you saying I have. :-)) Sue xx

pommer on 01-10-2014
Hasty Words.
What can I say ? great as ever. Well done Sue.Peter xx

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much Peter, that's a lovely thing to say πŸ™‚ Sue xx

Gothicman on 02-10-2014
Hasty Words.
This fine poem would look a lot better with left margin, Sue (persistent bastard!)

< then BLOCKQUOTE then > at beginning, and < then / then BLOCKQUOTE then > at end, as here just leave out the "thens" and spaces between the "thens" (without the "thens" or spaces here, these instructions would just end up with left margin, the "thens" stop that happening here. Don't forget the forward slash / in that concluding command. You can go in now on your home page and click on "edit" and type those two commands in, it will work, and won't affect any comments added. Looks a lot better, Sue, with a left margin!!!! I'm waiting.......Trevor

P.S. Should "Seed's of hurt" have an apostrophe? Seeds of hurt?

Author's Reply:
Hi Trevor Thank you for saying its a fine poem πŸ™‚ The " seed's of hurt " I feel can be either, I tried both ways, then looked up the rules on this and read that there are no set rules, which wasn't too helpful ! So I went for the one I prefer. As for the margin I do the block quote thing every time, and when I checked before it was submitted it was fine so no idea why it's still stuck to the edge lol. Would rather not fiddle about with it now as I am bound to do something wrong and mess up the whole thing. If my next submission is in the right place I will retry this one. I do not have computer skills and if I muck up, I have no idea how to amend any problems, and no one to ask advice from. Many thanks for reading and the advice, always appreciated, even if it's not acted upon immediately :-)) Sue x

Gothicman on 03-10-2014
Hasty Words.
Actually, Sue, there are clear grammatical rules for this type of phrase. It's what is known as a metaphorical phrase in plural form, and a dead one at that (dead metaphor i.e. lost original meaning by popular use). Seeds of hurt is not a possessive phrase, that would be "hurt's seeds" which wouldn't work as such (ex. rules of the game, rites of Spring, would not be game's rules or Spring's rites, but game rules and Spring rites, so hurt seeds) Possessive is like Trevor's car, or Sue's cooking. The correct form for your phrase here is "Seeds of hurt". But, who cares now, we're even forced to use an USA spelling check on a UK writing site, a sad day for us all! Hahaha! Best...Trevor

Author's Reply:
Haha, thank you for clearing that up, sounds mighty complicated but will try and follow it. I curse the fact the school I went to just taught very basic things, I feel now I have got older I have missed so much. I will amend the seeds bit though, and may have a go at moving the poem away from the edge again. Again many thanks for your help. Sue xx

stormwolf on 04-10-2014
Hasty Words.
Well done and congrats on the nib and nom!

Alison x

Author's Reply:
Hi Alison thank you very much. The nib and nom were a real surprise but very welcome.
Sue xx


Autumn Calls. (posted on: 26-09-14)
-/-/-/-/-

Hazel leaves ring out their chime in restless sway to take their flight, beneath them lie the shells of boats cast adrift on green sward sea. From prickled globes in emerald coats fall burnished gifts to child's delight. Crane flies now shall heed their call. They rise with grace, their dance sublime each fragile life to fly there, free. skim the skies to love, then fall. As dies the year to earth's decree.
Archived comments for Autumn Calls.
stormwolf on 26-09-2014
Autumn Calls.
Hi Sue
In my opinion this is where you excel, it's where your heart is...in nature.
It can be very difficult to describe changing seasons etc without resorting to cliches or coming over as lacking in originality.👎
This poem does neither, instead it evokes imagery that will stay in the mind.
To me this means being able to look at the world and nature in particular , through the eyes of a child.
I always try to do that as it makes everything come alive in a whole new way. As though the jaded overlay of familiarity has been stripped away and now the wonder can be revealed.
Really loved it.

Alison x

Last line earth(')s decree.



Author's Reply:
Wow Alison, that's such a lovely comment, Thank you so much. To tell you the truth I really wasn't sure about this one, right up to submitting it I was changing bits, ( that's probably why I omitted the comma, will amend glad you spotted it ) You are right my heart does lie in nature, in my mind I'm still the seven year old tomboy climbing trees and wandering across miles of common land I guess. πŸ™‚ Sue x

CVaughan on 21-10-2014
Autumn Calls.
Hello there.

I particulary am drawn to read & comment as you did on one of my subs. And I saw the nib ensignia, well merited by this poem; I liked the writing am new to reading your work. Very effectively handled for me of a staple topic I have essayed in poetry so well done.
Frank

Author's Reply:
Hi Frank, you are very kind, so pleased you have read and enjoyed this poem. I do tend to write more about nature than anything else, always have, but I do venture further afield whenever I can but I am always drawn back, and I do worry I may be boring people. I am very grateful you took the time to comment, and to give me a 9 rating, thank you Sue x.

CVaughan on 21-10-2014
Autumn Calls.
Hello there.

I particulary am drawn to read & comment as you did on one of my subs. And I saw the nib ensignia, well merited by this poem; I liked the writing am new to reading your work. Very effectively handled for me of a staple topic I have essayed in poetry so well done.
Frank

Author's Reply:


Mockery. (posted on: 22-09-14)
Note to family..at least try to feign a little interest in my writing, and perhaps not laugh at me hoping to make my 'once in a lifetime ' dream happen. Parents are people too.

Don't slay this heart by toxic word, or bind my tongue to voice unheard. Don't cut me down with cruelest mirth. Decry my dreams, deny their worth. Must I not hope, nor yet aspire. Should I now quench this life's desire. May I not seek to touch the sky, and claim the dream I've lived life by?
Archived comments for Mockery.
Bozzz on 22-09-2014
Mockery.
OMG Sue, this touches a million raw nerves. I suppose at 50 we are 'past it' at everything and our skills are just tolerated as the aberration of those playing with the toys of second childhood - not yet for you, but certainly for me. Well spoken my friend - as ever in the taut rhyming style you have...David

Author's Reply:
Hello David, sadly I have said goodbye to 50, but we all remain ' ourselves' despite extra birthdays don't we. I only have one dream left, all the others threw themselves off a cliff when they realised I was chasing them. Just wish I was still seen as me, and valued as such, daren't mention my writing..rolled eyes. Or my long held dream...rolled eyes plus derision. Why I wonder.
Thank you for your kind comments, they are much appreciated. Sue x

Kipper on 23-09-2014
Mockery.
Hi sue
It's hard to imagine that anyone would seek to mock your writing, even more so to understand why. But if that has to be at least you must maintain you own self belief, for your poems are more than worthy of that.
Perhaps too those other dreams you mentioned did not 'fall off the cliff' but are simply hiding until you need them again.
Michael.

Author's Reply:
Hi Michael, I think my family's main reason for their attitude is complete lack of interest in poetry, but even so I would love to be able to share my enjoyment of reading and writing with them.
As for dreams, no they're not hiding, their time has long past, More years behind than in front now !
Thank you for your kind words. πŸ™‚ Sue.

Mikeverdi on 23-09-2014
Mockery.
No one has the right to crush another's dreams, sweep them aside as if they are unimportant. I found out along time ago, family are the pits when it comes to that. As to disinterested, none of mine (much as I love them) have shown any interest in my writing except my wife. I think they are embarrassed by it, I have had several poems/stories published in the local paper, as well as lots in anthologies; they are just not interested. That's why I write on here, this is my writing family. Everyone on here understands what we do, and why we do it. Any critique on here is to help not to hurt; any that hurts... you can walk away from.
Make this your other family, the one that cherishes your writing. This one was wonderful, your feelings shone through.
Mike

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike, You have come straight to the point, thinking about it I believe it is embarrassment here too. I have tried getting things published but cannot seem to find the right outlet, I have several in books from the so called vanity press, years ago. But I don't consider that an acheivement. As you say writing on here is great so many kind people, yourself included have been a real help and have taught me a lot, having that encouragement has allowed me to write more than ever before. I feel I sometimes come across as very needy, if so I apologise, it's not intentional. I am not a needy person, I suppose being a loner I lack a bit of confidence thats all. Your comments are, and always have been a great inspiration. Thank you so much. Sue XX.

Bonnie on 27-09-2014
Mockery.
Some years ago my writing group was putting on an evening of readings from our poetry and prose. I asked my husband (now ex) if he would like to come. He said no, because "I don't even like good poetry much," thus implying that mine was the pits. So you are not alone in lacking a bit of family support. I looked at the comments above - it is very hard to get poetry published. I suspect that the internet, and sites like this, is the way forward. Keep writing! I enjoyed your poem.
(I seem to have given you one star. I'm not sure how this happened,and I would add to it if I could work out how to do so.)

Author's Reply:
Hi Bonnie, thank you so much for commenting, was the poetry comment to you a reason your husband is now 'ex' lol.
I asked my daughter to read one of my poems at her partners Pagan meeting, as that's what they do, she laughed in my face, I was very hurt, didn't say anything though. The one star is yours as a " new commentator" I get three as I have left more than a hundred comments. There is the rating system under the comments box, but people don't seem to use it as much as they did which is a shame. I'm glad you enjoyed my poem. πŸ™‚ Sue.


September Sun. (posted on: 15-09-14)
~+~+~+~+~

Breath soft air, brier sweet brings petal fall from age blessed flowers. Soft washed sun sweeps down the hours, guilds the paint-box leaves. Chestnut, hazel, oak shall call; for harvest's hand does fruitful grow. Gather now to bind and bale, and glean the fields to breaded sheaves. Wane's the sun across the vale brings time for birds to dance the plough. Man now tills his hungry land cast's the seeds to life, below.
Archived comments for September Sun.
Mikeverdi on 15-09-2014
September Sun.
Beautiful X
Mike

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much Mike πŸ™‚ Sue x

Bozzz on 16-09-2014
September Sun.
Perfect lullaby for a tired farmer or an exhausted gardener completing autumn's clippings - needs to be put to music.
Great writing Sue......David

Author's Reply:
Hi David, when I read your music idea I re-read the poem in a sing-song rhythm and you are quite right, it would fit as a song, well I never! New string maybe lol. Shame I'm not musical. Many thanks, great writing is a great compliment, much appreciated. Sue x

Pilgermann on 18-09-2014
September Sun.
Great flow, and should be put to music. Wonderful description of time: "sweeps down the hours". Great work.

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much, you are the second person to mention music, so if you know any musicians, I would gladly hand it over. Unfortunately I have no music connections at all. Very pleased you enjoyed it. Sue x.

Nemo on 18-09-2014
September Sun.
Thanks for reminding me of the beauty of this time of the year in the countryside. As a town-dweller I miss so much, even though I have an allotment. Lovely lines with an old-style feel. Gerald

Author's Reply:
Hi Gerald, many thanks for reading, I think it began with a combine harvester I heard last week, hence the 'breaded sheaves'. Pleased you enjoyed it. Sue x


The True Poets. (posted on: 12-09-14)
Regardless of the last part of this poem it has nothing to do with my writing abilities. I am appreciating the work of fine poets, W.H.Davies, Masefield, Dylan, and those on here I look up to and admire. Whose writing is more knowledgeable than mine, and yet I can in a small way, share their world

Such learn'ed words to grace the page sing from their pen and there engage. Well schooled hand. Deft of mind. Clever lines and haunting rhymes. Knowledge, of a greater world allow all thoughts a life unfurled. How dare I with them, converse when small my pen, and bland my verse. What mockery should I possess, to think myself a poetess.
Archived comments for The True Poets.
Mikeverdi on 12-09-2014
The True Poets.
We've been over this Sue...your a poet; get used to it πŸ™‚
ps and a good one!
Mike X

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike I was a bit concerned I would be picked up on that bit, it's not the point of what I am trying to say. I am meaning that even though I am not worldly or well read as most great poets are, I can still read, mostly understand, and enjoy their works, while realising how much I have still to learn. That's the "mockery" bit, understanding that although mine can possibly be classed as poems I would like to do better.
Also my other poem was another nature one ( can't help myself ) and I thought ' enough is enough on the nature front lol '
So I posted this one instead. Sorry if it sounds as though I am after a confidence boost, that was not my intention, I have thought of deleting it actually, I thank you for the nice comment though. Sue xx


Mikeverdi on 12-09-2014
The True Poets.
Don't you dare delete this one! my comment was also meant as fun. We are all on a learning curve, and nobody more than me. LOL
Mike X

Author's Reply:
Ooh Mike so masterful lol, ok I'll leave it on, :-))

pommer on 12-09-2014
The True Poets.
I agree with Mike, don't you delete,I am learning all the time, and that at 88.Well done, Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
Looks like I am out voted haha, thank you Peter πŸ™‚ on it stays then. I'm on a few Facebook poetry sites but I find the majority of writers are young and it's all teenage angst which I can't always be bothered to read, the few older ones are much more interesting and professional. So I guess everyone can improve with time which is encouraging. Sue xxx

PSPaul on 13-09-2014
The True Poets.
Who knows what makes a poet a poet? Your poetry tells you are a poet.

Author's Reply:
Hi, thank you for saying that, the rating was a kind thought, although on the rating guidelines a 3 is below average lol.

PSPaul on 14-09-2014
The True Poets.

Really very sorry for the rating......I had no idea about the rating
guidelines.....your nice poem deserves seven stars......please,don`t
mind.

Author's Reply:
Please don't worry, I did the very same to someone when I first joined for the same reason too. I wasn't upset or annoyed, just wanted to point out guidelines that's all. Thank you for amending to a 7 though πŸ™‚ Sue.

Bozzz on 14-09-2014
The True Poets.
I like it very much.....David

Author's Reply:
Wow David thank you so much, was not expecting the rating, very grateful. I'm glad you enjoyed reading it. Sue x.

Gothicman on 14-09-2014
The True Poets.
You know you've got the foxy mockery to dare, Sue, and there are so many who are glad you have! Shame there's so few poetesses on site at the moment, outnumbered about 8 to 1! It's a shame because there are subtle gender differences in poetry presented. It's strange because I would guess the readership to be roughly 75% - 25% in favor of the fairer sex? I too liked the brevity and humble tone of this fine poem very much...Trevor (rating 10 to rectify error)

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much Trevor, you have certainly got my whole point in this poem, for which I am very grateful.
I had not realised the difference in men to women, if you see what I mean, but now you have pointed it out I beleive you are right, the majority of the poets I read most are men, how strange.
Your kind words are greatly appreciated, as is your rating, Thank you :-)) Sue xx.


The Hearth. (posted on: 08-09-14)
Apologies for the similarities to a previous poem, they arrived in my head one after the other, a bit like buses, as they say.

Pray keep your gold though lovely still. Your diamond bright to flash and thrill. I care not for these treasures bold. Give me a hearth alive with light, and singing flames to call the night. There speak to me, in sparking tongue of far off times when I was young.
Archived comments for The Hearth.
Mikeverdi on 08-09-2014
The Hearth.
I like this a lot Sue, could you qualify the last bit for me... is it the fire etc that you are asking to speak to you or a person; it could be either.. as in 'they speak to me' or even 'then speak to me'. I know I'm a bit thick at times... or am I just a pain in the arse πŸ™‚ It all works anyway.
Mike

Author's Reply:
Morning Mike, yes it is the fire, I was imagining the warmth and bright colours of the flames 'singing and dancing' in the hearth, making my mind drift. And their 'sparking tongue's ' making me remember my past.
You are definitely not a pain, I appreciate your interest. Thank you Sue x

Supratik on 08-09-2014
The Hearth.
I see the poem in a romantic light. Images of light that is coming from a group of well-chosen words is laudable indeed!

Author's Reply:
That's very kind, Thank you. πŸ™‚ Sue x

pommer on 09-09-2014
The Hearth.
Yes sue, It too reminds me of my past when staring into the sparkling flames.Well written as usual. Be lucky, Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
Haven't looked into that fire for a great many years, but just thinking about it brings back those happy times. Thank you for your kind comment. Sue xx

Kipper on 10-09-2014
The Hearth.
Hello again Sue
Some people today may not remember the feeling of contentment from staring into an open fire. Central heating and boilers don't conjure up the magic as dancing flames in which it was possible to imagine anything.
Another nice poem and quite dissimilar I think to your other one, each having their own identity.
Michael



Author's Reply:
I loved everything about a real fire, cutting the kindling wood and bringing logs in. The reassurance that seeing the coal man gave, you really earned your warmth in those days. As you say seeing shapes in the flames, and hearing the whispers and little breaths among the crackle of coal and wood was magical.
I am glad you enjoyed reading, and pleased you thought it different to the other one. Thank you Sue xx.

PSPaul on 10-09-2014
The Hearth.
A great poem with beautiful symbolism. Love the poem.

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much. πŸ™‚ Sue.

Pilgermann on 11-09-2014
The Hearth.
Vivid imagery and undertones. So much said in a tightly controlled structure, yet one which allows the reader to explore outside the boundary.

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much for such a nice comment πŸ™‚ Sue.


Spider's Web. (posted on: 08-09-14)
It's nature again... But only short!

The web hangs.... A lacy candelabra catching crystals in the rain. Keeping the promise of rainbow perfection, as shades of gold dance again.
Archived comments for Spider's Web.
Mikeverdi on 08-09-2014
Spiders Web.
Like it Sue, your writing is inspiring me; not done a poem in a while πŸ™‚
Mike

Author's Reply:
That's very kind of you Mike never thought I would inspire anyone πŸ™‚ I have toyed with posting this for ages, but something wasn't quite right I felt, so changed it slightly think it reads much better now. Happy writing of all new poems. Sue xx

Gothicman on 08-09-2014
Spiders Web.
Thought awhile about "gold", but then realized after globules of rain, rainbows need the coming sun, so all fell in place. Bit slow sometimes, enjoyed. Trevor

Author's Reply:
I updated it a bit just before I posted on here, I don't know about you being slow, but I had it as sunbeams for many months before it dawned on me to change it for gold, sunbeams in this case sounded a bit childish, so you are quicker than I
πŸ™‚ thank you for reading and commenting, much appreciated. Sue x

stormwolf on 09-09-2014
Spiders Web.
Really pretty poem. That may sound trite but in fact it's not. It is a lovely view into nature so missed by so many.
I really liked it.
Btw candelabra but had to double check 😜

Alison x

Author's Reply:
Hi Alison, thank you, it was just a very quick thought while I was trying to write something else, so glad you read and liked it.
Not sure what Btw stands for, (probably blindingly obvious ) lol :-). Sue x

stormwolf on 09-09-2014
Spiders Web.
Really pretty poem. That may sound trite but in fact it's not. It is a lovely view into nature so missed by so many.
I really liked it.
Btw candelabra but had to double check 😜

Alison x

Author's Reply:

pommer on 09-09-2014
Spiders Web.
Could visualise this.A pretty picture. Well done, Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much Peter, πŸ™‚ Sue xx.

Kipper on 10-09-2014
Spiders Web.
Hi Sue
Very nice poem showing something we see every day in a new light (dare I say a new golden light)
I think Alison is right by the way by the way (btw). It is a simple poem but therein lies its charm.
Michael

Author's Reply:
Hi Michael, haha, any way you say it, your words are very welcome. I knew btw would be something simple, I'll never get to grips with all this shorthand ! Thank you for enlightening me, and for your kind comments. πŸ™‚ Sue.

Supratik on 10-09-2014
Spiders Web.
A lovely poem indeed. The picture is clear and simple. A good read! No 'the promise of rainbow perfection' is not hyperbolic at all. Thank you for sharing such a lovely thought that connects us almost instantly.

Author's Reply:
Had to look up hyperbolic ( curse my pathetic education ) and I agree with your 'no' , look carefully at the right time and all the colours are there. Really glad you enjoyed the poem, and that you were kind enough to comment, Thank you x Sue.

PSPaul on 10-09-2014
Spiders Web.
An excellent brevity with honeyed complexity.Awesome.

Author's Reply:
I love the sound of ' honeyed complexity ' and the 'awesome ' thank you very much. You're very kind to give me a rating too, everyone seems to have stopped rating now for some reason πŸ™‚ Sue.

Supratik on 10-09-2014
Spiders Web.
Hello Sue, It's always a pleasure to read your poems. There is also this belief that only the insecure get into verbosity. I used hyperbolic because it's a term. I do not normally get into judgement, but I am of the belief that there's also a deep, a very deep education that's essentially simple in nature. What I'd like to see in this poem is the change of the spelling 'candalabra' as suggested by Alison. Please keep writing so we can have our hot coffee with pleasure.
Cheers!

Author's Reply:
Hi Thank you that's very kind, I am very pleased you like reading my poems. The spelling has now been changed, took a while to get round to it , child minding my two year grandson held it up. (Boy is he hard work, so glad I had girls! ) will try and catch up with my writing, so you can enjoy your coffee. The thought of people having a coffee and enjoying reading my writing
is quite frankly amazing to me, but very pleasing. :-)) Sue x.

Pilgermann on 11-09-2014
Spiders Web.
Another finely crafted piece. "promise of rainbow perfection" is perfectly fitted into the flow.

Author's Reply:
Thank you,'finely crafted' is a lovely compliment your comments are very much appreciated. Sue x


Lost Words. (posted on: 05-09-14)
You know they are there, so where do they hide !

Confident ink now gone astray, words half formed have fallen away. Scattered thoughts ill assorted, through the pen all come to nought. Despair writes blank upon the page. Spinning rhymes frustrations rage. What fool am I For vanity, to think the words that flow from me can hold a claim to poetry.
Archived comments for Lost Words.
pommer on 05-09-2014
Lost Words.
Well written Sue, I know the feeling.You carry on,with your poetry.It is good. Peter.xx

Author's Reply:
Thank you Peter, when I read other poets I always think mine insignificant, and certainly not poetry. At least it stops me getting above myself haha. Sue πŸ™‚

Mikeverdi on 06-09-2014
Lost Words.
This write alone should tell you (as it does us) you are indeed a poet.
Mike

Author's Reply:
Thank you Mike, to hear ( or read ) you say that is enormously encouraging, and greatly appreciated. To me it seems very big headed to call oneself a poet, so not comfortable to call myself one, but love it when others say so :-)) Sue x

Ionicus on 06-09-2014
Lost Words.
At one time or another we all doubt ourselves, Sue, especially in the absence of feedback. You have to have the confidence and trust in yourself to be able to 'feel' how good your work is. Keep posting: nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Luigi x

Author's Reply:
Hi Luigi, Thank you, yes feedback has always been a problem as none of my family are interested and will change the subject if I mention it, so I have always thought it must be rubbish, even though I personally thought it quite reasonable. Having said that, I have received so much help and encouragement on here I now feel more confident in what I write, and can judge ( hopefully ) whether its any good or not. I am very grateful for your comments, thank you again. Sue x.

Supratik on 07-09-2014
Lost Words.
Marvellous Sue. I absolutely agree with Mike. You indeed 'can hold a claim to poetry.'! Just keep posting!

Author's Reply:
Thank you Supratik, I am so pleased you think that. When I read the high standard of poetry on here, and the vast range of subjects people cover I realise how small my contribution is, never having travelled far from here, or done the wonderful things others have. However it was written in a ' matter of fact' way, acknowledging the difficulty we all have at times and that however much I write I will never be able to call myself a poet as that seems too high an honour, and a bit big headed to regard oneself as such. But it's so nice to hear others say it and I really thank you for doing so. πŸ™‚ Sue xx

stormwolf on 07-09-2014
Lost Words.
Hi Sue
I think we all have times like that. I used to think I would never run out if the stimulus to write but there are times lately that I feel maybe I have dried up but thankfully they still come but not so often.
Here you have written a poem about that very thing so just goes to show new stimulus to write comes along all the time.
Alison x

Author's Reply:
Hi Alison
If I am anxious, as opposed to stressed, I can't write anything my mind it too taken up with the anxiety, it blinds me to everything else. My other main worry is I feel I write too many nature poems and I will bore everyone, although I doubt that would happen as people would just stop reading them. Which defeats the object of posting!! oh dear. Trouble is when the words arrive they have to be written, whatever the subject, who said poetry was easy haha. Many thanks for commenting, it's uplifting to get feedback I really appreciate it. Sue xx

Pilgermann on 07-09-2014
Lost Words.
Wonderful poem, great structure and sublime ending. You are a poet.

Author's Reply:
Such a lovely thing to say, thank you so much. Your words are very much appreciated. Sue x


Life. (posted on: 01-09-14)
Life goes too fast.

Young days drip long into your cup rich flavoured nectar, freely sup. Yet heartbeats soon to shadows go your cup is filling, too fast the flow. Life's chalice ere, may hold no more. All bounty shed, none left to pour grows sweeter now, each precious sip where nectar lingers on the lip. <\SPACEBLOCKQUOTESPACE>
Archived comments for Life.
Ionicus on 01-09-2014
Life.
A good metaphor on the transience of life and the regret of the ephemeral nature of the nectar that was once plentiful in our youth and which has now diminished. A good reason to treasure what still remains. Well crafted.

Luigi x


Author's Reply:
Thank you, Luigi, beginning to feel that time is running away with me a little too quickly now. Sue x

Mikeverdi on 03-09-2014
Life.
Excellent use of metaphor Sue, I think one of your best. This holds so much, the fear of what's left in life may pass before we know it. Having lived a life we never want to give it up πŸ™‚
Wonderful writing.
Mike X

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much Mike, time is becoming even more precious with every month that passes, since having a birthday that begins with a six! The future becomes pretty scary as you say. Thank you for thinking it such a good write. Sue xx


August Rain. (posted on: 29-08-14)
*~*~*~*~

What a day the world embraces clouds hung low, like untied laces, draping over all beneath. Grey of eye, sullen faces. Depression lay across the sky, no breath of wind to blow it by. First hesitant the rain begun. Till rain on rain does blind the eye.
Archived comments for August Rain.
Kipper on 29-08-2014
August Rain.
Hi Sue
This has a different 'feel' to your earlier works, al least those I have read. A different kind of nature.
It skips along nicely with a lovely rhythm and a nice rhyming pattern. I would have enjoyed another half dozen verses had they been there.
Loved the 'Untied laces', Michael

Author's Reply:
Morning Michael, thought I'd give people a break from floral frivolity this time πŸ™‚ I am glad you liked the untied laces, when I looked through the window and saw the clouds I was reminded of grubby trainers and those laces. It's lovely to hear you would have liked more verses, thank you. Sue x

Mikeverdi on 30-08-2014
August Rain.
Nice stuff Sue, I too like the 'laces'. Can I just offer a suggestion.... 'Lay across the sky' no breath of wind to blow it by. As usual only me... πŸ™‚
Mike
ps I still love it anyway X

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike, I have changed to your suggestion about " lay across" I wanted something other than depression etc, when I wrote it, but didn't think of that, yet it's so obvious! So thank you πŸ™‚ I'm Glad you liked it so much. Sue x

Supratik on 30-08-2014
August Rain.
Hello Sue!

The picture is perfect. The last line has a very effective poetic function. Good work here!

Best.

Author's Reply:
Hello, thank you for for such nice comments, I am so pleased you read and enjoyed it. Sue πŸ™‚

Gothicman on 31-08-2014
August Rain.
I just love the earnest beauty of your short descriptive poetry, Sue, you have a deep love for the English countryside and it always revives some of those special feelings in me as reader. What a broad spectrum of approach we are lucky to have on this creative writing site. Regards, Trevor

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much, so glad the poem helped you feel it as I do. I agree, we have such gifted and creative writers on here, one can learn so much from reading their work and listening to their good advice. Sue πŸ™‚


Cottage Hearth. (posted on: 25-08-14)
It was chilly, my imagination provided a little warmth, and recalled some old memories, with this ditty.

This stone built hearth of natures own, holds close racked logs from woodland path. Old rocking chair gives ease of rest, sees glint of brass on chimney breast. Where leap of flames dance shadowed wall shall bring oft times to minds recall.
Archived comments for Cottage Hearth.
Bozzz on 25-08-2014
Cottage Hearth.
If only modern fireplaces could bring the same air of relaxed contentment. Idyllic picture well and economically constructed Sue - that's good poetry......David

Author's Reply:
Hi David, thank you for such a kind comment, so glad you thought it was good poetry, thats a lovely compliment. I have always loved real fires, wish I could have one now, and perhaps a cottage with brasses on the wall. Oh well wishful thinking.
Sue x

Mikeverdi on 28-08-2014
Cottage Hearth.
Made me think of toasting forks, fresh bread. Chestnuts on a shovel roasting at Christmas, busting if not pricked enough. Anything that brings back thoughts like these is fine by me πŸ™‚
Mike

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike, I wanted to add a bit about toasting forks, loved sitting with a toasting fork and making hot buttered toast. Pleased it brought back such good memories for you πŸ™‚ Sue x

Legion on 28-08-2014
Cottage Hearth.
Sue - Love the image it creates. Sorry, but if I may be a little pedantic: possessives in the correct places would not go amiss, and 'sees' doesn't take an apostrophe. Regards Legion

Author's Reply:
Hi Legion, thank you for pointing out my mistake with 'sees' have changed. I find it so frustrating now to write , I used to be so good with grammar but for some reason ( fuzzy brain more than carelessness I think! ) it's all gone to pot now πŸ™ have actually looked for a kids book on it, much to my shame but can't find the one I want. But glad you liked the image it created. Sue.


Aunt Louise....Do not say there are no ghosts- you have not eyes to see. (posted on: 22-08-14)
Two weeks most years we looked after aunt Mabel's home and chickens in Dorset. Aunt lou was her relative who built it many years before, and died there. I first 'met' her aged about 3. This poem is when I met her again ten years on. I had no idea who she was, but accurately described aunt Lou.

How dark the night, no moon led glow where whisper soft her footsteps go. A hundred years to fall away, in time still bound to walk this day. A headlamp glint on flowered wall, to a black draped figure, fall. Around the room her darkness blends, unto the night a tremor, sends. Within the room now filled with dread she drops her gaze upon my bed.
Archived comments for Aunt Louise....Do not say there are no ghosts- you have not eyes to see.
stormwolf on 23-08-2014
Aunt Louise....Do not say there are no ghosts- you have not eyes to see.
Loved it. I have also seen spirits so total believer. You lost the rhythm in lines 3 and 4 second verse which stood out for me.
The short lines and feeling in them worked well though.

Alison x

Author's Reply:
Hi Alison, Glad you too have seen spirits, I find it hard to understand why other people deny their existance. I was a bit surprised you found those two lines awkward, ( I thought a couple of the lines further down were a bit 'dodgy'. ) I have looked at them again and will see if I can change them a bit. Thank you for reading it and commenting. When I submitted it I didn't expect it to appeal to many, as this subject doesn't seem to be very popular. I'm pleased you liked it. Sue.xx

stormwolf on 23-08-2014
Aunt Louise....Do not say there are no ghosts- you have not eyes to see.
Well, I have often posted about my beliefs and the one coming up on Sunday will be a prime example. If it's your truth to hell with the rest πŸ˜‰
Alison x

Def feel those lines out in fact really should have extra syllable in first line i.e. a headlamp glint (compare it to the first line of the poem you will see four beats and only three in that line.)
I feel the briefer the lines the more they need to be really tight πŸ˜‰

Here is it rewritten keeping the beat please note this is not what I am suggesting for the words only to demonstrate the missing rhythm.

(A) Headlamp glint
on flowered wall,
to black draped figure
da da da da


Author's Reply:
Alison, haha.. you literally beat me to it ! I have been busy counting out beats and came to the same conclusion ! However I interrupted myself to comment on another writer instead of adjusting mine. In fact I did at one point have ' A headlamp' should have kept it! Thank you, you have helped me a lot, much gratitude. Enjoy Sunday. Sue x

Legion on 23-08-2014
Aunt Louise....Do not say there are no ghosts- you have not eyes to see.
Sue - Forget beats to the bar. Beliefs are ephemeral and don't need to conform to temporal rules. A difficult topic, tackled well. Regards Graham

Author's Reply:
Thank you Graham, I appreciate you commenting on this. I wasn't sure anyone would. As you say a difficult topic, but quite the norm for me, had plenty of experience over the years, no idea why. πŸ™‚ Sue.

Mikeverdi on 24-08-2014
Aunt Louise....Do not say there are no ghosts- you have not eyes to see.
Excellent, some good critique from Auntie Storm as well πŸ™‚
Mike XxX

Author's Reply:
Thank you Mike, with your help and that of 'Auntie Storm' over the last few months, I have been set on a firmer path, very grateful. πŸ™‚ Sue.xx


Two Faces Of Autumn. (posted on: 18-08-14)
~*~*~*~*~

Let fall those gold-lipped leaves of autumn. Carried down on waning warmth. Through silver mists and silk grey sky. Fall upon all rose hip'd hedges, glistened red and dew damp kissed. Let fall those leaves to whispered breath, when summer's pipe still calls her tune. To lie within the gold blessed fields, beneath the glint of harvest moon. Fall down upon the year's turned earth for here shall swell her seeds of birth.
Archived comments for Two Faces Of Autumn.
Supratik on 18-08-2014
Two Faces Of Autumn.
'Let fall', 'Fall upon', 'Fall down' - with 'fall' appearing four times at regular intervals, the poem looks like a painting to me. Two faces are emerging out of a conscious zooming in and zooming out. It's as if the poem is also trying to click a picture! Very nice rendition.

Best.

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much, you have absolutly caught what I was trying to show. Sue πŸ™‚

Mikeverdi on 18-08-2014
Two Faces Of Autumn.
The first time I read this Sue I thought 'too much repetition'
subsequent reads have changed my mind..I really like it. πŸ™‚
Mike X

Author's Reply:
So glad you read it more than once Mike haha, I hoped to use the repetition of the words falling over the poem, to act as the leaves falling repeatedly over the earth ( no doubt you guessed that ) I really did try to steer away from 'nature' poems, but I failed πŸ™ I'm pleased you liked it, thank you. Sue.x

ValDohren on 18-08-2014
Two Faces Of Autumn.
The poem reads so beautifully that I did not notice the repetition. It is a natural repetition which is perfectly acceptable. It's a lovely piece Sue, very descriptive and atmospheric. Great stuff.
Val x

Author's Reply:
Thank you Val thats a very kind comment, so glad you enjoyed it. I am trying to write less nature inspired poems, and look towards other topics, ( don't want to bore everyone,) but my brain won't always comply. The natural world has always had an inspirational hold on me. Thanks once again Sue xx.

Kipper on 20-08-2014
Two Faces Of Autumn.
Hello Sue,
I think you painted the benign side of autumn very well, in a way that was easy to imagine. Of course autumn can show another side, stormy and less welcoming. Maybe a subject for another fine write.
They tell us 'write about what you know' and you clearly love nature, so don't apologise for doing just that as you do it rather well!
Michael

Author's Reply:
Thank you Michael for such kind comments. Once the rougher side of autumn sets in no doubt you'll see it in several of my submissions, possibly too many !! πŸ™‚ You are right I do love nature, always felt part of it, so I do find it difficult not to continually write about it. Thank you again for reading and giving such nice comments. Sue x

Ionicus on 21-08-2014
Two Faces Of Autumn.
A nice representation of the season of mists and mellow fruitfulness which reveals your affinity with nature. Well done, Sue.



Luigi x

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much, I'm glad you enjoyed it, autumn offers up so much poetry potential. πŸ™‚ Sue x


Spider And Fly. (posted on: 15-08-14)
This is about how a loving woman discovered she'd been deceived into signing over all she has financially, in the hope of keeping her partner of 37 yrs. Feel so sorry for her. She will lose everything.

Oh traitorous Soul that took the heart she so willing, gave. So lost was she no truth could tell, You had her love and used her well. You spun your web with lover's thread, and caught her in it's artful strands. You've tied her wings so she can't fly, and now you seek to bleed her dry.
Archived comments for Spider And Fly.
ValDohren on 16-08-2014
Spider And Fly.
Is this a true story Sue ? If so, then she is to be pitied. Fortunately, the majority of marriages aren't like this, but no doubt there are some. Tightly constructed and well written.
Val xx

Author's Reply:
Hi Val, sadly it is true I was talking to the woman two days ago and she told me then. She doesn't have any choice the law states she has to sell every single thing to split it, the partner has contributed nothing throughout the 37 years. The house and everything in it belonged to her before they met. She's about 68 now, and facing homelessness. The partner now lives with her own son, and will be better off than ever before. Worst of all she had planned this whole outcome over several years.
Many thanks for commenting Sue X.

Supratik on 17-08-2014
Spider And Fly.
This is good writing. The last line is intense and powerful. The deceit does not have any doubt in the poem.

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much,I am glad it has come across as strongly as I hoped, much appreciate you commenting. πŸ™‚

Bozzz on 17-08-2014
Spider And Fly.
Hi Sue, this piece has beauty in its concise way of telling the story. I am no legal eagle but if deceit can be shown perhaps there is some hope? Brill' as ever....David

Author's Reply:
Hi David thank you, I am glad you liked it. I will mention the deceit point to her, you never know what could help, thank you for suggesting it. Sue xx.

Kipper on 17-08-2014
Spider And Fly.
Hello Sue
This is well told story in so few words. Very cleverly put together with telling lines and a very good title.
But there is something that bothers me just a little. I tried to imagine reading it without the benefit of your intro. Would the deceit and manipulation have been as apparent? Perhaps not.
That apart it is a very good poem.
Michael

Author's Reply:
Hi Michael, I originally wrote it to give to her, as she is interested in my writing, and as she obviously knows the background I didn't need to be too specific. Now however I feel she may not appreciate my writing it, and I don't want to offend her so I shall keep it as a general poem. Which is why it came here, with the short intro. So pleased you read and thought about it, and your comments are very much appreciated. Sue.xx


Love Writes The Page. (posted on: 11-08-14)
Playing with metaphors.

My love's beyond the misted glass, where nothing more than dreams, can pass. My love's within a music box, to which no key can turn the lock. My love's a star that rides the sky, no wish can reach to hold the eye. My love's a light that gilds a stage, where love, and loved now write the page.
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Autumn Glanced My Way Today. (posted on: 08-08-14)
``*``*``*``

Scent of woodsmoke apple laced, with seductive drift has morning placed. Lazy warmth walks down the day. Sun soft shadings. Bronzed leaves play. Wine rich fruits fall heavy now, along the tightly berried bough. Although this day holds summer's kiss, nature pens her autumn list.
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Ebony Nights. (posted on: 04-08-14)
~*~*~

The lone emptiness of this ebony night lies heavy with me. It suffocates with black velvet. And hours, long dead, drift away in this coal dark sea. Slowly towards the dawn, at the edge of infinity.
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Parched Earth. (posted on: 01-08-14)
The sun is lovely, but a little rain to help the trees would be nice.

On through the hours, the sun screams heat to suck all life from thirsting earth. For summer's measure is all too sweet. Now nature's brush shows tip's of gold to paint upon the weary green. Saddening trees too soon now loose, the leaves that should still gleam. Quiet they fall from sun bleached bough to lie beside the mother's feet.
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Fears. (posted on: 28-07-14)
Just pondering on whether our fears about the dark, or 'spooky' places are built into our brains from earliest times in history, or whether we have been conditioned to be scared from fairy stories heard as a child, and nowadays tv etc.

Walk softly through the woodland ride a thousand years lay deep inside. Now the sun has said goodbye, Dusk's dark cloak has dimmed the sky. The wood of beauty's changed it's way. A sun kissed jewel by warmth of day becomes a place of primal fears, Spirits haunt those thousand years. Beside the paths, the mist filled glades hold hidden terrors, from ancient days. Wraith like forms will catch your eye, reach out with claws, as you pass by. Something whispers through the trees, it call's to you, your footsteps freeze. It writhes up through a leafy grave your heart to stop, your Soul enslave. So walk you softly through the ride those thousand years are at your side. And myths are born within this place sent to entice, your fears to face.
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Unrequited. (posted on: 25-07-14)
~~x~~x~~x~~

Parched, dry in a sea of sand, where desert waves wash over me. Sun beat days of weary heat, bring Ice cold nights to hold defeat. Such liquid pools in oasis near always in sight, yet never here. I reach my hand to succour's side, again salvation is denied. Nothing in life, my thirst shall quell. Bound in time and desert's spell.
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The Beacon, a re-write. (posted on: 21-07-14)
Re-thought this one.

A path I walked that winter's day, so bleak, so grey life gone astray. A stab of gold there caught my eye, a beacon bright shone down the way. A ray of light pulled from the sky, to cheer that dismal winter's day. I walked that path again today, in haste I walked along the way. In vain my eye could there alight upon the beacon's golden light. No yellow petals there did sing, no ray of sun to me would bring. Cold heart of man had come to slay, and ripped that shining jewel away. Returned the path to bleak and grey. And filled my eyes with tears that day.
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Mine! (posted on: 18-07-14)
A small rural park behind my house, not easily accessible so usually had it to myself to wander about and dream, unwind etc., Then they put the wide path in....

Turn you round and walk away sully not with feet of clay. All entrance here, to you declined touch you not, this place is mine! To take my feet where they would go silent walk, and pleasures know. Descent of calm is balm indeed heart and Soul, and senses feed. Imbibing here of life's sweet wine gently sipped from time's green vine.
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Rainy Night. (posted on: 14-07-14)
Several years ago I saw a painting in a shop window of a 1950's (?) street scene, it was very atmospheric, a dark winter's evening, with people bustling to and fro, beneath muted orange street lamps shining bright orange into glossy puddles. I have looked for it since, but never found it.

Coal black shadows in puddled street, amber lit by reflecting pools. Dreary drips from rooftop's shine catching glints from hurried feet. Halo'd light of lamp led glow washes down the river'd road. Shop fronts' bright with sun's disguise, Throws false warmth to path below. Dampened coats stand in a row, To patient wait for bus to load.
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Turn Of The Year. (posted on: 11-07-14)
My apologies for fast forwarding to winter!

A winter's eve and all is still. Church bell's peal is crystal clear For frost hangs chill about the night, And leaves it's gleam on cottage sill. The scent of wood smoke climbs the air From flames in log filled hearth. Long awaited midnight chimes Are drawing ever near. For winter's clock moves slowly on towards the turning of the year.
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Light And Shade. (posted on: 07-07-14)
Shadowy woodland, after summer rain.

Breath soft clouds, silver grey borne on air of woven silk carries here all sense to please perfume cast from sweet bouquet. Languid wave from leaf-dark glade shows hidden depths of green. Peeping through, a placid eye winks sparks of light between. Where green cupped hands, still raindrop kissed reflect the shadowed sky.
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Progress? (posted on: 07-07-14)
Conservation rant! I know we all need homes, but no wildlife = no planet!

Can you hear their cries, as they flee in the night. Do you see their terror, understand their plight? Blindly they run, they can't find their way. Oh help them, please help them for they are the prey. Their burrows have gone, their salvation destroyed. In panic they turn, their fate to avoid. But the hedgerow they seek is no longer there. Where can they hide? There must be somewhere. But the digger's have come and ripped from their land, the lives of the creatures who don't understand. The foxes, the rabbits, the badgers and birds. This land was their home too precious for words. Those fields have now gone and here in their place, we have concrete and paths, street lights and fast cars. No creatures here now- the skylarks don't sing. No cuckoo brings april, the first sign of spring. No owls flying low, and no bats to be seen. For all those small lives were turned into dust. Just to help satisfy a developers lust.
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The Garden. (posted on: 04-07-14)
There is a small house( not too important) with a wonderful garden that I have been waiting 14 years for,I wrote about it in 'Heart's Desire', has a stream, willow trees, roses, the lot. Hoping estate agents will look favourably on me!

With gentlest breath all hopes caress my fingertip of dreams. Please step you soft upon the day, for I so wish to beg them stay. Still whispers there with sweetest song, the twinkling brook will carry long. As willow weaves with bend of bough my dreams are woven with you now.
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Sharp Shower. (posted on: 04-07-14)
*******

Summer storms send shards of rain like blades of crystal glass, to pierce the flesh of parched terrain and let the life blood pass. Greedy drinks, the thirst filled grass. Raindrops spark with amber flare. Sun stroked mist coils from the path, and life renewed sups from the air.
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Don't...say It (posted on: 30-06-14)
For those that laugh at me!!

Don't say, 'tis only a bird to me There's a thousand more for you to see. Don't say, if a tiny ant should die a hundred more will pass you by. Don't say, of the butterfly caught in a web leave him to die, watch the living instead. Don't say, for the bee lying dead at my feet that a part of me inside can't weep. Don't say to me, it's nature's law for each life lost there's always more. For it's that single life I see, and Yes, I care-so let me be!
Archived comments for Don't...say It
Skytrucker on 30-06-2014
Dont...say It
Good train of thought. I have to see any life being extinguished (with certain human exceptions)

Nice piece of work.

Author's Reply:
Thank you, I wouldn't be quite so sad if some of our, not so nice, human population were trodden on, either. πŸ™‚ Sue.

Mikeverdi on 30-06-2014
Dont...say It
Agree with the sentiment, I didn't always. Just a suggestion Sue, maybe drop down
So let me be'
Only me and I still like it anyway, I just think it would be stronger.
Mike

Author's Reply:
I've always been that way, and always got a lot of stick for it, Can't even bring myself to use fly spray! Glad you like it, wasn't sure whether it would be thought a bit childish. Will have a look at your suggestion. Thank you. xx Sue.


Tide's Turn. (posted on: 30-06-14)
~~~~~~~

Why was circumstance So cruel To play a mother As a fool? Such change of tide Did life envoke To lead a daughter From her side. What clash of heavens Did embrace For coldest future Sure to face. While sails on drifting Sea's of sorrows Carries all the darkening 'morrows.
Archived comments for Tide's Turn.
Mikeverdi on 30-06-2014
Tides Turn.
Excellent, tells the whole broken sorry story in sixteen lines. The same can take a life time to repair; I've been waiting fifteen years.
Congrats on another well deserved Nib Sue.
Mike

Author's Reply:
Thank you Mike, Its painful isn't it. We're getting there to an extent, but it will never be the same, and that hurts just as much. Relationships.... not so sure they are a good idea. I'll stick with the animals, know where I am with them. πŸ™‚ Sue xx.

stormwolf on 30-06-2014
Tides Turn.
Hi Sue,
Trevor got there first about the extra 'the' which I am sure was just an oversight.
The poem has constrained emotions that come over and also that I can personally identify with as well πŸ™
The short terse lines well in keeping with the subject matter.
Congrats on the nib

Alison x

Author's Reply:
Hi Alison thank you very much. You are quite right about the extra 'the' being an oversight, I read it
and re-read it many times too, I suppose my mind saw what was supposed to be there not what I had actually written, maddening! I am sorry you can also indentify with this situation, I hope things can resolve themselves for you. Sue xx.

chant_z on 01-07-2014
Tides Turn.
Beautiful piece. A kind of withheld or constrained (as someone put it) emotion (sadness I suppose) bleeding through the way I read it.

Author's Reply:
Thank you, thats very kind. πŸ™‚ Sue.


Lost. (posted on: 27-06-14)
Simply.....I miss my mum.

The stars that lit my way ahead have quietly closed their eyes. Paths of life hold shades of mist and I am lost in silent grey. With feet that fall on shifting sands I cannot feel my way. Unanswered questions claw my mind, unspoken words to silence fly. Chill winds of future hunt me down, uncertain steps no solace find. No comfort blanket for my Soul. No pillow for my head.
Archived comments for Lost.
Mikeverdi on 27-06-2014
Lost.
Beautiful. XxX

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much, It's been 17 years, might just as well be 17 minutes. Doesn't get any easier. Sue. xx.

ValDohren on 27-06-2014
Lost.
Absolutely lovely Sue.
Val xx

Author's Reply:
Thank you Val, Years before I lost mum, my cousin told me you don't just lose your mum you lose your way too, and she was so right. xx

stormwolf on 27-06-2014
Lost.
A beautiful poem, very moving too. I dread the time I will be able to relate fully.

On the crit side, I was waiting for it to rhyme. The tight 4 lined layout seemed to cry out for rhyme as opposed to freestyle but that's just my opinion.

An example below
The stars that lit my way ahead
have quietly closed their eyes.
Paths of life hold shades of mist
and I am lost in silent (skies) grey.

It's your poem of course and nothing is written in stone. The wording is gentle and lovingly descriptive, I just felt that the layout weakened it a bit.

Alison x

Author's Reply:
Hi Alison, I deliberatly stayed away from a lot of rhyming, however the grey(1st verse) rhymes with way,(2nd verse) and mind (2nd verse) with find (3rd verse). I wanted to use grey because of the density of the mist.( Hope that explains my reason for the layout) I am glad you thought it beautiful, thank you. Losing her was dreadful, She always rang me at 9 in the evening, after I lost her I couldn't get past that time without retreating to the bedroom, hug her dressing gown, curl up into a ball and cry bucket's, It was a very long time before I got past that. I envy you still having your mum. Sue.xx


Sleepless Night. (posted on: 27-06-14)
This is a re-write, hoping it works better this time.

Wrecked and ravaged Torn at the seams. A storm tossed ship Rides sleepless dreams. Thoughts fly your head As wind-blown birds, Weary to travel Yet still land led. A quieter haven There shall seek. Those raging waves Their ardour cease. Find gentle balm On calmer seas, In realms of peaceful sleep.
Archived comments for Sleepless Night.
Mikeverdi on 27-06-2014
Sleepless Night.
Sue, I can sense that want (maybe need) this one to work. All the ingredient are there; but for me the mix is still not right. I'm sorry if this is not what you wanted, it is only me and my opinion.
In friendship
Mike X


Author's Reply:
I wasn't too sure either, which is why I put it on again, second opinions really. Guess I'll have to sleep on it!! Very grateful for your comments, they always help. Sue XX.

stormwolf on 27-06-2014
Sleepless Night.
Hi Sue,
A good re-write till it came to a shuddering stop one line too soon.
You have laid it out in tight rhyming couplets, then the last line goes awry.

Wrecked and ravaged
Torn at the seams.

A storm tossed ship
Rides sleepless dreams.

Thoughts fly your head
As wind-blown birds,

Weary to travel
Yet still land led.

A quieter haven
There shall seek.

Those raging waves
Their ardour cease.

Find gentle balm
On calmer seas,

In realms of peaceful sleep.

As you can see the last line is out of sync in all ways to the preceding structure. All you need to do (IMHO) is to re-write the end to have an extra rhyming line and Bob's your uncle and Fanny's your aunt!

Alison x

Author's Reply:
You have taken me by surprise by your comments, not once did I ever read ( or even see ) the way you have thought to set it out, so different from my actual idea, really inspired. It's like a totally different poem. laying it out this way does make the last line a mistake, but the whole reason for writing it was to finally reach the realms of peaceful sleep, so I shall try and think of another line, may ask Bob and Fanny to give me a hand ! Really grateful for your ideas, Thank you. :-). Sue.xx

Savvi on 30-06-2014
Sleepless Night.
There is enough said here Sue, my comment would have been about the last line being bumpy, but it should be easy to split it into another couplet without losing the close.

Eg
In realms within
a peaceful sleep

I like the way you make this toss and turn the reader gets a real sense of the sleepless night. Best Keith



Author's Reply:
Thank you Keith, sadly I know too much about sleepless nights, too many years on shift work! I really , really like your idea for the last two lines, still my wording but arranged so much better, a big thank you, will probably use it. πŸ™‚ Sue.XX.


Time Nips At Your Heels. (posted on: 23-06-14)
A nod and a smile to getting older.

The voice of time walks at my side keeping pace, stride for stride. Softest whisper in my ear listen now, I'll make it clear You'll only be this age one year. You're one step up, climbing fast. Soon your flag will fly the mast. No stepping back, to beat retreat grains of time run from your feet. Yet time has much to offer still So view your future, ATOP that hill.
Archived comments for Time Nips At Your Heels.
Elfstone on 24-06-2014
Time Nips At Your Heels.
This speaks to an ancient truth and I feel it so clearly! Sadly my future is now at the bottom of the hill!!

Just one thought - the verses are two different lengths; perhaps add a line to the end of verse one to balance out -
"You'll only be this age for one
fleeting year and then it's done." -something like that?

I have grown to admire your writing - very different from my own but it grabs the attention. Elf.

Author's Reply:
Firstly let me say a huge thank you for your lovely compliment, Never had anyone admire my work before, you have made my day πŸ™‚ Like you I was a bit unsure about the different line lengths, I think I was being a bit of a rebel, poetic licence and all that. But also the last two lines were meant to sum up that there is still something to look forward to, and to get a clearer view of life from a different viewpoint hence the top of the hill. Very much appreciate your helpful advice and suggestions, and I am sure you are still at the top of the hill. Sue xx.


Eric,The Gardener. (posted on: 23-06-14)
Eric was the gardener at a care home where I once worked, he was what we once called a 'wino'. A no nonsense Yorkshire man determind to overcome his problems. He was a lovely man, hard working, friends with everyone, always laughing. He died suddenly one summer aged fifty five. We missed him.

And it's in the autumn, Eric when the brightly berried trees cast a ruby brilliance, against golden drifting leaves. My mind tells me I see you there, for time still holds your place. I fancy I hear your laughter catch the rhythms of the wind. Bringing reminiscence as it sighs upon your face.
Archived comments for Eric,The Gardener.
stormwolf on 23-06-2014
Eric,The Gardener.
Absolutely beautiful Sue. One of your very best and into favs for me. You have used original imagery and wording is so very moving.
when the brightly berried trees
cast a ruby brilliance,

I fancy I hear your laughter
catch the rhythms of the wind.

You have done Eric proud.

Alison x

PS from the 'look' of the poem on the page, I would put some space under it to show it off better and not have it sort of squashed in the corner. πŸ˜‰

Author's Reply:
Wow, Alison thank you, didn't expect it to be so well recieved by anyone, Wasn't sure about it myself, shows how wrong I can be πŸ™‚ Another big thank you for considering it good enough to put into your favs, and to also rate it so highly.
I have tried to set various poems out a bit differently, but they still appear in ordinary rows, or squashed like this one. No good with anything adventurous, I always either lose everything or muck up somewhere, I have asked my son-in-law but get laughed at for being so useless at technology, or he shows me so fast and expects me to know how he did what he did, that I no longer ask lol. Many Thanks for such lovely comments. Sue.XX.

stormwolf on 24-06-2014
Eric,The Gardener.
Oh I sometimes ask my son who is high up in IT and get a load of cheek about how thick I am 😡 but considering we never got this in school I think we do very well thank you.
Now, if you want to have the poem further up the page to give a more balanced look to the page as a whole, all you need to do is keep pushing the return button as you see the block of writing move up the page.
It really is very simple.
😇

Author's Reply:
Brilliant thank you very much, most things are simple once you know how, the hard bit is winkling out the information and getting it to stick in the brain (perhaps thats just me! ) Will give it a go next time. πŸ™‚ Sue.xx

Elfstone on 24-06-2014
Eric,The Gardener.
Lovely Sweetwater - a gentle, touching memento. Elf.

Author's Reply:
Thank you, I wanted to pay him some sort of tribute, he was a lovely man. Sue.x

Mikeverdi on 24-06-2014
Eric,The Gardener.
Agree with the others Sue, a beautiful poem and one of my favs as well. It woundn't be me if there wasn't a bit of critique though HaHa! I think the 'my mind tells me' bit is unnecessary; but that's just me nit picking as usual.
Mike X

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike , many thanks, glad it is a favourite with you, that means a lot. As always you have a good point, and I have read and re-read with and without that line, but I have to say (sorry)I think it becomes a bit disjointed without it, having said that I may change my mind! Carry on nit picking it always gives me a different perspective. πŸ™‚ Sue.x.

Kipper on 24-06-2014
Eric,The Gardener.
Hi Sue,
Despite his obvious disadvantages Eric clearly connected with people; you of course and I don't doubt there would be others.
Your fond words pay him a great tribute, the like of which many many of us, including myself, would be blessed should something like that be said of us.
Michael

Author's Reply:
Yes he did, he had no one here they were all in Yorkshire, so we sort of took him over ( it was a Christian nursing home, run by the Baptist Church )he was helping in the gardens as a volunteer, and became a friend to staff and residents alike. Thank you very much for your comments, they are very kind. Sue.x

Ionicus on 26-06-2014
Eric,The Gardener.
A lovely tribute to a man who obviously made a lasting impression on people who knew him.

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much, thats very kind. πŸ™‚ Sue.


The Day Is Not Lost. (posted on: 20-06-14)
Grey day at the end of spring, even the daisies refused to open. And 'cleavers' strangled everything.

Grey washed white shows muted sky on day of uninspiring dawn. Half hearted daisies mock the grass, and all lies browning, overgrown, bent to kiss the ground forlorn. Springtime passion since fulfilled long now lost it's youthful joy. But in the hedge a purple sheen where petals fall upon a bough and to the air gives sweet embrace. Hidden well amidst the green with pink tinged blush, are cherries now. A stirring eye shall pierce decay to reach beneath all sad disgrace.
Archived comments for The Day Is Not Lost.
Texasgreg on 20-06-2014
The Day Is Not Lost.
Conjures fine imagery of seasonal change and adaptations of nature. Makes me want to grab another cup of coffee and watch the sun rise from my patio, but alas, must scoot off to work with the rest.

Greg πŸ™‚
 photo Gunspincowboy.gif


Author's Reply:
Enjoy your day, maybe grab that coffee when you mosey on back. Many thanks for reading and commenting.
Sue.xx

Bozzz on 21-06-2014
The Day Is Not Lost.
Sue, the immaculate rhythm carries this descriptive piece. I much enjoyed it....David

Author's Reply:
Hi David, Thank you that's such a lovely compliment, so glad you enjoyed it. Was not expecting a rating, very grateful. πŸ™‚ Sue.xx

Savvi on 21-06-2014
The Day Is Not Lost.
Hi Sue this would work nicley into a sonnet if you had a mind to try. Just a suggestion because it really doesn't need to be tinkered with, it stands just fine the way it is. The balanced lines drive a solid beat to this image strong piece gives a sad feeling that something has come to an end (spring as you tell us but could be anything really) Very much enjoyed Keith

Author's Reply:
Hi Keith,a sonnet is an interesting idea may have a think about trying that.I really appreciate all your comments as I wasn't too sure about the way it read. So glad you enjoyed it, Thank you. Sue x.


Summer scene. (posted on: 20-06-14)
~*~*~*~

The wind sends breaths as soft as thistledown, teasing scent from billowed waves of wild honeysuckle. Bramble arms flower adorned snake across my path. Hidden tracks lead beneath to secret lives within.
Archived comments for Summer scene.
Savvi on 21-06-2014
Summer scene.
A burst of nature that reminded me of a costal walks....the detail of lives inside the brammble was a nice touch that opens up the poem and the read. Thanks Keith

Author's Reply:
I wish my walk had been along a coastal path sounds lovely, however this walk was lovely too. Glad you liked the poem, Thank you for your comments. πŸ™‚ Sue.x


Acceptance. (posted on: 16-06-14)
"""""""

Hours, so many hours drifting by. Silently, secretly where quiet tears lie. Seasons change one to another, Still I wait alone. While years fall soft Upon my page. And time disowns My dreams.
Archived comments for Acceptance.
stormwolf on 16-06-2014
Acceptance.
Just lovely. The layout, the well chosen title and the repetition
all combine to make a wee beauty. The gentle feeling of sadness permeating the poem, perfect.
Alison x

Author's Reply:
Thank you very, very much Alison. So glad the meaning I was aiming for came across. πŸ™‚ Sue.x.

Mikeverdi on 16-06-2014
Acceptance.
Love this one Sue...'while years fall soft upon my page' Like that a lot. Hope you get a Nib for this one , well worth it I think.
Mike X

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike, so glad you like it, I wanted to portray sadness but not abject misery, hopefully I have done that. Thank you for your very kind comments. πŸ™‚ Sue.xx.

Savvi on 16-06-2014
Acceptance.
Very well penned Sue, the title really works to set up the poem and you capture a quiet dark mood. I also like the last two lines a lot, made me think, thanks Keith

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much, glad you liked it. Sue.x

ValDohren on 16-06-2014
Acceptance.
Agree with the others - a very lovely and poignant write. Love the closing lines.
Val x

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much, really pleased you liked it. πŸ™‚ Sue.x

Zoya on 17-06-2014
Acceptance.
Crisp little piece sue! Loved it!


Author's Reply:
Thats very kind, thank you πŸ™‚ Sue x.

Zoya on 17-06-2014
Acceptance.
Crisp little piece sue! Loved it!


Author's Reply:

Kipper on 23-06-2014
Acceptance.
Acceptance of the way things are, if not how you hoped they would be. i guess most of us have to come to terms with a shortfall somewhere in our lives. Very well observed in relatively few words.
(Me - it would take half a page)
Best regards, Michael.

Author's Reply:
I ended a bad marriage that was doing no one any favours, my daughter was about nine then, hoped to find someone else, never have, she will be thirty next month. have now accepted I will have to face some very lonely years ahead. Just felt I needed to express it. Thank you for reading it, and for your kind comments. πŸ™‚ Sue.


The Game. (posted on: 16-06-14)
Something I know nothing about really, but I do read.

Smiling eyes hide ice cold stare as she opens up her door. This girl, who really doesn't care then welcomes in another. Is it always just for cash or is there something more. Will she give the needed warmth denied to him by mother. Will she offer flattery or merely silent mockery. Broken lives on sheets of shame will hide forbidden tears. Secrets burning, hidden yearnings beat down the endless years. Cash changes hands, each understands. For this is life. This is the game.
Archived comments for The Game.
Savvi on 16-06-2014
The Game.
I like the different view points you give as reasons for the oldest profession in the book but it lacks a spark that takes it somewhere other than the obvious, there is quite a bit of tell in this one and there is a room for some images. Best Keith

Author's Reply:
Just thought I would try the subject out, bit difficult as I have no real knowledge of it, other than TV or books, have sympathy for both sides, more the female I think. Thank you for your comments, I will have another think. πŸ™‚ Sue.

Mikeverdi on 17-06-2014
The Game.
This is such a good idea Sue, take the time to think it through eg. eyes that 'smile' don't lie. If she didn't care she wouldn't 'smile ' with her eyes. PM me if you want help.
Mike X


Author's Reply:
Hi Mike, I agree I rushed into this one a bit too fast, need to do some 'personal' research haha. Didn't think the 'eyes' through either. Thank you for the offer of help, you'll probably get a PM shortly! ( or perhaps I should stick to what I know ) Many thanks Sue x.

Mikeverdi on 18-06-2014
The Game.
Where would be the fun in that!! πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Very true, I need more fun so I can write on a wider range of subjects, Thats as good a reason as any
I think ! :-)Sue.x.

stormwolf on 18-06-2014
The Game.
I agree about the smiling eyes. I would have said something along the lines of 'eyes that betrayed her smile.'etc
It asks a lot of valid questions that can maybe never be answered so it has a lot in it.
I think this poem would really benefit from an overhaul, it's too good an idea to leave as it is. πŸ˜‰
The last two lines seal it well.
Alison x

Author's Reply:
Hi Alison, I like your 'eyes' idea that is more what I was after. I may take the last two lines as a starting point next time, as I said to Mike I am better writing about what I know (may have to take up a new hobby...purely for research of course! ) Will have a think. Thank you for reading it and taking the time to offer helpful suggestions. πŸ™‚ Sue X.

sirat on 20-06-2014
The Game.
I think there would be a great short story (sorry, don't do poems) in the 'borderline' activities of the young ladies in South East Asian countries, particularly Thailand, who seek out and pick up Western men and behave very much as conventional 'girlfriends' until it's time for the man to go home. Some are interested in finding a well-to-do Western husband, others seem to have no such motivation and just do it as a way of life. I'll report back when my research is at a more advanced stage.

Author's Reply:
Loved your comments, made me chuckle. I admire the ladyboys who do the same, they are so different from the men-to-women over here who almost always look more like cartoon characters. I don't do stories, however once your research is complete I would appreciate a few pointers so I can improve this poem πŸ˜‰ Many thanks for reading. Sue.

Skytrucker on 20-06-2014
The Game.
I did some research on this very subject in Singapore. That was a couple of wives ago so probably not current.

Author's Reply:
Hehe Doubt very much has changed πŸ™‚ Thank you for reading, enjoyed the comments. Sue.


Time Renewed. (posted on: 13-06-14)
++++++++

Take my past and wipe it clean, Let me live once more the dream. Strike from my life, the wrong I did. Erase from me the lies I hid. Clean the slate then hide the chalk, Give me fresh paths, that I may walk. Let my conscience be washed clean And all my faults there, to be seen. To make amends and start again, So seal all wounds and heal the pain.
Archived comments for Time Renewed.
expat on 15-06-2014
Time Renewed.
Wot - no comments!
I'm not a poet but as a reader, I think this piece is very good. Straightforward and effective.
Steve

Author's Reply:
Hi Steve, Really nice of you to comment, just looked you up (hope you don't mind) as I hadn't seen your work, have to apologise I tend not to read the fiction posts, don't know why as I read books.
It's very kind of you to say such nice things, thank you very much. πŸ™‚ Sue.

ValDohren on 15-06-2014
Time Renewed.
Guess we would all like a second shot at life - very good poem Sue, enjoyed reading.
Val x

Author's Reply:
My guilty conscience rearing it's ugly head, I suppose. Thank you for reading and commenting on it Val, much appreciated. Sue.x.


Leaves Of Lemon. (posted on: 13-06-14)
+++++

The air cotton wool soft. And leaves of lemon gently plucked, dance a graceful autumn waltz. Round and round they circle down, to find not just by chance, their place within her patchwork gown, upon the autumn floor.
Archived comments for Leaves Of Lemon.
stormwolf on 14-06-2014
Leaves Of Lemon.
Love 'cotton wool soft'
I also got the desire to express the way the leaves came circling down.
I felt you needed space after your commas. Too close and a cramped feeling that goes against the lightness and air of the content.
Just to compare how I MAY have set this out but this is only to give an example NOT to say do it πŸ˜‰ for I have come to set my layout out in my own way that appeals to me, not anyone else.
I have totally changed that over the years and may well do so many times again. I only want to highlight the different ways a poem can be read with different punctuation, spacing and emphases not to say this is the 'right' way (for it's not)

Alison x

The air,
cotton wool soft.
And leaves of lemon
gently plucked,
dance
a graceful autumn waltze. (waltz)
Round and round
they circle down,
to find
not just by chance,
their place
within
her patchwork gown,
upon the autumn floor.


or even

The air, cotton wool soft.
And leaves of lemon
gently plucked, dance
a graceful autumn waltze. (waltz)
Round and round
they circle down,
to find
not just by chance,
their place
within
her patchwork gown,
upon
the
autumn
floor.

Now the last one is novelty value just to show you that I am making the words 'glide down gently' same as the leaves. only things to consider.
I would not want everyone to be doing what I do or it would not be different lol just to try to give you an idea where I am coming from.

Alison x

oops the last 4 words were meant to be in steps but too time consuming, hope you get my drift ;-)in

Author's Reply:
Hi Alison, have corrected space and spelling, so glad you noticed, I hadn't. If you knew how many re-arrangements I have made to this! lol. I really like your first suggestion, reads really nicely, the second does indeed give the feeling of falling leaves which I also like. Since reading your work and the different layout ideas you use, I have begun to think how I can arrange lines differently. It does give many more options when writing. Very many thanks for all these helpful suggestions, really appreciate the time you have taken to advise me. πŸ™‚ Sue xx.

stormwolf on 15-06-2014
Leaves Of Lemon.
You are very welcome Sue xx

Author's Reply:

ValDohren on 15-06-2014
Leaves Of Lemon.
Beautifully imaginative Sue, great descriptions, and a very inspired title.
Val x

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much, so glad you enjoyed it πŸ™‚ Sue.x


Washing Line. (posted on: 09-06-14)
Oh the joy's of washing day! Just written for fun, not literary contant as such.

The wind through the copse is now growing And the line full of washing begins blowing. Pegged out on the line, in sunshine at nine The weather looked set for the day. The undies by the house, were discreet Next to the socks, pegged in pairs by the feet. Further along where the lavender grows The shirts and the dresses hung neat in their rows. But nothing now hangs either neat or discreet, And I don't like the way this is going. The wind that was blowing has now upped it's game And I'm sure I can feel the first splashes of rain. I fight for control of the now thrashing line And get hit in the face by some sleet. The socks are all tangled, the undies are too, And the shirts and the dresses all hug when they meet. The line is now empty, the washing is in And I'm drenched from my feet to my head. I re-wash the clothes and look at the line As the sun has returned with it's shine. I pick up an armful of freshly washed shirts, And reach for the dryer instead!
Archived comments for Washing Line.
pommer on 09-06-2014
Washing Line.
I like it. Thank God for the dryer.How frustrating it all was in the days when washday was always on Monday,whatever the weather.Iused to hate Mondays,when a child. Be lucky, Peter.xxx

Author's Reply:
Thank you, so glad you liked it, was not expecting any reads considering its about wash day! Oh childhood wash days, wooden horse round the fire, helping mum get in huge sheets frozen so stiff they stood upright when you carried them from the line... Yes thank goodness for the dryer. πŸ™‚ Sue x.

Kipper on 10-06-2014
Washing Line.
Hi Sue
I too remember wash-day Mondays, and your poem has caught it well.
Written for fun you say and fun it surely is. Can't help the feeling though that had the rhyming been a little more consistent the amusement value would have come through even stronger.
BTW. I often got called in to turn the big handle of the mangle, to squash the wash, after the dolly by golly.
Happy days - Michael

Author's Reply:
We had a large old fashioned mangle at the kennels I worked in many years ago, fortunatly it was no longer used. I still prefer the line to the dryer, or an airer on wet days, doesn't cost anything!
Many thanks for your comments, and the litle ditty πŸ™‚ Sue.

ValDohren on 12-06-2014
Washing Line.
Washday blues encapsulated here Sue - can't remember when I last hung them out, got fed up with the bird packages, so its the hangers or the drier for me. A fun write.
Val x

Author's Reply:
Hi Val, My main problem with hanging washing out is my horrendous feather phobia, had therapy and can cope with those on the ground, just, but it's the ones that float down I can't deal with, From late summer to late winter they fall like snowflakes and I can't use my garden at all. I am in a park environment so loads of trees and pigeons! Many thanks for commenting :-)Sue.x


A Motorbike Scramble. (posted on: 09-06-14)
As a 10 year old child, this is where my love of motorbikes started, a long time ago! I would not however call a rhyme about motorbikes, poetry.

The thrum of engines lying in wait jostle against the starting gate. And then oh boy, the two stroke joy as lions' roar leaves throttle's throat. Pristine engines shine the course, with delicious note of petrol sent. All huddle and muddle at first breached hill. Guilty excitement of that first spill. Up and round, and down they go, like brightly tumbled waves they flow. With grit filled eyes and muddy faces, they sweep and swerve to gain their places. Excitement mounts with every gear. Throbbing engines drown the ear. With flag now waved the race is done, spectators chase to see who's won.
Archived comments for A Motorbike Scramble.
Mikeverdi on 09-06-2014
A Motorbike Scramble.
I love the feel of this one Sue, there are some issues;I think you could take out 'leaves throttle's throat'. It clangs a bit and adds nothing, but this doesn't detract from the joy of the piece for me; I think its great.
Mike

Author's Reply:
The throtles throat thing is not right, I have messed about with the wording for a while and am still considering other options, probably edit when I find something. πŸ™‚ Many thanks for reading, I'm glad you enjoyed it, brought back many happy memories for me. Sue.x

Bozzz on 09-06-2014
A Motorbike Scramble.
Sue, your poem reaches the gutteral rhythm of the occasion and writing about things is what Mr Paxman wants us to do. Bravo - I am with you (and him) all the way - and your poem it was that won the race !....David


Author's Reply:
You are very kind David, thank you. Glad you thought it was first past the post! Sue πŸ™‚

stormwolf on 09-06-2014
A Motorbike Scramble.
I thought it was successful in capturing the action. Could be broken up into chunks to aid the reader but not essential by any means.
Alison x

Author's Reply:
I have mentally divided it and yes you are right, it would work. I have been trying out different formats, getting bored with writing verses! this long version was (in my mind) copying the riders going from start line to finish without stopping, one long line so to speak. Many thanks for suggestion will type it out and have a look. πŸ™‚ Sue xx.

stormwolf on 09-06-2014
A Motorbike Scramble.
Yes, I see what you mean and works well. Perhaps breaking it up not such a good idea in that case 😜
X

Author's Reply:

pommer on 09-06-2014
A Motorbike Scramble.
Hi Sue, it once again took me back to my youth.What glorious days.What fun tinkering about with the bikes all week ready for Sunday.I am sitting here picturing it all again,Including skids and spills.Love it. Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
I loved it too, the noise, the crowds, and dare I say it..the falls. and ohh that two stroke mix, Heaven! Only scrambling, or to a lesser excitement level, grass track racing has that effect. The T.T.
or Grand Prix holds no interest, I like 'real' bikes not pretty plastic ones! Many thanks for your comments, nice to share views with another 'biker' πŸ™‚ Sue XX.


Popeye on 12-06-2014
A Motorbike Scramble.
Don,t know why you do not think of this as a poem; it is a very enjoyable read, and the subject matter portrays an exiting aspect of life πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Hi, I don't know why I think this isn't a poem, haven't read a poem about bikes ever though, think I would just call it a verse. But whatever it is I am so glad you enjoyed it, and I very much appreciate your rating it, thank you very much πŸ™‚ Sue.x


The Choice. (posted on: 06-06-14)
Life differences.

Some people dance the crests of waves, Horizons clearly seen. Grab their life live well their dream, And sail their seas serene. But others live within dark clouds And never touch the stars. Any dreams that dare to be Like whisps of smoke, are blown away. We like to think we have a choice, But I don't think thats true. For I would always choose the first And I think that you would too.
Archived comments for The Choice.

No comments archives found!
I am the words nobody reads. (posted on: 06-06-14)
Bit of fun, and just maybe a dig at my family who are not the slightest bit interested in anything I write, and change the subject if I dare to mention the 'P' word.

The me that you see Isn't me at all. The me that is me Is the me in my head. The me that is free Is the me in the ink. The me that is me Is the me in the print. The me that is me Is the me in the word. The me that is me Is the me left unheard.
Archived comments for I am the words nobody reads.
Mikeverdi on 08-06-2014
I am the words nobody reads.
I can see what you are trying to do here, but I think you missed it. I read it as 'you half agree with them' This is you before ...not the you that writes here and now. Write it again as the confident writer you should be; the one who gets Nibs and high marks. You are better than this, one day they will know.
Mike

Author's Reply:
You really do have a good insight to the meaning in poems, I hadn't written it that way,or thought I hadn't, but now I can see what you mean, and yes at the moment I am wondering why on earth I am bothering to write anything, can't see any purpose in it ( not in a 'poor me no one cares' way ) but in a reasoned argument way. Its not going anywhere, its just meaningless words on paper, now I am trying to write it 'properly' so to speak I don't feel happy and relaxed doing it, just doubtful in the finished work. And getting knocked back by my family every time I dare to mention anything to do with what I write is taking its toll. Sorry hadn't meant to rant and moan on. I am very cheered by your kind words, and once these doldrums have been sailed through things will get back to normal. Thank you for taking the time to send encouraging words to me. πŸ™‚ Sue.x

stormwolf on 08-06-2014
I am the words nobody reads.
Hi Sue
I sat at my Ipad mini and typed out a long comment to you that went awol. πŸ™ *scream*
I don't know if a combination of poor eyesight and tiny keys was the culprit but disappointing as I really wanted to say something to you.

I will now try again only briefly.
Number one, write for yourself and bugger the rest.

I think I have shared with you that none of my family ever read me nor show any interest and that is me with a mother who had her own small poetry book published and loves to get feedback on that. ;-(
I often asked myself why? but all I can say is that in my experience it often appears that (creative) people are almost dropped into families as though they are changelings.

If you can overcome the need for validation from your nearest and dearest you will come on in leaps and bounds. One of the major causes of misery in this world is un-met expectations. So, you need to ask yourself why it is so important?

My way of dealing with it is to try to be as good as I can be and the feedback from those who don't have an axe to grind can be life affirming.
I would also encourage you to be bold and take all helpful crit offered.
That does not mean altering a poem every time....of course not... but it really does help to listen to the things others give in the way of feedback.
Remember that family see you often in only one role.... wife, mother, sister etc

People write (in my mind) mostly because they simpy have to. I know I do.
If you allow your non validation from family to stifle you, you do yourself a grave disservice for we are all free spirits.
hope this helps.
Alison x





Author's Reply:
Wow Alison, what can I say but THANK YOU. I too have to write, can't help myself, which is why I am at odds with myself just now I suppose. Maybe now I am 'older' I want to achieve something of consequence
and not be remembered as just mum. I never really bothered to find out about the 'real' people behind my parents, I now realise how much more than that they were, but its too late. This may sound really stupid and pathetic ( don't know if other poetry writers feel the same ) but I have always felt no one knows the real me, and that ( and this is weird )I don't belong in this time. Anyhoo, the fact that you can write brilliant poems without the need for family approval, has been in my mind since you first mentioned their lack of interest. I will just say one thing in this poems(?) favour, I enjoyed the way it bounces along, sort of enjoyed the ride, arrival rubbish! I do very much appreciate your interest and very helpful advice, not to mention your support, which helps a lot. I take heed of all advice offered to me, as it has made a big difference to the way I now think
Thank you once again for your time and help. πŸ™‚ Sue.XX

stormwolf on 09-06-2014
I am the words nobody reads.
My pleasure. I also want to say that I completely understand about you feeling you do not belong in this time.
I can think off the top of my head, several poets here who I feel are from another age or rather, have come in with inherited memory from a previous life. Some I have told, some I have just kept to myself.
Its so obvious but then many do not believe in reincarnation.
I also wanted to leave something to say I was here. When I read my mother's poems , I saw a different side to her altogether. She wrote funny poems but I saw for the first time the young girl, not the careworn adult being married to my dad made her (sorry dad) πŸ˜‰

To me, poetry is like art or dancing....ways that the inner spirit chooses to express itself in this life and so it is indeed an urge that cannot be stopped for many of us. Anyway, could prattle on all day. πŸ˜‰

in other words, write for YOU....it's YOUR dance. x

Author's Reply:
I am so glad you understand my not belonging feeling, I've had it since 11 or 12, put it down to 'hormones' then, but it never left so I ruled them out. I feel I have some connection to some point in the 1700's, strangly if there is a certain scent in the air around dusk, spring/summer time I get very anxious,uneasy and nervy, if I am in the garden I can't bear to stay outside I have to hurry indoors and lock the door. Did I die then, who knows? but would be interested to find out. Like you I believe we can inherit memories, rather like genes.
I am glad you have your mums poems to read, and get to know another side to her. I found my mums old shorthand notebook, not quite the same, however she had jotted down notes which did give a slight insite to her as a person. It does seem such a shame that you couldn't share your love of writing together though.
I shall do as you suggest and dance my way ahead with pen and notepad, and say to heck with family interest or support, (maybe make it a condition in my will that they have to read all my poems before they get any money Ha! ) Thank you so much for all your kind support and suggestions they have been very helpful. xx Sue.

Bonnie on 09-06-2014
I am the words nobody reads.
I enjoyed this. I can really relate to it, and I think many writers will understand this.

Author's Reply:
Ahh, thank you so much Bonnie, as you can see from above comments it was not liked very much, so to have you say this is very cheering and uplifting. I really appreciate you taking the time to comment. xx Sue.


Night Terrors. (posted on: 02-06-14)
The darkest nights release our deepest fears.

In halls of day with chambers fair Does sanity walk, and linger there. Come threads of dark to weave the moon, Shadowed fiends will pipe their tune. Black backed demons claw your skin Where forked of tongue, the vipers cling. The shroud of night will call its dead To rain all fears upon your bed. Yet shards of arrowed, morning light That black backed demon's heart shall smite. With day fresh washed, your sanity claim While night cloaked terrors are now slain.
Archived comments for Night Terrors.
Mikeverdi on 02-06-2014
Night Terrors.
Bugger! that's a bit different from you. Nice to see you in a different light (or should that be dark) Ha Ha!
Mike


Author's Reply:
Yes just a bit different, Can't continually write frilly, floral stuff, don't want to become too boring! Some of the first things I wrote, age 13 + or so, were like this.( very much into ghosts and horror then, as most teens are )Hope you enjoyed it. Right back to the fluffy stuff now! πŸ™‚ Sue.x

Elfstone on 02-06-2014
Night Terrors.
Yes, very different - and yet it has your stamp on it. Small point - I don't think "halls' needs the apostrophe. Elfstone

Author's Reply:
Ah many thanks,I get unbelievably stumped when it comes to an Apostrophe. Such a simple thing but my brain just will not retain the correct usage, ( it has to be age, I used to be fine! )Hit 60 and boom-Stupid brain sets in πŸ™ Very much appreciate you reading and commenting, thank you. Sue.x

pommer on 02-06-2014
Night Terrors.
Well composed and different to your usual repertoire. I like it. Peter xx

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much. I always seem to be dragged to the floral theme, Started off as a very young teen writing darker stuff, but somehow the countryside continually draws me in. πŸ™‚ Sue xx.

stormwolf on 04-06-2014
Night Terrors.
I enjoyed the way you took the anxieties many of us experience in the wee small hours and make them into demonic imagery.
I would have found another way of describing the black demon the second time to prevent repetition but that's just my opinion. 🐾
Alison x

Author's Reply:
Thank you Alison, I always appreciate your sound advice. I did think of doing that when I wrote it, but changed my mind, as he is the main character, so to speak. I am glad you enjoyed my change of direction though. πŸ™‚ Sue. xx.


Sea Meadow. (posted on: 02-06-14)
A place where open country and meadows brushed the beach, in Dorset. Many years ago.

Summer meadows' poppy sweet Field by field where waters' meet. Snaking paths of footfall's track Lead you to the sea and back. Nature's gold will dust your toes Take you where the wild brook flows. On and down towards the sea Blue waters of infinity.
Archived comments for Sea Meadow.
Bozzz on 03-06-2014
Sea Meadow.
Yes Sue, some of the best beaches in Dorset, my county, are quite hard to access. A brief and tidy poem - perhaps a bit more needed than this taster? ....XX... David


Author's Reply:
Well, there was also a cottage, it had been empty for years, where long ago an aunt and uncle of mine lived. this stood in the middle of one of those meadows, it was so atmospheric I wanted to add it into the poem but I couldn't get the feel right. It seemed to me the poem was complete, although very short. But if I can add a bit more and get the cottage in I will. I so envy you that area. Many thanks
for reading and commenting, its nice that you would like to read more. :-)Sue.xx


A Darkened World. (posted on: 30-05-14)
This was written over fourteen years ago, It was not a good time for me.

Oh weary world How I do tire of you. You've shut all the doors, Pulled down the blinds. Imprisioned me in my life. Your jewel bright snippets Sent to tempt, But kept beyond my reach. Like silver stars They offer light, That does not shine on me.
Archived comments for A Darkened World.
Mikeverdi on 30-05-2014
A Darkened World.
Sad but excellent writing Sue.... just two words πŸ™‚ I would take out 'all' from the third line and swap 'Which' for 'That'
Mike

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike, many Thanks for your suggestions,I will change 'that' I remember thinking at the time 'which' sounded less boring, but I wasn't thinking straight anyway. The 'all doors' was to make the point that absolutly every door was closed to me, and I could not escape. However I will give it a lot of thought and may change it, all suggestions are valuable tools. Thank you. Sue X

Savvi on 30-05-2014
A Darkened World.
very sad and heart felt, well penned. Keith

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much. πŸ™‚ Sue.


A Soft Day. (posted on: 30-05-14)
It was one of those damp, softly raining, quiet days. My dog and I were the only ones about...it was lovely, no one to get in our way!

Day of dampened horizon's,hidden 'Neath cottonwool skies, softest grey. Green loneliness in differing shades Bid you walk their tranquil way. Sharp cut songs of birds to flow Cleansed of dust, crystal clear. By gentle rain your face is blessed With lover's kiss of tenderness. Muted air of whisper's tongue Shall stroke with breath of silk. Will draw a velvet cloak around Bestow to you all calmness found.
Archived comments for A Soft Day.
Savvi on 30-05-2014
A Soft Day.
By gentle rain your face is blessed
With lover's kiss of tenderness.

What a lovely way and accurate way to describe how drizzle touches your face...made me think. Thanks Keith

Also the whole piece brings across the feeling quiet and calm so very well done, one small tiny crit and that is the change in rhyming scheme between S1 and S2 threw me a little bit but not a problem by second read. Love it.


Author's Reply:
I am so glad I managed to convey the right feeling, Also glad it kept everyone else indoors! nice to have the place to myself. Untill you mentioned it I hadn't noticed the change of rhyme oops. Wasn't expecting a rating, thank you very much, also thank you for such a lovely comment. πŸ™‚ Sue xx.

QBall on 31-05-2014
A Soft Day.
Very well constructed and the word choice fitted in well.
(Have I got into the 'well; too often?
Cheers.

Author's Reply:
No, you're still just dipping your toes :-)'Well' is always better than 'badly', or 'wrongly', and is very much appreciated, thank you. Sue.


The Beacon. (posted on: 26-05-14)
It may only have been a gorse bush but...

I walked a path the other day, Most was grey and died away. Bleak and dismal was the sight. Then in the distance, glowing gold A rebel standing bold. Look at me, she seemed to say, I am alive I have the right. A bush of gorse, lushly green Yellow flowers shining bright. I walked that path again today, All was bleak and dismal grey. Walked the path in haste to see The shining beacon, down the way. So alive, so lush and green, A beam of sun to smile for me. But men had been,with chainsaw scream. Ripped that golden gorse away. All once more was dead and grey.
Archived comments for The Beacon.
Elfstone on 26-05-2014
The Beacon.
Wow - not an optimistic outlook! but I can relate to this. On a technical level - but I see you have said 'comments only' so I will say no more. Elfstone

Author's Reply:
Don't tease by saying on a technical level, then no more lol! Please feel free to to add anything you want to. I put comments only as I don't feel I work to the same precise more studied, level as some poets on here. And If I had too many negative comments I would not enjoy writing. All helpful advice is always appreciated though. Sue.x

Elfstone on 26-05-2014
The Beacon.
Sorry - I didn't mean to tease! I'm happy to add a little more. Three things really caught my eye -
firstly, the line "A rebel standing bold" has a different rhythmic structure to the rest of the poem and it sticks out as wrong - adding a word or two will fix it;
secondly, the rhyming scheme is almost very good , but because it breaks down it draws attention in the wrong way - again not difficult to fix;
thirdly, (and this is perhaps less significant ) the line "But men had been,with chainsaw scream " doesn't work for me.

I hope this is helpful, but feel free to ignore, or fling back at me, anything you disagree with. Elfstone

Author's Reply:
Hi, really appreciate you getting back to me, wasn't expecting it. I can explain (maybe not excuse though), the rebel was because it was the only bit of colour amongst the grey. The chainsaw scream was the noise it makes, and I thought of the beautiful gorse screaming 'no' and I too wanted to scream it when I saw what they had done. I do agree it breaks the flow though, have taken on board all you have said and will keep looking at ways to put your suggestions into practice. If ever I get any money, I'll buy a little cottage in the middle of the countryside, away from unfeeling people ! Thanks once again for your advice. Sue.x

Mikeverdi on 27-05-2014
The Beacon.
I much admire the idea here, but.........

Author's Reply:
You need say no more πŸ™‚ I agree anyway. One of the reasons I submitted it was to get some other opinions, The idea is right but the words don't fit as well as I first thought. A rewrite is under way (again!) Chop and change as you would say. Many thanks Mike. Sue.x


A Part Of You. (posted on: 26-05-14)
A little too close maybe ?

I wish I could be one with you. Be absorbed into your pores. Become part of the essence That is forever yours. I want to look out through your eyes, See inside your head. I want to know the thoughts you have, Share the life you've led. I want to see the sights you see. All the sounds you hear. I want to run right through your veins So always I am near. I want to be the air you breathe. To be the food you eat. I want to be the heart of you. The path beneath your feet. I want to be the things you love, The things that make you smile. I want to be the whole of you And walk your steps awhile.
Archived comments for A Part Of You.
stormwolf on 26-05-2014
A Part Of You.
A poem that encapsulates the longing to be a part of someone. Yes, it can sound a bit extreme but it reminds me of a beautiful poem I once read on another site called ' The Supreme Sadness of Lovers' and the last line was 'that of being two' if I can remember accurately. Meaning that to be separated in any form was painful.
In other words, we can love so passionately that we yearn to become combined.
I have loved like that in my time so understand this poem well 😉
Alison x


Author's Reply:
Thank you, so glad you understood the real meaning in my words. Wanted to get across the great depth of feeling without being 'soppy!' πŸ™‚ Sue.x

pdemitchell on 26-05-2014
A Part Of You.
Hi Sue - wish I had one like this directed at me! It's gentle doveyness is the polar opposite of Dubstar's 'I will be your girlfriend' - Mitch πŸ™‚

"I'm the gum on your shoes / The prostitute who rings your family /I'll take your breath away / You crossed my path and you'll pay / and both your friends will laugh...."



Author's Reply:
You may well have one, the person mentioned knows nothing of me. I guess Dubstar is a rapper ? they mostly have bad attitudes to everything.It certainly doesn't sound very nice, think I prefer mine, mind you his does rhyme πŸ™‚ Many thanks for reading. Sue x

ifyouplease on 26-05-2014
A Part Of You.
despite the fact i cannot claim to have ever loved like that i think i can understand how it is because of this poem of yours.

Author's Reply:
I have to admit that this person, whom I have loved like this for a great many years doesn't know I exist, and though I have always felt this for him, I have never felt it for anyone else ( think thats why I am twice divorced )!! Thank you so much for reading, the lovely comments and the very generous rating. Sue XX.

Kipper on 26-05-2014
A Part Of You.
Hi Sue
Pretty intense stuff. Sad to hear that the love you described was unrequited; perhaps that is why.
That said the poem is very good with some very emotive lines. 'The path beneath your feet' for one.
Michael

Author's Reply:
Thank you, your comments are really good to read, and very much appreciated. Just cannot understand why I have never felt this way for anyone else, oh well thats life as they say. πŸ™‚ Sue x

Mikeverdi on 27-05-2014
A Part Of You.
Ah Sue, now this is beautiful, I have read it several times.I understand these all consuming feelings. To understand true love you first have to loose it, the pain of this may never leave you. The love you write of is similar, the pain the same; to stand on the edge of everything you want.....
Mike

Author's Reply:
I think if we knew how much life would take away from us, or withold from us, we would all stay within ourselves and never dare to care for anyone, maybe thats a better way ? certainly less painful. I am pleased you thought it beautiful,Thank you. Sue.x

Savvi on 27-05-2014
A Part Of You.
Hi Sue the topic has been done many times but your lines bring a twist of freshness, the rhyming couplets work really well and I particularly enjoyed the last two stanza's. Best Keith

Author's Reply:
Thank you , I am glad you found this a bit different from the norm. As you say this is a well worn theme. I am pleased you liked it. πŸ™‚ Sue.

Bozzz on 29-05-2014
A Part Of You.
I like the simplicity of this poem - the structure, the words. One small crit, I think breath should have an 'e' on the end

Author's Reply:
I am currently looking for a proof reader !! All sorted now, very much appreciate you giving it such a great rating, Thank you.:-) Sue.x


Love ! (posted on: 23-05-14)
Not always what it's cracked up to be.

Ah - love, what say you of love ? It plucks at the heart Wreath's through the Soul. Steals from the start And swallows you whole. By sleight of hand It takes away, a sneak thief In the night. It stole the sun, Dark cloaked the land And hid you from my sight. Say I of love, for foul deceit No others match your schemes. You hunted down the one you seek, And fell upon her dreams.
Archived comments for Love !
Mikeverdi on 23-05-2014
Love !
Bugger! that's good Sue. I hope you get a Nib for this.

'You hunted down the one you seek and fell upon her dreams'
worth a Nib just for that
Mike X

Author's Reply:
No changes? lol. Thank you, Glad you like it. Just letting off (family) steam really. As none of my family read, or are interested in my writing I am quite safe! Always wondered who puts the Nib on the work ( is it like the tooth fairy, no one quite knows? ) πŸ™‚ Sue x.

pommer on 23-05-2014
Love !
Hi Sue, I can only agree with Mike.Teh final two lines are wonderful.A lovely poem. Peter xx

Author's Reply:
Thats very kind,thank you. Glad you liked it. πŸ™‚ Sue XX

Elfstone on 24-05-2014
Love !
I understood the power of the felling behind this, but - if I may - I would suggest that it is not quite the finished article? It starts off with a good rhythm/rhyme scheme and ends with a good, but different, one. The middle section is almost a third scheme. I think the poem would convey your feelings in a much more powerful way if it could be put into one scheme - the breaking of the flow at the moment weakens it. Respectfully, Elf.

Author's Reply:
I can see what you mean. The verses followed different stages in a relationship, which itself had three stages, the middle being the most out of sync so to speak, which is what I was aiming for. I appreciate your comments and interest, its always good to have another point of view. Sue.


Graffiti. (posted on: 23-05-14)
Re-worked, fingers crossed.

Too vile of tongue     Their viper's ink Does so defile     With foulest thread, In place I wander     There to think Dark anger words     'Neath steps I tread. No watching eye     The hand to stay Or steadfast knight     This dragon slay. But toss of coin     To show reverse A gift from hand     With art converse. Let beauty flow     Upon each stroke A canvas wall     Becomes bespoke. But eyes of watching     dullards here The uniforms in voice     Call clear.     
Archived comments for Graffiti.
Savvi on 23-05-2014
Grafiti.
And there it is, the edit really works for me and I like the turn on the toss of a coin, very clever, please ignore my previous ramblings on the original post this one nails the meter and rhymes and gets the point across. Well done you. Best Keith

Author's Reply:
Thank you Keith, so glad I finally managed it. Decided to give it a complete overhall. Won't be ignoring your previous comments as I shall still re-work the original at some point. Had so much help on here, and through messages I simply must take the good advice. Thank you for such a generous rating, and kind comments. Sue x. PS, If it was you who gave me the 'Great read' Thank you very, very much. xx

Mikeverdi on 23-05-2014
Grafiti.
I agree with Keith, 'leaps and bounds' spring to mind. It wouldn't be me though if I didn't suggest something πŸ™‚
'Where ere I wander' Well done with this one Sue, Excellent.
Mike X

Author's Reply:
Haha, no I expect nothing less πŸ™‚ yes that works, hadn't thought of it myself, I think brain has now gone into meltdown! Comments greatfully received, thank you x Sue.

JohnHolmes on 23-05-2014
Grafiti.
I really like this poem. I rate it 9. Your title "Grafiti" may be better served with "Graffiti" (two f's) but it's your choice and does not detract in any way from an outstanding poem.

Author's Reply:
Hi, thank you very much, your rating is very much appreciated,as are your comments.Do you know you are the first person to notice that. When I looked it up it gave just the one 'f' and I didn't think it sounded correct, but it was an old dictionary. Will edit, many thanks.So glad you liked the poem πŸ™‚ Sue.

stormwolf on 23-05-2014
Grafiti.
Danced along a treat it did. Shows how much can be gained from really working a poem:-)
Congrats on the well deserved nib

Alison x

Author's Reply:
Thats very much appreciated, Thank you, can't tell you how many grey hairs I have gained over this one ! πŸ™‚ Sue x

pommer on 23-05-2014
Graffiti.
Yes sue, The rethink really worked for me. Well done. Peterxx

Author's Reply:
I got so fed up trying to just change bits that I decided to start afresh. Really appreciate your comments, and the rating. I hadn't expected to get any ratings at all, so that took me by surprise,but gratefully so. Sue xx.

e-griff on 24-05-2014
Graffiti.
Less of an edit, more a complete rewrite, excellent. πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Yes, took the easiest route! πŸ™‚ Thank you for the 'exellent' comment, much appreciated. Sue X

Ionicus on 24-05-2014
Graffiti.
It is said that a new broom sweeps best and it looks that your re-write has done just that. I did not read your previous version so I cannot make a comparison but well done on the new piece.

Author's Reply:
Thank you, Think I got a bit lost with the first version. Sue.

pdemitchell on 25-05-2014
Graffiti.
A revisit is always worth it. No poem is ever laid to rest as they evolve within a true artist's mind over decades. Better one ode of gold than a billion tin scribbles.... Mitch

Author's Reply:
At one time I would never re-do a poem, now I am forever doing it,never satisfied I guess. I love the 'tin scribbles' not heard that before. Appreciate the comment. πŸ™‚ Sue x

Kipper on 25-05-2014
Graffiti.
Hi Sue
Sorry I nearly missed the party. (Other stuff sometimes gets in the way)
Delighted to see that you took that Graffiti by the shoulders and gave it a good shake; and look what fell out - a great read nib!
Well done.
Michael

Author's Reply:
Haha, yes it does seem to have been the best treatment. Mainly due to all the helpful comments and advice given on here. Great to have so much interest. Many Thanks πŸ™‚ Sue.x


Nature's Winning Hand (posted on: 19-05-14)
Not sure about this one, opinions would be helpful.

Where wandering mists, to hills bestow Most soft of lover's kiss. Air of sweetest summer scents The lilting kite shall lift. Here waterfalls of softest snow Will down the hawthorn bower, flow. For sun and shade shall chase the land And nature shows her winning hand. Silk soft nights of velvet black Caress the star flecked skies. Soon dawn shall burst upon the day Wherein the first bird flies.
Archived comments for Nature's Winning Hand
Mikeverdi on 20-05-2014
Natures Winning Hand
Just me and my version

Wandering mists to hills bestow
the softest lovers kiss.
Upon an air of summer scents
the lilting kite will lift.

The hawthorn bit doesn't work. Just my opinion, but you did ask πŸ™‚
Mike X

Author's Reply:
Once again I just got carried away with the words I guess. I Prefer your version. The hawthorn was what started the whole thing, it reminded me of a mountain with snow dusting rocky peaks, and creating dark hollows underneath, but couldn't pin it down. Think I will change 'tower' for 'bower' less harsh, it may help. Thank you for reading it and giving me good advice. πŸ™‚ Sue.X


Grafiti. (posted on: 19-05-14)
Any advice would be appreciated on this one, Can't see my way through the 'sticky bits' of which there are many.

I really have no wish to see Any scrawled obscenity Upon the bench on which I rest. Those angry words, misspelt and vile, Wantonly expressed On any paths that suit their style. Defacing bins, the grafiti on fences, And any similar offences. Perpetrator's walk away, No hand to stop the games they play. But should a mind more versed in flair, Which bears a talent to express any type of art finesse Upon a bleak unlovely wall. With can of paint, their artists tool. To bring their canvas to excite, The dingy wall to charge with light. Too many eyes shall silent stare And bring their penalties to bear.
Archived comments for Grafiti.
e-griff on 19-05-2014
Grafiti.
Hmm I see what you mean. πŸ™‚

The problem here is rhyme scheme. Readers get into the rhythm and rhyme of a poem in the first couple of lines. Here. we start with good, bouncy straight rhyming. But this is not continued, it switches to a seemingly random pattern, which effectively destroys continuity. And the second verse is quite a different style to the first, making things even 'stickier'.

I think you need to a)make up your mind which approach to take - the practical bounce of the first, or the more artistic description of the second and b) then put a consistent rhyme scheme in place.

I don't think small changes will fix this, there's a bit of major surgery needed, I would say. But worth it. πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Thank you, really appreciate your time, and good advice.I know what you mean, I find it hard to read, and I wrote it! Have rewritten so often but can't get it right. Thought of making two seperate poems, but feel it would lose the point then. Will keep at it ( probably for years ) and just see what happens.I am encouraged by your 'worth it' comment, that helps too πŸ™‚ Thanks again Sue.x

Mikeverdi on 20-05-2014
Grafiti.
Griff has the way of this, it needs a re write. It would be wrong to write it for you as then the feel would not be yours. It's down to the usual...'prune and polish' Ha Ha!
Mike X

Author's Reply:
I don't know about prune, I reckon it needs a heavy dose of weedkiller! Although I recorded myself reading it, and for some reason it works much better, came across much smoother and less disjointed. Even so thats not the point. Will do as you suggest and see what happens. Many thanks for your opinion
I am very grateful for the advice. Sue. X

pommer on 20-05-2014
Grafiti.
yes, I understand what you are saying, but I must agree with both comments.Look at the whole again and try the pruning saw and secateurs.I am sure with a bit of work you will get there.Good luck, Peter.xx

Author's Reply:
Haha, thank you, will try everything at my disposal, If I do eventually re-shape I will submit again, but I won't hold my breath! Again many thanks. Sue.x

e-griff on 21-05-2014
Grafiti.
Just a note on your comment. As the author, you already know how the poem is supposed to go, so naturally you read it 'correctly'. The question always is how a reader reads it, first time, with no pre-knowledge. πŸ™‚

This is why a 'second pair of eyes' (or more) can be informative, enabling you to understand better how your words are getting across.

Author's Reply:
Yes, thats true, all poetry can be read or interpreted differently. I have now done a re-write and may post it for Friday, also may not..depends how brave I am feeling :-)) Sue .x

Kipper on 22-05-2014
Grafiti.
Hi Sue
You have some very good advice here, and I think the consensus is that there is a good poem hiding in there somewhere. But it does need digging out; good luck
Michael

Author's Reply:
Hi Michael, thank you, I am glad it is generally considered to have a reasonable bone structure, so not all bad. I have just read the message you very kindly sent to me, I hope the reply will reach you, not too good on tech stuff! πŸ™‚ Sue.x

Savvi on 22-05-2014
Grafiti.
Hi sue, great topic well worked, this is only a suggestion but reading it through a couple more times I think you have enough internal rhymes and a solid structure to knock this into a very strong Conachlonn. Hope you don't mind but I have tried to have a go with S2

Should a mind more versed in flair,
bearing talents to best express
finesse with art of any type
write upon a bleak unlovely wall
scrawl with spray or can of paint,
feint greatness from their artists tool
fuel that brings the canvas to excite
lights the dingy wall with static charge
enlarge the many eyes with silent stares
prepared to bring their penalties to bear.

Just a suggestion hope this helps in some way. best Keith

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much for taking such an interest and spending time helping me. I am amazed how many different ways there are to write the same poem, Each one I can see is so much better thought out than mine. I like your suggestion, the last word rhyming with the first makes it more interesting. Thank you, once again. πŸ™‚ Sue.x


Emotional Destruction. (posted on: 16-05-14)
Broken Bonds.

There came a storm- A mighty hurricane. The lives it ripped apart Could never bind again. Sadness was its aftermath, The blindness unforgiving. Now darkness sits above me And hides the joy in living. The shattered fragments lie in bits, Scattered in the tears. Lonely eyes will look ahead, Towards the ice cold years. I wish a softer wind would blow And join those bits together. To turn the world the right way up, The bitter bonds to sever.
Archived comments for Emotional Destruction.
Savvi on 17-05-2014
Emotional Destruction.
The downward spiral comes across really well and I like that we are treated to the purging winds of the last stanza, its a nice way to finish. Best Keith

Author's Reply:
Hi Keith, thank you for reading, and commenting. Very grateful for rating too. Wasn't too sure about submitting it to be honest, but I can't keep writing about the countryside! πŸ™‚ Sue.x


Half Empty Or Half Full. (posted on: 16-05-14)
Self Explanatory.

The hour walks slowly Towards its brother, Each empty day rolls One to another. For sunshine's song Is washed with rain, And rivers take What did remain. Yet dawn of light Will dusk delay, And brighter skies Will steadfast stay. For lonely eyes A clearer view. Each breath of life Brings hope anew.
Archived comments for Half Empty Or Half Full.
Mikeverdi on 20-05-2014
Half Empty Or Half Full.
Love it! Here you have sharpened the pen to perfection.
Mike X

Author's Reply:
Thank you, funny how some day's you can and others you can't. Or is that just me I wonder! πŸ™‚ Sue.x

Kipper on 22-05-2014
Half Empty Or Half Full.
Hi Sue

No sign of Graffiti here.

A very nice and well contained poem.

Like Mike said earlier, no wasted words.
My only tiny little point; I'm not sure that the title supports the poem as well as it might!

Would love to hear it spoken!

Michael



Author's Reply:
Hi Michael, I agree with your point, the title is not the best, will have to re-think it. Very glad it appealed to you despite the title, thank you for commenting, much appreciated. As for hearing it spoken, I simple cannot read my stuff to anyone, I am rubbish, occasionly do it for my own benefit, my daughter can read it very well (with a gun to her head, she has no interest at all in what I write )
Sorry. Sue.


Hidden Secrets. (posted on: 12-05-14)
Who knows what secrets lay hidden in front of our eyes.

Walk along the woodland track Where branches ark to cloak the sun. When day's of rain have left their sheen And all the boughs are glistening black. A sheltered corner shows it's face. It breaths a different air. It speaks of untold secrets Which may be hidden there. Darkened hollows- An embrace of boughs, Will bid you step inside. Walk forward, fearless in to this place If you possess an open mind- Your eye's believe in what you feel And all your senses are atuned. For whispers of the wind draw near, And all it's secrets you will hear.
Archived comments for Hidden Secrets.

No comments archives found!
Spring's Last Tune. (posted on: 12-05-14)
The fall of April into May.

All swirl and twirl, their dance begun. Spring's blossom-ballet reigns the air. Now comes the hour, their time soon run To bless the earth, yet perish there. Against a verdant backdrop green Each tiny flake spins out a light. A thousand now the air careen, To touch the ground, their sweet goodnight. But while their stage is still fresh set They catch the eye with snowflake bloom. To leap and jig, and pirouette. The rythmic beat of spring's last tune.
Archived comments for Spring's Last Tune.
Kipper on 12-05-2014
Springs Last Tune.
Very nicely caught. That time of the year when the blossoms, which greet us as we leave winter behind, themselves succumb to the tick of natures clock. Delightful.
Michael

Author's Reply:
We seem to wait for the spring blossom for so long,then it's lost in the blink of an eye.Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts with me. Sue.

Ionicus on 13-05-2014
Springs Last Tune.
Good effort. May I respectfully suggest the correction of three typos that would enhance the poem? Second line of the first stanza: reigns instead of reign's. Similarly in the second line of the second stanza: spins, not spin's and finally, in the third line of the last stanza, it should be pirouette.



Author's Reply:
You won't believe this but on all my other copies of this poem I have spelt pirouette
correctly..unbelieveable! I wash my hand's of myself sometimes. The commas for me are a nightmare, They either jump in when they shouldn't be there, or run away when they should. Thank you for pointing my stupid mistakes out to me, will correct at once. ( not sure I've got the comma right in commas now, arghh)


The Ring. (posted on: 09-05-14)
Memories can resurface in strange places.

It calls my name, and bids me hear The whisper's of my past, And speaks to me of memories Wherein the shadows lay. I see a meadow, brushed with sun, Wild flowers painted in. A little girl with friends, are there. Buttercups, held within small hands, And daisies in their hair. And on her wrist a bracelet, A cheap and childish thing Yet holds upon it, flowers Which match the meadow gay. I stopped and took a second look, What bid those memories in? And saw the flowers my bracelet held Upon the circle of a ring.
Archived comments for The Ring.
stormwolf on 09-05-2014
The Ring.
Beautiful, poignant imagery with a wistfulness that evokes memories of childhood and innocence

Alison x

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much, I can still see the group of us sitting crossed legged in a circle on the grass with the daisies. πŸ™‚ Sue.x

ValDohren on 10-05-2014
The Ring.
Ah yes, used to make daisy chains when I was a kid, and hold buttercups under our chins to see if we liked butter. Sweet memories, and a lovely poem Sue.
Val πŸ™‚ x

Author's Reply:
You don't see many children doing it now though, sadly. Thank you for the lovely comment and rating. Sue.xx


Summer's End. (posted on: 09-05-14)
*********

The last swallow has left To dart and flash his brilliance Across more favoured lands. Morning mists, autumn's first breaths Are blown across the berried hedges, To be caught and gilded with droplets In September's webs. Autumn leaves like bright coloured pennies, Rustle and whisper In their restless quest to leave the bough, And fall in payment for summer's riches. Intangible scents wrap you round. Summer's passions spent, Autumn's soft seduction now begins.
Archived comments for Summer's End.
Nomenklatura on 09-05-2014
Summers End.
Very descriptive and capturing a moment beautifully. Is there a reason for the capitalisation of 'swallow'?

I believe you have a typo: 'Guild' is a sort of mediaeval trade union, 'gild' is to lay a coating of gold over a base or lesser metal. The modern phrase 'gilt-edged' comes from this rather old-fashioned word.

Lovely poem
regards
Ewan

Author's Reply:
Hi Ewan, many thanks for your comments, Heaven alone knows why I made those two mistakes. I will correct both right away, glad you spotted them πŸ™‚ Sue.x

stormwolf on 09-05-2014
Summers End.
Beautiful. A cornucopia of delicious imagery as befits Mother Nature in all her glory.

Into favs

Alison x

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much, very glad you liked it, Although I do apologise for ending summer before its even begun!

ValDohren on 09-05-2014
Summers End.
Lovely Sue, very descriptive and atmospheric - but I hope Summer doesn't end just yet, ha !!
Val x

Author's Reply:
Hi Val, I know summer goes pretty fast, but my apologise for speeding it along even more! So glad you enjoyed the poem though πŸ™‚ Huge thanks for the rating. Sue.x.

Ionicus on 10-05-2014
Summers End.
A good poem with a wistful description of one of Nature's facets, the tail end of summer. Nicely done.

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much, Appreciate your kind comments. :-)x

Bozzz on 11-05-2014
Summers End.
Once in Moscow airport I saw a large crowd collecting at one the giant windows facing South. Suddenly they all started clapping and cheering. What film star had arrived? No, it is their tradition to applaud when the swallows arrive en masse in Spring! Your lovely poem of their departure reminded me. Thank you Sue....David

Author's Reply:
What a lovely way to show their appreciation of nature's amazing abilities. So glad my few words brought back such a dilightful memory. Thank you for sharing it with me.:) Sue.x


Heart's Desire. (posted on: 05-05-14)
This is a real garden, not far from me, and I pass it every time I walk my dog. I have had my eye on it for fourteen years, nearly got it twice but just missed out. Still, I live in hope.

A secret garden-hidden nooks, And willow tree within That dips green fingers in a stream, Which ripple's soft beneath. Filled with quiet whispers And dance of damselfly. Bordered by a hedge of rose And picket fence, for to enclose. A gate that opens to a park, And countryside beyond.
Archived comments for Heart's Desire.
ValDohren on 05-05-2014
Hearts Desire.
Sounds heavenly Sue, would like to spend some time there myself. A lovely write.
Val xx

Author's Reply:
I am sure the tenant's that live there now must think I am a stalker! Thank you for your kind comments and rating.Sue xx.

Kipper on 05-05-2014
Hearts Desire.
Hi Sue,
Do you remember the film called 'Ghost'?
You do!
Then if I say 'Ditto Ants' you'll know what I mean.
Michael

Author's Reply:
Haha, thank you Michael, Sue. xx.

Kipper on 05-05-2014
Hearts Desire.
Hi Sue,
Do you remember the film called 'Ghost'?
You do!
Then if I say 'Ditto Ants' you'll know what I mean.
Michael

Author's Reply:


Flying Ants. (posted on: 05-05-14)
The humble Ant.

A silver glint catches my eye. A sparkle here, a glimmer there. The wing'ed ants have begun to fly. Mass upon mass they leave the nest To scale the wall, their Everest. Gossamer wings are twinkling stars. Their rippling line, a crystal stream. The top they reach and linger there, To flex their wings, test the air. Then taking flight one by one On outstretched, irredescent wings They shimmer towards the sun.
Archived comments for Flying Ants.
ValDohren on 05-05-2014
Flying Ants.
Who would have thought that such a beautiful poem could have been written about ants. Loved it Sue, very imaginative.
Val xx

Author's Reply:
Thank you, They did look very pretty sparkling in the sunshine. Very pleased you thought it was beautiful, and worthy of a nine, its much appreciated. xx Sue.

Kipper on 05-05-2014
Flying Ants.
Hello Sue,
You conjured up such a nice image, one that most of us will have seen - but have not really seen.
The only criticism I have is that it ended too soon.
Guess I'll just have to read it again.
Michael.

Author's Reply:
Ended too soon, thats a very nice thing to say, thank you.Sue XX

Kipper on 05-05-2014
Flying Ants.
Hello Sue,
You conjured up such a nice image, one that most of us will have seen - but have not really seen.
The only criticism I have is that it ended too soon.
Guess I'll just have to read it again.
Michael.

Author's Reply:

Mikeverdi on 06-05-2014
Flying Ants.
Nice touch with this one Sue, liked it a lot.
Mike

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike, glad you enjoyed it, thank you. Sue.XX


Motorbike Days And Summer Ways. (posted on: 02-05-14)
My ex husband and I lived in a rural cottage in Witley, amongst Surrey's wooded hills. He had a bike with a sidecar attachment that held a solid box, in which I rode ( no health & safety regulation's then !) we made many journey's around the lovely Surrey countryside.

From long ago pages, in memory's book I read of those magical journey's we took. Along the hedge draped lanes we'd ride The darkening woods on either side. Past rolling mists over sunset fields, Where lakes of sparkling ripple's shone. Buttercup meadow's sprigged with bees, The boxing hares with leap and tease. Old Surrey cott's with white hives hidden, Whence soft summer hands held perfume sweet. Carried to Heaven from age old flowers Woven in time through leafy bowers. The deepening mist carried silver chill. As blackbird dripped his liquid trill. Though loath to leave, reluctant we turned To moon dappled lanes 'neath shadowed hills.
Archived comments for Motorbike Days And Summer Ways.
Kipper on 02-05-2014
Motorbike Days And Summer Ways.
A nice tale to jog the memory; mine as well as yours.
When I married my wife did not care for the motorbike, so it had to go. I did however persuade her to try a Lambretta, on which we a good few years of pleasure. (That was before the car, then the caravan, then the motorhome.)
Your poem takes me back to the many places we visited in those long ago days.
Thanks for taking me there.
Michael.
PS I don't think I like the sound of the side-car box!!

Author's Reply:
Your experiences sound a lot more comfortable than mine. I absolutly love bikes, always have. The box was uncomfortable as it was just a basic oblong wooden box,nothing glamourous like padding! but aged 19 who cares it was fun. :-). Enjoyed your comments Thank you. Sue.

pommer on 02-05-2014
Motorbike Days And Summer Ways.
Hi Sue,
by Jove this has brought back some memories.Apart from a naked Triumph Tiger 100, we also also had some sidecar experiences.How we enjoyed those days, especially our solo, we could always get there faster then by car.I had many another bike, and I keep threatening that I am going to start again.(Ha Ha, At 88)?Well, mustn't dream too much. A lovely write, or should I say ride?Peter xx

Author's Reply:
Hi Peter, the Triumph Tiger is a great looking bike, what I call a bike not like the 'plastic' things you see around today. The bike that took us on these travels was a Matchless. If you want to ride again, go for it, but I wouldn't feel safe on a bike now, much too much traffic whizzing about all over the place for my liking. So glad you enjoyed the poem, I enjoyed reading your comments, thank you. Sue X.

pdemitchell on 03-05-2014
Motorbike Days And Summer Ways.
The deepening mist carried silver chill.
As blackbird dripped his liquid trill.

A rare couplet that stirred the heart of this stilted and stultified old odester. Although the last two lines sputtered a tad, this was a mighty fine piece indeed.

Author's Reply:
Hi, thank you for commenting, so glad you liked this.The first two and last two lines of the poem have driven (no pun intended )me mad! think I have more or less got the first two now. But the last two, arghhh !! Lets just say they're not helping my sanity, however they are the best so far.Probably keep digging away at them forever πŸ™ Much appreciate your comments as I wasn't too sure about submitting it. Sue.x.

ValDohren on 03-05-2014
Motorbike Days And Summer Ways.
Brings back memories of seeing them on the road with their sidecars. Some lovely lines as well as memories.
Val x

Author's Reply:
Nothing like a bit of nostalgia, Its becoming my second home now, must be age πŸ™‚ Thank you for the kind comments and generous rating. Sue x.

Zoya on 08-05-2014
Motorbike Days And Summer Ways.
Surrey is Beautiful, calm and serene! I have taken many a morning walk there, while visiting a cousin who lives right in midst of orchards full of fruits and flowers in a sprawling square kilometer area. Sometimes I carry a camera, sometimes a sketch book and can spend a whole afternoon on the green fields...
Some great lines there, some great reminiscing...
Zoya

Author's Reply:


Why? (posted on: 02-05-14)
I wrote this in memory of a 'man of the road' a local man who walked our streets every day, holes in his shoes stuffed with plastic bags. wearing rags, covered by a torn overcoat. But his whole demeanour told of a 'real gentleman', when he died we read he had rejected an aristocratic background.

What has happened to make him thus, Turn his back on those of us Who seek to help, compensate, Change his life. Set him straight. Dusk's dark night, from early dawn He just keeps walking, walking on. Walks the damp and dreer forlorn. His life, his clothes, rag'd and torn. Shuffles down the snow peaked street Thin plastic bag's won't warm his feet. He's always here, though never there, He wanders on and goes nowhere. Church bell's now for him have tolled. His life has gone, his story's old. (Yet still it should be told) What need was his, the streets to tramp, When he had thousands in the bank?
Archived comments for Why?
MrMarmite on 02-05-2014
Why?
A beautiful poem on this chap who chose this way of life instead of a well off one. He may have had mental issues or had a traumatic experience in his life ? Where I live we have a group of alcoholics and rough sleepers who congregate each day by the shops. I used to go to school with one of them and know of his background so people are surprised when I stop and talk with him as if I shouldn't. Who do they think they are to judge ? Smashing poem.


Author's Reply:
Thank you very much for your comments and rating, both are much appreciated. This chap was never seen drinking or hanging around anywhere, just wandering about which makes him such a mystery. I agree we have no right to judge anyone, Its all too easy to fall into that situation. I am glad you liked the poem πŸ™‚ Sue.

Kipper on 02-05-2014
Why?
Hello Sue
I know of a similar 'Gentleman of the road' who seemed to walk the same road for years. My wife knew him better than me and befriended him. He too was well spoken and apparently well educated and was, despite all the difficulties he must have encountered, a happy man.
That was forty years ago. One day we realized we hadn't seen him for a while, and we never saw him again.
I don't know if this is sad or not, for he had a contentment that many of us might envy.

Your poem very nicely mirrored my memory of this man.
Michael


Author's Reply:
I think there is a difference between 'gentlemen of the road' and today's rough sleepers. The previous group had a dignity and it seemed their life was more from choice, and as you say seemed very content.
I am glad my words stirred your own memories.Sue.X.

Pronto on 04-05-2014
Why?
In Oldham there is a gentleman who walks constantly every day. Never quickly always serenely. I've always wondered though never asked him. Loved the poem thanks for sharing.

Author's Reply:
I always wanted to speak to this chap but never dared to for some reason, He was only in his fifties when he died, I always assumed he was much older, that seemed to make it even sadder. I am so glad you enjoyed the poem πŸ™‚ Sue.x.

Bozzz on 04-05-2014
Why?
Conscience for ill-gotten gains strikes many souls - but can never fully compensate - hence the happiness in an unending search for redemption - would that fit? Hopefully the couch in his heaven awaits him - horizontal.....Well written Sue.

Author's Reply:
You could very well be right, I hope he can rest on that couch now I think he has walked enough.
Thank you very much for commenting and for the very kind rating. Sue.X.

Savvi on 04-05-2014
Why?
Hi Sue,
We can all relate to this one, I think every town has a tale to tell and these men, who have broke away from would be norms. Well penned you did him justice. Best Keith

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much, glad you think I did him justice, For some reason he really got to me, think it was his gentlemanly ways. Sue X.


The Old Stone Wall. (posted on: 28-04-14)
There is an old stone wall with snowdrops, and it will be my place sometime, but at the moment I am only musing.

If I should unexpected, die, My future now to pass me by, Lay me beside the old stone wall Where snowdrops clamber over all. With me, I'll take my memories But leave my love to you. And though my life has fallen short ( For sadly dreams have come to nought ) I've had the countryside I love, And animals always, by my side. My family have made my world- And sunshine smiled on me. And Donald-ah, my Donald You'll still lay deep within my Soul Where you have always been. So when you see the old stone wall With snowdrops at it's feet, Don't be sad to think of me, For though my life is over- It really was complete.
Archived comments for The Old Stone Wall.
Kipper on 28-04-2014
The Old Stone Wall.
Hi Sweetwater'
Your poem very nicely asks us to anticipate that finality which we all look to with varying degrees of trepidation. How nice it would be if we could all choose our own 'stone wall', with your sense of completeness.
A nice satisfying read.
Michael

Author's Reply:
Its in the village where I lived for a long time and is 'home', I'll be next to mum, my old neighbours and my cousin, plus many more I knew, Its very small and in the heart of the village. Much less scary than a huge impersonal one. We've all got to go at some point, and I've always wanted to return, but can't afford to actually 'live' there, so problem solved πŸ™‚ Glad you enjoyed reading it, thank you for your comments and rating.Sue.x.

Kipper on 28-04-2014
The Old Stone Wall.
Hi Sweetwater'
Your poem very nicely asks us to anticipate that finality which we all look to with varying degrees of trepidation. How nice it would be if we could all choose our own 'stone wall', with your sense of completeness.
A nice satisfying read.
Michael

Author's Reply:

ValDohren on 29-04-2014
The Old Stone Wall.
Sounds like a wonderful place to be laid to rest - but not yet !!
Val xx

Author's Reply:
Somewhere for the future, but as you say not yet hopefully πŸ™‚ very grateful for your comments and rating, Thank you, Sue x.


The Outside Toilet. (posted on: 28-04-14)
Fond memories of an old outside loo, on a farm in Devon. For those who don't know, Cheesy Bobs are woodlice.

Rough stone built and walls washed white. Inside, a naturalists delight. With beetles, bugs and cheesy bobs, And spiders creeping from the cracks. A daytime visit was all right As missing tiles let in the light. A nightime visit required a torch, And a brolly when it rained. The door it wasn't big enough The top and bottom didn't meet. So there you'd sit, with brolly raised While rivers washed around your feet. A visit there was never dull You never knew what lay in wait. You'd carefully peep around the door To see what crept across the floor. The outside loo, it's time is done. And all is clean and sterile. It may be dry, bug free and bright But it's nowhere near the fun.
Archived comments for The Outside Toilet.
Andrea on 28-04-2014
The Outside Toilet.
Ah yes, I remember it well...:)

Author's Reply:
Hi, hope your experience was a bit dryer than mine πŸ™‚ Many thanks for your interest and rating. Sue.X.

pdemitchell on 28-04-2014
The Outside Toilet.
Cheesy Bobs could easily have been a bar snack or the creepy chat-up merchant at the bar... a more than bog standard homage to Mr Crapper's finest invention methinks. Mitch πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Haha hadn't thought of either of those, but I rather like the idea of 'Cheesy Bob' trying to chat up women πŸ™‚
Amusing comments much enjoyed, thank you. Sue.x.

Kipper on 29-04-2014
The Outside Toilet.
Hi Sue.


This reminds me of my camping days!


I had a good few smiles reading your poem, though my memories of outside toilets are a little different. The house I grew up in had been converted (yes, we were very posh) and the OST which was part of a larger building in the back yard was more or less abandoned. Its roof space however became the den for me and my pals, so the loo still served its purpose.


After my marriage my first home was a terrace house with a block of 6 toilets at the end of the terrace. The toilets themselves had been removed so there was just enough room (with a bit of push and shuv) to garrage my motorbike in mine.


Happy days - thanks for the memories.


Michael



( Edit re note below) The bike was a Norton ES2 Single cylinder 4stroke - black)

Author's Reply:
Such uesful spaces, Would be interested to know which bike you had, (love motorbikes ) we had a large Matchless, can't remember the CC's. Have you heard of an Ariel 3, Three wheels, and moving frame?I rode one for a while but never liked the frame. So glad it made you smile at your memories. Many thanks for commenting πŸ™‚ Sue.x.

chant_z on 30-04-2014
The Outside Toilet.
Very fine. Seems to have a kind of gentle feel to it partly. As for me being Swedish it was a pretty natural pick to read. I suppose that's well documented even though we can be quite normal also...:)

Author's Reply:
Thats very kind, thank you. I don't know about the Swedish connection.Are outside loo's more popular in Sweden?

Bozzz on 30-04-2014
The Outside Toilet.
As a real oldie I go for this one, 'go' in the nicest possible taste. Still a pity that there is no slot for Nature in the submit lists. A good one this, Sue.....see you on the trek back....David

Author's Reply:
Hi David,I really need a Nature slot as that seems to creep into virtually everything I write, intentionally or not.Glad you liked it, I did regress to just a bucket and trench after that, but we won't go there!! As long as countryside was involved I was happy πŸ™‚ Many thanks for the comment and rating. Sue.X.

MrMarmite on 02-05-2014
The Outside Toilet.
An amusing poem on the outside toilet and reading it memories came flooding back,pardon the pun. We had one when I was a young lad in Coventry and I used to bang on the door when my sister was in there,giving her the jitters on a cold dark night.
My dad used to read the paper in there so looking back that was his study room to get away from us kids doing his head in.
Great trip down memory lane.

Author's Reply:


Heaven's Gift. (posted on: 25-04-14)
The first part is what I can see now, the latter part is what I fear I will see in a year or so.

A soft blanket of patchwork green Sweeps upward across the vale. Undulating hedgerows Climb gently towards the skyline Where soft wind's stroke the drifting clouds, and guide them on their way. The early morning sunshine Runs her fingers through the sky, To paint the scene with shadows As she passes by. Ancient oaks, a group of three Stand proud upon the hill. And lower down, where willow's grow The bullrush edge the rill. Such beauty comforts saddened hearts Sends gentle joy, for Soul's embrace, With sweetest call of skylark's song, What better to replace? An icy wind flows through the air And makes me look again. The patchwork fields and willow trees, The bullrush and the brook Have fallen to the hands of time. The brook beneath a pavement's line No more to feel the kiss of rain. The willow trees are now street lights. And roof's recall the hedgerow's climb. Where proudly stood the oaks of three Now one alone, in a car park grey. The sweetening sound of skylarks rise No longer tunes the day. No more is solace here to find Or comfort for the Soul. Another piece of Heaven's gift Is careless torn away.
Archived comments for Heaven's Gift.
Mikeverdi on 25-04-2014
Heavens Gift.
Nice touch with this one.
Mike X

Author's Reply:
Thank you, head's in hangman's noose, another year and the stool is kicked away.Sue. X.

ValDohren on 26-04-2014
Heavens Gift.
Reminds me of that song - "they've paved paradise and put up a parking lot." It's the way of it these days, with an ever-expanding population which needs accommodating. Another very well written piece.
Val πŸ™‚ x

Author's Reply:
That song has always upset me. We definatly need to limit our population, we can't magic up land, but we do have the ability to not overrun our planet. How can we produce much needed food if we build on every field? Your kind comments are much appreciated, and I am very grateful too for your rating thank you πŸ™‚ Sue.x.

stormwolf on 28-04-2014
Heavens Gift.
The last line totally let's down the poem. Sorry
Alison x


Author's Reply:
Not to worry, I'll probably change it at some point πŸ™‚ Thank you for rating it though. Sue.x.


Loneliness. (posted on: 25-04-14)
*****

The insidious spectre of loneliness Wreathes about the room. Stealthily wraps around my head, And creeps into my consciousness. It watches, while the sunbeams play, And haunts the evening gloom. It steps beside my waking thoughts, And coils around my bed. It proves itself in faithfulness With cold embrace, enfolds each day.
Archived comments for Loneliness.
ValDohren on 26-04-2014
Loneliness.
Very well written - poignant and expresses just what loneliness feels like, and this I can relate to.
Val x

Author's Reply:
Just won't go away will it. Very much appreciate your interest, thank you for your comments and for the rating.Sue.x

pommer on 27-04-2014
Loneliness.
What a great description of loneliness. Well done Sue,
Peter xx

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much, your kind words and rating are really appreciated. Sue xx.


Unrequited Love, The Bitter Sweet Passion. (posted on: 21-04-14)
Like eating bee infested honey!

Oh how the emotions do tear at my heart. Rending the flesh from my bones. Whipping with torturous, cutting precision While squeezing all breath from my body. Constricting the blood which boils in my veins Bringing more pain than I ever could know. Then, for a short while I regain control The burden of torture is lifted. But once more you walk through my mind, The emotions now reclaim their hold To tear me apart once again.
Archived comments for Unrequited Love, The Bitter Sweet Passion.
Pelequin23 on 21-04-2014
Unrequited Love, The Bitter Sweet Passion.
I can relate to these words so much

Author's Reply:
Sometimes it just gets too much doesn't it. It's been 40 years for me, rediculous really. Many thanks for commenting and the generous rating. Sue x.

ValDohren on 23-04-2014
Unrequited Love, The Bitter Sweet Passion.
Very passionate Sue - and as they say 'you got it bad.'
Val

Author's Reply:
I have indeed, so I would like the next 40 years to be 'good' instead! Your comments and rating are very much appreciated, thank you, Sue.


Paying The Price (posted on: 21-04-14)
My daughter, my fault.....

Like precious blood seeped from a vein, The essence of what we had, is lost. The bond we knew was sculptured ice A magical gift melted away. Warmth from your eyes On me once shone, I fear it will never shine again. Your love for me now gone astray lonely winds have chilled my day. Too high the wall to step across. Too wide the river. Too deep the cost. But I will always pay the price, I'll take it from my bank of pain.
Archived comments for Paying The Price
ValDohren on 21-04-2014
Paying The Price
Very sad. But ice does melt, all it needs is a little warmth. Very well written.
Val

Author's Reply:
I wasn't sure about this one, I have rewritten it several times, may put latest version on at some point to see how it goes. I think we are begining to get there, my daughter and I, but we used to be inseperable untill the 'unfortunate event' and I couldn't ever hope for that again. Thank you for your interest, comments and rating, they have justified my submitting it. x Sue.

stormwolf on 21-04-2014
Paying The Price
Boy I can relate!

The feeling comes through.
Alison x

Author's Reply:
If you can relate to this, I am sorry to hear it, I hope your experience has, or has had a happy outcome πŸ™‚
Thank you for your appreciation, and comments, Sue XX

Pelequin23 on 21-04-2014
Paying The Price
full of emotion and raw feelings , very well written

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much, One of the two most special people in my life and I mucked up. But I now have a chance to build bridges at last πŸ™‚ Very grateful for your comments and rating. Sue xx.

pommer on 21-04-2014
Paying The Price
What an emotional description. However I agree with Val .hope all will sort itself out for you. Peter xx

Author's Reply:
Thats very kind, thank you, doubt it will ever completely mend but it may eventually heal over. Thank you very much for your comments and rating. Sue XX.

Mikeverdi on 22-04-2014
Paying The Price
Like Alison, I can relate to this one; haven't seen children, grandchildren or great grandchildren in fourteen years .
Well expressed, pleased you may regain some contact.
Mike

Author's Reply:
I am so sorry to hear that, how awful. At least my daughter only lives two doors down so I frequently 'see' her perhaps from a window etc., but sometimes thats not so good because I think how easy it would be for her to just call in. I do hope something sorts itself out for you. x Thank you for commenting and rating. Sue. πŸ™‚

Kipper on 25-04-2014
Paying The Price
This is very emotional, all the more for being true. That you acknowledge your own share of culpability is very brave and takes some doing!
It seems that a reconciliation might be possible and I am sure that everyone who has responded on this page will be wishing you well.
Best wishes, Michael.

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much for such kind comments,it was just us two for ten years but even after I remarried we were inseparable, I'd ring her but it was engaged because she was ringing me, we'd finish each others sentences etc, etc., I was a fool and handled a situation very badly. I accept her feelings towards me will never have their old warmth. But at least we can share an occasional cup of tea now. Sue xx


Field Of Gold. (posted on: 18-04-14)
++++++

Liquid luminescence zings From a field of sun drenched rape. Yet far from there in distance lies, It's powerful beauty sings. Reflecting back, tho' mirrored not The golden grace received. Such piercing eye in frame of green God's vision there perceived.
Archived comments for Field Of Gold.
Pelequin23 on 18-04-2014
Field Of Gold.
descriptive and vibrant

Author's Reply:
Thank you, appreciate your kind comments and rating. Sue x.

ValDohren on 18-04-2014
Field Of Gold.
Fields of rape are beautiful, and yellow is my favourite colour. Lovely poem.
Val

Author's Reply:
This one was in the distance but absolutely shone out,couldn't resist writing this. Glad you liked it. Sue. X


You. (posted on: 18-04-14)
*****

I weep - Oh how I weep for you. Lost dreams fall as tears upon my cheek. The years, such wasted years That I have lived without you. If I could have, should have Touched your Soul those years ago, I would have the world, the universe Carried safely in my being. Now the universe is my undoing, And the gulf of years too wide. The tears that fall and drown my life Have never, ever dried. For always you are the mountain, And I the mirrored grains at your feet.
Archived comments for You.
Pelequin23 on 18-04-2014
You.
very deep and stirring , I feel the regret in the poem well done

Author's Reply:
Thank you, I'm glad you liked it, I appreciate the generous rating, thank you again. Sue.x

Bozzz on 20-04-2014
You.
Chance would be a fine thing. So many times I have missed the boat too, but another one seems to come along and I am lucky - it will for you too in some form or other. Well written, Sue.


Author's Reply:
I have been swimming with this boat for forty years, sadly we are in different oceans, It has been afloat throughout my two marriages (and divorces). And I feel exactly the same as I did at Nineteen well even more so if I am honest. I now realise I need no other boats at all. I appreciate your kind comments, and generous rating. Thank you. Sue X

Texasgreg on 20-04-2014
You.
I make it a point not to rate as it's such a subjective process, but had to do so here. Such pouring out with the ability to touch another inside as you did me deserves kudos.

Greg πŸ™‚

 photo Gunspincowboy.gif

Author's Reply:
Wow thank you, I am so pleased you heard what it was I was trying to say. Thank you so much for the 10 rating too. I understand you have chosen this as a hot story, not sure what that means, but sounds good, thank you. πŸ™‚ Sue X.

ValDohren on 20-04-2014
You.
Beautiful, very moving.
Val

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much, It helps to write these feelings down. Very much appreciate your generous rating too. Sue XX


Sunday Cricket. (posted on: 14-04-14)
Childhood memory, just a bit of fun.

Body flattens whiskered grass, Eyes soak in the scene. Rays of sun hug at your back Surveying village green. Itinerant chairs along for the ride Today are floral dressed. Delicate pansies, blowsy rose Cricket wives, in flowered best. Knife sharp crack as ball hits bat Pries open sun warmed eyes. A flurry of white, the ball ascends As straight as an arrow, flies. Sun kissed day just drowsing on, As endless as maybe. Up goes a shout, the last man's out Mad rush for 'cricket tea'.
Archived comments for Sunday Cricket.
Mikeverdi on 14-04-2014
Sunday Cricket.
That's great Sue, you paint a vivid picture and I can see it all. some great lines "as endless as maybe" love it.

Author's Reply:
That's very kind, thank you. Wasn't going to submit this as I wrote it as a bit of fun really, but glad I did now πŸ™‚ Comments and rating very much appreciated. Sue X.

Pronto on 14-04-2014
Sunday Cricket.
Sue that was so evocative of idyllic days spent half dozing watching village cricket. Great stuff so well expressed too.

Author's Reply:
I think thats what watching cricket is all about, no point trying to understand what they are doing ( well for me anyway ) So glad you enjoyed it. Your comments and rating are really appreciated, Thank you. Sue X.


Epitaph. (posted on: 14-04-14)
Just a small death, but...

Patch of feathers on the lawn Soaked with rain, ripped and torn. A tiny life snatched away Left a patch of feather's grey.
Archived comments for Epitaph.
Pelequin23 on 14-04-2014
Epitaph.
small but dramatic....

Author's Reply:
Just like the death I guess, poor little thing πŸ™ Thank you for your interest and the rating, much appreciated. Sue x.

Mikeverdi on 14-04-2014
Epitaph.
Sue, I like it.... but I think the last line needs attention.
Mike X

Author's Reply:
Glad you like it, it was never meant as anything more than a small memorial to a life gone. Just saw the feathers and felt sad. However I would be interested to hear how to improve the last line. Many thanks. Sue X.

Bozzz on 14-04-2014
Epitaph.
Bloody apostrophes - who the hell invented them anyway - to be shot at dawn. Sadness in parvo - how often do we see this and pause to sigh. Great tiny effort Sue - you got me hook, line and sinker...David

Author's Reply:
You're very kind, and generous too, appreciate the rating Thank you. Wasn't sure what Mike meant about the last line untill I really looked at it... hopeless with apostrophes. Sue. X.

stormwolf on 15-04-2014
Epitaph.
Hi Sue

Had many of the things needed for a short sharp poem that hits the guts but the repetition of 'feathers' let it down.





Alison x

Author's Reply:
Hi Alison, The feathers were the main point really, was emphasising that they were all the bird had to leave. I understand your point though, and appreciate your comments. Thank you Sue X.

stormwolf on 15-04-2014
Epitaph.
Yes but we need to try to steer away from repetition of words unless in a statement like
"The fear, the fear,...the fear drove them on" etc.
I know what you are saying but to have the word twice in 4 lines when it does not really come across as a statement, takes away from the poem. That is my honest crit.
Of course these things are given with good intent to be taken on board or discarded. The poem is always yours πŸ˜‰

The trick is to substitute another word for feathers.

Author's Reply:
Do we, why? what happened to poetic licence lol. Sue πŸ™‚

stormwolf on 15-04-2014
Epitaph.
Patch of feathers on the lawn
Soaked with rain, ripped and torn.
A tiny life snatched away
Left a patch of plumage grey.

πŸ˜‰ just a suggestion

Author's Reply:
Not sure I like plumage, to me plumage say's bright or gaudy, parrot or peacock-ish. Which they certainly wern't, the words 'Plumage grey' just seem to fight against each other. I don't know I'll have to think. Also I guess I'd have to change 'patch' as that too is repeated. Oh good grief, I really liked the poem too. πŸ™ I will have a think, as I know you are trying to help me. Which I appreciate. Sue.

ValDohren on 15-04-2014
Epitaph.
Short but very powerful - sights such as these never cease to sadden me.
Val x

Author's Reply:
I am glad I'm not the only one, I usually get laughed at for being silly, or too sentimental but a life is a life whether big or small. πŸ™‚ Sue.x


No Escape. (posted on: 11-04-14)
No matter how far or how fast I run, the developers always catch me!

This world I fear, is not for me The world I knew, I cannot see. No longer there, the wooded weald Been carved up, by 'suits' well heeled. The heath I roamed when I was young- Commuter homes, brick walls, tile hung. The village small, all knew each name Now pushed aside, developments reign. My last move now, I have to stay. Here meadows, flowers and trees hold sway. But now I see, developers plan To steal my world, by wave of hand. Again they seek to take from me All the things that set me free. Leave me to drown in my despair Those greed led men, who do not care.
Archived comments for No Escape.
Mikeverdi on 11-04-2014
No Escape.
A beautifully worded 'rant' in the same situation my words would have contained less letters; four would have been enough πŸ™‚
Mike

Author's Reply:
Your reply made me grin, I am not one for four letter words, however you do have a valid point πŸ™‚ I am glad you thought it well worded I wasn't quite sure. Thank you for likeing it and giving it such a good rating. Sue. xx

Bozzz on 13-04-2014
No Escape.
Greed-led men - you summarise most of the world's wealthy. And if they are nice now its because they have been greedy long enough to make that possible ! I feel a tinge of resignation in the sorrow of the poem. Good Sue

Author's Reply:
It just seems every time I find the countryside I need, within a short time it's taken away again. I am pleased you could feel what I was trying to convey. Thank you for commenting and rating. πŸ™‚ Sue.


A Damp Day. (posted on: 11-04-14)
It may have been damp, but it had such brilliance.

A day of vivid spitting green, Coated path of rain clad sheen. Grass with tousled hair, damp tossed Holds flakes of blossom, sadly lost. An air of softest velvet blows With gentle breath, on all that grows. Gifts of nature polished bright Reflects the pin sharp emerald light. A beat on beat of vibrant song The pulse of springtime growing strong.
Archived comments for A Damp Day.
Pelequin23 on 11-04-2014
A Damp Day.
colourful and good flow creating a strong poem

Author's Reply:
Thank you, I really appreciate your comments, and your generous rating. Again Thank you. Sue.

stormwolf on 11-04-2014
A Damp Day.
aha! That's the way to do it! πŸ˜‰
Lovely and well structured. The content magical in the way it has taken a simple thing and transformed it and taken out the beauty in it as an artist would.

Alison x

Author's Reply:
Haha, loved your opening comment - packed a punch! Thank you so much for such lovely comments, and the rating, you are very kind. πŸ™‚ Sue.x

Mikeverdi on 11-04-2014
A Damp Day.
Well written, and well done! You are growing with every posting.
Mike X

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much, Sometimes the words just seem to put themselves on the paper don't they. Very much appreciate the rating too x Sue.

Bozzz on 11-04-2014
A Damp Day.
It had to come, scintillating talent waiting to explode on us. I meant to add 'compression ignition' the engineering words for diesel inside a lorry engine cylinder, but apt for this poem. Thank you Sue - keep writing....David

Author's Reply:
Wow thats a very welcome comment, thank you so much, ( plus I have learnt a bit about diesel engines, being a bike nut, no pun intended, I like anything mechanical, diesel or petrol ) Best make the most of this one, may not happen again ! Generous rating much appreciated. Thank you. Sue.X

ValDohren on 11-04-2014
A Damp Day.
Beautiful Sue, each line just perfect.
Val

Author's Reply:
Thank you, very very much, such inspiring comments and a top rating, only hope I can write another like it! πŸ™‚ Sue xx

Kipper on 11-04-2014
A Damp Day.
Your poem reminded me of the clear air after a spring shower, and the smell of newly cut grass.
A very pleasant place to be!

Michael

Author's Reply:
I am so glad it had such a nice effect, It was a beautiful day. I very much appreciate your comments and very kind rating. Thank you. x Sue.

Pronto on 11-04-2014
A Damp Day.
A beautiful expression of spring. A well penned poem indeed

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much, I am so glad you enjoyed it. And a huge thank you for the top rating too. It's greatly appreciated. Sue. xx


Wistful Thinking. (posted on: 07-04-14)
I would like to....

I would like to visit favourite places, See once more old friends' faces. I would like to suddenly decide To take the train and enjoy a ride, To cornish cliffs and sparkling seas, Country people, and cream teas. I want to go to Canada, Virginia and Maine And finally be brave enough to fly there in a plane. I want to visit Scotland, have a cottage on the moor, A crackling fire and toasting fork, And snow outside the door. I want to ride a 'Harley' and be a biker girl. The freedom of the open road, I'd like once more to know. I'd like to go to concerts, hear rockers from my past Be deafened by the music, played loud and proud and fast. I'd like a cottage set in fields Which sweep down to the sea. But most of all, I'd really like Someone to share it all with me.
Archived comments for Wistful Thinking.
Mikeverdi on 07-04-2014
Wistful Thinking.
The Bucket List.....we all have one Ha Ha!
Mike

Author's Reply:
Haha hadn't thought of it as a bucket list, but guess it is. Except they are all things I would so love to do but know I never will due to circumstances, and one or two are born out of long ago memories and could never be repeated. Many thanks for your interest πŸ™‚ Sue.

stormwolf on 07-04-2014
Wistful Thinking.
awwww
The last line brought a poignant twist and the poem was heart-warming.

Alison x

Author's Reply:
Thank you, that's very kind. Your rating is very much appreciated too. πŸ™‚ Sue.

Kipper on 08-04-2014
Wistful Thinking.
Hi Sue,

Dreams and memories; sometimes they merge into one and are hard to separate.

As I read each line mentally I added one word - again, but like you it is very unlikely that that will happen. My wife of 55 years and I don't have the spring in our steps that once we had.

Like Alison I felt the longing you expressed in the last line. Perhaps if some of yours wishes come to pass, that may be one of them.

Author's Reply:
Thank you, thats very kind. I've been alone for over 20 years, getting a bit fed up with it now! But as I've aways been a bit of a loner I guess it's my own fault. πŸ™‚ Your interest is much appreciated. Sue XX.

Bozzz on 08-04-2014
Wistful Thinking.
I much enjoyed the journey. beautiful rhythm. The last line - it seemed to fall outside Mike's bucket - Alison was agreeably surprised, but I felt the extra beat threw me from my seat. Probably my fault for not belting up. ....David

Author's Reply:
Thank you for your entertaining comments, made me smile. Your interest and your rating are gratefully received. Again thank you. Sue.

pommer on 10-04-2014
Wistful Thinking.
I enjoyed it all, but not a Harley.Give me a naked Triumph Tiger 100 Twin at any time, and the fellowship of other rockers.Be lucky, Peter.

Author's Reply:
Hi Peter, I am glad you enjoyed the poem πŸ™‚ Nothing wrong with a Triumph, Or a Norton I love all bikes but a Harley, theres just something 'extra' about them for me. Once a Rocker always a Rocker I say! Many thanks for your interest, and for rating the poem Sue.

ValDohren on 10-04-2014
Wistful Thinking.
My bucket has also had the lid put on it Sue, so I know just what you mean - and feel. The closing lines so poignant.
Val

Author's Reply:
Hi Val , much appreciate your interest, and your comments. As for the closing line, being on your own and free is fine but now my family have their own family, it gets pretty lonely. Ah well never mind, who knows I may even get to Cornwall one day πŸ™‚ Sue.


Sleepless Night. (posted on: 07-04-14)
<><> <><>

Wracked and raveged, Torn at the seams. A storm tossed ship Rides sleepless dreams. Tumbled thoughts fly your head Like wind blown birds, Weary to travel, Yet still land led. Ever searching a peace to claim. Torment of raging waves to cease. Gentle balm of quiet seas In realms of sweetest sleep.
Archived comments for Sleepless Night.
Mikeverdi on 07-04-2014
Sleepless Night.
I'm not trying to pick fault but I think the last line of the first verse is disjointed, for me it spoils the flow of an otherwise good poem.

As usual you can toss the comments in the bin, it's only an opinion πŸ™‚

Mike X

You could try changing the other lines of the verse to fit the mood; or... just re write the verse. Why not?... you are good enough πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Exactly! Why is it that so often in a poem each line, bar one is fine but that 'one' is so flipping hard to pin down (for me anyway) I want the impression of a very rough sea, and I like the sleepless dreams, but it just won't come together quite right. I'll keep working on it. I appreciate your comment, and it won't see the bin! πŸ™‚ Sue.

ValDohren on 07-04-2014
Sleepless Night.
Not sure where the rhyme scheme lies here Sue, if there is one - the first and second verses rhyme on different lines. Is the third verse meant to rhyme, ie 'cease' with 'sleep.'

Ever searching a peace to claim.
Torment of raging waves to cease.
Seeking the calm of quiet seas
Which from sleeplessness release.

Just a suggestion.

Val πŸ™‚



Author's Reply:
I didn't aim for any particular rhyme scheme, it sort of goes 2nd/ last. 1st/ last. 2nd/ 3rd (cease/ seas). Thank you for your suggestion though, I tried it but I found it a bit of a tongue twister. All comments and suggestions are appreciated πŸ™‚ Sue.

stormwolf on 07-04-2014
Sleepless Night.
Hi Sue,
You have asked for 'comments only' which is a shame as I feel some alteration would bring out the message but nice intro to your work πŸ˜‰
Alison x

Author's Reply:
Hi Alison, good to hear from you, I did put comments only ( bit scared I'd get too many negative remarks) but helpful comments are always welcome and appreciated. I would be interested in any ideas you can offer. Many thanks πŸ™‚ Sue.

Pelequin23 on 08-04-2014
Sleepless Night.
I like the piece , conveys the torment of dreams well

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much, I really appreciate your comments and rating. πŸ™‚ Sue x

Mikeverdi on 08-04-2014
Sleepless Night.
See...I knew you could do it πŸ™‚ Listen to that wolf woman, she knows a thing or three Ha Ha!
Mike
ps. worth the nine now.

Author's Reply:
Thank you for your faith in me, however it was my own work, as Alison didn't get back to me with her ideas. I was half asleep last night when various words forced themselves at me, no pen / paper so had to record on phone, tried all variations this morning, and amended. I am glad you think it works better and is worth a lovely nine. Thank you πŸ™‚ Sue x.

QBall on 08-04-2014
Sleepless Night.
Write down ideas before they are forgotten. How many of my ideas have fled the scene?
Maybe a little disjointed, but your message is clear.
Well done.

Author's Reply:
I really must keep a pen/paper handy, much easier than recording it on phone. Many thanks for your interest and comment. Sue πŸ™‚


The Mountain. (posted on: 04-04-14)
I wrote this after my daughter and son-in-law seperated, He took it very badly, lost his way completely, couldn't see his way ahead, and listened to the wrong type of 'friends'. Hopefully he's now on the home stretch.

High above the silver clouds A tiny child asleep. His life begins atop the peak His goals lie at his feet. Every day he must climb down, His mountains challenge he must face. A thousand rocks may bar his way And into chasms he will fall. The clouds will blind his eyes from sight And evil winds to him will call. Lower he'll climb to find his path And along it's way he'll travel. For it will lead to firmer ground And all his dreams will there be found, If he can walk a steadfast path, He'll stand beneath his mountain tall And he'll be proud he's won his race.
Archived comments for The Mountain.
Pelequin23 on 06-04-2014
The Mountain.
hopefully he is on the home stretch , hopefully your poem inspired him too

Author's Reply:
I hope he is too, He has read the poem and thanked me, but he is not a poet in any way so I doubt he realised the symbolism in it. Thank you for your comment and very generous rating. πŸ™‚ Sue.


Rain. (posted on: 04-04-14)
''' ''' ''' '''

Pigeons sit hunched and dripping, Sad grey statues Among the shimmer and sheen Of rain drenched leaves. Every single leaf it seems, Has been painted by those hands of rain In all the differing shades of paintbox green. Glowing rowan berries aflame In the dimming shade, Show their newly polished faces Beneath the tears of rain.
Archived comments for Rain.
Jabberwocky on 05-04-2014
Rain.
Ah I loved this, it gave off an immense sense of peace and serenity and it really touched a chord.
Cheers,
Jabber

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much, thats very kind. πŸ™‚ Sue.

Mikeverdi on 05-04-2014
Rain.
Great stuff , this is 'a keeper' love the way your writing is going.
Mike

Author's Reply:
Thank you, I always keep your advice to hand whenever I write, I can't be quite as concise as you, but I have learnt to cut out a lot of extra words. I think I may have read too many 'traditional' poems, which I love, but they are much rounder and more discriptive than modern tastes require. However I will persevere πŸ™‚ many thank you's for the rating. xx

pommer on 05-04-2014
Rain.
Well done once again.I felt the peace. Be lucky, Peter xxx

Author's Reply:
Thank you, very much for your comments, and the rating. πŸ™‚ Sue.

Bozzz on 05-04-2014
Rain.
My paintbox had only three colours, pea, dark pea and light pea. My parents knew I would never be an artist - talk too much.
Keep working Sue - your style is developing !

Author's Reply:
Haha you had enough colours for painting these leaves πŸ™‚ I very much appreciate your thoughts on my poem, and the rating. Many thanks. Sue.

Pelequin23 on 06-04-2014
Rain.
colourful and eloquent piece that conjures images in the mind

Author's Reply:
Thats a very kind comment, thank you I was hoping to convey that very thing, really appreciate the rating too. Sue.

ValDohren on 06-04-2014
Rain.
Lovely Sue, you have pained a wonderful picture.
Val

Author's Reply:
Thank you, that's very kind and so is the rating, much appreciated. πŸ™‚ Sue.


Dream Here No More. (posted on: 31-03-14)
My little piece of Heaven was destroyed by our councils obsession with putting overly wide paths where none at all are needed, so my place of solitude and beauty is now little more than a wide verge, and a cut - through for everyone and everything day and night.

Tranquil haven of quietening peace Blessed of bough and sward of green. Such a place to sit and dream, Site of beauty Heaven's seen. Come the asphelt river grey Washed this havens Soul away. The blind of foot and veiled of eye, Do those pleasures now decry. No more, can inspirations gift Give to this saddened, dreamers heart. Forsake the darkened spirit's lift, Elysian fields this life depart.
Archived comments for Dream Here No More.
Mikeverdi on 31-03-2014
Dream Here No More.
Your words show how much this simple but dreadful act has affected you; it's good writing as well.
Mike

Author's Reply:
They wanted to fell the majority of the trees too, including some beautiful cherry's ( no reason) I started a campaign, took it to our lacal paper and thankfully the council left them alone. Sadly I couldn't stop the path. Thank you for your very kind comments, and rating. Sue x.

pommer on 31-03-2014
Dream Here No More.
What a sweet little poem, that tells me so much about the greediness of man, especially the developers.I sympathise Sue,We have been fighting the sort of thing you write about for three years.Our problem is a footpath which over the years has been planned to get wider and wider,At the moment the plan if for one to be ten foot wide.This will destroy our life. It will be just behind our hedge.I like the poem well done. Peter.

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much for your comment and kind rating πŸ™‚ What is it with over-wide footpaths, they destroy so much, a couple of feet wide would be enough to walk along. There dosen't seem to be anyone in authority who cares enough to actually listen and speak out for smaller issues such as ours. It makes me very angry. I do hope you can win your fight, good luck. Many thanks again, glad you liked the poem. Sue.

Bozzz on 01-04-2014
Dream Here No More.
Sue, this is a well-structured little poem - could perhaps be extended to cover other council folly? I like the 'asphalt river'.
Yours, David


Author's Reply:
Hi David, I am very grateful for your kind comments and rating, Thank you. If I extended the writing to cover all the things our council has thoughtlessly / needlessly done I'd be writing this poem forever.I am glad you like the 'asphalt river' I first thought 'concrete river' but that sounded much too everyday-ish, and harsh. Again many thanks, Sue.


Hands Of Fate. (posted on: 31-03-14)
Almost every member of my family is plagued with inherited arthritis from their mid thirties. I have real problems in all my finger joints, and wrists. this leads to great frustration on a keyboard, the harder I try the worse it gets. I check eveything but nearly always miss- spellings get through.

I'm sorry, I really do my best, But it's simply not as easy As you would all suggest. For when I type a sentance, and I Try with all my might, My fingers mostly choose the keys That are not really right. I think that I have hit the one That I am aiming for, But when I look, my finger pressed The key that sits next door. I get so cross, I rant and rave And wish they would behave. For though I check, and double check Before it goes 'to press' To my dismay when on the web, It really looks a mess. So now I must apologise For any odd mistake. It isn't through a lack of care Just the 'twisted hand' of fate.
Archived comments for Hands Of Fate.
barenib on 31-03-2014
Hands Of Fate.
My mum had rheumatoid arthritis, so I sort of know where you're coming from - fortunately for me I didn't inherit it. Your humour comes through, so well shared. John.

Author's Reply:
Ah rheumatoid is so much worse than mine, my cousin got that in her mid thirties. Glad you have avoided it. Thank you very much for the kind comment. Sue πŸ™‚

pommer on 31-03-2014
Hands Of Fate.
Hi Sue, I wouldn't worry about any typos,as long as the poetry is good, as it is.I amsorry to hear about your arthritis.My wife has it in her knees. It is not pleasnt at all. Be lucky, Peter.

Author's Reply:
Hi, ah knees, my sympathies to your wife, Ive had one knee replaced just waiting for other one. Sometimes I have to laugh at the things I find I have written, other times I get frustrated. But it's nice to read your kind comments, thank you.Sue πŸ™‚

Mikeverdi on 31-03-2014
Hands Of Fate.
Life is shit sometimes...your writing isn't πŸ™‚
Mike

Author's Reply:
You are very kind, Thank you. Sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself ( or sit and cry, whatever helps πŸ™‚ ) Many thanks for rating me. Sue x.

Bozzz on 31-03-2014
Hands Of Fate.
Sue, I suffer exactly the same problems, but the diagnosis is keyboard dyslexia. I guess the difference for me may be that it is always the same letters/words that house the errors. You have the added complication of arthritis - that must be both physically and mentally painful. The issue of failing to spot errors until after you have sent the message is another disease - 'cyber blindness' I call it - we all suffer. Oh, and by the way, your wee poem is excellent ...Bravo"....David

Author's Reply:
Thank you, thats quite comforting, maybe my hands arn't totally to blame, I have noticed I sometimes put letters back to front too, never do that when writing properly ( pen and paper ) Never heard of 'cyber blindness', but if I'm not the only one on here with it, thats great. Really pleased you liked the poem so much, and given me the rating. thank you again. Sue πŸ™‚

Bozzz on 31-03-2014
Hands Of Fate.
Sue, I suffer exactly the same problems, but the diagnosis is keyboard dyslexia. I guess the difference for me may be that it is always the same letters/words that house the errors. You have the added complication of arthritis - that must be both physically and mentally painful. The issue of failing to spot errors until after you have sent the message is another disease - 'cyber blindness' I call it - we all suffer. Oh, and by the way, your wee poem is excellent ...Bravo"....David

Author's Reply:

QBall on 01-04-2014
Hands Of Fate.
Sad story with an upbeat writer behind it. At 83 I have a touch of arthritis in the fingers which pales with my other problems, diabetes, stents in an artery, fungus of my toenails.
I'm still very active so I sympathize with your condition.

Author's Reply:
Thank you, I do try to be upbeat about it, I think the only place I don't have it (yet! ) is hips. Ankles, feet. back, knees, etc, etc., are all affected. Ahh if only I had appreciated my youth, haha. It's good to stay active
Diabetes I imagine takes careful handling. Many thanks again for your interest and the generous rating

Kipper on 03-04-2014
Hands Of Fate.
Hi Sue.
It sounds like another case of 'laughter being the the best medicine'.
You seem to to have the better of what must be a very irksome problem. Me? I do all those those things and my spelling as atroshus but I can't find anything to blame it on. (I think it's my computer !)
Dare I say keep batting on coz you do write a neat poem.
Best wishes, Michael

Author's Reply:
Hello Michael, I much appreciate your comments, Thank you. I am glad I'm not the only one with spelling problems, It's annoying mostly because I came top in spelling at school, ok it was a long time ago, but even so. :-/ Sue.

Kipper on 03-04-2014
Hands Of Fate.
Hi Sue.
It sounds like another case of 'laughter being the the best medicine'.
You seem to to have the better of what must be a very irksome problem. Me? I do all those those things and my spelling as atroshus but I can't find anything to blame it on. (I think it's my computer !)
Dare I say keep batting on coz you do write a neat poem.
Best wishes, Michael

Author's Reply:

pdemitchell on 03-04-2014
Hands Of Fate.
A dry and poignant humourous rant at the unfair twist of genes. Mine is Dupuytrens contraction - a bugger for a musician. Known as the 'Viking Gene' - it's probably evolution so they wouldn't let go of their axes during all that pillaging! Mitch ;O)

Author's Reply:
I read up on your condition as I wasn't too sure what it was. That must be more annoying than arthritis, at least I can move my fingers. I can't imagine how difficult it would be for a musician when flexibility is a must. Thank you for taking time to comment, it's very much appreciated. Sue.


Three Cats And A Go-Between. (posted on: 28-03-14)
I had three cats who died aged around twenty yrs. Every so often my remaining, much younger cat will be accompanied by one of them, just briefly. I can clearly see which cat is with him, and it can be anywhere in the house. Make of this what you will. But this situation is not unusual for me.

Silent guise hold shadows sight Come oft times to walk the night. Shepherd, in a living form Brings their like to be reborn. Shades of death do loose their chain Echo from Soul, does here remain. Joy within their visions bring Time undone the heart to sing. Shrouded wings then steal away Whence the realms in which they lay.
Archived comments for Three Cats And A Go-Between.
ParsonThru on 28-03-2014
Three Cats And A Go-Between.
I can picture this. They do have a habit of staring at things that seem not to be there. Nice.

Author's Reply:
There's something 'other worldly' about cats. But it's nice to see my 'lost' ones again. Thank you for commenting, much appreciated. Sue.

pdemitchell on 30-03-2014
Three Cats And A Go-Between.
Hi Sue - great title and writing but the archaic 'oft' jarred a little and the capitialised Echo from Soul puzzled me a tad and the "whence the" might be better as a "hence to". Has a little hint of Elizabeth Browning to it - and that's a good thing! Mitch πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
HI ,Mitch I appreciate your kind words thank you. I'll try to explain my reasons for the bits that bother you.
I put 'oft' as that (to me ) went with the 'other worldy' theme of the verse. The capital E in echo was the start of a new line. I have considered the 'hence to' but feel it sounds a little harsh. I know it dosen't sound like it, but I really do appreciate your interest and suggestions. Thank you once again. Sue.


A Winter's Afternoon. (posted on: 28-03-14)
The title sums it up.

The grey swept skies, brushed with silver Back-drop the skeletal trees, Whose beseeching boughs, bereft of leaves Twist, contorted along the bank. Dark ivy clad atop the walls Stands shadowed in the gloaming, While light still filters down the way And glistening upon it falls. All is still and velvet soft As day witholds her breath, Bowing out, a quiet death As evening has his way.
Archived comments for A Winter's Afternoon.
usutu on 28-03-2014
A Winters Afternoon.
A picture of soft submission painted with words.

Thanks,

U'sutu

Author's Reply:
Oh thats beautiful Thank you. πŸ™‚

Mikeverdi on 28-03-2014
A Winters Afternoon.
Like this a lot, the last four lines are wonderful Sue.
Mike

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much, It's surprising what a view from a window can result in. πŸ™‚ x

Bozzz on 28-03-2014
A Winters Afternoon.
A quiet end to a violent past - that's welcome in anybody's garden. Our Magnolia tree has just blossomed - gorgeous welcome to spring. Good picture Sue - with a timely mix of descriptive talent......David


Author's Reply:
Thank you for your kind comment. Magnolias are beautiful. I loved my flowering currant but it gave up after twelve years, my house sparrows have claimed it as their second home, their first being in my roof. Many thanks too for the much appreciated rating. Sue.

ValDohren on 28-03-2014
A Winters Afternoon.
Beautifully descriptive and very atmospheric. 'As day withholds her breath' - lovely line. Congrats on the well deserved nib Sue.

Val x

Forgot to rate - 9.

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much for your kind comments, the congrats and the rating. All greatly appreciated. Sue xx

Buschell on 29-03-2014
A Winters Afternoon.
Sublime. Really. Dazza.

Author's Reply:
Much appreciated, Thank you πŸ™‚

pdemitchell on 30-03-2014
A Winters Afternoon.
Hi Sue - a standard muse well wrought but may I suggest a 'Twilight' rather than an 'evening' to imply deity? Cheers Mitch πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
I wasn't trying to imply a deity, I understand what you mean though. Many thanks for saying it was well wrought. Sue.


Simply Summer. (posted on: 24-03-14)
A summer Summary..

A summer's breeze blows a warm caress As soft on your skin as a lover's breath. Wind blown fingers tease your hair Gentle as silk and barely there. The jewels of summer dance the sky On powdered wings, the butterfly. Close mown grass, velvet soft And a handful of daisies careless tossed. Dusk rimmed skies to dim the day. Starlings flock on homeward way. A saddening song of blackbird call Upon the air, will liquid fall.
Archived comments for Simply Summer.
Mikeverdi on 24-03-2014
Simply Summer.
Beautiful XXX

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much, This comment and the rating mean a lot to me. πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ XX

MrMarmite on 24-03-2014
Simply Summer.
Mike summed this poem up in one word perfectly.
I'd just like to add that it makes the reader want summer to come quickly,as the words are warm and inviting.Well done.

Author's Reply:
Thats very kind, thank you. And thank you too for rating it. X

ValDohren on 25-03-2014
Simply Summer.
Lovely Sue - your poem makes me wish Summer was here now.
Val

Author's Reply:
Glad you like it, many thanks Sue πŸ™‚


Greed And Government. (posted on: 24-03-14)
Our Government.

Wealthy bankers with lusts of greed Used our money to quench their need. They beat us down, left us for dead Along the paths of gold they tread. By them your wage is stolen away Your home is cold. No food today. Your life itself has been displaced. You face the hand-outs with disgrace. Our homes and farms will be laid to waste So impatient commuters can win their race, By those who live their well-heeled life And will never fear the same. Their homes and lands, they can ensure Will, the destroying hand survive. We are the pawns in their game of chess They play us at their will. They'll take it all, and sell our Soul So they can have their fill.
Archived comments for Greed And Government.
Mikeverdi on 24-03-2014
Greed And Government.
As rants go its a good one, I might have used Wankers for Bankers (after all they are) LOL
Mike X

Author's Reply:
Haha, thank you, That word may have been in my head, but never past lips or finger tips. πŸ™‚ Sue.

pdemitchell on 25-03-2014
Greed And Government.
Hi Sue, a decent spleening of the vents... I am struggling with a double-sonnet on sumt'ing similar. Mitch πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Hi,I enjoyed your comment, many thanks. That sounds ambitious, good luck πŸ™‚

ValDohren on 25-03-2014
Greed And Government.
Very good Sue, you've just about got them sussed. Well said and well written.
Val

Author's Reply:
Thank you, This lot really do make me cross. Sue :-/

chant_z on 25-03-2014
Greed And Government.
I would hesitate to call it nice..:). Very clever critique. Well penned.

Author's Reply:
Can't think of anything nice about them πŸ™‚ Thank you for the kind comment. Sue.

Ionicus on 26-03-2014
Greed And Government.
One of the expressions that Italians use is: β€œPiove, governo ladro!β€œ which could be translated into: β€œIt rains, shame to the government!”.
But for Italians if in everyday life there is something that is not properly working and you can’t blame anybody, then we like to think that it must be the government’s fault.
You seem to be using the same argument.
I am also a bit confused: you have su-titled your poem 'Our Government' but then you go and
talk about bankers. So are you saying that the bankers and the government are in collusion? And is it just the current government or all governments you are holding responsible?

Author's Reply:
Ah, right, ready for a long reply (apologies in advance πŸ™‚ ) No I don't think bankers are with the government, it was the banker's greed, and underhand ways which started it all. And has resulted in the governments crippleing, and care less policies to sort out the monetary mess they got us into. I had a good job in Banbury, worked there for ten years, just getting back on my feet, always been a lone parent. then government said jobs in good employment areas should relocate to poorer areas, my firm took their handout and went to Wales, I couldn't follow, hello redudancy. Tried and tried for work, almost taken on, but when they found I had inherited the family arthritis it was "sorry, not suitable". Retirement was only a few years ahead, then the government moved it forwards so again, a kick back down.Cameron has demonised anyone on benefit and disability allowance. so I have had too many years feeling like a scrounger, and a worthless member of society. And no I don't think other governments have been as bad, Cameron's is the only one, I believe, to have hit the poorest members the hardest. he has absolutly no empathy or compassion whatsover. Again I apologise for the length of this, and possibly it's content, have no wish to offend. PS Perhaps I should have titled it Greed, And Government ( with the comma) Many thanks for your interest, much appreciated. Sue.

Kipper on 27-03-2014
Greed And Government.
Hi Sue,
Your frustration is very clear both in your poem and in your replies.
You make your point very well and I don't doubt there will be those who take a similar view.
As to the poem itself I feel it lost some of it's rhythm about half way when you changed from rhyming couplets to a non-rhyming style.
Otherwise very powerful.
Michael


Author's Reply:
Thank you for commenting, you are quite right, I have changed the rhythm, it's a different subject my feelings were also different. I think it still flows as I meant it to, at least I hope it does. Thank you again. πŸ™‚ Sue.


The Butterfly Words Of On Screen Poets. (posted on: 21-03-14)
Electronic verse or book in hand?

They flit through your brain To charm your mind, Yet slip through your fingers Lost to time. No way to grasp And keep the hold, No way to claim Those verses told. I wish the words Were printed page, For eyes and heart There to engage.
Archived comments for The Butterfly Words Of On Screen Poets.
Mikeverdi on 22-03-2014
The Butterfly Words Of On Screen Poets.
Excellent, I can see the changes in your work...and I'm enjoying it. The word 'brain' is a little sharp maybe?
Mike X

Author's Reply:
Thank you, the whole thing came to me in one fell swoop, kept in mind your advice, so short to the point, happy to change brain, but not sure to what, hadn't though it sounded sharp, and already used mind. Umm? Rating is appreciated too. xx

Mikeverdi on 22-03-2014
The Butterfly Words Of On Screen Poets.
They drift through your thoughts

Slip through your fingers

To keep the hold

Maybe? X

Author's Reply:
You see, that's why you are better than me,(rhyme unintended) that reads well, but lost butterfly connection. Will give amendment serious thought, many thanks for a good suggestion. Sue.

Nemo on 23-03-2014
The Butterfly Words Of On Screen Poets.
The butterfly image is a good one but to my way of thinking and writing it doesn't come across visually, lacking imagery to latch onto. Your decision to rhyme results in an unfortunate old-fashioned inversion in the last line. Sorry to be harsh. Regards, Gerald.

Author's Reply:
This poem wasn't intended really, I was just thinking about some very good poems that I really enjoy and return to time and again, on a different site and how elusive they are, once read they fly away into thin air. And how much better it is to have them captured in a book.Thats all. The bit of doggerel I wrote just stems from that thought. My unfortunate old-fashioned last line ( Apologies, but not sure what you mean, by inversion etc., ) was intended. Don't worry about being harsh, It's not a clever poem in any way, as I said, A bit of doggerel. Sue.


The Homeless. (posted on: 21-03-14)
Homeless people who have genuinly lost everything.

Like letters erased from the page. Just left behind impressions of being, But no longer visible as themselves. Spectre-like, they haunt the dark corners Ever watching as an audience, a stage. The strings of their lives have unravelled. Their days and their years are undone. For a side-step has spiralled them down, To footsteps that lead them to nowhere On a desperate road-sadly travelled.
Archived comments for The Homeless.
pdemitchell on 21-03-2014
The Homeless.
Sympathetic oberservational of the homeless and ostracised but slightly marred by a wee typo in line 3. Mitch :O)

Author's Reply:
Oops- thought I had treble checked everything. Obviously the mistake was not visible to me at the time πŸ™‚
Many thanks for reading,( must get son-in-law to install a word check on here) Sue.

Bozzz on 21-03-2014
The Homeless.
Captures the misery and the background that brings it very well. Good Sue.
Perhaps I am wrong, but I think Mitch is talking about the word 'empression'. perhaps you mean 'impression'? Also I think you mean the hyphen in the last line to be a dash. In themselves these are minor things, but they add up to a need for great care. Just in case, do you know that you can edit your poem after submission as long as you do it before midnight preceding the publishing day? Go to your account page and you will find it at the foot of the list of your poems. Trying to be helpful. Cheers...David


Author's Reply:
Oh good grief..I used to be top of my class for spelling too! The first mistake was 'visible' now changed. Have also amended 'impressions'. No idea why I put an e there, its correct in my file. Computers and keyboards are not my thing, I know how to get a hyphen, but not a dash. I also tend to continually miss out letters, my mind rushes ahead of my fingers, its so frustrating, just give me a pen and paper! I think I study every typed word too hard, can't see the wood for the trees so to speak.( also, and I will use this as an excuse, I have inherited the family arthritis, which means my fingers are tending to be somewhat bent and I hit the letter next to the one I want without realising it) Apologies for writing a book here! Many thanks for your kind interest, and your advice. Sue.

Mikeverdi on 22-03-2014
The Homeless.
Getting better Sue, this is really good. The thing to take from this is that others think it worthy enough to comment on. I am torn to shreds for spelling etc all the time on here; I got caned 19 times in one lesson at school...it was a school record πŸ™‚
Mike X

Author's Reply:
School. the best times of your life Hah! I was bullied from age seven (moved to Guildford) untill I left at fifteen, not physical, could have delt with that, it was all verbal taunting, humiliation, making everyone look at me, followed all round playground by a string of kids chanting each playtime saying I was too posh(?) or a baby, scaredy cat etc., Too frightened to concentrate on lessons although I would have loved to. Which is why I think, I have begun to get a bit paranoid over the spelling, punctuation etc. Ho hum never mind, onward and upward. At least I never had the pain of caning, just threatened with the ruler! What I am trying to say is Thank you for your kind words , I was begining to feel a bit defeated but you have given me back the confidence to carry on,as you say if people can care enough to comment its a positive. πŸ™‚ X Ps glad you liked the poem.x

Mikeverdi on 22-03-2014
The Homeless.
It takes a while to establish a style and a readership... Don't give up.
Mike X

Author's Reply:
Thank you, my style goes from rambling to precise, I enjoy the rambling best. Like a good country walk. But will edit where I can. Sue πŸ™‚

Texasgreg on 23-03-2014
The Homeless.
I see your intent and feel your conveyance of loneliness as a caste capable only of reflection, not hope for the future.



I happen to be doing an article at present for an organization which feeds the homeless. Having spent nearly nine hours interviewing such people last week, I can say that they never lose hope...just faith in mankind. We all find a way to stay alive as long as possible even in the most dire of circumstances. This instinct is built into our DNA.



Between convincing people that opening their hearts and wallets to those in need isn't "Socialism or Communism" and fixing our mental health/justice systems, most could be saved. There are so many women and children, (not to ignore the good men), living this paltry existence that it sickens me. I too sometimes lose my faith in humanity.

 photo Gunspincowboy.gif

Author's Reply:
Thank you for commenting on my work. Many years ago, through circumstances I could not control, I had to sleep 'rough' for a week ( with a useless partner) In late November and almost 8 months pregnant. Tent on side of road, Railway waiting room till we were moved on by police, Ladies loo, motorbike sidecar with missing window etc... It was hell and I pushed it from my mind. Now we see so many homeless people who all deserve a warm roof, and I felt I had to put how I felt on paper. I would love to buy these folks food and drink but those here in Banbury who have done so, have sadly been told 'I don't want that, money's better' so I just have a few words instead. I have lost faith in a well-heeled government who don't care.

Popeye on 23-03-2014
The Homeless.
The message is clear, and all too real in the world today, excellent work.

Author's Reply:
Thank you, Wish I could help every one of them πŸ™

Nemo on 23-03-2014
The Homeless.
Some effective images in this, less effective when using abstract phases. Certainly a subject you be able to tackle again. I read what you said about being bullied. Again, I think your input would be strong on this.
Cheers, Gerald.

Author's Reply:
Thank you, I appreciate your comments, will think about the bullying idea. Sue.


The Brick Bridge. (posted on: 17-03-14)
An old bridge, country lane and bats.

A country lane, silence hangs softly In the air. A night wind blows, and with it's ghost like Unseen touch, runs gentle fingers Through your hair. In the darkness a shadow briefly, catches your eye And as you turn, within the shadows... More shadows fly. A lamp beneath the low arched bridge Sends a misty, golden glow. And across the halo of it's light You see a darker ebb and flow. You stand and watch the graceful flight As the bats emerge, and fly the night.
Archived comments for The Brick Bridge.
Mikeverdi on 18-03-2014
The Brick Bridge.
Hello, this for me is so nearly a 'ten', I love the concept, as usual I think you could make it that special poem. I would love to show you my take on it, but I don't want to seem impertinent. After all it is you're poem; and I still think its a good one πŸ™‚
Mike

Author's Reply:
Thank you, glad you liked it and also rated it πŸ™‚ I would be interested in your take on it, as ever I am always willing to learn. Sue.

Popeye on 19-03-2014
The Brick Bridge.
Good imagery, I thought the flow faltered ever so slightly here and there, still a great write though πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Thank you, it does stumble a bit, I agree, Hopeless at punctuation so had a job making it read to others, as I personally read it. Much appreciate your comments, and rating. πŸ™‚ Thank you again. Sue.


Lost Dreams. (posted on: 17-03-14)
I wrote this a long time ago, I was thinking about all the people who, for one reason or another never get the chance to fulfill their dreams. And leave this world with bitter regrets.

A Soul lost in the wilderness of life, Searching endlessly for something gone. Resting here, briefly it seems Turn around and view lost dreams. Desperate fingers reach out to hold, But merely brush against their paradise. For life has gone before the last breath And a Soul wanders on and weeps. There is no lamp to shine in the darkness, No light to guide it's way. No winter wind or summer breeze To bid this Soul to stay. So the Soul wanders on and weeps, For lost dreams and the time that has slipped away.
Archived comments for Lost Dreams.

No comments archives found!
Life Anew. (posted on: 14-03-14)
Just a spring snippet.

Black robed birds on wings of grace Upon the March thrown winds, keep pace. Beneath the towering cloud decked skies Winter sheds it's cold disguise. All along the greening bough Are buds of quickening colour now. Spring brushed trees are blossom blessed And all the birds are courting dressed.
Archived comments for Life Anew.
Bozzz on 14-03-2014
Life Anew.
"trees are blossom blessed "... "the birds are courting dressed" great lines there, an excellent short poem. Apt and concise ..Bravo....David

Author's Reply:
Glad you enjoyed it, thank you for such a nice comment, and for rating it. πŸ™‚

Mikeverdi on 14-03-2014
Life Anew.
Ah, now that's just lovely; I will echo David...Bravo!

Author's Reply:
Your voice was in my head when I came up with this πŸ™‚ Well that and the fact I got most of it out walking and it had to be short so I wouldn't forget it! Many Thanks.

MrMarmite on 14-03-2014
Life Anew.
A beautiful poem on the end of winter and the onset of spring.
Well crafted and put together tightly in just eight lines.
Well done. Kevin.

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much for a lovely comment, and for rating me πŸ™‚ Sue.

Savvi on 14-03-2014
Life Anew.
Lovely and well penned I feel all refreshed. Best Keith

Author's Reply:
Thank you, your comment made me smile, greatly appreciated it, and the very kind rating. πŸ™‚ Sue.


Garden Lives. (posted on: 14-03-14)
I live in a semi-rural area, and while I was sitting in the garden, I thought of all the wildlife that I share the garden with.

I have a flock of sparrows who live inside my roof, And they themselves have neighbours That live in next door's tree. They all meet in my garden, and keep me company. A little frog has his home, beneath my back door step, With solid walls and roof above, And ivy for his porch. I wonder if he's ever met the mouse Who lives across the way-slightly too near the weasel I saw the other day! A squirrel, who's been a bit too shy To venture in before, suddenly decided The birdseed and the raisins Were too good to ignore. The stars are out and I can see The fox and badger visit me. They squeeze beneath my garden gate, And snatch the food upon the plate ( As neither have good manners ) and will not sit and wait. All creatures that are wild and free, are welcome in my garden. Even slimy molluscs can leave their trails about. But the constantly drumming woodpecker Lovely though he is- I think I would be happier if he were not about !
Archived comments for Garden Lives.
Mikeverdi on 14-03-2014
Garden Lives.
So you don't live in a town then??? πŸ™‚ You know what I'm going to say so I wont say it....
Mike

Author's Reply:
Haha, could you tell? Yes it could be shorter and more precise, but I wanted it to be expansive, I enjoyed the rambling! Thank you for commenting πŸ™‚

Bozzz on 14-03-2014
Garden Lives.
You are lucky. We live in the middle of nowhere - a tiny village in Dorset. All we get is two sparrows, and occasional rook, one partridge - even though our pear tree died last year, a million doves, a dozen bees on our lavender and the odd lost dog. The chemicals used on the surrounding farms kill everything. Lovely chirpy poem. Keep going.....David

Author's Reply:
I bet the countryside is beautiful though. We used to have , owls, cuckoos, skylarks, muntjac deer cutting across the gardens and more wild rabbits than you could count- then they built the housing estate, all these have gone now, so sad.Instead we have graffitti, rubbish everywhere, drugs and vandalism Ah well progress!! πŸ™ Thank you for taking time to comment, it's much appreciated. Sue.

Savvi on 14-03-2014
Garden Lives.
Semi rural ??? I've seen less things at Chester zoo ;-), this piece has a gentle quality and is a very pleasant read. Not sure about the two abouts in the last stanza, they make it sound rushed. I guess while i'm in crit mode I will mention the caps on each line, I know it's personal choice but I find them a distraction that spoils the flow of the read. Everything I say is to be totally ignored unless you find some merit. Best Keith

Author's Reply:
You are totally right on too many abouts, those last few lines have troubled me since I wrote it, guess I have studied it and changed it so often I failed to notice. Flipping woodpecker, as much trouble on paper as he is in the tree!! I will go for 'around' instead of the first about, trouble is it no longer rhymes arghh. I was taught at school during English lessons on poetry one must always start a new line with a capital letter, I have just checked and the poetry books I enjoy all do that-sorry. Guess it has become old fashioned now?I would not ignore what anyone suggests here, if people are kind enough to try and help it is appreciated. Many thanks. Sue.

Ionicus on 15-03-2014
Garden Lives.
A happy, bouncy poem with a good rhythm. I agree that you should substitute the last 'about' with 'around'.
Wikipedia says this on the subject of line caps:
"A new line can begin with a lowercase or capital letter.
....the poet John Ashbery usually begins his lines with capital letters prior to his 1991 book-length poem "Flow-Chart", whereas in and after "Flow-Chart" he almost invariably begins lines with lowercase letters unless the beginning of the line is also the beginning of a new sentence. There is, however, some much earlier poetry where new lines begin with lowercase letters."
I think that the use of lowercase is more prevalent in modern poetry.
Regards, Luigi

Author's Reply:
Thank you for taking the time for such an informative comment, I very much agree the lowercase is a relatively modern idea,I suppose it's ones own choice really, personally I prefer the capitals however I will type out a few in lowercase to see how they look for my own benefit before saying no, compromise at all times I say. πŸ™‚ As to the above poem, had a rethink.. may go for...I think I would be happier, if he were somewhere else!.. as the whole point of the poem was creatures welcome, and he isn't, 'not around' sounds like I want him shot! which I don't. many thanks for your kind words. Sue.

Popeye on 19-03-2014
Garden Lives.
Enjoyed the read, might I humbly suggest:
I think I would be happier, if he would stay out πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Glad you enjoyed it, and your suggestion is very welcome. Its not often I get so totally stuck on a line, however I will persevere! many thanks Sue.


A Cold World. (posted on: 10-03-14)
Was thinking how a busy and fulfilling life can , so quickly vanish and take dreams, hope with them.

She was young once, Her hopes and dreams Winged their way around her head Like brightly coloured birds. To her family she was devoted. Her parents and their parents too Lived within her happy life, And shared the family home. When I am old she told herself, I want this for my own. Older she grew, With her, the birds flew. They brought to her a family. Now hopes and dreams Were wrapped around With kisses, hugs and loving words. Now old she's grown, In her family home. But with family near no more. Her future once so safe, so sure So like those soaring birds, Now lies crushed and broken Upon the silent floor.
Archived comments for A Cold World.
Mikeverdi on 10-03-2014
A Cold World.
Like this one a lot, nice touches. I will always think a prune is necessary...but that's just me πŸ™‚ ha,ha!
Mike

Author's Reply:
Thank you, your comments are very welcome. As for the pruning maybe you were a head gardener in a former life πŸ™‚ It has made me review my writing and I do try to be more minimal ( not entirely sure I manage it though! ) Sue.

pdemitchell on 10-03-2014
A Cold World.
Ohiyo, Sue - a valiant tryptych of the three Fate-stages of life: Skuld; Verdandi and Urd with added bird. Mitch

Author's Reply:
Thank you, I had to look up some of your reply ( oh the failure of basic schooling! ) But I am the better for it, as I now know more than I did. Much appreciate your interest. πŸ™‚ x


I wish I were..... (posted on: 10-03-14)
just a thought about wanting to be with someone forever.

I wish I were a pebble laying on a beech, And you the waves washing over me. To feel you above,beneath-all around Then carry me with you, to be one with the sea. I wish I were a candle's wick Tightly embraced by your burning flame, As the heat consumes us both We burn together, and become the same. I wish I were a tiny ripple And you the river's flow, Then you could catch me as you pass, And take me always where you go. I wish I were a shining star And you the darkness of the night. Then we could look forever down Upon the world, for it's delight.
Archived comments for I wish I were.....
Kipper on 10-03-2014
I wish I were.....
Nice sentiments. I hope you got what you wished for

Michael

Author's Reply:
Thank you, much appreciated πŸ™‚ x ( and no, It would never be possible )

Bozzz on 12-03-2014
I wish I were.....
I read a happy person, a tonic for us all. Welcome to UKA.
Pebbly beaches resonate for me too, good for wooing - strangely more comfortable than sand ! Good little poem, simple metaphors that touch us all - well written - keep writing ....David

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much, thats a lovely comment. And also confidence boosting πŸ™‚ Sue.


Autumn Woodland. (posted on: 07-03-14)
Poetic description of an autumn wood.

Ice gowned fingers brush the day, And paint diamond ribbons Through the hedges. Whilst in the silent mist draped copse, Gold tears, cry down from the bough. And the sorrowing scent of woodsmoke Rides on the air. Where lip-red berries send a firey call, From twisting stems, woven Through the shades. And all footfall is stilled, caught and held, On cushioned paths.
Archived comments for Autumn Woodland.
Mikeverdi on 07-03-2014
Autumn Woodland.
I love this and have sent you a PM.
Mike

Author's Reply:

ValDohren on 07-03-2014
Autumn Woodland.
Lovely and very imaginative - you paint a wonderful picture with your words.
Val

Author's Reply:
Thats very kind, thank you very much πŸ™‚ x

pdemitchell on 09-03-2014
Autumn Woodland.
I do prefer this to t'other and the line: 'And the sorrowing scent of woodsmoke' is a stad out with an embedded triple sybillant alliteration that lifts it when read aloud. Concise imagery and descriptive. Mitch πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much, Your comment is very kind, and much appreciated. Sue x


The Photograph. (posted on: 07-03-14)
I have a photograph of someone who has been so special to me all my adult life, but will never be mine.

Your eyes, oh the liquid depths Those eyes hold. They rush like a dark river, Crashing through the rocks of my brain, Cutting a path to my Soul. They draw me in and drown me In a breathless embrace. My finger traces the contours Of your face. Heart-slicing want, boils in their tips. Needing, desperate, to feel the skin beneath. They play across your lips Those cruelly enticing lips, Stealing all breath from me. Setting my senses aflame. My lips moving in silent response To the message recieved at passions core.
Archived comments for The Photograph.
Mikeverdi on 07-03-2014
The Photograph.
Hello, you clearly have talent and I enjoy reading you're work, if I may add some thoughts: You are using too many words to get the message across. When I first came here I was told the same 'show don't tell' This is only one mans opinion so others may disagree; as you may. I can show you on a PM if you would like.
Mike

Author's Reply:

ValDohren on 07-03-2014
The Photograph.
I enjoyed reading this - it is a very passionate and powerful piece. There may be one or two words you could lose, but I think there is a limit to brevity which may otherwise detract from the write.
Val

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much for your kind, and encouraging reply, Much appreciated. Sue.

Bozzz on 07-03-2014
The Photograph.
They say that good poetry is succinct and apt. In that sense Mike writes true. I do not write love poems, but enjoyed your slightly surreal romp......Bozzz

Author's Reply:
Thank you for your comment, glad you enjoyed it. bit puzzled over the surreal bit... πŸ™‚ Sue.

usutu on 08-03-2014
The Photograph.
Unrequited love can be both a blessing and a curse. You have captured it marvellously. Thanks. U'sutu

Author's Reply:
Thank you,Im getting used to it now! x

Bozzz on 09-03-2014
The Photograph.
I am sure you have spotted it, but just in case - check your spelling in the last line....Bozzz

Author's Reply:
Received? is that it? always stumble over that one- should know better by now, thank you for alerting me. If I knew how I'd get spellcheck installed.

pdemitchell on 09-03-2014
The Photograph.
A great passionate start to the UK residence! My only niggle was two many lips in the second stanza - they can 'stutter' a good read like the needle jumping a groove and 'boils in their tips' immediately gave rise to a painful skin condition image in my addled brain buuuut great opening stuff. Welcome aboard, SW. Mitch πŸ˜€

Author's Reply:
I greatly enjoyed your assesment of this poem, I understand your point of too many lip's, I had wondered Whether or not to change it, but the purpose of the line- those cruelly enticing lips- was to emphasise the importance of the effect they had on me. The other line about boiling fingers ( and possibly, also the heart-slicing) should perhaps come with a 'nervous disposition warning'. However all joking aside, I very much appreciate your interest and will definatly take your comments on board.Thank you. πŸ™‚ Sue.