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sunken's (sunken on UKA) UKArchive
171 Archived submissions found.
Title
Probably The Pox. (posted on: 14-11-11)
A two minutes silence on Armistice Day is rudely interrupted by an answering machine...

armistice is off his radar PROBABLY THE POX. sunken My mate Dave is not delinquent. He doesn't mean to cause offence... It's not unusual at his age to be devoid of common sense. Armistice is off his radar, (It only scans for girls and booze...) He didn't know my gran was present when he divulged his troubled news. Two minutes may as well be decades when your attention-span is short. A rash about the nether regions requires a great deal of support, and that is why he left a voicemail for everybody in earshot... "My cock is itching like a bastard! I don't know what the fuck I've got... I haven't been to see a doctor, I am aware you'll think I should but you'd undoubtedly be nervous if this concerned your own manhood! Can you call me when you get this? I'm off to Google 'Itchy Cocks'" My mate Dave is not delinquent. Gran thinks it's probably The Pox.
Archived comments for Probably The Pox.
Ionicus on 14-11-2011
Probably The Pox.
Hello Mr. sunken. Your contribution was greatly overdue. Long time no hear and all that. I was going to say 'grossly overdue' but there is nothing gross about your input.
I see that you haven't lost your edge and have regaled us with one of your amusing poems.
It gave me a good chuckle. Thank you.


Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Luigi. I think, given the content, gross may have been quite a fitting description and no mistake ;-). Glad it gave you a chuckle. I consider that 'job done'. Thanks muchly for commenting on something so low-brow.

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he buried his fax machine today

lavadis on 14-11-2011
Probably The Pox.
This made me laugh - good work

Author's Reply:
Thank you Lavadis. I if I can bring the odd smile to the odd face then I'm a happy fella. When I say 'odd face' I don't mean like weird and shit. Not that I have a problem with weird faces. Some of them can be quite intriguing. Do you happen to have a shovel handy, my good fellow? I need to dig myself out of this hole. I never quite understood that phrase. If you're in a hole than surely you had a shovel to start with? And how would procuring said item help in such a situation anyway? In my experience I've found a rope to be far more beneficial. Perhaps I'm taking the whole 'digging a hole' thing too seriously. Someone has to, Lavadis. Some one has to.... Thanks for the comment. Much appreciated.

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i'll have a P please, noel

stormwolf on 14-11-2011
Probably The Pox.
You are a right card, Sunks and hilarious to boot. 😉
I could just visualise the scene and the last line was genius. The considered opinion of the old one who has seen it all. Just great.
Alison x
If I had a special Bernard style thingy I would leave it so please accept this imaginary paw.
🙂

Author's Reply:
Aww. Thank you Ms. Stormy Wolf. You seem to have read this exactly as I had it my head. I wanted the old woman to come across as quite blasé about the fella's itchy cock. Like you say, she's seen it all before. We just assume old people are going to be shocked. It's not nessasarilly (did I spell that righ?) so. I suspect many have seen far worse things than we have. Was quite chuffed you got this so well. Thank you for the imaginary paw. I've put it on my imaginary mantel piece next to my imaginary memorial bust of Missy Elliot. To be frank, I don't think she's dead yet. Bit of a pain really. As busts go, it's fuckin huge. Takes up most of my imaginary living room and no mistake. The Missy Elliot Memorial shop on the High Street assured me that she'd be dead by now. I've a good mind to complain. I digress. Thank you Ms. Wolf. x

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i wanna be apathy

franciman on 14-11-2011
Probably The Pox.
Hi Sunks,

Send this to a destroyer full of sailors in Portsmouth, (If there is such a thing in these days of financial constraint) and you will undoubtedly win the public vote for the new Poet Laureate. There is a Rabbie Burns quality to this verse - a pithy anthem to the human condition. You will gather I liked this. It needs to be in the anthology

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Franciman. I must google this Rabbie fella. He's been mentioned on one of my other efforts too. I think I know who he is but I ought to check. As you've probably guessed, I'm not that well read. I blame government cutbacks and arsony. Our local library never quite recovered. Thank you for the nom too. Can you imagine, a poem with pox in the title making it to an anthology? I really do feel that I'm getting somewhere now with my standard lowering aims. If you happen upon an email address for one of her majesty's destroyers then please do let me know. They deserve all our support and no mistake. Cheers, Franciman.

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blessed are the few, for they er... are small in regards to the many (crap jesus)

zenbuddhist on 14-11-2011
Probably The Pox.
probably

Author's Reply:
Yeah, it seems likely.

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pasta powered busses to replace high speed rail links in stoke

Andrea on 15-11-2011
Probably The Pox.
Great stuff Sunks - bloody hilarious. Made me scratch.

Author's Reply:
Lol. Ahem. I think there's some special talc you get, Andrea. If symptoms persist though I'd go and see a doc. I saw a doc once. He was boarding a train to the new world. I knew he was a doctor because he just kept saying "yes, yes, yes, I see, yes, hmmm, yes". It's a dead giveaway and no mistake. the new world, by the way, is much like the old world only a bit neater. Smells of paint too, but that'll soon fade. Did you know you can get a spray that makes cars smell new? I like to spray it my kitchen. It proper foxes people. Last week my gran tried to drive the sink. Anyway, none of this is important right now. Thank you for your enthusiastic comment. Much love, as Terence Trent D'arby would say.

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inventor of the reversible mango

Leila on 15-11-2011
Probably The Pox.
Sunken at last you have posted a poem and no-one can deny it's in your own inimitable style and an antidote to all the stresses of the day, thank you! It's well written it's fun it's Sunken...Leila

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Leila. It's very tacky isn't it, the poem. A disgrace some would wager. I blame various things. Here are just three: China's insistence on supplying my local Chinese takeaway with substandard fare. The imminent break-up of Westlife and, of course, that cellophane they use to wrap greeting cards in. It's so annoying, Leila. They should wrap the crown jewels in that stuff, no one would get their hands on them then. When I say crown jewels I am actually referring to her majesty's crown and shit - not my genitals. Ahem. I hope this reply has helped.... Leila? Hello? Thank you for commenting. Much love, as Frankie Dettori would say.

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banned from lighting fires in argos

Capricorn on 15-11-2011
Probably The Pox.
I was feeeling depressed tonight - but this has cured me by giving me a damn good laugh!
You are so talented, Sunk - and all in rhyme too.

Author's Reply:
Hello Capricorn. Ya know, I couldn't have hoped for a better comment. I'm always quite chuffed if I can make someone smile. The world can be a depressing place at the best of times. A bit of escapism never hurt anyone... Except probably that Houdini fella. Remember, we must experience the lows to appreciate the highs. They will come. That was a bit phylisophical for me. I'll be frank, it's given me a headache. I must go and lie down for a minute. Thanks for reading and. Commenting.

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crushed by the wheels of cheap foreign imports

Leila on 16-11-2011
Probably The Pox.
Sunken you are the star of the show and no mistake (did you see what I did there)!! Your responses to the comments on your poem had me laughing out loud. You should be writing scripts for TV or something you are a true undiscovered talent, except for us lucky folks at UKA!
I hope you are well and it's good to see you posting here again...Leila

Author's Reply:
Blimey. I don't think i've ever had a comment for my replies before. I try not to read them again once I've made them. I fear that to do so will cause me to question my mental state. I hope yours has not been too affected by said responses. Thank you for the welcome back, Leila. And thanks for taking the time to comment, not once - but twice. You gluton for punishment you (-;

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have dolphin will swim

niece on 17-11-2011
Probably The Pox.
😀 ... amazing as always with the unique Sunken touch...

Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
Thank you Niece. I realise the subject matter is rather tacky, but someone has to lower the tone around here. Glad it didn't put you off commenting. Thanks for reading and no mistake.

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ice cube baby meltdown

red-dragon on 17-11-2011
Probably The Pox.
(;~D) back with panache, wit and style.

Author's Reply:
As are you, Ms. Red, judging by your latest sub. Thanks for looking in on a sunk after all this time and for leaving a comment on my poxy poem. Did ya see what I did there... Hello?

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last in line for...

TheBigBadG on 17-11-2011
Probably The Pox.
I've read two of your poems now, Sunken - this and Sister - and about 50 inspired, if tangential, comments. I very much enjoyed them both, and I have established that you're:
1) probably too quick witted for me to ever be able to survive a conversation with you.
2) rather good at this poetry thing, especially when you're not making jokes.
3) barmingly charmy.

See you in Argos, yah?

George

Author's Reply:
Hello George. To be frank, know wot a mean arry, tangential suits me fine. I am very pleased that you have bestowed a comment in the form of a list. Order, my good man, is the order of the day. Here is a list I made earlier.

1. Howling like a wolf in Tesco does not help one to get served any quicker than when one moos like a cow. One day, George, I will stumble up on the right animal noise. When I do you'll be he first to know.

2. Setting ones opponent alight during a chess match is generally frowned upon. I say generally because I once got away with it at an arsonist's birthday party. I suspect that's only to be expected though.

3. Cheese only gives you bad dreams if you masticate on it before bedtime. If one must eat cheese before retiring I recommend that one swallows said fare without chewing. Follow this simple advise and those disturbing dreams will be a thing of he past. Alternatively, George, one can simply place a photo of Cilla Black by ones bedside. Ask not how this works. It just does.

I hope this reply has gone some way to relax your fears with regards to holding a conversation with me. You're the first George I've known since my uncle George died. He crashed his Datsun Sunny into the side of a Del Monte delivery van. The man from Del Monte was unavailable for comment. My aunt loved that Datsun Sunny....

Thank you, George for reading and commenting.

Respectfully,

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mum, there's a man at the door... he says he's collecting bras for The Cilla Black Memorial Mammary Foundation

teifii on 20-11-2011
Probably The Pox.
Oh Sunkie, you are really a one off.

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Daff. It's good to see you and no mistake. I take your comment as a compliment. It was a compliment right? Thanks for dropping in on a sunk. If I'd known you were calling I'd have bought some cakes. You wouldnt want me to bake them, Ms. Daff of Teifii fame. It would only end in tears, and possibly a visit to the burns unit. Thank you muchly for reading.

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he can whistle in five different languages

e-griff on 20-11-2011
Probably The Pox.
a unusually funny, clever and very hallmark Sunken offering (of which there have been too few of late)

JohnG

Author's Reply:
Thank you for reading, Mr. John of griff fame. My auto correct is insisting that you're named gruff. You're lucky. It keeps referring to me as spunk. Thank you for dropping by. Spunk offerings have indeed been very sparse this year. I blame the Leveson inquiry.

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sock united 3, queen of the noodle 2 - late kick off

TeflonTaff on 25-11-2011
Probably The Pox.
"For everybody in earshot" would scan better.

Funny poem, Sunkypants. A delight to read you again. Make sure you wear a rubber.

Author's Reply:
Thank you, Teflon? Did you know teflon was invented by Nasa? I fail to see why they'd need to fry eggs in space, but each to their own.

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distorted states of america

cat on 01-12-2011
Probably The Pox.
And about time too!



Author's Reply:
Ahem. How rude. I do admit, however, that I'm not very prolific these days. You should thunk yourselves lucky 😉 too many low brow poems in one place would only lead to trouble. Thank you for reading, Ms. Cat.

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white noise and heroes

cat on 01-12-2011
Probably The Pox.
And about time too!



Author's Reply:
You commented in dupilCATe? See what I did there? Ahem. I'll shup.

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back to the nowhere

ChairmanWow on 10-12-2011
Probably The Pox.
Very humorous narrative verse. Reminds me of the old Frank Zappa song "Why does it hurt when i pee?"

Author's Reply:
Thanks for reading, CairmanWow. I know not of this Frank fella but I do hope his urinary problems clear up. Thanks again dot com.

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fly tipper to the stars

dylan on 17-12-2011
Probably The Pox.
Ok, am about 2 months too late, but anyway..
This is sheer Sunky brilliance!
And no mistake-it`s a great poetry!

Orrabest,

D,

Author's Reply:
What's two months between friends? I tell ya what - bugger all. I'm honoured to have you read and comment on my poxy poem, Dylan. May your Xmas stockings be full of good cheer. Do I sound reasonably festive? I have to work at it.
Cheers and no mistake.

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look mum, no hands.

CVaughan on 03-05-2012
Probably The Pox.
Late upon this but glad to raise the banner for it after the others. Perfectly wicked funny tall tale, who could imagine? Sunk could.
On the clapometer (think that's how to spell it) off the bleeding scale, perfect Nadia 10 out of 10. Frank

Author's Reply:
It's a tragic tale and no mistake, Mr. C of V. One that we can all learn from I'm sure. Though I doubt some of us will ever learn. His itchy cock has since cleared up by the way. Gran was right. She's a wise old bird.

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turn left at the paradox and just keep going

deepoceanfish2 on 05-11-2012
Probably The Pox.
Oh, This was sublime! I've been away for a long time and now I see that you haven't posted for ages either. I do hope we catch up again! Thoroughly enjoyed this...(who wouldn't?). I needed a good laugh. A fav for me. 😉

Author's Reply:

Jolen on 10-05-2013
Probably The Pox.
Sunken, I have missed you and your splendid work so very much. I pray for your friend's pox and that you're still around.

love,
jolen

Author's Reply:


Sister (When we were new) (posted on: 20-12-10)
...these days bereft of you.

jaded festive compositions SISTER. (When we were new) sunken These silent nights are all-engulfing, as are the days that they surround. These sentiments regarding friendship that seem to echo and rebound around these ravaged city centres serve only to confirm my fears These silent nights are all-engulfing, consolatory are these cheers. Consolatory are these kisses dispatched with insufficient grace as jaded festive compositions reverberate around the place, melodies that roused excitement when we were innocent and new These silent nights are all-engulfing, as are these days bereft of you.
Archived comments for Sister (When we were new)
stormwolf on 20-12-2010
Sister (When we were new)
One of your very finest Sunks. You do' humerous' very skillfully but you come into your own when you write like this and show your deeply feeling side.
I know you do not do ratings but this would get 11. Allow me to take it into favs instead.
Alison x

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Alison. Glad you liked. I think the humour sometimes masks the more serious side. Sometimes tho it's best to discard of the mask altogether. Thanks for making this a fave. I don't do rates either, so I know where you're coming from. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. Muchly appreciated and no mistake. x

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in charge of matches

Ionicus on 20-12-2010
Sister (When we were new)
Mr. Sunken, greetings. This is one of your rare sorties into the field of writing and very welcome it is too. You are a better poet than you are a critic but I'm not here to criticise your critique but to savour your lyricism.
You know that I am a simple man and when confronted by big words such as 'consolatory' I quake; I would have just reached for the 'comforting' adjective but I am a primitive poetaster.
Your poetry, whether serious or humourous, is always a joy to read. The repetition of lines works well.
This is so good that I suspect that Bernard might have had a hand (paw?) in it.

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Luigi. And just exactly what is wrong with my critique? Ahem. It's not my fault I don't know it all... Ahhh if only I did. I could take the fun out of writing by ramming my self-professed intelligence down the throats of the unsuspecting. Alas, I am a simple sunks. I shall have to continue talking balls. I just trimmed mine for Xmas by the way. I hope this helps. Thank you, my good fellow, for your continued support and for being an all-round lovely fella. By 'all-round' I don't mean fat. You quite slim in your pic. I guess that befits a slim- shady look-a-likee 😉

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i could have fried all night

Gee on 20-12-2010
Sister (When we were new)
It's poignant and perfectly worded. I think the repetition of words and phrases reinforce the feeling of loss.
This one was obviously written with love. You have an amazing talent, Sunks. Definitely a favourite.

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Gee. Thanks for reading and commenting. I've started using repetition quite a lot (I could repeat that line for a cheap joke - but I won't as it's too obvious). I think it has it's place and I'm glad you thought it worked. Thanks for picking this as a fave. I don't think I'm ever truly satisfied with poems for my sister. I guess I'm too close to them. It's good to know I may have got one right tho. Thanks again.

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fairytale of argos

Leila on 20-12-2010
Sister (When we were new)
Sunken can I sum up before commenting- I wish I'd written this! It is so beautifully written with such a depth of feeling and understanding about loss...the lines are exquisite and the repetition does work well in this and adds a sense of the loss eating deeper and deeper even into the soul...
when we were innocent and new is a perfect expression...
Beautifully constructed and very moving I can only say a truly well deserved nib...Leila

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Leila. Thank you for picking this out as a fave. I'm honoured and no mistake. I don't think anything of mine has ever been described as exquisite before. This is a first for a sunk. I may celebrate by making myself a Pot Noodle sandwich. Beef and tomato, if you were wondering (you weren't were ya?). Ahem. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. Proper chuffed you liked it.

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where time becomes a loop

e-griff on 20-12-2010
Sister (When we were new)
excellent, and moving.

G

Author's Reply:

sybarite on 20-12-2010
Sister (When we were new)
Wonderful emotion. The flow is lovely.

"Consolatory are these kisses
dispatched with insufficient grace"--Excellence. Grace, the word, and the state of being are among my favorite things.

The 2 final lines bring this to a poignant close. Very nice work.

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Teri of Sybarite fame. It's good to know my flow is working well. I put this down to drinking at least two litres of water a day. It's no easy task I tell thee. Glad the poem worked for you. Thanks for picking out the lines that you especially liked. It's always good to know.

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fortune favours the rave

pdemitchell on 21-12-2010
Sister (When we were new)
Wow, the rsre soft-rinsed sentimental side of Sunken. A Bernardable homage, my dear chap! I know you are loathe to change your posts but do consider a stanza presentation to buff the moving gem - a fifteen point six, sirrah, and well-nibbled too. Cool Yool. Mitch 🙂

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Mitch. Is a sentimental like a perfumed nutter? If so, then that describes me perfectly. Today I smell mainly of Joop. I once bought a cheap copied version called Poop. It wasn't good. Thanks for reading, Mitch.

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so ya wanna be a welder?

Capricorn on 21-12-2010
Sister (When we were new)
This is beautiful Sunk - a very moving piece , well deserving of the nib. Wish I could rate it!
Eira

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Eira. Thanks very much for reading and commenting. I tend to turn the rate thing off. I'm not one for numbers. I blame innumeracy brought about by my mother's reluctance to do maths when pregnant. She's a lot to answer for. Thanks for reading and commenting. Much appreciated. I'm glad you liked.

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snowhere over the rainbow

royrodel on 21-12-2010
Sister (When we were new)
These silent nights are all-engulfing

wish I could write stuff like this.

RODEL

Author's Reply:
Ahhh but you do, Roy of Rodel fame. Plus you can sing and play instruments and stuff. I'm tone def. That's not a bad name for a crap rap artist is it - Tone Def. Ahem. Thanks for reading.

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its like grass, but blue

shadow on 22-12-2010
Sister (When we were new)
Ah, this is beautiful, but so sad. I'm all choked up (blows nose). A real gem.

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Shadow. I do apologise for blocking your nasal passages. Perhaps I should come with a health warning? Glad you thought it beautiful tho. It was written for a beautiful person. Thanks for reading to be sure.

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inventor of pastry*

*this is bollocks

SugarMama34 on 03-01-2011
Sister (When we were new)
Hello Mr Sunky Le Munk,
It has been a while since I have passed by anyone's work on UKA, but I thought I would make yours the first stop and you have not disappointed me. You write beautifully with a deep poignancy. The repetition adds to the sadness and evokes the feelings more. Every line is touching and comes from the heart! What more can I say...just beautiful Sunky.

SugarMama. xx

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Sugar. So sorry it's taken me an age to reply. It's very sweet of you to have called on a sunks first. Glad you liked the poem. Hope all is well in Sugarland.

sunks xx

Jolen on 18-01-2011
Sister (When we were new)
I've always said you can make us laugh and cry with equal ability and this proves it yet again. It's beautiful, tragic and heartfelt. Poetry at its finest. Sending love down the wires to you, darling Sunks.

With great affection and respect,
Ms. Swollen

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Swollen. Again I find myself saying sorry. Sorry that it's taken me about 5 months to reply, lol. I think that's a record. Hope all is well in the World of Jolen. Get ya arse back onto Uka soon yea? Take care and spare change.

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don't tell the weatherman

discopants on 26-03-2011
Sister (When we were new)
I'm late, as ever, but this is among your best, sunks.

Author's Reply:
Lol, your lateness is fine with me, Disco. It's only taken me five months to reply. I think we must be from the same pod. Does that even make sense? Ahem. Thanks for commenting so positively. Apologies for taking so long to reply. Hope all is well in Disco world and that you're still shaking your pants.

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lipstick renegade

Mimi on 11-10-2011
Sister (When we were new)
Dear Mr. Sunken,

I just popped into UKA for a brief visit and stopped by Uncle Munky's site for a look-see and lo and behold a beautiful poem, 'Sister'.

I am reminded of another of your heartfelt contributions, 'Heart in Blue Biro'... all I can say is your words well up in my soul and I am left with a Gibraltar sized lump in my throat which makes me cry and wish there was a way to comfort you. Well written and supremely moving. Your emotionally rendered poems are the best. Thank you for making me feel human again. love and such,
Mimi

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Mimi. Firstly let me apologise for being so late in replying to your lovely comment. I blame pc woes. I've not really written a lot since this I'm afraid. Getting a positive comment like this kinda reminds me why I used to write. That said, I'm noyt happy with causing you Gibraltar sized lumps. I could insert a very cheap gag here but I'll resist (-; Thank you Mimi. Oh, and I'm suspecting it was your good self who nominated this too? If I'm right, then thanks for that also. Again, apologies for the late reply. Your comment means the world.

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life after wallmart

TeflonTaff on 25-11-2011
Sister (When we were new)
Lovely stuff, Sunk. A heartfelt piece. I'm looking forward to catching up on your older stuff...

Author's Reply:
I think I finally figured out who you are. Good to see you back, Mac. Sorry I'm so late in replying. There isn't too much to catch up on I'm afraid. I can't claim to have been very prolific over the past year or so. Hopefully I'll get back into the swing of things soon. Hope life is being kind to you during these austere times. Apparently, times like these are good for the arts. That's okay then innit?

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conditionns apply

ChairmanWow on 02-01-2012
Sister (When we were new)
Poem, to me, is about an immaculate, soul mate kind of love that eats you up until you're hollow inside when it's gone. Your rhymes don't call attention to themselves and make it stronger.

Author's Reply:
Blimey Chairman. I'm so sorry I missed this. Thanks for your comment. It's obviously quite a special poem to me so I'm glad you liked it. I think her death did change me. I'd never experienced someone that close dying before. Actually dying in front of my eyes. I now have a niece in a similar situation. She won't die though. I'm willing it not happen. Thanks again fella. Much appreciated.

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Alphadog1 on 15-04-2012
Sister (When we were new)
dear Sunken. This is a truly great composition. I can only give it a ten; I wish I could give it more.

Author's Reply:
Thank you Alpha of Dog fame. I may turned the ratings off I'm afraid. But your comment alone will do for me. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. You are, I can tell, a good doggie.

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there's a gap in the sky where the sun shines through

Texasgreg on 02-06-2012
Sister (When we were new)
I knew all along that was the man hiding within, (I'm intuitive like that). Great job, crazy/funny guy with a Texas-sized heart.



Photobucket





Greg 😉



In reply, collar optional...choke chain required only if you're into it. 😉

Author's Reply:
Well I can definitely say that I've never received a Bernard before, Greg. So this is what it's like? I'll be frank, it feels a little dirty. Thank you my good man. I shall take good care of him. Maybe get a flea collar. Does the owner or the dog wear said collar? I've never actually worked that out.

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I said sit, not s*it

Texasgreg on 02-06-2012
Sister (When we were new)
BTW-I didn't read other comments until I just came back. I am so terribly sorry for your loss, my friend. The way I saw it, you just never saw her anymore and it could have been a sister by proxy as well, of which I have a couple.

I returned to apologize for borrowing Bernard as I have nothing of my own to give you. I am but a pauper poet, you know... LOL. Honestly, I never gave the stuff a go 'till I came here. I am beginning to see the value in it now, though.

May trust you with a cattle prod, yet...



Greg 🙂



In reply: She has been alive since I understood the meaning, my friend. I will keep her so 'till, I too, pass.

Author's Reply:
Don't worry, Greg. I'm just glad people still read it. Kinda helps to keep her memory alive.

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but in her eyes she was the same little girl he'd teased as a child

Texasgreg on 09-06-2012
Sister (When we were new)
You gave me the idea to find my own signature reward. Already gave one to Cooky and hope it gives him a grin. This 'un is for you...What shall I name him?

Greg 🙂

Photobucket

Author's Reply:

amman on 19-08-2012
Sister (When we were new)
Hello Me Sunks.
I got bored this afternoon, so read some old stuff in UKA including a couple of yours. Pretty sure I read this before but, being a newbie at the time, didn't comment much. Now that I'm an oldie I'd like to echo previous sentiments. Poignant hardly qualifies to describe this deeply moving epitaph. I think you touched many people with this poem. Waiting, expectantly for your next posting.
Keep well.
Tony(Amman).

Author's Reply:

Romany on 27-05-2013
Sister (When we were new)
I don't know how I missed this sunky, but yet another heart rending, deeply perceptive piece. You have a flair for putting deep, difficult emotions into beautiful words, you really do.

Romany xx

Author's Reply:


Being Gary Barlow (Take That & Doodle). (posted on: 06-09-10)
Who hasn't thought about being Gary Barlow...? Ahem. Just me then. Hello?

gary barlow's good at drawing Influenced by one of Unkle Munky's HeadLies >>> BEING GARY BARLOW. (Take That & Doodle) Gary Barlow's drawn a Mallard. He's good at drawing things like that. Last week he drew a crocodile and he has plans to draw a cat. He says the world gets irritating when you are constantly on tour and that he finds the other members of his boy-band quite immature. ''They're either making stupid noises or teasing me about my weight. It gets monotonous and boring so I endeavour to create another world in which to live in, if only for a little while'' Gary Barlow's drawn a Mallard. He can be very versatile. ''Jason Orange couldn't draw one, and Mark Owen is hopeless too! Howard thinks he has a talent but I have seen what he can do and his attempts do not impress me, in fact I'd say his drawings suck'' Gary Barlow's drawn a Mallard, but no one really gives a duck!
Archived comments for Being Gary Barlow (Take That & Doodle).
admin on 06-09-2010
Being Gary Barlow.
Tee hee, I liked this. Made me laugh, even tho' I'm not entirely sure who Gary Barlow is, apart from he's a boy-band type person, ain't he?.

Headlies, eh? Very good! (or was it a typo?)

Author's Reply:
Thank you Admin. Glad it gave you a laugh. We needs a laugh on a Monday morning. Gary of Barlow is the lead singer of top pop boy-band combo, Take That. Headlies isn't a typo. It's Munky's newspaper. It's full of articles that are completely made up, hence - Headlies (a bit like The Sun). If you click the link you should see what I mean. I just humour the hairy little idiot. Thanks for reading and commenting. Much appreciated to be sure.

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have onion - will cry

Greenwood on 06-09-2010
Being Gary Barlow.
I had to google who Gary Barlow was. Apparently he was with some ensemble called 'Take That.' I listen to groups like 'the Rosenbergs' myself. I should give 'Take That' a listen, out of curiousity. Apart from that I like the verse.
Greenwood

Author's Reply:
Hello Greenwood. Gary is a marvel. I don't like his music all that much, but he's still a marvel. I have been accused by one cheeky young lady of having a man crush on him. How rude (-; I merely admire his tenacity, strength of character and professionalism. He does have a nice bum tho... Perhaps she's onto something. Ahem. I'm joking, I'm joking. I just like the idea of him doodling away whilst on a sell-out tour. Thanks for commenting.

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inventor of the all-terrain carbon fibre potato peeler

pdemitchell on 06-09-2010
Being Gary Barlow (Take That & Doodle).
Another tuneful mallardy, my dear Sunks. According to
Juliana Berners Book of St. Albans the collective noun is a sute or a sord of mallards. I lkie collective nouns - I have a whole sad-anorak of them. Anyway, its time to quack on. Mtch 🙂



Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Mitch. Thanks for looking in on a sunks. Sorry about the smell. I've been experimenting with lentils again. It's amazing how a few tablespoons of sodium potassium can transform an otherwise lacklustre dish. Thank you.

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inventor of the inflatable acupuncture training doll

stormwolf on 06-09-2010
Being Gary Barlow (Take That & Doodle).
Gary Barlow's that fat bloke ain't he? 😉
The talent behind Take That. I never knew he could lend his hand to drawing but just goes to show. A very humerous poem dear Sunks. :-))
Alison x

Author's Reply:
At last! Someone who actually knows who the chubby little fella is. Yes indeed, Ms. Wolf, Gary is the driving force behind the popular boyband combo known as Take That. I have long admired him. One day they will make a film about Gary's life. I see Danny Davito in the lead role. Thank you for reading and commenting and for actually knowing who Gary of Barlow is.

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inventor of the faecal powered garlic grinder

shadow on 06-09-2010
Being Gary Barlow (Take That & Doodle).
Quite, quite charming . . . especially the last line. Educational too, cos now I know who Gary Barlow is.

Author's Reply:
Lol. Thank you, Ms. Shadow. I often endeavour to be charming. Sadly, however, I all too often fail. I open doors for ladies, I lay my jacket over puddles and regularly give up my seat. All of these things are sadly now viewed with suspicion. These are cynical times and no mistake. Perhaps I ought to stop hanging around the Ladies loos? Ahem. Thank you for continuing to support a sunk. Muchly appreciated.

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inventor of the wind-powered life support machine*

*sunken takes no responsibility whatsoever for deaths that may occur in places void of a stiff breeze.

Ionicus on 07-09-2010
Being Gary Barlow (Take That & Doodle).
My dear Mr. Sunken, just to let you know that even a fuddy-duddy like me knows who Gary Barlow is. Not to be confused with Gary Baldy (or Garibaldi, as the Italians know him).
Having cleared all that, all I can say is that I am much obliged to you for informing us of that bloke's hidden talents for which I'm sure nobody gives a duck. (Funny how easily that word rhymes).
Thank you for yet another amusing piece.

Author's Reply:
Thank you, Mr Luigi. I must admit, there was a moment there where I was beginning to wonder if maybe I was on the wrong planet. Gary is one the biggest stars that Britain has produced in recent decades. Why I do believe his waistline is currently on a par with that of the late Pavarotti. God rest his lungs. Both yourself and Ms. Storm of Wolfe have restored my faith. Gary's doodles are a joy to behold. I'm lucky enough to own one. It's a picture of a dog humping a park bench. Gary said it was metaphor. I've yet to establish, however, as to the meaning behind said metaphor. I'm not artistically inclined I'm afraid. Who knows how the mind of such a doodling genius works. I just know I'm quids in if I sell it on ebay. Good times. Thanks again, my good fellow.

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inventor of pie-fi (it's like wi-fi for pies)

royrodel on 08-09-2010
Being Gary Barlow (Take That & Doodle).
WTF is Gary Barlow

RODEL


Author's Reply:
Food wrapped in a parcel always tastes twice as delightful, especially if the wrapping is edible. Flour tortillas, wheat flour 'soft wraps', and little rice flour pancakes all make perfect wrappings for savoury fillings.

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inventor of the fan-assisted vegetable slicer

Beth on 09-09-2010
Being Gary Barlow (Take That & Doodle).
A very amusing poem! I love the way you use repetition to lead us into the final punchline. It is very effective and makes the poem even funnier somehow. Well deserving the nib - regards Beth

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Beth. Thanks for reading and commenting. I often use repetition... I often use repetition... I often use repetition... Ahem. Sorry, cheap joke. Glad it worked for you. Thanks again for taking the time to read and comment. Muchly appreciated.

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inventor of the automatic sparrow detector

cat on 09-09-2010
Being Gary Barlow (Take That & Doodle).
Man crush! :p

Author's Reply:
Ahem. How rude! 😉 I'm not having a bromance with Gary Barlow! Rumours to the contrary are completely unfounded, lovely Cat girl. And now, if you don't mind, I have eyeliner training (-; XXX

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he just admires him is all, your honour

Leila on 09-09-2010
Being Gary Barlow (Take That & Doodle).
I worked with someone who went to see Take That, don't worry I still speak to her...occasionally! Ha Ha sunken only you could come up with this clever little gem and I love the title too!
Yip- who gives a duck...



Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Leila. Apparently their last concert dates were quite a spectacle. I hear tell of a huge robotic elephant and suchlike. I should make it clear that I'm not a massive fan. Unlike Gary, I'm quite slim. Glad you liked it. Thanks, as ever, for reading and commenting. It's much appreciated. Please don't think too ill of your friend.

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inventor of the automatic poodle dispenser

Capricorn on 09-09-2010
Being Gary Barlow (Take That & Doodle).
Hi Sunk

Well I know who Gary Barlow is!

This has given me a giggle today - a very clever idea - and in rhyme too!

Love the last line (you naughty boy!)

Eira

Author's Reply:
Me? Naughty? I don't know what you mean. Ahem. Ok, maybe a little. Glad it gave you a laugh. If I can cause the odd smile then that's good enough for me. Thanks for reading and commenting, Eira.

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inventor of the automatic sock displacer*

barenib on 09-09-2010
Being Gary Barlow (Take That & Doodle).
Sunks - good rib tickling stuff. Talking of ribs, are Mallards the sort of duck they serve in Chinese restaurants? Good stuff - John.

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Nib. Thanks for reading and commenting. I'm not too au-fait with Chinese food I'm afraid. I'm more or a curry man. Bombay duck springs to mind for some reason... I think I need a Google (and no, that's not euphemism 😉 - Thanks again.

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inventor of the automatic fingernail clipping machine*

*patent rebuked due to unsatisfactory trials and pending litigations

Romany on 10-09-2010
Being Gary Barlow (Take That & Doodle).
I knew who Gary Barlow is! Wait... should I be bragging about that?

Very witty as always Sunky and an extremely fresh angle on a well examined subject (ie 'celebs' who are apparently fascinating creatures - if they so much as break wind the world needs to know - except me.)

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Romany. I must admit, I thought everyone knew of Gary Barlow. I think it's ok to admit to knowing who he is. It's post ironic... Whatever that means. Thanks for continuing to read and comment on a sunks. I do appreciate it.

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inventor of the semi-automatic shredded wheat extraction device

Greenwood on 16-09-2010
Being Gary Barlow (Take That & Doodle).
Judging by the comments I must be one of the last people on earth to be apprised of who Gary Barlow is! Really I got mixed up, I thought Wham! had reformed and called themselves 'Take That' and George Michael had been singing with the abovementioned Gary Barlow before embarking on a solo career. Don't know why I thought that. Guess I'll just have to google more.
Greenwood

Author's Reply:
Lol. I'm surprised by how many people don't seem to know him, Greenwood. He's due a number one in the next month or so (that's a hit single, not a wee) so maybe you'll see something of the fella. Thanks for revisiting. Sorry for the late reply. I've been busy being sunk. No one knows him either 😉

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banned from iceland

Jolen on 17-09-2010
Being Gary Barlow (Take That & Doodle).
LMAO! Another bit of Brilliance! You are too much, Sunks and it's all good, my dear. I loved this and thank you for the morning giggle. Now, whatcha wearin? 😉

love,
Ms. Swollen

Author's Reply:
Yay! Ms. Jolen. Where the devil have you been? Ya know, I suspect that you and the devil might actually get along quite well 😉 Good to see you're still around. Does this mean we can expect a sub soon? Go on, ya know ya wanna. As for what I'm wearing - Currently shoe and sock-less, White boxers, blue skinny fit jeans and a grey T-shirt. I'm fashionably morose looking. I blame summer and it's tendency to disappoint. That said, I spy blue skies as I type this. Perhaps we're in for one of those Indian Summers. Not sure I fancy that tho, they don't have great internet access. Ahem. I hope this helps. Glad you liked the poem. Sorry for the late reply. I'm a disgrace! Thank you.



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cover me in shades of disbelief

Bradene on 26-09-2010
Being Gary Barlow (Take That & Doodle).
Should have commented on this little masterpiece ages ago but I've been a bit lazy of late *Blushes* I personally think Gary Barlow was the best of take that including you know who" he's a very talented young man, I love his songs. Val x

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Val I should have replied ages ago but I too have been a bit lazy of late... This is allowed in the world of sunk tho. We should maybe start a club for lazy bastards? We could meet every Tuesday at the village hall... Or is that too often? We don't want to over-exert ourselves? Perhaps once a month would be more appropriate. I'll bake a cake. It'll burnt to fuck tho as I'm generally too lazy to to get up and turn the oven off 😉 Lovely to see you commenting, young Val of Bradene fame. Thanks for dropping in on a sunk. Sorry about the smell. I blame sprouts.

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do you have these in alien, please?

len on 05-10-2010
Being Gary Barlow (Take That & Doodle).
Here I am-out on the road again-Here I am-Up on the stage. Here I am-Playing the star again-Think I'll draw me-A mallard duck. :o)...Very amusing and original poem, buddy...len

Author's Reply:
Hiya Len. So sorry I'm late replying. It's only like a few months tho I think? They are one of the easier ducks to draw. Gary has since moved on to horses. Very tricky indeed. It could put their next album back by quite a while. Thanks again, Len. Much appreciated.

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slave to the pillow

sybarite on 06-12-2010
Being Gary Barlow (Take That & Doodle).
Well done, though I have no idea who Gary Barlow is either! Love the ending--well played.

Author's Reply:
Hello again, Ms. Sybarite. Sorry I'm late replying. I got my privates caught in an hoover. Don't ask. Glad you liked my ending. Ahem.

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please sir, can i have credit?


Don't Judge a Man by His Wallpaper! (posted on: 02-08-10)
Warning: Contains explicitly garish wallpaper sample!

Jesus Christ! What were you thinking? DON'T JUDGE A MAN BY HIS WALLPAPER! sunken ''Don't judge a man by his wallpaper,'' I say as she protects her eyes, my words a cautionary prologue intended to assuage surprise. ''These garish colours were in fashion, and they will be in vogue again Don't judge a man by his wallpaper,'' I say as she reveals disdain. ''Jesus Christ! What were you thinking? Or were you not thinking at all? It's like some crayon wielding nutter has run amok about your walls! It's like your sense-of-taste went awol, it's like a monument to kitsch Jesus Christ! What were you thinking?'' she says whilst flicking the light switch. All pervasive in the darkness, my sense of shame expressed in sighs, I take her hand and say 'I'm sorry,' she shakes her head to my surprise. ''Apologies are not required, I just need time to readjust'' All pervasive in the darkness, the potent sense of her disgust.
Archived comments for Don't Judge a Man by His Wallpaper!
stormwolf on 02-08-2010
Dont Judge a Man by His Wallpaper!
Bravo! Bravo!
This had me in stitches. I am sure you have the wallpaper on the wall as an excuse to get in the dark asap 😉
Very well wriiten in your own Sunky style.

BTW thanks for the warning about the graphics...I was adequately prepared or it could have been quite traumatic for me.
Alison x

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Stormwolf. Ahem, I refute all allegations made against me with regards to using my garish wallpaper as an excuse to get the lights turned off. I really am innocent in all of this. Ok, maybe the legality of such a loud wall-covering could be questioned, but never my motives. Ahem. Thank you muchly for reading and commenting. I'm glad it gave you a laugh on a grey and miserable Monday morning.

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he needs helps with interior decor

Harry on 02-08-2010
Dont Judge a Man by His Wallpaper!
"It was there when I moved in"

"The landlord knocked ten bucks off the rent."

Gotta be a reason for it, Sunken ... lightened my Monday.

Author's Reply:
Lol. Hello Mr. Harry. I wish I'd come to you earlier. I could have used your excuses. Like the idiot I am I have already admitted to actually choosing this god awful wallpaper. I was going through my orange phase. Ahem. There's no excuse is there? I need help. Thanks for reading, Harry. Much appreciated.

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you might need sunglasses

Leila on 02-08-2010
Dont Judge a Man by His Wallpaper!
Sunken are there curtains to match this wallpaper, I swear they were hanging in a house I once rented.
A real cheer up a dull Monday fun poem, especially the following which gave me the best laugh...thanks Leila

It’s like some crayon wielding nutter
has run amok about your walls!
It’s like your sense-of-taste went awol,
it’s like a monument to kitsch…
Jesus Christ! What were you thinking?”
she says whilst flicking the light switch.

and

“Apologies are not required,
I just need time to readjust…”




Author's Reply:
Lol. Hello Ms. Leila. I think there were curtains available when said wallpaper was on the market. I went for gold and green venetian blinds tho... ahem. Yes, my bad taste with reagrds to interior decor knows no bounds. Ya know not one person has said my wallpaper looks ok yet. How rude! (-; Thanks for picking out your fave lines. It's always good to know what people have liked the best. I'm glad it cheered your monday up. Thanks for commenting on a sunk. Hope the book is doing well.

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he may opt for purple next time - ahem

pombal on 02-08-2010
Dont Judge a Man by His Wallpaper!
I take it she was not forth coming - bit shallow if you ask me 🙂

Author's Reply:
Thanks for reading, Pombal.

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it was on discount

RoyBateman on 03-08-2010
Dont Judge a Man by His Wallpaper!
That paper is a monument to the bad taste of around 25 years back. It would render a house unsaleable, but luckily my glasses steamed up and prevented me from experiencing the full horror. Mind you, if it gets her to actually switch the lights off herself, what are you complaining about?? Result!

Author's Reply:
Ahem. Thank you Mr. Roy. I chose it myself. I can't explain why or what was going through my head. It wasn't even that long ago... Ok, maybe about 15 years? Ahem. Do you really think I have a problem? I wonder if this is why I get so many headaches... (-; Thanks for risking your health and actually taking a look at said sample.





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it looks ok if you squint... from a distance... maybe a couple of miles away?

cat on 03-08-2010
Dont Judge a Man by His Wallpaper!
I can see that I'm at a disadvantage, perhaps a superficial one 😉 Maybe if they saw your choice of bedding - triangles though? really? (oh god my eyes!)...

<3 X

Author's Reply:
Hello my lovely Cat girl. Do you really think the good folk of Uka are ready for my bedding? Ahem, and just what exactly is wrong with blue and green triangles on a burgundy background anyway? (-; Wait till you see my dayglo aztec duvet cover. You're gonna love it. Cat...? Hello? Where's she go?

Thank you, my lovely you, for putting up with, not only me, but my terrible taste in interior design. By the way, did I mention my green carpet... Cat? Hello? <3 X




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he swears it looked okay on the roll - it did tho, honest. <3 X

sirat on 03-08-2010
Dont Judge a Man by His Wallpaper!
Try to control your understandable revulsion and click on the wallpaper sample. You get to see Emily Haines's legs and also to hear a very pleasant song from Metric (whose cover of Elliott Smith's 'Between the Bars' is one of the best cover versions of anything I've ever heard). There are indeed hidden layers to your poetry, Sunk.

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Sirat. I'm impressed. I'm not sure if many people are aware that the pics are youtube links. I love that Metric song. I saw them on Jooles Holland recently and was most impressed. I just checked out the link you provided and was equally as impressed. I may have to invest real money in a real CD. Imagine that? What is the music world coming to (-; Thanks for reading and clicking and commenting.

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he wonders if the colour orange will one day come back into fashion...

Ionicus on 04-08-2010
Dont Judge a Man by His Wallpaper!
Hello Mr. Sunken. Sorry for arriving on the scene a bit late but better than not to arrive at all, I suppose.
I don't feel competent to pass judgement on your wallpaper, being an emulsion man myself. On the other end I can give a thumb up to your poem which is first quality and pleasing to the eye. Need I say more?

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Luigi of arriving on the scene late fame. Ahem, I'm hardly one to talk. You are the first person not to berate my wallpaper. Ok, you've not exactly praised it either... but I can live with that (-; I think emulsion might be answer ya know? That said, a professional painter once told me that it could take at least ten coats of industrial strength paint to cover that putrid pattern. Ahem. How rude! It seems my feelings just aren't even considered, Mr. Luigi.

Yours in the midst of an aztec orange nightmare,

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it was fashionable in the early 90's... i think

Capricorn on 04-08-2010
Dont Judge a Man by His Wallpaper!
Oh Sunk! I'm sure I had this wallpaper in the hall 10-15 years ago. You've just reminded me how much I've missed it -NOT! Thanks for a very entertaining read.
Eira

Author's Reply:
Lol. Ahem. Thank Eira of Capricorn fame. That sounds about right. I think it was the mid nineties when said wallpaper went up. It's way out of date. I'll be frank, even when it was new I think it was out of date. Ahem. It's probably quite unique by now tho? No one else could have lived with it for so long I'm sure. I'll just keep taking the paracetamol. It's cheaper than redecorating. Less hassle too 😉 Thanks for reading and no mistake.

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it's wallpaper jim, but not as we know it

pdemitchell on 05-08-2010
Dont Judge a Man by His Wallpaper!
Hi Sunks, a mitghty return to sunken form. may I 'umbly add a wee alliteration and wee rhythmic suggestion...

Don’t judge a man by his wallpaper,
I say as she's sheilding her eyes,
my words a cautionary prologue
intended to assuage surprise.
These garish colours were in fashion,
and they will be in vogue again…
Don’t judge a man by his wallpaper,
I say as she reveals her disdain.

But “Apologies are not required,
I just need time to readjust… - why am I thinking of my last ex? She picked the wallpaper and paint and when I'd spent two weeks decorate out humble pad she said 'I don't like it now' 🙁 - Mitch "You can take the man out of the wallpaper..."




Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Mitch. Good to see ya. As I may have mentioned before, I very rarely edit once they've been subbed (except if it's a typo or I've repeated a word or sumfink). To be honest, I kinda prefer it as it is. I kinda sub 'em and then let 'em fly or die. I is a bit weird I guess. Appreciate you taking the time to read tho, my good fellow.
I'm afraid I can't blame anyone but myself for the choice of wall-covering you see in the sample. I should redecorate... Or will it come back into fashion? It would save me a job and no mistake. Take care Mitch of PDE fame.

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the future's bright - the future's orange. ahem.

Bradene on 05-08-2010
Dont Judge a Man by His Wallpaper!
Nice one again Sunken, I hadn't realized about the youtube connection, I'm always mezmerised by your stunning poerty. The wallpaper is very Art Deco-ish isn't it? Hope you are well. Love Val x

Author's Reply:
Hello lovely Val. The stylish, ahem, wallpaper in question is called 'Aztec Moments'. I honestly thought it looked ok at the time. I had grey and black stripes prior to this. I was worried that said greyness was starting to give me a mild form of depression so I opted for a sunny orange colour. I may just go for white next time. There's too much choice out there, that's the problem. Anyway, thank you for looking in on a sunk. I hope your eyes recover from the glare soon (-; Hope you're well Val. Good to see ya around the planet known as Uka and no mistake. Take care and UV protection.

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he came, he saw, he decorated...

admin on 05-08-2010
Dont Judge a Man by His Wallpaper!
White's best, I've finally decided, after a lifetime of garish colour - choice just confuses. Besides you know where you are with white. and if you don't you can just add a splash here and there. Simple. Like me, really.

Nice one again, Sunks 🙂

Author's Reply:
Thank you Adrian Min for your advice regarding interior decor. White may well be the way to go. I'll ponder on it for a decade or so beforer finally commiting myself tho. Ahem. Who said lazy? I'm not, I just don't want to make the same mistake twice. Did you know, by the way, that the French hang their wallpaper horizontally? Isn't that interesting? Hello? Adrian? Adrain Min? Ahem.

Thank you for commenting. I is indeed honoured.

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helen of tro 7 - joan of arc 6 (late kick off due to smoke on the pitch)

shadow on 06-08-2010
Dont Judge a Man by His Wallpaper!
What's wrong with your wallpaper? It was the height of fashion in 1974. Some people have no taste . . .

Author's Reply:
Thank you Ms. Shadow. Yours is one of the more favourable reactions to my wallpaper. I do feel it my duty, however, to point out that you are approx two decades out. Said paper was the height of fashion, ahem, in the mid nineties. Think Brit pop, Oasis, Blur, Tony Blair's inane big grin, orange wallpaper. Ya see, it all makes sense when viewed against such a vibrant social backdrop... Are you buying this? I've been working on this excuse all weekend. Thanks for dropping in on a sunk. Muchly appreciated. I hope your eyes recover from the glare very soon.

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brian ferry 4 - ferry 'cross the mersey 4 (match abandoned due to waterlogged pitch...)

discopants on 07-08-2010
Dont Judge a Man by His Wallpaper!
Probably one of your best, sunks. It's important that someone like you is man enough to tackle these difficult subjects...

Author's Reply:
Why thank you, Mr. Disco. I must admit, I was worried about posting this. I recall some years ago getting into all kinds of bother with my 'Don't Judge a Man by His socks' poem. I blame a typo. Ahem. Smashing to see you around, my good fellow. It's always nice to have a bit of Disco about the place.

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now with universal charging port

sybarite on 06-12-2010
Dont Judge a Man by His Wallpaper!
I like your style sunken.

"It’s like some crayon wielding nutter
has run amok about your walls! "--gold!!

Love the word nutter and it's not exactly easy to use in poetry, kudos to you.

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Sybarite. I think the word 'nutter' is deemed politically incorrect these days. More reason to use it I say. We should reclaim these words. Glad you liked the poem. Sorry for the late reply. My doctor says my left testicle should descend again given time. I do hope so. I feel lop-sided. I'll never try to shag the hoover again, that's for sure! Ahem. Hello?

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in charge of crayons

ChairmanWow on 11-12-2011
Dont Judge a Man by His Wallpaper!
The wall paper is not that bad. If you want to experience real gut-wretching tackiness you should drive through the miles of suburban sprawl I have to here in Phoenix. Turn the lights out won't be enough you'll be gouging your own eyes out. Enjoyed the poem greatly.

Author's Reply:


Heart in Blue Biro. (posted on: 21-06-10)
Its in the outline of a doodle encapsulated in biro

It's in the lyrics of a record 
that resonates within my head HEART IN BLUE BIRO. sunken It's in the meaning of a poem that she recited years ago. It's in the outline of a doodle encapsulated in biro, a scribbled heart compressed for decades within a book she never read It's in the lyrics of a record that resonates within my head. It's in the emptiness of hallways that echo now to moments lost. It's in the way a headstone shimmers as cryogenic morning frost retraces every chiselled letter of her laconic history It's in a small unopened parcel beneath a waning Xmas tree. It's in the way I make excuses for deviating from the facts. It's in the tenuous conclusions of a mind that interacts with indiscriminating daydreams, chaotic thoughts that rule the heart It's in the way I make excuses for falling silently apart.
Archived comments for Heart in Blue Biro.
pombal on 21-06-2010
Heart in Blue Biro.
There are many sides to sunk - this one is sad and melancholic - not one I've seen before ...

Author's Reply:
Thanks for reading and commenting, my good man. Hope it didn't depress you too much.

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dreams only come true... in dreams

Mimi on 21-06-2010
Heart in Blue Biro.
A gracious Good Morning to you Mr. Sunks,

"A scribbled heart compressed for decades" Potently sad and achingly true...beautiful..

Hope you are well,
Mimi

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Mimi. It's good to see you around again. Glad you liked my ickul poem. It's funny how 'sad' is often accompanied by aches isn't it? Hope you are well too. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. Much appreciated.

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voted most likely to fall

Ionicus on 21-06-2010
Heart in Blue Biro.
This is the true Sunken. A very accomplished and original poet
who hides his talent behind the mask of a comedian.
Fantastic poem, my friend. I am sure the nib will follow shortly.

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Luigi. You've probably jinxed it by talking about nibs ya know (-; They're a funny bunch, those nibbers. Really good of you to say it deserves one though. Thanks for the wonderful comment, my good fellow. Much appreciated.

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finding solace in sleep

pdemitchell on 21-06-2010
Heart in Blue Biro.
My Dear Enscribbled Sunks - you old romantic you! Very strong tempo and imagery. Yet another biro refill to your longbow. Mitch

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Mitch. They say romance is dead, I believe? I don't know who 'they' are tho. How come they know so much anyway? Thanks for reading and commenting and no mistake.

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voted most likely to sink

Gee on 21-06-2010
Heart in Blue Biro.
Your poems are always skilfully done and even in the funniest ones, there's a message hidden in the depths.
This is one of your best. It's simply beautiful.
Gee

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Gee. It's good to see you around planet uka these days. Is it rue you invented Gee Mail? Thanks muchly for your comment and for taking the time to read the ramblings of a sunk. Muchly appreciated and no mistake.

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voted most likely to cock up

Beth on 21-06-2010
Heart in Blue Biro.
Hi Sunken, this is such a sad poem that speaks of loss in a haunting tone. I liked all the repetition of It's in which gave the poem structure and the little details you included which added poignancy. The last line is so simple yet it is heart wrenching. A very moving poem that people will be able to relate to - Regards Beth

Author's Reply:
Hello Beth. Hope you are well. Glad it all worked for you. Most of it wrote itself. It's based on my sister who died a few years ago from cancer. Sometimes it just helps to pour this stuff into a poem. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. Sorry I'm late in replying.

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voted most likely not to attend a reunion

Leila on 21-06-2010
Heart in Blue Biro.
Sunken what a delicate and expressive poem, every word and every line has been so carefully chosen and used to maximum effect. I agree with all the words of praise already heaped on this poem each one is well deserved...I am not going to pick out a favourite part as I love it all. So many people will connect with the depth of emotion expressed here. Where is the nib? And well done whoever nominated.
Beautiful, a poem of excellence in your own style...Leila

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Leila. Thanks for reading and commenting and for also choosing this as a fave (-: I is honoured. Glad it all worked for you. Thoroughly enjoyed the book by the way. I'm glad to see you're doing well with it. Thanks again for your positive comment. Muchly appreciated and no mistake.

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voted least likely to hang his clothes up

fitbin on 21-06-2010
Heart in Blue Biro.
yes, I like it.
Reticent and vulnerable.
With a nice flow and structure.

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Fitbin. Thanks for reading and commenting. Reticent and vulnerable will do just nicely. Glad you liked it. Sorry for the late reply. I've been busy counting the bubbles in an aero. Trouble is, it melted before I could finish. I may postpone until the winter.

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voted most likely to die alone

Romany on 21-06-2010
Heart in Blue Biro.
Very moving. What hooked me initially was the great title. I didn't realise who wrtoe this until half way through, when your style became obvious. I love this. You write heart rending poetry at times.

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Romany. Hope you are well. Glad you mentioned the title. I had a few and wasn't sure which one to go with. In the end I just kept it simples. Thanks for reading and for taking the time to comment. Appreciated muchly and no mistake.

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drinking copious amounts of sparkling water failed to make him sparkle

niece on 22-06-2010
Heart in Blue Biro.
A sad but beautiful poem, Sunk...

Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Niece. Good to see you're still around the planet know as Uka. Hope you're still managing to find some time to write? Not seen you on here for a while. I appreciate you popping on to comment. Glad you liked my ickul poem. Hope it didn't make you too sad. Thanks again, Niece. Take care.

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voted most likely to fall over backwards

Bradene on 22-06-2010
Heart in Blue Biro.
This is wonderful Sunk, made me cry and not many people can make me do that these days. Great read. Val xxx

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Val. I don't like that it made you cry. I do like that it moved you though. Or are you crying because it's that bad? Ahem (-; Hope you're well Val. It's good to see you in my box, as it were. Thanks for taking the time to look in on a sunks. Muchly appreciated. xxx

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he has already budgeted for jaffa cakes

pombal on 22-06-2010
Heart in Blue Biro.
This could be just me and I could be talking out my arse:

...but one slight thing ...

the big words "cryogenic" and "laconic" seem to jar a bit and interrupt the flow by doing so - i.e. it still works beautifully if you just delete them 🙂

Author's Reply:
Have to disagree, Mr. Pom of Bal. It simply doesn't scan without them. I very rarely re-edit stuff to be honest. They either fly or die. I quite like the odd big word too. I can never spell them right mind (-;

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yes sir, i can stir fry, but I'll need a decent wok

stormwolf on 22-06-2010
Heart in Blue Biro.
Luigi stole my words...the bounder that he is!
A beautiful poem written by a man of great depth.
Alison x

Author's Reply:
Hello Alison of Stormwolf fame. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on this. Glad you liked it. I've been called many things (most of them highly derogatory) but I've never been called deep. You sure you've got the right fella? That Luigi is indeed a bounder. Watch yourself. He's a silver tongued rascal with an eye for the ladies. He's also of the Italian persuasion. I should just add that I'm not at all jealous of him. Ahem. Thanks again. Much appreciated. x

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squirting fairy liquid into an oily gulf - that sounds so wrong

RoyBateman on 24-06-2010
Heart in Blue Biro.
Excellent - just the right length to make the point without lapsing into that state of self-pity which blights many other such works. Plus, it hits those nostalgic spots that most of us should recognise. Very well done, and well worth the nib!

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Roy. Thanks for reading. I am always a little wary of posting anything on this subject. We all have our hard luck stories and to forever dwell on them can get a little tiring. They do tend to spill out now and again though. You hit the nail on the head. I would hate them to come across as self pitying. I even have one in draft that takes the micky out of her a little. She would have got it. Glad this worked for you. Thanks for taking the time to comment.

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they kissed like they invented it

wfgray on 26-06-2010
Heart in Blue Biro.
Hi Sunky, I see that you have all the best critics of UKA. Most of them declare its a sad poem. Maybe it is but it has been scribed by one of the best poets on UKA. It is a classic and I am delighted to be able to read it. Nice one mate. Will

Author's Reply:
What a bloomin' lovely comment. Thank you Mr. Gray. I can't pretend to be one of the best but it's nice that you think so. Thanks for reading and for taking the time to comment. Much appreciated and no mistake, my good man.

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words alone do not beget love

shadow on 27-06-2010
Heart in Blue Biro.
How did I miss this one? Very enjoyable (even if I did have to clear my throat in a self-concious manner . . . ) Oh dear, are you going all serious on us?

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Shadow. I'm not surprised you missed this. I've been testing out my invisibility cloak. It seems to work as I got arrested yesterday for public indecency. I'm sure it's meant to make me invisible rather than simply be invisible... I may have to go back to the drawing board. I'll try not to get too serious if I can I help it. Sometimes it just happens. I may need medication. Thanks as ever for your support. Blimey, I make you sound like a jock strap. Ahem. Cheers Moya.

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ok, who stole my 'u'?

cat on 16-07-2010
Heart in Blue Biro.
Lovely stuff my Mr (2nd time lucky maybe?) X

Author's Reply:
Why thank you my lovely girl. I'll see your 'maybe' and raise you a definate (-; X

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he's in love

Kat on 18-10-2011
Heart in Blue Biro.
Well... I've been lurking around in your back catalogue, Mr Sunks, and this beautiful poem particularly resonates and displays your unique talent. Your graphics are always spot on, and this one is so beautiful. What munkymanship! An honour to read, and so poignant.

Kat x

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Kat. Ya know, I thought I heard someone lurking. I almost called the police. I was worried someone was after my prize marrow again. It's a big one this year and no mistake. I've been feeding it mainly bran flakes you see. Anyway, none of this is important. Thanks so much for lurking and commenting. It's good to know you're still around and still writing. Thanks for your lovely words, Kat. Take care and a bottle of milk.

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there's curry in them there hills

Supratik on 27-10-2015
Heart in Blue Biro.
A poem that sets one thinking, without any hat... the heart speaks well. Best. Supratik

Author's Reply:


About an Engine. (posted on: 24-05-10)
She says that men just take the piss...

concession is the key ABOUT AN ENGINE. sunken She says her love for me has limits and that perhaps I ought to know that I am verging ever closer to clauses settled months ago, (clauses that she implemented regardless of my heartfelt pleas) She says her love comes with restrictions and that she's holding all the keys. She says she's spoken to her mother because her dad was just the same, ''it seems she drew-up regulations before surrendering her name.'' She says that 'men need firm instructions' and that they 'tend to take the piss' She says she's spoken to her mother. It should have never come to this. I wash my hands to show contrition, my face contorting as she nags about an engine in the kitchen and a large mound of oily rags that are polluting a work-surface where meals are normally prepared She says her love comes with restrictions and that a war has been declared!
Archived comments for About an Engine.
Gee on 24-05-2010
About an Engine.
As my father would have said: "Can't live without them, can't bury them under the patio".
It seems most couples argue about the toilet seat, up or down. My answer - his and her bathrooms. I should have gone into diplomacy, I think.
Nicely done, Sunks. I wish I had a Bernard to give you but sadly, I only have a Ben.

Author's Reply:
Thank you for commenting, Gee. Much appreciated. Sorry for the late reply. Sadly, I don't have the toilet seat problem )-:

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tagless due to cutbacks

Leila on 24-05-2010
About an Engine.
Sunken how do you do it...you never fail with your poems they are a delight...this one with its neat rhyme and genuinely fun content. You don't post often enough, you certainly made me smile, thank you...Leila



Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Leila. Good to see you around uka again. Thanks for the positive feedback. It's comments like this that keep me going. I dare say, without them, I'd have chucked it in years ago. Thanks again.

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tagless due to cutbacks

sirat on 25-05-2010
About an Engine.
Great fun. I enjoyed it a lot. My only suggestion would be to change the word 'restrictions' to 'conditions' the two places where it occurs. Otherwise perfect.

Author's Reply:
Thanks for reading, Sirat. I often repeat lines. The 'spoken to her mother' line is repeated too. I think it works. It's a personal thing I guess.

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tagless due to cutbacks

Ionicus on 25-05-2010
About an Engine.
There you go Mr. Sunken. You don't need my recommendations, you are quite capable of getting 'nibs' all on your own.
Women, eh? They don't understand us; that's all there is to it.
Mind you, I am quite partial to some of their restrictions.
Now that you have got the muse going, I hope to see some more of your fantabolous poems.

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Luigi. Thanks for reading and commenting. Sorry for the late reply. I'd invent an outlandish reason for said lateness... but I'm all out of outlandish. Thanks again. Your words are always muchly appreciated.

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tagless due to cutbacks

stormwolf on 25-05-2010
About an Engine.
Now you see you can't have it both ways..oh no. Toilet seat is either up or down and your engine needs must find a new home. I would capitulate sooner rather than later..it could get very messy 😉
Alison x

Author's Reply:
Hello Alison. Sorry my reply is so late. Like most of my stuff, it's generally fictional. My table has four place mats on it. Only one of which ever gets used. I must get an engine. Thanks again for taking the time to comment. Much appreciated.

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tagless due to cutbacks

pdemitchell on 26-05-2010
About an Engine.
A-tisket a-tasket, the spousey's blown a gasket
Boys with toys that maketh noise find the V8 in the skip
Etc - chauvy chappy fun, me old Sunks. mitch :-}

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Mitch. Thanks for taking the time to comment. Sorry my reply is so late. I'm not really chauvenistic by the way. Tho to be honest, I may take it up. Pricks like that seem to get further in life. Thanks again.

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tagless due to cutbacks

sirat on 29-05-2010
About an Engine.
"My only suggestion would be to change the word 'restrictions' to 'conditions' "

Just to clarify, it wasn't the repetition I was talking about, it was the word 'restrictions'. I think 'conditions' is closer to the meaning that you're after.

Author's Reply:
Ahhh, I see. I prefer restrictions tho to be honest. That's what conditions often feel like to ya average geezer.

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tagless due to apathy

Emerald on 30-05-2010
About an Engine.
Then she is not in love - Restrictions, conditions, they become by the by when you are in love I found this astute as always when I read your poetry.

Emma x


Author's Reply:
I like that way of thinking, Em. I agree too. Loving someone means loving everything about them, even the things that drive ya mad. It's really good to see you around Uka again. Thanks for taking the time to read and for gracing this effort with a comment. Much appreciated. x

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terminally single

littleditty on 01-06-2010
About an Engine.
an engine in the kitchen? Really Sunken -this is unasscetibble behaviour -Men eh? He should get a shed. Everyone needs one. Fortunately I have a red one in Camden Market - also have a trashed, abandoned kitchen...hm. It seems everyone needs a busy inner woman in their life, one with a to-do list, binbags, and a bottle of flash - - sharing space is difficult, especially if one's inner sloth and mad mechanic are unaware of anything, at all, happening, or how anything else, happens, -- - it really does seem to me that it's mostly women who do/organise the doing of most that needs to be done in life, while men busy themselves with all the very important things that need a lot of time thinking about being done. Might be wrong tho -I'll do some more research -graph says most good relationships are really in states of Truce -tho Love makes some truces sweet! Hallo Sunken! It's a day off day -lovely to read your poems xxx

Author's Reply:
Ms. Ditty! Where the devil have you been? You know how I worry! I am currently designing a tracking device so that I can keep tabs on your whereabouts. I have drawn-up a technical diagram using an orange felt-tip pen and am currently in the process of gathering together the relative components with regards to this project. Said homing device will be rather bulky I’m afraid. How would you feel about transporting it, not about your person, but in a wheelbarrow? It’s about the size and weight of an industrial microwave oven. Surely this is a small price to pay for my peace of mind?

I think you’re right - Men do tend to busy themselves with thinking about important matters. I’ll contemplate some more and maybe get those dimensions reduced to something a little less cumbersome. I’m thinking toaster-sized? I’ll do some market research, draw up a graph or two, call several meetings and then prevaricate further by holding an impromptu press conference. I shall invite the following publications along: Fisherman’s Weekly - Lets Knit! - Practical Cardmaking for Amputees and What Ladder. I think you’ll agree, with such a wide section of the community covered I can’t fail to go wrong. Ahem. It’s really nice to see you, Dittster. I take it you’re back in London? The sooner we get this homing device fitted the better. Thank you for dropping-in on a sunks and for continuing to read my poems. It means a lot. Take care out there. xxx

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cometh the hour, cometh the van - can i have a 99 please, mister?

skinnyscot on 02-06-2010
About an Engine.
Hi Sunken, it never fails to amaze me, that I can be away from this site for months and come back confident in the knowledge that there will be something written by you to warm the cockles!! Always enjoy reading your work, and I'm sorry she wouldn't leave you be to enjoy your little hobby.

Author's Reply:
Hello Skinny of Scot. It's good to know you're still around. I don't think I've ever successfully warmed anyone's cockles before... Isn't there a law against that kinda thang? Ahem. It's proper lovely of you to look me up and to leave such a positive comment. It makes all the difference to know you're being read. I appreciate it and no mistake. Hope to see you around Uka again soon.

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he doesn't recommend listening too closely to the lyrics of elton john. his arse is still recovering from the candle in the wind incident

Beth on 13-06-2010
About an Engine.
Hi Sunken, another excellent poem, this had me in stiches. I used to keep a motor bike in the dining room and I remember upsetting my dad by changing an engine in the garage and getting oil all over the carpet in there. The kitchen though - I can see why she has got upset! - Regards Beth

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Beth. You mean to say your dad had carpet in his garage? I've heard of this before. It's most bizarre and no mistake. I guess the dining room would be more acceptable than the kitchen... But only just (-; Thanks for reading and commenting, Beth. Muchly appreciated.

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today he smells mainly of diesel (that's the aftershave, not actual diesel. Ahem)

cat on 14-07-2010
About an Engine.
Hmm what do you think of sheds? Just askin 😉 X

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His bit's we're in the kitchen, I mean really!


Author's Reply:
Hi Ms. Cat. Sheds are fine if they have doors and roofs on. Of late mine has had niether. Ahem, I blame the wind. That's weathery wind, you understand? Not flatulence. Ahem (-; X

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he celebrates life every Thursday by throw cabbages off bridges

moogster on 31-01-2012
About an Engine.
Uhm Dare I say, You got it just about right. The old ball and chain and all. Great peace of writing friend. Best wishes. Pete. LOL .

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Pete. Thanks for reading one my oldies. To be frank, there aren't many newies to choose from. Always nice to know that some of my stuff is still getting the odd read. Sadly I'm single, so it's all a bit of tongue-in-cheek daftness on my part. You mean women really do begrudge men working on engines in the kitchen? No pleasing some, Pete. Thanks again. Sorry it's taken me an age to reply. Stick around Uka yea? It's not a bad place to be.

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he's considering long johns.

ChairmanWow on 02-02-2012
About an Engine.
i honestly don't see the problem, Mr. Sunken. i come from NASCAR country, what woman wouldn't want a powerful throbbing engine on her kitchen table? Fun poem.

Author's Reply:
Indeed, Mr. Wow. Perhaps it's something to do with pheromones and shit. I don't think I'll ever understand women. I can grasp quantum physics, but women? No chance 😉 Thanks for reading an oldie. Glad you liked it. Oh, and sorry it's taken me ages to reply. I blame the cold. I tend to hibernate.

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now available in manchester


Oh Superman, Oh Nothing... (posted on: 17-05-10)
A day in the life of a novice superhero is captured by a tv crew

sometimes life is too demanding OH SUPERMAN, OH NOTHING (A red light indicates synthetics) sunken She says my cape is in the washer and that my tights have gone astray. I shake my head whilst ruminating 'How would Flash Gordon save the day?' Would he chase villains in his civvies or instigate some other plan? She talks of Persil Automatic, I think of calling Superman. ''Superman's no longer with us,'' she sighs as I approach the phone. ''He became a quadriplegic as the result of being thrown from a horse that he was riding in some equestrian event'' A red light indicates 'synthetics' I mourn the passing of Clark Kent. ''Sometimes life is too demanding,'' I whine whilst staring into space, my motivation narcissistic as lenses focus on my face from angles carefully selected by men with footage to accrue She says my cape is in the washer. My duffle coat will have to do.
Archived comments for Oh Superman, Oh Nothing...
Jolen on 17-05-2010
Oh Superman, Oh Nothing...
LOL... If anyone could save the day in a duffle coat, Sunks, it's you! Another funny and very clever bit of poetry you have here, dear.
My days are always made better when you post.
love,
Ms. Swollen just returned from Scotland

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Jolen. Good to see you around again. Saving the world is hard enough. Doing it in a duffle coat is murder, especially in this heat. I hope Scotland coped ok with you? I suspect they might never get over it (-; Thanks for looking in on a sunks. Much appreciated.

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currently powered by beans on toast

pdemitchell on 17-05-2010
Oh Superman, Oh Nothing...
Where's ma green kryptonite! I leant it to Braniac on the No 17 bus! Lex Luthor buys out Virgin and Lana Lang buys a pregnancy testing kit. Fabulous stuff but alas I am Bernardless. Mitch why can't I rate this piece a nine? Nurse!

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Mitch. Thanks for visiting my padded cell. It's very comfortable isn't it? I always turn the ratings thing off. I don't like it when numbers get involved with words. It's not a good mix. Thanks for reading and commenting tho. Much appreciated and no mistake.

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he isn't corgi registered... but he does have an adjustable spanner

shadow on 18-05-2010
Oh Superman, Oh Nothing...
Dear Sunkerman
I'm sure you will manage admirably in a duffle coat. Look what it did for Michael Foot.
Keep up the good work!

Author's Reply:
Blimey! Sorry, Ms. Shadow, I didn’t see you there. You are as elusive as your name would suggest. Ahem. Either that or I didn’t have my contact lenses in again. I blame Vision de la Express. As you can see, my pretend French is coming along a treat. Or should that be - De la pretend un François je na pa er… treat. Ahem. Thank you. Bonjour? Thank you muchly for reading a sunk and for commenting. It means a lot that you would comment, especially when you can be almost certain that the response is going to be as ridiculous as this. I blame the following: Processed meat, le coq sportif and reinforced concrete. I trust this reply has helped.... Hello? Thank you. Isn’t it warm? Sorry again for the late reply, and for the reply itself. Good day.

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he longs for a world that is free of mildew

stormwolf on 19-05-2010
Oh Superman, Oh Nothing...
Very funny and loved the pic. I have mental images of it all 😉

Superman’s no longer with us,”
she sighs as I approach the phone.
“He became a quadriplegic
as the result of being thrown
from a horse that he was riding
in some equestrian event…”

This is so poignant too, as we all know that the real superman was revealed after this terrible accident.
I love your poems Sunks more please
Alison x

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Storm. Sometimes my daftness inadvertently hides the poignant bits. I'm glad you managed to see it. Thanks for reading and commenting and no mistake.

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he left his manbag on the bus and was too embarrassed to call lost property

Ionicus on 19-05-2010
Oh Superman, Oh Nothing...
Mister Sunken, you have fulfilled your duty by finally posting one of your exhilarating poems. Your composition has brought to light the question that has hitherto remained unanswared: what do super heroes do when their clothes are at the laundry? Do they have spares or do they have to wait for the washing cycle to end?
Don't scoff at dungarees, I remember how fetching Felicity Kendal looked wearing them in the 'Good Life'.

PS I know that when you mention nibs I get one shortly after. I wonder if it works in reverse if I wish one on this poem.

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Luigi. Sometimes a superhero can't wait for a washing cycle to end. There is no knowing when the world is going to need saving. They must be ready at all times. I myself have two sets of everything. I also sleep in my tights to save time should my services be called upon during the night. It makes having a nocturnal wee very inconvenient of course, but that's the price I'm willing to pay in order to protect out planet from evil. Ahem.

It seems your request for a nib has gone unheeded. It was a very nice thought tho. I'm glad you think it worthy. Thanks for reading and commenting, my good fellow.

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is it a bird, is it a plane... hang on a sec... yeah, yeah it's a plane

Leila on 19-05-2010
Oh Superman, Oh Nothing...
Ha sunken thank you for the smile now on my face! Only you could think this up and make a super poem out of it you are truly a star.
I loved
A red light indicates ‘synthetics’
I mourn the passing of Clark Kent.
and the last line of course...all pure sunken...
take care young man Leila


Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Leila. Glad it made you smile. Not many people know that capes are made of synthetic fibres. Not even Michael Caine knew, and he's meant to know everything. Thanks for commenting, Leila. Much appreciated. And now, if you don't mind, I have a dog to save from sewage outlet pipe. Ahhh the glamour of it all. Where are all the damsels that need saving from burning buildings. I blame health and safety.

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he blames health and safety

Gee on 24-05-2010
Oh Superman, Oh Nothing...
Brilliantly done as always, Sunks. You always manage to balance your poems perfectly with your humour bringing in a message. It's very skillful.

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Gee. Thanks for commenting in such a positive manner. Sorry for the late reply. I got stuck in a phonebox whilst trying to get my pants over my jeans.

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tagless due to austerity measures

discopants on 25-05-2010
Oh Superman, Oh Nothing...
Could you be a Paddington Bear superhero instead in that duffle coat?

Author's Reply:
Ya know, I thought that pic reminded me of someone. Thanks for clearing that up, Mr. Disco. Good to see you're still around. I hope you're still writing. Maybe we'll see you and your pants around planet Uka again soon? Thanks for dropping in on a sunks. Much appreciated.

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no tags today please


Shit at Dancing. (posted on: 22-02-10)
A dance floor violation

I've got the rhythm in my genes SHIT @ DANCING. (Cool in '93) sunken She says I'm really shit at dancing and that my moves embarrass her. I search for suitable endorsements but all her mates seem to concur. They all agree that I am hopeless and that I should vacate the floor. They shake their heads out of frustration but I suspect they want some more. ''This move was massive in the nineties,'' I clarify without a pause, my forehead sweating like a bastard as I break global dancing laws. ''I used to 'give it large' for England back in those whistle-blowing days. This move was massive in the nineties'' She looks at me with eyes ablaze. Aghast she stands amongst the chaos as clubbers laugh and point at me, my arms and legs assuming angles considered cool in '93. ''The evidence is overwhelming, I've got the rhythm in my genes'' Aghast she stands amongst the carnage as I revive old dance routines.
Archived comments for Shit at Dancing.
Jolen on 22-02-2010
Shit at Dancing.
Oh, Sunken, how do you do this? You just slay me! Shit at dancing? Well, at the risk of being racist, you are English and White, you know? I am not sure that those things really make for great moves on the dance floor, but I have found that they don't hurt where it counts, which is during sex. So, hold your head up (either one is fine) proudly and strut your stuff, baby. I won't laugh, and hell, I may just have to join you. 😉

A great poem, as usual. You never let the reader down and I still am in awe of your prowess.

love,
Ms. Swollen

Author's Reply:
English - Check. White - Check. Doh! Looks like I'm well and truly bollocksed. I don't mind being laughed at on the dance floor, Ms. Swollen of Jolen. I only have myself and too much beer to blame. I swear the more I drink the better I become. Ahem (-; Thanks, as ever, for such a positive comment. It really is appreciated.

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last in woolworths - let me out - help - let me out......

e-griff on 22-02-2010
Shit at Dancing.
How dare you write a poem about me!! *storms off* 🙂

Author's Reply:
I'm sure it's about many blokes. I tend to think I'm better at dancing than I am. I call this the ten pints of Guinness effect.

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best served chilled

Ania on 22-02-2010
Shit at Dancing.
Blimey I remember moves that were cool in the 70s! All my guy friends who have teenaged daughters were always a huge source of embarrassement to them (quite rightly ) except for one who actually let her dad come in to parties she was at and dance. As my daughter would say 'sad'. So there you go - no dancing with teenaged daughters or young lovers!

Author's Reply:

Ania on 22-02-2010
Shit at Dancing.
P.S. forgot to say I loved the poem.

Author's Reply:
Thanks for commenting twice Ania. I do enjoy a sterophonic experience. Glad you liked it. Wasn't sure if this would connect with people, but it seems it has. Thanks again for reading and leaving your mark.

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should have gone to sensible shoes are us

stormwolf on 22-02-2010
Shit at Dancing.
Had me in stitches Sunks. A real masterpiece of funny writing and vivid imagery to boot!!!
I agree with Jolen too 😉
FANTASTIC!

Alison x

Author's Reply:
Thank you Ms. Wolf of the Storm persuasion. Glad you liked it. I am, of course, an excellent dancer. Ahem. For the sake of this poem tho I had to imagine I was shit. Honest. Hello? Thanks for the positive comment. Much appreciated and no mistake.

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he shops at tesco nowadays

Munster on 22-02-2010
Shit at Dancing.
Hi Sunks, obviously this girl was born too late to appreciate your style.

Really enjoyed the poem.

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Munster. Thanks for reading and commenting. She was either born too late, or I was born too early. I'll be frank tho, even people of my own age don't appreciate my dance moves (-; Thanks again.

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he's never been to jersey

mageorge on 22-02-2010
Shit at Dancing.
Yeah, sack this girl Sunks. A man-dance is a work of art, usually perfected after around 10 pints.
A truly entertaining piece.
Regards,
Mark.

Author's Reply:
Sack her? No way, Mr. Mark. That's simply not an option. I loves her. Anyway, I wouldn't blame her if she did laugh at my moves. She's yet to see them as the subject matter is fictional. One day tho I hope to have her in stitches. I can take it. I am proper shit at dancing (-;

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mars bars 2 - milky way 4

Ionicus on 22-02-2010
Shit at Dancing.
Don't worry Sunks. Everything goes in cycles. Those steps will again be fashionable one day.

Author's Reply:
Hello Luigi dot com. Yes, I live in hope that 'the running man' (see video) will one day be fashionable again. Tho to be honest, I can't see my version of the running man ever being fashionable (-; Thanks for reading and commenting.

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last train to british home stores

Bradene on 23-02-2010
Shit at Dancing.
I'm sure you are a great little mover Sunk, take no notice of that little girl and her nasty chums.
Tell you what you should do, imagine what she will look like dancing, say, thirty years from now, that will instantly make you feel better. Seriously though, your poem is magic, it made me laugh out loud. another winner. Love Val xx

Author's Reply:
Hello Val. It's all fictional (tho I am crap at dancing 😉 The girl in my life, and her friends, are anything but nasty. Quite the opposite. I just likes to take the wee out of myself when I'm writing these things. It doesn't do to take yourself too seriously. Glad it made you laugh. Thanks for reading.

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tree surgeons 2 - brain surgeons 4 (late kick off)

wfgray on 23-02-2010
Shit at Dancing.
Hi Sunky, A right comical load o fsh... A good read and obviously there is a lot more foot predators that take the floor by the smount of crits. Sunky you are great. Will

Author's Reply:
Aww. Thank you Will. I must admit, I wasn't sure if this would connect with people. I'm glad it has. Seems I'm not the only one who's crap at dancing. Thanks for reading and commenting, Will. Much appreciated.

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an apple a day keeps granny smith in business

Leila on 23-02-2010
Shit at Dancing.
ha ha sunken I love this and it's definitely a poem that just about everyone will connect with. I can admit to seeing some strange things afoot on the dance floor...but I am certain you will rate as cool (is is still ok to say cool, can I even go as far as cool and groovy)...maybe not!
I laughed all the way through and especially like

They shake their heads out of frustration
but I suspect they want some more.
“This move was massive in the nineties,”
I clarify without a pause,

The repetition too works well, a poem with real energy and fun, thanks sunken...Leila



Author's Reply:
Hello Leila. Thank you for commenting and no mistake. I think it's still ok to say cool. The modern day expression for 'cool' is 'book'. It's born of predictive text on mobile phones. If you try to text the word cool via said mobys it comes out as book. So if something is described as book it actually means cool. Ahem. You can also call something 'sick' if you like. Sick now means great, cool, etc. I bet you're so glad you asked? Leila? Thanks as ever for commenting. Always appreciated, especially as I talk such balls when I reply.

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a neon nebula horizon

teifii on 24-02-2010
Shit at Dancing.
You mean there really were actual prescribed movements!

Now I know I'm even more out of date than I already thought. Not only was I too early for 90s moves but from years before that I was quite convinced that modern dance floor movements were just general hopping about.
Anyway the poem is great as all your pieces, Sunky.
Daff

Author's Reply:
Hello lovely Ms. Daff. When I'm old I want to be like you. But without the lady bits. I'm not thinking of swapping genders you understand. I quite like being a bloke. We get to fart a lot and don't do housework. Ahem. This reply isn't going at all well. I blame a lack of sugar in my diet. I personally don't think my moves are that bad, Ms. Daff. And anyway, just because I clear dance floors doesn't mean I'm bad does it? People may just be standing back to appreciate the shapes that I throw. I once got reprimanded by a bouncer for sitting down on a dance floor. I was experimenting with minimal moves. It never caught on. That said, I have seen people doing it on trains and buses. In fact, anywhere where there's a seat. Yes, sitting down was my idea. Thank you for commenting. I bet, after this rather random reply, that you wish you hadn't? I'm very glad you did tho. You are like a granny to Uka. A bit like what that Andrea woman is. Cheers. Hello? Ms. Daff? Hello...?

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winner of the best kept mole in england award 2007

Beth on 25-02-2010
Shit at Dancing.
This is so funny - it had me in stitches! You paint the picture so well with vivid detail and make it so visual that I really could see you dancing there with all your strange moves. Atleast you had a go! I'm still laughing now.

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Beth. I still say I'm not that bad. Ahem. Honest. Of course I suppose we all think we're good when we've had a few jars too many. Trouble is, if I'm drunk and the music's to my liking, I find it hard not to dance. I should perhaps consider shackles. Glad you liked it. Thanks for reading and commenting and no mistake.

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he was once told to shove his whistle up his arse - how rude!

discopants on 25-02-2010
Shit at Dancing.
Well I can't let this one pass without comment given my username. I was indeed a legend in my own lunchtime on the dancefloors in 91/92. A couple of us would launch into some energetic pissed-up moves and then switch to 70s 'Saturday Night Fever' moves halfway through to the most inappropriate songs (Carter USM's 'Sheriff Fatman' was one...). We'd be guaranteed to get others joining in with it.

I still occasionally slip into such moves at functions such as family weddings, much to the disapproval of Mrs Pants who's seen it all a bit too often.

By the way, I though cool was now kewl, or kl. I never ever use predictive text and you've just illustrated why!

So anyway, keep the 90s moves going- just tell everyone it's post-modern irony, or something like that...

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Pants. Where have you been? I suspect you've been touring the country in a disco dancing capacity? Good to see you anyway. 'Post modern irony' - I like that. I'm going through a prodigy phase again at the moment. I blame the current state of the charts. Thanks for looking in on a sunks and no mistake. Hope to see you around Uka some more? Keep swinging your pants, my good fellow.

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often mistaken for a crisp packet

RedKite on 25-02-2010
Shit at Dancing.
Been away for a while sunks ( no not taking dancing lessons , got no L plates for my zimmer frame ) nice to be back and thanks for making this day a happy place Daniel

Author's Reply:
Hello Red of Kite fame. It has indeed been a while. It's good to see you back. I see you've subbed too. I shall take a nosy very soon and no mistake. I have L plates but no zimmer frame. What are the chances of that? Good to see ya back. Thanks for reading and commenting.

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now available in suede

Gee on 01-03-2010
Shit at Dancing.
You might have the wrong moves on the dance floor but you definitely have all the right moves where poetry is concerned, Sunks.
A great read, as always.

Author's Reply:
Hi Gee. Thanks for reading and no mistake. I still say I'm not that bad at dancing. I'm the type of person who'll sing along to his walkman (god - that's so 90's - I mean Ipod) totally oblivious to the fact that he sounds like nothing on gods earth. Thanks again for reading and commenting. Much appreciated.

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the police want to interview him over moves of a raving nature

cat on 03-03-2010
Shit at Dancing.
Ok we're going dancing - I so have to see these shapes of yours...

Don't forget your whistle... glow sticks? 😉

Funny as ever my baby. Rated 10 but biased! XXX

Author's Reply:
Hi sweetheart. These shapes that I throw are pretty impressive. I just know you're gonna love them. Ahem. Catherine? Baby? Honest, I can move like Keith Flint when I've a mind to. You'll be relieved to hear, however, that I no longer share his penchant for burning things. Except maybe toast and sausages... and bacon... and the odd kitchen.

Whistle - Check. Glow sticks - Check. Girl of my dreams - Cat. Lets go baby (-; XXX

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will sunky le munk take to the floor for 'the running man' please

pdemitchell on 06-03-2010
Shit at Dancing.
O sunken one, thou art a man of like mind and platformed soul! I loved the thang but would 'umbly suggest a few minor strengtheners to th' groove, maybe:

She says I’m really shit at dancing
she says my moves embarrass her
I seek out suitable endorsements
but her handbag-partnered mates concur
They all agree that I am hopeless
they say I should vacate the floor
they shake their heads out of frustration
but I suspect they all want more.

Or am I just gilding the funky lily here? Cracking stuff. Check out "Death in a Drive-by" and "Life's a Beach"

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Mitchell. To be honest I very rarely edit after subbing, unless it's something glaring. I don't think anything's glaringly wrong here. Nothing to see - please move along. I know my stance on post subbing editing pisses a few people off - But so be it. It's how I do thangs. They either sink or swim. Thanks for reading my good fellow.

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crap at most things

pdemitchell on 07-03-2010
Shit at Dancing.
I understand my old china and really do liek your sense of 'umour. I feel the same way about post-subbing sometimes but if there is some excellent constructive commentary (check out James' entry) I do rework some pieces if someone points out me foibles. I shall merely tip the titfer and move on. Also crap at most things.

Author's Reply:

ThePhoenix on 08-12-2011
Shit at Dancing.
Hello Mr Sunken, hope the years have been kind to you, and you've been getting plenty of fruit and sex.

Love this poem, you should always dance like noone is watching, aslong as you're not physically hurting anyone (mental scaring of vicious shape throwing cant be avoided sometimes) then you should never be embarressed or self concious. Ridicule is nothing to be scared off.

...that said, bouncers are something very tangible and rational to be scared off, they dont like drunken fools who cant break dance attempting the worm/caterpillar in crowded trendy clubs.

I myself am an awesome dancer, anyone who scoffs or says different obviously has too many inhibitions and should take that stick out of their arse, inbibe some chemicals of choice and join me!

Dance is the freeist form of expression, I've been so wasted and danced so hard before now that I once turned into music and flowed through everyone in the world, it was nice.

Well I'm back anyway, look forward to reading your comments on my drivel, currently trawling my way through your agony collumn good stuff!

have a great day

The Phoenix

Author's Reply:
Hello Phoenix. Good to see ya back. Well the fruit has bean plentiful. I regularly get discount at Tesco as I know one of the branch managers. Sadly they don't distribute sex vouchers. They should. Business world surely rocket. The years have, not to appear sexually obsesses, been a little up and down. I blame the fragility of life and the withdrawal of certain Pot Noodle ranges. Thank you for revisiting this one. I've not been too prolific of late. The whole noodle thing has hit me hard. I look forward to reading your work again. I suspect it's anything but drivel. And now, if you don't mind, I have an east European pirouette to practice. I'm currently mixing classic dance steps with body popping. It's new and exciting. If Britains Got Talent can't see that, well quite frankly - fuck the lot of them. What does Simon Cowell know about contemporary dance anyway? Bugger all is what, Phoenix. Bugger all!

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ironic bionic


Dispatched. (posted on: 17-08-09)
...a conspiracy of chimes...

dappled sunlight makes an exit DISPATCHED sunken Dappled sunlight makes an exit, just like it has so many times, its calm departure duly noted by a conspiracy of chimes, chimes that seem to ring forever, forever and a world away Dappled sunlight makes an exit. A veteran has died today. Fragility defined by wrinkles, how easily we disregard the bravery of those in wheelchairs whose lives were permanently scarred by things that we cannot imagine, no matter how hard we might try Fragility defined by wrinkles. His memory will never die.
Archived comments for Dispatched.
Mezzanotte on 17-08-2009
Dispatched.
What a lovely epitaph. sunkey le munk at his most sensitive again...I like it. I love the first line, what a brill way to describe someone.

I think old Harry had a good life though, didn't he marry again in his seventies or something? ...sounds good to me.

Luv and stuffs
Jack

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Jackie le Mezz. Thanks for reading. I'm sure he had a great life. I just wanted to mark his passing, him being the last World War One veteran and all. It's easy to forget what life might be like now if they hadn't done what did. I can't imagine living through that kinda thang. By the way, don't spread that 'sensitive' rumour around too much 😉 Don't girls want bastards these days? It's all so confusing for a simple sunk. Cheers Jackie. Love and talcum powder,

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where the streets have no shame

stormwolf on 17-08-2009
Dispatched.
how easily we disregard
the bravery of those in wheelchairs

This really hit home...

by a conspiracy of chimes,
chimes that seem to ring forever,
forever and a world away…

YES!
A very well expressed poem Sunks..

Alison of wolf fame 😉

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Storm of Wolf fame. Hope you are well. Thanks for reading, Glad you liked the wheelchair line. It was the first to pop into my head. It's very easy to just see the wheelchair as opposed to the hero isn't it? Anyways, always good to see you and no mistake. Long may you howl during storms. Thank you.

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keeper of the shaving foam

Bradene on 17-08-2009
Dispatched.
A lovely and extremely sensitively penned tribute to a fine man of his time and for all times, if we really had listened to the things he had to tell us. Here's hoping you are right Sunk, that he and the millions of other young men who died or lost their youth on the battlefield (who are still dying) will never be forgotten. A Great Read I think. Award yourself the faithful Bernard(-; Val x

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Val of tastic fame. I saw Mr. Patch on a documentary recently. He was saying how war was just legalised murder. I guess he was right. I reckon women should rule the world. Then the only arguments we'd have would be over shoes and chocolate. Ahem. Do you think that comment might get me into trouble, Val? (-; Thanks for reading. I couldn't possibly award myself a Bernard, but thanks for the thought.

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just don't mention the rash

littleditty on 17-08-2009
Dispatched.
sunks i did miss you so, no 'might' about it (id snip that word for flow there,but i'm not a real doctor, so - this is beautiful -i wanted to write one but i have been experiencing too much turbulence of late -glad you did, it's just right, well done xx

Author's Reply:
Little Ditty! (-: Where have you been? I'm not one for snipping, not since the garden shears incident 😉 Perhaps I talk funny or sumfink, but it flows ok as I read it. Blahhhh. Anyways, where have you been? What have you been up to? How the devil are you and, lastly - where are you? I realise I'm being nosy, so I'm not really expecting answers. It is good to see you again though. Uka needs Ditty. Please don't be a stranger. Thanks for reading my ickul tribute to a great man. Love and biscuits,

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oh no not my sweet baby

ruadh on 17-08-2009
Dispatched.
A thoughtful tribute with much truth in it Sunk, nicely done.

ailsa

Author's Reply:
Thanks Ms. Ailsa. I don't think I've ever been described as thoughtful before. I won't tell you what I have been described as. I wouldn't want to lower the tone (-; Glad you liked it. Thanks for reading.

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open 8 till late

barenib on 17-08-2009
Dispatched.
Sunks - I was thinking of writing about Harry, but I'm glad you beat me to it as I couldn't possibly have done it better! Give yourself a Bernard 🙂 John

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Nib. I'm sure you do yourself a disservice and no mistake. I've no doubt in my ickul head that you could do better. Nice of you to say otherwise tho. As for the Beagle named Bernard, I'm afraid he refuses to step paw on my poems. He's not barking to me since I changed his dog food for a cheaper brand. I blame the credit munch. Cheers, Mr. Nib.

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he blames the credit munch

CVaughan on 17-08-2009
Dispatched.

Quality tribute to the last of the WW1 vets. Well written and said poetically and poignantly. Due kudos to you. Frank

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Vaughan of Frank fame. Thanks for reading. I have an aftershave called Kudos. It's meant to attract women. From what I can gather, however, it acts as a repellant. A man's gotta blame something. Thanks again, my good fellow.

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based on a contaminated litmus test

artisus on 18-08-2009
Dispatched.
its calm departure duly noted
by a conspiracy of chimes,
chimes that seem to ring forever,

these are my favourite lines. A good poem sunken, a rewarding read.



Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Nic of Art is Us fame. Thanks for reading. I don't think anything of mine has been described as 'rewarding' before. I shall chalk it up for prosperity and no mistake. Please excuse me whilst I search for said chalk and a handy blackboard. Thanks Ms. Nic. Muchly appreciated.

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he left the club three hours early, hope having departed on the arm of his best mate...

RoyBateman on 18-08-2009
Dispatched.
No, it won't die as long as we're still here to remember and pass the message on. Do our "masters" listen? Do they ****. I wonder how Harry felt to see the old stupid mistakes repeated today, counted in blood. You've summed it up for all of us (I hope) with this one.

Author's Reply:
Thanks for reading, Mr. Bateman. I suspect he felt pig sick. I heard him in a documentary recently describing war as 'legalised murder'. I think he was about as anti war as you could get. It says it all really doesn't it? Thanks again for taking the time to read and comment.

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fuelled by nescafe

hoopsinoz on 18-08-2009
Dispatched.
Nice write Sunks - like it a lot - realise the man himself voiced his concerns with the hindsight of wisdom but as a young man on his way to France he benefitted from a nation that stood behind him 100% - we need to remember that for today's young men and women, I think.


Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Hoops of Oz fame. As I was just saying to Mr. Bateman of Roy fame, I recently saw a documentary about Harry in which he described war to a group of school children as 'legalised murder'. He'd have been a very young man during the 1st world war. It's hard to imagine what that must do to someone. You're right of course about today's service men and women. Thanks again for commenting.

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he wondered if groping his new girlfriend whilst she slept would be okay...

Emerald on 18-08-2009
Dispatched.
A wonderful tribute Mr Sunks, we should never forget all that they did for us! Good to see you writing

Emma x


Author's Reply:
Blimey Em! Where have you been? (-: Good to see you around again. I hope this means we may see some subs? Thanks for reading and for surprising me, pleasantly of course, with your presence. I'm glad you're still a resident of planet Uka. x

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he wonders if paying for his milk in bottle tops will be ok?

skinnyscot on 18-08-2009
Dispatched.
Hi there Sunken
Not been here for a while and so pleased to see that you are still writing! What a beautiful piece, for what seems to have been a beautiful person who went through some ugly times. I like the line 'Fragility defined by wrinkles' which unfortunately is how I could now be described. Never mind, comes to us all. Take Care Catriona

Author's Reply:
Skinnyscot! Where have you been? (I seem to be saying that a lot lately). You know how I worry. It's been three years according to my graph. Hope you are well and that you're going to hang around a bit. By the way, fragility and wrinkles are a beautiful thang. We're all fragile in the presence of bombs. Mad world. Cue Tears for Fears. Thanks for dropping in on a sunks. Don't be a stranger to Uka. Take care and a... scarf. Thank you.

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he lacks concentra....

Leila on 18-08-2009
Dispatched.
Sunken you have captured the man and marked his passing with a very dignified poem, it feels complete and has retained your own inimitable style. I watched a prog about him and you have said all that requires saying with a lovely delicate touch, very well done. A great title and Iylike the repeating of Dappled sunlight makes an exit...quite moving opening seven lines before you drive home your message...hard to imagine what so many went through back then and yet with deep sadness I watch today's young men going through hell, so many irreparably injured and those who never come back at all. Thank you for your fine poem, I am glad it has been nibbed and nommed so to speak...Leila

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Leila. (-: Always good to see you on uka. Glad you liked the poem. It sounds as if you may have seen the same prog I saw. I wrote the poem after seeing it. By the way, have you ever thought of giving commenting lessons? I could do with some (-; Thanks for taking the time to read. It's much appreciated and no mistake.

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where there is summer, let there be sun (we can dream)

macaby on 18-08-2009
Dispatched.
Well done sunken, a tip top sub as you would say. This is one of these poems that reaches out and touches the reader, or should I say it goes straight to the heart?

how easily we disregard
the bravery of those in wheelchairs
whose lives were permanently scarred
by things that we cannot imagine,
no matter how hard we might try…

and leaves us to do a bit of thinking for ourselves.

Great poem sunken.
mac





Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Mac. Glad the poem worked for you. I don't think I've ever made anyone think before, not in a good way at least. Appreciate you reading and popping by. Thank you muchly and no mistake.

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vimto athletic 3 - 5 ribenna rangers

pombal on 18-08-2009
Dispatched.
A great tribute to a man and a time now gone sunks ...

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Pombal. Thanks for looking in on a sunks. Thanks also for the crayons. They say I can have them after they've worn away the pointed ends. I blame health and safety. Cheers for the comment and read.

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sunblest 2 - 2 kingsmill

Ionicus on 20-08-2009
Dispatched.
An excellent poem, Mr. Sunken, you always achieve the highest standard with your work. It never fails.
I thought long and hard about writing something on this topic
but I desisted. Glad I did as I couldn't have competed with this.

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Luigi. Hope you are well and no mistake. I'm more than confident that you could com... comp... compet... It's no good, I can't say that word. It's all goes back to me being the kid who no one wanted in their football team at school )-: I've never been very com... comp... thingy. When I see how stressed people get at football matches I'm kinda glad I'm not. Chuffed you liked the poem and even chuffeder you said so. Cheers Luigi. Please don't desist on my account.

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always forgetting his kit - accidentally on purpose

royrodel on 20-08-2009
Dispatched.
Yeah and all for what?
but I guess we'd all do the same, or would we?
I cried at them news reports, God them news dudes are good.
He was a pawn in a grown up game, nothing more,nothing less.
we're fucked up people in a fucked up world.
What's next?

imo this is only a great read because he's a what wannabes wannabe.

May his God be with him.

RODEL


Author's Reply:
Has anyone seen my scarf?

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thanks

royrodel on 20-08-2009
Dispatched.
Yeah and all for what?
but I guess we'd all do the same, or would we?
I cried at them news reports, God them news dudes are good.
He was a pawn in a grown up game, nothing more,nothing less.
we're fucked up people in a fucked up world.
What's next?

imo this is only a great read because he's what wannabes wannabe.

May his God be with him.

RODEL


Author's Reply:
No matter where you live in the world, fresh seasonal, local produce should be of the utmost importance when choosing what to eat and cook. I hope this helps.

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happy to be hated

niece on 21-08-2009
Dispatched.
Sunk,
A lovely tribute...didn't know till I read on Wikipedia who Harry Patch was...now I know:)

Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
Thanks Niece. If my ickul poem leads to just one person doing that then I'm happy. I'm even happier that the one person is you. Thanks looking in on a sunks 🙂

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currently sponsored by dyno-rod

Romany on 21-08-2009
Dispatched.
What a lovely epitaph Sunken, typically perceptive,

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Romany. Hope all is well at Roman towers on the hill. Thanks for reading my ickul tribute to Mr. Patch. Glad you liked it and no mistake.

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she disolved in his arms like so much sugar

shackleton on 21-08-2009
Dispatched.
Smashing poem. You've showed that other side of you again, Mr. Sunks. Very moving.

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he's seen the other side

Author's Reply:
Ahem. I've shown my other side? So that was you in the locker room of my local gym the other day? I'll be frank, I was little unnerved and no mistake. Thanks for reading, my good fellow.

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his other side has been exposed

Zoya on 23-08-2009
Dispatched.
Dear Sunky!
This is such a lovely and befitting tribute to Harry Patch!
Living such a long and eventful life is a feat in itself!
Love,
Zoya

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Zoya. Yeah - 111, how amazing is that? I hope Andrea reads this. It might make her feel better about her age. I believe she's 94 now? I'm not sure, I'd have to check. Anyway, thanks muchly for reading. Hope all is well in ZoyaLand. Take care,

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don't spare the carrots

wfgray on 09-09-2009
Dispatched.
Hi there Sunky, A lovely little poem that means something that most of the readers can understand. You have produced it at the time when a lot of people were thinking of Harry. Well done for bringing this to notice. It shows that a lot of people do care. Will

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Gray. Sorry for the late reply. I'm not sure if I got a notification or not. Anyhow, thanks for reading and leaving a comment. The media has a habit of focusing on those don't seem to care. I'm certain there are youngsters out there who will care enough to keep the memory of those who fought for us alive. It's just a pity that the media always has to focus on those who don't care about anything or anyone. Thanks again.

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half past somewhere

Jolen on 11-09-2009
Dispatched.
How the hell did I miss this? OMG, Smunky, you've done it again and this is wonderful! Gods, but you make me jealous but I still love ya.

blessings,
Ms. Swollen

Author's Reply:
Lol. How can I possibly make the wonderful Ms. Jolen jealous? I'm jealous of both your writing and your swellings (-; Ahem. Sorry. This is a serious piece and therefore deserves serious responses... Then again, that's not what Harry fought for is it? Lets sing. ahem...

Freedom!
I won't let ya down.
Freedom!
I will not give you up.
Freedom!
I gotta have some faith in myself,
it's the one good thing that I got...

repeat until george michael arrives in a land rover with herbal stimulants....

Freedom....

Ahem. Sorry Jolen. It's the sunny weather. I'm not used to it. Thanks for reading and commenting and for being Jolen of Swollen fame.

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i couldn't possibly walk straight, officer. i'm off me tits

Griffonner on 11-09-2009
Dispatched.
I should have seen this earlier. Sorry, I think it was during my sulking phase.

Anyway, I'm wearing a smile today - even though this beautiful - yes, beautiful - poem, emotively reminded me of this man and the millions who were struck down in the prime of their lives without ever having the privilege of displaying their wrinkles. May their Gods bless them.

Nicely done, Mr. Sunken.

Allen

P.S. Where do I put this fistful of rating points?



Author's Reply:
Lol. No problem, Mr. Allen. We have those phases. Yes, I guess in a way Harry was one of the lucky ones. It's a funny old world and no mistake. Ratings - I tend to turn the option off I'm afraid. I don't much like how they can be given anonymously. I'm not big on numbers in poetry full stop. Just the thought that you'd give this a fistful of rating points is good enough for me, Mr. Allen. Muchly appreciated.

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last in mg rover - hello?

MLAllen on 16-09-2009
Dispatched.
Oh, my goodness, how touching. You're right. It's easy to disregard, not to make a fuss over a handicap, never considering that it may signify some heroic deed that cost the sufferer dearly. You've written a wonderful tribute. Lovely phrasing. ML

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Allen of ML fame. Glad you like ickul tribute to Harry. Thanks for reading and leaving a comment. Muchly appreciated and no mistake.

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he's not keen on marmite

len on 18-10-2009
Dispatched.
"Any man who says he wasn't scared going over the top is a damned liar." Harry Patch

What a change in the world Harry was witness to, eh? From coal-burning trains to spacecraft landings on Mars...What a hundred-plus years he saw!!!...len

Author's Reply:
Hiya Len. So sorry this reply is so late. I blame roadworks. He certainly did see many, many changes. Not all for the better. Thanks for reading and commenting. Hope to see you subbing again soon?

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he's never seen a real life zebra

Beth on 03-03-2010
Dispatched.
I liked the use of repetition in this poem which I noticed you used a couple of times to great effect. This is a lovely tribute poem that celebrates his life. I think it is too easy to be complacent now. We simply would not have our country if it wasn't for people like him. We owe them so much. A great poem.

Author's Reply:
Thank you Beth. So sorry that this reply is so late. I'm not too sure if I got the notification email or not. We do indeed owe people like Harry a great debt. I'd hate to think of the kind of world we'd be living in now if they hadn't have fought for us. Glad you liked the poem. Thanks for reading and commenting.

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another day, another turnip


pdemitchell on 24-03-2010
Dispatched.
A patchworked cornucopia, my dear Sunken, a worthy tribute to the worthy man. A non-beagled, non-turniped, non-swollen, non-coned, non-roadworked, non-jogn-Mafor/Edwina Curried moment. I thank you from the bottom of my... mitch

Author's Reply:

pdemitchell on 25-03-2010
Dispatched.
I meant John Major of course but my fingers went a bti hyawrie.

Author's Reply:


Local Woman Conned by Lover. (posted on: 27-07-09)
The Daily Grind.

analysed for signs of disco LOCAL WOMAN CONNED BY LOVER. (The Daily Grind) sunken Weathermen predict more flooding. Where there's money there's divorce. Local woman conned by lover who has no feelings of remorse Investors pull out of the market as panic spreads from screen to screen. Politicians claim expenses that strike the public as obscene. Governments declare pandemic. Help-lines buckle with the strain. The Jackson Five become a foursome whilst Michael's isolated brain is analysed for signs of disco, a time when he was off the wall a time when planets gravitated towards a spinning glitter ball. Nasa celebrates moon landings. S.T.D's are on the rise. Charlie's Angel braves the future and documents her own demise. Knife crime escalates in London. Twelve-year-old becomes a dad Local woman conned by lover who answered lonely-hearts small ad.
Archived comments for Local Woman Conned by Lover.
cat on 27-07-2009
Local Woman Conned by Lover.
Hello with a question mark 🙂

As always Sunk you are in a world, ahem 😉 I mean a league of your own! A Talent understated - book pls x



Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Cat. Thanks for your continued support. I have the latest Tesco Direct book if that will help? It's full of bargains. I still favour Argos though. Hello?

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arsing around on ice - sunday. 9pm. uk munky gold plus one

macaby on 27-07-2009
Local Woman Conned by Lover.
Well sunken i can't say anything against your rhyming, you have a talent for that, the poem reads and rhymes very smoothly. You have packed a lot of headlines in here, that we can all relate to. At least you didn't forget F.Fawcett, I think her death was overshadowed by Jacko's death/ murder/suicide( well at least we have a new conspiracy theme, I was getting fed up with the JFK, Marlyn Munroe and...................)I enjoyed the read, a good up date poem , witty and well presented IMO
mac

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Mac. I remember Mother Theresa getting overlooked when that Di woman died. Similarly, when Curt Cobain died I lost my goldfish. His name was Steve. I wouldn't mind, Mac, but Steve's death was far more tragic. Curt chose to die, but not my Steve. No, Steve got his head stuck in a novelty treasure chest that I'd bought for his birthday. It saddens me think that he died on the anniversary of his birth. Thanks for the comment. It helps to ease the pain.

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her eyes met his, surprising really, as they were both bozz-eyed

Mezzanotte on 28-07-2009
Local Woman Conned by Lover.
Dear Sunken,

how can you refer to Princess Diana as 'that Di woman'??? Especially considering the 'tender' relationship you share with her.

Is it true that a 12 year old has become a father...?!*? That's scarey, I thought stuff like that only happened in America.

By the way, I admire the amount of info you've managed to cram into a short poem...particularly like:

The Jackson Five become a foursome
whilst Michael’s isolated brain
is analysed for signs of disco,
a time when he was off the wall…
a time when planets gravitated
towards a spinning glitter ball.

Why local woman conned by lover?
It wasn't Munky who answered the small add was it?

Best of breast wishes
Jack

Author's Reply:
Hello trouble. Ahem. Please leave my relationship with a dead princess out of this. It's a private matter(-;
As for the twelve year old dad - That was an actual headline at one point earlier this year. A week or so later it was revealed that the girl had slept around a bit and that the true father was actually 14 (or it may have been 15). Anyways, I was going off the original headline for my pome. Give it time. I'm sure we'll have a 12 year old dad before long. I have to admit, the picture of this lad cradling his (as it was then) baby was possibly one of the saddest pics I've ever seen. He looked totally bewildered by it all. Poor sod.

Oh, and the local woman line - The headline there was actually 'Turkish lover stole my savings'. I used that line originally and even used it as the title. I then thought it might come across as a bit racist. Not that it is, it actually happened. Anyways, I ramble. Munky says you're a disgrace for implementing him in said con. He'll forgive you if you send him a banana. He's so cheap... You two would get on (-;

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in case of emergency - wash your hands

Ionicus on 28-07-2009
Local Woman Conned by Lover.
Sunks, you are a marvel. Your poem is so topical and, if you allow me to say it, very good too.
But didn't they find that the twelve -year old was not the father? It was another brat a year older if I remember well.
They don't need sex education, do they? They seem to know all the right bits.

Author's Reply:
Blimey. I was just about to log on when you commented, Mr. Luigi. Yes, you're right about the young lad. Not that a year a two makes a lot of difference. It's still sad. The 'twelve year old' headline was actually printed though, before all the facts had been verified. Typical tabloid journalism I suppose (-; Thanks for reading, my good fellow. Muchly appreciated.

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he blames the tinternet

teifii on 28-07-2009
Local Woman Conned by Lover.
Clever as always. I take off my non-existant hat to you, Sir.
Daff

Author's Reply:
Hello lovely Daff. I recently left my non-existant hat on a bus. I phoned the bus company but they're claiming that no one's seen it. I'm not happy. This aside, thanks for taking the time to read and for your continued support regarding my ickul pomes. Much love,

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is that two sugars or two teabags, asked sarah as ian was cut from the wreckage

niece on 29-07-2009
Local Woman Conned by Lover.
2009 in a nutshell...and that too in rhyme...wow! Sunky, only you could have done this...and so well at that...

Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Niece. Hope you are well. Thanks for reading my pome. I'm now hoping that there's no more news in 2009... It's doubtful though isn't it? I can feel an end of year update coming on. That's if we're all still here of course. It's a funny old world, but I wouldn't like to pave it. I think that's the right phrase. God I ramble don't I? Don't answer that. It was one of those hyper-diabolical questions. Ahem. What I'm trying to say is, thanks for reading. Oh bum, I said that at the start didn't I? I may go and lie down for a while. Thanks Ms. Niece.

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sarah stirred her tea as ian was air-lifted to hospital. just like a man to leave her stranded, she thought.

shackleton on 29-07-2009
Local Woman Conned by Lover.
2009 in a poetic nutshell, Mr. Sunks. I think it would have been OK to have left in the Turkish lover. I've always had fantasies about Turkish lovers... especially the ones that have highly mobile belly buttons.

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Got shot by the arrow that Hiawatha couldn't catch

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Shackattack. We don't see nearly enough of you around here. Thanks for reading. The 'Turkish Lover' line was changed last minute. I was 50/50 over it to be honest. I do think it would have made for a better title tho - 'Turkish Lover Stole my Savings'. I should have chased away the doubts and maybe gone with it. I just didn't want to upset any Uka related Turks. I'm a nice fella really. Honest I am. Hello? Anyway, good to see my good fellow and no mistake. Thanks for dropping in on a sunks. Sorry about the mess.

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she realised her mistake after seeing ian wired to life support. it was trevor who she really fancied...

Romany on 30-07-2009
Local Woman Conned by Lover.
It's a grim old world eh sunky? Never mind, there's people like you to make it a little better. I re read 'Too Cool for Angles' yesterday - beautiful.

Romany x

Author's Reply:
It certainly is, Ms. Romany, a grim old world that is. Thanks for reading, and thanks also for continuing to support a simple sunks. I'd totally forgot about the 'Too Cool...' poem. It's nice to know that the old stuff still gets the occasional read. Oh, by the way - nothing wrong at all with Gavin & Stacey. Award winning, and deservedly so. Thanks again x

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gavin & stacey, 5 - cagney & lacey, 1

pombal on 30-07-2009
Local Woman Conned by Lover.
Hi Sunks - could be a song - put it to audio - the billy brag of UKA 🙂 - cool

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Pombal. Ya know, strangely, I do sometimes sing em when I write em. Luckily, the padding on my cell walls serves as a smashing form of sound proofing. Hello? Thanks for reading and commenting. Appreciated muchly and no mistake.

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where there's a will there's a bypass

stormwolf on 31-07-2009
Local Woman Conned by Lover.
LOVED it! Its funny and topical but serious too in a strange way 😉

whilst Michael’s isolated brain
is analysed for signs of disco, .........BRILLIANT!!!


I also read your one about the fat belly but there were so many comments that they all beat me to it. I can see that I am gonna have to be quick off the mark to get in front for Sunky 😉

Alison loving folk with a sense of humour.

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Alison of Stormwolf fame. It's me, sunks. Thanks for reading my ickul poem and for taking the time to comment. This is indeed a pleasure. I'll be frank, I've never spoken to an Alison before, let alone one of wolf persuasions. Please be gentle with me (-; Thanks again,

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his stephen hawkins imitation requires work

Leila on 31-07-2009
Local Woman Conned by Lover.
Lovely to come back to UKA after a wee break and find you here all nibbed and looking good. As others have said very topical and neatly penned...many great lines Sunken but I must say one of the best/sharpest comes early in line 2

Where there’s money there’s divorce.

The Michael Jackson lines also inspired. Very well done as always, you makes us laugh but give us much to ponder also...Leila




Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Leila. I hope you had a good break and no mistake. I think the nib must have been added recently. I had no idea. How lovely. I'm glad you liked my rather cynical line. I just can't help myself. Forget half full or half empty - I can't even see a glass. Thanks for looking in on a sunks. I always look forward to a Leila visit.

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so ya wanna be a checkout girl?

Bradene on 02-08-2009
Local Woman Conned by Lover.
Another Great Read from the lovely Mr Sunk (-; You must read your newspaper fron cover to cover, I've given them up and listening to the news on radio or TV, it's so depressing )-; Mind you reading your accounts amused me. I'll leave it to you to inform me of great matters of moment in the future, you do it with such panache (; Val xx

Author's Reply:
Hello lovely Val (-: It's me sunks. Isn't it warm? In answer to your query regarding my poem, I can confirm that I very rarely read newspapers. Most of said poem was influenced by those sandwich boards that you see outside newsagents, ya know - the ones with headlines on them. Today's was, 'Local lesbian wins custody of gerbil'. I've no idea what that's all about and I'll be frank again, I was almost tempted to buy the paper. Can I just thank you for using the word 'panache' in your comment. I do believe this is a first for my good self and no mistake. Thank you, Ms. Val. I have I told you lately that I love you by the way? Well I do. I realise that it's far more street to hate these days, but I like to buck trends. Hello? Thank you.

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he often wakes up in the car crash position

wfgray on 04-08-2009
Local Woman Conned by Lover.
Hi there, a right commentary on recent world news. However today 95 years ago WWW1. was started? To be honest I have not read a lot of your poems. This one is brilliant so I must read a few more of them. Will

Author's Reply:
Thanks Mr. Gray. I've been watching a lot of war documentaries just lately. It must have been a scary time to live through and no mistake. Thanks for reading my poem. I hope the others don't offend. I have a habit of being a bit smutty. I can't help it )-: Thanks again.

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socks, 2 - underpants, 2

hoopsinoz on 06-08-2009
Local Woman Conned by Lover.
made a note in my diary when I read this - simply said - fantastic....

Author's Reply:
Blimey. Really? (-: That'll do for me Mr. Oz. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. It's muchly appreciated and no mistake.

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he bought her chocolates, but she wanted a ferrari instead

CVaughan on 06-08-2009
Local Woman Conned by Lover.

Witty take on recent/older news Sunk, maybe you could provide the bulletins when ITV collapses. I would enjoy them more, especially the "and finally"s. Nuff said. Frank

Author's Reply:
Ahhh poor old ITV. I blame crunchie nut cornflakes. They're just so moorish. It's a wonder any work gets done at all and no mistake. Thanks for reading and commenting, my good fellow. I appreciate it muchly and then some.

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the constant bleep of ian's life support machine served only to put sarah off her crossword

Jolen on 15-08-2009
Local Woman Conned by Lover.
When I grow up, I want to write just like you, Sunks! You're one of a kind, for certain and it's a privilege to read your work. This is clever, topical and the wry humor mixed with the sad state of affairs works beautifully.

Super work and congrats on the nib!

love,
Ms. Swollen

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Swollen. Thanks for dropping in on a sunks. I apologise for the mess. Glad you liked my poem and no mistake. Jolen's seal of approval is always a good thang to have. Please give my best regards to your swellings (-; Thank you.

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stray sock investigator to the stars

artisus on 18-08-2009
Local Woman Conned by Lover.
Very very good!

Author's Reply:
Thank you lovely Nic. Sorry for the late reply. I got my notification emails mixed up. This is easily done when you're a simple sunk. Thanks again. Hello?

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he suddenly feels nostalgic for the mid 90's

Greenwood on 19-10-2009
Local Woman Conned by Lover.
I think it is well written. Personally I always stumble over my words when I try to write verse, so it's good to see someone who can do it properly.
Greenwood


Author's Reply:
Blimey. This is a very late response to your comment, Greenwood. I do apologise. I couldn't have got the notification. I hope you're still around and to receive my thanks. Thank you and no mistake. Glad you liked it.

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currently without vimto

Beth on 14-06-2010
Local Woman Conned by Lover.
Hi Sunken, a great poem that reflects on the world and how it was and brings back a few memories of last summer. I think you use repetition very well - I've noticed this in other of your poems and it just gives those lines that little bit more emphasis. Brilliant to read - regards Beth

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Beth. Blimey, was it that long ago? I haven't read this since. How time flies. It's quite depressing if you think about it. I'll try not to think about it. Thanks for reading and commenting. Glad the repetition works for you. I tend to do that a lot. Even in real life I'm always repeating myself. I think that's more to do with a bad memory than poetics tho. Thanks again, Beth. Much appreciated.

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currently powered by toasted cheese

Greenwood on 15-06-2010
Local Woman Conned by Lover.
They might be micro and macro events occurring simultaneously in the 'passing parade'.
Regarding Uncle Munky I was pondering whether he may be a distant relative of Dorothy Dix!
Greenwood

Author's Reply:
Hello Green of Wood fame. It's good to know you're still around. I've googled Dorothy of Dix and cross referenced Munky's credentials. I'll be frank, he wasn't too happy about having his credentials crossed, yet alone referenced. There appears to be no significant link with regards to an ancestral connection. Ms. Dix's current living relatives are apparently said to be be delighted. Ahem. How rude! I hope this helps.

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please sir, can i have cigarettes back?


Sex on The Brain. (posted on: 03-07-09)
Wimbledon, women, short skirts, groaning... This was bound to happen. Ahem. Sorry.

She says my interest is vulgar *Perving - Lusting over someone. SEX ON THE BRAIN. sunken She says I only watch the tennis because I like to hear the groans emanating from the ladies as they defend their given zones. ''It's obvious that you are perving, it's in the way you grin and leer when a breeze or sudden movement reveals a smooth curvaceous rear. I bet you cannot name the players whose derrires you hanker for? You only want to see their knickers, you are not bothered by the score. In fact the only set of figures that are of interest to you are the two that groan and whimper in much the same way that you do!'' My response is one of silence since I have sensed a change in mood, a disapproving atmosphere that could initiate a feud, a feud that might develop further if I neglect to show restrain She says my interest is vulgar and that I have sex on the brain.
Archived comments for Sex on The Brain.
Ionicus on 03-07-2009
Sex on The Brain.
A philosopher of my acquaintance once said: "annie get ya knickers on". The cheek of the man!
I didn't agree with him then and wouldn't dream of giving that advice to the young lady in the picture now. Especially when she's dealing with new balls.
Mr. Sunks, what can I say? It may be true that we cannot name the players whose derrières we hanker for, but I bet that they end in 'ova'.
Cheers.

Author's Reply:
Ahem. Would said acquaintance's name rhyme with... Drunken? A very cheeky man and no mistake. I have cheeks on the brain. By the way, did you notice that the model in the rather lovely piccy is Ms. Minogue? It's a mock up of that iconic Athena poster from the late 70's (79 to be exact). I like to research ladies bottoms thoroughly (-; Thanks for reading and commenting, Mr. Luigi. Always good to see you.

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annie get ya racket

artisus on 03-07-2009
Sex on The Brain.
shocked! I used to like tennis, never watched the ladies yikes.. I can see why now..

nothing like a hot male playing great tennis with another hot male.. oops that sounds strange..

pfft
(good poem)xx

Author's Reply:
Ahem. I don't like how the men shove their tennis balls into their pockets. It makes them look as if they have rather large semi's. Very uncouth and no mistake... Perhaps you like rather large semi's though... I'll shut up. Thanks for reading and commenting, Ms. Nic.
xx

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annie get ya handcuffs

Corin on 03-07-2009
Sex on The Brain.
What does she expect - you're a bloke aren't you?

Author's Reply:
Too right, Mr. Corin! It's a disgrace! If I can't perv over shapely bums then it's time to pack in! Hello? In answer to your question, I was a bloke the last time I looked. Ahem. Thank you.

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annie get ya tits out

Andrea on 03-07-2009
Sex on The Brain.
Tsk tsk, one should watch Wimbledon purely for the...er...strokes, the skill alone, ther performance, regardless of...um...sex or nationality! Denigrating and degrading the game thusly - disgraceful behavior and no mistake!

Pity Dementia (or whatever her name is) didn't beat Serina (she don't 'alf make a...ahem...racket, though), would have been a much more interesting women's finals. Don't rate Safina at all - can't imagine why she's world no 1, despite knowing how they gauge it - rules need to be changed (and no mistake!)


(Pssst, that Nadal's got lovely arms...)

Oh, almost forgot - great pome Sunko!



Author's Reply:
You're right of course... I'm watching Murray/Roddick now... It's too close for my liking. I need a pretend fag. Hello? What's this about arms? How can someone have lovely arms? I can't say I've ever lusted over a woman's arms... They're not something I pay too much attention to when there's legs and arse on show. Isn't it warm? Thanks for looking in on a sunks, Ms. Andrea. I didn't expect to see you in my box today. It was a very pleasant surprise and no mistake.

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annie get ya facts straight

Bradene on 03-07-2009
Sex on The Brain.
Lol, Great poem love some of the comments too, not much left to say really except to enquire if you have Italian blood.. I mean to say, you must be kin to that Luigi fella! (: Val x

Author's Reply:
(-: Hello my lovely Ms. Val. Ya know, I often wonder why a nice lady like you puts up with a smutty sunks like me. I am very glad you do though. I still keeping thinking about your last sub, the one about the red dress. You are a class act, Ms. Val. Thank you for putting up with me, and thanks for the comment.

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annie get your legs waxed

artisus on 03-07-2009
Sex on The Brain.
Perhaps I like rather large semi's but what is that? hmm, large and semi... Semiramis? "Armenian tradition portrays her as a homewrecker and a harlot."

Told you Sunken! I don't like girls! pfft



Author's Reply:
Ahem. Sorry, Ms. Nic. I just assumed you'd know what a semi was. It's er... it's when a penis is somewhere between flaccid and hard. It causes much juvenile sniggering around Wimblydon when anyone mentions the Men's Semi's. I trust this has helped. Hello? Thank you x

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annie get ya hands off

pombal on 03-07-2009
Sex on The Brain.
cool poem sunks - you have the wrong picture though ... http://www.amateurphotographer.co.uk/backfromfront/Martin_Elliott_is_Back_from_the_Front_backfromfront_163879.html
... made me take up tennis ...

Author's Reply:
Thanks Mr. Pombal. The piccy I chose is actually a mock up of the original Athena poster classic from '79. No one seems to have noticed that it's actually Ms. Minogue (-; When I saw it I just had to have it. I've had a thing (a hairy thing) for Ms. Minogue and her perfect bottom for years now. God, the things I'd like to do to that. Ahem. Sorry, my mind wandered. Thanks for the link, my good man and no mistake. Thanks also for commenting.

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annie get ya tennis shoes

Shinobi-Tori on 03-07-2009
Sex on The Brain.
.....and there is absolutely nothing wrong with having sex on the brain, I quite like it nestling in there it gives me reason...
I really like this it makes me smile
and now I am gonna read every one of your posts just because I like you :0)x

Author's Reply:
Aww. Thank you Ms. Tori of Shinobi fame. You're right. Life would be extremely dull without at least being able to think about sex. If you're not getting any then thinking about it becomes pretty much a necessity (-; Thanks for the lovely comment. I hope my previous subs didn't disappoint too much. Thanks for your support and no mistake. I like you too :-)x

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annie get ya rucksack

pombal on 04-07-2009
Sex on The Brain.
aaah - kylie - explains everything - say no more - you was right I was wrong - perfect peachy - dunno how i could've missed this ...

Author's Reply:
Lol. No, in a way you're right. It's not the original. You're not the only one to have missed that it's actually Kylie. I got the pic it via a 'Kylie's arse' search that I did last week. Ahem. Purely for research purposes you understand? Had I seen it without knowing it was Ms. Minogue I probably wouldn't have noticed either. As Luigi's already pointed out, we're not exactly looking at her face are we 😉 What a top arse tho... I mean, really... just... pooaaaarrrr. Ahem. Thank you.

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annie get ya bra off

Shinobi-Tori on 04-07-2009
Sex on The Brain.
OOOHH!! Kylie's hotpants :0)x

Author's Reply:
Or in this case - Kylies hot ass ;op

God it's warm today...

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annie get ya mouth 'round this

macaby on 04-07-2009
Sex on The Brain.
I remember as a 12/ 13yr old watching women's tennis on tv. I didn't understand the game at all, but it was always a pleasure to watch, except when the Navratilova( Or something like that) played. In those days they didn't groan as much as they do nowadays, I blame Prince Charles and the tampon telephone conversation.I hope this helps. Oh yes, I remember my brother had the original poster over his bed. I had Debbie Harry, the one with the shower curtain, a typical boy's room I suppose.Nice cheeky poem sunken.

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Mac of aby fame. Thanks for reading and commenting in a fashion that befits a Mac of such high standing. Oh, it's me by the way - sunks. Hello? Debbie Harry was as fit as the proverbial fuck in her day wasn't she? I recently saw a snap of her dressed in a sheet of plastic. I suspect wipeable surfaces are a must when you look that hot? I hope this has helped. Thanks again my good fellow and no mistake. Hello?

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annie get ya hair cut

Leila on 05-07-2009
Sex on The Brain.
ha ha Sunken indeed it was bound to happen...a top topical bit of fun, I cannot comment further or on the picture for fear of blushing, however I do recall you may have mentioned the woman in that pic and her rather pert derriere a few times before! I like all the fun good lines in your poem Sunken and your cheeky delivery...Leila

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Leila. Good to see you and no mistake. Sorry I made ya blush (-; I am rather obsessed with said bottom, this is very true. I am dirty rotten sunks who should be taken in hand... I should rephrase that. Thanks for dropping by. It's always good to see you, blushes and all.

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annie get ya lipstick

Albermund on 05-07-2009
Sex on The Brain.
Cleverly done as per usual, S. Gently witty and a lovely rhythmic read. Trouble is that I feel you've truly conquered this particular style of poem to death. It would be really refreshing to see you write a haiku or something non rhyming or anything in a different kind of style just to show us how good you really are. Perhaps you've done all that guff in the past and I've just not done my research but the special brew is kicking in and I am powerless to resist. cheers Albett 🙂

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Mund. Sorry you're tired of my style. I can't say it'll be changing anytime soon though. Thanks for commenting.

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annie get ya tights

Jolen on 06-07-2009
Sex on The Brain.
Go Smunky, that's what its there for, to look and leer, I say! Another clever piece of work and I say good on you, mate!


blessings,
Ms. Swollen

Author's Reply:
Hello lovely Ms. Jolen of England on the green. Isn't it thundery? I blame the weather. Anyway, yes. Thank you for reading and for taking the time to comment. I'm missing Wimbledon already? I must join a local tennis club (-; Good to see you and no mistake. Hope all is well.

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based on a penis shaped carrot that Esther Rantzen once found highly amusing

barenib on 07-07-2009
Sex on The Brain.
Hello Sunks - I've just chanced upon this in my lunch hour and people in the office are now wondering what I'm laughing at - should I tell them I wonder? The trouble is I find those Williams sisters a bit intimidating - I think you'd need a strong racket to cope with them... Anyway, well done - John.

Author's Reply:
Oh I agree about said sisters. I'll be frank, I didn't watch their final. No, it was the blondes with un-pronouncable names who played in the earlier games that did it for me. I never realised that I was such a big fan of tennis until I saw & heard them. Ahem. Anyway, thanks for reading. Muchly appreciated. I hope it didn't cause too much embarrassment in the office.

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annie get ya garter

wfgray on 14-07-2009
Sex on The Brain.
Hi there, Sex on the brain. Do you know that sex is the most widely discussed subject on the planet' Oh yes even I like the look 'ahem' a pretty leg and I have seen plenty. A pleasing and well written poem for the time of the year. Will

Author's Reply:
Lol. Hello Mr. Will. No it doesn't surprise me at all. It's free (although that's debatable) and highly pleasurable, so I guess it's always going to be discussed. I find myself getting hotter under the collar (in a good way) at this time of the year. Life can be beautiful. Thank god for pretty legs... and other bits (-;
Thanks for looking in on a sunks.

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where there are singles, let there be hope

niece on 14-07-2009
Sex on The Brain.
Sunk,

Never been too much of a sports lover...neither a player nor a watcher...apart from a nail-biting cricket match or two...when I was a youngster Steffi Graff was the new kid on the block...and everyone just adored her for more reasons than one...if I am not mistaken, she used to groan too...

Good one, Sunky...but that goes without saying...

Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
Hello lovely Ms. Niece (-: As you can see, I can now access my own poems. Ahem. Andrea can be very accommodating when she wants to be. Thanks for reading and for not being too offended by my naughty poem. It's true, Ms. Niece, I am a disgrace. Hope all is well with you and yours. Sorry for the delay in replying. I blame databases and name changes. How rude of someone to steal my capital S. Take care Niece x

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in search of 'S'

allieuk on 01-08-2009
Sex on The Brain.
Hello dirty Munkey 🙂 Well I've not been here for four years...about the same amount of time since I've written anything in fact....but here you are, as talented and norty as ever 🙂 There's something very comforting about that. Bravo.

Author's Reply:
Mmm.... Dirty is right. Ahem. Sorry, you've caught me with my pants down, Ms. Allie. I blame porn. Anyway, as you can see, I can now access my poem. Hope you got the pm explaining my earlier problem with the site. It's all to do with a name change I had to make. I hope my small 's' in sunken isn't too off-putting for ya? Good to see you around again. I've never been described as comforting before. Are you sure? Even without my pants on? As I said to Niece in the previous comment - I'm a bloody disgrace. There's something rather lovely about typing with ya balls out tho. Ahem. God that picture of Kylie's arse is proper doing it for me. It's not really Kylie by the way... Still, it'll do (-; Cheers Ms. Allie. Hope you're going to stick around. I'll be looking out for ya.

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logging on with a log on - disgraceful behaviour!

stormwolf on 14-08-2009
Sex on The Brain.
My response is one of silence
since I have sensed a change in mood,
a disapproving atmosphere
that could initiate a feud,


yes! You are one clue-ed up guy!!!
I LOVED this! It was faultless in the layout and rhythm but very funny too.

Show me a man who does not have sex on the brain..and I will show you some sort of saddo!!!
yeah!

Alison

Author's Reply:
Oh god. Ahem. Every time I log onto this page and see that lovely ripe arse I just want to go and have a... STOP! Ahem. Blimey, that was close. It's a good job my self censor circuit is wanking... I mean working. So glad you understand the predicament that faces your average man, Ms. Wolf of Storm fame. I am, sadly, very average (-; Really chuffed you liked the poem. Cheers Alison.

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where there are ladies bums, let there be sunk

Texasgreg on 28-05-2012
Sex on The Brain.
You stimulate me to rethink why I have sticky keys, my crazy, funny friend with a Texas-sized heart...Promise to look at more later. Have been afraid, but am much more at ease since I began writing naked.

Greg 🙂

Author's Reply:


The Right Dishonourable... (posted on: 18-05-09)
Despicable!

I must insist on skirting issues *Go ape - Go mad. Aka 'Ape Shit'. THE RIGHT DISHONOURABLE sunken ''My parliamentary position demands that I acquire a moat. I'll need a crystal chandelier, a Jaguar and a speedboat. I'll need a cottage in the country, a second home as my escape, a place where I can rest my laurels when the electorate go ape. I will undoubtedly need notebooks and other stationery tools, a cuddly toy, a television, a full-sized heated swimming pool, a broadband internet connection, a tailored suit in which to work I'll need a vast array of items, I have prerequisites to shirk. I must insist on skirting issues that might expose me as a fraud, a fraud who squeezes every penny out of a system clearly flawed, a system funded by the taxes that my constituents must pay, an honest law abiding public whom I persistently betray''
Archived comments for The Right Dishonourable...
soman on 18-05-2009
The Right Dishonourable...
Sunky, Soman here. Glad to hear that we are in good company. A new gang has just been chosen here, and they will no doubt do their best to outdo the ones who are on the way out. I will have to try and follow in your footsteps if I can. (I doubt it, though}. Enjoyed your comments.

Soman

Author's Reply:
Hello Soman. It's me, sunks. I am replying to your comment. I shall start replying now - I'm not used to replying to comments as I hardly ever sub. I blame this primarily on my long and laborious search for the hump backed Terrapin. I'll be frank, I don't think they exist. Ahem. Thank you for reading and commenting. Incidentally, you might not be so quick to following my footsteps if you knew where they had taken me(-; Thank you all the same though. You are a gent. Good luck with your 'new gang'. If they're anything like ours they'll be just as bad as the old gang. Cheers and no mistake.

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keeper of the oxy vanish

Mezzanotte on 18-05-2009
The Right Dishonourable...
Dear Sunken,

how the hell are you? Nice to see one of your poems here for a change. I wanted to read one of your sweet sensitive ones, but I guess this one will do as it is honest and as usual very funny. You've been learning a thing or two from that Munky of yours.


One wonders how politicians have always been and still are getting away with it. I think we need another Guy Fawkes.
Or some pretty fireworks will do.

I hope that this comment has been helpful.

Best Wishes
Jackie

Sunnken 10 - Guy Fawkes 0

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Jackie. It's me, sunks. I am replying to your comment. You know, the one you made on my latest effort regarding our toss pot MP's? Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you and no mistake. I shall say it now - thank you and no mistake. Incidentally, it has come to my attention that you are talking to that nice Mr. Luigi in some kind of code? This is most irregular. I hope you're not saying anything derogatory? I shall try to crack the code later when I've had a Pot Noodle. This aside, thank you for reading my effort and for rating me higher than Guy Fawkes. I hope this has helped. Hello?

Breast Wishes

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Jackie 10 - Pot Noodle (Chicken Flavour)... ahem... 10.1 (sorry. I suspect fowl play) (-;

Ionicus on 18-05-2009
The Right Dishonourable...
How pedestrian. Not your poem Mr. Sunken, the dishonourable members' conduct. I remember with nostalgia when parliamentarians were involved in nice, wholesome sleaze, i.e. sexual shenanigans. Were you too young at the time of the Profumo affair? Those were the days.
Now we are reduced to read about bath plugs and electric bulbs. Disgraceful.

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Luigi. yes, they're a disgrace and no mistake. I found this difficult to write because my blood kept boiling. The only sexual reference in this whole affair has been when that bloke claimed money for porno films. To be frank, as a taxpayer, and having seen his wife, I don't begrudge the fella for that particular misdemeanour.
Profumo? All I know is what I've heard. The Pet shop boys once sang something about it too. I also know that 'Please, please me' by the Beatles (I think) was number one when said affair was taking place. You may have mentioned this before. Didn't I mess one of your subs up by trying (and failing many times) to post a picture of the sexy call girl. It was the pic of her sitting astride a chair. I'll be frank, it gave me the horn. Ahem. Anyway, yes, hello? Thanks for the comment. You might be interested to read my reply to Jackie (above). Your name features. Thank you.

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keeper of the lavalamp

Jolen on 18-05-2009
The Right Dishonourable...
BRILLIANT! Nothing more to say.


blessings,
Ms. Swollen

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Swollen Jolen. It's me, sunks. How are your swellings today? I trust they are behaving themselves. Thank you for your continued positivity. It means a lot, especially as I'm not the most frequent of subbers. I blame a lack of time. I have been searching for the lesser spotted doe doe of late. I'll be frank, I don't think it exists. I hope this has helped.

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keeper of the lime green felt-tip pen

teifii on 18-05-2009
The Right Dishonourable...
Well done. Sunky. The situation was just waiting for one of your efforts. Made me smile and that's not easy at the moment.

I have prerequisites to shirk. -- genius.
Daff

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Daff. How lovely to see you. I read your kiddie story earlier and shall comment shortly and no mistake. Glad you liked the poem. It was a bit tricky to write because I kept seeing red. I don't know how they sleep at night... Actually, I do - They've probably claimed for ultra comfortable beds to go with their ultra comfortable life styles. I'm seeing red again, I best go. Hope you are well, Ms. Daff. Thanks again.

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keeper of the anadin extra

Leila on 18-05-2009
The Right Dishonourable...
Dear Sunken, I've been waiting and hoping for this (I knew you'd write one) and here we have your super topical poem in true Sunken style. You are right on the money (oh dear I know please forgive me)! The last lines just hit the spot, yes it's more than just this latest scandal, it is that we are persistently betrayed, you truly captured this in your poem...Leila

Author's Reply:
Hello lovely Ms. Leila. Always good to see you and no mistake. You're right of course, I couldn't resist attempting something on said topic. It took me a while as I kept seeing the red mist. Thankfully though, by utilising anger management techniques, I was eventually able to finish it (-; I always knew that dartboard would come in useful one day. Thanks muchly for commenting. Your words are always a big boost for a simple sunk.

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keeper of the lucozade

Ionicus on 18-05-2009
The Right Dishonourable...
Hello Mr. Sunks. It's me (again). I want to quell any rumours that may be circulating: Jackie and I are just good friends and my communicating with her in code was a vain attempt at seduction. It didn't work for two reasons: firstly she doesn't know and secondly the Channel and many miles separate us.
Also I wouldn't like to upset her husband; these Italians can be a bit temperamental. So, there you have it: it's all innocent.
Yes, I remember you posting that picture of Christine Keeler siiting naked astray a chair. It took me a few days to cool down.

Author's Reply:
Lol. I should have known that your intentions were purely of a seductive bent. I'd say you were a disgrace, but I can hardly talk. I will of course await Ms. Jackie's response before finally putting this matter to bed... I really could have put that better (-;

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sold to the naked girl sitting astride a chair (in fact, you can have it for nothing)

cat on 18-05-2009
The Right Dishonourable...
Well hi 😀

Sooooooooooo pleased to find a Sunk amongst this Mondays subs. Nobody does this stuff better than you (imo). You always knock my socks off S. You rock my friend, you rock!

Laughing all the way to the ...

X's and O's Sunky Le 'talented' Munk (-;

Author's Reply:
Well Hi there yourself, Ms. Kitty Le Cat. I'll be frank, knocking a girls socks off is all well and good, but I'd have preferred it if said poem had somehow managed to relieve you of your pants (-; If I ever manage to do that would ya let me know? (-; All in the name of science you understand? Ahem. Seriously tho, thanks very much for your positivity regarding my ickul poem. Hello?

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keeper of the hot water bottle

soman on 19-05-2009
The Right Dishonourable...
Soman again. We have an old saying : whoever dips his finger in the syrup bowl, will naturally end up licking it - the finger, I mean; well, some may even swallow the entire thing, the bowl included.

Soman

Author's Reply:
Lol. I suppose many of us would be tempted to lick our fingers... but the whole bowl? That's plain greedy. Lets just hope they pay for it in the end, Mr. Soman.

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Rupe on 19-05-2009
The Right Dishonourable...
Amazingly fluent, sharp and to the point.

The only problem with it is that the narrator comes across so confidently that even Jeremey Paxman would probably say, 'Fair enough, old chap' after hearing it...

Rupe

Author's Reply:
Lol. Oh I doubt it. Not our Jeremy. He's like a bloodhound when he gets his teeth into something (or someone). I'm glad you think it comes across as being that confident though. I wanted him to sound completely self righteous and selfish. This doesn't come naturally to a sunk, honest guv.

Cheers, Mr. Rupe.

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keeper of the plant pot

macaby on 19-05-2009
The Right Dishonourable...
Brilliant stuff indeed. So bloody funny but all so true . And that is why I have never voted in my life. Much enjoyed. mac

Author's Reply:
Thanks, Mr. Mac. If voter apathy doesn't reach an all-time low after this then I'll quite happily eat my Right Dishonourable local MP's pants. Are they seriously expecting us to trust them again? Not that most of us trusted them in the first place. I can feel my blood pressure rising again. I better go lie down and think of a Kylie/Duffy sandwich... God, imagine that? Ahhhh. Ahem. Hello? Thank you.

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keeper of the spicy doritos

discopants on 22-05-2009
The Right Dishonourable...
The floating duck-house came just too late for inclusion. I would comment further but I'm off to supervise the cleaning out of my moat.

Author's Reply:
Lol. Can you believe it? What the fcuk is floating duck house anyway? Hope you managed to clean the moat out ok. I'm leaving mine 'til tomorrow. I have a chandelier that needs installing and ducks to house. It's good to know they're like us isn't it? Ahem. Sorry for the late reply. I missed the notifications. I blame bleary eyes. Thanks Mr. Disco (-:

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he leopard skin pants gave the game away

SugarMama34 on 22-05-2009
The Right Dishonourable...
Hello Mr Sunky Le MUnk, I think you have captured in this poem what most of the country are thinking. Why the hell should these mp's etc have expenses for such things ie; second homes etc and the ordinary people like us struggle to bloody survive! You have laid down your feelings well in think it gives good food for thought. Talking of food I think I'll go make myself some chicken soup! Take a bow Sunks, another good poem from you and one I have enjoyed and read out to my friend, she cheered and said 'Nice one, that's a good poem'.

Sugar Lumpkin. xx

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Sugary Lumpkin. I'm quite chuffed that your friend liked this. It proper made my day and no mistake. Can I just say how bloomin marvellous it is to see you around uka again? I know I've said it elsewhere already, but since that cake decorating incident (the one I don't talk about) I've started repeating myself. I'm chuffed that your friend liked this. Did I already say that? See what I mean? Damn those hundreds and thousands! Ahem. Thank you, Ms. Sugar. Take care and a fruit pastel.

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like the deserts' miss the rain, 2 - jelly and custard, 3 (late kick off)

Romany on 07-06-2009
The Right Dishonourable...
This could have been written by any number of politicians - except of course none of the buggers would be honest enough to do so. Love you as always Sunky,

Romany.

Author's Reply:
It's all hitting the fan just lately, Ms. Romany. It was hard to trust them before all of this, it's pretty much impossible now. Fighting amongst themselves as the country goes down the pan is even more unforgivable. Sad times and no mistake. Thanks for reading and commenting and for being Romany.

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(my 'k' is having a lie in - late night I think) ahem.

Zoya on 11-06-2009
The Right Dishonourable...
Sunky darling, sorry for visiting your page after a long time, I blame it on lack of time and nothing else!
But, I am so glad I did: This a gem of a piece! Very tightly done, with perfect rhyming too.
Your trade mark humour is delightful, as usual.
I didn't realize, you were so damn good!
Love,
Zoya

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Zoya. Sorry for the late reply. I didn't see the notification. I blame a lack of sleep. It's a lumpy bed thing. I really must get a new mattress. Ahem. Thanks for the positive comment (-: It's proper cheered me up and no mistake. Glad you liked it.

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where there are duvets, let there be beds

wfgray on 19-06-2009
The Right Dishonourable...


Author's Reply:

wfgray on 19-06-2009
The Right Dishonourable...
Hi Sunken, Your poem is topical of the recent happenings in parliament. They are a thieving lot and I hope this lot in power gets rid of the fraudsters. Nearly a millian quid and some more. Well done. Will

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Will. Yes, it just gets worse doesn't it? The expenses that have been published on the internet this week are a complete joke. They obviously have no idea as to what the true meaning of 'transparency' is. I doubt parliament will ever be rid of people like this. One MP even claimed back a £5 charity 'donation' that he'd made. I'm starting a new party - 'Apathy UK'. You can join by doing nothing. I predict a landslide (-; Thanks for reading and commenting, Mr. Will. Much appreciated.

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he believes that toast is the future

Bradene on 24-06-2009
The Right Dishonourable...
Best piece I've read yet on this particular subject Sunk, I tried one myself but it was shite. (Note to self I really must keep up with my reading) (-; Val x

Author's Reply:
Lol. I don't think I've heard/read you swear before, Ms. Val. It's quite refreshing. When we next converse I would like you to slip in a cock... Ahem. I could have phrased that better. I really should engage my brain before opening my gob. Sorry. Hello? Thanks muchly for your comments today. They've proper perked me up and no mistake.

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he only watches wimbledon to hear the ladies groan

CVaughan on 04-07-2009
The Right Dishonourable...

Erm, hello Sunk it is me. I think you did a fine satirical job with assuming the not-so fictional voice of your despicable MP.
You certainly got the conveyor belt of perks off pat, should you return them to him BTW Pat that is, another old joke, well I am old d'yersee? It reminds me of the beautiful Rik Mayal's characterisation of the ruthless selfish Bastard in The New Statesman, a prog. that shd. be repeated IMO. Congrats on the worthy nib. Frank

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Frank. It's me, sunks. I am replying to your comment via the gift of typing. I believe it to be the future. Unlike Munky, who believes that bananas are the future. Only time will tell who is right. Thank you for reading and commenting. Being old, by the way, is a beautiful thang. A neighbour of mine had a tortoise that was very old. It died last week. At least she thinks it died last week... It's hard to tell isn't it? Hello? Thanks again my good fellow.

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annie get your arm out

Shinobi-Tori on 05-07-2009
The Right Dishonourable...
ooooh!!! This is delicious!!
It lingers on current affairs but it is almost like it bleeds into the past through alll our lives as we think...
"God these guys have been doing this from the beginning" and it then makes you think that it is no longer current affairs but a 'Generation Game' for those evil twisted polititians who know that because they are anchored to our trust they can now bleed us for everything we have EVERYTHING
... including the 'Cuddly Toy'

"BAR-STEWARDS!!!!"

(I grow strawberries in my garden)

Author's Reply:
If you grow the strawberries I'll make the cream (-; Ahem. Hello Ms. Tori of Shinobi fame. Sorry for the late reply. I mistook the notification for a notification to a comment on one of my other poems. Did that make sense? I am but a simple sunk and am often making mistakes like that. I am very pleased that you found this delicious. Thanks for reading and commenting. Now, about those strawberries...

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where there are horses - let there be hay

stormwolf on 22-08-2009
The Right Dishonourable...
wonderful Sunks!!! spot on...yeah!!!!
just great.
Alison

Author's Reply:
Thanks, Ms. Wolf of Storm fame. It's always good to know when something has hit someone's spot. Ahem, as it were (-; Thanks for reading. Much appreciated.

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now enriched with zinc


Outflanked (posted on: 09-03-09)
Her new boyfriend has been chosen to join the college rugby team...

he's dependable and caring *Flanker - A position in the sport of rugby union. OUTFLANKED sunken Her new boyfriend has been chosen to join the college rugby team. She says his ball skills are fantastic and that he's held in high esteem by everybody on the campus, especially the girls and gays She says her boyfriend is amazing and that I must have been a phase. ''He drives a sporty little soft top that compliments my spray-on tan, he is respected by his team mates and is referred to as 'The man'. He is dependable and caring, he's everything you never were'' She says her boyfriend is amazing and that her mum and dad concur. ''They prefer him to the 'waster' who I was seeing formerly'' I shake my head and point my finger to double check that she means me, ''they say you really were an arsehole, and that you must have spiked my booze'' She says her boyfriend is a flanker but that is not the word I'd choose
Archived comments for Outflanked
Crackers on 09-03-2009
Outflanked
Dear Sir,
Your poem is an excellent portrayal of ex girlfriends and their new boyfriends.

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Cracker of Crackersville fame. Thanks for reading my sub. Her new boyfriend, if I'm being frank, is a bit of a pratt. She always did have bad taste in men... Ahem. Does that make me a pratt too? Don't answer that. I fear the answer could be yes and no mistake. Thanks again.

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he speaks pretend french - le moi de petite couison rouge eiffel tower pa pa?

RachelLW on 09-03-2009
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It's also very well written and very funny. I liked it, Mr Sunken.
Rachel 🙂

Author's Reply:
Oh, how lovely, a new lady in my comment box. I hope I don't say anything daft or creepy. I get a bit tongue tied around ladies. I blame this mainly on the fact that I think you're all lovely (even the ugly ones). I can see from your picture tho that you're anything but ugly. There! How did I do? Oh, by the way, I've really enjoyed your initial subs. I hope we'll get to read more and no mistake. Thank you for reading my flank poem (-; Take care and a spare button,

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shall we dance?

Ionicus on 09-03-2009
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Hello Mr. Sunks. It's me, Luigi, ready as always to offer you support and advice. How come you pick the wrong 'uns every time? Don't go chasing after tarts who turn round and ridicule you for not having the necessary ball skills. Don't be a flanker: choose instead a refined lady who appreciates your sensitive nature and your oral ability. Am I right in saying that you have a smooth tongue that can captivate a discerning young lady? Use your assets sensibly but not selfishly: share your wealth with girls who value your endeavours.
Keep me informed if this suggestions bear any fruit.

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Luigi. It's me, sunks. There is a wealth of information in your comment that I must endeavour to put into practice. I do get a bit upset when girls ridicule balls. I've mentioned before that they aren't very symmetrical. I have it on good authority that not many are. Are we on about the same thing? Anyways, yes, a refined lady would do just nicely... so long as she's prepared to give head. Ahem. you see, this is the problem, I'm not the refined myself so I can't really expect it in others. I do value your advice though and will, like a suitcase, take it onboard. Thank you.

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he used a 13 ant fuse by mistake

SugarMama34 on 09-03-2009
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Hey Mr. Sunks. It's been a couple of weeks since I've been on UKA and this is the first piece of work I've read on here. It didn't disappoint me. Your poems, as always, make me laugh. I read it out to Mr Sugar and he enjoyed it too. You have a good knack for these. Keep 'em coming hun.

Lis'. xx

Author's Reply:
(-: Ms. Sugar! It's good to see you around again. I had been wondering where you'd got to, but then I know how busy you are. Thanks for reading and for also reading it to Mr. Sugar. Does Mr. Sugar have a habit of saying, 'You're fired!' Or am I thinking of the wrong bloke? Good to see you again and no mistake. Take care and lipbalm,

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he can speak pretend french - le lais de pa pa au de citoren da jais le femme, ahem.

Leila on 09-03-2009
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Ah Sunken another little piece of poetic joy to brighten up a dull Monday! All the right words in all the best lines perfectly matched from start to finish...can I just give a special mention for

She says her boyfriend is amazing
and that I must have been a phase.
“He drives a sporty little soft top
that compliments my spray-on tan,
he is respected by his team mates
and is referred to as ‘The man’.
That's where I laughed out loud all the way to the end!

Thank you for being Sunken on UKA! Now what about that book to please your fans...Leila



Author's Reply:
Lol. Thanks Ms. Leila. I do believe that laughing is one of the few things that the government haven't taxed... yet. Give em time (-; I'm glad you liked it and no mistake. Thanks picking out your fave bit. I've actually known people like this. I'm not jealous. I wouldn't want to get serious with an orange girl anyway, it goes against the goth in me. Cheers Ms. Leila. I very much appreciate you reading and commenting on my stuff.
Oh, a book - ahem. I'm worried it would only sell in the tiniest of numbers. Numbers so small that nano scientists with very small clipboards would be required to calculate the actual sales. I blame a lack of confidence due to a challenging childhood. It's encouraging to hear you ask about it tho. Thanks again Ms. Leila.

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madonna 1 - a rusty wheelbarrow 5

cat on 09-03-2009
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Well finally!

Sunky if this other than fiction she didn't deserve you anyway!
As always, I love your poems they always make me laugh and leave me with a smile (

Nice picture by the way (-; Love cat x

Author's Reply:
Thank you Ms. Cat. I'm glad you like the picture. I found it on my mates pc. He's not into rugby tho... Come to think of it, his cd collection is a bit dodgy too. Still, who am I to judge? I'm sure there are plenty of young men who are into Steps and Abba. Ahem. Glad I made ya smile. That'll certainly do for me. Take care and a chipmunk,

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he can speak pretend french, ahem... 'bonjour et le petit fromage'.

macaby on 09-03-2009
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Ha Ha, well done sunken.Well written, clever and funny.
"especially the girls and gays… "Loved it! mac 🙂


Author's Reply:
(-: Thank you Mr. Macaby. I was a bit worried about the pc'ness of that line so I ran it by a gay friend. He said that I'd probably use it anyway so why was I bothering to ask him. Ahem. They're quite tuned in aren't they these gays? Thanks for reading & commenting. Glad you liked it.

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the fire brigade have asked him to change his ringtone

Munster on 10-03-2009
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Hi Sunks, she obviously was still (mad about the boy),
jealousy comes out in the strangest of ways.
as always well written

Tony

Author's Reply:
Do you really think so Mr. Tony? Women are very strange and no mistake. I have no idea what they're on about half of the time. Do you know that some of them actually enjoy shopping!? Imagine that! Weird they are, Mr. Munster, plain weird. Thanks for reading and commenting. Hope all is well.

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he's thinking of opening a singles shoe shop

discopants on 10-03-2009
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If he's a flanker, does that make her a hooker?

Author's Reply:
Is a hooker also a position in the game of rugby, Mr. Disco? What is it with these rugby players? Disgraceful behaviour! Thanks for reading and no mistake.

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he likes to watch women playing chellos

artisus on 10-03-2009
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I think I will agree with Munster/Tony. Very nice

Author's Reply:
I think I will agree with my inner voice (who I've named Rachel). Your comments are always very welcome. Thanks Ms. Nic or Artisus fame. Take care and a pipe cleaner.

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his remote control has wheels

artisus on 10-03-2009
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Woke up quite suspicious and paranoid perhaps today, so i may be seeing things that are not there, so I don't know -really- how to see your reply dear Sunken, my inner voice is nowhere to be found today, I'll take care, you take care too.

blames Mozart

Author's Reply:
Don't be paranoid Ms. Nic. My replies/comments are alway a bit random. It's a lack of sleep thing. Sorry if I've said anything to cause you any upset, that's the last thing a sunks would want to do )-:

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dante's inferno 2 - jimmy's kebab and grill 3

artisus on 10-03-2009
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I was already quite upset. Nothing to do with you, or uka etc, but some coincidences are really strange the last 24 hours. I'll get over it. Thanks friend x

Author's Reply:
Ok Nic. No problem. Sorry again if my reply to your original comment made you paranoid in any way. Paranoia is one of the few things that I do understand. I often feel that way myself. I can totally assure you that my ramblings are always random and that I never set out to upset people. It's not in my makeup (tho I do have some fantastic new guy-liner). Hope your day gets better from here. Feel free to give me a cyber slap if I cause you anymore upset. Your, a friend,

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he will slap himself later

TexasLady on 10-03-2009
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This is so cute! Thanks. Linda

Author's Reply:
(-: And so was your bite-sized comment (cute I mean). In keeping with said minuteness I shall also keep this reply very shor.... (-;
Thanks Ms. Linda. Good to know you're still around and no mistake.

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can i have the chicken on a stick please waiter?

soman on 11-03-2009
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Sunky, With such a deluge of comments, there seems to be very little space or scope left for me to get a word in edgewise. You have been specialising in commenting - favorably - on others', including mine, so I am happy to get a chance to return the compliment with hundred percent interest. What more can I say?

Soman

Soman

Author's Reply:
Dear Mr. Soman, Any word from your good self, be it hammered in edgewise or otherwise, is always very welcome and no mistake. It's always good to know who's reading me. That way I know where to direct the aid to. It's only right that I at least try to make amends for my crimes against poetry and poets (-;
Good to hear from you, Mr. Soman. Have you read Niece's latest? It's bloomin' good and no mistake. Thanks again.

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he dreams in french

littleditty on 12-03-2009
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book please - listen to Leila, she knows stuff -this is a top sunky piece - well done sunk, ditty xxx

Author's Reply:
And you are top Ukanette who we don't see enough of. Leila has always been very supportive, as have you my diminutive ickle Ditty of Dittsville on the paddock. A book? Me? It's nice to know that some people think my stuff is worthy of one. Thank you and no mistake. Hope all is well with you, Ms. Ditty. Thanks for reading and commenting. Take care and salad cream,

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we leave at dawn

barenib on 13-03-2009
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Hello Sunky - just found this and it has made me chuckle while at work, which is no mean feat I can assure you 🙂 It reminds me of the Sting song 'Seven Days', which has a similar theme. Jolly good - John.

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. John of Barenib fame. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. Glad it gave you a laugh. I've known some right flankers in my time and no mistake (-; Cheers Mr. Nibster.

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owl 3 - pussycat 3

niece on 14-03-2009
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Sunky,

When I was in college, it was cool to hang out with the members from the cricket team...I'm sure that's one thing that hasn't changed with the times... as usual, a superb poem from you...

Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Niece. Thanks for reading. It's mainly footballers here who are lusted over. Those lustful kind of girls probably aren't worth bothering with anyway... Ok, I admit it, I'm just trying to make myself feel better. Thanks again for commenting.

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click on, click off

Ginger on 16-03-2009
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Hey Sunken, Been a while since I've been on here, and this is the first piece I visited. Oh, and no disappointment. Absolutely brilliant. And I enjoyed the poem. 🙂
Lisa x

Author's Reply:
(-: Yey Ms. Ginger! Where have you been? What have you been doing? Are you back for good this time? Do I sound like a Take That tune? These and many more questions can be found in my book, 'These and many more questions,' on sale at Woolworths from Monday. I is honoured that you dropped in on a sunk and no mistake. Thanks for reading and commenting. Hope all is well in Lisaland. Take care and a spare ribbon.

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yes sir, i can boogie, but i'll need a pernod first

freya on 17-03-2009
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sunks, you know I've watched you grow enormously as a writer since I first arrived on the UKA scene. What I appreciate most is the way you allow your reader to see the vulnerability of the poet. Your work has taken on layered meaning for me, and with every poem there is so much to read 'between the lines'. Meanwhile, you speak for 'everyone' in this poem. Being compared with another and found wanting when to be loved for yourself is all you desire, simply hurts. Yet always, you tell the truth of a situation by using your sense of irony and good humor; by making yourself the scapegoat. That softens the truth for others, huh?

my fav lines:

She says her boyfriend is amazing
and that her mum and dad concur.
“They prefer him to the ‘waster’
who I was seeing formerly…”
I shake my head and point my finger
to double check that she means me,

Good one sunkymunky! Shelagh 😉

Author's Reply:
Blimey. What a smashing comment. Thanks Ms. Freya. You're a wise one and no mistake. It's always good to get another person's angle on how stuff comes over. I think I can live with being a scapegoat. Thanks for reading and commrnting and for also picking your fave bit. Much appreciated, Ms Freya and no mistake.

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now available from petrol stations

pullmykock on 17-03-2009
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Tee-hee! Jolly good show, Mr Sunkarama. Nice and blunt, and with a reference to Rohypnol to top it off. Did you know that I am so lonely that I have to put Rohypnol in my own drink?

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to alert driver


Author's Reply:

Bevvy on 18-03-2009
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This is a witty little number, sunky. I've got a bad cold right now, but your poem cheered me up. Thank you!!

Lots of love,
Bevvy
x

Author's Reply:
Hello lovely Ms. Bevvy. Sorry to hear about your cold. There's a lot of it about. I blame Beechams of cold and flu remedy fame. Have you tried my bowl technique? Simply balance a bowl of cold water on your head. Concentrating on said bowl will take your mind off said cold. I can't think why Beechams haven't thought of this. Smashing to see you. I'm quite chuffed that my poem cheered you up. That in itself makes this writing lark worth it. Take care and a lemsip. x

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he belives he's found a cure for the common cold

Jolen on 30-03-2009
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Dear Smunky,

You still do it like no one else and I still love you doing it! This was excellent and congrats on the nib, it sure deserved one! I'm still giggling.

blessings,
Ms. Swollen Jolen

Author's Reply:
(-: Dear Ms. Jolen, I've been meaning to reply to your lovely comment for the past few days. For some reason, when I log on, I get side-tracked into commenting on new subs. This morning, however, I have set aside some special Jolen time. I have essential oils at hand, whale noises emanating from my hifi and scented candles a plenty. What do you say? I know you're a married woman, but I promise that nothing untoward will take place. I will, of course, require you to get naked for the massaging that I have planned. Ahem. Thank you very much for reading my sub. I say it often, but that's because it's true, if people like you didn't comment I wouldn't sub at all. Writing is a lonely enough business as it is, so it's good to hear from fellow ukaneers (and especially Ukanettes 😉
Take care Ms. Swollen of Jolen,

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he wonders what Obama & Gordon had for breakfast

PaulS on 14-04-2009
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Hi Sunken. I hope this wasn't from personal experience.

Like the ending most of all...nice work.

Take care.

Paul

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Paul. Partly personal, partly fictional. I've known a few of these blokes in my time. They always get the girls. I need to bulk up. I'm currently working on my wrists, ahem. Thanks for reading and commenting.

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he met her in argos, next to the deep fat fryer display

shadow on 06-06-2009
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Hi sunk - I'm trying to catch up on all the stuff I missed - loved this one, esp the last two lines
Shad

Author's Reply:
(-: Hello Ms. Shadow. It's bloomin good to see you around again. Thanks for dropping in on a sunk. If I'd have known you were coming I'd have tidied up a bit. Honest I would. Thanking you muchly.

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where there is paint, let there be ventilation

Romany on 07-06-2009
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More to you than meets the eye, as ever. Very witty though and it should be obvious by now that I love your style.

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Romany. I never take your support for granted, so I is a happy sunky to get a comment like this. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. Muchly appreciated and no mistake (-:

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where there are wagons let there be wheels

Bradene on 24-06-2009
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Hi Sunky just catching up with some reading, I see you are still as sharp and saucy as ever. This is a cracker. Love Val x

Author's Reply:
Hello lovely Ms. Val. It's smashing to see you around again and no mistake. Thanks for being a glutton for punishment and reading three of my subs. I hope they've not affected you too badly. I recommend a darkened room, soothing music and, of course, a turnip. Cheers Ms. Val. Your support is always appreciated. Blimey... I make you sound like jockstrap. Ahem. Is this why I'm single? Hello? Thank you.

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he trimmed his balls today

Rising_Dea on 30-11-2009
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Hahah ;o)))))) Great stuff, made me all mushy and giggly. ;o)))


Author's Reply:
Mushy and giggly sounds good to me, Ms. Dea of the Rising persuasion. Glad you liked it 🙂

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london, paris, leeds


Two Thousand & Decline. (posted on: 16-02-09)
The study of a girl...

simple reservations TWO THOUSAND & DECLINE (Hopes & Anchors) sunken Focused on a grid of shadows cast by adjacent window frames, I study her in subdivisions, my eyes deciphering her aims. I scrutinize her body-language, relaxed and seemingly carefree She looks as beautiful as ever but she would doubtless disagree. Intoxicatingly angelic beneath a Southern Comfort sky, she excavates my inner feelings until I'm forced to question why, 'why further scrutinise a moment that's ultimately led to this?' The sunlight renders her angelic as carefully we reminisce...
Archived comments for Two Thousand & Decline.
Romany on 16-02-2009
Two Thousand & Decline.
To 'carefully reminisce' suggests delicate histories. As always, deep and poignant and touching.

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Romany. Thanks for reading and commenting. That's pretty much what I wanted the ending to do, so I'm glad it worked for ya. It did originally go on for another eight lines but I decided to cut it short. I hear less is more? I so hope that's true (-;

Cheers Ms. Sue of Romany fame,

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sold to the bloke with more money than sense

Jolen on 16-02-2009
Two Thousand & Decline.
Dear Smunky,

So many good lines in this, I am impressed once again! I think this is another of your treasures and no mistake!

blessings,
Ms. Swollen

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Swollen Jolen. Thanks for leaving your mark. Ahem. Sorry, that makes you sound like a dog marking out his territory via the means of wee. I've already been called a bad munky by a certain Ms. Cat for the way I replied to your comment on my last poem. I must keep this one clean or she'll have my nuts for garters (I think that's how the phrase goes). Thanks again Ms. Jolen.

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he regrets the donut incident

reckless on 16-02-2009
Two Thousand & Decline.
Very sensitively written, and evocative. It's also carefully structured, and those three things make it very good indeed.

Author's Reply:
Hello Reckless. Thanks for reading and commenting. It's much appreciated, especially as I cut it up quite a lot within minutes of originally subbing it. Thank god/Richard for the modify button. Cheers Reckless,

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last night a dj gave him strife

cat on 16-02-2009
Two Thousand & Decline.
Sensitive, compassionate, philosophical, beautiful. loved it Sunks x

Your guts/nuts are safe!

Author's Reply:
Ahem. Hello Ms. Cat. It's good to know that my nuts are safe in your hands and that I am gradually working my way back into your good books (-; It's good to see you back around planet uka. I hear you've had internet probs? There seems to be a rash of us having those kind of probs of late. Hope it's all sorted now. Thanks for taking the time to read. I'm not sure if it was you who nommed it, but if it was, thank you.
There! I think I've actually managed to converse with a girl without causing any offence...

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his nuts can predict climate change

macaby on 16-02-2009
Two Thousand & Decline.
great poem sunken, well crafted indeed. worthy of the nom and a bernard too if you ask me. and you called me sensitive.lol

Author's Reply:
Lol. I really have to work at being sensitive tho, Mr. Macaby. You wouldn't believe how many times I chopped and changed this one. I'm sure being sensitive comes more naturally to you. That Munster fella seems to have it sorted too. He's a big hairy (well I dunno if he is hairy actually) rugby player, but he's definitely in touch with his sensitive side. It's a good thang. I tend to spoil moods by going on about tits and stuff. I can't help it. I just love lady bits. Ahem. I'll shut up now before they all start moaning at me.
Cheers Macaby and no mistake,

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now available in minty fresh

Ionicus on 16-02-2009
Two Thousand & Decline.
You big softie! It is the body you have to scrutinize, not the body language. I am beginning to see where you are going wrong. Behaviour apart, it is a lovely poem which, wait for it, deserves a NIB.


Author's Reply:
I knew someone would call me a softie. I'll be frank, Mr. Luigi, it's not a phrase that a man likes to hear (if ya know what I'm saying). You're right tho, I need to be more hands on (-; Sorry Luigi. I'm so horny of late. I blame the media. I'm constantly being bombarded with images of scantily clad totty. It's hell and no mistake. Thanks for reading and commenting and daring to mention the word nib.

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his left nipple is a five pence piece

Leila on 16-02-2009
Two Thousand & Decline.
Sunken this poem is perfect, so full of those special Sunken touches that make you a poet whose work I always look forward to and can't wait to read. Others before me have used all the best words to describe this poem so I will just say your careful attention to detail and the ability to choose just the right words then to make those words flow so cleverly and give us a unique take on relationships is a great achievement...great work Sunken...Leila

Author's Reply:
Blimey. If smileys were available, Ms. Leila, I'd be inserting a blushing one right here - . I'm glad it worked for you. I'd insert a smiley one here - . I dunno, all this inserting, a boy could do himself a mischief and no mistake. Insert winking one here -. I said 'winking'! Ahem. You just can't get the smilies. Thanks for your continued support of my stuff. It means more than these tacky replies might suggest.
Cheers Leila and no mistake,

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soup of the day: chicken lentil with crouton surprise (what's the surprise? there's no croutons)

niece on 17-02-2009
Two Thousand & Decline.
This is so beautiful, Sunk...lovely lovely poem...

Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Niece. Thanks for reading and commenting. You are a lovely lovely woman and beautiful to boot and no mistake. Glad you liked the poem (-:

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he misses the rain

artisus on 17-02-2009
Two Thousand & Decline.
Quite beautiful, very good and sensitive. x

Author's Reply:
Thanks Ms. Artisus of Nic fame. I'll be frank, I'm off down the chemist later to see if there's a cream I can get for this sensitivity (-; Thanks for reading and commenting.

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his reading lamp is angled merely for dramatic affect

woodbine on 18-02-2009
Two Thousand & Decline.
Congratulations on the nominations. A very well crafted poem
with a nicely thought out progession. I like the twin windows
and the lighting effects.
John

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Woodbine. It's good to hear from you. The windows section was added last after I'd chopped the ending off the original. To be honest, I'm surprised this poem got through the operation. It was touch and go for a moment but a full recovery is now expected. Phew. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. Take care and no mistake.

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his oxo flavoured biscuits were a complete flop

Mezzanotte on 18-02-2009
Two Thousand & Decline.
Dear Sunken,

I really don't know if I prefer your poetry or your comments to other people. You poems are beautifully sensitive, whilst your comments are downright hilarious, and what's the word...Bawdy? Your comment to Writer 1 about the pearl necklace, I don't know, maybe it's the beer, but I'm still laughing, no crying...haha

Anyway, the problem with having internet problems, is that you can't get on the internet, and everyone else makes the comments that you wanted to make. So I won't bore you with repetition, if I say that you should get your "observation of a girl/relationship" poems published into a collection, does that sum up my thoughts?

Best wishes as always
Jackie. Ps I'm going to follow your lead, and submit less and think, quality, not quantity...no pun intended of course.

Author's Reply:
What a lovely comment and no mistake. May I suggest that you drink beer more often (-;
Just to know that you've read something of mine is good enough for me, Ms. Jackie. Your subs are always quality. I know you've been suffering with the block of late. My advice - Ignore it, have a break, have a kit kat, a cup of tea, a can of lager, a glass of wine, maybe take some sleeping pills, some valium, snort a little coke, inject some heroin, check yourself into rehab... Ahem. Okay, maybe that's taking things a little too far. It's a mood thing. Just write when the fancy takes ya. From what I've seen of your work you're a natural. Go with the flow baby, go with the flow. Oh god, I'm sounding like a hippy. I could never be a hippy. They look as if they might smell. I had a teacher who was a hippy. I'll be frank, I have no idea what he was meant to be teaching us. The only thing he taught me was how inhale properly. I feel I'm rambling? Thanks for your comment. I hope your internet connection sorts itself out. I know how ya feel. Cat has had problems too. Perhaps it's a server issue? Blimey, I sounded as if I knew what I was on about there. I must remember that one - '...a server issue...' Will that impress girls, or will they just think I'm a geek? I already look geeky today. I've had to dig my glasses out because I sneezed this morning and lost a contact lens. I think it went in the toilet. Have you ever sneezed whilst peeing? It's not a good idea, I should go clean it up. Oh, I suppose it's different for women isn't it? You're much better designed really. I am rambling aren't I? Hope to read you again soon. Thanks for the comment. Sorry about the reply. Ahem.

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helicopter rescue fails due to toasted cheese on the rotor

Munster on 19-02-2009
Two Thousand & Decline.
well so much has already been said another fine piece Mr Sunks.

Tony

Author's Reply:
Thank you Mr. Munster. I shall spare you the kind of long rambling reply that I shamelessly bestowed upon Jackie yesterday. I blame the following - coffee, cola, chocolate and turnip soup. It's good to see ya. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.

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his stupidty can be seen from outer-space

littleditty on 20-02-2009
Two Thousand & Decline.
beautiful. (i dont have a Bernard, so im giving you a P for publishable)

rated P
ditty xx

Author's Reply:
(-: Thank you Ms. Ditty. It's good to know you're still around. I miss both you and your subs. Thanks for the P and no mistake. It's good to know that you think it's publishable. Take care and a map.

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he finds the sheer size of heinz big soup a little intimidating

Ania on 25-02-2009
Two Thousand & Decline.
Poems like this will win me round to liking poetry! This is beautiful - you are really one big lovely softy aren't you?

Best wishes, Ania.

Author's Reply:
Oh no. You've sussed me out, Ms. Ania. Given half the chance, I could indeed be a big softy. I just play at being Neanderthal so that I fit in a bit better. Not on uka, you understand, but in my locale. Men, thick or what? Don't answer that. I fear I know the answer already (-; Thanks for reading and commenting. Much appreciated. It's good to see you're still around by the way. Take care and a scarf,

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captain kirk 2 - captain caveman 2

teifii on 03-03-2009
Two Thousand & Decline.
Yet another example of how good you are at your craft.
Great ending that says a lot. Well deserved nom and nib.
Daff

You are cordially invited to visit my bookshop and art gallery.
http://www.merilang.co.uk/shop.merilang.htm

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Daff. I do apologise for the late reply. Thanks for reading and commenting. I wouldn't sub anything if it wasn't for encouraging types like your good self. Thank you and no mistake.

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i'll have another hot chocolate please

Sabrina on 11-04-2009
Two Thousand & Decline.


Author's Reply:

Sabrina on 11-04-2009
Two Thousand & Decline.
OOOPS!........sorry! forgot how to move around in this little box!

GAWD Sunken, I love how you manage to rhyme a piece so well without letting it sink into the tick-tock rhythm of Dr. Zeus (does this spell check not know what TOCK means?)

From the opening of this poem I was captured and drawn in by the imagery....the poem then builds nicely and doesn't disappoint. (Sometimes we have great first lines and then.........nothing.)

But, this poem continues to build on a sense of foreshadowing...the contrast of the grid pattern, on the softness of its subject gives a feeling of tension, the observer is caught in some inner struggle. The last line captures a poignancy of something avoided and the tension is reinforced..."as carefully we reminisce"

Terrific......and good to read your work and see that you have been developing your craft so well...SAB

Author's Reply:
Blimey. Where have you been? Was it sunny? What were the clubs like? So many questions. Smashing to see you back Sabrina. Thanks for reading this and commenting. I'm glad it worked for you. I have a habit of trying to forget what influences some of my stuff. Perhaps that's a good thang. Anyway, glad it worked for you and good to see you back at planet Uka (-:

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pro plus corner

Sabrina on 13-04-2009
Two Thousand & Decline.
oh, just whoring around absorbing life through the pores, ya know the grime, the grit....looking for a muse! Good to read you!

Author's Reply:
Ya know, Sabrina, I do like a girl who whores around (-; ahem. Sorry. I really should stop replying to coments at this hour in the morning. I believe it's when testosterone levels peak. What a stupid time to peak? I'll shut up. Happy whoring, lovely Sabrina. Take care and a towel.

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no, he doesn't know what he's on about either

Bradene on 24-06-2009
Two Thousand & Decline.
I hadn't realised I had missed so many of your gems while I have been gone. This is great. Love Val x

Author's Reply:
You have been missed Ms. Val. I hopes you are going to stick around. Uka needs lovely ladies. Sunks start to shrivel without women. You're like what water is to a toilet... Er... without you things get smelly and rancid. Ahem. I should have maybe put more thought into this reply. I hope you know what I mean tho. Hello? Thanks again for reading a sunky.



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fitbin on 26-06-2009
Two Thousand & Decline.
Yes, this is a good one,
I like the structure and the wordplay.

Best wishes

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Fitbin. Thanks for looking in on a sunks. Sorry about the mess. Glad you liked the pome and no mistake (-:

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lean mean grilling machine 4 - lean mean rowing machine 1 (late kick off)


Media Blizzard. (posted on: 06-02-09)
This was written on Tuesday, having grown extremely bored of the media persistently banging on about snowfall. Admittedly its been a bit rough, but they do go on

what did he do MEDIA BLIZZARD. sunken ''The capital has witnessed snowfall'' So tell us something we don't know. The BBC have been reporting on London's 'brush with heavy snow' for almost twenty four long hours, as if we really give a shit? ''The capital has witnessed snowfall and they are running out of grit.'' My daily paper has been ruined by pages dedicated to the bitter front that was predicted long before their lips turned blue. Forget the nuclear reactions to foreign workers on our shores and the ever-growing numbers of failing factories and stores, important issues have been banished, they are considered minor blips, the global economic downturn that has us choking in its grip cannot begin to challenge stories regarding cars that have got stuck The capital has been affected ''But we don't really give a fuck!''
Archived comments for Media Blizzard.
Romany on 06-02-2009
Media Blizzard.
I agree that the media have gone a bit potty over a bit of snow and that serious issues seem to have takne a back burner, and you write so well as always. However, you know I like the snow (as long as it's for a few days that is, not weeks) and I can't help feeling that it brings the best out of some people. It actually encourages them to chill, in more than one sense of the word. It makes you slow down and relax but there's bugger all else you can do! It turns adults into kids for a bit and the kids love it too, of course. And just for a little while the day to dy pace slows down and people do actually take time to 'stop and stare' - and take some great pictures!

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Romany. Oh I know how much you love the snow and no mistake. I'm definitely in a minority with my hatred of the stuff. I wrote this on Tue after the BBC had banged on all day about it. Thing is, if it had started in the North it wouldn't have got half as much coverage. I don't begrudge anyone a good time... But I seriously hope it buggers off soon. Perhaps I hate it because it reminds me of xmas. I can't stand that either. Who said humbug!? Disgraceful behaviour! Thanks for reading and commenting.

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snow what a mean?

Mezzanotte on 06-02-2009
Media Blizzard.
Dear Sunken,

Although I'm in Italy, I can hear the TV and Sky News from here, "The South East has come to a stand still...bla bla bla" What annoys me is that it comes to a 'stand still' every year, why can't they prepare for it so that they won't have to moan about the inconvenience of it?

To be honest with you, having not seen snow for about fifteen years, I would so love to be there now. If I were trapped in a traffic queue, I'd get out and make snow angles and throw snowballs at everyone. Like Romany, I believe it does bring a lighter spirit out in people...for a few days.

Turn the TV off and go and build a snow lady with big snowballs...

Anyway liked the poem, although I prefer your less angry work!

Jackie...


Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Jackie. I thought angry was fashionable these days? I've been practising my cunts and twats like nobodies business. It is pathetic how we grind to a standstill isn't it? It's embarrassing more than anything. Anyways, glad you kinda liked it. I'll try to mellow out over the weekend. I prefer to be unfashionable anyway, it's the geek in me. Thanks for reading and commenting. I won't be making any snow ladies, they only melt and leave you all alone. Don't you dare say humbug....

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his purple pants were a hit at the sci-fi convention

SugarMama34 on 06-02-2009
Media Blizzard.
Hello there Mr.Sunks. As always you have penned another good 'un. It made me laugh, especially the end line. Of course you're right in what you say about the media, they do tend to have forgotten about more important issues like the stores shutting down and so many people loosing their jobs etc. The media do tend to run on about stuff a bit too long.
I actually read this out to my mum this morning over the phone coz she was feeling a bit low. Your poem cheered her up and made her laugh. I think that says it all don't you!

Sugar. xx

Author's Reply:
(-: Thanks Ms. Sugar. I'm chuffed it made your mum laugh. That in itself makes all this shitty snow worth it. I know your kids probably love it and I'm being a miserable git. I can't help it tho. It's my right to miserable at this time of year. Perhaps I just need a good shag? Ahem. Thanks for reading and especially for reading it to your mum. That's right made my day and no mistake to be sure.

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his red string vest was once worn by craig from bros

admin on 06-02-2009
Media Blizzard.
When I was a kid, growing up in Lundin, winters were always like that, sometimes knee deep in snow from Nov - March and bloody cold, too. That's just the way it was, no-one kept banging on about it ad infinitum. As for schools...close? Never. You just bloody went and that was it. And if you broke an arm or an ankle on the way, you were just bandaged up and taken home. Bloody bunch of wimps these days, and the schools are so scared of being sued by the little darling's parent if they so much as get a bruise, they have to shut down completely!

Grrr....

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The Grumpy Old Woman.

Oh, almost forgot - nice pome, Sunks 🙂




Author's Reply:
Ah yes, claim culture. How American we've become. Can I say that, or will I get sued? It's all balls isn't it? The nanny state will eventually turn us into a nation of whinging wimps. I can whinge quite well enough without their input thank you very much and no mistake! Thanks for reading and commenting. I is honoured.

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it's not a snowman - it's a snowperson!

Ionicus on 06-02-2009
Media Blizzard.
Dear Mr Sunken. What have we here? A nice diatribe, that's what . I too am not moved by snow or by the reporting thereof and would rather read about an ice maiden who has been melted by a passionate suitor. Are you the man to bring about such transformation? Let me know in your next poem.
Failing that I am always ready to warm the cockles of her heart.
Greetings.

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Luigi. Talking of transformations, I've brought about one in my trouser department today. I've had a trim. I must admit, even if I do say so myself, I've made a lovely job of it. It's a pity no gets to see it. Perhaps I should join a nudist colony? No, then again, perhaps I'd better wait for the summer. I'm almost inverted when it's this cold. Ahem. I hope no girls are reading this. It's a private manly chat and no mistake. Anyway, yes, thanks for reading my poem and leaving a comment. I'll have a think about the ice maiden but I can't promise anything. I'm really not very good in a challenge situation. I blame forever being picked last for football during my school years.
Greetings returned,

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tulips from interflora

Leila on 06-02-2009
Media Blizzard.
Sunken you are so spot on with you poem...it's perfect and perfectly sums up the 'Media Blizzard' a great title by the way.
They have been forecasting snow for a week up here and it never arrived, not in my wee part of the Highlands anyway, then they said it would miss us and low and behold it was a winter wonderland this morning! But back to your poem...once again you have placed each word, each line to great effect and created a poem that is pure Sunken and a joy to read. I shouldn't really pick out any favourite lines because it all works but I did especially like

My daily paper has been ruined
by pages dedicated to
the bitter front that was predicted
long before their lips turned blue.

I have nothing to match a Bernard so hope you can hear my applause...Leila


Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Leila. It's me, sunks. Your smashing comment matches a Bernard any day of the week. I'm glad you liked it and no mistake. I'm also chuffed to see you back at planet uka. I shall attempt to listen for said applause when munky has stopped typing. He won't use a word processor. He reckons they make you infertile. The things I have to put up with...

Cheers Leila,

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it was either a roundabout or a coffee stain

artisus on 06-02-2009
Media Blizzard.
Warning: satirical comment

Reptilians are responsible for media blizzards. Didn't you know? They invented corn flakes too! It's the first thing you find out when you get very close to truth!

*no matter what they tell us, we don't give a fuck*

😉

Author's Reply:
Lol. I'll be frank, I had no idea. I'm a big corn flakes fan too. I hope this doesn't mean that I have to switch cereals? I suppose there's always weetabix... It's a worry and no mistake. I'm beginning to wish that I hadn't inadvertently stepped upon the truth. Ignorance was far tastier. Thanks Nic. This is indeed food for thought.

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he studied art, history, english lit and girls knickers

macaby on 06-02-2009
Media Blizzard.
nice one sunken, i even seen the "capital" over here on german tv. i loved the end lines that's just the way i feel when reading so called headlines in the paper or listening to them on tv.like you say there are far more important issues worth more coverage than snowfall. enjoyable read.

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Mac of aby fame. Thanks for reading. We're quite good at overreacting. I suppose you've got to be good at something. I'm hoping to get it officially recognised for the 2012 Olympics.
Thanks again and no mistake.

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westham 3 - leg of lamb 3 (late kick-off)

niece on 07-02-2009
Media Blizzard.
Sunky,

I don't know whether I love snow, because I've never seen it. It looks very nice on those picture postcards and in the movies tho'...

Nice poem, Sunky...I wish you would give yourself a Bernard...

Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
Blimey. Really? I'd say you're not missing much, but truth is, you'd probably love it. Most people do. It was the media's reaction to it on Monday that influenced the poem. Though having said that, I'm not keen on the stuff myself. I'd imagine it would be quite an experience for someone who's never seen it for real. I can't imagine what that must be like. I must admit, when I was a kid I loved it. Well ya would wouldn't ya? It generally meant a day or so off school. I don't know why, but our boilers always seemed to breakdown whenever it snowed. I suspect foul play and no mistake. Thanks for reading, Ms. Niece. Hope all is well and that one day you experience the horrible stuff (-;
Take care and a shovel,

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aston villa 2 - pringles 3

Zoya on 07-02-2009
Media Blizzard.
You are right, Sunken,
The real issues do get buried under the trivia sometimes, and even the media does not look beyond its nose...
Keep yourself warm!
Love,
Zoya

Author's Reply:

Zoya on 07-02-2009
Media Blizzard.
You are right, Sunken,
The real issues do get buried under the trivia sometimes, and even the media does not look beyond its nose...
Keep yourself warm!
Love,
Zoya

Author's Reply:
Hello lovely Ms. Zoya. I am keeping myself warm by studying pictures from various magazines that I have hoarded beneath my bed 😉 I've also been re-reading Sugarmama's latest raunchy sub. One way or another, Ms. Zoya, I shall survive these terrible conditions. Now, where did I put my Kleenex...
Thanks for reading and commenting. Good to see you again and no mistake.

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playboy 3 - escort 3 (late wank off)

delph_ambi on 07-02-2009
Media Blizzard.
Nice one, Sunks. I love snow, but am in the one region of the UK where we've had hardly any, so that's made me even more annoyed with the blanket TV coverage of the woes of the southern softies.

Author's Reply:
Lol. Hello Ms. Delph. I haven't bought a newspaper today and I'm not allowing myself to watch any of the news channels. I know it seems a bit extreme, but it's almost a week now and I'm at breaking point. How did we manage to win two wars? Thanks for reading. Muchly appreciated.

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queen of the south 4 - chicken dippers 2 (match ongoing)

teifii on 07-02-2009
Media Blizzard.
Hear, hear, as regards the media coverage but I must admit i like the actual stuff which is lying outside and keping me confined to about a quarter of a mile radius but looking lovely.
Nice poem as ever.
Daff
From Dyfi and Jess.
Well, we like it.
[img]http://www.meirionnydd.f9.co.uk/picturestore/dyfijesssnowball.jpg[/img]

Author's Reply:
Blimey, you've been confined? That's terrible, Ms. Daff. I hope you have enough supplies to see you through and no mistake. Glad you liked it. I couldn't see your piccy I'm afraid. I tried entering the url into my browser and it wouldn't work. I blame... mURLin the evil internet wizard. Ahem. I must get some sleep. Thanks again, Ms. Daff. Take care.

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today he's hanging hats on it

Munster on 07-02-2009
Media Blizzard.
Hi Sunks great write, the Capital, as you say why worry about the white stuff when the world is falling apart at the seams.

Tony

Author's Reply:
Hiya Mr. Tony of Munster fame. I hope you're managing okay through these dire times. I know a lot of people aren't. I guess that fact more than anything exasperated my feelings on the whole thing. I believe they're still banging on about it. I'm trying to have a no news weekend. It's pity about that news feed on the front page of uka...

Cheers my good man. Good to know you're still kicking around,

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today he's using it to stir paint

discopants on 08-02-2009
Media Blizzard.
Snow just gets in the way of doing what you need to do. doesn't it?

I made the same comment about how we managed to come out on the right side of 2 world wars when half my colleagues here in the deep south couldn't get their arses in to work due to 6 inches of snow. I've also pointed out that I often walked into school as a kid in the frozen North through snow that was deeper than I was tall but I'm not sure everyone believes me on that one...

Author's Reply:
I'll be frank with ya, Mr. Disco, I'm growing increasingly tired of people asking about how many inches I've had. Disgraceful behaviour! Even if I was that way inclined it would be no business of theirs! I must walk funny or something...

Thanks for reading and for not being a namby pamby.

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today he might photograph it from a jaunty angle

shadow on 10-02-2009
Media Blizzard.
Well said, Sir! Far too much fuss over a bit of snow. When I was a girl we had snow every winter, six foot deep, lay for weeks - and was I ever let off school? I was NOT! Never ever. Snot fair. I want to go back in time and demand my rights.

Great pome btw

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Shadow. Good to see you and no mistake. It's terrible that you never got time off school because of a bit of snow. You should make a claim. Up until a few days ago the BBC were still trying to milk the snowfall story. It was pathetic. The reporter was standing by a car that wasn't even stuck, it had just pulled up by the kerb so a passenger could get out. In fact, the only thing stopping it from pulling away again was him! I wonder if it's safe to put BBC24 back on yet?
Thanks for reading, Ms. Shadow. Always appreciated and no mistake.

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in case of emergency - break glass - grab comb - make yourself look presentable for the press

Jolen on 13-02-2009
Media Blizzard.
Blimey, I'm a bit late, aren't I? Well, I couldn't agree with you more Smunky! I come from the Midwest and last year at this time the temperature was -40 below and there was 17 inches of snow in 3 days, so this powder you guys get is nothing to me, but I am amazed at how it seems to rate such obsession and fear.
Good stuff, as usual.

blessings,
Ms. Swollen

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Swollen. I realise that we are well acquainted and that our cyber friendship has flourished into a beautiful thing, but really! Some things are private! Had I wanted to know about your womanly cycle I would have asked. To be frank, your 'being late' could be down to any number of issues. I would recommend, on this occasion, that you seek medical advice at your earliest possible convenience. Ahem. You know I'm not good with 'down there', especially when it's of a feminine persuasion. This aside, thank you very much for reading and no mistake (-;

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tampax 2 - cheese on toast 4

cat on 16-02-2009
Media Blizzard.
Hi Sunky,

Can't believe I missed this, but after reading your reply to Ms Jolen's comment, I certainaly won't be making the mistake of apologising for my delayed (late) response! Bad Munky!
This is, as your poems always are, very clever and witty.
I must confess a slight difference of opinion however and I am sure that it will come as no surprise...I loooove the magical white stuff! Infact, and even as I write I am still nursing a very sore injury after an epic battle of snow ball throwing! Anywho...Hope you are well Mr Sunken c x



Author's Reply:
Ahem. Hello lovely Ms. Cat. Yes, I'm crawling my way back into your good books. Well I'm trying to. I have since replied to Ms. Jolen on another poem of mine and, you will be glad to hear, I kept it very clean (although I think I did mention weeing). I hope this meets with your approval and that we can continue to be friends. I need all the friends I can get, especially those of a feminine persuasion. I prefer girls. They smell nice and are all... Ahem. No! I must stop there before I turn bad again. As for snow, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'm just a miserable sod when it's cold. I hope your injury wasn't too serious. Take care, Ms. Cat. Thanks for reading and commenting. x

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his betamax video repair shop isn't doing very well

pampers on 15-03-2009
Media Blizzard.
Could'nt help nodding in agreement with a wry smile. Liked your realistic representation of our modern media, sad as it is.

Author's Reply:


Does my Belly Turn Your Stomach? (posted on: 19-01-09)
Another snippet of life from an imaginary couple

She says she wants a flatter stomach DOES MY BELLY TURN YOUR STOMACH? (Flattery Pt. 1) sunken She says she wants a flatter stomach, a smaller waist and bigger breasts. She anticipates compassion but anything I might suggest could be employed as ammunition, twisted words to battle feuds She says she wants a flatter stomach because she hates how hers protrudes. I satisfy a fast food craving as she concerns herself with fat ''Does my belly turn your stomach? Would you prefer it to be flat? You never tell me what you're thinking! Does my arse look big in this?'' I tell her that she's being stupid and that my ardour still persists to grow at rates unprecedented, unprecedented, strong and true She says she wants a flatter stomach and that I ought to want one too!
Archived comments for Does my Belly Turn Your Stomach?
discopants on 19-01-2009
Does my Belly Turn Your Stomach?
There's never a right answer in these circumstances. Any question posed by a woman about the size or shape of her body is designed as a trap so that whatever we poor fellas (or munkys) say will be used against them!

Can't access the Youtube link just now (the inconveniences of being at work) so will have to check that out later...

Author's Reply:
It sounds as if you speak from experience, Mr. Disco. I dare say you're right tho (-;
Ya know, I think you're one of the few who realises that the pic is a youtube link. I won't spoil the surprise. It's a current crisp biscuit that I find quite appealing and no mistake. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.

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ye olde worlde pc repair shop

Bradene on 19-01-2009
Does my Belly Turn Your Stomach?
Very good Sunky, your hero would be wise to keep on agreeing and telling her he wants whatever makes her little heart happy, then he'll be happy too. (-; Great poem as per usual. Val xx

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Val. I do think some women worry too much about their bits. Having said that... I could do with a few extra inches, if ya know what I mean (-; I bet I'm not the only one either. I blame porn. Those blokes just aren't natural. Bastards! Ahem. Sorry Val. Smashing to see you, especially during these bleak times. Apparently today is 'Blue Monday', the most depressing day of the year (according to some geezer in a white coat). I might cheer myself up with a Mars bar. It's the simple things, Val, it's the simple things. Thanks for looking in on a sunk.

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tears for spears

Ionicus on 19-01-2009
Does my Belly Turn Your Stomach?
It is impossible to know what a woman wants to hear.
Keep your comments to yourself until after intercourse, my dear friend, otherwise you might risk her taking offence and denying you your conjugal rights.
Always ready to advice, I remain sincerely jealous of your original writings.


Author's Reply:
Lol. That sounds like bloody good advice to me, Mr. Luigi. They can be very sly I think. I shall say no more as I don't want to alienate half of uka. To be frank (know wot a mean Harry) it's a tit thing with me. I just love em too much. They really are something to behold and no mistake. Why can't women just see how lucky they are and stop moaning for five minutes? Lol. I've done it now haven't I? Thanks for reading and commenting and for being jealous (tho seriously, you really have nothing to be jealous of). Cheers Luigi.

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the telescope in my bedroom is merely for star gazing, officer

macaby on 20-01-2009
Does my Belly Turn Your Stomach?
in germany they call this a "fang frage." it's like a trap question and you have to think very carefully before answering,( in my experience anyway)i also heard on the radio today, here in germany about this blue monday theory, apparently put forward by a welsh professor. clever poem by the way.

Author's Reply:
Hello Macaby. Yes I heard about the Blue Monday theory on er... Monday (-; I was waiting for a DJ to play the New Order classic but none of them did )-: Thanks for your advice regarding women and for leaving a comment. Fang frage? I'll try to remember that. Cheers Mac.

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he recently tested positive for jelly babies

Jolen on 20-01-2009
Does my Belly Turn Your Stomach?
Great poem, Smunky, and I loved the video as well. Never heard of them til now.
DP is right, when a woman asks those questions, there is no answer that wont get you into trouble.

blessings,
Ms. Jolen

Author's Reply:
(-: Hello Ms. Jolen of new book fame. Well done and no mistake! I've added it to the ukapress bookshop on Wiki

Thanks for reading the poem and watching the video. The band are from L.A. (I think). Oh, there's also a thread for you on the 'Discuss everything' forum. Well done again.

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he came in from the cold only to find that the heating was broke

Corin on 21-01-2009
Does my Belly Turn Your Stomach?
WEll first of all you have to understand that women are smart. They don't dress or slim or get their hair cut or put on makeup in order to please me and most certainly NOT to please their husbands or partners. They know only too well that we will put up with them, like them, love them, make love to them whatever they look like. They do it for other women - its a competition to see who can look the smartest sexiest, most attractive. So the right answer has to be - You look great much prettier/sexier/flatter/bustier/more attractive than that blonde bombshell down the street!David

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Corin. The comments to this have proved to be very informative for a lowly sunk and no mistake. I do know some women who show such traits. One of my mate's girlfriends in particular has a tendency to pee me off. Her attire seems to dictate which pubs we're allowed to go in and which pubs we definitely can't. I prefer pubs where no ones bothered about what you're wearing. The people who frequent them always seem far more amiable to me.
Anyways, thanks for your thoughts.

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he's giving up pants for lent

niece on 22-01-2009
Does my Belly Turn Your Stomach?
Good poem, Sunky...

Everyday I meet a bunch of like-minded women of various shapes and sizes and if we are not worrying about kid's school and other activities, then it's the battle of the bulge and what exercises to do and what to eat/not to eat...Some of them go to weight-loss experts, pay big packets and come away looking awesome...and after all that effort, it's always nice to hear someone say one or two nice things about your figure...:)

Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Niece. Good to hear from you. It's overkill here at times I'm afraid. It's not just aimed at women either. Men are half expected to have the body beautiful too. I guess it's a media thing. They seem intent on making your average Joe feel inadequate. There's a second part to this that voices the male side of things. Thanks for dropping in on a sunks, Ms. Niece.

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his six pack is in the fridge

littleditty on 22-01-2009
Does my Belly Turn Your Stomach?
That Mr Corin knows stuff - hello Sunken! I am acclimatising, its taken me a month to learn how to type a few words with frozen hands - did i miss the nib raid? Your last fine piece is wearing one - could i have a few replacement ones if there are any spare? my poems are all naked. Im also wondering if women are still trying to look good in these temperatures? A lot to ask i reckon....and why do people want to lose weight now? Surely it is best to be of larger size in the winter to keep warm? Generally everyone looks a bit silly anyway - i blame puffer jackets. Good to read a couple of new sunken poems today, still think you should pop a few on CD, sell them and laugh all the way to the bank (there are still some banks, right? I miss MFI...) Happy new year crunchy nuts sunks, lots of love, ditty of carbohydrates xxx

Author's Reply:
(-: Yay! Ms. Ditty! How smashing to hear from you and no mistake. I seriously thought you'd abandoned us. Either that or you'd gotten lost on one of your treks. It's good to know that you are still around. Are you back in sunny Britain? I am going to put a map of the world on my wall and chart your progress around the globe. I have red, green, blue and yellow pins. Please let me know what colour you would prefer.
Now, as for the nib raid - I'm afraid it never happened. I think Ms. Andrea may have cottoned onto our scheme as I actually received a nib for a poem I subbed over Xmas. She was obviously worried about the implications associated with said raid, had it taken place. Your absence was a factor of course. Ms. Bevvy did offer to carry my scones, but I still needed someone to hold my flask. The credit crunch has since bitten down much harder and I feel that now would not be the time to steal Andrea's nibs.
Talking of the crunch, I too miss MFI very much. I tried to help the cause during the last few weeks of their existence by reclining on as many of their sofas as possible. They said that I wasn't helping matters and that I should leave. Are DFS still going? Perhaps they might need my help…?
Thank you for your words regarding my stuff. I still have crap confidence levels ya know? As for a CD - You wouldn't want to hear my croaky voice. That's why I've never uploaded an audio. Even I struggle to understand what I'm saying. Someone once told me that I sounded like a twisted version of Robbie Williams? I don't think it was a compliment. Anyways, really good to see you back. I hope you're going to sub soon. Uka needs the Dittys of this world. Happy new year to you too xxx

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of choccy-hydrates

Romany on 23-01-2009
Does my Belly Turn Your Stomach?
How very realistic! Cleverly done Sunky,

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Romany. I'm glad it worked ok for ya. I tried writing it from both sides but decided to post the female one. I wonder if this means I've finally found my feminine side? Don't answer that. Thanks again.

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his feminine side fancies david beckham

BaBy_PoeT on 24-01-2009
Does my Belly Turn Your Stomach?
mr sunky... hello... and a very belated happy new year!!
what an excellent write, i can see this happening everyday..
women and thier body and the questions!! there is never a right answer...even if you pretend to agree with most of them... i think some do it on purpose to argue that one little bit for stupid reasons.
but anyhow back to your poem.. as always, very well written.
take care now
xXxB-PxXx

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Poet, it's me - sunks. I am replying to your lovely comment using the gift of words. Isn't it wonderful? It makes me wonder how we used to manage and no mistake. Apparently people used to draw pictures. I don't know about you, but I'd find it very difficult trying to comment on a poem via the gift of pictures. Oh, hang on tho, there wouldn't have been any poems would there? Blimey. Aren't you glad you don't live in the past? Thank you for dropping by and reading my poem. I hope '09 is being, and continues to be, very kind to you. It's always good to see ya, Ms. Poet of the Baby persuasion. Take care and lipbalm. x

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girls aloud 3 - chicken tikka 3

Mezzanotte on 24-01-2009
Does my Belly Turn Your Stomach?
Dear Sunken,

what a clever title and funny poem. Your observations are very astute. I'm eating beetroot so that I can still fit into a pair of jeans that i've had for more than ten years. " How ridiculous is that?" says my intelligence, "makes perfect sense to me," says my female vanity.

Just off to eat more beetroot.

Well done

jackie



Author's Reply:
I can't eat beetroot. I have allergic reactions to it. My tongue goes all red and I become very irritable. My friend says that it makes everyone’s tongue go red and that I've always been very irritating. There are some friends you can do without. Thanks for reading and leaving your mark. How do I get beetroot out? I have some Oxy Vanish under the sink, will that do it? I wonder if it works on tongues...
Take care Ms. Jackie of the Mezzanotte persuasion.

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his robotic moves failed to lighten the mourners moods

Leila on 25-01-2009
Does my Belly Turn Your Stomach?
ha ha Sunken what a treat...it's a perfect winter warmer for uka. I like the title a very clever play on words as are some of the other lines...you read it thinking you know what might come next but in fine Sunken style you surprise us...a great January poem when diet is the headline everywhere and your fun observations on the male/female psyche...L

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Leila. Smashing to see ya. I must admit, it's not easy getting into the female psyche. It's a lot of fun trying though. I'm glad it worked for you. January will soon be over, though I suspect winter will drag on a bit yet. I blame the seasons. They should mix them up occasionally. I'll write to the minister of weather later and see if anything can be done. Hope you are well, Ms. Leila. It's always good to see you at planet uka. Take care and a pair of woolly gloves.

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the moon expressed a preference for night

royrodel on 25-01-2009
Does my Belly Turn Your Stomach?
gotta ask u sunk
is uKA dying?

RODEL
formenly known as Robert
or the mojo lifting Dylan lookalike

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Roy. I've checked the charts and can confirm that Uka is alive and well. It's had a few issues of late but that's life (and sometimes death). Thanks for your concern. Visiting hours are negotiable at the front desk.

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stand clear, I'm going in

SugarMama34 on 31-01-2009
Does my Belly Turn Your Stomach?
LMAO - You never fail to make me laugh. I loved this one and read it out to Mr Lumpkin too and he found it quite amusing as well. Where do you get your ideas from Sunks!! Well where ever they spring from keep 'em coming coz they're brill. Thanks for cheering me up again. Will read more of your work tomorrow when it's not so late.

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Does my arse look big in this? *she says holding a magnifying glass.*

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Sugar. I do like it when you laugh your ass off (-; I'm chuffed that Mr. Lumpkin liked it too. The original was from a male point of view and the piccy was of a geezer's six pack. See, us blokes feel just as pressurised as women. In the end I wrote two and decided to post the female version first. I'm really glad it cheered you up. Poetry doesn't always have to be serious... does it?
Now, spray tan or lotion? What would Beckham do?

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gavin 4 - stacey 4

artisus on 31-01-2009
Does my Belly Turn Your Stomach?
acclimatizing too, this is a pretty poem sunken, i liked it

Author's Reply:
Thanks, Ms. Nic. 'Pretty', I like that. Oh, while I'm here, the hot water tap in ladies toilets at uka is stuck in the off position. I am hoping to have it fixed shortly. Meanwhile you have permission not to wash your hands. Ahem. Thank you.

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to be frank, i hardly ever wash my hands after a number 1

artisus on 31-01-2009
Does my Belly Turn Your Stomach?
*pretty good

forgot 'good'. have i just made things worse?

Author's Reply:
Doh. I'll be pretty one day, Ms. Nic, you just wait (-;

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he suspects his feminine side might favour suspenders

Munster on 02-02-2009
Does my Belly Turn Your Stomach?
Hi Sunks, have been of air a while, great read and I agree with all before a touchy subject but I find putting (ish) after most things seems to solve the problem.

Tony

Author's Reply:
(-: Hiya Munster. I was only thinking of you the other day. Hope all is well and that we'll see you subbing again soon. I have logged you 'ish advice and shall no doubt use it at my earliest possible convenience (-; Take Mr. Munster, and thanks for looking in on a sunks.

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his imaginary friend talks behind his back

fitbin on 30-06-2009
Does my Belly Turn Your Stomach?
Hey Sunken,

I liked this, no matter how many times you say how nice they look, they don't really believe you.
Even when you're not lying 🙂


Author's Reply:
Thank you Mr. Fitbin. Ya know, I'd forgot all about this. I have a part two somewhere. Perhaps it's best if it stays lost on my pc tho 🙂 Thanks for reading and no mistake to be sure. Hello?

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sold to the girl with no taste

Rising_Dea on 30-11-2009
Does my Belly Turn Your Stomach?
I like that belly with a twist! ;o))))
It's very-belly frictious. ;o)

Author's Reply:
Thank you, Rising of the Dea for reading and commenting on my belly related poem. Muchly appreciated and no mistake.

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open other end


Counting on Mistakes. (posted on: 22-12-08)
She gets excited over prospects that do not mean a thing to me...

silent nights and carol singers COUNTING ON MISTAKES. sunken She gets excited by a snowflake, the first of winter to float by the grimy surface of a window from a contaminated sky. She says it looks a lot like Xmas and that I ought to come and see She gets excited over prospects that do not mean a thing to me. The sky grows darker by the minute but she illuminates the room, her zest for life exaggerating my own inherent sense of gloom, a sense of seasonal foreboding, the kind that's amplified by night .silent nights and carol singers, peace on earth and snowball fights. I scratch my head as she counts further, her fingers balanced with due-care as if conducting weather patterns from nothing more than arctic air. ''We are a flurry from one hundred, one hundred intricate snowflakes'' She says it looks a lot like Xmas but I am counting on mistakes.
Archived comments for Counting on Mistakes.
Ionicus on 22-12-2008
Counting on Mistakes.
'She gets excited over prospects that do not mean a thing to me...'
How typical of women, sunken. I have spent a lifetime trying to understand them but to no avail but I shall persevere and see whether I'll be able to unravel their quirkiness. It will be fun trying.
As for:
'her zest for life exaggerating
my own inherent sense of gloom'
they say that opposites attract, so don't worry and go with the tide. Good luck.
Oh, good ode BTW.

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Ionicus. Thanks for reading and for offering your advice. I guess we'd only get bored if they were the same as us wouldn't we? Earlier this morning I saw a woman carrying a dog in a bag? There's quirky and then there's plain daft. Still, ya gotta love em. Women that is, not dogs... I'm digging a hole here so I shall just wish you a peaceful crimbo and a prosperous '09.
Cheers Luigi,

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his toilet seat plays rule britannia when raised

Jolen on 22-12-2008
Counting on Mistakes.
Hi Sunken,
A fine piece on the differences of two people, and though a bit dark, it's very revealing and a fine study of humans. I really enjoyed this part,
I scratch my head as she counts further,
her fingers balanced with due-care
as if conducting weather patterns
from nothing more than arctic air.


As always, you give us lots to think about in fantastic image/meter.

Happy Holidays,
Jolen

Author's Reply:
Lovely to see you, Ms. Jolen. Hope all is well in... I never know where you are. You can't still be in England can you? Surely our leaden skies have got to you by now (-; Anyway, wherever you are, I hope all is good and that you are continuing to crack your whip. Thanks for reading and commenting on sunks. Have a good one. Have a good Xmas too (-;

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his bottom draw is full of pants

shadow on 22-12-2008
Counting on Mistakes.
Much enjoyed your seasonal offering - I think I might cancel Christmas this year, as my contribution to the world economic meltdown. 'Goodies to men, and piss on earth' as I'm sure I heard some amplifier blasting out the other day.

Happy X-box!

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Shadow. Well I can confirm that I've not sent one crimbo card this year. I'm saving the rain forest. Someone has to do it. If it means not writing out crimbo cards then so be it. I feel like a superhero. Perhaps santa will deliver a cape?
Good to see ya, Ms. Shadow. You do know that you don't sub enough don't ya? I know I don't sub a lot these days, but that's more of a blessing. Please get your festive finger out (-;
Thanks for commenting and for your general support. I'm with you. Lets forget xmas and look forward to... a recession. Then again, shall we just get pissed?

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quality street 4 - coronation street 4 (a bit controversial that one I feel)

royrodel on 22-12-2008
Counting on Mistakes.
hmmmmm you lucky lucky man
god bless Isis

RODEl

Author's Reply:
Isis? Is that the Greek goddess of financial investments? She's not had the best of years has she? As for me being lucky, it's all fictional I'm afraid. I blame inadequate footwear.

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sold to the girl without a care

macaby on 22-12-2008
Counting on Mistakes.
i really liked this poem, funny in a way this is exactly how i am feeling at the moment oh well tomorrow is another day.

The sky grows darker by the minute
but she illuminates the room,
her zest for life exaggerating
my own inherent sense of gloom,
i liked these lines, optimistic and pessimistic, but i can relate to them.

Author's Reply:
Hi Macaby. I was once asked if the glass was half full or half empty. To be frank, I couldn't even see the bloody glass. I blame a dodgy contact lens. Anyway, thanks for reading and commenting on a sunk. Hope it didn't serve to drag you down even further. It'll soon be over... Oh god, then there's new year. I can't stand all that bollocks either. Where are me humbugs...

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humbugs 5 - carol singers 1

Mezzanotte on 22-12-2008
Counting on Mistakes.
Dear Sunken,

is the woman the one night stand, who perhaps didn't remain a one night stand in your last poem? (If you know what I mean)

I like her and think that we all deserve a person in our lives who counts snowflakes.

I agree with Macaby. Those lines are fab.

If I were you I'd give myself a Bernard.

Jackie

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Jackie. Good to see ya. In answer to your comment - She is the same person. Having said that, she is fictional. I've written a few (tho not subbed) poems from the point of view of a bloke who's in a relationship. The idea for the snowflake counting came from a little girl who I saw on a bus. She was counting snowflakes to her mum and trying to point them out. It's hard to point in mittens. Very cute and no mistake. Now, a Bernard you say? I couldn't possibly. It just wouldn't be cricket. It's nice of you to say tho. To be frank, with regards to nibs, I think I've been blacklisted. It was all to do with me questioning Andrea's (the boss) virginal status. She has a son for god's sake! Anyway, that's just between us. Of course, the lack of nibs could be down to the fact that I’m completely crap. I have their nib warehouse in my sights. It's only a matter of time before I raid the place. Toss pots (-;

Cheers Jackie. Have a good one.

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last in lego-land

uppercase on 22-12-2008
Counting on Mistakes.
I like this piece very much. It's a good thing to have someone around to fend off the gloomy side of ourselves....erma

Author's Reply:
(-: Good to see you back at planet Uka, Erma. I hope '09 is kinder to you. Thanks for commenting. I'm still looking for a girl who's willing to fend off my gloomy side. She's gonna need a very bright torch tho, especially at this time of the year. I blame the credit crunch. Thanks again.
Take care, Ms. Erma.

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space shuttle 4 - shuttle cock 1

HelenRussell on 23-12-2008
Counting on Mistakes.
One of those poems which seem to mean more each time I read it. Or this that becasuse its the middle of the night and I'm only just coming to properly after having been asleep for 3 hours and now can't get back to sleep.
Anyway, I digress; a quirky little Christmas offering which appeals.
Sarah

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Helen of Russell fame. Quirky is good. I like quirky. Actually, I read your comment in the early hours, as I couldn't sleep either. What can we blame? Insomnia, caffeine, lumpy pillows, pea under the mattress...? That last one sounds so wrong. Ahem.
Anyway, thanks for reading and commenting. It's good to see ya back at Uka. Take care and sleeping pills (herbal of course).

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his band, 'chip pan sinatra', are so new that they don't even exist yet

Albermund on 26-12-2008
Counting on Mistakes.
Crikey, S. I should have read his before replying to your comment. Whales just ain't on your menu! Anyways , as per usual, beautiful to read. If I understood it fully it might even be beautifullerer, but I'm struggling with the bit in quotes. Silent nights/ carol singers - neat. cheers, Al,bert 🙂 PS The bit about her counting further - it doesn't seem obvious that she was counting or am I missing even more than usual?

Author's Reply:
Hello there Mr. Mund. Thanks for reading. The title's meant to suggest a counting theme. I was being ambiguous. It's not big and it's not clever, I probably won't do it again (-; Thanks again for reading.

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hates xmas, loves tits

Mezzanotte on 27-12-2008
Counting on Mistakes.
Hey Sunken,

congrats on the nib. Now I think you can give yourself a Bernard, whilst playing cricket too!

Jackie

Author's Reply:
Lol. I can see you're going to be trouble (-; I still can't do it. To be frank, Ms. Jackie of Mezzanotte fame, I'm not sure where Bernard is at the moment. He's had his eye on a poodle down the road for the past month or so. Anyway, thanks for the congrats and for thinking this worthy of nib. I was starting to wonder if I'd ever get another. I've put the nib raid on hold for a while. I still haven't found a replacement for Ms. Ditty. She was going to hold my flask. Ahem. I hope this helps. Thank you. Good day.

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cornflakes 2 - weetabix 2 (late kick off)

reckless on 28-12-2008
Counting on Mistakes.
A very appealing piece of writing and no mistake! I do like the images of snowflakes and the fascination with them, and how this is explored in the context of a relationship. There's something very nice about it.

Author's Reply:
Thanks for taking the time to read, Reckless. I used the 'method writing' approach with this effort. I almost got frost bite (-; Glad you liked it. 'Very nice' will do for me, very nicely in fact. Cheers.

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lets grow cold together

Munster on 29-12-2008
Counting on Mistakes.
Hi Sunks I have read some of your work, you write so well.
I really enjoyed this, I can see myself in this, just as well we have positive people around to keep us buoyant. Happy new year to you.

Tony

Author's Reply:
Hello there Mr. Munster. Thanks for looking in on a miserable sunks (-; It's my job to be grinch-like at this time of year. People would assume that something was wrong with me if I pretended otherwise. Good to hear from you. Hope you've had a good break and that '09 proves to be brighter than is being predicting.

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his sprouts have yet to be affected by the shrinking market

niece on 03-01-2009
Counting on Mistakes.
Your poem catches the general feeling of gloom which the whole world is feeling right now, Sunky...it's good some people can still feel happy at times like these...

Great poem, as always!!!

Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Niece. It's become traditional for me to be miserable at this time of year. I'm happier like this. I can't do all that false jollity. How anyone can be happy on one particular day of the year is, to be quite frank and no mistake, beyond me. I like to go with the flow. I'm happy for the happy people, but it shouldn't be forced. Thanks for reading and for being lovely (-;

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forklift 2 - spoon 2

red-dragon on 03-01-2009
Counting on Mistakes.
hI Sunkie - I can't give you a Bernard, but, if I knew how, Pamela the Poodle would give it a delicate 10 with her well manicured paws! Great poem! Ann

Author's Reply:
Blimey. I'm not sure Pam would be safe around Bernard. He's a bit frisky of late. He's always had a thing for poodles. I won't tell ya what 'the thing' is, but I'm sure you can guess. Disgraceful!
Thanks for looking in on a sunks. Much appreciated and no mistake.

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he's no better than a dog himself

teifii on 04-01-2009
Counting on Mistakes.
At last another poem from the wonderful Sunky. I've been waiting and I am still waiting for you to produce a book. I'll do it for you if you like. You are wasted never being in print.
Daff
PS I love snowflakes -- don't count them only because counting has never been my strong point, I don't do numbers. On the matter of Christmas, I'm on your more gloomy side. but that doesn't detract from magical weather. It's been snowing here last night but not enough to get me marooned.
visit me -- http://www.merilang.co.uk/shop.htm

Author's Reply:
Lol. You always make me laugh, Ms. Daff. I wasn't able to reply yesterday, but you can be assured that both your comment and your hot story pick made my day. I haven't had a hottie for a while. As for me and books, I did try about three or four years ago with ukapress. I got rejected tho )-: I haven't really got my act together with regards to getting my stuff out there. I'm trying to think what I can blame... Me perhaps. Anyway, your comment and enthusiasm is muchly appreciated. Thanks again.

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he was once cautioned for peeing up a postbox (not in daylight you understand)

Leila on 05-01-2009
Counting on Mistakes.
Ah perfectly poetic, uniquely Sunken, not a wasted word and of course of the moment. You make each line rich and meaningful and you have written some of my very favourite poems of 2008 so here's to 2009 Mr Sunken, I know you will not disappoint. That nib suits you very well! Happy New Year!...L

Author's Reply:
(-: Thanks Ms. Leila. It's easy to be blasé when replying to comments, so for once I'll try to be... what's the opposite of blasé? Oh bum. This isn't going well. Anyway, I hope you already know that I always value your opinion. I shall try my best not to disappoint in '09. I must admit tho, this reply hasn’t made for the best of starts (-; Thanks again Leila. All the best for the year ahead.

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we gotta stay positive

SugarMama34 on 02-02-2009
Counting on Mistakes.
Hi Sunky Le Munk. Another good poem from you. I liked both characters in this. I guess at least one half of the relationship has to be happy-go-lucky (if that's the right word). Guess which part of the relationship I am? lol. Me finks me poems say a lot lol. Loved the rhyme as always and the flow of it, you have a good knack for these Mr. S. I think you should have your own lickle book of Sunky's poems!!
Shadow and Mystique just 'woofed' in agreement too. So there yuh go, you have their sign of approval too.

Sugar Lumpkin. xx

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Sugar le Mama. I have been told that opposites attract, so I am on the lookout for a girl named knus. It's not easy and no mistake. It's an honour to have both your approval and that of your doggies. Dogs aren't easy to please when it comes to poetry. Bernard the beagle seems to prefer humping inanimate objects of late. I'd have him 'seen to' but it seems so cruel. Anyway, this has nothing to do with anything does it? Thanks for reading and commenting. I muchly appreciate it.

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sold to the girl with the machine gun

Sabrina on 12-04-2009
Counting on Mistakes.
Christmas puts an incredible amount of stress on the bread-winner of the house...I know several couples who develop tears in their relationships as the big day approaches...generally 'She' is a Xmas lover, with an attic full of decorations, and perhaps too many snowmen or santas, and 'He' is a Xmas avoider...leaves everything until the last moment and drinks more heavily, not from glee, but, to drown out the music...

I like the way you handled the subject...but, I have to admit I do not understand how the line.."we are a flurry from one hundred..." fits into the picture...I have missed something!

Author's Reply:
Hello again Ms. Sabrina. You're a glutton for punishment and no mistake (-; Three sunkies in one night? I hope you're ok. I think, if I can remember, that he's simply hoping she's wrong about a few flakes of snow turning into a flurry and eventually into a full blown storm. He doesn't want a xmas at all, let alone a white one. It's just another happy seasonal effort (-;
Where are me humbugs...

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out of the frying pan and into the bin


...for dust. (posted on: 27-10-08)
On the fictional occasion of not being dumped on the morning after the night before

neurologically thwarted FOR DUST. sunken It's only quarter past a pillow, my eyes have yet to realise that the moon has been unseated by an encouraging sunrise. Light needs time to make her real, just as a dream needs time to fade. It's only quarter past the incline of her protruding shoulder blades The thought of dragging stainless steel across the wasteland of my face is neurologically thwarted by her reciprocal embrace, my whiskers stubbornly symbolic of the disorder in my head I contemplate taking a shower but take advantages instead. It's nearly quarter to a smile. Time waits for lips to comprehend that she is more than just the bucking of an intimidating trend, a trend established without effort, just like a random act of lust It's almost quarter to perfection and I can still see her for dust.
Archived comments for ...for dust.
Romany on 27-10-2008
...for dust.
Well, as is very apparent, you have still got your flair for poetry. I love the idea behind this one - that there's a danger that a one night stand might actually turn into something more. Clever lines as always, although my favourites are:

Light needs time to make her real,
just as a dream needs time to fade.

Nice on Sunky,

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Romany. It's really good to see you back at uka. Thanks for reading and commenting. I'm kinda glad you liked that line, I changed it just before subbing. Always good to hear from you. I'll be checking out your new subs very soon and no mistake.

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last in asda

artisus on 27-10-2008
...for dust.
seriously good poem
X

Author's Reply:
And, for once, a serious thank you. Thanks for the hottie too (-:

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last in cumbria

red-dragon on 27-10-2008
...for dust.
Hi Sunks, as always, your poetry is a delight to read. The only line that 'jarred' for me was this one

'I contemplate taking a shower'

It might read better,
'I contemplate a shower
but take advantages instead.'

but that's just a personal opinion. Ann



Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Red. It must be my accent. I can't get your suggestion to scan. I know it pisses people off, but I hardly ever edit after I've subbed. It's just a sunky thang. I shall read them back in years to come and undoubtedly cringe. Thanks anyway, Ms. Red of Dragon fame (-:

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where there's a will there's a tesco superstore

littleditty on 27-10-2008
...for dust.
Sunken - excellent, bucking brilliant, taking advantages is always a good idea between sleep and waking, shower and shaving, a sleepyeyed fairy dust just before dawn time of day - this poem is magic - bravo, that's all really -i'm going to read it again, as my whiskers weren't paying full attention -just whisked away by a good story told - super, ditty xxx

Author's Reply:
(-: Ms. Ditty, you are a proper tonic and no mistake. I refer not only to your comment, but also to your zest for life and general happy demeanour. Where can I buy said Zest? Do you know how often you make me laugh? I'm not always sure if you mean to. I'll try and work it into a graph for you at some stage. Did you read Ms. Nic's latest sub. She has discovered the beauty of cows. I've always wondered why they wear bells around their necks? Surely scarves would be more fitting during this inclement time of year? Thank you, Ms. Ditty. Oh, could you also thank your friend for supplying the cow link. Although it confused me, I am still grateful. Moooooooo.

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the death of his goldfish would eventually help him to win x factor

littleditty on 27-10-2008
...for dust.
really? i'm glad becuase i was wondering if may have irritated people in foreign countries recently, senses of humour, their qualities, i've found are pretty universal, but cultural differences can sometimes unintentionally upset people - laughter is more important than most things really -i was wondering whether cows laugh, or whether they just smile and skip when they feel good? Anyway - i will go and see nic's cow poem -i must send her the Cowgirl Clip i sent you, and send you a translation of sorts, it a pretty good roaming cowgirl kind of song - the cow youre thinking of is the cute brown one who looks straight to camera, right? I knew it - she's got what it takes, that's for sure - slater sunky xxx

Author's Reply:
I think they sit down when it's going to rain? Not in a chair of course, that would just be daft. Or do they lie down? Why can't they sit like dogs do? So many questions...

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ye olde world mp3 shop

littleditty on 27-10-2008
...for dust.
here is a rather shoddy translation i made for you of the cow song:

It is of dream and dust
The destination of one only
Made lost in thought on my horse
It is of bow and knot
Of jibeira or jiló
Of this life
Fulfilled in the sun
I am caipira pirapora (organic and free) and Lady of Appearances
Illuminates the dark mine and it establishes the train of my life
My father was laborer
My mother solitude
My brothers had lost themselves in the life to the cost of adventures unmarried, I played,
I invested, I gave up -
If there is luck, I do not know, didn't see - I am caipira pirapora, and Lady of Appearances illuminates the dark mine and establishes the train of my life
They had said to me however
That I lived here
To ask the wandering
Pilgrim
Peace
As I do not know to pray
I only wanted to show
My look, my look, my look. I am caipira Pirapora, and Lady of Appearances
Illuminates the dark mine and it establishes the train of my life


xxditty x


Author's Reply:

e-griff on 27-10-2008
...for dust.
'i contemplate taking a shower' etc is fine by me (sorry Ann)
it rolls a long well ... actually the reason I mention it is not to be contrary, but to point out that this poem is, to me definitely of the 'Luigi persuasion' - a fine disregard for detailed regular metre,but with tricks that make it skip around and come back to base intact, and successful.

Who invented it? I was a fan of Sunken's before Luigi was born, but who knows?


Author's Reply:
Well it's an honour to be likened to Mr. Luigi. I just wish I could attract women like him. I reckon his cheeky grin does most of the work for him. I've been trying to perfect mine whilst strolling around the local park. So far I have been cautioned twice and beaten up three times. It's rough around here and no mistake. Mr. Luigi does have a similar outlook to me, writing wise. I think we both just do it for the fun of it. I have a tendency to piss the more serious writers off. Weirdly, Luigi doesn't. It's that bloody cheeky grin again isn't it? Where's me mirror...

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no milk today, my baby's bought a cow


Corin on 27-10-2008
...for dust.
This was a wonderful piece with a great ending - I am not sure I would have undestood the ending if you had not added your note although, still I thinkthe note should eithr have beei in the poem or been less explanatory to allw the poem to speak for itself.

Anyway I hope that fantasiies are all dispersed and it is now now perfection o'clock and that time keeps coming up to same hour minute by minute:-)


I too wondered about the lines Ann critiqued:-

but take advantages instead.
It’s nearly quarter to a smile.

except I quibble about 'advantages' and would prefer the simple meaning of 'advantage'.

Still no doubt the Griffen will tell me why I am completely wrong:-)

Best Wishes

David



Author's Reply:
That's all very well, Mr. Corin, but what are your thoughts regarding Nasa'a latest mission to put a terrapin into space? Only the Americans could have thought of such a thang. Personally I'd have opted for a tortoise or maybe a squirrel. Thank you for reading. I am currently encouraging more people to read. I believe it could one day prevent wars. Having said that, it's not easy trying to convince people to read whilst they are under attack from various forms of insurgents. I blame Head & Shoulders shampoo. The claims they made regarding that particular product in the 1980's were nothing short of libellous. So much so that I believe the British army won't even supply it to their men. It's no wonder they're so fed up. Fighting for your country is one thing, but fighting with the added complication of dandruff is beyond the pale and no mistake!
And now, if you do not mind, it's time for my medication. Good day.

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romeo, romeo, where for art my knickers?

royrodel on 27-10-2008
...for dust.
You romantic fool....... or is that me?
It's alive, it's alive.
I'm neurologically thwarted, or is that you?
Maybe you're sleeping with Syd Barrats ghost?
well are ya? hmmmmmm
very floydish but hey what do I know, I'm just a boy.

RODEL

P.S

where's the rate button gone??????


Author's Reply:
No, Mr. Roy, it's not you. I am both a romantic and a fool. I blame Mills and Boom. boom shake da room. As for my neurological state, my latest scan reveals that my thwart has decreased by approx. 7%. I have had a jammy donut to celebrate. Now, Syd Barrat - Is that the geezer who builds houses? It must be a very distressing time for him and no mistake.
Anyway, where have you been hiding? Not seen you around for a while. I kinda stopped commenting on your poems because you kinda stopped replying. I can understand why. I think my comments have a tendency to piss some people off a bit. If I think that's the case then I just stop. As for the rate button, I haven't used it for quite a while now. I don't like the idea that it can all be done anonymously. I think we're becoming a bit too obsessed with numbers in the 21st century anyway. Even the forum tells you how many times the topics have been viewed? Why does it matter? I also mask my hits because of this number obsession. It's just a personal thang. Anyway, good to see ya on uka again. Thanks for reading.

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he wonders lonely as a crowd

Leila on 27-10-2008
...for dust.
Sunken this is such a fine poem with so many super sunken touches to admire. I love the opening, in fact I love all of it, something quite romantic about it without a hint of sugary. Love the four quarters and the many fine lines/images that make the poem work so well. Sunken at his best making poetry look easy when it's so hard to consistently write to the high standard you achieve, once again I congratulate you...L

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Leila. How smashing to see ya. I have a question - When is Richard going to sort out some E-motions for the reply box? Try to imagine the blushing one, that's me right now. I blame overactive blood vessels. Anyway, I'm glad the romance came through without being too sugary. You might be interested to note that I took artificial sweeteners in my coffee, as opposed to sugar whilst writing this effort (-; Thanks again, Ms. Leila. It's always good to know that you're still around. I appreciate your comments. Forgive my replies. A lot of them are posted in the early hours. I blame the credit crunch. You've gotta blame something. Take care and a scarf,

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all became clear as he took off his hat

niece on 31-10-2008
...for dust.
A brilliant poem, Sunk...but then what does one expect from a brilliant poet?

Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
Well I've been called a lot of things, Ms. Niece, but they're not usually that complimentary. I don't know how to react. I'd run up and down the street naked, but it's soooooo cold here right now. I fear I might permanently damage to my naughty bits. Good to hear from you, Niecy and no mistake. Thanks for reading and commenting.

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he's taller at night

Munster on 31-10-2008
...for dust.
Hi Sunks, everyone that precedes me has said all I could possibly Muster, so all I will say is really enjoyed the read.

Munster

Author's Reply:
Hello mustering Munster. It's enough to know you've taken the time to read (-: For this I thank you and no mistake. Glad ya liked it. Cheers Munster.

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he reckons that tank-tops never went out of fashion

weemo on 01-11-2008
...for dust.
Touching, that's all i can really say. Don't feel quite established here yet to give an in depth analysis, although i don't really like to pick apart poetry too much, it can sometimes lose it's magic. For me it captured that moment of blissful ignorance that one gets when lying in bed next to someone, when you're trying not to let the reality of day seep in. Gave me goosebumps, and thanks for that.

Author's Reply:
Hi Weemo. Good to see you on planet uka. Don't worry about 'in-depth analysis' - I couldn't analyse if my life depended on it. Like yourself, I'm not one for picking stuff apart either. I usually resort to talking twaddle. Thanks for reading and leaving your mark, Weemo. Much appreciated. Hope to see you subbing soon.

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he has a masters degree in twaddle

Yutka on 01-11-2008
...for dust.
hi Sunky!

I really like that, it made me laugh. Yes, it's funny!!!! ( even for a serious writer...)
Quite brilliant!

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Yutka. Please forgive me, i am very pissed and will probably delete this when i am sober. Thanks for reading. This effort seems to have opened up an array of possibilities with regards to people's reaction. I am far too pissed to explain it right now, but I am happy that you were able to gleam a modicum of humour from my disastrous effort.

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nowhere near aspiration

Jolen on 03-11-2008
...for dust.
I can't believe that this wasn't nibbed! I think it's brilliant from start to finish and commend whoever nominated it, because I sure would have.

Clever as always, with great mind pictures. I am such a fan of yours my dear, as are we all and rightly so.

blessings,
Jolen

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Jolen. I can always trust on you to give me boost. My pecker has proper perked up since reading your comment (-; I think the nibbers are probably feeling the impact of the credit crunch. I guess they have to be far more conservative now about giving them out. I hear they're kept in a huge warehouse just outside of Leeds. I'm planning a break-in. I've even bought a cat-burglar outfit. I'm not sure if stripes suit me though... Are you in? I'm going to try and get a few of us onboard. Anyway, shhh... 'Mums' the word. And there was me thinking it was 'Grease'?
Thanks Ms. Jolen of... England?

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he's planning a nib raid

discopants on 03-11-2008
...for dust.
Like many of your poems, this one is cleverer than it first appears. Perhaps a lot like you then...

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Disco. Thanks for having a read. I can assure you, I am pretty thick. Not a qualification to my name, well nothing that's really worth the scrunched up paper that it was once written on. I appreciate the compliment tho... It was a compliment, right? (-;

Cheers Disco. Keep swinging those pants.

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his dreams have subtitles

Ionicus on 07-11-2008
...for dust.
Indeed a very fine poem, Mr sunken. Read it in one single go but I had to pause for breath while reading all the comments.
In reply to e-griff's comment you said that you and I are similar in our approach as we do it for fun. You have hit the nail on the head. It is either that or great minds think alike.
Delete whichever is inapplicable.
Be very wary though of being associated with that Luigi: you might acquire a bad reputation.

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Luigi. Smashing to see ya. I think acquiring a bad reputation might do me some good. Most of the girls I know seem to be drawn to bastards. I am cultivating a mean streak as we speak. It doesn't come naturally though. I keep giving my seat up and holding doors open. It's just not bad enough! It's good to see you around, Mr. Luigi.

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persil 3 - lewis hamilton 3

len on 12-11-2008
...for dust.
You used some fairly difficult words to put into a rhyming poem...I love the gentle romace of this piece..Very nicely done...len

Author's Reply:
Thank you Mr. Len. Sorry for the late reply. I blame soup. It takes me forever to get it just right. Thanks again (o:

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his sperm donation missed the pot

Bevvy on 28-11-2008
...for dust.
Yep, this one deserves the nomination and ought to get a nib too. Can I join you in the nib-raid please?
Gorgeous imagery throughout; a delicately optimistic, romantic poem.

PS I liked that line you came up with elsewhere - 'he wandered lonely as a crowd'.
So apt.
Love,
Bev
xxxx

Author's Reply:
Dear Ms. Bevvy, It would be a honour to have your presence at the nib raid. Ms. Ditty has agreed to hold my thermos flask, but I will still need someone to hold the scones. I see no reason as to why we can't have some kind of tea party prior to lifting our loot. This will be a very civilised raid and no mistake.
Thanks for reading my poem and for leaving both a lovely comment and a smashing offer of assistance. Hope all is well in Bevland.

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he's growing a moustache for prostate awareness week

Ania on 09-12-2008
...for dust.
The previous comments say it all. I enjoyed this, and I'm not by and large a big fan of poetry, but really liked this one. Could he possibly have made a suggestion to her 10 years ago!!!?

Ania

Author's Reply:
Dear Ms. Ania, Can you ever forgive me? I'm sorry this reply is so late. I'm not sure if I got the notification or not. Having a none poetry fan (does that make sense?) getting something positive from my stuff is a fine compliment and no mistake. Thank's for the boost.

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he could do with a little more seasoning

tinalouise9 on 12-12-2008
...for dust.
I read this to be you coming awake and your eyes taking in each detail of the wonderful situation you found yourself in. The piece was written with a wonderful rhythm that was both easy like conversation and damned clever ...like poetry. I think I am going to like your words.

I have nothing constructive to add because I believe the piece is complete and perfectly formed.

Reading the comments - wow, lots of reading! Like you,
-I don't generally change the things once I've written them - but love the helpful suggestions from others that will then get incorporated in future pieces. I think I figure if I mend something, it will be scarred.
-Advantage's' worked best for me as your original plural – it fit the rhythm just right the way I read it.
-Cows lay down when it is going to rain... or they feel a little faint.
-If I knew what being 'nibbed' involved I am sure I too would wish it upon you 🙂

Namaste,
Tina Louise


p.s.
I too loved 'He wondered lonely as a crowd.'

Author's Reply:
Blimey, you're far better at this commenting than me. I tend to talk a lot of crap as I'm not that technically minded and know bugger all about grammar and stuff. I blame truancy, breast fixations and being last in cross country. Tho, to be frank, I did take a detour to my mates house where his milf (mother I'd like to f...f... f... form a lasting relationship with) made me a tasty Angel delight with hundreds and thousands on the top (0: Beats running any day of the week and no mistake, Ms. Tina of Louise fame.

Did I stray there? As for me seldom editing, it's just the way I is. I release them into the wild and they have to fend for themselves. It's good to have imperfections anyway. Did I tell you about the mole on my arse? I have a mole on my arse. There, I've said it. Thank you for reading a sunk. Muchly appreciated.

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he's allergic to his allergy tablets

tinalouise9 on 12-12-2008
...for dust.
...I have a mole on my neck.

You will discover that my days on the beach always won out over education, so my grammar and stuff are not up to standards. I struggle with poetic punctuation (?), I get so confused as to where I want to put it and then usually end up writing it like sentences and breaking lines where the rhythm dictates... at least I think I do.

Author's Reply:

pullmykock on 17-03-2009
...for dust.
In spite of my facetious name, I must say that this is indeed a seriously good poem. A great poem, in fact. One of your best. Keep it up, Sunky-lar.

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and think of england


Author's Reply:

Sabrina on 12-04-2009
...for dust.
I have been away so long and where do I head to immediately upon my return? Straight to your dresser drawers where I am opening and sifting through and seeing what you have been up to.

This poem was definitely found in the drawer with the silk boxers, and it aroused me to no end...I was pressing it against my face breathing in the faint aroma of warm skin, when the last line caught, like a sharp label, on my cheek...I took it carefully in my hands trying to unfold it to read the meaning, but it eluded me...a mystery here!

Author's Reply:
Ahhh such is life, Ms. Sabrina. One mystery after another. I'm still completely mystified by girls. I'm thinking, in the long run, that this is possible a good thing. Your comment is very poetic by the way. I hope you're still writing and maybe thinking about subbing some of your work again. I'm proper honoured that you've looked in on a sunk after all this time. It's good to see you back and no mistake. Thanks again for taking the time to read and comment.

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it's like falling

amman on 13-09-2012
...for dust.
Hello Mr Sunks. I was flicking thru some of the old stuff (including yours) and came across this gem. This is poetry 301; some of us are still battling with poetry 101. A bit intimidating really. Love the lines..'Thought of dragging stainless steel/ across the wasteland of my face', amongst so many others. Super stuff.
Cheers.

Author's Reply:


Munky Nutz #07 (posted on: 15-08-08)
Munky Nutz - ''Theyre not big and theyre not clever. Theyre just Munky Nutz''.

Poodle for sale. Ask the primate. *Munky nut - a daft one-liner (Posted in sets of seven - One to be taken every day with a Walnut Whip) MUNKY NUTZ #07 sunken 1. An independent negotiator settled the dispute by tossing a coin. 2. No amount of lactating was going to tempt the milkman away from his established supplier. 3. The joint suicide would have to wait until they had sold the poodle. 4. He finally gave into her demands and purchased the penis extension. 5. He was convinced that his ability to fart the national anthem would secure him a place on 'Britain's got Talent'. 6. A breast reduction operation was out of the question as the plastic surgeon simply adored big tits. 7. The scan merely confirmed their long held suspicions, she was indeed expecting a grainy black and white blob. Ask the primate. More from the agonising primate here
Archived comments for Munky Nutz #07
e-griff on 15-08-2008
Munky Nutz #07
thanks - I read the munky link - most enjoyable as usual!

Author's Reply:
Thanks - Glad you liked.

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when doves fry

Bradene on 15-08-2008
Munky Nutz #07
I loved them all but 3.5. & 6 had me choking with laughter. Thanks for brightening up a rather boring Friday Sunks. Val x

Author's Reply:
It is dull today isn't it? I wish someone would flash me. Thanks for reading and commenting, Ms. Val of Tastic (-:

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never been flashed

Jolen on 15-08-2008
Munky Nutz #07
*Flashes Sunken* Well, now that we have that out of the way, Good stuff here, I laughed at them all and even harder over 3 and 6.
You is a nutter of the highest order, me dear and thank goodness for it.

Blessings,
Ms. Swollen Jolen

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Swollen. How the devil are ya? Thanks for the flash. There's just not enuff female flashing in the world. I've a good mind to write a letter of complaint to my local member of parliament. I sit in the park for hours on end sometimes, just waiting for a flash, but all I get are dirty old men with poor skin conditions. I blame a lack of essential vitamins. Anyway, none of this is important right now. Thank you Ms. Jolen for taking the time to read and comment. Much appreciated and no mistake.

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flasher 4 - jam jar 2

orangedream on 16-08-2008
Munky Nutz #07
Hey - I clicked on your link too, Mr. Sunks. IMPRESSIVE OR WHAT!! Quite a little gallery there! Seriously though, I really liked it. You are obviously very clever with your hands. No. On second thoughts ... don't answer that.

By the way, I thought your Munky had a Hitler-like tash when I first laid eyes on him, but am I right in thinking it is some kind of microphone?

Five was my favourite, which reminds me, I must stop giving Mr. O baked-beans for his tea;-)

Ms. Orange

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Orange. I must admit, my hands are on more than ever these days. I think that's why I'm so tired. I hear zinc might help? I shall like various metallic object later today and see which work the best. Thanks for popping in on the munky. That is a microphone by the way. He can't grow moustache because he's hairy all over. He did once try shaving everything but his top lip... It wasn't a good look. Thanks for reading and commenting, Ms. O. My best to the man of the house.

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early bird 2 - birdseye fish fingers 4

niece on 20-08-2008
Munky Nutz #07
:DIt would be difficult to select a fav, Sunk...they are all great...

Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
Hi Ms. Niece. Sorry I'm late replying. I'm not sure if I got the notification. My pc probs get no better I'm afraid. Thanks for reading and leaving a comment. Hope all is good in Nieceworld. Take care and a coat.

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its your hair, she said as she walked out of his life for the final time

Doughnut on 20-08-2008
Munky Nutz #07
I agree, a good start to the day. I wonder though, when you write these Sunken, do you have to be in the mood - and how do you get there? On third thoughts, maybe best not to answer that. I used to have a doctor friend who asked me to look after her flowers while she was away at a conference. The poor things looked as if they needed more light than in the rather dismal Hackney kitchen, so i made a present of a window box and stuck them in it. I expected her to be overjoyed and fall in my arms on her return...Duncan

Author's Reply:
You mean she didn't? How ungrateful. I'd hopefor at least a peck on the cheek and maybe a quick fumble. I blame the credit crunch. I'm blaming it for a lot of things these days. As for my nuts, I get in the mood by squatting over a picture of maggie t and giving them a good old swing. It works a treat. At least she's good for something. They were originally born from the tag lines that I leave on my comments. I think it was Ms. Romany who said that I should use them for something. Hence Munky Nutz. It's all her fault (-;

Thanks Mr. Doughnut. Sorry for the late reply btw. I blame technology.



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huston, we have a streaker

Jen_Christabel on 28-08-2008
Munky Nutz #07
Great stuff - of course!
Jennifer x

Author's Reply:
Why thank you, Ms. Jen. Where the devil have been by the way? It's a disgrace! You know I worry. Thanks for checking out my nutz. Good to see ya back.

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the girl at b&q, she say - 'that'll be £12.99 please'


SugarMama34 on 28-08-2008
Munky Nutz #07
Hey Mr Sunky Le Munk! You have a fab sense of humour, you always make me laugh. Loved these but my favourite lines are these:

3.
The joint suicide would have to wait until they had sold the poodle.

4.
He finally gave into her demands and purchased the penis extension.

5.
He was convinced that his ability to fart the national anthem would secure him a place on ‘Britain’s got Talent’.

Where do you get you fab humerous imagination from? Great stuff sunky, as always. Post more of your work it's always appreciated.

Sugar Lumpkin. xxx

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Sugar Lumpkin. Sorry I'm so late replying. More testicle problems I'm afraid. The hot weather has made them descend a little lower than usual and I went and sat on the buggers. I'm black and blue and no mistake. Anyway, thank you for perusing my nutz and not being horrible about them (-;

Cheers Ms. Sugar

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this reply may self destruct in three seconds ti...

StanSeagrave on 05-10-2008
Munky Nutz #07
Still laughing now....
As Jolen says, thank goodness for the bonkers-folk.



madness is sanity. sanity is madness

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Stan of Seagrave fame. Thanks for checking out my nuts. I try to examine them on a daily basis, but I must admit to being a bit lazy of late. Thanks again fella.

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bodie 3 - doyle 3

len on 16-11-2008
Munky Nutz #07
She was expecting a grainy, black and white blob!!.....Yer NUTZ!!...The actually picked a mayor in the last election with a coin toss. The two candidates were dead-even. And considering that neither one of them wanted the job {they were both write-ins} neither side contested the toss. :o)...len

Author's Reply:
I seldom contest a toss, Mr. Len. To be frank, it's the only thing that keeps me going sometimes (-; Thanks for checking my nutz out.

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he sometimes forgets to breath out


No Picasso. (posted on: 04-08-08)
A creatively stunted man fails to impress his art student girlfriend

sold to the creatively stunted man NO PICASSO. sunken Modern art is her department, a speciality of sorts. She wants a Warhol reproduction or a Picasso that purports to have: 'Objectively established an abstract passage of its own' Modern art is her obsession. She says she should have come alone. It's not my fault that I like pictures that are belittled by her peers! It was an unrestricted sale and I assume the auctioneers were not concerned about discernment when striking home a focused, 'SOLD!' Pablo Picasso is her passion She says Rolf Harris leaves her cold.
Archived comments for No Picasso.
woodbine on 04-08-2008
No Picasso.
I heard a rare sound
as I finished your poem,
and looked around,
but there was only me
laughing early
on a Monday morning.

John





Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. John. I occasionally see you online during the early hours. I think it's my favourite time of the day. Glad this gave you a laugh. That's good enough for me and no mistake.

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the weatherman said rain, but he didn't know how to

artisus on 04-08-2008
No Picasso.
I used to be deeply suspicious of abstract art, but when I started to write abstract prosetry and reading such things, I took a look at my very own drawings as a teenager and I was very abstract, so I am no longer deeply suspicious of abstractness

as always a nice Sunken poem

Xx

Author's Reply:
Hiya Ms. Nic. Thanks for reading. Unlike the bloke in the pome, I do kinda like the more abstract stuff. I can't pretend to know much about art and I can't paint to save me life. I once painted a pig at school and the teacher thought it was a dog. I mean, a pink dog? She was obviously colour blind.
Cheers Ms. Art-is-us,

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Xx

justin timberlake - 9pm - uk munky gold plus 1 - 'My orthodontic hell'

red-dragon on 04-08-2008
No Picasso.
Very clever, Mr Sunks. If it is possible to exceed my expectations of your poetry, then you've done so here and the bar is now raised......

Ann

Author's Reply:
Hiya Ms. Red of award winning sauce fame. Glad you liked it. I'll no doubt lower the bar with my next sub. I have problems getting it high because my neighbour keeps borrowing my stepladders. I wouldn't mind, but he doesn't even write poems. I think he uses them for decorating or something? How strange. Thanks for looking in on a sunks. I hope you don't go dissapearing on us completely now that you're an award winning saucercerer. Cheers Ms. Red,



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he plugged in the cable and waited for soup

Macjoyce on 04-08-2008
No Picasso.
Rolf Harris is a great artist and anyone who says otherwise deserves a toaster in the mouth. Altogether now:

Tie me kangaroo down, sport,
Tie me kangaroo down
(Fuck a wallaby)
Tie me kangaroo down, sport,
Tie me kangaroo down &c.



Author's Reply:
As with most of my stuff, she's fictional. I could put a fictional toaster in her mouth if you like? I'll leave fucking wallaby's to professional wallaby fuckers, if that's okay. What is a wallaby anyway?
Cheers Mac,

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brevity matched her blouse but clashed terribly with the vicars mini skirt

Andrea on 04-08-2008
No Picasso.
Never been hugely fond of Picasso, although I lived for some months in Vallauris, where he lived for a while (http://www.nice-city-vacation.com/vallauris.html). Lovely place (up in mountains), must say, far better than Cannes or Nice (where I busked successfully but without much pleasure)

Like your pome though Sunk, even though I think Warhol was something of a prat too 🙂

(Mac, shouldn't that be 'fuck a wannabe'?)



Author's Reply:
Some of these arty types get a bit pretentious don't they? They'll read all kinds of crap into a painting that resembles vomit. I do like some of the abstract stuff but not to the point where I'm going to stand there for hours studying it. I'd eventually read some kinda orgy into it knowing me (-; As for Warhol, I saw a pic of him recently in which he had very scary hair. I may never sleep with the light off again.
Thank you Ms. Andrea of Clogland on the green,

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he once caused his own mini controversy by wearing odd socks

Macjoyce on 04-08-2008
No Picasso.
Fuck a wannabe? I'm not putting my cock anywhere near any pretentious American poetasters who use capitals at the start of enjambed lines. Unless I can put it in their mouths and shut them up.


Author's Reply:

DocOrange on 04-08-2008
No Picasso.
More than just a very funny poem. I could actually picture the scene, and the looks his girlfriend was giving him... blimey! I did a google on Rolf after reading this to see if he'd done much other than Mickey mouse pictures etc. Turns out he's done quite alot, he seems especially fond of boobies and ladys bare bums, um, make of that what you will.

Great poem.

Doc.

Author's Reply:
Thanks Doctor Orange. That was kinda what I had in mind. It serves her right for being an art snob. I could only find paintings of the queen and Elvis by Mr. Harris. I shall delve deeper as I am a big fan of tits and arses.
Oh, by the way, 'not long now Maggie, not long now' was just me encouraging lady (small 'l') thatcher (small 't') into the arms of death. I hear she's not got long... Been saying that for years. I have party poppers, balloons, jelly, ice cream and recreational drugs on standby. Three million people are invited.

Thanks Doctor Orange,

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they continued as if nothing had happened, his bare arse exposed to the neighbours cat as they made love beneath a fatal moon

niece on 04-08-2008
No Picasso.
Have never understood modern art and I wont be trying either...unless there is a figure in it to give it some kind of possible(?) meaning...great poem, as always, Sunky...

Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Niece. I must admit, I've grown to like the abstract stuff. It's a bit like my relationship with women, I can't work them out but I know that I like them (-; I guess my latest painting of a zig zag isn't going to get me laid then? Damn! Back to the drawing board, or should that be easel?
Thanks for reading Ms. Niece.

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their worlds would eventually collide behind a chip shop in peckham

SugarMama34 on 05-08-2008
No Picasso.
Mr Sunken,

Your poetry always impresses me and I wish I could write it as well as you do. Another good one from you that I have very much enjoyed reading. I never really understood abstract art! I remember going to an Art museum when I was in school and walked across some tiles, only to have a bollocking and told it was someone's art work!! Sheesh.
I look forwaord to your next poettic piece of art :0)

Sugar. xx

Author's Reply:
Dear Ms. Sugar of the Mama persuasion (congratulations on your news by the way) you are more than capable of writing better than my tacky self. I shall personally slap your legs if you keep putting yourself down. And yes, I will very much enjoy doing it (-; Ahem. Sorry, I've woken up a bit frisky. I blame a programme I watched on the bbc's I-player last night about Kylie's body double. Oh my god, talk about fit. Sad thing was, she was getting a boob job and having an arse tuck. I can't believe any surgeon in his right mind would want to cut into something that's already so perfect. Oh, I've gone off track. I forgot what I was going to say now. I think it included the following - Deckchairs, tall ladies in Victorian costumes riding bikes with no brakes and, of course, turnips. I hope this helps.
Thanks for looking in on dirty sunks, Ms. Lumpkin. Now go tend to your cravings (-;

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his morals got misplaced whilst shopping for socks

orangedream on 05-08-2008
No Picasso.

A vintage sunks, this one! My favourite Picasso is 'The Old Guitarist." It is quite something else!

As is your pome. Actually I dabble in a bit of painting from time to time. Can't draw to save my life, but give me a paint brush or a palette knife and I'm off! Way back in the seventies I used to watch a series on tele called Painting with Nancy. That was what got me going!

Speaking of which, Mr. O will be wanting his afternoon cuppa so I must away!

Nice one, sunks;-)

Ms. Orange

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Orange. I shall google said Picasso later. I knew a girl named Nancy once. She dabbled in art too. I don't think it can be the same Nancy though, unless the one you're referring to was introducing her programme in a nappy? Oh balls, does that make me sound like a peado? I just meant that my Nancy was a baby in the late seventies. Ahem. She's a proper woman now. Oh it's no good, I really will have to choke the chicken soon. By the way, it's good to see you waiting on Mr. O. I am worried that he's one of those husbands that gets kept in a shed, only to be pulled out when there's a job that needs doing. Disgraceful behaviour! Has the smell of horse crap worn off yet? Lol.
Thanks Mrs. Orange.

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his current limp has nothing to do with either of his legs

Ionicus on 05-08-2008
No Picasso.
I can sympathyse with your discomfort, Sunken. I too can identify with the following lines from your poem:
'It’s not my fault that I like pictures
that are belittled by her peers!'
In fact you know my tastes in art: nudes, nudes and more nudes. Need I say more?
Good poem BTW.

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Luigi. What about an abstract nude? No... not the same is it? You wouldn't date an abstract girl after all. Though at the moment... I probably would. I once saw a man at a bus stop with a mannequin. I thought it was very brave of him. I wonder if he was charged a full fare for her? Ahem. God I'm rambling today Mr. Luigi. I blame the following - Matchstick men with unfeasibly large penis', a purpled haired girl trading drugs for old Argos catalogues and, of course, turnips. I hope this has helped. Thanks Luigi. Sorry about the reply.

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for what we are about to receive may tesco make us truly thankful

Rupe on 05-08-2008
No Picasso.
I like Rolf Harris's Sun Arise. That's well out there. I like Picasso too, but only in small doses. Never got the hang of Warhol though. Yes, Andy, a load of soup cans. Very clever.

Nicepome.

Rupe

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Rupe. Isn't Sun Arise a song? I can hear Rolf now, singing like a loon whilst accompanied by a rusty old saw that he's found in a shed. It wouldn't be allowed today of course. We can't have our little darlings playing with rusty old saws... Gleaming kitchen knives maybe, but not rusty old saws.
Thanks for reading, Mr. Rupe.

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daz automatic 2 - brains faggots 4

pencilcase on 05-08-2008
No Picasso.
Very good, sunk!

Hangs together well in many places. Can't ignore though...

"She says she should have come alone"

and

"She says Rolf Harris leaves her cold"

Well, she probably did...and he probably does!

Very inventive contribution. Unfortunately...or maybe not so unfortunately, it leaves me with a notion of Picasso asking...

"can ya tell what it is yet?"

Works for me.

Steve

Author's Reply:
Ya know, I very nearly called it 'Can ya tell what it is yet?' - No Picasso came to me in the bath as I was washing my balls. I wrote it in the condensation on the mirror so I wouldn't forget. It was just a streaky mess when I'd finished my ablutions. It was kinda abstract. I'll be buggered if I can find a font to match said streaks tho. Ahem. Thanks for reading, Mr. Case of the yard.

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the ring around his bath is strangely lopsided

Jolen on 05-08-2008
No Picasso.
Smunky, you just get better and better, unlike "Modern Art" which I am not a fan of. But then I'm just an old fashioned sort of gal! Yeah, right!
anyhooooo, I loved your poem and please know that if given the choice, I'd have chosen Harris as well.

blessings,
Ms. Swollen

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Swollen. Good to see ya. Where are you today? Britain on the green, America on the grassy knoll, Tesco...? We don't see much of you (insert sexist jibe here). Is it something I've said, is it my aftershave, my socks (I change them more now), my habit of walking around with no pants on? Tell me and I'll put it right. This is the problem. We just don't talk anymore (cue dodgy cliff richard record from the early 80's). I never know if to put that full-stop in the bracket or outside of it. Decisions, decision, my kingdom for a horse. Anyway, none of this is important right now. Thanks for looking in on a sunks and for bringing magazines of a gentlemanly nature (-;

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please sir, can i have a whore

Bradene on 06-08-2008
No Picasso.
I love Rolf Harris myself, I think his art is just as relevent as anyone else's and I bet Picasso couldn't play a digeridoo! You have a great way with words Sunky and rhythm too if I may be so bold. Love Val x

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Val. I personally like it when you get all bold on me (-; I knew I had something in common with Rolf. I've been playing with my digeridoo all night. I can't paint to save me life tho. Thanks for reading Ms. Valtastic.

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on fridays he tastes of lemon

delph_ambi on 06-08-2008
No Picasso.
Love the poem. Love contemporary art - though this poem's a bit last century, artwise. That's not a problem. It makes its point. The protagonist comes over as a prattish Philistine, and his g/friend as a long-suffering lady of good taste.

Rolf Harris inspired me as a child, for which I am ever grateful, but then I grew up. 🙂

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Delph. To be honest, I googled modern art and clicked on a wikipedia link to see who exactly was classed as being part of that movement. Picasso and Warhol were two of the first names, so I thought I'd use them. As you can tell, I don't know much about art at all. I just know what I like and I'm slowly coming around to the more abstract stuff. I blame many things, some of which are listed on ceefax page 107. Rolf was (and maybe still is) a bit of cult hero amongst student types. His rendition of Stairway to heaven is something to behold. He also gives good beard, and that's an achievement in itself. Ahem. Thanks Ms. Delph.

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she made him feel more like a man

teifii on 07-08-2008
No Picasso.
Can't see the point of Warhol. If I want baked beans I buy a real tin. I do like Picasso both realistic and abstract. I'm always jealous of those that can't paint abstract because I can't.
I'm jealous of your facility with all types of poetry too. This one is excellent.
Daff

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Daff. Ya know, I'm not even sure if he produced half of his stuff. Didn't he set up some kind of factory that employed students to mass produce them with screen printers? I could have that totally wrong, it's the way of the sunk. Thanks for reading Ms. Daff.

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scrabble 2 - amy winehouse 2

Albermund on 07-08-2008
No Picasso.
A cracking rhythm as usual, sunks, and the words sound nice and work pretty great especially the last 4 lines but I'm kind of unsure why you bought her a Rolf ( basterdizer of Stairway to Heaven) when you knew how atrty farty she was.

Having now just read the other comments I realise you have far too many and really should just ignore this one. rgds, Albert.

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Albermund. There should be a way to mask comment numbers, like what there is with hits. I hate numbers. Even the forums have hit counts? What's that about? It's long bugged me. Blahhh. Anyway, to the poem - He didn't buy it for her I'm afraid. It was a completely selfish act. He just got carried away (-; She was mainly pissed off because she was seen to be with a bloke who was purchasing a picture that she felt was beneath her. She thought it might ruin her street cred. She's an art snob basically. It's pretentiousness at its worse. If you like a painting that's all there is to it. Rolf must despair at times. Still, he's always got his music. So you don't rate his version of Stairway to heaven? Cheers Mr. Albermund.

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ignoring numbers because he can't count

AlexClay on 26-08-2008
No Picasso.
Is Rolf Harris certifiable? Have you heard his singing? It's worse that his painting. Good poem anyway. It's not my field of expertise (ramming bananas in my mouth every morning after a Body-destroying cross-country run is my only field of expertise). Yeah it's snappy, humorous, and tightly written. What else is there to say? except, ROLF'S CARTOON CLUB!!!

Author's Reply:
Lol. Don't say that Alex. I think 'Two little Boys' by Rolf is one of Hazy's favourite songs. Where is Hazy anyway? Your banana fixation puts me in mind of a Munky I know. Good to see you're still around, Mr. Clay of Alex fame. Thanks for reading and commenting and for putting that god awful song into my head (-;

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...two little boys had two little toys...

Bevvy on 12-09-2008
No Picasso.
I'm an artist myself, sometimes a bit abstract, but I hate all the phoney crap that is often used to sell modern/contemporary art to the public. Your poem hits the nail on its pretentious little head. Rolf Harris has a down-to-earth warmth and a genuine love of people, whatever anyone might think of his art/music. I like some of his paintings, by the way.
Great poem, sunky, you said all that needed to be said on the subject.
Love, Bevvy
xxx

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Bevvy. I had no idea that you painted too. I've only recently started to appreciate the more abstract stuff. I recently spilt my Pot Noodle on a work surface. It was a week before I cleaned it up because it just looked so good. I'm glad you got the jist of this. Thanks for reading and commenting. Sorry for the late reply. I blame inadequate power tools.
Cheers,
xxx

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here she comes again

BaBy_PoeT on 25-09-2008
No Picasso.
hello,
hope you have been well.!!
another interesting write of yours... left me thinking about my art lessons when i was in school..
it's always interesting when it's art..
anyways back to the poem... the ryhming and rythm both worked well together... welldone sunky..!
take care
xXxBPxXx

Author's Reply:
(-: Hello Ms. Poet of the Baby persuasion. It's good to see ya. Glad you liked the pome. I always got more paint on me than I did the paper at school. My art teacher gave up in the end and just labelled me as 'abstract'. I kinda like that. Anyway, thanks for reading and commenting and for generally being a smashing BP.

You take care too,

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xxx

macaby on 21-12-2008
No Picasso.
i think rolf harris might feel honoured to be mentioned in a poem alongside warhol and picass. i don,t know if warhol was a painter or a printer but he could look into the future.way back in the eighties he said " in the nineties everyone will be famous for 5 minutes". well if you look at reality tv you shall see that he was right in a way. enjoyable witty poem indeed.

Author's Reply:

stormwolf on 22-08-2009
No Picasso.
You sure can write Sunky...you sure can write!!!

Alison (your fan)

Author's Reply:
(-: Aww. Thank you, Ms. Alison. A real fan? Honest? I is honoured. Thank you. Sorry if my reply is a bit late. It was down to a techy glitch that has now been rectified. That Andrea woman can work wonders ya know. Thanks again. It's nice when older poems get read. Take care and no mistake.

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currently sponsored by eric's satellite installation services


Hankerings. (posted on: 14-07-08)
My mate has a new girlfriend. He has also stopped looking at other womens tits. I am very worried about him

I ought to see a doctor HANKERINGS. sunken Her mate's tits are phoaarr inspiring but I am minded not to stare because she gets a bit suspicious when I peruse a foreign pair. When I say 'foreign' I mean 'others' I don't mean tits from overseas, (though in the interest of friendship I would invariably squeeze any size or shape or colour) Uniting nations is my goal. Her mate's tits are captivating, but I must tender self-control. She would be unappreciative of the way I modulate to the unforgiving movements of a slow hypnotic gait She would invariably argue that I am hopelessly obsessed and that I ought to see a doctor about my hankerings for breasts. Denied a rational assessment, I would be made to feel ashamed, my libido left in tatters as every single urge is tamed. So I am sticking by my story, ''I have no secrets to divulge'' and I will join them on the dance floor when I have rearranged my bulge!
Archived comments for Hankerings.
Jolen on 14-07-2008
Hankerings.
Wooooooo hoooooooo I get to leave the first comment. I really appreciate a man who appreciates breasts, as I have two of them myself! I am so glad to be reading your work again, dear Smunky! As usual, you can say it like no one else.
I would offer a suggestion though, if you have the hankering, handle IT! LOL

I have missed you but I'll take better aim in the future!

blessings,
Ms. Swollen

Author's Reply:
Ms. Jolen! Where the devil have you been? Are you currently residing in England on the green or America on the grassy knoll? I never know where you are. Ya know, my love of tits has never wavered. I'm not a big fan of these over the top boob jobs tho. Natural is always best, be they small, medium or large. I hope this has helped and that you are considering subbing something in a swollen Jolen stylie very soon. Thanks for reading (-:

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allergic to parcel force

Leila on 14-07-2008
Hankerings.
cheeky munky!...I've come over all of a blushing! Great fun Sunken, as Miss Jolen said you say it like no one else can...love the bit...Uniting nations is my goal in fact I thought it quite perfectly put, each line worked so well...thanks for all the smiles you bring to UKA...I demand Sunken on prescription...L

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Leila. Always good to see you in my box, as it were. I am currently unavailable on prescription due to a legal issue regarding unauthorised ingredients. As an alternative, may I suggest Heinz Big Soup. It's a meal in a can. As always, thanks for reading and for putting up with my inane replies. I blame Gary Barlow, Daz automatic and the 1992 teabag awards. I hope this has helped.

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he never quite got over the typhoo teabag allegations

SugarMama34 on 14-07-2008
Hankerings.
Lmao. I don't know how you do it, but you do it well. I will have to read this to Mr Sugar. I've read a few of your poems to him and he's laughed, he'll like this one! You have a good eye for words and boobs come to that, lol. I can't say I have a favourite part because I loved it all. Thanks for making me laugh. There will never be another sunk like you that can rhyme and come up with the ideas that you do. Fab stuff as always.

Sugar Lumpkin. xxx

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Sugary Mama. When you mentioned favourite parts I thought you were referring to body bits. I must get my head outta the gutter (-; Thanks for your continued support and positivity. If I can raise the odd smile then that's me happy. Do you really think I have a good eye for boobs? I quite like the size and shape of those in the pic. See, I is not a greedy sunks. A handful is all I require. I truly hope that women feel the same way about dicks. Ahem. I hope this helps. Thanks, Ms. Sugar.

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allergic to opera

orangedream on 14-07-2008
Hankerings.
And I have NOT read this to Mr. O. Way too good and dare I say it ... titillating!!!

Can write no more, dear Sunks. The lady blushes. But I will just second what has been said. Nobody does it better;-)

Ms. Orange

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Orange. I don't believe for one second that my pervy poem made you blush (-; After all, didn't you use to get your baps out in a modeling capacity? Ahem. I hope that wasn't meant to be a secret. It is public knowledge isn't it? Ahem, it is now (-; Sorry, Mrs. O. My best to the lucky man of the house. Thanks for reading.

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lettuce leaf, 3 - barbara windsor 2

littleditty on 15-07-2008
Hankerings.
how do you spell bosoms? I would like to inform you that your poem has caused an international spelling crisis that has now been resolved only by reassurance from Scotland, who confirm BOSOMS is indeed correct...middle inglash, from yee ol' english busom - right, now - to your poem - clearly winking season is over, and we are well in the middle of Age of the Breast - praise be for boobs, and your poem - i didnt understand the end part about a bugle, are you in a band? or is it a new dance routine the kids are doing? Nevermind, it doesnt have to make sense, you shake your thang, and have fun young munky, shame on those who say otherwise - a most enjoyable read, thanks, Ditty xxx

Author's Reply:
Hello lovely Ms. Ditty on the Dot. I always think bosoms has two s's for some reason. Perhaps it's the nature of the word that makes me think it should have two of something. As for the bulge thang, ahem. Sometimes blokes get a bit excited, and when going from a sitting position to a standing position it can seem more... obvious. Readjustments can be made to make things seem a little less obvious. That's why he's kinda waiting for them to bugger off onto the dance floor. I once had this happen on a bus. I had to miss my usual stop until things had settled. I blame summer, Ms. Ditty. Anyway, I'm sure you would rather not hear of such disgraceful things. I shall do my best to become more respectful in the very near future. Thank you Ms. Ditty for reading a sunk and for making a comment. I is always chuffed to hear from you (-:

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allergic to bite sized shreddies

Raindog on 15-07-2008
Hankerings.
mr sunks this is my kind of poem. so glad you have a bulge to rearrange- i seem to have mislaid mine. oh well...

Author's Reply:
That's terrible, Raindog. I would dearly miss the occasional bulge. It's often the only thing that gets me through the day. I truly hope that you find yours again very soon. Have you checked behind the sofa?

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girl at the chip shop, 3 - pot noodle sandwich, 2

pombal on 15-07-2008
Hankerings.
This is the first poem ive read of yours sunks - and I'm glad I did 🙂 I'll be going through your back catalogue ....

Author's Reply:
I once knew a girl who wanted to go through my back catalogue. We were both very drunk at the time. Ahem. Thanks for looking in on a sunk, Mr. Pombal of Imp fame. I hope it wasn't too traumatic.

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for what we are about to receive, may our statutory rights not be affected

orangedream on 15-07-2008
Hankerings.
... and you've obviously been through mine - back catalogue that is, dear sunks. I admit, I did reveal all in 'The Naked Truth' but I thought that was all long-gone and forgotten.

They say that elephants never forget, but I guess it's obviously true about monkeys as well;-)

Ms. Orange


Author's Reply:
I refute all allegations made against me! I have never touched your back catalogue. You are, after all, a married Orange. I wouldn't dream of such a thang... Ok, maybe I would 😉
Sorry Ms. O. I just assumed that everyone knew about you getting your baps out.

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sold to the bloke with no dress sense

artisus on 16-07-2008
Hankerings.
it is purely the interest of friendship, yes I got that!

😉

nice one Sunken
xX

Author's Reply:
Oh yes, purely friendship, Ms. Nic. I think it's the least I can do (-;
Thanks Ms. Art-is-us (I only just got that. I'm so slowww). I hope to visit your blog soon. I shall wear a tie and might even shave.

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luckily, said the doctor, his head took the main impact

discopants on 16-07-2008
Hankerings.
If your mate's not looking at other girl's tits, then that leaves more of them for you to look at, so look on the bright side.

My local lapdancing club was burnt down the other night, and the annoying thing is that I didn't even know my town had a lapdancing club. The police were talking about arson- I think that's just a new term for lapdancing myself.

dp

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Disco. I'm sorry this reply is late. I was waiting for Munky's hopeless roaming reporter to put me in the picture about this tragic event. He's usually 48 hours behind the rest of the world. I blame chemical abuse. He kinda went downhill after his career in the children's tv classic, Rainbow, ended. You can see his report at Bungle's Barely News
I hope that this tragic event has not hit the area too hard. I can't imagine how you're all coping. Thanks Disco.

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cabbage patch troll

niece on 17-07-2008
Hankerings.
I'm sure he does it on the sly, Sunky...Great poem, btw...

Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
Yeah, you're probably right Ms. Niece. I find it almost impossible not to look, especially with some of the outfits the girls are almost wearing these days (-; Thanks for reading and looking in on sunks.

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she hoped he would jump before sex and the city started

Bradene on 17-07-2008
Hankerings.
Hilarious this one, more like the you we know and love Val xx

Author's Reply:
Do you know that I'm detested in certain circles, Ms. Val? It's true, I've seen the evidence in Paranoid Weekly. Thanks for reading. I'm always chuffed to have your Valtastic approval.
And now, if you'll excuse me, I have a hankering to appease (-;

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he believes that the credit crunch might need more chocolate

Albermund on 17-07-2008
Hankerings.
You could have written this a lot naughtier, Sunks, but it wouldn't have been so good. Reads beautifully and very funny with cracking punchline. I suppose I've told you before that Jamie Lee Curtis cured me forever of my double, triple, quadruple D desires when she caught me licking a Wendy Whoppers centrefold and stabbed my sausage dog four and a half times with a six inch stiletto. rgds albert

Author's Reply:
What a lovely image that is to behold, Mr. Albermund. I've seen a nude pic of Jamie Lee Curtis. I was most impressed. Big is ok if they're natural, but I don't get these ridiculous over the top boob jobs that some women get. I could just buy some average sized implants and keep them under my bed next to the porn? Thanks for reading, Mr. Albermund. Glad you liked.

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sold to the girl with problem skin

Macjoyce on 28-07-2008
Hankerings.
Mmmm, breasts. A lovely poem about breasts, Sunkington, apart from "phoaarr inspiring" - careful mate, or you'll end up writing for the Sun.

Talking of foreign tits, have you been watching that programme about tribal wives? It's called "Tribal Wives". Apparently, in many tribes around the world, breasts aren't considered sexual at all, but arses or thighs are. So in some parts of Africa, you could just sit stroking a woman's breasts and she'd presumably just think you were being friendly. I know where I'm going for my holiday...


Author's Reply:
Could it be I'm falling in love? Has time re-written every line? Why do birds sing in the sky? What time is love? Are 'friends' electric?So many questions, so little cling film. I blame inflation and croutons. I'm sorry that this reply is late. I got my foot caught in a grid and had to wait for the emergency services. Luckily I was able to chew on a nearby olive branch and drink the tears of a melancholy fox. Thanks Macnamara.

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he's hated, not only in certain circles, but also in certain squares - quite a feat said a passer-by

Dazza on 24-10-2009
Hankerings.
Sunkster, sometimes our best dittys are testosterone fuelled, I know some of mine are. Its primal, its heated, its a good 'un.
And you remain the laureate. Love Dazza.

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Dazza. What a smashing comment. It's fair perked me up and no mistake. I must admit, I do get a bit primal sometimes. I blame shredded wheat. Do you know they contain 100% shreddies? Or is it wheat? Anyway, good to see you around Uka again, fella. Thanks for the encouraging words. Much appreciated.

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with a small.... 's'


When Mates Get Domesticated (Happy Hardcore Shopping). (posted on: 07-07-08)
The loss of a close friend is never easy to deal with

Happy Hardcore Shopping WHEN MATES GET DOMESTICATED. (Happy Hardcore Shopping) sunken He says he's never been so happy. This could be worse than I had feared The growing flickers of excitement that hormones deftly engineered (as the weekends brought the promise of pulling girls with lipstick smiles) have all but floundered by the wayside of one too many shopping aisles. His current partner doesn't like me. She says I ought to settle down instead of chatting up loose women who gallivant around the town in clothes, that she is quick to argue, are more akin to underwear His current girlfriend doesn't like me, she seems to think that I should care. I leave them contemplating curtains, my mind distrusting what I've seen, a man who once extolled the virtues of every burgeoning dance scene reduced to pushing shopping trolleys for one as arrogant as her He says he's never been so happy, I only wish I could concur.
Archived comments for When Mates Get Domesticated (Happy Hardcore Shopping).
artisus on 07-07-2008
When Mates Get Domesticated (Happy Hardcore Shopping).
wow Sunken, this is very well written, and no mistake! :))

X

Author's Reply:
Lol. Thank you Ms. Nic and no mistake to be sure. I'm glad you liked it. I celebrated your comment by doing a cheesy quaver techno raver dance around my cell. Thank you. It seriously means a lot (-:

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hands in the air

orangedream on 07-07-2008
When Mates Get Domesticated (Happy Hardcore Shopping).
... and what is wrong with pushing shopping trolleys ... eh Mr Sunken?

I'll have you know Mr. O is quite proud of his shopping trolley prowess. Better not let him read this one!

Seriously though, even as a registered shopoholic, I know exactly where you're coming from, as they say. Expertly penned as is your wont, dear Sunks.

Ms. Orange

PS Mr. O has finished in the loo now as you will no doubt be relieved to hear.

Author's Reply:
I'm a terrible shopper, Mrs. Orange. I'm one of those 'get in there' get what I want and get out kinda people... Bit like sex really. Ahem. I'm not good at shopping... Bit like sex really.
This was influenced by a mate who I know hates shopping almost as much as me. Seeing him pretend otherwise to keep his new girlfriend happy kind of irritated me at the time. Now I think it's funny. I dare say I'd be same.
Pass on my congratulations to the man of the house. I have numerous light fitting to put over the next few days (not mine). Wish me luck. If you don't hear from me you'll know I've been electrocuted.

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he thinks the lambretta is a dance performed by mods

discopants on 07-07-2008
When Mates Get Domesticated (Happy Hardcore Shopping).
Of course, you can't tell your mate that he's turned into a girl's shopping accessory or that she's not the right girl for him, even if you know you're right.

Anyway, top write and puts me in mind of 'Remember Me' by The Zutons which is on a similar theme.

dp

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Disco. Oh no, I'd never say anything to him. I'm probably a little jealous if I'm being honest. I'd suffer the shopping aisles for an hour or two if there was the prospect of some regular sex. Was that too much info? As for the Zutons, I've had to steer clear from them for a while, so I'm not familiar with the track you mention. Why am I steering clear? Much as I think Amy Winehouse as a great voice, I got completely sick of hearing that 'Valerie' cover. It seemed to be on the radio constantly when it was out. In fact, I even heard it this morning. The girl from The Zutons has great legs tho, don't ya think? I wonder if she waxes or shaves? Thank Mr. Disco for your thoughts.

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distantly related to the inventor of airwick stick ups

Bootylicious on 08-07-2008
When Mates Get Domesticated (Happy Hardcore Shopping).
Dear Sunk

Excellent poem - full of the sadness of feeling the possible loss of a friend combined with a subtle yearning for the very thing the narrator loathes.

Booty

Author's Reply:
Yay Booty! You seem to have got this spot on. Deep inside the narrator is really longing for what his mate now has. He could never admit it tho (-; Thanks for reading, Ms. Booty. Take care and carrier bags.

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her wallpaper matched his paisley tie

Raindog on 08-07-2008
When Mates Get Domesticated (Happy Hardcore Shopping).
don't worry Mr. Sunken. The relationship won't last- not as long as the effect of your poem anyway.

Author's Reply:
I must admit, he doesn't seem to stay with any one girl for very long. I've never seen him pushing a trolley before tho... She's obviously got something on him. I suspect voodoo. Thanks Raindog.

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he's a sort of bacteria

SugarMama34 on 08-07-2008
When Mates Get Domesticated (Happy Hardcore Shopping).
Well Mr Sunky Le Munk, you've done it again and made me laugh! Us women do tend to have a strange effect on men, well some at least. I love shopping ( and not the food kind, although it does help), but last time I went with hubby, I swore NEVER AGAIN - He walked my legs off!! It's strange how we alter when we meet someone. Your poem brings the 'changes' across in an apt way that only a sunk can do! Fab as always.

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It has nothing to do with the chicken chow mein, why she's putting on weight. ;0) xx

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Lumpkin of Sugar fame. I never thought of that... I do tend to walk quicker when I have to shop. I think it's so I can get it done with. I do a lot via the internet now... Shoping that is. Ahem. Thanks for reading and for being a positive influence in a sunks life.

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he's not fond of stick insects anyway 😉 xx

niece on 09-07-2008
When Mates Get Domesticated (Happy Hardcore Shopping).
Sunky,

One of those poems which makes you take sides...I'm obviously with the lady on this one, tho' I'm not a big shopper myself. But have to tag hubby along on any shopping expedition that I undertake...yes, he complies, tho' not always willingly...

Nice fun poem, Sunk...enjoyed...

Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Niece. I think I'm just jealous that he has a nice woman to trail behind. I don't know many blokes who do like shopping. It's all that queing and bumping into people. Then there are those who get in your way because they're busy scrutinising labels for fat content and stuff. Just buy the bloody thing! Thank god for the internet, that's all I can say. Thanks for reading and commenting, Ms. Niece.

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press both of his nipples for a reboot

littleditty on 09-07-2008
When Mates Get Domesticated (Happy Hardcore Shopping).
Dear Sunken - i refuse to go shopping with anyone unless i love them very much or im doing community service - this is because i find shopping a solitary activity - nobody shops as slowly as me...i reckon he's a gonna, by the sounds of things -sorry for your loss, it's tough i know / just wait til there are kids - generally have to wait until they've gone to college for a conversation on alternative topic - i reckon if you keep sending him tunes...it's all a friend can do...nice one sunky = enjoyed xxx

Author's Reply:
(-: Hello Ms. Ditty. How smashing to see you and no mistake. I would be useless to anyone as a shopping companion. I would simply agree with everything they said in order to get out of the place. I have quite a few shirts that I've never worn because they were bought in a rush. Oxfam love me. My friend is a bit of a hypocrite tho. He's never been interested in curtains, Ms. Ditty. There's more to this relationship thing than I'd realised. I can't see me ever taking a serious interest in soft furnishing and stuff. Thanks for reading and staying connected long enough to drop a line. Hope all is good in the world of Ditty. Take care,

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would sir like a bag with that?

Leila on 09-07-2008
When Mates Get Domesticated (Happy Hardcore Shopping).
Sunken I'm glad you weren't electocuted especially with all this thundery weather about. Your poem made me smile as only a sunken poem can...I love the repetition of some lines, especially 'He says he's never been so happy'...yip I'm sure he is...well you never know...maybe...yes perhaps it's possible...sorry sunken I'm in one of my indecisive moods, can you tell, always good to see you posting...L

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Leila. Lovely to see you on the pages of uka again. Well I guess I should wish him well really. I'm just being selfish and slightly jealous. She is pretty cute after all. It was just a bit of a shock to see him taking an interest in household goods. I blame hormones. Thank you for looking in on a sunk and for not laughing at his 1980's curtains. I so need a woman's touch. Ahem. Thanks Leila. Always good to see you on uka.

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press his left nipple twice for coffee

Leila on 09-07-2008
When Mates Get Domesticated (Happy Hardcore Shopping).
ps I'm also glad you weren't electrocuted...spellcheck, spellcheck, spellcheck will I ever spellcheck, probably not...ah well...L

Author's Reply:
Ahem. I nearly was electrocuted as it goes, Ms. Leila. I tried to fit a ceilling light in a friend's kitchen yesterday and ended up blowing a fuse. There were for more than the usual three wires coming through his ceiling? We decided to get an electrician in. I left him with no lights upstairs. I think it must have blown another fuse somewhere too. Ahem. He says I'm not to offer any form of help again. I was only trying to help.

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he just wants to help

shadow on 09-07-2008
When Mates Get Domesticated (Happy Hardcore Shopping).
Another deeply affecting piece - always sad to lose a friend to domesticity. But perhaps the novelty will wear off soon, or she will realise how useless men are at shopping (they will keep wandering off).

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Shadow. I was thinking that too. I'm sure he can't be any good at offering advice on cushions and curtains ect. His flat hasn't changed since the mid 90's! It's all been very upsetting, Ms. Shadow. I just hope I'm not invited around for dinner. That would just be too weird. She's probably got him sitting at a table to eat his meals by now. I could almost cry. Thank you for offering your words of wisdom. I shall do my best to remain positive.

Cheers, Mr. Shadow.

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prefers frozen chips

teifii on 14-07-2008
When Mates Get Domesticated (Happy Hardcore Shopping).
Another wonderful one. I do think he has probably really succumbed this time but your writing is a great as ever. I just love the long sentences with all the rhymes in the right places without in any way upsetting the flow or sounding artificial.
Daff
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On subject of carrier bags -- My Welsh teacher's English parents came to stay and got ill, both together in hospital. Coming out they were full of praise for the treatment and kindness they'd received but wanted a question answered. [Have to explain that cariad bach - little love is a term of affection in these parts]. Question -- Why did they keep calling us carrier bags?

Author's Reply:
Thank you Ms. Daff for both your comment and carrier bag related anecdote. Have I told you lately that I love you? I swear that's a song. The Welsh language will forever remain a mystery to me. I love the accent. I know a florist who is Welsh. She's a carrier bag. Alas she is spoken for. Bloomin typical. Thanks for your continued support, Ms. Daff. You make uka a nice place to be.

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allergic to his allergy tablets

Bradene on 17-07-2008
When Mates Get Domesticated (Happy Hardcore Shopping).
Ooer Sunky Babe I don't know how old you are but it sounds to me as if you are fighting the urge, and it's manifesting itself by you taking against your mates girl. Don't end up lonely ((-; Love Val xxxx

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Val. I am a bit jealous I guess. She's quite nice really. I'll be seeing them over the weekend and will do my best to be cordial and polite. Mind you, the last time I did that I got accused of having ulterior motives! I can't win. I need to strike a balance. Women are really quite complicated and no mistake. Thanks for reading and commenting, Ms. Val of Tastic (-:

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they were both jilted by the vicar

Macjoyce on 28-07-2008
When Mates Get Domesticated (Happy Hardcore Shopping).
"His current girlfriend doesn’t like me,
she seems to think that I should care."

I hate it too, when mates' girlfriends do that. I recommend a kick in the cunt. But then, I would.

Macca x


Author's Reply:
Rainbows and kittens and authorised mittens, turnips and technology... Just a few of my favourite things there (apart from the kitten - that just got in from next-door). I blame my appealing milk collection. It goes back to april 2005! Ya know, according to the verve, love is noise. I beg to differ. Love is a figment of chemically altered imaginations... Trouble is, that wouldn't scan. And now, a signature...



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happiest when the world seems dead

pencilcase on 30-07-2008
When Mates Get Domesticated (Happy Hardcore Shopping).
Ah yes...I know what you mean. My favourite line is 'I leave them contemplating curtains' which seems to sum it all up.

An enjoyable poem that uses humour well.

At least you've still got Bernard!

Steve

Author's Reply:
They went for chintz in the end, Mr. Case. How terribly predictable. I pretended they looked great as we sat in front of crap saturday night tv and lamented the past. My gooseberry status made me feel more uncomfortable than their under-sized sofa bed. Doctors say I should make a full recovery. Opticians say that my eyes are permanently damaged. Bernard sends his love in the form of a leg hump. It's not pleasant. I'm sorry.

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he wonders if wallpaper matters

-phoenix- on 20-08-2008
When Mates Get Domesticated (Happy Hardcore Shopping).
BRILLIANT!:D Only a pity that I can't rate it and give you a 10!
This was a really good, true poem--keep it up.

Best Regards,

-Phoenix-

Author's Reply:
Glad you liked it Ms. Phoenix. I shall endeavour to keep it up and no mistake. I should rephrase that, but it's early and I haven't eaten yet. That's my excuse (-; Thanks Ms. Phoenix.

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tomorrow the warehouse


A Brief Precursor to a Cramp. (posted on: 02-06-08)
Communicating with girls just gets harder and harder

no one will come between us A BRIEF PRECURSOR TO A CRAMP. (One degree too far) sunken Like a film by Alfred Hitchcock she views the world from steep inclines. She says it makes life more dramatic, (which if you read between the lines is just another way of saying that she considers me quite dull) She views contention from an angle as I prolong my right to mull. She says that Hitchcock was the master of apprehension and suspense. I start to lean as she is talking, my head now void of commonsense, my legs inviting random spasms, the brief precursor to a cramp She views my pain from sheer angles as I prepare a makeshift ramp. ''This crudely fashioned sloping platform, constructed mainly out of wood, enables me to lean much further than Alfred Hitchcock ever could. These automatic mechanisms will keep us tilting on a par'' She views disaster from an angle as I lean one degree too far.
Archived comments for A Brief Precursor to a Cramp.
Macjoyce on 02-06-2008
A Brief Precursor to a Cramp.
I thought this was going to read, "Like a film by Alfred Hitchcock, she's a psycho..."


Author's Reply:
Oh no, not at all. Sometimes a mere lean will do. Today I am favouring forty three degrees.

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designed with blue in mind

red-dragon on 02-06-2008
A Brief Precursor to a Cramp.
Tilting at windmills - but do you imagine you're fighting giants?
Very clever, Sunkie. I think you're writing excellent poetry (you always did, but it has changed over the course of my stay at UKA)
Ann

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Ann. I gave up fighting giants after one caused me an eyelash displacement during a tv remote dispute. I never got over it. Thanks for reading and commenting, Ms. Wotm.

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sold to the man on the space hopper

Bradene on 02-06-2008
A Brief Precursor to a Cramp.
Another smasher from the master himself. Love it sunky. Val x

Author's Reply:
Who is this master you speak of, Ms. Valtastic? Do I need to wear a tie? Glad you liked it. Thanks for reading, but most of all, thanks for the x (-;

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she fell apart at the last hurdle

delph_ambi on 02-06-2008
A Brief Precursor to a Cramp.
This is VERY good poetry.

Author's Reply:
And you are VERY kind. It does mean a lot, Ms. Delph, so thanks very much for commenting (-:

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her awkwardness was soon sedated by gin

Geoff_N on 02-06-2008
A Brief Precursor to a Cramp.
43 degrees is a magic inclination, Sunken, being the necessary angle subtended twixt eye and refracted sunlight to witness a rainbow.

Poetry like yours makes me wish I could perform the art too.

Geoff

Author's Reply:
Why thank you, Mr. Geoff. Your name seems somehow familiar. Are you serious about the 43 degree incline? Or, like me, are you being random? I have a thing for rainbows, so I'm going to take your info as gospel. It just seems like the right thing to do. Comments like yours make me wish that I could reply better (-; Cheers Geoff. Much appreciated.

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she left him pieces at the end of her road

Romany on 02-06-2008
A Brief Precursor to a Cramp.
I like the way 'she' is the detached observer whilst you are the human, suffering, feeling one. Well conveyed as always.

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Romany. That's pretty much what I had in my head, so I'm glad it came over that way. As always, thanks for taking the time to read a sunk (-:

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he ceased to amaze her after just one night

Geoff_N on 02-06-2008
A Brief Precursor to a Cramp.
I was a little generous in that the actual subtended angle is 42 - and add 10 for the secondary bow, if visible. The calculations were made by Rene Descartes in the 17th century. I love optical illusions.

Incidentally the funniest sight I've ever seen from the top of a bus was a man so drunk he walked with a backward inclination of 45 degrees. How he managed to maintain forward motion and not descend to the pavement defied science.

Geoff

Author's Reply:
Damn, I was so close with my random inclination. Still, I can live with one degree. Apparently my frown is an optical illusion. I blame shaving mirrors.

I like the sound of that backwardly inclined walk. I shall practice it later after a couple of beers. I predict physiotherapy. Cheers Mr. Geoff.

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still water 4 - gateshead 3


SugarMama34 on 02-06-2008
A Brief Precursor to a Cramp.
Mr Sunky Le Munk you never cease to amaze me with your poetry. I found myself grining at this as I read it. Loved the words you chose to create your poem and the imagery that formed in my head. You have a unique style that I love. You really should publish a book of your own with all your poetry in it, it would be fab. Great stuff as always and much enjoyed.

Sugar. xx

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Sugary Lumpkin. Lovely to hear from you. If I made ya grin, then that'll do for me. I tried to get published once. I failed. I blame the earth's magnetic field. It interfered with my manuscript. Ahem. That's my excuse and I'm sticking with it (-; Thanks for reading and commenting. Hope all is well in Lumpkinland. Take care and numerous sun protecting devices (such as lotions, visors and umbrellas, that kinda thang).

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le munky

Ionicus on 02-06-2008
A Brief Precursor to a Cramp.
I hope you are now satisfied, Mr Sunky. All these lovely ladies giving you a lot of xs. and telling you how clever you are. Nobody ever told me: 'This is VERY good poetry.'
I think I shall go into hiding and sulk.
BTW I can't deny that it is very good poetry.


Author's Reply:
Lol. They must have seen our little discussion and felt sorry for me (-; I'll take whatever I can get, even sympathy. I am currently practicing my Luigi cheeky grin. I simply can't have you hogging all of the female attention. There's plenty to go around. Blimey, that sounded so sexist. They won't read this, so not to worry. Thanks Luigi and no mistake.

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yes, I'll take the blue one please

orangedream on 03-06-2008
A Brief Precursor to a Cramp.
You really are very, very clever sunky and it IS excellent stuff. Certainly a 'great read'.

Speaking of cramp as you were, Mr. O suffers a lot from it. He's always waking up at night and hopping around the bedroom! Apparently quinine is supposed to be good for it, which I do believe is in tonic water, so he's decided he'll just have to have an extra gin and tonic every day. For medicinal reasons, you understand.

Anyway, nice one Sunken. You certainly never disappoint;-)

Ms. Orange

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. O. What's a great read? I don't seem to get em anymore )-: I must have upset someone... Or I'm crap (-; Thanks for your cramp advice. I don't get it often, thankfully. Blimey, it's major painful when it does happen tho. I think men get it far worse than women (-; Thanks for reading and commenting, Ms. Orange. Sorry for the reply. I blame my isp... also called Orange. Do you charge £17.99 a month too? Lol. Ahem. I better go. Sorry.

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on the bus with kylie was a good place to be

Munster on 03-06-2008
A Brief Precursor to a Cramp.
Is this what is meant by the angle of the dangle, very good read, Mr Sunks.

Author's Reply:
Lol. Blimey, I never thought of, Mr. Munster. I'll have to re-read it with that in mind. Thanks for reading and leaving me with that thought.

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he stole her lipbalm and kept it under his pillow

teifii on 04-06-2008
A Brief Precursor to a Cramp.
I agree -- very very good poetry and you really should publish them. I've told you that before. You must have a sizeable collection by now and varied beyond imagining. This one is almost surreal. You know you can get things printed POD inexpensively by Lightening Source. I bet they'd sell and you really deserve a wider audience. In fact if you include only enough for one thickness - up to about 40 pages [20 leaves] you can do it yourself with a nice long stapler.
Daff

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Daff. The last time I tried to use a big stapler I got my tongue fastened a desk. I was there for days. Luckily I was able to survive on blu-tak and tipex until a window cleaner rescued me. Thanks for your words, Ms. Daff. It's good to get the occasional confidence boost. Muchly appreciated and no mistake.

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bingo 3 - bin to the supermarket 2

niece on 10-06-2008
A Brief Precursor to a Cramp.
Sunk,
I too get cramps in awkward situations...like while listening to lectures or religious discourses..especially in the latter case, you'd more likely than not be sitting on the floor, cross-legged...!!!

Good poem, Sunk...it's always good to view the world(and everything else) from different angles...apparently that's how Spielberg got his idea for "Close Encounters..."

Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Niece. Lovely to see you. Hope all is well with you and yours. Sitting crossed legged whilst enduring a cramp sounds pretty horrific. I've only ever had a few, so I guess I'm lucky. Ya know, it's funny you should mention that stuff about 'Close encounters...' I actually watched it from an angle of 37 degrees. It was uncomfortable, but it seemed right. I would wager that Mr. Berg of Spiel fame filmed the whole thing from said angle.
Always good to hear from you, Ms. Niece. Hope you're still managing to find some time to write the odd piece. Did you read Mr. Soman's latest series of subs? They were very entertaining and no mistake. Thanks for looking in on a sunks. Take care and a bottle of lemonade,

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apple juice 3 - toothpaste 3

AlexClay on 15-06-2008
A Brief Precursor to a Cramp.
Very prosperous read this. Subtly humorous. One of my favorite films is Vertigo, I kinda got a dizzy feeling reading your poem as well, but that could be the restricted blood flow from sitting on the floor where my pc is temporarily hooked up. anyway, give yourself a nib, as I do not posess that power. I'm like He-man without his underpants.

Author's Reply:
Blimey, that must be uncomfortable. Actually, it's quite fitting. After all, I wrote it on the ceiling. I think I'm experiencing a nib drought to be honest. I just wish Bob Geldof would get a move on. Things are getting serious here. Thanks for reading ,Mr. Alex.

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tomorrow the post office

Bevvy on 19-06-2008
A Brief Precursor to a Cramp.
Mr Sunky,
Yet another gloriously surreal poem, containing lots of cleverly encrypted emotional pain.

Would an anglepoise lamp throw any light on the problem, do you think?

Lotsalove,

Bevvy.
xxxxxx

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Bevvy. I do believe an anglepoise lamp would indeed shed new light on the aforementioned problem. Why didn't I think of that? Thanks for looking in on a sunk and for doing so at an angle relative to surreal. One day, Ms. Bevvy, I will reply to a comment with a simple thank you. Until then, thank you.

lotsalovebackatya,

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le munky xxxxxx

DocOrange on 26-06-2008
A Brief Precursor to a Cramp.
I don't know a great deal about poetry, but I know what I like, this was both skillfully written and very funny, (as I suspected it would be).

I followed you here, having come across several of your comments scattered around UKA, which always cause a chuckle. I have also started to collect the little tag lines that you leave at the end of each one, I plan to cut them out and paste them into an album, so that I shall never be short of something random to say.

It's late now, and I must at least attempt to sleep, but I will definetly be back to rummage through your archives. 🙂

Author's Reply:
Dear Doctor Orange, you might be relieved to learn that I too know little about poetry. I know even less about oranges and their medical needs. I have long suspected that their juicy goodness could one day provide the whole of mans fueling needs. I am currently working on an Outspan reactor and will let you know when I have succeeded in my endeavour. I dream of powering my ipod on an orange as I travel the world in search of Katie Melua. Thank you for looking in on a sunk and for not minding the smell of Bisto. Ahhhh...
I know little about prose, but will check out your subs over the weekend and perhaps comment in the style of a recently gazumped badger. I hope this meets with your approval and that you will consider blocking me in the near future. Thank you.

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samantha recoiled in the presence of simon's new pet

Raindog on 01-07-2008
A Brief Precursor to a Cramp.
Sly and worldly this is very clever. Loved it.

Author's Reply:
Thankyou for the comment Mr. Raindog. Glad you liked it (-:

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all talced up and nowhere 2 go


Painting Toenails. (posted on: 19-05-08)
Warning: Contains toenails.

it makes no sense PAINTING TOENAILS. sunken ''It makes no sense to live forever,'' she says whilst painting her toenails in a shade of misdemeanour that captivates unruly males. ''Life would only become boring and age would only bring us down. It makes no sense to live forever, not in this godforsaken town.'' I raise my eyes above a headline about a man who's killed his bride because of something he'd discovered concerning rumours she'd denied. I shake my head and coax a smile, she shakes her foot and smiles at me, her lips expressive of the ardour that I commit to memory. ''It makes no sense to live forever. Prolonging pain is just futile. We may as well accept the future with all its deviance and guile. We may as well embrace the moment and make the most of our malaise. It makes no sense to live forever when we can hardly cope with days''
Archived comments for Painting Toenails.
barenib on 19-05-2008
Painting Toenails.
I hate the smell of nail varnish/paint - it immediately makes me want to run off to the nearest pub. Anyway, I enjoyed this little tale which I think is rather dark, but pleasingly so. Can I be so bold as to suggest that you meant 'captivates' rather than 'captives'? John.

Author's Reply:
Lol, blimey. How did that slipe through? Thanks Mr. Nib. Even after re-reading it I missed it. Must have been one of those days. Thanks for pointing it out.

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Bradene on 19-05-2008
Painting Toenails.
There is a litttle darkness there among the levity, I also thought you had used the wrong word with Captives but was so pleased when john beat me to having to say so (-;. A fine poem again sunky in all shades, light and dark. Val x

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Val. Never fear pointing out a typo. I can read stuff over and over again and still miss them. In fact, I still missed this one after I was told about it. I shall wake up soon. Thanks Ms. Val of Sunshine fame.

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le munky

red-dragon on 19-05-2008
Painting Toenails.
Well, sunkie, your use of rythm ' rhyme combines so well with this vignette (good word, eh?) of the stresses of modern life. I shall do the honours and nominate it for you.
Mrs Red

Author's Reply:
(-: Thank you Mrs. Red. It's a while since I got a nom. Vignette is indeed a good word. Chips just don't taste the same without it. Thanks again, Mrs. Red. Much appreciated.

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shipless ocean

Romany on 19-05-2008
Painting Toenails.
Just typical of you. Perceptive, understanding and with a ring of truth about it. This is a little lighter than your usual stuff, although the message is actually a serious one I think. I love 'shade of misdemeanour' - excellent work Sunky, but then, you always satisfy!

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Oh blimey. Never had a girl say that before (-; I always value your opinion, Ms. Romany, so thanks for reading and commenting. I shall go now. That'll be even more satisfying for ya (-; Cheers me dears.

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he believes that mars bars could save the planet

Macjoyce on 19-05-2008
Painting Toenails.
Why do so many women paint their nails? It's revolting. I really, really hate it. Lipstick too. Urgh! The horror! Oh, for natural beauty...

Mac



Q: Why do women wear make-up and perfume?

A: Because they're ugly and they stink.


Author's Reply:
How horrid. Women are loverly. They are my favourite of all the creatures. I even put them above hamsters and beagles. Some are horrible, of course, but the nice ones are well nice. I don't mind a bit of makeup. Eyeliner and mascara are my favourite. I like a plain girl too. It's all good in my tatty little book. I hope this helps, but I am aware that it probably doesn't.

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meet me by the chip shop and I'll lead you astray

Ionicus on 19-05-2008
Painting Toenails.
Sweet and sour, sunken. This poem not the spare ribs which your devious mind would no doubt associate with my initial comment. For someone who denies having a girlfriend, you seem to understand the female psyche very well. Who is she?
I want to know.

Author's Reply:
Lol. I wish I knew who she was Mr. Luigi. I have a few poems in draft that are from the point of view of a couple. Perhaps she's the future Ms. Sunk. She just doesn't know it yet. It's a big world and she could be anywhere. I'll check the shed later (-; If I find her you'll be the first to know.
Thanks Luigi,

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things have changed around here, she sighs whilst brushing cob webs from her hair

SugarMama34 on 19-05-2008
Painting Toenails.
Hello Mr Sunky of le munk,
great to see and read another poem of yours, even more so that it has been nominated and rightly so I must add.
I liked this piece it seems to have an undercurrent of sadness to it, but also a good deal of philosophy too, which I thought made perfect sense and could understand what you meant. Your poem says a lot not just on the surface, but between the lines too. Nice one, Sunky.

Sugar. xx

Rating: A bag of turnips and a free ride on the log flume.

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Sugar. Good to see you. Now tell me, this free ride on the log flume? Will you be there to hold my hand? I know it's not very manly, but I have a log flume phobia. The bag of turnips is most welcome. I was considering a turnip broth later. I'm glad it worked for ya, Ms. Sugar. The female psyche is a scary place. I can only stay there for a few hours at a time. It's like deep sea diving. I have to be very careful how I surface. I don't want to be getting the bends and suchlike (-;
Thanks Ms. Sugar Lumpkin,

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le munk

eddiesolo on 19-05-2008
Painting Toenails.
Mmmm...just looking at the comment made by Luigi-'For someone who denies having a girlfriend'-line. Are you woman in disguise? Or are you transsexual? Or maybe you're a Pot-Noodle...whichever, and I feel there is no shame in telling. I for instance enjoying dressing up as Abraham Lincoln on the top half and Vanessa Felts on the lower regions (God what a woman). Probably cos they both have beards.

Back to the main issue here and that is-an excellent poem and one that I, that is me, really enjoyed.

Si:-)



Author's Reply:
Damn it! My secret is out. I am writing this reply in a little black number. Please forgive me if it goes astray. My thrilly knickers are digging into my scrotum like a wire through cheese. To be quite frank (or should that be Francesca) it's not quite as unpleasant as I thought it might be (-;
Thanks Mr. Ed.

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beans on toast 5 - muesli 2

orangedream on 20-05-2008
Painting Toenails.
This was really bitter-sweet, Mr. Sunks and really got me to thinking. I don't think I would like to live forever. Used to want to, but then, maybe, that's the thing about being young - if I can remember that far back, that is!

As far as painting toenails is concerned, I feel completely naked if I haven't done mine. Lilac pearl is flavour of the month!

Nice one, Sunken;-)

Ms. Orange

Author's Reply:
I'm sure it wasn't that long ago, Ms. Orange. Why aren't you called Lilacdream? It seems to be your favourite colour? I'll never understand women. They are a riddle wrapped in a conundrum and no mistake. Thank you Ms. Orange. My best to the man of the house. I hope his slug problem improves.

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he had a rest at the last hurdle

Munster on 20-05-2008
Painting Toenails.
Hi Sunks, loved the poem, the painted toe, works everytime.


Author's Reply:
Thank you Mr. Munster. Sorry for the late reply. I've had many, many pc problems - Again )-: Thanks for the 'Hot Story' vote (-: Very much appreciated and no mistake. I would have done a cartwheel but I fear breakages.

Thanks again,

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last in waterworld

Leila on 21-05-2008
Painting Toenails.
Sunken a very good poem where the jaunty rhythm belies the dark subject matter...I like the repetition of the opening line...and wonderful phrasing such as...'she shakes her foot and smiles at me, her lips expressive of the ardour that I commit to memory'
what I especially like and admire about your work is the way you take the reader right into your poem, there is no messing about, you manage to grab the reader's attention immediately and you are very good at endings too, which as I've said before I like...and of course your timing is spot on, some sunshine and feet do seem to appear for better or worse!...great work Sunken and consistently so...L

Author's Reply:
Blimey. Thank you Ms. Leila and no mistake. With all of these compliments you are surely spoiling me... Why do I suddenly have a craving for Ferrero Roche? Ignore me, Leila. I talk crap when I've been complimented. I have yet to understand this side of my psyche. I really do appreciate you reading and commenting on my stuff (-: Thanks again. I'm glad you liked it.

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tomorrow, customer services

Emerald on 22-05-2008
Painting Toenails.
I would hate to live forever, I find the thought of that quite scary - on the other hand, there are still so many colours to try out on my toes - current colour is a deep red - I agree with what the others say, there is a subtle sombreness to this.

Emma x


Author's Reply:
Lol. Death should never come between a girl and her nail varnish. Deep red you say? I shall give this particular shade my full attention when I next visit Boots the chemist. It sounds most appealing and no mistake. Thanks for reading and commenting, Ms. Em.

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tomorrow the lift shaft

Corin on 22-05-2008
Painting Toenails.
Congratulations on the nomination Mr Sunken. Somewhat Larkinesque I thought - except that poor old Philip would heartily disagree with the premise. It was the last line that made me think of him dying alone on the toilet - a not uncommon fact I hear, apparently something about dying makes you think you need a shit!

Next time you feel like a shit try putting it off for a bit - just to be on the safe side.

David

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Corin. Thank you for that timely advice. You should work for Munky. I heard that we all shit when we die. Something to do with our organs relaxing. My organ could do with relaxing. I blame girls and summery dresses. Perhaps we should consider the monk... Naaa, sod that.

Thanks, Mr. Corin.
Take care and a toilet roll.

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sponsored by dixcel

pencilcase on 22-05-2008
Painting Toenails.
Thank you for this. Apart from enjoying the read, it reminded me to cut my toenails and this has dramatically increased the longevity of my socks.

I'll mention that I found 'I raise my eyes above a headline' an effective line/image/moment of contemplation.

I'll leave it ther for now, as I should go and water my plants.

Steve

Author's Reply:
Will you be painting them too, Mr. Case of the yard and no mistake? Thanks for reading and commenting and for reminding me to water things. I don't have any plants, but I'm sure I'll find something (-;

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his shirt has a theatrical twist

AlexClay on 23-05-2008
Painting Toenails.
Very downbeat my friend, are all writers minded towards the darker side of human nature? I know I am, but I do enjoy it. I liked your last line 'when we can hardly cope with days', you have an intuitive sense of effective endings. I'll make sure you get a blankety blank cheque book and pen. In the post.

Author's Reply:

AlexClay on 23-05-2008
Painting Toenails.
Very downbeat my friend, are all writers minded towards the darker side of human nature? I know I am, but I do enjoy it. I liked your last line 'when we can hardly cope with days', you have an intuitive sense of effective endings. I'll make sure you get a blankety blank cheque book and pen. In the post.

Author's Reply:
Hello Alex of Clay fame. Sorry for the late reply. Thanks for commenting. The darker side does have a habit of drawing me. I just wish it would get my nose right. Thanks again Alex. Much appreciated.

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tomorrow the car chase

Rosco on 27-08-2008
Painting Toenails.
There's alot going on beneath the surface of this poem i.e. suggested by the prosaic narrative and action. You are the quintessential existentialist. You really should be French. This just wouldn't work in an English movie. Is the ending ok? I was thinking, "When we can hardly cope as it is."

Author's Reply:
Thanks Mr. Rosco. I'll have to look those long words up and get back to you (-; As for the ending, I think it works fine. Your suggestion doesn't seem to rhyme, unless I'm missing something. To be honest I hardly ever edit after I've subbed anyway. I like to look back on many mistakes. It gives me a warm glow. It's the imperfections in life that make it worth living. I would dearly love to have a scar on my forehead, for instance. I just think it would add character. Am I talking balls again? Cheers Rosco.

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reasons to be fearful - part three


Some Might Say... (posted on: 12-05-08)
Just a daft poem for a Monday morning Sorry ladies, ahem.

some blame the shape of her behind SOME MIGHT SAY sunken I often wonder why I love her. Some are inclined to call it lust, (a contentious proclamation that I maintain to be unjust). Some people say that my affections are correlated to her breasts, an accusation that alarms me as it appears to suggest that I am something of a pervert, a man with one thing on his mind I often wonder why I love her. Some blame the shape of her behind. I often wonder why I love her. It's not the way she talks to me. Her tongue necessitates health warnings because its sheer acidity can strip a man of self-assurance in under thirty seconds flat. I often wonder why I love her. Some say it might just be her Ahem.
Archived comments for Some Might Say...
Bootylicious on 12-05-2008
Some Might Say...
Well Sunk

Everyone has to have that certain thing that turns them on. You're admitting that you're a man - a very brave thing to do in my opinion.

Us girls have certain aspects of our men we are particularly drawn to, but we just won't admit to it that's all.

Booty

Author's Reply:
Booty! (-: Where have you been!? You know how I worry. I heard rumours regarding Japan? It's a disgrace that you could leave me like that without saying a word or leaving a message to say that you were ok. Please think on. I'm sorry if I sound mad, but you ladies do worry me at times. Thank you for looking in on my poem and for not being mad at me for being all sexist. I'm not that sexist. I just like certain things. Ahem. Nothing wrong with that. Thank you Ms. Booty.

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he's never been japan, and japan has never been to him

eddiesolo on 12-05-2008
Some Might Say...
Sunken my old chap-nothing wrong with being drawn, or painted for that matter to a woman's delights!

In the end love does shine through and tits, arse, legs or moustache just fade into the background...YEAH RIGHT!

Nice write as always.

Si:-) And stop spanking ya monkey!



Author's Reply:
Rumours regarding my spanking of the primate are grossly exaggerated, Mr. Si. I haven't seen him today actually. I get nervous when he's quiet. Are we talkin' about the same thang? Thanks Si Fi Edify.

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toast 3 - cornflakes 3

eddiesolo on 12-05-2008
Some Might Say...
You know something?

I have just worked out your picture...it's a face!

Seen it for ages and never bleeding got it!

Si *tsk*

Author's Reply:
Yeah, beautiful isn't she?

artisus on 12-05-2008
Some Might Say...
her eyebrows?

X

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Nic. Yes, her eyebrows. Well done (-; Aren't they just something to behold... or pluck maybe?

Thanks Nictronix (Where's Bextronixs got to again?)

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her lips cost the earth

Bradene on 12-05-2008
Some Might Say...
Cricky her eyebrows are even bushier than Old Dennis Healy's were. Loved your poem though Val x

Author's Reply:
Ahem. I don't know what you mean, Ms. Val. She's beautiful in every way. A bit like a turnip. You know what they say - Bushy eyebrows, bushy... wotsit. I had a bushy wotsit once. I wrote and complained. They sent me a whole box full in-return that I didn't go to the press. God bless those people at Golden Wonder. Thanks Val.

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shedding new light on candles

Bootylicious on 12-05-2008
Some Might Say...
You're such a worrier Sunk old boy. The Boot is just fine don't you know it. Bogged down by too much to do of course and not enough time for all the writing.

She's also a bit distracted by her love of argentine tango which is constantly at war with her desire to be all writerly. At present the tango is winning, but methinks the hotter weather will drive her into the cool shade of the house where the magical machine called fan will soothe her fevered brow as her fingers nimbly work their way over the keyboard (she wishes).

Japan was so so. Much prefer grotty old England (tee hee)

Booty

Author's Reply:
I can't help it if I worry. It's a big bad world and you're a little Booty. So long as you are safe. I blame my concerns primarily on the local media. You hear such horrific stories. One bloke tripped and broke his ankle last week! Lets be careful out there, Ms. Booty (-:

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we can dance if we want to

Macjoyce on 12-05-2008
Some Might Say...
It was going well until the very end. 'Ahem' doesn't rhyme. Maybe 'hat' would be better?

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him and his fucking hats


Author's Reply:
Bollocks. I went and posted my reply to the main board. I blame Jeremy Beadle. I know he's dead, but that won't stop him playing his mind games. Here is my reply again -

Yeah... There must be a word relating to ladies bits that rhymes with 'flat' - It's got me stumped and no mistake, Macarooni. I'll have to sleep on it. I blame the sun, sharon osbourne and boil in the bag pigeons. It'll never catch on. Thank you.

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the smell of his balls reminded her xmas

Macjoyce on 12-05-2008
Some Might Say...
It might catch on among Spaniards. They eat pigeons in chocolate.



Author's Reply:
Dear Mr. Mac, I do believe you are pulling my plonker. Pigeons in chocolate! It's a good waste of feathers and no mistake!

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caught with pants up at the local sauna

e-griff on 12-05-2008
Some Might Say...
well, the only comment I can make is that, in:

I often wonder why I love her.
Some blame the shape of her behind.

it recommend a comma after 'her', not a full stop. This recognises the two lines as a coda, not an intro (the next of which follows shortly after) 🙂 G

Author's Reply:
Sorry, I'm too busy practicing my Brian Ferry moves to be messing around with commas and such. Dance awayyyy.... But thanks for reading.

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what's her name?

Macjoyce on 12-05-2008
Some Might Say...
Is it pedant season again?



Author's Reply:
Sorry Mac. I thought you said 'pendant season'. After seeing your comment I went out and purchased handfuls of tacky jewelry from Elizabeth Duke's (the Argos superstore bling counter). I feel so stupid.

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staking his claim at the singles bar with Mr. Ferry

e-griff on 12-05-2008
Some Might Say...
NO, it is a sincere attempt to suggest something to improve a good poem, and up to the author to judge.

BTW, it's a perfectly valid observation about the shape and drive of the poem - the comma makes a big difference, it's not about grammar as such.

Take another look, eh?






Author's Reply:

Andrea on 12-05-2008
Some Might Say...
Falling in lust is excellent, Mr Sunk, I'm all forrit. Been in lust meself, many a time. Never lasted though, happily.

In your case, I reckon it's the woolly carpet on top of her peepers you fell for.



Author's Reply:
I don't know what everyone's on about, Ms. Andrea. What's wrong with her eyebows?

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considered normal in siberia

Macjoyce on 12-05-2008
Some Might Say...
I prefer the full-stop.



Author's Reply:
I prefer catflaps on kittens and warm woolly mittens,
roses and poses and girls with cute noses...

but I'll have to make do with my Gary Numan back catalogue.

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don't shoot chris ria until he gets you to the other side

Leila on 12-05-2008
Some Might Say...
Mr Sunken you let that munky loose again and you know he is very very naughty...maybe I could think of a word or two to rhyme with flat but it would only make me blush and I don't want to encourage the munky...give him an inch and all that especially on a Monday evening...thanks for wanting to cheer up uka and the world...L

Author's Reply:
Lol. Yes, you have me sussed, Ms. Leila. I always like to blame Munky too when my stuff goes a bit blue. I have considered opening him an account with uka. I'm not sure he should be encouraged tho. Thanks for continuing to read my stuff (even the tacky efforts).

(-:

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forgetting her pants didn't seem to bother him

e-griff on 13-05-2008
Some Might Say...
sorry, Sunken, I honestly forgot it was you when I commented, otherwise I wouldn't have intruded. (dozy me or what?) 🙂 best JohnG

Author's Reply:
No problem, Mr. Griff.

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his shadow is rectangular

Macjoyce on 13-05-2008
Some Might Say...
Not pulling your plonker at all, sir. Check out this recipe for braised pigeons in chocolate sauce:

http://www.cookitsimply.com/recipe-0010-0133k4.html

Talking of Bryan Ferry though, don't you think he sounds a bit Welsh at the very end of 'Virginia Plain'?

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what's her name, boyo? virginia plain?



Author's Reply:
This is all very disturbing, Mr. Mac.





1. Peel and finely chop the garlic.



2. Wash pigeons inside and out, then dry and rub with salt and pepper, inside and out.



3. Heat oil in large, heavy bottomed pan and brown pigeons all over before removing from pan.



4. Fry garlic in remaining oil. Stir flour into oil, fry briefly, then add wine and chicken stock. Simmer for 5 minutes, stirring constantly.



5. Put pigeons into sauce, cover and cook for 50 minutes on a low heat.



6. Peel shallots, chop finely and add to pigeons after 30 minutes.



7. Pre-heat oven to 120°c (225°f) gas mark 1/4



8. Arrange cooked pigeons on a serving dish and keep hot in oven. Skim fat off sauce.



9. Grate chocolate and add to sauce, stirring continuously over a low heat until melted. Do not let the sauce boil again.



10. Season generously with salt and pepper and serve with pigeons.







I still say my boil in the bag idea is a winner. Boil in the bag chips....? The possibilities are endless and no mistake.



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anadin 3 - prozac 4



I completely forgot to mention your Bryan Ferry query, Mr. Mac. I blame my forgetfulness on the following -

Girls in short summery skirts, blokes who really shouldn't be looking and turnip broth. I have investigated your claim regarding said Bryan and do indeed concur that a Welsh lilt is more than apparent at the very end of Virginia Plain. I blame the current success of both Gavin and Stacey. I hope that this meets with your approval and that we can all move forward into a brighter and more prosperous future.

Good day.

Macjoyce on 14-05-2008
Some Might Say...
If you're interested, Freddie Mercury also sounds Welsh at certain points during 'Bohemian Rhapsody'. Namely:

"I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me"

and

"Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?"



Nothing gets past my Taff-dar.


Author's Reply:
But surely said Fred is was Welsh... Actually, wasn't he Bulgarian? He did sound Welsh. I'm so confused.

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he's so confused

Emerald on 16-05-2008
Some Might Say...
Nothing wrong with that bit of Ahem lol - never question why you love someone, just love them - enjoyed as always

Emma x


Author's Reply:
Thanks Ms. Em. This isn't necessarily from my point of view... Honestly, I'm not as bad as the bloke in the poem. We all lust, in our genes. Love is something more. If you can get them both together you can literally set up a firework business. You'll need a proper accountant though and perhaps a briefcase.
Thanks Em.

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without briefcase

Macjoyce on 18-05-2008
Some Might Say...
It's funny you should think Mr Mercury was Bulgarian. Only last week my boss expressed the same opinion. Obviously a common misconception. Apparently, Mercury's real name was Farrokh Bulsara, which sounds a bit like Bulgaria, so that's probly why. But he was actually of Persian-Indian descent. An Indian accent sounds like a Welsh accent, only faster. So I think that explains everything. No need to be confused anymore, dear Sunk.



Author's Reply:
Thank you for that, Mr. Mac. I feel as if I have learned something today. It has been an educational day all round and no mistake. I have spent most of this afternoon digging a trench in my neighbours garden. Rumour has it that an old Smarties tube from the 70's could be unearthed at any moment. I'd better dash. These are exciting times! God bless us all (even Keith Chegwin).

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confectionery archaeologist to the stars

e-griff on 18-05-2008
Some Might Say...
look him up on wiki - just read it -fascinating history, interesting bloke.

Author's Reply:

Macjoyce on 18-05-2008
Some Might Say...
Apparently, he was gay.


Author's Reply:
I remember hearing of some pratt who smashed all of his Freddie related vinyl after discovering that his hero was gay. It wasn't exactly a secret was it? I mean come on, the name of the band should have given the homophobe an inkling.

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yes sir, i can lip-sync, but i need a certain song

e-griff on 18-05-2008
Some Might Say...
well, not just gay, more of a 'bisexual built for two'

he left most of his money to a previous (sexual) partner (a woman) who he described as his only friend. Sad bloke, but a Great.

Author's Reply:

SugarMama34 on 19-05-2008
Some Might Say...
Mr Sunken, you never fail to bring me to tears, but in a good way. Loved your poem, well wicked. I thought the girls eyebrows looked very nice, but maybe I'll take another look with my glasses on ;0)
Great stuff you have a very natural way of making things humerous and I've said it before and I'll say it again, you have a great style. Keep those ideas and the ink flowing, hun.

Sugar. xx

Author's Reply:
Aww. What a smashing comment. Sorry it's taken me so long to reply Ms. Sugar. I've been having pesky pc problems again )-: I think I've even had a replacement router nicked by a so called 'neighbour'. It's not been a good week so far. I've even spilt coffee on my favourite porno mag. Do you really wear glasses? I kinda like a lady in glasses... I must stop perving. Sorry. It's the weather. Thanks for your comment and no mistake (-:

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tomorrow the reptile house


Girls are all the same! (Snookered) (posted on: 05-05-08)
All they ever think about is sex (-;

it's not me talkin GIRLS ARE ALL THE SAME! (Snookered) sunken She says that snooker bores her shitless. I ask her not to be so crude. ''It is a sport for gentle people, a sport that constantly exudes an air of calm sophistication I don't expect you'll understand.'' She says that snooker is for arse holes and doesn't bother to expand. The room falls silent for a moment, (save for a designated call and the applause that duly follows as domineering snooker balls fall into amicable pockets with a precision rarely seen) The room falls silent for a moment as men in black peruse the green. ''His backside is quite appealing,'' she exclaims, out of the blue, as a rather handsome player extends the measure of his cue. ''Perhaps my reasoning was clouded. There might be something to this game'' I switch the TV onto standby 'cause girls are all the fuckin' same!
Archived comments for Girls are all the same! (Snookered)
littleditty on 05-05-2008
Girls are all the same! (Snookered)
Sunken you funny munky -i was watching the semi finals at the Crucible other day at Starburst Fish, Chip and Movie Memorabilia Restaurant on Sea -and quite amazed they now allow women folk to reposition their balls on the table -is this a new thing? I mean, is not not distracting to have those female pheromones circling the table as those tight bunned gentleman try and pocket their balls? She was well tasty i thought, modest too however, not one bit of flesh uncovered - which reminded me of Victorian table legs and how they used to covered up in case of arousing peoples passions...personally i long for a day when they have Nudist Snooker on the Telly, doubles, mixed doubles, mixed singles, just for a laugh - why don't they have a Championship with enormous prize money for women snooker players on the telly? And why don't women enter the world championship as it is?? Or do they? Is it men only?? Are women mostly a little short for snooker? What about the tall ones?? Are they allowed to play?? The tables are a bit big for short folk i suppose....or is all this because boys still cant take losing to a girl?? Honestly Sunken the world is so mysterious for a Ditty - sorry i've rambled - but your woman friend sounds like a great lass -is she single?? Sorry, that was uncalled for and just a joke :Oo - i think your poem is fab, and shall come to the conclusion it is really about the fact that woman and men are so much more alike than they are unalike - and therefore offer you a Bounty, a Twix and a Bar of Friut and Nut if that's okay with you? Thanks for the read Sunken, Ditty of Little and Large xxx

Author's Reply:
Lol. I love you, Ms. Ditty. You're as dotty as a... snooker table full of balls. They do indeed have female ref's now. I think it's a good thing as they diffuse all that horrible male aggression. They have better arses too, more shapely. I think women are allowed to play...? They must be in this day and age surely? I hate to say this, Ms. Ditty, but could it be that they aren't yet good enough? I wonder if breasts are a disadvantage when playing said game? It's a small price to pay - having tits or not being able to play snooker... I'd take the tits every time and no mistake. As for my woman friend... sadly, she only exists in my head. Jeezus, I just realised how terribly sad that sounded. Note to self - get a life. Your conclusion is pretty much spot on, Ms. Dot of the dash, dot, dot, dot. All this 'coming from different planets' is so 1990's. I blame Cher and Tina Turner. Thank you for your wonderful ramble, Ms. Ditty. I love it when you go off on one (a ramble that is). I shall now go and check on my table legs to see if they turn me on.

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can you hear him trumpin' on ya stereo?

Macjoyce on 05-05-2008
Girls are all the same! (Snookered)
I think it's very clever that she says "snooker is for arseholes" and by the end, her meaning is subverted and for her, snooker is all about checking out men's arseholes. Is that deliberate?

Great pome anyway, sir.



Author's Reply:
Blimey, I've not been called sir for a while... I think the last time I was called sir was when I was looking at plasma screen TV's at Dixons. I had no intention of buying one of course. I was just interested in the snooker. You worked out my subversion and no mistake, Mr. Mac. You can't beat a nasty bit of subversion now and again. Thank you for reading a sunk and for not taking him too seriously.

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she accepted the lame consolation prize with an arrogance that reminded him of cairo

Munster on 05-05-2008
Girls are all the same! (Snookered)
Well Sunken the red, i really enjoyed the read, sport or arses.
sporty arses. would it be the same with other sports do you think.

Author's Reply:
I imagine so, Mr. Munster. They're just better at hiding their lust than we are. I've been harpooned to a bus seat before now because some smart lass has caught my eye. Still, I wouldn't change a thing (-; Thanks for looking in on a sunk, Munster.

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it was either love or indigestion

shadow on 05-05-2008
Girls are all the same! (Snookered)
I have never seen the female ambivalance about snooker more perfectly expressed. Well done, that man!

Author's Reply:
Lol. It wasn't easy getting into the part, Ms. Shadow. I purchased shoes and even cuddled kittens, but still I was struggling. My breakthrough came after applying a face mask. There must be something in the chemicals. I should remember to shave first in the future though. Damn painful and no mistake! Thank you for your ambivalent related approval.

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raised in a bubble on the planet aero

Emerald on 05-05-2008
Girls are all the same! (Snookered)
With me its Rugby chaps and their wonderfully muscly knees that keeps me watching lol - Think you have got us girls down to a tee or is that a cue - enjoyed the read, I shall now endeavour to watch snooker in the hopes of seeing a great arse.

Emma x


Author's Reply:
I knew it! (-; Actually, Ms. Em, I wrote this after hearing a woman say, 'Men, they're all the same....' - It's amazing how many times that phrase crops up. It doesn't hurt to turn the snooker tables now and again. Enjoy your spectating (-; x

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crunchie 3 - twix 3

Leila on 05-05-2008
Girls are all the same! (Snookered)
Sunken a little gem of a poem, whether you wish to move your reader to laughter or tears you always deliver excellence and I like the new signature on your homepage!...thank you for bank holiday fun and smiles...L

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Leila. Smashing to hear from you and no mistake. I'm glad you got the gist of this one. To say that girls are all the same, and mean it, would be pretty dumb... I know what you're thinking. Glad you like the new signature. I got soaked making it (-; Thanks Leila. It's good to see that you still visit uka. Take care and an umbrella.

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it's not me, it's the vitamins talkin'

orangedream on 05-05-2008
Girls are all the same! (Snookered)
I played Snooker once with Mr. O. We were stopping in a posh hotel somewhere or other (his company were footing the bill, so sshh, don't tell anyone). Anyway all I really wanted to say was we never finished the game. Something about me distracting him. Funny, how whenever we talk about that evening he always smiles;-)

I digress. A brilliant poem and to reiterate what has already been said, 'laughter or tears, you always deliver excellence'.

Ms. Orange;-)

Author's Reply:
Ahem. Disgraceful behaviour, Ms. Orange! It's a good job uka has me to redress to moral balance! Thank you for commenting, but really! I don't know what's gotten into you... Please don't answer that.

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it's not me, it's the porn talkin'

Ionicus on 05-05-2008
Girls are all the same! (Snookered)
So Mr sunken, all this time you have been economical with the truth by pretending you were girl-less!
Now we hear that you indulge in watching snooker with a female who seems to prefer the players's arses to your own.
Or am I mistaken? Does she find yours just as appealing?
I know, I know, none of my business.
A nice philosophical piece you have here, my friend.

Author's Reply:
Sadly, Mr. Ionicus of Luigi fame, it's all fictional. I am girl-less. My doctor says it's terminal. I blame a lack of social skills, an allergy to fresh air and.... Oh my god. Sorry. I just saw a girl go by on a horse? Blimey. That's not something you see every day. There's something about a girl on a horse isn't there? Do you think they get aroused by that gentle trotting motion. Perhaps that's why girls of a certain age are always hankering for ponies? Ahem. I so need to get laid. She had nice tits too by the way... Anyway, yes, girls - They're all the same. Thanks Luigi.

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her instant gravy was met with thunderous applause


Romany on 07-05-2008
Girls are all the same! (Snookered)
Quote: "All they ever think about is sex…"

You wish Sunky Munky!

This is very clever. I like the green- black line. I watched all of the Rugby Six Nations this year, mainly 'cos Wales were brilliant (sizzling Shane for Prime Minister!) I guarantee you that it had absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with well muscled, attractively confident men in tight fitting rugby shirts and little shorts. Nothing at all - so you are making generalisations!

Great to see you posting!

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Ahem. Disgraceful behaviour (-; I am learning far more than I expected about the female psyche. I shall work on my muscles and dig out a small pair of shorts at my earliest possible convenience. It won't be appreciated at the snooker club, but they'll just have to lump it. Thanks for reading and commenting, Ms. Romany.

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it's not me, it's the vimto talkin'

Bradene on 07-05-2008
Girls are all the same! (Snookered)
I think Cricketers are sexy Sunky especially when they play in test matches and they are all dressed white. I just love the way they put a shine on the ball (-; I personally think snooker is boring. but I love your poem. I hate darts too.Rugby's ok but I remember my step father used to say it was all arse and whistle. Val x

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Val. Lovely to see ya. Hope things are picking up for you. I shall never understand women. I can't imagine what you can possibly find sexy about cricketers. It's not like they're even showing any skin. Is it the way they rub the ball up and down their inner thigh? I shall give it go, but if I get arrested for public indecency I'll be blaming you entirely. Now, where are my balls...

Thanks Ms. Val x

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somewhere over Botswana

-phoenix- on 20-08-2008
Girls are all the same! (Snookered)
Hahahahaha! well I for one think Snooker is super! Mainly due to the fact that I can clear the table with my eyes closed ;)but A stunningly true-to-most-woman poem.

Keep it up, I could use a few more laughs:)

-Phoenix-

Author's Reply:

-phoenix- on 20-08-2008
Girls are all the same! (Snookered)
Hahahahaha! well I for one think Snooker is super! Mainly due to the fact that I can clear the table with my eyes closed ;)but A stunningly true-to-most-woman poem.

Keep it up, I could use a few more laughs:)

-Phoenix-

Author's Reply:
Thank you for your encouraging words, Ms. Phoenix. Long may your reign over the snooker tables continue. I'm not jealous... Okay, maybe a bit (-; I can't play to save my life. Thanks again.

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also available in leeds


Today it Would Have Been Your Birthday. (posted on: 07-03-08)
I would have probably forgot...

I got lilacs like you said TODAY IT WOULD HAVE BEEN YOUR BIRTHDAY. sunken Today you would have celebrated the miracle of being born I would have failed to remember and then belatedly have sworn that I thought it was the seventh (knowing well that it was not) Today it would have been your birthday and just for once I've not forgot. Just for once I've bought you flowers, I got lilacs like you said, my ineptness no observer of the blooms beside your bed, my eyes reluctant to acknowledge the constant battles that you fought Today it would have been your birthday, the fifth of March, just like I thought We never really made an effort to mark the years that slipped away, but had I known that I'd be tending to a grave on your birthday then perhaps I would have mentioned something more worthwhile than this, I would have voiced my admiration and took more time to reminisce. I would have soothed your apprehensions with my intrinsic lack of skill by renouncing any credence in a god whose twisted will inflicts such misery on people, people who embody light I brought you lilac coloured flowers and finally got something right.
Archived comments for Today it Would Have Been Your Birthday.
Bootylicious on 07-03-2008
Today it Would Have Been Your Birthday.
Hey there Sunk

This is simply beautiful.

Rae


Author's Reply:
Thank you Ms. Booty. Coming from one as 'licious as you that, means a lot. Thanks for reading and commenting.

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orangedream on 07-03-2008
Today it Would Have Been Your Birthday.
Dear Sunken, I don't know if it would be any comfort to you, to tell you that the bitter-sweet sentiment behind the last eight lines of this beautiful piece I share, along with Mr. O and Andrea's sister, Juliet.

I can smell that lilac from here. My favourite flower too ... and colour, as you well know;-)

Take care, sunks
Ms. Orange





Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Orange. Hope your good self and the man of the house are well. Thanks for reading and commenting. Those last lines that you mentioned were kind of on the page before I knew it. I reckon they came out for a reason, so I left them there. You take care too Ms. Orange.

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red-dragon on 07-03-2008
Today it Would Have Been Your Birthday.
Wow, sunks, this is amazing poetry (not that yours isn't always amazing)
Very touchingly expressed. Ann

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Ann of Red Dragon fame. Thanks for making a sunk very happy with your 'too kind' words. You're not so bad yourself (-;

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discopants on 07-03-2008
Today it Would Have Been Your Birthday.
Top poem that finishes particularly strongly.

Mind you, I'll have you know that playing the Nirvana Youtube link while having 'The Strokes' blaring out in the background will probably have my neighbours coming around to find out what's going on in here!

disco

Author's Reply:
Lol. Ya know, Mr. Disco, I often wonder if people realise that the pictures have a youtube link. Hope the neighbours weren't too put out. Thanks for reading and leaving your mark. I'll choose a quieter tune next time (-;

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Macjoyce on 07-03-2008
Today it Would Have Been Your Birthday.
Nice one, Mister Sunk. Particularly liked the this/reminisce rhyme.



Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Mac. The reminisce word was originally rhymed with 'sis'. You wouldn't think sis was a legitimate word would ya? It sounds like slang to me but the spell checker was allowing it. I changed it in the end, so I'm really rambling on about nothing. I blame a vitamin deficiency. Thanks Mac.

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Hazy on 07-03-2008
Today it Would Have Been Your Birthday.
Aww, choked and touched (in a most definite non-pervy way)!!

Very moving, smunk. Thinking of you and yours.

Hugs,

Hazy xx

Author's Reply:
Ahem. I have all kind of images in my head now Ms. Hazy. Disgraceful! And me an innocent bloke who only ever has pure thoughts. This aside, I do thank you sincerly for reading and hugging. Cheers Ms. Hazy of London on the green.

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le munk

Ionicus on 07-03-2008
Today it Would Have Been Your Birthday.
A moving tribute, very poignant.

Author's Reply:
Thank you for reading and commenting Mr. Luigi.

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SugarMama34 on 07-03-2008
Today it Would Have Been Your Birthday.
Oh, Sunky,

I tried to choke back the tears, but I failed miserably and they're dripping on my t-shirt. This is such a moving and sentimental piece, sweetheart. It's really beautiful and you say so much with so few words. Your loved one would love and cherish it. A very special write in my eyes. A sad piece that says it all. Thinking of you, hun and your family.

Lots of Love,

Sugar Lumpkin. xxx

Author's Reply:
Aww. Sorry Ms. Sugar. Send me the T-Shirt and I shall launder it immediately. I hate making girls cry. Hope you are bearing up by the way. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. I know I always say that, but I do mean it. Thanks again Ms. Sugar Lumpkin.

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le munk

niece on 07-03-2008
Today it Would Have Been Your Birthday.
A beautiful poem, Sunk...!

Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
Thank you Ms. Niece (-: Thanks also for picking this as a hottie. I've not been considered a hottie for a while, so it's rather nice and no mistake. Take care Ms. Niece.

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BaBy_PoeT on 08-03-2008
Today it Would Have Been Your Birthday.
oh hello sunky...
this poem is really emotional i can almost feel the pain that you may be feeling.
it's just a part of life.
I've gotten used to it now... everything has to end one day, some sooner than others.
i hope your alright.
and I'm sure the loved one can see this and appreciates it.
take care hun
xXx-B-P-xXx

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Poet. Thanks for your comment. I guess the death of my sister has put a lot of things into perspective. It's typical of me to put this stuff down when it's too late. She always knew that I was hopeless though (-; Hope you are okay too. Thanks for taking the time to comment, it's much appreciated.

Take care and a hamper,

xXx

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BaBy_PoeT on 08-03-2008
Today it Would Have Been Your Birthday.
oh and i forgot to write it's a beautiful poem.
take care
xXx-B-P-xXx

Author's Reply:
Oh, and I forgot to write it was a beautiful comment (-:

Take care too.

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Romany on 08-03-2008
Today it Would Have Been Your Birthday.
Beautiful, touching and profoundly you. A poem full of regret and love.

Romany.

Author's Reply:
I think regret and love just about sums it up, Ms. Romany. Thanks for reading and commenting. I will cheer up soon, honest. Hope you are well. Take care.

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tomorrow the warehouse

RoyBateman on 09-03-2008
Today it Would Have Been Your Birthday.
Though there's perhaps nothing more to add to what's already been said, this tackled a subject which so easily could have turned out embarrassing and mawkish. It didn't...just very moving.

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Roy. It's very easy to get over mawkish when trying to tackle something like this in a poem. I was aware of it and purposely tried to keep clear of going down that route. It's good to know that it worked for you. Thanks for reading.

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Zoya on 09-03-2008
Today it Would Have Been Your Birthday.
Some remain by your side
Some just pass into the light
Some say good-bye too soon
With Joy they made you swoon
Life and death have a mind their own
Can you their actions condone?

(((Hugs for a very moving write, Sunky darling)))
May God give you the strength to bear the irreparable loss of your beloved sister...
Love


Author's Reply:

Zoya on 09-03-2008
Today it Would Have Been Your Birthday.
Some remain by your side
Some just pass into the light
Some say good-bye too soon
With Joy they made you swoon
Life and death have a mind their own
Can you their actions condone?

(((Hugs for a very moving write, Sunky darling)))
May God give you the strength to bear the irreparable loss of your beloved sister...
Love,
Zoya


Author's Reply:
Blimey, a comment in poetic form. I am honoured and no mistake, Ms. Zoya. Thanks for reading and for dropping in for a hug (-:

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littleditty on 09-03-2008
Today it Would Have Been Your Birthday.
Dear Sunken - lilacs are lovely, and the poem is too -strong expression of how you felt that is very vivid sunky - just to let you know, i've posted a hug in a jiffy bag c/o UKA of England on the Green, but until that reaches you, lots of love munky xxxditty x

Author's Reply:
Dear Ms. Ditty - Lilacs are lovely, and so are you. How are the doves? Do you know that I am visited daily by a robin red breast? It's very bizarre as it really struggles to land on my narrow windowsill. It then proceeds to tap on my window, but flies away if I move. Can you explain it Ms. Ditty? It is baffling me and no mistake. I shall wait patiently for said jiffy bag. You did provide some breathing holes for the enclosed hug? You might have the R.S.P.C.HUG on your case if it turns up all deflated and confused (-; Thanks for your comment, Ms. Ditty. It's always good to hear from ya. Hope the rash is better. Mine is still under medicative control. Take care Dittster.

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shadow on 09-03-2008
Today it Would Have Been Your Birthday.
Ah sunk - this made me go all weepy - some poems resonate and this is one (blows nose). The last couple of lines in particular just got to me.

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Shadow. Sorry if I made you weepy. I shall send you some Kleenex vouchers (10% off). Thanks for reading and leaving a comment. It's always good to see you, to see you nice... Blimey, I had a Brucie moment. This isn't a good sign. Good game, good game... I better go Ms. Shadow. What do prizes make...

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Buggins on 14-03-2008
Today it Would Have Been Your Birthday.
This is really touching. And I also was pretty impressed by your piece in the anthology about the DNA of wallpaper. And am always cheered up by your tags on your emails. Do you change them every day, like the Tuesday pants? I am a Ms Buggins, by the way. And also thanks to you and all the others for giving me such a warm welcome. Hugs, Bugs

Author's Reply:
Thank you, Ms. Huggy Bug. I'm glad you're a Ms. I find females far more agreeable than their scruffy counterparts. I'm glad my inane comments on your work haven't put you off uka. You can always direct any complaints about me to that Ditty woman. She has already told me off this week. I wouldn't mind, but I was only singing...


Thanks for the comment Ms. Buggins. It's really nice to know that someone has read something I wrote from a book. You have brightened up a very dull looking Saturday.



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she repaired her fingernail before calling the ambulance

Gee on 15-03-2008
Today it Would Have Been Your Birthday.
This one had me in tears, Sunks.
As much as I wish you'd never had to write it, I think it's a beautiful tribute.
Take care.

Author's Reply:
(-: Hello Ms. Gee XP. Not seen you around for a while. Hope all is good with you and yours. I'm glad you liked the poem, but not so glad it had you in tears. I've been trying to steer clear of the subject for some reason, but now and again it just comes out. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment, much appreciated and no mistake.

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he went shopping for toilet cleaner and came back with a truck

Leila on 15-03-2008
Today it Would Have Been Your Birthday.
Sunken you did get it right, there are lines in this poem that appear so simple yet are packed with meaning and say much about you, your sister, relationships, life, death, love, guilt, honesty, pain, remembering and all the what ifs. The kind of poetry that is so difficult to pull off and you have made it look easy, what can I say...and the picture is also packed with meaning, how it grows larger yet fades, so many delicate touches in a strong poem...L

Author's Reply:
Blimey. Thank you Ms. Leila. Do you run comment classes? I could do with a few. Thanks for reading this and for taking the time to comment. It means more than I can adequately express. I'm chuffed it worked for you. The stupid grin that I'll wear today will be entirely down to you. I hope it doesn't scare anyone. Thanks Ms. Leila.

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teifii on 17-03-2008
Today it Would Have Been Your Birthday.
Absolutely beautiful tribute, Smunky. Not much I can add to what's already been said.
'cept that you are in good company in not rwiting in time as you mentioned above,
Pushkin's advice was just that -- never write at the time, first let emotions settle. He should know - he's the master.
Love
Daff

Author's Reply:
Dear Ms. Teifii, Yet again I must apologise for the lateness of my reply. I keep thinking I have replied and then finding I haven't. I'm not sure if it's me or the site. Anyways, thanks for reading. I shall google that Pushkin fella when I've had my cornflakes. Thanks Daff.

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he'll google that Pushkin fella when he's had his cornflakes

Albermund on 23-03-2008
Today it Would Have Been Your Birthday.
A lovely poem with beautiful rhythm, S. So sad but still there's a smile. I particularly like and empathise with "my ineptness ... your bed" and your ending which casts great doubt as to what make the flowers really were!

Author's Reply:
Thanks Mr. Albermund. I try to crowbar the odd smile in if I can. Sorry I took so long replying. I blame Monday's. Thanks again.

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he blames mondays

Bevvy on 12-04-2008
Today it Would Have Been Your Birthday.
I wish I'd known your sister; she must have been pretty amazing to prompt a poem as beautiful and heartfelt as this.
I'm so sorry that she was taken away from you and her other loved ones so cruelly. It certainly is enough to make you wonder about the nature of the Man Upstairs....(I don't mean your upstairs neighbour, by the way)
Much love, dear Mr Sunken,
Bevvy.


Author's Reply:
Bevvy, I do apologise for missing this. I'm not sure if I got the notification or not. Knowing me, I probably did. I'm very good at messing things up. It's good to know that I may have got something right.
Take care,

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saved by the spell

petersjm on 09-05-2008
Today it Would Have Been Your Birthday.
Good grief, Sneak, this is the first thing of yours I've read in such a long time - and you had to go and reduce me to tears! I think this is simply beautiful. A wonderful piece of poetry. Well done, young man.

Author's Reply:
Hi Mr. PJ. Sorry this is late. I've been having computer problems - again. Still, in the great scheme of things it hardly seems important. Thanks for taking the time to comment.

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works better in the dark

Briarcal on 10-05-2008
Today it Would Have Been Your Birthday.
what a wonderful poem. I don't know anything about poetry, but I know this is both beautiful and moving, and straight from the heart. Thank you for sharing it with us.

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Briarcal. Have I welcomed you to uka yet? I shall do it now - Welcome. Thanks for the comment. I'll let you into a secret, I don't know anything about poetry either. I sometimes think it's for the best (-:
Thanks again,

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he wouldn't rest until she loved him

CVaughan on 27-05-2008
Today it Would Have Been Your Birthday.
sunk

It has only taken forever to get me reciprocating for your comments so high time I did so if that makes sense. Whoever you are I wish to say what a good job you made of this so personal one and of course your witty replies to replies. I lost the closest person to me left in my life being a single old bachelor, my live-in brother, now you don't hear that often do you.
I never published here my poems on that loss, maybe I should bad and mawkish as they are. Still hurting a year on. This is about you and your sister though. A nib is well
deserved for your humour I award you the whole pen mate. Frank

Author's Reply:
Sorry to hear about your brother, Mr. Vaughan. Ya know, I had a feeling that you weren't yourself. A year is nothing when you're bereaved. I'm pretending to be okay. It's all an act. I think I maybe giving myself away with the false moustache and floppy hat tho. Take care, Frank. Thanks again.

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tomorrow the clouds


The Twenty Ninth of... Never Mind. (posted on: 29-02-08)
February 29th Seems like a good day to leap

waiting anxiously for you THE TWENTY NINTH OF NEVER MIND. sunken So here it is, and I am waiting, waiting anxiously for you, the fairer half of my existence, my motivation to pursue some kind of happy-ever-after as opposed to 'never did' So here it is, and I am waiting, the twenty ninth of god forbid. I never meant to court attention, nor did I ask the BBC to record my nervous breakdown in picture perfect clarity for a baying crowd of people (and unscrupulous websites) The twenty ninth day of the second, I am open to invites. In the crowd I think I spot you, but it is difficult to tell, and climbing back through open windows when the continual groundswell of opinion keeps insisting that suicide is for the best Well there is very little option, I only hope you'll be impressed.
Archived comments for The Twenty Ninth of... Never Mind.
dylan on 29-02-2008
The Twenty Ninth of... Never Mind.
Hiya, Sunk.
Bit drastic, innit?
Neta poem,nice rhymes-although "my motivation to pursue" clunks a little. Maybe "my motivation could construe.. as kind of happy ever after..."?
Just a thought.

Orrabest,
D.
BTW, Have you seen the Agnetha link I posted on the forum? It`s on the "Worst Songs" thread.
Godammit, she could make a dirty old man of me-if I wasn`t one already....
Pip-pip.

D.

Author's Reply:
Dear Mr. Dylan, Thank you for your kind words regarding my ickul poem. Please note that said effort is now available in strawberry, vanilla and tuna. I just watched the abba video that you highlighted on the forum. I am, to say the least, flabbergasted. To be quite frank I wasn’t aware that arses existed prior to Ms. Minogue? This is indeed a revelation. Perhaps I should consider delving deeper into the anals of history? I wonder if there are any courses available on the Open University? God bless us all. I hope this yelps.

Yelp! Nice one.

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he reminded her of manchester

Macjoyce on 29-02-2008
The Twenty Ninth of... Never Mind.
Sunkaroonypoo,

In the words of Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine in their song about suicide, "Suicide isn't painless":

It's big but it's not clever,
And it's really not that big.


Human beings are never worth killing yourself over. Gherkins are, but not human beings.



Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Macarooni. Is it me, or is this year dragging? I swear it should be July by now. Anyway, that’s hardly relevant at this juncture. Thanks for reading my poem. I made it from two toilet tubes, a sheet of cling film and some sellotape. Oh no… that was my binoculars. I blame Oxy-clear medicated facial scrub. I don’t know what they’re putting in it these days, but it isn’t half tart.

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reach out and touch faith (she’s the one on the left)

Ionicus on 29-02-2008
The Twenty Ninth of... Never Mind.
Not worth it, dear sunken. I reproduce below my thoughts on the matter, taken from my poem Precious Gift posted sometime in 2004:

To be or not to be
is not a question
worthy of consideration,
dear prince.
The roller coaster ride
of your emotions,
treachery; conflicts;
self-doubt; despair;
is not enough reason
to convince
that committing suicide
would bring salvation.
Many of us
endured family rifts
and betrayal of trust
- the slings and arrows
of outrageous fortune
that you decry
with moral indignation -
yet we overcame them
with the minimum of fuss
and fortitude.
For we believe
that of all the gifts
one can receive,
life is the most precious.
One we should accept
with gratitude.

All my best, Luigi.


Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Luigi. Thanks for dropping in on a sunk. I know what you’re thinking, the place could do with a lick of paint. I am waiting for Dulux to invent self applying emulsion. What a day that will be for the competitive world of decorating. Thank you for posting your excellent poem. I shall re-read said entry at 3.37am on Sunday morning. I find this particular time to be highly conducive to reading. It’s something to do with the phase of the moon. And now, if you do not mind, I have nuisance symphonies to conduct.

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watching her operate the sausage machine only made matters worse

Bootylicious on 29-02-2008
The Twenty Ninth of... Never Mind.
Dear Sunken

Glad to see you back on UKA. I read this as a cry against the whole furore the media makes about it being a leap year. Correct me if I'm wrong. The whole thing certainly gets my goat, so I'm with you totally on that one if I've read it right.

If on the other hand it's more about the desire to just chuck this world in, then I'm certainly glad you're posting it rather than doing the actual deed.

Who would call me Booty of the licious if you went away?

Booty

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Booty of the Licious (-; As if I could let you down. Actually, your reply to my comment on your last sub made post this week. It does seem a bit odd to keep 'commenting' without posting. I just get into a none posting rut I guess. I blame... open invitations to the ball, Marzipan and that irritating cellophane that they wrap birthday cards in. Thanks for looking in on a sunk. Please continue to be both Booty and Licious, it's quite a combination and no mistake.

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she knew it wouldn't last, but married him anyway

shadow on 29-02-2008
The Twenty Ninth of... Never Mind.
This is brilliant - vintage sunken. But you don't want to take 'Leap Year' too literally!
PS
If I got rid of the present husband, would you marry me?

Author's Reply:
(-: Thank you Ms. Shadow. I didn't know I had a vintage. It would make sense. People do have a tendency to spit when they see me. Perhaps I'm a little tart?
Yes - Get rid of your husband forthwith! I recommend an horlicks overdose. It's bloody awful and no mistake. Thanks Shadow. Your uplifting comment was very well timed, like an egg.

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the council have refused his request for an all nude bicycle lane

SugarMama34 on 29-02-2008
The Twenty Ninth of... Never Mind.
Hey Mr Sunks,

Its good to see you posting your usual up to the mark, top notch poems again. I don't see the big thing of a Leap Year either so can understand your thoughts on the matter. Don't take the 'leap' in leap year as an invite. As always I've enjoyed the read.

Sugar Lumpkin. xx

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Sugar Lumpkin. How the devil are ya. Well no one proposed. I wore my best tie too! The one with the kaleidoscopic print that causes cats to vomit and dogs to whine. Perhaps I should wear a shirt too? Oh well, there's always 2012. Thanks for perusing a sunk, Ms. Sugar of Lumpkin fame.

x

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her lips made sense last night

teifii on 01-03-2008
The Twenty Ninth of... Never Mind.
Nice to a Sunken offering again. If your thoughts run that way, please keep wring instead of doing.
Love
Daff

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Daff. I could take a pen and paper up with me and write arghhhhh as I plummet to the ground? Would that suffice? Thanks for reading and for being lovely.

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pick a programme to record

orangedream on 01-03-2008
The Twenty Ninth of... Never Mind.
I must admit, dear sunks - I was with Booty on this one. I really did get worried, yesterday. Mr. O would vouch for that. Anyway - brilliant poem and I agree, you don't post enough of 'em - but then if diamonds weren't rare, they would cease to hold their value.

M.A.S.H now that was brilliant too. How did I get on to this subject?? My butterfly mind, again.

Hope you have an easy Sunday morning and afternoon too, come to that.

;-)Tina

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Orange. So sorry to have made ya worry. I did write this kinda last minute on the 28th and perhaps should have put more thought into what I was doing. I was also extremely tired (it seems to be a natural state just lately). What else can I blame... I ate a dodgy carrot... I forgot my medication... Kylie successfully filed for another restraining order which means I can't go within a thirty mile radius of her. All of these things culminated in the above. I blame hormones. I might have replacement therapy... Now... what shall I replace them with?

Thanks Ms. Orange.

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he talks in binary

niece on 01-03-2008
The Twenty Ninth of... Never Mind.
Great poem! I especially loved the title, Sunk...the 29th of Never-mind...

Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
(-: Hello Ms. Niece. I've been wondering where you got to. It's good to see ya and no mistake. Thanks for taking the time to read the ramblings of a sunk. I'm up extra early today as munky has banana peeling practice and needs his kung-fu apparel ironing. Why he needs to dress up for the occasion is, to be quite frank, beyond me. I prefer apples myself. Ahem. Thanks Niece. Hope you are well.

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last in dave's curry house

Gerry on 02-03-2008
The Twenty Ninth of... Never Mind.
Sunk -- Yes I have to agree; this was tolerably good 😉

Gerry.

Author's Reply:
Oh bugger. Really? And I so hoped it would be intolerable. It's back to the crayoning book I reckon. Thanks Gerry.

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functions better in the dark

delph_ambi on 02-03-2008
The Twenty Ninth of... Never Mind.
Mmmm.... this is a good poem. Great work, Sunken.

Author's Reply:
Mmmm... thanks Ms. Delph. I'm still off twix by the way. I hope you're happy with yourself (-;

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derby 2 - jaguar 2

red-dragon on 03-03-2008
The Twenty Ninth of... Never Mind.
Never mind suks, you don't have to worry about this for another 4 years! Great poem and I would have commented earlier, but number 1 son gets married this month and I have had to do horrible things like shopping for an 'outfit' and choosing new shoes, which I will now have to practise wearing....

Author's Reply:
Lol. Hello Ms. Dragon. You ladies don't half suffer with your shoes. I saw a ridiculous pair on the news last week that were literally high heels without the heel. It can't be good for ya. I've asked munky for advice and he recommends that you attend in a nice pair of slippers. You could always add a nice bow to the front. Hope it all goes well Ms. Red of Dragon fame. Thanks for reading and commenting.

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he thinks he's found michael stipes religion

Romany on 05-03-2008
The Twenty Ninth of... Never Mind.
"...the twenty ninth of god forbid,"

My favourite line in another darkly hunourous piece from you. Great to see you posting again. I always took it that you wrote as a means of expressing feelings rather than an intention to act as per your writing - I hope I am right? (Some of the above comments worried me!) You know I rate you Sunky, always did. Keep 'em coming,

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Romany. Ya know, I swore I replied to this. I think it was an early morning reply though, so knowing me I cocked it up. Sorry about that. I always appreciate a Romany moment. You've been part of my uka experience from day one. You are certainly a glutton for punishment and no mistake. Thanks Ms. Romany. And don't worry, I'd probably cock up jumping too (-;

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nothing sweet about him

Gee on 15-03-2008
The Twenty Ninth of... Never Mind.
You know, over here if we ask someone to marry us and they refuse, they have to give us compensation, usually in the shape of a decorated wooden spoon.
It's an odd world, isn't it?

I liked the poem, Sunks. Falling for someone should definitely not be taken figuratively though.

Author's Reply:
It certainly is an odd world, Ms. Gee of the XP persuasion and no mistake. Take Toblerone for instance! I would like to meet the idiot who thought that making a triangular shaped chocolate based confectionery product was a good idea? It's just not conducive to a pleasurable eating experience!The roof of my mouth may never recover! Thanks for reading a sunk. I trust you have no wooden spoons? (-: (That was a compliment). Thank you.

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in apples he trusts

Jolen on 25-03-2008
The Twenty Ninth of... Never Mind.
Gods forbid that our world would be without Smunky! I can't even imagine such horror. The poem is clever, but then your work is always that. But no matter what, suicide is for quitters. Sorta like rehab. LMAO.

I love ya, Sunks,
Jolen

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Jolen. Further to my previous reply on your last comment, I can also confirm that the extractor fan in the uka kitchen is now mended. It now sucks instead of blows. I had apparently wired it the wrong way around when I previously installed it. I hope this helps. Thanks for dropping in on a sunky le munk. Tidy.

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he loves you too


Two Thousand & Weight. (posted on: 11-01-08)
Learn to burn with lard arse Fern.

Learn to burn with lard arse Fern TWO THOUSAND AND WEIGHT. sunken She has started exercising to a DVD called 'Burn,' a new year's money making racket narrated by someone named 'Fern' (a rather plump daytime presenter with a penchant for pork pies who, by her very own admission, has extremely wobbly thighs). She has started exercising to an aerobics DVD that a despicable acquaintance placed beneath her Xmas tree. ''I am determined to get fitter than I have ever been before,'' she says whilst throwing out old knickers that do not fit her anymore. ''I want to lose a stone for summer by curtailing cakes and booze, and with the money I stockpile I want to purchase lots of shoes. I have so many resolutions, pledges that I must fulfil'' She has started exercising my patience, character and will!
Archived comments for Two Thousand & Weight.
artisus on 11-01-2008
Two Thousand & Weight.
Well written and enjoyable poem

x

Author's Reply:
A sweet comment that helps to brighten up this hatefully grey day.

x

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he lost his mind on the back seat of her Austin Allegro

SugarMama34 on 11-01-2008
Two Thousand & Weight.
Lol. Another humerous poem that I much enjoyed Sunky as did my hubby when I read it out loud to him to. It made him laugh. You have a good knack for this sort of thing. Keep them coming and make me smile. A pleasure as always to read your work. BTW. I need to know, but did you go through with the suggestion of the sellotape and the postie? lol.

Sugar. xx (has a wicked streak).

Author's Reply:
Hiya Ms. Sugar. Blimey, you read it to your hubby? I hope he's okay. Anything that makes a pretty girl smile has got to be worth it. As for the sellotape idea, I thought about it, but I'm worried my postie won't bother posting anything if there's extra work involved. It's a good idea though. Do you think Blu Tack might work? Thanks for reading Ms. Sugar.

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her lips faced magnetic north

delph_ambi on 11-01-2008
Two Thousand & Weight.
Very entertaining. Great punchline.

Author's Reply:
Thanks Ms. Delph. Glad you liked it.

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Ionicus on 11-01-2008
Two Thousand & Weight.
Jolly amusing, sunks, and I liked the pun in the title.

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Ionicus. Thanks for looking in on post xmas sunk. I'm just glad it's over. One year I want to hibernate from Oct to March. It just seems to make sense.

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le munk

Bootylicious on 11-01-2008
Two Thousand & Weight.
Hey Sunk

Sums up the new year's resolution frenzy people tend to go through.

Extremely funny yet incredibly sad too. Great title.

Hope you are keeping well

Booty

Author's Reply:
Hiya Booty. Where have you been? You know I worry. You're like that Ms. Ditty, she keeps disappearing for weeks on end without a word. Anything could have happened. Good to see you around Ms. Booty. Thanks for your words. Happy New Year by the way. Take care and a scarf,

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wardrobe refused him access

writeagain on 11-01-2008
Two Thousand & Weight.
Yup! I'm on a diet too, and loved this. You made me smile! I think I'll post it on the wall above my desk.

Author's Reply:
Well it would be an honour to hang above your desk Ms. Again of Write fame. Good luck with the diet. Don't go mad though. Some blokes/women like a bit of meat. I prefer a Pot Noodle of late. I think it's the weather. Take care.

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based on a bad idea

Macjoyce on 11-01-2008
Two Thousand & Weight.
I've always quite fancied Fern Britton. Seriously. Doesn't she sink your boat?



Author's Reply:
No, she doesn't quite do it for me Mr. Mac. I have a thing for girls who look half dead. The paler the better. I love black mascara and eyeliner on a girl... Lets face it, I'm a goth fancier. I keep meaning to try some guy liner meself. I'm just not sure how it'd go down at the local chippie of a week night when I'm feeling a bit peckish. You've got to be committed to makeup if you're going to do it properly. It's a bit like raising turnips. Thanks Mac. Long may Ms. Britton keep you afloat.

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le munk

discopants on 12-01-2008
Two Thousand & Weight.
What about that Fearne Cotton, though? Nice poem- I like the ambition to use the saved money to buy shoes- if only women could get over the compulsion to buy more bloody shoes or boots...

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Disco. Oh yeah, Fearne Cotton, she's sweet. She just needs to dye her hair black and goth up a bit (-; Women and shoes, I just don't know what it's all about. I prefer to spend my money on robot hoovers and cordless screwdrivers. Cheers Mr. Disco.

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firm bottom? who's she?

Corin on 12-01-2008
Two Thousand & Weight.
Well you shouldn't have bought her the DVD and just be bloody grateful she doesn't make you join in! Been there done that - got no T-Shirt!

David

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Corin. Alas she is a figment. I've not been there, bought the dvd or ripped up the T-shirt. One day I am hoping that a nice lady will irritate me with such activities. I know, I'm a glutton for punishment. Thanks for looking in on a sunk.

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balance is everything, she said whilst removing the ladder

Romany on 12-01-2008
Two Thousand & Weight.
Different feel to this for you Sunky, but a good write as always. Happy new year!

Romany.

Author's Reply:
(-: Hello Ms. Romany. Happy new year to you and yours. I've been trying to write from the imaginary heads of different people just lately (mine having been closed for maintenance), so I'm glad the difference came across. Thanks for reading and for looking in a sunks. Take care Ms. Romany.

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he wondered if she plus him equaled love

Albermund on 13-01-2008
Two Thousand & Weight.
Very cute stuff, S. Much enjoyed Fern's 'wobblies'.A lovely written comical rant. Good show, Albert 🙂

Author's Reply:
Thanks Mr. Albert.That means a lot my good self and my experimental turnip orchestra. Thanks for reading.

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life in b minor

niece on 14-01-2008
Two Thousand & Weight.
Sunken,
Sounds like what many of my friends are going through lately...everyone's out to lose weight and there are so many options open these days, it's confusing!!!

It's great to see you posting regularly again, Sunky...your poems are waiting for!

Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
(-: Hiya Niece. Hope you are well. I was wondering where you'd got too. Are you busy editing, or are you taking a break? Whatever you're doing I hope things are going good. Thanks for reading and commenting. It's good to see you again too. Take care Niecy

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do old people get smooth skin after lying in the bath

Hazy on 14-01-2008
Two Thousand & Weight.
Aye, good to have yer back, Monsieur smunk le munk. And yer front :-p (sorry, had to be done lol).

Enjoyed your poem. My DVD's broke so I'll have to carry on dancing round the lounge to the music channels - or people will have to just take me as they find me!! Thighs n all lol!!

Take care of you,

Hazy in black eyeliner xx

Author's Reply:
Your front's not so bad either (-; I like a nice bit of thigh, so don't go burnin' on my account (-; God I'm winking a lot tonight. I said 'winking'. Are you really wearing black eyeliner? I don't know why it does it for me, it just does. Eyes can be very sexy, did you know that you can see a persons arse hole through their eyes... Or is it their soul? I'll go and have a google. Thanks Hazy. Lovely to hear from you as always. Hope all is well.

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he likes staring into women's eyes (-;

Bootylicious on 15-01-2008
Two Thousand & Weight.
Well, you know Sunk, Christmas is that time of year when I have to attend to all things family. That means writing has to take a bit of a back seat. A small price to pay for harmony and goodwill since I'm going to ignore them for the next 11 months.

What a good thing that my family love me no matter what.

Booty

Author's Reply:
Whoops. Sorry I'm late replying Ms. Booty. I don't think I got a notification for this )-: Well Xmas is over now, so I insist that you get the aforementioned Bootylicious into action and sub a sub (-: Anyway, at least I know that yourself and Ms. Ditty are ok. She has shown her face and I have called off the search party. You ladies will be the death of me and no mistake. Hope your Xmas was as good as it could be Ms. Booty. Take care and a raincoat.

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he's rubbish at balancing pound coins on his ears

littleditty on 16-01-2008
Two Thousand & Weight.
Dear Sir sunk de munk of esq lane on the green - i sometimes miss telly, and fatty fern is no exception, except i havent seen enough of her to understand if she is happy healthy fat or what, and this poem has not made things any clearer i'm afraid- she's lovely i think, but shoes are expensive i suppose, if you are a collector - is it the adverts that have been getting to you? I recommend always turning the sound off - much fun then can be had making up the words -are you any good at lip reading? __________________? Sorry, that was unfair - anyway -i have done sweet _______ ___, since our last communication, and only hope that my new exorcise routine will kick start something or other *spins head around like dawn french* !meop ruoy deyojnE

Thanks for the read, i nearly missed this one and worry that i lost a week somewhere 😮 Well done sunken, ditty xxx

Author's Reply:
Hello Dear Ms. Ditty. I miss daytime tv too (thank god). It could be about anyone really, not just Ms. Fern. It was just influenced by the 'celebrity' get fit videos that flood the market at this time of the year. I'd say Fern is definitely happy fat. In fact she sends herself up in some commercials I've seen. I think she has an healthier attitude than most. Some people just go too far with this dieting stuff don't they? I is lucky, being of a skinny persuasion... Well I think I'm lucky. I'm sure some 'celebrity' will bring out a weight gain dvd at some stage. They're good at telling us how we should look. Anyway, please get something done soon! I can see that I need crack the whip a little Ms. Ditty. It's not in my nature as I am a lover, not a fighter. Please sort yourself out! How was that? Wasn't to stern was I? I'm sorry if I was... See what I mean? Useless I is and no mistake. I shall try your lip reading idea at my earliest convenience. Thanks for looking in on sunks Ms. Ditty. Take care and an onion (for vampires).

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last in devon

red-dragon on 17-01-2008
Two Thousand & Weight.
Ah, sunks, a year away from here and I had withdrawal symptoms from your poetry! Now had my sunky fix and, as always, am blown away by your enduring talent! Thankfully, during my year away from UKA, I have skillfully avoided Ms Fern and all exercise DVDs!!
Ann (;~D)

Author's Reply:
Aww. Hello Ms. Dragon. Smashing to see you back again. Well done on avoiding said dvds (-; Good to see you back. Sorry for the late reply. I've been having some pc probs )-: and when I finally got online uka was down. Is someone trying to tell me something? Thanks for looking in a sunky.

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over my shoulder goes soap

shadow on 17-01-2008
Two Thousand & Weight.
Hi Sunky, nice pome. Though personally I don't hold with all this exercise. It's bad for your health - look at all these people who drop dead after going for a run or something.

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Shadow. Yes I agree. I can definitely say that I never exercise... I could insert a smutty comment here, but I shall refrain. My new years resolution is to try and be more sophisticated. I had ravioli for me tea last night for instance. Thanks Ms. Shadow.

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pot noodle 3 - cheese on toast 4

Bradene on 18-01-2008
Two Thousand & Weight.
Another great one this, very topical as far as I'm concerned as I'm always trying to lose weight! I've managed to get rid of eight pounds since Christmas so I'm quite pleased. Happy New year Sunky and the Munky too love Val x

Author's Reply:
(-: Hiya Val. Lovely to see you. Hope you're well and that 08 is off to a good start. Mine has started well with seeing you in my box. I know that sounds a bit smutty, but I don't care. I never was very good at keeping resolutions. All the best for 08 Ms. Val.

x

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le munk

AlbanyRose on 19-01-2008
Two Thousand & Weight.
what an enjoyable and humorous poem. I saw it all and identified with her in so many ways. I also felt your frustration alluded to in the last lines. Well done Mr. Sunken. Kathy : )

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Kathy. Thanks for looking in on a sunky and for leaving your rosy fragrance. Much appreciated.

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tomorrow the swimming baths

len on 28-02-2008
Two Thousand & Weight.
A friend of mine once bought his wife a treadmill for her birthday....They ain't together anymore.. :o)...len

Author's Reply:
Yes, women can be a bit funny about things like that can't they. All he was doing was looking out for her health. You can't win Len. Sorry 'bout the late reply. I blame super-glue.

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he blames super-glue

Gee on 15-03-2008
Two Thousand & Weight.
This is brilliant and funny, Sunks.
I have to admit though - it's made me remember that Taebo DVD I bought last year. I found it very helpful. I put it under the tub of the Christmas tree to stop the dog from knocking it over.


Author's Reply:
Taebo? Is that Welsh? Forgive my ignorance. I blame... ignorance. Thanks looking in on a sunk, Ms. Gee. Sorry about the late reply. I thought I had replied to be honest. I seem to be doing this a lot just lately. I blame Pot Noodle. Apparently it rots the brain. Thanks Gee (-:

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he blames Pot Noodle

margot on 18-03-2008
Two Thousand & Weight.
What appears at first to be a light, humourous piece has a subtle hint of pathos. Nice work.

Author's Reply:
Thank you Ms/Mr. Margot. Sorry about recently mistaking you for a 'Maggot'. I didn't mean to rekindle any childhood traumas (-; My nickname was 'Idiot'. It wasn't exactly original, but it was quite apt. I don't think it's done me any harm. Must dash, I have toothbrush practice. Thanks for the comment.

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he must dash


Jolen on 25-03-2008
Two Thousand & Weight.
Dammit, Smunky, you swore you wouldn't tell anyone about me dieting. What's a witch to do? Have you seen my new shoes?

GREAT stuff, as usual, me dear.

blessings,
Jolen

Author's Reply:
I don't know many men who like stick insects, Ms. Jolen... In fact, I don't know any. These catwalk models cause more psychological harm to young girls than anything. I am currently protesting by eating a mars bar in bed. I hope this helps. Thanks, as always, for looking in on a sunk. Let me know when you're coming next time and I'll let some fresh air in the place. Take care and a hamster.

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he knew it would fit


Napkins. (posted on: 31-12-07)
I can tell that she is angry by the way she kicks my shin, her annoyance represented by contusions of the skin

I sometimes wish I was a napkin NAPKINS. sunken After etiquette chastisements (about the misuse of a spoon) I get slyly castigated for my propensity to swoon over her exquisite cousin, the girl who sits across from me with a paper hat on her head and a napkin on her knee. ''I sometimes wish I was a napkin'' I slur whilst pouring too much wine into a glass containing lager that I imagine must be mine. She looks at me and makes excuses about how tired I have been and of how my crass behaviour is little more than a smokescreen for the feelings that I harbour at this remorseful time of year She looks at me and makes excuses whilst wishing I would disappear.
Archived comments for Napkins.
artisus on 31-12-2007
Napkins.
Very good Sunken

x

Author's Reply:
Thanks very much Ms. Nic of Artisus fame. And while I'm here, happy 08 (-:

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x

Jolen on 31-12-2007
Napkins.
Excellent! I emailed you but it came back, so is your mail playing up again, dear? I'm still in England but leaving for America on holiday again in a few weeks.
Happy New Year, Smunky.

blessings,
Ms. Swollen

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Swollen. My email is indeed kaput again. The 'myway' address won't allow me access and the 'freeserve' one will receive, but not send. I have many hassles with email. It's not very reliable is it? My latest addy, that works for now, is sneaktech@gmail.com - Thanks for reading and leaving your mark. Happy '08 Ms. Jolen.

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should have gone to kwik save

Macjoyce on 31-12-2007
Napkins.
Etiquette chastisements about the misuse of a spoon? Why, may I ask, were you having Christmas dinner with a bunch of toffs? Disgraceful behaviour, Sir. Disgraceful.



Author's Reply:
Me? With a bunch of toffs? Not likely guvner. As usual, Mr. Mac, it was all in me head. You should know that anything women-related is going to be invented. Thanks for your support in the hateful year of '07. Not long now. I so want to see the back of this one. Good fuckin' riddance and no mistake is what I say Mr. Macarooni. Happy new year and all that.

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allergic to life

e-griff on 31-12-2007
Napkins.
Although I don't comment on your work, I always read and enjoy it (as once I told you long, long ago)

Happy New Year. 🙂 G

Author's Reply:
Thanks Mr. Griff. Happy New Year to you too.

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le munk

Macjoyce on 31-12-2007
Napkins.
And thankyou also, for your support in the hateful year of 2007. You have tried to bring about peace and harmony when no-one else could be bothered.

I take it you know that song by Peter and the Test Tube Babies?


I can't go out and socialise,
people don't take long to realise.
You can tell they've sussed it in their eyes,
there's something about me they despise.

I'm allergic to life ...

My conversations don't last long,
people frown and move along.
The girls they never come on strong,
when I speak, it comes out wrong.

I'm allergic to life...

If I call up, there's no-one home,
they never answer the telephone.
So I'll end up on my own,
destined to spend my life alone.

I'm allergic to life...



Anyway, let's hope it's a good one with plenty of beer...

Macarooni



Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Mac. Heard of the band, not sure about the song though. I'll youtube it later. I spent yesterday pm at the docs with this pesky rash, that's why I ended that reply with 'allergic to life'. It kinda says it all about last year really, lol. Perhaps starting 08 on medication will be a good thing. Thanks for the info, it sounds like my kinda tune and no mistake.

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internet ready, go

SugarMama34 on 01-01-2008
Napkins.
Hey Mr. Sunks. Another good poem by you. It made me smile as most of your work does, but it also has a sad tinge to it, reading between the lines. (Sorry I can't help it. I tend to do it without realising until after). I enjoy your rhyming pattern it never fails to impress me. Much enjoyed Sunky.
Hope 2008 is a better one for you.

Sugar. xx

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Sugar. Don't apologise for reading between lines, I try to write them that way sometimes, so I'm glad it gets noticed occasionally. Well done on being Jan's wotm by the way. I hope 2008 is good to you and yours. Thanks Sugary one.

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where did all the fields go?

shadow on 01-01-2008
Napkins.
Hi sunk - happy new year - liked this one, it reminded me of Xmas dinner where I partook liberally of liquid refreshments and thereafter slept all the way through Dr Who - sorry haven't been commenting much lately. Would like to say it's pressure of work but but actually it's just laziness ...

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Shadow (-: I was starting to think I'd inadvertently pissed you off over something. I get paranoid at times. My new years resolution is to be less paranoid. People are thinking I can't do it, but I'll prove them wrong (-; They're thinking it right now, I just know they are. I must admit, I wasn't concentrating on Doctor Who too much myself (I should have been, given that Kylie was in it). I got sidetracked by a gateway into the fifth dimension that had opened up at the foot of my bed earlier that morning. Anyway, good to hear from you Ms. Shadow. Hope 08 is good to you. Thanks for looking in on a sunks.

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boiled beef and parrots

AlbanyRose on 01-01-2008
Napkins.
i love the way you set up a scene. you create the atmosphere both physically and emotionally. I enjoyed this very much.

Author's Reply:
Thank you Ms. AlbanyRose. It's good to see you here. Your comments are far more professional than mine. I must try harder (-; Take care Ms. Rose. Thanks again.

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he drinks tea in his sleep

teifii on 03-01-2008
Napkins.
Tickled me as usual but it is also sad -- like an aftertaste.
I commiserate with you on being allergic to life; after investigating all the allergies that could cause my migraines, I long sice deduced that I am allergic to me.
May 2006 be an improvement, although in some ways 07 has been not too bad for me.
Love
Daff

Author's Reply:
Are you living in reverse Ms. Teiffi? It's going to be difficult to make 2006 an improvement, but I'll have a go (-; Glad you had a good 07. All the best for 08 Ms. Daff. Thanks for looking in on a sunky.

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she only saw him for his i-phone

ThePhoenix on 04-01-2008
Napkins.
Mr Sunken. how can you swoon at anyone wearing a paper hat, I find they make everyone look ridiculous even her exquisite cousin! hope you had a great imaginary Christmas and a happy new year, did you and the munky get up to anything interesting?!

Phoenix x

Author's Reply:
Oh I dunno Mr. Phoenix, I think a pretty girl can look good in anything, as proved in the of punk when bin liners were all the rage. I do like to see girls in plastic. Munky is currently trying to solve world hunger by merely showing people how to peel bananas. If he wasn't so thick he'd be offensive. Cheers Phoenix.

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babylon's burnin'

Jen_Christabel on 08-01-2008
Napkins.
Another cracker. TEN from me.
Jennifer :o)

Author's Reply:
Lol. You're a bit too late for crackers though Jen? Xmas is dead, long live the new year (well, twelve months anyway). Thanks for checking in on a sunk and for leaving a mars bar... at least I hope it's a mars bar... it's dark in here... and there is a whiff... Disgraceful behaviour! (-;

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le munk


The Health & Safety Office Party. (posted on: 21-12-07)
The health and safety office party was always going to be shit...

we can dance if wanna THE HEALTH & SAFETY OFFICE PARTY. sunken The health and safety office party was more an exercise in tact. Executives were in attendance and no one wanted to get sacked prior to the festive season, not with the bills that Xmas brings The health and safety office party was always bound to come with strings. Balloons were not to be impaled with cocktail sticks or cutlery, mistletoe was to be scoured and disinfected thoroughly with chemicals that had been tested by men in sterilised white coats Kissing was to be avoided by those with seasonal sore throats. The health and safety office party was always going to be shit 'cause regulations never fail to make a mockery of it 'Wear protective Day-Glo clothing when pulling crackers with a friend! Be aware that you are governed by rules previously penned in the contractual agreement that you initialled years ago A time when permits were not needed to piss your names within the snow!'
Archived comments for The Health & Safety Office Party.
Corin on 21-12-2007
The Health & Safety Office Party.
LOL - I knew his was going to be good whenI saw the title and your hadle on it!

David

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Corin. You might be pleased to note that I have, since your terrible onslaught, managed to regained a little of my composure. I have cried myself to sleep over the past few nights. I can only assume that your inflammatory outburst was in some way linked to the over-hyped guff of this jovial season. Either that, or you couldn't get the Pogues song out of your head (-; Thanks Mr. Corin. Have a good Crimbo and no mistake.

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you cheap lousy faggot

Macjoyce on 21-12-2007
The Health & Safety Office Party.
Top pome, Mr Sunk. Pissing in the snow is always fun. Have you ever shat in it?

Funnily enough, I caught a 'seasonal sore throat' last New Year, when I worked in a pub with a bird who had laryngitis. I didn't even get a snog off her, but I did get laryngitis, followed by unemployment and a landlord hassling me for rent. That's the way it goes.

You rhyme 'cutlery' with 'thoroughly'! Jolly good show!


Author's Reply:
Lol. Hello Mr. Mac. I can't say that I have shit in it... Unless I was very pissed and I can't remember. There's something about this time of year. Shit always seems to happen around now. I am currently battling with numerous rashes. I don't know what to blame. I just hope it's not a wanking allergy. Life really wouldn't be worth living if I had to give that up. To be frank, Macster, I doubt I could give it up. I'd just end up like a big spunk bomb if I didn't let out, surely? As for cutlery and thoroughly, lol, you have to chuck the odd dodgy rhyme in don't ya? It gives the purists something to moan about (-; And anyway, I recently renewed my poetic license, so it's allowed. Hope you have a good un Mac. Thanks for looking in on a spotty sunk. God I'll be glad to see the back of this year.

All of my germolene,

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sharon agreed to take it up the arse. it was xmas after all.


Leila on 21-12-2007
The Health & Safety Office Party.
Ha ha sunken excellent...thank you for the laugh and you are spot on! Oh dear now I've written that should I change it...erm no...hope you feel better soon, in time to pull a Christmas cracker...or two! All the best, Leila

Author's Reply:
Lol. No worries on the spot comment Ms. Leila. I can't see me pulling any crackers in this state though )-: At least there's Kylie to look forward to on Xmas day (-: Thanks for your comment and for your comments throughout the year, Leila. Have as peaceful a Xmas as possible.

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she's leaving on a jet ski

SugarMama34 on 21-12-2007
The Health & Safety Office Party.
Hi Sunks,

Another good poem from yuh good self. Thoroughly enjoyed it all, it gave me a few smiles and I laughed at the end. You never fail to make me laugh with some of your poem and I love the way you write them. Nice one sunky. Good to see your work again. Hope your ok?

Sugar. xx


Author's Reply:
And another sweet comment from your good self, Ms. Sugar. Glad it raised a smile. Hope you get many smiles over the holiday period. Thanks for your support on my stuff over the past year, much appreciated and no mistake. Take care Sugary Lumpkin.

xx

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their first home resembled war

delph_ambi on 21-12-2007
The Health & Safety Office Party.
Excellent!

Author's Reply:
(-: Thanks Ms. Delph. Hope you are well and that Xmas is good to you. Thanks for your encouraging comments over the past year. Take care and a bottle of your favourite tipple.

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his arms were void without her

orangedream on 21-12-2007
The Health & Safety Office Party.
That last line of yours, Sunken, one of THE best. The others aren't half bad either.

Just reading your reply to Mac, reminded me of the vintage comedy sketch by Peter Cook and Dudley Moore - 'Spotty Maldoon' or something of that ilk - or am I just hallucinating again? Must ease off with the cooking sherry.

Nice on, as per usual Sunken.

;-)Ms Orange PS (don't forget the TCP. It don't half stink, but it does the trick!)

Author's Reply:
Lol, you hallucinating? Mmm... possibly (-; I think the only Cook and Moore sketch I've heard properly, from start to end, was about horse racing. It was quite rude as I remember. Not like me at all. I am angelic and virginal. Ahem. Sorry I've not commented on your latest yet. I will do. I'm typing this in the early hours, having just calamined up. I'll def try the tcp soon. Thanks for reminding me. Thanks also for the comment and for your comments and support over the past twelve months. Hope your Xmas goes well Ms. Orange. I'll be thinking of you and yours. Take care and vitamins.

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loosely based on a doodle

wordthug on 22-12-2007
The Health & Safety Office Party.
Ha, ha - very, very good, Non-floating Person! Well-observed and so very nearly true...
Condiments of the season,
Alex Wordthug.


Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Alex of Wordthug fame. Thanks for taking the time to read. I'll see your condiments and raise you a happy.

Yours, forever sinking

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she fell out favour with the badger police

beard on 23-12-2007
The Health & Safety Office Party.
This is fab.
The other week we had 'our party' at work. We being me and those I work with and 'our party' being a in office meal. Now, I am not saying we have _no_ health and safety, but we did partake in office chair 'big rubber fist' jousting.

I am impressed with some of the things you have managed to rhyme here and the rhythm shows your experience.

Cheers.
Brd.

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Beard. Seasons greetings, and all that crap. Thanks for reading and for having a joust. Long may your facial hair continue to thrive. Thanks and no mistake,

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spottier than ever )-:

shackleton on 23-12-2007
The Health & Safety Office Party.
Hi Mr. Sunky... I hope you're well. Office parties, eh? I've made a fool of myself at a few of those over the years.

The best thing that modern day, health and safety laws have done for me, is to give me the skill to safely drive hundreds of miles in a pair of bloody big, steel-toe-capped boots. I never actually get to tread on busy factory shop floors or suchlike... but I still gotta wear them bloody big boots! Can't dance at office parties with bloody big boots on.

Happy Christmas, young man.


Author's Reply:
Dear Mr. Shack, You might be encouraged to hear that I can't even dance - full stop. Thanks for looking in on a sunk and for not minding the mess (not to mention the questionable odours).

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le munk esq.

Warhorse on 24-12-2007
The Health & Safety Office Party.
Hey there Sunky this is a wonderful poem and text you lost none of your skill whilst iwas away well done sir rgds Mike

Author's Reply:
Hello again Mr. hung like a horse. Where the devil have you been... Would I really want to know? I bet there's a woman involved and maybe even livestock. It's a disgrace. Good to see you Mike. Thanks for commenting and no mistake.

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her arms didn't fit him

littleditty on 24-12-2007
The Health & Safety Office Party.
HAhAHAhAHhAHhHAHAhahaaaR!!! - i will have to write one about The Ministry of Light Years, meantime The Ministry of in Peaces wishes you a soooper Christmas time munky -thank you for being as mad as i am -you know, quite often, i only post here because i get to talk to you - The Ministry of Sickness has sent a fax re poo-ing and piss-ing in the snow -it says, and i quote: "Those two young men should be making snow angels...." They asked me to do something -i don´t know what i should do, except recommend a nice warm scarf, gloves, and wooooooly socks - a nice honey rum, and a rum honey - but i thought i´d pass on their message anyway... lots of love to Bernard, Rudi and your good self, xxxdotty x

Author's Reply:
Ya know what Ms. Ditty, I read this comment yesterday after feeling totally blahhh about a number of things. It cheered me up no end, and I want to sincerely thank you for that. There's no punchline. You add much to uka yourself. It wouldn't be the same without ya. I hope your Xmas is going well and that 08 is a tip top year for you. Thanks Ditty (-:

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over my shoulder goes pants

Jolen on 28-12-2007
The Health & Safety Office Party.
Oh gods, I love it! It's up to the usual Smunky brilliance and I sure hope you wore non-latex gloves when you wrote it. Happy Holidays, sweetie!

blessings,
Ms. Jolen

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Jolen. Where the devil have you been? Are you still in England, or did our wettest summer on record put you off? You know I worry. Please let me know if you're going to be missing for any length of time. I wrote this one in the nude as I recall. No latex involved I'm afraid )-: Hope you are well. Sorry for the late reply. I've been having health issues of a spotty kind. I blame a lack of sex. Good to hear from you Ms. Swollen. Take care and an umbrella, ella, ella, ella...

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Bevvy on 02-01-2008
The Health & Safety Office Party.
I've always wanted to write a poem about Health & Safety - it just asks for it, doesn't it? Shan't need to bother now, yours says it all, and more!
Thanks for your comment about my latest offering.
Happy New Year,
Bevvy (miss, ms or whatever)
xxx

Author's Reply:
Hi Bevvy (Miss, Ms or whatever). I've always wondered how many restrictions they are willing to place on themselves. Bugger all probably. Thanks for reading. Happy New Year to you too.

Mr (-;

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le munk xxx

Jen_Christabel on 08-01-2008
The Health & Safety Office Party.
How do you do it Sunky? One little gem after another. LOL - great fun!
Jennifer :o)

Author's Reply:
Aww. Thanks Ms. Jen. I tend ask why rather than how. I blame an iron deficiency. I really must buy one. Steam or none steam? That is the question.

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pulls muscles instead of girls


A Moss Side Fairytale. (posted on: 17-12-07)
Smoking by a fire exit with a girl I cannot pull...

when Kirsty sings A MOSS SIDE FAIRYTALE. (When Kirsty Sings) sunken Smoking by a fire exit with a girl I cannot pull, unashamedly neurotic, lager-fuelled and pitiful We talk of death with optimism (though she refers to suicide in a way that makes me wonder if she is truly bona fide) Regulars protest in whispers about excessive icy chills as I make jokes that no one hears about how 'passive boredom' kills. She returns my sullen gesture, her lips a vital shade of red, my mind reluctant to refocus on anything that she has said. The barman contemplates his takings, whilst on the jukebox Kirsty sings about a New York fairytale, a tale that all too often brings the threat of terrorising tears to my inebriated eyes, tears distantly related to those who never heard my cries
Archived comments for A Moss Side Fairytale.
potleek on 17-12-2007
A Fairytale of Moss Side.
Sunken I found this kind of sad but on the other hand humorous (does that make sense)
there are a lot of dont's in this, if that helps in todays world.
Dont smoke...dont go into pubs... don't talk to strange women.
I enjoyed it this Monday morning...Tony

Not rated by request...???

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Pot. Yeah, that makes perfect sense. I'm finding a lot of my efforts are a bit mood swingy of late. I'm still trying to find something to blame and will let you know when I do (-: As for the rating thang, it's just my little protest against anon rating. I hate it. I no longer rate and don't have it active on my stuff anymore. I do think they could remove that exclamation mark though. It looks a bit austere. Thanks for reading and commenting.

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sick of the rash

Jen_Christabel on 17-12-2007
A Fairytale of Moss Side.
Another little cracker from you Sunky. But, unusually sad I found. Nevertheless, nicely penned of course.
Jennifer :o)

Author's Reply:
Don't you think those Xmas crackers are a bit dangerous Ms. Jen? The 'so called' toys inside them are often of a dimension that could quite easily cause a child to choke. I must bring this up at the next Xmas cracker meeting. Thanks for reading and commenting Ms. Jen and no mistake.

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I'll have a deal please Bob

SugarMama34 on 17-12-2007
A Fairytale of Moss Side.
Hi Sunky,

I found this humerous at the begining to be honest and then as I read it further it became sad and quite meaningful, but even so I liked it just the same. Reading between the lines, I understand where your coming from.

Sugar. xx

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Sugar. Yeah, I think it took a subconscious downturn towards the end. I blame the unraveling life's rich tapestry (-; Thanks for looking in on a sunk. I have yet to read your sub. Am I correct in thinking it is of a blueish hue? I may read it in bed. Ahem. Thanks Sugary one.

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she fell awkwardly into the space that was previously occupied by his wife

orangedream on 17-12-2007
A Moss Side Fairytale.
"It was Christmas Eve, babe
in the drunk tank.
An old man said to me won't see another one
and then he sang a song
the Rare Old Mountain Dew
I turned my face away
and dreamed about you"

... or something like that anyway.

Had forgotten all about this one, Sunken. You sure took me back. Somewhere in the eighties if my memory serves me correctly.

Anyway - about your poem, which I particularly liked, loved the lines,

"Regulars protest in whispers
about excessive icy chills
as I make jokes that no one hears
about how passive boredom kills."

Lilke your style, Sunks and if I was clever enough to give you a 'top dog' award, I would. Or maybe, on second thoughts, a 'top cat' award - if there was such a thing, as you know I have a penchant for those adorable feline creatures.

You will be pleased to hear that I am going to shut-up now and go and give Chessie her tea. Give my regards to Bernard, by the way.

:-)Ms. Orange

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. O. I always wondered if anyone clicked on the pics (-: I hadn't realised I'd linked to a duff video though. It kind of ends prematurely. Let's not draw any conclusions from that (-; I've since replaced it with a video that is not a video, as in it's just the tune. I reckon a tune like that doesn't need a vid anyway. One of the better yuletide ditties and no mistake. Thanks for looking in an itchy sunk. I think I chicken pox for Xmas, lol. Great. Take care Ms. Orange. Hope Mr. O and your daughter are doing ok.

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not happy that gary barlow is ruling the world

artisus on 17-12-2007
A Moss Side Fairytale.
So you were smoking by the fire exit. Says a lot your opening line - and your ending. And talking about death kills boredom I assume? Am I clever or am I clever? 😉

x

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Nic. Thanks for looking in on a sunks. Fire exits have become a new social gathering point for us antisocial smoking types (since the ban earlier this year). I'm not a heavy smoker. I sometimes wish I was, I feel as though I'm missing out on something... You are indeed very clever Ms. Nic, of this I never harbored a doubt.

Cheers Nic

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Rupe on 18-12-2007
A Moss Side Fairytale.
I liked this. It's got a certain wistful atmosphere about it. The fire exit location is just right. Sometimes if you think yourself into the right place & mood, the words follow nicely. The world would be a better place if Kirsty was still around, I reckon.

Rupe

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Rupe. Kirsty was a bit of a one off wasn't she? Great voice, great attitude. I think we're at least guaranteed to hear her voice every Xmas. Thanks for the comment. This almost wrote itself to be honest, and is one of the few I've subbed with days of writing. I usually hold them back for months, though god knows why. Glad it worked for you.

Cheers,

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she could still smell his aftershave on her pillow

orangedream on 18-12-2007
A Moss Side Fairytale.
Hi again, Mr. Sunken. Do you really think you have Chicken-pox? I do so hope not. I had it years ago now, when my kids were little, in fact I caught it off of them. I had spots literally everwhere - in places that don't even bear thinking about! I did feel so miserable, but found that TCP worked much better than camomile lotion that was recommended by the doctor. It really did stop the ruddy things itching and no mistake.

As for Mr. O - he soldiers on, bless him. My daughter is not too good - but being taken care of so marvellously by the hospice and all their wonderful staff. She is aiming for Christmas and possibly coming home to her sister's for a few hours. Mr. O and me and my youngest daughter are just aiming, day to day.

Hope you are soon feeling better, Sunks and don't forget the TCP!

;-)Ms Orange



Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. O. Not sure what it is to be honest. It keeps coming and going. It's driving me mad and no mistake. I'd just bought some camomile lotion before reading your advice )-: It's at least calmed it down a bit. Oh well, it's nothing compared to what some people are facing is it. I've not got one bad thing to say about the people at the Macmillan hospices'. They made my sister's final weeks that bit easier and I'll always be grateful for that. I feel for you Ms. O, it's bloody tough. I've been up and down since it happened and now I'm kinda wanting xmas out of the way. Having said that, I hope you all have a really good one. Thanks for the TCP nod.

Yours, trying desperately not to scratch,

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Leila on 18-12-2007
A Moss Side Fairytale.
Very clever sunken you packed a lot into this one...death (of someone before their time so to speak as Kirsty for example) and the ending could I suppose refer to something like the twin towers or could be much more personal...as your own cries not being heard (as one cries inwardly). Many good lines sunken and you pull it all together to create a fine poem...L

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Leila. It does kind of lean towards personal events, I think. It almost wrote itself, I just went with it. My sis was a red head, like Kirsty, so it all seemed to fit. The little bugger was also a heavy smoker. Can you believe I have to plant fags on her grave! Lol. And you thought I had a dark sense of humour (-: Thanks, as always, for commenting Leila. It's always good to see you on uka.

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discopants on 18-12-2007
A Moss Side Fairytale.
Full of though-provoking lines this one. The song is actually a sort of love song, really, isn't it? Just an unconventional one. Good to see that Radio 1 have seen sense and reversed their ban on the record. The joke about passive boredom is pretty funny actually, as well as being just a bit clever and dark all at the same time.

dp

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Disco. I heard the song on radio one this morning and just presumed that they were messing about. It's been played for the past twenty years without being censored? I'm glad they've reversed the ban. It's by far one of the best Xmas songs to date, in my sunky opinion. Ya just don't mess with tunes like that. Thanks for dropping in on a sunk Mr. Disco. Your comments, as ever, are much appreciated. Have a good crimbo.

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after biting her own nails, she bit his

Corin on 19-12-2007
A Moss Side Fairytale.
You scumbag! You maggot! You cheap lousy FAGGOT!

Now F OFF 🙂

David

Author's Reply:
Lol. Ahhh, they don't write em like that anymore Mr. Corin... or maybe they do and the bbc just ban em. It's a funny ole world and no mistake. Cheers Corin.

Why am I saying cheers? You just told me to F off. Disgraceful behaviour (-;


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time for turnips

Ionicus on 19-12-2007
A Moss Side Fairytale.
A very meaningful poem, Mr Sunks, full of delightful lines.
I like the mention of the fire exit where nowadays those pariahs - the smokers - congregate because the nanny state has decreed that it should be so. The 'passive boredom' is also a nice touch.
You managed to introduce topicality by talking about Kirsty's song and the attempt to censor it.
Now on a serious note: why couldn't you pull the bird? Have you lost your touch or are you being too choosy?
Better ask Father Christmas for an amenable one. You never know, if you have been good it could even be Kylie.

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Luigi. Yeah the fire exit is the place to be if you're a smoker and no mistake. The nanny state has a lot to answer for. The girl in question was only my mind Mr. Luigi. I just rambled away with this one. I don't live in Moss Side either, but I know a man who does. I like the name, it has a ring to it. As for getting girls, if you saw me now you'd realise that this Xmas especially is not going to bring me any pussy pie. I have a terrible rash and no mistake )-: on my arms and chest. It's going to be another crap Xmas. But at least there's the queen's speech. Oh god, roll on January. Thanks for looking in on an itchy sunk. Take care Luigi.

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pass the calamine

Macjoyce on 21-12-2007
A Moss Side Fairytale.
Well done on amalgamating two songs from the late eighties – FONY and ABC’s When Smokey Sings. It takes me right back to those short-trousered, late-Thatcherite days when I had not a care in the world, though the rest of Britain did. I was expecting some kind of Mancunian riot tale here, but it seems the eighties are over.

Other people may ignore your cries, Mister Sunk, but I for one do not.

Why did you change it from ‘A Fairytale of Moss Side’ to ‘A Moss Side Fairytale’?


Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Mac. Well spotted (don't mention spots). I just thought 'A Moss Side Fairy Tale' had a better ring to it. Now I'm not so sure. I blame many things for my uncertainty, not least the lack of adequate staff in our many retail outlets during this busy time of year. I realise that this controversial statement might not endear my good self towards said outlets, but someone has to say something, Mac. Fancy a Safety Dance? Come on! We can dance if want to, we got all your life and mine... Ahem. Thanks Mac. No really, I realise that this reply is utter bollocks, but I do appreciate you visiting.

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cause ya friends don't dance, and if they don't dance... well, they're no friends of mine

Warhorse on 21-12-2007
A Moss Side Fairytale.
hey this is a wonderful poem sunky you young pup and i bet you still have the girls eating out of your hand nice to see you still here
rgds Mike


Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Warhorse. Good to see you back and no mistake. Hope you are well and that the freezing season is both good to you and your nether regions. Thanks for dropping in on a sunk. Have a good Xmas.

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over my shoulder goes trudy

Jolen on 28-12-2007
A Moss Side Fairytale.
This is is your amazing talent in both the humor and the humaness, with sadness and longing and so many other things we all know. You're a hell of a poet, young Smunky!

blessings,
Jolen

Author's Reply:
*Blushes* Thanks Ms. Swollen of Jolen. Without the encouragement of people like your good self I probably wouldn't sub at all. Long may your swellings be of nurturing nature (-;
Take care and a spanner.

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naming the child elvis would have far reaching consequences

Bevvy on 10-02-2008
A Moss Side Fairytale.
I've only just read this great poem, Sunky. Loved 'passive boredom' and 'vital shade of red' in particular.
Lots of depth, swathed with sadness...
Wish I was young enough to know who Kirsty is, and to have heard the song (uncensored).
Hope your rash has left the building never to return.
Lots of love,
Bevvy.

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Bevvy. How lovely to see you and no mistake. I'm afraid the rash has a mind of its own. It's usually not too bad in the early hours, hence the ungodly hour that I've chosen to reply. I'm sure you've heard the song. It's become a bit of a Xmas classic. You can hear it by clicking on the picture above the poem. Thanks for commenting. You've single handedly brightened up a dark and cold Monday morning. Have a good week Bevvy. x

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all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put sunky together again

Jolen on 25-03-2008
A Moss Side Fairytale.
I've always said that you are the only man I know who can make me laugh and cry with equal ease and grace of wording. It's true. An amazingly poignant piece.

"I like your pants around your feet,
And I like the dirt that's on your knees
and I like the way you still say please
when you're looking up at me.
You're like my favorite damn disease."

Jolen

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Jolen (-: Good to see you back on planet uka. Much has changed. Did you notice the railings as you came in? I put those up. I've also installed automatic air fresheners in the loo's (extra strength in the gents). I think you'll agree, it's a far more appealing prospect than it once was. Thanks for reading my poem.

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should have gone to skool


I'm Forever Bashing Bishops. (posted on: 14-12-07)
Just something daft for the weekend (-:

we're all gonna die *Bashing the bishop - Having a wank. I'M FOREVER BASHING BISHOPS. sunken Thank you god for nubile women who brave cold nights in miniskirts, skirts that readily expose me as one of numerous perverts. I realise that carnal pleasures are often frowned upon by you and that the bashing of my bishop is something that I should not do but my predicament is clear, you gave me hormones to appease and a penis that's in danger of exploding if I sneeze, you gave me testicles like melons and a dream that won't come true. You led me into blind temptation and made me join a bastard queue!
Archived comments for I'm Forever Bashing Bishops.
Macjoyce on 14-12-2007
Im Forever Bashing Bishops.
Sunken old chum, if you carry on bashing the bishop then your temptation will indeed end up blind.

So your balls are like melons? But women's melons are seldom like balls, are they? Infrequently are they hairy and wrinkly, though I may find this to be untrue in about fifty years time.

I had no idea you were a West Ham fan...

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i'm forever liberating the netherlands


Author's Reply:




Hello Mr. Mac me old mucker and no mistake. Ya know, my eyesight did get worse in my early teens. I now wear contacts. Blind as a bat without em. My balls are indeed melon like, as in full of juice. They are freshly shaven of late too, so very smooth. West ham? You've lost me. Is it a red and white thang? Thanks Mac for looking in on a sunk.



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trunk wrapped




SugarMama34 on 14-12-2007
Im Forever Bashing Bishops.
Hey Sunky,

Lol, where do you get these ideas from I will never know and that aint a question, I'll use my imagination. This brought a smile to my face this morning. You have a unique way with words that are humerous without fault. This is a daft (unserious) poem but in a nice way and it will bring a smile to many people's faces. You have a good sense of humour and it shows in your work. Loved the poem and miss your subs. Go on, I dare yuh to write some more of these.

Sugar. xx

Author's Reply:



Hello Ms. Sugary one. It's a long time since I had you in my box... Ahem. Sorry. Daft was indeed my intention. I've been struggling like an arthritic hamster on a rusty wheel to come up with anything half decent since recent events. This will just have to do for now. It's back to basics for this munky, and if that means poems about wanking, then so be it. After all Ms. Sugar, it's the one topic I'm quite au fait with. Thanks for your lovely welcome back. I shall consider your request whilst reclining in the style of Ken Barlow. I hope this helps (-;

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doing the dance

Bradene on 14-12-2007
Im Forever Bashing Bishops.
I must be going soft in my old age! I hadn't a clue what bashing the bishop meant til I read Mac's comment *blush* Just shows what an innocent I am Lol cheered me up no end. Have a peaceful Christmas Sunky Love Val xx

Author's Reply:



Oh yes Ms. Val. There's 'Bashing the bishop' - 'Choking the chicken' - 'Flirting ya dirt' and many, many more. I don't believe you're all that innocent Ms. Val (-; I've seen that glint in your eye. You have a good crimbo too. Thanks for looking in on dirty sunk.

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it all rested on how well he could hang shelves

Macjoyce on 14-12-2007
Im Forever Bashing Bishops.
"I'm forever bashing bishops,
Holey bishops in my pants.
They fly so high,
They nearly touch the sky..."

That's what West Ham fans sing. Or something. I'm surprised you didn't know that, knowing how much you love your football... 😉



Author's Reply:



Football? Moi? I don't know what gave you such an idea Mr. Mac. I prefer a nice ham sandwich, a cup o tea and a complimentary squirrel. I hope this helps and that together we face the future with a newfound optimism that is not dissimilar to that previously documented by Steve Strange in his book, 'That's odd'. Good day.

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it could have been worse, she said whilst extracting the hoover

Leila on 14-12-2007
Im Forever Bashing Bishops.
Mr sunken...I can only assume the munky is responsible for this one...I am blushing here and averting my eyes...good to see spirits lifting with this one, great last line...hope you have not eaten all the chocolate from the advent calendar!..L

Author's Reply:



Lol (-; I'm glad you've realised that the munky is responsible Ms. Leila. I wouldn't want you thinking that I had a hand in this... I should rephrase that maybe? As for eating the chocolate from the advent calendar, I don't get a look in, not with the primate. Thanks for looking in on a sunky le munk.

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somewhere over the quarry

Jack_Cade on 14-12-2007
Im Forever Bashing Bishops.
Um.. the thing is, bashing bishopS plural?? Either you're one of the characters from an X-rated anime or some kind of cutprice jigolo.

Author's Reply:





Well, I always was a thicko. Life's too short to be worrying though. Thanks Jack of Cade.



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but they never came


... Oh I see what you mean now. Sorry, I is very tired. Yeah, it does/did make me sound like I was wanking off other blokes. Blimey. Thanks Mr. Cade. I've had a fiddle and will now get some rest (-:

orangedream on 14-12-2007
Im Forever Bashin The Bishop.
Just good to see you back. Bishop or bishops - who cares. Who really cares?

Always look on the bright side of life, is what I say.
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purrrrrrrrrrrrfect.


I read your poem to my cat, Chessie and she immediately ... well, not quite immediately - but not wishing to go into intimate details of my extremely introvertive pussy, started to purrrrrrrrrr.

Ms. Orange 😉

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🙂

PS If I could give it foive, I would. Even ten, at a pinch;-)


Author's Reply:
(-: Life is definitely too short Ms. Orange. I did change the title, but I've changed it back. It's only a daft pome after all. I've changed one line, so it sounds less like am er... ya know... I'm bashing other bishops as well as my own. I did finally see where Mr. Cade was coming from. Ahem, that's not quite what I had in mind. I think it just proves how truly innocent I am that I hadn't thought of the multiple bishop bashing scenario (-; Thanks Ms. O. You are as bright and warm as your name suggests and just what I need at this dark and cold time of year. My best to yours.

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Le Munk

teifii on 15-12-2007
Im Forever Bashing Bishops.
Best giggle of un ungiggly week. Thanks to that incorrigible monkey.
Daff

Author's Reply:
(-: Ya know Ms. Daff, I actually get a bit embarrassed about peddling my filth on certain ukaneers. I can't help it though. I can, as Leila and yourself suggest, always blame the Munky? Thanks for putting up with this disgraceful effort, much appreciated.

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i'm forever blowing bubbles, sang michael as he prepared for the hearing

Corin on 23-12-2007
Im Forever Bashing Bishops.
Blimey poor Bishop - give him a rest. All this winking must make him quite embarrassed.
As a somewhat incompetent chess player I am always losing my bishop, can't understand why the rest of the team are so unsympathetic and laugh hilariously when I explain why I have lost my game again!

These exploding penis's - is that a serious medical condition. Mine has been doing it for years, but now you have got me rather worried - should I go and see the doctor? I did go once but he told me not to come again! What sort of advice is that? Might as well have told me to go F**K myself!

David

David

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Corin. Thank you for commenting in a most agreeable manner. I have long considered my explosive penis to something of a gift. It does, after all, fill me with a wondrous sense of pleasure upon reaching said state. I have stopped calling the emergency services when it happens as I was beginning to suspect that my calls were being monitored. I am hopeful that my experiences in this field might one day be put to good use. And now, if you do not mind, I have collateral damage to clear. Good day.

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can't do nothin without my hankie

littleditty on 26-12-2007
Im Forever Bashing Bishops.
Dear Sunken, is there something wrong with wanking? I don´t understand?? You get pleasure from bashing members of the clergy? Each to their own sunk, but some members are quite flexible you know? I´m not a religious type, but The Rabbi of my family´s community has recently asked me when and if i will have a child, and if i want one i´d better hurry up...which for a single lesbian person is quite a modern question i think...he is not a lesbian, just to clarify...anyway - could you please write some poems that i understand? all this confusion is confusing¿ Thanks. Ms Ditty xxx

ps - ho ho ho and lots of love to you - (did you know it was the longest night recently? It has been proven that every day gets brighter from now on...slowly, very slowly -have you noticed? Keep well sunk, thinking of ya xxditty xx)

Author's Reply:
Dear Ms. Ditty of lesbian fame, How on earth did you get that question mark to invert (the one after the word 'confusing')? I can only assume that someone bought you a question mark inversion unit for Xmas. I had heard about such things on the underground, but never quite believed that they actually existed. You are a very lucky Ditty. I always wanted an inversion unit. I would also like to be a lesbian, but my doctor says that I am being ridiculous and that I must stop wasting his time. If I was female I'm pretty sure I'd be a lesbian. Perhaps you can now understand why I hold you in such high regard? You have everything I want. You even have doves that visit you on your balcony. Is it true that you are learning how to speak bird. I've been trying to learn how to speak bird since I hit puberty, it's not easy. Thank you for your longest night information. I shall take a tape measure to bed with me for the next month or so and plot the ever decreasing lengths of said nocturnal spans. I apologise for my confusing poem. It's about wanking. And no, there's definitely nothing wrong with knocking one out. Thanks Ms. Ditty. Much love. xx

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tomorrow won't mind


Inaudible Contrasts. (posted on: 26-10-07)
Dedicated to my sister, who passed away in the early hours of Wednesday morning...

I can't delete your final text INAUDIBLE CONTRASTS. sunken I sigh alone whilst contemplating what is going through her head, kaleidoscopic recollections spinning thoughts with silver threads, the trials and the tribulations, the memories of one so young, the frail tapestry of being so unwritten and unsung. She only cries when arms enfold her in the blackest swathes of night, her spirit ravaged by a cancer that has fought with all its might to take her body, mind and soul, her independence and her will I wonder as the clouds are forming if she has managed to distil the memories of her existence and come to terms with what has passed I sigh aloud whilst contemplating an inaudible contrast.
Archived comments for Inaudible Contrasts.
Bowlie on 26-10-2007
Inaudible Contrasts.
I'm sorry Sunk, my thoughts go with you *hug* try and hang in there.
bx


Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Bek. Thank you for the cyber hug. Muchly appreciated.

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Macjoyce on 26-10-2007
Inaudible Contrasts.
Hey Sunk, it's great to have you back on the site posting again after far too long an absence, though of course a deep shame it's under these circumstances.

I think you've given your sister a very worthy tribute, as this is one of your best ever pieces, with bits like

"the frail tapestry of being
so unwritten and unsung."

and

"I wonder as the clouds are forming
if she has managed to distil
the memories of her existence".

It's a very linguistically-rich poem, even if you have missed out a 'with' three lines from the end.

I don't know what else to say really, apart from what I've already said to you. Just keep up that chin if you can, and it's magnificent that you're writing again.

Your mate,

Paul the Mac


Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Paul the Macarooni. Thanks for pointing out the missing word. Can I use tiredness as an excuse? It's weird how you read something over and over and still fail to realise that there's a word missing. Good job I'm not a sign writer or sumfink. Thanks again Mac. Thanks also for the nudges. Talking of which, I shall be nudging you if I hear anymore talk of 'not bothering' (kettle - black - me? naaa).

Cheers Macster.

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Bradene on 26-10-2007
Inaudible Contrasts.
So Sorry to read this sad news Sunky, thinking of you. Your poem says it all Love Val x

Author's Reply:
Hi Val. Thanks for looking in on sunk. Hope all is well with you. Do you still have that smiley picture on your uka homepage? I may go and check. It always cheers me up. Take care Valtastic.

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orangedream on 26-10-2007
Inaudible Contrasts.
I don't know what to say, Sunken. There are no words, except those of your poem.

Thinking of you.

Ms. Orange

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Orange. I've never known what to say to people who've gone through this kinda thing, so I don't expect anyone else to know. It's really struck me how widespread cancer is. Almost everyone I speak to knows someone who's had or has it. I never expected to lose my sister to it though. I ramble. Thanks for the comment and the thoughts Ms. Orange.

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Jen_Christabel on 26-10-2007
Inaudible Contrasts.
Once again Sunky, my heart goes out to you and your family. A lovely, fitting piece.
Jennifer x

Author's Reply:
Thank you Ms. Jen. To be honest, when I found out that she had cancer, in July, I started writing quite a few poems for her. Not that she ever saw any. None really seemed to do her justice. She was very brave. I only found out today how scared she really was. Apparently she wrote a journal, that I've yet to see. All I can say for sure is, she hid her fear well. I don't know if that's the right thing to do, but I know it helped those around her. Thanks again Jen for the comment. Hope all is going well for you.

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Jolen on 26-10-2007
Inaudible Contrasts.
Oh My Smunky, I am so very sorry for your loss and I am praying for you and your family. I am barely able to type for the tears your beautifully moving tribute filled me with.

if there's anything I can do, you know you only have to say.

love,
Jolen

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Jolen. Sorry if I made you cry. I did try to write something lighter, but it was pretty impossible given the circumstances. Thanks for the comment Ms. Jolen. Replying is proving a bit tough to be honest. Even I don't know what to say. Blokes hey? Waste of time and no mistake. Take care.

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dylan on 26-10-2007
Inaudible Contrasts.
Hang in there, young Munky.
It`s a fitting tribute-hope you are ok.
Thinking of you-orrabest.

D.

Author's Reply:
Hiya Mr. Dylan. Well hangin is what us munkys do best - next to giving out extremely useful advice of course (-; Thanks for the comment and thoughts. Muchly appreciated.

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Hazy on 26-10-2007
Inaudible Contrasts.
As always, holler if you need me.

A very emotional poem 🙁

Thinking of you.

Hugs,

Jo xx

Author's Reply:
Hello Hazy Jo. Firstly, let me apologise for stealing your word. I seem to be using 'muchly' quite a lot in my replies. I'm mega tired right now to be honest, so I'd be surprised if any of this makes sense when I come to read it back. Thank you also for the cyber hug. Muchly appreciated. Told ya.

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Ionicus on 26-10-2007
Inaudible Contrasts.
Dear sunken, I am so sorry for your loss and to think that only yesterday I jokingly remarked about your absence from this site. At times like these one is lost for words and can only offer solidarity.
Yours in friendship, Luigi.

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Luigi. You must never lose your jocular remarks my good fellow. You weren't to know. I almost deleted this prior to them going out this morning. I'm glad I didn't though. It's nice to hear from my fellow ukaneers. I too am lost for words Mr. Ionicus. I keep going to make dumb remarks and then realising that perhaps I shouldn't be. Though to be honest, I don't think she'd mind. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.

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delph_ambi on 26-10-2007
Inaudible Contrasts.
So sorry for your loss, Sunken. This is a beautiful poem. Thoughtful, moving and intense. You are a fine writer, and a very fine human being.

Delph

Author's Reply:
Thank you Ms. Delph. I'm struggling a bit to reply if I'm being honest. I'm usually so full of rubbish, strip all of that away and there really isn't much left. This is probably why your comment means such a lot.
Thanks again.

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potleek on 26-10-2007
Inaudible Contrasts.
Sunken my thoughts are with you during this sad time.
I found your words so very moving...Tony

Author's Reply:
Thanks Mr. Tony. The response from my fellow ukaneers has been pretty amazing to be honest. I couldn't have asked for much more. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.

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Leila on 26-10-2007
Inaudible Contrasts.
Sunken may I just say respectfully that this is a most moving tribute and a magnificent poem...Leila

Author's Reply:
Thank you Leila. I always appreciate your comments. I doubt that you could be anything but respectful. Thanks for taking the time to read. Sorry if this reply is rubbish. Take care Leila.

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freya on 26-10-2007
Inaudible Contrasts.
sunkymunky, this is lovely. I was particularly moved by these lines:

the frail tapestry of being
so unwritten and unsung.

But now of course your beautiful sister isn't unsung, for you have shared her story and your heartbreak with us, through your poem. I'm so glad you could do that. Hugs, Shelagh xx


Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Freya. I am honoured and no mistake. Thanks for the comment. It does mean a lot, I probably keep saying that, but it's true. I'm finding it a bit difficult to reply if I'm being honest. Thanks for highlighting your fave bit too. it's always good to know. Take care.

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Eccles on 26-10-2007
Inaudible Contrasts.
A very worthy tribute Sunken.
For someone who is pretty detached from emotions I was quite moved and can only hope for something a quarter as heartfelt when I move on.
The ending in particular was very touching considering the 'bigness' or 'hugeness' of the subject.

Remember life goes on, even when we don't want it to, if that means anything to you.

Sam

Author's Reply:
Thanks Eccles. I did worry a bit about this coming across as just another hard luck story. At the end of the day though, there's no dressing it up. It's one of the worst things I've ever had to go through. God, that sounds so selfish. Life does indeed go on. I am in danger of going on too, so I'll shut up and just say thanks again. Thanks again.

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Romany on 26-10-2007
Inaudible Contrasts.
This is a beautiful and deeply moving tribute Sunky, and I can only imagine what it must have cost you to write it. Yet I hope it helped you too and that it continues to help you and others who know the same loss, when you return to it at a later date. Your words are both a tribute to your sister, and testimony to the depths that you hide, I suspect, but that never fail to show themselves in your work.

Love and kind thoughts always,

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Hiya Ms. Romany. I wrote it on Monday night after seeing her that day at the hospice. I just had a feeling that I may never see her again. On Tuesday she was in a lot of pain and by the early hours of Wednesday she had given all she could give. The cancer pretty much ripped through her whole body in the end. It's blown my perception of bravery wide apart. Bravery for me now is a six stone nothing girl in a wheelchair making the most of her final week by trying to comfort those who were meant to be comforting her. As ever Ms. Romany, I really appreciate your comment. I think I'm losing it now. Thanks again.

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SugarMama34 on 26-10-2007
Inaudible Contrasts.
Hey Mr Sunks,

A beautiful write you have penned here. I think your words capture so much. A great tribute to your sister. I really am so very sorry for your loss and your pain that you and your family are going through at this time. My thoughts are with you, Sunky. *Big hugs* to you.

Thinking of you.

Sugar. xxxx

Author's Reply:
Thank you Ms. Sugar. I've never had so many cyber hugs. The response here has been a bit overwhelming to be honest. I don't want to sound over the top, but I really do appreciate the thoughts and wishes and hugs. I am saddened that none of the guys have offered me a hug though. I am a modern man after all. Why does it still feel wrong to try and joke about? I'm hoping that fades, for munky's sake. I should explain that munky is written slightly in advance btw. He could take a dip next week, and I don't mean a bath. He seldom bathes. God I'm rambling. Sorry Sugar. Thanks again for your thoughts. I have said it before, and I will say it again, you are as your name implies - very sweet.

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quidnunc on 26-10-2007
Inaudible Contrasts.
I dont know you Sunken but.....
What a brother...
Your words made me cry.
Quiddy

Author's Reply:
Hello Quiddy. At last, a nickname. Thanks for reading and leaving a comment. I'm not in the habit of making young ladies cry, honest I'm not. As for not knowing me, give it time, it won't take long. Like most blokes, I'm pretty shallow. Take care Quiddy. Thanks again.

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littleditty on 26-10-2007
Inaudible Contrasts.
Dear Sunken - your words are beautiful.

My love to you sunken- thinking of you xxxditty x

Author's Reply:
Hello lovely Ditty. I've missed ya. Where have you been? You know how I worry. Please leave a note next time. Sorry for the delay in replying. These are strange times, I've still not quite got my head around it all )-: I blame many things, but in the end they're just excuses. See what a mean? My heads a mess. Do you think head and shoulders might help? Thanks for reading and thinking Ms. Ditty. It sincerely means a lot to me. Take care and a compact mirror in the shape of a heart.

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Kenart on 27-10-2007
Inaudible Contrasts.
My deepest, deepest sympathy. It is a tribute to both of you that you can write such beauty. I am in awe of the strength you have shown here. I also find remarkable that your replies have your customary signature of wit. That is truly a tribute. This is a heartfelt shout of love. Ken.

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Ken. Your comment means more than you might realise. I've been feeling uneasy, perhaps even a little guilty, about peppering my replies with inane quips. I guess it's some kind of defense thing. I've no idea how I'm meant to react. Maybe it's that stiff upper lip thing kicking in. We only cry when arms enfold us in the blackest swathes of night. Thanks for reading and commenting. Muchly appreciated and no mistake.

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ruadh on 27-10-2007
Inaudible Contrasts.
Beautiful!


Author's Reply:
That'll do for me Ms. Ruadh. Thank you for reading and for being beautiful. You do realise that I have that pesky James Blunt song stuck in my head now? Your fault (-;

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e-griff on 27-10-2007
Inaudible Contrasts.
for once, friend, i am lost for words. Both your comments here, and Tina's, which I read earlier, have driven me to tears. G

Author's Reply:
Thanks Mr. Griff. Please be careful when welling up over keyboards. I've covered mine in cling film for the time being. I hear Shy has too, but for completely different reasons. Thanks again.

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Bootylicious on 27-10-2007
Inaudible Contrasts.


Author's Reply:

Bootylicious on 27-10-2007
Inaudible Contrasts.
Dear Sunken

So sorry to hear about your loss. My thoughts are with you, wishing you strength at this time.

Peace to your sister and peace of mind to you.

Rae


Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Rae. Thanks for your words. The support from my fellow ukaneers has meant a lot to me. The week ahead is going to be awful I think, but at least I can look back on these comments if things get too blahhhh. Thanks again Ms. Booty of Rae fame.

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barenib on 27-10-2007
Inaudible Contrasts.
Sunks - my mum suffered by the same route, so I know something of it. Everyone's experience is different but equally rending. Respect, as they say. John.

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Nib. You're right, everyone experiences and deals with it differently. At the moment I can't even read her last texts without turning into a wreck. I really don't how she held herself together so well. Sorry to hear that your mother suffered too. It seems that everyone I talk to knows someone who's had or has the dreaded c. I know one thing, those people at the Macmillan homes are worth their weight in gold. Except for this one particular gardener, he was very lax and no mistake. Thanks again John.

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eddiesolo on 27-10-2007
Inaudible Contrasts.
Hello Sunk-so, so sorry to hear about you're loss my friend.

You're words are wonderful-but not like the person their for.

My thoughts are with you and yours.

Si:-)

Author's Reply:
Thanks Mr. Si of Eddie fame. No words could really do her justice if I'm being honest. I'm just a bit peed off with myself for realising that too late.

Cheers Si.

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Griffonner on 28-10-2007
Inaudible Contrasts.
Hello Sunken, my thoughts and prayers are with you and yours at this time. Cancer has ONLY taken her body ... sadly, and only taken it away from you for a while.

She is, I am sure, moved and delighted by your wonderful gift in these words. No wonder if has been given 'the nib' - but it deserves so very much more.

*emotionally*
Griffonner


Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Griffoner. Thanks for reading and commenting. I've probably said it too many times, but I do appreciate all of the good wishes. Thanks again.

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flossieBee on 28-10-2007
Inaudible Contrasts.
I'm sorry for your loss, Sunks. This is a beautiful and moving poem.

She only cries when arms enfold her

flossie x

Author's Reply:
Thanks Ms. Flossie. It's good to see you around again by the way. Thanks for reading and commenting.

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royrodel on 28-10-2007
Inaudible Contrasts.
My eyes well up for you Sunk.

RODEL



Author's Reply:
Sinking, as I often do Mr. Roy, affords me the luxury of concealing my tears. Now if I could just learn to breathe under water. Don't worry, I don't know what I'm on about either. Cheers Roy of Rodel fame.

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shackleton on 28-10-2007
Inaudible Contrasts.
Fantastic poem, Sunken. Hold on tight now.

Author's Reply:
Why? Are we going on a ride Mr. Shack? (-; I hope you've checked for height restrictions and carried out preliminary health and safety checks. Ok, I'm being... what's the word... I'll let you fill in the blanks. The last time I filled in a blank I ended up subscribing to some corporate waste disposal magazine. It's a funny old world, sometimes. Cheers Shack-a-tack. Muchly appreciated.

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Rupe on 29-10-2007
Inaudible Contrasts.
I'm very impressed by this poem. It's a heartfelt tribute and yet so carefully and eloquently written. I loved these lines:

the frail tapestry of being
so unwritten and unsung.

Your sister sounds very brave and noble. It's such a cliche to say that the good die young, but it seems really to be true.

Rupe

Author's Reply:
Thanks Mr. Rupe. Perhaps we can assume that old people have been really bad in that case (-;
Thanks for reading and leaving a comment. I'm full of cliches at the moment. Here's another - It means a lot.

Sincerely, thank you.

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Janet on 29-10-2007
Inaudible Contrasts.
Hello Sunken. I'm so sorry for your loss. I hate cancer. Everybody dies of it. My husband, my mother, my friend - - - - if my brother was to die of it too I might just finish myself off, so I am so sorry you lost your sister. Take comfort wherever you can. Janet

Author's Reply:
Hello Janet. I'm sorry you've had so much c in your life. I really should try saying the word more often, I just don't like wasting my breathe on it though. It's such a scummy word. I am currently taking comfort in cup-a-soup. It's not ideal, but it'll have to do. Comments like yours have also helped. Thanks for taking the time to read.

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niece on 30-10-2007
Inaudible Contrasts.
A beautiful beautiful tribute, dear Sunk...!!!

Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Niece. Hope you are well. Thanks for looking in on a sunky. Sorry it's taken so long to reply.

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teifii on 30-10-2007
Inaudible Contrasts.
Oh Sunky what an awful thing. Can't say anything except that I'm thinking of you and that your poem is a beautiful tribute. At least now she is not unwritten or unsung.
Love
Daff

Author's Reply:
Thank you Ms. Daff. Sorry I've taken forever to reply to you. Your comments always mean a lot to me. Hope you are well and continually written (-:

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-phoenix- on 20-11-2007
Inaudible Contrasts.
Dearest Sunken, How are you? This poem was amazing(as usual) You really do write some of the most amazing poetry I have ever read!!!

Until next time,
Best regards,

The ghost of a -Phoenix-


Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Phoenix, It's good to see you on uka again. Thanks for your positive words on a poem I hoped I'd never have to write. Much appreciated. Hope you are well by the way.

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discopants on 20-11-2007
Inaudible Contrasts.
I missed this when first posted- it was only Phoenix's comment putting it in the recent comment box and the intriguing title that brought me to it.

This is a fantastic poem- I seem to remember you wrote a tribute to your cousin a while back. There's true lyricism and emotion woven together in this. I'm sure your sister would be proud of it.

Hope you're bearing up well. I'd offer a manly hug but they're a potential for disaster so accept my very English handshake instead.

disco

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Disco. A manly handshake will do just fine. My man to man hugging technique needs work I'm afraid. I blame it all on a stiff upper lip. Thanks for commenting Mr. Disco. I hope you pants are swinging to a happy tune. Take care and a glitter-ball.

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-phoenix- on 24-11-2007
Inaudible Contrasts.
I'm so sorry(hugs)(hugs)(hugs)
Will a chocolate help?

Thinking of you,
Arielle

Author's Reply:


Psycho Assail me Now. (posted on: 13-04-07)
For my stalker...

Your 'hit' obsession is pathetic. Aspiring poets don't keep scores. Arithmetic is not my forte just as forbearance is not yours. PSYCHO ASSAIL ME NOW. sunken Intelligence is not my forte, so please avoid my 'poetry' if you are easily offended by obtuse stupidity Why do you find it so demanding to ignore a man you hate? I do it on a daily basis, I feel no need to desecrate the dreams of others by creating crass aspersions from fuck all. I was clarity incarnate when I asked you not to scrawl your creepy comments on my poems or in emails late at night I am convinced that you need treatment but I no longer give a shite about someone who has alluded to the fact that I should be somehow remorseful just for daring to protect my privacy.
Archived comments for Psycho Assail me Now.
Hazy on 13-04-2007
Psycho Assail me Now.
Respect, Smunky.

'Obsession' is a strange one. Feelings of love, hate, jealousy, concern, boredom, loneliness, spite, rejection, etc all rolled into one me thinks. A dangerous cocktail which fogs the brain.

These lines did it for me:

Why do you find it so demanding
to ignore a man you hate?
I do it on a daily basis,

Take care of you. Don't let the fkers get you down. Like I said, 'respect'. Catch you soon.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:
Thanks Ms. Hazy. The line you picked out is the most important for me. I'm struggling to understand how someone can't get - 'Please don't pm me. email me or comment on me'? It's the easiest thing in the world to get right, but this particular person just can't seem to get the hang of it. I asked in the nicest possible way too. Bizarre. Anyway, thanks for reading. Take care and a cash-card.

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no tag week

orangedream on 13-04-2007
Psycho Assail me Now.
"I feel no need to desecrate the dreams of others..."

I read this line of your poem, Sunken and all the others and find myself asking why there are some of us who DO feel the need to desecrate the dreams of others.

Such a pity. But as Hazy says, don't let them get to you.

Take care and hang on in there,
Ms. Orange 🙂

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Orange. I just had to get this out. It was kinda cathartic. I've given it too much of my time already to be honest and intend moving on just as soon as I have learned how to do my laces up. Thanks for the comment lilac orange one (-:

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ditch the hits

barenib on 13-04-2007
Psycho Assail me Now.
Anyone who's been messing with Sunky is no chum of mine, so well written! Keep the poems coming - John.

Author's Reply:
Thanks John. I've tried shaking him/her off the nice way and it hasn't really worked. Hopefully, if it reads this it will get the message. I should add that it's not current member of uka. I wouldn't want anyone getting paranoid (you can leave that to me). Thanks for the comment, it means a lot. In situations like this you sometimes get to feeling that people see you as the assailant rather than the victim, simply for speaking up. I'm just glad that uka is generally full of decent types. Cheers Mr. Nib.

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no tag week

delph_ambi on 14-04-2007
Psycho Assail me Now.
Been a victim of this sort of thing myself (though not on this site). Was cathartic to read the poem, so I can imagine why you needed to write it.

There are, unfortunately, some delusional types in this world who get so overtaken by paranoia and obsession that they cannot see the harm they are causing to others and themselves through their aberrant behaviours. How to get them to stop is a perpetual problem.

This poem helps. I'm glad you spoke out (and incidentally, produced a very powerful poem).

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Delph. I think 'cathartic' is the word. I had a feeling it would all burst out at some stage. I'm nostalgic for the days when all I wrote about was Kylie's bum to be honest. The person in question has been stopped, for the moment at least. I'm contemplating dumping my email addys and getting some new ones and I've locked up the munky site so no more damage can be done there. These things are sent to test us I reckon. As I said to his Bareness of Nibsville, the person (I'm so tempted to use an expletive there, but I won't) in question isn't a current member, and I'm still of the opinion that uka is the best writing site on the web. I should also say that the Unkle vandalism was carried out by someone else. Ahhh, the joys of the web. Thanks for commenting. Sorry you've been through similar crap Ms. Ambi. It may not sound very nice, but helps to know that this kinda thing happens to others. I hope you remain happy at uka for many years to come.

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no tag week

Bradene on 14-04-2007
Psycho Assail me Now.
Hey Sunky, What a shocker! didn't realise you were being targeted by a sicko. I've not been around this week my pesky Meneires disease attacking me again, haven't felt well or interested enough in anything to log on to comment altho' I have been reading off and on when I have felt up to it. I just had to comment on this tho' Just don't take on, ignore them whoever it is. Who you are comes through in your poetry and that is all we , the admirers of you and your excellent work need to know. Take care and carry on being you. Val x

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Valtastic. Thanks for your words. Sorry you've been feeling crap again. I had a feeling there was something wrong but didn't like to pry. Your health should always come first and I hope you get to feeling better soon. It's funny that you should mention, 'carry on being me'. The original version of this ended with a line about how I feel as if I have to apologise for being me lately. I changed it at the last minute for some reason. Thanks commenting, especially as you're not feeling so good.
Take care Ms. Valtastic (-:

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no tag week

littleditty on 14-04-2007
Psycho Assail me Now.
Sunk - i luvs ya - and its good to talk about this stuff when it gets too creepy - you know where i am, i'll be there unless having a provoked paranoid episode myself, your pal, dotty doolally xxx

Author's Reply:
(-: Thanks Ms. Dotty Doolally. You knows I luv ya more than a big slice of black forest cake (I can't spell gateau). I know where you are and shall join you for confectionery contemplations at my earliest possible convenience. I am considering chunky kit kat for the forthcoming week as I have grown tired of the cream egg persuasion. Ahhh... how I wish I could talk comfortable bollocks like this all of the time. The only thing you provoke in me, Ms. Ditty, is a big daft grin and a sense that all is well. Did any of that make sense? Let me know if it did and I shall try harder next time (-;
Thanks Dotty of Dittsville.

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no tag week

Zoya on 15-04-2007
Psycho Assail me Now.
First of all I want to congratulate you on a very strong and well-worded poem. I am sure you felt better after writing it down and getting it (at least to some extent) out of your system... 'Cathartic' it is!
Secondly, I want to share my own experience of a similar sort; Though not on any website, but I have been stalked on the Phone: This guy would change his voice to a low husky whisper and profess his love, on the phone, to me, and he had the cheek to call me Doctor, and knew and used my name... To begin with I was upset I told him I will get his voice tracked down, all this to no avail, he would stop for a few days, then start again... till one day I realized, the more I react, the more thrill he gets out of it... This is exactly what he wants -to get a rise out of me- I was actually playing into his hands… It was then, I decided to ignore him... he would ring up and I would just hang up without a word... This worked soon he stopped ringing me up...
You should look at it this way: the problem is with them-they are sick-not with you! Once you stop getting irritated they will stop bothering you!!!
I know it is not easy, but give it a try, it might help?

(((Hugs to make you feel better)))
Love, Zoya



Author's Reply:
Thank you Ms. Zoya. You are, of course, totally right. This has been building up for a while now and like I said earlier, I'd much prefer to write poems about Kylie's bum and stuff. Sorry you've had hassles too with one thing and another. Anonymous phone calls can be very creepy. I've had them in past and eventually ended up going X directory because of it. I just seem to attract these types. I wouldn't mind, but they're never female! Just my bloody luck (-; Take care Zoya and thanks for your thoughts and the hugz.

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no tag week

flossieBee on 15-04-2007
Psycho Assail me Now.
Hi Sunks,

good on you for highlighting this issue. I also think it's a very strong poem that creates a real sense of the problem.

fBee x

Author's Reply:
Hiya Ms. Flossie (-: Good to see a friendly Bee. Hope you are well and considering a sub or two. Your last piece was tip top and no mistake. Glad the poem worked for you. It's a pity they have to be written, but such is life. Thanks for looking in on a sunk Ms. Flossie. Much appreciated.

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no tag week

woodbine on 15-04-2007
Psycho Assail me Now.
Dear Sunken,
I am very sorry to read that you have been abused in this way and I think you have done exactly the right thing in spiking the malice thrust at you with an excellent riposte.
In solidarity,
John


Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Woodbine, thanks for commenting. It was a bit of a last resort to be honest. Simply asking this person to leave me alone just wasn't getting me anywhere. I'm glad you thought I did the right thing. Thanks for your support.

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discopants on 16-04-2007
Psycho Assail me Now.
Nice one, sunks. Yeah, I've never understood the psychology- if you don't like someone, ignore them/don't read them/don't listen to their music/turn the TV over etc. It shouldn't be that difficult, should it?

Author's Reply:
Exactly Mr. Disco. I don't quite get what's so difficult about it myself. I'm still scratching my head over the inability of this person to get the message. It's all been very bizarre. I'm still very much in favour of the no hits and no leader board thing btw. I thought your suggestion to just have them viewable on on your own uka homepage was spot on. The discussion seems to have come to halt though. I blame easter bunnies. Thanks for looking in on a sunk Mr. Disco.

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pencilcase on 16-04-2007
Psycho Assail me Now.
A clear and effective expression. Zoya is right, I think: by reacting you just fan the flames; ignore unwanted attention and they'll get fed up and go and pester someone else.

Steve

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Case of the yard. I'd normally agree, and still do up to certain extent.Thing is, this has gone on for quite a while now and ignoring it wasn't getting me anywhere. Even asking this person to ignore me had failed. I think the last straw came when it pm'd me with complete lies about someone else. It can call me what it wants, but not my friends. There does come a time when you should speak up. Perhaps if I fan the flames hard enough the moron will incinerate (me along with it perhaps, but hey ho). I do agree initially Mr. Case, but if the problem persists I'd still recommend that people make their feelings known. Even more so if it's bullying. It's completely uncalled for.
Thanks for looking in a sunk Mr. Pencil, hope the case is going well and that your lead is er... leady?

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his tag has been vandalised )-:

SugarMama34 on 16-04-2007
Psycho Assail me Now.
Hello Mr Sunks.

Well, I think you have said it all in this and shown how you feel quite strongly and clearly. If 'it' does read this and still doesn't take the hint, then there gotta be summat wrong somewhere hasn't there. A sandwich short of a picnic, me thinks.

I think my favourite lines in this has got to be:

Why do you find it so demanding
to ignore a man you hate?
I do it on a daily basis,
I feel no need to desecrate
the dreams of others by creating
crass aspersions from fuck all.
I was clarity incarnate
when I asked you not to scrawl

That for me really said it all, but I did have a giggle at your lines:

I am convinced that you need treatment
but I no longer give a shite

(it was the treatment part that done it for me, though I know it's not a funny thing to go through)

I agree with flossie - Glad you made a stand, things like this should be highlighted.
There really is no excuse for this type of behaviour, it's malicious and shows how petty people like this are. Well as the saying goes...small things please little minds.
Hope your okay Sunky mate. A well expressed poem.

Big hugs,

Sugar.xxx

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Sugar. Oh I don't mind you having a giggle at that line. If we can't have the odd laugh then it's time to pack up. Thanks for commenting. It took me a long time to make a stand, but i don't regret it and I'd do it again. I've been taking crap for quite a while now. This person's inability to leave me alone when requested (over and over again) was just the last straw. Hopefully this effort will underline it all and I can continue being idiot me. Thanks for your support Ms. Sugar. Don't let this bollocks put you off uka. It's generally full of good types, as the responses to this have proved. Take care (-:

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no tags today please

niece on 17-04-2007
Psycho Assail me Now.
Sunky, I hope the "stalker" has left you alone now...I've heard of friends who were stalked through the phone. It's very scary...whether it's someone's idea of "just having fun" or something more serious!

A very powerful poem, Sunk!

Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
Time will tell Ms. Niece. I don't think this 'person' was having fun to be honest. I know I wasn't. I can totally understand someone not liking me or my stuff, but the answer to that is very simple - ignore me. I have no probs with people not commenting on me if they don't like my style, that's fine and I wouldn't expect anything else. I just object when people start playing stupid mind games. After all, it's only writing. We could be dead tomorrow, life's too short for this kind of crap isn't it? I'll just have to see if 'it' leaves me alone. As I said to Ms. Sugar, don't let it put you off uka. There are far more decent types than nutters. Thanks for looking in on a sunk Ms. Niece. Take care.

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tag-less in manhattan


-phoenix- on 17-04-2007
Psycho Assail me Now.
Dearest Sunken, I do hope that the stalker has left you alone!
Having a stalker cant be much fun, Why cant they just leave you alone?

Well all the best,
-Phoenix-

Author's Reply:
Thanks Ms. Phoenix, why do I always struggle to spell your name right? I think it's that 'o'. Phenix... No, it looks daft without the 'o'. I shall practice getting it right. Thanks for dropping in on a sunken one. Take care and a... note pad and pen.

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un-tagged

Ionicus on 17-04-2007
Psycho Assail me Now.
Dear friend, I am sorry to read about your tribulations with a stalker. It's not a spurned girlfriend, is it? You know "hell has no fury like a woman scorned" and all that.
Whoever it is don't let the bastards grind you down.
Chin up.
All the best, Luigi.

Author's Reply:
Lol, I wish it was a spurned girlfriend Mr. Luigi. I'd be able to understand that. I shall drag my chin up off the floor shortly. Thanks for your support and general advice with regards to women and problems of a manly nature(-; Take Luigi and thanks again.

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all tagged out

Abel on 17-04-2007
Psycho Assail me Now.
Me, you and Luigi should kick some ass, as far as I'm concerned. Just give us the word. Seriously though, you show your usual style and grace with this expression. Whoever this is about, he/she isn't near the worth of this fine work. You are a true original, my friend.

Wardo

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Abel. Thanks for your comment. I replied this morning but it disappeared for some reason. I think I said something about being a lover and not a fighter and then realising, with horror, that i was quoting Michael Jackson, argghhhh. I was half asleep though. Your support is always appreciated Ward. Thanks.

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tag-less in tesco

Romany on 17-04-2007
Psycho Assail me Now.
As succinct, to the point and honest as all your other work Sunky! I'm sorry you had the inspiration to write this in the first place, but I'm glad that you did too, if you know what I mean! Hope this helped you get it off your chest and that you feel better now. You are a classy writer and a witty commentator and a good bloke all round, to boot. Some people can't handle that. They'll never be able to - it's their problem, not yours. More power to your pencil I say, if you'll excuse the expression,

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Lol, thanks Ms. Romany. I'll you know that my pencil is fine working order, ahem. Okay, I have few problems, but I'm working on them (-; Yeah, I'd much prefer to write light, but sometimes you have to go with your gut feeling. I always appreciate your thoughts Ms. Romany. There's been a lot of crappy stuff happening for a while now, such as dodgy members joining uka and using my name in their email addys. Freaky little things I can do without to be honest. Anyway, blahhhh to it. Hope you are well.



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all tagged up

Blimey - how many errors were there in that reply. I shall leave them there for future reference, ahem. Sorry.

eddiesolo on 18-04-2007
Psycho Assail me Now.
Bullying is bullying...does not matter if you're 10 or 50. It has to stop, people do get a fix on you. I had a woman that thought my poetry was the best thing since sliced bread...it isn't and I tried to explain that to her...nope, she was having none of it. I was the greatest Wordsworth ever and she was reading the words of a genius. All very nice at first, then it started to get serious, and dangerous. Sorted it in the end...married her lol...just kidding.

To be serious, I applaud you airing this in public as many think they can handle it and they can't...not saying your not on top of the situation, but it does help to let folk know.

I'll bugger off now as I have someone called Sunk to stalk...

Take it easy mate.

Si:-)

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Eddie. I don't think this particular person liked my poetry that much to be honest. He/she just took a weird view of me and was basically making out that he/she knew me and everything about me. Apparently I have a book out and I was a hugely successful pop-star during the eighties. Honestly, lol. It does sound funny, but when it's ongoing it gets a bit much. The last message was pretty twisted and that's when I did what I did - Made a nice cup of tea and watched Coronation street (-: And no, you didn't sound flippant. If I didn't have the odd laugh I'd crack up.

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no tag wednesday

eddiesolo on 18-04-2007
Psycho Assail me Now.
Sunk, hope you didn't think I was too flippant with my jokey parts in the above comment? I wasn't, and do take your situation and writing
seriously.

Si:-( Might have come off as a pillock.

Author's Reply:
No probs Mr. Eddie. It didn't come across as flippant at all. Don't be getting as paranoid as me (-;

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no tag wednesday

eddiesolo on 18-04-2007
Psycho Assail me Now.
Paranoid...(lol the x-files theme has just come on the telly just I wrote paranoid 🙂

Anyway...got to go there looking at me those books on the shelf...taunting me with their fictional perfection...bastards.

Si:-) Only slightly mad today.



Author's Reply:
Yes, and I must leave shortly to organise my forthcoming reunion tour that isn't happening in December (-;

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mtv untagged

eddiesolo on 18-04-2007
Psycho Assail me Now.
Can I have tickets? Pleassssssssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeee...Two if possible, one for me and one for the Encyclopedia Britannica...he likes a good show.

Si...twitching to the birdy song.

Author's Reply:
I'll see what I can Mr. Eddie. I'm just praying that bird flu doesn't raise it's ugly head again, it could ruin everything and no mistake.

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take the tag from my hair

Macjoyce on 20-04-2007
Psycho Assail me Now.
Herr Sunken,

Ich habe die andere Seite deines Monds gesehen.

Ich hoffe das hilft.

m
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der Abschaum von Leyton


Author's Reply:
Dear Mr. Mac, I would like to thank you for your comment… Unless of course it was German for, ‘sunken you are a wanker and your poetry sucks (-; I only know two German words - Achtung and Volkswagen. At least I will be able to commandeer a polo if the need arises. I just downloaded your geezer track btw. It shall be on my ipod shortly (-:

Join me in a spot of cheesy karaoke?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUg-wysFnTE&mode=related&search=

Jeesuz.

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tagged and disorderly

deepoceanfish2 on 23-04-2007
Psycho Assail me Now.
Hello Sunky,

Well, coming from New York I can say that this is old hat for me. If one doesn't make it to maturity without having been stalked at least once, then one has yet to achieve a true rite of passage.

Honestly though, I've had my own experience along these lines and one can only sound out loud and clear and hope the message gets through, eventually. You've done a bang-up job of making a point with this piece, which is plainly in keeping with your superb standard. Good luck, luv.

A brill piece!

Warm regards,

Adele



Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Adele. Sorry about the delay in replying, uka went on a go slow for some reason. Yeah, it does seem to be big in America. I've recently spoken to an American lady on the subject and she said pretty much the same thing. As usual, we're still catching up over here (-; It was the same with video. Thanks for looking in on a sunk Ms. Deep.

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he lost his tag in a brawl

Jolen on 23-04-2007
Psycho Assail me Now.
That's it!~ Who's messing with my Smunky? I will kick their ass! I loved your poem, Smunky, as usual you nail it to the cross and I think it's high time to do the same to the offender.

I got yer back, baby boy, let's rumba...I mean rumble. lol

love ya,
Jolen

Author's Reply:
Lol, I could try the rumba if you like? Would I need a jockstrap? Thanks for looking in on a sunks Ms. Jolen. It's good to see you back. Oh, thanks also for commenting on 'Nineteen eighty lullaby'. I've kept that one free of my daft replies, choosing instead to pm my thanks or post them in replies to other efforts, like this one. Did that make sense? Thanks Ms. Jolen. Hope you are well. It's really good to see you back. Take care and a coat-hanger.

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star tag, the next generation

Gee on 03-05-2007
Psycho Assail me Now.
A very powerful piece here, Sunks, and written with your usual skill.
Very nicely done indeed.

Author's Reply:
(-: Hello Ms. Gee. Lovely to see you on uka again. Thanks for looking in on sunky. Muchly appreciated and no mistake.

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we made hay until the cows came home

Emerald on 19-05-2007
Psycho Assail me Now.
Hi Sunken, read this poem and felt really upset to hear that you've had unpleasantness. I know what its like and how it can make you feel so demoralised. Had the same thing myself and if affected me so much, I found it hard to write anything and stopped going onto sites. Really sapped all my confidence - of course I'm a neurotic poet lol - but what people don't realise is, that some of us don't have a huge amount of confidence to start off with, - they tend to treat people as if they are just robots behind a screen - and forget they are dealing with real people, with real emotions and feelings.

Have always had a huge regard for your writing and for the fact that you have always been a wonderful person who encouraged me in my very early days on UKA - you were alwasy honest yet kind and helped my writing a lot.

Emma x

ps Hope this sicko leaves you alone


Author's Reply:
Thanks Emma. That's one of the nicest comments I've ever had. Some people assume I'm full of confidence for some reason. I welcomed this particular member to the site and was, until he/she started playing silly buggers, always supportive of their work. I even reduced the number of times I subbed so as not to hog the board. You're right, it does affect how you use sites and it's definitely made a difference to the way I use the site, for now at least. It's good to see you Em. I hope you're thinking of making a return to uka. Your work was always very classy and it would be a shame not to put it out there. You will always have my support. Thanks so much for the comment, it put a smile on my face (-: Take care.

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radio silence was observed during the haircut

RobertChiswick on 21-07-2007
Psycho Assail me Now.
Sunken, I've also had this kind of treatment and the best thing you can do is to simply tell them to fuck off, which you have done very well with this piece. Great idea to do it with a poem!!! Robert

Author's Reply:
Thanks Robert. I agree. It's all very well people saying 'ignore it', that's far easier said than done. There comes a point when you have to get it out there. Let people know, shout about it. Bullies work on the principle that their victims won't say anything. This victim will say a lot. Thanks for dropping by.

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under a plastic moon

len on 11-08-2007
Psycho Assail me Now.
Stalking might be the sincerest form of flattery...but who needs it???? IF someone just can't leave you alone, you must be VERY important in their life. No-one ever stalked ME, Sunken...What am I doing wrong...Signed, Neglected

Author's Reply:
Lol. Believe me Len, you wouldn't want a fuck-wit like this in your life. Sad doesn't even begin to describe him/her/it. Cheers Len.

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hated for being himself

Kenart on 19-09-2007
Psycho Assail me Now.
Obviously came to this late. but found it very powerful. Know what its like (Pale & Ignorant my story) but this is much more insightful, honest and compelling. regards Ken.

Author's Reply:
Thanks Ken. Don't ever take any crap on this site. Report the fuckers. It worked for me. At the end of the day they are extremely sad individuals. I'd pity them if they weren't such arse holes. As you can see, I'm not bitter (-;

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the bread bin years

artisus on 03-10-2007
Psycho Assail me Now.
there's no privacy on the Internet, on the Net there is only widespread piracy



Author's Reply:
You're not wrong and no mistake Ms. Nic. Thankfully, this particular nutter has been removed. Don't suffer these pricks in silence is my advice. Tell those at the top, and if you get no joy, shout about the twats. Cheers Nic.

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closed university


Nineteen Eighty Lullaby. (posted on: 30-03-07)
For my cousin Paul who died on April 1st 1986.

18 wishes never came NINETEEN EIGHTY LULLABY. (Arms around a dream) sunken Candles silently extinguished, eighteen wishes never came. April fools blamed their tears on the intermittent rain. You were handsome, young and clever, the apple of your Mother's eye Spring fell silent on a Tuesday, nineteen eighty lullaby. The news anaesthetised a feeling that would later raise its head whenever I remembered something that you may have never said. The cruelty of reckless daydreams served with water-coloured sun, you were the hero in a novel that had only just begun. I have traded fact for fiction, reality only inflicts unsolicited reminders of April, nineteen-eighty-six a time when hopeless melancholy eclipsed the smiles that we wore, smiles that adolescent summers duly scattered on the floor of a place that now extols the memories of seventeen forever silently remembered, my empty arms around a dream.
Archived comments for Nineteen Eighty Lullaby.
discopants on 30-03-2007
Nineteen Eighty Lullaby.
A fine tribute, beautifully crafted.

Author's Reply:

scotch on 30-03-2007
Nineteen Eighty Lullaby.
absolutely beautiful poem and tone, mix of rhyme and non rhyme and very personal and special, i take my hat off to you (no need to reply)...scotch p.s you might get less replies with it being personal but don't worry about that.

Author's Reply:

Bradene on 30-03-2007
Nineteen Eighty Lullaby.
A finely crafted piece Sunky, a little more tender than usual, lovely... Val x

Author's Reply:

orangedream on 30-03-2007
Nineteen Eighty Lullaby.
"... whenever I remembered something that you may have never said..."

These words, said it all for me, Sunken.

warmest regards
Ms. Orange

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 30-03-2007
Nineteen Eighty Lullaby.
your best. beautiful beautiful poem. xxxx

Author's Reply:

teifii on 30-03-2007
Nineteen Eighty Lullaby.
Sunky, that is so beautiful, another favourite for me. And there are people who think that a poem with rhyme is somehow non-serious or less good. You are the master that proves it not so.
Daff

Author's Reply:

Romany on 30-03-2007
Nineteen Eighty Lullaby.
This is a beautiful, honest epitaph to someone you obviously loved very much. I really appreciate the way in which you acknowledge that your memories of him may be confused or even incorrect now, but are no less valid for that fact. In some ways they are made more so. As always, you have left me feeling that peculiar mixture of sadness and shared grief, and admiration for a truly lovely piece of writing. Well done Sunky,

Romany.

Author's Reply:

delph_ambi on 30-03-2007
Nineteen Eighty Lullaby.
I agree with all the previous comments. This is beautiful and moving writing.

Author's Reply:

Ionicus on 30-03-2007
Nineteen Eighty Lullaby.
A poignant and moving tribute, sunken. We can always be sure of classy writings from your pen and you never disappoint.
A departure from your more usual bouncy style but understandable in the circumstances.
Kind regards,
Luigi.

Author's Reply:

Macjoyce on 31-03-2007
Nineteen Eighty Lullaby.
This is great, Sunk. Possibly your best. You leave, momentarily, the realms of the facetious and deliver a glorious heartfelt poem in a metre that is definitely improving. Heissgeschichte fur mich.

Mackington

Author's Reply:

niece on 01-04-2007
Nineteen Eighty Lullaby.
Sadly beautiful, Sunken!!!

Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:

flossieBee on 01-04-2007
Nineteen Eighty Lullaby.
Beautiful and moving. Words like 'anaesthetised', and
empty arms' give a strong sense of the pain of grief.

fB x

Author's Reply:

SugarMama34 on 02-04-2007
Nineteen Eighty Lullaby.
Hi Sunks,

My first thought in one word when I read this was "Beautiful."
Your words are spoken with such heartfelt emotion, the current of it flows well throughout. This is such a sad piece, but your words are skillfull in each and every line and this is such an apt and appropriate piece for your cousin. I bet he would be very proud.

Big Hugs,

Sugar.xxx

Author's Reply:

Leila on 02-04-2007
Nineteen Eighty Lullaby.
Dear Sunken it is rare I have the opportunity for any daytime visits to UKA but as it happens I am not too well and off work today and what should I find when I look on here but a re-working of a very beautiful poem of yours. I do believe you have kept the delicacy and immediacy of this very tender tribute to a much loved cousin. It is obvious that you have worked very hard on every line but importantly you have not overworked the poem and the layers of meaning come through which is I think what you would have wanted. Your skill as a poet is most evident here. Romany's comment in particular says what I would also like to say...L

Author's Reply:

Abel on 02-04-2007
Nineteen Eighty Lullaby.
A profound and beautiful piece, Smunk. Well done.

Ward

Author's Reply:

eddiesolo on 06-04-2007
Nineteen Eighty Lullaby.
I love this Sunk.

Another wonderful write and enjoyed very much.

Take care.

Si:-)

Author's Reply:

-phoenix- on 19-04-2007
Nineteen Eighty Lullaby.
This must be the most beautiful poem I have ever read.. it is truly lovely.

Best Regards,
-Phoenix-

Author's Reply:

Jolen on 23-04-2007
Nineteen Eighty Lullaby.
Dearest Smunky,

I cried. You have done him great honor and yourself, well, one of your best, and that's saying something. I'm sorry for your loss.

Sending you best wishes and missing you.
Jolen

Author's Reply:

deepoceanfish2 on 03-07-2007
Nineteen Eighty Lullaby.
Sunky luv,

I missed this one and am so glad I finally found it. Brill opening..absolutely loved this:

'.....Candles silently extinguished,
eighteen wishes never came.
April fools blamed their tears
on the intermittent rain. ...'

This is stunning and achingly typical;

'....The news anaesthetised a feeling
that would later raise its head
whenever I remembered something
that you may have never said. ....'

A fav for me. Hope it makes the anthology.

Warn regards,

Adele

Author's Reply:

Faerie on 30-10-2007
Nineteen Eighty Lullaby.
I remember reading this a while back. And it touches me now as it touched me then. I think this is one of your best.
Hope you're doing well. xx

Author's Reply:

macaby on 21-12-2008
Nineteen Eighty Lullaby.
i know this is a sad poem and personal. i just wanted to say ,
that i was moved after reading and that is a sign of a good poem .when it reaches out from the paper and brings forth an emotion from the reader, and this you have managed to do.

Author's Reply:


The DNA of Wallpaper. (posted on: 12-02-07)
Waiting for the post...

Like some twist of dna THE DNA OF WALLPAPER. sunken I am expecting a small token from the girl I crave the most, a special card for the occasion in the early morning post, a valentine that will mean something extremely alien to me, a love requited without having to resort to bribery. I have squandered many hours in this claustrophobic hall, I have studied the wallpaper and counted every single scrawl that is repeated in the pattern, like some twist of DNA, the building blocks of a revolting floral influenced clich. The sun alone has moved my shadow. I will not aid a heartless cause that takes the loneliness of someone and acrimoniously draws upon their hopes and aspirations until all senses are immune to the fact that they have waited for the post and got the moon.
Archived comments for The DNA of Wallpaper.
SugarMama34 on 12-02-2007
The DNA of Wallpaper.
Mr. Sunks. What a lovely poem you have penned again. It's a little sad about someone waiting for a valentine's card and not getting one, but I did dectect a hint of humour throughout this, reading between the lines. It flows well on the page, when read out loud and I enjoy the fact that I cannot guess what the last word on every line will be. As always I have enjoyed your writing.

Cheers From Ms. Sugar. xx

Author's Reply:
Thank you Ms. Sugary Lady for commenting on a sunks. Waiting for nothing to happen would be much more bearable if I could get the heating to work properly. Thanks again Ms. Sugar (-:

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he believes he can fry

pencilcase on 12-02-2007
The DNA of Wallpaper.
Inventive rhyme, great choice of language and I sense that much consideration has gone into what ends up as a fresh, poised, intelligent and heartfelt expression. The ending is brilliant - speaks to me of getting the moon when you're not really expecting it, which is a nice twist. . A classy poem, Mr.Munky, and no mistake.

Steve

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Steve of the yard. Thanks for reading a sunk. You'd think that getting the moon would be enough wouldn't ya? I'd prefer the girl looking through the letterbox tho (-; Never bloody happy are we?

Thank you, and no mistake (why does that sound like a double act?)

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sheds light on the missing link

barenib on 12-02-2007
The DNA of Wallpaper.
A very timely piece as I understand it's national wallpaper day soon - and St Valentine's Day of course. This is a very well constructed piece of versery, and I love the line:
'The sun alone has moved my shadow'
- I hope you're not referring to the tabloid! This may inspire me to do a bit of traditional rhyming myself, as when it's done well like this it's very effective and enjoyable. John.

Author's Reply:
Lol, please don't mention wallpapering. Thanks for reading a sunk. Rhyme does a get a bit of a bad press I'm afraid. I'd blame Pam Ayres... but I quite like her. Cheers Mr. Nib.

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he'd settle for half of the moon

orangedream on 12-02-2007
The DNA of Wallpaper.
Hello there Sunkey - masterful! Just adore the end line - mind you, the rest of ain't bad either;-)

regards
Tina

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Orange. Why do I never call you Tina? I think it might be my Tina Turner phobia. It was her hair that did it gov! Ahem, sorry. I get this with Cher too. They scare the crap out of me for some reason. You're lovely tho. I like oranges. See, my replies to comments are just as hopeless as my actual comments. I hope this helps. Thanks for looking in on a sunk, honestly - It is appreciated.

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he enjoys shaving

Romany on 12-02-2007
The DNA of Wallpaper.
Don't know how many times I have told you that you capture the mood of the bittersweet so well, Sunky. And the title of this was intriguing, and in fact what drew me to read it in the first place.

Romany


Author's Reply:
I always need telling more than once Ms. Romany. I'm getting more and more forgetful as the... wotsits go on. I nearly burned a kitchen down again today due to my crap memory. Grills should switch themselves off surely? Anyway, that's not important right now. Thanks for your constant support. I always seem to be saying that, but that's because I mean it. Cheers Ms. Romany wasn't built in a day.

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his left eye is jealous of the right

chrissy on 12-02-2007
The DNA of Wallpaper.
I loved this sad/funny piece. It has good rhymes and flows along very nicely.
I've never had or sent a Valentine's card in my life though I did get engaged on Valentine's day but I think that was purely coincidental. The SOF is not the romantic type.
Well done with the poem.
chrissy

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Chrissy. Come on, getting engaged on Valentine's day couldn't have been a coincidence? I think I'd be the romantic type if I were given a chance... and if I could suppress the perv for long enough. Thanks for looking in on a sunk. Good to see you on uka again.

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given half the chance, he probably would

Kat on 12-02-2007
The DNA of Wallpaper.
And what about the DNA of a Munky? ;o) I very much go along with Romany wasn't built in a day's comments re your work, Sunky. Great work... keep it up! :o)

Kat x

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Kat. Lovely to see ya and no mistake. Don't mention that munky. He's hogging my computer more than ever just lately (-; Thanks for looking in on a sunks, always appreciated.

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left school with 5 no levels

niece on 12-02-2007
The DNA of Wallpaper.
Sunky,
Great poem...! When every newspaper and ad is screaming out at you that it's Valentine's Day, it is very difficult to ignore it...!

Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Niece. Hope you are well. Thanks for visiting a sunk. I'm afraid they've confiscated the felt tips that kindly brought in. I thought it was something to do with them not allowing sharp objects... but apparently it's more to do with them not liking my drawings of girls bums (-; Ahem. Sorry. Thanks again.

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his last rolo melted

teifii on 13-02-2007
The DNA of Wallpaper.
I was quite taken by surprise by the sadness of this as I came to it expecting it to be funny.
It flows beautifully as does all your stuff. It's all clever but
'like some twist of DNA,
the building blocks of a revolting
floral influenced cliché.' takes the biscuit! It stopped me in my tracks trying to guess how long you had to juggle words to get that last line. And the last line of all is brilliantly ambiguous. Altogether a fascinating poem.
Daff

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Teiffi. Hope you are well. It seems ages since we conversed in a cyber fashion. Thanks for your constant support and for the positive response to this(-: It means more to a sunk than you might imagine. And now, if you don't mind, I have a letterbox to guard. Take care Ms. Teiffi.

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half past high tide

Jolen on 13-02-2007
The DNA of Wallpaper.
Oh, Smunky,
Must you be so wonderfully talented and give us such beauties as this? I am thrilled to see this nibbed and also to know that you are at your usual creative and evocative self. You have such a way, young Munky Man! I loved this and hope that you get that post and the moon (in a good way, of course) LOL
Happy Wallpaper Day,
Swollen Jolen

Author's Reply:
Thanks Ms. Swollen Jolen. I'm hoping for clear skies. Give me the moonlight, give me the girl and leave the cock-up to me. I should rephrase that ending. Thanks for not mentioning the 'V' word. Happy Wallpaper day to you too Ms. Swollen of America slash England.

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gravity gives him headaches

jay12 on 13-02-2007
The DNA of Wallpaper.
This is very touching, it's a shame when we don't get a Valentines day card especially when we are expecting one. Deserves the nibby.

Jay.

Author's Reply:
Thank you young Jay. This year I'm just resolved to expect the moon. Knowing my luck it will be a cloudy night (-: Thanks for looking in on a sunk.

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his watch tells the time in different colours

shadow on 13-02-2007
The DNA of Wallpaper.
Lovely poem as usual, very clever bit of rhyming and an unexpected end ... but DNA? Wallpaper? You mean the stuff's starting to reproduce? Aarrrrgghhh!

Author's Reply:
Lol, hello Ms. Shadowy person. No need to run away screaming, it's just the pattern that reproduces. It's amazing what you'll stare at when ya bored. I may just paint over it. Thanks for looking in a sunky (-:

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his heart is part of a time share

dancing-queen on 14-02-2007
The DNA of Wallpaper.
Hiya Sunky - loved this poem, as per usual. Not sure if I have misunderstood the ending, though, as I took it to mean that they had waited for the postman all day, but received nothing but the moon (i.e. they had waited from morn till night). Am I on the wrong track? Anyway, I enjoyed the read - yes, I know the excrutiating boredom of having nothing to do but stare at the walls (usually at the local GPs or hospital waiting rooms!) but at least wallpaper is more interesting than a blank painted wall LOL. DQ x

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Queen of Dancing fame. I like it when people read different thangs into a poem. There’s no right or wrong, but your interpretation is exactly what I had in my head when I wrote it. I hope this revelation isn’t too much of a shock for you? With a little therapy I am sure that you will be fine (-; As to my letterbox vigil; Luckily, I am now wi-fi enabled. This means I can take my laptop with me wherever I go. I have been waiting in said hall since 5am this morning and can confirm that I am still unloved. At 07.30 my hopes were cruelly raised by some bloke on a scooter delivering a 2 for the price of 1 valentine pizza promotion leaflet. Why would I want two when I am only one? Bastards! I have a good mind to complain and no mistake. I was right about this wallpaper… it’ll have to go (-: Thanks DQ.

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if music be the food of love… perhaps I should increase the volume?

Abel on 14-02-2007
The DNA of Wallpaper.
Poor guy!! But don't feel alone, there are others who've waited in vain, too. Your usual high quality, smunk. Hope all is well with you.

Wardo

Author's Reply:
Lol, hello Mr. Abel. Earlier today I asked a young lady (fit as you like) if she had received a Valentines. She hadn’t. I felt a bit guilty for asking her. We both agreed (before walking away in different directions) that it’s all just one big con anyway. We’re not bitter (-; There should be an anti valentines day for people you hate. I’d get loads then. Thanks for looking in a sunk Mr. Abel. I’m hoping to purchase you book soon btw. That front page ad has been tempting me for weeks. I might ask that Andrea woman if she’ll put me an old TV on there that I’m trying to get rid of. Cheers Abel.

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his arm aches

Macjoyce on 14-02-2007
The DNA of Wallpaper.

Very good indeed, Herr Sun von Ken.

Particularly like the

that is repeated in the pattern,
like some twist of DNA,
the building blocks of a revolting
floral influenced cliché.

The rhythm is perfect here, for one. For two, it's a great image, a wallpaper flower being like a strand of DNA. And for three, there's a wider metaphor, the revolting floral-influenced cliche being St Valentine's day itself, in all its garish hideousness (yes, I *did* get a card this year, strangely enough, my first in 11 years).

Not sure I understand the last line. Is it about waiting all the way till the evening? I suspect it may have an arse overtone too: womankind is mooning you for not sending you any cards. Although the site of a woman's arse would probably be a nice substitute.

Mac


Author's Reply:
Congrats on the card Herr Mac. Your German is catching and no mistake. Do I need to take lemsip, or will it eventually clear itself up? My last valentine card was in '99. Funny how we remember the year isn't it? In the end it didn't amount to more than a drunken fumble and heavy hangover. She did take it up the rear entry tho. As for the ending, you got it spot on. I realise it works either way, but that was the idea I had in my head when I wrote it. Cheers Herr Joyce. Dohh.

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chlorine makes him heave

RichardZ on 14-02-2007
The DNA of Wallpaper.
Sunken, we don't cross paths much as I tend to stay on the 'other' side of the fence where there's space to ramble.
You are starting to instill an interest of poetry in me, which is no small feat. From this and other pieces you've done, I've noticed a very dynamic vocabulary, and a subtle skill with it. You always seem to inject an underlying wit to your poetry that gets a smile out of me, even on the lamentations.

Good stuff.

Regards,

R


Author's Reply:
Thanks for commenting Mr. Richard. Rhyme does tend to get a bit of a bad press, I think that's why I stick with it (-; Both yourself and Barenib have mentioned a newfound interest, and that can only be for the good. Thanks for crossing my path, I hope you didn't step into anything too nasty. If I had known you were popping by I would have hosed the place down. Cheers Richard.

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in charge of candles

jody on 14-02-2007
The DNA of Wallpaper.
Your work knocks me out! I'd comment on this line or that - it's been done above. The entire piece is excellent, enough to give a girl a case of the damp knappies. Thanks Sunky.
xx
j


Author's Reply:
Lol, the damp knappies? Blimey, that conjures all kinds of images Ms. Jody. Thanks for commenting. I hope you've dried yourself off by now(-; Sorry about the delay in replying. Take care and talcum powder.

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in charge of chocolate

jody on 17-02-2007
The DNA of Wallpaper.
In my last two days of not feeling well (and being medicated), I suspect that I typed a number of things I hadn't meant to type.
Damp knickers was what I meant; sadly the humor did not come through. Conjure whatever image suits at the moment.

It doesn't change the fact that this is a great poem.


Author's Reply:
Oh it was still humourous Ms. Jody, probably even more so. Thanks for popping back. I hope you're on the mend now and that it didn't ruin your valentines day. While I'm I'd just like to say thanks to the person who nominated too (-: Cheers Ms. Jody.

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worries about whitney

Leila on 17-02-2007
The DNA of Wallpaper.
A wonderful title for an excellent poem in true Sunken style. Original and flowing with some unforgettable lines, especially liked...
I have squandered many hours
in this claustrophobic hall,
I have studied the wallpaper
and counted every single scrawl
that is repeated in the pattern,
like some twist of DNA,
and I wish I had penned the following line...
The sun alone has moved my shadow.
I think this is one of my favourites of yours or do I say that whenever I read a new piece by you? Just shows how consistently good you are. Hope you and Rudy are fine...Leila

Author's Reply:
(-: Hello Ms. Leila. Where have you been? You know I worry. I hope you are well. It's always good to hear from you, especially when you go boosting my confidence like that. Your comments always mean a lot Ms. Leila. Thanks for taking the time.

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swears blind the earth is cubed

eddiesolo on 18-02-2007
The DNA of Wallpaper.
Another sunk special mate!

You know...you should get ya sen published...great work!

Congrats on the nib and the nom.

Enjoyed very much!

Just noticed we have this abuse thing now, is that cos Andrea is from Dutchland and there into that stuff? Leather and chains and pain, pain, pain...!

Si:-) *Donning large nappy and preparing for webmistress to abuse him.*





Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Eddie. Sorry for the late reply. After your comment I started googling leather and chains... That was three days ago. I'm knackered and no mistake. Thanks for looking in on a sunk.

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relies on the fantasies of others

scotch on 19-02-2007
The DNA of Wallpaper.
+++Comment removed at authors request+++


Author's Reply:
I've asked you not to comment on me scotch, I can't be any clearer.

len on 09-03-2007
The DNA of Wallpaper.
Counting flowers on the wall
That don't bother me at all
Playin' solitaire 'til dawn
With a deck of fifty-one
Smokin' cigarettes and watchin'
Captain Kangaroo
Now don't tell me
I've nothin' to do.....:O)...Great, Sunk, old boy!!..len

Author's Reply:
Lol. You are indeed a nutter young Len. Captain Kangaroo? Why does that sound familiar? Thanks for looking in on a sunk. Who won at solitaire then? (-;

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avril was more interested in the decor than the court case

deepoceanfish2 on 21-03-2007
The DNA of Wallpaper.
Hi Sunky,

Well now, who among us can say they never lived through that scene? But ohhhhh, the way you put it!

Brill this:

'...I have squandered many hours
in this claustrophobic hall,
I have studied the wallpaper
and counted every single scrawl
that is repeated in the pattern,
like some twist of DNA,
the building blocks of a revolting
floral influenced cliche....'

You remain unsurpassed!

Thanks for a fav read.

Warm regards,

Adele

Author's Reply:
(-: Thanks for looking in on a sunk Ms. Adele. I'm sorry this reply is a bit late. It's good to see you back on planet Uka. While I'm here, thanks for the 'Hot story' tag too. Your warm regards came in quite useful btw. It's been a bit a chilly this week and no mistake. Thanks again.

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neither had noticed the time

-phoenix- on 19-04-2007
The DNA of Wallpaper.
Ah! Yet again you have blown me out of the window (keep forgetting to close it) with your brilliant writing!!!
I cant say I'm much of a 'Valentines day' fan though.. I always end up feeling like your poem.
Well have a great day(and close the windows)

Best Regards,
-Phoenix-

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Phoenix. No, Valentines isn't mind cup-a-soup either. I've only ever had one card, and that was due to a mix up at the post office. Fate can be so cruel. I shall check my windows shortly Ms. Phoenix. Thanks for taking the time to read a sunks. Take care and a... bottle of water.

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tomorrow's tag today

Justine on 01-05-2007
The DNA of Wallpaper.
I know I'll never be disappointed after reading your poetry. Love the title too.

Author's Reply:
(-: Good to see you back Ms. Justine. You were always a classy writer and I miss reading your work. I demand that you sub again soon... Ya know, ordering women around is seldom a good idea. I shall shut up, but not before saying thank you for the comment. Thanks for the comment (-:

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sold as seen

Bevvy on 11-02-2008
The DNA of Wallpaper.
Hello again, Mr Sunken. Valentine's day looms again, alas. Ghastly business. I've lost count of the number of valentines cards that failed to come...it certainly is a savage exercise in commercialism that all but the lucky few could do without.
This poem was most unusual (as usual!)
Thank you for your recent comments about my stuff. (How could any cat hate you? You must be mistaken.
Love,
Bevvy
xxx


Author's Reply:
Blimey, this takes me back. I must redecorate. Thank you Ms. Bevvy for reading some of my past stuff. I shall be practicing ignorance, as usual, this valentines. As for cats, it's true. They just don't seem to trust me. It's sweet of you to have doubts though. Take care Bevvy. I hope St. Whats-his-face is good to you.

Love and yogurt,
sunky le munk
xxx


Big Bully. (posted on: 19-01-07)
As a gang they are committed to grinding self-assurance down

They only speak for mindless morons BIG BULLY. sunken As a gang they are committed to grinding self-assurance down. They have amassed a seventh brain-cell and they are using it to frown, a frown that animates a loathing for a girl who knows her mind, a mind that's infinitely smarter and racially refined, a mind that governs a composure whilst they spit offensive bile, their jealousy illuminated by her cinematic smile They might claim to speak for Britain, but they do not speak for me with their xenophobic rages and vile terminology. They only speak for mindless morons who are blinded by the white, idiots with fascist parents raised to verbally incite at the plummet of a bowler whenever faced with a contrast, her grace outshining their abhorrence as she is publicly harassed.
Archived comments for Big Bully.
red-dragon on 19-01-2007
Big Bully.
Wow, sunkie, let me be the first of many to applaud this masterpiece of sociaal commentary. I take my hat off to you (well, I would if I had one) for such an eloquent poem. Ann

Author's Reply:
Ya know, I can't wear hats. Honestly, I've never found one that didn't look too big on me. I always end up looking like a smurf. Oh balls, I have that irritating song in my head now. I may go and paint myself blue and just have done with it. Thanks Ms. Red of the Dragon vibe for being a constant encouragement. Have a good weekend and drink water by the pint.

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considered dodgy by magpies

Bradene on 19-01-2007
Big Bully.
Great stuff Sunky my man. I never watch the crap myself but I cannot avoid hearing about it and what I hear makes me sick and ashamed of my gender more than anything else. Top write as usual Love Val x

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Val. I'm glad you said that. I was going to bring up the fact that all of the bitching that seems to happen in these programmes tends to be amongst women. If I had said that without your comment as backup I may have been pounced on by all of the ukanetts... Not an unpleasant thought actually (-; Thanks for commenting. I hope munky's reply got to you. Take care Ms. Val.

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half turnip, half past three

shadow on 19-01-2007
Big Bully.
Greart poem on a very topical subject - couldn't agree more. I usually avoid BB, but difficult when it invades the news - and having the likes of JG spewing filth all over my kitchen is not pleasant. They are obviously sick with jealousy because Shilpa is much prettier, and a geniune celebrity, not Z-rate rubbish.

Author's Reply:
It's amazing how few people have mentioned that. Apparently, there's an ex beauty queen in there this year? I can't see her though. I really could slap half of them (tho I obviously wouldn't as I am a lover not a fighter). There's even one bloke (as thick as they come) who's celeb claim is the fact that he goes out with Jade? What the fuc...? It really doesn't cast a great impression of Britain does it? At least we have that Cleo lady, she seems nice. Anyway, I don't watch it either...

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he's use to being outside

Romany on 19-01-2007
Big Bully.
They might claim to speak for Britain,
but they do not speak for me
with their xenophobic rages
and vile terminology.


Here, here! Well said Sunky!

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Thanks Ms. Romany. It had to be said. I saw the footage of Shilpa crying the other day and felt sick with myself for watching that kind of thing in the name of 'entertainment'. I've no doubt I'll still watch though, if only to see the outcome. As car crash tv goes, I reckon this is a pile up. Thanks Ms. Romany. Your support is always appreciated and I don't care who knows it.

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cradled in the arms of a stranger

Jolen on 19-01-2007
Big Bully.
BRAVO!!!

Sharp, Succinct, Stylish and Sooooooooo damn right on the money, or Munky, as the case may be. Every 'bully' out there is afraid of somethimg and that's why they are bullies, because they cannot accept themselves so they try to force others.

The Bullies know no country,
Nor and personal pride.
They use hit and run strategy,
And then they run and hide.

Woooooooo hoooooooooo Smunky!!

blessings,
Swollen Jolen of America on the green

Author's Reply:
Lol, you really are mad aren't ya? You should fit in fine over here. I hope the Shilpa Shetty saga hasn't put you off. Most of us are nice, honest. Thanks for the comment Ms. Swollen Jolen of America on the green (next to the 24hour photo development shop).

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he falls in love daily

Jolen on 19-01-2007
Big Bully.
Shit, 'and ' is supposed to read 'any' ... I hate when I do that. Sorry, Sunks.

Author's Reply:
I do it all the time Ms. Jolen, especially in comments. No one died from it... as far as I know.

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lost in wallmart

orangedream on 19-01-2007
Big Bully.
Sunken - you've done it again! Brilliant. Have never watched BB myself. From yesterday I realised why. Everything else has been said, far more eloquently than I could. Just a great piece of writing. Pity there was a need to right it though, if you know what I mean.

more, even warmer regards;-)
Tina

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Orange. Isn't it Friday? Ya know, I heard today that their is a contraceptive device available that can temporarily sterilise a man for approx 30 mins. I thought it sounded great until I learned that it's an electrocution device that you attach to your bollocks! Balls to that and no mistake. Ahem. Sorry, I lost the plot.

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shades of despair camouflaged as contentment

orangedream on 19-01-2007
Big Bully.
Gosh - now I'm doing it - typos I mean! Should have been 'write' and not 'right'. How wrong that was! Sorry.

Tina

Author's Reply:
Blahhh, wots a typo between friends. fcuk it.

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lost in argos

discopants on 19-01-2007
Big Bully.
One of your best. Unfortunately, it says too much about the Britain of today that JG was able to make a name and a fortune for herself after her first BB appearance. I mean, what is the point of Jade? I don't watch BB but you can't avoid it- Shilpa does seem quite graceful and is unquestionably (and I know it's not difficult) much better educated, well-mannered and self-aware than the frankly, odious JG.



Author's Reply:
It's the presence of her boyfriend that bothers me too. He's even lower down than jade on the celeb list. I must admit, when it started the only people I could name were leo sayer (little man - massive ego) and H from steps. I recognised the Cleo lady (very classy in my munky opinion) but wouldn't have been able to name her. Ahhh, it's a funny old world. Thanks young Disco of the Pants persuasion.

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teabag 4 - tea leaf 2

flossieBee on 19-01-2007
Big Bully.
Well done on the poem. As for the programme, it's about time bullying and prejudice in our society was tackled in such a direct way. My absolute admiration for Shilpa for remaining so dignified in such awful circumstances.

floss x

Author's Reply:
The way she handles herself is pretty impressive isn't it? I couldn't hold myself like that under such a vile onslaught. It takes an inner strength I guess. I may put away my dumb-bells and exercise the munky within... How does one do that? Thanks Ms. Flossy.

x

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Mary Motion Sickness refuses to take his calls

Dil on 19-01-2007
Big Bully.
I enjoyed your poem in the way that is was written...the subject matter however, only plays a part in adding even more coals to a fire that simply has been hyped by every arm of the media. Why can't people accept the fact that the tiffs were simple arguments. There have been many examples of bullying on Big Brother in the past...but because it was between whites, nothing was said.
Maybe when Jade comes out of the BB house she can lip read Mr.Jackson mouth...calling her mother white trash...will there be any poems about this I wonder?
Knowing that only a small percentage of people have seen all of the footage...some 200 plus hours to date, I fail to see how
you could possible know everything that has passed in the house and yet still pass judgment on a few (picked) edited highlights.
Yes! Very topical...but how true is your assumption?

In the cold light of day, the 'so called gang' simply do not like Shilpa Shetty's very aloof ways.

Dil





Author's Reply:
Hello young Dil. We're all entitled to out opinions and you express yours very eloquently. I actually think it's a good thing to get this kinda stuff out in the open. There are always two sides, obviously, to everything. I've written from the Shilpa side, probably because I'm shallow and fancy her. I personally think that most of the bile comes from the fact that most of the women in there are jealous of her looks. This happens all the time in regular bb and in life. I've known some stunning looking girls who are as lonely and as miserable as fuck, just because their peers are jealous. Anyway, glad you read. Take care and... and... an apple sandwich. Thanks.

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last in cross country 'cause he missed the bus

juliet on 19-01-2007
Big Bully.
I'm shallow and i fancy her too!

Well said sunky, i am a BB fan, it is always fascinating to watch the facades slip and the real person come out. You really see all types of humanity at the basic level, whether someone is intrisincally good and forgiving, caring or selfish etc. this recent furore has given me great material for my year 9's, they have been forced to examine their own behaviour to others that are different. Sadly i think the three girls do represent a large proportion of British society, i have a class full of them. these kid were only 8 or 9 when 9/11 happened. they have grown up in a very different world to the one we did.

very well said.

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Juliet. How lovely to see you in my box. It's very sickening to see people ganging up on one person like that. Jade was def the most vocal but she wasn't the only guilty party. The snigger's of the other two simply added fuel to her outburst and therefore, in my eyes, they're just as bad. It's amazing how quickly they changed their ways when they realised their 'careers' could be in danger. I just hope they're genuine in their turnaround, but I'm personally very skeptical about that. It's sad that you have a class full like that. It doesn't always revolve around race of course. It seems that pretty girls are easy targets for jealous types who have no sense of self worth. Every year there seems to be major bitching in bb. It's majorly unattractive. They should be like the boys, throw each other in the pool, masturbate at any given opportunity and talk crap until it's all over. Anyway, thanks for your insight. I never realised that things had changed so much. I really must get out of here at some stage... then again, maybe not.
Cheers Juliet.

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refuses to wear pants at the weekend

Evitchka on 20-01-2007
Big Bully.
I guess you have to keep up with the nation, being Uncle Munky and all. I am interested in the discussion this (well written even if blinded by love, poem) is engendering; the fine lines between taking the Mick (it's ok when its the Irish) and racism, - the inverted racist effect as Dil points out ; bullying ; why are we so mesmerised by this crap- that makes rich perfume magnates out of cerebrally challenged half wits. I think we are all racist to some extent- it's just a matter of degree.

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Eva Chick. Don’t mention that munky to me. You wouldn’t believe how much he hogs the computer these days. Thanks for reading. I can’t deny that Shilpa is gorgeous, anyone can see that, but I’d still feel sickened if the same thing was happening to anyone. There’s just no excuse for bullying in my book. It wrecks lives and even ends some. I just thought we’d moved on more than that. Naivety on my part I guess. You’re right of course, there’s all sorts of racism, but that kind of out and out hostility made, and still makes me feel ashamed to come from the same country as Ms. Goody and the other two nobodies. Perhaps, at least, some good will eventually come out of it. If feeling for someone in that situation is wrong, then I am very, very wrong and have no intention of ever being right. Jade has at least admitted that it’s not down to clever editing, I reckon that kind of honesty might at least give her something to build on (what is she famous for again?). This may be a good time for munky to push ‘Munky Le Femme’ (Pull a hunky with pheromone munky). Maybe not. Cheers Ms. Eva Chick. Lets bring back free love (-;

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he keeps cutting his balls shaving

royrodel on 20-01-2007
Big Bully.
xenophobia aint a white thing afterall why do you think we have ghettos
The first and only racist murder in Scotland was a young white lad being tortured and burnt by five non whites because he was white.
So tell me young man what part of Britain are you talking about?

Your not the only one who wants to run to the hills
anyways apart fom that brilliantly executed

RODEL


Author's Reply:
Well obviously that's terrible. ALL racism is. This effort is about Big Brother in partic. I've no idea where it's based to be honest. I never assumed I would be the only one who'd want to run to the hills, I'd prefer a subway myself tho to be honest (-: Cheers young Rodel.

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may stick to sleeping

royrodel on 20-01-2007
Big Bully.
apologies I've been outta the country for a while never watched BB but I'm sure it's enthralling and as for C4's christmas speech well there ya go not my cup of tea
John Lennon was so right but no1 listened they just slow danced

RODEL

Author's Reply:
No problem Mr. Roy. I kinda wish I'd missed it myself.

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doesn't do xmas and it doesn't him

scotch on 21-01-2007
Big Bully.
dear sunken hello i am not bating you on this one but wish to give my view on the event and say i am glad you tackled the subject in your piece. i didn't see it as racism because Mr jackson wasn't targeted and neither were nominated the first week by white housemates more bullying. i think that Jackie is not an evil women but damaged and of low intelligence and struggles with her male side and is childish in may respects, Jade is funny when acting oblivious and stupid but very annoying when loud and ignorant i dislike her very much, miss great britain would be better suited to eminem, Joe is depressed and depressive in my eyes, i think ian is sensitive and a worrier and not my type, cleo is a sweatheart and vulnerable, Ken was funny at times and did the right thing leaving, i love Donnay so much, Leo was like chuckie to me terrifying, i'm neutral about germane, and shulpa though when she said why does everyone hate me? to say why or i don't understand in conversation gets the sympathy vote whether it be genuine or not, i'm sure shulpa knows this psychology that you say why? to someone if you want them to like you like the public. i lost interest after Donnay left so only see snippets now...scotch

Author's Reply:
Oh scotch, what are we gonna do with ya? Leo Sayer was possibly the most irritating house-mate ever. I kinda wish he was still in. How can someone so small have such a huge ego? Answer - he keeps it in his hair of course. I hope this helps.

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wears paranoia like a favourite overcoat

niece on 21-01-2007
Big Bully.
Sunken,
It's something you felt strongly about and that has come out very well in your poem...it's really very powerful and can apply to a similar situation anywhere in the world whether the bullying is racial or not...what really makes a winner is keeping one's dignity(or calm) when one is bullied...and for that I admire Shilpa Shetty.

Oh, yes, since our discussion last, I got to see some video clippings and really thought the girls were being nasty...but I guess they are young and immature...I guess, it could have happened to anyone who was like that...

Once again, a fabulous poem.

Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Niece. Good to hear from you. Sorry the reply is late, there was a bloody munky attached to my pc for most of the day. They should never have allowed him his own column! Thanks for reading and leaving your thoughts. This effort was actually written before the main ‘incident’, when they had been pretty vile to her over something else. It was basically inspired from the sight of her crying and the fact that I was watching it in the name of entertainment. It’s a weird old world and no mistake Mr. Niece. I just hate seeing anyone being ganged up on like that, it make my skin crawl. They did make some moves towards a reconciliation towards the end, before Ms. Goody (what an ironic name) was voted out by the British public on Friday night. Apparently 82% of those who voted wanted her out. We’re not all bad are we? I think she regrets her actions big time and she’s pretty much got an uphill struggle now to get back to where she was (being famous for simply being). I don’t think she’s all bad, just a bit thick at times, to which she readily admits. As for Shilpa? Forever gracious it would seem. I think she will defend Jade (Ms. Goody) when she is finally interviewed outside of the house. I’d like to see her win, but in a way she already has. Cheers Ms. Niece. I hope the novel is coming along well.

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regrets the candle incident

soman on 21-01-2007
Big Bully.
Hello Sunk!

Frankly I find myself rather befuddled by the whole thing. Today I find that the two girls have kissed and made up, and all is well with the world. Meantime the channel's takings have shot up to dizzy heights. Was the whole thing a put-on, then?

Going off at a tangent, I now have two Brit guests on a visit to these parts, escorted by my cousin Chrisk and his wife Sarala. I can see that they are on the best of terms, and the foreigners have adapted themselves to conditions here (including the mosquitoes!) with equanimity.

So it seems it is not all black and white!

Soman

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Soman. Feel free to go off on a tangent (-: I have an headache and no mistake with this one. I blame myself entirely for having an aversion to seeing ladies cry. Ya know, I had to look the word ‘equanimity’ up in the dictionary. I feel so ashamed (-; I may use that word at some stage, thanks. As to your questions regarding the ‘put up’ - I’ve heard this rumour too, but I’m sceptical to be honest. The girl in question, Jade, would have to be pretty thick to agree to that… hang on, there’s a major flaw in that argument. No, really, I don’t think even she or channel four are that stupid. No way of knowing for sure I guess. They did make-up before Jade got kicked out on Friday night (82% wanted her out) but there’s a general speculation that she got wind of what was happening (helicopters flying overhead and questions in the diary room) and tried to limit the damage she’d done to herself. Like you say, nothing is black and white, but when groups of people gang up on individuals like that it literally turns my stomach. Even if it wasn’t racially motivated it was still a pretty bloody vile way to treat someone. Like I said in my reply to Ms. Niece, I don’t think Jade is all bad, she just speaks (should I say screams) before putting her brain into gear. Good to hear from you Mr. Soman.

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refuses to sleep by windows

woodbine on 21-01-2007
Big Bully.
Well done Sunken on some genuine poetry with fire in its belly.

Some great lines:they have amassed a seventh brain cell.

And:raised to verbally incite at the plummet of a bowler.

Television; I haven't got time for it.

John/Woodbine

Author's Reply:
(-: Thanks Mr. Woodbine. I'm genuinely honoured. I never mean to watch bb, but I get dragged into it for some reason. I must resist during the summer months and break out and do something less boring instead... Wasn't that another tv prog? Bloody hell, I'm doomed. Thanks for commenting, means a lot.

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left his prescription at the massage parlour

soman on 22-01-2007
Big Bully.
Soman again.

Now that the dust has settled somewhat, one point that stands out is, in my view, the tremendous response from the viewers: an achievement, whether intentional or not, which augurs well for the future: " Pussilanimity yields to equanimity!" (antiquated verbiage, I know; an Indian speciality, similar to the mutton curry!).

Soman







Author's Reply:
Hello again Mr. Soman. Yes, I think that does say a lot (-: Now, where's my dictionary? (-;

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gets lost very easily

SugarMama34 on 22-01-2007
Big Bully.
Hi Sunken,
This is a really touching poem and by the comments you have already had on this, it seems that others feel strongly about both topics that you have written about...bullying and racism. You have really put your feelings forward in this and it shows well. It's an interesting one, and you have chosen your words well to express how you feel.
Any type of bullying is bad and I personally think uncalled for, but sadly in this day and age it still goes on, and will probably always linger. I liked this very much Sunks, it hits home and this is a good piece if writing - definatley one if my favourites.

Cheers from Sugar.xx

Author's Reply:
Thanks for looking in a sunk Ms. Sugar. It was a slight knee-jerk reaction of an effort I think. Bullying just gives me the red mist and that's not always (in fact very seldom) the best reaction to have. A calm composure is a major trait under such circumstances, but it's bloody hard to achieve.

Cheers Ms. Sugar

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never puts the seat back down

JonAyre on 23-01-2007
Big Bully.
A nice piece, well written with a good rhyming scheme. I agree with the sentiments on this one, but I do think it is a shame that it has taken so long for people to realise that what they have been watching all these years (and enjoying) is a programme that relishes and encourages predjudice and bullying in all its forms and at its very worst. Why can people not see this until it falls into a neatly identified catagory such as racism or sexism. Ask all the "boring nerds", "lazy fat slobs", "stuck up cows" and "ignorant peasants" out there what they think about previous bullying incidents on BB, and I'm sure they would be just as upset. Jodie Marsh was the victim of some quite aggressive bullying from two very large men, but no-one said anything then (because she apparantly is just a "common slag" unworthy of our protection).

Bad behaviour doesn't need a neat label to become unacceptable. If it does, then all that means is that people don't really BELIEVE its wrong. They are just following the herd (which in itself leads to bullying and victimisation).

Author's Reply:
Hello young Jon of Ayre fame. Yeah, I must admit, I'm guilty of watching it too and have no idea why it took this partic event to make me feel so blahhh. I remember the Jodie incident. Apparently she does quite a lot of work for anti-bullying campaigns, I think she even did that before her time in bb. It was particularly nasty in her case wasn't it? Never any excuse in my book Jon. Herds and cliques and clans are one thing I intentionally steer clear of and that is the reason I recently got slightly miffed with someone for suggesting otherwise. Thanks for commenting.

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he has needs

barenib on 23-01-2007
Big Bully.
It occurred to me that the programme that made Jade rich & famous may well now also be the instigator of her downfall. An ironic symmetry, if nothing else. Good poem Sunky - John.

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Nib. Sorry I'm late in replying. 'Ironic symmetry', surely that a title right there? Thanks for looking in on a sunken, much appreciated (-:

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the samaritans won't speak to him

Abel on 23-01-2007
Big Bully.
Great work, Dr. Smunk....you have created a conversation here, in addition to making some fine rhyme.

Wardo

Author's Reply:
Lol, Dr? Oo I like that. Sorry I'm late replying Mr. Wardo. Your comments and interest in my stuff is always appreciated. Consider the disadvantages of a double glazing unit when attempting to exit a burning building. Apparently, it is advised that you apply pressure to a corner rather than simply smashing the hell out of it with a chair. I hope this helps. Cheers Abel.

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it's okay, he hasn't got a clue either

eddiesolo on 30-01-2007
Big Bully.
Never watched the bloody shite (prefer kids telly), but heard all about it.

Nice piece.

Si:-)

Author's Reply:
Blimey, I forgot I had replies to do here. Yeah, I guess the whole world heard about it. I never mean to watch this stuff... honest guv. I just get sucked in. Perhaps when I get a life things will be different. Cheers Eddie.

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he keeps a potato peeler behind his ear

littleditty on 21-02-2007
Big Bully.
Dear Sunken -what a hooohaha it all was - but it got people talking about racism and bullying. This situation lifted the lid on it so that everywhere i went people were debating - not a bad thing at all, and very interesting to get a feel for what people think/judge as racist/bullying/bitching - the dynamics of groups, interesting - anyhow, your poem - liked the 7th brain cell lines and , all of it - cos it's got the sunken ryddum and rhyme a-charming all the way through, very well done. Now -i hope you have forgiven me for being absent without explanation, because i have been feeling bad for not popping in on you sooner regarding this one poem of yours, and the DNA of wallpaper - i've been moving house, selling up and heading for the nearest 3rd largest Volcano - so this comment comes to you from sunny Tenerife, where i am enjoying the company of the over 60's, playing that game with silver balls, and a litttle ball, that old folk like to play - not only are they all charming and lovely, they also make the most of all the 'balls' jokes possible in all the languages of Europe! - also i was surprised that if in a match your team gets nil points, its called 'a fanny' 😮 Golden Balls, Hot Shot Marie, 83 - and Bomber Betty (or Boom-Boom Betty) need a poem for sure - as do many of the others, so if you'd like to help (club membership total is many many) come and visit - as what with the competitions they've entered me for, i haven't had time enough to even begin! Hope you are well - bring your own turnips as i think they are tricky to find here - crazy, i know...luv to you and rudy xxditty of little x

Author's Reply:
(-: Ditty! I have missed you. I was even beginning to think I'd upset you with some kind of munkyism. I have missed you more than my superman pants. They went and got stolen off my washing line Ms. Ditty )-: I have not been able to save any lovely damsels in distress ever since. Where I would once fly over to any ladies who might be in difficulty, I now walk on by with my head bowed and a tear in my eye. How I miss those pants. You are very lucky to be surrounded by crinklies. I quite like old people, they seem more chilled... tho it could be arthritis. Unlike that Roger Daltrey of Who fame, I am hoping that I don't die before I get old. His wish didn't come true I see? He's quite crinkly now and no mistake. I am very glad that you are well and that you dropped in on a sunk. You know I worry. Thanks for the comment. Tenerife sounds lovely. Will I need any injections? Will they even allow a munky into the country? I had an hell of a time getting into Argos once. Anyway, very nice to hear from you Ms. Ditty. If you see anyone running around in my pants would please call the police? Don't attempt to get them yourself Ms. Ditty. Those pants are quite powerful and the thief maybe using that force to tap into the darkside... or his backside... they always caused me a bit a chaffing and no mistake. Give my love to Marie and Betty. Thanks Ms. Ditty. x

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he can't even open a jam jar without his lucky superman pants

-phoenix- on 24-11-2007
Big Bully.
This is brilliant but a bit to close to home for me to really enjoy, in SA we have a huge problim with bullying. Here.. have a whine gum.

Best Regards,
-Phoenix-

Author's Reply:


The World's Worst... (posted on: 15-01-07)
He would have been so disappointed

he would have favoured a cremation THE WORLD'S WORST sunken ''He would have been so disappointed'' we agree as skies turn grey, our certainty confirmed in whispers as relatives express dismay by wailing on about a person who was gentle, calm and kind (I double-check the brass inscription just to ease my troubled mind). This is not the kind of send-off he would have organised himself, we had often talked of dying whilst enjoying perfect health. He would have favoured a cremation, not some hole in the ground that seems to parody a howl (but without the shrieking sound). ''He would have wanted tongues of fire!'' I insist whilst getting pissed at a wake held in the honour of the World's worst arsonist. He would have wanted pyrotechnics to illuminate the skies, preferring volatile reactions to ruminate within the eyes of those who soberly predicted that his life would end this way ''He would have wanted tongues of fire!'', I cry whilst lighting a bouquet.
Archived comments for The World's Worst...
Evitchka on 15-01-2007
The Worlds Worst...
Fiery stuff! Love the pace and rhythm as it develops throughout the poem, and how the whispering turns into indignant arson. A great tribute to the spirit of the dead person. Won't be able to look at an open grave again without thinking it a 'parody of a howl'.
The last line intrigues me. I presume it is meant to be ambiguous. i.e. the I cry, is in response to the penultimate line- OR the poet is crying as he lights the bouquet.

Author's Reply:
Thank you Ms. Eva Chick for reading my ickul poem and leaving a lovely positive comment. You are nicer than a walk in the park (at night). As to the last line, it's meant to denote more of a scream. I've whacked a comma at the end of the previous line now, so it may read as intended. Though, to be honest, I kinda like a bit of ambiguity (-; Thanks again Ms. Eve Chick. I'm looking forward to your porn... I mean your erotic sub. Take care and a banana.

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he might fall asleep, he might not

orangedream on 15-01-2007
The Worlds Worst...
Great stuff, Sunken. Apparently it's the thing now to have ones ashes 'returned to sender' so to speak. I.e. shoved inside a firework, be it a rocket or whatever and go out with a bang. A case of lighting the blue touch paper and retiring if the wind's blowing in the wrong direction - as far as family and friends are concerned anyway!

You're good at this poetry lark - aren't you?

warm regards,
Ms Orange

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Orange. Ya know, your regards are so warm that I may just use them as heating aid for my chilly bathroom. As for 'going out with a bang', sounds good to me (-; Thanks for commenting lovely Ms. Orange of the tapped persuasion... I don't mean you're mad, I mean 'tap and unwrap'. I'll shut up. Thanks.

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he has no items in his basket

red-dragon on 15-01-2007
The Worlds Worst...
sunks, another gem, which rolls off the nib of your gilded pen (ok, keyboard).
I have no alternative other than award it a 10, but wish it could be 11!!
Mrs Dragon,

Author's Reply:
Hello Mrs. Dragon. Thanks for looking on a sunken and for being more smashing that a... football/greenhouse combination. If only all dragons were so agreeable (-:

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opal fruit 3 - fruit pastel 6

Bradene on 15-01-2007
The Worlds Worst...
Great work again Sunky. Loved the rhythm and rhyme and the pyrotechnics! Love Val x

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Val with the beaming smile. I hope your year has started well and that 2007 is a good one for you. Thanks for checking on a sunken and for the grapes and 'artistic' magazines. Long may your Val be Tastic (-:

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yes sir, I can mingle... but I will require my clothes

shadow on 15-01-2007
The Worlds Worst...
Nice one, sunk. I love it when you're serious.

Author's Reply:
Lol, why am I sensing a hint of sarcasm? I can be serious, I can, honestly. Just you wait young Shadowy figure! One day I'll die and then I won't be laughing. I hope this helps (-; Thanks

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he might fade to grey, he might not

Jolen on 15-01-2007
The Worlds Worst...
Smunky, nobody does what you do and do damn good. I love your work so much and I swear I am so jealous. You know I am moving to England? I am and then mister, watch out, I may have to light up your bouquet. lol This is, as all of your work, quirky and lyrical and so freakin clever that it makes me want to slap my parents for not giving me these types of skills. lol

love it!!!

blessings,
Jolen Parton

Author's Reply:
Blimey. What a wonderfully positive comment. Little Britain is bound to be a better place for a Swollen Jolen and no mistake. I would organise a fireworks display for your arrival, but I don't trust my arson gene (-:
Thanks Ms. Jolen.

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he can't rely on memory

Dil on 15-01-2007
The Worlds Worst...
Sunk, always look forward to your work. This one is simply top notch.
Dil

Author's Reply:
Thanks young Dil. Long may you continue to look forward. I find it generally helps with regards to avoiding accidents. Much appreciated Dil.

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he has an emergency backup turnip in his shed

barenib on 15-01-2007
The Worlds Worst...
Always good to have some Sunken verse to brighten up a Monday, and especially a bit of pyromania! If you get a nib you should definitely set fire to it. John.

Author's Reply:
Lol. No nib, no fire. I really fancy torching something too )-: You could say I'm 'gutted'. Was that my corniest 'joke' of the year so far? My neighbours shed is looking vulnerable...? You really shouldn't tempt me ya know (-; Thanks Mr. Bare of the Nib persuasion.

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they might fix him, they might not


SadieD on 15-01-2007
The Worlds Worst...
Hi,

So this is what you write when you're not fiddling with your pencil over my story. It's stunning, creepy, clever but very true. It lit my fire baby!

Author's Reply:
How do you know I've been fiddling with my 'pencil' again? I swear my webcam was off! Ahhh well, it's good to share. Thanks for causing me eruptions Ms. Sadie and for also popping into my box. Much appreciated. Take care and a banana.

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considered a liability in argos

Ginger on 15-01-2007
The Worlds Worst...
Hot stuff, Sunken. I didn't know you had a serious side! Have a banana on me.
Lisa

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Lisa. Thanks for the banana. I shall cut it up and have it on my weetabix. I tend to keep my serious side in a cupboard under the stairs. It likes the dark. It escaped on Sunday, however, hence the poem. Thanks Ms. Ginger of the Lisa persuasion. Much appreciated.

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considered a risk to small insects

Dazza on 16-01-2007
The Worlds Worst...
Shred me and blood and bone the roses. Sometimes I forget you are so much more than the funniest person I know, Dazza.

Author's Reply:
Ahhh but Dazza me fella me lad, I would have stopped bothering years ago if it weren't for my fellow ukaneers putting me up in the leaky garden shed at the bottom of the garden. You're a gent young Dazza and no mistake. Thanks.

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considered obscene in Taiwan

Ionicus on 16-01-2007
The Worlds Worst...
I didn't expect anything less. Whenever you post something it is always of the highest quality.
This piece is clever and witty. Favourite lines:

(I double-check the brass inscription
just to ease my troubled mind).

Regards, Luigi.

PS where are the nibbers?


Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Luigi. Thanks for picking out your fave bit, always good to know. Ya know, I almost subbed this with 'I double-check the bra inscription...'. I really should stop thinking about tits.
Cheers Mr. Ionicus.

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considered dysfunctional in educated circles

niece on 16-01-2007
The Worlds Worst...
Sunken,

As Hindus, we cremate the dead...guess it must have started with an arsonist somewhere...Fire also supposedly purifies...

Great poem by the way...and amazing rhythm, as always...

Regds,
niece


Author's Reply:
Well, if anyone needs purifying Niece it's probably me. I'm a dirty little bugger at times and no mistake. I blame girl bits. It really isn't my fault. Thanks for checking in on a sunken and for bringing fruit and magazines. Your comments and enthusiasm are always appreciated Ms. Niece.

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considered tall in mothercare

JonAyre on 16-01-2007
The Worlds Worst...
The munky's back! Nice work - enjoyed the read - do the squirrels still haunt your dreams, or has the owl chased them away?

Author's Reply:
Hello young Jon of Ayre fame. I'm afraid the squirrels have taken to inhabiting not only my dreams of late, but also my loft. Their constant hooting is driving me around the bend and no mistake. I've a good mind to leave the light on! I hope this helps. Thanks for reading a sunken.

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considered tanned in the isolation ward

Romany on 16-01-2007
The Worlds Worst...
Hi Sunky,

For me, although this has all your usual style and flair and your own definitive mark, it also has something a little different to it. I have read your flippant stuff and your serious and heart-aching stuff too, which you do so damn well. This is something else, I think. This is serious, but it's also angry in a helpless kind of way; a realistic, despairing and pointless way. Not easy to achieve in a poem, and I congratulate you for it.

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Romany. Thanks for commenting. You’ve always been very perceptive. There isn’t much I can get past the Romany radar and no mistake. I’ve always appreciated your incisive comments Ms. Romany, just as I’ve always appreciated the fact that you’ve been supportive of my stuff (even the munky) since day one. Thanks again.

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Considered rude by Anne Summers

RDLarson on 17-01-2007
The Worlds Worst...
Ah the thoughtful one is at it again and making me laugh while crying. Makes me think, who'd choice is here?looking for my titanium pen and fireproof paper to record my own fire blazing exit to the afterlife

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Larson. I once attempted to contact the afterlife via a seance. I got confused tho and somehow summoned up an 'after eight' dinner mint instead. I could have died with embarrassment and no mistake. Still, I quite like After Eights. I think dark chocolate gets a bad press. I hope this helps. Thanks for the comment. Muchly appreciated (-:

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shaves by the light of the moon

MWyndham on 17-01-2007
The Worlds Worst...
Hello

I like the theme of arson, reminds me of an obscure Texan rapper/poet (I lived in Texas in the '90's) called MC900ft Jesus
who had a song called 'The City Sleeps'. Anyway, the sum of all this mindless waffle is - like your stuff fella!

Best
MW

Author's Reply:
Blimey, a 900 ft jesus, how terrifying. I have a ten centimeter clown in my cell and that scares the shit out of me. It was a gift from a passing nun who claimed that one day all messiahs would wear big red shoes and squirty flowers in their lapels. The asylum is full of nutters and no mistake. I like your waffle. Thanks for visiting.

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considered stable by maggie thatcher

scotch on 17-01-2007
The Worlds Worst...
i think it's OK and quite moving, though i preferred your christmas poem wherever that went, when is the book of poems 'coming out'?, remember some flatter to deceive in this game but i can't ,so i hope that's OK too alongside your poetry clan.

Author's Reply:
I don't think anyone who has 'flattered' me as done so to deceive. Some of us believe in 'encouragement'. As for 'clan', I don't hold with cliques - never have and never will. There will always be animosity whenever someone seems popular. You'll probably be happy to hear that I'm not quite so popular in reality. Don't turn this into a forum style commenting session. I can't be arsed. I apologise for being popular, if that's what you want to hear. God forbid people should actually like something that I do. Have a nice day. Thanks.

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he might give a toss, he might not

scotch on 17-01-2007
The Worlds Worst...
hi i get the picture i'm not allowed to toy, i didn't read any comments as i haven't the time and i read the cliche 'flatter to deceive' so i chose to share it with you as it is a wise one in poetry, but you seem to take it personally due to insecurity?, i realise we wouldn't get on.
it was nice to see the other side of sunken's moon which i wanted to acheive and i don't get this from your work i consider my email a huge success (essentially), as for popularity those with soulful-sides will be disliked and hated on this planet and walking into a pub i would hope only one or two deeper eyes would like me as opposed to everyone. commercially things i'm sure are different when popularity is a must, i hope this gives you more to think about but God knows on this planet. you went on about love before i think you can connect spiritually, emotionally and intellectualy with someone and know which pub you feel is right for you to mix in let's say a straight bar but when the stumbling block is perhaps someone's physical maleness with other males or vice versa for females then it is a big hurdle for true love to climb and maybe friendship is all that is available or possible. Yes I'm the only one on ukauthors to reach the other side of sunken's moon, are you going to block me now? nothing would surprise me in britain or ukauthors anymore... scotch

Author's Reply:
If I knew what the fuck you were on about I might attempt to answer... then again. As for the email? What email (tho I'm actually glad I didn't get it). I don't block anyone, but in your case I'm willing to make an exception. You might be pleased to note that there is no book. I have no idea what gave you the impression that there was. I'd appreciate you not turning my comments in to one long rant. It's not the way I like to get hits. You've already wasted three minutes of my life with this reply. Do me favour? Just ignore me in the future. I do it with your stuff. Thanks.

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his other moon is hanging out of a window

Macjoyce on 17-01-2007
The Worlds Worst...
Good piece, Herr S. Makes me wonder what a crisp would look like if it was burnt to a crisp.

Like a crisp, I suppose. Thanks.

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spent wednesday trapped in the elephant enclosure

Author's Reply:
Ahhh, a sane person. Hello young Mac of Joyce fame. How lovely to see you. Forgive me if I sound upbeat and positive. I hear it's not the done thing, but then I always was a rebel. I was actually a chocolate 'Revel' originally. I simple mistake I think you'll agree. I hope this helps. Thanks for being in the 'clan' - Fer fucks sake....

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he has sprout for a bollock

Macjoyce on 17-01-2007
The Worlds Worst...
Yes. I suspect Mr Scotch may have named himself after his addiction. He rambles the way a drunk would, and he seems strangely preoccupied with finding the right pub.

He probably doesn't mean any harm though, he's just lonely. Though it is strange how a poet can be unaware of basic sentence formation and punctuation.

If I had a problem with everyone whose poetry got read more often than my own, I would end up calling everybody a cunt, wouldn't I?

All hail, chieftain.

Clansman till I die,

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still haunted by memories of the wheelbarrow in Uganda


Author's Reply:
Perhaps if I aim to be unread it might make him happy. I actually thought I was doing that already though? I hardly sub these days. I dunno, ya try and please folk.
If you do feel the need to call anyone a cunt please feel free to email or pm me with said expletive. I'm use to it (-:

Cheers young Mac of the Joyce persuasion.

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scotch eggs never did agree with him

Jolen on 17-01-2007
The Worlds Worst...
I hear there's a clan meeting around here...Where's my damn rope? LOL

Know the best thing a woman can put behind her ears to attract a man?

*tasteful pause*

Her Ankles!!!

Ankles away,

Jolen

*who by the way, hates men who drink scotch as it makes their spunk taste really, really bad...ask around, I'm not joking! lol

Yes, that's my tasteless (gods, if only) joke session for the day..

Author's Reply:
Have you ever heard such bollocks? Still, if it stops people from commenting he will have what he wants and all will be rosy. Sad. He couldn't be more wrong if he tried. I avoid cliques and clans and gangs like the plague, They tend to be good for only one thing - bullying. Anyway, I've wasted enough of my ever depleting time talking about something that ultimately bores the shit out of me. One thing about this country Ms. Jolen (soon to be of england) there are a core of people who like to knock people who might 'appear' to be popular or, dare I say it, successful. I hope you don't run into any. They tend to smell. Apparently, my success is such that I shortly have a book out! It's news to me. Ask scotch, he seems to know a lot more than me about these non existent things. Blimey, a book! How wonderful. Now I really have a reason to be knocked from an imaginary plinth. And now, if you don't mind, I have autographs that do not need signing. Cheers Ms. Jolen.

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he might move to america, he might not

flossieBee on 18-01-2007
The Worlds Worst...
I love it, Sunken. You have used that phrase of funerals- he would have wanted; he would have loved - with your characteristic black humour so well.

Having also been at the receiving end of strange projections from the character mentioned in the last few comments, I sympathise and have found simple ignoring the best solution...
Your poems and generous comments are great!

All the best

Floss x


Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Floss. Thanks for breezing by like a welcoming summery breeze. You have an aroma of lavender about you today, and it is indeed most pleasing. As for... wots his name, it's the ridiculous way he labelled the people who comment on me that caused most offense. I couldn't give a toss what he thinks about me. I agree, ignore is probably the best option. Thanks for commenting and not minding to be part of a none existent 'clan' - Fer fucks sake, give me strength. Cheers FlossieBee. Ya know, next to Little Ditty, you have the cutest name. You prob didn't want to hear that. Where is Ms. Ditty anyway? I miss her.

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seldom caught with his pants up

Lu on 18-01-2007
The Worlds Worst...
Dearest Sunken, I love you more every day/poem.

Author's Reply:
And hopefully you know by now, that I love you too! So there! It's out (-:
Lovely comment Lu. It proper smacked a grin on my face this morning and no mistake.

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someone loves him

Abel on 19-01-2007
The Worlds Worst...
Your talent never ceases to amaze me...I wonder how you never became a lyricist for some composer over there. Still not too late, smunk. High level work, as always.

w

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Ward. Thanks for the comment. Years ago I wrote some lyrics for a local band. The song was called, 'Masturbate my ego' and it was actually about the singer who was performing it. He never seemed to cotton on to the fact that it was a dig at him. Don't ask to see it (it was dire). Thanks for your support Ward, always appreciated.

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uses teabags as draft excluder's for mice

pencilcase on 19-01-2007
The Worlds Worst...
Good evening Mr.Bananas of the munky persuasion. I heard on the radio very recently that there is a fad or whatever you want to call it for having one's ashes attached to a rocket (firework, I mean) and then being launched into the heavens so as to go out with a bang. I wondered if your poem would progress along these lines but it proved impossible to light and launch so the ashes were unceremoniously scattered on an allotment. But I was wro-ong, I was wro-ong. The Cranberries, wasn't it? Did ya haf to, did ya haf to sniff yer finger?

I'm sorry, I digress (Kaiser Chiefs, wasn't it?). Your poem brings amusement and no mistake. I also like...

This is not the kind of send-off
he would have organised himself,
we had often talked of dying
whilst enjoying perfect health.

Well, this fits in with your story, of course, but lines which feed on the irony of the human condition that could be applied in another context. You don't know what you've got till it's gone, hmmm? Joni Mitchell, wasn't it? I've been suffering from the human condition myself for some years now. Or was it Human League? Nothing seems to make much sense anymore, except your tribute to the world's worst arsonist, of course.

Thank you for a poem that definitely has its lighter side.

Chief Inspector pencil

Author's Reply:
Hello Inspector Pencil. I have taken the songs mentioned in your comment and incorporated them into a mix that will shortly be available as a download. All proceeds will go to 'Munky in need'. Apparently, he needs a new wardrobe to keep his porn in. Said download will retail at £129.99. I hope this meets with your approval and that we can move forward from here and, with the help of life affirming hiccups, make this world a better place to die in. Thanks Mr. Pencil of the yard.

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shaving 3mm of life away in less than 2 minutes

soman on 19-01-2007
The Worlds Worst...
Hello!

I suspect your "sunken" image is just a posture to fool us. ... Be that as it may, I was taken unawares by your product.

We Hindus believe we are subjected to rebirth again and again until we are finally pardoned our sins and pensioned off.
My guess is that he may already be floating around as a crocodile somewhere in Australia.

Soman

Author's Reply:
Hello young Soman. Thanks for looking in on a sunk. You might be glad to hear that I'm not given fooling people, although I was once arrested for impersonating a clown at kiddies birthday party. Here in stormy england, most of us choose between burial or cremation. I've not made my feelings known as, to be honest, I'll be dead and therefore not too bothered about what they do with the body. I kinda fancy being thrown in a skip or the back of a refuse truck. Ending up as land fill would be quite fitting for a sunken. Thanks again for commenting.

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designed for strife

SugarMama34 on 22-01-2007
The Worlds Worst...
Hey Sunks,
Long time no see hun! Another good poem of yours that made me smile with the humour you have woven throughout this. The rhyming is not at all forced, and I couldn't work out what the next line would be, which was a nice surprise, it has good flow all the way through. An interseting and unique poem, one I have enjoyed.

Cheers From Sugar. xx

Author's Reply:
Hiya Ms. Sugar. Hope you're well. Thanks for looking in on a sunk. Sorry I've not been around your subs lately. I'm terrible with prose - I'm terrible with poetry, but ya know what I mean. Anyway, always good to see you in my box, I'll have a sniff around yours later.
Take care Ms. Sugar.

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broken from the inside

littleditty on 21-02-2007
The Worlds Worst...
i'm here - one of your very best, make no mistake - fav for me xxxldx

Author's Reply:
Thank you Ms. Ditty and no mistake. I am honoured, like a... pier. I think that made sense? It's very early and I have not yet had my cornflakes. Thank you very much for the fave (-: xx

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considered a perv in the Anne Summers Superstore

teifii on 07-04-2007
The Worlds Worst...
I have just ben browsing your stuff to find some funny ones to read at our theatr fach and I found this which I had apparently missed, It's lovely.
Daff

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Daff. Sorry I didn't reply earlier, I must have missed the email. It's nice to think that some of my stuff might get read out somewhere. I could never read in public, people make me nervous. I prefer hamsters. Hope it goes well. Thanks for commenting (-:

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no tag week

-phoenix- on 21-11-2007
The Worlds Worst...
This must be one of my favorite poems by you!

Best regards,

Ghost of a Phoenix

Author's Reply:
You've been busy this week Ms. Phoenix. It is good to see you back. Where have you been? You know I worry when people go missing (-; Please leave a note next time. Thanks for your continued support.

Cheers Ghostly one.

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-phoenix- on 24-11-2007
The Worlds Worst...
So sorry Sunken but I never planed on being away or coming back-Lets just say being 15 wasn't all it promised to be.
But thanks for worrying, not many people do.

-Arielle-

Author's Reply:


Sleigh Another Day. (posted on: 11-12-06)
I hope your office party antics stain far more than just the floor...

With respect to those who chose death. Stay now. Regrets believing... Sleigh Another Day. sunken I hope your Xmas sucks the big one. I hope your dreams do not come true. I hope the mournful undercurrents make you feel the way I do. I hope your office-party antics stain far more than just the floor. I hope your day is a disaster and, like the gifts you hanker for, I hope expectancy is ruined in the blink of Santa's eye. I hope your season is not jolly and that the mistletoe you buy with the intention of canoodling is putrefied by Xmas day (unlike these simmering emotions that are resistant to decay). I hope you choke on Xmas pudding. I hope your fairy-lights go out. I hope you overcook the turkey and forget to boil the sprouts. I hope your Xmas tree falls over and that you phone out of despair. I hope your Xmas ends in ruin 'cause then I might just have a prayer and tedium could be averted and despondency would fade. I hope your Xmas sucks the big one and that you wish I might have stayed.
Archived comments for Sleigh Another Day.
niece on 11-12-2006
Sleigh Another Day.
Hi Sunken,

Fab poem! it's not easy to be funny and sad at one and the same time...

Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Niece. Thanks for looking in on a sunky and for leaving such a sweet ickul comment. Did you bring nuts?

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he might stay another day if you're not careful

Dil on 11-12-2006
Sleigh Another Day.
Glad to see you are in the Xmas spirit. Well written, and as witty as always. Loved it.
Dil

Author's Reply:
Thanks young Dil for taking the time to read a sunk. Much appreciated.

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electric blanket 4 - hot water bottle 2

Romany on 11-12-2006
Sleigh Another Day.
Sunken, you have an innate talent for the bitter-sweet. You do it so easily and so realistically too, without becoming ott or sentimental. It seems like ages since you posted anything - good to read your stuff again!

I hope your Christmas is great, by the way!

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Thanks for looking in om a sunky Ms. Romany. It has been a while hasn't it? I often wonder if people are sick of seeing me so I give it the odd rest. I'm sick of seeing me sometimes (-; Thanks for your constant support, you are like a lovely pair of pants... that didn't sound very complimentary did it. Sorry. Have a good one too Ms. Romany.

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last in asda

Bradene on 11-12-2006
Sleigh Another Day.
Another gem from the great one. Agree with all above... You are the man... Love Val xx

Author's Reply:
Hiya Ms. Val. It's nice to be reminded that I'm a man occasionally (-; That bloody munky has a lot to answer for. Thanks for supporting a sunken.

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regrets that last pint

discopants on 11-12-2006
Sleigh Another Day.
More bitter than sweet in this one- a good slant on Christmas. By the way, if the line 'and tedium,,,' started with 'I hope' you would have exactly the same pattern of lines starting with 'I hope' in the first & second half of the poem. Yes, I know I really ought to get out more.

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Disco. I must admit to being a fan of the number 8. It's symmetrical line is most pleasing and no mistake. Thanks for reading and for having the word 'pants' in your name.

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last in hmv

scotch on 11-12-2006
Sleigh Another Day.
oh sunken you should be doing the alternative christmas speach i feel so bad for slagging you off but you'd never have known if that "so and so" hadn't gossiped like Gladyss from heidi hi.

Author's Reply:
Ahhh... but there's always a gossip who'll spill the beans young Scotch of sticky tape fame. I've been slagged before, so I wouldn't worry too much. Eat fruit, contemplate cotton wool and how it relates to girls and say ten hail Judys. I hope this helps.

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could do with a trim

shadow on 11-12-2006
Sleigh Another Day.
Hey sunk, I never knew you did Xmas card verses ... this is a corker! Hallmark, eat yer heart out.

Author's Reply:
Yeah, it's just Xmas I don't do (-; Thanks for reading and dropping into my box. Your's, my lovely Ms. Shadow was the first notification I've had for ages. Does this mean I can stop burning things for smoke signals?

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regrets the leather pouch

Evitchka on 11-12-2006
Sleigh Another Day.
I found the first and penultimate line rather sexy. Looking forward to Xmas now.
Refreshing. Thank you

Author's Reply:
Hello young Evitachick, I don't think I've had the pleasure. Thanks for reading and for using the word, 'sexy' in your comment. I can live with that... I may even bonk it (-; I hope this helps. Thanks.

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he can't walk past tesco without buying a loaf of bread

orangedream on 11-12-2006
Sleigh Another Day.
Strange Sunky, that Evitchka mentioned the penultimate line. Have to say, I held my breath until I'd finished the last one - although whatever could I have been thinking of?!

Actually, the last line WAS a gem, anyway! Nothing more than I expected, really.

:-p Ms. Orange

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. orange. Sorry that my reply is late. I've only just got onto the site. I suspect one mutha of a gremlin. Thanks for looking in a sunken and for bringing the requested magazines (-; Please remain Orange at all times. Thanks.

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isn't having this jesus stuff

Ionicus on 12-12-2006
Sleigh Another Day.
You old rascal. Sounding all bitter and twisted just to elicit our female friends' sympathy! Judging by the latest responses you seem to have the knack of stirring their emotion. Good for you.
I bet your despondency has faded now.
I think that we can drop the smoke signals; the normal postal service seems to have resumed.
Cheers.

Author's Reply:
But I am bitter and twisted - Honest your honour. I do have a soft spot (or should that be hard) for our lovely Ukanettes, I'm only a munky after all. Thank god the notifications have been sorted. I have very little left to burn and no mistake. Cheers Mr. Luigi. You are forgiven for not having tits (-;

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his doorbell plays the superman theme

teifii on 13-12-2006
Sleigh Another Day.
What a splendid curse. Wonderful as ever, Sunky.
Anyway, I hope yours is better than that.
Daff

Author's Reply:

pencilcase on 14-12-2006
Sleigh Another Day.
This is a Christmas pudding of a poem, Mr.Munky: rounded; fruity; rich; heavy on the stomach; loaded with nasty surprises that may cause teeth to break just when we were enjoying it. My only problem is that I'm not sure whether to read it with cream or custard.

I like it very much. You have got across that feeling of wishing that bad things might happen to someone who has rejected you (I mean mishaps and a bit of bad luck rather than really nasty things), but in the end (and you progress to this conclusion in a style of accurate subtlety that reflects the workings of the mind beneath a veneer of humour) you just want the person to regret their decision and call you. These lines (set up by the first 2 lines) are excellent:

I hope the mournful undercurrents
make you feel the way I do

The list-humour reaches a peak for me with the 'forget to boil the sprouts' line and this is skillfully-paced, since then you draw us towards the conclusion and we are left to reflect on a tragi-comic verse.

Well done, Mr.sunken of jelly tot fame!

pencil

Author's Reply:

Jolen on 08-01-2007
Sleigh Another Day.
Phenominal work, Smunky! You got the skills, baby boy and I for one loved the twisted yet powerful message here. I do so love your work. Care to sub it for ScribeSpirit? I am the new literary editor there and would love to feature some of your work. www.ScribeSpirit.org.

blessings,
Jolen

Author's Reply:


Munky Nutz #6 (posted on: 27-10-06)
Munky Nutz - ''Theyre not big and theyre not clever. Theyre just Munky Nutz''

Don't shoot the Munky! Ask the primate. *Munky nut - a daft one-liner (Posted in sets of seven - One to be taken every day with a turnip) MUNKY NUTZ #06 sunken 1. He spent three unfruitful hours trying to convince his new girlfriend that performing oral sex would not compromise her vegetarian beliefs. 2. After every smoke she liked to freshen her breath with nicorette chewing gum. 3. Being a vampire is in the blood. 4. Relieving his bladder alongside the emergency generator was to prove fatal. 5. The synchronised swimming team left the party together. 6. He finally gave into her demands and painted his genitals. 7. She may have had her mother's eyes, but she swore blind that she didn't have her purse! Stand back! It's a banana! More from the agonising primate here
Archived comments for Munky Nutz #6
Romany on 27-10-2006
Munky Nutz #6
Hurray! Munky Nutz at last! Do you realise that these are the only nuts I am not allergic to? Am about to post link to hubby, so he can have a giggle as well. Number my definite favourite this time. Nice work Sunky,

Romany.

Author's Reply:
I would hate for any lady to be allergic to my nutz Ms. Romany. In fact, I'm hard pressed to think of anything that could be worse. Thanks for your support of my nutz and for picking your fave (eventually 😉
Sorry my reply is late. There's something wrong with uka I think, it's running very slow. Perhaps it needs new batteries. Thanks again Ms. Romany. I hope you hubby likes them and thanks for sending them on.

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favours six o clock for it's sheer symmetrical beauty

Romany on 27-10-2006
Munky Nutz #6
Lol! That should have been 'Number 4 my definite favourite this time. Am going now.

Romany.

Author's Reply:

Bradene on 27-10-2006
Munky Nutz #6
A giggle a day just what the doctor ordered. Love them. Love Val x

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Valtastic. If my nutz can raise a smile than they have done their job. It's funny how many ladies seem to giggle at them (-; Thanks for commenting Ms. Val. I hope all is well.

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used his copy of war and peace to hit a burglar on the head

shadow on 27-10-2006
Munky Nutz #6
Another selection of your nutz - oh goody! They are becoming an addiction. Number 6 intrigues me - were they then hung in Tate Modern?

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Shadow. Now wouldn't that be a beautiful thang, finding a girl who's addicted to my nutz... sorry, I'm a bit horny right now. I think it has something to do with the moons current position over my fish pond. As for the painted genitals, I'm afraid that these are the kind of things that the modern woman is demanding in the bedroom these days. Keeping them happy is getting harder and harder (so I hear). One must of course remember to use water based paints when embellishing said parts. It takes hours of hard scrubbing and at least two bottles of turpentine to release oil based solutions (so I hear). Thanks for commenting, especially as it probably took you an hour or so at the current site speed.

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rushed to hospital with genital burns

Kat on 28-10-2006
Munky Nutz #6
How I love your nutz, Munky! Your UKAWIKI pages are wicked too - surely someone wants to snap them up by now/commission you? I'd watch out for that Ms Rayner though... turf wars? ;o)

Kat x

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Katrina. You don't know what it does to me when I keep hearing these lovely comments about my nutz (-; As for that munky! Don't mention him. He's proper pissin' me off lately. You know Ms. Kat, he makes no financial contribution towards his keep. He eats most of my food and treats the place like an hotel. It really bugs me to see that the little shit has made a contribution to Uka this week! What about me? He won't tell me how much and Andrea is of no help because she just encourages the idiot. He probably paid in peanuts anyway. I'm at my wits end and no mistake Ms. Kat. I am expecting a lawsuit from Ms. Rayner at any moment. I don't know about turf wars, I feel like turfin him out on his hairy little ear! Sorry Kat. I just needed to vent a little. Thanks for looking at my nutz.

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he gets confused in lifts

Ionicus on 28-10-2006
Munky Nutz #6
No wonder that your nutz are proving popular with the ladies, sunk, they are well rounded and salty. You are wise to limit them to seven as an overdose of salt can just be as fatal as relieving one's bladder against the generator.
I enjoy these little gems. I think you should dedicate No. 2 to Andrea.
Keep it up mate, even, as you say, it is proving harder and harder.

Luigi.

Author's Reply:
Yes, I did think of Andrea when I wrote number 2. God, I'd hate to be around her whilst she's coming off fags. She's could be pretty bad tempered when she 'was' smoking! It must be hell being around her right now mustn't it? Don't worry, she won't this. I think gets all bohemian on the weekends. Probably running bare-foot through a forest somewhere with flowers in her hair. Thanks for looking at my nuts Luigi.

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he touches other peoples toes

Dil on 28-10-2006
Munky Nutz #6
Your nuts are as fruitful as ever. My favourite is all of them.
Dil

Author's Reply:
lol. Thanks for dropping in on a munky young Dil. Glad you liked them.

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raised by tarzan

niece on 29-10-2006
Munky Nutz #6
Sunky,
Correct me if I am wrong...but are these "nutz" naughtier than the earlier ones...!!!Good ones, as usual...was beginning to miss them...:)
Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Niece. How lovely to see you in my box. I think you're right, they are a bit naughtier. I've usually calmed down by autumn, but this year I'm feeling fruitier than ever. I blame it on being single Ms. Niece. Every munky needs a bit of attention (-; Thanks for taking a look at my nutz. They say that checking them regularly is a good idea, but I never expected someone to do it for me.
How lovely ;-p Take care Niece.

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his nutz are checked in public

juliet on 29-10-2006
Munky Nutz #6
Daft but fun, my favourite the synchronised swimmers.

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Juliet. What an honour it is to see a lady of your standing in my munky enclosure. Thanks for picking out a fave and for commenting.

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doesn't think the windows operating system will catch on

reckless on 29-10-2006
Munky Nutz #6
Hilarious and fun, I haven't read any before but I gather from the above remarks there must be more. My job is now to search them out. Thanks for the laugh.

Author's Reply:
Hello young Reckless. Thanks for reading and commenting. There are indeed more munky nutz (another five sets of seven) by that pesky munky. He somehow got my log-in details and they can be found under 'sunken' on the members list. Glad you liked them. I won't pass the message on, his head is big enough (-;

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last in kung-fu

SugarMama34 on 30-10-2006
Munky Nutz #6
Lol Hiya Sunken, an interesting few one liners you have here, where do you get the ideas from? lol Well where ever they come from they made me laugh. Thanks for making me smile.

Cheers From Sugar. x

Author's Reply:
Hello Sugary Mama. Thanks for checking my nutz out. I just like saying that, sorry. If they can raise a smile on a Monday then they've done their job. Thanks for commenting Ms. Sugary Mama of the 34 persuasion. It's much appreciated, especially as most girls run a mile from my nutz. Take care and a spare key.

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he prefers girls 'cause they look tidier

Abel on 01-11-2006
Munky Nutz #6
Only the Smunk...it's poetry to me, with a shade of Henny Youngman and Shecky Greene, only veggie. You are the GREATEST!!!!


Wardo

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Ward. You do realise that I'm going to have to google those names don't ya? I'm afraid my literary ignorance knows no bounds young Abel of Wardo fame. Thanks for the extremely positive comment, it's much appreciated and does a munky good.

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can only tell the time in digital

discopants on 02-11-2006
Munky Nutz #6
No 6 for me. Good picture too but where did the munky get the gun from?

Author's Reply:
Hello young Mr. Pants of Disco fame. Thanks for commenting. As for the gun, apparently he's making a film. No need to worry though, I have been informed that it is only capable of firing wine gums.
Cheers Disco.

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wears a seat-belt in bed, just in case he dreams of a car crash

RDLarson on 03-11-2006
Munky Nutz #6
Good going -- always funny.

Author's Reply:

narcissa on 15-11-2006
Munky Nutz #6
Dear me, Mr Sunky, these are rather risqué!
Now you've got me all confused because I can't decide if risqué(e) has two "e"s or not. Botheration.
Anyway, you know I adore these nuggets of wit! I look forward to the next installment!
Laura x

Author's Reply:
Hello lovely Ms. Laura. I do apologise for getting you confused... I have to admit though, there's a part of me that quite likes getting a lady confused. It's so often the other way around (-; I actually hadn't realised how risque (one e I believe, with a smug grin) these were until it was pointed out to me. I think I've become immune to my own smut. Do you think this could mean that the munky is evolving? God, I hope not. Thanks for commenting Ms. Laura. Take care and a... spare hair clip. Is hair clip two words or one...? You've got me all confused now. Dohh.

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hopeless at ironing

neotom on 30-12-2006
Munky Nutz #6
Sunken,

If you can draw the images then you'll have a good novelty book here that a lot of people might buy (assuming you don't own all the images?).

You could test it in some student weekly newspapers (all universities have these); I'm sure they'd put a few pages in. Then you'll get great feedback etc etc.

Anyway, I don't know what your aims are.

Tom

Author's Reply:

RDLarson on 16-01-2008
Munky Nutz #6
Oh you dear man you make me giggle and even laugh. Hooray for MunkySunkin!

Author's Reply:
(-: Hello Ms. Larson. I'd almost forgot about Munky's nuts. I think I have some in draft, I must air them out. They could be a bit whiffy by now though. Thank you for bringing this matter to my attention. I shall pass on your comment to the hairy one.

All my sunky love,

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le munk

StanSeagrave on 05-10-2008
Munky Nutz #6
Tastes better from a vegetarian.... so I've been told...




the beauty of life is in small details, not big events

Author's Reply:
Yes, I'd heard that rumour myself. I'll be buggered if I'm giving up meat though, Mr. Stan and no mistake. Thanks for reading and commenting.

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cagney and lacey 3 - simon le bon 2


Minimum Wage. (posted on: 25-09-06)
She's shovin' it!

I cannot serve you with a smile MINIMUM WAGE. sunken Minimum are my expressions (not unlike this hourly rate) I cannot serve you with a smile on these meagre wages mate, I cannot fake enthusiasm or conceal my apathy when precious hours have been valued at only five pounds and 5p! I will be back to take your order when I have finished my fag break. I will return in twenty minutes, the length of time it takes to make around one pound and sixty seven copper coloured new pennies, money that will hardly credit those who terminally squeeze every last drop of ambition from my skinny student frame. Minimum are my expressions, and if you want to know my name just cast your eyes upon the smiley plastic nametag that I wear, the one that tenders the impression that I really fuckin' care about the irritating arses who maximise my diligence for a minimum retrieval of only Five pounds and five pence!
Archived comments for Minimum Wage.
Romany on 25-09-2006
Minimum Wage.
Lol! Striking a blow for the underdogs Sunky? Good for you! And with your usual flair too.

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Thanks Ms. Romany. I have to admit, I kinda fancied the waitress in question. She was obviously a goth who had been told to 'goth down' a little. Bastards! I like a nice goth. Thanks for checking in on a sunky (-:

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peppermint volvo

niece on 25-09-2006
Minimum Wage.
Good poem, Sunk...Have seen some of those grumpy people you talk about...one of them was supposedly entertaining children at a party held at a popular burger joint...
Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
Oh, I can be a grumpy bugger at the best of times Ms. Niece. I wouldn't put myself in the position of having to entertain kids though. They're a bit like cats, they seem to run away from me. I don't know why Ms. Niece, I really don't. Thanks for checking my box. Sorry I haven't done yours recently, I get worried by large word counts. Thanks.

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look, it's a zanusi

shadow on 25-09-2006
Minimum Wage.
I have been one of those grumpy people - and no wonder, when they work you to death, pay you peanuts, and then have the cheek to expect you to be all smiley happy. You caught the mood admirably.

Author's Reply:
It's like the old saying says, 'Pay peanuts, get a munky'. She was a cute munky for all that ;-p
I've often thought that opening a cafe/restaurant that specialised in a discourteous service would do really well. The students would love it. My idea falls on it's arse when it comes to health and safety tho. No, I don't mind any waiter/waitress having an off day. I think it adds to the experience. You have to be nice anyway, they could grot in ya meal if you're not careful. Enjoy your lunch (-;
Thanks Ms. Shadow for supporting a sunk.

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it's all in the grind

orangedream on 25-09-2006
Minimum Wage.
Gosh Sunken. I really had trouble fitting your monster picture + poem onto my little PC screen. It was worth it though. A bloody good write!

:-)orangedream

Author's Reply:
Blimey, I have wanted to hear that for years Ms. Orange (-; Thanks for mentioning it. I did wonder if it was a bit on the large size. With the help of wiki I've made it more manageable. I hope you approve. Thanks for visiting my cell.

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he never wears pants on a monday

MWyndham on 26-09-2006
Minimum Wage.


Author's Reply:

MWyndham on 26-09-2006
Minimum Wage.
Whoops, I hit return without posting! It was an attempt at mime posting...

Anyway, good read - Minimum are my expressions is a good line.

Best Rgds
MW

Author's Reply:
Mime posting, sounds good to me... or should that be it doesn't sound... I'm confused, but enough to stop me from saying thanks for the comment - thanks for the comment (-:

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he's foldable

barenib on 26-09-2006
Minimum Wage.
Sunken - the modern way of employer and employee summed up in a very astute poem. CBI take note ( they're campaigning against raising the minimum wage at the moment!). John.

Author's Reply:
Thanks John. I'd heard something about the campaign. No doubt they will award themselves huge bonuses for a job badly done. Thanks for dropping in on a sunk.

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powered by need

Bradene on 28-09-2006
Minimum Wage.
another controversial problem tackled with aplomb. Well written again Sunky. Love Val x

Author's Reply:
Thank you Ms. Val for continuing to support a sunk. You can tackle my aplumbs anytime you like ;-p

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ignorance 5 - knowing the score 2

Ionicus on 01-10-2006
Minimum Wage.
As you fancied the waitress in question couldn't you offer her better employment? As a cleaner perhaps. I hear they are all the rage with judges at the moment.
Good social comment delivered with your usual flair.

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Luigi. Thanks for checking in on a sunky. Cleaners are worth their weight in gold. I don't think I'd get out of my cell if I had said waitress wandering around the place with a feather duster in her hand. Isn't it strange, the things we get turned on by? Ahhhh... I've gone now Luigi. I'll be like this all day. Thanks (-;

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needs his hair cutting

jay12 on 01-10-2006
Minimum Wage.
I like this a lot sunky and I love the Maccy D's parody pic at the start too. Very cool - I just hope they don't sue.

Take it easy,

Jay.

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Jay. Thanks for visiting my cell. The hearing is on the 17th and I think Maccy D will probably win as they have scary looking clown fighting their corner. You'd think they'd have bigger fish (or should that be burgers) to fry wouldn't ya. Glad you liked it Mr. Cheers.

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4am paternal

littleditty on 01-10-2006
Minimum Wage.
Hello Sunken i popped in to *that place* to investigate the new burger product that they're flogging at the mo (its the yellow M, & hypnosis i think, its a disgrace)- and there she was, the I of your poem, right there rolling here eyes behind the till ...good social commentary poem sir sunk, liked this one xxldx

Author's Reply:
Hello lovely Ms. Ditty. It's nice to see you. On her low wage she probably has to take on more than one job. Of course, she does get free burgers... no, then again that's hardly a plus is it? I dream of the turnip take away Ms. Ditty. One day, one day. Thanks for looking in on me and for bringing crayons.

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stop, in the name of glove

Yutka on 02-10-2006
Minimum Wage.
Hi Sunky, you popped up with one of my favourite subjects. Well done! Knew we were soulmates...
Funny I should have used this also in my new poem...
Yutka:)

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Yutka. Sorry I'm late in replying. You wouldn't believe how many times I've had to save the earth just lately. Thanks for checking in on me and for bringing Ribenna, Pot noodle and twixs. You are lovely.

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more trouble than hes worth

narcissa on 11-10-2006
Minimum Wage.
Fan-bloody-tastic, Mr Sunky, I must say!! Although my new job pays £4.50 an hour (minimum wage for 18-21 year olds! how rubbish!) but I'm doing it for love, not money.

Really enjoyed this, I've missed reading your fantastically witty pieces!!
Laura xx

Author's Reply:
(-: Hiya Ms. Laura. Where the bloody hell have you been? Don't leave us like that again without at least leaving a note of your whereabouts. We are bound to worry. I'm sorry to sound so strict, but someone needs to look after your welfare (-; Really good to see you back Laura and thanks for the top comment. You are a pretty fantastic piece yourself.

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reads by the light of fireflies

eddiesolo on 12-10-2006
Minimum Wage.
Like this Sunk.

Was going to go for a job at a certain burger house. It was the free uniform that hooked me...unfortunately I wasn't spotty enough. Also I was too old at 19 to get a managers job!

Anyway Mctastic piece, as always.

Si:-)

PS Do you want fries with that?

Author's Reply:
Yeah, those uniforms are to die for aren't they? I've made my own from crepe paper and wear it privately whilst watching videos of deep fat fryers doing what they do best.
Thanks for looking in on a sunken young Mr. Ed.

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connects to the net via string

scotch on 22-10-2006
Minimum Wage.
dear sunken i would change mate to "matey" which is more sarcy and you can change "fag-break" to "smokey" which rhymes the two and it rhymes with apathy, smokey lingers for the 15 minute break,it also helps rhyme with "smiley" near the end, after the line "my skinny student frame" i would insert "for your capitalist game" which would then rhyme further down with " you wan to know my name" . i don't feel you need to say (name) tag (lad! oris it lass?). the flipside is that the homeless can warm themselves in these outlets but of course they are destroying the rain forrest which is unforgiveable.

Author's Reply:
Fake tan, 7 - Queen of the 60 watt light bulb, 5.

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sundays make me sad

SugarMama34 on 04-11-2006
Minimum Wage.
Hiya Sunken,
A good way of letting those feelings rip hunney, and telling others how it is and what people like us have to do to get a minimum wage and keep our heads above water! You say it so well in this, it's great and no one else could have said it better than this hun.

Hugs

Sugar. x

Author's Reply:
You're in a very lovely mood today Ms. Sugar. I had a similar mood in the mid nineties. My doctor said that it would pass. He was right. On that very same day Take That split up. I never publicly admitted to liking them as it may have sounded a bit gay. But now, I feel man enough to admit... they were ok. Ahem. Thanks for the lovely comment and for being all sugary and nice.

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he canceled his fake death after hearing that Take That were getting back together

Macjoyce on 23-11-2006
Minimum Wage.
When I was 17 I briefly worked for McDonald's. They had me cleaning the sludge off their waste-compressing machine with a toothbrush. I hope this helps.

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cannot pronounce the word 'sausage'


Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Mac, not of the Donald's persuasion. I do apologise for the lateness of this reply. I blame my current fear of keyboards, a fear that renders typing an imposibili....

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can't watch x factor without throwing up

Saxonshadow on 08-12-2006
Minimum Wage.
I really enjoyed this piece, brought to mind 'monkeys and nuts' lol, also made me think of all those poor sods who work nights for a pittance, I guess it it wasn't for the minimum wage things could be worse! I like the 'M' in your banner type title too, reminded me of one of the biggest abusers... good post.. SS

Author's Reply:
Hello young Saxon of the Shadow persuasion. Sorry I missed your comment but the notifications are still on strike. Apparently they are on less than the minimum of wage. It's a disgrace and no mistake. Glad you liked the M. I stole it from the biggest abuser of all. What is Ronald Macdonald supposed to be anyway. Surely he scares kids half to death. If the burgers don't kill ya, the clown will. Thanks for the comment young Saxon.

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regrets less and less by the day

Jolen on 09-12-2006
Minimum Wage.
Smunky!!! You haven't lost a bit of your wonderful meter and flaiir. I love it! ohhhhhhhhhh I have missed you, next time I'll shoot straighter. lol

blessings,
Swollen Jolen of America town

Author's Reply:
Ms. Jolen of America Village! Where have you been. How I miss your bountiful bosom. How I would love to shoot straight between them. Lol, god, I really must have a wank. I'm so sorry. I just woke up all horny. I'll go and sort it out in the shower. This has nothing to do with poetry does it? Good to hear from you Ms. Jolen. Give my regards to the US of A and to that Blue eyed soul. Thanks for commenting.

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in need of relief

Jay on 11-01-2007
Minimum Wage.
HAHAHA. I'm back... and brilliant I says!
I relate to this totally. Apart from I work at Jessops and get paid less than that.

Have a nice day.
I'm trying to write an essay. 😛


Author's Reply:
(-: Yay Jay. Ya know, I was only, just a few days ago, wondering where you had got to. Thanks for reading my ickul poem. I am sure that you, Ms. Jay of the talented persuasion, will not be working for a pittance for too long. It's good to see/hear/read you again. Hope the essay is going well. Let me know if I can help - My strong subjects are, turnips, not getting enough sleep & failing to make the right impact when it really matters. None of this is going to help is it? Take care Jay and please don't go disappearing like that again! You get me worried ya know?

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he might experiment with random thought processes, he might not


8:46 (posted on: 15-09-06)
Resubmitted due to the recent hacking. Thanks to those who originally commented on '8:46

these could be our final seconds 8:46 sunken Unadulterated heavens anticipate another day, images as yet incited as windows touched by golden rays reflect upon a population who seem adhered to telephones, words of love so rarely spoken in such terrifying tones. These could be our final seconds, I cannot comprehend goodbyes when I know that beyond blackness there are blue September skies under which I long to hold you without ever letting go These will be the very final words of love I will bestow. This will be my only message, there cannot be a curtain call, but should my life replay before me as persuasion begs my fall then at least I can draw comfort from the last but final frame, the one in which I kissed you gently before fanatics laid their claim.
Archived comments for 8:46
orangedream on 15-09-2006
8:46
Hi there Sunken - so glad you re-submitted this piece. A chilling picture.

I've said it before and I'll say it again - a moving, well written poem, thoughtfully constructed, that shines in the darkness.

Kindest regards

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Orange. Thanks for taking the time to re-comment (-: Muchly appreciated.

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Romany on 15-09-2006
8:46
As I said originally Sunky, this is what I consider to be your trademark in poetry - spare and heartbreaking. The new pic. is very chilling too.

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Hiya Romany. Thanks a lot for taking the time to comment again. I was going to use this pic originally but changed my mind for some reason. As it's had to be re-subbed I thought I may as well use it. Thanks again. Much appreciated.

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discopants on 15-09-2006
8:46
Sunk: my original comment and your reply is copied below:

Nice one Mr Sunk. A heartbreakingly personal slant on the events of that day.


Sunken replies:
Thanks Mr. Pants of the Disco persuasion. Haven't seen you around for a while (I
seem to be saying that a lot lately). Tell ya what, I bet that you look good on
the dance-floor. Thanks for taking the time to read. Much appreciated.

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Author's Reply:
Thanks for doing that Mr. Pants. I never keep my emails so I'm not able to cut and paste the original comments )-: Thanks for taking the time.

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shadow on 15-09-2006
8:46
Hi sunk, can't remember what I said last time, but it's still a great poem. Brought tears to my eyes.

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Shadow. Thanks for commenting again. I now have that song by The Streets in me head, 'Dry ya eyes mate...' I quite like that tune tho, so this is a good thang. Thanks Ms. Shadowy figure.

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Kat on 16-09-2006
8:46
I'm still loving your artistry with this excellent and moving poem, Mr luvly Munky!

Kat x

Author's Reply:
Thanks Ms. luvly Kat for giving a munky your support during these hacked off times (-:

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TheGeeza on 16-09-2006
8:46
Great poem, Sunky. Very moving.


Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Geezer. Have you been away, or have I been asleep? I get confused and often blame the following - not enough sleep, too much sleep and, of course, turnips. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment and welcome back... if you went away in the first place... I'm just not sure of anything today. Thanks.

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littleditty on 16-09-2006
8:46
It is a very moving one - tenderness, you make the horror of what they did by contrast. Sickos. Tenderness is where it's at - do i still sound like a hippy after all these years? Peace and Love, sunkymunky xxldx

Author's Reply:
Ya know, I think that Andrea woman's a hippy too. I have recently stopped wearing socks. I leaked the aforementioned information to Ms. Lawns via telekinesis. She said that she hadn't worn any for years and that I was totally behind the times with regards to sock withdrawal. She can be quite rude at times I feel. Anyway, thank you Ms. Ditty for being both lovely and little. Tenderness will always win the day. I am trying to introduce pillow warfare to those who feel that they must fight. It's not going great, but I will get there in the end.

While I'm here Ms. Ditty I'd just like to thank the person who nominated 8:46 (-: It was nominated pre-hack and so to have it nomed again is pretty sweet. Thanks.

Thank you Ms. Ditty for feeding the munky.

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Dazza on 17-09-2006
8:46
Munkmeister, you have many nooks and this 9/11 beauty reveals a brand new cranny, great, Dazza.

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Dazza. Thank you for peering into my cranny in such loving way. You do realise the people will talk? Thanks for reading a sunken young Daz of Za fame.

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SugarMama34 on 20-09-2006
8:46
Hey Mr Sunken,
This is a very emotional piece. So much thought has gone into this and the message is so clear and yet so very sad, more so because it is true of what happened on that fateful day in America. I think your words say it all really. This has touched me from the POV of someone who may have said their last goodbyes to their loved ones and their thoughts of being caught up in one of the worst disasters in history.

Cheers From Mrs Sugar.

Author's Reply:
Hello Mrs. Sugar. I would one day like to comment like that. Thanks for taking the time to read. It would seem that you are as sweet as your name suggests (-:
Thanks again.

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Yutka on 20-09-2006
8:46
Hi Sunky,
Another side from you. I'm glad to find it.
Yutka:)

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Yutka. Thanks for your sweet comment. I don't let this side out very often because it's very sensitive to the sun (-; Thanks for commenting.

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Bradene on 21-09-2006
8:46
Hi Sunky Sorry I'm late commenting on this again after the hackers dastardly deed but it has been one of those weeks! anyhow you know what I think of this and your work in general, Fantastic congrats again on the nib Love Val x

Author's Reply:
Thank you Ms. Val. Yes, those hackers have a lot to answer for. I lost quite a bit from my Wiki pages too, but eventually managed to recall most of it. There are some horrible people on the web, but luckily they don't subscribe to Uka. Hope you are well and thanks for looking in on a sunky.

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Hazy on 22-09-2006
8:46
Fabber than fab. Very moving, smunky. Glad to see it was nominated.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:
Thank you Ms. Hazy of London on the green. It was nice to get nominated again after the hacking and I'd like to express my gratitude by quoting one of my favourite binary codes - ahem - 0001100110001
Thanks. I think you'll agree, it's quite a striking code. Thanks Hazy (-:

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Leila on 12-11-2006
8:46
Sunken you have treated this subject with sensitivity and respect while retaining your own unique voice and the clever touches such as 'incited' / 'windows'... a tender take on the horror of such moments...L

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Leila. Good to see you on Uka again. I missed you more than Turnips, and I love a turnip in my lobby Ms. Leila. Thanks for commenting and continuing to support a smunky (-: Glad you liked the poem.

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last in somerfields

Macjoyce on 14-09-2007
8:46
Nice one, Sunk. Six years now, eh?

I could never phone someone and tell them I love them as the building I sat in crumbled away in a fiery mass. I’d find it impossible. I’d just shrug and let the pointlessness of life wash over me. Short and shit, that’s life.

Mac the Happy Meal


Author's Reply:
Hiya Mac. Thanks for looking over my older stuff. I suppose it's hard to know how you'd react in circumstances like those. I just remember being glued to the tv. It was almost sick. Terrifying stuff. Lets just hope we die in our sleep.

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head in the crowds

-phoenix- on 21-11-2007
8:46
Well what can I say, yet another amazing piece of writing by you, I really love the feeling of this.

Best Regards,

The Ghost Of A Phoenix

Author's Reply:
Hello again Ms. Ghost of a Phoenix. You must think I'm quite depressing, given the subjects of my stuff just lately. I am hoping to lighten up at some stage. Thanks for your comments, they always mean a lot. Hope you're thinking of subbing again at some stage. Take care.

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she cast her eyes beyond the shadow of his doubts


Tourettes, I've had a few... (posted on: 14-08-06)
Its hard to forge a relationship when words like 'wank get in the way

but then again TOURETTES, I'VE HAD A FEW sunken She presumed it was a landmass? She cannot be a true brunette! There must be blonde beneath the surface to have imagined that tourettes was an island south of China inhabited by people who communicate in harsh expletives (the way that football players do). Courtesies are hard to summon when words like 'wank' get in the way of every single oration that your tortured lips relay. Doctors forecast his prognosis, they say he has not got a prayer (and if he had it would be ruined by a fucking urge to swear). She is accustomed to bad language, ''It is a simple consequence of an asinine condition that belies a dark pretence. People say that I am simple, they call me this, they call me that'' His lips manipulate expressions that conclude with, ''Fuckin' twats!'' ''Was that you or your condition?'' she enquires with a smile that seems to quench a situation others may have thought hostile. ''That was me'', he says embarrassed before yelling, ''Suck my cock!'' (a tourette induced directive that lips are powerless to block until she seals them entirely by pressing both of hers to his). She thought tourettes was a small island ''Sometimes it feels like it is.''
Archived comments for Tourettes, I've had a few...
dogfrog on 14-08-2006
Tourettes, Ive had a few...
A Pete inspired piece perhaps? Awesome, in fact so awesome I'd love to see it in the Mail on Sunday.

df



Author's Reply:
Thanks young Dog of Frog fame. Pete seems to be one of the few people I've seen on a reality show that actually deserves to win. I wish him well. As for the Mail on Sunday, I'm not sure how the expletives would go down. I don't really read newspapers. Is that kinda thang permissible these days? It should be. 'Fuck' and 'Wank' must be amongst the most commonly used words in the english language today. I could, of course, be talking complete bollocks. Thanks for the comment and, while I'm here, thanks to the person who nominated.

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sleeps in the toad position

e-griff on 14-08-2006
Tourettes, Ive had a few...
Ijust loved the title! Why didn't I think of that? (I spend my days with similar things popping up in my head - always have)

Anyway, to the pome. Good stuff Technically - I had a couple of small qualms.

basically, the poem is in four line sections with an abcb rhyme. You link the last two together by a continuing thread of meaning/punctuation. I think this disturbs the read (it did for me) and therefore distracts from the appreciation of the ending. so I'd rather see, myself,

“That was me…”, he says embarrassed
before yelling, “Suck my cock!”
(a tourette induced directive
that lips are powerless to block).
Until she seals them entirely
by pressing both of hers to his.
She thought tourettes was a small island…
“Sometimes it feels like it is.”

and I'm not sure what the quote marks are doing on the last line. It wouold be fine without for me.

best, JohnG





Author's Reply:
Hello young Griff. Thanks for your thoughts. To be quite frank, I very rarely change stuff once it's subbed. It's a rule I have adhered to since failing an elementary saucepan exam at the age of ten. I stupidly, on the advise of a peer, incorporated a metal handle into the design of my pan. Quite a serious fault as it happened because said handle simply retained the heat and rendered the bloody thing useless. All of my deepest love.

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trades under the name of norris

Claire on 14-08-2006
Tourettes, Ive had a few...
Morning there hun, nice piece here, made me laugh... not much more to say.

Enjoyed your wee ditty.

Author's Reply:
Don't we have a Ukaneer by the name of Wee Ditty? Thanks for commenting Ms. Claire. Glad you liked.

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contemplates shaving his big toe on a daily basis

CVaughan on 14-08-2006
Tourettes, Ive had a few...
sunken - good contemporary stuff although Big Brother is not watched by me I heard there was a chap on it and presume this inspired the write. Splendid stuff, have a fucking 10 from me for you bastard, I owed you one, oh sorry about that it must be catching. Frank

Author's Reply:
Hello you wanker. Sorry. Yeah, there is a lad on there who's been pretty much tipped to win since day one. I find the condition really interesting and he's been the main reason I've stuck with it this year. He deserves to win, in my munky opinion, for just being a nice bloke. You get so many arses on these progs that it would good to see a none arse win. Apparently, he has quite big dangle too and he hasn't once used it to influence the voting. Respect is surely due. If I had a big dangle I'd have to whip it out occasionally. I have a friend who has a big one and he's always showing it off. Proper gets on my tits. Anyway, none of this is really important. Thanks for the ten and the comment and for being a bastard.

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so, this is uranus?

niece on 14-08-2006
Tourettes, Ive had a few...
Sunken,
Amazing poem as usual...! Didn't know swearing could also be caused by "Tourettes" until I checked up the dictionary. Atleast I'll be less judgemental about a couple of my friends who are constantly swearing:)!
Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Niece. Lovely to see you in my box (-; Don't let those foul mouthed friends fool ya into thinking that they may have tourettes. I think there's more to it than that. I have the odd foul-mouthed outburst but it's voluntary. Tourette sufferers tend to shout out stuff (not necessarily expletives) without having any control over it. Stress tends to make it worse apparently. I'm no expert, though I do know what most swear words mean (-; Thanks for taking the time to comment Ms. Niece.

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yes sir, i can artex

e-griff on 14-08-2006
Tourettes, Ive had a few...
well (without being at all snippy, I promise) wouldn't it be nice to tell us that on the piece (as Gerry has done today) so we didn't wste our time G 🙂

eg: 'comments/no crit'

Author's Reply:
Sorry you think you wasted your time Griff. You can crit all you like, it doesn't mean I have to change what I've posted? That's always the authors prerogative, it would be a bit sad if it wasn't. I rather this didn't get bogged down with forum type discussion if that's ok? I do take crit on board, I just don't change stuff after I've subbed it. As I said, my prerogative - like preferring turnips mashed.

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no, no - not my limited edition zebra print doc martens!

shadow on 14-08-2006
Tourettes, Ive had a few...
And there I always thought a tourette was a sort of mini-tour - you learn something new every day - but then I never watched Big Brother, too intellectually demanding ... enjoyed the pome though.

Author's Reply:
Lol. It is very demanding at times Ms. Shadow. I tend to dip in and out of it. I do realise that it's totally uncool to admit to watching BB at all. Being uncool is quite fashionable in my neck o da woodz tho(-; I have to watch most of it on 'mute' as they tend to scream at the slightest thing. Is there anything more irritating than the high pitched scream of a drama queen? Thanks for coming into my box Ms. Shadow.

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incarcerated for he pleasure

Slovitt on 14-08-2006
Tourettes, Ive had a few...
Sunken: One of the best written of your pieces that I have read, and those past poems pretty well done themselves. As always a lot of wit, a fast-pace, a good ear for speech and musical at that, and I've often thought of using tourettes as an explanation for some of my behavior though I suspect that won't wash. A good poem with your unmistable stamp. Swep

Author's Reply:
Thanks young Swep. The nibs have been short on the ground lately so it's a nice boost to see one up there. I seem to swear more in my writing than I do in reality. Do you think I might have literary tourettes? I somehow can't imagine you behaving in such a way (-; I'd use an expletive here but it would be too obvious.
Thanks again.

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banned from Tesco for her pleasure

teifii on 14-08-2006
Tourettes, Ive had a few...
Very clever piece in my humble opinion. Serious subject but the end really made me laugh out loud.
Daff

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Daff (-: I'm always pleased to see you. It's that cosy vision I have of you sitting by a real fire (mine is fake) in a lovely little cottage. I'm thinking wind in the willows for some reason... What am I on about? Sorry Ms. Daff. Glad you liked the poem.

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wind in the pillows

Ionicus on 14-08-2006
Tourettes, Ive had a few...
There is no end to your versality, dear sunks. I mean that most sincerely (as Hughie Green used to say. Perhaps before your time).
As always a top notch poem which made me laugh for the humour it contains but also made me reflect sadly on that disability. As for the Mail on Sunday they would report those words as W**k and F**k to show that it is a respectable newspaper. Bollocks, I say, without the asterisks.
For your information Wee ditty is in fact 'littleditty' aka as nicky.
Luigi.

Author's Reply:
Oh there's a definite end young Ionicus. I've simple spliced it onto the beginning though and made a kind of continual vortex. I got the idea from a Captain Kirk look-a-like who I met at a New years eve party that ended prematurely at 10.45 because of an unfortunate trombone incident. For legal reasons, I can't say anymore. I know you'll understand. Thank you for clearing the wee Ditty conundrum up. I knew it was our lovely Nicky really. She's very talented ya know? Thanks for commenting. Sorry about the reply. I have a headache today. I blame too much mineral water.

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sent to coventry for her pleasure

orangedream on 14-08-2006
Tourettes, Ive had a few...
Well - what else is there left to say Sunken - except of course,
TURNIPS IN CAPITAL LETTERS!

Was going to nominate this myself but, unsurprisingly, someone pipped me to the post ... so to speak.

More power to you (I think) dearest Sunken.

orangedream

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Tap it, unwrap it. Ahhh Terry's chocolate orange, a heavenly assault on the tongue and no mistake (tho sadly not as rich in vitamin C as it's juicy rival - the orange). Imagine you being 'pipped' to the post? Do you eat the pips by the way? When I eat apples I eat the whole thing, core, stalk and pips and all. People say I'm dirty for doing so? I just realised something - what's this got to do with your reply? Sorry, I wandered lonely as the proverbial cloud. I got the notification of the nomination but they no longer name the person who's actually done the lovely deed. Big thanks to whoever did so and thanks to you for your post-pipped attempt. I now have only one thing to say - Turnips! Thanks (-:

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lost in a crowd for her pleasure

Dargo77 on 14-08-2006
Tourettes, Ive had a few...
Sunk, pleased you completed the task ... you will now be on a luxury budget all of next week. Nice also that you have been called to the diary room to collect your prize of a 'great read' and a different kind of 'nomination' to boot.
Regards,
Dargo

Author's Reply:
Thanks young Dargo for your most original comment and for continuing to support that increasingly endangered specimen known simply as the sunken.

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sponsored by dave the plumber who lives down the road

shackleton on 14-08-2006
Tourettes, Ive had a few...
Awesome, Mr. Sunky. You haven't lost your contemporay edge. Go man go! Firkin' 'eck - it's so good that I don't know what to say.

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Too few to mention.

Author's Reply:
Hello young Shacks. I hope you are well. This was actually written in May of this year but I decided to hold it back until the final week. I just hope I haven't jinxed the poor sod. Thanks for supporting the lesser known sunken who denies all knowledge of munky features. Much appreciated.

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his way

Jen_Christabel on 15-08-2006
Tourettes, Ive had a few...
A big effing ten from me!
Superb!
Jenniferx

Author's Reply:
Lol. And a big effing Fank You from me young Jen of criminology fame. Thanks putting up with the swearing, it had to be done. Sorry about the late reply, someone stole the homepage and I had to find a back-door (oo er missus). Thanks for supporting a sunk Jen, much appreciated.

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raised on the back of hands

karenuk on 15-08-2006
Tourettes, Ive had a few...
I'm lovin' it lovin' it lovin' it. I'm lovin' it like - w*nk! 😉

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Karen of UK fame. It's nice to see you in my box, as it were. Ahem. Glad you liked it as much as wanking... That really is quite a compliment (-; I apologise for the late reply. I got locked out of uka. I think they did it on purpose 'cause sometimes they get sick of me.

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encased in cement for her pleasure

red-dragon on 15-08-2006
Tourettes, Ive had a few...
Sunkie - torn between saying serious things like - 'glad you aired it, mate' and daft things like - 'we went to Tourettes sur Loup on holiday and shouted Fuck all the way there'
Oh hell, a serious message wrapped in a monkey barm cake!!
Ann

Author's Reply:
Lol, I think it's the only way to deal with tourettes isn't it? I think Pete of 'wankers' fame shows amazing strength of character. 'Being torn' will do for me Ms. Ann of Dragon fame. I kinda felt that way when I wrote it. What is a barm cake anyway? I've always called them barn cakes...
Thanks checking in on a sunken.

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in charge of rope

Abel on 15-08-2006
Tourettes, Ive had a few...
Another brilliant piece of work from you, Smunk...damn, how do you come up with these?? These are more like Munky patties methinks...priceless!

Wardo

Author's Reply:
Hello young Mr. Ward. None of them would get written down if it wasn't for the support of fellow ukaneers like yourself. Your continued support is like porn - much appreciated (-;
Thanks Wardo.

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left-behind for her pleasure

ThePhoenix on 16-08-2006
Tourettes, Ive had a few...
I don't have a TV so haven't seen any big brother but I do tell strangers I have tourettes just so I can be as rude/weird as I like to people and they have to put up with it, my best friend thought I had tourettes for nearly two years when I first met him before I realised I was probably gonna be spending some time with the dopey cunt so told him, he's still not sure and looks at me funny when I swear or scream randomly, I also tell people I have narcolepsy (so that I can switch off from boring conversations at will) and hypoglycemia (to disguise my piggish eating habits)

thanks for entertaining me with this great poem, if the involuntary profane can find love why the fuck cant i?!

The Phoenix

Author's Reply:
Ahhh, you're not alone young Phoenix. Singledom is the bane of my wife - I mean life. That fraud knew his shit and no mistake! Thanks for visiting a sunken. I hope the frisk on your way in/out was to your satisfaction. Thanks for the crayons, the razor blade and the soap on a rope. All of my deepest congeniality's.

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tormented for her pleasure

Romany on 16-08-2006
Tourettes, Ive had a few...
You have done it yet again Sunky! You are quite deep beneath all your messing about, and you often make me smile. Was this in any way prompted by the latest (and hopefully last) run of Big Brother by any chance? Just curious.

Clever, witty write as is your wont,

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Romany. Hope the holiday went well. As to your question, it was written on the first night of BB, back in May. I always intended to sub it on the last week. To the bottom right of the piccy you'll see (for Pete's sake), I was going to go with the BB logo but that seemed a bit too obvious. He's the only contestant worthy of the win if you ask me - but then what do I know? I've surely jinxed the poor sod now. Thanks for commenting Ms. Romany.

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left to rot for her pleasure

Dazza on 16-08-2006
Tourettes, Ive had a few...
On an island along with any other poor bugger in pain, demented, dying etc, Spot on you little shit. Dazza.

Author's Reply:
People keep swearing at me lately Dazza. It's like tourettes in reverse. What did I do? I once had a girl shower my in lager for two-timing her. I had to reveal the barcode on my arse to prove that she had the wrong man. Ahhh, the demented folly of youth. Thanks for the comment young Dazza and for also calling me a shit, it brings back such steamy memories (-;

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labeled incompetent for her pleasure

reckless on 17-08-2006
Tourettes, Ive had a few...
A load of fun this; and what poetry should surely be all about. Despite the qualms about not changing, I still think the line "they say he has not got a prayer" would read better as " "they say he hasn't a prayer". It would scan better, but then I did A level English so you can ignore me. I thought this was great, and so true to life.

Author's Reply:
Hiya young Reckless. Thanks for your thoughts. To be honest it seems to scan ok for me. Perhaps I have some weird accent thang going on. Your A level tops me by the way. I have no qualifications to speak of, tho I did once win a prize for falling spectacularly in love with an unattainable girl named Regret. She had great... eyes. Glad you liked it. Long may your recklessness continue.

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left out in the cold for her pleasure

Albermund on 18-08-2006
Tourettes, Ive had a few...

S, I'm amazed that once submitted you should close the door on making alterations to your poems. I mean, what if you, yourself, the one and only, come up with something even more brilliant than what you have thought of so far like? Would it not gnaw at your itchy fingers till you were putty in their hands? Fuck off Turnips I hear myself say but still. I thought this poem was very excellent. Very funny, makes one think, particularly liked - His lips manipulate expressions that conclude with, “Fuckin’ twats!” - and reads really well for me once I got into the swing of things.
Great stuff. A 🙂

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Mund. Thanks for reading and visiting my cell. Did you bring magazines and Marmite flavoured crisps? Re. the alteration thang - I only edit if there's an obvious typo. They just do what they do once subbed. It's the flaws in life that keep it interesting. I once met a bloke who was perfect, bored the shit out of me he did. Thanks again for looking in on me and helping with the crayoning (-:

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sponsored by toilet duck

jay12 on 19-08-2006
Tourettes, Ive had a few...
This is *wank* ......

Excuse me!!!!

This is an excellent poem, funny and thoughtful. I do hope you excuse my pathetic attempt at a joke though!!

Author's Reply:
Thanks young Jay of twelve persuasions. I was raised on pathetic attempts, yours is anything but. Thanks for the comment and vote. Muchly appreciated (-:

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sleeps in the feud

littleditty on 20-08-2006
Tourettes, Ive had a few...
hello munky - re scanning and all that jazz i think you're a bit of a tap dancer shuffle shuffle s..l..i..d..e - or the barcode on your arse has made a cheeky munky who kicks at the machine a little - part of the fun with your poems is to read out loud, figure how you may have wanted it heard - too neat sucks ---------and can be sleepy -the lines heavier on clipped syllables kept me on my toes sunken, which is a good thing, being little. You're a comic, with comic timing and this one is is another of your best. Thanks xxditty x

Author's Reply:
Thank you Ms. Ditty. Apparently I was conned with the barcode tattoo on my arse. It was meant to say 'I love you' when scanned, but apparently it says 'Frozen peas - £1.20
Glad it kept you on your toes. Being little is very cute in my bumper book of neat things. Have a happy Monday (if there is such a thing). Thanks for the smashing comment and for supporting a su k (my 'n' has gone missing. I've reported it and am hoping for the best). Take care x

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talks to pillows

genova on 20-08-2006
Tourettes, Ive had a few...
You are a very funny person. To an unreconstructed depressive, there is a part of your prose that is mischievous, zany and yet strangely uplifting... All the while being very therapeutic. You are clearly mad, but keep up the good work...

Author's Reply:
Ahhh madness is but a state of mind, apparently. Clare Rayner told me that, but she has a tendency to lie and to be quite frank I find her self righteous attitude a bit hard to take. Thanks for commenting and for supporting a su k (my n is missing) like a pair of sloggi underpants.

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her prefers single blade to double as it halves the chance of getting cut

woodbine on 21-08-2006
Tourettes, Ive had a few...
Hi Sunken,
I've given up on television, so I don't know the context, and can only see it as a sauce of wonder (as you might say). Sometime back I had a poem about a stillborn child. Someone making a comment suggested sending it to a site for the family and friends of others who had suffered this. I did and they published it along with thoughts of other families in their magazine.
It felt very good as a poet to be useful and made me glad to have written it.
I recommend this to you. It is an inspired poem.
John

Author's Reply:
Hiya young Woodbine. I think tv and all kinds of crap (mainly muzak) seep into my head without me realising. I've tried blocking up my ears and nostril, but it still gets in. I mainly followed BB this year for young Pete. I'd be happy for anyone to use it in the way you suggested. Perhaps its something I should look into. Thanks for taking the time to comment on a munky.

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desperately seeking 'n'

len on 21-08-2006
Tourettes, Ive had a few...
yeah, Tourettes...That's where the filmed that James Bond movie,"Moonwanker."...Great flick..This is a fitting tribute, Sunken...Yer pal, len

Author's Reply:
Thanks young Len. I guess wanking on the moon poses all kinds of problems... I'd like to try though, just for scientific purposes you understand?
Thanks putting up with a sunken, much appreciated.

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do you know that one that goes la la la la la - la la la la la - la la la la?

Bradene on 24-08-2006
Tourettes, Ive had a few...
Brilliant piece about a frightening condition Sunky well expressed. I once knew someone with this condition when I was a child and we used to take the piss out of him... We didn't know any better then. Kids can be cruel little sods can't they! Love Val x

Author's Reply:
Hiya Ms. Valtastic. Kids are the cruelest of all I think. They often point at my big red munky bum and make lewd suggestions. They also feed me bananas when they know they're not supposed to. Thanks for looking in on a sunken. Take care and a spare key.

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sponsored by kylie's last rolo

skinnyscot on 27-08-2006
Tourettes, Ive had a few...
yet again i return to UKA to find another masterpiece from you sunken. I loved this, it was well written, funny and thought provoking!
rated 10

Author's Reply:
Hello young Skinny of the Scot variety. Long time no see. Hope you are well. Thanks for your encouraging words. Here are few encouraging words for you in return - love, happiness, pride, joy and of course - turnips. I hope this helps. Thanks Scot.

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hoards butter

Jolen on 30-08-2006
Tourettes, Ive had a few...
Smunky.... You are the best! A wonderfully constructed piece..

blessings,
Swollen Jolen of young America Town

Author's Reply:
Thank you Ms. Swollen. Always good to see you - swollen or otherwise. If you get chance, could you water America's flower beds? I've noticed that they are looking a little dry. Thanks for checking in on a munky (-:

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he likes fire

Leila on 08-09-2006
Tourettes, Ive had a few...
Wow it is good to get five mins to log on at last and to find a poem like this...although I didn't follow big brother I knew of Pete and I believe he won. However there is no requirement to have watched the prog to understand and appreciate this excellent poem written in true Sunken style, with depth, originality and flair. You have taken a very serious subject and approached it with sensitivity and humour making a very poignant read. Congratulations on posting yet another poem that is a pleasure to read over and over again...Leila

Author's Reply:
He did indeed win Ms. Leila. Amazing really, as anyone/thing that I back usually goes tits up. Thanks for taking the time to comment and for doing so in a way that really does convince me that I am but a munky. Good to see you around Uka again and especially good to see you in my box. I know that sounds rude, but just humour me yeah? Thanks Leila (-:

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he has trouble with his 8 times table, so does his 9s instead

SugarMama34 on 20-11-2006
Tourettes, Ive had a few...
Hey Sunks hunney,
A great subject to write about. It's humerous without fault in my book, but you also say about the down sides to touretts and how it affects that person.
Good flow and rhythem, but Fab humour as always from you Mr Sunken. I'm still laughing at this, one of the funniest I've read in a while. I'm not surprised it's been nominated for the anthology, it desrves a place in there...without a doubt.

Hugs,

Sugar.xx

Author's Reply:
You do realise that I go all unnecessary when you call me hunney? Just so long as you know (-; Thanks for taking the time to look at this and for being more positive than the near fatal electric shock that I recently received via a static build-up in my nylon pants. I'm sticking to cotton from now on and no mistake, said a spokesperson. Thanks.

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also available in english

Macjoyce on 23-11-2006
Tourettes, Ive had a few...
Excellent work, young Sun of ken fame. I too suffer from a mild form of Tourette's Syndrome. I frequently get the urge to shout "Toilet!" in public places. Does this count as Tourette's Syndrome? Or is it Toi-lette's Syndrome? Hmmm. I hope this TOILET helps.

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sellotapes aardvarks to his elbow

Author's Reply:


Blue Metallic Hide. (posted on: 24-07-06)
Memories are stirred like pollen

mid july is not the same BLUE METALLIC HIDE. sunken The dawn unwrapped a new horizon to reveal a flawless day, the kind of day that made you flourish like the sweetest of bouquets, flowers that would bloom in silence as I cried without a sound. The dawn unwrapped a new horizon as my eyes surveyed the ground. Memories are stirred like pollen as summer saturates the air, 'Life is ultimately relished by those who live without a care..,' but I care enough to tell you that mid July is not the same and that I shoulder criticisms and completely take the blame for exchanging your tomorrows for nothing more than one joyride on a dawn I wrapped entirely in a blue metallic hide.
Archived comments for Blue Metallic Hide.
orangedream on 24-07-2006
Blue Metallic Hide.
Hello there Sunken - I'm a bit lost for words on this one. Wow! "What a picture - what a photograph" as Tommy Steele once said.

AND what a poem - it quite blew me away! Actually, I'm just going to read it again, there was too much to take in on first reading. Some of the lines are 'little gems' and love the ending too.

Thank you so much Sunken.

Author's Reply:
You do know that too much reading can make you blind? Something like that anyway (-;
Thanks for encouraging comment young Orange of Dream fame.

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powered by triple A

eddiesolo on 24-07-2006
Blue Metallic Hide.
Tops again my little sunk.

Wonderful flow in this...you are a talented git.

Si:-)

Author's Reply:
Git is ok, but less of the 'little' (-; Cheeky munky.

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prefers not to tan

niece on 24-07-2006
Blue Metallic Hide.
Sunken,

You've proven once again what a fabulous poet you are!

Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
And once again my young Niece you have proven how lovely you are. More lovely even than a... rosy apple.

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anarchy in a tea bag

Romany on 24-07-2006
Blue Metallic Hide.
'The dawn unwrapped a new horizon' - excellent.

You are indeed talented Sunken. I sincerely hope this poem comes from observation of life, and not from personal experience. I am not asking. Excellent imagery and imbued, as is so often the case with you, with that atmosphere and emotion that leave your readers saddened, intrigued and sympathetic, and a whole host of other emotions too. Great stuff!

Romany.


Author's Reply:
God I wish i comment like that instead of bangin' on about turnips and rainbows and how the world would be a better place if we all learned the art of origami. Again Ms. Romany, thanks for continuing to support a sunken. Much appreciated.

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i wanna be WW3

shadow on 24-07-2006
Blue Metallic Hide.
Don't talk too me about pollen! Aahhh-CHOO! Sorry, where was I? Oh yes. Very nice poem, young sunk. I salute you!

Author's Reply:
Thank you for casting your cooling shadow over my piece Ms. Shadow. Your shade is very much appreciated.

All of my deepest love and confusion,

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paid by the blink

potleek on 25-07-2006
Blue Metallic Hide.
Sunken this is much like a honey bee, very nice and a pleasure to watch (read) but has a sting in the end.
Very effective, but didn't notice a nib for this one...Tony

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Leek. Thanks for reading and commenting. Much appreciated. I haven't been nibbed for a while to be honest. I think I'll get over tho... hang on... yeah, I'm over it (-;
Thanks again Mr. Tony.

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armed with juicy fruit

Dargo77 on 26-07-2006
Blue Metallic Hide.
Sunk, found your poem to be impressive as always. Another top piece from you.
Regards,
Dargo

Author's Reply:
Thanks Mr. Dargo. It's good to see you around again. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.

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clouding the tissue

Abel on 26-07-2006
Blue Metallic Hide.
Mr. Smunk,

Profound work here...your imagery and metaphor are superb. I found this very, very moving. You are the greatest!

Best to you,

Wardo

Author's Reply:

scotch on 27-07-2006
Blue Metallic Hide.
hi sunken i like the imagery very much i feel your poems are getting stronger in my eyes and more entwinning, the line "life is relished by those who live without a care" i wish i could beat the system again... scotch

Author's Reply:
Hello young Scotch. Thanks for popping into my box (-; I believe the system can only truly be beaten from within. I have worked my way up, and am now a fully qualified lollipop man! I shall not rest until I've seen everyone across that busy road safely. Thanks again. Please use your green cross code.

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in charge of lolly's

Jolen on 28-07-2006
Blue Metallic Hide.
Dear Smunky!
I would like to protest, the poet God's have been far too generous with you and slighted me greatly! Can you please see that they get this complaint and tell them I love your work, but feel I could use some of your talent? Thank you in advance and the check's in the mail.

Swollen Jolen of America Villiage

Author's Reply:
Dearest Ms. Swollen, thanks for your lovely comment. It made me feel like a flamingo. If it makes you feel any better, the gods took other things away when constructing me (-; You're too kind young Jolen of America, but I like it. Thanks for supporting a smunky man.

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in charge of chaos

teifii on 29-07-2006
Blue Metallic Hide.
Another lovely offering, Sunky. Makes me want to start again. Think I'm in need of rain to water my muse.
Well done once more
Daff

Author's Reply:
Well that's the best compliment you could have given me Ms. Daff. I hope you start again very soon and that your muse gets well and truly soaked. Why does that sound so wrong?
Thanks fro reading and commenting young Teifii.

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most likely to fall off

genova on 30-07-2006
Blue Metallic Hide.
What the...? How the...?--'Exchanging your tomorrows'--Now THAT is gooood...mmm...more. Please teach me your ways. Or at least How To Do That...

Author's Reply:
Well thank you young Genova. I'm afraid I'm not a very good teacher. People tend to require psychiatric help after an hour or so in my presence. I appreciate the comment. It's not easy to make a bloke smile at this hour in the morning. Well done you. Thanks for the rate (-:

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in charge of knickers

red-dragon on 30-07-2006
Blue Metallic Hide.
Hi, sunkie - am late to this - as I am to everything!!
*Doffs cap to a poetic maestro and gasps at the sheer brilliance of the piece*
As one who has the blockiest bit of writer's block you ever did see, I'm in awe of your constant talent!
Mrs Dragon

Author's Reply:
Hiya Mrs. Dragon. What a bloody lovely comment. Sorry to hear about the dreaded block. I'm sure it will clear in time. You were on a roll not long ago and I know it will happen again. I can read teabags see. Thanks again Ms. Dragon. I appreciate it more than my crappy replies would have you believe. Believe.

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in charge of empty cream cake boxes

RDLarson on 30-07-2006
Blue Metallic Hide.
OH DEAR! I am really late, chasing the rabbit down the hole as it were after it nearly disappeared. This tantalizes and tweaks the imagination and the fear. Can anything be so perfect? Of course it can. Very very very swell, sunken munken of the Emerald OZ of my imagination. And they think me a bit strange here where they know me. a pleasure to read!

Author's Reply:
Dear Ms. Larson, thanks for continuing to support a smunky. It's really lovely of you, especially as I seldom return the favour. It's nothing personal you understand? It's those high word counts that do it. I have a very short one - attention span, that is. Thanks for commenting. Much appreciated (-:

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doesn't trust automatic doors

Ionicus on 31-07-2006
Blue Metallic Hide.
Dear Sunken. Stop it at once! I cannot keep up trying to emulate your never-ending talent. Here I am racking my brain trying to come up with something intelligent and then I read this fantastic piece and become more downhearted.
Pity me, dear munky, or reveal to me the secrets of your originality.
Enough crawling. Will a 10 do?
Luigi.

Author's Reply:
How can I possibly pity an Italian stud muffin like yourself young Ionicus? Tell me all you know about ensnaring the ladies and I'll write down what I know about poetry (on the back of a beer mat). That 10 will do nicely, I may pop down to the off-license and bag me some Guinness. Thanks Mr. Ionicus for supporting a sunken. I know it can't be easy.

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in charge of british leyland

Frenchy on 31-07-2006
Blue Metallic Hide.
Ouch! this hurt. The contrasts, everything. Should make this obligatory reading for quite a few schools before the smile of youth is spread on an asphalt highway.
I thought it was great.
Take Care,
Dave.

"checks the colour of his car before driving to England"

Author's Reply:
Thanks Dave for taking the time to comment. They do say that green is the unlucky colour where cars are concerned. Not that I believe in that kinda thing. Have a safe drive and take a torch.

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in charge of maps

Yutka on 31-07-2006
Blue Metallic Hide.
Great read, Sunky! "Memory is strirred like pollen" is a phantastic line. You are inspirational, my friend. And your photo is marvellous.

love from Yutka

Author's Reply:
Thank you young Yutka for boosting a confidence that has always lagged. Eat marzipan and turn your thoughts to elastic (but only if you have the time). Thanks Yutka.
All of my love and deepest cream cheese.

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in charge of dust control


Munky Nutz #5 (posted on: 29-05-06)
Munky Nutz - ''Theyre not big and theyre not relative. Theyre just Munky Nutz''

Don't mention testicles

Got a problem? Need advice? Why not, ask Unkle Munky? He survived karma *Munky nut - a daft one-liner (Posted in sets of seven - One to be taken every day with a dose of salt) MUNKY NUTZ #05 sunken 1. He was flung at great speed, along with two furry dice, through the windscreen of his car. Although scoring a seven he was still announced dead on arrival. 2. It's all relative said Einstein's mum. 3. His motion sickness was cured by simply dumping him on the hard shoulder. 4. Due to a minor clerical error the children of class 3C were taught Railway Engineering instead of Religious Education. ''God certainly moves in mysterious ways'', exclaimed little Johnnie Clarke as he helped evacuate the overturned carriage. 5. He misunderstood her instructions regarding 'protection' and spent the evening servicing his father's antique hunting rifle. 6. He finally gave into her demands and exhumed the budgie. 7. She did not consider 'Dogging weekly' a suitable publication for the doctor's waiting room. Her complaint was logged on their new internal computer system and before long she was receiving the magazine in the privacy of her own home. Mad on arrival Got a problem? Need advice? Why not, ask Unkle Munky?
Archived comments for Munky Nutz #5


Romany on 29-05-2006
Munky Nutz #5
Number one is my favourite, but you know I love your style Sunky!

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Hiya Ms. Romany. I never thought of having a style, please tell me that it doesn't involve corduroy? A friend once told me that I have an anti-fashion look that is ironically fashionable. He always did talk shit though. Thanks for you comment, I shall name her Sharon and call her nightly on the telephone machine. Thank you for being more lovely than cornflakes.

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toad in the mole (sickos)

shadow on 29-05-2006
Munky Nutz #5
I think I go for number 6. It's so ... enigmatic.

Author's Reply:
Lol. You are great support Ms. Shadow. You remind me of a surgical stocking of old people fame. Ahem, I must remember not to use that as a chat-up line. Ya know, you have a habit of liking the sick ones. Please make an appointment to see a shrink at you earliest possible convenience (-; All of my love and deep fat frying.

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he spies on moles

Hazy on 29-05-2006
Munky Nutz #5
Numbers 1 and 3 for me, please 🙂

Very good, Smunky type person! Brought a smile to my face.

Hazy, off to sing along to The Sound of Music... "These are a few of my favourite things, tra la la..." x

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Hazy of London on the village green (next to Topman, opposite KFC). Isn't it a bank holiday? How lovely. I may celebrate later with a good knuckle sandwich (that's smunky for 'wank'). Ahem. Thank you for casting your eyes over my nutz. I shall read your sub soon, promise. It is over 1000 words, so i need to get a cup of tea and some biscuits, I also need to take the phone off the hook and lock all the doors. I am a slow reader and if I get disturbed I lose the plot. Please, no comments about me losing the plot years ago. I have heard them all before, and quite frankly my dear I don't give a... flan? Did you really watch the sound of music today? That's one film I have never seen. Are there any scenes of a hamster nature that I may find appealing?

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considering his options - mint, orange, vanilla or iceland

Jolen on 29-05-2006
Munky Nutz #5
Smunky...You are delightful...I'll take the whole set, but then, I'm greedy like that. lol Do they come with photos?? For my scrapbook, of course. lol

blessings,
Ms.Jolen

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Swollen. How lovely to have you perusing my munky nutz. As of yet they have not been recorded via the gift of photography. I cannot find anyone who is willing to be in the same room as them. Pff. Thanks for visiting my cell. Eat fruit and drink water.

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made to make your mouth tauter

potleek on 30-05-2006
Munky Nutz #5
I've been on ages trying to think of something funny to say,
Naw, it's no good. Would a simple "I like em all." do.?...Tony

Author's Reply:
Lol. Well I appreciate you taking ages all the same young Tony. Liking them all will do very nicely (-: Thanks for being man enough to admit that you have perused my nutz with an approving eye.

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he's a cartoon

Harpospeaks on 30-05-2006
Munky Nutz #5
Number one does it for me.
But as usual you can throw out hilarity and total originality like bloody confetti!
You make me sick with jealousy.
But I love your stuff, Sunken.
The rating also includes a weighted average to allow for all your comments on other people's work, that I am not allowed to rate.

Terry

Author's Reply:
Yes, I'm partial to a good number one myself young Mr. Speaks of Harpo fame. There's nothing better than having a good pee, especially if it's been held in for sometime due to unforeseen circumstances. I sometimes hold it in even when there is a toilet available, just so that I can enjoy the immense pleasure of bladder relief. I reckon I'd quite easily win a gold in the piss Olympics. This reply has not gone as planned young Harpo. It is both course and uncalled for. I shall go and slap myself silly with a copy of the Daily Chain Mail. I hope that this finds you in positions relative to Einstein.
Respect and strawberries,

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8 out of 10 fathers won't allow him within ten meters of their virgin daughters

Lare on 30-05-2006
Munky Nutz #5
Hi Sunky...as per usual...you've started my day with a perpetual smile that will carry my entire day...I like them all...you are one clever Sunkman...very clever...I am envious...now...let's see here...to put into perspective your last picture up there...

"To determine whether today I will be made of men, or of mice...it is simply a throw of the proverbial dice..."...dang, Sunky...your humor in contagious...yep...this is a ten...I LIKE IT...

Lare

Author's Reply:
Thank you young Lare for turning a comment into a poem. So now who's the clever one? I hope you continue to throw sevens and that your constitution remains to be that of a man/woman (though I reckon some mice may have the right idea). Eat carrots and follow a sensible diet. Thanks.

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his spirit-guide, stan, says he'll be dead by 2020

Poet on 30-05-2006
Munky Nutz #5
Nutz to you Sunken. I liked them all but was very partial to # 5's lesson. This in lieu of condoms made by Smith & Wesson!

Author's Reply:
I'm sorry young Poet. I often air my nutz without thinking of the consequences. It would be nice to see firearm companies producing condoms wouldn't it? I guess they are connected in a way, as they both take lives. Though having said that, using a sawn-off condom to rob a bank strikes me as faintly ridiculous. I hope this helps. Thanks for commenting young Poet (-;

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sponsored by the holes in polo mints

Ionicus on 30-05-2006
Munky Nutz #5
They say that nice things come in small parcels Munky and I'm not referring to the size of your nutz. What I mean is that it is the right amount of philosophy I can digest at one single sitting.
No.1 and 3 are definitely the best and the others are not far behind.

Author's Reply:
Ahem, the size of my nutz seems to depend on the weather Mr. Luigi. Apparently it's heat related, according to my doctor. My doctor says that my nutz take up far too much of his time and that he is seriously considering striking me off his list. It's not my fault that I take my balls so seriously. They are the only pair I've got and I'd hate to lose them. Anyway, none of this is important right now. Thank you for popping by and casting your expert eyes over my nutz. Much appreciated.

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he dreams in binary

Abel on 30-05-2006
Munky Nutz #5
Your usual genius, Munk. I mean this is just great!

Wardo

Author's Reply:
Hello young Wardo. Thanks for your support of my nutz... You're like lycra in that respect. Ahem, that really wasn't the most complimentary of things to say was it. I shall leave quietly and think about what I have just said. Thanks Abel (-;

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he draws breath in condensation

RDLarson on 31-05-2006
Munky Nutz #5
I think these are priceless. Especially the sea-sick soul who is dumped on his (or the black top's) shoulder. Does that apply to ships on water? Small children who demand too much candy? Can I run my life with your little Munky Nutz? think so think so.

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Larson. I am more than happy to give you free reign where my nutz are concerned (-;
Thanks for cupping them in such a comforting fashion.

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sponsored by thin air

len on 31-05-2006
Munky Nutz #5
I see a common theme to all your short little stories here..And, don't think that doesn't worry me greatly..Love the bend in yer kink, pal...len

Author's Reply:
My doctor says that the bend is natural and that I shouldn't worry. He has also repeated that if I keep wasting his time he will have no choice but to strike me off his list. I have noticed that my left nipple sometimes gets erect when I'm watching Britney or Kylie, I have had to make another appointment. I just hope he's in a better mood this time. Thanks for checking out my nutz young Len.

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his eyebrows are drawn on with a marker pen

len on 31-05-2006
Munky Nutz #5
I see a common theme to all your short little stories here..And, don't think that doesn't worry me greatly..Love the bend in yer kink, pal...len

Author's Reply:

JuanSanchez on 31-05-2006
Munky Nutz #5
Mr Sunky, they're all rather natty but I'll have a number 7 please. (Is that like a number 2, only more of it?)

Author's Reply:
Lol, you cheeky munky. Ya know, liking number seven says a lot about you (-; I may have to get myself a dog. Thanks for the comment and rate. You are nicer than the weather (currently very sunny).
Thanks. Eat crisps and drink plenty of beer.

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he holds flies to ransom in jam jars

niece on 01-06-2006
Munky Nutz #5
Very funny, Sunk. It's a gloomy rainy day here in Mumbai and your one-liners definitely cheered me up:D!
The fourth one's my fav!
Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
Hello my lovely Ms. Niece. I thought I had lost you. Where have you been? Please don't do that again, you know how I worry. Well it's actually been quite sunny in rainy old england today. Is Mumbai anywhere near London? I was never very good at geography and I don't trust maps because they never look like the real thing. I hope this helps. Thanks Niece. I'm glad my nutz gave you a smile (-;

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he checks his ball bag daily

Jen_Christabel on 01-06-2006
Munky Nutz #5
This bought a HUGE smile to my face, great stuff!
Jennifer x

Author's Reply:
Yes, my nutz often make girls laugh... oh, you were on about munky nutz 5? You look good with a HUGE smile Ms. Jen. Long may it continue (-:

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he builds sheds in his sleep

narcissa on 01-06-2006
Munky Nutz #5
These have made my day 😀
Brilliant stuff, as always! I LOVE number 1!
laura x

Author's Reply:
Aww. What a lovely comment. More lovely even than spending a night in front of the tele box with the one you love, a bottle of plonk and, of course, a turnip. So far I only have the turnip. It's a start though? Thanks Laura. Take care and a mobile.

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sponsored by the hosepipe ban

discopants on 04-06-2006
Munky Nutz #5
Number 4 for me (just to be different and because it really was my favourite.)

Author's Reply:
Thanks Mr. Disco, I'm glad someone liked number 4. It's a much underrated number. We'd be buggered without it. Thanks for supporting a munky.

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he isn't much for swans

littleditty on 04-06-2006
Munky Nutz #5
I keep reading these and going 'hehehehe' in a Bevis and Buthead kind of way. I dislike them enormously - not your Nuts, Sunken of Turnip, which are perfectly formed, but those two little knobs - i hope they've been banned and that one day i will again laugh like a girl xxxlittle of ditty x

Author's Reply:
I too would like to hear you laugh like a girl as opposed to a cartoon character. Only time will prove if our wishes are to be a reality my lovely Ms. Ditty. Until then I shall continue munkying around until the girl in you is well and truly out (-; Thanks for checking out my nutz. It means a lot to a bloke ya know?

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the sunny weather is making his sap rise

teifii on 20-06-2006
Munky Nutz #5
Smunky you are quite mad.
2 , 3 and 5 for me.
Daff

Author's Reply:
Only 'quite' mad? Ya know I'm on my third shrink this year already. I gave one a nervous breakdown. I must go visit her. Thanks for looking over my nutz Ms. Daff. You are more lovely than salad cream.
Thanks.

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he loves salad cream

Dazza on 28-06-2006
Munky Nutz #5
It's hard to get me to chuckle. You make me chuckle, the same way Larson does, mindful.

Author's Reply:
Hello young Dazza. I'm so late in replying and can only put the blame on my current fear of logs, a fear which renders logging in almost impossible. I hope this helps. Thank you my good man.

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he's a lumberjack, but he's not okay

len on 09-11-2006
Munky Nutz #5
There are a multitude of wisdoms in the words you have used above, Sunken..It would take a considerable amout of re-arranging those words, of course, but wisdom can be found in them, I'm sure...yer pal, len

Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Len. I do apologise for the lateness of this reply. I put the blame on my current fear of inns, a fear that renders logging inn almost impossible. I only ever got called 'wise' once, and that was when I played a wise man in a school play, a part that dictated I wear a Tea towel on my head... not all that wise then?

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somethin' kinda moo moo


Wot did u learn @ skool 2day? (posted on: 15-05-06)
Lock up your daughters

There's definitely something dodgy about our entry for Eurovision this year? Link to the video from here... - (Warning, contains scenes of denim) Listen to the song (if you dare) from here... Sunken - He fakes girlfriends WOT DID YA LEARN @ SKOOL 2DAY? sunken There is something rather iffy about our Eurovision song? Some shady looking bloke in denim surrounded by a youthful throng of teenage girls in school attire is bordering on the bizarre. I just hope their anxious parents know exactly where they are as they travel out to Athens on the twentieth of May with a man who keeps enquiring, ''What did you learn at school today?'' I hope our European cousins do not assume that we are strange when our realm is represented by some weird school exchange that has amongst its youthful party a dodgy looking adult male who must have studied adolescents in dubiously close detail. It's been a long time since he had a teenage life
Archived comments for Wot did u learn @ skool 2day?
Dargo77 on 15-05-2006
Wot did u learn @ skool 2day?
Sunk, this one is just your normal standard...excellent.
Regards,
Dargo

Author's Reply:
Thanks Mr. D (-: I doubt young Daz of Sampson fame is really a bad sort, it's probably just my mind playing tricks again. I do worry for those girls though, you can't trust anyone in the music industry. Thanks for taking the time to comment Mr. D and for continuing to support the merest of munkys.

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draped in thoughts of she

karenuk on 15-05-2006
Wot did u learn @ skool 2day?
I know exactly what you mean!!

Author's Reply:
Lol. Hiya Ms. Uk of Karen fame. That bloke must have known he was on dodgy ground with this one? Have to admit though, cheesy as it is, that bloody song does get in ya head. Of course, we don't stand a chance of wining (would we really want to?). Ahhh the politics of cheese. Thanks for popping into my box Ms. Karen.

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trades under the name of shirley

teifii on 15-05-2006
Wot did u learn @ skool 2day?
I'll have to have a listen as I haven't seen or heard it. My first thought was 'someone nicked Pete Seeger's song' -- but that wasn't iffy at all.
Anyway, whatever the inspiration, this is another Sunken gem to lighten my day.
Daff

Author's Reply:
Hiya Ms. Daff. You'll see a link by the picture that will show you a video (I didn't know how to make the link 'live' so you may have to cut and paste it). Please be aware that the video contains scene's of a man wearing denim (-; Glad you liked it Ms. Teifii. Thanks for taking the time to comment.

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mimicking heartbeats

shadow on 15-05-2006
Wot did u learn @ skool 2day?
Heavens, is it Eurovision time again already? Seems like only a couple of weeks since the last one. A meritorious effort, Mr Sunken, I am glad to see you have taken the well-being of the nation's schoolgirls to heart.

Author's Reply:
Oh yes, I see it as my duty young Shadow to take great care of their well-being. My only reason for watching it this year will be to make sure that Daz Sampson keeps his dirty little hands to himself. I saw him interviewed recently and he seemed like a really nice bloke, but I still don't trust him (-; Nice blokes are the worst. Thanks for casting your shadow over me.

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always be nice

chrissy on 15-05-2006
Wot did u learn @ skool 2day?
Really, Sunk munk, do you have to put a nasty meaning to something as sacred and sacrosanct as the blessed Euro twaddle?
What a joy this poem is. Your usual high standard of buffoonery. A good start to a Monday.
As ever, chrissy

Author's Reply:
Lol, I'm sorry young Chrissy if I have tainted your perception of eurovision. It strikes me that we may have the balance right with this one. It's so un-pc that it is pc and so bad that it's in danger of being good (ok, maybe 'good' is a bit strong). I would complain in the strongest possible terms to my local mp, but it's hard to talk when your jaw's on the floor. We should make an impression if nothing else? Thanks for the comment Ms. Chrissy (-:

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wot did u steal from skool 2day?

scotch on 15-05-2006
Wot did u learn @ skool 2day?
dear sunken when i saw it i thought of 'i don't like mondays' when i heard it i thought 75points maximum i'm sure it will be memorable for the performance but much depends on backing vocals which must be live on the night and it wasn't in a song for europe so there is a question mark over the girls' ability... i wouldn't buy it personally and i think we've stooped to gain a few extra votes but if it was 5 guys would i say that?
daz is from the north West he's quite comical in interviews like jack the lad type... if only it was Russell Watson but i'd have to get past lulu first!

Author's Reply:
Hello young Scotch, isn't is wet? I just knew that this particular song had to get through for us. It's cheese on toast, it's cheesy quaver techno raver, it's betamax, phillips laserdisc and other assorted defunct technologies of the past. If anyone can fail spectacularly then it has to be young Daz of Sampson fame. I do kinda like the bloke actually. Honest. I hate to admit it, the bloody song has got totally wedged into my head lately. Tomorrow I'm off to B&Q, they have 20% off all stock. I'll need a good sledge hammer to get this fcuker out (-; I'm sure the girls will do their best, vocally. I just hope there's no after euro parties. I fear for their safety. Thanks for popping into my box, isn't it warm? Take care and torches.

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nine inch snails

Bradene on 15-05-2006
Wot did u learn @ skool 2day?
I thought I was the only one who thought he was weird. Glad there is someone who had the same feelings Good work as usual Mr Sunken Sir! Love Val x

Author's Reply:
Lol. I don't know what you mean young Val, ahem. He's just a nice normal bloke who likes hanging around with school girls. I see he's put some lads in the video so that he doesn't look as pervy. Smart move. I'm still fearful for the girls though and won't truly rest until it's all over and they are back home with their parents/guardians. Thanks for calling me sir, I think that's a first. It raised me by a couple of inches (in height, before you get any dirty thoughts). Ahem, thanks lovely Val with the lovely smile.

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wot did u take @ skool 2day?

discopants on 15-05-2006
Wot did u learn @ skool 2day?
Have they not scrapped the Eurovision song contest yet?

Author's Reply:
I'm afraid not young Disco. I have decided to surrender myself to Terry Wogan. I've invited some gay friends around for Saturday night and am even having an Abba pre-contest party. God help me.

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I was defeated - you won the war

e-griff on 15-05-2006
Wot did u learn @ skool 2day?
perhaps the UK should be the first in history to opt out voluntarily and declare it a sham?

Author's Reply:
Oo I'd be up for that young Griff. We'll never win because it's all too political now, as are most things. I kinda like that we're taking the piss though and this years effort certainly does that. What I'd really like to see is a full on hardcore industrial goth number, that'll shut em up. As it is, we'll have to make do with some denim clad geezer and a bunch of school girls. I may just watch for a laugh (not for the school girls as that would make me a perv, ahem) Thanks.

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failed biology

Crave on 15-05-2006
Wot did u learn @ skool 2day?
lol groovy poem! im not normally a fan of rhyming ones but this is awesome!

i like eurovison! give me the cheesey songs! woooo! hehe

ellie x x x x

Author's Reply:
Hiya young Crave of Ellie fame. Thanks for the comment. I'm a recent convert to eurovision. Actually I've just given in to it. This will be my first proper attempt at taking it seriously. As you can see, I've already failed on that score. I have gay friends who say they may be able to help me enjoy it. I don't exactly know what they mean by this and must admit to being a bit anxious about the whole thing. I've heard talk of wigs and high heels. Things may never be the same again )-:

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the samaritans won't speak to him

Yutka on 15-05-2006
Wot did u learn @ skool 2day?
I have not seen him yet, nor heared his voice, but you have painted a great picture of this type and his entourage...

"who must have studied adolescents
in dubiously close detail" (brilliant!)

highly dubious, indeed. We are probably in for "nil points" due to his dubious efforts...





Author's Reply:
Hello lovely Ms. Yutka. You can see and hear him here -

http://www.dazsampson.co.uk/media/daz_small_video.html

It's all a bit dodgy, but for some reason it smacks a massive grin on my face. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. I get so confused. Thanks for visiting my cell. I hope to be out soon (-; Have I told you recently that you are more lovely than a... tranquil stream? Well I meant to tell you, I just forgot because I've been busy working on a new theorem that could spell the end of gherkins. Yutka, do I still confuse you? I shall work on a munky deciphering machine just as soon as my gherkin papers are published. Thanks for the comment and rate Ms. Yutka (-:

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wot did u break at skool today?

Yutka on 15-05-2006
Wot did u learn @ skool 2day?
sorry, forgot the rating! Well deserved!

Author's Reply:
Thank you lovely Yutka (-:

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he's a very cheap date

Hazy on 16-05-2006
Wot did u learn @ skool 2day?
Ah, I see what you were going on about now in my box. Ahem!

Hadn't heard this one, but can definitely see where you're coming from, Mr Munky. Haven't seen the vid as your clip kinda bleeps, tells you to download somat, then fails to load. However, if you go to the homepage of the site, you can listen to it.

Anyway, a fine poem indeedy and it's got me all excited about Eurovision now 🙂 Ooh, it's this Saturday! Excellent. That's me sorted - I'll download the scorecard and get meself a bottle of plonk 😉 Not quite sure I'm understanding the 'semi-final' on Thursday. Ah well, good luck to Daz!

Hazy x

Author's Reply:
Aww. Sorry you had probs with the video Ms. Hazy of London on the wirral. It seems ok on mine but I've altered the link all the same, as suggested. Thanks for mentioning it. Don't the girls look sluttish in that pic? Or is that just me? Don't answer that young Hazy, I think I know what the answer is. I may actually watch eurovision this year for a laugh. Our effort is so a piss take (I think). It kinda makes me proud, in a strange kinda way that I've not yet worked out. Good luck to Mr. Daz indeed. Ya know he actually lists Joy division as one of his influences? How does that work? Enjoy the night Ms H. I'm not sure about the semi's either. I think there's a chance we may not even make it to the main event. That would be so tragic. I want to witness the stunned silence that follows 'Teenage life'. Ahhh, it makes ya proud... doesn't it? Thanks Hazy. x

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wot did u burn @ skool 2day?

Zoya on 16-05-2006
Wot did u learn @ skool 2day?
What a hilarious little piece you have here dear sunken,
Yes, we do have sometimes these really funny, what I call 'advertisement theme songs'.
**hugs**
Love, xxx, Zoya

Author's Reply:
Hello young Zoya. It's good to see you around uka again. Thank you for the hugs and the kisses, I shall save them till later (-; Thanks for taking the time to comment. You are possibly more lovely than a big plate of chips. I know this doesn't sound very lovely, but believe - it is. Thanks.
xxx

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once more unto the fridge

Romany on 16-05-2006
Wot did u learn @ skool 2day?
Your usual style of pointedly funny comment, laced with a healthy dose of dark undertones. Definitely more than one shade to you, Sunky! Tantalising...

Off to have a look at the clip now!

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Lol, I hope the video doesn't scar you Ms. Romany. I've had the bloody song in my head all night and as a result I am one very tired munky this morning. Glad the dark undertones came through. I don't mean to besmirch Mr. Daz Sampson, he seems like a good sort really. I'm sure he'll look after the girls in Athens. Ahem. Thanks for the comment Romany (-:

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wot did u leave @ skool 2day?

Romany on 16-05-2006
Wot did u learn @ skool 2day?
Had a look Sunky - song is bloody awful in my opinion, and the picture is worse. Nil pois again then.

I work at a skool - leave my sanity there most days, God bless, everyone.

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Lol, well I'm shocked. I thinks it's a cheesy masterpiece (-; I still can't hear the Joy Division influence though. Well done on watching it. I know how hard that must have been for you. Take an aspirin and maybe lie down for half an hour, you'll be ok. Promise.

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broken by design

Apolloneia on 16-05-2006
Wot did u learn @ skool 2day?
hehehehe, hahahahaha, nice one. *I could easily go to the Eurovision, I mean actually "be there" but I am designing airplanes for Kumu Airlines and I'm busy*
Kumu-san >8)
X

Author's Reply:
Well I reckon someone has got to design airplanes young Nic. I suppose that's slightly more important than eurovision (-; Don't forget to include an immobilizer on the ignition. One of those petrol caps that you can open from the dashboard would also be quite handy. I hope this helps. Thanks.

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and disorderly

scotch on 16-05-2006
Wot did u learn @ skool 2day?
dear sunken... reports from athens say the girls are in tune but half are singing in cockney and half not the performance is very strong and confident with some jazzy graphics it does come before greece in the running order perhaps it will be down or up to the planets!

Author's Reply:
Dear Scotch (are you sticky, like the tape of scotch fame?) Thank you for your eurovision updates. Coming before Grease is nothing new for me as I once masturbated furiously in the back seat of the local cinema whilst waiting for the trailers to end... are we talking about the same thang?

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he no longer shaves his balls as he's going for a retro 70's porn look

littleditty on 16-05-2006
Wot did u learn @ skool 2day?
Oh the shame of it....the shame....(did you know that in 2003, Belgium came second with a song in an imaginary language?) Thank you Sunken, I havent seen our entry - is there any Morris Dancing? Until we come out of the closet and proudly Morris dance, the UK hasn't got a chance *sobs*. To cheer ourselves up -a game -everytime a performer is wearring a wig or drops to their knees or sings the word Love or bows you drink, each time there is Morris dancing, belly dancing or any other national dance, i drink - we'll get through it together munky - ps eat Mooosarka - it helps xxxlittleditty x



Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Ditty. How lovely to see you, more lovely even than a tulip. You should be able to view our wonderful, ahem, phat anthem here - http://www.dazsampson.co.uk/
Failing that you can hear it here - http://www.myspace.com/dazsampson
I'm afraid there is no Morris dancing and I don't think young Daz is wearing a wig either (unless he's missed the point completely and is wearing a piece that looks far too natural). He isn't even wearing platform shoes! We have surely lost before we even begin. The girls look nice, but I'm on dodgy ground there, so I'll shut my mouth (-; Daz does have a gap in the top row of his front teeth. This gives him a cheeky grin that may win us a few extra votes on the night. I'll get the Mooooosarka in young Ditty. Thanks for commenting and for being there at this trying time.

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who did ya stab @ skool 2day?

niece on 16-05-2006
Wot did u learn @ skool 2day?
Sunken,
Extremely funny stuff ... !
I have to admit I didn't know a thing about Eurovision song till I read your poem and did a little bit of research on the net...couldnot get to hear or see the video since I don't have realplayer, but I guess I've got the picture...going by the comments, I haven't missed much (or have I?)I did take a look at the lyrics tho'...
Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
Hello lovely Ms. Niece. Thanks for entering my box. Sorry you're having trouble watching Mr. Daz in action (you don't know how luck you are) You should be able to hear the song from here - http://www.myspace.com/dazsampson
and if you're really lucky you can link to the video from here -
http://www.dazsampson.co.uk/
(so long as you have the right software on ya pc, I think)
There are some scenes of Daz wearing denim whilst surrounded by skool girls that you may find disturbing (-; Thanks for reading and commenting Ms. Niece. Take care and a voting slip.

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wot did u burn @ skool 2day?

littleditty on 16-05-2006
Wot did u learn @ skool 2day?
http://www.dazsampson.co.uk/2006/05/teenage_life_lyrics.html#comments

*sniggers*

Author's Reply:
Lol. Ahhh, ya got love him - haven't ya?
Oh, by the way - Going back a few weeks, you asked about DFS and what it stood for (apart from very fine furniture). I have made extensive inquiries and can reveal that it simply means 'Da Furniture Store'
I hope this helps. Continue being Ditty. Thanks.

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sponsored by tipex

Jolen on 16-05-2006
Wot did u learn @ skool 2day?
Oh Smunky. What a clever bit. And with a very clear message within this wonderfully metered poem. I am always so amazed and awed with your talent. Thanks for sharing it.
blessings,
Young Jolen Parton of America town.

Author's Reply:
Hello young Swollen Jolen (-; How swollen are you of late? Thanks for commenting on another piece that may not mean a lot to those living in America town. Hopefully you got the gist. I will try to be more American friendly very soon. You are a sweet lady with a very big heart, I have a feeling that your tits are quite big too. I hope this helps (-; Ahem, have I gone too far this time? I'll leave quietly via your dark rear entrance.

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the toothpaste murders

Abel on 16-05-2006
Wot did u learn @ skool 2day?
Smunk, being an American baseball/football fan (as opposed to futball I think?), this one was way over my head...but it seems that you're up to your usual mischief, which is always a good thing. And I see you've weened yourself off of turnips by now? Great rhythm!

Wardo

Author's Reply:
Hello young Wardo. Nice to hear from you. I think my last couple of efforts have been a bit british haven't they? I shall try and widen my horizons very soon. Eurovision is a music (well just about) contest that involves all of the european countries. It's all become a bit of a joke and we, more than any other country, treat it as such. We don't stand a chance of winning because it's all become so political. Our entry this year reaches new lows. I feel quite proud, in a sick kinda way. I appreciate you reading a piece that goes over your head. I shall not, at this stage, mention turnips... dhhoooaaa.
You can, if you're really that desperate cut and paste the links by the picture at the top of the poem to see where it's all coming from. I really wouldn't blame you if you didn't though (-;

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wot did u torch @ skool 2day?

scotch on 17-05-2006
Wot did u learn @ skool 2day?
dear zany sunky thanks for the message you dirty devil i really liked the guy who should have played danny and it was an outrage that he didn't sing Greece lightening i love that film, me old mate Leila doesn't believe me gossip about me new friend. yesterday i took off to lancaster on a day rider only £4 cheaper than a night rider ask yir old mate belsize betty, i love roman places i was probably a roman in a previous life not sure if male or female or inbetweeny. Talking of romans they loved Carlisle and you would too very cosmopolitan but less alternative than Brighton, the locals are beautiful and on a weekend you have EASY ACCESS to galsgow and newcastle where they are ever so grateful for people like us.
i'm not sure if i'm watching eurovision this year but i'll think of you and Betty with your score cards and only shave if you are prepared to go the 'hole' way and tell betty i need my roaylties not Harry... though he's OK... lots of magic from scotch of the offy!

Author's Reply:
...? Wot narcotic did you take at skool today young Scotch?



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ShadowChaser on 17-05-2006
Wot did u learn @ skool 2day?
I thought the song was a true representation of the youth of today...am I listening to the wrong one? I have to say I am a little concerned that this is our entry this year...but it can't be any worse than Jemini, can it?!? Also, don't let the fact that Mr Sampson hails from my hometown of Stockport put you off from giving him a big, fat Nul Points! Sadly I won't be watching it, I have an appointment to watch some paint dry... Great write, as ever! :o)

Author's Reply:
I'm seriously contemplating watching it this year for some reason. There's something so wrong about Daz's effort that it's almost right. Stockport should be proud... in a strange kinda way. What colour paint is it? I could be tempted to change my mind given a nice magnolia or something (-;
Thanks for reading and commenting young Shadow of Chaser fame.

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wot did u wreck @ skool 2day?

Leila on 17-05-2006
Wot did u learn @ skool 2day?
ah Sunken I should have known you'd pen the perfect poem for this...I've only seen it performed once and I think I was speechless and I have to say I have the same concerns you express! Also maybe it's some clever ploy to get the biggest viewing figures ever...I mean you're just tempted to watch to see the reaction to it...well done you...L

Author's Reply:
Lol. My thoughts exactly young Leila. I have an image of the whole audience with their jaws on the floor. It should be interesting. I won't be looking at the girls, honest (-; Thanks for commenting Leila.

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wot did u fail @ skool 2day?

eddiesolo on 18-05-2006
Wot did u learn @ skool 2day?
Heh heh...I have heard it and to be honest I didn't like it, that means it will probably do well.

Top write and keep ya eyes off them young girlies...where's Wogan when you need him...Old wibly wobly

'So Sunk, tellus about ya book.'*best Tel accent*

Si:-)





Author's Reply:
Hiya Eddie. Good to see you about again. With regards the song - Just pretend you like it, go on. Do it for Ingerland (-; As for the girls, I'm doing my best... I kinda like that one on the right tho.
Thanks for the comment and rate young man.

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wot did ya catch @ skool 2day?

HelenRussell on 18-05-2006
Wot did u learn @ skool 2day?
I've heard it twice on the radio this week (serves me right for listening to Terry in the mornings) and now I can't get the flippin chorus out of my head thanks to you sunk!
Thank goodness I'm going to be away at a really heavy Counselling residential weekend this Saturday, feeling thoroughly depressed by tales of woe, and won't have to suffer the excitement of watching and then the disappointment of losing.

Oh, and by the way, great poem 🙂

Sarah

Author's Reply:
Lol. You can't blame me for what Sir Terry plays on his early morning radio prog. It is catchy tho isn't it? Come on, sing-a-long, 'Wot did ya learn at skool today...' just me then? Pff. I wouldn't normally watch - honest. I'm just looking after the girls interests is all gov'. Have a good time at the manic depressives weekend get-together, lol - there's gotta be a poem in that hasn't there? Thanks for the comment Sarah. Sorry if the poem has caused you any distress. Maybe you can talk about it at the counseling session? Take a cd player and let them hear Daz's joyous tones (-;
ahhhh, I'm so loving it, in a twisted way.

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wot did u pinch @ skool 2day?

Jen_Christabel on 18-05-2006
Wot did u learn @ skool 2day?
Just a fabulous piece, of course :o)
Jennifer x

Author's Reply:
Blimey, how lovely to have a young lady speak of me having a fabulous piece... oh, you mean the poem? I reckon that's still pretty lovely tho. Thanks Ms. Jen.

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wot did u prod @ skool 2day?

RDLarson on 18-05-2006
Wot did u learn @ skool 2day?
charmingly sunken. as always. In the US south, red-necked men who want to be with young girls are called pre-daters. I daresay some of these "girls" are more than 18, but then I think girls look older than guys until they are 50. Then they (girls) are beautiful and guys are handsome. Why is that do you suppose? Good luck with futbol and you're entitled to having a fab piece.

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Larson of RD fame. Sorry I'm late replying, you are sandwiched between a couple of ukanettes that required attention ;-p (in my dreams). I have discovered that the 'girls' doing eurovision are around 17. One of them had to pull out because, at 16, she is deemed too young. I guess there has to be some kinda guideline. I was just worried for their welfare is all. Honest. Girls def mature quicker than boys don't they. I was still microwaving worms when my female peers were dating. God, I really was an horrible child... those poor worms. I feel terrible now. I'll go and beat myself up straight away. Thanks for the comment and rate Ms. Larson.

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worms hate him

Claire on 18-05-2006
Wot did u learn @ skool 2day?
Erm... well... tis a peetake ain't it? The song not the poem, they cannae be serious!

Very fitting poem!!!

Author's Reply:
Ya know young Claire, I have recently watched a documentary on young Daz of Sampson fame, and I'm still not sure if he's taking the piss or not. He has it balanced just right. Thanks Claire. Consider sandwiches and how they relate to bread (but only if you have the time) Cheers.

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wot did u squirt @ skool 2day?

Hazy on 19-05-2006
Wot did u learn @ skool 2day?
Yes, yes, I know I already been here. But I'm all clued up now after watching the Daz Sam-wotsit 'documentary' tonight (well, the last 20 mins). Did you know he's big in Eastern Europe? Well, there you go. He was half the team that did the remix of that 'Out of touch, out of mind' song? Did you know how he met the bloke he remixed the song with? They're called 'Uniting Nations' btw. Anyway, he was about to have a wee up a wall and some copper nicked him, shoved him in the back of his car, then they got talking when the copper recognised him, told him he was into music too... and that's how the partnership began! How cool's that?! (oh, and he got off with nearly weeing up a wall :))

Just had to share this quote with you. Some bloke being interviewed said the song was like 'a council estate version of Pink Floyd's Another Brick In The Wall'!!

I'll be missing it now. Absolutely gutted. Party or Eurovision, party or Eurovision, Party or Eurovision. Hmm, was a tuffy. Am dying to know how we get on!!

Anyway, just thought I'd share my gems of wisdom with you all. I'm quite the Daz Sampson expert now 😀

Hazy x

Author's Reply:
Yes, I too have met some interesting people whilst peeing up walls. I once set a floodlight off with my piss. It was very embarrassing Ms. Hazy as there was a queue of people opposite waiting to get into a club. There just aren't enough public toilets are there? They close them after 8pm around our way. I've written to the council and told them, in no uncertain terms, that my bladder has no concept of time. Bastards. Anyway, thanks for you Daz facts. I saw said documentary. I see he's had the gap in his teeth filled. I kinda liked the gap. I have one between my ears that doctors say is unfillable. Thanks.

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wot did u lose @ skool 2day?

scotch on 22-05-2006
Wot did u learn @ skool 2day?
dear sunken oh ! i wouldn't dream of taking narcotics afterall if i'm as high as a kite i might not see the talent on the ground poking up and the cost i could hire a pair of limo's... shame about euro entry they performed well but all this politics... i could win next year as it is a freak show singing about steven gerrard and joe calzaghe my dreams united...scotch

Author's Reply:
Hiya young Scotch. 19th! Pff. Not seen or heard from Daz since it all went tits up. I hope he, and more importantly, the girls are ok. Good luck for next year.

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they don't know nuffin'

ThePhoenix on 22-05-2006
Wot did u learn @ skool 2day?
Its times like eurovision that i'm glad i have a TV! did you see who won! perhaps our peedo-pop offering wasnt wierd enough? well done i like the poem, yours D

Author's Reply:
I did indeed see the winner young Phoenix. I thought 'we' had the jaw-dropping ace with our effort, how wrong I was. It looks like we may have to consider 1980's style rock in the future. I blame Kiss. It's the first time I've watched it all the way through. It was murder on my boxer shorts (-; Thanks for putting up with a munky.

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it's been a long time since he had piece of toast

scotch on 23-05-2006
Wot did u learn @ skool 2day?
dear sunken Daz is fine fear not a very endearing type , he has been asked to represent a mystery country next year, he says he loved the experience and thought he'd be in top 5, he lost £500 on a bet interviewed on North West tonight... p.s i know shebaz from BB a lot happened to him in childhood...scotch

Author's Reply:
Poor Shebaz. I do think that ceasar pratt is being a bit hard on him. I've never been so sure, so early on in the series of a winner - It has to be Pete of Tourettes fame. He is a legend. Not that I watch it of course, ahem (-;

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wankers! tweet tweet.

Rosco on 30-05-2006
Wot did u learn @ skool 2day?
Once he's outed he will suddenly disappear from public view. Just get a hold of his pc and he's done. Hmm. That might apply to a number of us. If I'm not mistaken the chaps who won were a little more up front about their intentions. Those Finnish apparitions if I have the right contest. Beautifully disected as always.

Author's Reply:

Macjoyce on 11-11-2006
Wot did u learn @ skool 2day?
I worry about you, Sunken, more than I worry about the man who sings this song. You have succumbed to this odious modern trend known as Australian Question Intonation. This is when one's voice goes upwards at the end of a sentence as though it's a question, even when it isn't a question, in the manner of our Antipodean and American cousins.

You go one step further and actually write the question mark after a statement like "There is something rather iffy about our Eurovision song."

Like, stop this at once?

Macjoyce?

Author's Reply:
I know what you mean? I can't even blame 'neighbours' because I don't watch it? I shall try harder to control my Australian Question Intonation, but I can't make any promises? Thank you for bringing this to my intonation.

All of my controlled substances,

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I'll have a 'P' please Noel


Real men don't cry. (posted on: 01-05-06)
Influenced by the following - Wayne Rooneys metatarsal bone, internet porn and poetry. Thanks.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting REAL MEN DON'T CRY. sunken She will not read my rhyming couplets, she says that poetry is 'gay' and that I should be into football instead of trying to convey my inner thoughts with silly verses that make me sound like some big puff. She claims that her idea of romance does not revolve around the stuff that she has read on 'poncy' websites, like the ones that I frequent She says I should be into porno, and that I have her full consent! I can google naked ladies who have no interest in rhyme, phoney women who are busy making good use of their time by doing something far more worthy and ultimately less contrite. She will not contemplate my couplets, because she caught me late last night reading something by a stranger that brought a tear to my eye She says I should be like her heroes, 'cause football players never cry? Bollocks! Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Archived comments for Real men don't cry.
HelenRussell on 01-05-2006
Even Football Players Cry.
I'm not into football or even aware of the incident which obviously inspired this, but it still made me laugh- Nice one Sunky 🙂
Sarah

Author's Reply:
Naaa, not a big footie fan myself young Ms. Helen. Glad you liked it (-:

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Jen_Christabel on 01-05-2006
Even Football Players Cry.
What a corker :o)
Jennifer x

Author's Reply:
Thank you Ms. Jen. Now if only someone would say the same about me (-;

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posing as human

Bradene on 01-05-2006
REAL MEN DONT CRY.
Fantastic and didn't you just hit the nail on the head. Loved it Love Val x

Author's Reply:
(-: Thank you young Ms. Val of Valtastic fame. I only ever hit nails on heads by mistake. I have a thumb the size of Wales )-: Thanks for commenting. Ya know, I sometime visit your homepage just to see your smile. Lol, how weird is that. Don't tell anyone. Thanks.

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sponsored by remote

pencilcase on 01-05-2006
REAL MEN DONT CRY.
I can certainly identify with this. I rarely cried myself during my playing days, but regularly reduced team-mates and supporters to tears. I once tried to pass the ball back to our goalkeeper from a fair way outside the penalty area and managed to chip the goalie and register a brilliant own goal.

You have a point though. There are some women though who appreciate a poetic man. I'll let you know if I find one.

Best wishes to the hamster,

pencilcase
*he's known for his long-distance own goals*

Author's Reply:
I was always a bit crap at football. I use to insist on being the goalie so that I could just stand around and stare into space. This position was short-lived however because I didn't like having footballs kicked in my general direction (quite disabling for a goalie). I thought 12 - 2 was pretty good going myself. I always wanted to be a cheer-leader but I refused to shave my legs. Anyway, I ramble. Thanks for understanding my pain young Pencil of the yard (how is the case going by the way?)

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sponsored by beckham

red-dragon on 01-05-2006
Real men dont cry.
LOL, Sunkie - I laughed yesterday when I read in a Sunday paper that Wooney 'had broken the same right foot'....how many right feet do footballers have?
Mind you, the hamster has two.........
Red!!!

Author's Reply:
It's a tragedy young Red of Wales fame. I may never get over it... hang on... no, I was wrong... I'm totally over it (-; I'm not a massive footie fan but I have support England don't I? It's expected. I may even wear my lucky red and white pants when they play. I said 'Lucky' not 'Mucky'. Thanks (-:

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he is a very clean munky

Slovitt on 02-05-2006
Real men dont cry.
Sunken: Attract women outside the arts, brave, simple women, and pull for the dual recoveries of Rooney and Owen.
As for Steve and own goals, it wasn't so long ago, 1994, that Escobar of Colombia was murdered for such an indiscretion.
To the poem: as usual, well made lines that lead to an inevitable conclusion. Swep

Author's Reply:
Thank you young Swep for your timely advice (-:

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sponsored by degree

Dargo77 on 02-05-2006
Real men dont cry.
Sunk, another top write.
Regards,
Dargo

Author's Reply:
Thanks young Dargo. Another much appreciated comment (-:

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sponsored by marzipan

Romany on 02-05-2006
Real men dont cry.
Very good Sunky! I personally couldn't care less about football (prepares to be lynched) but poetry is very close to my heart. Excellent rhyming scheme too, as always.

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Hiya Ms. Romany. Same here, though I tend to make the effort when england are playing for some reason. I think it's a red and white thing, they compliment each other so well... God, I sound so gay. Thanks for the comment (-:

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he once performed a post-mortem on a cheesy wotsit

niece on 02-05-2006
Real men dont cry.
Excellent, Sunken, your poems never fail to amaze me...!
Believe me...footballers do cry...I have one at home, a four-feet tall male who cries at the drop of a hat!
Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
Aww. What a wonderfully cute comment. It put me in mind of the following - little baby chicks, soft fluffy clouds and, of course, turnips. Thanks for smacking a smile on my face Ms. Niece. You are possibly more lovely than a ladybird.

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he is wanted by the police for impersonating a phone box

Kat on 02-05-2006
Real men dont cry.
Sunky, always with his finger on the pulse! Great stuff!

Kat x

Author's Reply:
Ahhhh, but if only my finger could be elsewhere young Kat (-; Sorry, I don't know what got into me there - And don't say 'fingers'. Cheeky munky.
Thanks Ms. Kat. You are more lovely than porridge oats.

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sponsored by prozac

shadow on 02-05-2006
Real men dont cry.
That's a shame - she isn't worthy of you! (Who is this Rooney? Anyone important?)

Author's Reply:
Lol, I'm surprised you didn't ask if it was me in the picture (-; I bet you know very well who young Rooney is. It is your job as a woman to wind me up. Alas young Shadowy figure, there is no 'she'. It's all a figment )-: You need a good figment when you're singular. Thanks for the comment Ms. Shadow. Thanks also for the comment on, 'Limited Reciprocations' a few weeks ago. I'm afraid I deleted it before replying to the comments. It was my time of the month. Yeah, blokes have cycles too ya know! Anyway, thanks.

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just a series of mindless chemical reactions


ShadowChaser on 02-05-2006
Real men dont cry.
Ha ha ha, what a giggle! You know, I couldn't give a monkeys what Mickey Rooney did to his foot but surely he's a bit old to be playing football, isn't he?? No wonder he did himself some damage!!
Great poem - if you ask me there's nothing more 'gay' than football!! :o)

Author's Reply:
There is a lot of homo-erotica about football isn't there? Mr. Rooney is surely too ugly to be gay though. Thanks for the comment young Chaser of Shadow fame and thanks for using the word 'monkey'. I dunno, it always makes me smile for some reason :o)

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sponsored by the late Rolf Harris

RDLarson on 03-05-2006
Real men dont cry.
Ah, this is so great up on the heels of a wonderful compliment from my beloved who said, "I love you more than the national debt." I do think he was kidding but maybe not. This is such a good poem, because it deals with real men who cry, write poetry and yes, suffer. So hugs, dear spunky munky, you're a cut above.

Author's Reply:
Aww. Thanks young Larson of RD fame. I do enjoy being described as spunky. It always reminds me of those happy moments of self loving (as opposed to self loathing.) Thanks for taking the time to comment. You are more lovely than Shepard's pie.

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sponsored by glitch

Abel on 03-05-2006
Real men dont cry.
Don't listen to her, Smunk...I cry all the time, for many different reasons, and a good set of words inspires me more than almost anything. Our culture has it all wrong, and I've had to fight those battles, too. Poingnant work here, Mr. Turnip.

Ward

Author's Reply:
Thanks Mr. Abel. I'm glad the message got through. There isn't really a 'she' in my life, but I know they are out there, I've seen the wrecks they leave behind (both male and female). Thanks for the comment and for using my word of the moment, 'turnip'.

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sponsored by last years must have

Jolen on 04-05-2006
Real men dont cry.
Now what's the chances of this Smunky? I enjoy poetry and porn! soooooooo you can watch me naked reading verse to you, anytime! lol... Another wonderful bit of beauty from your magic pen..

blessings,
Young Jolen Parton.

Author's Reply:
Blimey! What a wonderful offer Ms. Swollen Jolen. Had I not just moments ago released a build up of nocturnal emissions I would have surely taken you up on this offer straight away. As it is, I am spent and feeling completely ashamed of myself... this will past though. Thanks for commenting. Especially, as I suspect, you have no idea as to who Wayne Rooney or Gazza are. You're not missing much (-;

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sponsored by a half eaten hula hoop

teifii on 04-05-2006
Real men dont cry.
It seems I'm too late. It's all been said bit at least I finally came across it and it really made me laugh. I try really hard to avoid all mention of the bloody national obsession but even I had to here about this man with a poorly foot.
Being female I never had to play football but did have to play hockey, about which I feel much the same. I played back [that was just where they put me -- I suspect goalie is actually more important. Anyway, when I couldn't escape from the field to read poetry in the neighbouring woods, I spent the whole games period trying desperately never to be where the ball was coming.
Thanks for the delightful poem.
Daff

Author's Reply:
Ahh there's no getting away from it young Daff of Teifii fame. I thought I'd get a footie based effort out of the way before we get totally immersed in it. I too would run away from where the action was. I once got told off for missing a pass because I was busy trying to make pictures out of the clouds. God how I suffered (-; Thanks for supporting a munky. Much appreciated (-:

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sponsored by wimpy

Jay on 04-05-2006
Real men dont cry.
Effing brilliant my dear man! Really!
I can relate to this. My guy doesn't read poetry. He's old enough to know better! He doesn't say it's bad, just not his thing. He is not as creative as I.... it's not fair! Then again... people are people... but it's frustrating.
I have this desire to be understood deeply, like every crevice of my mind and thinking... it's nice! It's fully YOU!
And us creative types need that I reckon.

Sorry to ramble on. 😛

Author's Reply:
You're always welcome to ramble young Jen (-: He maybe is creative, just in different ways? Poetry is still spoken in hushed tones amongst many blokes, we just haven't evolved as quickly as the ladies. be patient, give us time (-; Chuffed you enjoyed Jen. Thanks for the comment and rate. Take care.

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sponsored by something manly

Macjoyce on 04-05-2006
Real men dont cry.
Nah, mate. Poetry IS gay. It's proper pussy, you get me bruv? Believe. Real geezers like me like football and beer and tits and ben sherman shirts. Wanker. Poets are wankers.

M. Skinner


Author's Reply:
Is bananas - b.a.n.a.n.a.s? I got it wrong in a post traumatic neo-conceptual deconstructive pre-ironic way, according to my shrink. Believe (-; Beer - believe, Ben Sherman - believe, Tits - definitely believe, Football - pretend to believe so that I'll fit in down the pub )-: So who does Wayne Rooney play for then? Thanks Mike (-;

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sponsored by industrial noise

Rosco on 05-05-2006
Real men dont cry.
I think it works better than it used to. At least among the ravenous women who frequent these sites. I suppose it's time to don those sun glasses and do some real man sight seeing as an alternative to the porn. I'm sure spring has broken in the old country. Lovely romp and rhyme per usual.

Author's Reply:
Yeah, Uka has given me hope Mr. Rosco. I've still to meet the real thing though... not that the girls on here aren't real... and they're not 'things' either... Oh god, I'll just go before I dig any deeper. Thanks Rosco (-:

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not for re-sale

Leila on 06-05-2006
Real men dont cry.
Ah Sunken one, you have that rare talent that can take inspiration from the latest news (and one or two of your other favourite things!) and come up with with another gem...spot on I'd say and wickedly funny.
Must give a special mention to these lines...
She claims that her idea of romance
does not revolve around the stuff
that she has read on poncy websites
like the ones that I frequent...
She says I should be into porno
and that I have her full consent! (Cheeky munky!)
Also liked the couplets reference...another winner...L

Author's Reply:
Thanks Ms. Leila (-: Wayne appeared in something else I did about haircuts, but I can't remember what it was called. I quite like Wayne. He gives us all hope. Beckham is far too good looking, he needs to sort himself out a bit. Thanks for the lovely comment and for picking your fave bits. You are more lovely than Walkers spicy chilli flavoured crisps (this is a compliment) Thanks.

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monday he's got sunday on his mind

Poet on 06-05-2006
Real men dont cry.
Love this one Sunken. It has chutzpah and bravado and all in season for no apparent reason.
Seriously though I have no real conception of yourEuropean brand of football (it is of course not what we call football here in the states) but can identify with your dilemma. Here we get the same thing...lots of highly charged emotion with people acting terribly to each other and falling off (and then there is what's happening on the field).
So there is very little point to this (that my hat won't cover up). Nice work on this one Sunken....



Author's Reply:
Hiya young Poet. It seems an age since I saw you around? Maybe it's the medication. I also blame apples, I think they're spraying them with something that disagrees with my brain. I have a friend named Dave who says that I talk a lot of arse biscuit? What an horrible thing to say. Anyway, thanks muchly for the comment. Good to see you around - like a wheel.

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soldering on

potleek on 07-05-2006
Real men dont cry.
Hell Sunken I nearly missed piece of yours.
"Wat no red nib."
Well I think it deserves one...Tony


Author's Reply:
Lol. Thanks young Pot of Leek fame. It is nice to get a good nibbing, but I guess you can't expect one for every sub. I shall dry my tears mate, and try again (-:

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sponsored by tiredness

uppercase on 08-05-2006
Real men dont cry.
Me and Will loved your poem, and only folks with hearts cry. I think you should have gotten a nib for this one...missed you ..erma

Author's Reply:
Thanks young Erma. Good to see you back. Any chance of seeing your front also (-;
Take care and thanks for commenting.

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allieuk on 17-05-2006
Real men dont cry.
So, I come back after all this time, and nothing's changed...you're still a supremely talented and strangely arousing dirty munky. lol.

Author's Reply:
Me? Arousing? How lovely (-; I was only thinking of you recently Ms. Allie of the UK. You were up a step ladder painting my ceiling whilst I laid back and took in the scenery (-; Yeah, guess you're right - I am a dirty little bugger. Good to see you back. Ms. Karen of the UK is back too. We should have a reunion orgy maybe? Thanks.

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his early morning hard-ons are becoming a problem

Lare on 10-07-2006
Real men dont cry.
Hi Sunky...ain't it the truth...ain't it the truth. This is fabulous...but coming from you it would be no less. Your words teach us a most very important rule of life...be yourself. I was taught that men don't cry...until the day when we buried my father's brother. On that day I saw my father shed a tear. On the day I buried my dad...I gave back to my dad the tear he lost to his brother.

Lare

Author's Reply:


Last Tights. (posted on: 24-04-06)
It is often said that we all mourn in different ways. How very true

Image hosting by Photobucket LAST TIGHTS sunken The congregation were in mourning. She was cherished by her peers, most of whom were more than happy to appear in floods of tears. Relatives were also present, (there were entitlements at stake) All but one matched their attire to the blackness of heartache. Without rigid regulations or instructions to appraise people demonstrate emotion in a variety of ways, and so to vilify the husband for attending in her dress would have only added further to our tangible distress. The congregation were in mourning, he was in her pantyhose because they made him feel closer to her spirit I suppose?
Archived comments for Last Tights.
littleditty on 24-04-2006
Last Tights.
Sunken -you are a clever monkey - you've got da ryddum and this is poised like a ballet dancing clown on the edge of incredibly sad - keep twirling - what a show :O) (allergic to buttons - so here is Eurovision dix points xxxlittledot x

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Dot of Little fame. What a lovely image you conjure. I am sorry to hear of your button allergy. You must rely heavily on zips and safety pins? With this in mind I do hope that the punk rock revival kicks in soon. Thank you Ms. Ditty for commenting on a munky. You are more lovely than a Twix. Thanks.

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sponsored by sleep

chrissy on 24-04-2006
Last Tights.
I loved this funny/sad poem. Very, very clever.
c
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Author's Reply:
(-: Thank you very much Ms. Chrissy. I'm glad the sad vibe got through. A lot of people don't see the sadness behind the eyes of a man wearing his late wife's pantyhose (-; Thanks again. Take care and iron tablets.

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sponsored by bic razor

Jen_Christabel on 24-04-2006
Last Tights.
LOL LOL. Made me laugh, not cry. I thought it was a cracking read and I just loved the rhymes. I adore rhyming poetry, and it is a very difficult thing to write and keep the whole thing balanced and in context.
Jennifer x

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms Jen of Lol x 2 fame. Laugh or cry, there's a fine line and I'm glad that it made you smile as I reckon your face kinda suits a grin (-: Thanks for the comment, it was more lovely than a piece of juicy toast (thick bread, slightly burned, loads of butter).

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sponsored by mary mungo and midge

Apolloneia on 24-04-2006
Last Tights.
great dark write
Nic
X

Author's Reply:
Thanks Ms. Nic. It's hard to be dark in tights, but I'm glad that came through. I will thank you in binary if that's ok? Ahem - 1100101111001010010101110 (please forgive any errors, I'm new to this language and haven't quite mastered it yet). Thanks.

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sponsored by trauma

Romany on 24-04-2006
Last Tights.
Lol! I like to think he did it deliberately, as a poke in the eye to those who weren't there just to say goodbye and mourn her loss. You've done it yet again Sunken; excellent write.

Romany.

p.s Is that you in the pic?!

Author's Reply:
Lol. I knew someone would ask if it's me or not. It's usually Ms. Shadow who asks. Alas I'm not brave enough to appear on uka in my tights Ms. Romany. Not that I have any tights you understand? I'm just talking hyperbollockly. Thanks for taking the time to comment, always appreciated (-:

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sponsored by dixel

Bradene on 24-04-2006
Last Tights.
I love this piece of black comedy Sunky what a clever little munchkin you are. Love Val x

Author's Reply:
Lol. Thank you young Val of Valtastic fame. I can't claim to be clever. I have certificates saying the complete opposite )-: I am a munchkin though (-; Why does that word make me feel like hugging someone? Are you free? Thanks Ms. Val. You are more lovely than a big burp after a three course meal. That wasn't a very good analogy was it? This is why I'm single. Take care Val.

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sponsored by tubeway army

niece on 24-04-2006
Last Tights.
Loved the tongue-in-cheek tone in this great poem, Sunken...
Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
Ms. Niece, your constant support of a munky is to be applauded. I am evolved enough to carry out this particular task myself, but I shall wait until I've stopped typing first or you will just end up with this - iashosdfjhlsdgfliioljk - see what I mean? Thanks again Niece, you are more lovely than rain in a heatwave.

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sponsored by a waif and stray named harold

HelenRussell on 24-04-2006
Last Tights.
Oh how lovely. Such comedy in an otherwsie sad situation. I guess this appeals because I have always been one to laugh in the face of adversity.
(PS, cracking picture sunky, I wondered what you looked like!)
Regards
Sarah 🙂

Author's Reply:
Lol, you cheeky munky. Ya know, the weird thing is, since seeing this picture I do actually have an urge to try on a pair. I really shouldn't be admitting to this should I? I'll shut up and just say thanks for the comment. Thanks for the comment (-;

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sponsored by playtex (do playtex make tights?)

Jolen on 24-04-2006
Last Tights.
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD GOD Smunky!!!! How on earth do you do this????? I have no clue, but I am always thankful you do. Had he really missed her though he wouldn't have worn those dreadful shoes!!lmao

I love it!
blessings,
Jolen

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Jolen of America village. Isn't it cloudy? Ya know, since writing this I've had an urge to try on a pair of stockings, just out of curiosity you understand. I know what you're thinking - curiosity killed the cat, well that maybe so - but it never killed a bloke in tights (-: Thanks for your comment. I shall keep it under my bed with the rest.

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sponsored by sprouts

woodbine on 24-04-2006
Last Tights.
Hi Sunken,
Your pertly rhyming poem has triggered off a memory of feature of London now lost but not mourned by many I imagine. I speak of Surgical Supply Shops that filled their nearly always dusty windows with prosthetic collars and corsets, and webbing for slings, belts for hernias, and other unspoken places, but the one thing that you might want to buy from them, that is condoms, were buried deep inside the interior hidden like military secrets from prying eyes.

I'm glad they've gone, even if it will make it more difficult to buy a decent military corset for men. Nice poem.

John

Author's Reply:
Ya know, I've never actually figured out what an hernia is. Perhaps I should google it? I do hope it's nothing too nasty though as I am about to eat. I shall blame you entirely John if my search ruins my Pot Noodle experience (Beef and tomato flavour). I do hope you manage to get hold of a corset at some stage. I want a pair of tights since writing this poem but I'm too embarrassed to shop for them. I may try online (-; Thanks for the comment young John of Woodbine fame.

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sponsored by spermicide

stolenbeauty on 24-04-2006
Last Tights.
Excellent Excellent Excellent.
I loved it.
I expected it to be quite sad and depressing, but the last line was so funny and cheerful. The rhyming worked well!
Thank you
xx

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Beauty. What a lovely positive comment. It put me in mind of the following - the tingly freshness of aquafresh toothpaste, a young man named Dave who can't seem to get the hang of turning right, and of course - turnips. I hope this reply finds you in positions relative to happiness Ms. Stolen of Beauty fame. Thanks for your support. You are more lovely than a rosy apple.

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sponsored by remote

Zoya on 24-04-2006
Last Tights.
The twist in the 'tights', and that they make him feel closer to her, add that degree of pathos and absurdity to it, all at once in one go, which Charlie Chaplin talks about in his autobiography: The absurdity of comic in a tragic situation. Like that pig in his childhood who had escaped the slaughter house and was being chased, it was a funny situation as the piglet kept dodging the owner, and yet, the piglet was escaping death...
Excellent read sunken!

Author's Reply:
Thank you Ms. Zoya for your informative comment. It put me in mind of a dream I once had involving Cinderella, the plague and of course - turnips. I realise that this will mean little to you as it also means very little to me. I just thought it was worth putting out there because it's not good to keep such things in. Thanks again Ms. Zoya. Consider spiders and how they relate to the worldwide web (but only if you have the time). Thanks.

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sponsored by possibility

Kat on 25-04-2006
Last Tights.
Sunky, that picture takes the biscuit! And what a write this is on many levels - you have married the sublime, the (seemingly!) ridiculous and the insight of a soothsayer, and have touched on something that I think is much more common than we think... did I ever tell you about my boyfriend and my nightie? ;o)

You're shining bright!

Kat :o)

Author's Reply:
Tell me Ms. Kat of flap fame, which biscuit did the bloke in the picture take? I am more than happy for anyone to walk around in tights, but when they start stealing the biscuits of my lovely fellow ukaneers then that's another matter. Please don't say it was a chocolate hobnob? Surely the tastiest of all the biscuits. I doubt you will ever see it again if it was of the aforementioned variety. There is quite a demand on the black market for such a delicacy. If I had know my sub was going to cause this much anguish I would have surely left well alone. I can't apologise enough Ms. Kat on a hot tin roof. Ahem... Now then, about this nightie incident involving your boyfriend? (-;
Thanks Ms. Kat. You are more lovely than a petal.

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sponsored by fag-ash

BlueyedSoul on 25-04-2006
Last Tights.
Is that you in the pic sunk? lol

Another piece of perfect smunkywonderfulness! Brilliant~

Love ya, have missed ya,

~BlueyedSoul

Author's Reply:
Thank you Ms. Cindy of BlueyedSoul fame. How bloody lovely to hear from you. I do appreciate you keeping an eye on me. I need to be looked over Ms. Cindy as I tend to get into trouble if I'm left alone. You will avert your eyes if I'm having a pee though? I just can't go if I'm being watched. Thanks (-:

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sponsored by clouds

pencilcase on 25-04-2006
Last Tights.
This reminds me of a conversation I had at least 20 years ago, when I was talking to an old schoolfriend of mine who was a police officer at the time. He related a story of how he and a colleague had been sent to a house (I don't remember why the police had been called) and when they got there they found a man dressed in women's clothing. Whilst this is not against the law, or particularly unusual, I remember I kind of laughed about it. My friend looked all serious and unimpressed with my reaction and explained how it came out that the man in question had lost his wife and was wearing her clothes. He was not a transvestite in what might be considered the 'normal' way - he just couldn't come to terms with the death of the woman he loved.

Previous comments have remarked on the tragi-comic elements of your offering. It is interesting how, in tragic circumstances, humour can come through. It is also interesting how, in what might seem a comic situation, there is real tragedy. Human behaviour is complex - it is all too easy to jump to conclusions.

So, yes, elements of humour, but a thoughtful piece.

young case of pencil fame

Author's Reply:
Thank you for your in-depth critique young Pencil of the yard. This one is kind of a sunken/munky hybrid I think. I blame a late night and too much cheese (of the dairy variety). The last time I jumped to a conclusion I got a nasty bang on the head. Jumping is to be avoided at all costs when in a confined space. Thank you for your thoughtful comment.

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sponsored by dettox

Claire on 25-04-2006
Last Tights.
Hey there hun,

Oooer very nice, gave me a giggle or two. Actually, I think men look very dashing in tights... ;^)

Author's Reply:
Well I'm glad to hear that young Claire with the lovely hair as I am intending to purchase a pair from an internet site very soon (-; I refuse to shave my legs though, that's just being pervy.
Thanks for the comment Ms. Claire.

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sponsored by men in tights

Abel on 25-04-2006
Last Tights.
A master stroke, Smunk...only you could get our attention like this. The ending is JUST PERFECT! By the way, my Uncle was a hedgehog...


Ward

Author's Reply:
I'm happy to hear that your uncle was a hedgehog, I hear they make very fine relatives. Thanks very much for the support Mr. Ward. Like a custard cream, it is always appreciated.

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sponsored by anasol, britain's leading hemorrhoid cream

Leila on 25-04-2006
Last Tights.
Another poem worked to perfection, contains all the little touches that are pure Sunken, humour and pathos...
all but one matched their attire
to the blackness of heartache...
congrats on the nib and the well deserved expressions of admiration for your fine work and as a bonus we get the pleasure of reading your replies...thanks Sunken for much needed smiles...L

Author's Reply:
Thanks Ms. Leila. It's always an honor to have you comment on my stuff. When are you going to teach me how to do it properly? I would like to take this opportunity to thank by you using the gift of fruit, ahem - apples, oranges, pears, grapefruit, melons and, of course, bananas. I hope this reply finds you in positions relative to contemplation and that the answers your acquire are divisible by two. If any of that made sense could you please explain it to me. Thanks.

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sponsored by a short fuse

potleek on 26-04-2006
Last Tights.
Ah Sunken, it started off so mournful, one could have almost had a hanky at the ready.
But it wouldn't be wasted for it was used to wipe away tears of a different nature. A great twist...Tony

Author's Reply:
Thanks Mr. Tony of Potleek fame. Your lovely comment put me in mind of the following, a young bunny named Ralph who hasn't yet learned the difference between left and right, a bridge over waters that have been troubled by the constant strains emanating from the mouth of certain paul simon, and of course - Turnips. I hope that wasn't too confusing and that this reply finds you in positions relative to lawn mowing. Thanks.

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sponsored by grass clippings

teifii on 26-04-2006
Last Tights.
You do this so well, Smunkie. You know in Russian literature there is a genre always referred to as 'laughter thriough tears'. And it's so trie. Things that are really funny in life do happen in the midst of sadness or even tragedy. I suspect that is why most sitcoms don't make me laugh. But you do.
Daff

Author's Reply:
Thank you young Ms. Daff for continuing to support a munky. Evolution is taking an age, so all of your help is very much appreciated (-: You are more lovely than a yorkshire pudding covered in thick bisto gravy. Thanks.

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sponsored by Leo Sayer )-:

Ionicus on 26-04-2006
Last Tights.
Another classic Mr. Sunks. I detected the sadness in this work right away. It is all due to the fact that the pantyhose were a size too small and brought tears to his eyes.
I can only give you a rating size ten. Let me know if it fits.
Luigi.

Author's Reply:
Oh they fit perfectly Mr. Luigi. There's something strangely satisfying about nylon. I'm not shaving my legs tho - that would just be weird (-;
Thanks for the comment young Ionicus, much appreciated.

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sponsored by pneumonia

Lare on 26-04-2006
Last Tights.
Ahh, Sunky...oh most clever one...this had me smiling...had me sighing...you really know how to come up with the perfect woven words...and the ending...whoa...brilliant. Curious, though...for now he is in her pantyhose...but...I wonder...I just wonder...what, of hers, will he put on next to wear in public...or in private...or in...oh well...just wondering...

Right on with this one, Sunky...

Lare

Author's Reply:
Thank you young Lare. I reckon that once you get a feeling for tights and panties, the rest just kind of follows. Ahem, so I hear. I'm all man of course, boxer shorts, jeans and a T-shirt. Local rumors to the contrary are wildly exaggerated, honest. Thanks for the comment young Mr/Ms Lare (forgive my ignorance, it's a munky trait).

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sponsored by the queen mum

Hazy on 27-04-2006
Last Tights.
Did you know elephants are the only animals which can't jump? Or is it giraffes... hmm. I've seen Dumbo and I'm sure he jumped, or got shot out of a canon or somat.

Anyway... I've been led astray with an earlier comment.

Loved your poem, Smunky, especially these lines:

All but one matched their attire
to the blackness of heartache.

The congregation were in mourning,
he was in her pantyhose

Cheers. Enjoy your tights 😉 (and your turnips).

Hazy x

Author's Reply:
Hazy - Hazy,
I think you're crazy,
but then
who - am - I - to talk....

Ahem, sorry. That's as far as I've got with that ditty (not of little fame). I can't imagine elephants or giraffes jumping. Are you sure that your information is correct? I still don't understand why frogs feel the need to jump? What purpose does it serve? Are they just showing off because they are good at it? Ahem, blimey - whose going astray now? So many questions young Hazy of London on the village green opposite the post office, under the bridge just left of a crisp packet (ready salted). Thanks muchly for your lovely comment and for inserting the word 'turnip'. It just makes me smile for some reason. If I ever have a child I shall name him/her Turnip. They will grow up to love me for it I'm sure. Thanks.

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never turn your back on a flymo

red-dragon on 27-04-2006
Last Tights.
Sunks, it's all been said! But I'll say it all again anyway - super poem with a bitter sweet message. Ann

Author's Reply:
Ahhh, it may have all been said but it's still nice to see Wales represented via both the red and the dragon. I often wonder if the demise of dragons was due to both the introduction and the popularity of the fag lighter. They are, after all, far easier to carry around? I hope this reply finds you in positions relative to warmth. Thank you again Ms. Ann. Muchly appreciated.

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sponsored by a lack of intelligence

RDLarson on 27-04-2006
Last Tights.
very charming and poignant! May I save it to present to my husband prior my demise? It has the exact amount of tears and giggles that accompanies such things. People do often wear the clothes of the departed, mostly coats or sweaters. I wore my dad's windbreaker for two years. So clever, munky funky sunky you!!

Author's Reply:

RDLarson on 27-04-2006
Last Tights.
very charming and poignant! May I save it to present to my husband prior my demise? It has the exact amount of tears and giggles that accompanies such things. People do often wear the clothes of the departed, mostly coats or sweaters. I wore my dad's windbreaker for two years. So clever, munky funky sunky you!!

Author's Reply:
You shouldn't talk of demising Ms. Larson. Having said that, you should make sure that your tights are clean for him - should you slip the mortal coil first. It's usually the men who go first though isn't it? Will you wear his pants I wonder? Ahem, sorry Ms. Larson of RD fame, this really isn't in the best possible of tastes is it? What do you expect from a primate though? Thank you for the lovely and thoughtful comment. Present away - but not too soon.

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sponsored by pretty polly

royrodel on 27-04-2006
Last Tights.
I can see from your confusion you aint no fisherman.

RODEL

xxx

Author's Reply:
Definitely not a fisherman young Rodel of Roy fame - though I do like to see the ladies in fishnet tights... bloody hell, I'm obsessed with em (and ladies).
Thank you for the comment and for the trio of kisses. They put me in mind of a mutant oxo (-;

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sponsored by the lumps in gravy

Albermund on 28-04-2006
Last Tights.
A fine effort, S. Funny, sad, daft with pretty darned good rhythm. Particularly enjoyed "all but one ... heartache". Hated the picture. Too much information. cheers, Albert.

Author's Reply:
Sorry that the picture troubled you young Albert. I should have maybe put a warning on it. I kinda like it, but that's really not saying much is it (-; Thanks for the comment. much appreciated. Just so you know, I'm not wearing tights as I type this reply... I'm actually naked as it's quite warm today (-; I'm joking. Honest. I'm actually wearing a tie, nothing else mind. Ok, I am weird. I'll just go.
Respect and turnips,

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sponsored by remand

narcissa on 29-04-2006
Last Tights.
Sunkennnnnn! Ah, how lovely to be back and reading your superb poetry.
This one's funny but with a slightly sick element to it. Love the narrator's voice, and that final "I suppose" is wicked 🙂
Laura x

Author's Reply:
Ahhhh, lovely Laura of Narcissa fame. Good to hear from you again. Your comment put me in mind of the following - pretending to talk French to a bloke who is German, failing an exam due to sunstroke and, of course, Turnips. The slightly sick element that you speak of was sponsored by mushrooms (eww). Hope you are well Ms. Laura and that this reply finds you in positions relative to relaxation. Consider nails and how they relate to hammers (rather unfavorably I would have thought). Thanks.

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sponsored by electro corrective therapy

Corin on 01-05-2006
Last Tights.
Hi Sunken - it was very clever and very well controlled the way that this piece began to surface from pathos into the air of almost comedy and then suddenly dived back into heart wrenching sorrow.

David

Author's Reply:
Thanks young Corin for taking the time to comment. I've still to find a pair that fit me adequately. Perhaps that's for the best though. Thanks again.

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robbie on 31-07-2006
Last Tights.
Vivid - the wife's long legs in the black box, the supposition, the exhibition, the theology of tights and lights and frights, loss and underclothes - an under-researched subject; wit, exclusion, false-mourning syndrome, resistance to cold legs in winter nights to come, ...so much here to enjoy by a master of the wit-en word. Loved it!
Rob

Author's Reply:
Thanks Rob. I'm still researching this subject to be honest. It's a minefield. I never knew there were so many types of tights on the market. I'm wearing fishnets at the moment for a friend. Thanks for your comment, they put mine to shame.

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in charge of coat hangers

Saxonshadow on 08-12-2006
Last Tights.
Hi, I read this two days ago and could not decide whether it was funny, wierd or sad, I read it again today and it is most definately sad, not sure how true it may be though... very clever write, SS

Author's Reply:

-phoenix- on 24-11-2007
Last Tights.
Ah.. What can I say, brilliant as usual? superb? wonderful? great? terrific? amazing? Hmm I think its all of them together mixed with fun.

All the best,
-Arielle-

Author's Reply:


Munky Nutz #4 (posted on: 10-04-06)
Image hosting by Photobucket Munky Nutz - ''Theyre not big and theyre not clever. Theyre just Munky Nutz''

Image hosting by Photobucket *Munky nut - a daft one-liner (Posted in sets of seven - One to be taken every day with a greasy kebab) MUNKY NUTZ #04 sunken Due to extreme long sightedness he was only able to admire his attractive new girlfriend from a distance of approximately thirty meters. Directory enquiries were unable to help with the disposal of her husband's body. He left a note for the milkman explaining that his wife would not require a shag during the last two weeks of July as they were both holidaying in Corfu. He finally gave into her demands and buried the vicar. She was on a very strict diet and therefore her last meal, before electrocution, consisted of little more than a spring onion, a boiled egg and a limp lettuce leaf. It is hard to be elusive when your hair is on fire. Due to an exceptionally untidy desk, the Chaos theory remained unread for approximately three months. Image hosting by Photobucket Got a problem? Need advice? Why not, ask Unkle Munky?
Archived comments for Munky Nutz #4
Apolloneia on 10-04-2006
Munky Nutz #4
Rofl, very clever and funny stuff Sunken!
Nic
X

Author's Reply:
Aww. Thanks Ms. Rosy Apple of Nic fame for the positive comment. There's something strangely satisfying about having ones nutz laughed at (-;
Cheers Nic X

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yes sir, i can trainspot - but i need a ballpoint pen

Jolen on 10-04-2006
Munky Nutz #4
Dearest Smuky:

A girl could hurt herself with those nutz of yours! lmao.. Luckily, I am a Woman! so, not to worry.
Another fine addition and lord are you ever right about that hair on fire thing.... lol

Gotta go, I smell hair burning.
Young Jolen of America

Author's Reply:
Thanks for checking my nutz out Ms. Jolen of America on the grassy knoll fame (what is a knoll? We don't have them here. We have trolls though, are they the same thing? America is so confusing for a little english munky who was raised by a colony of ants beneath a portaloo on a deserted building site). Anyway, none of that is important right now. Yes, blazing hair is to be avoided at all costs Ms. Jolen. It is neither big nor clever. For this very reason I have shaved mine off. I may look like a thug, but at least I'm fire proof. I hope this helps. God bless you one and all. Trade glances with a lame fox and contemplate the circumference of a randomly picked apple (but only if you have both the time and the inclination). Cheers Jolen.

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as casual as a peanut

Jen_Christabel on 10-04-2006
Munky Nutz #4
Once again Sunken I am ROFL.
Jennifer x

Author's Reply:
Ya know, I always think of Rolf Harris when I see that ROFL, this is a good thing as I have long been a fan of the stylaphone. Glad you got something out of my nutz Ms. Jen. Thanks for the comment and for the rate (-:

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he doesn't get multiplication

Romany on 10-04-2006
Munky Nutz #4
Done it again Sunky! Last two especially are my favs.
Romany.

Author's Reply:
(-: Thank you Ms. Romany for continuing to support my nutz. Thanks for picking out your faves too.

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his tongue rejected him

niece on 10-04-2006
Munky Nutz #4
Sunken,
Very clever and very funny. Superb stuff!
Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
Thank you Ms. Niece for you continued support of my munky nutz (-; Much appreciated.

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Gerbil 2 - Tower block 4

Hazy on 10-04-2006
Munky Nutz #4
Nice one, Smunky babe.

Loved: He left a note for the milkman explaining that his wife would not require a shag during the last two weeks of July as they were both holidaying in Corfu.

LOL, very good 😉 Can just picture the note sticking out the top of a milk bottle...

Hazy x

Author's Reply:
Hiya Ms. Hazy. Belated happy birthday (I saw something in the shoutbox, but I don't like to use aforementioned box as I get claustrophobic). Glad you enjoyed my nutz :-p Thanks for the comment and the continued support. Eat cake, blow out candles and make wishes.

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remembering he was vapour

shadow on 10-04-2006
Munky Nutz #4
My week just brightened up considerably - I particularly like number 4. (How about producing a UKA Calender next year, with 'Thoughts for the Day' by Sunky?)

Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. Shadow. What a lovely comment. It put me in mind of my favourite gas setting (number 7). As for your suggestion, I don't think it would be fair to subject people to a munky nut a day. Life's hard enough surely? Thanks again Ms. Shadow.

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toad in the mole (sick bastards)

red-dragon on 10-04-2006
Munky Nutz #4
Sunkie - very clever! But were they both holidaying in Corfu together? LOL! Ann

Author's Reply:
I have made enquiries (as well as a rather lovely cake) and I can confirm that both he and his wife did holiday in Corfu without the milkman. They may plan on taking him next year as deliveries over there leave a lot to be desired. Thanks Ms. Ann of Wales fame.

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available in all good litter bins

Ionicus on 10-04-2006
Munky Nutz #4
Hello sunks. There is nothing chaotic about your theories.
They are all fantastically hilarious but with philosophical undertones.
Better digested than greasy kebabs.
Luigi.

Author's Reply:
(-: Thank you Mr. Luigi for your lovely support. My nutz are enjoying the attention very much and they have asked me to express their appreciation via the gift of binary code -
1000110001010000111000101000011
Thanks.

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just ignore him

littleditty on 11-04-2006
Munky Nutz #4
hehehe...hehehehe...hehehehehehehe - so you lost the violet fringe? fair enough...even though i can't get kebabs here, these are still great! hehehe xxxlittleditty x

Author's Reply:
Yes, I'm a bit of a skinhead at the moment Ms. Ditty. Very attractive, in a hooligan kinda way... ok, maybe not. Where is 'here' exactly? I have images of you in a third world country for some reason. You are knocking out shoes at 500 an hour and there's a bloke cracking a whip about your feet. He has a sad excuse for a mustache, the kind that would look better on a woman. He needs a good slap if you ask me. Am I anywhere near? Thanks for the comment Ms. Ditty of Little fame. Take care and sunblock.

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he isn't corgi registered (he prefers matchbox anyway)

Emerald on 11-04-2006
Munky Nutz #4
Thanks Sunken for putting a smile on my face with these. I liked the directory enquiries one - not sure what that says about my sense of humour - but I enjoyed reading very much

Emma 🙂

Author's Reply:
(-: Thanks for picking out your fav Emma. My sense of humour was accidentally removed at birth by a trainee midwife with a penchant for cookies. My shrink says I may regain it eventually if I make the most of the intensive therapy sessions that she is setting up for me. Don't worry Em, I don't know what I'm on about either. Thanks for commenting, much appreciated.

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he can't get the hang of aftershave

HelenRussell on 11-04-2006
Munky Nutz #4
The milkman and the chaotic desk were my absolute favourites...hmm...I wonder...is there a connection between the two.....?

Keep 'em coming Sunky, we ukaneers need a regular dose of your humour.
Regards
Sarah 🙂

Author's Reply:
Aww, thank you Ms. Russell of Sarah fame. I guess there could be a connection. I am sworn to secrecy though Ms. Helen. The local swinging club wouldn't like me divulging too much info on the movements of it's members (-; Glad you found my nutz appealing and that their irregular appearance didn't put you off too much. Thanks.

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girls in glasses give him the horn

littleditty on 12-04-2006
Munky Nutz #4
It is hard to be elusive when your hair is on fire.

*smiles all day* xxxlittleditty x

Author's Reply:
I will grow it back, I swear I will. the violet (not to be mistaken for violent) fringe will be back in time for the 2007 Wham reunion party (-;

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he's lithium based

Leila on 12-04-2006
Munky Nutz #4
Prescription Sunken- guaranteed to put a smile on even the most miserable faces. Thanks as ever for bringing your wonderful sense of fun to uka, your munky nutz are a source of delight!! Love the pics too...Leila

Author's Reply:
Aww, what a lovely comment Ms. Leila. More lovely than a dose of prozac on a rainy day. I know that doesn't sound very lovely. It's more of an ambiance thing. Like when you're soaked by the rain and you finally get home and dry off in front of a roaring fire... not that I have a roaring fire. I have a gas fire that's meant to look like a coal fire... you never get coal fires trying to look like gas fires do ya? Gap in the market there if ever I saw one. Thanks for your comment. Sorry about the reply (-;

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he won't have double glazing because it means paying the window cleaner twice

Bradene on 12-04-2006
Munky Nutz #4
You crack me up sunky! Love Val x

Author's Reply:
I would hate to be responsible for any cracks in you Ms. Val... I really should think of what I'm about to say before I open my gob. Thanks for commenting. Take care and a sparrow.

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he doesn't trust Richard Branson

RDLarson on 14-04-2006
Munky Nutz #4
giggle. giggle. snicker. ha ha. very good and one for every day, too. Better than a seven day box of coloured panties, Sunken!

Author's Reply:
;-p Don't mention knickers (ya know I inadvertently typed 'knockers then - Freudian or what?) I'm a bit horny just lately - I think it's the time of year isn't it? What colour are you today then? I was white this morning and now I'm blue. Thanks for commenting young Larson of RD fame, much appreciated.

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he buries inanimate objects in his garden

Abel on 14-04-2006
Munky Nutz #4
There just must be a book of these in the offing...I really mean it. I was a milkman once.

Ward

Author's Reply:
As ever young Abel, your comments give me a good old boosting just when I need it. Much appreciated.
I nearly got run over by a milk float once. How embarrassing. My mate once got run over by a Merc. Now that's class. Cheers Ward.

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hopeless in the face of adversity

dylan on 16-04-2006
Munky Nutz #4
Well, young Spunky-(sorry all this talk about coloured panties does not help my blood pressure)-very droll.
I hope a milkman was arranged in Corfu, I mean everyone`s entitled to a pint a day.
XXX(Sorry, manly handshake)
D.

Author's Reply:
How lovely to see you in my box young Dylan. I am wearing white pants today. I am hoping that this will meet with the approval of the milk marketing board. All of my love and deepest respect - in an equally manly fashion. XXX

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he's not gay or owt

shackleton on 19-04-2006
Munky Nutz #4
You barmy (or is it balmy?) individual, Mr. Sunk of en fame (or is it infamy?) Take care, young man and keep your nutz under control in this heady spring weather.

Author's Reply:
I have recently purchased a pair of restricting boxer shorts Mr. Shack of wotm fame, which seem to be controlling my nutz quite adequately (bloody painful tho). Good to see you in my box, as it were. I think it's 'barmy' ...actually, I'm not sure now either.

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he doesn't trust condoms and therefore insists on cling film and selotape

Lare on 22-04-2006
Munky Nutz #4
Hi Sunky...ah, you devil...you play with words like a very clever chess player...I LOVE how you do this..."She was on a very strict diet and therefore her last meal, before electrocution, consisted of little more than a spring onion, a boiled egg and a limp lettuce leaf."...ya know, Sunky...you are a superbly clever writer...I am envious...you have an ability that not many others will ever have...including me...dang...

Lare

Author's Reply:
Why thank you young Lare. Your comment smacked a proper big grin on my stubbly face yesterday when I read it. So much so that I even shaved! Unheard of on a weekend. Thanks again Lare for taking the time to comment. Much appreciated (-:

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sponsored by gherkins

glennie on 23-04-2006
Munky Nutz #4
It's gotta hava 10 for it's weird and wonderful surrealness. Glen.

Author's Reply:
Thank you young Glen (-: They sell surrealism at Tesco now ya know? Is there anything they don't sell I wonder. Thanks for the comment.

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Liverpool 4 - Josiah Wedgwood 3

BlueyedSoul on 25-04-2006
Munky Nutz #4
te he te he ....you always make me smile sweet sunken, even when i am low...i mean down...i mean on my knees, no i mean...oh nevermind!

kisses sweet thing!

~Cindy

Author's Reply:
Mmmm... on your knees you say? Ahem, sorry. I am really happy that my Nutz make you smile Ms. Cindy. It's not the first time I've said that ya know (-; Hope you aren't low for too long.
Take care and a torch.

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sponsored by soda-stream

len on 09-11-2006
Munky Nutz #4
Yes, Uncle Munky..I have yet another vexing problem. I would like to fix my computer at home, but when I opened it up, I was unable to find any of the gears. Perhaps they use micro-gears and are much to small for me to see. Do I need special eyeglasses in order to find where they are hidden?...Unfaithfully hers, len

Author's Reply:


Fluctuating Adaptations. (posted on: 17-03-06)
She kicks like a Smirnoff mule

Image hosting by Photobucket FLUCTUATING ADAPTATIONS (She's just a Smirnoff Mule away) sunken The faintest tremor of a giggle is just a Smirnoff Mule away. Shoulders that endure the moment produce a shuddering display as the onset of hysterics grind with calm dexterity upon a central nervous system that awaits calamity. Finely balanced is the smile that is touted as sincere whilst concealing a derision like some mutant engineer who has plans for readjustment, plans that only he could draw to the straining of a larynx that violates a laughter law. The slightest tremor of a giggle, an inoffensive minor trait that multiplies with every bottle until she substitutes her fate for the squalor of a bed-sit where she hangs her plastic smile and tricks herself into believing that her life has been worthwhile Vodka flashback recollections resuscitate a toxic mind with fluctuating adaptations of a post euphoric kind, every crass exaggeration intensified behind closed doors, a scene repeated every weekend by tribes of willing underscores.
Archived comments for Fluctuating Adaptations.
Romany on 17-03-2006
Fluctuating Adaptations.
As is often the case with your stuff Sunken, this carries quite a stark message behind it; quite a social commentary. And you do it so incredibly well. Tinged with sadness too, which imo is also something of a trademark of yours. There is so much more to you and your work than meets the eye, methinks. Btw, where do you get the fantastic, dramatic photography from?
Romany.

Author's Reply:
Thanks Ms. Ro of many fame for that astute appraisal. I wish i could comment in a brainy fashion instead of banging on about munkys and hamsters. I may branch out soon and talk about fruit instead. For all my flippancy, I do appreciate the comments very much young Romany. Thanks. Consider chickens and how they relate to lemsip (but only if you have the time).

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constantly in touch with his feminine side

niece on 17-03-2006
Fluctuating Adaptations.
"for the squalor of a bed-sit
where she hangs her plastic smile
and tricks herself into believing
that her life has been worthwhile…"

I especially liked these lines, Sunken...an amazing poem!

Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
I especially like your supportive comments Ms. Niece. Thanks for taking the time and for picking out your fave bit (-: You are even more lovely than a juicy orange. This is quite a compliment as i do enjoy juicy oranges very much. Thank you.

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he chats up girls in binary

Bradene on 17-03-2006
Fluctuating Adaptations.
Well you hit the spot there Sunky, Tell it like it is I say! Great writing and as usual you manage to make a serious subject entertaining while hammering the message home. Love Val x

Author's Reply:
Thanks young Val of Bradene fame. Apparently, as a toddler, I liked to bash everything in sight with a plastic mallet. Is that the kinda hammering you mean? Thanks for the comment and the vote. You are more lovely than a polo mint. Thanks.

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he's been to Rhyl, but he's never been to me

Kat on 17-03-2006
Fluctuating Adaptations.
Wonderful work, Sunky - I am so in awe of your controlled metre. ;o)

Again, Romany has said it all for me.

Kat *big kiss*

Author's Reply:
You do realise that those big kisses can leave a munky out of action for days on end? Not that I mind (-;
Thanks for taking the time to comment. Having you in awe of my metre (should that be centimeter?) is really quite something young Kat on a hot tin roof. Respect and rice pudding.

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20% Pot Noodle / 10% Twix / 40% coffee / 30% fresh air

red-dragon on 17-03-2006
Fluctuating Adaptations.
Young sunkie, take a bow, please. This is quite amazing - tho' I'm not too sure about

and tricks herself into believing

to me it doesn't scan as well as the others. Ah well, who am I to comment? As always, your poetry hits the spot. Ann

Author's Reply:
Pssst... who am I? Who am I? she says. You're only young Red of dragon fame, that's who. Thanks for commenting Ms. Ann. I maybe talk funny, 'cause it scans ok for me. I get this occasionally, I reckon it's an accent thang. I shall make an appointment to see my peach therapist forthwith (-; Thanks for the vote and for taking the time to read. Consider subtraction and how it relates to loss (but only if you have time). Cheers Ann.

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he's had a remix

shadow on 17-03-2006
Fluctuating Adaptations.
Hi sunky, brilliant as ever, brightened up my morning no end. Loved her 'plastic smile' and
Vodka flashback recollections
resuscitate a toxic mind
with fluctuating adaptations
of a post euphoric kind,
Well done, young munky.

Author's Reply:
(-: Thank you young Shadowy figure. You are more lovely than a my favourite hammer drill setting (number three, a steady pulsating action that gets the job done with the minimum of fuss). Please understand Ms. Shadow, this is indeed a compliment. Thanks for the comment and for continuing to manufacture high quality condoms, none of which I ever get to use (-;

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supplying pot to noodle

ruadh on 17-03-2006
Fluctuating Adaptations.
Many moons ago a friend persuaded me a Vodka Mule was the best drink ever ... unfortunately I felt as sick as a dog. I found myself reading between the lines, as always with your work there is more than first appears. Well done.

love ailsa

Author's Reply:
Lol. Not my kinda tipple usually Ms. Ruadh. Though I do end up on it if the night is rounded off by a club. I think I'm too pissed by then to be bothered and shrieking for 'the one in the copper bottle' always seems to save confusion. It probably is vile... I can never remember. Same thing happens with kebabs. I've never even fancied one sober... same thing happens with... (-; Thanks for the comment Ms. Ailsa.

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Slough 3 - Chewing gum 2

Ionicus on 17-03-2006
Fluctuating Adaptations.
What can I say, sunks? I am agog.
Not only are you a philosopher and a poet but also an astute observer of social mores. The whole poem is a delight worth of the nib but my favourite is the opening:

The faintest tremor of a giggle
is just a Smirnoff Mule away.
Shoulders that endure the moment
produce a shuddering display
as the onset of hysterics
grind with calm dexterity
upon a central nervous system
that awaits calamity.

More of the same, please.
Luigi.

Author's Reply:
Tell me young Luigi, is a gog one of those waterproof coats that makes you look stupid in the rain (-;
Thanks big time for the support and for choosing your fave bit Mr. Ionicus. It is, like warm breast at the end of a tiring day, much appreciated.

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hopelessly devoted to stew

Abel on 17-03-2006
Fluctuating Adaptations.
Your work never ceases to amaze, Mr. Munk. The rhythm is impeccable here, as well. Are you sure that you're not Elton John's Lyricist (whose name escapes me)? Very deep and moving work.

Ward

Author's Reply:
God I wish, the bloke must be minted. I think his name is Bernie Taupin? Something like that. I'd google, but everytime I do I'm greeted genitalia in varying states of arousal. God knows what I'd get if I google something that is Elton John related (-; He's a character and no mistake. I do like the Mr. Munk by the way, it's kinda semi formal which seems quite fitting for bloke reared by primates. Thanks for your continued support Mr. Writer of the month. Much appreciated, as always. Have a good weekend.

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what he lacks in discipline he makes up for in lager

Dargo77 on 17-03-2006
Fluctuating Adaptations.
Sunk, I always feel privileged to read your work. Everything you write is always so very readable and enjoyable. I consider this poem one of your very best, and a Fav. for me.
Regards,
Dargo

Author's Reply:
(-: Blimey. Thanks very much for the fav read Mr. D. I am indeed honoured and shall shortly prepare myself a microwave meal for one by way of a celebration. For a man who is posting some of his strongest work to date (you I mean, not me - obviously) this is a real honour. Cheers young Dargo.

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raising standards via the use of foot pumps

Jen_Christabel on 18-03-2006
Fluctuating Adaptations.
Well written my man!Ten from me.
Jennifer x

Author's Reply:
Ten what...? Oh, as in ratings. Thanks young Ms. Christabel. Sorry I'm a bit pervy lately. I blame the following - raspberry jam, special K and damp weather conditions. I hope this reply finds you in a comfortable position and that all around is rainbow coloured. Thanks.

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he can't see ipods taking off

Leila on 18-03-2006
Fluctuating Adaptations.
Sunken you are uka's master of rhyme and rhythm and this poem tells a sad tale in your unmistakable voice. Great craftmanship so it's hard to pick out favourite lines because each word is carefully chosen and perfectly placed for maximum impact...
Finely balanced is the smile
that is touted as sincere
while concealing a derision
like some mutant engineer
who has plans for readjustment
plans that only he could draw
to the straining of a larynx
that violates a laughter law...perhaps shows some of the darkest and most powerful lines in this and the 8 lines that follow are painfully sad. As others have said, a stark message, a social commentary, a philosopher and a poet, well done you...Leila

Author's Reply:
Blimey Leila. How do you do it? Will you teach me the way of the competent commentator? Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. You are more lovely than the following - juicy toast, Guinness, black forest gateau and twix (the caramel and chocolate covered crunchie biscuit that comes in a pack of two). See, I just can't do in-depth. Thanks Ms. Leila. Your comments and support is always appreciated.

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as subtle as asbestos

Andrea on 18-03-2006
Fluctuating Adaptations.
Lovely stuff young Munk of nutz fame. Puts me in mind (why does everything seem to remind me of something else these days? Could it be old age? *sigh*) of the Donovan song, Laleña. Lyrics below for your perusal.

(and yep, it was Bernie Taupin)


When the sun goes to bed
That's the time you raise your head,
That's your lot in life, Lalea
Can't blame ya, Lalea.
Arty tart, ladeda,
Can your part get much sadder ?
That's your lot in life, Lalea.
Can't blame ya, Lalea.
Run your hand through your hair,
Paint your face with despair.
That's your lot in life, Lalea
Can't blame ya, Lalea.
When the sun goes to bed
That's the time you raise your head.
That's your lot in life, Lalea
I can't blame ya, Lalea.
Arty tart, oh so ladeda,
Can your part ever get, ever get much sadder ?
That's your lot in life, Lalea.
I can't blame ya, Lalea, no, no, no, Lalea,
Oh, Lalea.

Author's Reply:
Blimey. Thanks for going to all of that trouble Ms. Andrea of Uka fame. I have perused at my leisure whilst being fanned by a scantily clad fair maiden with 'go away' eyes. Did Donovan have big bushy sideburns? I may cultivate a pair by way of a tribute... is he dead? I just took it as he was. Not that you're old or anything... ahem. Thanks Andrea. Do call again (-;

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roses are red, violets are blue... which is weird, 'cause I always thought they were blue? Hence the name? Life is so confusing.

redlobster on 18-03-2006
Fluctuating Adaptations.
Are you sure you don't live in Camden. Sounds like many of my vulnerable tenants. They try to seem innocent and carefree but have messed up their lives and many others' through the demon drink.

More importantly Nutzy, how do you get those images on there. I've tried and failed miserably

Author's Reply:

Flash on 18-03-2006
Fluctuating Adaptations.
Have you been to S/E London then Sunkey? LOL!!

Anyway, you're obviously the master of this type of stuff. Haven't commented for a while on your work, but i'll just say sometimes i'm more impressed than others.

Good werk as they say in liverpool.

xxxxxx
Flashy.

Author's Reply:
Thanks young Mr. Flash. I know you once mentioned trying a different style and I did try a bit of prose for a while but I always get sucked back into this kinda format. I blame pop culture and bic disposable razors. They have a lot to answer for (-; Thanks for the comment. It's been a while since I got flashed and I can definately say that the experience was well worth the wait. As a new man who is in touch with his femine side, I can say this without any embarassment. Ahem. I hope no ones reading though.
Cheers Flash.
xxxxxx
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missing presumed pierced

Emerald on 18-03-2006
Fluctuating Adaptations.
Hi Sunken,

I always enjoy reading your work - you have a knack of taking a picture and produ