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potleek's (potleek on UKA) UKArchive
112 Archived submissions found.
Title
Once upon a time (posted on: 28-08-09)
What once was and now is ???

Who started this, ''Once upon a time?'' Who said that poetry should also rhyme? From these should we kind of veer Or just leave it pleasant to the ear From poets and writers from an age Who put pen and quill to the page. For it had become all the fashion For those who wrote with a passion But now in this modern time No new lines or nursery rhyme Should we take heed of the past? So that our written words will last R U sure of this modern way The less we write, 4 what we say Behind it all there is no passion Yet it seems to be all the fashion. Copyright © 2009
Archived comments for Once upon a time
e-griff on 28-08-2009
Once upon a time
Well, yes, your poem rhymes it seems
(I hope that that fulfils your dreams).
But frankly your abberant metre
caused my interest to peter
out. And then to make it worse -
You used the same rhymes in each verse!

sorry! couldn't resist! Pse take my comment with a pinch of humour and forgive me.

Author's Reply:

RoyBateman on 29-08-2009
Once upon a time
Neatly put, and a valid point...without the proper, or formal, use of language caused by the electronic age we live in, where will the future poets come from?? Frankly, I can guess - from those who had the rules rammed down their throats, probably not in the state system. So bang goes the social mobility dream that we had in the sixties. Going backwards... And yes, it may well be those nursery and playground rhymes that rescue poetry as we used to know it - kids like repetition, formality and the certainty of rhyme and structured verse. It may be in all of us, but gets flattened out as we grow...anyway, well said!

Author's Reply:


No bus today (posted on: 26-01-09)
These few verses came about after a bus company stop a service for a local estate. Not caring that one of its daily passengers was a man of 99 who daily went for his shopping.

He had been standing at the bus stop For a half hour in the rain He watched the gathering water Slowly going down a drain Cars that sped past Splashed puddles across his feet If only he could return the compliment Wouldn't that be real neat? Then a lady passed She said. ''I hope you're not waiting for a bus For none of them stop here now Not for any of us. They had cancelled the service At the time it seemed so very rash There was nothing that could be done, They're not interested in people, only in cash.''
Archived comments for No bus today
reckless on 26-01-2009
No bus today
Oh absolutely! very much true to life. I like the last line especially.

Author's Reply:
reckless many thanks for your kind comment.
There are many petty injustices caused without forthought...Tony

Mezzanotte on 26-01-2009
No bus today
I liked the last line too. I had an argument once with a bus driver because he was very abusive to an old lady. People don't consider the old...individuals or corporations.

I think the poem would be a little 'tighter' if you made it rhyme a little more, perhaps ABAB, or something similar, but this is only IMO.

Best wishes
Jackie


Author's Reply:
Jackie many thanks for commenting.
As for abusive bus drivers, what goes around comes around....Tony

Mezzanotte on 26-01-2009
No bus today
I liked the last line too. I had an argument once with a bus driver because he was very abusive to an old lady. People don't consider the old...individuals or corporations.

I think the poem would be a little 'tighter' if you made it rhyme a little more, perhaps ABAB, or something similar, but this is only IMO.

Best wishes
Jackie


Author's Reply:

macaby on 26-01-2009
No bus today
yes the last line is very true to life, it's a sad fact but it happens all the time. if it's not a bus stop then a sub post office or a corner shop. money rules the world unfortunately.

Author's Reply:
macaby thanks for reading and commenting.
Who knows what will stop or close down next, perhaps money is the root to all evil...Tony

RoyBateman on 27-01-2009
No bus today
Well, now that I've got my pass, I'm using buses more...not that that's much use round here! It's a conundrum - rude bus drivers, or - as here - drivers that know everyone, stop outside their door and chat away regardless of the timetable? Both are irritating in their own way! But, as you imply, especially out of town it's provide your own services or stay indoors...there aren't going to be many real country pubs left in a few years! A thought-provoking piece.

Author's Reply:
Roy many thanks for commenting.
As for a bus pass I could have had mine years ago, well not that many to tell the truth.
I can't say for rude bus drivers, although when i was younger and used the busses there were some, well not so nice ones.
It's a shame that all bus drivers were not like country bus drivers, you just rang the bell when you wanted off...or just held your hand out when you wanted to get on a bus regardless of where you were.
I suppose we all have bad days and bus drivers ae no different...bless them...Tony

Sunken on 27-01-2009
No bus today
Hello Mr. Pot of Leek fame. I think buses should be made up of little cubicles. That way your space wouldn't get invaded by smelly old men who can't stop whining on about the youth of today. When I'm old, say as old as that Andrea woman, I'll maybe whine a bit, but I won't smell. I'm already stocking up on Brut and Old Spice. I suspect I'll have women falling over themselves to sit by me. Unless, of course, my cubicle idea has been taken up by the relative authorities. Enjoyed the poem. Just ignore the comment. I'm high on Jaffa Cakes. They're a taste sensation and no mistake.

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his semi shaved head is a result of faulty clippers - babyliss will pay for this and no mistake!

Author's Reply:
Sunken as always a pleasure to have you commenting.
When you get old, you'll complain about the youth of the time. Now, now Sunken as for Andrea, we can't have a word said about her age. Being in the prime of life, no more shall be said....lol
As for cubicles, I always thought you got undressed in one of them, for whatever reason.
Jaffa cakes, you're really talking now, thanks again...Tony


Using Time (posted on: 05-01-09)
*

Oh the air that I take with each breath No longer seems to fill each lung It has that faint smell of death Like rotten flesh that has long since been hung I have long since stopped crying For what use are tears upon the cheek I try hard not to think of those dying It's not that I was turning weak For there is still time I need to fill There are still many things to be done I don't have the pleasure of having time to kill Still have victories that need to be won We never know when time will stop For if we stand back and only view Most likely it will catch us on the hop Leaving our dreams for others to do Copyright © 2009
Archived comments for Using Time
ruadh on 06-01-2009
Using Time
All too true Tony. We all take time for granted.

ailsa

Author's Reply:
Ailsa many thanks for your comment.
I have several thoughts on time. Time is the most preciouse thing we have, you can't buy it or borrow it even though there are sayings about that.
If you don't use it you lose it, you can never get it back.
You can't even make time, if you could I'd make loads to do the things I enjoy...Tony

Sunken on 06-01-2009
Using Time
Hello Mr. Pot. It's me, sunks. A sad air to this one and no mistake. I must take heed of that last verse. Nice work fella.

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he slept through the new year

Author's Reply:
Sunken it is always a pleasure to hear from you.
Time is a funny thing, we never seem to have the time to do lots of things.
Thanks for taking the time to comment...Tony


The telegram (posted on: 24-11-08)
A wartime tale

I think it was late in 1944 When that knock came to the door. A young lad stood in post office uniform In his hand he held an envelope, It was the kind to inform. I remember mother taking it from his hand Perhaps I was too young to understand. There was a silence that lasted an age As she finally unfolded that page, It then lay crumpled on the floor She never said any more. I remember now that she didn't cry. Now all the years have gone by Searching through some old documents Cards and papers, some with sentiments I came across that long forgotten page In reading it I kind of felt a rage For it clearly spelt the score It said. ''I'm not coming home any more.''
Archived comments for The telegram
Bradene on 24-11-2008
The telegram
Oh! the end took me by surprise. Totally unexpected. Good poem Tony. Hope you are well. I'll be in touch, lots happened. Val x

Author's Reply:
Thanks for reading and commenting Val.
Looking forward to hearing from you...Tony

Sunken on 24-11-2008
The telegram
Yeah, I agree with Ms. Val. I didn't see the end coming either. A clever twist and no mistake, Mr. Pot.

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she raised the stakes by setting fire to his playstation

Author's Reply:
Sunken thanks a ton for commenting, as usual always welcome.
Sometimes these little gems just happen...Tony

teifii on 25-11-2008
The telegram
Me too. I was sure it was a war office telegram. Cleverly done.
Daff

Author's Reply:
Daff. I do thank you for commenting.
But how many of those wartime telegrams came this way.
Thanks again...Tony

Romany on 25-11-2008
The telegram
Yeah, it tricked me too. You convey her repressed anger and her bitterness well,

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Romany many thanks for commenting.
Perhaps there is much that you can read into the story.
But keeping it short lets the imagination take over.
Thanks again...Tony


The book (posted on: 13-10-08)
Just another book

It was a book well read Well at least that's what someone said Its pages were well worn Some of them had even been torn. Someone had underlined a part Perhaps the words had given heart, I suppose at one time we've all had a look At this now instructive book. Not always taking heed of what we've heard But taking note of the written word When needing to have a look Inside a telephone book. Copyright © 2008
Archived comments for The book
Sunken on 15-10-2008
The book
Ya know Mr. Pot of the Leek variety, I was once so extremely bored that I actually did start reading the phonebook. I have since moved onto the Yellow Pages. It has pictures, though the plot is pretty much the same. I think you'll agree, I really do need to get a life. I'll have a quick look under 'L' (-;

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'Chip Pan Sinatra' charity event called off due to third degree burns

Author's Reply:
Sunken as ever your comments always give a smile, thanks
You should try the Chinese phone book, but you won't find any names under Wing or Wong.
That's so you don't wing the wong number...sorry!


The voice (posted on: 06-10-08)
Only if you believe

I think I heard a whisper Or perhaps it was in a dream It came through a bright light It shone like a moonbeam The voice it was so gentle Soft and very low It told me of the road of life And how far I had to go It also told me not to be afraid For I had plenty time To keep going as I was To walk the straight and narrow line I tried to ask some questions Perhaps my voice it went unheard But then it gently said I hear your every word Then the light it disappeared I felt so calm and relieved Perhaps you too might hear that voice If you really believed.
Archived comments for The voice
Sunken on 06-10-2008
The voice
The only thing that I hear is traffic. Could the light of which you speak be headlight related, Mr. Pot of the Leek persuasion? I shall have to ponder further over this particular piece and no mistake (-;

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weetabix - 4, paris hilton - 2

Author's Reply:
Sunken thank you for your enlightened comment.
Me thinks if you saw the right light you would know which road you were on...Tony

jay12 on 06-10-2008
The voice
The Voice that I'll never hear sadly because I don't have the faith! Maybe I'll repent on my deathbed and begin to believe like every other athiest does when desperation takes over! Nice poem!

Jay.

Author's Reply:
Jay it's not so much about believing, we all have that inner voice.
I think we all look for that comfort in desperation.
Many thanks for your kind comment...Tony


CLOSED (posted on: 29-09-08)
*

The doors where closed for the very last time, Leaving behind nothing but memories The silence was screaming out. But inside you could feel the spirits cry and shout, The sound of voices that had been before. What had once been people's lives was gone. No longer would the morning hooter be heard, Calling to all around to beckon them in. Silence was all that was made there now. Redundant, everything just gathered dust, It seems as though it's a modern must. A place where people more than worked Where they communicated and talked. A place that gave them hopes and dreams It's just a political whim or so it seems. Just an odd pigeon breaks the silence inside Disturbing the air that was once filled with pride. Darkness falls once again As people close their curtains and hide their pain Remembering days gone that were so grand But only now sadness covers their land. But the children don't understand or know Where their future lies as they grow Closed is all they see, a sign upon the door. For a way of life that is no more. Copyright © 2008
Archived comments for CLOSED
e-griff on 29-09-2008
CLOSED
have you sent andrea your bio, mate? πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 30-09-2008
CLOSED
Hello Mr. Pot. Things certainly seem to be going tits up of late don't they. I couldn't work out if this was about the past or the present. I guess it could be both. It's a good job I have my toenail clipping company to support me. People will always need to cut their toenails and my clippers are very reasonably priced. I hope this has helped.

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So did you send Andrea your bio or what?

Author's Reply:
Sunken as usual your kindly comments are a source of encouragement.
Which I thank you kindly for.
As for being past or present....Isn't it still the same! Nothing ever seemes to change.

To answer your last question. Yes I did. I sent Andrea a what ????

barenib on 30-09-2008
CLOSED
Potleek - there may be a lot more of this to come unfortunately, but we still need to write about these things and record exactly what it means for ordinary people, which you've done very well here. John.

Author's Reply:
John I do thank you for your kind comment.
Living in the N.E of England I have seen more than enough of this kind of thing, also been a victim of it in the past.
When will the government realise that it is the people who are the backbone of this country...Tony


A little learning (posted on: 15-09-08)
Perhaps a few truths

 

They say a little learning

Can be a dangerous thing.

Because I learnt all the words of a song

It doesn't mean that I can sing.

 

Because I can recite recipes

From a cookery book,

I also own an oven

It doesn't mean that I can cook.

 

I suppose some of you

May have a kind of laugh,

You don't need a pair of sprinting shoes

To try and run a bath.

 

They also say

 Never judge a book by its cover.

Sometimes the best-looking people

Never make the ideal kind of lover.

 

The pen is mightier than the sword,

With a cutting edge

That can cut and hurt

That's also the power of the written word.

 

Copyright © 2008

 

 

 


Archived comments for A little learning
e-griff on 15-09-2008
A little learning
I thought this started well, but seemed to wander a little off-centre in the funny third verse, skate around in the fourth, and come back to the point (I suppose) in a fifth verse, but doesn't really drive it home. at least in my view.

Not saying there is anything 'wrong' about it, just I feel more could be made of it. best, JohnG

Author's Reply:
John thank you for constructive comment, in a way you are right.
But it was meant to be a light hearted swipe at ourselves hence the funny third verse...Tony

Sunken on 17-09-2008
A little learning
Some wise words here Mr. Pot of the Leek persuasion. I particularly identified with the oven related one. I burned my Findus crispy pancakes yesterday even though I followed the cooking instructions to the T. What does that mean? 'to the T'? Anyway, that's not important right now. An entertaining little piece and no mistake. Thank you.

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i'll meet you at the car crash regatta

Author's Reply:
Sunken I do appreciate your comments of wisdom. Sorry about your pancakes.
Gosh I wish I hadn't been so correct...Thanks again...Tony

orangedream on 17-09-2008
A little learning
You spoke many a true word here, Tony, in your very clever poem. I enjoyed it very much.

Tina:-)

Author's Reply:
Tina many thanks for your kind comment.
Sometimes we have to stand back and take a look at ourselves. It helps if we can laugh it also, even if it is true...Thanks again...Tony


Something to pass on (posted on: 21-07-08)
Just something to pass on

I have not given up on life Nor have I given up on living But have changed my way of thinking. Now, much more to giving. Not in the sense that I shower people with gifts Or trinkets that they can keep, But what I give: Will be enough to make them weep. For age has brought me to this thought. That at this time of life That what I pass on to them Will give no end of strife. For I have shouted in the wilderness I have banged away at the big drum So I give to them, all the tomorrows to come. For I have had my time, And watched as things unfurled So now I give to youth The burden of this world.
Archived comments for Something to pass on
discopants on 23-07-2008
Something to pass on
An interesting poem- there's some things we don't have any choice but to pass on. I'd look to chop the odd word from the start of the lines- the 2 usages of 'that' in consecutive lines could be changed, while the last use of 'for' could be cut too.

Anyway, food for thought from your poem.

dp

Author's Reply:
dp many thanks for your comment, your suggestions are truly noted...Tony


When the eagle and the buffalo have gone (posted on: 19-05-08)
A tale of the Red Indian

I know my father the sky, my sister the rain, my brother the wind, all the children of the sun and my mother the earth. We live as one family; we only take what we need from these lands that are our homes. These lands that have given us what we needed for generations. But the white man comes with no understanding of our ways and no understanding of the nature of things. They do not understand the circle of life, for the power of the world works in circles. The soil you see is not ordinary soil - it is the dust of the blood, the flesh and bones of our ancestors. The Great Chief in Washington sends word that he wishes to buy our land. How can you buy or sell the sky? The warmth of the land? The idea is strange to us. Yet we do not own the freshness of the air or the sparkle of the water. How can you buy them from us? Every part of this earth is sacred to my people. We know that the white man does not understand our ways. One portion of the land is the same to him as the next, for he is a stranger who comes in the night and takes from the land whatever he needs. The earth is not his mother but his enemy and when he has conquered it he moves on. He leaves his fathers' graves and his children's birthright is forgotten. Whose voice was first sounded on this land? The voice of the red people who had bows and arrows. What has been done in my country I did not want, did not ask for it, white people going through my country. When the white man comes in my country he leaves a trail of blood behind him. We never did the white man any harm; we don't intend to… We are willing to be friends with the white man… The buffalo are diminishing fast. The antelope, that were plenty a few years ago, they are now thin. When they shall all die we shall be hungry. When I was young I walked all over this country, east and west, and saw no other people than the Red Indian. After many summers I walked again and found another race of people had come to take it. How is it? Why is it that the Indians wait to die? When the buffalo are all slaughtered, the wild horses all tamed, the secret corners of the forest heavy with the scent of many men, and the view of the ripe hills blotted by talking wires. Where is the eagle? Gone. Where is the buffalo? Gone. And what is it to say goodbye to the swift and the hunt, the end of living and the beginning of survival. Arranged from Native American Quotations
Archived comments for When the eagle and the buffalo have gone
Romany on 19-05-2008
When the eagle and the buffalo have gone
I was thinking of this very subject only yesterday. My husband was watching an old 'cowboys and indians' film and I was half listening to it in the kitchen. It occurred to me that the Indians were always the bad guys. As a child I fervently believed that to be the case. Of course, it wasn't at all, quite the opposite in fact. Your work reminded me of this.

Romany.

Author's Reply:
It's a pity that films and television can warp our minds to the truth when we are young.
But no doubt the Native Americans were pushed into situations they had no control over and fought back the best they knew how.
Many thanks for reading and commenting...Tony

Andrea on 19-05-2008
When the eagle and the buffalo have gone
I loved this Pot. Here is one of my fave (19th century Cree)Indian sayings...

'Only when the last tree has died and the last river been poisoned and the last fish been caught will we realise we cannot eat money.'

I was always on the side of the 'bad guys'




Author's Reply:
Andrea it's a shame that the settlers in America thought the indian as being stupid.
For there is great wisdom and truth in many of their words.
The sad thing is, that saying relates very much to modern times...were they the bad guys.
Many thanks for commenting...Tony

orangedream on 19-05-2008
When the eagle and the buffalo have gone
Yes, there are certainly many direct quotes here. I.e.

"How can you buy or sell the sky? The warmth of the land? The idea is strange to us."

Part of a speech given by Chief Seattle in January, 1855 as transcripted by a Texas professor, Ted Perry to be used as part of a film script I believe.

And of course the last sentence of your piece.

"And what is it to say goodbye to the swift and the hunt, the end of living and the beginning of survival."

Another quote from this famous speech given to President Franklin Pierce.

Stirring words indeed, Tony and I guess we could all learn from their commendable philosophy on life.

Tina



Author's Reply:
Tina thank you for reading and commenting.
The real credit goes to those Red Indians who went through those times and gave their speeches.
I have just taken snippets from some of them and put them together in a story form.
I have always admired native knowledge of their surroundings and the ability to survive very well.
Very much indeed we could learn a lot from them...Tony

SugarMama34 on 19-05-2008
When the eagle and the buffalo have gone
Hey potleek,

I'm sure it was you whose work I read before about a similar piece (The Mountain Man), which I have to say I really enjoyed and I have with this short piece too. The voice and feelings of the Indian comes across really well and you get inside his head. For me it pulled me into the story and the imagery was good too, which I also liked.
The emotions are laid bare for all to see and the reader feels the despair and anguish. A powerful piece in my opinion. I'm glad this has been nominated because it deserves to be. Well done potleek on a great story.

Lis'. xx

Author's Reply:
Lis (The Mountain man) is my handy work, thank you again.
Through the quotations of the Red Indians I arranged them into a story form.
I'm glad it drew you into their plight of the time and that you felt for them.
Many thanks for reading and commenting...Tony

red-dragon on 19-05-2008
When the eagle and the buffalo have gone
A thoughtprovoking piece and well worthy of its nib. The history of a nation swept away in a few corrupt years. Ann

Author's Reply:
Ann I don't think the Red Indian will ever be forgot about.
At least Australia have tried to right a wrong, it would be nice if America did a bit more for the Native Americans.
Thank you for reading and commenting...Tony

orangedream on 19-05-2008
When the eagle and the buffalo have gone
Speaking of quotes, Tony as I was I believe, the line :- "The earth is not his mother but his enemy ... " should in fact read:-


"The earth is not his brother but his enemy and when he has conquered it he moves on."

Tina

Just a small thought, but maybe it would be an idea to put direct quotes in inverted commas, so as to avoid any confusion.

Author's Reply:
Tina you know your Chief Seattle, but I started this piece of with "My mother the earth."
I thought it would be conflicting if in another line I said the earth was not his brother, if you see what I mean.
But yes you are correct it should read as you say.
I take your point about puting direct quotes into inverted commas, but I used several quotes and perhaps the inverted commas would confuse the reader, being all over the place.
But many thanks again...Tony

orangedream on 19-05-2008
When the eagle and the buffalo have gone
Speaking of quotes, Tony as I was I believe, the line :- "The earth is not his mother but his enemy ... " should in fact read:-


"The earth is not his brother but his enemy and when he has conquered it he moves on."

Tina

Just a small thought, but maybe it would be an idea to put direct quotes in inverted commas, so as to avoid any confusion.

Author's Reply:

artisus on 20-05-2008
When the eagle and the buffalo have gone
Yes, very nice meaningful submission, I agree with red-dragon.

Author's Reply:
Artisus thanks for reading and commenting.
If the piece makes people think, it has been worth posting.
Thanks again...Tony

Briarcal on 22-05-2008
When the eagle and the buffalo have gone
Very nice piece, potleek.

I am working on a story linking the tragedy of the American Indians with the dispossession of the highland Scots of the 19th century.

This was spoken by Chief Joseph, head of the Nez Perce tribe.

"If the white man wants to live in peace with the Indian he can live in peace. There need be no trouble.

Treat all men alike. Give them all the same law. Give them all an even chance to live and grow ... Whenever the white man treats the Indian as they treat each other, then we shall have no more wars. We shall be ... brothers of one father and one mother, with one sky above us and one country around us ...

Then the Great Spirit ... will smile upon this land, and send rain to wash out the bloody spots made by brothers' hands upon the face of the earth. For this time the Indian race are waiting and praying."

well, what can you say?
Chief Joseph


Author's Reply:
There is a lot of wisdom in what was said by the Red Indians, some of these chiefs would have made great politicians. Chief Joseph would have been up there.
Many thanks for your comment...Tony


Untitled (posted on: 14-04-08)
*

It is better not to sit amongst the ruins The ruins of many lives past For it is better not to dwell For time moves so fast You cannot pick up the pieces For they have all been moved Although the picture looks the same Life is now a different game Yet we cannot forget the ground; The ground we have just walked over Whether it is a parting friend Or that of a lover Sadness is only a brief moment For we soon learn to laugh. Words, words, words. Just depends how they are spoken Some can lift us up Others can leave us broken. But we have to bend, Quite often in different directions More often without a fuss But we have to be true to ourselves For that is the real us. Copyright © 2008
Archived comments for Untitled
orangedream on 14-04-2008
Untitled
Wise words indeed, Tony. I shall try to take heed of them.

Tina:-)

Author's Reply:
Tina many thanks for reading and commenting.
I hope my words help a little...Tony

Sunken on 17-04-2008
Untitled
Yes, I have been attempting not to dwell too, Mr. Pot of Leek. As the ever glamorous Ms. Orange has already said, wise words indeed. There's a young lady on this site who I hope has read and ingested this bit -

Words, words, words.
Just depends how they are spoken
Some can lift us up
Others can leave us broken.

(It also depends on how they're wrotten... No that doesn't work does it?) Anyway, well done.

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she fell into his bed at four thirty six on a sunday morning

Author's Reply:
Sunken appreciate the comment very much.
Hope your young lady has read the words as well...Tony

Romany on 18-04-2008
Untitled
Favourite lines:

You cannot pick up the pieces
For they have all been moved

Excellent words in my opinion.

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Romany Many thanks for commenting.
In all situations in life that we wish we could change, time has moved on and the pieces are not in the same place, we cannot pick up where we left off, the picture has changed.
Thanks again...Tony


For one fleeting moment (posted on: 07-04-08)
For lovers of love

If I should for one fleeting moment Let the thought of you slip from my brain I would be forever in agony My heart in constant pain. If the vision of you should ever fade From deep inside my minds eye, How could I ever live with that? For that I would rather die. Not for one moment could I ever hide The misery that I would go through, The thought of you not being by my side, I cannot even imagine not being in love with you. For you are more than everything to me Much more than words could say, I only live because of you Every second of the night and day. If for one fleeting moment We get lost in heavens mist I will always know By an angel I have been touched and kissed. Copyright © 2008
Archived comments for For one fleeting moment
orangedream on 07-04-2008
For one fleeting moment
A true romantic, me and they don't get much more romantic than this delightful poem, Tony.

Tina;-)

Author's Reply:
Tina thank you so much for your kind comment, I suppose with it being spring love is in the air.
I don't write this kind of poem very often, thanks again...Tony

Bradene on 08-04-2008
For one fleeting moment
Lovely poem Tony. Says it all. Hope you and Jacqueline are Ok Love Val x

Author's Reply:
Val many thanks foryour kind comment.
Have been meaning to catch up with you for ages, will do soon...Tony

Sunken on 08-04-2008
For one fleeting moment
Aww. I hope I meet my angel on earth. I thought I saw her in Tesco last week, Mr. Pot, but she turned out to be a mannequin. Tesco sell everything these days don't they? A lovely piece. The poem I mean, not the mannequin. Ahem. Thank you.

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shall i compare thee to a turnip

Author's Reply:
Sunken as usual your comments are always much appreciated.
I suppose we can find angels in many different places, never thought of looking in Tesco though.
You've put a new angle on shopping...Tony


The old folks home (posted on: 25-02-08)
Only a thought...perhaps it's true.

In a room five yards by four With one small window and one single door The curtains are faded to a kind of yellow From here no one hears me, even if I bellow. Furniture is basic and simple in style, Like me, it's been here now for quite a while. I'm not allowed to wander or roam. Yet they call this place my home. When I was younger this wasn't the way, I used to stay out for a night and a day. They say it's now time for my medication, To me it's more like constant sedation. Oh hold on I hear the tea trolley Some how they think it makes us all jolly. ''Would you like a biscuit to dunk in your tea? Oh what a shame it's dropped on your knee.'' Well I suppose that's the excitement for the day I think they're just waiting for me to fade away.
Archived comments for The old folks home
Gerry on 25-02-2008
The old folks home
Message loud and clear--it's all very sad, they deserve better...

Gerry.

Author's Reply:
Gerry it's hard to understand why so many old people are put through this kind of ordeal.
Yes they do deserve better...Tony

orangedream on 26-02-2008
The old folks home
In my own personal experiece, I think that unfortunately, Tony, this is true. Well said, except who but the few will listen?

Tina

Author's Reply:
Tina we hear the same story so many times.
A Baby or young child is tendered so lovingly because they can't do for themselves, yet and old person in the same position is frowned upon.
Those who don't listen are in for a shock when they get doddery...Tony

Sunken on 27-02-2008
The old folks home
A sad truth skillfully expressed. Well done on the nib Mr. Pot.

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Author's Reply:
Sunken as always your comment is always appreciated.
I only wish the facts in this piece were not true...Tony


Ask not of me (posted on: 28-01-08)
*

Ask not of me what I cannot give, For I would give you everything to live I would give you my own heart If it would stop us from being apart. Would I but die for thee If we could live together in eternity There are questions I cannot answer thee As so much I want give from me, But I cannot give you more than words. As I hold your hand, Reasons explained, yet still I don't understand. For as in autumn the leaves do fall In life that time comes to us all.
Archived comments for Ask not of me
red-dragon on 29-01-2008
Ask not of me
Hi Tony, this stuck a chord with me as I have been to the funeral of a good friend today. Very touching. Ann

Author's Reply:
Ann many thanks for reading and commenting.
The passing of those close to us is never an easy time. Words are not often enough, but at times that is all we can give...Tony

Sooz on 06-02-2008
Ask not of me
This one is sad, but beautifully written.

Author's Reply:
Sooz, sorry for the delay in replying to your kind comment.
It is truly appreciated, many thanks...Tony


A Merry Christmas (posted on: 24-12-07)
Kerry Miflas, I'm not as think as you drunk I am

It's Christmas Eve and all should be merry, But Santa has gone and drunk all the sherry. I don't hold much hope for you girls and boys, I don't think you are going to get many toys. I think Santa has lost all of his cares For he has just fallen down our stairs. There's things lying all over the place He also has a funny look on his face. I heard him and mum in fits of laughter I hope he brought the toys I was after. Perhaps he shouldn't have stopped to celebrate, For it really is getting late. I think the sherry has gone to his head, For I seen mum helping him into bed I hope your presents you will not miss, All we can do is wish Santa, a Merry Christmas.
Archived comments for A Merry Christmas
RoyBateman on 24-12-2007
A Merry Christmas
I hope that your mother's ashamed of herself - robbing all those kiddies of their presents by colluding in Santa's over-indulgence! Shocking...what's more, after all that sherry, he's not going to be able to raise the interest. A truly shocking tale revealing Santa's hitherto unsuspected darker side. Oh, and a ruddy good laugh too - have a good Christmas!

Author's Reply:
Roy thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
It is truly appreciated at this time.
A good Christmas to you too...Tony

Gerry on 24-12-2007
A Merry Christmas
PL, this was great--I am sure he will soon recover and continue. Sherry has never stopped him before πŸ˜‰

Happy Christmas
Gerry.

Author's Reply:

Gerry on 24-12-2007
A Merry Christmas
PL, this was great--I am sure he will soon recover and continue. Sherry has never stopped him before πŸ˜‰

Happy Christmas
Gerry.

Author's Reply:

Gerry on 24-12-2007
A Merry Christmas
Sorry I have hic-ups too much sherry....

Author's Reply:
Gerry, sherry, merry, thanks for the laugh.
Hope yopu have a nice Christmas also...Tony

Macjoyce on 25-12-2007
A Merry Christmas
I can see why you've classified this as 'satire'. Santa is truly an abhorrent figure in the public eye, and he needs to be taken down a peg or two, the red-faced bastard. He was invented by Coca-Cola after all. I can tell you, he's a bitch to work for. Slavedriver is not the word.

Mac the Elf.


Author's Reply:
Mac many thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
But I see that some how you don't seems to believe in Santa Clause as a benevolant figure.
I never condem anyone for their beliefs, but you are right in a way.
The idea of modern Christmas is a hard task master, but then so is life, but I suppose we strive to make things better if we can.
Thanks again...Tony

Sunken on 27-12-2007
A Merry Christmas
Hello Mr. Pot. Was Santa really invented by Coca Cola? How despicable. A neat little poem and no mistake.

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Author's Reply:
Sunken I do thank you for your comment.
But you know you shouldn't believe all that you read
Me thinks dear old Santa was around before Coca Cola.
I think some one is trying to spread a rumour.
Thanks again...Tony


The mountain man (posted on: 17-12-07)
Just a story, perhaps.

I remember Pa telling us kids about a very old mountain man who could cure all ills known to man, but you know what tall tales some folks tell, especially when they gets to drinking out of the stone jar. There's another funny thing, that stone jar of Pa's always seemed to have liquid in it, I've never seen it empty as far back as I can remember. Anyhow it was that time when Pa had an accident when out hunting, he almost lost our best hound dog that night, I thought they had all been drinking too much when they carried Pa home. Pa had fell down a gully into swamp water, he was bad shuck up and cuts all over, especially his legs. Well, Pa took to his bed; I'd never saw Pa do that all the time I kin remember. Then the fever took over Pa, he was real sick, there was even talk that they might have to cut one of Pa's legs off to save his life. It was late in the evening when Pa called for me. ''Boy, I is done for son, unless you kin find that old mountain man for me.'' I told Pa that he would probably be dead by now, even so I didn't even knows where to go a looking' for him, I'd never even bin out of this valley of ours all the years of my life. Pa pulled out an old map from a drawer next to his bed, in as much as he could hardly talk, he pointed to where I could find this mountain man of his. That was more than two days hard walking from here. He made me swear as to never tell anyone of this. ''Now go son, go.'' Pa croaked. ''Go now, I aint got much time left.'' It was dark outside, but at least I had a full moon to help me, I knows this valley like the back of my hand, Pa had made sure of that, what with hunting and getting stuff to help about the homestead. I knew that running would be faster, But Pa had taught me, run a spell and walk a spell gets you much further in time as running tires you out quicker. The sun was jus coming up over the hills as I reached the top, I was now into strange territory, I had never travelled this far afore. I gathered berries and nuts as I travelled, for I had no other food with me, the only other thing I had was Pa's map stuck in the top of my britches underneath my shirt, which I had to keep looking at from time to time. It was no good travelling after sundown, as I wasn't sure of the territory and could end up getting lost in the dark, so I climbed a big tree, safe up in its branches I took much needed rest and sleep. Sun sparkling through the leaves awoke me like a light going on and off in my eyes, I climbed down, took another look at Pa's map and made off in the direction Pa had made out to me. So I set off a running and a walking as I had done afore, the sun was high in the sky when I came to the stream shown on the map, I followed it up over till I came to the waterfall, it was in a box canyon, there was no way out but to climb up along side the waterfall, it was hard and dangerous, I slipped a couple of times but managed to hold on, last time I slipped I almost fell off altogether. Finally up and over the top, I almost jumped out of my skin, I came face to face with a skull stuck onto a pole, there were other kinds of totems, some with trusses of hair tied to them. I called out. ''Is any one there.'' My voice echoed between the rocky outcrops, it fell silent again; I was just about to bring my hands up to my mouth to call out again when an arrow landed in a pool just in front of me. I called out again. ''I need help, my Pa needs help, he's a dying.'' Then came a voice. ''Who might ye be?'' I looked all around but couldn't see a sign of anyone. ''Speak up boy, who are you?'' ''I'm Joss Tanner sir.'' ''You be Moses Tanner's boy then?'' ''No sir, that was my Grandpa's name, my Pa is Isaac Tanner.'' Then he stood up, about twenty yards in front of me, a man that stood very tall in his younger days, His beard hid his years well, his long white hair was tied up at the back of his head, he was dressed in buckskins. ''Come forward boy, so as I might see you better.'' I made my way cautiously over the boulders, having to pick my footsteps carefully, I stopped at where I thought he had been, there was no one there by now. ''You look as though you have travelled hard boy.'' His voice took me by surprise, as I swung around to find him standing behind me. ''How did you get there, I never saw you go past me.'' He just smiled, his mouth filled with the whitest teeth I have ever seen. ''I remember your Grandpa well, we done some trekking together one time, a great man, you should be proud of who and what he was.'' "I only know him from what my Pa tells me, Pa tells many tales of him." ''Right now boy, your Pa must need me real bad for to send for me.'' ''Yes sir, he fell into swamp water while out hunting, cut his legs and they're real bad.'' ''Right boy lead they way, there'll be no stopping till we get to see your Pa.'' I followed him down another path that led into the ravine I had just climbed up from, he obviously knew this part of the country well, I was finding it difficult to keep up with him, even when it came to nightfall he didn't stop, all I got was the occasional call for me to keep up with him. ''You don't want wild beast to eat you in the dark do you?'' ''No sir.'' That was all it needed for me to quicken my pace to keep up with him. Most of the trip now became a blur, for the next thing I knew I was wakening up slung over the shoulders of this man like a dead deer. He put me down, I now knew where I was, I was back in my own valley, my pace quickened ever more now, so much that I was in front on this man all the way till I caught sight of our cabin. There was no stopping me now, I ran all the way and burst through the door. Pa was still lying on his bed, he didn't look too good, there was no response when I called to him, just then this man came through the door of the cabin, he took one look at Pa, threw the blanket off that was covering Pa. ''We're just in time boy.'' He mentioned a few names of bushes and trees. ''You know where to find these boy?'' ''Yes sir.'' ''Good, well don't lose no time getting them for me.'' It took me almost an hour to find all that he asked for, I took my shirt off to wrap them all in. The map! I had lost the map, what was I going to tell Pa now. I hurried back as fast as I could; there was already a pot of water boiling in the fireplace, without saying a word he took my shirt from me and laid it out on the floor in front of the fire, one by one he dropped pieces of the stuff I had gathered into the pot along with some things he had brought with him which he carried in a bag he took from inside his shirt. The liquid was drained off and put into a kettle; the mess from the bottom of the pot was spread onto Pa's badly infected leg wounds and bound up. For two days every hour this man poured Pa a drink from the kettle and poured it down his throat, many a time Pa coughed, this man just nodded his head as though he knew what to expect. Each day I was sent out to hunt for what ever I could catch or shoot, at least we had to eat, it was on the third day that Pa started to move and opened his eyes; mine were full of tears as I looked at him. ''He'll be alright now boy, the worst is over.'' He made Pa some broth of the things I had been hunting for. ''You keep feeding him this for a couple of days boy and everything will be fine.'' He sat down at the side of Pa's bed, they talked so low that I couldn't hear a word they were saying, he stood up and was shaking Pa's hand, he made towards the door, as he opened it he turned to me. ''Here boy.'' He handed me the map of Pa's that I thought I had lost. ''You might need me one day, this is so you'll know where to find me.'' He smiled and winked at me as he handed the map to me, I went to unroll it, he put his hand out to stop me. ''Only when you really need to look boy.'' As I looked up he was gone, I didn't even get to say thanks to him, I went to the door and opened it, there were no signs of him he was gone, not even footprints in the dust outside. A couple of days later Pa was up on his feet, almost as good as new. I asked him about the man. ''He thought I was you as a boy, he even knew Grandpa in his younger days, and he was older then. How can that be Pa, he don't look a day older than you.'' ''Son, sometimes it don't pay to try and understand, you just have to believe in what he told you, he'll be there when you need him.''
Archived comments for The mountain man
qwerty68 on 17-12-2007
The mountain man
Hi Potleek
Nice story, held me all the way. My only crit is that the ending seems a bit weak. I think I'd end the story at 'not even footprints in the dust outside' and cut out the last bit. You could always find a way of emphasising the mystery of the mountains man's age earlier in the story - if you think it's needed.

Author's Reply:
Qwerty many thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
Your thoughts are well taken, thanks again...Tony

sirat on 18-12-2007
The mountain man
This reminded me of some of my own Rainbow Man stories. I believe it's called 'magical realism'. Telling a story through a firsat person nmarrator who talks in a dialect is a brave thing to attempt, but I thought you carried it off well. You didn't go to the lengths of non-standard spelling, which I don't either, as I think that becomes irritating to the reader. I think 'till I caught site of our cabin' (sight) and 'he didn’t look to good' (too) were just ordinary typos.

As with Qwerty, the story held my interest all the way through, and the pace seemed about right, but I think I was expecting more of a surprise or twist of some kind. By the middle of the story all the elements were present, there wasn't really any development after that. I think it maybe needs just one more element to make a memorable ending, but I'm not sure what.

Author's Reply:
David I do thank you for your kind comment and pointing out my typos, a case of looking and not seeing.
As for dialect and none standard spelling, the hint of an accent or dialect kind of sets the scene.
you are right that it can become irritating.
I understand through my own dialect this to be true. ( aa knaa tha's nowt worse).
Perhaps the final element of the story is in the authors mind, the mystery of who he really was.
Blind belief, religious beliefs can be like that also.
Thanks again...Tony

orangedream on 18-12-2007
The mountain man
Just wanted to say, enjoyed, Tony and many congrats. on the well-deserved nib.

;-)Tina

Author's Reply:
Tina many thanks.
It means a lot to know that you found it to your liking, thanks for reading and commenting...Tony

wordthug on 18-12-2007
The mountain man
A good read with a nice balance of narration and dialogue. Well-written stories with a slightly mystical theme always go down well with me.
Some missing commas in the dialogue and an oddly capitalized 'Dark' but that's trifling.


Author's Reply:
Alex Many thanks for your kind comment
Wi;l comtinue to check for those trifling errors..lol
Thanks again...Tony

SugarMama34 on 19-12-2007
The mountain man
Hi Potleek,

At first this reminded me of 'Grizzly Adams' because of the place they lived and how they lived, but as I read on my image of it changed. I have to say I found this up lifting with a spiritual feel to it, which I really liked. Its sort of magical in a way, but in adult theme. The accent threw me a little bit at first but then I got into and was fine. I liked the plot of this and how you incorperated that there was more to this mountain man than meets the eye. I wondered if he is a spirit guide? I love stories like this (I guess its the child in me). I really enjoyed this story and I will definatley be looking out for more. Personally, the ending didn't disappoint me at all. Maybe you could give it a bit more edge just before when Pa is Ill and have him slip into a coma or something, give a bit more suspense, but other than that for me it worked pretty well. I look forward to more. Hope my comments help in some way.
Lis'. xx (Sugar).

Author's Reply:
Lis many thanks for commenting.
Only pleased that you found the story interesting, and yes all comments do help.
Thanks again...Tony

RoyBateman on 20-12-2007
The mountain man
A gripping tale, I thought...very visual, too. I could just see the characters and scenery as the story unfolded. The touch of mystery at the end was also intriguing - had it been more fantastical it would have ruined the whole atmosphere of the simple lifestyle portrayed. Just right, in my humble opinion. An entertaining and different piece, just the right length, and well worth the nib.

Author's Reply:
Roy Thank you for your most kind comment.
I do appreciate your humble opinion, more than you know.
Thanks again...Tony


Time (posted on: 03-12-07)
How much time are we allotted

It wasn't really ill health That brought me to a sudden halt. It's that I just ran out of Time. Time to do the things I should have done, Also found those moments to do Those silly little time wasting things. According to others, that is. There was so much left undone There were some sad times and times full of fun But I would have got through them all. Probably as I did before, Never realising at all That I wasn't going to carry on as usual. But there you go, you never know do you. Well what's past is past I can't go back now. Only one regret really, I never took the time to tell you How much I loved you.
Archived comments for Time
Romany on 03-12-2007
Time
Simple, realistic and sad.

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Romany many thanks for the kind comment.
Sometimes the simple approach is best...Tony

e-griff on 04-12-2007
Time
Nice thought. Q mark after'do you' though.

Author's Reply:
e-griff many thanks for your comment
You're right about the Q mark...thanks...Tony


Only medals (posted on: 12-11-07)
*

Ben was an old war hero He had seen lots of his comrades shot dead These were the things he dreamed of As he lay asleep in his bed And every Remembrance Day A small wreath at the cenotaph he would lay And as others marched on by He would salute with more than a tear in his eye For time had not always been kind to him For now he was living alone But Ben was an old soldier You would never hear him grumble or moan But one night as Ben lay sleeping An intruder came into his house creeping Ben was not rich; he never did have a lot Things he most treasured, to him they took all he had got What mattered to Ben the most and made him very sore Were the medals he received for fighting during the war They meant so much to him; they were his biggest loss More than anything else, the one shaped like a cross. It wasn't long after, while out in the market one day A youth came past wearing his medals And bragging how they came his way. Ben only saw red that day He bravely confronted the youth Like a sentry out on guard The youth told him to go away And called him a stupid old sod What happened next took the youth And his mates by surprise He had floored the lot Just like swatting dead flies The youth was put behind bars He deserved everything that he got They might have been only medals But to Ben they meant more than a lot
Archived comments for Only medals
Jen_Christabel on 12-11-2007
Only medals
A cracking write here Potleek!
Jennifer x

Author's Reply:
Jennifer I do thank you for taking the time to read and comment.
I tried to submit this a while back, but for some reason it was missed out
Thanks again...Tony

Sunken on 12-11-2007
Only medals


Hello Mr. Pot. Well I'm glad this had a happy ending. There was a news item a few years ago about a war veteran losing his medals to a scum bag burglar. Incidentally, my two minutes silence lasted for about eight hours yesterday. I really must get some friends. A topical write and no mistake Mr. Pot.

Rate: Automatic Brian Ferry reminder (you'll never forget your Brian Ferry again with this handy device).

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her lips reminded him of cairo

Author's Reply:
Sunken many thanks for your kind comment.
By the way I have scanned your bar code and you come with one hell of a price...lol...Tony

Gerry on 12-11-2007
Only medals
PL--nice one. An old soldiers medals are not to be tampered with...

Gerry.

Author's Reply:
Gerry my sentiments exactly
Thanks for the comment...Tony

Jolen on 12-11-2007
Only medals
A nice tale/tribute to the Vets. I enjoyed this.

blessings,
Jolen

Author's Reply:
Jolen thank you for the kind comment.
I don't think we can sing their praises enough...Tony

RoyBateman on 14-11-2007
Only medals
If only this happened more in real life! Actually, a cuatomer of ours in Sussex was involved in a confrontation in a shop...some little turd tried to get away and this guy, middle-aged but ex-Welsh Guards, flattened the bugger and got him banged up. That's real justice. Good story, and one every right-minded person should take comfort from!

Author's Reply:
Roy many thanks for taking the time to read and comment.
It's a pleasure to hear of it happening in real life, it's time we took a stand on matters than mean a lot to us.
Thanks again...Tony


A Question (posted on: 08-10-07)
Perhaps a question you might ask yourself

Old Tom died the other day I watched as they took him away I'm not sure if anybody knew But mourners, they were very few. I bowed my head as he passed, This journey was to be his last People walking past, I heard what was said. ''I wonder who it is that's dead?'' It's funny in a way People just got on with their day Not realising or wondering why. Did any of them really cry? The world didn't stop at all Perhaps he was just too small. Now it has me wondering what will be. Will the world stop for me? Copyright © 2007
Archived comments for A Question
artisus on 08-10-2007
A Question
good question, and nice poem.

Author's Reply:
Artisus many thanks for taking the time to read and comment
Also thanks for the rating, much appreciated...Tony

Sunken on 08-10-2007
A Question
Oh I dare say there will be carnivals, jelly, ice cream, beer, topless go-go dancing and maybe even a chocolate fountain when I pop me clogs young Pot of the Leek persuasion. I am determined to piss people off by staying alive for as long as possible. I may even confiscate footballs in my old age. I'm quite looking forward to it (-; Nice poem, well thought out. Thank you.

Rate: Chicken curry with chips and rice

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he knew that his moustache was on fire, but asked her out all the same

Author's Reply:
Sunken many thanks for reading and commneting
Carnivals etc seems like a nice way to go out...You piss people off...never.
Many thanks for the rating, it's the best I've had to date, I just love chicken curry with chips and rice...Tony


Tomorrow is another day (posted on: 01-10-07)
#

The thunder rumbled over the hills Like cannons roaring in the distance Then came the rain, Benevolent in its persistence. Droplets turning into streams Which eventually reach the rivers, There was a chill in the evening Which brought about shivers. But as the sun slowly descended Until it was out of view, There was a kind of contentment Thoughts for tomorrow, a day born anew. Day broke without a sound As I scooped up earth to take a smell, Refreshed and rejuvenated What lay ahead, who can tell? Tomorrow is another day Where upon our future lies, Like everything on this earth Born, lives and dies.
Archived comments for Tomorrow is another day
Jolen on 01-10-2007
Tomorrow is another day
A lyrical piece filled with inspiration for us all to be heartened by.

blessings,
Jolen

Author's Reply:
Jolen I do thank you for reading and commenting.
Seems by the number of comments not many were heartened, but that's life.
Thanks again...Tony

Sunken on 02-10-2007
Tomorrow is another day
Hello Mr. Pot of Leek fame. This week I am highlighting my fave bits. What do you mean, that's what I always do?

'Then came the rain,
Benevolent in its persistence.'

I think many will agree, it's a smashing line. I hope this helps.

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Author's Reply:
Sunken you always lift me to great heights with your wisdom.
I do thank you for your kind comment.
I too like to highlight my favourite bits, are we talking about the same thing..lol
Thanks again...Tony

orangedream on 06-10-2007
Tomorrow is another day
"Then came the rain,
Benevolent in its persistence".

These are my favourite lines, Tony.

An extremely atmospheric poem, which I found both inspiring and comforting.

Thank you.

kind regards
Tina

Author's Reply:
Tina Sorry for the late reply, but I do thank you for the kind comment...Tony


When the cock crowed (posted on: 10-09-07)
*

I exchanged my heart For a handful of promises Not knowing that they would fade fast Or realising that they would not last. I gave away my mind To soft spoken words, But they meant nothing at all For all of these where bound to fall. I lent my body Perhaps more to abuse, I thought I was lost Thinking that it was no use. I gave my soul to no man No matter what the price, Even when the cock crowed More than twice
Archived comments for When the cock crowed
Jolen on 10-09-2007
When the cock crowed
I could relate to this piece. I think many will/can. I enjoyed the way you allude to much with such few words. The idea of the cock crowing as a warning knell is great!

blessings,
Jolen

Author's Reply:
Jolen I do thank you for your comment
Some times the least said the better, but few words give room for your imagination to take over
Thanks again...Tony

Sunken on 10-09-2007
When the cock crowed
I heard a cock crowing this morning. Why do they do that? Is it a mating thing. I don't make that kind of racket when I'm feeling amorous and no mistake. Anyway, yes, Ms. Jolen is right. You allude to much here using very little... There's hope for me after all. Nice one Mr. Leek. Good day.

Rate: Life size inflatable space shuttle (Warning: Do not attempt ignition)

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over my shoulder goes blade

Author's Reply:
Sunken as always your comments are a mind of information.
If you were a cockerel and you had all those hens to yourself, wouldn't you crow
Many thanks for your comment...Tony

royrodel on 11-09-2007
When the cock crowed
all in all imo this hast to be a great read
why?
well
in the 1st verse it's just so suddden and controlling

then the last 3 verses it reads like an epitaph

genius pure genius

RODEL

Author's Reply:
Rodel I do thank you for your kind comment.
I'm pleased that you find it to your liking and you set out your reason.
Thanks again...Tony


They don't know (posted on: 20-08-07)
A little piece of life?

As the years close in Hair starts to get a little thin, As each day breaks With it brings new aches. Life is never that kind For it plays tricks on the mind. Reading the paper Younger people than me die, Not for me to reason or ask why, Just glad to see the sun rise again. Must make a special thing About those I hold dear. What was that I said? Things are not quite so clear. Somebody mention marbles. Ha! Never played that since I was kid. Perhaps they think me senile, I just look and give them a smile. For inside this head I'm a long way from dead, Been and done things The world has heard me shout. Life. They don't know what it's all about
Archived comments for They don't know
Sunken on 21-08-2007
They dont know
Hello Mr. Pot. I really like the vibe of this. If I make it to my senior years I might exaggerate the senile thing. I reckon you could have a lot of fun with it. Here's hoping we're all a long way from dead. Top stuff and no mistake.

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the phone rang itself hoarse

Author's Reply:
Sunken, truly appreciate your kind comment, you could play on the senile bit, but don't play dead...they might just bury you.
What's a horse got to do with a phone, now I am puzzled...Tony


The candle (posted on: 30-07-07)
*

The night was silent as the grave The air was still, nothing moved A solitary candle lit the room That stood on the table in the middle Nothing at all stirred, not even a mouse Yet the flame of the candle danced and moved As though set to silent music What was it that made it move so? Was it souls of times gone by? That made the flame move As they silently passed by Was the flame captured by their presence? And drawn towards them My eyes became heavy The hypnotic movement of the flame Sent me deep into sleep Until the rays of the sun Awoke me from my dreams.
Archived comments for The candle
Romany on 30-07-2007
The candle
I like the heavy, slumbering feel to this. I think you need to watch out for repetition of the word 'flame' - maybe find an alternative, and I also think you don't need the reference to the mouse. It is an almost flippant reference (reminded me of The Night Before Christmas) and detracts from the sombre feel of the poem. With respect,

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Romany I do take your point and of course you are right.
Many thanks for reading and commenting...Tony

ruadh on 30-07-2007
The candle
Enjoyed this Tony. There's something entrancing about a flickering flame, can watch one for ages. I agree with Romany, ditch the mouse altogether and change the flame repetition. Also, these lines -

A solitary candle lit the room
That stood on the table in the middle

make it sound like the room is sitting on the table. Maybe rearrange it slightly? eg.

A solitary candle
Standing on the table, in the middle
Lit the room

Loved the ambience this projected for me.

ailsa



Author's Reply:
Ailsa I cannot argue with you ladies.
I had thought about the table bit.
But I do thank you for your constructive comment...Tony

royrodel on 31-07-2007
The candle
just brilliant. IMO a great read

RODEL

Author's Reply:
Rodel thank you for you kind comment.
I'm pleased that you found it to your liking, thanks again...Tony

Sunken on 02-08-2007
The candle
Dear Mr. Pot, You do right not to argue with the ladies. I have always come off worse when engaged in verbal battles with said sex. I blame pheromones. Top poem. Well done on the nib and no mistake. Please accept a 10 that I made earlier.

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the light played tricks on her couch

Author's Reply:
Sunken as always I appreciate the wisdom of your comments.
I'm not sure what you could blame, someone once said it had something to do with their jeans.
I never did quite understand that, even though they look nice in them.
Thanks again...Tony

e-griff on 06-08-2007
The candle
I agree with Romany about 'flame' and the mouse bit - that line is so well known it'll disturb your readers.

But I also noticed repetition of 'moved' and move'

I also think the Qmark after 'gone by' should come after 'move' or 'passed by' - and there's another repeat - damn! (by)

still enuff of punctuation ....

Author's Reply:
e-griff the mouse bit is well taken and the repitition of some words.
I do thank you for bringing these points to my attention.
Thanks again...Tony


Blood red roses (posted on: 02-07-07)
*

She loved to pick a rose They were her favourite flower Of all of those The red ones seemed to give her power She held each one tightly Whispered to each one As she picked them nightly As soon as the sun was gone They also reminded her Of a love that was long gone She wondered if she should dare To take another lover, for she had none But as she opened her hand It told her; even a rose has a demand Thinking that it would be no good As her fingers dripped with blood
Archived comments for Blood red roses
delph_ambi on 03-07-2007
Blood red roses
This needs a few tweaks to sort out the rhythm and get rid of the superfluous repetitions, but that aside, I loved the fairy-tale quality of this one, and particularly liked the ending.

Author's Reply:
delph thank you for reading and commenting...Tony


I tried to write the words (posted on: 02-07-07)
*

I tried to write words down To tell you how much I loved you But they wouldn't come out right I've sat here trying most of the night I tried to tell you How much it would ache my heart If we were ever to part I tried time after time But couldn't get the words to rhyme I tried to say you meant the world to me That you were life itself; you see. But it didn't sound right to me I scribbled away on a pad Trying to write words to make you glad There are crumpled pages on the floor Trying to say you're the one I adore. If I were an artist I could paint a picture of you But some how I cannot find the words To simply say, I love you.
Archived comments for I tried to write the words
Bradene on 02-07-2007
I tried to write the words
You just did though didn't you? Lovely poem Tony. Val x

Author's Reply:
Val many thanks, it's not really a love poem, is it. Well not of the traditional kind.
Just a few thoughts and a few words...Thanks again...Tony


Ancient steps (posted on: 04-06-07)
A glimpse of the past

Today I walked upon stairs That for years had lain covered by nature They once led to a place now long gone and in ruins But I wondered How many feet had tread these steps before me. Was I walking in the footsteps of my father's fathers? Bared feet and ancient shoes of different leathers As I took each step I stopped and in my minds eye saw different souls Each in their different tasks Each heading for their own goals I saw sorrow and poverty and faces full of pain As they came this way again and again Then I saw happiness. Young lovers walking hand in hand I thought upon them all as before me they walked this land I walked upon each step, there was sixty or so But I marvelled at all I saw The faces of people from so long ago Then I found myself standing once again At the bottom of these ancient steps A moment I can never forget For before me a notice stood ''No admittance to the public'' I felt so sad and felt that this was tragic But I know I had walked upon every one Saw people who had long gone I had travelled with them as if by magic.
Archived comments for Ancient steps
Romany on 04-06-2007
Ancient steps
Spotted a typo in your intro glimps should be glimpse. I like the idea behind this, but I think if you tightened it up and reshaped it, for want of a better phrase, it would be more powerful.

With respect,

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Romany well spotted, thanks, now corrected.
I take on board what you are saying, for I am always open to advice.
Many thanks for reading and commenting...Tony

orangedream on 04-06-2007
Ancient steps
I like this. I tend to agree with Romany about the structure - but the way it stands, there is a certain charm about it. I walked up every one of those steps with you, so their magic obviously worked on me as well. I know the feeling though. I have visited many ancient monuments, etc. etc. only to find a similar notice. It sure is frustrating.

warm regards,
Tina

Author's Reply:
Tina I do thank you for your comment.
This was taken from an experience that happend to me a few years ago, it has remained with me all this time...Tony

jay12 on 04-06-2007
Ancient steps
I disagree with the others, it's rawness is its beauty, You could tighten it up but at what cost - the cost of what you wanted it to be. I like it just as it is. Poetry is about emotion and the moment. Nowt else. Good work.

Jay.

Author's Reply:
Jay, many thanks for reading and commenting.
We each see things differently therefore we read into it differently.
It is quite often difficult to get emotions to really jump out in a poem, we can only hope the reader feels a little of what the author is trying to say.
Perhaps it is a little raw, but that was the feelings at the time, thanks again...Tony


Dreams, promises and ideas (posted on: 28-05-07)
What's gone is gone

Dreams that I've forgotten Hopes that have faded away Things that seemed important All got lost in what was yesterday Promises that I made myself That some how didn't get filled No longer worth chasing All through time, faded and got killed Ideas that didn't materialise Thoughts that some how didn't amount Had my share of those So many that I've lost count But I still look forward to tomorrow Knowing that nothing was really lost For I have new dreams to dream Into history all the rest have been tossed Copyright © 2007
Archived comments for Dreams, promises and ideas
orangedream on 29-05-2007
Dreams, promises and ideas
A sad one this - but with an optimistic ending, which I liked.

:-)Tina

Author's Reply:
Tina thank you for the comment.
There is always hope and of course dreams, the two go together...Tony

Sunken on 29-05-2007
Dreams, promises and ideas
Balls. Agent Orange did it again! She always says what I'm thinking. Though to be frank, I find this happens with women in general. I suspect Voodoo Ray. Nice one Mr. Pot. Hope you are well.

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but his inverted nipple was the least of their problems

Author's Reply:
Sunken what can I say, you know it's ladies first...lol
But I'm starting to worry about you, in commenting that's the second time you've called yourself Frank.
You leading a double life.
Thank you for asking about myself, I hope you are well too...Tony


Family heirlooms (posted on: 21-05-07)
*

It had lain in the attic For more years than I cared to remember It was a young member of the family That asked to see it, late one September The box was dusted Then brought down into the light Everything had to be examined Which took us late into the night Each item was carefully brought out. It just wasn't a box of odds and ends These were things of the families past They were more like old friends. Photographs of all the family Nearly all had passed away But we looked upon each one with love As though we knew them only yesterday There was great grandpa's watch and chain That he wore with such pride I remember it well As I walked down by his side There was jewellery And lockets with hair inside As I told of each one A young person excitement they could not hide Now each one was gently put away Each had it's own story in a curious way Each a little piece of history But now, not such a mystery The box was put back in the attic A place of its own at the side For when the time comes That young'un will tell the same stories with pride Copyright © 2007
Archived comments for Family heirlooms
Dil on 22-05-2007
Family heirlooms
Enjoyable read.
Dil

Author's Reply:
Dil thank you for your comment.
Only too pleased you enjoyed it...Tony

Sunken on 22-05-2007
Family heirlooms
Hello Mr. Pot. I reckon you should print this off and put it in the aforementioned box. Nice one Mr. Leek.

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Author's Reply:
Sunken thank you for your comment.
Have printed it off, only box available is full of cornflakes, suppose that'll do...Tony

Gerry on 24-05-2007
Family heirlooms
Tony, my previous post on here 'Hymn of the deaf' was a result of opening an old family box in the recesses of our loft.
It was an amazing find and brought much pleasure -- as I am sure your box will. Very well written...

Gerry.

Author's Reply:
Gerry many thanks for your comment.
I think everyone should have a family box, but I think most of us are only left with photographs.
Thanks again...Tony


A place where shadows dance (posted on: 14-05-07)
Past memories

Thoughts come to me in so many ways I remember those early days Sitting by the fireside Staring with eyes so wide It's funny how the mind remembers Watching those burning coals and embers We saw faces and different things All that imagination brings Sitting with the light out The shadows danced all about We were silhouetted upon the wall Which made us look so tall We sat there roasting With thick slices of bread for toasting Into which the butter would sink Then finished off with a hot chocolate drink But for me those times are long gone Happy that the memories linger on To go back, if only I had the chance To the place were the shadows dance. Copyright © 2007
Archived comments for A place where shadows dance
Sunken on 14-05-2007
A place where shadows dance
Hello Mr. Pot of Leek fame. Like the poem, especially the way it's rounded off at the end - like the handle of a rather handy sweeping brush. That made sense in my head, I swear it did. Anyway, nice one. Thanks.

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her love for him was lost on a bingo call

Author's Reply:
Sunken I thank you for your kind comment.
You're right again the handle of my brush is nicely rounded off as well.
Yes it does make sense...lol...Tony


An angel softly sang (posted on: 23-04-07)
*

I walked through flower filled fields Through wood and over stream Where together we would often lie Where we would often share a dream I lay propped up against our favourite boulder Thinking of the times we shared Feeling the warmth of the sun on my shoulder Laughed out about the things that we dared But our time was now over We had run our run No longer dreamers or a lover That time was over; we'd had our fun We were once two, now only one In the distance a lonely church bell rang All those times have sadly gone As I looked up an angel softly sang
Archived comments for An angel softly sang
Sunken on 23-04-2007
An angel softly sang
Hello Mr. Pot of Leek fame. You're a sensitive one and no mistake. I myself use to be sensitive, but then I discovered the airfix world war two model airplane range. I often wonder if I should sue those people at airfix. I could have been a nice young man if it wasn't for their pesky war-mongering. I do realise that this comment is far from helpful, but I find it hard to communicate due to a dead battery in my cell phone. As I said, a sensitive write that makes me wish I wasn't so horrible. Nice one Mr. Leek.

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tomorrows tag today

Author's Reply:
Sunken you shouldn't get senitive about airfix planes, you only come to a sticky end my friend, and what's this about a dead cell in your battery phone...err I think that's what you said.
But many thanks for your ever welcome comment...Tony

orangedream on 24-04-2007
An angel softly sang
Oh dear - this is so sad. But equally, so beautiful. Nice one.

:-)Tina

Author's Reply:
Tina I do appreciate you reading and commenting, thank you...Tony

-phoenix- on 26-04-2007
An angel softly sang
Dear Potleek this is absolutely beautiful!

Best Regards,
-Phoenix-

Author's Reply:
Phoenix I do thank you for the kind comment and rating...Tony


Call of the Siren (posted on: 16-04-07)
A mariners tale

Through the thickening mist I could see the cliffs up ahead Where so many ships before had lain dead. Their backs broken by the rocks Where seagulls gather in their flocks A place where the foam is driven high Reaching into the grey blanketing sky. Now driven by this unyielding gale That fills our every ever-driving sail. Knowing the inevitable could not be long For through the gale I heard the sirens song Enticing so that none could resist As the cliffs came closer through the mist. Then her body trembled, every timber shaken Screaming loud so that every lost soul would awaken All hands were lost who were under her sail Leaving but one to tell of the tale All could have been saved from this terrible plight If only there had been a guiding light.
Archived comments for Call of the Siren
Sunken on 16-04-2007
Call of the Sren
Hello Mr. Leek. Nice poem, I think you lost an 'I' in the title though? I have a spare going if you want it? (I) I hope this helps (-:

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no tag monday

Author's Reply:
Sunken thank you for spotting my typo and many thanks for the comment...
Eye think eye have all the eye's eye need now...Tony

-phoenix- on 21-04-2007
Call of the Siren
Dearest Potleek, I was really captivated by your poem.
Nice one,

Best Regards,
-Phoenix-
..Her voice echoed in the quiet night air..

Author's Reply:
Phoenix many thanks for your comment and rating.
It is truly appreciated...Tony


Sparkle in his eyes (posted on: 09-04-07)
*

His hands were gnarled through over use The skin on the back of his hands hung slack His veins stood out like roads on a map I think there was still a sparkle in his eye. He hardly ever spoke now, Quite often saliva drooled From out of one corner of his mouth But there was so much going on Inside of his head. He would still lift his head now and then A smile formed across his mouth He would nod in acknowledgement Then mumble something no one could hear I think there was still a sparkle in his eye. Then two pretty nurses came for him Smiled and told him it was time for his bath There was definitely a sparkle in his eye. Copyright © 2007
Archived comments for Sparkle in his eyes
SugarMama34 on 09-04-2007
Sparkle in his eyes
Hi Potleek,

This really captured my attention from the first line. The imagery that it projects is very good and shows the person that is written about in good detail. Reading between the lines too you can see inside this characters personality and even though there is not much movement or communication, this still a hint of the person that was underneath it all, who still functions silently in his own little world, even if oters cannot see it.
I enjoyed this very much potleek. Why no one has commented on this before now, I will never know.

Hugs,

Sugar.xx

Author's Reply:
Sugar I really do appreciate your kind comment and rating.
I think a lot of people tend to forget that when people get old and perhaps end up in some kind of home,
That there is a person inside that aging frame.
I only wish I could answer the last part of your comment...Why? ? ?
Thanks again...Tony

Andrea on 09-04-2007
Sparkle in his eyes
I enjoyed it too, Pot - very vivid and made me smile.

Author's Reply:
Andrea many thanks for reading and commenting.
We should never under estimate the thinking of our elders, even when we think they no longer think...Tony

Sunken on 10-04-2007
Sparkle in his eyes
Blimey, I'm kinda looking forward to getting older now. To be quite frank tho, I do the saliva thing already (-;

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no tag week

Author's Reply:
Sunken or have you changed your name to Frank.
Thank you for reading and commenting as always I welcome your opinion...Tony

RoyBateman on 11-04-2007
Sparkle in his eyes
A neat combination of pathos and humour, with an uplifting final line to send us away smiling. When the nurses have finished, maybe they could pop round here? I could always lie about my age...

Author's Reply:
Roy I do thank you for taking the time to read and comment.
There is always humour in life, but I think you will have to stand in the line for those pretty nurses...Tony

Bradene on 25-04-2007
Sparkle in his eyes
I've been trying to get the time to comment on this poem for ages Tony I thought this was one of your very best and was surprised it didn't earn you a nib. really well written Love Val x

Author's Reply:
Why thank you kind maiden.
I'm not sure about these red nib things, cause I don't know how they arrive at them.
Comments and compliments such as yours means so much more, I thank you very much...Tony


EXPLANATION (posted on: 09-04-07)
Doesn't need explaining...Speaks for itself

The incubation Of segregation To a nation Is degradation. Not worth contemplation. So with realisation Brings integration To a generation Through education Gives an explanation Bringing total termination To the situation. Copyright © 2007
Archived comments for EXPLANATION
Macjoyce on 10-04-2007
EXPLANATION
Starts off really well. I like this:

The incubation
Of segregation
To a nation
Is degradation.

Indeed it is. This, I think, is what is happening in London and a few other British cities now. Ghettos are being created where entire districts are dominated by one ethnic group. And this is supposed to be 'multiculturalism'. I think you should explore a specific point like that. Instead, the poem goes all vague:


Not worth contemplation.
So with realisation
Brings integration
To a generation
Through education

Is education enough? What about better government policies? For true integration to occur, some effort has to be made to spread people over the place equally. Ghettos just cause resentment. "To a generation" is a bit corny. Also, we don't want to change things just for one generation, but for all time.


Gives an explanation
Bringing total termination
To the situation.

This is a weak ending, I'm afraid. You don't give an explanation at all, you just give an undeveloped and brief idea. You can do much better than this.

"Bringing termination" works better. Avoid adjectives and adverbs if you can, they're shit.

That's my tuppence worth.

Mac


Author's Reply:
Mac cheers for your very informative comment
If we start with education the rest follows for all time
I take your point "Bringing to termination" does sound better.
Thank you for your tuppence worth it is appreciated...Tony


Dancing around the Maypole (posted on: 02-04-07)
Not what it seems ?

Oh loneliness you're a dear, dear friend For I know you'll be there at the end Some may think it a mistake But this is a bitter pill that I take For there's no one who can help me I'm between the Devil and the deep blue sea God knows how many times I've tried And how many rivers that I've cried Who will now get to keep my soul? Now I'm dancing around the Maypole Been so different since I was a child Now I'm tired of swimming against the tide.
Archived comments for Dancing around the Maypole
orangedream on 02-04-2007
Dancing around the Maypole
A bitter pill to take - indeed!

Rather a melancholy little ditty, this one, Potleek.

I always remember from my childhood in North London, in a park I used to visit with my Dad, in the the playground there was a Maypole, but it was there all the year round. Strange, that.

:-)Tina

Author's Reply:
Tina many thanks for the comment.
I can remember dancing around the Maypole when I was a youngster at school.
But these words just came along while I was busy doing a little job, so I just had to sit and write them down...Tony

Zoya on 02-04-2007
Dancing around the Maypole
Yeah, sometimes you feel that way!
The whole world seems against you,
As if conspiring against you on purpose!
But,then it passes and you are OK!
You've just go to hang in there....
(((Hugs to make you feel better, dear friend)))
Love, Zoya

Author's Reply:
Zoya thanks for the hugs, does make me feel a lot better.
Not that this is about me, words came along and I just wrote them down.
So many thanks for the kind comment...Tony

Sunken on 04-04-2007
Dancing around the Maypole
I got tied to a maypole when I was a nipper. It made me late for school and I got detention. There's no bloody justice in the world. I now avoid dancing around poles, I prefer to leave that to scantily clad young ladies with gyrating hips... It's terrible that I can come out with such an horrible comment after such a touching poem. Please accept my apologies Mr. Pot.

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no tag week continues

Author's Reply:
Sunken no apologies needed, your comments are always welcome and amusing
Now to get detention with those scantily clad young ladies, now there's a different story.
Thanks again...Tony


Listen to the wind sing (posted on: 26-03-07)
About the passing of time

There comes a moment in your life That you wish to hold onto But it slips away from your grasp Just like sand falling through your fingers Whilst sitting on a beach. Time has taken it away Is it now beyond your reach? Blown away by the wind Into what is now the past Oh how we wish that, that moment For a little longer could last But time robs us of many a thing As we sit and listen to the wind sing.
Archived comments for Listen to the wind sing
Zoya on 26-03-2007
Listen to the wind sing
Yes, time never stops!
This is very lyrically done, dear Potleek!
Strange, I also have a poem in Urdu to this effect; I even talk about the sifting sands of Time!
(((Hugs)))
Love, Zoya


Author's Reply:
Zoya thank you so much for your kind comment.
Time like the tide we cannot hold back, but we must make the best of what time we have...Tony

orangedream on 26-03-2007
Listen to the wind sing
This, I like, Potleek. Last line sent a shiver down my spine!

:-)Tina

Author's Reply:
Tina many thanks for commenting and the rating.
If we just sit and listen to the wind sing, everything passes us by.
We have been given an alloted amount of time, we must use it, and savour its moments...Tony

Sunken on 29-03-2007
Listen to the wind sing
Hello Mr. Pot. This is melancholy and lovely, just like a girl I once knew who was completely bereft of a punch-line. Top little write Mr. Leek. Well done.

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managing to free the lid for her made him feel like the man he wished she would love

Author's Reply:
Sunken thank you as always for your kindly comment.
More's the pity we can't hold onto time as you could that nice young lady of yours...Tony

Bradene on 29-03-2007
Listen to the wind sing
Love this Tony I think one of your best by far. Love Val x

Author's Reply:
Whey thank you kindly young miss...lol
Glad you like this...Tony
Thanks for the rating


Conscience (posted on: 26-03-07)
Is it just a poem?

Having turned away from watching As some unkempt person rummaged With deliberation through a bin outside a shop. Then moved my seat on the bus Because someone sat close to me, With strong body odour. Turned from the direction I was going As someone rattled a charity tin towards me Am I so different from the person That I followed Or as I turned, watching the person behind me Take the same path Is that little voice supposed to niggle?
Archived comments for Conscience
teifii on 30-03-2007
Conscience
Very effective and to the point. I'm sure we've all been there in one way or another.
Daff

Author's Reply:
Daff thank you so much for your comment.
I'm sure you're right, we have all been there abouts, but don't we just hate to admit it...Tony


The Dreamer (posted on: 19-02-07)
We all have dreams at times

I see the birds go flying past Not caring about time I watch and wonder What about these dreams of mine I've had them since I was young Adding to them day by day But as I get older I see each one start to fly away I had the opportunities But some moments they never last If you don't take a chance They go flying past Take hold of the moment You have to be brave Never let your dreams slip away Or you take them to your grave For when you're gone Some might think you were a schemer But on your head stone they will write ''He only was a dreamer.'' Copyright © 2007
Archived comments for The Dreamer
scotch on 19-02-2007
The Dreamer
very likable...scotch

Author's Reply:
Scotch I'm glad you liked it, thank you for taking the time to read and comment..appreciated...Tony

SugarMama34 on 19-02-2007
The Dreamer
A nice simple poem with a drop of philosophy mixed in. Never give up on your dreams - I hope you will follow yours.

Cheers, from Lis'.xx

Author's Reply:
Lis, many thanks for commenting, I'm not sure whether I have any dreams left, well not big one that is...Tony

orangedream on 19-02-2007
The Dreamer
I'd second that!!

regards
Tina:)

Author's Reply:
Tina, Thank you also for your comment, I might not have dreams left but I still have hopes...Tony

chrissy on 19-02-2007
The Dreamer
This was a good rhyming poem that flowed along nicely. It was a good one to read out loud.
chrissy

Author's Reply:
Chrissy, Thanks for the comment and the rating , they are truly appreciated...Tony

Zoya on 19-02-2007
The Dreamer
Yes, Pot, we must seize the moment, or the dreams always remain dreams...
Thanks for sharing!
Love, Zoya

Author's Reply:
Zoya, a pleasure to share a few thoughts with you. You're right it is better to sieze the moment rather than keep chasing dreams...Tony

Sunken on 21-02-2007
The Dreamer
Hello Mr. Pot. There's a song by a band called 'Prefab Sprout' called 'Cars and girls' that has one of my fave lines - 'I guess this world needs its dreamers, may they never wake up." Your poem reminded me of this, and that can only be a good thang. Nice one and no mistake.

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some things hurt more, much more than cars and girls...

Author's Reply:
Sunken as always I do appreciate your humourous comments.
The only thing I know about cars and girls, they can both be expensive...lol...Tony


A Woman's mind (posted on: 29-01-07)
Wrote with tongue in cheek

Your mind is like a maze of corridors With doors not mathematically set out As you open each one you find yourself Not knowing if you're in or out. Each door leading to a corridor Which in turn leads to another You stop and think; should I go on Is it all worth the bother? No signals or signs There is nothing at all on show One could quite easily get lost No directions on which to go So I take my stand on the outside Not daring to venture in For to battle with a woman's mind A man can never win
Archived comments for A Woman's mind
e-griff on 29-01-2007
A Womans mind
you're askin for trouble, matey! πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
e-griff, we face many a battle in life, but we have to know when we are defeated...LOL
Many thanks for reading and commenting...Tony

Romany on 30-01-2007
A Womans mind
Too right he can't, so don't even try! By the way, in your introductory line, shouldn't that be 'tongue?'

(Sorry, just couldn't resist it!)

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Romany you sound like a lady with a strong mind, mmm interesting...lol
Thanks for the correction and for commenting...Tony

orangedream on 31-01-2007
A Womans mind
Hello there Tony. My husband would agree with your poem entirely. Myself - I can't possibly comment?!

Enjoyed!

Tina

Author's Reply:
Tina it's very kind of you to nominate your husband for agreement of my little poem.
Sorry that you can't comment, I do understand.
Many thanks...Tony

Sunken on 01-02-2007
A Womans mind
Women are well weird if you ask me. One minute they're up for anything and the next minute they just want to watch the tv... unless I'm shit at sex? Oh balls, that's it. This has done nothing for my self confidence young Pot of Leek fame. I hope you're happy with yourself! Thanks (-;

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to be perfectly frank, he cums too quick

Author's Reply:
Sunken I always thought you were a man of great experience.
You see sex is an art that has to be learnt, you can't just jump in. (if you see what I mean)...lol
But I do thank you for taking the time to read and comment for your words are always welcome...Tony

Bradene on 01-02-2007
A Womans mind
Tony You cheeKy sod! Very good poem mate, made me smile Love Val x

Author's Reply:
Now now Val would I be anything but honest towards you ladies.
Being honest then, men would be nowhere without a woman and that's a fact.
Lovely to hear from you and as always really appreciate your comments...Tony

Sunken on 01-02-2007
A Womans mind
Great experience? Me? I wish. I'm really crap at sex. I've been told that I get too excited and just go at it like there's no tomorrow. I'll try to slow down (if and when the next chance arises). It's not easy though. I thinks it tits mainly, they're just so lovely. Ahem. Sorry to lower the tone. No need to reply. I'll leave quietly. Thanks.

s
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he needs sex classes

Author's Reply:
Sunken if you insist I will not reply, But thanks for the laugh...Tony

Gerry on 01-02-2007
A Womans mind
Tony, I enjoyed the poem--I think you may be on to something πŸ˜‰

Gerry.

Author's Reply:
Gerry many thanks for your kind comment.
I think we all have this kind of battle, it is funny how a man often wonders at the workings of a woman, yet a woman nearly always seems to read a man (after a good while that is).
But I suppose that's how God made us, perhaps it's all part of the master plan...lol...Tony

SugarMama34 on 05-02-2007
A Womans mind
Potleek - My husband would agree totally on this with you.
Best not to even venture into those corridors, you may get more than yuh bargained for lol. A humerous poem that I did enjoy.

Cheers From Lis'.xx

Author's Reply:
Lis, Although your husband might agree that doesn't make him right...lol
Who me! venture in, never.
I do thank you for your kind comment...Tony

deepoceanfish2 on 22-03-2007
A Womans mind
Tony,

I've sent this on to my husband (just married January 12th) and I know for a fact he will save it to favs! He and I actually have discussions about this. It took my most of my life to realize that no matter how much we purport equality of the sexes, we are inherently different in the way we think. It's absolutely true. Men are basic. They eat, they sleep, they shag. If they are cold, the put on a cardigan (style is no issue). If they are warm, they strip to the skin and don't care if they look fat. Women on the other hand are much more complicated creatures (many faceted is a nice way to put it) and we can't help finding loads of meaning in everything, over which we spend ages of time reasoning. Perhaps this is best. We balance each other. Anyway...all this has been said before and boils down to my critique which is: Fine and Funny Poem. Thanks for a cheeky read.

Regards,

Adele

Author's Reply:
Adele, firstly congrats on the wedding.
Your comment made me smile, who am I to argue with your train of thought, not that I agree with it all...well...lol
Woman has always been a mystery to man and shall contine to be so, perhaps that's the attraction, err...apart from the animal thing.
Will stop here before I get in too deep, but many thanks for your kind comment and rating...Tony


Sweet revenge (Part 3) (posted on: 22-01-07)
Final part

''Now you know what it feels like to be taken advantage of, are you sure you're not enjoying it?'' ''When are you going to let me go?'' He was sobbing by now. ''When I'm good and ready and not a moment sooner.'' I let his legs down again and the chair set down on all four legs again. I stuck the heavy-duty tape over his mouth again; I walked over and put the light out. ''It doesn't matter if you try to make a noise, no one can hear you, but if you do make a noise it'll get worse for you, just sit there and enjoy it pervert.'' I closed the door behind me and returned to my armchair. He might be right, perhaps the others didn't do anything to me, but they were there and they held me down for this perverted bastard to have his own way with me and that made them just as guilty in my eyes. I woke up with a start, it was almost eight o'clock, I returned to the room where this perverted bastard was strung up like a chicken in a butchers shop, he was awake, for he was moaning and trying to mutter something. I woke him up smartly with another shot from the stun gun. ''Just checking to see if you're still awake.'' I ripped the gag off his mouth; this time there was no shouting, just a low moaning. ''Why, whatever did I do to you?'' ''It still hasn't got through to you has it, that night in the cemetery you took more than just a few minutes of fun, you took something that meant a lot to me, but your kind will never understand, you think women are only good for one thing, well now you're paying the price for it, you bastard.'' ''But that wasn't you, that night I would have remembered you.'' ''It's a pity your brains are in your balls that you don't remember me. Well you'll remember for the rest of your life now.'' I put the tape back over his mouth then I walked back towards the door, I turned to him. ''You can relieve yourself if you can, your seat is a commode, there's a bucket underneath the seat, I've worked on a farm before so I'm used to cleaning up after animals.'' I closed the door behind me; I started to clean everywhere and everything I had touched. Satisfied that I had done a good job I left the flat and went about my normal business. I returned to the flat much later in the day, just to see how things were, remembering to put my gloves on, everything was just as I had left it, including this Mr. Pete Bowls. I think he had now come to realise that he couldn't get out of his situation; I could see that he had been struggling but it hadn't done him any good. I put a small tray on his lap with a sandwich and a small bottle of water then removed the tape from his mouth. ''There you go arsehole, I don't want you to die on me, I want you to live and this to be on your mind for the rest of your life.'' Once again I left, even if he was found now there was nothing at all to connect him and the real me, he couldn't remember me from that Friday night, and how I looked now, we weren't the same person. I didn't return to the flat until late on the Sunday evening, less chance of being seen and apart from that there was nothing else I needed to do, time was doing it all for me. I opened the bedroom door, he was slumped asleep in his chair, I could smell that he had relieved himself; it was no bother for me to see to that, for before Mum died I had to see to her in all ways. Again I left him something to eat and drink; at least he wouldn't die of starvation. I told him if he behaved himself I might just let him go tomorrow. That evening it came to me in a flash, which of the other two was to be my next target, I certainly couldn't use the same plan, for once I let this Pete Bowls loose the flat would no longer be usable. My plan now was to cause as much upset to the present lives of the other two as I could in the shortest time. I got that wedding invitation card out of my bag, it was for this coming weekend, time and place was already set for me, a plan was already unfolding in my head, the name of the bride to be kind of set me thinking, I seemed to know the name from somewhere, then it came to me where I had seen it before, could it be that there was some connection. Monday morning I was up bright and early, I made my way over to the flat above the shop storeroom; I went over everything giving it another good clean making sure nothing could be connected to me in any way. I cleaned up after this Pete Bowls, I removed his clothes and hid them all over the flat to make sure when I let him go he couldn't get dressed quickly and follow me. I had already put a letter through the letterbox of the shop apologising for leaving the flat so soon after getting it, I had put an extra months rent inside of the envelope saying that they could keep whatever was in the flat or dispose of it as they wished, my excuse for leaving was that I had gone to live with an aunt in Scotland. I unshackled one hand of this Pete Bowls; there was also a chain and padlock around his waist so he couldn't get up quick to grab me. ''You bastard you'll pay for this you mad bitch.'' He whined at me. ''Just keep the mouth shut or I might just leave you here altogether, it'll be weeks before anybody would find you. I'm leaving the keys for the padlocks on the floor, they are reachable if you try real careful, you can make your own way out after that, please be so kind as to shut the front door when you leave.'' On that I placed the keys on the floor, it would be difficult but he would be able to do it. I left him there, hurried down the stairs and slammed the door shut behind me, once again luck was on my side, I caught a bus almost immediately that would take me to the bus station, I kept looking back down the road making sure there was no signs of Pete Bowls, hoping this would be the last time I would ever see him. During the week I spent my free time putting together the next part of my plan, a little bit of investigation produced fruits better than I had thought it would, all I had to do now was wait until Saturday 12-15 pm. That Friday night I ventured into the Boars Head again, I didn't know whether I would find Pete Bowls there or not, as it came about he was not there, the other two were there, so I made my way over to them. ''Where's Pete tonight?'' I asked, making out to be all innocent. I got the reply ''He's not here love, he's had an accident, apparently he's in hospital.'' ''Oh I didn't know, perhaps I'll catch up with him when he comes out.'' I turned and left smiling to myself. On the Saturday morning I was as nervous as could be, but I had already executed one part of my plan so this part should be easy. I took a bus into town and made my way to the ladies toilet to change into a new disguise, this time it is a complete change to what I made myself out to be before, this time I had a shortish red and purple punk wig, heavy outstanding make up with purple lipstick, my clothes were bright vivid colours with tights to match with multi coloured hoops, not quite the outfit to turn up at a wedding wearing, but I think the complete change would be enough to disguise me from what those two other bastards knew. I turned up at the church just after twelve o'clock, it looked as though it was an expensive affair, top hat and tails and all that, as I entered the doorway of the church I was approached by an usher. ''Good afternoon, err, madam, which party are you with, bride or groom?'' ''Oh am wi' the groom of course.'' Trying to disguise my voice with some obscure accent. ''May I see madams invitation?'' I pulled the card out of my pocket and thrust it in his hand. ''There you goes matey.'' He looked at the card. ''That's fine madam, would you take a seat at this side please.'' Pointing to which side of the church I should sit, I took a seat right at the back, there were a few turned heads to see who I was but I paid no attention to them. It was a nice church and there were plenty of guests, I felt sorry for the bride that I was going to spoil her day, but it was better that some of the truth came out now rather than later in her married life. Then the organ started up with the traditional tune. ''Here comes the bride.'' At least that's what I knew at as. The bride swished past me in a white silk gown trailing a short train behind her followed by four bridesmaids dressed in delicate pink dresses. It was a traditional wedding with traditional vows; I waited until it came to the part that the vicar spoke out. ''If any man knows any reason why this couple should not be married, speak out or for ever hold your peace.'' This was my cue; I stood up and shouted. ''He can't marry her, I'm carry'n his baby.'' There was what seemed an age, then everyone seemed to talk together, by now I was standing in the aisle, then I heard the bride say. ''Terry who is that, what is she talking about?'' Then the groom spoke out. ''I don't know who she is, I haven't a clue what she's on about.'' ''Ask him about that Friday night in the cemetery, and to show you how much he cared for you he had me on your granddad's grave.'' ''Honestly it wasn't me love, I never touched her.'' By now the bride was in floods of tears, I saw her father walk over to the groom. ''You bastard how could you do this to my daughter?'' On this he gave the groom a right hook that any boxer would be proud of and as the groom fell flat to the floor all hell seemed to break loose at the front of the church. On this I made myself scarce and ran outside around the back of the church, through the cemetery and off into a main road, I wasn't quite sure where I was at first in my haste to get away, I mingled with the passers-by and made my way to the bus station where I changed back into my normal clothes. That was another one of them partly dealt with, all I had to do now was keep at him until he confessed his guilty part of what happened that Friday night, for I think he had some explaining to do to quite a few people now. It was Monday evening coming from work that I picked up the local newspaper. ''Well, well, well.'' I expressed myself aloud. ''Chaos at wedding'' was the headline on the front page, I stood and read the story, it turned out that the groom is being sued for the cost of the wedding by the brides father and the police have been involved and are waiting to interview the bridegroom and are also looking for the young woman who claims to be carrying the grooms baby. So I have got some satisfaction out of it after all revenge is definitely sweet, at least it is for me. Now I only have this Dave Morgan to settle a score with. I let a few weeks go by for everything to settle down and of course I had some clothes to get rid of, I kindly left them in a charity shop, at least someone else may as well get some pleasure out of them, for I had no further use for them. I knew where this Dave Morgan lived, which wasn't all that far from where I lived and I could pass his house without an excuse to be in that area. He lived in an old Victorian terraced house, there were about six steps up to the front door and there was quite a large flowerpot with flowers growing in them either side of the doorway. In fact I passed that way quite often, it was one Saturday morning I saw him coming out of the house, he locked the door and then put the key under the left hand flower pot, it's the type of thing lots of people do, silly in a way, now my mind was working overtime. He jumped into a car parked at the front off the house and drove off; a plan was now starting to come together in my head once more. For the next few days I watched the house of this Dave Morgan, I had to report in sick from work to do this. He was a creature of habits; he did the same things every day more or less around the same time, so now I knew his movements reasonably well. I had to return to work to get the things I wanted. I was fortunate in a way that my job could provide me with the things I needed to implement my plan once again. I knew which was this Dave Morgan's car, I was lucky in a way that it was an old car and the cover to the petrol tank didn't lock, so into the petrol tank I poured a fair amount of sugar, I wasn't a hundred percent sure how much it would take to render his engine out of use after a while, I had only heard about the results of what happens, For if this worked it would keep him well out of the way for what I intended to do. I waited and there right on time he left the house and drove off, this was my chance. I found his front door key exactly where he left it, I entered the house, my heart was beating so hard and so fast I could hardly concentrate on what I was doing, I took a deep breath, I returned the key to where I found it, so nothing was out of place there, even if he did return unexpectedly, I then locked the front door from the inside so no one could enter that way, I made sure I knew where the rear entrance to the house was. He was an untidy young man to say the least, there were clothes lying all over the place, but in a way this helped me with what I was going to do. I had brought a liquid from work that only showed up under certain lights, the kind you get at disco's which makes white clothes look brilliant light blue, all I had to do now was to mark all his clothing with this liquid, I had a special rubber stamp made up with the words ''H.I.V. POSITIVE.'' on, so I went around every little piece of his clothing stamping this on in several places, this young man was going to find it difficult to get a partner from any dance or disco. I went through every drawer, cupboard and wardrobe; there wasn't a single thing I had missed apart from the clothes he was wearing. Satisfied I had covered everything I left the house, only this time I left by the rear door of the house so when this Dave Morgan returned home he wouldn't be able to get in through the front door, I pulled the door shut and listened as the latch in the lock clicked shut. I then returned to my normal everyday life, over the last few weeks making my revenge plans and carrying them out had given me a kind of buzz and more than that had given me a great deal of satisfaction. That weekend I visited the Boars Head pub, only this time I went as me, the way I normally dress, surprise, surprise the three musketeers were there, but this time they didn't seem to be buddies, they were involved in some kind of argument, apart from quite a few of the customers looking to see what was going on, there were a few laughing and pointing towards them, this Dave Morgan showed up like a Christmas tree with lights on under the disco type lighting they had in the pub. The argument was getting louder all the time and there was some pushing and swearing going on until they were swiftly ejected from the pub by the management, but the argument didn't stop there, it turned out into a fight outside the pub and in no time at all the police were involved. I have no doubt now that they would get to the bottom of everything and these three men would have their just rewards. I spent the rest of the evening quite happily in the company of my girl friends who had joined me in the pub, it was one of the best evenings I have had in quite a while and I was more than satisfied that the whole affair had a reasonable ending, for me revenge was sweet.
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Sweet revenge (part 2) (posted on: 19-01-07)
Second part of "Sweet revenge" Her plan for revenge gets into full swing with victim number 1

I was really worn out by the Friday night, I really could have done with stopping in, but I had made my plans and I was going to go through with them. On that Friday afternoon I had to get into my disguise again as I had to go into the hardware shop to pay my rent, the lady there greeted me. I always used the ladies toilet in the bus station, for I couldn't be seen coming and going out of my real address dressed in the clothes I changed into. '' Well dear how are you liking your little place?'' ''Oh it's lovely, it'll do me nicely, till I get on my feet again.'' ''Oh by the way dear, the shop will be closed for a couple of weeks, my husband and I are going to have a long over due holiday.'' ''That's nice I hope you have a nice time.'' I left the shop even more pleased, them being away, makes it even better for me. For no matter what noise was made no one would hear me, everything just seemed to come together so far. It was almost nine o'clock when I walked into the Boar's Head, I had intended being a little later, enough time to let those I was interested in get a few drinks down them, for that gave me an advantage for I was stone cold sober. It was the same as the week before, it seemed a popular place, I had to squeeze my way to the bar again, no sooner had I got there when I felt a hand on my back. ''I knew you couldn't keep away from me.'' Without turning around I knew it was him. ''Oh is that what you think, you must think a lot of yourself then.'' ''Well see for yourself, there's no competition in here is there?'' ''It just depends on what you are looking for Mr. Smarty pants.'' He just laughed. ''Come and meet the boys, you'll like them.'' ''I didn't come here to meet the boys as you call them, I think they'll do fine on their own, don't you, are they always with you? ''We're good buddies, we always go around together, the one with the dark hair is Dave and the gingery one is Terry.'' He gave them the thumbs up sign, and then he turned his attention to me. I could tell by his voice that he had already had a bit to drink, the rest of the evening was spent on small talk, and by design I was hurrying my drinks, which made him buy more for me and for himself, he was into his third double whiskey with me when the pub manager called time. ''You want one for the road sweetheart?'' His words were slightly slurred. ''Not really, but if you want you could see me home and we could have a few more drinks there.'' ''No problems there sweetheart, I'll just have a word with me mates first.'' I could see by the way he walked that the drink had an effect on him.'' He made his way back to me. ''Right Sweetheart we're off then, where to.'' ''You got a mobile phone on you?'' ''Course I have sweetheart, what you after.'' ''A taxi, you don't think we are going to walk do you.'' He fumbled with his mobile as he called for a taxi, I didn't want a walk in the fresh air to help him to sober up. ''No problem sweetheart, there's one on it's way now.'' A taxi was pulling up as we got outside; we climbed into the back seat and I gave the driver the address. Pete had one arm around me and he put his other hand on my leg and was starting to move it up when I put my hand on his stopping him. ''You take your time we've got all night.'' It didn't take long before we were pulling up outside the shop; he almost fell out of the taxi. He paid the taxi driver for the fare. ''Keep the change pal, doing a fine job.'' Waving his finger in the air, playing the big man. This was going to be easier than I thought; he had already done half the job himself. He settled himself down in an armchair and I went to bring more drinks, when I came back into the room he already had his jacket off and his tie was undone. ''You don't waste any time making yourself at home do you Pete Bowls.'' We sat and talked as we drank, the talk was more about himself, he certainly was self-centred. I brought him another drink, only this time it was laced with a little more than he was going to expect. My plan was now in full swing and there was nothing he could do to stop it, Through my job I was able to get hold of almost any kind of drug that I wanted to, only I never had the need for anything like that for I have seen what drugs can do to people. I sat and talked to him as his responses got slower and slower until he was almost unable to answer me. I then asked him if he would like to go and lie on the bed, that animal instinct in him got him to his feet with a bit of help from me. I had already put my gloves on, as I didn't want to leave any fingerprints in the bedroom. I had no problem getting his clothes off him; in fact he was more than willing, but not for the reasons he thought, by now he was almost incapable of helping himself as I struggled to get him into the chair I had specially prepared for him. I had his hands shackled so as at the most he could only reach his mouth, there was no way he could hit out at me, his feet were also shackled so there was no way he could kick out. My mind now drifted back to when I was a little girl and with Mum and Dad we would spend holidays on uncle Davies farm somewhere in Wales, there were lots of sheep and I often watched as they did things with the lambs, but wasn't old enough to understand why, I was only told it helped them to grow better. But now I knew better that it was a form of castration without cutting them, I had purchased an implement used for the very same reason. I slipped a small rubber band onto the grips. I now extended the legs of this Pete Bowls into the air that let his testicles hang down, I placed the band over them and the band was flipped tightly onto his scrotum. To make sure, I did this a second time for I wanted no mistakes, I needed to make sure that this bastard would never have offspring's anything like him. I then made sure he was firmly gagged for when he came to I didn't want him making any sounds. I turned the light out and returned to the other room, made myself comfortable in the armchair and finished my drink, I then huddled up into the chair with a blanket over myself to keep warm for it might be a long night. It was about four in the morning when I heard a low moaning; he had started to recover from his drink cocktail. I had fitted the bedroom with a dimmer switch, I slowly opened the bedroom door, I switched on the light, it was just enough for me to see what I was doing. ''Now you bastard you know what it feels like, I'll remove the gag from your mouth, but I want no noise or it will be worse for you just sit there and take it bastard.'' I ripped the heavy-duty tape from his mouth; as soon as I had done he started to shout. I had also bought a stun gun and the setting was enough to give him some pain. I pressed it against his chest and fired, he jumped with shock. ''You bastard what are you doing this for?'' He shouted again I gave him another shot from the stun gun, he didn't seem to take the hint this time so I gave him a further two shots. ''Get the picture you arsehole, I told you just to sit there and be quite or it will get worse.'' ''What have you done to me, my balls are aching like mad.'' ''Enjoy them you bastard while you still have them.'' I gave him another shot just for the sheer hell of it; I was starting to enjoy this, for the revenge was really sweet. ''Why me? What have I done to you, put the light up so I can see you, you bitch?'' On that I gave him another shot on his thigh, this made him jump and whimper. ''Keep going arsehole you'll get the picture soon.'' On this I pulled at the rope that also had his feet bound, it tipped him up and the chair with his legs apart so I got a full view of his rectum. I had bought a large sexual play toy that I prodded his rectum with. ''What you doing bitch, you must be fucking mad or something.'' On this I thrust it into him about four inches. ''Enjoying this you bastard.'' I gleefully said. ''Fuck off you mad bitch, let me out of this.'' I gave him a few more shots with the stun gun, which made him jump even more, even in his trust up condition, I continued to thrust this implement in and out of him with more force; he was taking almost nine inches of it now, which is more manhood than he ever had. As I pulled it out there were signs of blood on the end. ''Open your mouth bastard.'' ''Fuck off you mad bitch.'' On this I gave him a shot from the stun gun on his neck, He cried out in pain, I then shoved the implement into his mouth until he almost choked on it. ''What's wrong you bastard are you not enjoying it, you expected me to?'' I let him breath and watched as he coughed and spluttered. ''What you talking about, I've never ever been anywhere near you. I've never even seen you until just lately.'' ''What about that Friday night in the cemetery, you have a short memory.'' On this I gave him another couple of shots from the stun gun but this time right between the legs, he wriggled in agony. ''Now if you want more of that you better tell me the names and addresses of the other bastards that were with you that night. ''Fuck off you mad bitch.'' I fired the gun into his crutch again. ''Alright, alright, you know who they are.'' He screamed. ''They're the lads I showed you in the pub. But they didn't do anything to you.'' With a bit more coaxing from the stun gun I got all I was after.
Archived comments for Sweet revenge (part 2)
sirat on 19-01-2007
Sweet revenge (part 2)
This reminded me of the film "Hard Candy". If you've seen it you'll know what I mean. It's really quite a brutal scene, in which the narrator revels in torturing this man. The telling is straightforward and very visual. I think that's really about all I can say about it. No doubt it performs its function in the Novella - in itself it isn't very pleasant or appealing. There are a few wrong forms of words used, e.g. "quite or it will get worse" (quiet), "would never have offspring’s anything like him" (offspring), "I let him breath" (breathe). Also a few missing question marks: " we’re off then, where to", "what you after", "...do you Pete Bowls".

Overall it's a rough, direct style which probably suits your central character/narrator. I felt the plot was what mattered most to you, not character, atmosphere, pace or anything else. I couldn't judge it outside of its context.

Author's Reply:
Sirat I do thank you for reading and commenting.
Of course you are correct in many ways, as this was the first draft, I have overlooked quite a few mistakes. Thank you for bringing them to my attention.
No I have not seen the film "Hard Candy."
A lot of people would agree that a rapist should have his testicles removed, this young lady does just that, or does she.
Thanks again...Tony


SWEET REVENGE (part 1) (posted on: 15-01-07)
My first attempt at an adult story A story of rape and revenge, has strong language in places

My mother had always told me to save myself for that special person, I was never no angel but at least I kept my virginity, sure I used to fool around with boys, but it never got any further than kissing and the touching of my breasts on the outside. I don't consider myself a prude, I just don't sleep around, I just feel that I should save myself for the one that I hope to spend the rest of my life with. The words of my mother were firmly implanted into the back of my head and she repeated them to me as she lay dying, so they meant a lot to me. Not that I went out with boys very much, I preferred nights out with the girls and since I had my own place, not that it was very much, but it was home to me, we often had girly nights in. At the age of twenty-three I still felt that it was not time for me to settle down. We had all been to a disco on that Friday night, it always finished about eleven so I was always able to catch a bus home. The rest of the girls lived in the opposite direction to me, but there was never any problem with that. There was no one else at the bus stop that Friday night as I waited for the bus, which was a little unusual, I noticed some young men coming towards me, they had obviously been out for a drink and were horsing around as they approached me and handing a bottle around to each other. ''Hey want a drink darling.'' As one of them stuck the bottle out towards me. I just turned my back on them. ''Hey leave her alone Pete, she's a stuck up little bastard.'' Came the reply from one of the others. ''Fuck you darling, I'll drink on me own then.'' As he stuck his face up to mine. I paid no notice of them as they walked on. The bus was late and it was getting a little cold. I know I hadn't missed the bus, for I always gave myself plenty of time. Over ten minutes had gone by and still no signs of the bus and the next one wouldn't be along for at least another half an hour and I could walk home quite easily by then. I waited another few minutes and then decided to start off walking. I kept on looking behind me as I walked just in case the bus was coming, but no signs of it, not even a car passed, that's if I had of wanted to I could have thumbed a lift, I've heard enough tales about taking lifts that was enough to stop me trying. I passed the next bus stop near the cemetery, there was no one waiting there, there never was on a Friday night, the bus always went straight passed that one when I was on the bus. All of a sudden one of the young men I had seen earlier that had passed me came out of the hedge of the cemetery and grabbed me, I was then pulled through the hedge into the cemetery. A hand was put over my mouth, which prevented me from screaming, not that it would have done much good for I don't think there was anyone around to help me. Then the words seemed to boom at me. ''Scream or make a sound and we'll kick your fucking head in, got that bitch.'' Then I was kicked in the side. ''Got that bitch.'' There was nothing I could do, I felt a hand go up my dress and was pawing at me between the legs, I tried to kick out but all I got was a hard slap in the face. ''Just lie there and take it all bitch, it'll be easier for you, the more you struggle the more you'll get hurt.'' Tears were running down the side of my face as I was held down on the ground, no matter how I struggled I wasn't able to retaliate much. ''Now bitch have a fucking drink with us.'' A bottle was thrust into my mouth and liquid filled my mouth, someone held my nose, I had no option but to swallow the liquid in my mouth, it was whiskey, I coughed and spluttered as the bottle was thrust into my mouth a second and third time. My panties were now being ripped off and my blouse was pulled open and my bra was pulled up around my neck. I blurted out the words. ''Please don't, please let me go, I won't say anything.'' Then I felt the weight of someone on top of me, he was thrusting himself painfully into me, hands were groping at my breasts, a wet whiskey smelling mouth was covering mine and his tongue was probing my mouth. I tried to struggle more but it was useless for I couldn't do a thing, I was almost numb. Then came the words. ''Turn the bitch over, I'm going to fuck the arse of this one.'' I was pulled over and I could feel him trying to enter me. ''The bitch is tight and dry, give us the bottle here.'' I felt the neck of the bottle entering into me, and the whiskey stinging into me, I was almost passing out by now. He continued to painfully thrust into me once again I'm not sure what was happening, it just seemed that they were all taking their turns in raping me in whatever way they felt that was giving them sadistic pleasure. Then everything stopped; my head was starting to spin with the amount of whiskey that had been forcefully poured down my throat. Then one of them spoke. ''Hey Pete Bowls I never thought you could cum three times in a row like that, you fucked every hole she has. ''Shut your fucking mouth, Do you want the bitch to know my name stupid bastard.'' Then everything went quiet as I lay there just looking up into the dark of the night and the stars. I had no idea how long I had been lying there, I was shivering and aching as I tried to get up, tears were streaming down my face as I rearranged my clothing the best I could in the dark. I had lost a shoe in the struggle, but that was the least of my worries, I didn't have very far to walk now, not one car or bus or person past me either way so that I could get help. It was almost two o'clock in the morning when I reached home, I slammed the door behind me, I just had to get my clothes off and get into the shower to try and wash off the feeling of having those animals all over me. Tears ran down my face as I showered and as I screamed at the top of my voice collapsing onto the floor of the shower. I eventually dried myself off, wrapping my dressing gown tightly around me, I cried myself to sleep lying on top of the bed. I awoke with a start, curling myself up into a ball as tight as I could, as the memories of the night flooded back. I could just see the clock from where I lay; it was just gone seven o'clock. I cried again as I sat and had a strong sweet mug of coffee, my thoughts drifted to what I should do, perhaps I should go to the police. I think temper was now setting in as I went to get some clean clothes ready to wear. I let my dressing gown drop to the floor as I stood in front of my full length mirror, I looked in horror at what I saw, my body was a mass of bruises, I had bite marks all over me, my breasts were sore to touch and I couldn't bare to touch between my legs for I was swollen out of all recognition almost, and bruised. I cried out aloud. ''The bastards, how could they do this to me, I'll get my own back if it's the last thing I do.'' My thoughts drifted from going to the police, yes I was bruised all over, but they would each have an alibi to cover themselves and apart from that I didn't even know who they were. Then it hit me, that name stuck in my brain as though it was branded on me, How could I ever forget that one name. Pete Bowls and most of all I will never forget what they did, more so that perverted bastard. As long as I live I will try to get my revenge on the whole lot of them. But this Pete Bowls is the main one; I will make him suffer for what he did to me first My first job was a visit to the chemist shop, for I needed to have the morning after pills, for one thing I didn't want was to carry any offspring of those animals. I also bought some flowers, for I needed to go and talk to my Mum, I sat by her graveside pouring my heart out to her, I often did this, but this time it seemed more important to me. Mums grave is in the same cemetery where my ordeal happened, but only a bit further over, I had to walk past the place where it happened last night, I found my missing shoe, lying beside it was an envelope, I picked it up and opened it, inside there was an invitation card to a wedding, it was for a Dave Morgan and guest. I put it in my bag just in case it had anything to do with what happened last night. It took weeks for the bruises to disappear and everything else to heal apart from the mental torment I was going through, I don't know if that would ever heal. First I had to find out if I had the right Pete Bowls, for if there was another around here I didn't want to persecute the wrong person. I asked my friends if they knew anyone of that name, but it didn't seem as though they did until Julie remembered her brother worked with someone called Pete Bowls, when he had worked in a garage in the town, for she could remember him talking about him, it seems that he was always bragging about the number of females he had been with, he some how thought he was God's gift to women. At least I had a lead; all I had to do was see if this was the same person, it turned out that he did work in a garage in town. All I had to do was to go to the garage on the pretence of looking to buy a car, but I couldn't be sure that he wouldn't recognise me, then everything would be for nothing. I bought a long black wig and got a pair of spectacles with plain glass in, I bought a blouse that showed more cleavage than I ever would in normal dress, a short skirt that I wouldn't normally be seen dead in and long boots, to be honest when I put them all on and looked at myself in the mirror I was amazed at the transformation, it certainly wasn't the real me. All I had to do now was to put it all into practice, it was Thursday afternoon and I had some time off work coming to me. I worked as a lab chemist doing all kinds of tests on all manner of substances. We often did work for the police analysing drugs and other substances in their cases. So this was it, I took the bus into town; I changed into my new set of clothes in the ladies toilet in the bus station. I had to pass the shop where my friend Julie worked, I wonder, would my transformation work on someone who had known me for some time. I walked into the shop; she was busy serving the only other customer in the shop, I picked up a newspaper and casually walked to the counter, I stared Julie full in the face, not a flicker of recognition, I paid for the paper, smiled at her and thanked her and left. Well if a friend didn't recognise me this Peter Bowls surely couldn't, not for the short time he looked at my face and that was weeks ago now. I was trembling as I entered the garage showroom, going slowly from car to car, with what I was showing as I bent forward to look into each car it wouldn't be long before some male was drawn towards me. I was just about to withdraw from looking into a car, which was well beyond my means, when a voice from behind me made me jump. It was him, my heart was pounding faster and faster, this was it. ''Can I help you sweetheart?'' He had a sickly luring grin on his face, I could have slapped him there and then, but I had to go through with this charade. ''No, not really, I'm just having a look around, there's nothing I really fancy here.'' ''How do you know until you've tried everything?'' There was smugness in his reply, almost an innuendo ''Would you be interested in a test drive of this one?'' I think he was talking more to my breast than he was to me, for I could see the direction of his eyes. ''No not really, I cannot drive, I was only looking, for when I get a licence.'' There's no problems, I can give you a spin in this one, see what you think.'' ''Okay then, I have a few minutes to spare.'' ''I'll bring the car to the front just wait out there for me, only be two ticks.'' In no time at all the car came to the front of the show room, I got in the passenger seat, as I did I hitched my skirt just a little higher giving him a good view of leg I think he was now drooling as he leant over me on the pretence to make sure I had my seat belt secured correctly. ''Right then off we go.'' He said. We were soon through the town centre and onto motorway where he soon had the car up to the maximum road speed allowed. ''You married or anything.'' He enquired. ''Not me, not my scene just yet, like my freedom too much.'' ''Know what you mean, I'm the same, free agent, that's me.'' ''You live in town?'' On that night I know they headed in the same direction as me, so I couldn't tell him where I lived, so I gave him an area the other side of town. Without realising it we had done a full circle and we were pulling in to the garage forecourt again. ''Well! What do you think?'' he said. ''Well, it goes pretty well I suppose, then again I should imagine so does every other car you have here.'' He laughed and gave me a wink. ''Do you fancy going out for a drink tonight.'' ''No thank you, I have already made plans for tonight.'' ''How about tomorrow then.'' ''I don't think so, I don't even know you.'' ''My name is Pete Bowls, if you change your mind you will find me in the Boar's Head pub in town, I really would like you to come for a night out with me.'' ''I'll have to think about it, I'm making no promises.'' He got out and came around to my side of the car and opened the door for me, he held my hand as I got out and then he kissed it, which made me shudder inside. I thanked him for the demonstration drive and started to make my way out of the forecourt. ''Don't forget, you'll find me in the Boar's Head, by the way what's your name?'' ''My friends call me Marty.'' He almost caught me off guard; I nearly gave him my real name. I continued on my way smiling to myself. Got him. Now all I have to do is to put my plan together. I had a walk through the shops in town, more so the estate agents looking for a place that I could rent cheaply on the side of town where I told him I lived. I walked along to that side of town, it's nothing special, not much different to where I really live, for some reason I stopped at a hardware shop looking at small ads posted in a section of the window, there it was '' Flat for rent enquire within.'' I was in like a shot, could I be in luck, the lady behind the counter informed me it had just been put in a few minutes ago. ''Where a bout's is it?'' I asked. My heart was pounding now. ''It's at the back of the shop above the store room, it's never been used for a while, But it's still in a good clean condition, you'll never get disturbed for it's a very quiet place and you can't hear a thing from the shop.'' It seemed just the thing I was looking for. ''Could I have a look and see it please.'' ''Of course dear, here's the keys, just go through the gate at the side just outside the shop and down the alley way, you'll find the door at the end of the building.'' I took the keys from her and made my way to the flat, I opened the door, which then led to a flight of stairs, I tried the switch on the wall, a light came on at the bottom of the stairs and the top. Twelve stairs led me to a landing with three doors, the door directly in front of me, it looked as though it had been used as a bedroom, next was a living room with a small kitchen leading off it and the other door was to the bathroom, not big, but enough for what I wanted, I nodded my head in satisfaction, this would do just nicely, only depends on the rent. I returned to the shop, the lady smiled as I entered. ''Well dear I know it's not much, like I said it's still in good condition and as I said it hasn't been used for quite a while, it's a shame to let it go to waste altogether, just the kind of place for a sweet thing like yourself.'' I smiled back at her. ''How much is the rent then?'' ''It's thirty ponds a week, but you realise it's for one person only, your not married are you?'' I smiled again. ''No fears, I like to be on my own, no one to answer to.'' ''You sound a nice sensible girl, so are you thinking of taking the flat.'' ''I would like to, if that's alright with you.'' ''Of course dear, but I need to take a few particulars, here I have a form for you to fill out, just the general kind of things.'' I took the form from her and rested it on the counter, name, well I had already given my name as Marty today so a few more lies will not change things, so it went down as Marty Nelson, it went on sex, age etc. Then it came to present address, that's what I didn't want anyone to know, I looked up at her. ''Is there something wrong dear.'' ''It's this part, present address, I don't really have one, since Mum died recently I had to come out of the place we lived in, I've been stopping at different friends places, a week here and a week or two there, you know what I mean, it's just till I find a place of my own.'' ''Oh dear I am sorry, just leave that part blank, I'll explain that to my husband.'' She winked at me. ''It'll be alright.'' ''Oh thank you very much, you are very kind.'' ''There is something else.'' She said, now the tone of her voice lowered. ''I'm afraid it can only be for a short term, you see, my husband and me are retiring in six months time and we are selling the property and I'm afraid the flat goes with it dear.'' ''Oh that's alright, I don't mind, this will give me time and a place to sleep until I get on my feet again, honestly I don't mind in the least.'' ''Well as long as you understand that my dear, the flat is yours for the time being.'' ''Thank you, this has been my lucky day, I can only give you payment for the first week until I get some money out of the bank, is that okay.'' ''Of course it is dear.'' I paid her the thirty pounds and took the set of keys she handed me. I thanked her again; left the shop smiling to myself, I had old curtains at home that would do for the flat; I could easily pick up stuff from second hand shops to make the place look as though it was lived in, at least for what I had in mind. Friday, I spent most of the day getting stuff ready to move into my newly acquired flat, so I would be ready to appear to be moving in there. I got myself ready that Friday evening, more or less the way I had when I went to the garage yesterday, I was bound to get myself noticed. To be honest I could never have gone out dressed like this otherwise, for it was not me. It was almost eight thirty when I walked into the Boar's Head, the place was quite full, the music was quite loud, I managed to find my way over to the bar to get a drink. Unknown to me I had been noticed coming in by the people I was there to try and see, for they must have been talking about me. It was then I felt an arm around my shoulder. ''Hi Marty, let me get that drink for you, what you having?'' ''Oh just white wine and soda.'' ''Go on have something stronger, I'm here to look after you.'' ''No thanks, white wine and soda will do me fine.'' I needed to keep my wits about me and I didn't want alcohol getting in the way. ''Come on over and meet the gang.'' As he pointed to the others he had been standing with. ''No thanks, I'd rather I was just on my own, I only popped in to see what the place was like.'' Once again I could see the direction of his eyes, he must have been some kind of pervert, for I know he only had one thing in mind. We chatted about little things here and there, but more than anything he flirted with me. I finished my drink and he wanted to buy me another one but I refused telling him I had made arrangements to meet friends. ''When will I see you again then.'' He asked. ''I don't know, maybe I might drop in next Friday, that's if you're here.'' ''That's if I'm here.'' He said laughing. ''I'm here almost every night.'' My heart was pounding so hard I could feel it in my own eardrums as I stepped into the quietness of the night. The rest of the week I spent almost every minute I could moving things into my new flat and getting everything arranged just the way I wanted, one thing I made sure of was that I was wearing gloves, for I didn't want to leave a single finger print in case there was any reason for me being detected, and there was some special equipment that I had to purchase.
Archived comments for SWEET REVENGE (part 1)
reckless on 17-01-2007
SWEET REVENGE (part 1)
I've skimmed though this, sorry about that, but I like what I've taken in. The ending though, left me wondering if she actually went through with it. Or was it just a plan, to ease the psychological pain?

Author's Reply:
No need to be sorry for skimming through it, but you may have to go back to pick up the thread of the story for this is only the first part of three....honestly it does get better.
It may make the men cringe, but then it could put a smile on a few females faces.
But thank you for reading and commenting...Tony

Bradene on 18-01-2007
SWEET REVENGE (part 1)
I'm not really qualified to give a proper Critique on stories Tony, needs a bit of editing I think, Just wanted to say that it has the makings of a good story. Look forward to reading the next chapters. Love Val x

Author's Reply:
Val many thanks for reading and commenting
You're right it probably does need some editing, you can always point someone in my direction.
I hope you do enjoy the next two parts...Tony


The Immigrant (posted on: 01-01-07)
A tale of an early immigrant

I had an idea, a kind of a notion That I would travel across the great ocean To a land that was so far away That you couldn't reach in more than a day So we set sail my family and me For that great land to travel and see Times were so hard and money was scarce I never thought that it could get any worse The fare across was about all we could save Disease and hunger took my youngest to a salty grave Before that passage was all but through It took our baby that was three days new We landed upon an unwelcome shore For we had expected so much more But we found a place from out of the storm Food and a bed to keep us all warm But we soon had to move on For our money was all but gone It was difficult and many a cold night Then my eldest got killed in a fight I found work, but life was so hard It was difficult to believe that there was a god Then I lost the thing that meant most in my life Through a fever I lost my dear wife So now I stand here all alone Looking back I wish I had known But now I don't know what is for the best So with all that I have, I'm heading out west. Copyright © 2006
Archived comments for The Immigrant
Gerry on 01-01-2007
The Immigrant
I can see a novel in these few words ( or maybe it has been written before) do things get better though??

Happy new year

Gerry.

Author's Reply:
Gerry Happy New Year to you also.
Many thanks for commenting.
Funny thing is the poem came first, but I have started to try and put it into a story form. Life has so many demands, I might just get it finished one day...Thanks again...Tony

orangedream on 02-01-2007
The Immigrant
Such a sad tale, tinged with hope though. An enjoyable read. Thanks potleek.

regards and all the best for 2007.

orangedream

Author's Reply:
Tina may 2007 be a good year to you also.
Many thanks for reading and commenting.
Life isn't always a bed of roses for some, but there is always hope.
Thanks again...Tony


First signs (posted on: 06-11-06)
Just seasonal changes

I could sense you being there In the autumn breeze Watching the colours falling From off of the trees There were orange, brown and gold With reds so bright and bold They fluttered down like butterflies As each leaf drops and dies As the wind blows them into a heap Summer has already gently went to sleep But you kicked and rustled them free As you breezed towards me There were still flowers brave and tall In sheltered places some pretty and small But soon they too would be lost At the first signs of your winter frost
Archived comments for First signs
scotch on 06-11-2006
First signs
sweet...scotch

Author's Reply:
Scotch thanks for your kind comment.
You don't waste words. I like that..lol.
But I really do appreciate it...Tony

Dil on 06-11-2006
First signs
A very gentle feel to this one. I am a sucker for poems about the Seasons, and this one was well written and very readable.
Dil

Author's Reply:
I thank you most sincerely for the kind words and vote...Tony

royrodel on 06-11-2006
First signs
A portrait of dying a great read for me

thanx

RODEL

Author's Reply:
I'm glad you think it a great read for you have just boosted my ego.
Also many thanks for the vote...Tony

royrodel on 06-11-2006
First signs


Author's Reply:

orangedream on 07-11-2006
First signs
What a beautiful picture you paint with your words. Love the bit about the leaves fluttering down like butterflies.

Enjoyed, thank you
orangedream

Author's Reply:
Chris I do thank you for your kind words, glad you enjoyed it...Tony

MiddleEarthNet on 07-11-2006
First signs
I really enjoyed this. I loved the idea of the leaves falling like butterflies.

"Summer has already gently went to sleep" There is something odd about the tenses in this line but I can't quite work it out. Has and went don't seem to go together but I don't know what to suggest.

Author's Reply:
Elle I have taken in what you are saying, does "Summer has already gently gone to sleep." Sound any better.
But I do thank you for taking the time to read and comment for all suggestions are gratefully accepted...Tony

Apolloneia on 08-11-2006
First signs
I liked especially this part

As the wind blows them into a heap
Summer has already gently went to sleep
But you kicked and rustled them free
As you breezed towards me

Mrs A.

Author's Reply:
Mrs A. Sorry but I had to smile for that sounds very formal (Mrs. A)
But I do honestly appreciate you reading this piece for I almost threw it out.
As I don't normaly write about the seasons, now I have second thoughts, thanks again...Tony


Thanks (posted on: 30-10-06)
A futuristic reply

Huh! Thanks for what it's worth For all you've left us on this earth Contaminating sea and soil In frantic search for pools of oil You hacked away at her soul Digging for seams of coal Never listened to what was told In your search for pieces of gold Never thought when things got chronic Slow to learn with things atomic With it you left behind a legacy That will outlive even me You always had this yearning For fossil fuels you kept on burning Things couldn't have been made more clear What was happening to the atmosphere Never stopped to think it was unfair Continually polluting the air Could you really not conceive It's how we live, it's what we breathe You started off that final action Did it give you some satisfaction Have you no remorse or shame Knowing that you were all to blame. Copyright © 2006
Archived comments for Thanks
e-griff on 30-10-2006
Thanks
Hmmm I'll tell you what I think of this at some future date. πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Better to spit it out now, for who knows what the future might bring.
Many thanks for reading and commenting...Tony

scotch on 30-10-2006
Thanks
i like the theme or themes...scotch

Author's Reply:
Scotch many thanks for reading and commenting.
There is only one theme, but it can be said in so many ways...Tony

Micky on 30-10-2006
Thanks
It's been said,great minds think alike ,I'm not really sure what our excuse was .lol
Very nicely done !

Micky :>D




Author's Reply:
Ignorance is understood, for the pure fact that all the facts were not known.
But now it's turning to stupidity along with greed and a few more words.
Many thanks for reading and commenting...Tony


Quintinshill train crash (posted on: 16-10-06)
a true story

Quintinshill train crash (227 killed – 246 injured) May 1915 five hundred men and officers Boarded a troop train at Lambert Station They were destined for Liverpool docks To go and fight for the nation But as they dozed and slept Secured each in their coach The train had gathered speed As to Quintinshill they did approach But the signalman there had forgot With the passing of time That he also had an empty coal train Waiting further down the line There was nothing he could do For he had made that fateful decision There was no way he could stop That fatal train collision But worse was yet to come For there right on time Was the northbound express from London Coming speeding down the line Many who had survived the first crash Who were heroes of the day Were taken in the carnage For they couldn't get out of the way Things were changed so it couldn't happen again But the signalman was the one held to blame A court decided because of the magnitude That he should serve three years penal servitude Of the troops who survived this sad event To finish their journey they were sent They boarded a ship and sent over sea To fight once again for life in Gallipoli
Archived comments for Quintinshill train crash
Sunken on 16-10-2006
Quintinshill train crash
Simply a ten young Pot of Leek fame. Ya know, if they taught stuff in rhyme some of it may have stuck in my head better.

s
u
n
k
e
n

he remixed the shipping forecast

Author's Reply:
Sunken I treasure all your comments and I must agree with you about things being taught in rhyme,
because I think almost everyone can recite those early childhood nursery rhymes, some how they stick.
As for the shipping forcast, just like ships that pass in the night, now I know why...thanks...Tony

Kat on 17-10-2006
Quintinshill train crash
What a strong and effective poem, Tony, and a good history lesson for me - great work.

Kat :o)

Author's Reply:
Kat I do thank you for taking the time to read and comment.
This one has been locked away for quite a while and I thought it a shame to waste it.
Thank you again...Tony


The William Pit Disaster (Whitehaven 15th Aug. 1947) (posted on: 09-10-06)
A true story

Continuous ringing of the engine room bell Miners in trouble, that was their way to tell The bad news soon spread around the town Of the Friday shift that had just gone down In no time at all 2000 people stood by Mothers and wives trying hard not to cry As night-time approached they feared the worst With what they feared the most had they been cursed Early on the Saturday morning As the sun rose and a new day was dawning Came up the body of a young miner lad All stood with bowed heads at a time so sad As more bodies were found All hopes they were fading fast It was feared all had been killed By an underground blast But out of the rubble and over the falls Rescuers heard what they thought were calls Three men were some how still alive Through experience they had managed to survive Then rescuers told some harrowing tales How they found men with arms clasped around each other For they knew it was their time for dying Coal stained faces washed with tears as some had been crying 104 men in total had died down there And each one brought to the surface with care 104 men for their jobs their lives they gave And may God bless them as they lie in their grave.
Archived comments for The William Pit Disaster (Whitehaven 15th Aug. 1947)
Gerry on 09-10-2006
The William Pit Disaster (Whitehaven 15th Aug. 1947)
I cannot remember this disaster particularly, but I remember others--- being raised in a mining area. Brave men all of them...

Gerry.

Author's Reply:
Gerry many thanks for the comment, I had to dig back a little for this one.
But you are right they are all brave men...Tony

e-griff on 09-10-2006
The William Pit Disaster (Whitehaven 15th Aug. 1947)
I'm sorry to be totally silly but someone has to do it.

I thought this was a political disaster (er, William Pitt?)

*ducks and runs for cover*

Reminds me of songs: 'The Gresford Disaster' and the one that starts 'In the town of Springhill, Nova Scotia...'

- for all their lives they dug a grave - two miles of earth for a marking stone.....

Author's Reply:
e-griff thanks for the comment, I do get your political bit.
Honestly sounds like a real good song, but I haven't heard of it.
Now you got me looking...Tony

wfgray on 12-10-2006
The William Pit Disaster (Whitehaven 15th Aug. 1947)
I was brought up in a mining area. I was just being demobbed from the Army at about that time this happened. My old detective sergeant came from Whitehaven and I remember him speaking about it, I am sure by the knowledgeable way he was talking I am sure he had some relations involved in that disaster. Being a miner in a coal pit is never the best of jobs. In my opinion their money is hard earned.

Author's Reply:
wf, I too was brought up in mining/shipbuilding area, (not Whitehaven) you wouldn't get me down there for a kings ransom, I admire the bravery of all those men and boys of the time.
I thank you kindly for your comment...Tony


First leaf to fall (posted on: 02-10-06)
With the passing of time ???

Remembering the time when we were young We had dreams and songs to be sung Everything seemed right and fair As we built our castles in the air There have been changes, many amount Each had a cost, but we didn't stop to count Where have all those times gone that we recall? For now I have seen the first leaf fall How we have grown in our own ways Summer fades, we are in the autumn of our days But I still look upon you with pride As you walked by my side The winter was long and hard as I recall Spring slipped in with buds fresh and small Summer came and pleased us all But now I have seen the first leaf fall You gently floated out of view Off to more pleasant pastures new All the happy times I now recall For I have seen the first leaf fall. Copyright © 2006
Archived comments for First leaf to fall
Bradene on 02-10-2006
First leaf to fall
a lovely poignant read Tony Love Val x

Author's Reply:
Val thank you so much for your kind comment and vote...Tony

Kat on 02-10-2006
First leaf to fall
I enjoyed this, Tony. Very effective use of the repeat of, 'I have seen the first leaf fall.'

Kat :o)

Author's Reply:
Kat it's always nice to get a comment from you, only glad you enjoyed the read...Tony


The Fairy Queen (posted on: 15-09-06)
.

It was deep down in the shady dell Where grew the first pretty bluebell Music slowly filled the air Taking away my every care I saw colours as never before Blues, greens, yellows and many more A part of nature's greatest display Enough to take my breath away Then with the greatest surprise I saw fairies dance before my eyes I couldn't believe what I had seen As they carried out the fairy queen She lay there in front of me She looked as dead as dead could be As they danced around her some more I stood and gasped with open jaw For the fairy queen shed her skin She then appeared from within More beautiful than she had been Reborn again a fairy queen Copyright © 2006
Archived comments for The Fairy Queen
orangedream on 15-09-2006
The Fairy Queen
This is so beautiful, potleek!

Kind regards
orangedream



Author's Reply:
orangedream I thank you so much, you must believe in fairies also...Tony

spongemonkey on 15-09-2006
The Fairy Queen


I agree with Orangedream nice one.

Author's Reply:

potleek on 16-09-2006
The Fairy Queen
spongemonkey I thank you also, I hope you believe as well...Tony

Author's Reply:


Gates of Hell (posted on: 07-08-06)
~

I have stood at the gates of Hell There are so many stories to tell All sad and full of misery If you don't believe go yourself and see Perhaps it's better just to take my word Because of all the screams I have heard I've seen some who thought they were good But on their heads is other people's blood There are tales of death and killing Some took part oh so willing From them there was no remorse Hell bent on their destructive course Some took life without a second thought For their souls had been bought For some it was lust and need Others through thoughtless greed You can think as hard as you could In that place there is no good It's not a place you want to stay Even though it's only a short trip away
Archived comments for Gates of Hell
Macjoyce on 11-05-2008
Gates of Hell
You're right, it is only a short trip away. I can get a bus into Peckham from the end of my road.



Author's Reply:


Walking a different line (posted on: 24-07-06)
Just a poem?

We don't walk the same path anymore As we did once before It's lonely nights and lonely days Since we went our separate ways We don't sing the same song anymore As when each other we did adore All of my days are so long But now I know I have to be strong Somehow it all became a game Hard to say who really was to blame Perhaps I should have read each little sign To help ease the ache in this heart of mine I thought we had a love that would last But now what is past is past There is now fresh hope in this heart of mine As I learn to walk a different line
Archived comments for Walking a different line
orangedream on 24-07-2006
Walking a different line
Good morning potleek! Gosh - you've made me so sad now, reading your very poignant poem. Sometimes it's good to feel sad though, otherwise how would we know what 'happy' is.

Hope you have a happy day and thanks for the poem. I enjoyed it.

πŸ™ :-)orangedream

Author's Reply:

potleek on 24-07-2006
Walking a different line
Orangedream you're right if we don't have sad bits how would we know if we were happy.
Your comment has helped to brighten my day, many thanks...Tony

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 25-07-2006
Walking a different line
Hello Mr. Leek. Nice to read a poem that hints at positivity. I still reckon it's harder to write 'positive' than it is to write negative. Worthy of more attention, I hope you get some... attention I mean. God I suck at this. Thanks.

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his left forefinger is a Twix

Author's Reply:
Sunken I truly treasure your comments, I cannot fault your positive thoughts, many thanks...Tony


Following in your footsteps (posted on: 17-07-06)
To follow in someone's footsteps is hard

Your parting left me with such emptiness Which in time they say will heal But so much time has gone by This feeling I have is still so real I've tried to walk in your footsteps But found them too far apart I've tried to follow in your wake Until it aches my heart For although I dearly loved you I tried to live up to all you said I so much wanted to be like you But so much just fills up my head You were the perfect role model The best anyone could have had I have always tried to be like you Ever since I was a lad But I cannot be the person you were For it is you who made me what I am But if I am only part of what you were I can still call myself a man
Archived comments for Following in your footsteps
niece on 17-07-2006
Following in your footsteps
Thought this was lovely...emotions most people will have to go thru' one day or the other in their life...!
Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
Niece thank you so much for the kind words...Tony


Band of brothers (posted on: 03-07-06)
Pehaps it could have been the Somme

I was wounded in the Great War I still wonder what it was all for I show no scars or broken skin The wounds are all deeply within I saw comrades big and small I saw some stand, I saw some fall Some by rifle, some by bayonet Those scenes I never will forget I saw men as I went passed Some were dead some knew it was there last For some there was no future only past Some never knew they had been gassed Some hung on a barbed wire line For they too had run out of time Others had done the best they could Lying in a pool of blood I saw men kneeling as though in prayer Asking God for another day I saw men embrace each other For they fought as a band of brothers
Archived comments for Band of brothers
Sunken on 04-07-2006
Band of brothers
Hello Mr Leek. I saw a documentary on Sunday about the battle of the Somme. I think some of us (I'm as guilty as anyone) tend to forget what people went through for us in the past. Top little poem.

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Author's Reply:
Sunken I thank you for your kind comment.
I think most of us are as guilty as you say, for we do tend to forget, but out dated tactics caused a lot of deaths. But we can't change what has passed, but perhaps we can change the future...Tony

Zoya on 05-07-2006
Band of brothers
Yeah, dear leek,I agree with you:
War leaves wounds unhealed,
Scars deep, unforgettable.
Pain unsurpassed,
And loss unrecoupable...
War is terrible thing indeed-
Both for the civilian and the soldier,
Both for the winner and the loser,
Both for the aggressor and the sufferer...
War is a terrible thing indeed...

**Hugs for a very powerful and inspiring write**
Love, xxx, Zoya


Author's Reply:
Zoya many thanks for the comment and the kind vote.
If only we could learn to live without killing each other, in war there is no winner...Tony

eddiesolo on 06-07-2006
Band of brothers
Hi Tony,

I like this, a great yet sad piece to the fallen.

Si:-)

Author's Reply:
Si many thanks also for the comment and the kind vote.
The saying "Lest we forget" keeps coming up, wars of years gone by are just dates in a history book now.
Will WW1 and WW2 go the same way? I hope not...Tony

eddiesolo on 06-07-2006
Band of brothers
Like all things, they dull with time and as each year passes the people who fought and lived get fewer.

My poem 'Painting The Tarn Red' has been accepted to be in a cloth bound remembrance book along with other poetry. I'm really proud to have my piece in there to remember the fallen.

Again a great piece Tony.

Si:-)

Author's Reply:
Si thanks again have PM'd you...Tony

scotch on 10-07-2006
Band of brothers
lovely..scotch

Author's Reply:
Scotch even though your words are short they are honestly appreciated, many thanks...Tony


Where you will find me (posted on: 02-06-06)
Who will know of you when you're gone?

When I am gone Will you know where to find me? Perhaps in a gentle breeze, That rustles in all the trees. Or in a place where the river flows, High in a place where it snows. In a place where the eagle lands, Where the wind blows the desert sands. In the pastures that are forever green To places where the eye has never seen. Look to the stars that shine at night, Also in the morning when the sun shines bright. But most of all you might find me where, Each word and letter I placed with care. I am in every line that I ever wrote.
Archived comments for Where you will find me
Sunken on 03-06-2006
Where you will find me
'I am in every line that I ever wrote' - I like that more than rainbows young Pot of Leek fame. A sweet piece that made me think of sweet things, none of which are transmittable at this hour.

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no, no! not the lobster!

Author's Reply:

potleek on 04-06-2006
Where you will find me
Sunken as ever you make me laugh with your kindly comments and thank you for the rating.
I wrote this way back in December, I have just dedicated it to a fellow poet who has just passed away, I think the words mean so much more now, sorry to end on such a sad note, but many thanks again..Tony

Author's Reply:

Lare on 08-07-2006
Where you will find me
Hi Tony...this put a lump in my throat...it made me think of my dad. Your words are my thoughts exactly...

Lare

Author's Reply:
Lare so sorry it may have awoken sad thoughts.
But your comment has pleased me in the nicest kind of way, many thanks...Tony


Once I could see (posted on: 01-05-06)
It's easy when you see

My eyes were once strong and I could see But it now has no longer to be I suppose what has to be, has to be. So now every memory is so precious to me Tell me is the sky still so nice and blue Do the clouds have a silver lining too? Does the sun still shine so bright? Does it make everything look right? Do the flowers still have that pretty look? That I now read about in a different kind of book Do the streams still run so crystal clear? Though I can't see them I still hear Is the snow still soft and white? Do icicles still glisten in the light? Does the moon and stars still shine so bright? On a cold and frosty night Do you still have that sparkle in your eye? For me please don't ever cry For I hear your every sigh Your beauty still remains in my minds eye
Archived comments for Once I could see
Romany on 02-05-2006
Once I could see
It must be a truly terrible thing, to lose your sight. I hope this was written from imagination.

Romany.

Author's Reply:
Romany many thanks for your comment and concern
Yes it is from imagination, but I suppose there are blind people who write poetry etc.
It is hard to imagine life without sight...Tony

scotch on 02-05-2006
Once I could see
dear Potleek hi there although i like the story and most of the beat i feel it can be improved upon if you read the poem/ your poems backwards then unnecessary words and links can be cut though the author has the last word... in the last line i think it should be "mind's eye" but perhaps you prefer creative license. anyways i like the theme and will endeavour to read more of your work... scotch

Author's Reply:
Scotch I thank you for your comment.
You're right it should be "Mind's eye" thanks for pointing that out.
NOW, I'm sure you don't mean I should read my poem BACKWARDS...I tried it it didn't seem right...lol
But I do re-read my poems over and over again, it's always nice to have a criticle eye.
Only pleased you want to read more of my poems...Tony

Lare on 28-05-2006
Once I could see
Hi Tony...what a very tender write this is. This does pull at the heart...I know it did mine. Very well done, my friend...

Lare

Author's Reply:
Lare I thank you most kindly for your very kind words...Tony


Grandpa's missing teeth (posted on: 24-04-06)
Not sure where to put this. But not just for the kiddies

Grandpa had just got a new set of false teeth and in a way they were like every thing else that's new, such as shoes, you have to wear them in a little bit until they get comfortable. These new teeth must have been hurting Grandpa, well at least the bottom one's were, for as he slipped into bed that night he put them under his pillow for safe keeping. Now some people don't believe in fairies, I don't think Grandpa did at first, but what happened made him change his mind. Poinsettia had been a gatherer for the fairy court for quite a long time now and had just been promoted up to the tooth fairy section. It was something she had always wanted to do, for she had always wanted an inside job. She was put with Chestnut, he had done this job for longer than he cared to remember, so Poinsettia in a way was to be Chestnut's apprentice. It was a complete change to what Poinsettia had been used to, working only at nighttimes now. Everything had to be done in complete quietness and of course darkness, so it was not always easy to see what they were doing. Chestnut and Poinsettia were working in an area where quite a few children lived and had many calls to make, to make things even more difficult it was now starting to get light and it was against the rules to work after daybreak. So Chestnut let Poinsettia do a few calls on her own, it was quite simple work for a tooth fairy, fully fledged tooth fairies have an inbuilt sense as to where they can find teeth, all she had to do was to pick up any teeth that children had left under their pillows and leave a silver coin in exchange. Now Poinsettia had never seen or even heard of false teeth, for she was new to the job, so as she entered Grandpa's bedroom all she knew was she had a job to do. She had never seen so many teeth all in one go, as there was so many Poinsettia left a handful of silver coins. In the distance a cockerel was crowing so she knew it was time to finish and return to the fairy court. It wasn't until they got back and they had to report about each tooth collected that it was discovered that poor Poinsettia had gathered some false teeth. Oh dear it was to late now to return these teeth, they would have to wait until nightfall. Now Grandpa was a methodical man in all he did, he did the same things every day at the same time. He woke at 7am washed, dressed and went for his breakfast. Now cornflakes without a full set of teeth was a little difficult to say the least, then Grandpa remembered he had taken his lower teeth out just before going to sleep, sliding his hand underneath the pillow he expected to find his new teeth. Nothing, his search widened, now with both hands, all he got from underneath the pillow were a few silver coloured coins, he just couldn't understand. Next thing the pillows were removed, then the blankets then the sheets, everything was taken off the bed, still nothing, Grandpa still couldn't understand where his teeth might be. Then the bed was moved, Grandpa was on his hands a knees feeling all over the floor as if he was blind, but his teeth were no where to be found. Grandpa then had to put everything back to where he had found them; he even put the silver coins back under the pillow, now these puzzled him even more. All day long Grandpa went around most upset and muttering to himself at not being able to find his new teeth. Then it came time for bed, all the moving of things had worn poor Grandpa out, he was glad to get to bed that night and was soon sound asleep. The first thing that Chestnut and Poinsettia had to do was to get those false teeth back to where they came from, it wasn't an easy task as tooth fairies never seem to visit older people, but get them back they did, they also collected up the silver coins that Poinsettia had left, that is all but one which they left in away to say sorry for what they had done. Morning came and once again Grandpa got up and went for his breakfast, without thinking he returned to his bedroom and slid his hand underneath his pillow, there to his great surprise were his new false teeth. He threw the pillows off the bed in disbelief, but there they were and now only one silver coin. Now if you ever ask Grandpa about his teeth he will always tell you that the tooth fairies had something to do with them going missing. He even still has that silver coin; he keeps it in his waistcoat pocket firmly attached to a silver chain along with his pocket watch. Copyright © 2006
Archived comments for Grandpa's missing teeth
niece on 24-04-2006
Grandpas missing teeth
A very cute story, Potleek...will get my son to read this...and you are right, this is not only for the kids. Even adults can do with a little bit of fairies and magic in their lives.
Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
Niece many thanks for reading and commenting, your sons opinion would be very much appreciated also...lol. For children still have the power to see what most adults cannot...Tony

HelenRussell on 25-04-2006
Grandpas missing teeth
I agree, a cute story.
Spotted a couple of errors (hope you don't mind, I'm always reluctant to correct in this way):

at least the bottom ones were (no apostrophe in ones)
oh dear it was too late now (instead of to late)
comma after 7am

There were a few times in the latter section where I thought less commas could be used and the sentences made shorter. (Will PM you if you like)

Hope this helps. An enjoyable piece which I'll read to my 5 year old tomorrow.

Regards
Sarah

Author's Reply:
Sarah firstly many thanks for reading and commenting.
Nope I don't mind in the least about any corrections you may see.
Please do PM me always glad of any constructive help...Tony

Bradene on 25-04-2006
Grandpas missing teeth
Sweet Story Tony I just love fairy stories Love Val x

Author's Reply:
Hi Val, glad you found this to your liking.
Just lately a few fairy stories have come about, just thought I would let this one out...Tony

Claire on 25-04-2006
Grandpas missing teeth
Hey there hun,

Now this is a canny little story, ideal for kids. I thoroughly enjoyed it. It has a child like voice to it too...

Construction wise - there's nothing wrong with the story-line - that's perfect, highly entertaining.

Now if you are aiming for children with this one, which I think you should, quite a few of those sentences can be cut. It ain't often you see semi-colons in young children's tales, (I'd say the age range for this one is from 4 up over) the shorter the sentence the better.

I'm just wondering if you could omit some unnecessary words...

'He even still has that silver coin; he keeps it in his waistcoat pocket firmly attached to a silver chain along with his pocket watch.' - you could omit 'even' 'firmly' 'along'

But I'm not sure if you would lose the childlike narrative, which would be a shame...

Author's Reply:
Claire many thanks for your comment.
To be honest I haven't aimed it at any age in particular, never thought about it.
As for semi-colons, I do take your word for it. (are youngsters bothered or is it editors/printers)
I see your point about the words 'even' and 'along'. But the word 'firmly' indicates that he treasures the coin and has made sure it can't get lost.
But I do take in all you have pointed out...Tony

Sunken on 27-04-2006
Grandpas missing teeth
Sorry Mr. Leek of Pot fame (should you really be advertising your pot fame?) I thought I'd already commented on this. Maybe the fairies whisked it away for reasons best known to themselves. Or maybe I talk crap. This definitely appealed to the kiddie in me (a little brat who's always getting me into trouble). Thoroughly enjoyable, like a lovely donut. Thanks.

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he falls in love daily

Author's Reply:
Sunken I thank you for taking the time to read
Love the donut but don't like the middle bit, good for looking thro' though
Thanks again...Tony


I have seen things (posted on: 17-04-06)
To see or not to see that is the question

I have seen things that you would not believe. Also seen things that would make you grieve Along with things that would make you laugh, Even though my life is not over by half Seen things that would make you cringe. So how can I complain, moan or whinge There are things I wish I could stop Condoned by those who reside at the top. I've seen life begin at the start. Also seen sights that would break any heart There are things I would not like you to see Only too glad it didn't happen to me. No matter what it is that makes you curse, You'll always find someone who is much worse. But there is one thing and I wouldn't be guessing That we should all count each and every blessing.
Archived comments for I have seen things
shackleton on 17-04-2006
I have seen things
Good one, Potleek. Strong Easter message. Bye now.

Author's Reply:
Shackleton many thanks for dropping in and commenting.
Really a message for all times...Tony

Kat on 17-04-2006
I have seen things
A great sentiment, potleek!

Kat :o)

Author's Reply:
Kat as always your kind comment is always welcome, many thanks...Tony

RoyBateman on 18-04-2006
I have seen things
Very positive message - I do, sincerely, hope that your life isn't over by half, but nobody ever knows that in advance. That just reinforces your sentiment, though - live to the full while you can. Tomorrow? Who knows?

Author's Reply:
Roy many thanks for reading and commenting.
As for age..sshhhh that's a secret...lol.
Tomorrow never comes for it changes into today
Then it starts to fade and becomes yesterday...Tony


Finicky Street (posted on: 03-04-06)
Just a memory

Down on Finicky Street Where all the gang would meet The lamppost was a beacon to us all For that was our point of call We'd join the girls with their skipping rope With rhymes of life and hope Then woe to the lonely soul Tied to the lamppost when used as a totem pole Then in football it was free for all To hit the lamppost was how to score a goal But those days are sadly gone As with time we have moved on But now as we all reach that age As I read the obituary page I've seen the gang go one by one The few that's left will follow on For the street is no longer there They pulled it down without thought or care For now, all that is left behind Are memories of Finicky Street in my mind
Archived comments for Finicky Street
chrissy on 03-04-2006
Finicky Street
Nice memories and a nice easy poem.
chrissy

Author's Reply:
Chrissy only too pleased to share the memories with you.
Thank you for commenting...Tony

Romany on 03-04-2006
Finicky Street
Funny, thoughts of childhood have been on my mind a lot lately too, though for no apparent reasons! I like the line about using the lamp post as a meeting point; we used to do that! Lovely times, but even they had their dark sides too; nostalgia is very mischievious.
Romany.

Author's Reply:
Those childhood days good or bad are our own little part in history that is soon forgotten.
As for nostalgia been mischievious I'm not sure, but as kids we sure were.
Many thanks for the comment...Tony

Jen_Christabel on 03-04-2006
Finicky Street
Good poem, very enjoyable and nice rhymes :o)
Jennifer x

Author's Reply:
Jennifer many thanks for your kind comment, you're more than kind to me...Tony

Bradene on 06-04-2006
Finicky Street
Nice poem Tony, with a catchy rhythm Love Val x

Author's Reply:
Val very nice to see you about again.
Suppose you want your football boots back then...lol..if only.
Many thanks for your kind comment...Tony


Tranquil thoughts (posted on: 27-03-06)
Sometimes you get lost in your own thoughts

Waves tumbled over the rocks Seagulls floated high above in flocks The smell of washed up seaweed in the air The wind re-arranging my hair In the air there was a slight chill Which gave life a tingling thrill I also had that feeling of being free of care As I walked along the shoreline Paying no heed of the time Lost deep in these thoughts of mine From time to time I picked up smooth pebbles Washed with time Wondering where they had first began, Perhaps high up on a hill side Now to be caressed by each surging tide Which was now lapping at my feet From where I had to make my retreat Which brought me back to reality Away from my minds tranquillity For time and tide awaits no one I too must move on
Archived comments for Tranquil thoughts
MiddleEarthNet on 27-03-2006
Tranquil thoughts
I like it. Its peaceful and I felt as if I wanted to close my eyes and be there with the wind and the unrelenting tide lapping at my feet.

Author's Reply:
Elle thank you so much for your kind words.
In this fast moving world it's nice to get away from it all even if only for a short while...Tony

Sunken on 29-03-2006
Tranquil thoughts
Hello young Leek of Pot fame. I think I'd rather get lost in your thoughts than those of my own. There seem to be a lot of std's floating around in mine for some reason (-; Nice piece young man. It put me in mind of a lovely salad bap, this can only be a good thing. Thanks.

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Author's Reply:
Sunken as always you brighten my day with your comments.
Ah yes salad days, now there's a thought...Tony

BaBy_PoeT on 29-03-2006
Tranquil thoughts
i liked this and i know what you mean lolz..
some people also get lost in their own lies like someone i know...no names mentioned..
enjoyed this very much ...
keep writing
take care
xXx--B-P--xXx

Author's Reply:
BP thanks for your kind comment.
There is a fine line between truth and lies, some just keep staggering back and forth..lol...Tony

HelenRussell on 31-03-2006
Tranquil thoughts
Simply loved this. Was there with you (hope you didn't mind me intruding!!)
Great writing
Sarah

Author's Reply:
Sarah glad you liked it
Join me anytime I don't mind you intruding...Tony

Jolen on 07-04-2006
Tranquil thoughts
I have to admit, you took me right along, and what a great feeling that was. Thanks for the ride through your wonderful wording. Nicely paced.

blessings,
Jolen

Author's Reply:
Jolen you are welcome to join me any time.
Thank you for taking the time to do so and thank you for the kind words...Tony


Missing you (posted on: 13-03-06)
One of those long lonley nights thing ??

I like to listen to the radio On those long lonely nights It helps me to work things out Helps to put the world to rights Listening to some music and talks about politics Helps me to see what makes the world tick Then some news and the weather we're going to get That's a laugh, going to get more rain I bet Then there were some callers about their lonely hearts How it was breaking and they were falling apart Now I've listened to this all through the night I feel now that my life is all right So why do I need to complain I can put up with life and all of its pain But at nights like this, one thing I'd like to do Is to have you here, so I can cuddle up to you
Archived comments for Missing you
Transitions on 13-03-2006
Missing you
This is not poetry, it is prose.

Author's Reply:
Many thanks for taking the time to read...Tony

Andrea on 13-03-2006
Missing you
Dunno, read like song lyrics to me and, as such, not bad at all.

Author's Reply:
Andrea you hum the tune and I'll sing the words...lol
Many thanks for reading and commenting...Tony

Jen_Christabel on 13-03-2006
Missing you
I liked this :o) It reminded me of the days when my husband was 'at sea' and I would spend months alone. Nicely done.
Jennifer :o)

Author's Reply:
Jen thank you so much for your kind comment, I hope your not all at sea anymore..lol...Tony

Bradene on 13-03-2006
Missing you
Nice flow and sentiments Tony, in particularly the last verse. Love Val x

Author's Reply:
Nice to see you here Val, many thanks for the vote and the kind words...Tony

Sunken on 15-03-2006
Missing you
This is not a turnip surely? It smacks of poetry. Blimey, I've done it again young Pot of Leek fame. I could have sworn I chose www.ukturnips.co.uk from my favorites folder. Anyway, as I am here - well bloody done a smashing little poem. I agree with that Andrea woman, it reads like a song. The last verse is especially strong and put me in mind of an aniseed ball. I hope this comment finds you in the lotus position. Take care and a yoyo.

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missing presumed hungry

Author's Reply:
Sunken your comment is truly appreciated, you never fail to amuse and uplift me with your astounding knowledge of all things.
Now when it comes to poetry/song...is poetry not a song waiting for a tune.
For I have come across a few poems that have been set to music...so where is the line between them all...Tony


WISDOM (posted on: 24-02-06)
~

There is not much to choose Between the wise man and the fool. Depends on which way you look, Or in what you use as the rule Wisdom is sometimes hard to find, Perhaps it is locked away in someone's mind. For sometimes looking for the clever result We can often end up in giving insult. For those who think they are full of wisdom Or think of them selves as being real cool. For in words of wisdom, Others could think of you as a fool
Archived comments for WISDOM
Jen_Christabel on 24-02-2006
WISDOM
Very philosophical and very enjoyable piece :o)
Jennifer :o)

Author's Reply:
Jennifer thank you so much for your kind comment, glad you found it enjoyable...Tony

Lare on 13-03-2006
WISDOM
Oh Tony...how so very, very true. You have hit the bullseye, my friend...your last paragraph says it all most perfectly

"For those who think they are full of wisdom
Or think of them selves as being real cool.
For in words of wisdom,
Others could think of you as a fool"

I really believe your poem, here, should be put into a frame and hung on the wall of some of the biggest corporations...it would teach some execs with some very large egos just where they stand...not where they think they stand...

Lare

Author's Reply:
Lare thank you most sincerely for your very kind words.
In life we get foolish words from those we think as wise and then we can get words of wisdom from those we think as being foolish..thanks again...Tony


Eleanor Davison (A stolen life) (posted on: 13-02-06)
A true story

Eleanor Davison (A stolen life) In 1921 Eleanor was a young miners wife She was the idol of his life In a few months time in their little home They would have a new baby of their own But Eleanor began to have headaches That came again and again Her husband became very concerned When she blacked out with the pain A doctor was called, one of little renown Who was not well thought of in their little town Because of low wages of a coal miner They could not afford better or anyone finer But when he came they said he was stinking From alcohol abuse, he had been drinking But he said Eleanor was suffering from eclampsia The baby would have to be removed or her end was near With untrained help to assist in his deed Eleanor began to convulse and profusely bleed Another doctor was called and he came in haste But her life was gone, a very sad waste A post-mortem was held to ascertain the cause It was discovered that intestines had been removed Along with pieces of blood sodden gauze And the doctor had broken medical laws The doctor was given only twelve months in jail For being a good doctor he did fail But nothing could bring poor Eleanor back to life For a young man who stands without family or wife
Archived comments for Eleanor Davison (A stolen life)
Kazzmoss on 13-02-2006
Eleanor Davison (A stolen life)
What a sad story - Kazz

Author's Reply:
Kazz many thanks for reading and commenting...Tony

Romany on 13-02-2006
Eleanor Davison (A stolen life)
Unfortunately Eleanor would not have been the only one to have suffered at the hands of inept 'doctors' or due to the fact that they lived in abject poverty. Sad indeed.

Author's Reply:
Romany you're probably right, the NHS has its fair share of blunders, heaven only knows how many mistakes were made in those times.
Many thanks for your comment...Tony

Emerald on 13-02-2006
Eleanor Davison (A stolen life)
Hi Tony,

My grandfathers sister died after a botched operation during childbirth - I think this is fairly topical as we still keep hearing about medical negligence - read a report recently that said childbirth was still one of the most dangerous things for a woman to go through - it makes you think.

Emma πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Hi Emma nice to hear from you.
There were so many medical mistakes put down to childbirth, perhaps inexperience or just blatant neglect, we'll never know.
Many thanks for reading and commenting...Tony

discopants on 16-02-2006
Eleanor Davison (A stolen life)
This one had to catch my eye as I am a Davison and also from a long line of miners. Where was she from?

Author's Reply:
Discopants many thanks for taking the time to read and comment...have sent you a PM...Tony


Dark rainy night (posted on: 06-02-06)
????

I remember that dark rainy night When my old car broke down. I ended up lost somewhere In a little one horse town. Where I was I couldn't tell So I booked into a small hotel. I couldn't go all that far So I ended up in a smokey bar. It was there that I met you, We had a drink or two. As we sat there together We even laughed about the weather. In that hotel room we passed the night away But you were gone by the break of day. I searched all over that place But no one knew of you, Or had ever seen your face. I have travelled near and far Retraced that journey in my car. But signs of you I just cannot find I know you weren't just in my mind. Now my journey will never ever be through Until once again, I find you.
Archived comments for Dark rainy night
Jen_Christabel on 06-02-2006
Dark rainy night
I liked this, very much. I am a bit old-fashioned when it comes to poetry and I do prefer rhyme, although I rarely use it myself!
Nice read.
Jennifer :o)

Author's Reply:
Jen thanks so much for your kind words, as for rhyme I find it very difficult to write any other way.
Perhaps that's because I'm old fashioned too..lol...Tony

Bradene on 06-02-2006
Dark rainy night
ahh! this is so sad Tony. Lovely poem though. Love Val x

Author's Reply:
Hi Val really appreciate the comment and vote. Don't ask where this came from, the words just happened...Tony

Sunken on 06-02-2006
Dark rainy night
Hello Mr. Leek of Pot fame. Did you know that if you turn your poem on it's side it takes on the exact outline of a stately home that I was once made to visit? You maybe wrote it that way on purpose, and for that alone I commend you. Good stuff Mr. Leek. Take care and a bowl.

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he activates automatic sprinkling systems by simply being there

Author's Reply:
Sunken I can't even imagine how you found out that I had wrote this poem with that exact place in mind.
I even looked at it sideways and of course you are correct it is.
Many thanks for the comment...lol...Tony

Dargo77 on 08-02-2006
Dark rainy night
Tony, a very enjoyable read.
Regards,
Dargo

Author's Reply:
Dargo many thanks for your kind words only glad it meets with your approval...Tony


Broken promises (posted on: 23-01-06)
A fact of life, perhaps

Broken promises are like Taking the wings of a pretty bird For it stops that lovely thing from flying It only leaves that body dying Like tearing the wings off a butterfly Just see the one who loves you cry For in life a thing that is a must Is unconditional love and trust But tender promises that are spoken Are no good at all if they are broken Love should never be taken for granted Like a seed that has been planted It has to be nurtured and fed Or otherwise it ends up dead
Archived comments for Broken promises
tai on 23-01-2006
Broken promises
I really like this poem potleek, one of your best imo. Yes! love should never be taken for granted. I love your description, in the broken winged bird. 10 from Tai, still trying to fly.

Author's Reply:
Tai I thank you most heartly for your kind words, love like a lot of other things in life can be taken for granted.

Which takes us to that saying. " We never realise what we had until we lose it"

Shucks Tai I bet you can fly if you try...lol...Tony

Kat on 23-01-2006
Broken promises
I think this is excellent! Some great lines and control of your metre, especially your opening two:

'Broken promises are like
Taking the wings of a pretty bird'

Well done, Tony!

Kat :o)


Author's Reply:
Kat as always I cherish any comment from you.
Thank you so very much for you have made my day...Tony

red-dragon on 23-01-2006
Broken promises
This is a super poem and your rhymes come across very easily. The last line is very powerful and sums up the essence of the poem very succinctly. Ann

Author's Reply:
Ann thank you so much for your very kind words, to be honest I had thoughts about posting this one..oh well, seems I was right...Tony

Dargo77 on 24-01-2006
Broken promises
Tony, like the idea behind this one. Well written.
Regards,
Dargo

Author's Reply:
Dargo, thank you kind sir for the complement.
Your words are well met...Tony


All for love (posted on: 13-01-06)
All for love????

My fingers and toes were cold with the snow But inside I just didn't want to go But you insisted that I came inside To sit and keep you company, down by your side. But my heart soon started to melt As along with your warmth, everything else I felt For you left me in no doubt Just for you, every part of me I poured out. I went as far as one can go At first my movements were slow But filled with your desire I soon melted as we sat in front of the fire. For I have stood up the best that I can But being inside is just no good for a snowman
Archived comments for All for love
HelenRussell on 13-01-2006
All for love
Aww. How lovely. The ultimate sacrifice.
Suggestion, if I may?
"At first my movements were ever so slow" IMO opinion has a better rythm if read aloud. But I may be wrong.
Brought a smile to my face πŸ™‚
Sarah

Author's Reply:
Helen you just might be right, in reading it twice, even before I posted it I said the word VERY and still I didn't change it. So your suggestion is well taken.
Many thanks for you kind words and only pleased it gave you a smile...Tony

tai on 13-01-2006
All for love
I loved that last line Potleek! 9 from Tai

Author's Reply:
Tai thank you so much for your kind comment and vote, only pleased that you liked it...Tony

Dargo77 on 13-01-2006
All for love
Tony, I also loved the ending...you caught me out.
Best regards,
Dargo

Author's Reply:
Dargo many thanks for your comment.
Now you didn't think it was about something else.
Sorry but I tend to be a bit sneaky like that at times...lol...Tony

Kat on 13-01-2006
All for love
Nice work, Tony! Really enjoyed this.

Kat :o)

Author's Reply:
Kat I do so appreciate you kind comment, only pleased you like it...Tony

Sunken on 14-01-2006
All for love
Caught me out too ya little bugger. You never see snow women do ya? Nice piece Mr. Leek of Pot fame. Take care and a sensible coat.

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Bolton - 2, Dulux 'seasons' range - 3

Author's Reply:
Sunken once again you amaze me with your(laughing) words of wisdom.
Of course many thanks for your comment....Tony

Now....What is the difference between a snowman and a snow woman????...snowballs


Doesn't believe in Santa anymore (posted on: 19-12-05)
Christmas isn't always merry.

It was Christmas Eve once again Peace and goodwill to all men As a little boy closed his bedroom door With a blanket lay upon the floor No Christmas again this year As he brushed away a tear It stands so bare out Christmas tree Underneath no gifts for me Once again he wiped away tears It's been like this the last few years Things were good once and doing fine Not now as he is just going on nine I'm not like other girls or boys I never get gifts or toys Since Dad walked out of the door I don't believe in Santa anymore I hung up my stocking, I've played my part With little hope left in my heart For come the morning what will there be? Once again nothing for me The darkness went and morning came For him it was no game For he could only stand and stare For the house was still cold and bare All that was left for him it seems Was nothing but broken dreams He wonders what Christmas is for For he doesn't believe in Santa anymore
Archived comments for Doesn't believe in Santa anymore
shackleton on 19-12-2005
Doesnt believe in Santa anymore
Too sad, Potleek. Reality for many of the world's children. Take care now.

Author's Reply:
Shackleton many thanks for your comment, we just have to count our blessings...Tony

Sunken on 20-12-2005
Doesnt believe in Santa anymore
I counted my blessings recently and, to my surprise, found I had enough to purchase a Gareth Gates CD from the bargain bin at Woolworth's. It's good to see someone writing about the flip-side to Xmas. Well done young Pot of leek fame.

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his shrink says his hatred for Celine Dion is related to a near fatal swimming incident in his early teens

Author's Reply:
Sunken you never cease to amaze me with your words of wisdom and great knowledge of many things.
I truly appreciate your comments...Tony

Lare on 03-01-2006
Doesnt believe in Santa anymore
Ahh, potleek...hopefully the boy will come to learn that Christmas comes from the heart...but for now his heart is too young and fragile to acquire such beholdings. There is a Santa...there really is...and I think this should get a part II...very well done, Sir...

Lare

Author's Reply:
Lare thank you very much for your kind comment.
Sadly situations such as my poem portraits leave scars on children that can often never heal.
I'm one of the lucky one's, I believe in Santa, always have, always will.
As for a part II, there are many good poems of Happy Christmas's and such that leave me wanting.
This was just to show that it isn't always merry for everyone. Thanks again...Tony


The old sea dog (posted on: 09-12-05)
Just what was washed up on the shore?

The smell of seaweed That's washed up on the shore, Along with plastic bottles Also part of an old door. There he lay Looking sad and bedraggled, In his poor lonely way No sign of life at all. From the body so fragile and small We carried him high above the tide line With our hands, dug in the soft ground. Laying him in a shallow grave So humble, yet so fine. We said a small prayer For the lost soul that lay there. Then we covered the grave With a weather beaten log. We wrote on these simple words. ''Here lies an old sea dog''
Archived comments for The old sea dog
Bradene on 09-12-2005
The old sea dog
Aww that's the saddest thing I've read this morning Tony.. By the way couldn't open your attatchment the other day will email you soon Love Val x

Author's Reply:
Val many thanks for the vote and of course the kind words, you've no idea how much it choked me up trying to write it...Tony

Jen_Christabel on 09-12-2005
The old sea dog
This is sooooooooo sad, and beautifully written.
Jen :o)

Author's Reply:
Jen many thanks you've made my day as well...Tony


Talking in your sleep (posted on: 02-12-05)
How do you know that you don't talk in your sleep.

You were talking in your sleep About secrets you were trying to keep It's hard to think that we may be through For I can't believe that they were true You filled me with doubt and cuts like a knife I thought I was the only one in your life Now I find out that you have been untrue Now I don't know just what I should do Should I stop or should I go Should I tell you that I know Or should I keep it in my aching heart To continue and just play a part For now that your secrets are unfurled I'm living in a different world For I'm in a world all of my own Where I feel so sad and alone
Archived comments for Talking in your sleep
Jen_Christabel on 02-12-2005
Talking in your sleep
I bet this is so true for some people!
Good bit o' poetry :o)
Jen :o)

Author's Reply:
Jen I would hate to think of how many really have fallen to this.
Many thanks for your comment...Tony

Bradene on 04-12-2005
Talking in your sleep
now i just now this is a piece of fiction and not biographical! great one Tony. Love Val x

Author's Reply:
Val thanks for the vote and comment...true it is pure fiction.
But some will sleep a little differently if they read this...Tony


Passing on (posted on: 28-11-05)
Just one of those passing conversations????

Well I never I saw him just the other day Asked him how he was But he didn't really say Smiled and then we passed on I can't believe that he has gone Did he have any family He never spoke as though he did His feelings he always hid I saw him almost every day He always passed this way Always polite and passed the time of day Now another has gone that way. Oh well, it's nice seeing you
Archived comments for Passing on
Jen_Christabel on 28-11-2005
Passing on
I liked this. There was a poignancy which came through well.
Jen :o)

Author's Reply:
Jen thanks so much for you very kind comment...Tony

Kat on 28-11-2005
Passing on
Hi potleek

I agree with Jen's comments - enjoyed.

Kat :o)

Author's Reply:
Kat thank you so much, just so glad you liked it...Tony

Ashby on 29-11-2005
Passing on
I agree with Jen and Kat. Not sure about the 'feelings' line - seemed a bit clumsy. But I could imagine this to be the first verse in a longer poem with similar bits of conversation.

Well done!

Author's Reply:
Ashby firstly many thanks for your comment, see your point about the feelings line, perhaps not quite correct but I wouldn't say clumsy, but I honestly appreciate your view...Tony

p.s. about it being from a poem with similar verses, it's not yet but you must have read my mind...lol

Lare on 01-12-2005
Passing on
Very well woven in collected thoughts...almost a bit haunting...I like this...well done...

Just me, Lare

Author's Reply:
Lare thank you most sincerely for your kind comment...Tony


The last step (posted on: 07-11-05)
???????? Doesn't need explanation

No song in your heart Nor spring in your stride In your self no longer is there pride Broken to the core Unable to take any more As you walk along The rain-drenched street Not noticing those that you meet Until you come unconsciously to that spot Forgetting all you had or what you've got You stepped out into fresh air Leaving you now without a thought or care In that moment of falling Did you hear heaven calling Did anyone notice you slip away But you reached the paper of the day It said you had died Just another case of suicide
Archived comments for The last step
Romany on 07-02-2006
The last step
I can identify with the sentiment, but truthfully, I thought that some of the lines read a little clumsily. For example;

'In your self no longer is there pride' (a little forced sounding)

Could you perhaps rewrite this as something like:

'In yourself. there is no longer pride.'

and 'Not noticing those that you meet '

as maybe something like:

'Unaware of those you meet.' or similar?

There are a couple more examples but it is not for me to over-analyse! Potential in this poem and a sympathy for despairing souls. Hope you don't mind the crit!

Romany.


Author's Reply:
Romany sorry I almost missed your comment, I dont usualy go back thro' my poems.
But if you read this please feel free to give any crit...Tony


Pain of losing (posted on: 31-10-05)
Can you ever really describe the pain of losing

With each heart felt sigh Never ending tears in each eye Thinking of what could be A newborn baby in the family But every dream was dashed Life suddenly came down with a crash The longing for a joy to hold Thoughts had naturally been so bold But nature deemed it was not to be Leaving nothing but empty hearts and misery
Archived comments for Pain of losing
Macjoyce on 14-05-2008
Pain of losing
Life's a piece of shit, when you look at it. As the great philosopher Eric Idle put it.



Author's Reply:


It was dark (posted on: 24-10-05)
Isn't life funny at times...?

It was dark, very dark As I lay there listening For every little sound Beads of sweat trickled from my brow Thoughts of all kinds Thundered through my brain They came time and time again Then came that sound There was no mistaking My heart began to race I could feel the blood Drain from my face I had called her name Time and time again So why does that bloody cat Always wait until I get into bed Before it wants back in
Archived comments for It was dark
Romany on 24-10-2005
It was dark
Made me laugh - well done!

Author's Reply:
Romany many thanks for your comment, glad you got a laugh from it. At least I know someone did...Tony

Bradene on 24-10-2005
It was dark
LoL Oh this caught me out! nice one Tony Well done. Love Val x

Author's Reply:
Val thanks for the 10 glad you liked the ending...Tony


Dreams for sale (posted on: 17-10-05)
In this day and age we can sell just about everything...if only

I have untold dreams inside my head All of them started when I was in bed Some are funny, some are so sad Some are not nice and some will make you glad There's one thing that I can bet I've had every dream that you can get So now without fail I've decided my dreams are up for sale They are not down in a catalogue or in a book Just come along and take a good look You can wander through them one at a time I guarantee each one is mine I don't mind I have time to wait While you check facts and perhaps the date It doesn't matter which one you choose They're all good you cannot lose If you see one that you think is nice I'm sure we can agree on the price Please handle each one with some care Specially the one's that give you a scare For if a dream is broken within its shell Broken dreams I will never be able to sell But when you leave, one thing you must do Leave your name so I can dream of you. Copyright © 2005
Archived comments for Dreams for sale
tai on 17-10-2005
Dreams for sale
And so sayeth the Poet of dreams! I love this Potleek.

10 from me

A fav read for sure.

Cheering

Tai

Author's Reply:

potleek on 18-10-2005
Dreams for sale
Tai thank you ever so much for your very kind words and vote.
...Tony

Author's Reply:

Bradene on 18-10-2005
Dreams for sale
I love this poem Tony I love the ideas of dreams for sale. I just know that your dreams would be worth buying too . love val xx

Author's Reply:
Val many thanks for the vote and comment.
I might just try e-bay you never know do you...lol
Thanks again...Tony

Micky on 19-10-2005
Dreams for sale
Very creative !
Love the whole idea of this poem and if you should run out of dreams
of your own to sell,let me know for I have a substantial collection of my own. lol
Nicely done!

Micky :>D


Author's Reply:
Micky many thanks for the kind words and vote.
That'll be the day when I stop dreaming...lol...Tony

uppercase on 19-10-2005
Dreams for sale
I love the idea of selling your dreams. Very nice poem...erma

Author's Reply:
Erma many thanks for your kind comment.
Many great things were started with just an idea...lol...Tony

Sunken on 23-10-2005
Dreams for sale
Nice idea Mr. Pot of Leek fame. I don't think I could sell my dreams though, there's not much call for washing machine images around these parts. I did have one weird dream this week tho, I dreamt that hitler (small h) was teaching me how to twirl a microphone like Robbie of Williams fame? Honest. Very bizarre. It's the last time I eat chili pot noodle before I go to bed. I wouldn't mind, but hitler was crap at it. Thanks.

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he has problems walking backwards

Author's Reply:
Sunken many thanks for your very informative comment.
You have brightend up my day no ends..thanks again...Tony


Did I have the right (posted on: 10-10-05)
No! I didn't have the right, but like all unpleasant things, you can't turn the clock back. For the thought still haunts me.

Did I have the right to play God In doing so I found it hard Not only once, but to do twice To end the life of two young mice In thinking is there such a being as God He must have no conscience or be very hard For the things that he has unfurled On this unsuspecting world I don't mean the things that are man made They have a price and have to be paid But things that seem to survive with ease New an old to man known as disease For children to be born disfigured or blind What kind of thing does he have in mind At times things seem to get worse Have we inherited some kind of curse But for all of this I'll try very hard Not to play the role of God For now I've made myself a rule For I don't really have the heart to be cruel
Archived comments for Did I have the right
Romany on 11-10-2005
Did I have the right
I think I understand the sentiment you are expressing here. God does seem cruel at times; but they say He works in mysterious ways!

The following line read a little awkwardly to me, if I'm honest:

New an old to man known as disease

And being equally honest, the word 'unfurled' doesn't seem to fit. But that's just my opinion.


Author's Reply:
Romany thank you for your comment.
I do appreciate comments such as yours, it lets me know where I might be going astray, and how others see my poems...thanks again...Tony

tai on 12-10-2005
Did I have the right
A very sweet little slice of life Potleek! So you should feel guilty...two mice???? Now one can be called accidental but TWO???rofl One typo I found. An extra 'is' in the second stanza 1st line. I like the flow of this musing on playing God.

Personally I think God is in us all...he is in me a lot at the moment it seems!!!

Smirking

Tai

Author's Reply:
Tai thank you for your kind comment and I have corrected that mistake...well spotted
And I still feel guilty but will not go into details...thanks again...Tony

SALTY on 18-10-2005
Did I have the right
I think I understand how you feel Potleek, I cant kill animals
either and as for children being born with something wrong with them, I wonder if this all loving God just turns a blind eye at times.
I like the poem, Bob πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Bob thanks for your comment, much appreciated.
I don't like to see animals hurt and it went right against my grain, but I have to live with that.
As for children being born disfigured, I believe that's just a hic-cup in nature (it has to be).
Thanks again...Tony


Number 9 bus (posted on: 07-10-05)
Just one of those fleeting moments when you stare aimlessly out of a bus window

I see a lady in her underwear With light reflecting off her hair Inside I feel a passion and a fire Relighting this thing called desire For I have often sighed For I thought this feeling had died But now my heart starts to dance and sing Just like a puppet on a string But this fleeting moment is soon gone For the picture of all this has passed on For this is not the place to make a fuss As I stare from a steamy window On the number nine bus
Archived comments for Number 9 bus
karenuk on 2005-10-07 13:16:12
Re: Number 9 bus
Some good stuff there and I like the tone. However 'a puppet on a string' sounds a bit cliched and should this be 'thought' in the line 'For I though this feeling had died'? I love the first two lines and the last four especially. The middle just needs some tweaking maybe?

Karen.


Author's Reply:
Karen many thanks for commenting, secondly, yes you're right it should have been thought.
Also in the first part you might be right, give me a clue to what you might have put, always open to suggestions, thanks again...Tony

Sunken on 08-10-2005
Number 9 bus
Lol, nice one young Tony. I'm an expert at starring through windows and this hit many chords.

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Author's Reply:
Sunken many thanks for the comment and vote.
You made me smile, I hope your window staring expertise is of the nicest kind...Tony

discopants on 10-10-2005
Number 9 bus
I like the wistfulness of this but I'm not so keen on lines 5 to 8. The rhyme seems a bit forced compared to the rest of the poem and I wonder if you even need those lines at all- for me, it's stronger and tighter without them.

Author's Reply:
Discopants many thanks for your comment, I do get your point and I think I kind of agree with you and what Karenuk has said about my poem.
Although I have not changed it as posted for I leave it in case others are kind enough to comment.
But your words are truly noted and appreciated...Tony


Fiddlers Green (posted on: 29-07-05)
It is said that Fiddlers Green is the place old sailors and fishermen go to when they die


With salt dried lips
Wind beaten skin upon your face
Like leather well beaten
Hair bleached by the sun
Time has taken its toll with you
Older than your years show
But time has caught up with you
For no longer do the fishing fleets sail
Accompanied by the cry of gulls
No longer is there a demand for you
Your talents now gone to waste
Perhaps bitterness is all you taste
As you wander along the quay
Now quiet and almost deserted
Only in your minds eye do you see
Or hear the noise and bustle once more
Perhaps all that is left for you now
Is Fiddlers Green

Archived comments for Fiddlers Green
LenchenElf on 2005-07-31 16:56:04
Re: Fiddlers Green
A haunting comment on the demise of a way of life Potleek.
all the best
lenax


Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-07-31 19:14:02
Re: Fiddlers Green
Lenax thank you so much for your comment.
So many of our industries have gone or are going the same way, so much for progress as they call it...Tony

Author's Reply:

Jolen on 08-10-2005
Fiddlers Green
There is a real life Sailor on here named Salty that you would love to hear some stories from, I'd bet and he's gonna like this poem. I will suggest it to him. Progress, yes, it really means pushing others aside in many ways. A very poignant piece of writing.
blessings,
Jolen

Author's Reply:
Jolen manythanks for your kind comment and for passing this on...Tony

SALTY on 08-10-2005
Fiddlers Green
Wonderful piece of writing potleek, I can relate to all of your poem except for one thing, I wasn`t a fisherman,I was a merchant seaman, but like you I have seen the demise of all of British shipping,
Foreign crews now tread the few ships we have left, simply because their pay is lower than ours.
thank you Jolen, you were right about me πŸ™‚ cheers, Bob πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Bob sorry for not getting back to you sooner, funny thing is I have never been to sea in my life.

But I have friends who have, so I know where you are coming from on that score.

Glad you liked the poem so many thanks for your kind words...Tony

SALTY on 13-10-2005
Fiddlers Green
Tony, it is hard to believe you have not been to sea, you captured the theme so well, Bob πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Bob many thanks again...Tony


Do I really know you (posted on: 25-07-05)
It's not a case of mirror mirror on the wall, who and what do we really see?


Do I really know you
I think I know your face
There is something familiar about you
I think I know you from some place
I see a face of love and care
I see all the possibilities there
Yet I see the cracks of time
I see it all in every line
Some how it doesn't seem fair
As I stand and stare
For time has taken its toll
As through life you took a stroll
There have been no regrets of length
Which have added to your strength
Between you me and what I see
I think there is some connection
As I look at my reflection

Archived comments for Do I really know you
tai on 2005-07-25 12:51:44
Re: Do I really know you
Hi potleek. I really liked your poem. I think we all, at some time or another have to confront our true reflections.

Smiling

Tai

Author's Reply:

eddiesolo on 2005-07-25 13:09:55
Re: Do I really know you
Hi Potleek,

I really liked this, good write.

Lets hope what we see is what we like.

Si:-)



Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-07-25 23:22:55
Re: Do I really know you
Tai thank you so much for the vote and your kind words.
This came about through looking at old photographs of myself, how time can change a face so much and still be the same person.
Thanks again...Tony



Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-07-25 23:30:42
Re: Do I really know you
Eddiesolo thank you for the vote and kind comment.
If we don't like what we see on the outside then that's a tad tough, it's what's on the inside that counts the most but that's not always on show...ah well, we are what we are...Tony

Author's Reply:


I'm sorry (posted on: 08-07-05)
If only we could go back and change those little things


I'm sorry about the bad things I've done
But I thought some of them were fun
But now I see them all so clear
Thank you for understanding, Mother dear

When I painted the cat blue
You were so understanding too
Or was it something that I said
That made you send me off to bed

When I set the hedge alight
You were there to put it right
Even though I had that desire
You taught me not to play with fire

Then the girl next door I caused her pain
I caught her fingers in my bicycle chain
Even though I thought it was a game
You really knew who was to blame

You also knew when I played the fool
I made my brother get ready for school
You told me off and said it was not right
For it was half past nine at night

There were so many more things
That to my memory now brings
I now know it must have made you sad
But you put it down to me just being a lad

But there is one thing I cannot do
Is change any of it for you
For what I'd change most of all Mother dear
Is to have you right here


Archived comments for I'm sorry
BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-09 18:42:49
Re: I'm sorry
awwwwww bless this.

lolz soz but das all i hav to say
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy_PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-07-09 19:45:02
Re: I'm sorry
Babypoet bless you for commenting, thanks...Tony

Author's Reply:

Bradene on 2005-07-10 13:41:32
Re: I'm sorry
Hear hear Tony! don't we all have these feelings and they always come to late for us to ask forgiveness.. A lovely poem Love Val x

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-07-10 20:13:11
Re: I'm sorry
Val thanks ever so much for the vote and kind comment, I think when we were young we were always saying sorry about something but it was more to save us from getting a clip around the earhole.
It's when we think back when we are older that the word sorry means so much more and as you say it perhaps comes a little late...Tony

Author's Reply:

tai on 2005-07-12 20:30:52
Re: I'm sorry
A sweet tribute to Mum potleek, I'm sure she knows.

Smiling

Tai

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-07-13 00:10:25
Re: I'm sorry
Tai she probably does know, but she also knows what a little swine I could be when I was a youngster.
Thanks so much for the comment and vote...Tony

Author's Reply:


Those phone calls (posted on: 27-06-05)
Go on tell me you don't get them

The phone rang In my haste to answer Almost de-tailed the cat Things scattered every which way and that The little bowl of pot-pourri It has that certain scent Heaven knows where all of that went The phone went on ringing In a most insisting way It must be important They must have something to say Lifted the receiver Speaking in my best telephone voice Only to find no-one there Now my language was more than choice I wonder with all of this Do these callers get some joy Because with my patience They really seem to toy But it happens time and time again It really is the most annoying pain I just hate those bloody phone calls They need a good kick in the ….
Archived comments for Those phone calls
mynci on 2005-06-27 10:58:45
Re: Those phone calls
i know what you mean!!!
Little typo. Patients. should be patience
Cheers
Mynci

Author's Reply:

Emerald on 2005-06-27 20:26:16
Re: Those phone calls
Good one Tony - I get plagued with these phone calls that have a recorded voice saying that you have won a prize - and please phone........... that really annoys me, because it is such a scam. The air gets a little blue when that happens

Emma:-)

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-06-28 00:37:14
Re: Those phone calls
Mynci many thanks for commenting and..lol...for pointing out my mistake....tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-06-28 00:44:51
Re: Those phone calls
Emma many thanks for commenting...know what you mean as well, pity we can't get their number and pester them...Tony

Author's Reply:

Bradene on 2005-06-30 11:21:11
Re: Those phone calls
Know exactly what you mean Tony! they drive us crazy at the most inconvenient times too! Love Val x

Author's Reply:

LenchenElf on 2005-06-30 12:05:32
Re: Those phone calls
Very well said, thanks for sharing your thoughts πŸ™‚
all the best
LE

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-06-30 16:43:19
Re: Those phone calls
These 'silent calls' have been in the news recently. It's usually a computer that's doing all the calling. Apparently it 'ups' their figures or something weird like that. I detest these twats that ring you up trying to sell you stuff. If I want something I'll go out and get it. I get the wankers all the time at work, I'm gradually getting wise to their accents and opening lines. I don't even talk to em. Hanging up can be so satisfying. I agree, if it's one person maliciously calling and saying nothing then they do deserve a good kicking. I dare say it's some hulking great computer somewhere though. It would still be good to kick the hell out of that though! Sorry I swore on your comments - lol. It's very good by the way. You hit a nerve... I'll leave quietly, steaming.
s
u
n
k
e
n


Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-07-01 00:06:50
Re: Those phone calls
Hi Val thanks for commenting, sooner we all get phones where you can see who is calling the better, but they don't care do they, ah well that's life..lol...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-07-01 00:09:05
Re: Those phone calls
LE only to happy to share my thoughts, thank you for commenting...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-07-01 00:12:57
Re: Those phone calls
Sunken many thanks for your comment, you have such a way with words, gave me a laugh though.
It's the silent ones that get up my nose at least if there is someone to hang up on it gives a certain amount of pleasure...Tony

Author's Reply:

Skytrucker on 27-06-2014
Those phone calls
A very common complaint, voiced very well. Good one.

Author's Reply:


Food for thought (posted on: 20-06-05)
I wrote this over a year ago but it's still as relevant today



I'm sorry about the food I just tasted
Then threw it out for it was wasted
For when there is starvation in a foreign land
It's something we just don't seem to understand

When part of the world is called obese
Others live in hunger and long for peace
We have everything at our command
But how they live we just don't understand

To see dying children with no hope in their eyes
No reaction when bothered by flies
Just lying there, is time on their side
From what goes on we just seem to hide

But if we really put it to mind
There is enough food that we could find
To feed every hungry land
We have the power at our hand

Not just by sending things off in a boat
But by the power we each have in a vote
We can stop the dying and people becoming ill
Just by changing a political will


Archived comments for Food for thought
Lare on 30-05-2006
Food for thought
Hi potleek...yes, very much so just as powerful now as then...as always...and it can be just that simple to feed the hungry...provide cure...your words here are very powerful...and true...very well done...

Lare

Author's Reply:


Do I have a soul (posted on: 13-06-05)
In gardening I somtimes find a plant growing in the wrong place, it just seems to want to survive so I give it its own space, this prompted me to write the next few lines which incidentally has nothing to do with gardening.



I am a life beginning, just at the start
I can feel blood pumping through my heart
I'm a recently fertilised egg
Please don't let me die I beg
I am but your little seed
If you cut me will I not bleed
I had no control of how I got here
But life to me is now so dear
I am now growing I am alive
I now so much want to survive
Each day I change so much
I can now feel, I have a sense of touch
My future is so much in your control
I wonder, do I have a soul


Archived comments for Do I have a soul
Bradene on 2005-06-13 18:44:29
Re: Do I have a soul
Love the idea behind this piece Tony. Well done Love Val x

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-06-13 23:39:29
Re: Do I have a soul
awww bless this lolz... i loved it....its so true and sweet..
i wrote something like that a bit more longer though about when a baby's life begins and it had a lot of similarity with your great poem

Author's Reply:

Kat on 2005-06-14 02:06:03
Re: Do I have a soul
I really liked the idea behind this as well - enjoyed.

Kat πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-06-14 09:00:34
Re: Do I have a soul
Val thanks for reading and commenting etc.
I'm not sure of what response this will get for it is along the lines of my poem "What was the sin" and that kind of brought mixed feelings...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-06-14 09:04:11
Re: Do I have a soul
Baby Poet many thanks for reading and commenting,
glad you liked it and seen the nicer side of my poem...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-06-14 09:05:54
Re: Do I have a soul
Kat thank you so much for reading and commenting.
Glad you enjoyed the thought behind this one...Tony

Author's Reply:


Early morning call (posted on: 06-06-05)
A very tranquil time that has to be experienced to be understood


Early in the morning
As the mist was still heavy on the ground
The dawn chorus was the only sound
As I walked through the grass
The morning dew soaked my feet
But the cattle had to be brought home
Their udders heavy
From when last milked
That first call made them rise
Without being told further
They knew their way home
Each knew their place
The washing down of extended teats
The constant sound of air
Pumping milk into containers
Churns soon full to the top
Contented cows made their way back
To fields of green
A site that you may not understand
But my heart often
Turns back to when I worked on the land

Archived comments for Early morning call
Bradene on 2005-06-06 16:33:39
Re: Early morning call
As a country girl I appreciated what it was you were saying Tony. Nice one. Love Val x

Author's Reply:

RoyBateman on 2005-06-06 17:20:12
Re: Early morning call
Most of us, brought up in the town, have no real idea of what country life means - long hours and little monetary reward. This made me think...so thank you very much for a fascinating read.

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-06-06 18:40:02
Re: Early morning call
Roy thank you for reading and commenting.
I was born a townie and now live back in a town, but the short time I spent working on farms, I wouldn't change that experience for anything...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-06-06 18:45:52
Re: Early morning call
Val country people have a different outlook and do appreciate and understand their surroundings.
Even though it grows wild it still has to be looked after.
Appreciate you reading and commenting...Tony

Author's Reply:

Kat on 2005-06-06 23:19:20
Re: Early morning call
I really enjoyed this bucolic poem, potleek. It captures something special in a very understated way.

Cheers

Kat πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-06-07 21:46:09
Re: Early morning call
Kat thank you so much for reading and commenting
It is a time so embosed upon my memory that it seems just like yesterday...Tony

Author's Reply:

tai on 2005-06-07 22:04:44
Re: Early morning call
Hi potleek, I like your poem, it reminded me of when I first moved to Cornwall around aged 8. I do feel however that a little editing will make it flow better. I have PM'd you in this respect.

All the best

Tai

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-06-08 21:48:25
Re: Early morning call
Tai ever so grateful for you taking the time to read and comment and for taking the time to PM me.
I'm working on it, I'm working on it..lol
Thanks again...Tony

Author's Reply:


Rude Bob (posted on: 03-06-05)
Perhaps just a matter of taste



Dad would bring it from the allotment
In a newspaper parcel under his arm
But we never knew at first
But Mam always called it our spring medicine
We never knew why or what for
We just thought it was what came natural
A little bag made of newspaper
Filled with sugar
Then that stick was thrust into our hands
I still remember the bitterness of it all
The little bag of sugar was to dip into
With what we always called
Rude Bob
To help to take the bitterness away
Even now today
I have a dislike for rhubarb
Not so much for the memories of long ago
But for the constant reminder
Of what it does to me
Nature works quite well on its own
Without the help of what we once called
Rude Bob

Archived comments for Rude Bob
Bradene on 2005-06-03 11:08:54
Re: Rude Bob
Great piece Tony. I too remember rude Bob but we called it by it's proper name, I like your name for it though and the memory you describe is just as mine is!! Love Val xx

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-06-03 11:17:07
Re: Rude Bob
I love this, potleek πŸ™‚

Remember digging up rhubarb in my nan and grandad's garden and taking it home in newspaper πŸ™‚ I was always a little 'scared' of it to be honest. Everything I'd ever tasted before had come from a shop lol.

Blimey, what memories. Great poem.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-06-04 19:33:30
Re: Rude Bob
Hi Val, It was during doing a bit of gardening...clearing out some overgrown rhubarb that brought this far off memory back to me.
Thank you so much for the vote and comment...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-06-04 19:38:23
Re: Rude Bob
Hazy your more than kind with your vote and comment and I do thank you very much.
I just love home grown stuff but rhubarb aint one of them...lol...Tony

Author's Reply:

LenchenElf on 2005-06-06 00:29:09
Re: Rude Bob
By crikey this takes me back to my Pa's allotment πŸ™‚ Thanks for sharing this
all the best
LE

Author's Reply:

Kat on 2005-06-06 01:07:18
Re: Rude Bob
Enjoyed this!

Cheers

Kat πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-06-06 18:28:32
Re: Rude Bob
LE, thank you for your comment made me smile, were they really the good old days, in many ways I think they were.
Thanks for reading and commenting...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-06-06 18:30:09
Re: Rude Bob
Kat thank you so much for reading and commenting for it is appreciated...Tony

Author's Reply:


Hate (posted on: 27-05-05)
Don't we all hate something


I hate to hear children cry
It makes my heart bleed and sigh
I don't mean the cry of greed
But the desperate cry of need

A cry of hunger in some far off land
A cry for love for someone to hold their hand
To see a child stand alone
Without a place to call their own

A cry of desperation after a disaster
Which cannot be changed into laughter
That pitiful look on an innocent face
All alone with no home or place

To see a tear roll down their cheek
For they are so vulnerable and weak
If only we could if only for a while
Give them hope, love and make them smile


Archived comments for Hate
tai on 2005-05-27 10:28:44
Re: Hate
Hi potleek, I like this poem but there are a couple of lines that I feel could run a little smoother. The 1st Verse last 2 lines. I think it is the double cry in that tips the flow. What about, 'but the desperation of great need'! Just a suggestion. And in the 2nd Verse what about 'of' instead of 'for'!

I enjoyed the poem anyway. It is such a tragic shame on us all, but we can do our little bit to make them smile. I am sure of it.

All the best

Tai

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-05-27 19:38:19
Re: Hate
Tai thank you for the vote and comment.
Do you know something I think you might be right about the proposed changes...but will leave them as it stands here, perhaps others may propose similar changes, but I will make the changes on my record of it....thanks.
As for doing something to help, there is always an answer...Tony

Author's Reply:

Bradene on 2005-06-01 16:51:59
Re: Hate
I thought this was one of your best pieces Tony. well written and from the heart. Love Val x

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-06-01 20:19:16
Re: Hate
Val thanks so much for the vote and kind comment,
But I really do hate to see children cry for all the reasons in my poem so it really is from the heart...Tony

Author's Reply:


A place I call home (posted on: 02-05-05)
As the old make way for the new it's not always for the best.
Traditions and ways of life are lost.


Brick by brick they pulled my old home down
They said it was a run down part of town
But what they couldn't see
Was that every brick was a part of me

I was born in that old avenue
Now they've moved me to a place that's new
A place where you have to lock your door
Because you can't leave it open any more

I was raised where neighbours knew each other
Everyone was like a sister or a brother
We all lived in a kind of harmony
At a time where it was good to be

My home was built with blood, sweat and tears
And cemented with love throughout the years
Three generations have known this home
But now we just stand alone

It was for everyone's good so I was told
But I'm not interested in developer's gold
No matter what they gave to me
They could never replace what used to be

But one thing they can't take from me
Is a lifetime of memories
But when they finally pulled it apart
It felt like they were ripping out my heart

It fell with a cloud of dust bellowing to the sky
I had to turn away and wipe a tear from my eye
And sadly now I walk away alone
To the place I now call home.

Archived comments for A place I call home
Bradene on 2005-05-05 20:17:52
Re: A place I call home
I know the feeling Tony, When I go to my first home all I see is a car park! even my old schools are a supermarket and car park respectively. Breaks your heart. Love Val x

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-05-06 18:12:09
Re: A place I call home
Val thanks so much for the comment, how many times has it been said. " If grandfather could just see things now." Hell they wouldn't recognise the place.
But we've got to move with the times so they say...Tony

Author's Reply:


Pawns of destiny (posted on: 22-04-05)
Is it the same for you as it is for me



I've tried chasing rainbows
For how long, God knows
Will I find that pot of gold
Before I get too old

Sometimes life is so unfair
I have built those castles in the air
Just to see each one fall
At least that's how I recall

I'm still waiting for that break
They say life is what you make
I try to live without to much fuss
But it's also what others make for us

But I suppose I can't complain
For I would do it all again
For one thing I did learn
Every road will twist and turn

But can we then rejoice
Have we got total choice
In every path we take
Even those we think a mistake

Some times it feels so strange
For has things been pre-arranged
Is it the same for you as for me
Are we the pawns of destiny

Archived comments for Pawns of destiny
Bradene on 2005-05-05 20:19:54
Re: Pawns of destiny
Pawns of destiny indeed you hit the nail right on the head there Tony Nice one. Love Val x

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-05-06 18:16:53
Re: Pawns of destiny
Val...What's meant to be is meant to be, if we could but change things would we not end up on the same road, who can tell...Many thanks for the comment...Tony

Author's Reply:


A virgins first ride (posted on: 04-04-05)
Perhaps we are all the same when it comes to the first time


He ran his fingers gently across her skin
Until he felt her body heat within
With every motion he caressed
As against her body he gently pressed

With every motion he had inside
He felt them rise with manly pride
As he slowly swung his leg across
With flowing hair her head did toss

As he slowly got himself astride
He was a virgin awaiting his first ride
Now he felt so full of pride
No longer his excitement could he hide

But he knew this moment would not last
He now wanted to go so fast
But things had to take a natural course
As he slowly rode past on his horse

Archived comments for A virgins first ride
thehaven on 2005-04-04 08:32:22
Re: A virgins first ride
Great enticing title and the ending superb

Mike

Author's Reply:

Emerald on 2005-04-04 12:11:37
Re: A virgins first ride
Hi Tony, enjoyed this - great title too.

Emma:-)

Author's Reply:

tai on 2005-04-04 14:05:02
Re: A virgins first ride
Nay!! potleek. I love your little poem, Yes perhaps it is the same for all!lol 9 from me.

Giddy up!

Tai

Author's Reply:

RoyBateman on 2005-04-04 16:39:03
Re: A virgins first ride
Gotta be the most enticing title on the site...right? You caught me, though - I reckoned it was going to be a motorbike!

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-04-04 20:56:41
Re: A virgins first ride
Mike I thought the title might just catch the eye as well as the imagination, many thanks for your kind comment...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-04-04 20:59:59
Re: A virgins first ride
Emma glad you enjoyed it, as for the title I couldn't have called it anything else...could I...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-04-04 21:06:03
Re: A virgins first ride
Whoe there! Tai love your sense of humour thanks for your kind vote...Tony



Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-04-04 21:14:02
Re: A virgins first ride
Roy so the title caught your eyes as well..lol.
Sorry to disapoint you, I mean about the motorbike.
Appreciate your comment...Tony

Author's Reply:

Bradene on 2005-04-06 21:07:59
Re: A virgins first ride
Hi Tony, this sounds familiar, is it a repost? I thought it was a very funny idea. Loved it Love Val x

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-04-07 18:19:43
Re: A virgins first ride
Val thanks for the kind comment, nope it's not a repost, never do that, this one was hot off the printer...lol...Tony

Author's Reply:

HelenRussell on 2005-04-08 10:54:01
Re: A virgins first ride
I also thought it would be a motorbike as I reached the last stanza, though I guess that wouldn't have worked with the flowing hair, lol.
But yes, very clever title, I reckon you'll be in the top five very quickly with that!
Well done
Helen

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-04-08 19:35:30
Re: A virgins first ride
Helen that would be a novelty...a motor bike with flowing hair, the title does conjure up a few thoughts, top five...that's a different story...lol.
But thank you for your very kind words...Tony

Author's Reply:


Misty coloured rain (posted on: 28-03-05)
simply just a poem


There's misty coloured rain
It's pouring down my face again
But as I stand here in this place
It hides the tears running down my face

I can't help but stand and cry
For I can't work out the reason why
There was no kind of goodbye
Each breath now only makes me sigh

You're leaving has just left me numb
I never thought this time would come
I never thought in my heart
That we would ever part

In my life you were a vital part
For you were the keeper of my heart
But now there is nothing that I can do
For you have broken it in two

In time I may pretend
That my heart is on the mend
For it is only my pride
That makes me hide these feelings inside

There's nothing else I can do
When I think of you
For here it comes again
That misty coloured rain


Archived comments for Misty coloured rain
Emerald on 2005-03-28 16:38:52
Re: Misty coloured rain
Hi Tony, a very sad and poignant poem of what was. I enjoyed.

Emma:-)

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-03-28 19:02:42
Re: Misty coloured rain
Emma thank you ever so much for your kind comment, at the moment I seem to send in poems of things or people past, don't know why, but glad you enjoyed it, thanks again..Tony

Author's Reply:

tai on 2005-04-03 13:38:48
Re: Misty coloured rain
Hi tony, I like your little poem. I've stood in the misty coloured rain for far too long now. Time for a little sunshine, me thinks. It's good to get it out, and you certainly did in this one. Brave write for a man. 9 from me.

All the best

Tai

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-04-03 23:36:45
Re: Misty coloured rain
Tai we can all do with a little sunshine in our lives.
"Brave write for a man." Made me smile, men have the same feelings as women, just some are afraid to put them down in verse.
Thanks so much for the vote and the kind words...Tony

Author's Reply:


You (posted on: 14-03-05)
It speaks for itself


You are like the first breath of spring
You make my heart jump and sing
You put the life into my soul
You are the one who makes me feel whole

You are like a warm summers day
You chase my grey skies away
You take away all of my sadness
You fill me up again with gladness

You are like a gentle autumn breeze
You are so refreshing and so willing to please
You will be there for me eternally
You are more than life itself to me

You are like the first flakes of winter snow
You are so pure and gentle you set me all aglow
You give me meaning to my life
You are more to me than just a wife

Archived comments for You
Leila on 2005-03-17 22:17:44
Re: You
I am sure this put a smile on the face of the lady who read these loving sentiments...L

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-03-18 00:48:05
Re: You
Leila in a way my words are wasted in verse for my dear lady does not have an interest in poetry but there are other ways to make my sentiments felt....But I thank you very much for your kind comment...Tony

Author's Reply:


The sandman (posted on: 11-03-05)
The passing of someone we love is never easy


When the Sandman comes for the very last time
To sprinkle sleep dust in your eyes
Having given all the hugs and kisses
Said all the last goodbyes

We watch you as you gently fall asleep
We pray that your soul the angels will keep
That you are now free from what has passed
For now you know perfect peace at last

From somewhere way upon high
You will watch over us as days go by
Prepare the road and prepare a place
Where we will meet again in sweet embrace



Archived comments for The sandman
Zydha on 2005-03-11 13:29:00
Re: The sandman
Indeed it is not, Tony, well written.

This reads as a sweet and simple loving thought/prayer for someone special, to be held close 'til that time comes, Zydha

Author's Reply:

Emerald on 2005-03-11 18:46:28
Re: The sandman
Hi Tony, very touching and tender - the second stanza reminded me of a childhood prayer.

Emma:-)

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-03-13 14:04:30
Re: The sandman
Zydha this is one I wrote some time back, can't seem to get my head round much these days, such is life but thank you for your kind comment...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-03-13 14:06:39
Re: The sandman
Emma there's been quite a bit of time gone past since I was at school etc. So I don't remember any of those prayers we used to say then.
But I thank you for your kind comment...Tony

Author's Reply:


Nightmare (posted on: 28-02-05)
Wasn't sure where to put this piece

                                         Nothing interesting on the television so I decided to have an early night for a change, everything locked up for the night I opened the bedroom door, without putting the light on I crossed the room and closed the curtains then returned back towards the door. Do you ever get those times when you feel a sneeze coming on and you know there is nothing you can do to stop it, well here it was one of those big ones and there was nothing going to stop it. Whoosh! Eyes shut tight my head rocketed forward, then came excruciating pain for I had head butted the edge of the door full on. Darkness enveloped over me, I felt nothing at all now, I opened my eyes wide just total blackness apart from patterns of colour that moved in front of both eyes, the depth of darkness was infinite and I was floating in the middle of it. Then there was an explosion inside my head, a bright painful light now shone into my eyes and I floated above it, I could see it all now, there were people standing over me, I was in a hospital operating theatre. It was me they were operating on but I was above them all I could see all that was going on. They were cutting the top off my head, I screamed to them to stop, I could see them, I was awake, but no one looked up they didn't see me, they couldn't even hear me, how was I going to get them to stop? Even though I could not feel what they were doing it was painful to watch, I could now see into my head, they were cleaning out around my brain. ''What's this?'' I heard one of them say, as the all looked a bit closer. ''Oh them they're just letters and words, they're not much use to him now'' I watched as they cleaned some of them out and put them in a bucket along with used swabs. ''There are some stuck together here'' another said. ''They'll be sentences, don't think he ever used them much.'' Some were put in the bucket along with everything else to be disposed of I screamed at them again to stop. ''I need them all, how will I ever be able to write without them?'' But they still couldn't hear me, I was there but why couldn't they hear me? I watched them wash my brain with a fine jet of alcohol, if that was the real stuff I was going to wake up with one hell of a hangover, I watched as they put the top back on my head and used staples to keep it in place and pull my scalp back over the top, they swabbed my face clean then started to wheel me out of the operating theatre, was that it, I could feel my self floating back into my body on the trolley as they wheeled it through the doors. I was back into that total blackness my head was feeling heavy I was very drowsy I was floating away. In the back of my head I could hear birds chirping, traffic going past, the usual every day noises, I slowly opened my eyes, I didn't need to look around for I knew where I was, I was in bed at home and everything seemed normal. I got out of bed and went straight over to the mirror, there was no mark on my forehead where I thought I had head butted the door, I felt my head everything seemed alright I couldn't feel anything at all wrong. I dressed and went to have some breakfast and a stab at the crossword in the morning paper but nothing happened, I didn't know how to write the answers in, nothing connected I just couldn't do it. Inside my head a voice said ''Write your name down that should be easy you've been doing it all your life.'' I slowly wrote the letters down. ''T R E B O R.'' My name isn't Trebor, I remember Trebor's they were a strong mint sweet. It didn't matter what word I managed to write down they all came out backwards but worst of all I couldn't string words together, hell how was I ever going to write poetry again, no matter how I tried words just didn't make sense, how would anyone ever understand what I was trying to say, this is my worst nightmare. God I only hope it is a nightmare.
Archived comments for Nightmare
Jen_Christabel on 2005-03-03 18:29:53
Re: Nightmare
Weird, but enjoyable!
JayCee

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-03-04 00:16:57
Re: Nightmare
JayCee all the dark corners of the mind are wierd among other things, but many thanks for the kind words, glad you enjoyed it...Tony

Author's Reply:

glennie on 2005-03-04 05:03:28
Re: Nightmare
Tempted to give it a 10 but wasn't quite there - something to do with the layout. Strange, surreal and riveting. Best I've read tonight. Glen.

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-03-04 08:31:41
Re: Nightmare
Glen most grateful for your vote and kind comment and always open to advice on the layout...Tony

Author's Reply:

Gerry on 2005-04-10 22:07:51
Re: Nightmare
I was pulled in by the title---Try get those words back lol.
PS have a look at my nightmare...

Gerry.

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-04-11 09:37:30
Re: Nightmare
Gerry thanks for taking the time to read and comment...have read yours now and left a comment...Tony

Author's Reply:


What was the sin (posted on: 18-02-05)
It's always a controversial subject ?



What was the baby's sin
For its life was taken before it could begin
Some how it doesn't seem fair
That it never knew a mothers love or care

The doctors said that all was fine
In nine months it would be on time
But there was to be no happy day
For a sweet life was to be taken away

In a moments lust or fun
A new life had begun
Not caring that consequences had to be paid
As in a passion bed they were laid

In a moments thoughtless passion
Only thinking it was the fashion
Not thinking of the cost
That an innocent life would be lost

But things went wrong
The operation took to long
Now everyone is going wild
A young girl can now never have a child

They say it is a complete shame
Looking for someone to blame
But do they stop and think or care
For the precious life that is no longer there

Archived comments for What was the sin
thehaven on 2005-02-19 11:02:31
Re: What was the sin
As you say contreversial but this encapsulates it very well.
Good read

Mike

Author's Reply:

Bradene on 2005-02-19 23:03:31
Re: What was the sin
just about says it all Tony Good one. Love Val x

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-02-20 09:22:06
Re: What was the sin
Val thank you so much, still digging up a few old ones...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-02-20 09:23:01
Re: What was the sin
Mike thank you so much for your comment it is truly appreciated...Tony

Author's Reply:

Zydha on 2005-02-21 03:10:48
Re: What was the sin
Hy Tony, I remember this on an earlier airing.

Sensitive words, and with a double edge to them.

a) Depending on circumstances, sometimes this 'may' be the only viable solution obvious.

b) Sadly, an result of retribution, perhaps?

I liked the thought behind then, and still find this a wonderful 'debate' topic, though...perhaps just a little too controversial for a poetry board, pity. Regards, Zydha

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-02-21 05:48:40
Re: What was the sin

Zydhs Perhaps you have read this else where for it is one I wrote some time ago.

A) Of course sometimes for health reasons there is no alternative
B) We can all understand the result of a rape crime and such like and the feelings behind it.

As a debate I suppose there will always be some for and some against, but I only ask those who read it to judge it as a poem. But I thank you very much for your vote and comments...Tony


Author's Reply:

Corin on 2005-02-21 06:01:34
Re: What was the sin
Tony - I do not think that the rythym and format of this piece is right for the seriousness of the topic you are raising - It is sort of in ballad form but it is close to doggeral as if it were a comic piece you were trying to write.

If you are going to put forward such a controversial view in poetry you ought at least to make the format appropriate for the topic.

Needless to say I disagree very strongly with the viewpoint you express here - this is a real tragedy. a young girl deprived of her fertility because of a stupid mistake and the incompetence or unfortunate outcome of an abortiion - lets call a spade a spade so that people know what we are talking about here.

In my view neither an embryo or a foetus is a human being, merely a potential one. Indeed the same is true of a baby. The recent cases of parents trying to force doctors to keep babies alive with high technology highlights this. Everyone feels sorry of course for parents whohave lost their baby but are unable to accept it but the humane thing is to let them die peacefully.

The same applies to an unwanted embryo. If its mother does not want it to become a baby the humane thing is to use the technology we have and let it die peacefully. We should not be forcing young girls to be surrogate parents for those who want a baby to adopt.

Best Wishes

Corin



Author's Reply:

deepoceanfish2 on 2005-02-21 06:44:20
Re: What was the sin
potleek,

My....this is certainly controversial! I recall the days of illegal abortions and the nightmare butchers who rendered women infertile at best...many died.

I have six children and some people suggested abortion to me, thinking in their finite wisdom that I should keep the number of mouths to feed, down. But I chose to have my children. However, I respect every woman's right to choose not to bear a child, as well.

What I do feel is a true travesty, are women who use abortion as a form of birth control, through apathy and ignorance. This to me, is the worst possible facet of this controversy....that we live in a world where the constant threat of slanderous dogma, may reduce a woman to making herself an object, without true choice. This was never the way Pro Choice advocates wanted things to be.

One can only hope for change....but not a step backward. A most evocative & compelling read!

Best regards,
Adele πŸ˜‰

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-02-21 07:07:41
Re: What was the sin
David I did not set out to offend anyone with my poem nor do I take the topic lightly in any way nor was it meant to have a comic content as you read it.
Ballad form it may be but not with consious thought.
I did state that this poem is fictional but sadly it does happen in life.
My meanings behind the poem was as the title states "What was the sin"
1. To take away as you say a potential being
2. To have unprotected sex without forethought
3. The unfortunate outcome of an abortion
But we are all entitled to our opinions and I'm sure there will be many who do not agree with your views on life.
This type of thing will always be a controversial topic even though I might not agree with all you say.
But I do appreciate your comments on my poem for in this there is some learning for us all...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-02-21 07:24:30
Re: What was the sin
Adele I never meant to make this a debate as it seems to be going so controversial as ever it remains.
In life we all do things that we have to live with, some good and some not so good but I understand what you are saying about choice.
As long as we are taking that step forward.
Many thanks for your comment...Tony

Author's Reply:

Zydha on 2005-02-21 11:16:25
Re: What was the sin
Ah hah, so my memory serves me well.

Ok, as a poem, I think you lost the rhythm now and then, Tony, but it was not to the detriment of the poem in reading, but you are good with rhythm in your work, so, I wondered if you had left it so as a deliberate softener. Perhaps tight rhyme or rhythm may make the topic just too stacato in reading.

I find it difficult to read a poem or piece of prose, Tony, 'without' the influence of interpretation. The inspiration of thought goes hand in hand with the transposition to words, for me. The concept was what I thought would make good debate, as follows (somewhat more comprehensively) from David below! This is an emotive subject to some, but, it deserves more response than it's had so far, Zydha



Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-02-22 04:58:57
Re: What was the sin
Zydha I do take the point that you and David made about the rhythm of my poem.
I suppose the writers interpretation can only come through from comments.
As for response, that is a little bit difficult to forcast for most of us can look at our own record of hits, sometimes up and then sometimes down.
But I do thank you for your comments...Tony

Author's Reply:


Funny money (posted on: 14-02-05)
If you don't know British sterling this might not mean the same



Sorting through some old things my grandson and me
They were long forgot about things but he was eager to see
Photographs of people, many who had passed on
Postcards of places that have also gone

Then he brought out something saying grandad isn't this funny
Where does it come from, is it foreign money
I explained to him, although it looks quite funny
That it really is old time British money

A farthing he had never heard of nor a ha'penny too
Every coin had its name not like this money that's new
A penny and a thre'penny bit and a sixpence we called a tanner
Now he was getting mixed up, for into the works had I thrown a spanner

There was the shilling that we called a bob
And there was the florin, which was a two bob bit
Then came the biggest, which was half a crown
A pocket full of these and you really could go to town

With all of this he said it must be worth a lot
With a smile I told him that it was not
He couldn't understand, it just didn't make sense
That what was in his hand was less than forty pence

Then he put the money back into its place
I looked at the puzzled look upon his innocent face
But grandad you must be rich having all this dough
I smiled and said son. ''I'm richer than you'll ever know.''




Archived comments for Funny money
Zydha on 2005-02-15 00:45:51
Re: Funny money
Hy Tony, again you brought a smile to my face.

This is a charming piece, it flows well and has a lovely tale to tell. I do like the phylosophy of life in the last line, Tony, nicely told, Zydha

Author's Reply:

whitesprite on 2005-02-15 03:28:11
Re: Funny money
I enjoyed reading this - it was an interesting subject and well written - especially the last two lines. ws

Author's Reply:

deepoceanfish2 on 2005-02-15 03:31:59
Re: Funny money
potleek,

This was charming....a clever memory piece which I very much enjoyed. I have sent it to my partner to have a peek. I'm sure it will bring back fond memories.

Regards,
Adele πŸ˜‰

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-02-15 09:55:46
Re: Funny money
Zydha thank you for the vote and very kind comment, it is very much appreciated...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-02-15 10:05:55
Re: Funny money
WS I do thank you for your most kind comment...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-02-15 10:09:01
Re: Funny money
Adele thank you for the kind vote and your kind comment and of course it's always a pleasure to have a poem sent on to others, thank you...Tony

Author's Reply:

Kat on 2005-02-15 16:36:51
Re: Funny money
I also found this very charming and 'educational' - good title too.

Kat πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-02-15 19:18:11
Re: Funny money
Kat thank you so much for your kind words, never thought about it been educational, but your right, thanks...Tony

Author's Reply:

tai on 2005-02-16 21:30:06
Re: Funny money
Hi potleek, this read like a limerick to me. And such a sweet image it did conjure. Just what Grand dads are for. Reminding our kin how life had bin! And the last line was perfect.

All the best

Tai

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-02-17 10:05:27
Re: Funny money
Tai thank you so much for your kind comments, for me the last line is what it is all about...Tony

Author's Reply:


Precious words (posted on: 14-02-05)
As the saying goes "It's never too late" but at times it is


I never took those moments
I let the times slip by
I wish I had said it earlier
As I watched you slide on by

I never thought it would happen
You were never meant to fade away
I never said those words
I regret it now today

Some how we think those we love
Shall always be around
We never stopped to think
Till they were in the ground

Never have that pain inside
Just a simple word or two
For they really are important
Just a simple I love you



Archived comments for Precious words
Bradene on 2005-02-14 21:46:11
Re: Precious words
Well said Tony, we all need to know we are loved and valued. Love Val x

Author's Reply:

chrissy on 2005-02-14 21:47:49
Re: Precious words
I liked the way you expressed the sad sentiments here.
Was the repeat of 'never' intentional? For me it works and adds to the piece.
I have always believed that you should tell the people you love that you love them and I have tried to do this every day.
chrissy

Author's Reply:

Zydha on 2005-02-15 00:55:15
Re: Precious words
Sadly, well expressed feelings Tony, I lost my Mother very quickly, without having a chance to reiterate those words we think there will be plenty of time for. Now I live by your poem with those close to me, never again to think there is plenty of time.

A sad read which touched me deeply, Zydha

Author's Reply:

whitesprite on 2005-02-15 03:34:12
Re: Precious words
Hi - this scans and rhymes well and I endorse its sentiment wholeheartedly. ws

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-02-15 10:22:26
Re: Precious words
Val thank you for the vote and comment, those precious words are like an echo, they won't come back to us unless we say them...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-02-15 10:25:56
Re: Precious words
Chrissy thanks so much for the kind vote and comment, the word never was re-used to push the point for we never think it until it's too late do we...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-02-15 10:35:17
Re: Precious words
Zydha thank you for your kind vote and comment, sadly for some there is no tomorrow so that's why we should always say those words today.
Sorry that it touched you in a sad way...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-02-15 10:40:31
Re: Precious words
WS thank you once again for your kind comment, sometimes it's a lesson we learn too late, sadly, thanks again ...Tony

Author's Reply:

tai on 2005-02-15 11:18:39
Re: Precious words
Hi potleak, this is a very sweet and endearing poem of love.

Happy Valentines

Tai

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-02-15 17:30:06
Re: Precious words
Nice one Potleek.

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Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-02-16 05:19:11
Re: Precious words
Tai thank you for the vote and comment, I had to think for a moment, yes it is about love and the losing of those we love and not letting then know...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-02-16 05:20:52
Re: Precious words
Sunken many thanks for the vote and comment they are truly appreciated...Tony

Author's Reply:


The visit (posted on: 28-01-05)
Going through my old poems I quite often forget some that I wrote but some how this one always seems to stick in the back of my mind.....?


My dear old Dad came to visit yesterday
He said he was sorry but he couldn't stay
He said I'm glad that your doing fine
I'm proud to call you a son of mine

We talked of times that had long gone by
About other things and wondered why
Talked of times when I was small
Of growing up to be so tall

We talked of the time when Mam passed away
Still as vivid as though it was yesterday
Also the pain that he felt inside
When she was no longer by his side

We talked about family matters
How the world was now in tatters
About the things that made him sore
Most of all why there were wars

We could of talked for ages and ages
Wrote a book with a million pages
There was so much that I wanted to know
But he said he was sorry, he just had to go

But his parting did not make me sad
For his visit had made me more than glad
How I felt, could I let others know
For my dear old dad died several years ago


Archived comments for The visit
pencilcase on 2005-01-28 13:33:33
Re: The visit
Potleek, this is a straightforward effort, technically. Doesn't always scan perfectly and so I feel it could benefit from a little revision. Hope you don't mind my trying to make constructive criticism. For example, the last stanza...

But his parting did not make me sad
For his visit had made me more than glad
How I felt, could I let others know
For my dear old dad died several years ago


could be...

His parting did not make me sad,
His visit made me more than glad,
The dad I knew, the dad I know:
The dad that died some years ago.

Having said that, I think the last stanza is touching and resonates with the economical title. It is a moving piece, and the notion of you and your dad reflecting on the passing of your mum as seeming like yesterday brings great emphasis to the conclusion of the poem. I certainly don't want to criticise the obviously genuine feeling in this poem: that comes through. But, out of respect for that, I wanted to say that I feel this could be improved and, perhaps, a revision might give better expression to the important ideas and emotions contained in your poem.

Despite my technical criticism, I found this a touching read.

Steve




Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-01-28 13:54:24
Re: The visit
Steve thank you most kindly for your comments, I don't mind in the least any constructive criticism, I'm always willing to listen and to learn.
I take in what you you have said and about the last stanza.
"How I felt, could I let others know"
Was a deliberate input for me mainly because a lot of people think your round the bend or something like that if you tell them you have been talking to a ghost, or others will not admit to such things.
But I do honestly thank you for your thoughts you can PM me any time with any ideas you may have...Tony

Author's Reply:

Zydha on 2005-01-28 18:44:46
Re: The visit
I did not expect the last two lines, Tony, and reread with even deeper feelings.

What a beautiful insight to the shared relationship of Father and Son. I understand why you used the words..."How I felt, could I let others know", but those who can accept the fact, will be as touched as I was, and those who don't...well, do they matter? You know...and how lucky you are, that the end was not. Zydha


Author's Reply:

thehaven on 2005-01-28 20:57:30
Re: The visit
A wonderfully vivid piece for me. Everyone should have a dad they can talk too but sometimnes we leave it to late.

Mike

Author's Reply:

Bradene on 2005-01-28 21:17:06
Re: The visit
Hi Tony I've read this before at P/ E I think.. I liked it then and still do. Love Val x

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-01-28 22:39:10
Re: The visit
Hiya Potleek. A nice simple read/write. I do mean that in a good way as I think it adds to the impact of the last few lines.

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Author's Reply:

chrissy on 2005-01-29 10:19:21
Re: The visit
For me, this was direct and simple and beautiful. It said exactly what you wanted, needed to say and it said it very well.
I frequently have visits from my dad and he died over twenty five years ago.
If you love some one as much as you clearly loved your dad, they're never going to die.
Nothing spoiled this for me. You told it the way you wanted.
chrissy

Author's Reply:

Kat on 2005-01-29 12:45:34
Re: The visit
Hi Tony

Really enjoyed this heartfelt poem with its very universal message. All the best to you.

Kat πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-01-29 18:19:48
Re: The visit
Mike thank you for your kind comment, you never said a truer word "Sometimes we leave it to late."
We are all guilty of that, if only...we never know do we...Tony


Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-01-29 18:27:21
Re: The visit
Zydha thank you for your vote and kind comment for your words are also very touching...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-01-29 18:29:05
Re: The visit
Val thank you for your vote. Your right you have read it before and thank you for saying you still like it...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-01-29 18:34:38
Re: The visit
Sunken thank you for the vote and I take your comment in a good way also so I thank you very much...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-01-29 18:41:37
Re: The visit
Chrissy thank you so much for the vote and very kind words. Sometimes to say things the way you think or feel is the best way. But I am always open to advice.
But I'm glad you liked the way it was said...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-01-29 18:44:55
Re: The visit
Kat thank you so much for your kind comment for it is truly appreciated, Im glad you think it has a universal message...Tony
Kindest regards to you also

Author's Reply:

Leila on 2005-01-30 17:46:17
Re: The visit
A most touching poem that I could readily relate to. I don't think our loved ones ever really leave us, but I have had such moments and treasure them Thank you for sharing your poem...L

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-01-31 00:12:17
Re: The visit
Leila thank you so much for your comment, it's a pleasing thought when someone can relate to your poem.
As long as we have the loved ones who have passed on in our minds they are never gone...Tony

Author's Reply:

omniavinatamour on 2005-01-31 19:31:05
Re: The visit
A heart felt poem. Reading simple but touching poems like this remind me that the people we love do not stay around forever. I thought your poem was wonderful.

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-02-01 00:43:33
Re: The visit
Omniavinatamour thanks so much for your very kind words, nothing lasts forever but as long as we keep the ones we love in our minds they are always with us...Tony

Author's Reply:


The Bouquet (posted on: 14-01-05)
Definitely not for the hard hearted

As she handed me
That tiny bouquet
There was a mile wide smile
On that little face
It was a moment
That I will always treasure
Something you could never replace.
From that little hand
She handed me her heart
Dandelion, daisy, buttercup
With some red clover
To gather them she had wandered
The whole garden over
But no fancy crystal vase
That in the sunlight
Glittered like the stars
All they would fit into
Were two empty jam jars
But there they stayed
Until they were
All withered and dried
Now with the memory of this
I have oft time cried
For hers was a pure innocent love
That she now sends from heaven above


Copyright © 2005


Archived comments for The Bouquet
tai on 2005-01-14 04:31:06
Re: The Bouquet
Hello potleek, Well you did warn me. A wonderful poem of tribute and love.

Tai

Author's Reply:

Bradene on 2005-01-14 06:03:36
Re: The Bouquet
Tony A beautiful poem. and a lovely memory. excellently expressed. Love Val x

Author's Reply:

Zydha on 2005-01-14 20:24:08
Re: The Bouquet
Oh Tony, this is so beautiful, a wonderful thought and memory put to words, Zydha x

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-01-15 14:59:10
Re: The Bouquet
Tai thank you so much for the vote and comment, I have lost more what I think are good lines by not been able to get them down on paper but the words to this one stuck with me, I wonder why?...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-01-15 15:09:07
Re: The Bouquet
Val thank you so much for your kind comment, glad you liked it...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-01-15 15:16:57
Re: The Bouquet
Zydha thank you so much for your vote and comment, this poem was a little bit memory but mostly fiction, didn't we all pick those flowers as children and think we were giving our love...Tony

Author's Reply:

Leila on 2005-01-15 18:20:28
Re: The Bouquet
From that little hand
She handed me her heart
This is such a genuine and sensitively written poem...L

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-01-16 13:31:34
Re: The Bouquet
Leila thank you so much for the kind comment.
I don't know as a child if you ever picked those kind of flowers for your mother, I know I did and in that small gesture I know that I wasn't just giving flowers...I know I put this poem down as fiction but some of it isn't, but I couldn't say it was about me could I, so I just added a bit of fiction at the end...Tony

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-01-16 13:43:23
Re: The Bouquet
Hiya Potleek. I envy blokes who do 'sensitive' this well. I get a rash when I try it. Top stuff, crap comment. Sorry. I'll use my vote instead.

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Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-01-16 17:57:55
Re: The Bouquet
Sunken thank you for the vote and if that is a crap comment I wouldn't mind getting more, you have just paid me a great compliment and I thank you...Tony

Author's Reply:


Salute to J.D. (posted on: 24-12-04)
Not just for the most purist fans


Dearest Esmeralda
I just want to be Friends with you
I would like to tell you Heart to heart
What one man can do

But It makes me giggle
So just come Along for the ride
On the Dreamland express
Once again be that American child

We will ride On the wings of a dream
Like the Eagle and the hawk
We will see from an African sunrise
To the Wild Montana skies

We could be the Children of the universe
Or be like the Lady and the cowboy
We could have Cold nights in Cananda
Then say Farewell to Andromeda

In case we go in Two Different Directions
Just Hold onto me
For Love is everywhere
So Just let it be

It will be Relatively speaking
Nothing but a breeze
As I watch you sleeping
In Grandma's feather bed

We may go Around and around
Like the Gravel on the ground
Poems, prayers and promises
Will be The wings that fly us home


This poem has been made up of some songs sung by the late John Denver



Archived comments for Salute to J.D.
deepoceanfish2 on 2004-12-24 10:49:09
Re: Salute to J.D.
potleek,

I recognised denver in there! Very cleaverly done and a fine tribute.

Regards,
Adele πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-12-24 17:13:51
Re: Salute to J.D.
Adele thank you so much for the vote and your kind comments, it pleases me that you recognise the songs of J.D. Not just a fine singer but had good thoughts on world hunger..thanks again..Tony

Author's Reply:

Zydha on 2004-12-30 19:20:07
Re: Salute to J.D.
I know many of the titles you have used so cleverly, Tony, but we did not know he had died. What a sad loss to the world in so many ways

Best wishes for 2005, Zydha

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-12-31 13:00:06
Re: Salute to J.D.
Zydha thank you so much for the vote and your kind comment.
Sadly John Denver died tragically in October1997 when his small two seater plane crashed into the sea near his home...indeed a sad loss to the world...Tony

Author's Reply:

tai on 2005-05-29 13:31:17
Re: Salute to J.D.
Hi potleek, I like your style and this little tribute to John Denver, who I must admit I didn't know had passed on. The italics are a great idea to highlight his Songs too.

All the best

Tai

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-05-30 13:28:50
Re: Salute to J.D.
Tai thanks ever so much for reading and commenting, yes like the King the good die young but will never be forgotten...Tony

Author's Reply:


The Christmas gift (posted on: 13-12-04)
You never know what to expect at Christmas ?


It was coming up to Christmas again; shops were busy and people rushing about like ants in a frenzy, I suppose in a way I was getting a little excited too and as usual the little hints were being dropped as what to buy for my nearest and dearest, she then asked. ''What would you like for Christmas this year dear?''
Well she knows I'm into making and building things and there is always some kind of tool or piece of equipment I would like, that is the macho side of me but there is also another side to me that people never get to see.
So I said, ''To be different this year I would love a Sex kit.'' I had seen them in the sex shop in town. Only in passing mind you, not that I frequent the place.
You get him and hers sexy underwear, massage oils and an assortment of adult rubber utensils to put it mildly.
Now in my wildest dreams I know I had very little chance of ever getting one, as she is a very shy reserved person, so I kind of laughed it off as a joke.
The time came when the Christmas tree and decorations went up and slowly small gift-wrapped presents would appear underneath the tree. Then the day before Christmas day a gaily wrapped box appeared beneath the Christmas tree and I became curious as part of the wrapping had been torn, peeping in I could just see the letters L and E, now I was more than curious in fact my heart beat a little faster, could it be what I had jokingly asked for, the mind started to boggle.
The rest of the day my nearest and dearest went around as though nothing was different, not a hint or a sly look, that night I think I was as excited about Christmas as I was when I was a young boy, it took me ages to get to sleep.
Christmas morning came and the feelings were just the same, I gave her the presents I had lovingly bought for her, she then proceeded to give me mine, I sat as she handed me each one from beneath the Christmas tree and opened them with a smile and thanked her…Then came the last one, the one where the wrapping had been slightly torn, she handed it to me saying, ''I know you have wanted something like this for a long time.'' I could hardly contain my excitement now.
I slowly entered my finger into the small slit and slightly enlarged it, I could definitely see the letters LE, I then ripped it slightly more, another letter came into view LEG, it had to be, it must be, a leg over kit. I couldn't contain myself any longer, in a wild frenzy I ripped the wrapping paper off to expose a brightly coloured box with bright yellow letters on the front, I could hardly believe my eyes, a bloody Lego set.

Archived comments for The Christmas gift
RoyBateman on 2004-12-13 07:14:03
Re: The Christmas gift
Oh what a disappointment...then again, you could have built yourself a fantasy figure with Lego! Okay, those knobbly bits might have caused some problems - pity there's not a "Lego Sex Kit" with add-on realistic parts. Sorry, I'm getting quite carried away here....

Author's Reply:

Michel on 2004-12-13 11:01:48
Re: The Christmas gift
This REALLY made me laugh!

Author's Reply:

Michel on 2004-12-13 11:06:07
Re: The Christmas Roast Leg Over
*I mean WITH YER LUCK - not AT!*

Author's Reply:

shadow on 2004-12-13 16:47:22
Re: The Christmas gift
What a shame! Perhaps you could exchange it for a 'Legover Set'?

Author's Reply:

Bradene on 2004-12-13 17:29:16
Re: The Christmas gift
This so deserved the good read tag. Fantastic Love Val x

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-12-13 18:06:45
Re: The Christmas gift
Michel thank you for the vote and comment, I'm glad you liked my efforts...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-12-13 18:08:07
Re: The Christmas Roast Leg Over
Michel I understood your meaning the first time...lol...Cheers...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-12-13 18:12:02
Re: The Christmas gift
Roy thank you so much for your comment and suggestions, now if lego get to hear of this there is no end to what we could make, now I'm getting carried away...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-12-13 18:13:54
Re: The Christmas gift
Val thank you so much for your vote and comment, will catch up with you soon...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-12-13 18:17:10
Re: The Christmas gift
Shadow thank you also for your kind suggestion, I think I would stick with the lego set, at least you can play with it for hours on end...lol...Tony

Author's Reply:

Emerald on 2004-12-14 13:59:52
Re: The Christmas gift
Hi Tony,

I remember reading this before and thinking it was great - a really wonderful christmas story - I so enjoyed.

Emma:-)

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-12-14 18:09:17
Re: The Christmas gift
Emma thank you for the vote, glad you enjoyed it again...Tony

Author's Reply:

tai on 2004-12-17 05:19:32
Re: The Christmas gift
Made my day potleek, thank you for the christmas cheer, you fucking need all you can get around ere!rofl

Tai

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-12-17 12:03:29
Re: The Christmas gift
Tai thank you so much for your vote and comment, you have me smiling at your words, we all have to be thankful for small mercies...lol...Tony

Author's Reply:

deepoceanfish2 on 2004-12-20 17:11:10
Re: The Christmas gift
potleek,

Brilliant read! Well worth the Great Read Nib and a fav for me!

Merry Christmas,
Adele πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-12-21 17:08:23
Re: The Christmas gift
Adele thank you so much for the vote and comment and making it a fav. read. funny though it may be I suppose somewhere it can't be far from the truth, but I assure you it's not about me, should I be so lucky..lol..Tony

Author's Reply:

Jen_Christabel on 2005-02-22 19:57:11
Re: The Christmas gift
LOL, LOL. Great read!
JayCee

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2005-02-25 18:15:31
Re: The Christmas gift
JayCee, oops almost missed your kind comment,
I thank you from the bottom of my heart, only glad you enjoyed the read...Tony

Author's Reply:


Email to God (posted on: 29-11-04)
"Where you pray is where your church is"


God, I've saved this email
In another part of my computer
To send it there's no address,
Perhaps there may be in the future.
You know I haven't been to church
In many a long year
But I know you still watch and care
As you know just lately
I haven't been very well
Perhaps looking at me it's hard to tell
The doctors say there is nothing they can do
They said it's now all up to you
They told me at the moment
There is no cure for my cancer
So just now there isn't any answer
There are times when I cry out and curse
But I know, there is always someone worse
Some times the pain is so bad
Any kind of relief would make me glad.
I sit here at my keyboard
I think I'm praying to you
To see if there is anything that you can do
I'm not even asking how or when
So I end my message with a just simple. Amen

Archived comments for Email to God
Gerry on 2004-11-29 05:48:24
Re: Email to God
You get the point across very clearly in this poem.
An old soldier once said to me "There are no atheists in a tank battle."

Gerry.

Author's Reply:

Zydha on 2004-11-29 06:55:08
Re: Email to God
Hy Tony, I get the feeling such an email might just exist and I am sorry. Missed you around of late, so glad i can now read you again.

Meaningful words, very well expressed thoughts, Zydha

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-11-29 07:52:33
Re: Email to God
Gerry thankyou so much for your comment and vote. I can believe what your old soldier said, for in times of need we all might utter the words "Oh God" a cry for help, a prayer....Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-11-29 07:57:16
Re: Email to God
Zydha thanks for the comments and vote, I'm sure also that somewhere someone has put their prayers into letter form, I hope I have not given the impression that my poem is about myself...Tony

Author's Reply:

Zydha on 2004-11-29 08:03:34
Re: Email to God
My mistake, Tony, and I am glad to hear it's not, but there is a strong sense of realism to them, and yes, I have done so, many times, Zydha

Author's Reply:

Bradene on 2004-11-29 08:07:39
Re: Email to God
Love the idea Tony. It works well too Love Val x

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-11-29 18:21:40
Re: Email to God
Val thank you for the comment, I think at times we all have these silent prayers and some do put them into print, if it helps to relieve a problem then why not...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-11-29 18:26:42
Re: Email to God
Zydha thank you for the kind thoughts, sometimes it is hard to know where fact and fiction start and end...I should have made it clear that this was not about myself...Tony

Author's Reply:

uppercase on 2004-11-30 06:50:08
Re: Email to God
Great work, when you have to be told it's not real then you know it's good. and it's very good....Erma

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-11-30 18:17:57
Re: Email to God
Erma thank you for the vote and the very kind words which are greatly appreciated...Tony

Author's Reply:

deepoceanfish2 on 2004-11-30 19:16:40
Re: Email to God
potleek,

Hmmm...very evocative! I'm sure that there is just such an email, if not many, somewhere! I noticed Gerry's comment and learned it a bit differently:

'There are no atheists in foxholes'.

I think many of us, even those who don't believe in a Deity, find ourselves clutching at an ephemeral 'something' when things get rough. Very interesting perspective.

Regards,
Adele πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-11-30 19:28:21
Re: Email to God
Adele thank you for your vote and comment. There are many who put their prayers into writing.
We all have that built in thing when things get rough to call out for help of some kind...Tony

Author's Reply:

tai on 2004-12-01 13:52:19
Re: Email to God
Hi potleek, a good poem, but you should have made it clear, it wasn't you....I almost burst into tears. But that is the power of a good poem too.

All the best

Tai

my god, always gets my mail.Smiling

Author's Reply:

Emerald on 2004-12-01 14:27:07
Re: Email to God
Hi Tony, trouble is we often forget he's there - its only when things seem dire, that we feel the need to call for him. If such an email exists - I think he would already have received it.

Emma:-)

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-12-01 18:33:44
Re: Email to God
Tai thank you for the vote and your very kind comment, the point of saying that my poem was fictional, I had no idea it would get such a response
sorry about that...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-12-01 18:50:19
Re: Email to God
Emma thank you also for the vote and comment. It's true religion and other things in life we seem to take for granted, it's only when we can lose them we call for help.
Believe me there are people who send their prayers in email format, if it helps I'm all for it...Tony

Author's Reply:


Bottle (posted on: 19-11-04)
A drink dilemma


I poured myself into a glass
Then swallowed myself down my throat
My head started swimming
As I started to float
Was this just to hide myself?
Did I really need a drink?
Was this just to start my engine again
So I could start to think
To help me face up to this world
For to get me to full throttle
Or would I keep finding myself
Trapped inside a bottle

Archived comments for Bottle
Bradene on 2004-11-20 10:53:37
Re: Bottle
I quite like the idea of this Tony and I can see exactly where you are coming from, nice one. Love Valx

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-11-20 12:47:27
Re: Bottle
Thanks Val, glad it's not me though, drink can be a very vicious circle...wrote this ages ago, thought it was time to let it out...Tony

Author's Reply:

tai on 2004-11-20 14:00:48
Re: Bottle
hi potleek, I believe alcohol has its place, and can help relieve certain emotional problems, but you have answers the question, in the last line. It can trap you, but all traps have an escape route, just some are more difficult to find than others.

A useful warning.

All the best

Tai

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-11-21 03:36:31
Re: Bottle
Tai thanks for comment and vote, like all things that come addictive there is a way out, but like you said not so easy to find, we all have will power of different levels...Tony

Author's Reply:


Because we didn't care (posted on: 15-11-04)
A probability? perhaps


It appeared without warning
Directly in our path
With no time to prepare
Were we doomed at last?
We had heard all the probabilities
Many times before
But now it was knocking
Very loudly at our door
We have no where to travel
No where to go
Now for us the time
Would not go so slow
Daily it got brighter
Bigger in every way
It was now a fact
It was here to stay
Nearer it came
It loomed so very large
Into our world
It was bound to barge

Now everything is silent
Nothing left to stir
Was it a sign from Heaven?
Because we didn't care

Because we didn't care

Because we didn't care


Archived comments for Because we didn't care
Bradene on 2004-11-15 06:15:02
Re: Because we didn't care
You're getting good at this lark! I love this Tony, love the format especially. Love Val x

Author's Reply:

tai on 2004-11-15 19:10:21
Re: Because we didn't care
A beauty potleek. I agree with val completely, are you new to poetry then? wow

Tai

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-11-16 04:17:00
Re: Because we didn't care
Val thank you so much, still can't move away from rhyme very much, everyone to their own I suppose...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-11-16 04:18:50
Re: Because we didn't care
Tai thank you for the kind words and vote, Am I new to poetry...Well? ? ?...Tony

Author's Reply:


A jump in the dark (posted on: 08-11-04)
Perhaps not what you think


The sound was deafening
As I stepped out into open space.
Then that silence
As I fell,
The darkness surrounded me
Covering my entrance and existence
For a moment I floated.
A funny kind of feeling
That I never noticed before
But my mind was on counting
Then I was painfully jerked,
Back into reality
As the silk above me opened.
It billowed in the wind
Easing my descent into the blackness
Until I landed again
Onto terra firma
My parachute had served me well

Archived comments for A jump in the dark
Bradene on 2004-11-08 13:14:33
Re: A jump in the dark
I like this new you Tony, I like especially your ecomomy of words. Keep up the great work Love Val x

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-11-08 13:32:15
Re: A jump in the dark
Val thanks so much, it was prompted by a war time paratrooper going into battle for the first time at night.
I'm glad you like the new me, I'm still not sure, it's damn hard to get rid of rhyme...Tony

Author's Reply:

Emerald on 2004-11-09 03:56:55
Re: A jump in the dark
Hi Tony, I've parachuted, but never at night - I did like this - and that sound as you first jump out of the plane and freefall is deafening, and an assault on all your senses, but oh the peace when the parachute goes up. Great work.

Emma:)

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-11-09 15:53:13
Re: A jump in the dark
Emma thanks very much for the vote and comments, I don't think I have the courage to step out of a plane in flight, so well done to you...Tony

Author's Reply:

Zydha on 2004-12-08 12:47:37
Re: A jump in the dark
You got me! lol A great example of less words having good inpact, Tony, a super concise little gem, Zydha

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-12-12 13:31:51
Re: A jump in the dark
Zydha thanks for the vote and taking the time to read my poem, it is appreciated...Tony

Author's Reply:


hell and damnation (posted on: 01-11-04)
A situation that speaks for itself ?






Like a ship sinking in the night
Water slowly rose up the sides
Trickling first, then cascading over
Drowning everything in its path.
I sat below
Unaware of all that was happening
Or of the dangers around me
No sounds or movements to indicate
All that was going on
Until the lights went out
Water poured down upon my head
Bringing with it all kinds of debris.
All manner of panic set in
Everything was now afloat
I was well and truly sunk
Hell and damnation.
I had let the bath water run over

Archived comments for hell and damnation
Bradene on 2004-11-01 04:59:09
Re: hell and damnation
This is smashing Tony.. the change of style has really done wonders LOOK!! a great read tag.. Splendid work Love Val xx

Author's Reply:

uppercase on 2004-11-01 16:00:38
Re: hell and damnation
Very nice piece of work I like it...Erma

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-11-01 18:13:27
Re: hell and damnation
Val thanks so much for the comment and rating, it's coming slowly...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-11-01 18:20:45
Re: hell and damnation
Erma thank you so much for the comment and rating, this style is still new to me but it seems to bring positive results...Tony

Author's Reply:


Jenny Wren (posted on: 29-10-04)
A change in style



As I stood there very quiet
Not daring to move
As she bobbed about,
At times almost invisible.
Apart from that recognisable twitch
Of her very petite tail
She came and went
Almost unnoticed at times.
For her size,
her voice is one of the loudest
That is heard amongst the trees
To spot her does nothing but please me
But now I know her nesting place
I watch again and again.
So fragile, but yet so durable
She works continuously
Building, incubating, gathering food, cleaning
Driven by a maternal instinct,
More than any of us could endure
in such a short time
A master at all she does.
Sweet Jenny Wren

Archived comments for Jenny Wren
Bradene on 2004-10-29 05:17:14
Re: Jenny Wren
I love this beautifull written piece, about one of my favourite garden birds a fav for me . Love Val x

Author's Reply:

jay12 on 2004-10-29 17:18:23
Re: Jenny Wren
This reads so well, its rhythm is amazing, great work potleek.

Jay.

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-10-30 14:25:54
Re: Jenny Wren
Val thank you so much for so much...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-10-30 14:32:41
Re: Jenny Wren
Jay thank you so much, you flatter me, it please me that you liked my poem...Tony

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2004-10-31 12:34:33
Re: Jenny Wren
I keep using the word 'cute' in my comments lately. It sounds like a put-down, but it isn't. I like this, it's cute. See what I mean?
Nice work young Potleek.

s
u
n
k
e
n

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-11-01 03:53:04
Re: Jenny Wren
Sunken thanks so much, you compliment me more than you know, cute is a very acceptable word.
"Young" as in your comment is also acceptable if only...lol...Tony

Author's Reply:


Breast cancer (posted on: 22-10-04)
Although now passed as clear the fight still continues



With gentle fondling
A small lump was found upon her breast
What was yet to come
Was to be more than just a test

First the appointment with the G.P.
That was simple, as easy as could be
Then came the hospital, that shocked her to the core
The look in her eyes, no need to ask her more

Within a few weeks was the start of the test
Drastic, but necessary removal of her breast
Operation was successful, now she needs time to heal
Every emotion we had and shared was real

Through the pain of healing and mending of her chest
The emotion of seeing your lady now with only one breast
But the hurt put behind me, it must be put away
For all my strength was needed for another day

Three weeks after the operation a letter came to say
Your treatment for Chemotherapy was to start on Wednesday
Apprehension and nerves just wouldn't go away
This was no dream, reality, it was here to stay

The amount of drugs that were given
And this was just the first course
I could not believe the amount given
Enough to fill a small horse

Then the sickness started
At all times through the day and night
For this was just the start
For her a long battle, for life, a fight

Always there was the tiredness
Which left her body feeling totally flat
Also the hurt of losing all her hair
And having to hide her head beneath a hat

Three weeks later
It was all the same again
Although the effects were horrendous
There was everything to gain


All the time she had this treatment
Although it numbered only four
Her body was so very tired
It would be hard to take much more

But bravely she battles onwards
To hopefully continue as before
Through all of this trauma
We have become closer more and more


Archived comments for Breast cancer
ritawrites on 2004-10-22 08:17:38
Re: Breast cancer
something like this has to be really tough to endure -- it's good it brought you both closer together --

Author's Reply:

Bradene on 2004-10-22 08:30:01
Re: Breast cancer
This is still as powerful as it was the first time I read it. Love Val x

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-10-23 03:32:42
Re: Breast cancer
Rita thank you so much for your kind words, it was a tough time in our lives which still continues in a way, but we will win through, thank you again...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-10-23 03:34:32
Re: Breast cancer
Val thank you so much, it shall always mean so much to me for many reasons...Many thanks...Tony

Author's Reply:

Kat on 2004-10-23 16:34:12
Re: Breast cancer
All the best to you and yours...an evocative poem.

Kat x

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-10-23 17:09:33
Re: Breast cancer
Kat thank you so very much, a story that has to be told from a mans point of view. A thing that effects more people than we realise. But by talking about it it helps. Thank you again...Tony

Author's Reply:

Zydha on 2004-12-10 12:51:53
Re: Breast cancer
Such trauma for you both, Tony, my thought and best wishes go to you both.

I'd like to say. a super read, but best to keep it at 'compelling', I'm glad I found this gem, Zydha

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-12-11 15:31:14
Re: Breast cancer
Zydha thank you so much for your vote and very touching words, it has been very tough at times but there is always light at the end of the tunnel and we can see it plainly now..Tony

Author's Reply:


I can't fly (posted on: 18-10-04)
Something I think we would all like to do

Why can't I go where the wild geese fly
Wild at heart but I just can't fly
To soar over the lakes and over the trees
To float so high on a soft gentle breeze

To follow a river as it meanders away
To fly at any time through night or day
Over fields and meadows in all shades of green
To see them as they've never been seen

To follow them where ever they go
High above hills covered in snow
So free and easy I just wonder why
As much as I've tried, I just can't fly

Archived comments for I can't fly
Bradene on 2004-10-18 07:04:37
Re: I can't fly
only in dreams Tony only in dreams. Lovely thought though. Love Val x

Author's Reply:

tai on 2004-10-18 11:02:12
Re: I can't fly
Well you seem to be flying here in your poetry and as val says in your dreams...We have to spend some time with feet on the ground....otherwise all hell would break loose....I think you are being coy.

Loved your poem

Tai

Author's Reply:

jay12 on 2004-10-18 19:35:21
Re: I can't fly
The idea of flying and soaring on a gentle breeze is very romantic. This is a nice dreamy poem.

jay.

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-10-19 03:34:46
Re: I can't fly
Jay thank you for your vote and comments, oh if only we could fly we could do so much in a romantic way...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-10-19 03:37:09
Re: I can't fly
Val thanks again, perhaps for some it's only in their dreams, but there would always be some to spoil that dream...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-10-19 03:41:49
Re: I can't fly
Tai thanks also, my feet are firmly on the ground.
But I learnt to fly a long time ago. Close your eyes, concentrate real hard and you can fly anywhere you want to, or is that dreaming...Tony

Author's Reply:

chrissy on 2004-10-19 05:04:28
Re: I can't fly
This fine, lyrical poem touched off all kinds of thoughts in my head. I've always thought it would be the greatest fun to fly like a bird. I suppose the closest we land-bound folks get is something like hang-gliding and I'm afraid I haven't got the 'bottle' for that. Still, nice to dream. Up. up and away!
chrissy

Author's Reply:

mynci on 2004-10-19 06:56:14
Re: I can't fly
why? exactly. I often wonder that myself

Author's Reply:

Elfstone on 2004-10-19 16:47:27
Re: I can't fly
I enjoyed this potleek. I hope you'll forgive me if I say that again I think it could be profitably tweaked in places to perfect the rhythm and remove the slightly jarring repetition of words. There is a real sense of nostalgia and longing in this and wouldn't we all love to soar in to the sky? πŸ™‚ Elfstone.

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-10-19 18:28:54
Re: I can't fly
Chrissy thanks for your kind words and vote, you and I alike...feet well on the ground, everyone to their own, but we can dream can't we...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-10-19 18:32:10
Re: I can't fly
Elfstone glad you enjoyed it, hasn't man always wanted to fly, who knows what the future may hold...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-10-19 18:44:17
Re: I can't fly
Mynci thank you so much for reading and commenting, perhaps we may on day who knows...Tony

Author's Reply:

Safron on 2004-10-19 20:45:16
Re: I can't fly
potleek,

You can I just flew with you in this beautiful image laden poetry the flight and sights were so wonderful in your rhyme. Thank you..... Always wished i could too without the aluminum wings.

Safron

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-10-20 03:36:57
Re: I can't fly
Safron thank you so much for your kind words and vote,as long as we can do these things in our imagination we can achieve everything...Tony

Author's Reply:

Emerald on 2004-10-20 03:41:39
Re: I can't fly
Hi Tony, a lovely poem - with a floating, flying feel. It would be so lovely to be able to fly.

Emma πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-10-20 18:17:19
Re: I can't fly
Emma thanks so much for the vote and comment, I think it's just as well we can't fly. We do enough damage to each other here on the ground, but it is a nice thought...Tony

Author's Reply:


Off to war (posted on: 15-10-04)
This was wrote with a friend in mind


They told me to kiss my daddy goodbye
I didn't know what for, or why
But as he marched away that July
I watched my mammy cry

They never told me what it was all for
No one told me he was going off to war
All I remember is he hugged me and gave me a smile
Then said I may be gone for a while

But things turned out to be so black
For my daddy never came back
They say he died with honour and with glory
But that's just talk, a soldier's story

I grew up without his loving touch
Something that I have always missed so much
But I've grown to be strong
For where ever I was I know he came along

Don't ask me how I know
I've got nothing that I can show
But I tell you this with pride
For I feel him in my heart and by my side

Archived comments for Off to war
Bradene on 2004-10-15 07:45:58
Re: Off to war
Tony, you touch my very heart and soul with this poem and it made me cry. It is so beautiful in it's poignancy. love Val x

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-10-15 12:15:36
Re: Off to war
Val it's never nice to make a lady cry, but there are times when things move us to tears and we don't mind the pleasant ones, thank you for your kind words and vote...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-10-15 12:16:50
Re: Off to war
Val it's never nice to make a lady cry, but there are times when things move us to tears and we don't mind the pleasant ones, thank you for your kind words and vote...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-10-15 12:17:45
Re: Off to war
Val it's never nice to make a lady cry, but there are times when things move us to tears and we don't mind the pleasant ones, thank you for your kind words and vote...Tony

Author's Reply:

tai on 2004-10-17 06:05:19
Re: Off to war
potleek, your name makes me smile, your poem makes me cry out, THE PRICE IS TOO HIGH'...
Excellent work.

loving it

Tai

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-10-17 08:47:00
Re: Off to war
Tai thank you so much for your kind words, my name came about because I used to grow potleeks for exhibition.
Funny you should say "The price is too high" but I have a poem in the making along those lines...Thanks again...Tony

Author's Reply:


Adoption (posted on: 11-10-04)
A need to have children of our own

Maternal instincts grow stronger and stronger Lack of conception gets longer and longer For some it comes with natural ease To have a child of one's own would more than please But nature decided it wasn't for you So your heart leads you to avenues anew To have a child you can call your own Gives you new feelings that you've never known To hold that little child close to your chest To feel a little heart beat within its breast You wonder at each little finger and toe You feel the love inside you starting to flow Everything about it makes you so glad For you are now a real mum and dad So eager to take your new family out The proudness you have to show it about The trials and tribulations, to make your life whole Was your aim and was your goal You would do it all again without any option Silently praying and thanking God for adoption Inside you have thoughts of another mother's pain For her loss is now your gain Perhaps events were beyond her control But in that doing she has made your life whole
Archived comments for Adoption
Bradene on 2004-10-11 09:57:16
Re: Adoption
A lovely poignant piece Tony I enjoyed the read. Love Val x

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-10-11 15:59:44
Re: Adoption
Val thank you for your kind words, I still feel very strongly about this poem even though I wrote it some time ago..Tony

Author's Reply:

Kat on 2004-10-12 00:06:26
Re: Adoption
Well-expressed sentiments - enjoyed this.

Kat πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:

tai on 2004-10-12 12:11:54
Re: Adoption
This brought a tear to me...I felt the longing, the loving and the loss, all part of the Adoption pain.

Great read
Tai

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-10-12 15:26:43
Re: Adoption
Kat thank you so much for your kind words, it's really hard to express the feelings you have during this situation, but I'm more than pleased that you thought I had captured them...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-10-12 15:33:30
Re: Adoption
Tai I thank you for the very kind words, it's really hard to explain all the emotions and the worries that you go through during adoption....Tony

Author's Reply:

ritawrites on 2004-10-13 15:21:43
Re: Adoption
you’ve captured the pain and the joy very well –

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-10-13 16:05:10
Re: Adoption
Ritawrites thank you so much for your kind remarks,I do appreciate them...Tony

Author's Reply:


Hypochondria (posted on: 08-10-04)
A light hearted look at health


Hey man it's good to be alive
But I wonder how we ever survive
Is it luck or just a fluke
When you read that medical book

I'm only about half way through
Just discovered I've got something new
I take every pill and potion
Just to keep myself in motion

To look at me you might not tell
Most of the time I'm so unwell
I never think about the bill
For the thoughts might make me ill

Archived comments for Hypochondria
Bradene on 2004-10-08 04:16:59
Re: Hypochondria
Ha Ha! Tony this is great, it reminded me of when I bought a set of three health encyclopedia from a very persuasive salesman in the sixties, they scared the hell out of me and after about a year I ended up throwing the dam things in the dustbin! Thanks for the memory. Love Val x

Author's Reply:

tai on 2004-10-08 04:58:57
Re: Hypochondria
Hi potleek, Yeah my mum used to call me that when I was a kid, the truth was she just couldn't be arsed to take to my GP. Found a good one now though!

Enjoyable read

Tai

Author's Reply:

RoyBateman on 2004-10-08 07:09:32
Re: Hypochondria
Right - bang on target! The surest way of convincing yourself that you're at death's door is reading a medical book. Doctors? They're all ruddy alcoholics anyway! Unless something's dropped off, or is about to, I leave well alone. You know it makes sense.

Author's Reply:

Penprince on 2004-10-08 12:08:47
Re: Hypochondria
I like the flow and the clarity of thought in these aabb rhyming quatrains...(not convinced in S2 L1 and 2)...

Powerful introspection, very reflective work.

Author's Reply:

Safron on 2004-10-08 21:55:05
Re: Hypochondria
I liked the flow in your poem smooth uplift feeling even past the slice of life being dealt.

Safron

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-10-09 05:12:29
Re: Hypochondria
Hi Val, thanks once again, see it doesn't pay you to believe all you read, does it...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-10-09 05:14:11
Re: Hypochondria
Tai thanks for your comment, I think mums can read kids pretty well, most of the time she was right, wasn't she...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-10-09 05:18:34
Re: Hypochondria
Roy many thanks for your comments, if it's dropped off then it's to late to worry about it, now you know why they call it practising medicine, they can't get it right all the time...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-10-09 05:21:37
Re: Hypochondria
Penprince many thanks for your comments, not sure about your thoughts in (S2 L1 and 2)...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-10-09 05:26:33
Re: Hypochondria
Safron thank you also for your kind comments, sometimes the slice of life we are dealt with doesn't always seem the best or fairly dealt, but we have to go with what we have got...Tony

Author's Reply:

deepoceanfish2 on 2004-10-10 07:06:30
Re: Hypochondria
potleek,

As I write this, I am preparing to take several doses of my prescribed daily life enhancers....Ah, the bodily bits I do discover with every passing day, as they begin to fall apart at the seams! Loved this one! A good laugh!

Cheers,
Adele πŸ˜€

Author's Reply:

Kat on 2004-10-10 11:28:46
Re: Hypochondria
You've captured hypochondria quite well in this - fun read.

Kat πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-10-10 12:01:38
Re: Hypochondria
Adele thank you so much for your kind comments, as we all get a little older we all find that we need that little extra to get us going as long as we keep it in proportion...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-10-10 12:06:56
Re: Hypochondria
Kat thank you also for your kind comments, glad to say it's not an infliction I am troubled with, but we all seem to know someone who is...Tony

Author's Reply:


Leaving time (posted on: 04-10-04)
Dying never comes easy at any time


Do you think that I want to leave you
Leave everything behind
All of my friends and my dear family
This is driving me out of my mind

We all have our ups and downs
Sometimes steep mountains to climb
Some have an easy way out
They didn't know it was their time

But I have seen the road ahead
There is no twist or bend
I can see all the way clearly
Right up to the very end

I want you all to be very brave
Not for me but for you
For when I have moved on
There are new things that you have to do

I leave you with a heavy heart
For this parting is so very hard
Please tell me that you were all brave
That you shed no tears upon my grave


Archived comments for Leaving time
Bradene on 2004-10-04 05:39:20
Re: Leaving time
Such a sad poem for this rainy Monday Tony. nicely done. Love Val x

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-10-05 03:23:13
Re: Leaving time
Val thank you so much, it's never pleasant when you watch a loved one who has a terminal illness take that lonely road knowing what lies in front...Tony

Author's Reply:

royrodel on 2004-10-07 16:04:12
Re: Leaving time
Shine on you crazy diamond.

RODEL

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-10-07 18:14:27
Re: Leaving time
Thanks for your comment, I take that to be a compliment (I think) ...lol..cheers...Tony

Author's Reply:


The hunt (posted on: 01-10-04)
After reading "It's like killing a whale" by Shackelton I dug this one out, a lot more of us think along the same lines but only say it differently


As we gather in our red coats so fine
We hunt upon that which we cannot dine
We are all ready and saddled up
As we toast from the stirrup cup

We will chase you through the meadow
We will chase you through fields of corn
As you run for your life
Away from the sound of the horn

As you run from the breath of the hound
Who will run you scared to the ground
Then there comes that silent shrill
As they jump in for the savage kill

So for what do we care
For your young cubs in some distant lair
A young hunters face painted with your blood
With satisfaction and feeling good

There was not one there
With bowed head or for you said a prayer
With no thoughts on a deed so black
From the bloody scene just turned their back


Archived comments for The hunt
tai on 2004-10-01 04:31:05
Re: The hunt
Yes, this reminded me of my childhood, we lived in the countryside and each year there was the 'boxing day hunt', my sister took part one year and was smeared with the fox's blood. An unpleasant tradition, to be sure. I don't think she ever got over it, or indeed ever went again.

I enjoyed this work, but the lack of punctuation made me falter a little whilst reading. I think with a little tweeking it would be perfect. Just a thought.

Tai

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-10-02 05:43:07
Re: The hunt
Tai thank you for reading and your comments, the closest most of us get to a foxhunt is television but the cruel facts are still there...Tony

Author's Reply:

royrodel on 2004-10-02 13:54:50
Re: The hunt
Yep liked this 1.
Is baiting more humane?

RODEL

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-10-02 15:35:52
Re: The hunt
Rodel thank you for your comments and vote they are truly appreciated.
No baiting is not more humane along with other such so called sports...Tony

Author's Reply:

shackleton on 2004-10-03 18:04:16
Re: The hunt
Great to be able to shout it all out Potleek. Foxhunting days are definitely numbered - factory farming next - then the world! Welcome to the site - a bit special here. I enjoyed your poem - you have a good poetic voice. Try a bit of free verse - it is less restricting without the need to fit a particular word for end-rhyming. Let your spirit and your poetic soul roam as free as a fox on an English meadow, in the 21st century. Good to meet you matey. Catch you later.

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-10-04 03:51:24
Re: The hunt
Shackelton thanks for reading my poem, factory farming then the world, do people that matter really read our poetry? Free verse! I don't think it's quite me but then I'm never to old to learn, thanks...Tony

Author's Reply:

maryxmas on 2004-10-30 23:31:59
Re: The hunt
Hi, Great poem on a currently topical subject, and as already said - with a little tweaking it could be perfect. I'm for the abolition of all cruelty to any animals (including vivisection) to the point of being vegetarian - I'd much rather stroke animals than kill or eat them. Pity we can't convert more in this cruel, uncaring world,
Linda XX

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-11-02 18:19:55
Re: The hunt
Linda I apologise for not aswering sooner.
I would like to believe that every living thing has the right to life, but hunting just for the fun of it is cruel and should be stopped, but it is something that will go on for a long time yet.
Thank you for reading and commenting...Tony

Author's Reply:


Full circle (posted on: 27-09-04)
..

Ever since you came to me
I've been as contented as can be
I couldn't be happier if I tried
For tears of happiness I have often cried

About you there was no mistaking
For nine months you were in the making
Even when you were quiet or cried aloud
Everything about you made me feel so proud

I watched in awe as you took your first step
A time that I never will forget
I have watched you growing every year
You have had all my tender loving care

From a toddler to a happy child
With pleasant looks and temperament so mild
To those years of teenage rage
In your life just another page

But all those times they stood you good
For now I see you in adult hood
Now once again you make me proud of you
For to my heart I hold your baby too

Archived comments for Full circle
tai on 2004-09-27 04:55:39
Re: Full circle
This brought a tear to my eye. All a parent could ever want. You have captured the instinct and joy beautifully.

Excellent work
Tai

Author's Reply:

Bradene on 2004-09-27 05:36:13
Re: Full circle
This is lovely Tony Brought a lump to my throat, such a lovely feeling to be proud of your children then later grandchildren. You told it so well . love Val x

Author's Reply:

Andrea on 2004-09-27 06:39:14
Re: Full circle
Pot, you're submitting into the wrong boxes. Top one is for short description, and piece should go in one underneath.

Have now fixed.

Thanks.

Author's Reply:

deepoceanfish2 on 2004-09-27 11:59:05
Re: Full circle
tai,

This is lovely. My baby' just had a baby, not long ago...I can so empathise with this piece. A nice read!

Cheers,
Adele πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-09-28 11:59:21
Re: Full circle
Tai thank you so much for your very kind comments..Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-09-28 12:01:39
Re: Full circle
Val thank you so much, sometimes poems need thinking about but this one came easy...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-09-28 12:03:10
Re: Full circle
Andrea got you now....oops new kid on the block and all that, many thanks...Tony

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-09-28 12:07:38
Re: Full circle
Adele thank you for your kind comments and so pleased that you can relate to my poem...Tony

Author's Reply:

jay12 on 2004-09-28 18:54:15
Re: Full circle
Hi Potleek,

This is the first piece of your work that I have read and its excellence. I'll check out your other stuf too.

Jay. πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-09-29 12:40:42
Re: Full circle
Jay I thank you for your kind words and for the vote. I'm new to this site and still feeling my way around things but up till now everyone has been so kind to me, thank you again...Tony

Author's Reply:

Emerald on 2004-09-30 04:03:48
Re: Full circle
Hi Tony, ones children are so special - I haven't got to the grandchild bit yet, but I can relate to this poem. Nice to see you here

Emma

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-09-30 12:30:59
Re: Full circle
Emma thank you for your comments, your right the children are special for they grow up so fast then you wonder where the time went...Tony

Author's Reply:


The house (posted on: 24-09-04)
No description

The house has stood for hundreds of years
If it could talk would it tell of the tears
Would it tell of happiness and of the joys
The noises at Christmas as children played with their toys

Would it tell of the people who had passed through its doors
Of the footsteps that trod the boards on all of its floors
Would it tell of the diseases and open wound sores
Of those who left and went to the wars

Would it tell of the passions that were behind a closed door
If only it could speak would it tell you some more
Would it tell of the births of the girls and the boys
Which brought happiness and untold joys

Could it tell you of the times that really were bad
The times of depression which made people sad
Of all the people who moved in and out
Each one was made welcome without any doubt

But the house has lived through it all
It is still standing wondering how many more people could call
For its doors will always be open for those who wish to dwell
If only it could talk what stories it could tell


Archived comments for The house
Bradene on 2004-09-24 06:24:08
Re: The house
A lovely poem Tony, a subject we all relate to at one time and another.. If walls could speak eh! Perhaps sometimes it's just as well they can't !! welcome to UKA Love Val x

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-09-24 13:06:26
Re: The house
Val thanks a ton, it's a well known fact that walls have ears...lol. we'll see how it goes here...Tony

Author's Reply:

Elfstone on 2004-09-24 13:24:35
Re: The house
Hello potleek. Very nice poem and I do agree with you that houses take on something of the people who live in them and the events that happen in them. I found myself tripping up occasionally over the rhythm in some of your lines. I'm sure it would be worth your while having a second look at them. Welcome to the site. Elfstone.

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-09-24 17:32:30
Re: The house
Elfstone thank you for your comments, I hope you did not hurt yourself when you tripped...lol I would be most grateful if you could be more explicit and let me know the lines that concerned you, I honestly have broad shoulders and constructive criticism is always welcome...Tony

Author's Reply:

Elfstone on 2004-09-25 07:18:56
Re: The house
Happy to Tony - will PM you with suggestions. Elfstone.

Author's Reply:

jay12 on 2004-09-28 18:56:23
Re: The house
Another excellent poem mate. You clearly have a knack for good poetry.

I'm glad my house can't speak, some of the things I've done on the floor. Ahem!

James.

Author's Reply:

potleek on 2004-09-29 12:34:57
Re: The house
James thank you so much for your kind comment and the laugh you gave me. Ahem! I'll not ask then...Tony

Author's Reply: