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mistermarmite's (mrmarmite on UKA) UKArchive
136 Archived submissions found.
Title
Nice Sounds (posted on: 29-07-16)
Noise is everywhere but here are some sounds I can live with.

The whistle of a kettle time for a brew, have a nice cuppa with a biscuit or two. A telephone rings friend on the line, a reassuring voice all will be fine. Children at play giggling having fun, sound of laughter outside in the sun. After a dry spell drops of rain, claps of thunder pitapat on window pane. The noise of nature birdsong in the trees, frogs croaking in a pond the buzzing of bees. Sounds from a garden grass being cut, purr of a cat the bark of your mutt. A favourite record music to the ears, that lovely song you've not heard in years. And a loud belly laugh with eyes full of tears, the clinking of glasses so bottoms up and cheers !
Archived comments for Nice Sounds

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It's A Scorcher (posted on: 22-07-16)
Its been very hot all over the U.K.but we know it won't last,hence this poem.

Slap on the sun screen as it's very hot today, but you're stuck in an office all work and no play. Put on the sunglasses as the rays are beating down, but you're stuck in a factory no chance of turning brown. Wear a cap or a big hat protect your head from the heat, but you're stuck in a warehouse instead of sand beneath your feet. Have a barbecue or a picnic take the kids over the park, but you're stuck on a train won't get home till it's dark. Still it'll soon be the weekend and it's hotter here than in Spain, but then you'll be stuck indoors as it'll be pouring down with rain !
Archived comments for It's A Scorcher
sweetwater on 23-07-2016
Its A Scorcher
I liked this very much, I allowed myself the self satisfied smile that comes with early retirement brought on by redundancy, so many years tied to a 'cleanroom' sweltering in a head to toe nylon babygrow to protect the medical devices I was making. Now I revell in the weather whatever it is.
Thank you for reminding me how lucky I am with your oh so true words.
πŸ™‚ Sue.

Author's Reply:
Hi Sue.As I'm a window cleaner I'm out in all weather,but to be honest prefer it cool as heat is fine when you're doing nothing but not when you're up and down ladders. My son's a roofer and he's the same it must be because we were born in the winter ! Anyway thanks for reading and your comments. Cheers:Kevin ☺

Kipper on 24-07-2016
Its A Scorcher
Hi Kevin
A great little muse well put together. I think everyone will identify with this little tale told with a swing and with tongue definitely in cheek.
Oh', It's Sunday and it's raining.
Cheers, Michael

Author's Reply:
Hi Michael. Pleased you enjoyed my poem much appreciated. Not a summer person to be honest prefer cold weather,but this hot spell should be gone soon hence the inspiration for this poem.All the best.Kevin.


Only One Piece Of Chocolate (posted on: 04-07-16)
We're constantly being told what to eat and drink and don't do that and don't do this it drives me nuts. Yes we know our own minds and we don't need "experts" to dictate our life. Hence this poem.

That is bad for you and so is this, best leave that alone give it a miss. Become a vegetarian and don't eat meat, have one piece of chocolate but just as a treat. Always read the label and get your five a day, take regular supplements vitamins B,C,D,and A. Get plenty of exercise join your local gym, run on a treadmill go for a swim. Sleep for eight hours get lots of rest, and don't bottle up feelings get them off your chest. Cut back on the booze watch your alcohol intake, have fruit and vegetables instead of biscuits and cake. Take up a hobby turn the television off, throw away the fags get rid of that cough. So listen to us experts as we're in the know, because we have a high I.Q. while yours are terribly low !
Archived comments for Only One Piece Of Chocolate
sweetwater on 07-07-2016
Only One Piece Of Chocolate
Love it, especially the last two lines which sum up what those " in charge" think of our ability to think and act for ourselves. Makes me so cross because give it a few years and it'll be all change again as it always is. Sue.

Author's Reply:
Hi Sue.Pleased you enjoyed my rant er poem ! Another irritant is where it says a recent study from America,where they're nearly all obese and neurotic,so who listens to them ? So sod the "experts" and do what we like as we're only here once.☺


Those Were The Days (posted on: 10-06-16)
An article in the paper was about a poll conducted on what childhood memories adults have,and how missed they were ? Looking at the list it inspired me to write this.

Do you remember when we played out on the streets, squirted plastic water pistols and scoffed bags of penny sweets. When summer days were long and we drank Tizer pop, queued up at the ice cream van bought jubbly's at the shop. Kids rolled down grass banks done handstands over the park, slept in a tent in the garden stayed out till it was dark. Girls skipped and played hopscotch while boys climbed up a tree, life was just an adventure innocent and so carefree. Hours and hours of fun moments etched in time, our young minds free from news of war and crime. So yes those were the days when Woolies sold Pick n Mix, and on Saturday mornings we watched westerns at the flicks !
Archived comments for Those Were The Days
Mikeverdi on 10-06-2016
Those Were The Days
Always entertaining mate, things I remember so well. Was life really that simple...or is it just the rose tinted effect?
Mike

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike.Thanks for reading and your comments. I had a good childhood but obviously not every child did.
I remember being on a creative writing course years ago,and we had to write on our childhood etc,but a woman in the group wouldn't do it,she said hers was that bad that she preferred to blank it out.I said she may feel better writing it down ? The look she gave me told me to mind my business ! Cheers anyway.

pommer on 10-06-2016
Those Were The Days
This brought back so many childhood memories as it was meant to do.Thank you for sharing Thank you,Peter Aka Pommer

Author's Reply:
Pleased you liked it Peter much appreciated. As I wrote to Mike some childhood memories are good ones.
I enjoyed mine it was my adult years that weren't so good ! All the best. Kevin.

sweetwater on 12-06-2016
Those Were The Days
Oh gosh, well I was back climbing trees and playing cowboys and Indians with the boy next door, Wells Fargo on TV. Sitting with him on his shed roof amid the branches of a cherry tree and spitting the stones as far as we could. Just me and my dog spending the day wandering the commons and fields, not home till tea. Thank you Kevin, Jubbly's, Tizer, and penny sweets, wonderful memories. I wonder if today's kids will have fond memories of their first phones! Sue πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Hi Sue. Put that jubbly away it will rot your teeth,that was what my mum used to say !You sounded like a bit of a tom boy ? We had a gang of us lads with a couple of girls who tagged along,like the famous five but a bit more daring !Not in a nasty way but up for adventure and fun.Scrumping and collecting birds eggs was a favourite,that would be a crime now but to us kids just normal behaviour. Just writing this and I'm back up a tree again.Right where's that bottle of Tizer ? cheers. Kevin.

pdemitchell on 12-06-2016
Those Were The Days
Yo Kevin - and there's me thinking nostalgia ain't what it used to be! Mitch

Author's Reply:
Hi Mitch. I was watching some kids a few years back playing football over the park,the same fields we played on many years ago.The difference being we played in old clothes and kicked a plastic ball.But these youngsters were wearing smart football kits and used a real leather ball.And I new times had changed when the goalie was talking on his mobile !
All the best. Kevin.


Keep On Rockin (posted on: 03-06-16)
I saw the Stones a few years ago and thought as I watched Jagger jumping about like a teenager, watch out Mick you'll slip a disc soon. Rock On !

Some bands go on forever even after they've quit, they announce it's the end but then have another hit. Take the Rolling Stones they never seem to age, still selling out arena's with Jagger leaping about the stage. In the sixties came Black Sabbath who are on another farewell tour, but with their original line up it may leave Ozzy Osbourne wanting more. And ACDC are still head banging putting their fans in a spell, with their High Voltage Rock and Roll and blasting out Highway To Hell. When Freddie Mercury died we thought it was over for Queen, but no they've kept on performing and are still on the music scene. So please just keep on rockin don't stop whatever you do, then again some groups are timeless like the one and only, The Who !
Archived comments for Keep On Rockin
sweetwater on 03-06-2016
Keep On Rockin
Hayyyy you forgot The Quo! No one forgets about Status Quo and gets away with it in my book hehe, best, best bestest group ever!
Seriously I loved this, one after my own heart. I don't think anyone expected them to be rockin' on as long as this yet here they all are, probably still high on all that 'stuff' from way back. I was a young teenager in the late 60's never saw a drug or even anything of the 60's scene everyone keeps referring too, dammit lol. Great poem, excuse me, must go and put some Quo on now :-)) Sue.


Author's Reply:
Hi Sue.Funny you mention Quo as I put them down first but wasn't happy with the rhyming so scrapped it so sorry about that as I love the band, and have saw them live twice and they were great.I love rock music and still got loads of vinyl albums and singles, but can't force myself to get rid of them as they mean a lot to me ! Thanks for reading so just keep on rockin.

pdemitchell on 06-06-2016
Keep On Rockin
Roger Daltry would be pleased! Mods and Rockers all. I am 60 this year and still in four bands playing original music. happy daze. Mitch

Author's Reply:
Hi. In four bands so that is impressive. Do you play rock music ? All the best. Kevin.


Futility of War (posted on: 30-05-16)
I think the title of my poem sums up my feelings.

So sick and tired of bloodshed and war, humans dying daily and for what for ? Children should be playing outside and having fun, not living in fear scared of bomb and gun. Towns and villages flattened cities raized to the ground, once these places were busy now there's hardly a sound. Families fleeing to safety will they ever find peace ? when nations attack nations the conflicts may never cease. So sick and tired of bloodshed and war, people just want to be free and not die by the score.
Archived comments for Futility of War
sweetwater on 31-05-2016
Futility of War
Very true, I too am so sick of nation against nation, it's always the innocent who suffer the most. It scares me the way the world is going at the moment.
Good write πŸ™‚ Sue.

Author's Reply:
Hi Sue. Thanks for reading and comments. Just get fed up reading and seeing war after war day after day.I reckon one day the whole world will just explode.My next poem will be cheerful ! All the best. Kevin.


Last Orders (posted on: 20-05-16)
Where I live in Coventry we have pubs closing down all the time and recently a pub my late father drank in for years shut their doors for the last time.So it inspired me to write this.

The pub in the village been there for many a year, serving the customers with pop,crisps,and beer. The pub in the town where shoppers like to meet, a drink and a meal rest those tired feet. The pub in the city people having fun, names like the Green Man Craven Arms,the Rising Sun. The pub in the estate drinker sat on a bar stool, games of dominoes and darts youths playing pool. The pub is in decline many empty and closed down, is it the end of an era goodbye to the Rose and Crown ?
Archived comments for Last Orders
sweetwater on 21-05-2016
Last Orders
I am not a pub person I was so timid and shy I hated going in, my parents were not pub go'ers either, but my boyfriend's family were so I went with him. Two stick in my mind ' The Rats Castle ' a biker pub in Guildford, I love bikes so did he so it was fun for us. One in A village we lived in, was the 'White Hart' lovely old fashioned pub, large fire, comfy seats and a rack of vinyl records free to play on the record player by anyone. It's a shame so many are closing, history everywhere is being lost. I very much enjoyed your poem, and as you can see it reminded me of good times. Sue.

Author's Reply:
Hi. Pleased you enjoyed my pub poem much appreciated. But pubs are closing down all over now and in my city when closed down they get turned into flats for students. As a football fan we all meet before the games in pubs,its all part of being a supporter.In fact I'll be watching today's Cup Final in the pub!Anyway hope you're well ? All the best. Kevin.

pdemitchell on 22-05-2016
Last Orders
So many here in cardiff bistro-ised and bastardised. Victim to the booze loss-leaders in the supermarkets and crippling duty costs. Mitch

Author's Reply:
Hi.Thanks for reading and your comments. Your right many pubs are now more like cafΓ©s.Not many spit and sawdust establishments !All the best. Kevin.


What A Load Of Rubbish ! (posted on: 22-01-16)
Where I live we get lots of people dumping rubbish about and no matter how many times it gets cleaned up,you can guarantee it'll be back as quick as it's disposed of.The old lady isn't fictitious by the way as she was always out with her gloves on picking up litter.

There's beer cans in the hedge and chewing gum stuck to my shoe, a pair of old trainers are on the road and I've just stood in some dog poo. There's a television set and microwave and a settee dumped in the stream, further along I see a shopping trolley all this rubbish makes me want to scream. There's chip paper on the pavement and cigarette ends strewn everywhere, it does get cleaned up by the council but a few days later it'll all be back there. There's condoms and used syringes and wine bottles lying all over the place, an elderly lady goes round picking up litter with a look of disgust upon her tired face. There's youths outside the shops spitting and they urinate up against any convenient door, the next day a cleaner is mopping up sick and brushing up broken glass from off the floor. There's not a lot you can do about it is there ? when people use the streets as a rubbish tip, but the next time someone drops a crisp packet I'll lob them head first into a bloody big skip !
Archived comments for What A Load Of Rubbish !
sweetwater on 24-01-2016
What A Load Of Rubbish !
Haha, you sound just like me! I could also be that lady, not admitting to elderly though, picking up rubbish, as that's what walking my dog entails too often, I saw a wide necked container caught at the top of some shortish undergrowth, it was hard to reach so I didn't think I dare to try but something made me go back with thoughts 'what if a small creature climbed the stems then fell into the container' there was no way of escape, so I managed to reach it and sure enough a poor little field mouse lay dead curled at the bottom covered with dirty water. Where I lived was all open country until the houses came, but the wildlife don't understand. Your poem sadly told the whole sorry story of today's society.

Author's Reply:

MrMarmite on 25-01-2016
What A Load Of Rubbish !
Hi. Pleased you enjoyed my rant er sorry poem.Everywhere you go there's rubbish in cities or countryside,and fly tipping is a menace too.We've got a nice river running through our area but it's full of stuff like fridges and trolleys,and I wrote a poem on here called Proud River which got put in a book here in Coventry as so many people said how they were fed up with the dumping etc. Rant over !
Hope you're well ? Cheers: Kevin.

Author's Reply:


Sod It ! (posted on: 11-12-15)
Been feeling a bit low lately and it's due to me absorbing too much negativity from the news etc,which is full of horrible stuff and it was affecting me.So after reducing it down I feel back to myself again which inspired me to write this.

Feeling a bit tense nerves taut and on edge, too much negativity on T.V. violence and strife all around. People seem to be angry minds messed up and confused, the world appears to be unsafe as if it's about to explode. Sleep getting disturbed dreams turn into nightmares, wake up heart beating fast sweat covers my brow. I'll stop watching the news cancel the daily newspaper, watch what I view on social media and listen to on the radio. I should be enjoying myself none of us are here that long, need to be laughing more wearing a smile not a frown. Feeling better already positive thoughts fill my head, only got the one life so sod it, I'll make the most of it !
Archived comments for Sod It !
Gee on 11-12-2015
Sod It !
Very wise words. It's far too easy for world events to pull us down but that achieves nothings. I like the positive ending to this very much.

Author's Reply:
Hi Gee. Pleased you enjoyed my poem much appreciated.Why don't they put more positive stories on the news to balance out the bad stuff ? Still, don't let the bastards get us down !

e-griff on 12-12-2015
Sod It !
I have a few medical problems that restrict my life. Your last line sums up my own philosophy neatly. Only way to go!

Enjoyed it. JohnG

Author's Reply:
Hi John. Hope you enjoyed my poem ? Sorry to hear you've some medical problems.I bet your stoic though and just get on with things,and I reckon my title of Sod It is the only way to go as you put it so nicely ! All the best. Kevin.

teifii on 12-12-2015
Sod It !
'sod it, I'll make the most of it !'
Hear hear!
Daff

Author's Reply:
Hi Daff. Glad you agree with my attitude ! Many thanks. Kevin.

sweetwater on 13-12-2015
Sod It !
I used to enjoy the news, years ago. But now I avoid it as much as I can, might just catch the headlines but that is enough. So I too agree with your words. Sue.

Author's Reply:
Hi Sue.My sister is like that too she hardly ever watches or listens to the news.She says it got her down and would ruin her day,so I too now limit it but I do get drawn in especially when a big story hits the media.Anyway as my late mother would say :" What will be will be." Can't argue with that ! All the best. Kevin.


For The Better (posted on: 23-10-15)
Met up recently with a mate from years back and we had a few beers and spent time talking about what we got up to.At the end he said how much I'd changed and for the better.That made my day hence this poem.

Go to the school read and write, listen to the teachers and you'll be alright. Go to the site nine to five, earn a wage learn to survive. Go to the pub be a real man, drink loads of pints as much as you can. Go to the football have a fight, pull a girl on a Saturday night. Go to the jewelers buy her a ring, she's six months pregnant so do the right thing. Go to the council get a nice flat, you've now got a kid a dog and a cat. Go to the parents you've drifted apart, she hated your mates it was doomed from the start. Go to the prison you committed a crime, get your head down just do the time. Go to the outside you're now a free man, so start a new life and do all that you can. Go to the past what went wrong? you acted the big man thought you were strong. Go to the present better state of mind, a friendlier person more thoughtful and kind. Go to the future ? what will be will be, I'm just happy to be here and to be the real me.
Archived comments for For The Better
sweetwater on 24-10-2015
For The Better
Cannot understand why this has not had any comments yet, to my mind it's brilliant. This was practically the rule book for every kid growing up when I was young, apart from obvious differences due to gender. It depressed the heck out of me, I wanted no part of a life like that! Reminded me of the film ' Cathy come home ' and that too depressed me. I wanted countryside, woods and sunlight. Looking back I had some of both. No prison though! So glad you now see a much happier future. I am putting this into my favourites. πŸ™‚ Sue.

Author's Reply:
Thanks Sue for your comments much appreciated and for putting it in as a favourite.I sometimes think I wish I could go back and start again and do things differently,but then again life's all about making mistakes and wrong decisions and learning from them,and I don't beat myself up about the past anymore as that's too negative. Onwards and upwards !


He's Been In The S.A.S. (posted on: 23-10-15)
You get to meet all sorts in pubs and I've met some characters over the years. Here's just a few of them.

There's a bloke in the pub who likes talking straight, he says the country's shit and Britain is no longer great. There's a bloke in the pub who knows the Queensbury Rules, he's also an expert on football and reckons all referees are fools. There's a bloke in the pub who can get you cheap booze, packets of rolling tobacco trainers,and real leather shoes. There's a bloke in the pub who can sort you out a loan, and if you want some drugs he'll fix it on his phone. There's a bloke in the pub who's a master of Kung Fu, he's also been in the S.A.S. but we know that isn't true. There's a bloke in the pub who talks politics and stuff like that, he says UKIP are a load of rubbish and David Cameron is a Tory twat. There's blokes in the pub in every bar they stand, and you'll find these characters all across this pleasant land !
Archived comments for He's Been In The S.A.S.
sweetwater on 24-10-2015
Hes Been In The S.A.S.
How I wish I had gone to more pubs, your characters sound fascinating. I used to go to one called 'The Rats Castle ' ( a biker pub ) in Guildford as a teenager with my boyfriend, loved it, but very rarely since then. This poem reminded my very much of 'Del-boy' types, very useful to know. Greatly enjoyed reading it πŸ™‚ Sue.

Author's Reply:
Hi Sue. Pleased you like my two new poems and your comments.I like to go to the pub at the weekend and you do meet some characters in there,and many would be a comedy writers dream for a T.V.show.
I know David Sullivan who created Only Fools And Horses used to drink in a London pub and a bloke who was a bit of a villain was a regular and was the inspiration for Del Boy.I like the sound of the Rats Castle bet there were some characters in there !


Precipitation (posted on: 02-10-15)
I know the September we've just had in the U.K.has been a nice and dry one but we'll have to pay for it soon you just wait and see !

Rain is a strange thing when you want some it never comes, and when you don't it arrives in bucket loads. Like at a barbecue it'll put a stop to that, but when you need it for the garden you won't get none for weeks. And you go out in a T.Shirt ending up soaking wet, but the weatherman said : "It will be a fine sunny day." I wonder if Noah was told that just the odd light shower was possible ? Rain can cancel sporting events waterlogged pitches, no tennis at Wimbledon or Test cricket at Lords. Grown ups dislike rain but it doesn't bother children, adults walk around puddles but kids just jump on in. Rain can ruin holidays sat in a caravan all week long yet you can guarantee one thing, on your very last day the sun will come out !
Archived comments for Precipitation
Nemo on 03-10-2015
Precipitation
And we love and hate it, especially if we have an allotment.
Regards,
Neml.

Author's Reply:
As I work outdoors I have to battle the wind,rain,sun,but when it rains I can't clean customers windows.But if it isn't chucking it down I can do some of their gardens,in fact got one to do this week weather permitting of course ! Cheers: Kevin.


Colours Of Nature (posted on: 21-09-15)
I've gone all autumnal as the change in season has inspired me to write these.

Autumnal weather leaves of red,yellow,orange, falling from tall trees. The robin redbreast sitting on the garden spade looking for fat worms. Large white floating clouds dollops of mashed potato fill the sky above. Bright blue and orange perched by the riverbank super kingfisher. Rainbow in the sky arch of beautiful colours spectrum of wonder. Twinkling silver stars flashing in the dark blackness illumination. The hues of nature brightening up planet earth an artists delight.
Archived comments for Colours Of Nature
sweetwater on 23-09-2015
Colours Of Nature
Very nice portrait of autumn, love the Robin red breast on the spade. The potato clouds is a new one to me, had never thought of them as mashed potato very original. πŸ™‚ Sue.

Author's Reply:
Hi Sue.I was cleaning the windows of a customer recently and the lady of the house was in her garden and as we were chatting a robin flew down and landed on her fork,she said it was a regular visitor so that inspired that haiku.As for the spuds I've used that description for a couple of years when clouds were in the poem,maybe I should have used copyright on it ! There was lots of mashed potato clouds here today a lovely day.All the best. How's the snooker going ! kev.

sweetwater on 24-09-2015
Colours Of Nature
Hi Kev,snooker is back on TV in December, hooray :-))

Author's Reply:
Hi. Let's hope you get a new cue for Christmas then !

deadpoet on 27-09-2015
Colours Of Nature
I am looking forward to the scenery you describe Kevin- as of yet only slowly fading green to yellow.. here at least.
Thanks for the optimistic picture- despite the chill it's a beautiful season.
Piaxx

Author's Reply:
Hi Pia.It's more like Summer here in Coventry lately as the sun keeps shining and some really warm days.I like autumn though leading on to winter and as someone who loves the outdoors and walking,I like the fresh days and there's nothing better than a good walk to make you feel alive !thanks for reading. Kev.


The Poem Stealer (posted on: 18-09-15)
You know when ideas and thoughts pop in your head when you're asleep that would make great poems,but when you wake up in the morning they've gone from your mind ? Well you now know who's nicked them off you !

He is the poem stealer on the prowl for rhyme, he's hunting out verse and doing it all the time. He's like a serial killer and he never ever sleeps, on the look out for words through your mind he creeps. He hides in the shadows nobody knows he's there, as long as he gets your muse he neither worries nor care. With skeletal hands he scribbles madly down on the page, he's now demon possessed full of anger and rage. So beware of the poem stealer who has a voracious appetite, but don't look under your bed as he only comes alive at night !
Archived comments for The Poem Stealer
Kipper on 18-09-2015
The Poem Stealer
It is a curious thing how the best lines, the best connections and the best plots occur during that time between settling down and fading into sleep, and how by the morning they have disappeared without trace.
At least I know now who is responsible.
A nice take on a problem that affects us all.(well me anyway!)
Michael


Author's Reply:
Hi Michael. I once read an article in a writers magazine that inspiration can come not just in the day when we're out and about,but even in our sleep when we're dreaming etc.And it's best to have a notebook handy so on waking up we can scribble down notes on what popped in our heads during sleep,and get a poem,song, or story from them.I know Paul McCartney wrote Hey Jude after a dream and Michael Jackson wrote Thriller in the same way.Bet the poem stealer wasn't happy about that ! Cheers: Kevin.


Snookered ! (posted on: 18-09-15)
A poem for snooker loving Sweetwater !

Sue just loved to play snooker and was nicknamed The Queen Of The Baize, yet even though she didn't get high scores her trick shots would truly amaze. She could play left handed or right using her own very special cue, and she liked to entertain the crowd once doing a little jig after potting a blue. And she even played the great Ronnie O'Sullivan but told him that he was going to get beat, yet the Rocket got a 147 maximum break leaving Sue superglued to her seat. But she demanded a return match saying this time she'd take him down, but once again O'Sullivan won with ease with Sue only pocketing a red and a brown. So sadly she decided to call it a day and her cue gathered dust in the hall, but now she's known as the Queen of the Dribble as she discovered she was really good at football !
Archived comments for Snookered !
sweetwater on 18-09-2015
Snookered !
Haha, super fun, thank you so much, I wish I did play, I'd love a shot at Ronnie but very few stand a chance against him! Just knew football would sneak in somewhere though πŸ˜‰ I always admire people who can choose a theme and then write really well about it, I cannot do that at all. Thank you again, it's a great poem I am honoured. Straight into faves now. πŸ™‚ Sue xx

Author's Reply:
Hi Sue.So pleased you liked the poem.I knew you'd want it to be humorous and to be honest I prefer to write poems in that way especially when I do them for other people.I did one a year ago for the postwoman who had just retired,as her daughter asked me in the pub if I'd write a funny one on her mum ? I sent it to the local newspaper as she never knew anything about it,and when she read it she loved it and I heard she has it in a little frame on her wall !All the best,and get down the snooker hall with your special cue !Kev.

Gee on 18-09-2015
Snookered !
Such a lovely, fun poem which is so well written. Definitely brought a smile to my face this morning.

Author's Reply:
Hi Gee. So pleased you enjoyed my snookered poem and it brought a smile to your face.As long as my poems don't make you feel miserable I've achieved something ! Many thanks. Kevin.

Ionicus on 23-09-2015
Snookered !
A fun poem, Kevin, with good rhymes. It was incorrectly categorised as prose.

Author's Reply:
Hi.It says fiction so has it been changed as I never put in as prose ? Now that has got me snookered ! Cheers. Kevin.


Vacancy:Football Manager (posted on: 11-09-15)
All football fans will understand this poem as although they get well paid, managers know they can get the sack at any time by ambitious owners.

It helps if you've played the game and been pretty decent too, so if you'd like to be considered this is what is expected of you. If chosen as the right applicant you'll need to get the fans on your side, as our supporters can be very fickle and the dug-out's no place to hide. Therefore you may get loads of abuse so you'll be resolute and tough, the rewards for success will be high but not so good when times are rough. Reporters will ask you probing questions like why do your players hardly ever shoot ? so you'll be able to think on your feet be articulate,clever,smart and cute. We allow our manager to swear and curse especially at the referee dressed in black, but sadly we had to sack the last one as he ran on the pitch and launched an attack. So if you think you're up for the job feel free to apply for this vacancy, but remember you'll need strong nerves and it helps to have a psychology degree !
Archived comments for Vacancy:Football Manager
sweetwater on 13-09-2015
Vacancy:Football Manager
Have to admit I have no interest in football, but know that managers always seem to get it in the neck every time something isn't perfect, which seems very harsh to me. I like the poem, very interesting, well thought out and well written. πŸ™‚ ps If you can think of one for snooker ?? great fan! Sue xx

Author's Reply:
Hi Sue. Thanks for reading and comments.I'll do one then on Snooker just for you !My son is a talented player at both snooker and pool,and plays for a pub team here in Coventry.He's off later on today to work in Cornwall for a month installing solar panels on houses and hotels.I said can I come and do some laboring for him and his two work mates,sounds great and I'm envious. Anyway watch out for the poem.Cheers. Kev.


Teenagers (posted on: 04-09-15)
We've all been there haven't we but this is a light hearted poke at adolescence.

Teenagers can be very odd they are picky with their food, and some are moody and sullen with a propensity to be rude. Teenagers can be tired and lazy lie too long in their beds, and spend hours on computers putting rubbish inside their heads. Teenagers can get lots of spots and often have greasy hair, they also act all intelligent but many sadly aren't all there. Teenagers can watch really stupid telly like that mind numbing Big Brother, and they do irritating things just to annoy their dad and mother. Teenagers can be really sensitive so be careful to what you say, as an inoffensive remark could go and ruin their day. Teenagers can fall in love with pop stars have pictures of them on their wall, girls go crazy for One Direction but the lads much prefer idols of football. Teenage years fortunately do come to an end so let us all give thanks to God for that, but I can't forget the day my parents said: "Can't we trade Kevin in for a dog or a cat !"
Archived comments for Teenagers
sweetwater on 05-09-2015
Teenagers
Very true nowadays, but when I was that age I don't ever remember any teenagers having tantrums, me included, my eldest daughter went very quiet and withdrawn for six months ( easy to deal with ) my youngest one was born with them I reckon! not so easy :-(. Great poem, I enjoyed it. Sue.

Author's Reply:
Hi Sue.Pleased you enjoyed my poem.Me and my sister used to fight and argue all the time when were kids,but when we matured we became close and still are today.It's just a phase you often hear parents say,but I was a bigger pain in my twenties. Still am many may say !Cheers. Kevin.


The Portly Pigeon (posted on: 28-08-15)
Where I live there's a shopping precinct and it attracts hordes of pigeons.I saw a large pigeon trying to take off but it failed miserably,but it inspired me to write this.

He hangs about outside Greggs in the morning waiting for them to open the door, then he'll nip inside for a sausage roll devouring any crumbs left upon the floor. Then he's off over to the benches observing shoppers as they eat, and if a bit of sarnie drops down he'll nibble it up by the persons feet. Another favourite place is the butchers as he likes the smell of tasty meat, but the cake shop is a distraction as a chocolate ιclair goes down a treat. Yet this pigeon has grown very fat and far too heavy to even fly, due to the many visits to the chippy feasting on crusts from a thrown away pie. But this well fed bird has met his demise and around the shops he is no more, as he tried to soar off a supermarket roof but with a thud fell straight to the floor !
Archived comments for The Portly Pigeon
sweetwater on 28-08-2015
The Portly Pigeon
You see, obesity IS bad for your health, poor pigeon πŸ™ I really enjoyed reading this, but I'm glad I'm not on my way to town as I fear I would be tempted to visit Greggs, and I would certainly buy a cake too! Good fun, not for the pigeon though. Sue xx

Author's Reply:
Hi Sue. The pigeons around here all look like they should go to weightwatchers. I hear they're called flying rats ? Not sure about that but they do get under your feet and are cheeky too,but guess they are here for a reason as they do eat up food lying about.By the way the cakes are delicious but you have to get in there before the fat pigeon.See you in Greggs ! Kev.

gwirionedd on 29-08-2015
The Portly Pigeon
Flying rats!!!

Never mind the Fledermaus... A pigeon is a Flederratte...



Author's Reply:
They breed them big and tough round here they even wear hoodies ! Cheers. Kevin.

Weefatfella on 29-08-2015
The Portly Pigeon
 photo c673dadc-2d28-4407-9a21-a191bcf6d656_zpsp2y54f3y.jpg

Aye! Even big fat balloonists have to jettison weight to take off.
Weefatfella.

Author's Reply:
Hi.Honestly all the pigeons round here are built like Sumo wrestlers,in fact many just sit on the floor as they're too full to fly !By the way can you eat pigeon as they do look tasty ? Kevin.

Weefatfella on 30-08-2015
The Portly Pigeon
 photo c673dadc-2d28-4407-9a21-a191bcf6d656_zpsp2y54f3y.jpg

I have had wood pigeon as a starter for a bar lunch. I found the meat very gamie. I think they hang the bird for some time before actually cooking. The taste is like meat that is almost off, with a musty after-taste. It is usually served with, and cooked in red wine.I would be careful however and only eat the breast of the bird. The rest is quite scary. I copied this from a web site.>>

There are over sixty bacterial diseases, viruses, funguses and parasites associated with pigeons. The most problematic for humans would be Histoplasmosis and Cryptococcus. In addition there are: Trichomonisasis, Encephalitis, Meningitis, Pasteurellosis, Blastomycosis, Sarcosporidiosias, Toxoplasmosis, Candidiasis, Lisreiosis, Vibriosis, Salmonella and Paratyphoid. The National Institute of Health has reported a potentially blinding eye condition that probably results from the fungus. In some areas such as parts of Illinois, up to 80% of the population is reported to have been infected at some point. Sheesh be careful.
Weefatfella.

Author's Reply:
Hi.Bloody hell no wonder they're called flying rats as they are ticking time bombs. I was only joking though about eating one as I prefer chicken myself. I remember talking to a chap in a pub once who said he'd ate squirrel and liked it.Forgot to ask him if it was red or grey ? I do recall he was eating a lot of nuts though ! Cheers.

deadpoet on 30-08-2015
The Portly Pigeon
In Copenhagen Town Hall square they shot all the pigeons recently- they were so diseased and degenerate- of course they're breeding again. They city dwellers call them rightly Flying Rats. But when my sister called one of (my) wood pigeons a flying rat I was most offended. I have also had a meal of wood pigeon shot by my son's father. They are game here. The taste didn't make a huge impression. I was more worried about getting lead poisoning from the small bullets! πŸ™‚ Here (in the country) they feed from my bird tray- I talk to them-Fatso and Missus ( I can't tell the difference of course).
Sorry about Gregg's pigeon. They can't say stop I am afraid.
Delightful poem.. rhyme and all.
Pia xx

Author's Reply:
Hi Pia.Yes Wood Pigeons look different to common ones and live away from each other,well they do around my area.I'm a bird lover but to be honest find pigeons a nuisance as they are cheeky and forever scavenging.I once picked one up as it was sat on my balcony and expected it to fly off,but it just fell several feet to the ground below when I chucked it up in the air !It survived the fall but just sat against a wall for a couple days and then just vanished.Bet a fox got it at night ? All the best. Kevin.


Get Up Off The Sofa ! (posted on: 14-08-15)
A friend of mine likes to keep fit whilst his partner she likes to takes things easy so to speak.Which inspired me to write this.

"Fancy coming for a bike ride or how about a nice gentle run ? it's a lovely warm evening come on it'll be good fun." "How about a hike up the hill what do you mean it makes you ache ? alright then we could have a swim or go canoeing on the lake." "Let's have a work out at home then do some sit-ups and jog on the spot, what do you mean you're feeling tired and exercise makes you dizzy and hot ?" "I know then let's take the dog for a walk he's been stuck here indoors all day, what do you mean you've ordered a pizza and the delivery is now on it's way ?" "I don't think you ever want to get fit and put those new trainers on your feet, what do you mean you can't now anyway as your about to watch Coronation Street !"
Archived comments for Get Up Off The Sofa !
sweetwater on 15-08-2015
Get Up Off The Sofa !
Oh my gosh I can see the two of them so clearly she sounds as though she may enjoy Jeremy Kyle! But I guess he must be very annoying in his constant over active lifestyle. I think the best one to live with would be the dog. Love the way you have written this, brilliant insight into their lives. Sue.

Author's Reply:
Hi. Yes they are an odd couple but opposites attract so they say which I've never agreed with to be honest. I bet she does watch Jeremy Kyle while lying on the settee !How anyone watches that show or go on it is beyond me,as it is moronic in my opinion but then again people seem to enjoy watching people make fools of themselves.No wonder we're a nation of dog lovers like my sister, who says dogs are loyal and don't talk behind your back ! Cheers.


Don't Mess With These Critters ! (posted on: 14-08-15)
I wanted to find out who is the toughest animal for it's size in the animal kingdom and was surprised at the result.But after watching it on youtube it was a worthy winner if you don't believe me check it out and see !

The toughest animal on the planet for fear it has no care, is it a scary roaring lion or a bad tempered grizzly bear ? Could it be a large tiger with claws and teeth to bite, then again who'd mess with a gorilla who'd be favourite in a fight ? A large group of hyena's spells trouble and wolves like to hunt in a pack, yet in the water are crocodiles who will always go on the attack. Some snakes are truly dangerous with venom to cause pain or death, and if a python coils around it's victim for them it'll be their final breath. Elephants are huge and powerful yet don't underestimate a strong ox, but I'd keep out of the way of a kangaroo as they really know how to box. So who's the animal kingdoms real bad-ass the one other creatures will not cross ? well they're not even that big but like the Godfather they're the boss. They will stand up to any prey as they're not right in the head, and they won't back down from anything go where others fear to tread. So have you worked out who it is yet ? as these critters like to cut up rough, well it's the one and only honey badger and boy are these psycho's tough !
Archived comments for Don't Mess With These Critters !
sweetwater on 15-08-2015
Dont Mess With These Critters !
But they sound so loveable, honey badger, awe cute! Actually I have heard about how fearsome they are and I would not want to meet one, let alone cross it. Good fun poem. ( but with a warning! ) Sue.

Author's Reply:
Hi.Their name doesn't fit their character though as they are ferocious and fearless.They like honey but eat anything and aren't fussy,sounds like an ex girlfriend of mine.If a large animal stands up to them they rip out their scrotum blimey that sounds painful !Thanks for reading. Cheers Sue.

deadpoet on 20-08-2015
Dont Mess With These Critters !
Aha a vicious honey badger- I don't think we have them in Denmark- I'll look them up- Of course I didn't know.
I believe you. I'll take care next time I am walking through Nottingham Forest to The Merry Men's camp!
Pia

Author's Reply:
Hi Pia. No you won't find them in Denmark nor in Nottingham ! Please check them out as they are awesome for an animal that is not that big,they have been named most fearless animal for years in the Guinness book of records.Hope you're well ? Kev.


In The Courts (posted on: 07-08-15)
In The Courts is a daily section in my local newspaper and it inspired me to write this.Some are funny even though it probably isn't meant to be,but can you pick the made up one ?

She'd been caught stealing perfume for the umpteenth time from Boots, when she was told she was going to prison she swore and said she didn't give two hoots. His charge was one of drink driving but he claimed he'd only had one or two, and the reason he was wobbly and slurring was because he was suffering from the flu. The paper called her a lady of the night as she plied her trade on the street, it said she was a single mum with six kids and she did it just to make ends meet. The man was a member of his local church and the vicar caught him in bed with his wife, the parson was sorry he'd lost self control and for chasing the naked man with a knife. The chap was discovered inside the bookies far too late for him to place a bet, the judge before sentencing him said : "Fancy having a flutter on how long you'll get ?" One of these cases is false I've made it up now I wonder which one it could be ? well let me give you a clue then it isn't the lady found in verse three !
Archived comments for In The Courts
sweetwater on 07-08-2015
In The Courts
This made me smile, I sympathise with the lady of the night, if there were no male predators of the night ( and they never get bad press like she does) then she'd be worse off even though it must be a ghastly job. No idea who is the false one though. I liked the betting shop one, enjoyed the irony of that, but maybe it's the drunk flu bug? :-)) Sue.

Author's Reply:
Hi Sue. If nobody else has a guess I'll tell you who the made up one is okay ? But it's not the boozed up driver as he used the flu bug as an excuse but he was well over the limit and lost his licence. The "lady of the night" what an old fashioned term isn'it ? Anyway she was offered help and it said she only did it for a short while so hopefully she sorted herself out.All the best. Kev.

deadpoet on 09-08-2015
In The Courts
A judge would hardly be caught saying that in court- is my guess.
Funny
Xx

Author's Reply:
Hi.Well done you got the false one that I made up,It would be funny though if a judge did say that wouldn't it ? The girl pinching from Boots didn't say two hoots but something much stronger,and the vicar chased the bloke it said with an unknown weapon,but we have to make it rhyme don't we ! Cheers.Kevin.


The Fly (posted on: 27-07-15)
As we've had some warm days I've had the windows open a lot but that means the odd insect tends to drop in and one fly liked it so much he decided to stay for weeks.But he met a grisly end !

I've tried to swat him smash him on the wall, but he is so elusive and tough for one so small. He likes to irritate me when I'm watching the T.V. he'll flit around the screen and then rest upon my knee. But just as I'm about to whack him he'll escape again and again, this bloody fly is a menace and is driving me insane. I've used the strongest spray expecting to find him dead, but the little blighter is still here and has just landed on my head. But just as I'm about to accept defeat and let the fly keep on annoying me, the evil bastard has met his match as he's just drowned in my mug of tea !
Archived comments for The Fly
deadpoet on 27-07-2015
The Fly
Ha ha - I have a fly screen so I can keep the bb's out- and birds and bats who have ventured into the house before. But I think we all can relate to this frustration- pity- hope you made a new cuppa-
Pia xx

Author's Reply:
Hi Pia. You have bats coming into your house,where do you live Transylvania ? I've had a cheeky pigeon once trying to get in but other than that it's usually creepy crawlies and bloody flies.To see that fly floating in my mug made my day,it must have fancied a sip and fell in.But my joy hasn't lasted long as another is buzzing about today. Cheers Bat Woman !

sweetwater on 27-07-2015
The Fly
I have a group of five buzzing around the TV and me, but I'd rather leave them than hurt them although they are driving me mad! I used to hang bunches of Tansy at the windows in my last home, that worked very well. Although your mug of tea did prove effective, in the long run. Fun write :-)) Sue.

Author's Reply:

MrMarmite on 27-07-2015
The Fly
Hi Sue.I hope you don't have bats like Pia trying to fly into your home ? I reckon flies are bad enough and the odd wasp too,but bats would be stuff of nightmares.You are heading towards sainthood not to kill the little blighters though,I chased the one that met it's fate in my mug of hot tea for half an hour once with the newspaper,but he kept avoiding my swipes,but vengeance was mine in the end !All the best. Kevin.

Author's Reply:

ValDohren on 28-07-2015
The Fly
Very funny Kev. One landed in my hot chocolate the other week - cheeky bugger ! Haven't been troubled much this year so far, though - fingers crossed. I did have to have a nest of tree bees removed a few weeks ago because they were troublesome. Told the guy not to kill them, just move them somewhere else.
Keep 'em coming (the poems that is).
Val xx

Author's Reply:
Hi Val.Can't stand flies and not into all this don't kill them etc,they're vile creatures so get rid. Bees are great and are in decline so do need preserving so like you I too would do the same and get them moved on.I was in Scotland once on a walking holiday and me and my young son got bitten badly by midges,so they're on my hit list too ! Cheers.

chant_z on 29-07-2015
The Fly
Very witty piece. As for bats I guess that some like them and others don't ... :). If I'm to add stuff I had an experience with a bird trapped in the kitchen once. Finally made its way out (with some assistance)

Author's Reply:
Hi. I'm still trying to imagine the scene when a bat comes into someone's home ? And there's me flapping over a pesky fly.Then again my sister lives out in rural Leicestershire and she once had a fox looking at her through her kitchen door,just as she was carving up a chicken as well.I pictured in my head the vixen sitting at the table with knife and fork in hand tucking in with my sister asking if she'd like custard on her pudding !All the best. Kevin.


Psycho Seagulls (posted on: 24-07-15)
Been reading a lot lately about crazy seagulls attacking people which inspired me to write this.

Watch your Ice-Cream as you're having a lick, because a thieving seagull may pinch it pretty quick. These birds are ruthless and mean and are ready to attack, so always be on the alert and on them don't turn your back. They like to hunt in packs or even on their own, they'll steal your sarnie while you're on your mobile phone. They love to dive-bomb and spray us with their poo, yet they're a protected species so there's nowt we can do. So beware of these avian psycho's who swoop down out of the sky, because they're after your tasty chips and a bit of your steak and kidney pie !
Archived comments for Psycho Seagulls
deadpoet on 24-07-2015
Psycho Seagulls
Cheeky birds- Of course I got the Hitchcock theme- very good πŸ™‚
Pia

Author's Reply:
Hi Pia. I love birds but not a big fan of seagulls and pigeons as they can be a cheeky menace.You mention the Hitchcock theme and I've suffered with vertigo from time to time !cheers.

ValDohren on 24-07-2015
Psycho Seagulls
Very good Kev - Alfred would be proud of you !
Val x

Author's Reply:
Hi Val.It was only when I'd finished the poem and was reading it out aloud that it dawned on me that it was a bit like a scene from the Hitchcock film.He always had a cameo role in all of his films so he'd be pleased I featured him in this !All the best Val.


People (posted on: 13-07-15)
My mother had a favourite saying and it was :"It takes all kinds of folk." Which inspired this.

Some people are happy some are sad, there are the wicked and many are bad. Some people are rich some are poor, there are the greedy always wanting more. Some people are nice some are kind, there are the eccentrics and those out of their mind. Some people are homeless some live on the street, there are those with no money and with hardly nothing to eat. Some people are friendly some who are not, there are those who give nothing others all that they've got. Some people are warm some who are cold, there are the very young and those who are old. Some people are strong some are weak, there are many who are gentle who are caring and meek. Some people are honest some are true, there are all sorts of people so what kind are you ?
Archived comments for People
deadpoet on 13-07-2015
People
A bit of them all in me I guess.
Good rhyme and fine poem. Much enjoyed

Pia xx

Author's Reply:
Hi Pia.I guess people are the same the world over and I've met all types over the years.I reckon we've all got multiple personalties in which I mean we can switch our character to fit the environment we are in.I can be loud if needed be but quiet as well,I can mix socially when out and about but can be on my own and enjoy my own company.At the end of the day though we are who we are and unique too ! Cheers.

sweetwater on 13-07-2015
People
Umm well after careful consideration, I would say I am one of the gentle people you mention. A well written and well thought out poem, I very much enjoyed it. Sue πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Hi Sue. I had a feeling you'd say you were the gentle type.But just because someone is gentle that doesn't mean they haven't another side to them.I've met many people who appeared fairly meek until pushed and they showed they would stick up for themselves etc.I've mellowed over the years,then again I had to or I dread to think where I'd be now !All the best. Kevin.


Flirting With The Librarian (posted on: 26-06-15)
I "used" to pop in my local library now and then and a librarian in there made the visits worthwhile. I wondered why the library always seemed to be full of blokes !(found out she was happily married )

There she is again putting the books back, all nice and neat and in the right places. Then she turns and smiles and says : "Hi,found what you're looking for ?" I mumble to myself I sure have.(wishful thinking) "No,have you any new football books in ?" Bet she thinks I'm a right saddo,I sound about ten years old.But to my delight she says she's a football fan too,(what a result)and she leads me to the sports section where we chat merrily about our shared love. She's just about to tell me who her favourite player is when we are interrupted by an elderly lady who pushes in and asks : "Have you moved the Mills and Boon books again ?" So off goes the attractive librarian with the old lady looking for romance and passion.(wishful thinking again) I wait around with my football books at the desk and as she stamps them she says : "Enjoy your books, and hope to see you in here again ?" "Thanks I will." I wonder what time the library is open tomorrow ?
Archived comments for Flirting With The Librarian
Savvi on 14-07-2015
Flirting With The Librarian
I Like the pun of football and result and the narrator and the old lady having the same wants. Pity she was married πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:


Fathers Day (posted on: 22-06-15)
As it was Fathers Day on Sunday I've written this in dedication to my late father.

My dad passed away in 2001 and I think about him often and he's never far from my mind.He came from that generation that just got on with things without much fuss or bother,a case of actions speak louder than words.He wasn't a man who showed his emotions that much but he wasn't cold or hard,he just wasn't the sort for kisses and cuddles even when me and my sister were kids,but he showed affection in other ways.He was a hard worker who grafted long hours on building sites,and I recall hearing him leave the house early in the mornings in all weather when I was a child,and not returning home till the evening all covered in sand and cement. I learnt when I was older that he'd do lots of overtime so he could buy me and my sister birthday and Christmas presents,we always got what we needed and although he never earned great money as a bricklayer we never seemed to go without.That was his way of showing love and affection by working hard for us and our mother and for that I'll always be thankful. When I was a young lad in the sixties he would take me to see my football team Coventry City,us kids would all be down the front of the terraces with the adults further up smoking fags and cigars,and back then we had really good sides and the ground would be packed to the rafters,and I loved the atmosphere and I'm still a big City fan today.So I'm grateful to my dad for taking me to games and I've carried on his love for our team by taking my son to matches just like he did with me all those years ago. But when I reached my late teens and early twenties I distanced myself from him by thinking I was a man myself now and big enough to do my own thing.But I went off the rails and got into lots of trouble by drinking too much,and getting into fights in pubs and clubs and at football matches.I ended up doing four prison sentences and relationships ended through my bad behavior,but did my dad turn his back on me which he was well entitled in doing ? NO ! Even though he was disgusted in me and should have given me a good hiding,he wrote to me and visited me and when I came out he was there for me.I've written before on this and titled it: Can People Change ? So I won't write anymore on this time, but I'm so grateful and thankful for him sticking by me and he lived long enough to see the change in me which he said the real me finally came to fruition. I had the chance to repay him by being his carer in the last few months of his life when he had terminal cancer,and even though it was a sad time it brought us close again just like we were when I was a youngster so that was good,even though I wished it could have been when he wasn't so ill. So even though he's no longer around my love for him will never die.
Archived comments for Fathers Day
deadpoet on 22-06-2015
Fathers Day
That's really lovely to read . You ae lucky to have had such a Dad and he was lucky to have you! Thank you very much for sharing these moving words.

Pia

How to win a Golden Egg!


Author's Reply:
Hi Pia. Thanks for reading and comments. Yes he was one in a million and so was my mother too,but looking back I took them for granted far too much.Strangely my youngest son is getting into trouble just like I used to do,it's like history repeating itself.My sister has said now you know what our parents had to put up with my behavior !I'll just hope and pray he comes through this stage,and I'll be there for him just like my dad was.Cheers.

Mikeverdi on 22-06-2015
Fathers Day
It's hard to write of things like this, but it's also necessary. I think it sets the record strait, gives you closure; at least it did for me. An excellent piece and I'm glad you were able to be together before it got to be too late.
Mike

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike.Thanks for reading and you're right as me and my dad really got close again in the last months of his life.Friends said they couldn't be a carer for someone who was dying etc,but I felt honoured to be there for him and even though it was stressful,as we both have the same sense of humour we had some laughs too,which eased the pressure of the situation.He loved Only Fools and Horses so I'd stick that on and as he was on morphine he'd laugh at everything Del Boy said,which set me off !There's humour to be found in all things,and it did help.Cheers.

OldSquare on 22-06-2015
Fathers Day
With me and my dad it was cricket, special sundays watching the John Player 40 over league, just me and dad as my brother wasn't a cricket fan.


Author's Reply:
Hi. My dad was a cricket nut and played at a decent level in his youth,and was a fan of Warwickshire.In fact he instilled in me a love of sport,football,boxing,cricket,and rugby.
By the way welcome to the site and I can see by the two pieces you've written that you are talented,and I look forward to seeing more of your stuff. All the best.

Gothicman on 23-06-2015
Fathers Day
Fine tribute, MrMarmite! The need to break away means that most people feel a sense of desertion to some degree when staking out your own life, that's if you felt you had good supportive parents during the early year, it's inevitable in some respects, loyalty dilemma, primal family contra own family. Even better evidence of their worth if still there supportive when Life's gone completely arse-about-face! Most people though feel there were a few words of thanks that should have been said. We have to live with that I suppose. Fine candid writing.
Goth

Author's Reply:
Hi. Thanks for reading and your positive comments.Life can be strange at times I find,as I look back and think why did that happen etc,and why did I do that ? If I could erase those crazy years I'd do it,but then again you can learn from bad experiences can't you ? Still life goes on ! cheers.Kevin.


Marbles,Conkers,and Tiddlywinks (posted on: 12-06-15)
I read recently that many kids couldn't go a day without their mobile phones as they need them to keep in touch with friends and to play games on etc.Which inspired me to write this.

Growing up as a kid in the 60's before computers and all that stuff, we'd play simple games like I.spy, hide-and-seek,and blind mans bluff. But we were hardly ever indoors always outside until it got dark, kicking a ball around for hours over the fields or at the park. Cowboys and Indians was a favourite "bang bang you are now dead," shot by a plastic toy gun an imaginary bullet to the head. Girls liked to play hopscotch on the pavements of our street, while some twirled hula-hoops others had roller skates on their feet. The summers were one long adventure fuelled by ice-cream and orange pop, us lads would climb high trees racing each other to the top. So if we weren't playing marbles, conkers,catch,leapfrog,or tig, we'd pretend to be soldiers and march around all tough and big. So it was a time void of technology and a childhood that has flown on by, but it shows we didn't need video games, mobile phones,tablets,or bloody Wi-Fi !
Archived comments for Marbles,Conkers,and Tiddlywinks
deadpoet on 13-06-2015
Marbles,Conkers,and Tiddlywinks
Hi yes we did play in a different way back in the day. We think it was better. Though they still play outside- some of them. It may very well not have changed that much- there has just been added one more dimension to their play???
But a lovely evocative poem Marmite-

Author's Reply:
Hi. Thanks for reading and your comments.I guess kids do still play outdoors, but not to the extent we used to do.But I never see them climbing trees like we did,if there was a tree we'd be up it like monkeys !Yet someone once said to me we weren't burdened with health and safety like now,and we were oblivious to sexual predators etc,as they seem to be everywhere these days.So you can't blame parents I guess for keeping them indoors with so many weirdo's mooching about.All the best. Kevin.


Harry The Super Hero (posted on: 22-05-15)
Harry has another side to his character and he's out to save the world.(In his mind)

Harry hated his boring job stuck in an office nine to five, he really wanted to be a super hero rescuing people and keeping them alive. He'd fantasize about being Batman saving Gotham City from a crime spree, but just when he'd captured the Riddler his mother called him down for his tea. Harry had never had a girlfriend not even been out on a date, but in his mind he was Cassanova and all the girls thought he was great. He'd tell them his work was top secret yet they knew it was all just a lie, but that never stopped him from saying: "I'm like James Bond,a daring intrepid spy." Poor Harry lived in a fantasy world even though he was now aged forty two, as one day he was the Incredible Hulk the next be dressed as Doctor Who. He also would stare on out of the window thinking he wished he could fly, so instead of being at the photo-copier he could be Superman speeding across the sky. But will he ever leave his tedious job or remain there all fed up and glum ? well he said he was off to be an astronaut but really he's still at home with his mum !
Archived comments for Harry The Super Hero
pommer on 22-05-2015
Harry The Super Hero
Great stuff.I enjoyed reading it.I have met one Harry recently.Fantasy can make life so much more interesting. Well written. Thank you for sharing. Peter.

Author's Reply:
Thanks Peter so pleased you enjoyed my Harry poem.I've known a few people like him over the years,but what has always amazed me is that we know they make up stories but it never stops them from keep on telling them does it ? But like you say it can make life a tad more interesting !
Cheers. Kevin.

deadpoet on 24-05-2015
Harry The Super Hero
Living in your own fanatsy world can certainly be a respite from a boring life. Loved your poem. I admire your ability to make the lines rhyme. Very good.

Author's Reply:
Hi.Thanks for your comments much appreciated.Bit low today to be honest as a good mate of mine passed away and just found out yesterday.He was diabetic but a heavy drinker and wouldn't stop even though he knew it was doing him harm.I told him only two weeks ago that he'll be found slumped over somewhere,but he shrugged it off and I was spot on as he was found dead in his house slumped over a chair !When he was sober he was great company but he suffered with depression too and I think he wanted to end it and chose to drink as he knew it would get him in the end.
Still he's at peace now as he was unhappy. All the best. Kevin.


Man Flu (posted on: 15-05-15)
My ex missus was unsympathetic if I was feeling rough and would laugh and say snap out of it you've got just a cold.Come to think of it my mother was the same so this is for all us tough men who soldier on bravely through this terrible illness that women never understand.Cough,Cough !

I think I'm about to die as I don't feel at all well, I've gone right of my food and I've no taste or smell. My head is really thumping and my chest is also tight, I keep on going all dizzy in fact I don't feel right. But please give me no sympathy just some kind words instead, but get me some more tablets and plump up the pillows on the bed. But I'm a tough and macho bloke and this illness won't ever beat me, but can you get me a hot water bottle and make us a nice cup of tea ? It's a miracle but I feel better today even though the doctor said it was just flu, so you can cancel the funeral arrangements as my manly strength saw me through !
Archived comments for Man Flu
deadpoet on 15-05-2015
Man Flu
Ha ha Mr Marmite- I don't know whether you may have waited on your ex-wife when she had the flu? I've never had that treatment but yes it would be nice. Some say (women!) that men are real babies when they are ill. I guess we Mothers are to blame. My son gets first class care when he stays here when he is ill. πŸ˜€
Well said.
Pia xx

Author's Reply:

sweetwater on 17-05-2015
Man Flu
Haha love this, you have written it very well, with pathos and humour I really enjoyed it.

Author's Reply:
Hi. So pleased you like this poem many thanks for reading and your comments too.
I keep any illnesses to myself these days as I get no sympathy,not that I want any.(liar)
Also I'm glad you enjoyed my library poem,it is madcap and zany but that's what I intended it to be.Then again the pub I was in last night had some strange characters in there,much like the crazy library ! Cheers.


The Crazy Library (posted on: 15-05-15)
Who said libraries are boring places !

It's kicking off in the library all the books have come to life, like in the horror section a zombie is holding a bloody knife. Cowboys and Red Indians are fighting arrows are flying through the air, a librarian told them to be quiet so an Apache chopped off all her hair. Classic writers are also alive Dickens is arm wrestling Shakespeare, Victor Hugo and Chaucer are boxing each other but Jane Austin is smoking and swigging beer. Animals are going wild and running amok Tarzan is trying to calm all them down, yet while all this mayhem is going on Beethoven is dancing to Tamla Mowtown. Surely this must be a mad dream and far too surreal to be true ? well I've just took a book out today and it was stamped by Winnie the Pooh !
Archived comments for The Crazy Library
deadpoet on 15-05-2015
The Crazy Library
Brilliant Mr Marmite-loved it- so lively and me being a librarian it appealed especially to me. That would be such fun.. sometimes it is a bit quiet πŸ™‚

Pia

Author's Reply:
Hi Pia. Pleased you enjoyed my mad poem as I never knew you were a book stamper.
I pop in my local library now and again and they know me as the bloke who writes stuff.I have a laugh with the staff in there and told them I'd do a poem on a library but not what they would expect.But the days of libraries being quiet places have gone,as people talk in there and even use their mobiles which is annoying.Also I see you commented on my Man Flu poem,a disease only men get as you don't hear about female flu do you ? And that's not to be sneezed at ! cheers.

sweetwater on 17-05-2015
The Crazy Library
This fun poem reminded me of the film ' A night at the museum' great imaginative writing. Sue.

Author's Reply:


Lob It Out ! (posted on: 04-05-15)
I decided to have a good clear out recently and for some reason it left me feeling really good.

I reckon I'm a bit of a hoarder and keep far too much stuff, so I had a good clear out as for this habit I'd had enough. Boxes and boxes of books many that have never been read, loads of magazines and paperbacks so many they would fill a shed. I wondered why I kept so many clothes shirts and jumpers from years ago, trousers and jeans I don't recall wearing so these fashion disasters I had to throw. Tins of nuts and bolts and screws and tools that were covered in rust, rolls of horrible looking wallpaper hidden away in a corner covered in dust. But I can't lob out my football books collected since I was just a lad, and I'm holding onto my vinyl albums plus old photos of my mum and dad. So I recommend you do what I did and give unwanted stuff the chop, as my son likes wearing his tracksuit and they love me in the charity shop !
Archived comments for Lob It Out !
deadpoet on 06-05-2015
Lob It Out !
I bet they love you In the charity shop! Great you kept that most dear. ☺

Author's Reply:
Hi.My flat looks bigger and tidier since my clear out.I live by a charity shop and the owner waves and smiles at me now as before she never,it must be because I took so much stuff in there.
It's a hospice shop so it all goes to a good cause which is the main thing.My son is the same size as me so he did well too,and when he visited the other night he had on a jumper,jeans,and jacket that I once wore probably a couple of times only,so everyone done well out of it !
All the best.


The Painting On The Wall (posted on: 27-04-15)
A painting that's been in the family for decades and now hangs on my wall.

It was on the wall when I was a child but I hardly noticed it was there, I'd walk past it in my teenage years and not even glance at the smiling lady. When my father passed away me and my sister were cleaning out the house and sorting through stuff, and she took this and that and I did the same the picture was put away in a box. The smiling lady was gathering dust when I decided to put her on my wall, and only then did I appreciate her beauty her face was still young and her hair still dark. When I look at the beautiful smiling lady I get the sense that she knows me well, she has been there through all the good times and witnessed the tears and lonely days. The smiling lady has always been in my life this painting of a woman with no name, who's eyes follow me around the room and they penetrate deep into my soul.
Archived comments for The Painting On The Wall
Savvi on 14-07-2015
The Painting On The Wall
Its funny how simple objects seem to be able to hold a piece of us inside them, it makes for a very interesting poem and one I'm sure most can relate to. Best Keith

Author's Reply:
Hi Keith.Bit late in replying to your comments but thanks anyway.I'm just looking through my old poems and as I was doing so I remembered writing this one,and who's staring down at me but the painting on my wall.She's been there so long I don't think I'll ever get rid of her now ! All the best Keith.


The Record Shop (posted on: 17-04-15)
I read recently that Vinyl is way ahead of c.d's in record sales in the U.K.Which inspired me to write this.

I used to go into town in the 70's and head straight for the record store, I liked to get their nice and early and be the first through the door. The walls were covered in pictures of stars from the music scene, they'd be David Bowie and Hendrix, the Rolling Stones,and Queen. There were hundreds of albums neatly sectioned from A to Zed, all tastes were catered for from Abba to the Grateful Dead. They'd be rock and heavy metal jazz and pop music that was in the chart, reggae,blues,and country and western, and even classical like Beethoven and Mozart. And some album covers were beautiful works of art on the record sleeves, that was why the owner was alert and looking out for arty thieves. It was a sad time when the shop closed down an end of an era the local paper did say, but the record store is making a comeback and good old vinyl is here to stay !
Archived comments for The Record Shop
deadpoet on 18-04-2015
The Record Shop
I'd say that is a good trend- The old album covers were exquisite. Nice ode to vinyl. Are you going to buy some?

Author's Reply:
Hi. I've kept 100 vinyl but haven't got a record player to play them ! But they remind me of those days so that's better than nothing. Thanks for reading. Cheers. Kevin.


A Face In The Clouds (posted on: 10-04-15)
Clouds can be interesting can't they ?

I looked up at the sky and all I could see were clouds, big ones like dollops of mashed potato. One was shaped like a map of the United Kingdom and another like Spain,and one that looked like a face. I couldn't take my eyes of this beautiful face, because it looked like you.(was my mind playing tricks ?) Yet it was there all white and so clear and beautiful, was it put there just for me ? We had a great time in Spain didn't we ? Then the cloud faded away and it was gone. Just like you.
Archived comments for A Face In The Clouds
deadpoet on 18-04-2015
A Face In The Clouds
Yes it definoteΓ¦y is great to "read" clouds- I still do it now and again- but my imagination is slightly limited. But I do appreciate clouds with or without pictures. Thanks for inspiring me to look at the sky next time. πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Hi. If you're like me a bit of a dreamer looking up at the sky and clouds is a must.I knew a woman who lived near me who took photos of clouds and then paint them on canvas,they were beautiful.She was known to be eccentric but I thought she was a great character and we got on well. I often think how she's getting on and the last I heard of her she was living on a barge. CHEERS.


Female Serial Killer (posted on: 06-04-15)
The last verse will reveal who this female psycho is !

She blends into the background likes spending time on her own, and her eyes are dark with a heart made of stone. Her mind is dangerous with thoughts of death, she's after another victim to take their final breath. She's out on the prowl to strike at will, she won't ever stop till she's made another kill. She's now out of control slaying just for fun, in the dark cold night or in the heat of the daytime sun. But it's just in her nature to go into the chicken box, as she's a crafty vixen a cunning female fox !
Archived comments for Female Serial Killer
sweetwater on 06-04-2015
Female Serial Killer
Yep, love it, love it. All hail to the fox I say. Great poem skips along with the reader running behind to see if the ' villain' is who they think it is after all your clues. I wouldn't say she has a heart of stone but that helps to throw you off the scent so to speak. Brilliant πŸ™‚ Sue.

Author's Reply:
Hi. Pleased you enjoy my foxy poem.I love foxes but my late father who worked on a farm as a young lad witnessed a fox killing a dozen chickens by biting their heads off,and not even taking one off to eat.He said foxes are a dangerous pest who often kill for fun,and look nice etc but are a menace.
I know farmers hate them but to me they are survivors and if they do kill it must be in their nature.
Anyway a good subject for a few verses ! cheers. Kevin.


Smells of Football (posted on: 16-03-15)
As a football fan I wish my team gave us more of the sweet smell of success !

Football has it's own smells, fresh grass on the pitch to the aroma from hot-dog stalls. In the dressing room there's sweat, strong odour coming from ointment being massaged into aching muscles. On the terraces you smell beer, years ago there would be tobacco smoke on Boxing Day the whiff of cigars. As a boy my mothers washing powder making my kit smell nice and fresh, getting rid of mud stains. The leather on a new pair of boots and ball, and layers of polish. Oranges at half-time always smell so sweet and the juice in the plastic cup. The smells of football like memories that stay with you forever.
Archived comments for Smells of Football
franciman on 16-03-2015
Smells of Football
C'Way the Lads! I see a 9 or 10 year old. God it might be me!
This is really well worked.
cheers,
Jim

Author's Reply:
Alright Jim. Are you a football fan too ? I preferred football in the 60's/70's to be honest it was more working class I reckon,and less diving and cheating ! Cheers. Kevin.

Ionicus on 16-03-2015
Smells of Football
One tiny typo: get rid of that apostrophe in it's, it should be its.
Otherwise a good description of pleasant memories on the terraces.
Best, Luigi

Author's Reply:
Hi Luigi. Yes I see the typo now. Are you a lover of the beautiful game ? I may do one on the sounds of football next,my usual sound is booing and jeering ! All the best. Kevin.


The Quiet Accountant (posted on: 13-03-15)
I recently read an article about secret agents that are living and working in the U.K. It inspired me to write this.

He blends into the background somewhat aloof and even shy, but don't be fooled by his timidity as he's really an undercover spy. He's not all that he seems and that's not his real name, his true agenda is top secret as he's in the espionage game. A wolf in sheep's clothing an assassin with a dark soul, he's not a mild mannered accountant but a double agent,a spook,a mole. He goes out at night in disguise with a gun inside his overcoat, but if his true identity was revealed he'd have to cut his own throat. So beware of that unassuming chap in your office the one who looks like he wouldn't hurt a fly, as he just might be leading a double life and be a ruthless professional spy !
Archived comments for The Quiet Accountant
sweetwater on 13-03-2015
The Quiet Accountant
It makes looking at work colleagues a lot more exciting! Not that I have them now, but I wonder...... Great write very imaginative.

Author's Reply:
Hi. When I wrote it I could picture a chap in my mind who was all meak and mild in an office,but outside of the workplace changed into this dark and sinister spy.There's an assistant in my local library who fits this character exactly as I reckon he would make a perfect secret agent ! Cheers.

franciman on 13-03-2015
The Quiet Accountant
I enjoyed this. It's imaginative prosetry.
I have a problem though with the final verse. I'm no student of metric feet, etc. The lines are much too long compared with the other verses which are regular in rhyme and rhythm. It spoils the read for me. If that was your intention of course, you won't see it as a problem, which is your right.
I still took plenty from it.
cheers,
Jim

Author's Reply:
Hi Jim. Pleased you enjoyed my poem.I think you may be right though on the last verse as the words unassuming and professional should be replaced with shorter words to keep the rhythm flowing.
They say you should always read your poems out loud so I must have forgot this time.Anyway thanks for reading and your comments. Cheers:Kevin.


The Unromantic Football Fan (posted on: 13-02-15)
A Valentines Day poem but not for the romantic !

She said he was unromantic a cold fish of a guy, he much preferred football drinking beer and eating a pie. She said he was unromantic regretted becoming his bride, as even on their honeymoon he sneaked off to watch his side. She said he was unromantic no compliments to her did he pay, though once he bought her some chocolates but he ate them during Match of the Day. She said he was unromantic never took her on holiday, spent all of their savings on matches home and away. She said he was unromantic should have wed another bloke, yet he never even heard her as he was watching a match at Stoke. She said he was unromantic her feelings had been hurt, but he shouted down the stairs : "have you seen my football shirt ?" She said she was finally leaving as he had no love in his soul, yet with eyes on the telly he replied : "did you see that,what a fantastic goal !"
Archived comments for The Unromantic Football Fan
sweetwater on 13-02-2015
The Unromantic Football Fan
This made me smile, fortunately I have never known a football fan, this one sounds one of the worst though. Good, fun poem, very much enjoyed. Sue.

Author's Reply:
Hi Sue.As I'm a big football fan I'd thought I'd do a poem linked to Valentines Day and the beautiful game.Can't believe you've never known a football fan as it's the nations number one sport.I love it and ingrained that into my two sons too,have you ever been to a match ? My sister has never been to a game and just can't understand why us blokes watch it,but I reply I never watch soaps for the same reason !
Cheers. Kevin.

sweetwater on 14-02-2015
The Unromantic Football Fan
Hi Kevin, no I have never been to a football match, nor wished to, Rugby's not so bad, now they are real men! not been to a rugby match either though. Watching Snooker is my thing, slowly brainwashing my two young grandsons πŸ™‚ As for soaps ghastly rubbish along with reality shows of any kind. Fortunatly I live alone, (well cat and dog too ) so I can please myself when it comes to the tv. Sue.

Author's Reply:
Hi.I too like Rugby and played Rugby Union for three seasons and like watching it on t.v. now but football is my number one sport.My youngest son loves playing Snooker and Pool and can get fifty odd breaks in games compared to my red and one colour ! cheers. Kevin.


Old Fred's Shed (posted on: 30-01-15)
I don't know if it's a bloke thing but we all like sheds don't we ? I remember an elderly chap who lived by me years ago who was never out of his which inspired this.

Fred loved his shed he was always in there, just pottering about or snoozing in his chair. The shed was his own nobody else allowed in, where he enjoyed a cuppa and a nip of whisky or gin. He'd listen to the radio with his dog by his feet, his shed kept out the rain and was cool in the heat. In his domain were tools some broken and full of rust, jars and jars of nuts and bolts and an old bike covered in dust. He also had creepy crawlies and was plagued by mice, in the roof were bees who stung him which wasn't very nice. But old Fred didn't really mind he was just happy in his shed, but his wife did stop him though from putting in a single bed. Fred sadly passed away from old age it was said, but he got his dying wish as he's buried in his shed !
Archived comments for Old Fred's Shed
ValDohren on 30-01-2015
Old Freds Shed
Yes, it's definitely a bloke thing - too many spiders for my liking ! Good one Kev.
Val x

Author's Reply:
Glad you liked it Val. I haven't a shed of my own, but a customer of mine who has since passed away used to have me as her gardener and Id sit in the shed eating my sarnies and drinking my tea.I loved it in there as her husband built it himself and it was really cosy with an armchair and radio,and if it rained I'd read the paper and chill out ! cheers. Kev.

sweetwater on 01-02-2015
Old Freds Shed
Fun and very enjoyable poem. I can't understand the attraction of a shed though, I guess as Val said it's a man thing. πŸ™‚ Sue.

Author's Reply:
Hi. Pleased you enjoyed my shed poem.As I replied to Val I haven't one of my own but have been in a few on my window cleaning/gardening round.When I had an allotment I did share one with an elderly chap but it was a wreck to be honest and was almost falling down.But some sheds on the site were like little houses with all mod cons in there,and many blokes would be in them for hours in fact some seemed to spend more time in their wooden shacks than at their homes ! All the best Sue. Kev.

Gothicman on 01-02-2015
Old Freds Shed
Yes, we blokes, Kev, need our little hideaways for keeping the likes of Val and Sue out of hearing range occasionally c.a. 16 hours a day! Hahaha! I can just picture you sitting in the armchair with your cup of tea on Fred's stone monument!
Good fun read.
Trevor

Author's Reply:
Hi. Many thanks for reading my poem and comments. I miss the shed to be honest as I used to do some gardening, and than relax in there and Hazel the elderly lady never bothered me as long as I did her plot to her liking.I must have done something right as I worked on her much loved garden for two years before her passing.Sadly the new couple who moved in concreted it over and knocked the shed down much to my annoyance ! Cheers. Kevin.


Room 101 (posted on: 19-01-15)
I enjoy watching Room 101 on t.v. and it has inspired me to list some of the things I'd put in there. Trolls and Gordon Ramsey I'd like to throw in myself both head first !

Loud people those who are rude, especially Gordon Ramsey who's obsessed with food. Standing in queues running for a bus, those who always moan and make a fuss. Cold callers annoying junk mail, all nasty trolls throw them in jail. Those greedy bankers make me irate, so do politicians and the nanny state. Noisy neighbours keep you awake at night and gangs of hoodies with their dogs that bite. Those that borrow money because cash they lack, but they have no intention of ever paying it back. Reality television drives me insane, and that silly Big Brother please flush down the drain. So all of the above into Room 101 they go, plus lob in boring Christmas and Santa and his bloody Grotto !
Archived comments for Room 101
sweetwater on 19-01-2015
Room 101
Haha, love, love this,I agree on all, except Christmas and Santa. Would add people who park on paths, and cyclists who sneak up behind you then whizz past at full speed ( have they never heard of a bell? ) great topical write. Sue.

Author's Reply:
Hi. Loved Christmas as a kid but can't stand it anymore too commercial.Why not write your room 101 list in poetic form ? Tell you what Sue it feels good to write some down,my list could fill the complete works of Shakespeare ! Go on have a go ? Kevin.

ValDohren on 19-01-2015
Room 101
Tee hee - great stuff Kevin. Never watched it, but I've got the gist now. My list would be endless !!
Val x

Author's Reply:
Val. As I said to Sue why not do a list as well you'd be surprised how long the list can be ?
Have a watch when it's next on it's on BBC 1 this Thursday at 8.00 in the evening and I bet you'll enjoy it and find yourself writing down your own ! Kevin.


Walking (posted on: 19-01-15)
I've loved walking/hiking for many years and it makes me chuckle when I read or hear some fitness "expert" talk about the benefits of walking as if they've just discovered something new as I've known that since I was a teenager !

You don't need to go to a gym to get yourself really fit, and you don't need lots of cash or an expensive training kit. Just a decent pair of boots and a jacket to keep you dry, because it can rain in an instant even when clouds can't be seen in the sky. You can go for a gentle walk or a long trek in the fresh air, ramble down a long country lane and let the wind blow through your hair. Even better get yourself a dog then you can walk every day, and the exercise can lift the spirit if your mood is dark and grey. You can go rambling with friends or on your own nice and free, stroll through woodland or along a beach by the sea. So you don't need to take up running or go cycling on a mountain bike, just go for a leisurely stroll or up a hill on a really tough hike !
Archived comments for Walking
sweetwater on 19-01-2015
Walking
Great poem, and very true. When I was growing up in Surrey we lived surrounded by commons and I'd be gone almost all day exploring them with my dog. Absolutely nothing better than walking, wish I didn't have so much arthritis which stops me going far, but my spaniel and I are out every day amongst the fields. Sue.

Author's Reply:

ValDohren on 19-01-2015
Walking
Used to go walking years ago, but loss of hubby and of energy have put a stop to it now. It's great exercise though, and I still walk round and about locally, weather permitting of course !! Enjoyed reading.
Val

Author's Reply:
Hi Val. Thanks for reading and comments. When I stopped playing football/rugby I wanted to keep up some form of exercise/fitness,and found myself walking miles without giving it much thought.I've kept it up and walk everywhere when I can and feel so much better for it.When I've been down due to bereavement or need some space to think etc,I've got away by walking in the countryside on my own and it has lifted my mood and stopped me from sinking in to depression.So I'd recommend walking as an alternative to medication,or combine the two and just get out there in the fresh air in a group or on your own.
All the best Val. Kevin.

pommer on 20-01-2015
Walking
A really much appreciated poem.Well written.My wife and I have been great walkers for so many years. Alas not much more.I still do, but Edna's arthritis doesn't let her any more.Just one comment, I hope you don't mind.I would replace the second "long" in the third stanza by "narrow".Peter.

Author's Reply:
Hi. Pleased you enjoyed my poem and for your comments. You're right about me using the word long twice for some reason I never saw it till now.Thanks for pointing it out as it doesn't look or sound right.
As for walking I've been window cleaning today and the cold weather isn't ideal for everyone but I enjoy it as it gets you moving and going up and down the ladders soon gets you warm !cheers. Kevin.


The Pen Is Mightier Than The Sword (posted on: 09-01-15)
The horror of what happened in Paris is hard to comprehend but it has shown how unstable the world is these days.Writers are saying freedom of speech can never be eliminated but this massacre has shown you do need to watch what you say and write.

"The pen is mightier than the sword" so the saying goes, but what does that really mean ? To me it has always meant that the written word is an alternative to using violence to get your point of view across.As I was once a violent person who was aggressive and would get irate at the slightest thing,the thought of being articulate instead of being physical just wasn't part of my thinking back then. But as I changed my thinking and my character I could clearly see that violence was a sign of weakness and not strength,and to use force to win an argument was a sign of cowardice and low intelligence. It took prison sentences and relationship break ups to bring me to my senses but sometimes in life you need to go to the depths to see how violence is never the answer,and thankfully I managed to turn my life around and to me now violence is abhorrent and never the answer. Yet just because I think like that these days doesn't mean many others have the same mindset does it ? In fact if you read the papers or watch the news daily,you would probably think that the whole world is governed by violence and hate wouldn't you ? War is violence on a huge scale with aggression being used on both sides to settle things,but is their a winner in the end ? Loss of life for what ? But wars go on and on and not just on the battlefields,there's violence going on behind closed doors,on our streets,in pubs,clubs,and in schools too.But where does it get you in the end ? For me it ended in prisons and months and months of incarceration,so who was the winner there then ? it certainly wasn't me ! Yet violence is now the norm and to be passive is seen as a sign of weakness and even wimpish.Governments send young soldiers off to war, but if they come back alive many are suffering from post traumatic stress and many have nervous breakdowns due to the horrors of the mindless violence that they experienced.I myself came out of prison twenty years ago as a stranger to my family due to the violence I encountered whilst inside,and it took many years to rid myself of the negativity it brought as it is a strong enemy to defeat when it has such a tight grip on your being.So yes the pen is mightier than the sword and words are a more powerful weapon than any knife,but sadly it looks like this world we live in doesn't agree with that saying !
Archived comments for The Pen Is Mightier Than The Sword
sweetwater on 09-01-2015
The Pen Is Mightier Than The Sword
Gosh this is very impressive, and humbling at the same time, if only my son-in-law would read this, but even if he did he wouldn't take your wise words on board. The pen can be mightier than the sword, but.. It can wound in its own way, and if a person writes something in the name of satire, it's just a way of poking fun at someone but under another name, which is cruel. And to mock the beliefs of anyone is wrong, and when it's aimed at powerful and dangerous organisations it's just plain stupid.
This world is heading down a fearsom road. Everyone seems to think they can do and say anything they want regardless of the effect it will have. It's becoming a very dangerous world. More people need to think as you do, and realise violence can never be an answer. All credit to you for writing so well on such a personal matter. Sue x


Author's Reply:
Hi Sue.Thanks for reading and your comments.I've written before on here about my previous life and called it People Can Change you can check it out if you want.I agree with you as just because we have freedom of speech that doesn't mean we have the right to be nasty or rude to someone just because we want to.I love humour and us Brits are known for it and poke fun at ourselves all the time.But I've noticed comedians today go over the top at times and no subject is taboo and they seem to go out of their way to offend.Look at trolls they are nasty and cruel but wouldn't say it to your face as they are cowards.I've been there and got the T.Shirt so to say, but I've kept the mindset if you can't say a nice word to somebody don't say anything ! Tell your son-in-law to read my story and hope he sees sense just like I did.Cheers Sue.


New Year Resolutions (posted on: 02-01-15)
Happy New Year to all on UK AUTHORS and if you've made any resolutions good luck.Here's a list of some favourites made by people each year.

Go on a diet join a gym, take up jogging learn to swim. Stop smoking pack in the beer, make new friends read Shakespeare. Quit the job start anew, travel more go to Corfu. Save some cash eat good food, be more friendly and less rude. Get a pet a cockatoo, buy a dog a cute shih-tzu. A list of resolutions made each year, many broken in a week I fear !
Archived comments for New Year Resolutions
charliesgirl on 02-01-2015
New Year Resolutions
How true! I have made so many of these resolutions myself!

Author's Reply:
Hi. Just read your new poems and enjoyed them both so hope you send in more this year.
I don't bother with resolutions anymore as I broke them fairly quickly.The only one that I made and stuck with was to take each day as it comes as you can't mess with that can you ! Cheers. Kevin.

ValDohren on 02-01-2015
New Year Resolutions
Eat more chocolate
Drink more wine
Spend more money
Are three of mine !

Val xx


Author's Reply:
Hi. There not resolutions Val more like vices ! Enjoy them anyway. All the best for 2015.

sweetwater on 04-01-2015
New Year Resolutions
Hi there, one has to start the new year optimistically I believe, and you seem to have most things covered, and to last a week is a very good achievement in my book. All the very best for 2015. Sue.x

Author's Reply:
Hi Sue. All the best for 2015 to you too. If you made any resolutions hope you keep them ? But if you last more than a week well done ! Kevin.


Stuck In The Lift (posted on: 19-12-14)
I rarely use lifts but the other day I got in one on my own and the door wouldn't open when I got to the floor I pressed for.I was in there for about thirty minutes but it seemed longer and it was a horrible experience.

I got in the lift as I wanted the top floor, but when I got there I couldn't get out of the door. For some reason it had jammed so my heart started to beat, I felt all hot and sweaty as I kicked the door with my feet. I yelled at the top of my voice "is there anybody there ?" but I heard nothing back so I continued to swear. I pressed the alarm a dozen times when finally a voice did say, "please keep calm sir an engineer is on his way." So I sat down upon the floor as I didn't feel very well, I felt like I was in prison and I was in my tiny cell. Then after what seemed like hours the engineer got me free, but all that came out of my mouth was "tell you what mate I'm dying for a wee." So the next time you use a lift you watch out and take care, but I'm keeping away from them and in future I'll use the stair !
Archived comments for Stuck In The Lift
sweetwater on 20-12-2014
Stuck In The Lift
I never use the lift for this exact reason, I struggle with stairs ( arthritis, family legacy) love 'up' escalators, hate going done them, but all are preferable to a lift, will use with someone else but never,ever alone. Great poem, told a very vivid story. Sue.

Author's Reply:

Ionicus on 20-12-2014
Stuck In The Lift
Poor you, it must have a horrible experience. Luckily it never happened to me and there are some modern lifts that are so quiet that one wonders if they are moving at all.

Author's Reply:

Bozzz on 20-12-2014
Stuck In The Lift
Hospital lifts in Salisbury do not move vertically at all,
they just drift like ectoplasm from floor to floor. I was about to step into the lift of a German hotel in New York when the great three-day East coast black out power cut of half America came. Brits and Germans walked up 15 stories to their rooms. The Americans slept in the lounges. If you stood near the lift and listened after a few hours you could hear the calling and the urine dripping down. Their lifts were the last to get supply of electricity because that part of the city was still on DC current. Good description of what it must have felt like .....David

Author's Reply:

MrMarmite on 21-12-2014
Stuck In The Lift
Thanks to all for comments and sympathy much appreciated.
It was a horrible experience and the longest half an hour of my life to be honest.It was a small two person lift and I felt crammed in and I had to take deep breaths to calm down.I always take the stairs and from now on I'll never go in a lift again !
cheers: Kevin.

Author's Reply:

ValDohren on 21-12-2014
Stuck In The Lift
A nightmare scenario, but if I had to choose between a lift and 20 flights of stairs, think I'd go for the lift ! Good one Kevin.
Best wishes for Christmas and the New Year.
Val xx

Author's Reply:
All the best to you Val and have a nice Christmas and best wishes for the New Year.Kevin x


Wintertime (posted on: 08-12-14)
From some of the verses you wouldn't think I like winter but I do and as I work outdoors I even enjoy the cold mornings as it freshens you up !

Woolly hat and gloves bright red nose, pair of thick socks to warm the toes. A robin on a branch snow all around, slippy pavements rock hard ground. Cold and icy leafless trees, germs and bugs to make you sneeze. Bowls of soup dipped with bread, kids throwing snowballs aiming for your head. It must be winter so wear a vest, but it's the season that I like best !
Archived comments for Wintertime
sweetwater on 09-12-2014
Wintertime
Reminded me of winters when I worked in kennels a great many years ago when things were harder and much more basic than today. The dogs had heated kennels but the rest of us spent all day outside in the bitter cold. But like you I loved it and found real pleasure in the simplest things, warm gloves, hot tea and shared chilly ness !
Great poem, loved it, and the memories πŸ™‚ Sue.

Author's Reply:
Hi Sue. Been window cleaning today with a cold wind blowing but going up and down ladders quickly warmed me up,that along with half a dozen cups of tea from friendly customers,and a large slice of cake from a lovely elderly lady ! I hardly feel the cold when working outdoors but do feel it when I've stopped or in a cold room.But it's not for everybody and most people like the heat instead. thanks for comments. Kevin.

pommer on 09-12-2014
Wintertime
A lovely heart warming poem.peter

Author's Reply:
Hi Peter. As I wrote to Sue winter isn't everybody's favourite season but when I was a kid in the sixties every winter was one of snow and being outdoors playing football and having a great time.
I'd love to go to Canada or somewhere similar and have an adventure holiday living in a log cabin and chopping firewood and have husky's etc,brilliant ! cheers. Kevin.


Black Friday (posted on: 05-12-14)
What crazy scenes in stores on the so called Black Friday which inspired me to pen this.

Shoppers fighting each other all for a widescreen T.V. even senior citizens got angry over the very last Christmas Tree. Some queued up in the cold overnight so they were the first through the door, all that just for a new microwave or a carpet for their living room floor. At some stores the police were called as customers fought over an iPad, and people trampled over one another which proved the world has gone mad. But if you do really need a bargain without someone giving your nose a bop, why not help those in real need and spend that cash in a charity shop !
Archived comments for Black Friday
pommer on 05-12-2014
Black Friday
Well written my friend, I was disgusted to the the degraded behaviour of those greedy people a disgrace to humanity. Just one comment,In the last stanza I would leave out the "do" in the first lie.It might flow better if it read:"But if you really need a bargain" hope you don't mind me saying this. It is a good poem.Be lucky, Peter.

Author's Reply:
Hi Pete. Thanks for reading and comments. When I watched the scenes on T.V.I thought people have lost the plot ! It shows how greedy and grabbing some folk can be and if they act like that for material things,how would they act if we hit a time with a food shortage etc like in the Third World ? I think we know the answer to that don't we ? cheers. Kevin.


Now That I'm Retired (posted on: 01-12-14)
This sadly isn't me yet but a friend of mine who retired from work aged fifty eight the lucky sod. He is always cheerful whereas when he was working he could be moody and depressed !

They say life begins at forty but I have to disagree, for me it started when I retired from a boring job in a factory. No more clocking in and out getting up when it's still dark, now I can do whatever I want like take my grandson to the park. No more looking at the clock dreaming I was somewhere else instead, now I can go off fishing or have a lazy day in bed. No more greasy and grimy hands overalls smelling of oil, now I can potter about my garden instead of long hours of sweat and toil. Got lots of hobbies on the go enjoy going for rides on my bike, I've become a fitness fanatic but still go to the pub when I like. So when I retired from work that's when life began for me, in fact I'm off soon with the darts team for a week of debauchery in sunny Turkey !
Archived comments for Now That I'm Retired
stormwolf on 02-12-2014
Now That Im Retired
Such a cheery poem. Fair perked me up to read it. I think retirement is wonderful for some folk and hell for others depending on health, hobbies and of course dosh!
Alison x

Author's Reply:
Alison.He's a changed man these days as he's always chirpy and never miserable.But like you say some hate not working and carry on till they drop.When I retire I'll miss my customers but I want to write more and if possible visit some places if money allows.Thanks for reading and comments.
Cheers. Kevin.

chant_z on 02-12-2014
Now That Im Retired
Yes.Cheerful read. I agree with Alison.

Author's Reply:
Thanks for reading and finding it cheerful.Writing the poem has made me think more about retirement myself but financially can't do it just yet.I'm off now to have a go on the lottery ! cheers. Kevin.

sweetwater on 04-12-2014
Now That Im Retired
Great poem, I had redundancy forced on me, and resented and hated every minute, no one would take me on as I was near retirement age, and plagued with our family's love of arthritis!! no money ,no workmates and enforced search for any job suitable or not. Now however I have been retired for two years and my outlook is great, mortgage now gone so can't be kicked out, legitimate time to do as I please,no pressures to do others bidding. ok not much money ( and more baby sitting ) but time to really see all the joys in my small world, and immerse myself in nature and my writing. I am making the most of every minute. Your poem helped me to see how lucky I am. πŸ™‚ Sue.

Author's Reply:
Hi Sue.Really pleased you enjoyed my poem even though it was written for someone else.I'm sixty now and still working as a window cleaner/gardener but have eased back a bit as I've discovered aches and pains in places that my doctor never knew existed. I've too had times of unemployment and was lucky to get a reply from an employer let alone an interview,so decided to go it alone instead.When I knock it on the head and retire who knows,probably pop off one day on my round ! Writing,nature,sitting on the baby,sounds great to me,so enjoy ! cheers. Kevin.


A Mobile World (posted on: 21-11-14)
We all have one but everywhere you look now you see someone on their phone,hence this poem.

People walking down the street with a mobile in their hand, even the football fan is texting while sat at the match in the stand. And small children have them has the world gone mobile mad ? kids don't climb trees anymore they prefer playing on their new iPad. And drivers are tweeting to friends even when at the wheel of a car, and the drinker is chatting on his while stood with a pint at the bar. The sign says turn all phones off but many choose to ignore this advice, which is so bloody annoying at the cinema so a mobile free zone would be nice. Have T.Mobile,Nokia,and Samsung, created a monster or just supplying a need ? because they're even allowed now in libraries so don't expect a nice quiet read. But mobiles can be quite useful and I guess they're here to stay, but please you cold callers I don't need Insurance so just go away !
Archived comments for A Mobile World
sweetwater on 22-11-2014
A Mobile World
I have three mobiles, my son-in-law keeps updating me by either passing on their "old" phones when they buy the next model, or by a good deal on a newer model. This is very kind, but just confuses me as technology leaves me cold, and I have no idea how to use them properly. I like my landline, old fashioned, on the wall with a curly cord. Very much enjoyed reading this poem, as you say they creep into every part of our lives. Sue.

Author's Reply:
We all own a mobile don't we ?But instead of using them for important things they're everywhere you go.
I went to a writers workshop the other day where there were about twenty people there.I turned my phone off as I thought the tutor wanted them off,but during the session phones were ringing and buzzing constantly and the tutor said nothing ! Cheers. Kevin.

Pronto on 27-11-2014
A Mobile World
A modern blessing or a curse? Depends how we use them I suppose. Like fire they are a great servant but a terrible master.

Well pointed up.

Author's Reply:
Hi. We all use a mobile these days but like anything that's used daily it becomes tedious after a while and the novelty wears off.Yet teenagers seem to have one glued to their ears or to their fingers !
Thanks for reading and comments.


Did You Get A Goodnight's Sleep ? (posted on: 10-11-14)
I live in a very noisy area so this poem was written after yet another sleepless night.

In the distance an owl hoots as a fox knocks over a bin, a drunk sings and shouts he's making a right old din. The wind whistles through the trees as rain tip taps on the glass, the clock goes tick,tock,tick,tock, as cars go speeding pass. Dogs bark at strange noises floorboards start to creak, the neighbours are shouting again for the umpteenth time this week. Now an alarm has gone off maybe a burglar is in their house ? but what's that bloody scratching noise ? sounds like a pesky little mouse. The morning has finally arrived a milk float rattles on by, the alarm clock is going berserk it's time to get up I sigh. "You can't beat a good nights sleep " that's what all these experts say, but it's so damn noisy round here I'd be better off kipping during the day !
Archived comments for Did You Get A Goodnight's Sleep ?
Mikeverdi on 11-11-2014
Did You Get A Goodnights Sleep ?
Oh dear, I know this SO well. We live in the city surrounded by student houses, we learn to get by on a minimum. What with them, the seagulls attacking the bins setting my dogs off.... lottery win please so I can get the fuck out of here.
Mike

Author's Reply:
I echo your comments Mike as it can get a bit too much some days round here. I've got a drug dealer next door and there's weirdo's in and out at all hours.He doesn't bother me but before he moved in I had a lovely elderly lady in there so what a contrast.Most of the youth here are spaced out on dope or stronger stuff, there dogs have got more brain cells than their owners ! cheers Mike.

sweetwater on 12-11-2014
Did You Get A Goodnights Sleep ?
Oh dear, having read both the poem and the comments, which by the way did make me smile, Mike's hoped for lottery win and your drugged up weirdo's. I hesitate to say this, but here goes. After years of shift work I still struggle to sleep, the silence is deafening, I hope for the noise of squabbling foxes, or perhaps a distant car. Sometimes there are teenagers in the park, or my neighbours ( from foreign lands ) chatting outside at 3am. But mainly there's nothing but silence, which is lovely usually, except on really long nights when a little noise is comforting. I really enjoyed reading your poem, and now appreciate my silence. πŸ™‚ Sue .

Author's Reply:
Hi Sue.I envy your silence I really do as we hardly get any here.In fact I reckon we live in a noisier world these days as everywhere you go there's loud noise.I love when I go to my sisters house in Leicestershire as it's rural as where I live in Coventry it's more of an estate.But there I love the sound of birds etc,and not bloody pigeons. But on a lighter note they have a neighbour who has a cockerel and he makes a racket so like I said it's everywhere ! cheers.


On the Bus (posted on: 31-10-14)
If you're struggling to create a verse or two just go on a bus journey,you'll get inspiration if you listen. I recall one such bus trip when a woman gave all of us on the lower deck her life story and didn't care less who was listening !

The woman on the bus talked loud to her friend on her mobile phone, she said the man in the bank was an arsehole because he'd turned her down for a loan. The woman on the bus talked loud all of us downstairs could hear, she said her husband had got the runs due to a heavy night on the beer. The woman on the bus talked loud she was off to the doctors surgery, as she reckoned she'd got an infection which hurt her when she went for a wee. The woman on the bus talked loud said her son was a little prick, as he got done for a burglary and was now banged up in the nick. The woman on the bus talked loud said she fancied having an affair, because her husband was always in the pub and if she did he wouldn't even care. The woman on the bus got off at her stop she had talked loudly all of the way, but she had brightened up my journey and to be honest she really made my day !
Archived comments for On the Bus
Bozzz on 31-10-2014
On the Bus
Yes a bus sounds an excellent potential solution to writer's block, but how to pick one with a set of garrulous ladies on board? A delightful pennyworth of thoughts - but sadly the minimum fare is a tad more than that these days. Enjoyed the ride - thanks.....David

Author's Reply:
Hi Bozzz. Pleased you enjoyed my poem. I've picked up some good ideas on buses and trains to be honest as people do tend to talk a lot these days on their phones.Recently a woman talked for half an hour on her mobile to her friend on the bus and she gave me enough stuff to write ten poems ! cheers. Kevin.

Ionicus on 01-11-2014
On the Bus
Kevin, you are absolutely right. Buses and trains are a great source of inspiration. I had a similar experience to yours on a fairly long journey when a woman phoned a friend saying 'I won't keep you a minute' then spent the best part of an hour talking about all her woes. It would have made good material for a Greek tragedy.

Author's Reply:
Hi.Without sounding sexist I reckon women do tend to chat more on their phones than us blokes.If I'm meeting a mate in the pub I'll give him a quick call,but a lady on the bus once talked to her mate for twenty minutes and she was meeting her ! Thanks.. Kevin.

sweetwater on 01-11-2014
On the Bus
I hate having to overhear phone conversations, people talk so much louder on phones than they do to someone sitting next to them. The whole bus seems to go into an embarrassed silence when it happens. Id hate to think how people would react to your lady's conversation on my bus haha!

Author's Reply:
Hi. I never have long conversations on my phone when I'm out and about I keep them short,but many people think we all want to hear about their lives and aren't shy about it ! But as I wrote earlier it does give us writers some material.Thanks for reading. Kevin.

Mikeverdi on 02-11-2014
On the Bus
great observational writing mate, If I'm honest I get pissed off with the mobiles in crowded places.
Mike

Author's Reply:
Hi.Got talking in the pub last night about how we got on okay without mobiles years ago didn't we ?
Now everybody owns one and young people are addicted to them I reckon as you never see one without a mobile do you ? I was watching some kids once playing football over the park and the goalie was stood talking on his phone while leaning against the goalpost ! cheers. Kevin.


999 Emergency (posted on: 20-10-14)
Inspired to write this after reading about people making silly calls to the police about trivial things etc,and after watching my team play badly over the years I've been tempted myself !

"I'm going to call the police to report a major crime, my team are losing again and it's happening all the time." "I'm going to call the police as they hardly ever attack, the forwards are failing to score and the defence is weak at the back." "I'm going to call the police as my nerves are torn to a shred, in fact I want my money back as I may spend it elsewhere instead." "I'm going to call the police as I've made a citizens arrest, I've collared our manager and I'm sitting on his chest." "I'm going to the police station they've nicked me for making a nuisance call, but I'm bringing charges against Coventry City for crimes against humanity and football ! "
Archived comments for 999 Emergency
sweetwater on 23-10-2014
999 Emergency
Football certainly does stir people up, but doubt the police could help you unless they know a fantastic coach πŸ™‚ personally I love snooker, but not as passionately as you love football.
Enjoyed reading this unusual subject in poem form. Sue.

Author's Reply:
Hi Sue. Yes football is a very passionate sport.In fact I've seen mild mannered blokes turn into Atilla the Hun at matches !My son loves snooker too and can get fifty odd breaks while I'm lucky to get into double figures. Thanks for your comments. All the best. Kevin.


Down the Sweet Shop (posted on: 18-08-14)
When I was a kid we had a little shop on our street that all us kids loved as it had treats galore !

The little corner shop full of special treats, chocolate bars,bottles of pop, and jars and jars of sweets. Pocket money in my hand given to me by my dad, sometimes a bit extra if I'd been a good lad. I really loved that shop it was a young boys dream, you could get everything football cards,toys,and ice-cream. My dad popped in there too to buy a paper and fags, and mum would do a weekly shop I'd have to help her with the bags. Then along came a big Tesco the little shop lost it's trade, so sadly it closed down the end of an era I'm afraid. So I'll never forget that shop and when I think of it I smile, because unlike a supermarket it had character and style !
Archived comments for Down the Sweet Shop
Gothicman on 19-08-2014
Down the Sweet Shop
Lots of people read these nostalgic poems of yesteryear where families earned a simple living in these little shops and you'd have a drink with him/her in the local on a wednesday evening, and so, but not many leave comments unless they came from the area and knew the shop. these little reminders of those earlier times are always good to read though, keeps your life in perspective. Thanks for this one.

Author's Reply:
Hi. Pleased you enjoyed my poem and for the comments.I like a wander down memory lane now and again as I was lucky as my childhood was full of adventure and fun.Pity adult life hasn't been the same at times ! Many thanks. Kevin.

sweetwater on 21-08-2014
Down the Sweet Shop
Close to our house was a parade of 'proper' shops, everything you could want, fish & chips, bakery, drapers, grocer, green grocer etc, etc., and a sweet shop like yours, but that was around 40 years ago, now the parade is useless, estate agents, betting shops, tattooist. I loved those old shops, looking back times did hold more magic than they do for kids today.

Author's Reply:
Hi. Remember my recent story called Mrs Owl ? Well she was the owner of said sweet shop.
Every time I see a picture or an object of an Owl I think of her. The shop has gone now just like all the places of character,replaced by boring bland rubbish.Yet nothing can replace our memories so stuff em ! cheers : Kevin.


It's a Dogs Life (posted on: 15-08-14)
This is a day in the life of a canine voiced by the dog himself.

" Come on let's go for a walk I'm dropping hints by wagging my tail, go and put your coat and boots on you can stop off for a pint of ale." " Don't pull so tight on my lead I'm only a little dog you know, it's not that I walk fast anyway but you because you're ever so slow." " That's it let me off for a run I'm dying now to do a wee, don't worry I'll keep out of sight I'll nip behind that big old tree." "That feels better now I can chase a stick but please don't throw it so far, remember the last time you lobbed it ? I nearly got run over by a car." "He's had enough of me now so we must be on our way back, though I hope that nasty pitbull doesn't decide to come over and attack." " We've made it back safely home now for a nice drink from my bowl, then I can lie in front of the telly and watch my favourite team score a goal." "So it's not a bad life being a dog even though I'm getting a bit fat, but I can soon run the extra pounds off by chasing the neighbours ginger cat !"
Archived comments for It's a Dogs Life
sweetwater on 15-08-2014
Its a Dogs Life
Haha, wonder if my dog Harvey will agree, probably would πŸ™‚ no cat chasing though, he prefers to shout obscenities through the patio door to passing pigeons and our visiting badgers. Nice fun poem, much enjoyed. Sue.

Author's Reply:
Hi Sue. Pleased you enjoyed my doggy poem.So you've a swearing dog ? That would make an interesting poem ! All the Best. Kevin.

ifyouplease on 16-08-2014
Its a Dogs Life
lovely!!

Author's Reply:
Hi. Many thanks for the rating and pleased you enjoy the poem.
I haven't had a pet for years but after writing this I may get myself a mutt !
All the best. Kevin.

Supratik on 16-08-2014
Its a Dogs Life
This is a very nice poem indeed. Especially before taking Simba (my dog) out. I have enjoyed every line of this poem. Will re-read for sure!

Author's Reply:
Hi. Many thanks for your comments much appreciated.My poem could be about Simba couldn't it ?
Cheers: Kevin.

ValDohren on 16-08-2014
Its a Dogs Life
I don't have a dog Kevin, but I do love them. I can just imagine them thinking this way, ha ! Great fun poem, enjoyed reading.
Val x

Author's Reply:
Hi Val. I too don't have a dog but have had a few in the past so do know their mindset a bit.
I'm thinking of doing a poem on a cat in the same style as this just to balance things up !
Hope you're well ?
All the best. Kevin.


The Window Cleaner-Funny Incidents (posted on: 25-07-14)
Some more from my window round this time focusing on amusing incidents.

From a drunk lusty lady to a swearing parrot some of my days on the round have been lively to say the least,and here are a few more that gave me a good chuckle whilst getting stuck in with my squeegee. I put my ladders up just under the bedroom window and knocked on the door to ask the customer to fill my bucket up with soapy water but after ringing the bell for a couple of minutes and getting no reply got it filled up by the lady living next door.So after cleaning the windows downstairs I went up the ladders to give the bedroom windows a good clean and whilst doing so I could see a young girl in her bedroom but she was unaware that I was there as she had headphones on and she was singing into her hairbrush and dancing away as if she was auditioning for X Factor. I was going to tap the window to draw her attention but thought she may be embarrassed to see a strange man staring at her through the window so just quietly carried on cleaning while she continued on jumping about and singing into her brush and every now and then bowing to her imaginary audience. But just as I was going to descend down the rungs I noticed some bird dropping on the corner of the glass that I had missed due to me watching the budding pop star bopping away,so I got a coin from out of my pocket and proceeded to scratch it off.But as I was scratching the muck off the young girl had ended her singing and taking off her headphones looked over to see a chap smiling broadly at her giving a thumbs up gesture at which she let out a loud yell and ran into another room. I also shot down my ladder and ringing the bell was going to explain to the aspiring Kylie Minogue that I was the window cleaner and not some strange weirdo who liked to spy on young girls through their bedroom window but she wouldn't answer the door.When I returned a few days later to collect my money I was prepared to be be met by the young girls parents saying I gave their daughter such a fright,but the mother never mentioned it so Kylie must have kept it to herself. Another amusing incident that sticks in my mind is when myself and Mick my ex working partner were cleaning the windows of a house which had two large but gormless looking dogs inside that would just sit gawping at us but not barking or hardly moving at all. The owners or owner of these two strange mutts were never at home when we were there so we would take it in turns to try and get the dogs to show some movement or at least let out the odd bark or something as all you'd ever get was some sort of grunt or snort. So we would knock the window and pull faces and make cat noises to try and get a reaction but all we got was both of them staring at us with the usual dumb expression which we took as the lights are on but there's nobody at home,in other words they both were a bit thick. Anyway one day I must have been in a silly childish mood as I was pulling weird faces at them and making strange noises and even growling loudly but as per usual all I got back was a blank stare and I said to Mick who was standing behind me :"burglars could just walk in there and all they would do is sit and watch,they're bloody hopeless." But expecting to hear Mick agreeing with me and hearing nothing I turned around to see Mick grinning broadly with a woman with arms folded standing next to him with a face like thunder who said to me : "I pay you to clean my fucking windows not to take the piss out of Ace and Jet who are both fucking deaf !" My face went as red as a beetroot and all I could say was: " lighten up luv as I was only playing with them." But she was in no mood for my pathetic excuse and slammed the money down into Micks hand and told me not to come back again.But Mick thinking he was in the clear said: "don't worry luv I'll still come and clean them for you." At which the irate woman turned and said :"and you can piss off too !" Looking back she was right to lose her temper at me especially as Mick said she had stood watching me winding her dogs up for a good five minutes,but he was loving the entertainment that much he didn't warn me she was there,the bastard ! We had a laugh about it later on but deep down if I knew her dogs were both deaf I wouldn't have acted like a prat. Another incident that comes to mind is when I was in my local pub and one bloke who drank in there was in between jobs and asked me if he could do a few days work on my round ? He had a reputation as a hard man who had worked on the doors of clubs as a bouncer,but I got on okay with him so told him yes he could start the next day. So he turned up for his first day as a window cleaner all keen and eager but as it was a very cold winters day he was wrapped up like he was on a Polar expedition.I asked him if he'd done any window cleaning before but was told no in fact he'd never worked outside but was desperate to earn some cash. I showed him how to use a squeegee and how to put the ladders up safely and told him to clean the front of the house while I went around to do the back.After about ten minutes I went to see how he was getting on and found him halfway up the ladder shaking like a leaf not through the cold but by fear.He was frozen to the ladders as he said he went all dizzy and then told me he'd forgotten he was scared of heights. I managed to coax him down and told him to just do the bottoms of the houses while I went up the ladders to do the bedrooms as I hadn't the time to wait while he overcame his fear.I also had to tell him not to stick his cold hands into warm water as he would get hot aches,just dip the rag in for a second or two as hot aches are painful.He sort of nodded in response so I left him to get on with the job. As I was cleaning away I looked down at him to see him shivering even though he was well wrapped up with layers of warm clothing,but thought to myself he's a tough bloke he'll get used to it.How wrong was I as all of a sudden I heard a loud scream at which I shot down the ladders to find Mr tough guy with his hands in the bucket of water and as he pulled them out they were blue and so was his face as well. He said he had to warm his hands as they had gone numb and thought he'd ignore my advice as he was that desperate and was tempted by the sight of a bucket of hot water,and now he was suffering with the dreaded hot aches,and this hard man with a massive reputation was now blubbering like a child and asked me if he could go home ! I took pity on him and paid him half a days wages even though he'd hardly done a thing and before he went off home he asked me not to say he'd quit to blokes in the pub as it would look bad for his reputation,so I told him not to worry he had nothing to be ashamed of,even though deep down I thought he was a bit soft and didn't show enough grit. I never saw him in the pub for months so he must have been too embarrassed to show his face even though I was true to my word and didn't say a thing to fellow drinkers. But one night a few of us went into the city centre for a night out and went to a new club that had just been opened and lo and behold who was standing on the door dressed in a suit and wearing a dickie bow was none other than Mr tough guy himself who was the bouncer.We had to queue up while he checked everybody over for weapons or to stop those wearing trainers,and he turned a couple away who he deemed unfit to enter the club. Then it was my turn to get checked over and he was just about to give me a frisk when he recognised me and I said :" don't go putting those hands of yours into hot water now will you ?" His face went as red as mine did when I got a rollocking from the deaf dogs owner,and he got all flustered and quickly ushered me inside the club saying:" have a good night Kev and tell the bar staff that I can have a couple of free drinks paid for by me okay ?" Those couple of pints went down a treat and my mates said :"that was good of the bouncer buying you those drinks,it must be because you gave him some work ?" Looking over at the big doorman who was nervously watching me talking to my friends I replied : " yes it was good of him wasn't it ?"
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The Football Supporter (posted on: 25-07-14)
I've been writing about my experiences on my window cleaning round but this time I'm writing about my fifty years of being a Coventry City supporter.

Ever since I started kicking a football about from when I was a small boy I have always loved the game and I played for my primary school teams and then my comprehensive school which led on to me turning out for Coventry Boys.I always played as a winger but as I was two footed I could either play on the left or right flanks,and if the game was a bit slow or I wasn't receiving much of the ball I would cut inside and have a shot or two much to the annoyance of the coaches. I was only good at two things at school my reports would often say,one was playing football,and the other was English as I always enjoyed reading and writing,even if many of my essays were about footballers or football teams.Looking back if I wasn't running about kicking a ball I was stood with my dad on the terraces of Highfield Road the home of my beloved Coventry City Football Club,cheering the team on whilst clicking my big wooden rattle dressed head to foot in Sky Blue our club colours. I can't remember my first ever match as my dad said he'd taken me to a few games when I was only then about three or four years of age,but the first one I do recall vividly was at the age of about eight and it was a cup match verses Kings Lynn who were a non league side and we were a lowly third division club at that time.They won the tie and it was called a giant killing act and I remember being upset and my father calling the players a bloody disgrace. But my sadness didn't last very long because Jimmy Hill took over the club and within a few seasons he transformed us from a lowly little club into a First Division outfit who were playing and beating the likes of the mighty Liverpool,Manchester United,Chelsea,Arsenal,and Leeds United. I was watching players I had only seen in my football annuals such as the genius which was George Best,Bobby Charlton,Peter Osgood,Gordon Banks,and my all time favourite player Jimmy Greaves,who after a match signed my autograph book and I went home and kept staring at it for hours as I couldn't believe I'd just got my hero to write his signature out into my book. When I reached my teens I started to go to games with my mates as I'd play for my school on Saturday mornings,then go to a match in the afternoon,with my dad going on his own or with one of his brothers. But when I was in my late teens it was the time of football violence and before long I'd joined a gang of Coventry hooligans and we'd get into fights with opposing fans and some of these scraps turned really nasty with severe injuries being inflicted on both sides in fact they were often pitched battles inside and outside the grounds. I'm ashamed at this period of my life and am disgusted at myself in getting involved in mindless violence as I witnessed some terrible beatings dished out all because someone supported a rival club. The only defence I've got is that the seventies for some reason was a violent decade especially at football,and it was a case of fight or flight and if you belonged to a group of fans you had to stand your ground or lose face. But after one huge brawl at an away match where a couple got stabbed and if I hadn't ducked just at the right time my head would have been taken off by a flying house brick,I decided enough was enough and if I didn't leave the gang I'd end up lying outside a football ground with a knife sticking out of my back. Luckily for me I had now started working full time and could work some weekends so had the excuse that I couldn't make a match but the gang would say I could still make a week night match so for a while it was hard to get away from it all.But they had now started to come down hard on hooliganism and rival supporters would get segregated so fighting was less severe so many of the thugs stopped going and to be honest I was glad because it had gotten well out of hand. And when I got into my mid twenties I started going to matches with my dad again which was so much more safer and relaxed than when I was in the gang,and would love meeting him in the pub before a game,having a few beers and mixing with other fans who were only there to watch a match and not wanting to have a fight with you. Then when I became a father myself I would take my son to matches just like my dad did all those years ago,proving that football can be a generation thing and it gets passed down from one father to another. Being a fan of Coventry City for just over fifty years I have witnessed many highs and lows along the way,been to Wembley to see my team beat Spurs in the 87 F.A.Cup Final which was such a fantastic day and the celebrations went on for days here in Coventry with the whole population it seemed wearing Sky Blue ! Was there when the legend that is Jimmy Hill started his revolution back in the sixties turning a small club into a top flight one with crowds packing into our ground and in his honour a statue was erected outside our new stadium the Ricoh Arena. But there have been low points too and none more so in seeing my beloved club drop down from the Premier League to League One which is really the Third Division and to make matters even worse due too poor ownership we currently have to play "home" games at Northampton's ground as the owners got into financial difficulties so we got booted out of our Ricoh Arena for rent arrears and until they sort the mess out,we face another season playing outside of our city. My father is no longer alive and sadly Jimmy Hill is in a care home suffering with dementia,but I know how upset and angry they both would be to see the club they love being ruined by inept and even corrupt business people who haven't a clue how to run a great football club. But these bastards bringing down my club can't take away my memories that are stored away where they can't meddle with inside my head,so all I can say is thanks dad for taking me to matches as a kid and thanks also to Jimmy Hill for creating such a wonderful team back then. UP THE CITY !
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Football's Clever Inventions (posted on: 21-07-14)
As a football lover I was impressed at this years World Cup by the referees using a spray to mark a line out when there was a free kick.I read it has been around a while but it was being used for the first time in a big tournament.It inspired me to write this.

What did we use before goalposts did players have to put jumpers down, and who decided to toss a coin I imagine it was a florin or half a crown ? And who invented football boots did they once play in bare feet, and who came up with corner flags as you have to say they're kind of neat ? Then who had a eureka moment saying:"these goals they need a net" and was it a chap called William Hill who became the first to place a bet ? And what about those giant floodlights shining down on to pitches at night, who ever came up with that idea must have been really smart and bright. So where would we be without these creations those inventions still used in football today, yet for me the cleverest of the lot has to be the magical free kick spray !
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The Window Cleaner-Animals (posted on: 18-07-14)
I've written about some of my customers so I thought I'd tell you about some of the pets I've encountered.

Just like many of my customers there have been some fascinating animals on the round with their own unique personalities. But not all have been soft and cuddly in fact a fair few have been psychotic and have tried to rip chunks of flesh from my trembling body. I remember one such rabid mutt who was quite rightly called Rocky as he looked like he wanted to fight anybody who strayed on his patch,and he must have had inbuilt sonar as his owner told me she knew when I was on the estate as Rocky would start barking loudly and by the time I turned up he was salivating at the mouth. He could be calmed down when his owner was at home but if she was out when I came to clean the house,he turned into a werewolf with a taste for human blood.Even though this crazy canine scared me I felt all tough and macho when he was safely locked away in the kitchen,and would even wind him up by tapping the window as I cleaned which made him go even more crazy and he would charge at the glass and head butt it time and time again leaving his saliva dripping down but for me safely on the inside. His owner once told me to only clean her windows when she was at home as when I did them when she was out,she would return to find her kitchen in such a state it looked like burglars had got in and ransacked it.I acted all innocent and pretended I hadn't witnessed her beloved Rocky going on the rampage and trying to smash his head through double glazed glass in his attempt to tear the window cleaner limb from limb ! But luckily for me not all the customers had pets as aggressive as Rocky as I remember one old lady kept cats in her bungalow but not just a couple but about eight felines at a time,as she liked to take in rescue cats those which were unwanted or had been neglected. Luckily for these felines the elderly lady loved them as if they were all beautiful and prize winning tabbies,but most of them were really strange looking with eyes missing,legs missing,and one or two with half a tail.She was a gentle caring person but I would think to myself is her eyesight bad,or is she not all there in the head ? As to put it as gently as I can they looked like they belonged in horror movies,as most of them unnerved me as much as Rocky did but in a more spooky kind of way. I also had a customer with a Parrot who would tell me to "fuck off " when I cleaned the windows,which it's owner thought was hilarious but when he wasn't in earshot I'd tell the bird to "go fuck yourself " but after a while he would then squawk out loud "go fuck yourself " leaving it's owner with a bemused look on his face. So it's not just people who make up a window cleaners round as there are many animals who can add colour and even eccentricity to the working day. WOOF WOOF !
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The Window Cleaner-Bad Customers (posted on: 11-07-14)
Not all of my customers have been as pleasant or nice as Marjorie or Mrs Owl.

I have met some smashing people on my round over the years but sadly there have been a fair few that turned out to be a pain in the you know where.Here are a few stories about those who only got their windows cleaned once as I never returned again. You have to put up with a lot when you deal with the public but you just have to take deep breaths and think to yourself just keep calm and do the job get paid and go on your way.But there are some days you decide to bite back and give as much as you're getting. There are the customers who will do everything they can to get out of paying,they will tell you to come back later but when you do they are never in,or pretend not to be when you know full well they're at home but won't answer the door.But when you do finally receive the money it backfires on them as I never return,and make sure I let their neighbours know how they tried to rip me off,and tell other window cleaners in the area not to go to that house as they will end up having to go back a half a dozen times to get paid. Then there are the grumblers and moaners who are never satisfied with what you've done,they find fault just for something to whinge about these are the one's you have to stand your ground with or they will ruin your day if they can.You get them saying things like: "you left smudge marks on a window," but on closer inspection they discover the marks are on the inside,but you rarely get an apology or a sorry my mistake. These are more irritating than anything else but they can get on your nerves when you know you've done a decent job,but for some reason some customers like to push you if you let them,but over the years I've managed to keep these types to a minimum but you just have to accept there will always be people who just love to push your patience. Then there are the customers who leave a lasting memory on you and one such woman certainly did that. I was cleaning a home when a bloke pulled up in his car and asked me if I would clean his windows as he had just moved in and they needed cleaning badly ? He gave me the address and as he was about to drive off he wound down his window and said:" Don't worry mate,my missus will look after you." Anyway I went to this new house and knocked on the door to tell the blokes wife that I'd come to clean the windows.The door was opened by a middle aged woman who appeared to be slightly drunk,and as it was only about nine o'clock in the morning it startled me a bit. She showed me into the kitchen and filled my bucket up with water and asked me if I'd like a drink ? Expecting her to make me a cup of tea I was startled once more when she started to pour me a glass of Whisky from a half empty bottle that was on a table.I told her that I only wanted a cup of tea or coffee,at which she just started laughing and said: " I needed warming up as it was such a cold day." After declining her offer of a Jack Daniels I went outside to clean the windows and when I'd finished went back inside to get paid but found the lady slumped over the table steaming drunk. I managed to sit her up and when she came round she started trying to kiss me with me reeling back from the smell of whisky and stale cigarette smoke and her drunkenly trying to force her tongue down my throat. Now some blokes may well have taken advantage of the woman but I just wanted to get my money and get out of there as quick as I could and in one piece. When I finally calmed her down she paid me but as soon as I was out of the door I turned to see her pouring herself another drink and drinking away as if nothing had just happened. In the pub a few weeks after this weird incident I told a couple of mates about what happened but was told that she was an alcoholic who was gaining a reputation already in the area for prostituting herself for drink,and the chap who pulled up in the car asking me to clean his house was in fact her pimp ! Then there was the time I nearly ended up in hospital not from having a fight with an irate customer but from a cheeky but dangerous young kid. This young lad was aged about seven or eight and as I was cleaning the windows of his house he kept following me from room to room pulling faces which I returned and he thought it was hilarious. Anyway as I was finishing the job off he was nowhere to be seen but to be honest was glad as he was getting on my nerves a bit,but then the ladders started to wobble and shake and to my horror I looked down to see this crazy kid shaking the ladders with all his might ! His mother must have heard me shouting at the top of my voice for the brat to stop as she came out and gave him a slap to his face and dragged him inside leaving me shaking like a leaf halfway down the rungs. The mother eventually came out to apologise about her son's behaviour but said he was autistic and just thought he was playing a game.So once again that was one house I never returned to but I'm still here to write about the incident, but I'm so lucky I never fell on to concrete that day. Just another day in the life of a Window Cleaner being molested by a drunken amorous woman,and nearly being pulled from a ladder by an innocent looking psycho. But on the positive side I did get paid.
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The Window Cleaner-Mrs Owl (posted on: 07-07-14)
This is about another wonderful customer of mine who I nicknamed Mrs Owl as when you read on you will see why.

Mrs Owl was another fascinating character on my window round who like Marjorie was a bit eccentric but who was a gentle loving soul and would brighten up the most miserable of days,and working outdoors in this country there are many of those during a working week. Her real name was Norah who along with her husband used to run a corner shop but when he died she struggled to cope on her own, so she sold the store and lived in a small cottage at the back with just a cat for company. I knew her from my childhood as me and my sister lived in the village where the shop was and would always be in and out buying sweets and chocolate,and she and her husband were well known as being a nice friendly couple and as there were no supermarkets back then they had no competition like there is these days. So it was a nice and pleasant surprise to hear that she was still alive and well and still living in her old cottage,so I knocked on her door hoping she needed a window cleaner and to my even greater surprise she recognised me straight away and welcomed me into her home for a cup of tea and a chat. Her cottage was old on the outside but inside it was warm and cosy and as it was a wintry day when I turned up on her doorstep I was glad of the hot mug of tea and the big slice of cake she kindly gave me,and stroking a ginger cat who had nestled on my lap I sat back in the chair and listened as Norah talked about the village and how she had thought about me only a few days earlier which really spooked me. You must remember I hadn't seen Norah for about twenty years and as she was in her late eighties I was taken aback at how lucid her memory was as she recalled me and my sister going in her shop back in the sixties,and what sweets we would buy and especially me asking when the football cards would be next in,and she even remembered that I loved Jubbly's a big thick orange chunk of ice. I must have sat in her lovely old cottage for around a couple of hours just chatting and listening to her talking about the "good old days " when I finally got round to asking if she wanted a window cleaner ? She said she already had one but wanted me to clean them now instead so I said I'd be back down the very next morning and I ended up cleaning the cottage for the next six years. Why did I call her Mrs Owl instead of Norah ? Well, inside her cottage her walls were adorned with pictures of all sorts of Owls.On one wall you had pictures of Barn Owls,and on another were snaps of Tawny and Little Owls,and even her ornaments were on Owls of all kinds,in fact you could say Norah was obsessed by these wide eyed screeching creatures. I discovered she saw an Owl as a child and had instantly fell in love with them and as she got older her fascination grew and friends and family would buy her anything Owl related and even at Christmas and on her birthday she would receive cards with an Owl on them ! So when I was out and about anywhere and was in a shop and I saw a picture of a Barn Owl which was her favourite,I bought it and when I was down the cottage to clean her windows I'd surprise her by saying;"look what has just flown in Norah ?" And it was nice to see her beaming smile as she would mutter I shouldn't have bought her it,then up it would go on the wall alongside all the others. When I told my sister that Norah was still alive and still living in our old village she wanted to come and see her again,and when I told Norah this she started weeping and said she would make a cake especially for her as she had thought also about my sister over the years. When my sister came to the cottage I left them alone to talk about the days of our childhood and when I returned many hours later they were still chatting away merrily and I had to drag my sister away as it looked like she wanted to move in with this elderly and wonderful lady. Norah passed away aged Ninety Two but kept her independence right up to the end and me and my sister attended her funeral,and we both left the service smiling as the vicar referred to her as the lady who loved her Owls,and outside the church was a huge bouquet of flowers in the shape of a Barn Owl,now I wonder who bought them ?
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Who's Eaten My Last Rolo ? (posted on: 07-07-14)
Come on now who's nicked my last Rolo ?

"Fancy a bar of chocolate a Curly Wurly or a Kit Kat ? yes I know they're full of sugar and too many may make you fat." "But who can resist a Cadbury's Flake or a tempting Turkish Delight ? my favourite is a Double Decker and I enjoy each delicious bite." "How about a chunky Toblerone or a tasty Walnut Whip ? they go down a treat with a cuppa you can nibble away as you sip." "If you're feeling gloomy or you've had a rotten day, cheer yourself up with a Mars bar a Bounty,a Wispa,or a Milky Way." "But try not to over indulge on Toffee Crisps,Maltesers,or Twix, as you could end up addicted and need a daily chocolate fix !"
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Dracula Plays Football (posted on: 04-07-14)
So chewy Luis Suarez does it again this time in the World Cup.I can see him in a game wearing a black cape with blood dripping from his fangs. But vampires don't like crosses do they !

He's got razor sharp teeth designed to gnaw and bite, he likes to attack at will where he'll chew and grip on tight. Is this a canine you're describing a wild and feral beast, who likes to feed on humans and on flesh he loves to feast ? What do you mean he's a footballer and who plays for Liverpool, so it's not a rabid animal then or some blood lust crazy ghoul ? So will he have to be put to sleep or be fitted with a muzzle during a game ? but they do say he's good around kids and on walkies he's ever so tame !
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The Window Cleaner- Marjorie (posted on: 04-07-14)
More of my life on my window cleaning round and one of my favourite ever customers.

As I wrote before I have met some nice people on my round over the years,and some rather strange characters as well.One odd but lovely elderly lady was Marjorie who was a really funny but eccentric woman,who would have made a great stand up comedian as she was just such an amusing person. Looking back I thought she was just a comical lady but now it was obvious she was in the early stages of dementia,but I was unaware of this horrible disease back then and just thought she was a bit of an oddball. I took to her straight away as I've always loved "characters" and she was fond of me so her neighbours said so when her monthly clean came around it brightened my day up no end. She would be there waiting by her gate to let me in to clean the back of her house first,making sure I wouldn't get attacked by her arthritic dog who looked like it was near deaths door every time I went. But she was sure it was a killer dog so to appease her I went along with it all,but I had seen scarier goldfish than her beloved old mutt. Then she would fill my bucket up with cold water when I told her warm was better as it cleaned smears off the glass easier,but she never listened as it was always straight from the cold tap. Then in went a half bottle of fairy liquid when just a squirt would have done but just like her so called nasty dog I just went along with it as she seemed oblivious to my requests. This was always followed by her giving me a mug of coffee when I asked for tea,four sugars in it instead of my usual one,and it was always so hot I couldn't drink it for about twenty minutes as it would have burned my lips off. I remember on one such clean she said for me to give her a shout when I'd finished so she could pay me,but when I did there was no answer so I went in her house to tell her I'd cleaned her windows. After shouting her name I noticed her dog looking at me from the top of the stairs so I went up a bit anxiously as I hoped she hadn't had a fall or something. Calling her name again I nervously opened her bedroom door half expecting to find her slumped on the floor,but to my amazement she was fast asleep in her bed snoring her head off ! When I finally managed to wake her from her afternoon slumber she just calmly asked me who I was and what did I want ? It took me ten minutes to explain I had just cleaned her windows and needed paying.Looking back that was like a scene from a comedy sketch show but it was real life,and it was a good job for her I wasn't a burglar as she was so fast asleep a thief would have had rich pickings no doubt. I finally got paid and left her to return to the land of nod,but it was a very bizarre incident to say the least. But I have to say I was really fond of Marjorie as she was a sweet old soul who through no fault of her own was going through a horrible mental illness or whatever they like to call it,and we became good friends with her giving me Christmas cards with me being called someone else's name,but the thought was there and in the end I would clean her windows for free as she would always forget to pay me anyway.Sleep tight Marjorie.
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Evil Never Sleeps (posted on: 27-06-14)
I'll have to stop watching the news and reading the papers as it's full of bad stuff. Yet we have to accept the world is in a very fragile state.

"No rest for the wicked " that's what the bible says, as terrorists plot murder evil thoughts fill their days. They want to cause us harm and spread fear everywhere, death is their objective for peace they have no care. So evil never sleeps it's awake all of the time, attacking the human brain that's why there's so much crime. Evil is on the move calmness it does not know, so happiness stays out of reach it's friend is hate and woe. Evil is a worldwide disease with tentacles far and wide, where goodness is frowned upon replaced by greed and pride. So evil never rests it's forever on the go, but we've also been told "you must reap what you sow."
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stormwolf on 28-06-2014
Evil Never Sleeps
A poem highlighting the terrible preponderance of evil everywhere.
I cannot remember in my lifetime such despair but then I was born after the war but somehow, there is a feeling among many that we are entering an even darker time.

Evil is a worldwide disease
with tentacles far and wide,
where goodness is frowned upon
replaced by greed and pride.

Ain't that the truth?
Well stated
Alison x


Author's Reply:
Hi Alison. Thanks for reading and comments much appreciated.
I was inspired to write this after watching endless news reports on war and mindless violence etc.
I used to be a violent person myself as I tell in my article on here titled People can Change,but got rid of that negativity years ago thankfully.I agree with you I too feel as the world is getting a lot darker and sinister,and where it ends up is a scary thought ! All the best anyway. Kevin.


Favourite Smells (posted on: 27-06-14)
As my other poem was a bit sombre I thought I'd balance it out with this more cheerful one.

Freshly cut grass home made bread, sweet jam and honey just washed sheets on a bed. Tarmac being laid on the road leather on a brand new chair, the aroma from coffee Brylcreem on my fathers hair. Talcum powder on a baby's body the smell of a flower, pages of old and new books air after a heavy shower. The scent worn by my mother aroma coming off a Sunday roast, candy floss at the fair marmalade on hot toast. Some of my favourite smells many from childhood, evoking warm memories when life was carefree and so good.
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sweetwater on 28-06-2014
Favourite Smells
Ahh proper tarmac, with a huge heavy roller driving behind, I found that fascinating as a kid, and the smell too. Its funny how smells can become so important. Smashing poem, much enjoyed. πŸ™‚ Sue.

Author's Reply:
Pleased you enjoyed it Sue. When I was a kid at primary school the road outside was always being worked on for some reason and the smell of tarmac has stayed with me ever since.And the smell of the pages of books too,I've had some strange looks in bookshops when I've been caught sniffing at them !
Cheers: Kevin.

Kipper on 29-06-2014
Favourite Smells
Hi Kevin,
You picked all my favourites, and I'm sure you could come up with another list if you tried. Curious that all the smells I remember are from when I was when I was young; can't think of any off hand from recent times.
Nicely put together,
Michael

Author's Reply:
Hi Michael. So my favourites are yours as well so we must have a great sense of smell then ?
I think I could do another list so will work on that this week.
Cheers. Kevin.


Three Lions On The Shirt (posted on: 09-06-14)
The World Cup is almost here and the time when those who dislike football want to go on holiday for a month just to get away from it.But being a football fanatic it's four weeks of sheer joy,until England get knocked out as usual !

Red and white flags are everywhere so that can only mean one thing, yes it's the World Cup Finals "come on England " us fans will sing. The Three Lions can win the trophy we hear this time and time again, but what about the mighty Brazil Argentina,Germany,or Spain ? I remember when we won it in 66 when England wore shirts of red, "they think it's all over,it is now " those famous words that the commentator said. So good luck to all our players let's hope you can go all the way, but if it goes to a penalty shoot out I suggest we all kneel together and pray !
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It's a Scream (posted on: 09-06-14)
I'm the one who laughs in the cinema during the Exorcist as I find most horror films silly and comical. But when I was a kid I found some episodes of Doctor Who scary !

She was told not to go there especially in the dead of night, but being young she never listened and ended up with a terrible fright. The atmosphere in the wood was eerie so shivers ran down her spine, strange noises whistled through the trees then a voice said "you're going to be mine." She trembled and froze in fear and her whole body began to shake, then the forest floor opened up as if hit by a giant earthquake. She suddenly dropped down fast and landed in a world unknown, where demonic beings stood pointing at a horned creature sat on a fiery throne. The poor girl had descended into Hell and she was told there was no way out, now she wished she had listened to her parents as she began to loudly scream and shout. But as her wailing got louder and louder and when monsters began moving in to bite, her mother woke her from her nightmare saying: " I told you not to watch horror movies late at night !"
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pommer on 09-06-2014
Its a Scream
Good advice.Listen to Mother. Like it. Peter.

Author's Reply:
Hi Peter. Watching England in the World Cup gives me the shivers more than any horror movie especially when it comes down to penalties ! All the best. Kevin.

ValDohren on 12-06-2014
Its a Scream
Horror movies seem to have lost their appeal these days - I think most of us have become desensitized after having watched so many. A good fun write Kev.
Val

Author's Reply:
Hi Val. Pleased you liked it. I find watching the news most nights more scary than many of these movies.
I got a call recently telling me a friend of mine had died in his sleep,aged just 53 and that shook me more than a so called horror film. reality can be shocking ! All the best Val.

ValDohren on 12-06-2014
Its a Scream
Agree with you regarding the news Kevin, and sorry to learn of the loss of your friend - very sad, condolences to you.
Val x

Author's Reply:
Thanks for that Val. Yes he just went to bed and as he never turned up for two days for his factory shift,his workmates got worried.The police broke in to his house and found him tucked up as if he was fast asleep.
Heard he had a massive heart attack in his sleep.I was only talking to him a few weeks ago,he was looking forward to the World Cup as he was like me a football fan.People say best way to go but his girlfriend is in bits and his dad who's 81 is still in shock. As I said reality can be a horror film ! cheers.


The Window Cleaner (posted on: 23-05-14)
I've been asked by family and friends why I don't share my life on my window cleaning round more ? So here it is condensed down a bit to cover thirty years of going up and down ladders !

I've been a window cleaner for thirty years and have to say it's the best job I've ever had. Before taking up the bucket and squeegee I had many jobs such as working on building sites,the railway,in warehouses,in a factory,in a shop,and been on courses,and even did a spot of teaching. But without doubt the work I do now has given me more satisfaction than any of the previous employment. I was out of work and down in the dumps when a chap in my local pub said he was looking for someone to help him on his window cleaning round,as he was struggling on his own and needed somebody reliable and who wouldn't turn up when it was just a nice sunny day. I'd never done that sort of work before but as I'd worked on building sites as a labourer and been up one or two ladders I said I'd be willing to give it a go.He told me he would give me a weeks trial to see if I was up to it and here I am thirty years later still going up and down a ladder. That first day with my new employer Mick was eventful to say the least as after showing me how to use a squeegee and sponge and how to safely put the ladders up against the wall,he told me to clean the bedrooms of the house as an icy cold wind was blowing. So after taking a deep breath and with wobbly legs I gingerly went up the ladder and with Mick watching my every move said keep going and don't look down. I must have been a good actor as he couldn't have noticed my legs resembling a jelly on a plate,or that my heart was trying to burst out of my chest,as he said;"well done Kevin, you're a natural." I was determined that my first day nerves wouldn't stop me becoming a window cleaner as I was desperate for a job,and Mick seemed like a nice bloke who I could get on with. Anyway as the day wore on I became more confident and at the end of the shift I was going up and down the ladder like a squirrel up a tree,and couldn't wait for the next working day to arrive. Mick told me later that he always tested the nerve of a new cleaner by sending them up the rungs,as many would bottle out and not come back but he liked my determination and grit to overcome any fear,it shows how much I wanted the job then as it was nerve wracking. At the end of the week he told me he wanted me to work with him full-time and we became good mates and developed a great working relationship. What I loved about the job was not just working outdoors in the fresh air,but meeting some wonderful people on the round. Some were eccentric,some funny,some miserable,some a bit weird,but the majority were friendly especially the older ones. Cups of tea and plates of biscuits were a daily treat and home-made cake were often devoured by two hungry window cleaners on a bitterly cold day. Elderly ladies would often invite us into their neat and tidy houses,where we both would sit and listen to their stories of the past and their families,they would tell us to stay and have more tea as if we were the only people they got to talk to,and sadly in many cases that was the case. But we had work to do and said we'd be back again in a few weeks time and they would even mark the date on their calendars which often saddened me as it reinforced how lonely for company some people are. We were not just window cleaners but social workers and carers but as long as we provided a service to our customers we were both happy. Then there were the "flirty" customers the housewives who liked to tease us both by seeing how far they could go,some were single women but a few were married and if their husbands had heard the way they talked to us both they would have been unhappy to say the least ! I was single but Mick was happily wed so he just took it with a pinch of salt,but to be honest I loved all the attention and it did give my ego a boost. There was one customer who really came on strong when we were cleaning her windows,a divorced mother of four,who made it obvious that she fancied me and me being single and attracted to her I asked her out. Mick told me not to mess about while we were working as he had a good reputation and didn't want it tarnished,which I respected and so me and Shirley went on a few dates. I soon discovered that Shirley was nothing like the flirty woman she liked to portray and she told me it was just her way of getting me to notice her,which worked as we were together for eighteen years ! I took her and her kids on and we went on to have two boys of our own but sadly one died as a baby. But even though we are no longer together I'm so glad I cleaned her windows and she flirted with me,and I've got a good relationship with my step-kids so it's not all bad. Me and Mick worked together for several years until he started to feel unwell which was unlike him as he was always so fit and strong,and after a few months of illness he passed away which devastated me and his family and of course our customers who thought the world of him. I lost interest in the round for a while but I had a family to support and I didn't want to let down our customers so I carried on but it felt strange for a long time but life goes on as they say. I have so much to thank Mick for that's why I carried it on as he gave me a start when I was skint and jobless,I met a wonderful woman,and met some great people on the round who are now friends and not just customers. This job I do has given me a unique insight to human personality and I haven't had to go to university or college on a psychology course to study it,as I've met so many interesting but complex people in the past thirty years. I used to judge people on first impression,the clothes they wore,but I now know that to be wrong and unfair,as when you get to know a person you discover they only show a little of their real selves,but given time you can see the real person. Many people have to watch a documentary on the telly or read a newspaper to know what goes on in society,but the job I do I don't have to do either as on an estate here in Coventry where I clean windows I know houses where drugs are sold,houses where dangerous people live,houses that have dogs that would rip you apart given half a chance,houses where lonely people live who only have the visit of the window cleaner to look forward to,and houses where people have died and their bodies lay undiscovered for weeks. But it's not all doom and gloom as I've met so many people who have little money or possessions yet have so much warmth and compassion,they have pride in themselves and their community,they open up their homes and themselves to strangers at the drop of a hat. So the next time you see a window cleaner down your street don't just look at him as a bloke who keeps the glass all nice and shiny,think to yourself I bet he's got a story to tell. And do you know what ? He probably has !
Archived comments for The Window Cleaner
Mikeverdi on 23-05-2014
The Window Cleaner
A great potted Autobiography,but way too short. Do it again in instalments as you do have a story to tell.
Mike

Author's Reply:
Thanks for reading and comments. I condensed it down as thirty years is a long time.
But then again autobiographies aren't meant to be short ! So I may take up your suggestion.
cheers-Kevin.


Icons of England (posted on: 16-05-14)
I had a leaflet dropped through my letterbox the other day and it was from the English Democratic Party asking me for their vote in the local elections coming up.After reading it I felt inspired to write this.

The Lake District Blackpool Tower White Cliffs of Dover and the Mayflower. Red Pillar Boxes Norfolk Windmills, the Angel of the North and the Malvern Hills. Stonehenge seaside piers, Windsor Castle real ale beers. Paintings by Turner plays of Shakespeare, novels by Dickens poetry of Lear. Yorkshire Pudding Stilton Cheese, Fish and Chips Mushy Peas. The Thames Tower of Big Ben, Coronation Street, News at Ten. Icons of England a Cavalier or Roundhead, the flag of St.George and a rose bright red.
Archived comments for Icons of England
MrMarmite on 18-05-2014
Icons of England
Many thanks for the Great Read mark much appreciated !

Author's Reply:


I'm Just Resting My Eyes (posted on: 09-05-14)
It used to be called skiving at work but now it's been given a cool trendy name in power napping. If you got caught having a sly kip you'd be sacked on the spot,but now you could just say I was having a power nap.When I have one it's because I'm knackered !

It can recharge the batteries and perk you up in a jiff, and ease those aches and pains when your body is feeling stiff. It's called a power nap taken anytime of the day, just a short snooze and rest then you're up and on your way. It can calm a worried mind if nerves are tense and taut, people all over the world do it even those who partake in sport. They find a nice quiet place away from noise and din, go to sleep for a little while then they're ready to go and win. So go on take a power nap I take them all the time, in fact I think I'll have one now as I've run out of rhyme.
Archived comments for I'm Just Resting My Eyes
stormwolf on 09-05-2014
Im Just Resting My Eyes
LOL
liked the ending and the advice! πŸ˜‰

Alison x

Author's Reply:
Hi. It always tickles me when someone is having a snooze but when you say to them they were asleep,they say no they were just resting their eyes,hence my title. Resting their eyes and snoring !
cheers. Kevin.

sweetwater on 09-05-2014
Im Just Resting My Eyes
Very good advice, I can't understand why bosses don't approve. πŸ™‚ Sue.x

Author's Reply:
Hi. I once worked in a factory many years ago and it was a horrible boring job and when the foreman was away from the place many of the workers would go and have a kip.I think because the place was so grey and depressing going to sleep helped to break the shifts up.So there were many power naps going on back then ! All the best. Kevin.


Inspiration (posted on: 05-05-14)
We all have been asked at some time or another where our ideas come from when we've written a poem or story haven't we ? Well now you know !

He enters your mind in the dead of night, where he'll leave a poem for you to write. A romantic sonnet or some comic verse, many quite long a few rather terse. Yet while you slumber peacefully in bed, he'll create a poetic dream inside your head. But when you awake the very next day, this mysterious visitor has slipped away. Where he comes from or where he goes, nobody can say as no-one knows. But I'll reveal a secret I know why he came, as he's called inspiration and that is his name. So when you've wrote a poem or two, it's because inspiration weaved his magic on you !
Archived comments for Inspiration
sweetwater on 05-05-2014
Inspiration
Very true, however inspiration for me may jump aboard at night but it's mostly when I am out walking that he makes himself known, and mainly when I have no way of recording what he has said! πŸ™‚ Sue.x

Author's Reply:
Hi Sue. Thanks for rating. I too get inspired when on a long ramble but I like to get things written down as soon as I get in or it goes out of my head,I also sometimes jot down a few lines after I've woken up in the morning after a crazy dream before that too vanishes. Yet memories from childhood for some reason have stayed in my head so Mr inspiration can have a break ! cheers. Kevin.

Kipper on 06-05-2014
Inspiration
Hi Kevin
The problem I find with this elusive night-time visitor is that as I get older his visits become less frequent. Worse still is the fact that more often than not my dreams do not wake up with me. They slumber on and then they're gone, his inspiration too.
Wonder if there's any on-line.
Cheers for now, Michael

Author's Reply:
Hi Michael. My sister and my son reckon they don't have vivid dreams so can't recall them when they wake up.I'm the opposite as I can remember them and therefore can write about one or two.I read once that many of the great novels came from dreams like Alice in Wonderland and Paul McCartney wrote Hey Jude after dreaming it. So inspiration can come from everywhere. All the best.

Mikeverdi on 06-05-2014
Inspiration
Hello my football mad friend! I like your poem but I think there is need for a couple of alterations....

Create a poem inside your head

So when you've written a poem or two

Its only my opinion, but that's what constructive critique is for πŸ™‚
Mike

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike. Good to hear from you again and you're probably right it should have been written instead of wrote.
And yes I suppose I am a football nut in fact the local paper have given me my own web page to write my blogs on my team Coventry City.Unpaid though tight gits ! All the best Mike. Kevin.

stormwolf on 08-05-2014
Inspiration
Hi Kevin πŸ™‚
I think we all know what this is like. The creative impulse strikes when the conscious mind in in abeyance very often. I agree with Mike that it needs a couple of tweaks as they let down what is essentially a nice poem.
So, yes, should be 'written'
Mike was also bang on with pointing out that line
"he'll create a poetic dream" as it loses the metre which is more evident if you recite it.
I would not use 'poem' personally speaking , as you have used it twice already.

wot about
'he'll fashion some wonder
inside your head?'

OR
'he'll sow splendid images
inside your head.'

Just to give you an idea.
Alison x

Author's Reply:
Hi. Thanks for comments much appreciated. I like your suggestions but once I've sent a poem in that's it for me. But hindsight helps when writing another poem so I take all suggestions and ideas on board so thanks.
Cheers. Kevin.


Behind Closed Doors (posted on: 02-05-14)
My sister works as a nurse in a care home.She told me about how an elderly lady had been ill treated in another home before coming to the place she works. Listening to that inspired me to write this as all sorts of things go on behind closed doors.

Doors made of steel others of wood, life going on behind them scenes that are evil and good. Doors that remain closed while some forever open wide, beyond doors are secrets and where people like to hide. A door to a new future another blocking your way, but behind doors comes the sound of happy children at play. Prisoners locked in by solid doors as they wait for the key in the lock, while many lonely people in their homes just sit and pray for somebody to knock. Old people being abused and neglected behind doors concealing misery, their screams of pain go unheard by deaf ears ignoring their agony. The doors of gold in heaven only opened for the chosen few, beyond awaits an eternal life but will they open for me or you ?
Archived comments for Behind Closed Doors
Kipper on 02-05-2014
Behind Closed Doors
Hello MrMarmite,
In the light of recent and some earlier events you poem highlights a grim story. But I am glad you also chose to tell the other half of the story. Where old people are not subjected to cruel and harsh treatment, but are cared for in in a loving way.
Your poem very nicely portrayed the door not only as a barrier, but as a way out to freedom.
It also contain a warning that for old people living alone it might be both.
Best wishes
Michael


Author's Reply:
Michael. Replied to your comments but forgot to put it in the reply box ! Thanks anyway. Kevin.

MrMarmite on 03-05-2014
Behind Closed Doors
Thanks for comments Michael much appreciated.
I was going to give the poem the title DOORS but then changed it as that's the name of an old rock band ! cheers, Kevin.

Author's Reply:


Staying Up or Going Down ? (posted on: 25-04-14)
As all football fans know this part of the season can be a tense time especially if your team is at the bottom and hoping to stay up.I've been through it many times and it puts years on you !

Nerves all jittery and fraught fingernails all chewed to the quick, this is the lot of the football fan for some they're feeling sick. One minute you're staying up the next you're going down, that smile you had on your face now replaced by a miserable frown. With mobiles flashing up scores and radios pressed to one's ear, it's either going to be champagne or crying into a pint of flat beer. No time for a sun drenched vacation gardening,fishing,or some D.I.Y. as this is a really serious matter but it's only football I hear you cry. Try saying that to the weary supporter who follows his team home and away, who when faced with relegation drops to his knees to pray. She's threatened to pack her bags go back home to her mum and dad, but it's the thought of going down is what's making you so sad. At last you know your teams fate you're not going down after all, so when the celebrations finally stop you'd better go and give the missus a call !
Archived comments for Staying Up or Going Down ?
stormwolf on 25-04-2014
Staying Up or Going Down ?
hahaha not a golf widdow but a footie widdow. You men take the biscuit!
Alison x

Author's Reply:
Hi Alison. I've been lucky that all the women in my life have liked football or have accepted my passion.
My late mother loved boxing and wrestling and my dad football and cricket,so it's in the genes ! cheers.


Taken (posted on: 25-04-14)
This is about a controlling relationship or someone being controlled by another person or thing.

You took my eyes so I could not see, you took my mind so I could not be me. You took my heart so I could not love, you took the sun from up above. You took my soul so I could not live, you held my hands so I could not give. You took my arms so I could not embrace, you took the smile from off my face. You took my voice so I could not speak, you took my strength to make me weak. You took my space so I could not breathe, you took my confidence so I could not achieve. Yet you could not take the whole of me, so now you're gone and I am free.
Archived comments for Taken
Kipper on 25-04-2014
Taken
Hi MrMarmite
I would have liked a little more understanding of how such complete domination started, and how it ended.
OK, I know that makes it a different story to the one you chose to tell, but I feel you have only told us the middle of the story.
Having said that your poem has good tight rhythm and rhyme and reads well.
Good writing,
Michael

Author's Reply:
Hi Michael. Many thanks for your comments. I wrote the poem in this way with the intention of letting the reader form their own idea of who or what it's about. It could be the domination of a person,or someone breaking out of a negative situation ? It wasn't meant to confuse though. Pleased you liked the rhythm and rhyme as coming from you it means a lot. Cheers: Kevin.

stormwolf on 25-04-2014
Taken
Ah well, it ends on a happy or more optimistic note.;-)
A very simple layout which worked well.
Alison x

Author's Reply:


Earth (posted on: 18-04-14)
Is there life on Mars ? My young niece once asked me as if I could give her a correct answer. So to put her young enquiring mind at rest I said no and wrote her this poem to back it up. She's a bit older now and remembers it well,but I've changed the best things in the last verse here !

I'm a human being been one since birth, I've lived here all my life on this place called Earth. Never lived anywhere else Earth's the place for me, other humans live here too and animals like Chimpanzee. Earth is called a planet but it's not like Mars, no humans live up there so no buses or cars. There's loads of stuff here like rivers,mountains,and trees, and people have allotments where they grow radish and peas. On Earth we have wars and humans argue and fight, but the Sun still shines and stars come out at night. So the best things here on Earth ? has to be football,women,and beer, you won't find them up on Mars so thank you God for putting them here !
Archived comments for Earth
Pelequin23 on 18-04-2014
Earth
wonderfully strange and crazy πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Hi. Thanks for rating and comment. Yes it is a bit quirky but then again so is our planet ! cheers.

ValDohren on 20-04-2014
Earth
Sometimes I think it must be better on Mars - no wars or strife. I'd miss UKA though.
Val

Author's Reply:
Hi Val. Hope your enjoying your Easter ? No Easter celebrations on Mars or like you say wars or strife.
My new next door neighbour wished me a happy Easter yesterday which surprised me as I've never heard that said to me before. I heard from another neighbour that he is a lifer and has just come out from serving fifteen years for killing his mate in a fight !No wonder he is so cheerful as he must enjoy his freedom.
Still he seems alright and he's served his time so who am I to judge. All the best Val.


At The Bookies (posted on: 28-03-14)
I hardly ever bother betting on horses as I like just a few quid on the football on a Saturday.But my son does so no wonder he's always skint.The name of the horse on the last line sums betting up I reckon !

He liked a flutter now and then on the dogs or a horse, and he was told to have a bet on Emerald Green at a racecourse. The "expert" said he's a cert and he won his last race, yes he was getting on a bit but he'll easily last the pace. "Okay he replied,I'll have a punt how much shall I put on ?" "stick a tenner he answered it's a snip at thirty to one." But it fell at the very first hurdle as it was too fat to get over the jumps, that was due to being overweight because it was addicted to sugar lumps. So don't listen to these so called "experts" as they really haven't got a clue, but I've just been told to put money on One Born Every Minute at 9-2 !
Archived comments for At The Bookies

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Missing (posted on: 28-03-14)
Inspired by watching a t.v.programme on missing people.This is a mothers message to her missing daughter.

You said you were just popping out but only for a short while, gave me your usual kiss and whispered love you with a smile. But that was the last time I saw you now all I do is sit and cry, you seemed so happy and contented so please can you tell me why ? Were you worried about something what was going on inside your head ? it's now been one long year and the police say you're probably dead. I put your picture up on Facebook stuck posters on every street wall, I've driven all over the country sat by the phone hoping for a call. But I'll never stop looking for you and I pray that you get in touch, I just want to hear your voice again so I can tell you I love you so very much.
Archived comments for Missing
ValDohren on 29-03-2014
Missing
Very moving MrM - it must be dreadful not to know what has become of a loved one who has disappeared.
Val

Author's Reply:
Hi Val. Yes it must be terrible as that programme showed.A bloke hadn't seen his brother for about six months,but he got traced and rang to say he was fine.Yet he never said why he left ?But a woman hadn't seen or heard from her sister for years,and they said she must be dead.But she won't stop searching for her she said,and that was sad. Thanks for rating.


Life These Days (posted on: 21-03-14)
I know there's good things happening in the world but reading the paper and watching the news you wouldn't think so.

I think life is tough these days people get by in their own way, some turn to drink and drugs while others like to kneel and pray. The depressed and tired housewife cries silently into the kitchen sink, as her husband keeps looking for a job she worries what her neighbours must think. Young people are fearful of the future as pensioners turn off their heat, families are struggling to pay the bills and finding it hard to make ends meet. But greedy politicians and bankers shrug and say stop making a fuss, while they keep lining their deep pockets we're walking everywhere or getting a bus. As more and more sign on the dole the burglars are still breaking in, they say they rob to feed their addiction so to them it's not wrong or a sin. This world belongs to the wealthy the crooks and the super rich, while they live in opulence and comfort the rest of us say life's just a bitch !
Archived comments for Life These Days

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A Wet Slobbery Kiss (posted on: 21-03-14)
Brought back to earth with a bump,just my luck !

I was sat dozing in my chair enjoying an afternoon siesta, when I fell into a deep sleep and into my thoughts came Esther. She was someone from the past and she was my very first love, she looked just like an angel with wings of a heavenly dove. I was mesmerised by her beauty and by her long golden hair, then she whispered my name and we began to soar through the air. She tenderly took hold of my hand and said we were together at last, "we don't need the present, let's return to our past." Then we floated together to the ground and both our bodies did glow, but then a loud voice proclaimed "it's time for you to go." Esther said before I depart "we must have one final kiss," once more my heart had been broken by this beautiful temptress. But as I took her into my arms I woke up in my living room chair, and I was holding Esther my dog who was licking at my face and hair !
Archived comments for A Wet Slobbery Kiss
pdemitchell on 21-03-2014
A Wet Slobbery Kiss
And that's the case for the defence, my Lord! An amusing ode. Mitch

Author's Reply:
Hi Mitch. Pleased you found it amusing. I just hope my ex missus doesn't read it,as she would be thinking was she Esther or the mutt ? I'll leave that up to the jury to decide ! Cheers Mitch.

Popeye on 23-03-2014
A Wet Slobbery Kiss
I enjoy a write with a twist in the tail πŸ™‚ an I enjoyed this.

Author's Reply:
Hi. Many thanks for your rate and comment. Cheers.

QBall on 25-03-2014
A Wet Slobbery Kiss
Love the ending.
Wet kisses?

Author's Reply:
Hi QBall. Glad you liked the ending and hope you enjoyed all the poem.
It's so annoying when your having a great dream and you wake up being mauled by an overweight pooch !
Cheers. Kevin.

deadpoet on 25-03-2014
A Wet Slobbery Kiss
Ha ha- nice ending- a pleasure to read yours again Marmite.. πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Hi. It seems the ending has been well received. Woof woof ! All the best. Kevin.


A Spit and Sawdust Pub (posted on: 14-03-14)
A lot of pubs these days are now geared towards food and families,but the pub I like to go to now and again is what you'd call a bit rough and ready.Not everybody's cup of tea,but it can get lively !

Jukebox on in the corner group of lads playing pool, arrows thrown at a dartboard a couple of drunks acting the fool. Blokes wearing football shirts watching a match on the T.V. while women on a hen party are acting flirty and frisky. Four chaps sat at a table playing three card brag, while one counts his winnings the others go outside for a fag. Last orders are being shouted then the landlord calls it a night, but before he closes the doors he has to break up a drunken fight. Another night in the rough house pub as English as beans on toast, a plate of fish and chips or a traditional Sunday roast !
Archived comments for A Spit and Sawdust Pub
Mikeverdi on 15-03-2014
A Spit and Sawdust Pub
Still pubs like this about, getting less and less now though. A sad reflection of changing times.
Mike

Author's Reply:
Mike. I'm going to the pub I wrote about tonight and you're right pubs like this are going now.
A couple of mates go to a boozer that was a good local,but now it's all meals and kids running about,but to me that's not a real pub. Thanks for reading and all the best. Kevin. By the way I've gone back on twitter and tweeted you a couple of weeks back,but like me you maybe don't go on there much. cheers.

pommer on 16-03-2014
A Spit and Sawdust Pub
I like it. Unfortunately pubs are not the same anymore, and fewer. Peter.

Author's Reply:
Hi Peter. Glad you like the poem.The pub I went to last night is the boozer I wrote about and there was some characters in there.The Irish lads were celebrating there Rugby win,one bloke who had been drinking all day fell flat on his face,his missus just carried on drinking and left him lying there.What I like about this pub though is it's got Indians,West Indians,Irish,Scottish,and us English,but there's hardly any trouble and everyone gets on well.You get people chatting to you all the time,where as some places you go to you don't get that. Cheers.


A Strange Object In the Sky (posted on: 14-03-14)
As the winter was the wettest on record it's been nice to have some sunny days recently. But us Brits see the Sun and we go a bit mad don't we ? Then again it's not here that long !

People were streaming out onto the streets all looking nervously upwards at the sky, some were pointing,others transfixed wondering if they were going to die. So what was this strange spherical object all yellow and shining so bright, was it some kind of alien being ? as it did look an awesome sight. It was giving out a strong warm heat which contrasted to the usual rain, people were saying they'd seen it before not in England but in Greece and Spain. Then after a few days it was gone leaving some folks bodies red, but astronomers gave the thing a name it was a star called the Sun they said. So it wasn't an alien threat after all and many longed for it's return, but the bad thing about it was it made their skin peel and face burn !
Archived comments for A Strange Object In the Sky
sweetwater on 14-03-2014
A Strange Object In the Sky
The sarcasm in this made me smile, a very cheerful poem πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Hi. Glad it made you smile as it makes me feel good too when somebody finds some amusement in my poems. Can't beat some sarcasm now and again,or irony as the yanks say ! Cheers. Kevin.

Bozzz on 14-03-2014
A Strange Object In the Sky
Forget the sunburn for that is harmful, but the sunshine enables us to keep up our supply of vitamin D in the body. We need that exposure to keep healthy - as well as happy. I enjoyed your romp on the subject - almost as good a tonic as the rays themselves.... ..Cheers, David

Author's Reply:
Hi David. Thanks for your comments much appreciated.It is nice to feel some warmth after all the wet stuff we got hammered with over the winter.As I work outdoors I have to accept all the seasons,and find the good in all four to be honest.Cheers. Kevin.

Savvi on 14-03-2014
A Strange Object In the Sky
The apothecary cried fear not
though this star called the sun is hot
I've concocted a substance
that rubs in in an instance
behold I shall call it sun block.

Yes the sun has been a tonic for the troops and a welcome change. Very well penned and smooth as ever. Best Keith

Author's Reply:
Hi Keith. Pleased you enjoyed my poem and for your comments. I'm not a great sun lover myself but do enjoy it when it's like it is now as it's just warm. My work is window cleaning and gardening,so when it's too hot it can get tiring after a while,but then again it doesn't hang about long ! cheers. Kevin.

Mikeverdi on 15-03-2014
A Strange Object In the Sky
We are all of the same mind! I miss the sun and it's been gone for so long. Thanks for the read.
Mike

Author's Reply:
Mike. Bet you're glad the rain has gone for now and the sun has come out ?
Your dog will have a happier owner now too ! Cheers. Kevin.

Ionicus on 15-03-2014
A Strange Object In the Sky
Mad dogs and Englishmen, wrote Noel Coward, go out in the midday sun. He knew a thing or two about the English passion, some say obsession, for that
"strange spherical object
all yellow and shining so bright"
An enjoyable tongue-in cheek poem with just a wee typo: it should be 'its return' not 'it's'.
Best, Luigi

Author's Reply:
Hi Luigi. Mad dogs and Englishmen was spot on by Coward as we do go a bit potty when it comes out.
Pleased you enjoyed my poem. cheers. Kevin.


The Squeaky Wheelbarrow (posted on: 07-03-14)
As I do gardens for customers I enjoy it even though some can be hard work.This is for all those who dislike gardening !

Spring must be on the way as I see gardeners all around, with shiny new forks and spades digging away at the sodden ground. That wheelbarrow that had the squeak has been lobbed into a skip, along with the trusty old lawnmower ready to be taken off to the tip. Conifer trees are skyscraper tall so high they block out the light, hedges and lawns are overgrown and insects are in search of a bite. And watch what you're pulling out before you put in those new seeds, as some weeds look like plants and many plants resemble weeds. You've read lots of gardening books and watched countless d.v.d's, but nothing is ever mentioned about back ache and arthritic knees. Still they say it's all therapeutic relaxing and good for the soul, but not if the gardens been ravaged by foxes,badgers,and bloody mole !
Archived comments for The Squeaky Wheelbarrow
Bozzz on 07-03-2014
The Squeaky Wheelbarrow
I like this one, Jim - good fun and very apt. While beat is sometimes a bit erratic, I do suggest that the last stanza be made wholly plural to finish on perfect rhythm...David For example :

Still they say it's all therapeutic
relaxing and good for our souls,
but not if the garden's been ravaged
by foxes and badgers and moles !


Author's Reply:
Hi Bozzz. Glad you enjoyed the poem.You're probably right in changing the last verse,it does sound better.
I've got a garden to do next week,went round today to take a look at it.The back garden is a mixture of mud and weeds,and the woman who owns it wants me to dig it over and put in lots of plants etc.So if you don't see any more poems from me for a while you'll know it killed me off ! cheers.

ValDohren on 07-03-2014
The Squeaky Wheelbarrow
Don't do gardening Kevin, don't like the wormy things. Love the poem though, very good.
Val

Author's Reply:
Hi Val. I thought you'd like gardening for some reason.Still it can be hard work especially the digging and weeding.But when you stand back and see what you've achieved at the end it's the same feeling you get when you've finished a poem or painting,all your efforts have paid off.As for worms I like to pull them out and lob them over to the waiting and watching robin and blackbird,we work as a team ! all the best Val.

pommer on 07-03-2014
The Squeaky Wheelbarrow
Like this one Jim .Perfect.I have been gardening over 60 years now, But it has finally caught up with me.Lost the plot,(Had to give up allotment.) Bad back ,bad knees, all very therapeutic.I still enjoy pottering about.A lovely perfect poem fellow gardener and poet.Be lucky, Peter.

Author's Reply:
Hi Peter. Pleased to see another gardener is on here.I used to go over to my dads allotment as a kid and I helped him on his plot,so have always enjoyed getting stuck in.As I'm a window cleaner I get asked to do gardens by my customers,and enjoy taking on a rough garden and turning it into something decent.
Although a couple of years ago I did a garden for an elderly lady and it took months of hard graft to get it looking good,but she was overjoyed at the end result.Sadly when she passed away her son concreted it all over.All that hard work for nothing ! Thanks anyway. Kevin.

jdm4454 on 07-03-2014
The Squeaky Wheelbarrow
"You've read lots of gardening books
and watched countless d.v.d's,
but nothing is ever mentioned
about back ache and arthritic knees."

Love this stanza...thanks for the read...jim

Author's Reply:
Hi Jim. Thanks for the rating and for comment.Luckily my knees are strong but my back does ache a bit after digging for hours.I hear it's going to be very warm next week so that means lots of biting insects,oh the joy of gardening !All the best. Kevin.


Children (posted on: 24-02-14)
I wrote this a while ago but after reading of a missing child the other day all my anger and sadness resurfaced again.When will this wickedness stop ?

Another poor child goes missing snatched by an evil hand, why does this keep happening I just don't understand ? How can they hurt the innocent someone who can't fight back ? these predators are feral beasts who prowl around and attack. Every child is precious a gift they say from above, but all they want and need is our protection and our love. Our children are the future but now they should be carefree, so to all you wicked and malevolent please leave our young ones be.
Archived comments for Children
pommer on 24-02-2014
Children
Hear,Hear, quite my sentiments.Well written. Peter.

Author's Reply:
Hi Peter. Pleased you echo my feelings on this touchy subject.
As a father even though my two sons are grown men now the thought of some predator hurting them when they were kids still makes my skin crawl.Thankfully nothing like that happened,but others are not so fortunate are they ?Daniel Pelka the little Polish boy was abused and killed here in Coventry by his "parents" so it goes on near to where you live.Thanks for reading Peter.

ValDohren on 25-02-2014
Children
Well said and well written Kevin. Such atrocities are beyond comprehension.
Val

Author's Reply:
Hi Val. You will remember the Daniel Pelka case here in Coventry ? Well since then there's been another one here in my city.This time a little two year old girl found dead with injuries.Have you noticed after yet another child death the authorities come out with the same old line :" we will make sure it won't happen again." There as much use as a chocolate teapot ! Makes my blood boil. sorry for my rant. Kevin.

Bozzz on 26-02-2014
Children
Even rats do not abuse their children in a sexual way. What has humanity done to make such abominable ideas enter the human brain - an aspect of the selfish gene perhaps? Good strong message Kevin.....David

Author's Reply:
Hi Bozzz. Like I wrote just now to Val these murders keep on happening and until we find out why it will continue to happen.I don't know about a selfish gene,but something is wrong somewhere isn't it ?
My late father was all for capital punishment for such murders,and I too share his feelings on this now.
But that would only get rid of the killers and not the reason behind it I guess.What's the answer then ?
Anyway thanks for reading and comments. Kevin.


The Magician (posted on: 24-02-14)
There's a magician called Dynamo and the tricks he does are amazing,which leave you with your mouth open.This is how I feel after watching him and others.

Sleight of hand rabbit from a hat, walking on water "how did he do that ?" A sexy assistant sawed in two, "how did he do that ?" I haven't got a clue. Caught between his teeth a bullet from a gun, "how did he do that ?" I don't know how it's done. Tied up tight in a box but he's set himself free, "how did he do that ?" it's all a mystery. He's made things disappear vanish into thin air, "how did he do that ?" it makes me want to swear. He's an illusionist on your mind he'll trick, "so how does he do that ?" ABRACADABRA it's all magic !
Archived comments for The Magician
Leila on 24-02-2014
The Magician
ha ha...nicely done...Leila

Author's Reply:
Hi Leila. Pleased you enjoyed the poem.
I love watching these magicians like Blaine,Dynamo,and Derren Brown etc,but they leave me thinking can we all do it ?Brown's more into mind games than the others but he still baffles you ! Cheers.

Andrea on 26-02-2014
The Magician
Oh yes, he's the bus guy - pretty easy to fake, this one πŸ™‚




Author's Reply:
Hi Andrea. Yes that's Dynamo I see he managed to catch up with the bus then .I saw this one on T.V. recently,you say easy to fake but how ?People on the bus said there were no ropes or pulleys etc.
Obviously he's tricking us somehow but how ? Wish I could catch a bus like that ! Cheers.

Andrea on 28-02-2014
The Magician
Here ya go, Mr M --> Dynamo on bus - the arm was quite obviously a fake πŸ™‚ You didn't think it was real, did you? It was sponsored by Pepsi...

Author's Reply:
Andrea. I have to confess I have watched him and others like him and the "tricks" they do are strange and beyond answer at times.Even when they are explained sometimes they're still baffling.Tricks and illusions,call them what you like they are mysterious.Now where's that lottery ticket see if I can put some magic on it ! cheers.

Jaybee on 12-03-2014
The Magician
Great piece about that superb magician 'Dynamo'.

Made me smile as I read this, excellent!!

Author's Reply:
Hi Jaybee. Pleased you've enjoyed my poem and thanks for the score.
I enjoy watching magicians on the T.V.especially Dynamo he does mind boggling stuff,which inspired this.
Cheers. Kevin.


Filthy Lucre (posted on: 21-02-14)
Even though I'm a football fan I can't understand why Premier League footballers get paid so much. Take for example Wayne Rooney he's about to sign a new contract which will net him £300,000 a week ! Nobody deserves that much even surgeons who save lives don't get that,it is obscene hence my poem.

People struggling to pay bills not enough money to go round, some queuing at foodbanks and down to their last pound. People struggling to get by finding it hard to make ends meet, and many can't pay their rent so they get evicted and end up on the street. People struggling even those with jobs as their wages are far too low, but the working class get ignored by a government who doesn't want to know. People are struggling to understand why a footballer who kicks a ball, gets paid obscene amounts of money while their weekly income is so small. People struggling and getting angry at footballs affluence and wealth, while they get richer and richer many are hungry and in bad health. People are struggling and in despair as they worry how they can pay, but please spare a thought for Rooney who's only got thousands to spend each day !
Archived comments for Filthy Lucre
pommer on 21-02-2014
Filthy Lucre
Well done my friend,I wonder what great players of the past would say.I am a bit too old now to start playing football,the income would certainly boost my pension.I might also be able to write my autobiography, and it would be a bestseller.Well done, Pommer

Author's Reply:
Hi Pommer.Tom Finney passed away last week and what a great player he was,the Preston plumber was his nickname as he fitted pipes in the morning and played in the afternoon,can't see that happening now.
Thanks for reading and score.

ruadh on 21-02-2014
Filthy Lucre
I totally agree. I feel the same about the bankers and politicians. They're all a disgrace.

Author's Reply:
Hi. No wonder people are getting irate when they read about footballers and bankers lining their already deep pockets.I know I shouldn't say this but the people in Ukraine have sorted things out haven't they ?
They took over the presidents mansion and were shocked to see his wealth. Pity many lost their lives though,but that happens when you're downtrodden for so long. cheers.

ValDohren on 21-02-2014
Filthy Lucre
Yes MrM, I totally agree too - it is obscene and very wrong, along with many other things. Very good.
Val

Author's Reply:
Hi Val. Thanks for the comments. Coming from a football fan I guess I shouldn't get so worked up about his wages,but here in Coventry we're all feeling the pinch and times are tough.Let's hope it's not a hot summer as tempers may get frayed even more ! Kevin.

Andrea on 22-02-2014
Filthy Lucre
No wonder Mrs R and the Rooney clone-kids can afford to spend most of their time in their Caribbean mansion! I agree - obscene.

Author's Reply:
Hi Andrea. Pictures of Rooney's missus in the paper today on a jet ski and on a beach,nice work if you can get it ! My sister works about sixty hours a week as a nurse in a care home,and she can't read the papers anymore as she gets so angry and depressed at these stories of vast amounts of cash being thrown at so called celebrities.Obscene about covers it !

Kipper on 27-02-2014
Filthy Lucre
Most people would regard Β£300,000 per year as more than ample reward for a footballer. Even, I suspect, most footballers. Of course your poem was not just about football I feel, but about the loss of values in many areas, and the ever widening gap between the rich and the poor.
The pity of it is, that those in the former have little interest in the latter.
To me now, on me ead, yeahhhh.

Author's Reply:
Hi Kipper. My poem started about football but developed into like you say rich and poor and them and us.
The gap widens day by day and I can see it getting wider,as huge wages like Rooney's are defended by the well off as they see nothing obscene about it.Oh for the days when football was a simple game !cheers.

Buschell on 27-02-2014
Filthy Lucre
Boofhead Rooney is one of the weapons of mass distraction that the elite use to, well, distract...as long as we are sucked in by celebrity etc we are being soft killed without so much as a whimper. Drink your flouride, get vaccinated with mercury, eat your gmo, oh and enjoy your football!

Author's Reply:
Hi Buschell. I like the name Boofhead never heard that before he's normally called Shrek.
You're right of course we are mentally being deceived daily by media,and the government,no wonder we're all going a bit nutty ! As long as we are nice and placid and vote for one of them all is okay with the world.
I blame the government for everything,quick nurse MrMarmite needs his injection ! thanks.


Sammy the Shammy (posted on: 17-02-14)
My employment is considered the most dangerous job because of working at heights and on a ladder. But I've been more at risk from snappy dogs,angry pensioners,and amorous housewives.It's a tough job but it does have it's perks !

Up and down the ladder he goes making sure the windows are clean, he's got some stories to tell on all the things he has seen. He takes pride in his work always polite and on time, as long as he gets a nice cuppa he'll get rid of the dirt and grime. Customers give him cake and endless cups of tea, he brightens up their day with his banter and his squeegee. Housewives like to flirt with him but it's only a bit of fun, as an irate husband could shoot him with a gun. So that's Sammy the Shammy the out in all weather man, who sets old ladies hearts a flutter when he turns up in his van !
Archived comments for Sammy the Shammy
stormwolf on 17-02-2014
Sammy the Shammy
Ha ha Reminded me a bit of George Formby 'When I'm cleaning windows' although I hasten to add, that was a long time before I was born lol
We used to have a right nice looking window cleaner round my way but he moved away to other pastures ;-(

Alison x


Author's Reply:
I too remember George Formby he sang humorous songs.Window cleaning is a good job as you're out in the fresh air,and you meet some fascinating people.The confessions of a window cleaner was a book and a film if I remember rightly ? Maybe I should write a new book then as I've some funny things I could put in there. All the best Alison.

Ionicus on 19-02-2014
Sammy the Shammy
If you have stories to tell, don't keep them to yourself; share them with us. Your idea to put them in a book is not too far fetched. Good luck.

Author's Reply:
Hi. On my round once I was just about to clean the windows of a customer when a woman from across the road came over.She said to me, "you won't get paid you know." When I said the man always paid she went on to say,"he died last week." And another time a customers wife told me her husband had passed away,when I offered my sympathy she said her husband would have wanted me to have his garden tools,and she came back with a barrow with a fork,spade,and other tools in it.He'd only passed away a few days earlier ! Humour can be found in even the most sad occasions. Thanks for reading my poem.


Big Buxom Brenda (posted on: 14-02-14)
As it's Valentines Day here's my effort at romance.Yet football is about passion !

"You get more turned on and excited from watching grown men kicking a silly ball about,than you ever do with me." The person claiming sexual frustration was Sue my ex missus,we divorced about a year ago. She ended the marriage because in her words,I cared more for my football team than her and our kids,and I failed in my duty to be a proper husband and father.Now that really hurt me because I'll tell you what real duty means. It means supporting your team through tough times,sticking with them through thick and thin,now that's what duty means in my book. Let me introduce myself. I'm Jack and I'm what's known as a football fanatic.There you are I've admitted it,I am what I am,I'm not a drunkard,a gambler,or a drug addict,I'm just an ordinary bloke who loves the beautiful game.COME ON YOU BLUES. I can clearly remember the night Sue said she'd had enough,the night she stormed out of the house taking our two girls with her.My recall is clear because the Blues were on Match of the Day,so obviously that prevented me from stopping her leaving.Anyway she only went to her mothers down the road,but we won 4-2 and our new striker scored a cracker,and our keeper saved a penalty. I think Sue was bitter from the start of our marriage all because I cancelled the honeymoon,well how could I go away,when the Blues were fighting relegation ? It was my duty to be there,but it worked out fine in the end as we won the match and stayed up. But Sue acted very childishly for weeks by not talking to me and making me sleep in the spare room,how immature was she ? Anyway back to the present. I get to see the two girls every Sunday,which is great as that enables me to see the Blues when they play in the week and on Saturday's.Their mother has got herself a boyfriend,he's called Nigel,and the girls tell me he dislikes football.What bloke doesn't like football ?He must be a poof ? They told me recently that Nigel goes to the theatre,and he likes to paint and write poetry,so I was right then he must be a poof ! Anyway I don't care about him and Sue as I've met someone myself,and she's every mans dream woman,as she loves football.No dating agency for me oh no as I met her at a match.It must have been fate I tell you. I went for a pint at half-time and there in the queue just in front was this sexy lady dressed head to foot in our club colours.Blue coat,blue scarf,blue hat,and she was singing our club song at the top of her voice.I felt as if I'd been hit by a ten ton truck,then again her singing was pretty bad to be honest.But joking aside I knew she was the woman for me,and when I got talking to her I must have been in a spin as I forgot all about getting a beer and a steak and kidney pie. We moved away from the bar and got chatting about the game and I was impressed by her knowledge of football,she got talking about tactics and said we need to play a 4-3-3-formation in the second half instead of 4-2-4 she certainly knew her stuff. She said her name was Brenda but she was better known as barmy Brenda due to the fact that she's been thrown out of grounds for fighting,and using foul language at referees. Now that would probably have put off most blokes,but I had fallen head over heals in love with Brenda and anyway who am I to judge her,as I've not been an angel at matches myself over the years. So we sat together in the stands in the second half and six months later we're still a couple,so you could say it was love at first sight.Friends keep asking if we are going to get wed ? But I'm happy in my little flat,and Brenda's the same in hers,so why bother ? She's divorced as well.and it's uncanny because her husband threw her out saying all she cared about was football,I told you it was fate so we must be soul mates. I do stay at her place though the night before a Saturday match,and we always make it special. So after a night of passion(it's Brenda in her blue nightie that does it for me) followed by a good hearty late breakfast,we're off to the pub for a good drink with the blue army,where we like to have a sing song. I want my two girls to come to a game but their mother won't allow it saying it's too rough,and football fans are thugs and yobs.I never told my Brenda that or she would have gone round and beat Sue up. No they go Ice Skating and have Ballet lessons on Saturdays instead,bet Nigel does as well as he'd look good in a tutu. I had to go along with the girls to watch a play that camp Nigel had produced in their school hall.I have never been so bored in all my life,and at the end I had to shake Nigel's hand,and I'm sure he had eye liner on,and to top it all of he was wearing a cravat ! Can't see Sue getting much action in the bedroom with pretty boy Nige,bet he's in front of the mirror more than her. But what pisses me off is when the girls keep saying "Nigel does this,and Nigel does that."They told their mother I call him the prat in the cravat.Yet when I tell them about how we came back to win in extra time they say I'm sad.I tell you my girls can't be normal can they ?At that boring play Sue asked me where Brenda was ? When I told her she was playing indoor five a side for a ladies team I swear she mumbled the word lesbian. Now that's out of order questioning a persons sexuality,just because they don't share your interests.I tell you you'd never catch me being like that. My Brenda's all woman just because she loves her football and she's covered in tattoos doesn't mean she's not feminine.When I see her stepping out of the shower and I look at our club badge covering all of her back it brings tears to my eyes,then again it must have brought tears to Brenda's eyes too as she's scared of needles. Now that's what duty means in my book going through the pain barrier for your club,but Sue wouldn't understand that,but that's why I love my barmy Brenda.                                              COME ON YOU BLUES
Archived comments for Big Buxom Brenda

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Brown Fingers and Yellow Teeth. (posted on: 14-02-14)
A short poem for anyone trying to give up the dreaded weed.Just looking at the title turns my stomach !

I thought I looked cool just like a film star, with a fag in my hand while stood at the bar. Yes I used to smoke about twenty a day, but I must have smelt just like an ashtray. This horrible addiction had taken it's grip, where I needed a roll-up or yet another filter tip. But I kicked the habit and I'm so glad I did, because now I feel better and I've saved a few quid !
Archived comments for Brown Fingers and Yellow Teeth.
Ionicus on 15-02-2014
Brown Fingers and Yellow Teeth.
Couldn't agree more, Mr Marmite. I gave up long time ago without any fuss or patches, just willpower and the thought of all the money I was wasting.

Author's Reply:
Hi. Like me I just got up one day and decided to pack them in,and just used willpower.
I only smoke a few when I have a drink in the pub,but will never go back to smoking like back then.
Brown fingers and yellow teeth should put that on the packets ! cheers.

pdemitchell on 15-02-2014
Brown Fingers and Yellow Teeth.
So true my dear Marmite! With me it's yellow fingers and brown teeth from being addicted to outliving my usefulness!

Author's Reply:
Hi. I reckon brown fingers and yellow teeth would make a good name for a rock band ? thanks for reading and comment.


The Poet Laurie Ate (posted on: 07-02-14)
I was inspired to write this after a crazy dog went for me a few years ago when on my window cleaning round. The woman owner said it was my own fault as I woke him up and he was grumpy and on his territory. Luckily I managed to get up the ladder and away from his bites !

Laurie was a dog and he loved to bite, he wasn't very clever and not at all bright. He didn't like my friend a mad poet called Fred, one day Laurie bit him on the back of his head. Fred wasn't at all pleased and bit the dog back, so Laurie retaliated and went on the attack. They wrestled on the floor and Fred got bit a lot, so to get the dog off him I hit the mutt with a flowerpot. But Laurie was very tough and the pot bounced off his head, then Fred stopped moving in fact he was now dead. I didn't know what to do the poet didn't deserve to die, so looking down at Laurie I asked this crazy dog why ? But he just didn't care and kept chewing at Fred, this loony dog was eating him and he swallowed dead Fred's head. Poor old Fred was now all gone but this must have been his fate, to lose his life to a psycho dog the poet Laurie ate !
Archived comments for The Poet Laurie Ate
franciman on 07-02-2014
The Poet Laurie Ate
Hi MrMarmite,
A big boy's nursery rhyme that would make a great cartoon. Such should be the fate of all exalted poets!
cheers,
Jim

Author's Reply:
Hi Jim. Pleased you enjoyed my daft poem. Never saw it in cartoon form before but it would probably scare the kids. I'm just pleased the mad dog never chewed up my leg or even worse ! cheers.

ValDohren on 08-02-2014
The Poet Laurie Ate
Are you the poet Laurie Ate or the poet laureate ?! Very good MrM, an amusing write.
Val

Author's Reply:
Hi Val. Glad it amused you Val. I've been bitten a few times on my round and have to be on my guard.
The little dogs are the nasty ones and the big types are usually soft,but the one in this poem looked like a wolf. It had a satanic look and would have ripped me up given the chance.I went up the ladder faster than Usain Bolt ! All the best.

Bonnie on 08-02-2014
The Poet Laurie Ate
Your last line made me laugh out loud!


Author's Reply:
Hi Bonnie. Pleased my last line gave you a chuckle and hope you enjoyed the poem.
Many thanks.


I Wish I'd Been Spartacus (posted on: 03-02-14)
I wrote this a while back and tweaked it a bit here and there.I was called a dreamer at school a lot, looking back that was because I lacked concentration and got bored easily.So this is for dreamers everywhere !

Wouldn't it have been something if you were a Gladiator in ancient Rome, instead of being stuck in a call centre having to talk to irate people on the phone ? Wouldn't it have been truly exciting to have been a cowboy in the Wild West, instead of working in a busy office advising customers on how to invest ? Wouldn't it have been exhilarating being a pirate on the seven seas, instead of working in a shop stacking shelves with tins of peas ? Wouldn't it have been really dangerous if you had been a gangster like Capone, instead of having to cold call people asking them if they need a loan ? And wouldn't it have been awesome if you were an Apache Red Indian, instead I'm sitting here thinking I wonder what it's like to be an alien ?
Archived comments for I Wish I'd Been Spartacus
Elfstone on 03-02-2014
I Wish Id Been Spartacus
Oh wouldn't it! I can relate to this - powerfully! Mind you, I suspect all the types you list would have (had) a very different perspective from us. Elfstone.

Author's Reply:
Hi. Thanks for commenting much appreciated. You're right though people like Capone or an Apache had different mindsets than the most of us,I couldn't see them living a nine to five life and watching the telly.
But there's nothing wrong with dreaming it's probably a form of escapism ? Right where's my horse and my bow and arrows ! cheers.

barenib on 03-02-2014
I Wish Id Been Spartacus
We can - and indeed should - all dream! Teachers can be very bad for you... John.

Author's Reply:
Hi. I remember getting hit on the head by a board rubber thrown by an irate teacher when he spotted me daydreaming and staring out of the window,left a big bump on my forehead.He'd get done for assault these days for that,and probably lose his job.Good shot though as I was sat at the back of the class ! All the best and thanks for reading it.

CVaughan on 11-02-2014
I Wish Id Been Spartacus
Hello Mr M. I read you for the first time. Can identify with your piece and the sentiments. Talking call centres I had two inconvenient calls by phone today what a nuisance but then also a thankless task theirs must be when they're not dreaming themselves most of their workdays.

Good pertinent poem I thought. Frank
Oh PS .. "and I'm Spartacus." (too). FG.

Author's Reply:
Hi Frank. Pleased you enjoyed my poem.
But if I never did some daydreaming when inspiration evades me I don't reckon I'd do half the writing I do.
By the way I'm Spartacus ! cheers.


My Old Dog Keith (posted on: 03-02-14)
Not all canines can win at Crufts !

I once had a dog called Keith who had one eye and no teeth, so he had a bark and no bite in fact he was a bit of a sight. Because he didn't have any teeth he couldn't chew meat like beef, so when he was sat by the telly he'd get stuck into bowls of jelly. Keith was a very strange dog he was scared of even a frog, when one hopped onto his back old Keith nearly had a heart attack. He was scared of birds and cats and mice,and wasps, and gnats, looking back I think Keith was insane everything spooked him even rain. But he'll be brave now in doggy paradise as they'll be no insects,frogs,or mice, in canine heaven he'll have two eyes and teeth he'll be top dog now will my old Keith.
Archived comments for My Old Dog Keith
Savvi on 05-02-2014
My Old Dog Keith
Hi MrMarmite
This one jumps around a bit but its all good fun poor Keith he cant of had it easy.
If I could offer something I would ask you to look at the meter as when you are rhyming in couplets like this it becomes ever so important to the reader that beat is consistent so the poem flows along. Best Keith

Author's Reply:
Hi Savvi. Thanks for reading and your comments.I originally wrote it without breaking it up into stanzas,just one long poem so maybe should have left it like that.Cheers.

pdemitchell on 06-02-2014
My Old Dog Keith
Hi MrM - I love the sad tail but a la Keith the metre is what lets it down - if you can't get that tetrameter or pentameter working. Check the syllable count and read it aloud and the flow will sort itself out. A nine beat could be:

I once had a one-eyed dog called Keith
with half a tail and some missing teeth
three legs, no balls - yet he was plucky
I should have called the poor sod Lucky!

Cheers, Mitch πŸ˜‰


Author's Reply:
Hi Mitch. Thanks for your comments I'll take them on board.

Andrea on 06-02-2014
My Old Dog Keith
Hi Mr M - made me smile, but I agree with the other two - how about...

He'll be brave now in dog's paradise,
as there'll be no insects or mice.
In canine heaven with two eyes and teeth,
he'll be top dog now, my old Keith.

Author's Reply:
Hi Andrea. Like I mentioned to Savvi I wrote it before without any breaks in the poem so it would have read better that way ? A songwriter friend liked it a lot and she put it to music so that's where it should be ?
Anyway thanks for your comments.


It's Raining again ! (posted on: 31-01-14)
As Coventry is in the midlands we haven't had it as bad as some parts of the U.K. but we have had lots of heavy rain.As I'm a window cleaner/gardener as you can guess I'm not doing much work so far this year,hence this poem.

Rain,rain,rain, does it never stop ? I'm soaked to the skin and I only popped to the shop. Rain,rain,rain, how worse can you get ? you're soaking our island turning everywhere wet. Rain,rain,rain, week after week after week, you've made my home damp and caused my roof to leak. Rain,rain,rain, can't you go away ? you're getting past a joke attacking us everyday. Rain,rain,rain, please give it a rest, you're fine when just spitting but now you're a pest. Rain.rain,rain, you turn daylight into dark, but now we know how Noah felt sat there with the animals in his Ark !
Archived comments for It's Raining again !
Andrea on 01-02-2014
Its Raining again !
I sympathise, Mr M - bloody awful here, too (Amsterdam), constant grey cold and gloom...roll on spring, I say!

Author's Reply:
Hi Andrea. This has been the mildest yet wettest winter I've known.I love the snow especially when it's fallen and everywhere is a blanket of white,but can't see us getting any this year.Must be global warming ?
I've never been to Amsterdam but know many who have,I've heard it's wild and very easy going,maybe I should get myself a barge and give it a try !

Andrea on 01-02-2014
Its Raining again !
Global warming has nothing to do with localised, short-term weather πŸ™‚

And don't believe everything you hear/read about Amsterdam. It was like that in the 60s and 70s, but certainly isn't now, sadly.

Author's Reply:
I'll stay here in the U.K. then Andrea,but it would have been nice to meet a lady from Amsterdam as I could save money as she would like to go Dutch on nights out ! Cheers.

ValDohren on 02-02-2014
Its Raining again !
Know just what you mean MrM, I'm sick of it too - my toes are starting to stick together !! Amusing write.
Val

Author's Reply:
Hi Val. I know us Brits are obsessed with the weather but this never ending rain is getting beyond a joke.
It was dry here in Coventry today so managed to catch up on some work,a couple of customers said though what's the point of cleaning the windows when the rain will be here soon ?I pretended I never heard them and carried on. Still got a cuppa though so life's not that bad !All the best Val.

Mikeverdi on 03-02-2014
Its Raining again !
Dog walking is shit in this weather, even if you dress up the dogs get soaked; I hate it! Mike

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike. I know how you feel as all this rain stops me working.I said to a customer today we need it to be colder then we'd get less rain. She wasn't impressed with my weather forecast as she hates the cold,so there's no pleasing us is there ? As you're an ex Scaffolder I bet you still had to work even when it was chucking it down ? Anyway hope you're well. Cheers ,Kevin.


Sport and Life (posted on: 24-01-14)
As I'm a sports fan these are just my thoughts on how sport can be used in a psychological way to answer and understand many of life's challenges.

We all have challenges in life but it's how we deal with them that matters.Some people can take a lot of stress whilst others wilt under even the slightest of tension or worry.As someone who has played many sports in a team or as an individual I believe sport not only is important for keeping fit,but is also important for mental well being.I'll start with Boxing probably the toughest and most brutal sport there is,but it can teach us many positive things. For example a fighter could be taking a lot of punishment,he gets knocked down and you think he's not getting up from that punch,but somehow through shear guts and steely determination he rises to his feet and fights on.Or the pugilist is losing every round and he's got cuts and bruises all over his body,but in the final round he finds the strength to not only go toe to toe with his opponent,but from somewhere deep within himself delivers a knockout blow,and ends up the winner. This shows that we must never give up and throw in the towel,we must battle on. There's also the long distance runner who trains daily to run in a marathon of 26 miles to either try and win a medal or to raise cash for his or her charity.They start this long and energy sapping race feeling fit and strong,the sun is shining down on them and they're feeling really good and positive. But halfway through things can change for them,the weather has taken a turn,rain is bucketing down and to make matters worse an old injury has reared up again slowing them down.But as in life it's how you deal with these set backs,do you say to yourself that's it I can't continue,or do you say I'm not letting this stop me ? The winners of the race or those that cross the line at the end are those who have taken the knocks along the way,but when they see the end in sight find all the pain was worth it as they've achieved their aim. Take now sports like football or rugby games that require you to be part of a team,you are still an individual but required to play alongside others and you will be told where to play and expected to pull your weight and to not let your team-mates down. But there will be occasions when for some reason you're not playing well,you're making errors and you think I'm not helping the team today,they may be better off without me. This is where team work comes into play,you're struggling a bit and need a boost from those around you,they see you're having an off day but with their help get you through to the final whistle. The analogy here being sometimes we can't do it on our own we need some support. So sport reflects life in so many ways as it is full of twists and turns,you're going to get knocked about,and one day you're up but the next you may come crashing down.But a champion or the winner doesn't get the medal handed to them on a plate they have to endure blood,sweat,and tears,they will have doubts creep into their mind,they will have days when they want to stay in bed instead of going out to train,yet they remain positive as they know the pain and the agony will be all worth it in the end. So remember never give up and at the end of the day we're all winners if we don't .
Archived comments for Sport and Life
Mikeverdi on 24-01-2014
Sport and Life
It matters not if you win or lose, but how you played the game. Something I was told at an early age by my mother, I always found that winning was best πŸ™‚
Mike

Author's Reply:


A Secret Pleasure (posted on: 20-01-14)
What is this secret pleasure ? Read on for the answer.

Nearly all of us do it some behind a closed door, it's one of life's little treats which has us coming back for more. So what is this temptation go on then please tell, is it really sinful that can lead to the fires of Hell ? Well I'll put your minds at rest it involves a cup of tea, you then get a biscuit and dunk it for ecstasy. Jaffa Cakes are a favourite they are a delicious dip, but some biscuits can crumble and float in the mug as you sip. Custard Creams are tasty they really hit the spot, but beware of some cookies they melt if the tea's too hot. Gingers dunk really well they stay nice and sweet, and as for digestives they just can't be beat. So carry on dunking as it's good for the soul, but I hope God forgives you for your love of a Fig Roll !
Archived comments for A Secret Pleasure
stormwolf on 20-01-2014
A Secret Pleasure
LOL Dunking rules ok?

Made me smile. I would break it up to make it more readable...you know, chunks like tasty bites of Jaffa cakes.

Alison x

Author's Reply:
Hi Alison. You must read my mind as I thought after I sent it should I space the stanzas out ?
In the end left it as it was but you're right it would sound better spaced apart.
Anyway I'm off for a cuppa and a dunk got some digestives ready ! cheers.

pommer on 20-01-2014
A Secret Pleasure
Yes,agree with Alison and your reply,spacing out the stanzas would make an improvement.It is good however.My Granddad and I share your secret.I like Jammie Dodgers,Carry on dunking, Pommer.

Author's Reply:
Hi Pommer. Thanks for the score much appreciated. As for dunking it's looked on as a bit common to some people,but they should make it mandatory everywhere. Jammie Dodgers are in the Premier League for dunking,as are Ginger biscuits.But beware of Fig Rolls they can sink faster than my football team ! Kevin.

Mikeverdi on 21-01-2014
A Secret Pleasure
What was it you said about reading before posting πŸ™‚ LOL
Mike

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike. I take it this poem's not to your liking then ? Can't please everybody I guess.
You could say it's not your cup of tea ! All the best. Kevin.

ValDohren on 21-01-2014
A Secret Pleasure
As you say MrM, nothing like a soggy Digestive. Amusing write, and one which I am sure many can relate to.
Val x


Author's Reply:
Hi Val. Thanks for comments. I hope your well ?Bet your glad Christmas has gone can't believe it's a month past and a new year is moving forward.I'll be sixty next month and my son and a couple of my mates want me to have a party or have a do in the pub.They say if I don't I'm a miserable sod etc. I'm one of those who don't bother anymore,different if you're twenty something ! anyway all the best Val. Kevin.

Bozzz on 21-01-2014
A Secret Pleasure
Dunking is supposed to be the last refuge of Shakespeare's pantalooned male - sans teeth etc. I am longing for a dunking partner willing to dunk anything in anything, but I do have two teeth. Good escapist write. Enjoyed the downward spiral...David

Author's Reply:
Hi Bozzz. Pleased you enjoyed my daft poem, to dunk or not to dunk that is the question ?
Sorry to hear you have only got two teeth but as long as they are in good nick there's nothing to worry about ! Cheers. Kevin.

ValDohren on 23-01-2014
A Secret Pleasure
I'm not too bad thanks Kevin - bearing up you might say. Yes, glad the festive season is over, but now its gloomy January with another birthday just gone. Know what you mean about parties, never been a party animal myself either - a miserable sod too !! All the very best to you. Keep posting. Val x

Author's Reply:

Jaybee on 13-03-2014
A Secret Pleasure
As a keen tea drinker this piece made me smile. Love the way each biscuit fitted into the verse.

Excellent so I give you my full marks!!

Author's Reply:
Hi Jaybee. Top marks I'm well chuffed at that !Many thanks and pleased you enjoyed it.
We are a nation of tea lovers without doubt and dunkers too I bet. Once again thanks for reading and mark. cheers. Kevin.


Mind Your Language ! (posted on: 17-01-14)
This is an old daft poem of mine but I thought I'd bring it out again after hearing a chap in my local recently swearing constantly.See what you effing well think !

Old Billy just loved to swear he really liked to cuss, he'd use foul language everywhere in the street and on the bus. He would even swear in church effing that and effing this, yet when the vicar told him to stop Billy swore and said:"give us a kiss." He swore when he was sober but was worse when he'd had a few, and when the barmaid complained Billy replied :"what's the effing matter with you ?" One day when Billy wouldn't stop cursing a policeman arrested him on the spot, when asked in court why he was swearing he said :"because he was too effing hot." Sadly old Billy choked to death but his cussing will never ever die, because on his gravestone are the words, I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE EATEN THAT EFFING PORK PIE !
Archived comments for Mind Your Language !
pommer on 17-01-2014
Mind Your Language !
Ha,Ha,A good ******* write. Learned from a bloke like that when I came to the UK first many years ago.Well done, Pommer

Author's Reply:

Pronto on 18-01-2014
Mind Your Language !
So true to life these days even little girls are heard at in on their way to school. You told this with an easy good humour to make it enjoyable.

Author's Reply:


Sorry Mate No Trainers (posted on: 17-01-14)
I remember "Bouncers" used to be huge blokes on the doors of pubs and clubs years ago,but now they can often be polite and friendly and women do the job as well.This is about a Bouncer who stood on the door in a Coventry pub in the 70's !

Twenty stone six feet four, he's the bouncer on the door. Big shaved head tattooed neck, looks like an Ogre like Mister Shrek. Loves a wrestle and a fight, throws em out on Saturday night. Been in the army and the nick, assault and battery a punch and a kick. Behave yourself when Shrek's about, or he'll cut up rough and give you a clout. He's twenty stone and six feet four, so don't you mess with Shrek on the door !
Archived comments for Sorry Mate No Trainers
pommer on 17-01-2014
Sorry Mate No Trainers
Great made me chuckle,some of them still seem to be about.Enjoyed this piece. Pommer.

Author's Reply:
Pleased it made you chuckle pommer. My son was working in Manchester last year and a fight broke out in a club him and his work mates were drinking in.The bouncers steamed in hitting anybody in the way,and my son and his pal ended up in hospital because they had a go back.So you're right some are still about !
cheers.

Elfstone on 18-01-2014
Sorry Mate No Trainers
Very accurate! and very good rhyming couplets too. Elfstone

Author's Reply:
Elfstone thanks for your comments. As I wrote to pommer there are still some Shrek's around !
All the best.

pommer on 18-01-2014
Sorry Mate No Trainers
Hi ,I had to reply once more,what happened to your son happened to my grandson too.Had his head kicked,and finished up in custody. they had to call the police doctor out to make sure he was OK.Was released next morning as he hadn't done anything,and was told to make a complaint against the bouncer, which he refrained from doing.He told me he enjoyed the breakfast.He is a had working young man,never in trouble, but in the wrong place at the wrong time.So much for bouncers. Pommer

Author's Reply:
My son took a bad beating from two of them and ended with a broken nose and cracked ribs.
He is 29 years of age and he never told me for months after it happened as he knew I'd be angry as it also happened to me in the 70's.I had a go at one of them but another jumped on me and were too strong for me,so they put me in hospital too.Back then you just took it as a Saturday night out as Coventry was like that in those days.Some are nutters in dickie bows ! Thanks for getting back anyway.

Pronto on 18-01-2014
Sorry Mate No Trainers
Very good poem and so true. My best friends son was nearly killed by one of these ogres and his mate. and all for a harmless joke he cracked. So good to see diplomacy winning over violence these days.

Author's Reply:
Thanks Pronto. Sorry to hear about your friends son but it doesn't surprise me as my other comments echo this. I've seen incidents over the years when a doorman and his pals have gone over the top,but thankfully things seem to be better these days.

TheScribbler on 18-01-2014
Sorry Mate No Trainers
Yes I remember those days when the words 'bouncer' and 'thug'were interchangeable. There were clubs that we used to avoid because the bouncers always started trouble.

Author's Reply:
Scribbler. I think the word bouncer has been changed to door supervisor. I don't think Shrek would get a job these days as his way of dealing with trouble was a right hook ! I saw him even slap a woman in the face once who was shouting at him,he would end up in court now.

Mikeverdi on 19-01-2014
Sorry Mate No Trainers
Having spent half my life as a scaffolding contractor, most of the men I employed had a second job as bouncers. The one thing it did mean was I was safe out at night...unless I had sacked one! Good stuff again. Mike

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike. I worked for ten years on the building sites in Coventry and met a fair few scaffolders and they were a hard working and hard drinking breed.As you would know Mike scaffolding is a job that will keep you fit and strong which would have come in handy for your workers ! cheers, Kevin.


A Much Missed Decade (posted on: 13-01-14)
Another trip down memory lane.

The Beatles and the Rolling Stones, Fleetwood Mac and Tom Jones. The Who and Chubby Checker, reggae music by Desmond Dekker. Procul Harem's Whiter Shade of Pale, Johnny Cash singing in San Quentin Jail. Captain Beefheart and his Magic Band, mods and rockers clashing on the sand. Hippies with flowers in their hair, I Got You Babe by Sonny and Cher. Sandie Shaw in her bare feet, the Kinks were down on Dead End Street. Dave Dee,Dozy,Beaky,Mick,and Tich, Geoff Hurst's hat-trick on the Wembley pitch. Michael Caine was a soldier in Zulu, a Eurovision entry was sung by bubbly Lulu. And where on earth was Itchycoo Park ? Oh Pretty Woman sang Orbison in glasses so dark. So did the sixties fill you full of passion ? were you a dedicated follower of fashion ? A much missed decade of creativity and fun, while now it's all recession and hoodies with a gun !
Archived comments for A Much Missed Decade
Mikeverdi on 13-01-2014
A Much Missed Decade
Good idea in action, and I really like it....there is a but! In my opinion (only mine) there are too many words. I think it would flow and sound better if you lost some. There are too many 'and' along with other linking words; they are not necessary. a pruning would turn a good poem into a great one. PM me if you want to ask about it...or tell me to fuck off.
Mike

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike. Fuck off ! only joking I wouldn't dream of doing that I appreciate your comments too much.
You may be right there are a lot of words but you know what it's like when your in the flow you sometimes can't slow down ? As I'm a gardener when I'm not window cleaning I'm good at pruning !Please feel free to change it where you think it needs it etc. Thanks anyway for still giving it a good rating. Kevin.

Andrea on 13-01-2014
A Much Missed Decade
Memory Lane...



Author's Reply:
Great to see that again brings memories of my sister dancing in the house to this before her and her mate went off to the Locarno. Many thanks Andrea.

Savvi on 13-01-2014
A Much Missed Decade
I am loving it, a romp down memory lane, great stuff invokes some best forgotten memories

Author's Reply:
Hi Savvi. Pleased you enjoyed it. working on a 70's poem so watch this space ! cheers.

Rab on 14-01-2014
A Much Missed Decade
Love it (apart from the Geoff Hurst line; as a Scot I'd have preferred "Jim Baxter's keepie-uppy on the Wembley pitch", but each to their own...). Now how about the 70s? There was a decade!

Author's Reply:
Hi Rab. I am working on a 70's poem as that was more my decade.As I'm a big football fan although being a Coventry City supporter I'm in agony most of the time,I do remember Jim Baxter as he was a great player.
I think he had a drink problem later after his career ended ?another great Scot has passed away Bobby Collins the ex Leeds and Celtic star. All the best anyway.

pommer on 14-01-2014
A Much Missed Decade
Great. Had me reliving times I had when my daughter was growing up.I agree with Mike's comment. I would however not prune it too hard.Be lucky, Pommer.

Author's Reply:
Pommer. It's not the weather for pruning ! By the way I found out about Itchycoo Park a while ago,it's about a park in East London where a young Steve Marriott used to play. The kids would pick seeds off the Plane trees and crush them and put them down each others backs,causing itching and they called them Itchycoo seeds. We all did that as kids ! Cheers.


Just a Boy (posted on: 10-01-14)
A trip down memory lane.

Caught tiddlers caught frogs caught butterflies caught chickenpox. Played marbles played football played Subuteo played truant. Pinched apples pinched birds eggs pinched rhubarb pinched sweets. First girl first kiss first fumble first slap. Drank Cherryade drank Limeade drank Tizer drank dads beer. The sixties the Beatles the football the Who ? Great decade great times great days Great Britain !
Archived comments for Just a Boy
Elfstone on 10-01-2014
Just a Boy
Oh, but you missed out Pink Floyd and the Moody Blues!!!!
I really liked this. (BTW you have a typo - "dads" should be "dad's".) Elfstone

Author's Reply:
Hi. Your a Rock fan too, I was thinking about the Kinks and Small Faces but stuck with the Who and Beatles.
Pleased you liked it as I enjoyed writing it as looking back the sixties was a magic time even though I was just a kid.

deadpoet on 10-01-2014
Just a Boy
An uplifting read Marmite-I like that.. Yeah the sixties were good for me too.

Author's Reply:
Hi. I was just a kid in the sixties but looking back it seemed an interesting decade.
The music and the fashion has influenced the decades that followed.
I've done another poem on the sixties so hope you enjoy it ?
cheers.

stormwolf on 10-01-2014
Just a Boy
Brought a smile to my face. πŸ˜‰
Alison x

Author's Reply:
Hi Alison. Pleased it brought a smile to your face just like your beautiful little granddaughter and poem brought to mine ! All the best: Kevin.

Kipper on 11-01-2014
Just a Boy
Memory Lane, the most crowded place there is. We've all been there, and it seems that as I get older I spend more and more time there.
I like your take and I can identify with most of it!
Nicely done
Michael


Author's Reply:
Thanks Kipper. Nothing wrong with trips down memory lane as long as you can remember it.
They say if you remember the sixties you weren't really there. I was just a young lad but made up for it in the 70's ! All the best.

Mikeverdi on 11-01-2014
Just a Boy
Remember all of it, older than you, grew up in the fifties with the frogs etc. The sixties were sex drugs and rock&roll... Great times. Like you're take on this. Mike

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike. Sex,drugs,and rock and roll, I put that down once a job application form in the section where it said what are my hobbies ?as you can guess I never heard back from them !Some people haven't got a sense of humour. cheers Kevin.

Savvi on 13-01-2014
Just a Boy
I enjoyed the way this flashes by, more of a 70's kid myself but I appreciate the sentiment and the interesting form. Best Keith

Author's Reply:


A Lifelong Love Affair (posted on: 06-01-14)
Who says romance is dead !

I've loved you for so very long from the moment you came into my life, I was only a very young boy but age never meant a thing. Mother said no good will come of it told me to concentrate on school instead, but my mind was always on you as you meant everything to me. Luckily dad was keen on you too told me to take no notice of mum, said she'd come round in the end. Well here I am a mature man but still in love with you, you've given me so much joy but lots of tears as well. Girlfriends have come and gone but you've always been there, yes football you mean the world to me.
Archived comments for A Lifelong Love Affair
Andrea on 06-01-2014
A Lifelong Love Affair
Hahaha, just twigged it before the end πŸ™‚ Here's a song for you...




Author's Reply:
Many thanks for this really enjoyed it,wonder who recorded it ?
My club Coventry have been drawn away to the mighty Arsenal in the Cup,so will have to start saving up for a ticket ! cheers.

Mikeverdi on 06-01-2014
A Lifelong Love Affair
You are as big a twat as I am Ha Ha! Love it!

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike. A sad twat more like ! Pleased you like it as well.
I blame my dad for taking me to the matches as a kid,us lads at the front with the blokes further up smoking and swearing. Then again that sounds good to me ! All the best and thanks for score.

Bozzz on 06-01-2014
A Lifelong Love Affair
Twats or no twats, 'Liaisons Dangereuse' say the experts and marriage counsellors. You fickle fella - I bet you were an inside left - they are the subtle ones. But Keith, in all honesty the piece deserves more effective and complete punctuation.


Author's Reply:
Hi Bozz. Thanks for score and comments. I played on the wing for school and Coventry Boys although one of my sons has played inside. Reading it back it could do with tweaking here and there,but my aim was to convey a different kind of romance ! Thanks anyway: Kevin.

Bozzz on 06-01-2014
A Lifelong Love Affair
Apologies Kevin, for getting your name wrong. Wrong sort of K.
V Sorry, David

Author's Reply:
No problem David. All the best.

Kipper on 06-01-2014
A Lifelong Love Affair
Good story with a nice little twist. But I have to hand it to Andrea, she must be a wiz with a camera, and always in the right place too.
Good luck against Arsenal.
Michael

Author's Reply:
Thanks Kipper and yes I like the pictures Andrea sends it adds to the poem.
As for our trip to Arsenal in the next round it's going to be a tough match to say the least,but in the Cup anything can happen.We just have to go there positive and enjoy the day. cheers.

stormwolf on 08-01-2014
A Lifelong Love Affair
ha ha Good one! I never could see the attraction myself but am aware that to some, it's a life-long passion.
I would have broken up the last line with a comma after foorball.....to highlighht the fact that this is the twist in the tale πŸ˜‰
but its just a tiny thing.

Well done
Alison x

Author's Reply:
Thanks Alison for reading and comments.I was going to put a comma there like you say but thought I'd leave it as it was,but you are right it would create the pause.As for my passion for football it is alien to people who have no interest in the game,but it's like my Marmite user name,you either love it or hate it !
Happy New Year by the way.


Words (posted on: 03-01-14)
Inspired by trying to work out what my mate was trying to say over the phone after he had obviously over done it down the pub.

Words are everywhere you look in the paper and in the book. We use them when we speak in languages like Russian or Greek. Babies use them to talk to their mum trying to say they want talc on their bum. Teenagers speak words in a way we don't understand and singers sing them like Elvis and Streisand. People lose their temper and swear and cuss like when they stub a toe or miss the bus. That's when rude words can be heard that you won't find in the Times crossword. Someone who's drunk will talk in a strange way these words can be heard in pubs on a Saturday. There are short words and some that are long and some words that are nearly always spelt wong ! But that's enough words now I'll put down my pen it's the end,over,ceased,finished,stopped,AMEN.
Archived comments for Words
Bozzz on 03-01-2014
Words
Witty write, good read. Kevin. What I might venture to call rhyming prose. No discredit in that Sir, applause, well done...David

Author's Reply:


The Men in Black (posted on: 03-01-14)
For all those who watch football this poem doesn't need any explaining !

Have you got broad shoulders and a masochistic streak, can you withstand pressure be centre of attention every week ? Well I've just the job for you seeing you've got thick skin, there's a shortage of referees so when can you begin ? It doesn't matter if you've never played or that the fans think your a fool, as long as your decisions are dodgy and you don't understand the offside rule. Yes you'll get called obscene names and players will swear at you, just pretend you know what your doing even when you haven't got a clue. So good luck in your new career and I hope you find it fun, but just to be on the safe side along with a whistle I'd take a gun !
Archived comments for The Men in Black
Mikeverdi on 03-01-2014
The Men in Black
There you go again...you and football Ha Ha! Mike

Author's Reply:
Yes you are spot on Mike I am a bit of a football nut.
When I was with my ex missus she said to me go to the shops to get some bread and milk as I was getting on her nerves moaning about being bored.When I returned she said why it had taken over five hours ?
I had been to a match instead and my plan of irritating her had worked a treat,I wonder why we're not together anymore ! All the best : Kevin.

TheScribbler on 04-01-2014
The Men in Black
Reminded me of the Referee's Alphabet by my favourite band, Half Man Half Biscuit. 'Wouldn't it be fun, if they gave the ref a gun'.

http://www.songlyrics.com/half-man-half-biscuit/the-referee-s-alphabet-lyrics/

Author's Reply:
Hi. I saw your favourite band here in Coventry years back but don't recall them doing this song.
As I'm a football fan I've given ref's stick in my time but they do have a tough job ! cheers.

Andrea on 04-01-2014
The Men in Black
Football, eh? The beautiful game. Here's that song...



Author's Reply:
Thanks Andrea for sending this going to check it out.
Not going to my clubs game today but now wish I'd got a ticket as listening to it on the radio isn't the same.
Football's like Marmite you either love it or hate it but I love it ! Regards: Kevin.


Off to the Gym ? (posted on: 30-12-13)
Now Christmas has gone and it's the time where blokes make the New Year resolution of losing the pounds put on over the Xmas period.Many decide on hitting the gym,hence this poem.

Take it easy and don't go mad as your out of shape and unfit, and leave the heavy weights alone remember your getting on a bit. You want to lose some weight and get yourself a nice six pack, but your not a young man anymore and you've got a dodgy back. You'll probably go on the treadmill and pretend your in a real race, but remember what happened before ? you fell of and landed on your face. Still at least your giving it a go and not at home watching the telly, but it'll take a lot of work outs to lose that huge beer- belly. So I hope you can keep it up and stick to your fitness regime, but I think you've left it a bit late to get in the British Olympic team !
Archived comments for Off to the Gym ?
Corin on 30-12-2013
Off to the Gym ?
Very amusing Mr M - you have got me typecast! Mind I think I will go for the gentler regime of WiiFit this year:-)

Dave

Author's Reply:
Hi Dave. Pleased it amused you. But you can guarantee top of many resolutions will be to head for the gym.
I've done it myself just to get bored with it a few weeks later. Anyway what's wrong with good old fashioned walking ? Very cheap and free too ! Happy New Year.

Elfstone on 30-12-2013
Off to the Gym ?
I smiled through this - in the gym I used to work-out in, pre-surgery, there was always a rush of people in January; by mid February it was back to the regulars again πŸ™‚

By the way - may I point out a typo - "Still at least your giving it a go " should be "you're". Elfstone

Author's Reply:
Hi Elfstone. Thanks for commenting much appreciated.
Your right about typo I keep doing that. My new year resolution, check for typo's and keep away from the gym ! All the best.

Mikeverdi on 30-12-2013
Off to the Gym ?
Bugger, you've been talking to my wife !! Good stuff mate. Mike

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike. Has the missus bought you a gym membership then for Christmas ?
I'm no longer with mine but she drove me to the pub instead !
Happy New Year anyway.

deadpoet on 31-12-2013
Off to the Gym ?
I think you hit the nail on the head Marmite- well done.

By the way you have several your where it should be you're- a common mistake but something to look out for. It's like their,there and they're- often headaches !!

Well done..
Pia

Author's Reply:

Bozzz on 31-12-2013
Off to the Gym ?
Some good advice well delivered Kevin - enjoyed the read, though with some attention to rhythm, could be excellent. Good write content though...David

Author's Reply:

ValDohren on 31-12-2013
Off to the Gym ?
Very good MrM - don't do gyms myself, too old. That's my excuse anyway.
Have a great New Year.
Best wishes.
Val

Author's Reply:


Another Year Gone (posted on: 20-12-13)
As I'm a window cleaner/gardener I get some cards and tips from off my customers at this time of year. This week I was given a card and a cake from a lovely old lady she said:" Kevin, please take this now as I'm 92 and it could be my last Christmas."Life summed up in a few words and gesture ?

The year draws to it's close all it's worries are fading away, days that were full of stress are now distant memories. Now we can look back and think, how did I manage that ? why did that happen ? I can't believe I did that ! But, it's now all gone just like the days and nights, times when we felt low but also when we laughed. So whatever the new year brings and there will be ups and downs, as long as the sun keeps on shining we'll get through it all once again.
Archived comments for Another Year Gone
Bozzz on 21-12-2013
Another Year Gone
Well Kevin, there's some cheerful thinking and cheerful reading- the world needs more of that - troubles overcome usually not miracles but hard work all round. A pleasure to read. So wishing you all the best for tomorrow and onwards....David

Author's Reply:
Many thanks David pleased you enjoyed the poem.
And all the best to you too. By the way the cake she gave me was delicious,home made by herself I told her the next clean will be a free one ! Cheers.

deadpoet on 22-12-2013
Another Year Gone
Yes we will have to hope that the sun keeps shining. Where would we be without hope?

Merry Christmas Marmite and hope the New Year 2014 brings you much joy..

Pia
xx

Author's Reply:
Merry Christmas Pia and a good New Year too.
Without hope we have nothing,so keep positive !


If Children ran the World (posted on: 16-12-13)
The worlds supposed to be ruled by clever adults but give the kids a go !

I'm fed up with this world too much misery and hate, so let children take over as the planets in a state. They'd ban political meetings instead it'll be fun and play, if kids were given power they'd stop wars in a day. Amusement parks would be free as would be sweets and jelly, parents would be told to chill out and to watch cartoons on the telly. Kids aren't interested in conflict that's down to older human race, so they'd settle silly disputes with a custard pie to the face. Pubs will be turned into youth clubs and alcohol replaced by fizzy pop, cigarettes to be made of chocolate and drug addicts given a gumdrop. So let the children have a go at least we'll all have a good time, with no cheating politicians and bankers and a change from debt and crime !
Archived comments for If Children ran the World
Mikeverdi on 16-12-2013
If Children ran the World
If only Mr. Marmite if only Ha Ha!

Author's Reply:
Hi Mike. I love listening to what young kids say and sometimes I reckon they'd do a better job.
Our government are a bunch of clowns anyway so they'd be first to get the custard pies ! cheers.

Kipper on 16-12-2013
If Children ran the World
As I was reading I was thinking "If only" only to discover that Mike had got in first.


It's a great idea. I'm sure kids would do a great job 'If Only' kids would stay like kids. Unfortunately they grow up! Send for Peter Pan.


Michael

Author's Reply:
Hi Michael. It is just fantasy but don't we all get a bit sick and tired of so called "clever" adults telling us what we should or shouldn't do ? I reckon give the kids a bash they might give us a surprise at how well they do. Can you imagine the size of the queue waiting patiently to custard pie a politician or sleezeball banker !

ValDohren on 16-12-2013
If Children ran the World
Quite agree Kev - if little kids ruled the world it would be a better place. Sadly we have big kids ruling it !!
Best wishes for Christmas and the New Year.
Val xx


Author's Reply:
Hi Val. Glad you agree. Hope your well ?
Best wishes for Christmas and New Year to you too.

pommer on 16-12-2013
If Children ran the World
Yes Kev, Like Mike says :"if only"after all, I am sure the big kids in Westminster could learn a lot from their juniors.Best wishes for Christmas and the New year, Pommer.

Author's Reply:
Hi Pommer. Seasons greetings to you also.

barenib on 17-12-2013
If Children ran the World
I'd agree, but some of the kids these days.... Perhaps I'm getting old? John.

Author's Reply:
Hi John. I know what you mean as all kids aren't full of innocence are they these days ?
But I'm so sick and tired of politicians and those who run companies etc,that I thought surely we could have a change ! Custard pie in the sky though ! All the best.

deadpoet on 18-12-2013
If Children ran the World
I say give 'em a go too. Such a good idea.
Season's Greetings...

Pia
xx

Author's Reply:
Seasons greetings to you too Pia,


The Old Settee (posted on: 13-12-13)
I spotted an old sofa in a skip and thought I bet that's seen some years ?

I've been in this living room for years and years, witnessed many happy times and lots and lots of tears. Had children jumping on me and pets shedding their hair, money lost down my back when only I knew it was there. After the kids went to bed that's when "romance" took place, and if I had human features bright red would be my face. Had the family watching the telly sitting on me every night, I've always enjoyed the sport but horror films give me a fright. I'm getting on a bit now though and may end up on one of those skips, as they said my springs had gone and my sides are full of rips. I was right my days are now up still even settees have to die, but I've had a decent life now I'm off to the great sofa in the sky !
Archived comments for The Old Settee
deadpoet on 13-12-2013
The Old Settee
A lovely well-lived in settee-I like this poem..

Pia
xx

Author's Reply:

ValDohren on 13-12-2013
The Old Settee
Very novel write MrM - hope the sofa in the sky is comfortable.
Val x

Author's Reply:

Bozzz on 14-12-2013
The Old Settee
Because of the present laws on flammability of materials used in and on sofas. Saint Peter's customs officials (at the back gate) may not look kindly upon you. Prepare to go below as well. Nice subject and write...David

Author's Reply:


It's Here Again (posted on: 06-12-13)
Christmas is like Marmite you either love it or hate it ? Myself I just go along with it but some people do go over the top !

Shops packed stress levels high, cards to get presents to buy. Kids wanting this asking for that, don't forget the dog and Tiddles the cat. Aftershave and Perfume socks for the feet, they'll do nicely for old uncle Pete. Hoping for snow so the kids can play, but it usually rains the whole of the day. Christmas is for children that's what we say, but what a palaver just for one day. Still it's only once a year and an excuse to get fat, so eat,drink,be merry, and give thanks to Santa for that !
Archived comments for It's Here Again
Red-Poppies on 08-12-2013
Its Here Again
Roll on Easter (only joking).
Made me smile, I am one of those who does not go overboard.
So long as there is food, warmth and the animals are happy, then I am happy.

Made me smile, made me realise what a miserable so and so I am (but I enjoyed it) πŸ™‚

Thanks
Pops ~xx~

Author's Reply:
Hi there glad you enjoyed my not so festive poem !
It's okay once it's here but dislike the sight of Christmas cards etc in the shops at the start of November !
Have a good one anyway.


Hair Today Gone Tomorrow (posted on: 02-12-13)
I see the likes of Paul McCartney and Cliff Richard dye their hair and it looks a copper colour. They're both at an age when you'd think they'd leave it grey wouldn't you ? A chap came in the pub recently and he went from grey to dark black overnight,he did half get some ribbing !

Some people have got a lot of hair whilst others hardly any at all, many have a thick looking mop for a lot it's just a bright shiny ball. It's there to cover a persons head shades of brown,blonde,and grey, some of it stays firmly in place but in the wind a toupee may fly away. Women like to try different styles they can turn into a redhead overnight, but always say their hair looks nice if you don't want to start a fight. As you age it starts to change colour your dark locks can even turn white, that's when some decide to dye it but for some reason it never looks right. So if your hair is starting to fall out or you've got not one strand on top, just think of all the money you'll save with no more trips to the barbers shop !
Archived comments for Hair Today Gone Tomorrow
Bozzz on 02-12-2013
Hair Today Gone Tomorrow
The rhyming is good, but for me the poem would be so much more readable if there was rhythm and flow to match the story.. ...David

Author's Reply:
Thanks for comments but not sure what you mean ?
You say rhyming is good but it needs more rhythm and flow !
Thanks anyway.

Andrea on 02-12-2013
Hair Today Gone Tomorrow
Well, when you read it out loud, the rhythm is wrong in places. For example:

As you age it starts to change colour
your dark locks can even turn white,
that's when some decide to dye it
but for some reason it never looks right.

Might be better as:

As you age, it starts to change hue,
dark locks can even turn white.
That's when some decide to dye,
but sadly it never looks right.


So if your hair is starting to fall out
or you've got not one strand on top,
just think of all the money you'll save
with no more trips to the barbers shop !

reads better as :


So if your hair is starting to fall,
or you've got not one strand on top,
just think of all the money you'll save,
no more trips to the barbers shop!

Just the omission of a couple of words makes it flow better. Of course it also depends on what emphasis is put where by the reader...

Just my opinion of course - made me smile anyway πŸ™‚


Author's Reply:
Don't think it sounds any different to be honest.

Andrea on 02-12-2013
Hair Today Gone Tomorrow
Oh, okay πŸ™‚ Still made me smile πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:

deadpoet on 04-12-2013
Hair Today Gone Tomorrow
I like to read your stuff Marmite- usually gives a laugh- I think it looks wrong too on men.

Pia
xx

Author's Reply:
I'm pleased my poems "usually" give you a laugh,I must try harder next time !
All the best. Marmite.

Bozzz on 04-12-2013
Hair Today Gone Tomorrow
To cling to their pride, many men propagate the myth that early baldness signifies greater sexual virility. I cling to my remaining three hairs - at the last count - hoping that each will allow me at least one more orgasm. You bring controversy with entertainment.

In this type of rhyming poetry, it helps flow to match the lines or couplets with similar beat counts....David





















Author's Reply:
It can be a touchy subject hair but a funny one nevertheless.
My brother-in-law is almost bald now but like you say he says it's because of his manly genes !
But when he said that my sister couldn't stop laughing, I didn't ask her why !

Pronto on 05-12-2013
Hair Today Gone Tomorrow
This reminded me of my best mate black hair and a grey beard. He looked a right prat so he shaved all his hair off.
Oh vanity thy name is man. I enjoyed your poem mate.

Author's Reply:


Blast Off ! (posted on: 29-11-13)
Why do they keep sending rockets up into outer space year after year ?India are sending one up next. All this space voyaging and yet we still don't know much do we ?Hence my poem.

Up up up and up into outer space one giant leap for man and the human race, blasting up towards that heavenly place did you see aliens or angels face to face ? What was it like to walk on the moon could there be life on Mars or even Neptune, is time in space really fast or very slow ? answers to questions we'd like to know. When your so high amongst the stars in the sky do you wonder,are you in awe, do you ask why ? they say you can feel the presence of God as you float about in your space capsule pod. From tiny Pluto to the red planet of Mars comets,black holes, and shooting stars, mysteries and wonders so far away where twenty-four hours don't make up a day. So after all these years and what do we find that there's no other life to worry mankind, but spaceships still ascend up so high leaving us earthlings to ask the question,why ?
Archived comments for Blast Off !
deadpoet on 29-11-2013
Blast Off !
I have often thought about this. I enjoyed reading a good poem with rhyme about this topic. I think you have hit a nerve here with your questions. Well done Marmite (love your alias)

Pia
xx

Author's Reply:
Hi Pia. I just think it's strange that countries keep spending millions of pounds on space travel.
What's the point ?That money could be better spent down here on earth. Bet aliens are laughing at us humans anyway,if they exist ? I feel another poem coming ! Cheers.

Mikeverdi on 01-12-2013
Blast Off !
Good rhyme and a different slant on an age old question. Mike

Author's Reply:

bo_duke99 on 01-12-2013
Blast Off !
the question posed is an interesting one, at the end of the usual sprightly rhyming

Author's Reply:


The Poet (posted on: 25-11-13)
I've always thought that where writing is concerned poetry gets ignored,so here's one for poets everywhere.

A poet sees a poet hears, they write in verse all their fears. They observe where others don't, writing about things that other's won't. Inspired by sound and by smell, the poet has tales and stories to tell. Poets can be restless reflected on the page, verses that are gentle then full of anger and rage. The poet can be mysterious writing in a strange way, saying black is white and night is day. A poet is an artist painting with the word, creating pictures in the mind only wanting to be heard.
Archived comments for The Poet
deadpoet on 25-11-2013
The Poet
That's a nice tribute to poetry and poets.

Pia xx

Author's Reply:
Thanks Pia. I hated poetry at school as I thought it was a bit posh and highbrow.
But after going on a creative writing class a few years ago I discovered it was okay !
The tutor liked Spike Milligan and Pam Ayres, which was more to my liking,and love poetry now.
Take care.

pommer on 25-11-2013
The Poet
Well said Mc Marmite, and true. Pommer

Author's Reply:
Pleased you like the poem Pommer.
I read an article on Pam Ayres and it said she isn't accepted by many poets as they see her poetry as more like comedy stories.How pompous is that ?Milligan to me was a comic genius and his poems reflected that,so Spike wasn't a poet then ? It's all down to taste I guess. Cheers.

Bozzz on 25-11-2013
The Poet
A quick dance through our job spec. Enjoyed.. Bravo Sir M..Bozzz

Author's Reply:

MrMarmite on 25-11-2013
The Poet
Thanks Bozzz much appreciated.

Author's Reply:

ValDohren on 25-11-2013
The Poet
You've summed us up nicely here MrM - well done.

Author's Reply:

bo_duke99 on 26-11-2013
The Poet
methinks the poet in you won over the entertainer here, and I for one really enjoyed the change of gear - Greg

Author's Reply:


Animals Play Football Too (posted on: 22-11-13)
As a huge football fan I often see humans showing animal behaviour at matches.Fans jumping about like monkeys,howling like wolves,and being aggressive like hungry lions. And that's just me in the pub before a match. ! So here's animals playing the beautiful game.

It's not just humans who play football oh no,animals like a kick about too, in fact it's their favourite pastime the number one sport in any zoo. Camels like to hump the ball up field as swallows and swifts fly down the wing, but sloth's like to take time on the ball while gannets get booked for diving. Spiders love to set up offside traps Cobra's are deadly in a striking role, Alligators snap up all the crosses as Foxes love to play in the hole. Chimpanzees swing the ball about but badgers prefer to play at night, giraffes win any aerial duals and kangaroos are always up for a fight. Hippos like pitches that are muddy yet polar bears like them covered in ice, owls don't care what there like as long as they're marking voles or mice. But sadly animal football has it's hooligans packs of hyenas like to go on the rampage, they love to attack any rival beasts and end up being locked in a steel cage. So the next time your cat goes missing or your dog runs away when over the park, don't fret they've just gone to a match probably to watch Ronaldo the aardvark !
Archived comments for Animals Play Football Too
Mikeverdi on 22-11-2013
Animals Play Football Too
I see what you were saying now Ha Ha! Very clever. Mike

Author's Reply:

deadpoet on 22-11-2013
Animals Play Football Too
I loved this Mr Marmite- so clever with all the animals and their characteristics- brilliant little poem.

owls don't care what there like -- they're

Author's Reply:


Betty Breaks Hearts (posted on: 22-11-13)
I have met women at football matches but this is fictitious. Anyway Betty sounds too much of a handful for me !

I was at an away match having a half-time pint and pie, when I heard beautiful singing that brought a tear to my eye. There was this sexy woman wearing the colours of my team, she was singing our club song surely this was all a dream ? But no it was really happening and she was standing next to me, when all of a sudden she said ; "hello,my name is Betty." Her voice had melted my heart and my life changed that day, we pledged to be together always and never miss a game home or away. But sadly it wasn't meant to last as Betty fell in love with another man, she went to a match on her own and ran off with a Liverpool fan. But I'll always remember my Betty even though she broke my heart in two, but the last time I heard of her she'd had flings with fans of Leeds and Crewe !
Archived comments for Betty Breaks Hearts
Mikeverdi on 22-11-2013
Betty Breaks Hearts
It's good and I like it, I still think you could trim the fat out of it. Mike

Author's Reply:

Kipper on 22-11-2013
Betty Breaks Hearts
Good story, but Leeds? Surely not!

Michael from Leeds

Author's Reply:

bo_duke99 on 23-11-2013
Betty Breaks Hearts
ha ha, reckon you can make that last line a lot earthier ;o)

Author's Reply:


Winter on the Way (posted on: 18-11-13)
As I work outdoors and enjoy all the seasons I may be in the minority when I say I like winter. I do lose days of work when the weather is really bad,but walking on a cold day surrounded by nature is one of life's treats I reckon.

Autumn leaves blow around slowly winter creeps on forward, bringing an icy chill to the air frost in the mornings carpet the fields. Above blue skies change to grey as darkness moves in early, winds whistle a song in the trees below squirrels bury their nuts, snowdrops pop their heads out of the earth. This is wintertime,the cold season, the prelude to spring to some harsh and bleak, but for others very beautiful.
Archived comments for Winter on the Way
Mikeverdi on 18-11-2013
Winter on the Way
Its good, but I think you could do so much better with it by changing some words around. Take another look. I say this in friendship, please don't be offended.
Mike



Author's Reply:
No offence taken Mike. I'll take a look at it and see where I can change it.
Just heard this weeks weather forecast and my title was spot on !
cheers.

deadpoet on 18-11-2013
Winter on the Way
I like this Mr Marmite-I might even look at the grey and cold weather tomorrow with different eyes now. Thanks..

Author's Reply:
Glad my poem on winter has made you look on it in a different way.
Don't like the dull days though just the ones that are cold and fresh,they are the best.
But as I'm a window cleaner/gardener my customers don't want me round when it rains !
Cheers.

bo_duke99 on 18-11-2013
Winter on the Way
a careless 'bury their nuts' might smirk up an otherwise measured approach, tiny tweaks only

Author's Reply:


Made in Britain (posted on: 18-11-13)
There's not much made in Britain these days is there ? But we still have our uniqueness and our eccentric ways,the envy of the world ? Here's just some of our Britishness.

Train spotters bobbies on the beat, fish and chip shops and Coronation Street. A nation of dog lovers people in a queue, the working class and well-to-do. Folk on allotments a car boot sale, eccentrics and odd balls pubs serving real ale. Strawberries and cream a Sunday Roast, "fancy a curry ?" cheese on toast. Eyes down for a full house down the bingo hall, the annual boat race cricket,rugby,and football. Morris dancers a village fete, trains and buses always running late. The British Isles what a unique place to be, where all conflict is settled over a slice of cake and a cup of tea !
Archived comments for Made in Britain
Texasgreg on 18-11-2013
Made in Britain
Sign me up if my horse can make the swim. Good 'un!

Greg πŸ™‚

 photo Gunspincowboy.gif

Author's Reply:

Mikeverdi on 18-11-2013
Made in Britain
Really liked this one, made me smile on a cold grey day. Mike

Author's Reply:

Andrea on 18-11-2013
Made in Britain
And they've just sold Jammy Dodgers to the Canadians *sigh*

Made me smile too πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:

Kipper on 18-11-2013
Made in Britain
Apart from a knotted handkercief to protect my head on the beach I think you just about got the lot.
A nice way to start the day.
Michael

Author's Reply:

deadpoet on 18-11-2013
Made in Britain
Love you Brits and this very descriptive poem Mr Marmite-
regards a non-Brit

Pia x

Author's Reply:

bo_duke99 on 18-11-2013
Made in Britain
that undeniable end of the pier feeling again, but an almost savant ability to shortcut to a homely image - adverts might need you MrM

Author's Reply:

Bozzz on 19-11-2013
Made in Britain
Don't vorget vee are Britisch too. And many in similar vein but different accents. Opportunity for an alternative rival piece? Good fun, much enjoyed the romp...David

Author's Reply:

Ionicus on 19-11-2013
Made in Britain
A very entertaining piece, MrMarmite, but curry a sign of Britishness? Tut, tut!

Author's Reply:

MrMarmite on 19-11-2013
Made in Britain
Many thanks to all the comments to this "British" poem.
I put curry in as it is now our favourite dish according to a survey ? I thought fish and chips is number one ?
Cheers.

Author's Reply:


From a Kitten to a Lion (posted on: 15-11-13)
As a boxing fan and having read many boxers autobiographies they nearly all say they were bullied as kids. Which inspired me to write this.

He was a skinny little kid had sand kicked in his face, at the first sign of trouble he'd run so fast he'd beat a greyhound in a race. So bullies would pick on him making his life miserable and sad, they'd pinch off him money given to him by his mum and dad. Yet one day in the school playground he was thumped by a boy who looked tough, but this time he decided to fight back and really dirty and really rough. The bully never saw it coming as he was hit hard by a left and a right, in the end he was left crying like a baby and sobbed he no longer wanted to fight. The "weakling" was now the school hero and any bully kept well out of his way, so he was now no longer a scared kitten but like a lion who had finished off it's prey. He now walked with an air of confidence as he was no longer timid and sad, but how did he know how to box ? simple he was taught by an ex pugilist,his dad !
Archived comments for From a Kitten to a Lion
Mikeverdi on 15-11-2013
From a Kitten to a Lion
I like this, for me though it needs a prune; a few to many words. I was one of those kids, I too learnt to fight back. A little too well as I nearly killed another boy who had run me ragged. Mike

Author's Reply:

Kipper on 15-11-2013
From a Kitten to a Lion
Hello MrMarmite
The subject of bullying seems to be a rich seam, as I recently found out. You piece tells a good story, but I think Mikeverdi is right. Some of the lines would benefit from a little trimming, and then it would be knock-out.
Michael


Author's Reply:

Bozzz on 15-11-2013
From a Kitten to a Lion
In a rhyming piece like this, it is best to try and make the beats in each line or couplet the same, or at least have a repeated pattern. I think the absence of the regular rhythm in this poem has led to Mike's fair comment...Good subject so a second try would is worth it...David.

Author's Reply:


The Pugilist (posted on: 15-11-13)
A follow on to my kitten to a lion poem.

You need to be tough to be a boxer it helps to have a granite like chin, be able to move and bob and weave and get up off the canvas to win. Hours and hours of sparring at the gym with cauliflower ears and a nose that bends, sit ups,press ups, punching the bags, blood,sweat,and tears,are his closest friends. The boxer can hear the noise of the crowd screaming and shouting and baying for blood, but he battles on ignoring his pain ahead on points and fighting really good. Remember what the trainer has said stay on your feet and don't go down, but his strength is going can he box on ? he must if he wants to win that crown. Cut and bloodied and out on his feet holding on till the end of the fight, the referee walks over and raises his arm now a new champion reigns supreme tonight.
Archived comments for The Pugilist
Mikeverdi on 15-11-2013
The Pugilist
Hello again, I knew this as well only mine was Karate πŸ™‚ just an add on He was a teacher and I was held to blame. He had bullied me and then picked on a much smaller boy; that was enough.

Author's Reply:
Hi. Your right about the other poem maybe a bit too many words.
It's amazing when you talk to people over the years who say they were bullied,and it's something that will never ever go away as you read about it all the time.Mentally or physically it's everywhere.
Bullies are cowards so you had to fight back and teach the lad a lesson ! Bet he never came back ?
All the best.


Seeing Double (posted on: 11-11-13)
A bit of a tribute to double acts.

The very first couple were Adam and Eve getting together way back when, then there was Samson and Delilah now we've got Barbie and Ken. There have been many double acts some really dangerous like Bonnie and Clyde, very funny ones such as Laurel and Hardy and the strange like Jekyll and Hyde. In movies we've had Tarzan and Jane Fred and Ginger,Hepburn and Tracy, on the small screen Starsky and Hutch and not forgetting Cagney and Lacy. Morecambe and Wise made us laugh now there's the Geordie pair Ant and Dec, in music we had Lennon and McCartney and what a weird duo are Donkey and Shrek. So let's give thanks to all the doubles who have made our world a more interesting place, especially to the likes of Stan and Olly for laughter and putting a smile on our face.
Archived comments for Seeing Double
Kipper on 12-11-2013
Seeing Double
Nice collection of memories and a nice mix of 'doubles'. Singers and dancers, laughter merchants, and some from the bible.
Only one trouble. I remember them all.
Nicely done, Michael

Author's Reply:

deadpoet on 08-05-2015
Seeing Double
Nice trip down memory lane. Thanks. Very clever with the rhyme too. Fabulous!
Pia

Author's Reply:


Tough Cat Sam (posted on: 08-11-13)
A crazy dream I once had put to verse. Well I think it was a dream !

My neighbour had a crazy cat by the name of ginger Sam, he would never eat fish but instead lived on tins of spam. He had a bad reputation he'd done time in a feline jail, his body was covered in scars and a dog bit off half his tail. But Sam was scared of nobody and he was always up for a fight, he'd take on bulldogs in the day and badgers and foxes at night. But one day someone caught his eye a beautiful Siamese named Jess, and after a few months of dating Sam proposed and Jess said yes. Now they live happily together but Sam is now slow and fat, he's no longer a tough young moggy just a grey haired old pussycat !
Archived comments for Tough Cat Sam
Kipper on 08-11-2013
Tough Cat Sam
Just plain daft you say. Well maybe the bit about feline jail!
Nice little story.
Michael

Author's Reply:
I'm not saying it's rough living here but I saw a cat the other day with an ear missing !
cheers.

amman on 09-11-2013
Tough Cat Sam
Amusing with an underlying bit of philosophy.

Author's Reply:
Pleased you enjoyed it. I imagine male cats do get their heads turned just like us when they meet an attractive female ? Watch out for the claws though !


A cup of tea such a British thing (posted on: 08-11-13)
I wrote this when the recession had just kicked in but it seems to still be here in the U.K. But we are a nation of tea lovers aren't we ?

It's something we have always done whenever we have got worry or anxiety, do we reach for the whisky bottle ? No, we just have a cup of tea. It seems to ease away any tension whatever the time of day, so do you need to solve a problem ? then have a cup of Typhoo or Earl Grey. Whenever someone comes to visit like an engineer to fix your T.V. the first thing the householder may say is, "would you like a nice cup of tea ?" I bet if aliens invaded our cities do you know what people would do ? they wouldn't run and hide away instead they'd offer them a brew. So even though times are a bit bleak and cut backs have caused misery, you can bet all the char in China we'll all still enjoy a cup of tea.
Archived comments for A cup of tea such a British thing
Sid43 on 08-11-2013
A cup of tea such a British thing
Ha ha very true. I like this piece so much I'm going to put the kettle on and read it again.

Author's Reply:

deadpoet on 08-11-2013
A cup of tea such a British thing
Loved it-

Author's Reply:

Kipper on 09-11-2013
A cup of tea such a British thing
In an earlier life I was a tea salesman (14 years selling PG Tips) so I'm all in favour of of another cuppa. No sugar in mine thanks.
Good take on the nation's favourite drink.
Michael

Author's Reply:


Child's Play (posted on: 04-11-13)
A trip down memory lane.

Bang Bang your dead shot by a long wooden stick, pretend to throw a hand grenade when it was just a bit of brick. Spot a birds nest in a tree a race to get to the top, the boy who was the slowest had to buy the sweets in the shop. Staging our own wrestling bouts between pals over the park, thinking you were really tough when you were still afraid of the dark. Acting like you were grown up when you had a sip of your fathers beer, and having a crafty drag on a cigarette making sure your mother wasn't near. Football went on for hours going home soaked and caked in mud, in your young minds we'd play for England but only one or two of us were any good. I really miss those childhood days when we were young and so carefree, everything was an exciting adventure when the only stress was falling off a tree !
Archived comments for Child's Play
Kipper on 05-11-2013
Childs Play
Hi MrMarmite
I think you must have been looking over my shoulder all those years ago.
Every line was true, even down to falling out of a tree.
It's nice to share a memory or two.
Cheers, Michael

Author's Reply:
Thanks for the rating. Is it me but you don't see kids climbing trees anymore ?
Nor playing marbles. What's wrong with them ? Hours and hours of pleasure and cheap too.
Dripping sarnies and a big bottle of pop and we'd be out all day !cheers


Gutted (posted on: 04-11-13)
My late father always used to say he'd win big on the football coupons or the lottery,but alas he never did. But as they say if your not in it you can't win it.

Now where did I put it it must be here somewhere, could it be down the sofa or the back of the big chair ? Maybe it slipped out of my jeans when I was tending the flowerbed, I know I'll look around the garden or check if it's in the shed. I've looked all over the place searched in every drawer, I hope the dog hasn't chewed it up as he'll eat anything from off the floor. Eureka !I've found my lottery ticket and I'm so happy that I did, because I've got all the winning numbers and the jackpot is fifty million quid. So why am I not going crazy and in a wild and ecstatic state ? well I did have all the correct numbers but alas,it was the bloody wrong date !
Archived comments for Gutted
Ionicus on 04-11-2013
Gutted
Enough to drive one crazy. It's all very well to say 'if you're not in it you can't win it'. I believe that the lottery is like the game of roulette: the banker always wins.

Author's Reply:
Your spot on there Ionicus ! My dad was a bright bloke but when it came to having a flutter he hardly ever got it right. My son is just as bad he wins a few quid on the horses and he thinks he's on a roll,then gets in a mood when he doesn't win a penny for weeks ! thanks for score.

Kipper on 04-11-2013
Gutted
Nicely told MrMarmite. We all hope that this week it will be different, but not me!
Why, you may ask.
Well, it's a long story, p'raps I'll put in a poem too. (now see what you've done!)
Well done
Michael

Author's Reply:
Looking forward to reading the poem if you write it ?
All the best anyway.

Andrea on 04-11-2013
Gutted
Never been much of a gambler - lucky 'cos I worked in Ladbrokes, Stroud for a couple of years and saw it all!

Author's Reply:
You say you worked in Stroud well I write football poems on Football Poets.org site and it's based in Stroud.
Have you heard of it ? Forest Green Rovers are based there,a non league side. cheers.

deadpoet on 05-11-2013
Gutted
Very funny poem Marmite- I have given up buying lottery tickets- not really a gambler either and anyway I never did win. Waste of money! But I hope you win next time!! πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Hi. I like a flutter now and again but never win much. It's a mugs game so I should be good at it then !
When my lad was about eighteen he won a tenner on the lottery so he thought he must be lucky,not realising it was a one off. He hasn't learnt because he loves gambling,then he wonders why he's always skint ! All the best.

Andrea on 05-11-2013
Gutted
'Fraid not, Mr M, I'm talking 40 years ago πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:


Evil Poets (posted on: 01-11-13)
A daft poem for Halloween.

Pen nibs dipped in human blood quills held in fingers of skeletal hands, demonic poets writing from hell below satanic verses from desolate lands. Souls of evil scribes alive again children possessed as they read and scream, is this happening right now ? nah, it's just a silly poem for Halloween !
Archived comments for Evil Poets
stormwolf on 01-11-2013
Evil Poets
Nothing like a bit of nonsense to lighten the mood, that's what I say πŸ™‚
Alison x

Author's Reply:
Hi Alison. For an area where loads of kids hang about at night it was very quiet for trick or treat.
A lot are that brain dead they'll probably come round next week instead !
Cheers. Kevin.

jay12 on 01-11-2013
Evil Poets
Sounds like any given night on UKA... Just kiddding. πŸ™‚ a nice little ditty.


Author's Reply:
Thought I'd do a short poem for trick or treat night,even though it's Halloween most nights round here !
Does anything any good come over here from America ? Can't think of many to be honest.
Cheers.

jay12 on 01-11-2013
Evil Poets
Sounds like any given night on UKA... Just kiddding. πŸ™‚ a nice little ditty.


Author's Reply:

Kipper on 02-11-2013
Evil Poets
Pen nibs dipped in human blood, OOH, scary stuff.
As you say it was a bit of fun, but in the spirit of Halloween I thought you had it right. I would have liked it to have been finished in that vein.
But it was a bit of fun and well done for all that.
Michael.

Author's Reply:

deadpoet on 03-11-2013
Evil Poets
Yes fun- a group of kids came trick or treating to my house- dressed scarily- I think it is an okay custom adopted from the US- anything to make kids happy I say. Nice poem- very much in the spirit.

Author's Reply:

Ionicus on 03-11-2013
Evil Poets
Most kids (perhaps all) don't know the significance of Halloween. For them is a lot of fun dressing up as witches and warlocks.

Author's Reply:

Bozzz on 03-11-2013
Evil Poets
We have to learn that witches are gentle loving people to be kissed and hugged -just like Cameron bids us do to the hoodies....that Satan is a nice chap really. Ah well, you and I are just not trying hard enough !....Bozzz

Author's Reply:


Words are a powerful Tool (posted on: 01-11-13)
The saying sticks and stones can break my bones but names can never hurt me inspired me to write this. We keep on hearing about young people getting nasty trolls attacking them on social networks,and even some taking their own lives because of it.Which shows words can cut as easy as a knife.

Words can be cruel and they can be kind, words can touch the heart and invade the mind. Words can be a weapon as sharp as any knife, they can bring despair and ruin a persons life. But words can bring joy and give hope and cheer, words used wisely can wipe away a tear. Words,words,words, created in the mind, used to be nasty or to be kind. So watch your words as they're a mighty tool, they can make you sound smart or an insensitive fool.
Archived comments for Words are a powerful Tool
Kipper on 01-11-2013
Words are a powerful Tool
Hi MrMarmite,

Words, as everyone using this site will know, are powerful tools. Not the words themselves, but the way they are used. Just as you have used them to send a message - that they should be used thoughtfully and with care.

I think that pretty much sums up the essence of your piece.

Good work, Michael.

Author's Reply:


The Foul Mouthed Chef (posted on: 28-10-13)
I've always disliked bullies and one in particular comes to mind which inspired this poem. Every time I see him on T.V. I wish somebody would give him a right hook ! I will leave it to the reader to put a name to this chef.

He'd curse at the steak and kidney pies, and swear if the souffle's failed to rise. Losing his rag he'd throw a dish, if he disliked the taste of the fish. And if the soup wasn't just right, he'd be in a mood all of the night. Even with customers he'd cut up rough, if they said the meat was too tough. In temper his face would turn red, and sweat would drip down off his head. In the kitchens he'd go berserk, if a simple recipe failed to work. He'd kick a hole in the door, and throw cutlery on to the floor. But tasting gravy he said was too thick, he suddenly became violently sick. The foul mouthed chef drew his final breath, it said Arsenic was the cause of his death !
Archived comments for The Foul Mouthed Chef
Bozzz on 30-10-2013
The Foul Mouthed Chef
Oh my goodness, I must have missed that episode. Too many cooks spoiling the viewing on TV - they need thinning out like the gravy - Well done Sir!....David.

Author's Reply:
Thanks for comments and score.
Did you work out who the gobby chef is ?
cheers.

Andrea on 30-10-2013
The Foul Mouthed Chef
Oh, I do so wonder who you are referring to! It ain't Oliver, that's for sure πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Hi Andrea. Jamie Oliver it isn't any ideas who needs to taste some dodgy gravy ?
Many thanks for score.


Inner-City Nights (posted on: 25-10-13)
Where I live in Coventry we get gangs of youths hanging around at night,they don't bother you really but do look menacing when all together.I have never belonged to a gang other than being part of a large group of football fans.It intrigues me though why they do it ?

Gangs of teenagers all assembled together lights from their cigarettes and joints, illuminate the city street. Loud noise can be heard, they want you to know they're about. Young girls scream and run around as lads stare at passing cars and adults. What they talk about and do for hours is known only to themselves, but they congregate each evening as this is the place to be. From behind closed curtains an old lady peeps, making sure she isn't seen. When it's raining they don't go home, a shop doorway or bus shelter will do, they have to put in a night shift before it's time for them to depart. What do they find so compelling by standing in the cold and dark ? Only they can give you the answer, but then again do they themselves even know ?
Archived comments for Inner-City Nights
deadpoet on 28-10-2013
Inner-City Nights
Indeed one could ask. I think it means a lot to the young people to feel they belong- it's also quite social. But when they get agressive or even violent it's not good.

Author's Reply:

Buschell on 28-10-2013
Inner-City Nights
We are herd animals at heart and these days we are just sheople. No one wants individualism..thats hard work! Good ditty...Mr Vegemite.

Author's Reply:

Buschell on 28-10-2013
Inner-City Nights
We are herd animals at heart and these days we are just sheople. No one wants individualism..thats hard work! Good ditty...Mr Vegemite.

Author's Reply:


Bereavement (posted on: 25-10-13)
Bereavement is something everyone will go through in their lifetime. How do we best handle it ?Val Doren is going through it right now and anyone of us could be experiencing it at any time in the future.

Bereavement is a word to describe loss especially of a loved one,it means a person we loved or held dear is no longer around.When we were young we could have been told that an aunt or uncle has died and a funeral is being held in a church to remember him or her,but because of our tender years we may not quite grasp the enormity of it.But when we become adults this can change as we may lose someone really close to us like a partner or sibling, and we can feel as if our whole world has just come suddenly to a stop. If a loved one has been ill for many years and has never been in decent health their demise can come as a relief,as if they are no longer in pain or discomfort and they can now rest in peace,but does that mean it leaves the person left behind in comfort ?Sadly just because a seriously ill person is no longer around that doesn't mean the carer who looked after him or her is left full of joy and happiness,that person can be left heart broken and feeling alone.So how do we cope with bereavement,how do we lift ourselves out of the feeling of despair ?I've lost both of my parents and a baby son too,so I know how it feels to lose loved ones and feeling alone and to be honest scared and frightened.Looking back I was scared but not knowing why ? But now the years have moved on I can see that was because of the thought of not seeing that person again,not being able to talk and share life's ups and downs,not being able to say or show them love. Yet I have discovered through listening and observing other people who are going through bereavement,that each of us go about it in different ways.Some may become distant and aloof and want to be left alone,whilst some may be the opposite and surround themselves with friends and family.For some they may turn to drink or drugs to get them through the dark days,while others may turn to religion to gain strength. This is just human nature and we all have to find our own way of coping until we get back to feeling ourselves again.That again depends on the person for some it may take years before they feel okay to get on with life,but some can seem to be getting on with things a lot quicker. There's a saying :Time is a good healer. But it doesn't say how long does it ?it doesn't put down how many months or years. That's because it is irrelevant to how long it takes for a person to "get over" losing a loved one,it's more about accepting it and trying one's best to move on with life. In an ideal world none of us would know the feeling of bereavement would we ? But as we all know we don't live in such a place so we have to accept if we live to such an age we are going to go through that horrible feeling.But if it brings any comfort to anybody who is going through it now all I can say is the pain and emptiness will ease away,you will remember good times,you will smile at a memory instead of crying,and when someone has also lost a loved one,you can offer them comfort as you know how they're feeling. So how do we cope with bereavement ? I'd answer that question by saying,in the way it suits ourself and not what anybody else says or thinks.
Archived comments for Bereavement
stormwolf on 27-10-2013
Bereavement
Hi Kevin
I seldom read prose (apart from WFF) as I am not very good at giving helpful crit.
It is so true that bereavement does pull the carpet from under us and we never know how we shall react.
I was a nurse for years and used to death when I lost my father. I was even with him as he died and we had 6 months to come to terms with what was to happen but it still knocked me for six.
I am so sorry to hear of your loss, especially your son. Nobody expects to have to suffer that loss.

A lady wrote to me recently to tell me that she had suffered the death of her baby in the womb almost full term and had to carry it for 3 weeks knowing...then he second son was run over and killed by her father in a tragic accident 2 weeks before Christmas.

Such terrible loss can challenge us to the core.
I believe that death is nothing more than the loss of the physical body and that we live on but you are right.....we miss the person and all that they were. There is no shortcut to the grieving process either and as you say, everyone goes through it and coped in different ways for varying lengths of time.

Alison x

Author's Reply:
Hi Alison. Not a subject that is a barrel full of laughs I guess but I just felt the need to write it.
I too was there when both my parents passed away and it does shake you up,but you eventually come to terms with it even though I feel you never really get over it.When my baby son died that was a massive shock,and his mother was in a bad state for a long while. We have another son which helps I feel.
We are no longer together but for some reason we never talked about losing the baby,maybe pretended it never happened !But that's life and we plod on don't we ?
Maybe that's why we write as it's cathartic and you can let out your emotions ?
Anyway all my next poems and stuff will be humorous,got to have a laugh !
All the best. Kevin.


The Scarecrow (posted on: 21-10-13)
When I was a kid and saw a Scarecrow for the first time it scared me. And they still look a bit eerie I find stuck there in a field.

I've been standing in this field for years and I tell you I've seen a thing or two, yes I may wear old tatty clothes but if you did this job so would you. I was put here to scare away the birds but they come no matter how hard I try, I've stood and acted all tough and macho but crows still poke me in the eye. And I confess I often get scared especially when it's dark at night, as you hear lots of spooky noises which gives me an awful fright. It's a lonely life being a Scarecrow stuck in a field year after year, sometimes I wish I was a human being so I could watch football and have a beer. Still at least it's a full time job and I'm outside in the fresh air, but I just wish I was a bit smarter and someone would cut my scruffy hair !
Archived comments for The Scarecrow
Ionicus on 22-10-2013
The Scarecrow
"Still at least it's a full time job", quite an achievement nowadays.
An amusing and enjoyable ditty.

Author's Reply:
I saw a scarecrow recently for the first time for many years.
It had birds sitting on it and birds pecking at the ground around it.
I thought they are there to frighten birds away ?Sack them for not doing their job !
Many thanks.

ValDohren on 22-10-2013
The Scarecrow
Very amusing Kev - I haven't seen a scarecrow for many years now, apart from Worzel Gummage.

Val

Author's Reply:
Cheers Val it's always nice to hear from you.
Worzel Gummage if I remember liked a nice cup of tea and a piece of cake,so he may have been scruffy but he had good taste !All the best. Your friend Kevin.

Kipper on 23-10-2013
The Scarecrow
Scarcrows and coal men and brewers drays; don't see many of those these days.
Nice little story.
Regards, Michael

Author's Reply:
Tell you what Michael in the past few weeks I've seen a Scarecrow,a brewers dray delivering barrels to a working man's club,and a bloke carrying bags not sacks of coal !We may be living in a time of technology,
but it's great to still see some old traditions carrying on.And a friend of mine prefers to use an electric typewriter than his laptop.He says the only down side is replacing the ribbons ! cheers.

Bozzz on 23-10-2013
The Scarecrow
I like the tone of this one Kev - hard done by chap makes the best of life - knows his limitations but as an experienced scarecrow, I say lucky to have any hair at all....Bozzz

Author's Reply:
Love your comment that he's lucky to have any hair at all.
A bald headed Scarecrow would probably frighten the birds off though !
Thanks.

bo_duke99 on 23-10-2013
The Scarecrow
g-wur-o-wur-o-wur-d-wurzel

Author's Reply:

stormwolf on 24-10-2013
The Scarecrow
LOl gave me a laugh. I hate scarecrows, they scare the beejeezes out of me.
Alison x

Author's Reply:
Thanks Alison for comment and rating.
If Scarecrows scare you I wouldn't watch the movie Jeepers Creepers then.
Along with circus clowns they are a bit sinister I find.
Cheers.


Don't Want to Work in a Factory (posted on: 18-10-13)
When I was at school we had a careers advisor come round asking us what we wanted to do when we left to go out into the world of work ?We told him truthfully what we wanted to be etc,but in those days in Coventry you usually ended up in the car factories.I hated the factory,hence this poem !

And what do you want to be when you leave here young lad ? Me Sir,I want to be a footballer or a bricklayer like my dad. Or if not a great footballer or a brickie on building sites, I'd like to be a top wrestler or a boxer who wins all his fights. But I'd also love to be a film star and see my name up in lights, because I'd hate to work in a factory on a machine and doing nights. Then again I may pass my exams so a surgeon in a hospital I'll be, performing life saving operations I wouldn't charge I'd do it for free. So as you can see mister teacher I'm not sure what I want to do, but hang on I really like animals so I'd love to work in a zoo. Now I bet your all wondering I wonder what career did he get to choose ? did he become a famous film star or play football for his beloved Sky Blues ? Well, I failed all of those exams got knocked out in my first fight, and at my theatre audition I suffered badly with stage fright. Had a trial for a non league club but told that I was not good enough. and when I tried my hand at wrestling too skinny they said,need to be big and tough. So I never became a movie heart throb and didn't perform open heart surgery, never even laid down any bricks and alas the sports world never knew me. So I wasn't meant to be famous a household name or a celebrity, all those childhood ambitions never happened so here I am on nights in a bloody factory !
Archived comments for Don't Want to Work in a Factory
deadpoet on 19-10-2013
Dont Want to Work in a Factory
Great Marmite- good rhyme and good story.

Author's Reply:
Cheers pleased you enjoyed it.

Andrea on 19-10-2013
Dont Want to Work in a Factory
Ah yes, a film star...or a fireman. In those days though, girls worked in shops, factories or (the posh ones) as typists, and blokes were office boys or factory workers, as you so amusingly say. Much enjoyed πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:

mageorge on 20-10-2013
Dont Want to Work in a Factory
I always found it easier to avoid questions like that... Usually playing truant on those days. I later read somewhere that kids who don't know what they want to be often turn out to be the most interesting adults. I don't know what went wrong πŸ™‚
A nice read, mate. Only one suggestion: I think the word 'your' is out of context. Maybe 'you're'

All the best,
Mark.

Author's Reply:

Kipper on 23-10-2013
Dont Want to Work in a Factory
And so say all (or at least most) of us. How many of us managed to attain our school time dreams. Not many I guess.
A nicely told story of the juxtaposition between ambition and reality.
Best regards, Michael.

Author's Reply:

Kipper on 23-10-2013
Dont Want to Work in a Factory
And so say all (or at least most) of us. How many of us managed to attain our school time dreams. Not many I guess.
A nicely told story of the juxtaposition between ambition and reality.
Best regards, Michael.

Author's Reply:


People can change (posted on: 14-10-13)
Can people change ? Can a person who has been in prison and who has gained a reputation for being a violent nasty piece of work,turn into a nice,friendly,and caring individual ?I say most definitely yes. Because the person in question is myself.

I remember hearing many times from friends and family that a leopard can't change its spots. In other words you are what you are and through your upbringing it shapes what sort of person you will become. But leopards can change their spots if they really want to but only if they have the desire to do so. Obviously the spots will remain visible on the outside but what about the inside ? But as we know a leopard unable to change it's spots is only used as an example of someone who is seen as a hopeless case,a person so set in their ways they can never change.Yet this is a negative view and needs to be seen as a saying without substance and truth. I had caring and loving parents who although not overly affectionate would show their love by doing their best for me and my sister,and I look back on my childhood as one full of fun and warmth. But for some reason when I got into my teens I grew apart from my mum and dad and had a chip on my shoulder and became aggressive and would get into fights for no real reason.I started drinking far too young and by the time I reached twenty was a hardened drinker and had gained an unwanted reputation for being able to handle myself in a fight. But this reputation looking back was spot on as I would never back down and ended up getting into dangerous situations and although I dished out some beatings,I also took some as well and ended up in hospital many times. I would excuse my behaviour by blaming the drink and say it won't happen again,but come the weekend I would revert back to type and end up in trouble again. I am ashamed to say all this hard drinking and brawling led to three prison sentences and the break up of two long term relationships,and losing touch with my son who was brought up by his mother and told that his father was a violent waster who loved fighting and drinking more than anything else. I have to be honest and say I was a selfish person back then who was only out for myself and what was in it for me,but I now know if I was to change and change for the better I would need to change my lifestyle and my way of thinking. And change I did but it has taken a lot of time and effort. When I came out of prison after serving nearly two years for yet another violent offence I was determined to start afresh and stop drinking and gain some respect from my family who although ashamed of my behaviour had stuck by me. But as usual it never lasted and before long I was back in the same routine again,and ended up in court on a charge of assault after another pub brawl.This time the magistrate told me straight he would give me one last chance which I told him I wouldn't let him down. And I was true to my word as I have been out of trouble for twenty years,which looking back on my former life has to be nothing short of a miracle. But going back to my question of can Leopards change their spots ? I am living proof that you can change but it has to be genuine and not for show. I cut down on drinking,sought help for my anger issues,found new friends,worked hard,discovered a love for writing,and became a father again.But the best thing of all was the love and respect I got back from my parents and sister,that was priceless. Although my parents have passed away I live as if they are still around as I will always be grateful for them sticking by me,and I would be showing them disrespect by going back to my former self. But I now have respect for myself and respect for other people too and think before I speak or act,and the saying :There but for the grace of God,is more real to me than the one about a leopard !
Archived comments for People can change
deadpoet on 14-10-2013
People can change
Hats off to you Mr Marmite- that really is so well done. I know you must have a life now that you value and I definitely think you deserve it. A story like this is so uplifting and gives others hope.
Keep writing- you are good at expressing yourself.

Author's Reply:
Thanks for comments as it wasn't easy to write it to be honest.
But now I have I feel pleased about it because even though it is all in the past,some days I think back and it hurts to realise the pain I caused to my family and friends.I am still estranged from my eldest son,so my former life still has a hold on me in many ways.But I quickly change my thinking and be grateful for who I am now,and that is all I can do as who can can judge me now other than God ?
Many thanks.

mageorge on 14-10-2013
People can change
Bravo! I don't mind admitting, MrMarmite, I had issues reading this piece, and a tear in my eye. It reminds me of myself in my younger days, although i never actually got prison, i was certainly a target for all the knobheads in the town that thought i might be a good catch. I too turned my life around. I have punched only two people in the last twenty years, and both of them i regret, although necessary. Bloody good on ya... Violence isn't always the answer. Be a good citizen and it wont be necessary, that's what I've found. I moved away from my hometown and I'm glad i did! Forget the world around you and get on with your life!

God knows why I'm telling this to the whole world, but sod em..

Keep yourself safe, mate... nobody else will.

Regards,
Mark.

Author's Reply:
Many thanks Mark for your comments.
It helps when somebody else has lived a similar life as he or she knows what it takes to change it.
My city of Coventry was a violent place in the seventies and eighties especially in the pubs and clubs at the weekends.So having a reputation meant I had to be prepared for trouble,but looking back I should have walked away instead of being macho !Still I'm alive to tell my story and on a few occasions I could have been killed or crippled,so that's another reason I'm so grateful for having the chance to change.
All the best.

Weefatfella on 14-10-2013
People can change
 photo 89f4a5d0-5f15-4509-881e-443a08debcc5_zps272a8411.jpg
Glad you got that off your chest MRMarmite. You hit the crux of the matter for me with one phrase..{But I now have respect for myself} that in my opinion will keep you going. All the best mate. Hold your head high for it's only you now, that can lower it.
Weefatfella.

Author's Reply:
Thanks for your comments and your uplifting message at the end.
I was unsure about writing it to be honest but glad I did because when you've been in prison you get a label of being no good and a bad person.There are bad people around and I've met a few in my time,but as my story tries to convey not all of us ex cons are evil and beyond help.But when people hear about my past life many are shocked,as the person they know today bears no resemblance to that person twenty years ago.
Once again many thanks.

Kipper on 18-10-2013
People can change
Whatever your reason for telling this story, I'm glad you did. Well done to you for facing up your demons, and in doing so making yourself a better person. Not only that, but hopefully inspiring others who might still be on the road that you have left behind, that they can do so too.
Whatever you were before, you're a man worth knowing now.
Best regards, Michael

Author's Reply:
Many thanks Michael for your comments.
I wrote it as I feel that no matter how far someone has moved on in their life,there is always the past lurking around to remind you not to get too complacent as life can change in an instant.
That doesn't mean I will return to the bad old days,but I do know that I need to keep aware to any bad habits creeping in again.Once again many thanks for your kind words.


The Wrestling (posted on: 11-10-13)
My nan not only was a football fan but she loved her wrestling as well. She went to a bout once and hit a wrestler with her handbag.Brilliant !

Every Saturday afternoon people were glued to the telly, to watch wrestlers like Big Daddy the one who had a huge belly. The whole country tuned in even the Queen was a big fan, little old ladies got excited especially my dear old nan. Waving her fist at the baddie hoping he'd go and get beat, she'd shout,boo,and hiss, and say words that weren't very sweet. A half nelson,a forearm smash, an arm and a leg to grab, a dropkick,a body slam, or a painful boston crab. Moves used by the wrestler to gain a submission or fall, but the baddies would fight dirty with a sly finger to an eyeball. So yes we all loved the wrestling everybody was a grapple fan, but even though we knew it was fixed we never dared tell our dear old nan !
Archived comments for The Wrestling
deadpoet on 11-10-2013
The Wrestling
Very well done, perfect rhyme and rhythm and very funny indeed.

Author's Reply:
Pleased you liked the poem and thanks for the score.
Wrestling once was huge in the U.K. but it got taken over by the American version,much to the annoyance of grapple fans. I loved to see elderly women attacking wrestlers with their handbags,they took it so seriously.
We knew it was fixed even us kids but my nan thought it was real !Cheers.


Big Jack (posted on: 11-10-13)
As society seems obsessed with weight and there are lots of cookery programmes on television these days, it inspired me to write this.A chap I once worked on a building site with used to eat like a horse, but he couldn't understand why he was so heavy !

Big Jack went to his doctors he hadn't been for a year, twenty five stone he was due to his love of chips and beer. The doctor said he was far too big and he needed to lose some weight, he was advised to eat more salads and to stop drinking ale by the crate. But Jack was now depressed as he really loved his grub, a favourite being pie and mash washed down with ten pints in the pub. But he knew he was really heavy and the doctor was probably right, but he wanted one last big meal down his local that very night. Alas sadly Jack ate far too much and couldn't stop filling his face, and after one too many pies exploded into outer space. But even though Jack was now gone this must have been his fate, but at least he did reach his goal because he finally got rid of all that weight !
Archived comments for Big Jack
Andrea on 12-10-2013
Big Jack
Hahaha, that reminded me of Mr Creosote in The Meaning of Life



Classic πŸ™‚ Nicely rhymed, too...

Author's Reply:
Glad you enjoyed my poem Andrea and thanks for the score.
Yes now you mention it, it is similar to the Meaning of Life character.
The bloke I worked with was a massive chap too,he often looked on the verge of exploding.
He would say salads are for wimps !

Pronto on 12-10-2013
Big Jack
As a man on a diet I really enjoyed this humorous offering. Well done mate.

Author's Reply:
Thanks Pronto for comment and score.
No offence intended by my poem so glad you find it humorous.
I'm a firm believer in finding the funny side of life and we Brits are pretty good at it !
All the best.

mageorge on 13-10-2013
Big Jack
Brill... Loved this! "a favourite being pie and mash
washed down with ten pints in the pub." Reminds me of someone very close to me πŸ™‚

Greatly enjoyed piece... good luck.

Regards,
Mark

Author's Reply:


Silver Haired Striker (posted on: 07-10-13)
Some elderly ladies just don't like to sit and knit do they ?

My nan just loves her football she goes to games every week, but now she wants to play as well saying she's strong and at her peak. " But nan your in your eighties and your only six stone wet, you've got a pair of dodgy knees so how can you put the ball in the net ?" " Your eyes aren't that sharp these days and you can't walk without your stick, your out of puff going up your stairs so a ball you'd struggle to kick. " But she's got herself a pair of new boots and bought her teams football kit, she's been doing exercises every day and her doctor says she's fighting fit. So look out for a little white haired lady as Manchester United are giving her a game, she'll be easy to spot on the pitch as she's the one with the Zimmer frame !
Archived comments for Silver Haired Striker
deadpoet on 07-10-2013
Silver Haired Striker
 photo old-lady-doing-yoga-at-bus-stop_zpsad5764c6.jpg

Author's Reply:
I told you my nan was fighting fit. She was warming up before her bus came.
Great photo by the way !

Weefatfella on 07-10-2013
Silver Haired Striker
 photo 89f4a5d0-5f15-4509-881e-443a08debcc5_zps272a8411.jpg
Ha, Excellent. Loved this....
..>{" But nan your in your eighties
and your only six stone wet,
you've got a pair of dodgy knees
so how can you put the ball in the net ?"}
Thanks for sharing.
Weefatfella.



Author's Reply:
Glad you enjoyed it. My team could do with an experienced striker,so nan could get snapped up !
Cheers.

Bozzz on 08-10-2013
Silver Haired Striker
Great stuff - much enjoyed. You have chosen to write in rhyme and for this type of poem it is regarded as important to make the number of beats in each line the same. This brings rhythm and flow to the poem - some tidying would make this into a really excellent poem - if only because the subject matter is so entertaining. Discuss if you wish....Bozzz

Author's Reply:
Hi Bozzz. Glad you enjoyed reading my poem and finding it entertaining.
I enjoy humorous poetry and find by writing in a rhythmic style it usually makes the poem flow.
I'd like your input as to how this poem could be improved or tidied up.
Regards.

Bozzz on 09-10-2013
Silver Haired Striker
Hi Marmite, here is a quick shot, I have managed to preserve the true rhymes, but more refinement is needed -e.g., last line of third verse. Every line has the same number of beats.


My Nan just loves her football games
she goes to watch them every week,
but now she wants to play as well
saying β€œI’m strong and at my peak”.

"But Nan, you're in your eighties now
and weighing only six stone wet,
you've got a pair of dodgy knees
How will you put the ball in net ?"

"Your eyes these days are not that sharp,
you cannot walk without your stick,
you're out of puff going up the stairs
the ball you'd struggle now to kick. "

But she's got herself new boots
and bought the team’s own football kit,
she's exercising every day,
her doctor says she's fighting fit.

So look out for a white haired player
as Man United play their game,
easy spotted on the pitch
she's the one with the Zimmer frame !



Author's Reply:
Hi Bozzz. I like your version to my poem but still like mine too !
I got my son and sister to read them both and they said they are both enjoyable in their own way.
They both are honest and tell me when they like or dislike my work.
Anyway many thanks Bozzz for taking the time to show interest in my poem,much appreciated.

ChairmanWow on 11-10-2013
Silver Haired Striker
The poem has great humor. Original is fine but I do like the way the Bozzz rewrite is turning out.

Author's Reply:


Proud River (posted on: 07-10-13)
The estate I live on has a river nearby which at times has been used as a place where rubbish has been dumped.On a walk I saw all sorts of stuff in it which inspired me to write this.

The river flows through the inner city estate, in it I see beer cans,trolleys,and a milk crate. Two coots sit on top of a mini-fridge, a burnt out car is dumped under a bridge. Swans glide around an old pushchair, in reeds lie a child's doll and teddy bear. A family of ducks wait around hoping for bread, an electric cooker lies on the river bed. A big fat rat shoots down a hole, in the water swim little fish and a vole. On a branch a kingfisher sits poised to dive, amongst this squalor it manages to survive. I imagine this stream was once clean and clear, sadly now used as a dustbin year after year. But flowing through all this waste and decay, the proud river meanders gently on it's way.
Archived comments for Proud River
barenib on 07-10-2013
Proud River
All too common I'm afraid, your observation is, unfortunately, very true - John.

Author's Reply:
On a walk by the river the other day John I saw in the water a wardrobe !
And further down more shopping trolleys,plastic bags,and yet another cooker.
They clean it up but in a short while it's full again with rubbish.

Ionicus on 07-10-2013
Proud River
One must wonder at what motivates some people to perpretate this kind of vandalism.

By the way, can I point out that it should be 'its' and not 'it's'
on the last line?

Author's Reply:
Many thanks for comment and much appreciated.

Bozzz on 07-10-2013
Proud River
The river alongside our house is just a dry bed - it can hide nothing but weeds and second hand beer. Cherish water - liked your piece...Bozzz

Author's Reply:
I tell you what Bozzz some days there's so much rubbish in the river you can hardly see the water.
How on earth the wildlife manage to survive is a mystery.It takes days for teams of volunteers to clean it all up,but then the morons dump their rubbish back in again.The people who throw stuff in should clean it up !

Andrea on 08-10-2013
Proud River
Why do people do that? Just horrible. Liked your pome, though πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Thanks for comment and score Andrea.


Why Is There War ? (posted on: 04-10-13)
There are so many wars going on in the world right now hence this poem.

A young person asked me, "Why is there war people getting killed and for what for ?" All she saw was hate no love only fear, never ending wars year after year. "Is it about money oil or land is it about religion I don't understand. Young soldiers dying going to an early grave, all this for their country they must be very brave ?" She waited for an answer looked me straight in the eye, she really wanted to know why the innocent had to die ? Sadly I couldn't give an answer I had to leave her standing there maybe she should ask a politician but do they really give a care ?
Archived comments for Why Is There War ?
Bozzz on 05-10-2013
Why Is There War ?
A quandry for all of us, but the fact that we cannot give an answer means that a child will grow up still seeking one - no bad thing. Well put. ...Bozzz

Author's Reply:
Thanks Bozzz for your comments and score.
There have always been wars and conflicts in the history of mankind, and on and on they continue.
Will there ever be peace ? A good title for a poem !

Pelequin23 on 06-10-2013
Why Is There War ?
politicians dont care about anyone but themselves

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much for comment and score.
I agree, many politicians are full of ego and are only it it for themselves.
Can't we get rid of them and find another alternative ? We could do with a change !

Pronto on 06-10-2013
Why Is There War ?
Politicians think only of their own aggrandisement, of winning the next election and winning a war is, they think, a good way of winning votes. Let the child work that out for themselves then maybe, just maybe, a stronger electorate will cease to tolerate these self seeking fools.
Excellent poem mate write on!

Author's Reply:
Many thanks for comments and score.
I've got to admit I dislike politicians and the older I get my dislike grows more stronger.
They try and rule our lives and lay down laws,but live by their own rules and look down on us.
Get rid of them ! Cheers.


ALONE (posted on: 04-10-13)
An elderly Gentleman living in a Care Home, alone but a proud Man.

He doesn't like to talk,just sits quietly never smiling or laughing. In the home he never joins in the games,eats his meals alone in his room, leaves his tray outside of his door. Standing next to his bed is a black and white photograph of a smiling young man proudly wearing a soldiers uniform. At the bottom of a drawer lie medals covered by socks,bravery hidden. In the silence of his room he hears the sound of laughter as he stares on out through the window at a dark sky. When the sun shines he likes to sit outside on his own,he watches the birds feeding a lone Squirrel takes bread from his hand. One day his tray isn't outside the door. A solitary Squirrel waits.
Archived comments for ALONE
Andrea on 04-10-2013
ALONE
Yes, sad. Reminded me of my own father, who was a tail-gunner in the RAF during WW11. Ended up more or less the same way.

You've still got those unnecessary capitals going on though πŸ™‚

(An elderly gentleman living in a care home. Alone, but a proud man.

Author's Reply:
Thanks Andrea for your comments and score.
I'll make sure I cut out the capitals too !


Mad Dogs and Englishmen (posted on: 30-09-13)
Autumn is now here and it is a favourite Season of mine. But here's a poem for Sun lovers !

I don't really enjoy the Summer it makes me itch and sweat I prefer the cooler months when it's cold,snowy,and wet. They say the Sun is good for us what,when it makes skin peel off ? and if you suffer with Hay Fever you get itchy Eyes and a cough. You struggle to sleep at night and a Fly can buzz around your Head, so due to lack of sleep your tetchy when it's time to rise from your Bed. Because it's hot you drink more fluids which means lots of trips to the Loo and why do we keep on being told that it's hotter here than in Mogadishu ? Yes roll on the cold dark nights so I can wear a Coat,Hat,and Scarf, bot don't take this poem too seriously Summers fine really I'm just having a laugh !
Archived comments for Mad Dogs and Englishmen
Andrea on 30-09-2013
Mad Dogs and Englishmen
Not entirely sure why things such as hat, scarf, coat etc are capitalised, but made me smile anyway.

Spring is my favourite season πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:

MrMarmite on 30-09-2013
Mad Dogs and Englishmen
I thought capitals are needed for items ?
Blame my old English teacher for that !
Thanks anyway at least it made you smile.
Cheers.

Author's Reply:

Andrea on 30-09-2013
Mad Dogs and Englishmen
Mr M, it's better if you reply to comments using the 'author reply' function under them, otherwise commenters won't know you've responded πŸ™‚

Nope, no capitals for items, or summer, eyes or hay fever πŸ™‚

Capital Letters

Author's Reply:

mageorge on 01-10-2013
Mad Dogs and Englishmen
I'd like to meet your English teacher, not that I ever met mine! πŸ™‚ I wouldn't worry too much though, you'll learn a lot more on this site.

All the best,
Mark.



Author's Reply:
Thanks for your comments Mark, I'll take all the comments to my poems on board.
We never stop learning unless we think we know it all !
Cheers.

bo_duke99 on 01-10-2013
Mad Dogs and Englishmen
scanned well, quite like a seaside postcard maybe?

Author's Reply:


Look at the State of You ! (posted on: 30-09-13)
As a child of the Sixties we were always outdoors doing stuff especially playing Football.

Jumpers down for Goalposts using a Plastic ball playing out in all weather only stopping at nightfall. No replica kits on display no Gloves on our Hands no Rings or Earrings no girlie Alice Bands. Covered all over in mud getting dark score Fifteen All cuts and bruises,no Shin Pads, playing on with a punctured ball. Jimmy Greaves nods home the winner we'll all be back the next day "look at the state of you" says Mum, Dad smiles,that's how he used to play. Back then we never had Health n Safety and weren't ruled by a Nanny State we just had fun playing Soccer which to Football mad lads was great !
Archived comments for Look at the State of You !
Weefatfella on 30-09-2013
Look at the State of You !
 photo 89f4a5d0-5f15-4509-881e-443a08debcc5_zps272a8411.jpg
Aye it's true. Fifteen halftime,thirty two the winner.
We weren't good at counting. After we agreed the score ending, we would play next goal's the winner for about another five goals. Aye enjoyed this MrMarmite. Nice read, and happy memories.
Welcome to UKA.
Weefatfella.

Author's Reply:
Pleased you enjoyed my poem much appreciated.
Us kids were Football mad we'd play all hours in pouring rain and snow.
My late Mother used to give me a rollocking for coming in caked in mud,but
it never stopped me from doing the same night after night.
No computers or playstations in those days,thankfully !
cheers.

Bozzz on 30-09-2013
Look at the State of You !
Entertaining fun poem, good rhyming but irregular rhythm and line beat length need attention to make it go really well. Enjoyed.....Bozzz

Author's Reply:
Thanks Bozzz, reading it back again I can see what you mean it is a bit up and down.
I shall hopefully learn a lot on this site and improve along the way.
Cheers.

mageorge on 01-10-2013
Look at the State of You !
I agree with Bozzz. These are technical issues that take time and practice to get right, but the idea is good.

Nice poem, enjoyed.

Good luck,
Mark.

Author's Reply:

bo_duke99 on 01-10-2013
Look at the State of You !
less consistent that last one, sort out Capitals
and lack of commas obviously sometimes jar and then

Author's Reply:


JUNK MAIL (posted on: 27-09-13)
We get bombarded by Junk Mail and I don't know about other people but it drives me nuts. Hence this poem.

Are you in debt or need a loan how about insurance or a new Mobile Phone ? Got financial worries ? then join our website borrow some cash if money is tight. Phone this number now to see what you've won you've definitely got a prize maybe a holiday in the Sun ? Need a Solicitor no win no fee if not satisfied money back guarantee. Junk Mail is a pain can't they leave us alone ? so that's why I told them where to stick their Mobile Phone !
Archived comments for JUNK MAIL
Andrea on 27-09-2013
JUNK MAIL
Haha yes, it's a pain. Luckily I only get a few a week and as I do I block the sender or domain.

Welcome to UKA!

Author's Reply:

ValDohren on 27-09-2013
JUNK MAIL
Very good. It's those nuisance calls that get me, and why do they always ring at mealtimes !!
Val

Author's Reply:

mageorge on 01-10-2013
JUNK MAIL
This one made me chuckle... So true!
I like the money back guarantee on no - win - no fee...A con if there ever was one.

Regards,
Mark.

Author's Reply: