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marvo's (marvo on UKA) UKArchive
44 Archived submissions found.
Title
I Don't Know You (posted on: 02-05-16)
(It could only ever be her)

I don't know you - but I know I love you For I have felt you for so long You're my every word in every song And everything I write, I write for you You're always here in all I do And although you don't know that I exist You're the very thing that I can't resist It's always been you throughout the years That picks me up and wipes my tears And now I know that despite it all When I succumb and finally fall That you with outstretched arms will surely catch me.
Archived comments for I Don't Know You
sweetwater on 02-05-2016
I Dont Know You
Oh my gosh, have you seen all the poems I have written over the last 44 years for a 'certain person' saying everything you too are saying here!
Needless to say I love this work, and wish I had written something even half as succinct. Into favs it goes. Sue.

Author's Reply:
Thank you.That's so kind of you to say.


Dreaming (posted on: 02-05-16)
Dreaming of lost love

And as he lay there on the bed the past played out inside his head...If only he had had the chance he would have loved her in ways that she had never been loved. For reasons she had never been told, and for longer than she would have ever thought she had deserved. If he had only had the chance he would have loved her with more passion than she ever knew existed inside of him. But nothing ever felt right in her life, so 'his' life could never be complete. And all he knew was that whatever he may amount to, she would always be the rest of him. He loved to lay upon his bed willing himself to sleep so that he could dream, for in his dreams she would come to him each time she had come undone, so that he could make her whole again. She would always try so very hard to stay whole but she would always fail. Time and time again she would come to him and feel somewhere deep inside herself that she was home. She would call his name out loud before falling into a thousand pieces. And in those dreams he would pick up all those pieces and slowly make her whole again. He loved to dream.....for it reminded him what love felt like.
Archived comments for Dreaming
pdemitchell on 04-05-2016
Dreaming
This is very sweet indeedy but to me the rhythm would lend better to a poetic format rather that a paragraph layout. I would lose the leading 'And' ie.



As he lay there on the bed

the past played out inside his head...

If only he had had the chance

he would have loved her

in ways that she would never know.



This line is confusing to me: "For reasons she had never been told, and for longer than she would have ever thought she had deserved." with a bit of pruning it would shape up tidier, like. But as is, I still liked it! Mitch

Author's Reply:

Mikeverdi on 06-05-2016
Dreaming
Must agree with Mitch on this one. It's a good read, it could be great. Needs a prune and a new lay out is all. Only suggestions, not orders. In the end it's your work.
In friendship
Mike

Author's Reply:


Looking In (posted on: 09-10-15)
A perspective

Looking on from the side lines Wanting to participate But too afraid of getting hurt Watching the world go by This is not a game Distance provides safety and sanity Smiling at their pleasure Feeling happy for them Laughing inwardly as they laugh outwardly Watching from a distance The eternal observer A solitary voyeur Always looking on and looking in Happy in a strange way Strange in a happy way? Always looking in Watching from the periphery Never encroaching the circle Born to feel differently Does no one ever notice? Do others feel the same? The odd man out in an uneven world The outsider - Let's no one ever see him Stood watching from the wings
Archived comments for Looking In

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The Plate Spinner (posted on: 09-10-15)
Unselfishness

My arms are getting tired But no one seems to care I think the only time they'd miss me Is if I wasn't there The support they take for granted Is getting weaker by the day And one day I may break these sticks And merely walk away And if those plates then come to rest Because my sticks have broke Perhaps then they will realise To spin plates is no joke It takes loyalty and strength of mind To spin plates every day But my arms have got so tired And I fear they may give way For I have plates all of my own That I never get to spin And now I haven't much incentive left I've spread myself too thin
Archived comments for The Plate Spinner
sweetwater on 10-10-2015
The Plate Spinner
Really enjoyed this, I think this is a very good summery of many people's lives. Sue.

Author's Reply:


Heartache (posted on: 18-09-15)
Resignation

I've been waiting oh so long for her And I'll wait for her always like I do Like I always do I'm just sat here and waiting for the heartache And when that dull ache comes around It'll come in speeding like a train And just when I think that it's over It'll come back again and again I'm watching her lips from a distance As they shape all her words and her smile When I find her I know I will find me But for now I'm just waiting for the heartache And when that dull ache comes around It'll come in speeding like a train And every time that I think that it's over It'll come back again and again But now I'm waiting, so patiently waiting And I miss her even more now than before I'm falling, free falling for the sound of her laughter Sat waiting for the heartache I've wasted too much of my precious time But I know someday she'll show me the truth I'm sitting here, I'm stuck in my daydreams Just waiting for the heartache And when that dull ache comes again It'll come in speeding like a train And I know that when I think that it's over It'll come back again and again
Archived comments for Heartache
Gee on 18-09-2015
Heartache
To me, there's an interesting rhythm to this that makes me think of it as a song. I like the repetition in it too.

Author's Reply:
Thanks for the comment. It was originally an idea for a song.

Incidentally, I've just modified it slightly................ Marvo


Silenced By Loss (posted on: 18-09-15)
Depression

Silence builds an awful wreckage of this man It feeds on his loneliness and creates a void Grey shadows haunt, torment and torture This man is stricken and destroyed There is no sound of laughter or happiness here Love has thrown in the towel today Sombre, melancholy moods decay his soul It is futile to hope or to dream, or perhaps even pray Emptiness build a home inside of him In places where hollows have now bred A deepening sea of worthlessness consumes him And eats away at his every connecting thought Confusion feeds like a savage inside of him Leaving nothing that might be considered worthy remaining It seems he is destined to walk through life in this way Alone, exiled, different and discarded
Archived comments for Silenced By Loss
deadpoet on 19-09-2015
Silenced By Loss
I think it is very important to express feelings of depression. Such a barren state. I hope it is not about yourself- please accept my sympathy if it is. Oh there is always hope!

pia

Author's Reply:
Thank you for your comment and concern. It was re-jinked from a draught that was written a few years ago when I was very low. I decided to resurrect it as a tribute to a dear friend who has recently succumbed to depression.

Kipper on 20-09-2015
Silenced By Loss
I feel almost guilty attempting to comment on this for I have never suffered in this way, so how can I judge?
One can only hope that the subject of this poem finds the shelter and support he needs and that somehow someone is able to bring light to his darkness.
Michael

Author's Reply:
Thank you for your touching comment.


Goodbye My Friend (For Gover) (posted on: 11-09-15)


Sleep, sleep soundly and peacefully my old friend For you are now free Free from the demons that rode on you That chased and tormented you Sleep, Sleep now the sleep of a contented man A man who knows that he always did the best that he could And who are we to judge? We are no one and we are nothing Sleep, Sleep well my friend And when your rest has been taken Look down upon us And watch the countless memories and smiles That emerge whenever your name leaves our lips Me. I will always recall much happier days When our lives were in some ways carefree I'll remember all the laughter and fun we shared, All the terrible jokes and the not so terrible music All of which is now forever carved into my memory, like a news reel of my life Help us to heal the hearts of your loved ones And try to help them to understand WHY? For their pain is displayed in the tears that they shed And will doubtlessly take years to dry And rest, above all rest, Rest assured that you will never be forgotten By all of us who knew and loved you. I think of you and where you've gone As my world spins sadly on See you later Gove…… Marvo
Archived comments for Goodbye My Friend (For Gover)
deadpoet on 11-09-2015
Goodbye My Friend
This poem tugged at my heart strings- the feeling of loss was very tangible.

Pia

Author's Reply:
Thank you. I shall be reading it to the attendees at his funeral next week.


She (posted on: 02-03-15)
She is love

She Is special Special to me We laugh together We've cried together We love together We've learnt together She Is a confident, complicated and complex creature. She Is mine She Loves me ….. And I her Because She Takes and makes the time to know me She Is beautiful Beautiful to me We smile together We care together And I hold her when she cries And wipe away her tears with my kisses She Is fragile She is vulnerable She is mine And I am hers We talk together For hours And then even more hours And when we are apart She Is who I wait for And who I yearn to hold at night I tell her my hopes and my dreams And in return she tells me her fears And we hold on to each other tightly As if we are the only two people in the world.
Archived comments for She
franciman on 02-03-2015
She
I really enjoyed this. It speaks of confidence, the bold layout, the positive statement, etc. The style is also random and gives a breathless excitement to the piece.
'And we hold tight to each other.' would get rid of the ugly adverb.
I found the last line broke the bold positivity. Suggest you drop the 'like'.
Two very minor points that don't really detract. Liked it.
cheers,
Jim


Author's Reply:

Mikeverdi on 02-03-2015
She
I too enjoyed the read. We could always find things we would write differently, and I agree the last verse could be better, but hey its all good! I don't normally like repetition... but it works here.
Mike

Author's Reply:


Stop/Imagine (posted on: 06-02-15)
Recollection

Stop Stop for just a moment And just imagine All that we could have been together If once If just once We had stopped And dared to dream Then refused to carry around The remains of whom we once were Any longer
Archived comments for Stop/Imagine

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Broken Stained Glass Window (posted on: 06-02-15)
Truth

There's a broken stained glass window In the church where I should pray And although I know who broke it I'm much too scared to say The glass it fell in fragments Landing on an empty pew Is there a God for everyone? Or just the chosen few? My God, He understands me Watches me from up above And when I feel like throwing stones He fills my heart with love That broken stained glass window Must never be put right It should always stay like that To let in Gods sunlight
Archived comments for Broken Stained Glass Window
stormwolf on 08-02-2015
Broke Stained Glass Window
Hi Marvo
I enjoyed the poem and the message in it too. As one who sees God in nature and often lacking in the interior of the church, it appealed to me.
Alison x

Author's Reply:


Memory (posted on: 02-01-15)
love

Is it possible to have a memory of what is yet to happen? Can I miss someone I have never held? My head has been dancing with my thoughts of her And my heart has been searching for the shadows she has yet to cast...
Archived comments for Memory
sweetwater on 04-01-2015
Memory
Loved the romance in this, and who knows maybe we can have a 'future' memory it's an interesting concept. Sue.

Author's Reply:


Christmas Eve (posted on: 26-12-14)
Losing a love

Walking away he held his head high Too proud to spill out the words that filled his mouth Over and over to himself he repeated The only clear thought inside his head ''She must not see. She must not see''. Inside he could feel his heart breaking And clearly the pain it was causing And as he turned the corner the tears filled his eyes Until they became contained no more And the grief then overwhelmed him Forcing him to his knees He opened his mouth and emitted a silent scream A scream that only the angels could hear
Archived comments for Christmas Eve
sweetwater on 28-12-2014
Christmas Eve
A very powerful poem, terribly sad, but couldn't help wondering why it had that title. Sue.

Author's Reply:
Hi Sue
Thanks for reading and commenting.
Its a memory of a Christmas eve in the past.

Supratik on 28-12-2014
Christmas Eve
A poem worth reading many times! The getting in and out of rhyme is deftly used, in fact in lines 6 and 7 I was disturbed and thought of it as an excess, but the last line, which stood in rhythmic isolation kind of justified the tone of the poem, and that's when I went back and re-read.

Author's Reply:
Many thanks for your kind comments..........Marvo


Angel (posted on: 21-11-14)
My angel of destiny

Swooping down unexpectedly from above. The angel plucked the stricken boy to safety. And as she carried him, she massaged his heart with her words. These words breathed new life into his soul. Until he began to feel alive once more. Gently whispering her soft words of love. She rebuilt the boy piece by piece. Slowly, she put him back together. Until one day he began to recognise his own reflection in the mirror. Gone now were the fears that had haunted his appearance, so that all that he saw was his vulnerability. Gone were his endless doubts and his mistrust. All were now replaced by her oft repeated promises. The boy smiled.... Inwardly and outwardly. For he knew that the angel was good. She had brought him the message of 'hope'. As a just reward for surviving his sufferings. The boy asked the angel how long she would stay. "As long as you need me" the angel replied.
Archived comments for Angel

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Photo (posted on: 21-11-14)
Just perfection

If I had to describe perfection Here's what I would do I'd just pick up my camera And then photograph you True beauty is what you possess It's stood the test of time And my life would feel wonderful If I knew that you were mine So let me take that picture And frame it in my heart So when we're not together Neither are we apart
Archived comments for Photo
deadpoet on 21-11-2014
Photo
Hi marvo this is my pick of the day. Lovely xx

Author's Reply:
Thank you...........Marvo


Now You See Me (posted on: 03-10-14)
.....now you don't

As the train slewed slowly into the station, she pulled down the window and dared to lean ever so slightly out. Just enough to enable her to look excitedly along the oncoming platform. And as she reached her destination, there he was. His ageing hands clutching a bouquet of flowers and his coat thrown haphazardly over his crooked arm. He was now much older as was she, but otherwise he was just as she had remembered him. Alighting from the carriage she walked towards him with the largest smile she could ever remember smiling. Stopping just short of him she said ''Have I changed so much that you do not recognise me?'' Turning towards the direction of her voice, his face lit up with happiness and a tear emerged and ran quickly down his cheek. '' I cannot recognise you, for I am blind'' he replied. ''But I would know that voice anywhere. '' She was shocked. Throughout the years that they had been writing to each other and chatted on the phone, he had never once mentioned this. She remembered how beautiful his eyes had looked when they'd first met all those years ago, and how she had stared into them so lovingly and longingly when they'd later married. She hesitated briefly but then heard herself saying, ''Can I ask what happened to your eyes?'' He replied, ''When you left me I wanted to die as I couldn't bear the thought of seeing you with someone else, but I couldn't muster the courage to take my own life. Instead, I removed my eyes to ensure that this could never happen.'' "Now all I see in my life are my memories"
Archived comments for Now You See Me
Mikeverdi on 03-10-2014
Now You See Me
WOW! That was different. For me the story had great feeling, I was immediately interested; the end was both sad and shocking. I thought you did the 'show don't tell' well, I never saw the ending.
On the critique side, it needs a prune in my opinion. I would also change the lay out a bit, separate the dialogue from the main text. Its only my opinion and others may differ; I did enjoy it πŸ™‚
Mike

Author's Reply:
Many thanks Mike. It was written very quickly and on the spur of the moment, having just listened to some rather beautiful/sad piano music.

Gothicman on 03-10-2014
Now You See Me
A bit short on authenticity, Marvo! Her bad luck to get involved with a total nutter - better was if he intended shooting himself and nervously skim-shot both eyes out, and then regretted it: At least then he would have been unbalanced only temporally. He didn't need to remove both eyes to live only in memories, for people without children tend to live more and more in the past as they get older!
Children keep you forward looking as you see life through their development. More courage to remove your eyes than to end it all? I'm not happy at all with this Marvo, too unnerving, the world's bad enough as it is already! Hahaha! God, gotta make a cup of tea! Well-written though. Gothicman

Author's Reply:
Many thanks for your comments. Hope you enjoyed your tea!

ValDohren on 05-10-2014
Now You See Me
A sad and poignant little story, be it only fantasy. Enjoyed reading.
Val

Author's Reply:
Many thanks for reading and commenting Val


My Ship Is Ready To Sail (posted on: 27-06-14)


My ship is now stood here and waiting To sail to a land full of dreams I would so love for you to come with me Because life can be more than it seems We'll have such a wonderful adventure To the future we'll sail from the past Sharing our new dreams together Ensuring that they always last And if you should ever be doubtful If any, or all of it's real I will just be your close at hand mirror To reflect how you look and you feel I will guide us through any rough waters Until we arrive at new land And there we will build a house full of love Where sadness and tears will be banned I'll protect you from all of the dangers Keep you safe, within reach of my arms Through Heavens and stars we will navigate Our course far away from all harm So let us set sail on this journey For my ship is prepared now to leave Let me lead and I'll show you a love dear That you heart would just never believe You will make my ship look oh so beautiful Come aboard her and close both your eyes Let us dream of this dream love, together And I'll sail us across the night skies……………..
Archived comments for My Ship Is Ready To Sail

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For Her (posted on: 16-06-14)


Softly spoken words with a wonderful inflection Fall from her mouth with a graceful fragility Allied to a wonderful simplicity. Her professed shyness, slowly eroding and replaced By a blossoming confidence So sweet, so her and so attractive. The imperfections that she describes and yet which I cannot see Replaced by my views of her vulnerability, femininity and beauty. Oh what bliss, This urge to protect, to hold and kiss As she walks barefoot in flower strewn fields, Whilst long sunny days beckon and beg for her attention. A realisation of a chance to grow beyond the here and the now To be cherished and to belong.
Archived comments for For Her
stormwolf on 16-06-2014
For SC
Methinks the man's in love 😝
Romantic and softly sensual. I enjoyed reading.

Alison x

Author's Reply:
Thank you

Savvi on 16-06-2014
For SC
Hi Marvo
I hope she knows how much the narrator thinks of her, since it oozes from the page. Nice to read, best Keith

Author's Reply:
Thank you..........Love is so scary


The Remote Tree (posted on: 06-06-14)
The Remote Tree

I wish I was a remote tree So lovers would sit under me I'd look down on them from above To hear them speak about their love And at the end of each new day They'd pack their things and go away I'd be left standing all alone Content, without a care or moan For I'd have overheard their fears And listened as they shed their tears And thankfully I'd never know The pain they suffer as they grow For I would simply be a tree Standing tall with dignity And to those who sat beneath my shade Alone and scared, sometimes afraid I'd give them peace, a place to rest And wish for them the very best If children came and chased around I'd close my eyes to hear their sound Knowing that one day they will grow To be the lovers sat below If only they could live their years Without the pain, without the fears That one day would bring them to me The remote tree of dignity.
Archived comments for The Remote Tree

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Bottles (posted on: 28-03-14)
The reality of fate

I put my feelings in the bottle Later I'll throw it in the sea But I hope nobody finds it And then attempts to rescue me I slip my written words inside it And then I push the cork in tightly There's a thousand bottles floating now Each one emptied then filled nightly It isn't hard to express my feelings I open up and words just flow Because there's no one here to listen Therefore no one will ever know That the man who wrote these feelings Is slowly dying day by day For the life he used to treasure One day upped and went away So he will always fill his bottles They've become his one true friend Because they know all of his secrets And on them he can depend So if one day you should find a bottle Maybe washed up on the shore Take a look out at the ocean For there'll be a thousand more Each one full of raw emotions Each note written as a fear Find them all and read the misery Perhaps keep one for souvenir As my bottles cross the waters Bobbing up and down within the sea I'll be underneath the ocean This life's way too cruel for me
Archived comments for Bottles
sweetwater on 28-03-2014
Bottles
I found this very touching, so much sadness for something lost, I felt like this some years ago and you have exactly caught my misery. A tricky subject very well done. You have expressed such powerful emotions so cleverly.

Author's Reply:

Bozzz on 29-03-2014
Bottles
A bottle found, a pain shared, but sadly to no real benefit of sender or receiver. Why not share your pain in poetry with UKA - - us - many do. It helps a bit......this one so well written....David

Author's Reply:

Bonnie on 29-03-2014
Bottles
This poem has such clever imagery - the idea of all those messages in bottles. It gives a very clear picture.

Author's Reply:

Bonnie on 29-03-2014
Bottles
This poem has such clever imagery - the idea of all those messages in bottles. It gives a very clear picture.

Author's Reply:

Bonnie on 29-03-2014
Bottles
This poem has such clever imagery - the idea of all those messages in bottles. It gives a very clear picture.

Author's Reply:

Mikeverdi on 31-03-2014
Bottles
Excellent use of words, as Bozz said we all use poetry to express out inner feelings at times (me more than most). The bottle idea was a great touch.
Mike

Author's Reply:


The Cobra (posted on: 14-03-14)
Revenge

The Cobra relaxes Enjoying his day of rest But not all rest on this day For the weak Seeking control of the Cobra And fearful of his strength Strike out whilst he sleeps Hoping not to be bitten 'Safety in numbers' believe the weak And moving silently up behind They stab and curse the Cobra Leaving him bloody and beaten They rejoice triumphantly For the Cobra is dead But the Cobra is not dead He still sleeps And on awakening And realising his many wounds He makes swift his recovery And recalling the curses That he heard whilst he slept He transforms himself once again Into the shape of the Cobra And manoeuvring swiftly into position He waits…………..'poised' For he knows the rejoicing must end And the wicked will need their sleep and rest And smiling inwardly He stays alert and awaits that rest And his unannounced return…
Archived comments for The Cobra
sweetwater on 14-03-2014
The Cobra
Good for the Cobra- Really enjoyed this, good story, really wanted to keep reading to see the outcome, and it was a happy one, for the Cobra anyway.

Author's Reply:


The Old Ones (posted on: 14-03-14)
'The final realisation'

The Old Ones are calling and I feel cut in two for I want to go with them and stay here with you the doctors are working as beside them you cry and tho' they're doing their best I know I shall die Up here on the ceiling my heart beats so fast and I see now my future my present and past I watch as below me the tears swell your eyes and you wrestle with words you no longer disguise Believe me I love you just the same from above and I know how it feels to lose someone you love but the Old Ones are calling and tho' they're not in sight I must kiss you goodbye and move t'wards the light So whilst you slowly recover and come to terms with your grief I shall work with the Old Ones and restore your belief.
Archived comments for The Old Ones
sweetwater on 14-03-2014
The Old Ones
I think this idea is something most people wonder about. Well written and thoughtful. Especially like last verse.

Author's Reply:

Bozzz on 14-03-2014
The Old Ones
Oh dear, my brain and heart of hearts tell me that mine are below ground rather than above the ceiling, but I guess we are not all materialists. Either way, the sentiment is real - an interesting poem - the dilemma remains.

Author's Reply:

Savvi on 14-03-2014
The Old Ones
There was a study done in several hospitals, in an attempt to understand out of body experiences they placed vivid images on top of cupboards etc. The proof was inconclusive. I enjoyed the slanted take on an old theme very well done. Best Keith

Author's Reply:

Ionicus on 15-03-2014
The Old Ones
A poetic version of an out-of-body experience. I doesn't throw further light on the subject but it is well rhymed.

Author's Reply:


My Picture Of You (posted on: 10-03-14)
Memories cannot be torn up

I tore up each one of my pictures of you But the one that's inside me remains It's here in my heart and it goes to my head Time and again and again I try hard to fight it, but it is too strong And slowly it gets its own way You're dressed all in white, there's a smile on your face But above you the clouds are all grey I loved you so much that I thought I would die But I knew that I had to let go To allow you to fly off and into the world That you said you so needed to know So where are you now? If not here by my side I hope you look after my heart I think of you often and try not to cry But it feels like I'm falling apart - with my picture of you.
Archived comments for My Picture Of You
Mikeverdi on 11-03-2014
My Picture Of You
This reads like a song that needs to be sung, too personal to critique; the hurt is evident whether yours or not.
Mike

Author's Reply:


Easter Miracle (posted on: 10-03-14)
Love is all there is

Easter was upon us And we were talking As we had not done for a long time ''It feels so good'' I said ''I feel so cold'' said she I wrapped her in my arms Squeezed tightly and we walked on Easter was upon us And as we walked, we spoke Of things we thought were long forgotten ''That sounds so nice'' I said ''What do you hear?'' said she Inside I smiled at her innocence As the church bells rang aloud Easter was upon us And the last of the daffodils Bowed their heads as we passed by ''It's the not knowing'' I said ''I know'' said she And as we stopped, she kissed me, Like she did in the beginning.
Archived comments for Easter Miracle
pdemitchell on 10-03-2014
Easter Miracle
Very romantique - and a well constructed narrative. Mitch

Author's Reply:

Ionicus on 11-03-2014
Easter Miracle
A sweet, lovely and gentle poem. I liked the conversational tone. Well done.

Author's Reply:

Mikeverdi on 11-03-2014
Easter Miracle
Like this a lot, agree with Luigi; a lovely poem. Thanks for posting.
Mike

Author's Reply:

jdm4454 on 12-03-2014
Easter Miracle
If it weren't for love poems, there would be no poetry, simply narration.....it is what it is, beautifully. jim

Author's Reply:


Breathe (posted on: 07-03-14)


It's hard to exhale When you have no breath It's hard gasping for air When there is so little left Deep inside of me I can feel you, no longer there An empty void Leaving me in despair What do I do now If it's over? How do I live now If it's over? I have nothing left to give If it's over For I am lost in a world Made up of the past I'm spinning and turning Making memories last But the spinning is slowing And the past is ebbing away And my life line is fading I've little left now to say And I am so helpless Stood here trying to breathe For I have no solutions So I just need to leave
Archived comments for Breathe
Bozzz on 07-03-2014
Breathe
You might get the standard low-cost NHS offering "Pull yourself together", but it sounds as though the friendship of others would be better. Feelings will pass eventually, better writings will come . Good luck.....Bozzz

Author's Reply:
Thank you


The Man On The Beach (posted on: 07-03-14)
Madness descends from the skies

There's a man who walks along the shore With a mirror in his hand He claims that he protects us all From things we hadn't planned He also owns a looking glass Which he holds towards the sun In hope incoming aliens Will see themselves and run All day long he marches on Up and down the shore Fighting unseen enemies Waging constant war Pirates, evils, men from Mars He keeps them all at bay So we can live our lives in peace And swim there every day
Archived comments for The Man On The Beach
sweetwater on 07-03-2014
The Man On The Beach
I really enjoyed this, it made me smile πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:
Thank you


Workmates (posted on: 18-03-13)
...................

Somebody I once worked with Sat me down before he said That tho' my heart was full of honesty It shouldn't rule my head At that time I couldn't really see Exactly what he meant For my illusions of grandeur Made my focus slightly bent Then a few years on I worked with A lovely man called 'Ken' Who in this life had been to hell And then came back again He had something about him That was simple yet complete And he told me: "to understand someone, your thoughts must always meet" At this I shrugged my shoulders What on earth did these men mean? For they sounded so prophetic Was there a message hid between In the years that have since followed I've remembered what both men said And tho' one is still alive today The other's sadly dead What they wanted so to tell me Was that while I act so grand Things are happening around us That are wrong and underhand And that when we feel important We should surely spend some time Changing some things for the better And for those who come behind
Archived comments for Workmates
Kat on 19-03-2013
Workmates
Really enjoyed the sentiment in this... how true.

Kat

Author's Reply:


In Dreams I'll Stay (posted on: 18-03-13)
............

There is no fun in life or so it seems That is why I retire to my dreams I really wish there was some other way But there is not, so in my dreams I'll stay My favourite one is where there's just us two Nobody else required just me and you There is no pain or fear - no need for fuss All feelings shared by the both of us And in this dream I can love you at will And for that love I'd climb the highest hill But in real life I know you're miles away You care no more so in these dreams I'll stay Perhaps someday again you'll share with me The love that is for now just memory For then you'll know how much I really care And find it hard to live without you there When that day comes the sun will clearly shine To tell the world that once more you are mine Until it does my love is locked away And deep inside of all my dreams I'll stay
Archived comments for In Dreams I'll Stay
deadpoet on 18-03-2013
In Dreams Ill Stay
I can understand the sentiments in this. Clever with the rhyme.

Author's Reply:
Thank you.

Savvi on 18-03-2013
In Dreams Ill Stay
safe palces are dreams, we can make anything happen there, nice idea, well delivered. S

Author's Reply:


Christmas For Billy (posted on: 11-03-13)
.........

Christmas is coming as it has in the past And soon feelings of joy will appear - but not last Festivities, parties, drinks all around But remember in some homes there won't be a sound Except for the cries of the lonely and lost Who have been dealt misfortune and now count the cost Be they rich, or just poor with a couple of pence What they see in the world really makes little sense Billy stands at the window Hands held tight to his chest Whilst his friend who's called George Dresses him in – Sunday best Nothing special of course, just an old patterned shirt That has faded so much whilst relinquishing dirt And his trousers too big, but much better than tight Show the signs of repairs by old hands in poor light And the smile on his face is reserved for his mum Is it really ten years since she told him she'd come? ''I expect that she's busy'' he says under his breath No one had explained about old age and death The nurse stands watching Billy as her tears fill her eyes For she knows all he'll face in the future is lies But he's safe in the home from the people he'd meet If he ventured outside to the big grown-ups street Now her thoughts race ahead to her own children's delight In hanging their stockings on Christmas Eve night If only poor Billy could share Christmas day With the people he loves – but who all stay away He talks of a sister or two and a brother But none come to visit one year to another Billy moves from the window and sits down to say ''I expect that she's busy – so can't come today'' The nurse sheds more tears and looks out on the snow ''Please don't cry nurse'' says Billy ''We all love you, you know''
Archived comments for Christmas For Billy
ruadh on 11-03-2013
Christmas For Billy
I liked this, in the sense that it made me feel, made me think. It's very sad and unfortunately all too true for some. Well done for airing a subject that's often hidden and avoided.

Author's Reply:
Thank you for your comment.

Savvi on 14-03-2013
Christmas For Billy
I'm gald Billy is safe and not shoved out into some care in the community program, from which he never quite recovers because the funding for the home was pulled by some arse that had no concept of his actions and only cared about a budget. Nice work Marvo and thanks for covering this topic.

I have a simply poem that is up on Monday that has a look at what can happen when Billy hits the grown up streets.

Author's Reply:


Soon Be There (posted on: 08-03-13)
...........

It's midnight and five As I walk my way home The cold night air details each breath That escapes from my mouth While the evening's events flutter through my mind Like scattered pigeons on a footpath Unfamiliar sounds fill the air Whilst the shadows of the night people Loom large upon a nearby wall. And a police siren wails……….far away Soon be there, soon be there In a nearby hotel A light emerges through the dark Like a beacon - strong and bright And two lovers embrace in the window Of a light filled room – behind thin curtains Their fever at full pitch now Winding its way through the town Whilst looking for victims The siren wails on, moving closer Soon be there, soon be there The shadows I see take on new shape And in an instant he is there Standing menacingly before me……laughing Ignoring my offers and pleas Where are you heroes? Where are you now? For I need you like never before Our bodies entwined, we struggle And as I fall – he runs His breath fast and strong Mine shallow and weak The siren wails on, ever onwards Soon be there, soon be there Passers-by gather round Like old friends - wishing me well Assuring me all is ok But it's not The cold night air tightens my throat As the shadows before me merge Into one black final backdrop The siren grinds to a halt For its owners have found a new victim It's too late I heard someone say Soon be there, soon be there
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The Goodbye Letter (posted on: 08-03-13)
Learning to Smile

Most days I feel like nothing could possibly go my way ever again. I look outside and feel that there is no way the world is still spinning the way it was when we were once happy together. Daily, I try so hard to get past the all consuming emptiness that lives within my heart and soul, but I know that nothing is ever going to be the same again. I hate knowing that the one person who was so special to me cannot feel those same emotions that seep daily from within me, and I wish that there was a way to let you feel them. I'm lost, scared and alone and sometimes I think I can't face this life anymore. Knowing the way you feel about me now just destroys me. You hold captive such a vulnerable thing and that thing is my heart. It hurts unbelievably to be torn between so many emotions. I know that your life will ultimately be happier without me to weigh you down, and I want you to know that, if you're happy, I'm happy, and I promise I will never do anything to hurt you, because you meant so much to me. It hurts me to know that the one thing that brought true meaning to my life, a smile to my face and made me so unbelievably happy and proud, is now forever gone. The truth of how I now feel? Well, here it is... I dream about you every night. I spend endless hours thinking about you. Odd afternoons, I don't think about you at all, but that's rare, because I usually don't go a minute without thinking about you, or seeing you in my mind. When I first met you, I really thought you would be so different – the girl in my dreams. For so long you made me feel as though I actually meant something to someone. I've made a choice to finally let you go 100%, because I can't stand this pain inside any longer, it's time for my last tears to fall and for me to try and learn to smile again. God knows how that can happen because I now hate each waking day of my life. Waking is literally a living punishment. You see, today was yet another day where everything I did reminded me of you and every song I heard somehow related to you. I hate days like today, because they remind me of the one thing I don't have. It's really painful to say goodbye to someone that you don't want to let go but I know that it's even more painful and wrong to expect someone to stay with you when they don't feel the same way. I just wish it would all stop. I can no longer justify trying to hold on to something that used to be there hoping it will come back, willing it to come back, whilst knowing it won't. Have you ever hated somebody so much that you wish they would just leave your life and never come back, but yet, loved them so much, you knew you'd just die inside if they did? I hate the way I could never hate you. I wanted to for what you've done to me, but I guess 'real love' is putting up with someone's bad qualities because they somehow complete you. I know that happiness is not on my horizon. But, I also know if I can somehow live through this heart break, I can get through anything. I have absolutely no idea where life will now lead me, or even if I want to go there. I don't want to be the burden to everyone that I've now become, relying on others to home me. I'm a survivor and know it's going to be incredibly tough, but I'll be okay, I just know now that I ultimately want to be on my own and away from everyone. That includes friends and family. Oh for a desert island! Maybe one day you will look back and think... damn! He really really did love me... Time and time again, I forgave you. I've forgiven you for things that I swore to myself I'd never forgive someone for... and here you are, still hurting me, and I still forgive you. The future......... Well, I'm under no illusions that before too long someone new will be in my place and hopefully you will feel for him the way you perhaps once felt for me. I really would like that to happen and I wish you all the happiness, contentment and luck in the world. (Remember my vivid dream about the little dark haired girl?) Just promise me that this time you will think of the children first. I give you my word that I will cause you no problems or play any further part in your life. Please do the same for me. When I move, any mail can be sent care of family and I'll pick it up from time to time. For now, I just wish my world would simply stop. I've always known that being a part time dad would be impossible for me. It's just not the way I'm made and this stay has confirmed that to me. I'm just happy that we all had one last Christmas together. The boys know that I love them and always will. I'll try to visit them when I feel I'm in a better place, (emotionally) so that what little time I have with them will hopefully be positive. I'll ring them often and they can always ring me. They know that when they need to see me they can close their eyes, think of me, and I will always be there. But for now, I'm going to heal myself and learn to smile, and maybe laugh too, so you won't ever hear that I've cried. Because, I really do want to one day hear that you've found love and are happy again. So here we are then, time to let you go in style, and even if it kills me, I'm going to learn to smile. Goodbye
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The Guardians of Sleep (posted on: 08-03-13)
..............

So hard to describe Not at all how one would imagine Never in a million years Would I have believed Any such invitation. But there I was Stood looking through glass of sorts I saw she was happy, smiling and talking And she knew I was there But only briefly did she Glance in our direction To release a smile 'just for me' She was not as surprised as I Yet she was obviously happy No more pain Blissful release It lasted perhaps - only seconds But will remain with me always For my message had been passed By the guardians of sleep And it was real No doubt – it was real
Archived comments for The Guardians of Sleep
Savvi on 08-03-2013
The Guardians of Sleep
A lovely sentimental piece, gentle in contsruction I enjoyed the idea of bieng able to pass even a smile beyond this world, I will look out for the guardians, although a whisper just told me I've seen them. Thanks S

Oh one small nit, I would drop the "for" in the last two lines as in someway it makes it sound slangy like "are you for real"

Author's Reply:
Thank you for reading and your comments. They are very much appreciated.

stormwolf on 08-03-2013
The Guardians of Sleep
Hi Marvo πŸ™‚

Love all poems about mysteries and sleep and dreaming is very dear to me being a 'lucid dreamer' myself.
You have asked for comments and crit and so I will tell you what I feel. *eeek*

I think this poem is really good and could be made very much more powerful by some pruning. I totally agree with Savvi about the taking away of 'for' in the last lines and his reasons for doing so. The last lines 'seals' the poem so to speak and you want them to be pared to perfection in order to hit the reader and leave a mark.


I feel the first stanze is using well worn words to describe the state of astonishment

So hard to describe
Not at all how one would imagine
Never in a million years
Would I have believed
Any such invitation.

and so is weak. You could really rewrite this to make it really hit the reader in a more original fashion.

But there I was
Stood looking through glass of sorts

Stood in not good grammar 'standing'
The reason I am saying all this is that with the right amendments it is a very lovely poem that I can idenrtify with and the bones are all there, only needing some slight adjustments.

Alison x

Author's Reply:
Thank you for your comments. I appreciate all constructive advice such as this.


It's Started (posted on: 04-03-13)


It's Started It's started and I'm frightened Daily I can feel myself changing Withdrawing into loneliness Returning me back to a me that I'd almost forgotten ever existed A me that I once knew so well But had left behind long ago. Like an old friend stood greeting me, with familiar outstretched arms. Offering to help me once again isolate and distance myself from all feeling For when you cannot feel – You can no longer hurt I love you still – surprisingly And yes I'm still in love with you – always will be But now my love is now different than it was before I know that now I can never give all of myself again What do I have left to give? Never could I entrust my deepest thoughts and fears anymore Just as before I met you I have no wish to live the remainder of my life like this But NEVER will anyone get so close as to be able To hurt me so badly again It's not how I or anyone else would ever choose to be But needs must… It's merely me retreating to my lifelong safety net A survival blanket I never thought I'd have a need for again Wrapping around me and protecting me from harm Such a shame – such a waste of my life So, just as a flower blooms and then dies with each yearly cycle I have to try and find a way to strengthen myself Begin to grow again So that one day I may possibly get the chance to flower again. And if I do Please do not pick me.
Archived comments for It's Started
discopants on 04-03-2013
Its Started
I'm sure many of us can identify with this and I particularly like the ending- the last 7 lines.

You could do some general tightening up/lopping out of unnecessary words- for instance 'But now my love...' The word 'now' appears twice in the same line and again in the next one- I'd cut both of the ones appearing in that first line...

Thanks for the read.

Author's Reply:

ValDohren on 04-03-2013
Its Started
Yes, lovely Marvo, I observed the 'now' word repetition too, and agree that a couple of them could be cut. Otherwise, a nice write which I enjoyed reading.

Val :-)-

Author's Reply:


Murder? (posted on: 04-03-13)
Disintegration

There was a new me in the mirror, for the old me was now lost And although there hadn't been a trade in, you wouldn't believe the cost I woke up each day tearful, as the old me said goodbye And I became somebody else, before my very eyes For the old me had been murdered, she had taken him apart And when I pieced him back together, I couldn't find his heart It was painful trying to remember, the way that it was lost No there hadn't been a trade in, but you wouldn't believe the cost
Archived comments for Murder?
stormwolf on 04-03-2013
Murder?
Really enjoyed this. Clever concept.
The rhythm goes off in lines 4 and 5 and with a tighter feel and some tweaking it would read so much better.
The lines are long and if they were halved you would see where the rhythm and rhyme falters more easliy. You don't have to lay it out broken up but just to demonstrate what I am saying.
The title is good too.

Alison x

Alison x

Author's Reply:

Savvi on 04-03-2013
Murder?
I read this as a limerick and would agree with Alison sort out the lost rhyme and you will have a very fine piece and a great topic, its definatley worth doing, Nice job S

Author's Reply:


Cornfields (posted on: 27-08-12)
A miracle?

She was basically a good girl Though for sure she had some flaws And she fought an inward battle Never stopping for a pause Her life always seemed so troubled And she lived it in the past She really had to find solutions To her problems.......find them fast! The advert on the well thumbed page She'd not noticed previously So she wrote and posted her reply Then waited anxiously They met underneath the clocktower Wore carnations just like spies And she saw in him solutions When she looked into his eyes He said "believe in me forever And I'll make your dreams come true" So she held his hand and listened Whilst he told her what to do He talked on for many hours Hardly pausing for a breath He spoke of love, he spoke of life And then he spoke of death She woke up hours later Safely in her home and bed Had she dreamt of him whilst fast asleep? Was all this in her head? She rushed to find the magazine and then page ninety-four She scanned it for the ad she'd read But it was there no more.... Throughout the day it dawned on her She felt childlike and brand new And for the first time in her life She knew what she must do.... In the corner of a cornfield She sat staring towards the sun For she knew that in her heart of hearts Her life had just begun.
Archived comments for Cornfields
amman on 27-08-2012
Cornfields
Nicely composed poem of self realization; has a nice rhythm to it. Particularly like the final verse.
Regards.

Author's Reply:

Andrea on 27-08-2012
Cornfields
Yes, I did, too. Very nice, reflective piece. And welcome to UKA!

Author's Reply:


Running (posted on: 20-08-12)
Running from life..........

Running past people, running past places Running past so many different faces Running so fast that my heart can't keep pace Knowing the pain is displayed on my face Running from all that I care for and love Knowing He's watching me from up above Running so fast my breath's in short supply Running so far but not knowing why Running until I collapse on the floor Running until I can't take anymore Running until I find wide open spaces And something that stops me from running these races
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February Day (posted on: 20-08-12)
adultery destroys lives!

Where has the old me gone? lost in a February day I can't tell you how long it will be until I know if he's come back to me Where is that simple day before colours broke into shades? and how did I ever fade into these feelings of nothingness? I never want to let you down but please forgive me if i slip away When all that I've known is lost I promise I will come back to you... one day My morning is waking up not knowing who I lay with sometimes it is just not enough And yet all the love you need is right there in front of your eyes And I never want to let you down but forgive me if I slip away sometimes it's hard to recognise my feelings sometimes there are none to feel Because I keep on falling, as I try to get away from this feeling of indifference that you've given me Where has that old me gone? lost in a February day I can't tell you how long it will be until I open my eyes from this bad dream.
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Susie (posted on: 20-08-12)
To the depths of despair...............

She was an unhappy child, left home at just thirteen No more a child, not quite adult, but somewhere inbetween She'd had an older boyfriend, whom it's said led her astray If he had meant all that he'd said, he'd be with her today. Susie was now sad sixteen, looked more like twenty nine She now had expensive habits, loved that thin white line Was turning tricks when just eighteen, a very sorry sight Slept all day in zombie state, so she could work at night. At twenty one poor Susie, had two young kids in tow Rent overdue, what could she do? She'd nowhere else to go She felt that she was not worth much as each guy came and went But then came Bill who cured her ills , 'til he turned violent. He drank and often threatened her, it made the children scared He kept her short of all he could, although he said he cared Then gradually she realised the three of them must go But what to say and when to leave? So much she didn't know. Eventually her mind made up, she scribbled him a note And 'tho her hands were trembling so, this is what she wrote... I'm sorry but were leaving, I feel it's best all round You've taken all I had to give and left me on the ground A neighbour stopped me in the street, a week ago today To warn me the authorities, could take the kids away And I just cannot risk that, it's more than I can do I'm sorry if this hurts you, but we must go now.... Sue xx The girl who came from broken home Had now left hers, again to roam And just to get out of the rain She bought three tickets for the train.... And so she stands at Platform Two Desperate to know what to do Her facial bruising she can't hide With the suitcases sat by her side Her children cry because their sad What pitiful young lives they've had An old blood stain on each ones dress Like emblems of their helplessness She trembles as the clock strikes four Says "Life's not worth it anymore" She pulls them close and starts to cry Although they're young, they both know why And as the last few seconds near She knows that death offers no fear The train speeds in, eating up track She jumps knowing she can't turn back Bystanders faint and women scream As fire engines rush to the scene Newspapers said, "She didn't care" "To take three lives was so unfair" Their fate was sad but hurt no more Than the pain that they had known before.
Archived comments for Susie
Andrea on 22-08-2012
Susie
A really sad story, extremely well told. Could almost be song lyrics. Impressed.

Author's Reply:

LS on 22-08-2012
Susie
sad..could have been written about a real person. Written in a concise way.

Author's Reply:


Help (posted on: 20-08-12)
Do prayers get answered?

As he reached the top he shouted "Help me please, I need you so" "There is so much in this life that causes pain" Then he turned, and walked back down the hill Wiping teardrops from his eyes And it's true to say was never seen again
Archived comments for Help
ifyouplease on 20-08-2012
Help
yes, but we say la dolce vita. dangerous path to focus on the negative side (of the hill)

Author's Reply:


Different Views (posted on: 20-08-12)


Look at those people Rushing past me to work Clothes neatly pressed And cars with high power Look at them wince As the traffic lights alter Lives neatly timed, in detail Hour by hour. ---------------------------- Look at that tramp Laying down by the roadside Clothes torn and tattered And his hands full of grime I wonder what made him Decide on this future Not that I care For I don't have the time.
Archived comments for Different Views
ifyouplease on 20-08-2012
Different Views
nice

Author's Reply:

Ionicus on 21-08-2012
Different Views
If I can be honest, Marvo, I didn't think much of 'Invisible' and 'The Lost Ship' (too morbid in my opinion) but this is much better. It has a nice, flowing, rhythm.

Author's Reply:
Once again many thanks for your comments.

Andrea on 22-08-2012
Different Views
Yes, philosophical little ditty. Good.

Author's Reply:


The Lost Ship (posted on: 20-08-12)
depression explained................

All around are people laughing But in my eyes there's only tears As I think back on my past And how I've suffered through the years So take a match and light a candle And then say a prayer for me For I am like a lost ship adrift upon the sea.
Archived comments for The Lost Ship
amman on 22-08-2012
The Lost Ship
Nice poem. You could possibly split the last line in two as

for I am like a lost ship
adrift upon the sea.


Author's Reply:
Thank you for your comments. I have to agree that it would benefit from splitting the last line. Marvo

Andrea on 22-08-2012
The Lost Ship
Sad poem. It's a devastating illness. Assume it's biographical? Hope something can be done.

(agree with amman re last line :))

Author's Reply:
Sadly, I fear it is.


So (posted on: 20-08-12)
Dreaming

So she pulled back the curtains That were satin and lace And as she did so, she let in the light... She screwed up her eyes as I patted the bed "Surely you know me better, think more of me", she said Well I'm sure that I did but it didn't seem so So, confused by it all i decided to go As I reached for my coat which lay strewn on the bed She whipped out her axe and sliced into my head And as I opened the door, so the water rushed in It seemed strange to be drowning, before the day could begin I tried to swim for the sofa but my arms wouldn't move And the radio guy said, "let's get down and groove" Well I saw my life flash by, as the egg timer fell And I watched as the sand started screaming as well And each time I screamed, water entered my mouth 'til the ducks on the wall, left and flew to the south And as I filled up with water and my brain got so wet I just couldn't help thinking, how strange life can get.
Archived comments for So
cooky on 20-08-2012
So
I like this one.The dream state can throw up some strange images, yet somehow they are normal.

Author's Reply:
Many thanks for your comments.

amman on 21-08-2012
So
Hi Marvo. This has got a nice rhythm to it. Particularly liked the penultimate verse; very clever.
Welcome.
Amman.


Author's Reply:
Many thanks for your comments.

Ionicus on 21-08-2012
So
Dreams can be weird but can also fire the imagination and if the end product is as good as this keep up the habit.
Welcome to the site, by the way.


Author's Reply:
Many thanks for your comments.

Andrea on 22-08-2012
So
Quite surreal! Liked it...did I already say 'welcome to UKA'? If not - welcome to UKA πŸ™‚

Author's Reply:


Invisible (posted on: 20-08-12)
How I wish I was

I would like to be invisible Like walking in the dark For if no-one knows you are there No-one cares And no-one breaks your heart
Archived comments for Invisible
Andrea on 21-08-2012
Invisible
Oh, sad. Short and poignant.

Author's Reply:
Thank you for commenting.............

whatacutebum on 22-08-2012
Invisible
very nice and yes, I understood it

Author's Reply:


To The Beach (posted on: 20-08-12)
Depression looms........

I'm aware that it's late But go fetch your coat For I want to drive down to the beach To shout out my pain Across that cruel sea And know that you're there within reach For I'm suffering again Deep down inside And at times it is too much to bear So please fetch your coat Let's not waste any time For I need to breathe in that sea air Let the wind from the sea Blow my troubles away Hold me close for I know I will cry Feel my tears on your lips My life in your hands And promise you'll never ask why
Archived comments for To The Beach
franciman on 20-08-2012
To The Beach
Hi there,

You're in danger of flooding the market, old bean! The rule is two pieces max so as not to rob the rest of us of a platform.

That said, if they are all of this quality, we need to up our game.

This piece has a brittle beauty. It suggests that if the reader takes any line out of context, the writer will drown in this marvellously described. depression. Well done.

cheers,
Jim

Author's Reply:
Hi Jim, thank you for your comments. Please accept my sincere apologies to you and all others. I wasn't aware that there was a limit.

SugarMama34 on 20-08-2012
To The Beach
Hello Marvo πŸ™‚



A very sad, but descriptive piece, which in my mind has been written well and from the depths of what is inside. We have all to be to 'that' place at sometime or other, some maybe more than most, myself included. The poignancy of this piece steps out from the page and your words draw me in. I felt as if I were standing by your side as you let me have a brief look into your world.

Lis. xx

PS: you can delete the other poems and repost them on Thursday night, ready for submission on Friday, but only 2 pieces of work are allowed on each publishing day, as Franciman has already pointed out. Will look out for more of your work πŸ™‚ x

Author's Reply:

niece on 21-08-2012
To The Beach
IMO, the sea is one place where anyone can find solace...be it grief or depression...a very touching piece, Marvo...

Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:


Butterflies (posted on: 17-08-12)
Knowing you must end a beautiful relationship but not wanting to......

In the park that no-one went to we ran like children through the long grass and the warmth of the sun dried our tears before they fell down. It was your beauty that attracted me as I chased and tried to catch you I ran with outstretched arms but you still escaped my capture and the screams from our laughter drew strange looks from people passing but we didn't take much notice as we circled round like butterflies. After what seemed like many hours we fell down among that long grass and as we kissed - I felt my breath escape until it almost felt like I would die then once again I ran and chased you stretched right out to try and touch you but my laughter took control as again I fell into that tall green grass. And as I lay there looking upwards darker clouds were fast approaching so holding hands we ran for shelter and as we ran we danced like butterflies..........
Archived comments for Butterflies
SugarMama34 on 17-08-2012
Butterflies
A beautiful poem touched with sadness that I have found refreshing to read...great imagery and also loved the flow of the words as I read this too. It says so much for a poem that is not too long.

Lis xx

Author's Reply:
Thank you. x

Andrea on 17-08-2012
Butterflies
Yes, I liked it too, although I was a bit put off by the caps. Is there a reason for that?

Also, I think you can dispense with the 'down' here:

DRIED OUR TEARS BEFORE THEY FELL DOWN

...as the only way tears can fall, is down πŸ™‚

I liked the imagery though, and welcome to UKA!

Author's Reply:
Thank you for your comments.

Use of caps was merely an oversight by me.

sunken on 18-08-2012
Butterflies
Hello Marvo. Welcome to planet Uka. Beautiful little poem. I have too agree about the full-on capitalisation I'm afraid. It's as if it's been shouted, which kinda goes against the feel of the poem. Look forward to reading more of your work.

s
u
n
k
e
n

dazzled, doused in gin

Author's Reply:
Thank you for your comments.

Use of caps was merely an oversight by me.

franciman on 19-08-2012
Butterflies
Welcome to UKA.

A great first effort, though agree with all that's been said. This had a warm, wistful feel to it, yet still had great foreshadowing of the end.
cheers,
Jim

Author's Reply:
Thank you for your comments.

Use of caps was merely an oversight by me.

CVaughan on 19-08-2012
Butterflies
In the park that no-one went to
we ran like children through the long grass
and the warmth of the sun
dried our tears before they fell down.

It was your beauty that attracted me
as I chased and tried to catch you
I ran with outstretched arms
but you still escaped my capture
and the screams from our laughter
drew strange looks from people passing
but we didn't take much notice
as we circled round like butterflies.

After what seemed like many hours
we fell down among that long grass
and as we kissed - I felt my breath escape
until it almost felt like I would die
then once again I ran and chased you
stretched right out to try and touch you
but my laughter took control
and once again I fell into that tall green grass.

And as I lay there looking upwards
darker clouds were fast approaching
so holding hands we ran for shelter
and as we ran we danced like butterflies..........

Just a resetting to see your love poem as others suggested without all caps. I hope you don't mind this. I thought your words descriptive of the happening but less so of the imagery of those empassioned moments to go with the butterfly theme.


Author's Reply:
Thank you for your comments.

Use of caps was merely an oversight by me.

CVaughan on 19-08-2012
Butterflies

Sorry Marvo to have made such a big thing of the caps. thing, one should never assume anything and always allow for typos in this game. I feel silly now about thinking I was helping, apologies, oh and a further welcome from me Marvo. Frank.

Author's Reply:
No offence was taken I assure you. I always appreciate comments from readers. There should be several new poems on here within a day or so, with many more to follow. Marvo