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jolen's (jolen on UKA) UKArchive
32 Archived submissions found.
Title
Snow Tiger (posted on: 20-05-13)
My entry for the poetry challenge. 🙂

She hovered in our peripheral vision at the edge of a blade scraped across the mirror. Bewitching us, Come with me, she whispered, we'll discover one another. Conquer the drudgery of the day. Her signature scent filled our warm nostrils with its diabolical fragrance of duplicity. Hypnotized by cognac and crystal castanets, we stumbled over the remnants of willpower: like lambs, we went meekly to the abattoir when she crooked her staff, pulled the long, ether-washed nights around our silhouettes. Our lips wet with almond liqueur, moved - moved, then fell silent, hushed by censure because leopards cannot change their spots. But when you were drawn through the black needle of no return, I stopped powdering my nose, eschewed the golden cage, rejoined the jungle and admitted to being a tiger.
Archived comments for Snow Tiger
franciman on 20-05-2013
Snow Tiger
Hi Jolen,
The language in this is unctuous. If you are self indulgent, like wot I am, you want to roll the words around in your mouth, and as a consequence you don't always make the connections! It's allegory par excellence IMHO, though I don't necessarily get all the allusions.
I know what I like though, and the imagery is just so compelling that I am left satisfied and sated at the end.
Bloody great poetry.
cheers,
Jim x

Author's Reply:
Hi Jim:

Thanks for your time and comment. I'm not exactly sure what you mean by the language being 'unctuous' though. Basically, the poem is about drug addiction that my ex and I both shared. I cleaned up, he didn't and thusly, died from it. I'm glad you appreciated it in whatever fashion and as I said, I appreciate your taking the time.

blessings,
jolen

stormwolf on 20-05-2013
Snow Tiger
Absolutely one of your very best Jolen.
Alison x

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much, Ali. James suggested this one for the challenge, so I went with it. I'm rubbish at selecting a piece that I'm particularly fond of. lol

love,
jolen

Bozzz on 20-05-2013
Snow Tiger
I would call the words 'seductive', as indeed is the whole prosetry piece. A clever piece, Jolen - impressive. Particularly liked the apt concept :
'we stumbled over the remnants of will power:' .....Bozzz


Author's Reply:
Thank you so very much, Bozzz. I'm sorry for late reply. I've not been well. I hope this finds you fine and enjoying the long weekend.

blessings,
jolen

freya on 20-05-2013
Snow Tiger
Powerful, powerful poem, lady. Do you need to take " she whispered' out of italics?

And here, do you mean:

pulled [on] the long, ether-washed nights
around our silhouettes.

Or am I misreading something?

Every line in this counts, clicks into place and works to produce a finely tuned poem. Masterful write, Jolen. Love, Moi xx

Author's Reply:
Hi Shelagh:
Thanks for catching that. I completely forgot the italics when I posted this today and then my rushed job of correcting it, failed! lol No, I don't think you're missing anything. I did mean 'pulled' no 'on'. Anyway, thanks so very much and congrats on your stellar piece garnering a nib. Rightly so.


Have I mentioned that I'm high on clonapen? I hate this stuff!

love,
jolen

e-griff on 20-05-2013
Snow Tiger
Have you considered breaking this into verses? Of course, it may not be your style, but this is a powerful, 'slow' poem that deserves to be read with suitable consideration. In my view, verses would separate the points so each could be savoured, rather than running straight into the next without pause, which tended, in my case, to hurry me along when I really felt I should ponder.

Author's Reply:
Thanks for your comment. No, honestly, I never considered breaking it up. I guess for me, the pace/line placement worked when I read it. I'll have another look.

j

Shywolf on 20-05-2013
Snow Tiger
Meeeeooooowwwrrrrrrrr...you'd be surprised how many spots I'd change for a piece of tail. Ain't a snowball in hell, darlin', I wouldn't snort, derisively or not, to rumble in the jungle with a tigress! Would you like to see the scars on my back? Whole chunks of flesh gouged out, with terrible screaming, then we kissed and I let her get back to her Kindergarten class, as lunch break was over. What can I say, most sweet, you bring out the animal in me.

I can't think of a more potent look at the eroticism of addiction and its relentless stalking, seducing what's left of you when its claws have ripped your willpower to shreds. 'Tis a gem of insight wrapped in words as easy to inhale as snow.

With carnal regard on a platonic basis,

Cher Loup x

Author's Reply:
Cher Loup:

I knew you would understand and appreciate this. Thanks very much for your lovely comment and I'm thrilled to share your platonic carnal regard. xxx

love always,
sweetness

Savvi on 20-05-2013
Snow Tiger
I comment without reading previous post as I was totally in the heart of this, relating to addicts voice sweet and selling, the way you wrap this up and the words you used are so delightful on the ear and tongue, my only niggle and its a very small one, is that "stopped powdering my nose" felt way too obvious and dare I say cliché when compared to what goes before. They say an addict will always cry for help and some point, some of us make it and some don't want to. This poem will stay with me for a long time. S

Author's Reply:
Hi Savvi:

Thanks so much for your comment and I'm glad this one spoke to you. I can appreciate your finding that line cliche, but honestly, the 'obvious' usage of it, is far from my intent. My meaning by using it was that I finally stopped covering up my real self with the 'make-up' of the Cocaine.

blessings,
jolen

Slovitt on 21-05-2013
Snow Tiger
jolen: a rich, seductive piece. perhaps comma after "mirror" in 2nd line and cut "she whispered" at the end of your third line. line 7 a mouthful and becomes more problematic as we go. love last four lines, poetry, "I stopped powdering my nose" a great, grounding detail, and of course there's nothing quite like she who admits to being a tiger, embracing her nature. good poem. swep

Author's Reply:
Thank you, Swep:

I am not sure that it would work to put a comma after mirror and then cut she whispered since that is pivotal in my portrayal of the seduction of the drug. I will consider the removal of line seven although that too is rather special to me in my trying to convey the seriousness of both the drug and the addiction.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and leave such a considered comment. I hope this finds you having a nice weekend.

blessings,
jolen

karen123 on 21-05-2013
Snow Tiger
We stumbled over the remnants of willpower
Is such a powerful line - and this is such a powerful poem. I am sorry about your ex boyfriend. Addiction is cruel.

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much, Karen. Yes, it was a sad thing, both his death and our addiction. Thankfully, I got out in time.

blessings,
jolen

jay12 on 21-06-2013
Snow Tiger
'Conquer the drudgery of the day.' - Oh how I wish I could! Nice poem Jolen!

Jay.

Author's Reply:
Well it's not for lack of trying on your part, Jay! Thanks! I always appreciate hearing from you. xx

mageorge on 26-07-2013
Snow Tiger
Hello Jolen.
As always a great piece of work.. You inspire me Jolen, you're the best!
Regards,
Mark xx

Author's Reply:
Hey hon! You just made my year! Thank you so much and I am deeply sorry for such a late reply. xx

Pilgermann on 15-09-2014
Snow Tiger
A wonderful poem. Lines alive and pulling to the inevitable passage through the "black needle"!

Glad to see you got back into the jungle - on your own terms I'm assuming.

Author's Reply:
Hello and thank you for your lovely comment. I've not been able to get onto the site until now, so I apologize for tardy reply. I thank you also for your selecting this as a fave.

I look forward to being here more and getting acquainted with your work.

blessings,
jolen


The Tin Man (posted on: 13-05-13)
A poem I wrote for a friend's birthday last year.

His arms aren't warm enough to embrace nor are they strong enough to move mountains, but they will mesmerize you with a silver grace. His words often as cold as his mind, and within them you might be surprised to find a dry-iced fire that can sear your skin, cloud your way. He set his squeaky feet on the gold road, and you can follow him or not, as you choose. He may not be your prophet, but he can deliver you to the wizard. And if you're brave enough to touch him you will find a heart banging against the cage door that needs just a drop of oil.
Archived comments for The Tin Man
ruadh on 13-05-2013
The Tin Man
Enjoyed this Jolen.

Author's Reply:
Thank you so very much. I cannot tell you how happy I am at the response to this. It's been a long time since I've been out in the writing world and what a wonderful welcome back. I hope this finds you well.

blessings,
jolen

ValDohren on 13-05-2013
The Tin Man
Very novel and imaginative Jolen - particularly like the last three lines.

Val

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much, Val. I took the title from the obvious, but the friend it's for actually did a poem for me called 'To Dorothy' and he was the "Tin Man" in it as well. Thanks for your time and lovely comment.

blessings,
jolen

freya on 13-05-2013
The Tin Man
Jolen, wonderful extended metaphor here, with too many fine lines and images to highlight. This reads as an understanding, warm, even loving portrayal of your friend. Hope he appreciates it. Congrats on Nib! Love ya gal, Shelagh xx

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much, Shelagh: Yes, he did appreciate it and I'm thrilled that you and others are enjoying it as well. Great to be back and reading your fine work.

love ya back,
jolen

Andrea on 13-05-2013
The Tin Man
Loved it Jolen (and you know how crap I am at poetry :)) But even more is the pleasure I get from seeing you back on UKA 🙂

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much, Andrea. It's wonderful to be back and bless everyone for being so receptive and supportive. I'm thrilled to have this piece nibbed and am enjoying being back more than I can say.

blessings,
jolen

Ionicus on 14-05-2013
The Tin Man
A lovely, imaginative poem, Jolen. Nice to have you back.

Luigi x

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much, Luigi. I got your book and lovely note! I'm reading it now and thanks again for the opportunity. Much love to you.

jolenxx

stormwolf on 15-05-2013
The Tin Man
Great to have you back and to see you have not lost one iota of your ability to write great poetry J
Alison xxx

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much, Ali. I truly appreciate it. It's great to be back and I feel honored that I'm remembered.

love,
jolen

Rosco on 16-05-2013
The Tin Man
Charmed. Just feel the ground under you. It will be fine.

Author's Reply:
You're quite welcome and thank you. 🙂 I'll email you soon.

love,
jolen

Bozzz on 16-05-2013
The Tin Man
Hi Jolen, My son wrote much of the music for the TV file series The Tin Man in the USA, but I cannot remember any squeaky noises in the score! I had to remind him that what we call 'tin' is roughly three parts copper to two parts tin - yet I'm sure there was a heart of gold within yours. Greetings. Bozzz

Author's Reply:
Sorry to have missed this earlier, Bozzz. Thanks so much. I'm pleased to meet you as it were and you must be very proud of your son.

blessings,
jolen

Slovitt on 17-05-2013
The Tin Man
Jolen: much to like here. think some of the first few lines could be more felicitously phrased but that pales beside your message here, your encouragement.

And if you're brave enough.../
...a heart banging against/
the cage door that needs just a drop of oil.

your closing image is powerful, and your poem a good one. enjoyed reading. swep

Author's Reply:
*falls off of chair*

Swep:

Thank you so very much. I'll have a look at this one and see if I can adjust it a bit. Nonetheless, I truly appreciate your time and any suggestions you may have on any of my work.

blessings,
jolen

Slovitt on 17-05-2013
The Tin Man
came back. or are you talking to yourself? swep

Author's Reply:
Welcome back and I am ALWAYS talking to myself. 😉


Pivotal (posted on: 05-09-11)
Huge apologies for my lengthy absence, it's been a rough couple of years. I've missed you all and thank you for your comments.

I cannot recall the precise moment the road curved so sharply to the left or why I depressed the accelerator to the floor. I remember the indescribable rush of flipping end-over-end, bolts of white light razing my skull and how I never wanted it to stop. I can't tell you when I found myself wrapped in this swollen, aching skin, which is too tight to wear and too excruciating to shed. There must be a pivotal moment that determines if you'll skewer the wind, surf shadows or trip over your shoestrings, land with your ass in the air, awaiting someone to come along and plant their flag.
Archived comments for Pivotal
teifii on 05-09-2011
Pivotal
Hope you are quite recovered 🙂
Daff

Author's Reply:
Thanks, Daff. I'm sure trying to. LOL

stormwolf on 05-09-2011
Pivotal
My of my what a poem. I could see it all in the first two stanzas, the sense of wreckless abandonment to fate, the ultimate thrill of dicing with death.....then the abrupt come doen in the 3rd stanza.
The forth is an asessemnt that is almost funny and at first I thought was out of kilter with the rest but on re-reading I see that it brings the whole together.
Well done and I hope it is not written from experience. I had no idea if it was ;-(
Alison x

Author's Reply:
hi Ali,

Yes, I thought this one might puzzle folks a bit. Thanks so very much for your wonderful comment. I hope this finds you well.

love,
j

Ionicus on 05-09-2011
Pivotal
'I cannot recall the precise moment...' is a statement that precisely describes our astonishment at how a reckless act could have occurred and the likely consequences that depend on the fickleness of Fate.
A good read.

Luigi x

PS Hope the difficult times are behind you now.

Author's Reply:
Thank you, handsome. Things are okay. Just been very busy and trying times. How are you? I really appreciate your lovely comment.

love,
jxx

barenib on 06-09-2011
Pivotal
Jolen - good to have you back, even if with a poem of traumatic experience that is nevertheless very well done and absorbing to read. I've had a rough couple of years too, so let's hope for better times ahead! John.

Author's Reply:
Hi John:

I'm sorry about your troubles of late. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment and I sure hope, as you do, that things are on the upswing.


Best,
jolen


Convergence (posted on: 28-02-11)
This is about an old friend and I, who have been linked since meeting when I was fourteen. When I was sixteen, he saved me from being gang-raped. We've been friends since. We have lost track of one another several times through the years, but always find one another again.

Those blue eyes had girls from the muddy Mississippi shores running for a fishing pole. Me, I was hooked on a feelin'. Your eyelashes had me ready to dangle my innocence over the waves of your waterbed. Two years later, a White Knight in tight Levis, you whisked a microdot-laced damsel away in your faithful '72 beetle. I wanted to be the sunrise in your tequila, lick those rivulets of water from your abdomen, and melt plutonium with our passion So I left town. But you can't outrun an avalanche or abort cartwheels mid-turn. Traveling separate directions was fine, because time after time, the compass needle spun us around that straight line, where the Mississippi and Missouri rivers converged.
Archived comments for Convergence
Corin on 28-02-2011
Convergence
I love this Jolen - especially this line:-



"I wanted to be the sunrise in your tequila," so expresive

and also this:-

"and melt plutonium with our passion… "

also these:-


But you can’t outrun an avalanche

or abort cartwheels mid-turn.


These lines puzzled me though

"Traveling separate directions was fine,

because time after time, the compass needle

spun us around that straight line,

where the Mississippi and Missouri rivers

converged."

I suppose it is just my mathematical pedantry but wouldn't it be better as

Traveling separate directions was fine,

because time after time, the compass needle

spun us around that point of intersection,

where the Mississippi and Missouri rivers

converged.

David



Author's Reply:
Hi David,

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. I just noticed that I had the formatting wrong and have since corrected it. I understand your confusion, but for me that line is fine as it is because it signifies the 'straight line' we always traveled back to one another, much like an arrow finding its target, you know?

Thanks again.

love,
jolen

Ionicus on 28-02-2011
Convergence
A poem that praises an everlasting friendship much valued. Friends come and go, some never to be seen or heard again, so it is heartwarming to link up once again with someone who has had a great influence on one's life.
Many great lines such as the following:
"But you can’t outrun an avalanche
or abort cartwheels mid-turn."
You never lose your stylish touch.

Luigi xxx

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much, Luigi. I've been gone for so long and am sorry for late reply. I'm glad this was appreciated.


I hope you're well. Much love to you, my dear.

jolen xx

stormwolf on 01-03-2011
Convergence
Hi Jolen
I enjoyed the layout of this fine poem. The lines were rich in metaphore and meaning as I have come to expect from you.

Two years later, a White Knight in tight Levis,
you whisked a microdot-laced damsel
away in your faithful ’72 beetle.

I can picture the scene...a rebel even then! lol

Great writing as always
Alison x

Author's Reply:
Thank you, Ali, I'm so pleased that this was enjoyed. Apologies for extremely late reply...

love to you, please come visit soon.

jolen xx

teifii on 02-03-2011
Convergence
Really lovely poem, Jolen. A nd what a fitting tribute to such a friendship. But the poem stands by itself with no need of explanation. Beautiful.

Author's Reply:
Thank you, Daff! SO sorry for very late reply. I agree, the explanation probably wasn't necessary, but hey, I was in one of those weird moods. lol

I really appreciate your input.

love,
jolen xx

Capricorn on 06-03-2011
Convergence
Hi Jolen - I have have just been reading your comments on my poem Face Book flashback and I am left wondering if this is the friend you mentioned?
I loved this, especially the lines

But you can’t outrun an avalanche
or abort cartwheels mid-turn.

Don't lose him again!

Eira

Author's Reply:
Hi Eira,
Yes, you're right and I wont!!! Thank you for reading/commenting and I'm deeply sorry to be so late in reply. I've been totally redoing my cottage and garden for past two years and am finally getting back to writing again.

Best wishes,
jolen

jay12 on 24-03-2011
Convergence
A lovely poem, I was disturbed to read the intro about an attempted gang-rape. He really is a knight in shining armour. Glad he was around for you Jolen. 🙂

Jay.

Author's Reply:
Hi Jay,

Thanks so much. Yeah, it was a horrible thing to be facing and I am eternally grateful to him. He's a wonderful man. I hope this finds you well.

love,
jolen xx

eddiesolo on 31-07-2011
Convergence
Late in replying, but a lovely poem Jolen 🙂

Si:)

Author's Reply:
Hi Stranger, how you doing? Thanks soooooo much! I'm even later in replying, and am hugely sorry!

love
jolen xx


Improving Virgo's Home (posted on: 17-01-11)
Based on an experience working for a home improvement company. It didn't last...

The weight of hope stooped her shoulders, Bent her into a pale visionary with A freshly laundered smile. She nervously joined the morning hustle, While keys jingled in her head, Collided with bass riffs plastered Against the German windows. New days, new ways, she repeated, Maneuvering across objectionable lanes of traffic. New days, new ways to improve. The ring of winter traveled down telephone Poles into houses fighting to keep a feather Of warmth between the freezing sheets. New days, new ways, she said. She didn't believe. Lies trump litanies in any game, And she'd left her conviction at home.
Archived comments for Improving Virgo's Home
stormwolf on 17-01-2011
Improving Virgos Home
Bravo! bravo! Jolen.
You caught the feeling and turned it into art.

Bent her into a pale visionary with
A freshly laundered smile.
oh yes! Alison x

Author's Reply:
Happy New Year, Ali and thank you so much. I am so pleased that this gets across the things I was trying for.

love,
jolen

Ionicus on 17-01-2011
Improving Virgos Home
You have the knack to turn even mundane acts into an art form. You have brilliantly conveyed this person's feeling who isn't totally committed to the task in hand.
Well done.

Luigi x

Author's Reply:
Hi Luigi,

Aww, thank you! You're making me blush, but I look good in pink. Of course, I bet you look better. 🙂

love,
jolen

e-griff on 18-01-2011
Improving Virgos Home
this is a well-considered, complex but clearly expressed poem that captures a life (or an aspect of one).

Dunno why it hasn't been picked. Those damn nibbers!

JohnG

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much for the comment, John. I appreciate you taking the time and as you say, 'those damn nibbers!'
Happy New Year to you and yours.
best wishes,
Jolen

orangedream on 19-01-2011
Improving Virgos Home
I completely agree with John. A brilliant poem that hits just the right tone. I too loved the line about the freshly laundered smile.

love,
Tina x

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much, Tina. Gods, I've just realized that I forgot to reply to your PM and also am seriously late in replying to your welcome, lovely comment. I do apologize. It's great to have you back here. I love your work!

love,
jolen

Capricorn on 24-01-2011
Improving Virgos Home
A brilliant poem Jolen - I agree with everything that's already been said ... and my favorite line? You;ve guessed it! The one about the freshly laundered smile!
Eira

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much, Eira. I'm terribly sorry to be so late in replying. I get so busy with this house renovation that I totally lose all track of great chunks of time. I'm so pleased that you enjoyed this and I look forward to catching up more of your work. Thank you, thank you.

best wishes,
jolen


Time Trials (posted on: 13-12-10)
Inspired by a conversation with a friend, who like myself, enjoys fast cars.

At two hundred miles an hour on bald tires, Urgency jumped the raw, red light. Burning down a road bulging with desperation, I delivered a bastard with wet fingers and wipe-outs. The caution flag waves, pit crews scramble. Time is a ruthless competitor, too much torque. I want to snap the brake cables, Hammer the accelerator through the floor, Laugh at those solid white lines of banality And finish with a blown head gasket.
Archived comments for Time Trials
Ionicus on 13-12-2010
Time Trials
Life in the fast lane. Another cracker, dear Jolen.

Luigi x

Author's Reply:
Hello darling, Luigi:

Thank you so very much. I suppose I'm a bit of odd fish. I love thrills, machines and beautiful craftsmanship.

love,
jolen

papaed on 14-12-2010
Time Trials
redefine reality as white dashes blur to a single streak
feel a tiny breeze as a tight door gasket begins to leak
pressure and need blend to drive risk and thrill
black beauty is your perfect machine... a speed pill

I'm in the seat beside you.
Peace and Love,
papaed


Author's Reply:
You always get it. Always. But I have to ask, does that make you a 'back-seat' driver? You provided the food for thought as you know. I appreciate it and you.

love,
jolen

RoyBateman on 14-12-2010
Time Trials
You try THAT round the Bradford Ring Road and see what happens, young lady. I don't know, some folks live for thrills...are you yearning for the wide open roads of your native soil? Not that I'd know, of course, but I watch a lot of films and they must all be true, right? As always, both different and fascinating!

Author's Reply:
LOL you kill me, Roy! Thanks so much for a fantastic comment and I'm sorry to be so late to reply. Things have been a bit crazy here. I hope that you and the Boss had a wonderful holiday and that the new year is being good to you.

love,
jolen

sybarite on 14-12-2010
Time Trials
"Laugh at those solid white lines of banality"--great line.
Reads fast and furious. Vivid capture of an adrenaline based life.

Author's Reply:
Thanks so very much for a great comment. I apologize for such a late reply. I've been traveling and then working. I hope that you and yours had a great holiday season.
best wishes,
jolen

Gee on 15-12-2010
Time Trials
Jolen, I have to admit that I'm not a fan of fast cars but I am definitely a fan of your poetry.
Some wonderful description lines in this. Definitely fast and furious.

Author's Reply:
Hiya Gee,
So so sorry to be this late replying to your very welcome and appreciated comment. I hope that you and yours had fantastic holidays and I'm looking forward to catching up on your great work.

Happy New Year,
jolen

teifii on 17-12-2010
Time Trials
Very effective, Jolen my dear. In fact so effective it gave me the horrors and added to my resolution never to go near any motor racing.
By the way, I do hope you did not in fact give birth during this event.

Author's Reply:
Thank you again, dear Daff. No, no real delivery. That was my way of trying to convey making mistakes along the way. Thanks again for taking the time and I'm sorry for such a late reply.

love,
jolen

sunken on 18-12-2010
Time Trials
Hello Ms. Swollen of Jolen. I tried living in the fast lane once. I was moved on for obstruction tho. I blame rules and regulations regarding the erections of tents on dual carriage ways. A cracking poem and no mistake. Well done on the nib.

s
u
n
k
e
n



Author's Reply:
Hello, Sunks. Thank you very, very much. Sorry to be late in reply, but it's been an unreal time for me of late. I sure hope that you and Bernard had wonderful holidays. Happy New Year, darlin'.

love,
Ms. Swollen


The Trouble With Paradise (posted on: 06-12-10)
Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely a coincidence.

If I could close my heart as dutifully as I open my legs to the disappointment, what dark streets might my feet wander? Would I finally inhabit the world you, in all your naivet couldn't brace? Instead of this caricature of heaven, I'd dangle on the edge of a knife blade, between breath and heartbeat, uncertain of one following another, more alive in that instant than in all the soul-numbing decades combined. I'm not your pet, your princess or priority, nor am I your flower, your love, nor the answer to your years of prayer. The palest rose still bears thorns. Yes, even on those delicate stems pain is delivered by a prick. And the trouble with paradise is-- someone else designed it.
Archived comments for The Trouble With Paradise
cat on 06-12-2010
The Trouble With Paradise
Striking - you have been missed! xx

Author's Reply:
Hi Cat!
Thank you very, very much. I appreciate you taking the time. Your new sub knocked my socks off and I'll comment soon. Congrats on the nib, it deserves it!

blessings,
jolen

Corin on 06-12-2010
The Trouble With Paradise
Briliant Jolen,

Such an overload of meaning on that one word 'prick'.

My advice? Keep legs and heart open:-)

David

Author's Reply:
Thank you, David.
I did use that particular word for all of its connotations and for a bit of humor. So glad to see it appreciated.

love,
jolen

sunken on 06-12-2010
The Trouble With Paradise
Good to see you posting again, Ms. Jolen. A potent piece and no mistake. I'll be frank, after reading it I had to have a Wrigley's Airwaves chewing gum. I trust this has helped? Hello? Ms. Jolen?

s
u
n
k
e
n



Author's Reply:
Smunky! I have missed you so very much. Thank you for stopping by and your lovely comment. As ever, my best regards to Bernard as well. I hope that this finds you both well and happy.

love to you and may I have a stick of that chewing gum?

jolen

pdemitchell on 06-12-2010
The Trouble With Paradise
Hi Jolen - When she designed men, God must have had a real bad-hair day. The old rose amongst thorns closer was a revamp of the old chestnut but an enjoyable return to the UKA club and worth a nib-beagling any day. The last line in stanza three was slightly clunky to read - can I suggest a little reinforcement: "nor the answer to your years of prayer" Hope this helps. Welcome back. Mitch 🙂

Author's Reply:
Hi Mitch,
Loved your suggestion and have used it. Thanks so very much. I always appreciate any and all help offered. It's great to be here, for I don't write too much these days and have been so damn busy I forget how much I still love writing. I read your new piece and mercy, but it's powerful! Will comment soon. Your photo is stunning as well.
I hope this finds you well.
blessings,
jolen

Ionicus on 06-12-2010
The Trouble With Paradise
Nice to read your work again, dearest Jolene. Excellent as ever.
Just remember: roses and pricks go together; if you enjoy the one, you have to endure the other.

Luigi xxx

Author's Reply:
Hello beautiful Luigi.

Thank you very much for your comment and you're dead on correct about pricks and roses. 😉 I hope this finds you well and I hope to be here more. I've been so damn busy with this house and garden I seem to forget everything else.

love,
jolen

Gee on 06-12-2010
The Trouble With Paradise
The immediacy and urgency of the poem and its underlying message come through cleverly and forcefully. A very powerful read.

Author's Reply:
Hi Gee:
Thank you! I am well pleased that the word play got the message through here and your comment shows me that it was received loud and clear. I appreciate you taking the time.

blessings
Jolen

RoyBateman on 07-12-2010
The Trouble With Paradise
Pain is delivered by...? Madam, that's no way to talk about your postman! Whatever is he sticking through your letterbox? Set the dog on him! But perhaps you're just doing something wrong. May I recommend Dr Runcible Froop's classic "How to do Marital Naughtiness Without Laughing" sent in vinegar and brown paper by return, cost one shilling and threepence. A bargain!
Ahem...sorry. That was silly. It must be the bloody cold weather, it puts my voice up an octave whenever I venture outside. This is, as always, clever and well-wrought...too deep for my comatose brain. Well worth the nib - congrats! And good to see you around, too.
ps Should that be embrace at the end of line five? Sounds more natural to me, but you know best!

Author's Reply:
I adore you, Roy. Thank you so much and you can ramble on anything of mine you want! Anytime! I did indeed mean 'brace' and as to knowing best...darlin', the only thing I know best is that I know nothing. 😉 I hope you're well and that you have a glorious holiday season. Much love to you and yours.

best wishes,
jolen

Leila on 07-12-2010
The Trouble With Paradise
Hi Jolen another powerful piece of writing...I coudn't quite work out if you chose brace at the end of the first verse deliberately rather than embrace...also in verse 2
'uncertain of either following one after another,'
I think if you removed that line the verse would actually be strengthened...either way enjoyed reading the poem...Leila


Author's Reply:
Thank you so much, Leila for your great eye and considered comment. I've made those changes and truly appreciate your taking the time to read and give me your thoughts. Is your book out, where can I get it if so and I hope you and yours have wonderful holidays.

I did mean 'brace' as in stand up to, face bravely, be strong enough to face, etc. Thanks again.



blessings,

Jolen

sybarite on 07-12-2010
The Trouble With Paradise
Bravo! Very well done. Stanza 3 is perfection. You've avoided cliche in your rendering of the thorn/rose imagery, not an easy feat considering how often it's been done. Then last two lines are absolute gems.

Author's Reply:
Thank you very kindly! I appreciate your taking the time to read and comment and I am thrilled that those lines work so well for you. I hope this finds you well and that you and yours have a wonderful holiday season.

blessings,
Jolen

Leila on 11-12-2010
The Trouble With Paradise
Hi Jolen thanks for your reply and yes the book is out, you can find info and lots of lovely reviews on my own website or just google 'The Space Between Rain' and there are lots of options to buy. Thanks again...Leila

Author's Reply:

teifii on 17-12-2010
The Trouble With Paradise
Just the right amount of ambiguity. Brace tripped me up at first but, having looked it up, can only thank you for improving my vocabulary. Well worth the nib and the beagle.

Author's Reply:
Thanks so very much, Daff. Sorry to be so late replying. I've had a lot going on since the holidays and am still trying to catch up. I sure hope that you had super hols.

love,
jolen

freya on 05-05-2013
The Trouble With Paradise
I like the ambiguity about who your speaker is addressing here. It allows me, your reader, to speculate on just who I might speak to in such a manner. My mother, my father? My husband? A lover?

Clever play on meaning and some great lines/images:

as I open my legs to the disappointment/

I’d dangle on the edge of a knife blade/
between breath and heartbeat

Suggest an edit at an awkward wording here:

uncertain/
of either following one after another,

Perhaps cut 'one', or try 'one after the other' ? Good read. S xx

Author's Reply:
Hello, Shelagh:

I did edit that line and feel it does read better, thanks for your suggestion. I know you and I come from different places on the ambiguity, but I honestly feel it is easier for me to remove the 'me' from it if I can manage to have it available to different interpretations.

Still wearing waterwings,
jolen


Seasons Of Windsor (posted on: 01-10-10)
http://news.aol.co.uk/discuss-feed/queen-sought-heating-bills-grant/1292343

Queen E, Queen E, why are you so glum? Why, when you rule the entire King-dom! Buckingham's hall's getting too draughty? That just means you'll have to be crafty. No need to fret when temperatures fall, The government's got grants, give them a call. No one will think the Windsors are fools, Needing a hand to warm family jewels. So, fifteen million isn't enough? Thousands are homeless, but you're living rough. Countless abodes, those beautiful swans, Trade them for shares or premium bonds. Pawn the pearls that encircle your throat, Raffle off Land's End or John O' Groats. How about a boot sale, sell all your tat; Maybe a whip-round, pass'us yer hat. If after this you still can't get through, Try the Dole, but be warned there's a queue. Give us a ring, you can call collect, Chances are good we'll even accept.
Archived comments for Seasons Of Windsor
stormwolf on 01-10-2010
Seasons Of Windsor
hehehe bravo!!!
Too bloody true an' all.
Alison x

Author's Reply:
Thank you, Alison. I had to do it, you know? When you going to come visit?

Ionicus on 01-10-2010
Seasons Of Windsor
A nice piece of satire, Jolen. You should have labelled it as such.
You hit the bullseye. The poem has a nice flow except, in my opinion,
on the first line of the penultimate verse 'Pawn those pearls that hang around your throat'. It seems a bit clunky to me.
I would put 'on your throat' rather than 'around' but you know best.

Luigi xxx

Author's Reply:
Hi Luigi,

Thank you. I've moved it to 'satire' and edited it. Does that work better? I appreciate your taking the time. I hope this finds you well.
love,
jolen

RoyBateman on 03-10-2010
Seasons Of Windsor
Well, I shall be keeping my hand on MY family jewels, I can tell you. That's good advice for any young lad. Or old one. Anyway, why shouldn't Betty get her over-60 heating allowance? Everybody else seems to have their hands out! (Except me and you, obviously...) But let's hope they don't install those awful solar panels on Buck House roof. Unsightly. Nice one - but if you should get an unexpected invitation to the Tower, I'd ignore it...

Author's Reply:
Hi Roy,

Did you have a nice holiday? I think you're smart to keep your hand on those family jewels. Someone has to! Yes, the tower, funnily enough I did receive an invitation, but declined for health reasons. I'd like to keep mine! 😉

love and light,
jolen

sunken on 03-10-2010
Seasons Of Windsor
Jolen, Jolen, Jolen, Jo leeeenn, I'm beggin' of ya please don't take my man... Ahem. It's ages since I did a Dolly of Parton on one of your subs. Did ya know, Ms. Jolen, that the Queen owns all of the swans in Britain? Tell me this tho please, when did you last see her feeding them? I'll tell ya when - Never! It would appear that she just expects the rest of us to chuck our hard earned bread at them and no mistake! Did ya know they'll eat chips too? Don't let the park keeper see ya tho. I got a right dressing down and no mistake! Nice work to be sure. It's good to see ya back on the site. This should have been nibbed if you ask me. Trouble is, Ms. Swollen of Jolen, no one ever does ask me. I blame the Yorkshire Terrier incident. They're shit dogs though aren't they? It must be like taking a rat for a walk. I hope this has helped. Hello?

s
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Author's Reply:
Hi Sunks,

Thank you. You do know that my name isn't pronounced ''jolene' though, right? It's Jolen as in 'when' 'then' 'bend'. Anyway, I loved your comment. I have a yorkie though and it is a bit like walking a rat, especially when they're wet, but I adore the little bastard. 😉

love to you and yours and as always, thank you for the bernard. I guess my writing isn't what it used to be, that, or the nib fairies don't think so. No matter, I'll take a 'well done' from you over a nib anytime.


love,
Ms. Swollen

len on 12-10-2010
Seasons Of Windsor
Needing a hand to warm family jewels....Hee hee

We recently had a discussion on this matter...When the queen can grant knighthood to Mic Jagger, it only highlights what a farce the "monarchy" is. Niether do they tiol, like the lillies in the field..I've always said the royal family members are the highest-paid welfare recepients on the planet. I think Briton keep them around like an old photgraph to remind them of if not better, then more romantic times. len

Author's Reply:
Hi darlin'

I heartily agree. It's insane to me, but there ya go. I had to have a bit of fun over the whole thing. I read your first two chapters, have some questions and am on yahoo. I love you.

yereverlovinaces

sunken on 20-10-2010
Seasons Of Windsor
Ahem. How typical of moi to put my Doc Marten in it )-: Sorry, Ms. Jolen. I didn't realised that you owned the breed of dog that I was slating. I should have known because I think you once posted a video of him. He did look kinda cute as I recall. Ahem - Can you tell I'm backtracking now. Yorkshire terriers? Lovely little dogs. Salt of the earth 😉 My dislike came about by one yapping at me constantly once whilst I was trying to do some diy for an old biddy... I guess it wasn't diy at all was it? Not if it was for someone else...? Ahem. Anyway, I digress. Oh, I do know how to pronounce your name properly by the way. I was just being facetious for comic effect. It didn't work. I blame ovenchips. As for nibs and nibbers - They are a mystery. One man's nib is another man's er... heap of shit? There's probably a more poetic way of putting it. Keep up the good work, Ms. Jolen Swollen. Sorry about slagging your dog off. Ahem.



please sir, can i have my ipad back?

Author's Reply:

freya on 05-05-2013
Seasons Of Windsor
LMAO! Like everyone else, I'm in hysterics picturing the Queen desperately asking for a hand to warm the family jewels....

Buckingham halls, I think...

Funny stuff, Lady Jolen. S xx

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much, Shelagh. Just a bit of fun. I read this story and it totally pissed me off as well as giving me fodder. I mean, seriously! She's the queen and she's asking for heating assistance? I'm thrilled to see you back here again. I always appreciate your time.


love,
jolen


The Divide (posted on: 24-09-10)
Based on a dream I had a few nights ago.

This solitude has been measured in arm's lengths. Having mistaken determination for desire, I wonder, was there ever a place we could have been all we swore to? A tenacious weed, resentment, it wraps the frame, twists time. The fevered lips of youth still wrest my nipple, teasing it to stand in mockery, a promise to cross the divide in a glorious memory we never made. .
Archived comments for The Divide
pdemitchell on 24-09-2010
The Divide
Hi Jolen This solitude has been measured in arm’s lengths - what a cracking opening line but the nipple-wresting did bring some nostalgic tears to my eyes as I remember sex - that squidgy bit between coffee and cigarettes! Enjoyable stuff. mitch 🙂

Author's Reply:
Hi Mitch:

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I'm sorry I've not been around much of late, but I hope that is soon to change. I've been on a mission to redo our entire cottage and garden and have nearly done it!

Thanks about the lines and I'm much pleased if this gave you some reflection. I hope this finds you well.

blessings,
Jolen

Bradene on 24-09-2010
The Divide
Well this stirred a few memories for me too. These days dreams and memories are all I have ! (-; nicely written Jolen. Val

Author's Reply:
Hi Val,

Thank you for your time and kind words. I am pleased if this poem connected with you. I hope this finds you well.

blessings,
Jolen

stormwolf on 24-09-2010
The Divide
Hi Jolen
I had to read this several times to truly feel I was grasping it. Each time it revealed a little more as all good poems do;-)
Your writing never disappoints
Alison x

Author's Reply:
Hi Ali,

Thank you so much, sweetie. Don't worry, I had to write it a few times to feel I was getting it too! I appreciate your time and appreciation of this piece.

love,
jolen

Ionicus on 25-09-2010
The Divide
A good opening line followed by other excellent ones like:
"Having mistaken determination for desire,"
and
"The fevered lips of youth still wrest my nipple,"
You always manage to express complex emotions in your poems, whether based on dreams or reality.
Another cracker, dear Jolen.

Luigi xxx

Author's Reply:
Thank you my beautiful Luigi,

I do adore you and so appreciate your comments. Thank you. I'm glad this seemed to work for you and that you highlighted the lines that meant most to me.

love,
jolen

len on 25-09-2010
The Divide
Mistakes made are lessons learned, I guess. LOved the nipple line...:o)...yereverlovin

Author's Reply:
Dearest Furball,
I put that nipple line in there just for you. 😉 Thanks for taking the time here. I know you're not feeling well. So, you rest up and get better.

yereverlovinhernipplewrestedaces

sunken on 26-09-2010
The Divide
Hello Ms. Jolen. From the opening line to the wrestling of nipples, this is simply you at your breast. I mean best. Ahem. I have only one question - Where the fuck is the nib? I'll get my placards out...

s
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Author's Reply:
Darling Sunky,
How the hell are you? I've been so busy totally redoing our cottage and garden that I've not had a moment for much else. Thanks so very much about the poem and especially for the Bernard. I'm not sure why this wasn't nibbed, perhaps the nib fairies don't like wrested nipples?

Thanks again, sexy.

love ya,
Ms. Swollen of Jolen Fame

Capricorn on 26-09-2010
The Divide
Hi - I wish I could remember all my dreams, they are too often forgotten when I wake.
I loved this one - each time I read I found something else. Very well written
Eira

Author's Reply:
Hi Eira,

Thank you for your time and lovely comment. It's strange, I haven't dreamt much in ages, but this one was so clear and present, I had to write about it.

blessings,
jolen

jay12 on 28-09-2010
The Divide
Was the dream a wet one? That's what I got from the poem. It's beautifully written as always by you.

Jay.

Author's Reply:
Happy New Year, Jay. I'm very sorry to have missed this before now. I thank you for the comment, which is always appreciated and hope that you're having a great new year.

love,
jolen

Rosco on 31-12-2010
The Divide
My favourite of this year's postings. I'd cancel the 'be' in line 4.

Author's Reply:
Thanks so much, Ross. Sorry to be so late to reply. Things have been a bit hectic here. I hope that you're enjoying the new year. I've edited it and thank you for the suggestion.

Best wishes,
jolen


Sic Transit Gloria Mundi (In Memory of Sylvia Plath) (posted on: 17-05-10)
While on holiday, I visited Sylvia Plath's grave and was shocked at the state of neglect. It's overrun with Dandelions and seems to have been forgotten but for the few faithful visitors who come and leave pens, etc. I don't know how that turned into this poem, but there ya go.

Photobucket Calderdale's York stones offered your foreign soles no cushion. Pocked and proud, they delineate boundaries of land apposite for dandelions. Reflective of the people ambling over them, they are as inflexible as prejudice. You shook your words generously, let the violent wind scatter those fertile seeds - like salmon, they swam against the tide to spawn. Edited: My thanks to Shywolf Title change thanks to Luigi
Archived comments for Sic Transit Gloria Mundi (In Memory of Sylvia Plath)
stormwolf on 17-05-2010
York Stone (In Memory of Sylvia Plath)
Hi Jolen
Wonderful to see you posting agin and what a post!
Short and so full of pognancy.
Every line suffused with meaning. Poetry at its best.

they are as inflexible as prejudice.

spectral winds scattered them amidst
fertile hearts,

wonderful.
Alison x (a fav of course.:-) )

Author's Reply:
Hi Alison,

Thanks so much for the lovely comment. I've edited it a bit thanks to shywolf, who's suggestions were, as usual, excellent. I'm glad you enjoyed this. I really cannot tell you how sad it was to see this woman's grave in such a state. We visited several graves of poets, all of which were in much better condition. I don't mind saying that it really upset me to see how much nicer all of theirs were compared to hers. Wordsworth's, Burns', and the Bronte's all had quite a fitting final tribute. I was just in your lovely country and once again, fell in love. I need Scotland, it suits me. We stayed in a fantastic apartment in Kircudbright and gods, what a place!

Anyway, I hope this finds you well and thanks again.

love,
jolen

pdemitchell on 17-05-2010
York Stone (In Memory of Sylvia Plath)
Thanks Jolen for remembering our Sylvia so. Excellent short homage without a single slip (and no full stops in the middle of lines!) and full of warmth... from all us sheep in fog....

They threaten
To let me through to a heaven
Starless and fatherless, a dark water.

Cheers. Mitch.


Author's Reply:
Hi Mitch:

Thank you so much for the lovely comment. I've edited it thanks to Shywolf's suggestions. It was sad to see this woman's final resting place in such a state. I hope this finds you well and enjoying the days.

blessings,
Jolen

sunken on 18-05-2010
York Stone (In Memory of Sylvia Plath)
Hello Ms. Jolen. I know nothing of this Sylvia woman. Did she write and stuff? Ahem. I really am this ignorant I'm afraid, Jolen. Please forgive me. I blame many things. Here are just three: British summertime, lead balloons and overtly miserable bank clerks. Beautifully penned as ever. Its good to see you back at planet uka and no mistake.

s
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Author's Reply:
Hello young Sunken:
Nothing to forgive, dear boy. Not everyone can be aware of everything. Yes, she was a writer from America and she was married to Ted Hughes. She committed suicide and is buried in Heptenstall in West Yorkshire (Calderdale is the borough). Anyway, I always love hearing from you and that Communist Beagle of yours, so thank you. I hope you're enjoying the spring and that life is being good to you.

sending love,
jolen

Corin on 18-05-2010
York Stone (In Memory of Sylvia Plath)
Wonderful Jolen, so very moving and simple - this poem should be printed and placed in a waterproof frame and placed on her grave.

David

Author's Reply:
Thank you ever so much, David. As you know, I am quite disturbed by the state of her grave and am going to see to it myself. I think I will take your wonderful suggestion and do just that.

love,
jolen

RoyBateman on 18-05-2010
York Stone (In Memory of Sylvia Plath)
Fascinating...I didn't know where she was buried, over here or in her native land. Odd, isn't it, that both surnames are on the grave? I know that her husband's treatment of her was controversial, to say the least, so perhaps she would have preferred her own name to be remembered by. Even dead, she didn't get what she deserved! Another oddity strikes me - presumably, this is a churchyard? I didn't think you could bury suicides in consecrated ground. (Not that I have any religious beliefs, as you know, but I thought it was an interesting point...) Sorry, I'm wandering again - a fine tribute to someone who seems to have had a raw deal, even in death.

Author's Reply:
Hi Roy,
I love your rambling and you're quite right, in a Catholic church cemetery, no suicides are allowed. However, she is buried in a protestant cemetery in Heptenstall. I guess that's something to be grateful for, although, like you, I don't hold to those religious beliefs. I appreciate your thoughtful comment and thank you so much for taking the time. I totally agree with your sentiments on the whole 'election' thing too.

sending love,
jolen

admin on 18-05-2010
York Stone (In Memory of Sylvia Plath)
Great pome, Jolen. The Bell Jar is on my list of books I'll never forget, along with Earthly Powers, Crime and Punishment and a few others...

x

Nice to see you back!

Author's Reply:
Thank you most kindly, Ms. Admin type person. It's great to be back and to such a wonderful welcome from everyone. I am looking forward to getting back into the UKA world again.

blessings,
jolen

len on 18-05-2010
York Stone (In Memory of Sylvia Plath)
I just can't believe what a fine poet you have become, darlin'...I wonder...what with her comitting suicide and all, have they ever made a movie about her....LOves ya like always,,,yereverlovinfurball

Author's Reply:
I'm so very sorry for not replying sooner, Darlin'. I love you so much and thank you for taking the time to read and comment on this. I've been caring for her grave. No one else seems to give a shit. It's been a lot of work, but well worth it, IMO. She deserves that, at the very least.

Sent you a shitload of emails/pictures today. I hope you know how much you've been missed and how bad I feel it took me so long.

love ya,
Aces

Ionicus on 19-05-2010
York Stones (In Memory of Sylvia Plath)
Hello ma jolie. Nice to see you posting again. I have missed your fine writing. You have written a short, sweet tribute to a fine poet. The desolation of her grave that you describe can perhaps be summarised as 'sic transit gloria mundi'.

Luigi xxx

Author's Reply:
Luigi Mio caro,

You're brilliant! I have hated the title of this poem and couldn't think of anything to save my life, but you just nailed it! Thank you. I've changed the title just now. Also, thank you for your lovely welcome and comment. I have been too long away and am looking forward to catching up with your work as well.

As always, sending love to you and yours,
jolen

len on 04-09-2010
Sic Transit Gloria Mundi (In Memory of Sylvia Plath)
Nice powm....I LIKE it...:o)...You are such a major talent, darlin' You have honed your poetry craft to a fine edge. I do know you have an affinity with "confessional poetry'' as you have a;ways bared your beautiful soul in your wook..Well deseved nibs, kid...yereverimpressedfurball

Author's Reply:
AWWWW thank you! You're far too kind. what kind, I can't say, but I likes it. 😉 Yes, I do have an affinity for 'confessional poetry', as you know, and this woman's grave just hit me so hard. Made me think, and you know how much I try to avoid doing THAT!

yereverlovinaceswhoisonyahoowaitingforyou


Whalebones (posted on: 15-02-10)
Stranger things have happened...

Her bones washed ashore at neap tide. Crabs would sidle through the hollow ribcage, as he sat listening to the echoes of pod song. Heaving them inland, he took them home and submerged them in the bathtub. Later, he carved his initials into her ribs, polished each one and fashioned them into a table. When melancholy stirred the seabed into broken promises, he could imagine she still sang for him, until moonlight flooded the room, splashed over the whalebones and he wept because he had never learned to swim.
Archived comments for Whalebones
woodbine on 15-02-2010
Whalebones
This reads like the stuff of Norse legend with a wonderfully graphic conclusion. Don't miss it.

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much, John and also for your wonderful feedback and suggestions on this piece.


love,
jolen

stormwolf on 15-02-2010
Whalebones
I just loved this Jolen. It was so full of longing and very atmospheric. I see it is called whalebones so I think I am missing the real meaning of the poem although that in no way dulls the pure enjoyment of it for me. The image I get is of a man who fell in love with a mermaid but could not join her due to being a human.
From the reading he listened to 'pod song' I take it that he fell in love with a whale...hope I am getting it right 😉 and obviously whale bones would make a much more substantial table 😉

Just so lovely all in all though.
Alison x

Author's Reply:
Hi Alison,
Thank you so very much. Also, thank you for choosing this as a fave. You read it right, it is about a man who fell in love with a whale. Some people think that the mermaid stories came from whale sightings so I thought why not use the actual whale, they're mammals, after all.

blessings,
Jolen

Rupe on 16-02-2010
Whalebones
Highly original, evocative imagery, atmospheric, sense of yearning & mystery... The good stuff, in other words. I liked it.

Rupe

Author's Reply:
Oh Rupe,
Now, you have just made my day! Thank you so much. I couldn't ask for a better compliment than you've just paid me! I've not been around much of late, but look forward to catching up with some of your work.

Thank you again.

blessings,
Jolen

Ionicus on 16-02-2010
Whalebones
Colourful and imaginative, dear Jolen. Your poetry never disappoints and this is another demonstration of your skill.
For me too the image of a siren was the first that came to mind and your explanation, that the legend may have originated from sightings of whales, makes sense. What a shame that, being a landlubber and unable to swim, he could not be united with the object of his desire.

Love, Luigi.

Author's Reply:
Hello Luigi,

Thank you so very much, my dear. You're far too sweet. But that this called up the image of a siren or mermaid, is perfect and I'm glad of it.

love,
jolen

Beth on 16-02-2010
Whalebones
Sometimes you read a poem and it leaves you tingling. This had that effect on me. The word choices are exquisite and the imagery inspired. I loved it.

Author's Reply:
Hi Beth,
Thank you for your lovely comment. I am so pleased that you enjoyed this.

blessings,
Jolen

sunken on 16-02-2010
Whalebones
Wow & no mistake. So worthy of the nib and nom. It's a shame about the Bernard. Perhaps his presence will at least teach you to be a bit crapper in the future and, in so doing, give the rest of us more of a chance (-; Seriously good stuff, Ms. Jolen. Well done.

s
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Author's Reply:
Wow my dear Sunks, I love you! Thank you and I told you, I love Bernard! You can slap one on me anytime, baby!

Thanks so much for taking the time here, I truly appreciate it.

love,
Ms. Swollen

RoyBateman on 17-02-2010
Whalebones
A really evocative, yet mysterious poem...the world out there, beneath the waves, is one we'll never know much about, so it remains a world of fantasy and imagination. Just the way it appears here - and there are so many ways to interpret it. All, I'm sure, are equally valid. We can all let our imaginations run free...a terrific piece, and well worth the nib!

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much, Roy. You're a dear to say so. I'm glad that you enjoyed this piece, which I admit was a bit of an experiment for me.

I hope this finds you well.

blessings,
jolen

Mezzanotte on 17-02-2010
Whalebones
LOVE IT, LOVE IT LOVE IT.

I see this poem in silver and green. A shadow sitting on the shore line. Perhaps, not as James says, in love with a whale, but instead, the beautiful music she makes. So in love with this poem, I didn't at first question why he makes her into a table. This to me, in retrospect, comes across a little sad....as if his love were worthy only of this? A bit like Yeats' 'Sailing to Byzantium', when after all, his hammered gold bird keeps only keeps a drowsy emperor awake and nothing else, considering all that went before.

Just a thought any way.

Love and more love
Jack

Author's Reply:
Thank you, dear Jackie,
You make an old witch feel very good. I am very pleased at the reception to this piece, which was an experiment for me.

I have been enjoying your latest work a great deal and am looking forward to much more of it.

love,
jolen

pdemitchell on 09-03-2010
Whalebones
Hi Jolen. For an experiment in prosey poem descriptive, it worked for me reminding me of Sarah Hannah (Neilo, crystal, lapis. Lapse! no Life / But in the rim; no word but on the lips) and Ruth Fairlight Padel etc but, honestly, I think you have more focus. i racked my addled brain and could think of no way you could improve onthis piece.
PS There is a wonderful poetry anthology by Seren Books called Women's Work you might want to check and maybe submit a few pieces for their next anthology if you're not already published! Mitch

Author's Reply:
Mitch:
Wow, that was quick! Thank you for your time and the reading/comment. I'm pleased that it reads well to you. Thank you for the heads up on the anthology as well. Yes, I am published by both UKA 'Every Girl Has Her Limits' and fortunately have had my work published in several anthologies. It's been an interesting couple of years for this old witch. Welcome to UKA and I look forward to reading more of your work as well.

Best Wishes,
jolen

len on 25-04-2010
Whalebones
You have gotten so GOOD, darlin'....I hope in his grief over the loss of his beloved whale, he didn't spend too much time blubbering over it before moving on...There's a lot of mammals in the sea, after all.. :o)...Loves ya....len

Author's Reply:
Furball!

OH gods, I have missed you. I've been sooooooooo out of touch. I've been offline and then traveling the UK. I just got home last night. I'll write you in the next day or two and reply to your email. Fuck baby, I have missed you.

love, love and more love,
jolen

p.s. thank you!


Going Through The Motions (posted on: 08-01-10)
Some days...

Grey as the morning, uninspired and floundering, I make my way from the cottage plodding over rimose flagstones, laptop and chai latte in hand. I miss the natal spring buds whose viridescent heads will crown the earthen womb and draw in the sun through photosensitive eyes. Cursing the voice with its steady barrage of reasons why I have nothing important to say, I consider the consequences of turning around, slipping back into my unbiased bed, where I might curl up in the exact position necessary to find amnesia. The dog barks. The post arrives. Time slows, stretches and loops.
Archived comments for Going Through The Motions
Leila on 08-01-2010
Going Through The Motions
Jolen a well thought out poem, indeed some days are just like that. I love the word viridescent and nicely finished in the last two lines...Leila

Author's Reply:
My dear Leila, thank you for such a lovely comment. I'm sorry to be so late to reply, but I've been a bit under the weather. I'm always honored when you take the time to leave your thoughts, so thank you very kindly.

blessings,
Jolen

macaby on 09-01-2010
Going Through The Motions
I read somewhere that January is the Monday morning of the year. I tend to agree.
Yes, I agree with Leila some days are like this indeed, but choosing the right words and making a decent poem out of one of those "grey "days - like you have done here- isn't easy.This is a good poem for this time of the year, I'm sure a lot of us can relate to your thoughts, feelings and words.

Cursing the voice with its
steady barrage of reasons why
I have nothing important to say,

This is exactly how I am feeling at the moment. I have had 2 cups of Nescafe and now I shall take a walk through the dunes,
down to the sea, sit on a bench and maybe think of something worthwhile to write about.
All in all, this is a good poem, especially liked the images in the first stanza.
Regards
mac


Author's Reply:
Hi Mac,
What a great analogy! I agree completely. I actually wrote this a year ago, but waited to post it. This crazy weather and cold just had me down and uninspired so I drug this one out into the waning light. I appreciate your wonderful comment so much, so thank you very kindly. I hope this finds you well and your muse returning.

blessings,
Jolen

sunken on 09-01-2010
Going Through The Motions
Brilliant! Love the loop line. Where's the nib!? I've a good mind to get my placards out! Well done Ms. Swollen of Jolen fame.

s
u
n
k
e
n



Author's Reply:
Thank you dear Sunken,

I guess the nib fairies didn't deem this one worthy, but I'll take a Bernard over a nib any day! I hope this finds you well and managing to keep warm in this cold January.

blessings,
Ms. Swollen

Ionicus on 09-01-2010
Going Through The Motions
An excellent melancholy composition written in your usual impeccable style, dear Jolen. You'll have a few people rushing to the dictionary using words such as rimose and viridiscent. All to the good, I say.
Notwithstanding the sad tone of your poem - which I liked a lot - and the ghastly weather we are having, I feel quite bouncy and in good humour. No blues for moi!
Take care.

Luigi xxx

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much, Luigi, I actually wrote this last January, but never posted it and then this cold spell hit and it seemed apropos.

I hope you're keeping warm and dry. (well, you know what I mean) 🙂

love,
jolen

RoyBateman on 10-01-2010
Going Through The Motions
Oh, we know that feeling! And, in this unexpected chill, we don't have our usual choice of pastimes, do we? Beautifully put, as always - I find nowadays that ideas are like buses...nothing, then three come along at once. Still - I'm not hungry, cold or ailing, so maybe inspiration isn't the most important thing. After all, it'll probably return when you least expect it. I can't see your laptop remaining idle for long! And have a good new year, both of you.

Author's Reply:
Hi Roy,
You're right, we shouldn't really complain if the worst of our troubles is a shortage of inspiration, and thank you for the fantastic comment and timely reminder! I hope this finds you and yours well.

much love,
jolen

stormwolf on 10-01-2010
Going Through The Motions
I can just picture the scene..having been there in person 😉
Ain't this time of year the pits? Never mind, spring is on its way..somewhere.
Enjoyed as always
Alison x

Author's Reply:
Thank you, Alison. Yes, I thought you could appreciate it. I wrote this last January, but in light of the recent weather, it seemed time to send it out into the world.

love,
jolen

papaed on 10-01-2010
Going Through The Motions
jolen,

Two new words for me! rimose (cracked and chipped) and viridescent (slightly green). Those little buds are like eyes drawn to the light. An interesting way to speak to searching for your muse... “Cursing... nothing important to say.” Say a prayer of thanks that you have an unbiased bed. I suspicion that many who read this do not. Concentration, reading, anticipating do seem to slow time, but actually make it pass unnoticed. I love everything you do.
I”m searching through my stuff... somewhere I have an old one about spring buds with a little bit of sexual innuendo to post.

Peace and Love,
papaed

Author's Reply:
Dear Ed,
You humble me greatly, but thank you very much. I wrote this last January when I returned from Dorset (where I always come back and write up a storm). I may have to take another trip down there soon! I hope you're enjoying UKA and as always, thank you for your wonderful comments.

love and light,
jolen

walters on 13-01-2010
Going Through The Motions
Well said, and I suppose you have thought of something else to say by now lol

Author's Reply:
Thank you. Actually, I haven't! I wrote this last year and while I wish I were a bit more inspired of late, sadly, that isn't the case. I hope that your muse is being more kind.

blessings,
Jolen


jay12 on 18-01-2010
Going Through The Motions
This is lovely. I like the idea of going back to bed. I have that feeling only about 10 times every morning as I get dressed and go to work.

Author's Reply:
Hiya, James, so good to see you. Thank you for stopping by to visit me and I hope this finds you well. I got a new set of dart flights yesterday that says 'work' and has a guy on the phone saying 'I'm not coming in today, so you can fuck off!" I loved that!

blessings,
Jolen

freya on 31-01-2010
Going Through The Motions
Hey! Came to leave a comment on Two Rivers but it's no longer here. Hope that's because an interested party wants to publish it!
Meanwhile, I see you've posted this piece which I remember from when you were first working on it. It aroused my sensibilities then and like Leila, I certainly relate to the state of mind you describe.

Still have problems with that 'return to bed longing' and your ending which seems to suggest a sudden 'back in bed' mode to me, but perhaps it's easy enough to remedy. For your consideration:

A dog barks. The postman makes his way along the street/to my neighbor's door? (or some such, to suggest a continuation of your N's walk toward car/bus/ tube)
Time slows...

And something I didn't notice before in the following passage (which I think adds a great deal to the mood of the piece, btw) :

I miss the natal spring buds
whose viridescent heads
will crown the earthen womb

I'm feeling you miss an opportunity here - forgive the play on word - to say what it is you 'miss' - isn't it the loveliness and promise - the hope for what will come? The belief and conviction. In the world, in yourself.

Still, change nothing more and this is a really good poem, my dear. Shelagh xx


Author's Reply:
Hey there, you beautiful woman, you! How fantastic to see you here. I apologize for the late reply, but I have been traveling. How the hell are you? I've noted your suggestions and am thinking upon them. Thank you again for them. I pulled 'two rivers' because I felt it wasn't done. Any thoughts though are welcome, feel free to email me if and when you wish. I miss you girl!

love,
jolen

pdemitchell on 12-03-2010
Going Through The Motions
Hi Jolen... Why is this not nibbed... or nibbled even? Ditto the above comments although the last two lines left me hanging and wanting more ...like an imperfect cadence in a piece of music. Where does the time loop to? I need to know! Procrastination is the thief of time, blogging is its butcher...etc
At least nine and half red beagles in my 'umble opinion... Mitch

Author's Reply:
Hi Mitch:
How are you? Thanks so much for stopping by and I'm glad you enjoyed this, albeit felt like the ending could have been more. I really don't know why the nib fairies didn't deem this one worthy, but I appreciate you thinking it was.

Looping time? Well, darlin', it does just that, loop from that point on, over and over. Looking forward to catching up with your new posts.

blessings,
Jolen


Crooked Cavalier (posted on: 25-12-09)
One night outside of Sainsbury's grocery store. Happy Holidays to everyone!

The old man advances into view, his spine twisted as a rumor. Immune, in an armored chariot, I watch his cumulus breath escape the trenches of a dignified chest and climb steadily atop the gelid air. Slush-covered feet navigate a few steps before he stops, reaches into a pocket to retrieve one tattered black glove. He slips it over his chaffed hand like a gauntlet, takes up the reins of his silver-wheeled shopping steed and crookedly braces the world's elements, scanning the battlefield.
Archived comments for Crooked Cavalier
papaed on 26-12-2009
Crooked Cavalier
I think I met this guy! You've really given old age difficulties and ailments a serious visual and a twist of humor. A rhythmic, easy to read piece with a story that makes us all want to speak to this guy next time and certainly no become a target on his battlefield.
Love your work,
papaed

Author's Reply:
Welcome! Thank you for such a wonderful comment. Yes, the old man was very interesting to watch. I felt like a voyeur, but we are all, really, aren't we? I mean, if we weren't, we wouldn't have material to write about. Anyway, I appreciate your lovely comment very much. The old man touched me and so I had to write about him.
I hope this finds you well.

blessings,
jolen

Corin on 26-12-2009
Crooked Cavalier
A lovely cameo Jolen - I almost expected him to metamorphose in Santa:-)

One comment - the word 'gelid'. I had to look it up though I colud guess its meaning.

Common advice:-
"Never use a difficult word where a simpler one would do"

IN this what would be wrong with 'icy' or 'frozen'?

David

Author's Reply:
Hi David,



Thank you for commenting on this. To the common advice: While that may be fine for some situations or people, I disagree in general. I choose the words I do for specific reasons, and in this instance, ‘gelid’ was the best choice.



Firstly, it sounds better to my ears when reading it in that line. Then too, it is more precise than either ‘icy’ or ‘frozen’.



gelid |ˈdʒɛlɪd|

adjective

icy; extremely cold : the gelid pond | figurative she gave a gelid reply.

ORIGIN early 17th cent.: from Latin gelidus, from gelu ‘frost, intense cold.’



Add to that, the fact that I wrote this poem to convey a sort of archaic ethic and mien this old man possessed by using such language as ‘gauntlet’, ‘chariot’, etc. and the word gelid, having originated early in the 17th Century, proved apposite.



I hope you had a wonderful holiday.



Blessings,

jolen


sunken on 27-12-2009
Crooked Cavalier
He'd have been better off shopping online, Ms. Jolen. I believe it's the future. It was claimed (in 1987) that teflon ironing board covers would be the future. Imagine that - A non-stick ironing board... Great for snow boarding I'd imagine. Ahem. Enjoyed the sub. Well done on the nib. It's me, by the way, sunks. Thank you.

s
u
n
k
e
n

you'll believe a pigeon can really fly

Author's Reply:
Yes, Sunken, I suppose he would have. But then I'd have missed the opportunity to spy on him and become so taken by him in just a few moments. So these ironing boards, are they Teflon then? Can you buy them online? I may have to look into those! I'm forever left with sticky pants. 😉

I sure hope you had nice holidays, Sunks. Thank you for commenting, you make my day with your funshine.

love,
jolen

Zoya on 27-12-2009
Crooked Cavalier
There is much poignance in this little crisp piece, dear Jolen!
I just loved this!
Love,
Zoya

Author's Reply:
Thank you so very kindly, dear Zoya. I'm pleased as punch that you've enjoyed this poem.

blessings,
Jolen

macaby on 27-12-2009
Crooked Cavalier
Well done Jolen. A well observed " passing moment." Very descriptive/ visual, I could actually see the old man.......

Slush-covered feet navigate a few steps
before he stops..... It's all in the detail.

I loved this one.
Great character study.
Take care
mac

Author's Reply:
Thank you, Mac.
"I could actually see the old man......." Are the finest words I could have received for this piece. Thank you, thank you! The old man just had such a way about him, and I couldn't help but respect it and try to do it justice.

blessings,
Jolen

Ionicus on 28-12-2009
Crooked Cavalier
"......takes up the reins
of his silver-wheeled shopping steed
and crookedly braces the world’s
elements, scanning the battlefield."

One can easily associate this description with Santa Claus as already pointed out by David and it is a very apposite simile being Christmas time.
A situation shrewdly observed and skilfully annotated.
I like your use of the adjective 'gelid' which brought to mind the aria 'che gelida manina' from "La Boheme".
Well done on the nib.

Luigi xxx


Author's Reply:
Hiya, Luigi,

Thank you for such a lovely comment. I guess I never saw Santa in this piece as I have never viewed him as a dignified man, so much as kindly or whathaveyou. But I suppose it could have been. I'm really pleased that the use of gelid brought you such a lovely memory and thank you for taking the time to let me know your thoughts.

love,
jolen

RoyBateman on 30-12-2009
Crooked Cavalier
Well, it's all been said - even Luigi pipped me with his reference to "Che Gelida Manina" which just cracks me up every time...I'm saving the recording of the feature film version from Christmas for a new year treat, though I don't think the leads are quite up to the standard recently set by Jonas Kaufmann. Then, who is? But I digress - a wonderfully drawn picture, and I'm guessing that this guy's back prevents him from walking far...if it didn't, he'd have been in Asda. Howzat for a bit of Holmesian deduction? I also predict that he had nicotine-stained fingers and walked out with a bottle of scotch (any brand) tucked into an inside pocket.
Sorry, didn't mean to be flippant - I'm sure we all know this bloke, or similar versions. Then, maybe he doesn't always catch our attention as he did yours? A fine piece!

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much, Roy. You leave such wonderful comments and thank you about my poem. This man didn't strike me as a drinker, not a huge one anyway, but more like James' granddad, just very prideful and interesting.

I hope you're enjoying the holidays and my love to the boss as well.

blessings,
jolen

pdemitchell on 04-04-2010
Crooked Cavalier
Hi Jolen! - 'as twisted as a rumour' appealed to my mixed-metaphoriness during a sharp piece of observation. 'Gelid air' required a re-read though but at advanced years a simple trolley push through slush is definitely a battle. Enjoyable! Mitch

Author's Reply:
Hi Mitch,

Thank you so much. I apologize for the late reply. I've been out of town. I am so pleased that you enjoyed this and am glad to see you doing so well on site.

Best wishes,
Jolen


The Wall (posted on: 11-12-09)
(Dedicated to The West Memphis 3: Damien Echols, Jason Baldwin and Jesse Misskelley Jr.) www.wm3.org - FREE THE THREE



WM3 The town constructed a wall to block reason from their minds. They believed themselves righteous, safe from evil behind bricks of fear and ignorance, because everyone inside the wall knew that Evil is the black t-shirts teenagers wear and the metal music they listen to. It's Stephen King books, Wicca, and those three juveniles who didn't quite measure up to their one-size-fits-all mentality. Particularly evil was a young man who defiantly sought a truth they all feared might infect them with the inconvenience of free thought. Wasn't the murder of three little boys an omen? On the big screen, (Which, of course, is reality), Damien walked among them, Satan's son, or near enough if you kept your eyes tightly closed. And the police knew that he butchered those little boys, so why waste time on the trivialities of fact or evidence? After all, they had faith on their side, faith in shoddy police work and bias, the mortar and trowel of injustice. Logic fights to creep through the countless cracks in the foundation of a wall, which penned up 'the freaks' as effectively as it sheltered a killer whom they never bothered to find. *Today is Damien Echols' 35th birthday. He, Jesse and Jason have been in prison for 16 years. The prosecution used Pink Floyd song lyrics, Stephen King books and that they wore black as evidence to convict these young men. Because Damien was studying Wicca, they said the murders were a Satanic cult ritual which Damien led and so he is on death row.
Archived comments for The Wall


Corin on 11-12-2009
The Wall
A horrifying story Jolen and a well drafted plea for justice. The sarcastic tone of the whole piece is just right and really well handled. In a way I hope that those young men really were guilty, then at least the rough justice would not mean the waste of 3 lives. Probably more really as we should have to include the really killer and all his other possible victims.

Now, some points of critique:-

"Evil is the black t-shirts teenagers wear
and the metal music they listen to. "

I felt that you could sharpen this - the reader will assume the teenagers from the context:-

Evil is black t-shirts
and (heavy?) metal music.

"one-size-fits-all mentality." is a bit of a cliché there must be a fresh way to say this.

"And the police knew that he butchered " - I think that 'knew' here could be italized to emphasise the heavy irony.

Here:-
"faith in shoddy police work and bias,
the mortar and trowel of injustice. "

You are telling it a bit and abandoning the sarcasm

"faith in shoddy police work and bias,
the mortar and trowel of injustice. "

bias -> instant judgement (or something like that)

mortar and trowel of injustice. -> poorly mixed mortar and badly used trowels

so:-

faith in shoddy police work
and instant judgments,
in poorly mixed mortar
and badly used trowels
to build a strong case. (if you have a full stop here you should not begin the next sentence with an adjectival clause starting with 'where') So:-

'Now logic fights to creep through ' would neatly start a new sentence.

Sorry I seem to be rewriting it for you, but I just mean to give suggestions and examples.

David



Author's Reply:
Hi David,

I appreciate your suggestions, even the ones which I used and you now say you'd change. Thanks for reading and commenting on this after seeing it several times.


love,
jolen

Pughguy on 12-12-2009
The Wall
I thought the writin was very effective and mind grabbin. It took hold of me and lead me all the way through till the end.

I was surprised I'd never heard about it before. These types of things always attract me like ah moth to ah flame. Thanks Jolen.
mike ..

Author's Reply:
Hii Mike,

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I am still surprised that so many people are unaware of this travesty of justice. There was no physical evidence to link these young men to this crime and the list of horrors which passed for an 'investigation' is long and surreal. I have followed this case for many years and pray that one day, they will get a new trial which is actually conducted as it is supposed to be. In America, it's supposed to be 'Innocent until proven guilty beyond the shadow of a doubt'. In this case, that, like their rights, were tossed out the window.

blessings,
Jolen

woodbine on 12-12-2009
The Wall
I read this three times over a day, and read the links having never heard of the of the case before and gradually began to appreciate the cogent argument of your poem, which when you have read up the background material is very compelling and lucid. I wish them well and thank you
for writing so eloquently on their behalf.
John XX

Author's Reply:
Hi John,

Thank you for taking the time to read about the case and my poem. I've followed this case for years and have always been shocked at the level of discrimination and incompetence that is involved in this case. I have long wished to do a poem about this and since it was Damien's birthday, I decided to get it out there. I hope that more people will read about the case and join in the support of these young men. They deserve a new trial and one that relies on fact, not bullshit.
Thanks for such a wonderful comment as well and congrats on your latest being nibbed. It's a fine piece and one which you can well be proud of.

much love,
jolen

sunken on 12-12-2009
The Wall
Hello Ms. Jolen. I know nothing of this case. Now I know lots. I shall avoid being my usual flippant self and just say that you handled it, as usual, with great skill and care. I'll be along with Bernard later as I'm currently on my netbook and don't have the code with me. Well done.

s
u
n
k
e
n



Author's Reply:
Aww, thank you Sunks, you're such a good man. I hope this holiday season is good to you and the new year brings you the best of all things.

love,
Ms. Swollen

Ionicus on 12-12-2009
The Wall
Hi J. In common with all the other commentators I am ignorant of the case but I can understand that often preconceived ideas and prejudice can lead to unsound convictions. You have made quite a forceful argument to rebut the accusations.

Luigi xxx

Author's Reply:
Thank you, Luigi.

I read yesterday that Ozzy Osborne donated a signed copy of his new book to the support fund, which I think is fantastic. I only hope that it helps and that these three are granted a new and fair trial soon. Have a fantastic holiday season.

love,
jolen

sunken on 12-12-2009
The Wall
'...Bernard! Get ya hairy arse over here!' Ahem, sorry Ms. Jolen. I'll be frank, I think your breasts scare him. Hello? Anyway, as promised...

s
u
n
k
e
n



Author's Reply:
Thanks Sunks and Bernard. No worries, my breasts scare lots of beasts.

macaby on 12-12-2009
The Wall
I had not heard of this case either, after reading the poem I clicked on the link. Tragic story, I feel sorry for all the 6 families involved. Your poem has done the story justice. It is well written, hard hitting in tone and manner, an eye-opener for a big human injustice. Let's hope that someday the truth will come out, for all those involved.Thanks for sharing Jolen, I enjoyed the read.
Take care
mac

Author's Reply:
Thanks, Mac,

I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment and then look into the case, which is what I had hoped, that my poem might get a few people to read about this case for themselves. I hope that they're granted a new, fair trial soon and that one day they can be home for Christmas. I hope you and your family have a fantastic holiday.

Blessings,
Jolen

RoyBateman on 14-12-2009
The Wall
New one on me, too, I'm afraid - but, amazingly, these miscarriages still go on. As US law is based on English Common Law, many of the procedures are similar, though there are very big differences in the sub judice rules and in such things as plea bargaining. In both countries, things go wrong and it does you credit that you're still fighting for these unfortunates...it certainly seems that the case was constructed from virtually nothing. Was Chief Wiggam involved? Sorry, I shouldn't be flippant - a striking, disturbing write.

Author's Reply:
Hi Roy,

Thank you for taking the time to read my poem and for your thoughtful comment. As you so rightly point out, things like this still do happen and sadly so. It's scary and tragic to me that we can send people into outer space, build computers that can send smart bombs that can take out a car in the middle of the jungle and yet we cannot make sure that our justice system works. Anyway, I think you're very close with Chief Wiggam being in charge of this particular case. So no apologies needed. Again, my deepest thanks to you and Happy Holidays.

love,
jolen

p.s. Will you be coming through Pudsey next year on your pub thing? IF so, I'd love to set up a meet with you again, if you're willing.

jay12 on 14-12-2009
The Wall
Wow. I enjoyed your poem, clicked on the link and was astounded. I've read up on Wikipedia too as a result and would assume a re-trial is in order in this case. Any doubt over such a conviction (especially the death sentence) has to be reinvestigated. I feel sick that three children died in such a way, and it's sickening to think that three innocent people might rot in prison until they die. Thank you for bringing this to light on UKA, Jay.

Author's Reply:
Hi Jay,

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment here as well as having a look at the case. As you probably noticed, the Wiki entry is seriously lacking information. I used to be pro death penalty, until my friend asked me how many innocent men/women had to die to make it undesirable. I replied that even one innocent person dying was too many and so began to look into it and found out in the meantime that it actually costs more to kill a prisoner than take care of them for life. I have been against it every since. Sorry for rambling, but yes, you're so right. It's horrible that those little boys were killed and I feel for their families deeply. But I also feel deeply sorry for these young men and their families as well. IMO, there were six victims and six families are suffering for it. I pray that the truth comes to light one day and if they don't find the actual killer, then at least they grant these young men a fair and impartial trial based on evidence and fact rather than hearsay and Satanic Panic.

Happy Holidays to you and yours,
jolen

papaed on 30-12-2009
The Wall
jolen,
It's really important to expose bigotry and prejudice for what it is. This is a story I've been aware of for some time also. There are other stories from the American South that compare.

I love your writing, and want you to 'know'* that I am not afraid of your breasts.

Peace and Love,
papaed

*I've tried to italicize "know" to show heavy irony (and for David's benefit) but the default font is Tahoma and will not import or allow italics, but you get the point(s) I'm sure.

Author's Reply:
Hi there, sexy!



First things first, thank you for your lovely comment. I truly appreciate it and thank you for taking the time. Secondly, to italicize words you have to do this in front of whatever you want to put in italics < I > (only all together) and this after < / i > (once again without spaces. Give it a go. Same thing if you wish to make a word bold only with a b in place of the i. I hope this is helpful. 😉



Now, I'd also like to thank you for not being afraid of my breasts! Gods knows they're just breasts, after all. 😉



love and light,

jolen


Big Skin (posted on: 30-11-09)
I've always been amazed that so many males think they're the only ones with a 'no strings' attitude in sexual liaisons.

Drunk with lust and a need to quench the thirst welled up from recesses of the night's rhythm, you didn't consider a woman with amoral desires; too foolish to recognize pity, you felt it necessary to expunge the guilt of your sexuality. I entertained no notion of strings puppeteering a method to an end. While there's benevolence in roving hands, without your need for delusion I wasted no time on empathy, schemes or love. Then the moment: our bodies wiped clean of sweat and avarice; the mask peeled away from a little boy in big skin waiting for an invitation that would never come.
Archived comments for Big Skin
Corin on 30-11-2009
Big Skin
Ah - La Belle Dame Sans Merci :-

facstaff.gpc.edu/~twadley/LostLove.html

How are your strings getting alongnow? No tangles yet I hope?

David

Author's Reply:
WHUT?

stormwolf on 30-11-2009
Big Skin
You tell 'em sister!
Sexuality fascinates me I will admit...and not because of the obvious...but due to the fact that it is often a dance between power too.
Ali x

Author's Reply:
Thank you, Ali. As you know, it fascinates me as well and the dynamics of it have always been strange to me. Anyway, I appreciate your taking the time to read and comment.


blessings,
jolen

barenib on 30-11-2009
Big Skin
I did until I read 'Fear of Flying'. It's not really surprising when it's constantly peddled by all the media forms that men are the ones who put it about and have difficulty committing whereas women want relationships that don't just revolve around sex.
Anyway, a good and interesting poem that will probably provoke an interesting response from Sunky 🙂 Cheers, John.

Author's Reply:
Hi John:

Well, as you say, it’s not difficult to see how the myth has been accepted, when the media has done so much to perpetuate the misconception. But if one thinks about it, we can see how organized religion ie Catholicism is responsible. Because once the Church decided that pagans needed to be converted to a male dominated religion, they instilled the belief that sex for anything other than procreation was sinful. Whereby establishing that even the consensual ritual sex practiced by all pagan peoples was a crime against God. Add to that the need/desire for men to keep their woman under wraps and in line, which the church also encouraged by removing any rights of women and viewing them as sinful creatures, it’s easy to see how they began to desexualize women. It stands to reason that if you want to have total control, you remove choices from those you’ve subjugated.
Propaganda is only one method, albeit a very effective one. As once they’ve ‘established’ that to have sex outside of marriage is wrong, they can then point out that only a woman of loose morals would do such a thing, and therefore she should be ostracized and punished for her evil wicked ways of having desires and making her own choices.

So men have been led down the garden path as much as women in this regard, but the thing that really gets me about it all, both then and now, is that men who have had many partners or who enjoy sex are revered or respected and labeled ‘men’ whereas women are called ‘whores’. Now, personally, I think that we look at the whole thing wrong and that if you need to label people whore, it should be uni-sexual, but I’d much rather see people just accept the fact that sexual relationships do not define us, but rather our overall mettle and makeup. But then, I’m a bit of an idealist, and certainly nonconforming to the sexual repression of women, or anyone for that matter.

Sorry to have went on, but I appreciated your comment, John, and I wanted to say a few words about how our views have been altered and not to the good.

Thank you for your comment and yes, it will be interesting to see what Sunks has to say about this poem.

RedKite on 30-11-2009
Big Skin
Really enjoyed this held me from start to finsh thanks Daniel

Author's Reply:
Hi Daniel,
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on this piece. I wrote it some time ago, but never posted and finally decided to show it some light. I hope this finds you well and enjoying UKA.

blessings,
Jolen

Mezzanotte on 01-12-2009
Big Skin
Wow, (taking a deep breath after reading the response to John), gonna be careful what I say here...haha.

You know I love this poem my favourite lines being all in the final stanza:

our bodies wiped clean
of sweat and avarice;

the mask peeled away
from a little boy in big skin

Brilliant!

I agree with you views, and indeed, have tried to express said same in the past but not so succinctly.

Congrats on the nib.
luv
jack








Author's Reply:
Hello Ms. WOTM! Congrats on that! Thank you very much. I am very pleased with how this one turned out. You can let that deep breath out now, quick! You're turning blue! 🙂

i always appreciate hearing from you and am pleased that you enjoyed this.

love,
jolen

RoyBateman on 01-12-2009
Big Skin
By jove, you're a modern girl! A frank and upfront commentary on the sexual revolution (Well, we thought it was that in the sixties...but then, some folk thought that EVERYTHING was a bleedin' revolution back then...) that's still going on as we speak. I fully agree with your stance, and I'd add that what looks like the reverse of your argument is also true - though, in fact, perhaps its the other side of the same coin: ie it's not always the blokes who want to have sex and run, despite the old cliche about attitudes. I always found things much more equal, though naturally women simply couldn't have quite the same attitude before the advent of the pill. I noted with great interest a recent academic survey that found it was blokes who were more likely to declare their love for their girlfriends first, rather than vice-versa as one might expect - in fact, it was the idea that things are more complex than they might appear that first gave me the idea of writing anything, a few years back now...but I'm wandering off again. Well said, and the nib's no surprise.

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much, Roy! What a fantastic comment and you rightly point out the other point I hoped to make with this post. Most often men are the first ones to say 'I love you' and indeed to become serious in a relationship. I appreciate the thoughtfulness of your comment and your taking the time to leave it. Thank you.

Happy Holidays,
Jolen

royrodel on 01-12-2009
Big Skin
don't matter what anyone says
it's still men and women that make babies.

RODEL

Author's Reply:
True enough Mr. Rodel. Thanks for reading.

blessings,
Jolen

sunken on 02-12-2009
Big Skin
So that's where babies come from, Ms Jolen? Ahem... just where exactly does the stork fit into things? It's all very confusing for a simple sunk. Well done on the much deserved nib and no mistake. A thought provoking piece that I shall read again when my head has fully woken up (I suspect this will be around March or April). Enjoyed, and dare I even say it - Appreciated. May god (who doesn't actually exist) strike me down. Hello?

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Author's Reply:
Yes, I'm afraid it's true, dear Sunks. But fear not, those storks still find work in pickle commercials. Thanks for the "Top Bark" as you know, I love that beagle and hope that both you and Bernard are enjoying the day.

I appreciate you taking time to read and comment, especially since it's not March or April yet. 😉

love,
Ms. Swollen Jolen

jay12 on 15-12-2009
Big Skin
Sexy!

Author's Reply:
Why, thank you, Jay! Oh, you mean my poem? Damn! I thought you meant me! LOL. Seriously, thank you and may I say that it's very nice to see you around UKA again. I hope you'll be posting new stuff soon? Have a wonderful holiday season, dear.

blessings,
Jolen

papaed on 21-01-2010
Big Skin
Well, guess I’m a whore too. You really lay it out there as it is. I’ve known other liberating and equal thinking women and find it refreshing. In a perfect world, we’d be evolving toward this kind of equality and mutual acceptance. In this religion-controlled world, it will probably not become the norm.

Some of us step outside that thinking. A well written piece as usual, my dear, on a thought provoking, revealing, liberal subject. Keep up the good work.
Peace and Love,
papaed

Author's Reply:
Hi Ed,

Hey, there's nothing wrong with being an honest whore, in my opinion and I once wrote an article for a magazine entitled 'more for whores'. But yes, I do like to tell it the way I see it and I think it's way past time that people let organized religion govern personal choices. Most wars have been over religion, so something isn't right, don't you think?

I appreciate you taking time to read and comment.

love,
jolen


The Portal (posted on: 16-10-09)
It's been a long time since I posted anything dealing with the BDSM lifestyle. I thought I'd give it a shot again.

Acquiescent, she sits back on her heels awaiting deliverance through the portal of primal lust. An embryo matured at the gift of pain, she is his agent of change. swish-strike-sting swish-strike-sting swish-strike-sting He etches angel wings on the canvas of her flesh; living art -- his animal becoming more beautiful with each lash. swish-strike-sting swish-strike-sting swish-strike-sting Omnipotent in the pride of creation, the honor entrusted, he transmogrifies her by nature's dark kiss.
Archived comments for The Portal
sunken on 17-10-2009
The Portal
Ahem. Blimey. This is a bit saucy and no mistake. I used to shop at S and M. To be frank though, Ms. Jolen, I don't think their prices are competitive enough. I go to Tesco now. Well actually, Tesco come to me. I can highly recommend their online delivery service. They're both friendly and reliable. Hello? What do you mean, I've totally misunderstood? Jolen? Hello?

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half man, half moon

Author's Reply:
Hiya, Sunks,

I'm sorry to be so late to reply, but I have been busy and then now have a damn cold. Do you think it's because I was naked in the poem above? Oh well, never mind, the fact remains, that I appreciate you taking the time to read and as always I hope you're well and enjoying life.

love,
Ms. Swollen

macaby on 17-10-2009
The Portal
swish-strike-sting
swish-strike-sting
swish-strike-sting

Ouch, very effective. I like the way you have turned this " prefernce" that a lot of people have , into a piece of art. Some people have said that it is a in a way a form of art, studios, live acts....... I liked this one , strange, highly visual and an interesting poem.
Regards
mac

Author's Reply:
Hiya Mac,
Thank you very much. I used to do a great deal of work dealing with alternate loving lifestyles, but haven't in some time. I wanted to get back to it a bit and so this was the first one that came. It's actually very close to how it is for those involved. People often misunderstand this sort of thing and think that one party has given up everything and the other takes it, but it's actually a power exchange relationship and built on trust and love by both parties when it's done as it should be.

I appreciate you taking the time to comment and hope this finds you well.

blessings,
jolen

RoyBateman on 18-10-2009
The Portal
Very dark indeed...certainly very striking (no pun intended) even if the picture painted is one that many would find shocking and way outside the accepted parameters of consensual activity. Chacon a son gout, I suppose, and it's a different experience to read something that, for once, I don't think that I could ever have written myself. You naughty lady you!

Author's Reply:
Hiya Roy,

Thank you very much and yes, as you say it's not for everyone, but then that's what makes life so fun, choices, you know? Anyway, I'm sorry for being so late to reply and yes, I am naughty as hell and I love it! lol 😉 Like my idol always said, "'when I'm good, I'm good, but when I'm bad, I'm better!

A pleasure to hear from you.

blessings,
Jolen

Griffonner on 18-10-2009
The Portal
Oh, yes. This is .... Damn! Roy has beaten me with the words! .... This is 'very dark' stuff. But you can hit me with your rhythm stick, any old time, Jolen! And there's not really a lot of pain. 😉

Author's Reply:
Oh bless you, Allen! "And your pain shall set you free' are some of the truest words ever spoken. But I promise to be gentle. lol

I hope this finds you well. sending love and light your way. Thanks so much for taking the time to comment.

love,
jolen

stormwolf on 21-10-2009
The Portal
He etches angel wings
on the canvas of her flesh;
living art -- his animal
becoming more beautiful
with each lash.

I think this portrays it perfectly...
Fitbin wrote one on erotic semi strangulation..(or whatever it's called) and he too, caught the feeling and the intention as this does. I am interested in the dark side of sexuality and the myriad ways that we, as humans interact.
I think to portray it in art or poetry helps those of us who have not indulged to understand it better.
All's fair in love and war and consenting adults.;-)
Alison

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much, Ali.

yeah I read that piece and think it's great that people are writing about such alternate loving lifestyles. I hope this finds you well.

love,
jolen

Bevvy on 26-10-2009
The Portal
'Nature's dark kiss' - I love this line.
I've sometimes wondered how this kind of eroticism works, and your poem gives an insight.

I'd like to think that the whip doesn't leave permanent scars!

love,
Beverley

Author's Reply:
Hi Beverly,

Thank you for reading and commenting. And in my case, which is all I can speak for, no there have been no permanent scars either physically or mentally. As with all relationships there are differences but in the Dom/sub lifestyle it's very much consensual and a power exchange rather than one sided as many people wrongly believe. It's also very beautiful.

Blessings,
Jolen

papaed on 15-01-2010
The Portal
A well aimed 'shot' from the submissive point of view, awaiting deliverance. pleasure from pain. a bruising, bloody angel wing tattoo as a work of art and an expression of love. The 'swish-strike-sting' has me flinching for sure. Well writ as usual, my dear,
Peace and Love,
papaed

Author's Reply:
Hello, sweetie:
Thank you for your lovely and always welcome comment. I really appreciate your time and thoughts.

love,
jolen


A Murder Of Crows (Through The Crosshairs) (posted on: 09-10-09)
As ever, trying something different. A take on American Gothic

Marblesque eyes along the copper horizon, they sit as still as white-chalked murder, willing somethinganything to change course, rustle insects from the rows of corn. Scarecrow teeters on broken limbs, a ruin of potency, effigy of the grave. The farmer's wife scatters feed; twisted hands shifting from bucket to beak. Bent from her labors a capitulate sun draws blood shadows on her sagging skin, La Gioconda smile. Her husband selects a shotgun from the barn, thumbs in a couple of shells, shuffles toward telephone poles. Death ghosts down the crosshairs -- Passerines never flinch. * Murder: what a group of crows is sometimes referred to as. ** Passerines: of, relating to, or denoting birds of a large order distinguished by feet that are adapted for perching, including all songbirds.
Archived comments for A Murder Of Crows (Through The Crosshairs)
sunken on 09-10-2009
A Murder Of Crows (Through The Crosshairs)
Hello Ms. Swollen of Jolen fame. I never knew that a group of crows was called a murder. It seems somehow apt. I have a bit of a bird phobia developing of late. The feathery variety I hasten to add. The female variety have a phobia of me it would seem. Hello?
This is definitely different, but I likes it. By the way, my new book - 'Commenting for Beginners' will be out soon. It comes with a free prosthetic foot (to put in your mouth when it all goes tits up). Muchly enjoyed, lady Jolen. Thank you. Oh, it's me by the way - sunks.

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...he might know his way around birmingham, she said whilst ironing her knickers, but he sure as hell doesn't know his way around a woman...

Author's Reply:
Hiya Sunks,

How you doing? Thank you so much for stopping in and please do let me know when I can get a copy of that book with the plastic foot. Will it be battery operated? I like things that are battery operated, and maybe if it lit up when you put it in your mouth. That would be cool, don't you think? Or if the toes wiggled? I'd like that too, and perhaps a nice shade of polish on the toenails? Somethings for you to consider. I hope they've been helpful. As always, I love to hear from you and thanks again. How's Bernard? Is he still a communist? Or does he just live in a commune? You know, where they don't shave and have lots of that free, casual sex and so forth? OH wait, that sounds like my house. Never mind.

Love,
Ms. Swollen of Jolen fame

Ionicus on 10-10-2009
A Murder Of Crows (Through The Crosshairs)
A snapshot of rural life brought vividly to life in your inimitable style.
Just a tiny typo: La Giaconda should read La Gioconda.

Luigi x

Author's Reply:
Hi Luigi,
Thank you so much for this wonderful comment and for pointing out that typo. I can't believe I missed that! Oh well, human and all of that, right? I hope this finds you well and am looking forward to reading your latest.

love,
jolen

Zoya on 11-10-2009
A Murder Of Crows (Through The Crosshairs)
This is quint, dear Jolen, and of coarse different, a life moving in slow motion and lives that are hardly valued- quit a bit of imagination there!
Love,
Zoya

Author's Reply:
Dear Zoya,
I apologize for not replying to this earlier, but somehow, I overlooked it. Thank you for your time and lovely comment.

blessings,
Jolen

stormwolf on 11-10-2009
A Murder Of Crows (Through The Crosshairs)
The title grabs the reader and the poem of course does not disappoint. Just loaded with atmosphere.
btw I was going to post my poem 'Calling in the Crows' but delayed it till next week lol It may have looked as though they were getting called in to get 'murdered';-)
Alison

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much, Ali. How wild would that have been? A crow fest, lol. So pleased to hear from you and am looking forward to this weekend, when we will finally meet in person!

love,
jolen


מ ו׳ ף ף (posted on: 02-10-09)
Yes, madam, I am finished. My star has fallen. I work and I try, yet know that all is but a farce. - Benito Mussolini

Fortune often smiles on the wicked, as it did on Napoleon, Hitler and Mussolini for a time: Megalomaniacs whose charisma attracts and insanity perverts. Equally, you mock with each perfidious breath the sacrifice of people brutalized by evil. They gathered at your feet, sensitive and gullible who fell into your grasp. You've skewered hooks into finer beings than you will ever be; you strung the lines and coerced the marionettes in an elaborate farce. Waterloo awaits, the bunker burns, and when your rescuer comes not even a gunshot will spare you the retribution of the noose. * The title is comprised of four letters from the Hebrew alphabet which is read right to left.
Archived comments for מ ו׳ ף ף
Ionicus on 02-10-2009
מ ו׳ ף ף
Strong stuff, as is your want, Jolen. But can you please spare a poor ignoramus like me and give me the translation of the title?
Yours, in suspense, Luigi.

Author's Reply:
Darling Luigi,

You are not an ignoramus, but yes, the title is simply the letters MWFF. Which is still cryptic, I realize, but that is a necessity, I fear. Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting. You know I love hearing from you.

love,
jolen

Griffonner on 02-10-2009
מ ו׳ ף ף
Hello Jolen,
Yep. I agree : very strong stuff indeed. But then you are unquestionably a very strong spirit, and like to stand up for what is right... so I say more power to your elbow! (http://dictionary.cambridge.org/define.asp?key=62040&dict=CALD)

Blessings,
Allen
xx

Author's Reply:
Hello, Dear Allen:

Thank you very much for such a lovely comment. I hope this finds you well and thank you for the good wishes to my elbow! But does your pasting the link mean that you think I need to get a dictionary? I'm so confused. lol

blessings,
Jolen

stormwolf on 02-10-2009
מ ו׳ ף ף
I agree entirely...There is divine retribution and it is so far removed from the understanding of man as to be almost alien to the human mind.
I look around and see so many, so very easily led..and wonder at what point in their evolution...did they surrender their individual reins?
Ah, but for now we "see through a glass darkly"....but not for much longer methinks.
Strong, insightful writing.
Congrats on the nib well awarded.
Alison

Author's Reply:
Hi Ali:
Yes, indeed, the old adage, "what goes around, comes around" is true and while it's often overdue, as in this case, I believe in cosmic justice. Thank you for the wonderful comment.

To whomever nominated this, I thank you and the nib fairies also.

Blessings,
Jolen

Zoya on 02-10-2009
מ ו׳ ף ף
Dear Jolen, Strong stuff! and I absolutely agree. What I fail to understand is, how can masses be so easily swayed, terrorized, suppressed or oppressed into obeying these tyrants, or allow themselves to obey...? Are they really so helpless- well I guess they are, as might is right, or at least believes itself to be right! History, both classic and modern, gives us numerous such examples. But, in the end truth prevails, but after much destruction and unnecessary blood shed...
A well deserved nib and nom.!
Love,
Zoya

Author's Reply:
Hi Zoya,

Thank you for such a fantastic comment, and what you say is just so. Often we want to believe in something so much, we fail to see the truth of that thing, often until it's too late and to our own detriment. However, I do believe that there comes a day of reckoning and for those who fall into the same category as the subject of this piece, I look forward to seeing it arrive post haste.

Blessings,
Jolen

Andrea on 02-10-2009
מ ו׳ ף ף
This is amazing stuff, Jolen. I think we'll all known/know someone like this, to a greater or lesser degree. It hurts dreadfully when you see people you care about being sucked into their grasp, deceived, lied to and smothered, but realise there is nothing you can do, simply (simply?) wait to pick up the pieces when the inevitable happens. And above all, bite your tongue and not to say 'I told you so'.

A powerful piece indeed. We all know our little Hitler's, don't we?

Congrats on the nom and the nib!





Author's Reply:
Thank you very much, Andrea. I have to admit, I'm surprised by the reaction to this piece. But, it would seem that our world is still filled with little hitlers and such, which is sad. I appreciate you taking the time to read and for your great comment.

I hope this finds you well.

blessings,
Jolen

sunken on 03-10-2009
מ ו׳ ף ף
Hello Ms. Swollen. Well done on the nib and nom (I've been to see said double act - they're ok, but I'd take a snack as they tend to go on a bit). I think it's all been said regarding your wonderful poem. I have known many hitlers (small h). They always come undone in the end. I believe it's a karma thang. Hello? Well you have a nom, you have a nib - let me now wreck it all by slapping a Bernard in ya (-;

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Author's Reply:
Smunky! Thanks so much for taking time to come slap me with a Bernard, gods, you know I love that beagle! 😉

I hope you had a nice weekend. I've been a bit busy working on things around here and then the winds were so bad yesterday that I spent half the day battening down the hatches!

love,
Ms. Swollen

sirat on 03-10-2009
מ ו׳ ף ף
Yes, powerful stuff indeed, and in essence relatively optimistic, in that the 'cosmic justice' gets to the Hitlers and Stalins in the end. Zoya I think asks exactly the right question: 'What I fail to understand is, how can masses be so easily swayed, terrorized, suppressed or oppressed into obeying these tyrants, or allow themselves to obey...?'. That is precisely the question addressed in Kevin Brownlow's film 'It Happened Here', which had a life-changing impact on me in my student days. His answer: the key is conformity, an attitude of mind described in so many cliches: people go along with things, they don't want to be different, don't want to rock the boat, they take the path of least resistance. It needs only a handful of people at the top with evil ideas – the rest of the population just goes along with it. Most people don't want to think at all, they follow like sheep, turning a blind eye to the bits that trouble them. It's a sad picture of humanity but a hard one to challenge.

Author's Reply:
Hi David,

I nearly fainted dead away when I saw you'd commented on a piece of mine, but am very pleased that you took the time. Thank you for your wonderful comment. I suppose you're right and even though I have seen it countless times, I have a hard time understanding the whole 'sheep' mentality. I've always tried to make my own tracks in my own way and fought for that right many times. But as Bush being elected as President of the US twice proved, people don't always exercise their right to think. Yes, I suppose that I am optimistic, but I am glad to be so, because without that side of me, I'd probably be a total bitch. I have recently been battling corporations over their unlawful right to impose rules on people, so I suppose it was only natural for me to write something reflective of it.

blessings,
Jolen

P.S. I was listening to some audio of yours and damn, you have a fantastic voice and beautiful accent!

macaby on 03-10-2009
מ ו׳ ף ף
I agree with the others on this one, a very strong poem that packs a punch, after reading your poem we ask ourselves why? I remember my wife gave me a book " Die Welle" / The Wave- in English- I also watched the film, like sirat says above it was easier for the students to follow rather than rock the boat. Good one, Jolen.
Regards mac

Author's Reply:
Hi Mac,

Thank you so much. How the hell are you? I really enjoyed your poem and hope that my suggestions weren't offensive. I guess I have a hard time understanding the 'sheep' mentality. I've always bucked the system and fought for the rights of us to be individuals to be individual.

blessings,
Jolen

RoyBateman on 04-10-2009
מ ו׳ ף ף
It's all been said, and quite rightly no-one is going to disagree with you on this one. People, even intelligent ones, sleepwalk into disaster...as my principal interest has always been history, it no longer surprises me. The masses are easily duped and controlled - but why? Because they want to be. Now, I'm talking like a fascist! Or, am I? Is it just the truth? Maybe. Hitler and Stalin were genuinely popular among the people who mattered until things started going wrong, and they were obvious monsters. What about the slower, more subtle ones that obtain power and control by stealth and concealment? History has many examples, but possibly the most insidious as I speak are the ever-tightening tentacles of the EU. Thank you, Ireland - you DID get fooled again! Think you'll ever have another vote, eh? Well, I wonder...as a democrat, I weep for what's happening to my country. It USED to be a democracy... Sorry, I'm wandering off. Great, hard-hitting poem. I agree with every word.

Author's Reply:
Dear Roy,

I love this comment so much and that my poem has drawn such comments as this one has is totally mind blowing and fantastic for me. I know just exactly how you feel, I really do. It's sad for both of our countries to be in such decline and we'll have to get together over a few pints sometime soon and really have a gab fest. What say you?

Thanks, Roy, I really love this comment.

jolen

Jesse on 09-10-2009
מ ו׳ ף ף
'...What about the slower, more subtle ones that obtain power and control by stealth and concealment?...'

Ah yes, never a truer word - your poem's definitely struck a few chords Jolen, and rightly so! Pity it can't be rated, I'd give it a 12 🙂

Author's Reply:
Just so, Jesse. They're the most dangerous, I reckon, don't you? Thank you very much for the great comment and the willingness to rate it so highly. I stopped accepting ratings long ago after so much contention on the site over them. Now I neither give them nor accept them. Case closed, eh? If only other things were so simple.

blessings,
Jolen

papaed on 21-01-2010
מ ו׳ ף ף
Oh yes, the great Karmic circle. So Mussolini recognized that all the world’s a stage and we are but poor players, signifying nothing. ‘The retribution of the noose’ is a thought-provoking ending. What could possibly happen to some of the true despots in this world to equal their atrocities? It’s an argument for reincarnation. Imagine how, and in what condition, they would come back to satisfy the ethics of the great wheel.

It's not as easy to respond to such a strong piece after reading all these wonderful comments before me.

Peace and Love,
papaed

Author's Reply:
Hi Ed,
I don't know if you're familiar with Mussolini's last days, but it's interesting and provided a perfect analogy for this piece. Too often these types of people forget that people will only take so much before they've had it and then it's hell to pay. This particular person has a huge cosmic bill coming due and I look forward to it being delivered.

love and light,
jolen


From The Silence (posted on: 21-09-09)
For A. A. with deep affection

If he left no muddy footprints on his mother's spotless floors or crayon marks on the chintz, it wasn't because he was invisible. When he trembled at each peal of thunder and campana of bells, it was with excitement and expectation, not fear. The arcane became his dulcimer, a sounding board of spirit. He appreciated the symphony played out between the strings. When disease tried to steal his voice he learned to sing in a key tuned to the guardians of silence, who leave no wounds upon the soul or the budding blades of tomorrow. His footsteps echo down corridors of a universe so harmonious that even the deaf may follow if they would but lend an ear.
Archived comments for From The Silence
sunken on 21-09-2009
From The Silence
Hello Ms. Swollen of America (next to the post office - just opposite a benifit cheat named Kelly who makes extra cash by flashing her pants at passing motorists) fame. Ahem. What am I on about? I just wanted to highlight my fave bit before someone else does (I'm always being beaten to it and no mistake) -

'When disease tried to steal his voice
he learned to sing in a key tuned
to the guardians of silence'

Oh yeah. That's the stuff of poetry right there and no mistake. Stand back, Ms Swollen Jolen. Hold onto something sturdy and say a little prayer (preferably in the style of Aretha Franklin Roosevelt - Hello?) You're gonna get beagled....

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Author's Reply:
Hello Mr. Sunken of England (that small littered island where people speak so strangely) fame.

In all seriousness, I wish to thank you for your unwavering support of my work and all of your encouragement the past few years, you've always been the best of what this site has to offer and I appreciate that so very much.

Thanks about those lines, you have made an Old Witch very happy. Now, whatcha into and how long will it take me to get you out of it? 😉

with great appreciation and love,
Ms jolen

admin on 21-09-2009
From The Silence
I love this Jolen. Beautiful. As well as the bit (it's probably got a propah name, like 'stanza' or summat) Sunks highlighted, I particularly liked this...er...bit.

His footsteps echo down corridors
of a universe so harmonious
that even the deaf may follow
if they would but lend an ear


x

Author's Reply:
Thank you very kindly Ms. Admin person. I'm thrilled to the toes that you enjoyed those 'bits' And please allow to take a moment to thank the nib fairies and whomever nominated this piece as well.

Blessings,
Jolen

hoopsinoz on 22-09-2009
From The Silence
I am truly in awe of the talent on here sometimes - this is exceptional - The arcane became his dulcimer
forget the rest, which is poetry in extreme, but this one line causes shivers and emotions the way great writing should.

Author's Reply:
Thank you, Ian. I know just how you feel. I am always in awe of the talent found here as well. I appreciate you taking the time to comment and am pleased that this spoke to you. I suspect you are also familiar with the arcane.

blessings,
jolen

stormwolf on 22-09-2009
From The Silence
OMGGG This has to be one of your very best J.
Just stunning work! I felt the emotions in the bones of me.
Alison

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much, Ali! You've floored me, but if the poem is good, it is because the subject I wrote it about is amazing and worthy of every accolade I could give. Thanks for selecting this as a fave as well. I'm deeply honored.

blessings,
jolen

macaby on 22-09-2009
From The Silence
Yes this is a remarkable poem, I read it a couple of times, " to let it really sink in" it is a very emotional poem, the ending I thought was in a way, for me " quite uplifting" Glad to see that the poem has been nominated, it is a cracker.
Thanks for the read
mac

Author's Reply:
Hello, Mac:

Thank you so very much! I'm pleased that you enjoyed this and that you felt the ending uplifting, as that's what I had hoped for.

Thank you also for selecting it as a fave, for which I am both pleased and deeply honored.

Looking forward to reading something new of yours soon,

jolen

Mezzanotte on 23-09-2009
From The Silence
Dear Jolen,

Everyone got here before me and expressed everything that I feel, but you already know that I love this poem. God, I wish I had just a little of your talent.

You know that 'Every Girl has her Limits' is an amazing anthology, but lately, your work just seems to have gone out of this solar system.

Luv
Jack

Author's Reply:
Dearest Jackie,
You are far too sweet, but I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kind words. However, from your mouth to the solar system ears, I would love it to be so! 😉

Thank you for selecting this as a favorite. That is a great honor for me and it pleases me immensely to see that this poem seems to speak well of the person I tried to honor.

With great respect and mutual admiration,
jolen

RoyBateman on 23-09-2009
From The Silence
It's all been said, and I'm not exactly surprised - this is good even by your own high standards. Yes, I realise that the dedication is elsewhere, but I do feel that the final stanza would have made a fine epitaph for Beethoven.

Author's Reply:
Hi Roy,

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I always love to hear from you. You know, I never would have thought of that, but what an excellent observation you make about Beethoven! Thank you! My best to you and the boss!

love,
jolen

barenib on 23-09-2009
From The Silence
Jolen, I echo many of the comments above and add that this is a wonderful examination of sensitive spirit - and the poem matches that spirit. John.

Author's Reply:
Dear John:

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment. I am always pleased when you comment on something of mine. I respect your talent so much.

I couldn't ask for greater achievement than to have this match the spirit of the subject. I hope this finds you well.

blessings,
Jolen

Corin on 23-09-2009
From The Silence
Well Jolen - fools rush in where angels fear to tread. Is this about a young boy about to face a dangerous operation? Certainly it is full of the determination of the human spirit. A well deserved nomination.

David


Author's Reply:
Hi David,

No, this is about a man who from a very early age went in search of a more harmonious way of life and continues today to live his best, believe that things can be better and strive toward that end. He is someone whom I greatly respect and am humbled by.

Thank you for commenting.

love,
jolen

Ania on 24-09-2009
From The Silence
This poem has a particular resonance for me because I work with those who are experiencing 'disease trying to steal their voice' but they all find a new key. Thanks.

Ania

Author's Reply:
Dear Ania,

Thank you very much for reading and commenting. I hope this finds you well and bless you for your work with people who are experiencing such.

I hope this finds you well.

blessings,
Jolen

papaed on 22-01-2010
From The Silence
A.A.'s tribute is wonderful. Each line sounding like a personal, inside piece of information. Excitement with bells and thunder, I can certainly understand. I'm sorry for the disease that took his voice, but glad he persevered. You've written a loving, fun tribute.

Peace and Love,
papaed

Author's Reply:
We've got to stop meeting like this! lol. Thank you again for your lovely comments. The person I wrote this about is a gentleman in every sense of the word and a human that I'd be proud to be like. I respect him greatly. So, I am very pleased if my poem shows him the honor I feel he richly deserves.

love,
jolen


He Paints (For Ross McCague's Birthday) (posted on: 14-09-09)
"We are the flow, we are the air, we are the witches back from the dead. We are the flow, we are the air, we are the weavers, we are the web."

Photobucket The reticent scion bears his mutable palette, a crucifix clutched in the fist of a heathen. Unable to deny Akasha's voice, he refines it with broad strokes on a diaphanous canvas, dips his brush into the Aurorae and, exhaling a boreal breath, splashes ruby streaks across sapphire-stained flax. Summer faded quickly like the blush from a deflowered maiden's cheek. Autumn's badge of naked lady and nettle fastened to his chest allows pinholes of light: an earthly man transformed by the elements of air and fire into a child of shadow and midnight. If you listen carefully, you can almost hear him paint.
Archived comments for He Paints (For Ross McCague's Birthday)
Mezzanotte on 14-09-2009
He Paints (For Ross McCagues Birthday)
Jolen you are a genius with a pen... if I listen carefully I can definately hear agents and publishers rushing to you door to get a second collection of your amazing words off to the press and then the bookshops where they should be.

Love Jack

Author's Reply:
Oh, Jackie, you have made me blush, but I thank you very, very much for this fantastic comment! I hope you're well. See you on skype soon, I hope?

love,
jolen

RoyBateman on 14-09-2009
He Paints (For Ross McCagues Birthday)
A terrific, almost overpowering cascade of images laid almost like layers of paint on a canvas - so, very appropriate! Certainly one to read more than once, to prise open those crafty overlaid hidden meanings.

Author's Reply:
Thank you, Roy. I am deeply humbled by the praise being paid this poem and am elated that Ross enjoyed it. He's a good friend and has helped my work considerably.

I hope this finds you well and I look forward to reading that new story of yours.

blessings,
Jolen

stormwolf on 14-09-2009
He Paints (For Ross McCagues Birthday)
Summer faded quickly like the blush
from a deflowered maiden's cheek.
I don't know..I think I had a red face for at least three days 😉
seriously though J
a well crafted tribute to one who you patently hold in very high regard. I am sure Ross will be delighted to be given this gift.
Words are immortal and therefore worth more than all the world's wealth.
Alison

Author's Reply:
LOL! Good for you! I personally can't remember back that far! Seriously, thank you so much for this wonderful comment. I adore Ross and he's made a huge difference in my work and I can never repay that but I did wish to do him honor with a poem worthy of him.

blessings
Jolen

sunken on 14-09-2009
He Paints (For Ross McCagues Birthday)
Hello Ms. Swollen of Jolen fame. All I can say is, that Mr. Ross is a very lucky man. Happy birthday Ross, if you're reading this. Another superb piece, in my sunky opinion (currently trading at two peanuts a share). Particularly like the blushing maidens line. Stand back, Ms. Jolen, hold on to something sturdy - You're gonna get beagled...

s
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k
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Author's Reply:
Hiya, Sunken of Monkey fame. Two peanuts a share? I'd best get to buying them now then! Thanks so much for the fantastic beagling! Was it good for you? I LOVED IT! Anyway, Ross is a dear friend and I had hoped to do him honor with this. I'll send you the next two scenes of the parody later today too.



love,

Ms. Swollen

Zoya on 14-09-2009
He Paints (For Ross McCagues Birthday)
'Summer faded quickly like the blush
from a deflowered maiden's cheek.'
Dear Jolen, I loved the analogy!
Ross indeed is a deserving candidate for this masterpiece of a gift!
And of course, as for the poem it self, I would like to quote Iqbal- the great Urdu poet:
" What comes from the heart, Goes straight to the heart!

'dips his brush into the Aurorae and,
exhaling a boreal breath, splashes ruby
streaks across sapphire-stained flax'

I find these lines very lyrical too:

Love,
Zoya'

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much, Dear Zoya, and I agree with you and the poet you quoted, this was from the heart as I do think so much of Ross and his work. I'm elated that others are enjoying it and thrilled at the nib and nomination.

blessings,
Jolen

silversun on 15-09-2009
He Paints (For Ross McCagues Birthday)
Hey beautiful,

You already know I love this poem, and would have nominated it meself had someone not done so.

The opening is a strong visual, illustrative in its incongruity, as if an unbeliever has been forced into a salvation; the continuation from Akasha through Aurorae to boreal breath holds the poem together, its precision saving it from being too wordy.
For me, though, the standout is

Autumn’s badge of naked lady and nettle
pinned to his chest allows pinholes of light:

It is not too personal so as to be unfathomable to the reader, (I didn't know naked lady was a flower, I assume others do), and yet is just close enough to esoteric to carry the underlying mysticism of the poem. Equally, it is not too obvious that it renders the mysticism impotent. Dylan Thomas did shit like that rather often, so do you; it is my favourite thing about poetry. That 'allows pinholes of light', again, is so precise. 'Allows' is an excellent choice of verb; it conveys the protaganists choice, as if he sees the necessity of 'light' (or, in this metaphor, the act of painting; oddly enough a metaphor itself) but is wary of it still.

There are some who hold that perfection is logically unattainable. This poem is as good an argument against that as any one of us could offer, and I get to say the the missus is responsible.

Love
James

Author's Reply:
James:



You have once again got straight to the heart of the matter and with the usual flair and insight. I love that you chose that line as I'll let you in on a bit of the inside information that I used to write this poem. Ross' first word was 'Light'. True! An uncommon child, to be sure.



As you know, I think the world of Ross and I'm fortunate enough to get to see him fully. As for the naked lady, yes, that is a flower, but as you know I will often use imagery or words for a layered or double meaning, that was one of them.



You've wowed me with your comment as you still do with your poetry and well, you. So I thank you very kindly and may have to have this framed.



love,

jolen

cat on 17-09-2009
He Paints (For Ross McCagues Birthday)
Wow you! You most certainly know your craft and are a master of it. *is rushing off to order your book er, now!*

Much love,
Catherine x

Author's Reply:
HI Cat!
Well, my goodness, you sweet thing, thank you! If you were serious, I hope you enjoy the book.

blessings,
Jolen

macaby on 17-09-2009
He Paints (For Ross McCagues Birthday)
Top marks for poetic diction, so many wonderfull words( I admit that I had to look a few of them up) and the images also:
Summer faded quickly like the blush
from a deflowered maiden's cheek.

exhaling a boreal breath, splashes ruby
streaks across sapphire-stained flax. the aliteration here caught my attention,lovely sound .
All in all a poem that deserves more than one read .
The honours, also well deserved.
Top poem, Jolen
Enjoyed the read
cheers
mac



Author's Reply:
Dear Mac,

I thank you from the bottom of my heart and all points south! I love that you enjoyed the alliteration, as I too enjoyed that. Thanks so much for such a wonderful comment!

Blessings,
Jolen

shackleton on 17-09-2009
He Paints (For Ross McCagues Birthday)
Coo... that's a posh one. Very good! You go girl!

Author's Reply:
hiya Mick!

Yeah, I was channeling Ross when I wrote this I think! Good to see you around again. I've missed ya.

blessings,
Jolen

Ionicus on 19-09-2009
He Paints (For Ross McCagues Birthday)
A glowing and loving tribute to your friend and mentor, Jolen.
Superb penmanship.

Luigi x

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much, Luigi. Ross is a dear friend and as my mentor has had a huge influence on my work and I wished to do him suitable honor. I'm pleased that it seems to be so.

much love,
jolen

Andrea on 19-09-2009
He Paints (For Ross McCagues Birthday)
Jolen, I shall have to dash off to WIKIPEDIA in order to look some of these refs up! Nonetheless, I thought it was beautiful, especially the last line.

What a clever gal you are indeed!

Author's Reply:
Hi Andrea,

I realize that some of the words/terms I used aren't as common as one might have used, but they're not so difficult either, really.
But I won't ruin the fun of you discovering them for yourself. We remember things better that way, I find.

But thank you very kindly for the read, the comment and your appreciation of the piece. As I've said, I just wanted so much to do a poem that would honor Ross well...(As I do try to do every year) This year, I think I've finally done it! Who says miracles don't happen?

Blessings,
Jolen


Lessons (posted on: 26-06-09)


Mother taught us ballet by forcing our feet into confining toe-shoes and cracking whips around juvenile spirits, as if we'd somersaulted from the womb to dance by instinct on color-coded foot charts. We learned to prepare for disasters, build fallout shelters while she bombarded us with moods as minacious as Hiroshima. We practiced self-preservation before we could write our names: every morning we'd sharpen saber and wit on each others whet-bones, dig moats around our hearts and stock them with piranhas. Writing her love into a contract comprised of double-talk and foreign parlance, she finessed the fine point scrawled in Cyrillic symbols across the bottom of a page too dark to decipher and signed it in blood. Everything was transitory, conditional and subject to repossession. Even our umbilical cords had been tied with slipknots.
Archived comments for Lessons
Bradene on 26-06-2009
Lessons
A fantastic piece of writing, hope this isn't autobiographical, if it is it certainly makes me realise just how beautiful my mother was... Wonderful imagery even though it is stark and somewhat painful. Val

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much, Val! I'm afraid it is indeed autobiographical, but as we all know, that often is our best source for work. Congrats on your book and competition win as well.


blessings,
Jolen

Sunken on 26-06-2009
Lessons
(-: Blimey. What a truly corking write and no mistake. I feel a nom coming on (or is it just the way I'm sitting 😉

Bernard is howling. He either loves your sub or he's desperate for a pee. Too many top lines to highlight just one... Have to say tho, I particularly liked the moat line. Top stuff and no mistake.

Late News - Bernard has just been outside and he didn't pee. I can therefore only assume that he was howling out of approval for your pome. I'm sorry, you'll just have to live him.

s
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k
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Author's Reply:
Wow! Darlin' Smunky! Thank you so much, baby doll! I appreciate your wonderful comment and that Bernard has endorsed this is icing on the cake or pee on the tree, not sure which, but either way, I love it, so thank you both!

I'm thrilled you liked that line, I must confess the 'whet-bones' and the last line are my faves.

Thanks also for the nom, and may I say, I love the way you sit.... 🙂



blessings,

Ms. Swollen

Jesse on 26-06-2009
Lessons
If this is autobiographical, your mother sounds just like mine 🙂

Fantastic stuff, Jolen!

Author's Reply:
I'm sorry to hear that, but I appreciate your comment, so thank you and long may those of us who survived mothers like this, thrive, eh?

blessings,
Jolen

e-griff on 26-06-2009
Lessons
I'll be honest, I don't like all of your poetry, but I have commented on a few 'crackers' in the past. This one deserves much praise.

It is very moving and real, and special. I feel it has to be autobigraphical to get all that feeling and detail compressed into a few short lines, and it engenders both shock and compassion for the writer.

The final line is really excellent.

G

Author's Reply:

Leila on 26-06-2009
Lessons
Jolen you have a cracking poem here, it's like walking a tightrope it's so tense and tight with line after great line pushing to bring out the further full meaning to the lucky reader.
If I could just say one thing I would lose verse 3, I think it dilutes the rest of the poem because it doesn't have the strength of the other verses nor does it lead me to any greater understanding of the poem, in fact it seems out of kilter with the rest of the poem. Most emjoyable...Leila


Author's Reply:
Hi Leila,

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment and I am elated that you suggested removing that verse, as I had been contemplating doing so all day. It worked for the original version of this poem, but after I had edited it a few times I should have removed it as well. I have done so now and again, my thanks to you, I really appreciate your considered comment.

blessings,
Jolen

Leila on 26-06-2009
Lessons
Jolen I'm just logging back in to say thank you for that response, it's always difficult when commenting because like you I am passionate about poetry and can't help being true to my gut instinct, I'm glad in this case our guts were telling us the same thing! Congrats on the nib and nom, you have a fine poem...Leila

Author's Reply:
Thank you again, dear Leila. Yes, I love it that we were on the same wavelength and please never ever be afraid to offer suggestions or critique on my work. I put 'advanced crit' on nearly every sub, because I appreciate others taking the time to offer such, if they feel inclined. Often, I look at something so long I just can't see what it needs and someone else will come along and nail it. I hope you're enjoying the weekend.

Jolen

freya on 27-06-2009
Lessons
Hey ladyfriend! Wot's this then, with thanks to moi plastered across the top of this? Considering the time it took me to respond to your request ....*squirms with embarrassment* But congrats, congrats on all the accolades. Deserved. You know I thought your poem hit a whopping punch.

Hmm...checking your finalized version ...

I'd suggest adding a comma after 'spirits'
and changing the following thus:

(She w)[W]r[i](ote)[ing] her love into a contract comprised
of double-talk and foreign parlance[, she] (-) finessed
the fine point scrawled in Cyrillic symbols
across the bottom of a page too dark to decipher (-)
[and] signed it in blood. Everything

was transitory,
conditional....

So:

She wrote her love into a contract comprised
of double-talk and foreign parlance - finessed
the fine point scrawled in Cyrillic symbols
across the bottom of a page too dark to decipher -
signed it in blood. Everything

was transitory,
conditional....

This to even more break up that sense of ' a list' which I spoke of, and to increase the power of your last stanza.

I'm personally disappointed by your removal of the meal-time stanza. I so related to that inclusion. Much of the tension, fear and mental/physical abuse of my own childhood revolved around mealtime, while I knew - for healthier families - this was the ideal time to share support and love. For me, that stanza, in particular, so well evoked the more terrifying and devastating memories I carry. in fact, I've tried to write about this myself, but not too successfully thus far. Still, Jolen, you have made your decision and the poem remains strong.

Of course, it goes without saying that any of my further suggestions are yours to adopt or discard. Affectionate regard, Shelagh 😉

Author's Reply:
Hello dearest Shelagh,
How wonderful to hear from you and I hope you have had a nice birthday and that the weekend is being kind to you. I did add the comma after spirits, which I meant to do earlier and forgot like the forgetful old witch I often am. I'll have a think on your other suggestions and you know I appreciate them, so thank you very much.

I did like that particular verse as well, but it just didn't seem to sit right in the edits you and I made so I cut it. But I agree with you that it was powerful and evoked feelings that many could relate to, so perhaps I'll go over this again and see if I can rework it with that bit in there somehow.

Anyway, I truly appreciate your thoughts and your help. How's your writing going? Can we expect to see a post from you anytime soon? *hint, hint*...


Sending love your way,
jolen

macaby on 27-06-2009
Lessons
If I had read this poem without having seen your name above it, I am certain that I would have known that it was from you and that it was autobiographical.The poem has your mark on it, fantastic descriptions, honesty and in this one, a sadness that the reader can either identify with or thanks his/her lucky stars that they had a "happier" childhood. There are so many good lines hard , to pick out a fav but I liked the one about the moat and the piranhas. I can imagine after such experiences it would take a while to build a bridge over the moat and swap the piranhas for rainbow fish. After I read the poem a 2nd time, the first stanza somehow made me think of Michael Jackson. Didn't his father whip the childhood out of him and his brothers? Great poem Jolen, sad theme but it left it's mark on me. Thanks for the read.
mac

Author's Reply:
Hi Mac,

Thank you very much. I'm glad that you feel you could have recognized my work so readily. And yes, while it's not a cheery little number, as you say, it gives people something to relate to or be grateful they have no experience of. I wrote quite a few poems about my childhood/mother as it obviously had a huge effect on me, and while it was never easy and still isn't, it did help me to become me, and I like me these days, so you know? We have to play the hands we're dealt and if we plan to win, we have to learn how to make the best of them. Which is what I have always done and still do. I think you're right about Michael Jackson and his father and it's funny, because I never really had a childhood either, and so perhaps that's why I retain so much of what my husband and friends call 'innocence'. I just love life and laughter, and I appreciate the tears for what they are.

Anyway, Thank you.

blessings,
Jolen

Ionicus on 28-06-2009
Lessons
Sorry to have come to this so late, Jolen. Blame it on tennis and Wimbledon in particular. Everything I wanted to say has been said by everybody else so I can only concur.
Fantastic lines and the last one is phenomenal.

Luigi xxx

Author's Reply:
Dear Luigi, you are never late as long as you come, darlin'.....But thank you so much. I understand being absent from here when there's been such wonderful tennis going on. I'm enjoying it as well.

love,
jolen

RoyBateman on 28-06-2009
Lessons
I'd send this to card manufacturers, hopefully for use in their Mothers' Day range...no, honestly, I bet there's a market! Not everyone's experiences are rosy, though I'm relieved that mine were relatively normal. Superb write, though - acidic is hardly the word and - I know it's already been said - that the last line is a corker.

Author's Reply:
You know, Roy, you're right, I'm sure there are places that would love this and use it and people who could use a Mother's day card like that. Bless them. lol I am happy to hear from you and hope that you got your invite and that we can see you soon. Thanks so very much for the wonderful comment. I always enjoy you stopping by.

blessings,
Jolen

Corin on 29-06-2009
Lessons
Brilliant Jolen, but so painful - I especially liked the line about the cyrillic script!-)

David

Author's Reply:
Thank you, David, I'm glad you stopped by and how can anyone not love that image? I have you to thank for it and I love it as well.

I hope you're well and have received your official invitation, I'm getting very nervous, but things are going well. Wait to you see the great car we're going to the church in. I'll send you a pix via email right now.

love,
jolen

woodbine on 31-08-2009
Lessons
What is to say that hasn't been said. This poem has a vein of gold forcing its way through black rock from the first verse to the last character of the last line. What an achievement, and how your mother would be swallowed by her own wrath if she could see it.

Much love,
John xxx

Author's Reply:
Dear John,

Well, you managed to leave me speechless, so thank you. I appreciate your taking the time to stop by and comment. I'm glad that you enjoyed this and yes, I imagine it would not please my mother to read this poem, but then, very little pleases my mother. Sadly so, because she's lived her life miserable and I can't imagine the horror of that. I prefer to have some fun and laughs, so I do.

My love to you and Bobbie,
jolen

papaed on 30-01-2010
Lessons
jolen is the nib queen for sure. This piece ripped at me pretty hard. You can pull out the essence of every situation in a way few can. You can look at your own life with distraction and metaphorical imagery that is astounding. A wonderful piece that I hope was an aid in releasing suppressed emotions. Getting them out in the open and sharing them in an abstract way has to be therapeutic.
Peace and Love,
papaed

Author's Reply:
Hi again, sexy.

I don't know about the 'nib queen' but I am pleased that so much of my recent work has been found to be regarded as a 'great read'. I'm honored, in fact.

Thank you about the poem and the feelings around it. Yes it is therapeutic for me to write these things out and also, it is my hope that it may touch and help others who may have similar experiences or memories that they have no outlet for.

sending much love to you,
jolen


Superman, Dorothy and Delilah (posted on: 29-05-09)
Warning: Beware Philistines and temptresses!

Having a super hero for a close friend wasn't as easy for Dorothy as loving her little dog. You weren't cuddly and Toto doesn't have an alter ego. Under the scrutiny of your x-ray vision, our hometown girl knew if she was ever going to make it to the city, she had to find the yellow brick road. She asked the Wizard for a suit and cape to help you both escape those mundane Midwestern fields. It's unfortunate that you neglected to read the inside label, which clearly warned against coming into contact with Philistines and hired Temptresses. The gossip in Metropolis is that Dorothy changed her name to Lois, traded her ruby slippers for a press pass, and watched you outrun the speeding bullet only to be clipped by Delilah's kryptonite shears.
Archived comments for Superman, Dorothy and Delilah
Sunken on 29-05-2009
Superman, Dorothy and Delilah
Hello Ms. Jolen. It's me, sunks. I am wearing my cape in honour of your sub. It could do with ironing to be honest. Attempting to save damsels in distress whilst sporting a creased cape is just not right. Where the hell is my Lois Lane? Ahem. Was that sexist? I do apologise. I would, of course, not expect my Lois Lane to do all of my ironing... Do you know, Ms. Jolen, I actually don't iron anything. If you dry things in the proper manner one can get away with ironing and no mistake. You must be so glad I commented? You don't get this kind of in-depth crit on other writing sites. Hello? Oh, I did enjoy the poem by the way. It was super. Did you see what I did there? Ahem. I'll get me cape. Thank you.

s
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Author's Reply:
Hiya, Sunks! Thank you for giving my poem a Bernard! I love that dog... Thanks as well for your wonderful comment and I quite agree with you, if you dry things properly, you don't have to iron much. I hate ironing! Have you been enjoying the wonderful weekend? I'm fried to a crisp, but I love it!

blessings,
Ms. Swollen

SugarMama34 on 29-05-2009
Superman, Dorothy and Delilah
A humerous poem Jolen. I liked the way you gelled together the Wizard of Oz and Superman with your words. I guess there is a fore warning behind this...don't follow the yellow brink road coz it don't exsist and men in capes just don't mix huh!! Well done hun.

Lis'. xx

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting, Lis', I hope you're enjoying the weekend.

blessings,
Jolen

macaby on 29-05-2009
Superman, Dorothy and Delilah
One of the best poem that I have read in a while. Great idea, well presented.10 points from Germany.
mac

Author's Reply:
Thank you very much, Mac! I actually wrote this awhile back but have waited to post it. I'm so pleased that you appreciated it and thank you for selecting it as a fave, as well!


Blessings,
Jolen

Mezzanotte on 31-05-2009
Superman, Dorothy and Delilah
Ciao Bella,

You know I love those cryptonite sheers, but having read it again I'm wondering if you should take 'the' away from metrapolis and add a capital M for the city. A tiny comment, but I know you appreciate them

Love Jack

Author's Reply:
Thank you, dear Jackie, I actually thought I'd done that already, but it was in my document, not this version. I've since changed this as well and thank you for stopping by and commenting as well as your keen eye! I hope you're having a lovely evening.
love,
jolen

papaed on 16-10-2010
Superman, Dorothy and Delilah
You've become my super hero, or maybe my Lois. And I love your little dog too. I say cut off that inside label! Well constructed. Filled with visuals and inside, personal meanings.

Peace and Love,
papaed

Author's Reply:
Oh, hell, now you've went and made me blush! Thank you for taking the time to read some of my older poetry on here. I appreciate it greatly. I love that I have a 'a little dog too' now! And, I love you. 😉

love,
jolen


Beyond Despicable (posted on: 22-05-09)
Sometimes you just have to...

The Y Chromosome, so they say, determined that I'd be a man. Yet, sometimes, and to my dismay, I'm dexterous with duster or pan. My sexual sense seems confused since sometimes I'll go out in drag; though in my defense, the reviews are not all concluded with ''Fag!'' I find this 'identities' duel has made my life somewhat a breeze. It's been my propensity's fuel to mix up my meters with ease. A tyrant I know I can be, attention I certainly crave. There's those that, I know, will agree I'm not very generous with praise. Some say a purlieu I transcend 'despicable' can't justify. Such compliments frequent you send when you spot my wit's gone awry. 'Tis true that my parents aren't proud, I gave them no reason to boast; From birth, was obnoxious and loud, these days it's myself I love most.
Archived comments for Beyond Despicable

No comments archives found!
In The Shape Of A Hart (posted on: 18-05-09)
Based on an experience I had during my holiday in Scotland.

A figure stands beside the rapids, listening to the night songs; a ritual as old as the river unfolds around her. Aged pines sway, spectral mists roll across the rocky peaks of Monadhliath. Their silhouettes crawl velvet-lined passes while fairy cattle, hooves softly muffled by the carpeted forest, complete their trek toward the circled stones, and she follows. The melody of her ancestors descends, douses her gown, seeps through her skin, and liberates her memories. Her spirit escapes its corporal confines, free to wander, a nomad trailing the herd. At the grove, a highland messenger waits, an embodiment of this land. In a chrysalis cradled by his lullaby, the maiden moon gives birth. Transformed into the shape of a Hart, he will finally sing her home.
Archived comments for In The Shape Of A Hart
Mezzanotte on 18-05-2009
In The Shape Of A Hart
OOOH, how beautiful Jolen, more visual than your photos.

'as old as the river unfolds around her'

and

those 'fairy cattle' two words that I would never have thought of putting together...what fantastic images, amongst a host of brilliant words.

Did you get my email? write back and tell me about this experience.

Love Jackie

Author's Reply:
Thank you, Jackie. I didn't expect anyone to 'get' this really, but hoped that it might be appreciated, as you have done. Thank you. I am pleased that my email made sense. LOL

Love,
jolen

Ionicus on 18-05-2009
In The Shape Of A Hart
What an amazing spiritual experience it must have been, dear Jolen. It conjured visions of Druidic rituals,
stone circles and the worshipping of the Moon. I felt transported to another, prehistoric, era.
It is a wonderful poem, full of excellent lines such as:
"In a chrysalis cradled by his lullaby,
the maiden moon gives birth."
Enchanting.

Love, Luigi x


Author's Reply:
Hi Luigi,
Yes! It really was an amazing experience and something I shall not ever forget. Magic is alive and well in the highlands, I can tell you that for certain. Thank you for your beautiful comment and I'm so pleased that this one is being understood. I was concerned that it might be too oblique. Those lines you quote are among my personal favorites, as well.

love
jolen

teifii on 18-05-2009
In The Shape Of A Hart
Beautiful, Jolen. I'm a sucker for fairy cattle and magic in general. This is laden with celtic magic.
Daff

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much, Daff. I am thrilled that I seem to have captured a bit of the magic of the highlands here, as it was all around us. I had such a great time, and this just added icing to the cake, if you will. I am now even more determined to see Wales, and so we're trying to arrange a trip to see you if that invitation is still open.

blessings,
Jolen

Sunken on 18-05-2009
In The Shape Of A Hart
Blimey, Ms. Jolen, you can't half string some smashing lines together. I swear that getting into women's pants would be a lot easier if I could write like that. Ahem. When I say 'getting into women's pants' I don't mean wearing them. I just thought I should clear that up. I mean, each to their own and all that, but I fear serious winding could occur if I were to wear those pieces of string that pass as ladies knickers. Has this comment helped at all? Anyway, yes, hello? A tip top sub and no mistake. The Beagle named Bernard, he say 'woof'.

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Author's Reply:
I got a Bernard! Woooooo hooooo! Thank you, Smunky. I am relieved to hear that you aren't considering wearing panties, as I do think that the 'floss' might rub your hairy bum raw. LOL. Seriously, thank you so much for your comment. I always love to hear from you and you actually made sense!



sending love and good wishes,

Ms. Swollen

Zoya on 18-05-2009
In The Shape Of A Hart
Dear Jolan,
It is wonderful to let the Celtic mystery and magic envelope you, and let the spirit roam in the ruins and feel a part of the part-legend part-history...
I was there with you!
It was experiences such as these that I love to travel.
I had a similar experience in the Ruins of Konarak Temple of Orissa (I think I have the poem somewhere on this website)...
Thanks for sharing this lovely lyrical piece.
Love,
Zoya

Author's Reply:
Thank you dear Zoya. It was a very special and magical time for me and one I shall always cherish. I'm so pleased that the specialness comes across in this poem. Your poem sounds quite interesting and I shall have a look for it. Also, congrats on being WOTM!

blessings,
Jolen

cat on 18-05-2009
In The Shape Of A Hart
Oh my, this is just wow! If it wasn’t for my poorly sore leg (paintball related injury - my suspicious mind think’s sabotage) I would be on my knees and bowing. Truly K.O!

My love and best to you X

Author's Reply:
Hi Cat!

I'm sorry to hear about your injury and pray you'll recover soon. Be careful out there! lol. You have left me chuffed! Thanks so very much. I'm elated by the response to the poem.

blessings,
Jolen

Rupe on 19-05-2009
In The Shape Of A Hart
I'm not sure I 'got' it, in terms of the narrative & resolution, but the imagery, atmosphere and sense of place is superbly evoked. There is something magical about the Scottish Highlands - despite the hype and the bad weather - and you've definitely put your finger on it here.

Rupe

Author's Reply:
Hi Rupe,

Thank you for stopping by and leaving such a beautiful comment. You have to forgive me for not leaving you better comments because I'm usually laughing too hard to write after reading your stuff. I didn't expect this to make complete sense to anyone, as it was a spiritual and personal experience for me, but that the beauty and magic of the highlands are coming through in my poem is quite gratifying. It is a special place and the weather was fantastic while we were there. I will go back again, of that there is no doubt. I hope this finds you well and good luck with your sitcom reading. You must be very pleased about that!

blessings,
Jolen

macaby on 19-05-2009
In The Shape Of A Hart
I think you have done the Highlands justice with this poem. Your poem brings out the beauty and peacefullnes that one feels when one is there. The circle of stones, melody of her ancestors , fairy cattle- these lines add to the magic of the poem. Paints a beautiful picture, honestly.
ps. I read in you interview, that you love "mountain dew".did you try "iron brew" during your stay in Scotland?
mac

Author's Reply:
Hi Mac!

Thank you so much for your lovely comment. I'm absolutely thrilled that my poem is working in bringing out the beauty of that country. You read my interview? OH gods, you poor man! I have tasted Iron Brew, but it's nothing like Mountain Dew, which is a citrus drink loaded with caffeine and of which I am actually enjoying a can at this very moment. You can get it here in the UK from American Soda and my writing partner, Linear, sent me some in return for some work I had done for him. Bless him.

Whew, sorry about that. I do run on sometimes. LOL

I hope this finds you well. I really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment on my work, and for reading my interview as well.

blessings,
Jolen

Elfstone on 19-05-2009
In The Shape Of A Hart
A very atmospheric poem and a very interesting read. I'd love to know *where* in the Highlands this happened ( "The Highlands" covers a vast area - bigger than Wales!) The Monadhliath only narrows it down a bit. Elf.

Author's Reply:
Hi Elf,



It was in Whitebridge and Corrimony Cairn. The circle was there, the rest happened while I was by the river. I stayed at Balmachree Cottage and there by the river/rapids in the full moon. It was beautiful and wonderful. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on this piece. I hope this finds you well.



blessings,

Jolen

Munster on 20-05-2009
In The Shape Of A Hart
Hi Jolen how beautiful you write, I love reading your work, it certainly moves me to write more.

Tony (munster).

Author's Reply:
Hello Tony,
How wonderful to hear from you and thank you so much! I am very pleased that you find my work beautiful and if it inspires you, that's wonderful! I look forward to reading some more of your work. I hope this finds you well and thank you so much for selecting me as a hot author as well.

blessings,
Jolen

Griffonner on 22-05-2009
In The Shape Of A Hart
A brilliant piece of wizardry... of the pen, of course. 😉

Author's Reply:
LOL Thank you, my dear friend. I appreciate you taking the time to stop by and see an old Witch. I hope this finds you well and out in the sun.

love,
Jolen

hoopsinoz on 22-09-2009
In The Shape Of A Hart
oh I so want to write something clever about this, to be seen as a great critigue giver but all I can muster is f**king hell it's brilliant 🙂 I can see the highlands, the smells of evening, the atmosphere of the whole.

Author's Reply:
Ian,

You just did write something clever about this and I thank you for it. I'll take a 'f*cking hell it's brilliant' any day.

If this transported you to the highlands, then the journey, and writing of it was well worth it.

blessings,
jolen


In Reflection (posted on: 01-05-09)
🙂

In the Sixties, I camouflaged misery behind a harlequin costume of comedy and mime. The Seventies saw me melting mystery into spoons and spreading my legs more than rumors. In the Eighties, I buried morals beside the afterbirth of would-be second chances. The Nineties found me practicing magic to subjugate sin and simulate death. At the turn of the twenty-first century mania marked my encroaching grave. Today it's nearly 2010 and you lifted the veil, rolled back the rock, dragged me in front of a full-length mirror that refused to crack, and for the first time, I saw myself.
Archived comments for In Reflection
Mezzanotte on 01-05-2009
In Reflection
HOORAY SHE'S BACK.

I missed you. I think Mr. Silversun must be very proud of this poem. The thing I love most about your poems Jolen is your brutal honesty which you wrap in veils of delicious words.

What a lovely reflection and inspiration you are.
Love
Jackie

Author's Reply:
Oh, bless you, Jackie, you make me feel so very good! Thank you for this lovely comment and yes, I think it's safe to say that Mr. Silversun is pleased with this poem. He keeps telling me that I'm a poet, silly man! lol.
Thank you for your beautiful words about my work. I don't know how to be anything but brutally honest, and believe me, it's gotten me into trouble enough, so I am very pleased when it actually gets me some positive feedback. LOL

Thanks so much, my friend, you're such a talent and I am thrilled that you enjoy my work.

love,
jolen

macaby on 01-05-2009
In Reflection
I think I have read only a couple of poems from you, but I like your style óf writing.Yes honesty is a word that comes to my mind, it kind of leaps out of your poems( your poem about the wedding , the 4dollar suit for example )I hope you are not offended when I say your poems are " down to earth," you know like Bukowski's work, I would put it in the same catigary. My kind of poetry. Oh, yes I loved the poem. mac

Author's Reply:
Hi Mac,

I'm not the least bit offended by 'down to earth'. Where I come from that's a very nice compliment, and I thank you for it. Thank you for selecting this as a favorite as well. I'm honored. Also for your liking my honesty to that of Bukowski's work. That's wonderful to hear, as well. I have been enjoying your work as well and I appreciate you taking the time to check mine out.

blessings,
Jolen

Sunken on 02-05-2009
In Reflection
Hello Ms. Jolen. It's me, sunks. I think the previous two ukaneers have put things much better than I ever could. I've tried saying much the same thing from various angles, but none of them sound right. I shall, therefore cop-out and just say well done and no mistake. A full explanation of this comment can be obtained from your local town hall. Thank you. Hello?

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now available in devon

Author's Reply:
Hello, Mr. Smunky man, how the hell are you? I see that you're now available in Devon. How's that working for you? Do you find that they're hospitable or hostile? Inquiring minds want to know. I went to the town hall for an explanation, but they were having a bank holiday. How rude!

As always, my dear, I love it when you stop by to chat, thank you!

with love,
Ms. Swollen

admin on 02-05-2009
In Reflection
Absolutely brilliant Jolen - loved it!

Author's Reply:
Good Morning, Admin and thank you! I'll take that any day and twice today! lol So pleased that this piece is appealing to the readers.

Thanks for stopping by to see an old witch.

blessings,
Jolen

cat on 02-05-2009
In Reflection
What! I read this with my mouth open, as in OMG!!

Only 1 word - STELLAR!

Love and best wishes to you, Catherine x

Author's Reply:
Hi Cat!

Thank you so much, your reaction was wonderful and such a thrill for me to see! I am very pleased that this piece is being appreciated and thank you also for selecting it as a favorite.

Blessings,
Jolen

Ionicus on 03-05-2009
In Reflection
Dearest Jolen, absolutely fantastic. I wish I had met you in the Seventies if that rumour about legs' spreading is correct.
Naughty, I know, but you know me by now!

Lots of love, Luigi.

Author's Reply:
My darling and oh so naughty Luigi,

I wish we'd have met then as well and I'd have shown you just how true that line is! 😉 Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on this piece. I hope this finds you well, you sexy man, you!


love,
jolen

woodbine on 03-05-2009
In Reflection
A very fine poem indeed, at the top of your game. Nothing more to say, other than I would like to have met you in the sixties to compare camouflage.
John XX

Author's Reply:
Thank you, John.... I always love to hear from you and appreciate you sparing me some of your very precious time.
I hope this finds you well and I look forward to seeing a new post from you soon.


love,
jolen

RoyBateman on 03-05-2009
In Reflection
Yes, I thought that the other half would be chuffed as little mintballs with this! Ah, that's love for you... Now, I do remember the sixties (No, NOT the 1860s, cheeky!) but I can't claim as chequered an emotional career. Then, if I did I doubt if I'd express it as well as you do. Congrats on the nib!

Author's Reply:
Hello Roy! Thank you so much for taking the time to check out a bit of my past madness and for your fantastic (and witty) comment. How are you?


blessings,
Jolen

Munster on 06-05-2009
In Reflection
Hi Jolen, I loved reading this piece your use of words are just fantastic,
The clarity and frankness really well written.

Tony

Author's Reply:
Hi Tony,

Thank you so very much for reading and commenting. I'm so pleased that you enjoyed this piece. I haven't been writing a tremendous amount lately, but I've been working hard when I do. Thank you for selecting it as a favorite, as well. It's greatly appreciated.

blessings,
Jolen


Cinderella Wants Her Slipper Back (posted on: 30-03-09)
p.s. Have the fairy godmother forward her mail.

The midnight toll passed hours ago, it's time to crawl into a cold bed, red-eyed and agitated. She'll stay silent and grab the Valium, while you become paranoid and do one more line. She wants to run a marathon, shop for shoes, tell the world how good her skin feels, right up until it ends. Then she's a broken- winged pixie, careening toward the pit. That damn clock and its smug wide-open chimes announce a full-throated conclusion to another intolerable day. She feels like her ugly stepsisters, mangled under the royal carriage wheels. Twisted in sweat-soaked silk sheets, suppressing screams, she stares at the nothing filling the room and repeats the litany: Tomorrow will be different. She barely resembles that girl you promised a happily-ever-after, before this travesty of over-sized handbags, designer poison and constant nasal-drip. The mice hate wearing tuxedos, she wants to exchange the corvette for a pumpkin, and if you could pour that champagne out of her glass slipper, Cinderella would like it back.
Archived comments for Cinderella Wants Her Slipper Back
Sunken on 30-03-2009
Cinderella Wants Her Slipper Back
Hello Ms. Swollen Jolen. It's me, sunks. Today am angled at 37 degrees. It's not ideal, as I prefer the more traditional 45 degree formation, but as Tina Turner once said, 'Nice to see ya, to see ya nice'. She does talk crap doesn't she? Anyway, an interesting piece (your poem that is, not Tina Turner) - To be frank, I can take of leave said Turner. Have you noticed how she dances like a crab? Not that crabs dance of course, or do they? I feel that this comment has gone completely tits up. I shall make a hasty retreat (gas mark five for 30 minutes... Oh no, that's a Cornish hastry isn't it?) I like what you've done the place by the way. Top stuff. Thank you.

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westside story, 2 - weetabix trilogy, 3

Author's Reply:
Hello Dear Smunky,

I know just what you mean, that Tina talk can be confusing and well, she looks too damn good for her age, and that pisses me right off! lol.

Thanks for having a look at this, which is just my way of trying to portray a life gone wrong due to drugs and fast living, much like in the Eagles song 'life in the fast lane'.

I was reading your wiki pages the other day, gods, but they're funny!

blessings,
Ms. Swollen

orangedream on 30-03-2009
Cinderella Wants Her Slipper Back
Hi there, Jolen. As with all your work, there is as much written between the lines, as in the lines themselves:-)

A great deal to digest here. (By the way, just a tiny typo - last line, second stanza, I think should read 'pixie careering ...')

My favourite stanza has to be this:-)

"That damn clock and its smug
wide-open chimes announce a full-throated
conclusion to another intolerable day.
She feels like her ugly stepsisters,
trampled under the royal carriage wheels. "

Really enjoyed this one, Jolen and am off to read it again now.

PS - Liked the 'PS' too:-)

Tina xx





Author's Reply:
Hi Tina,

How glorious to hear from you. I haven't posted in a long while and wasn't going to post this, but decided to see what thoughts/suggestions others might have. I'm trying to write some pieces for a scholarship and this was going to be one of them, but I digress. So anyway, Yes, it's great to see you here and still writing in top form, as always. You're such an inspiration to me!



About the typo: No, that 'careening' is correct, my dear, as in to careen:

careen |kəˈriːn|

verb

1 [ trans. ] turn (a ship) on its side for cleaning, caulking, or repair.

• [ intrans. ] (of a ship) tilt; lean over : a heavy flood tide caused my vessel to careen dizzily.

2 [ intrans. ] move swiftly and in an uncontrolled way in a specified direction : an electric golf cart careened around the corner. [ORIGIN: influenced by the verb career .]



But thanks for checking it out, as I often do have typos and appreciate when they're pointed out.



Thank you as well for reading this and for your wonderful comment, which I always enjoy receiving. I was just about to have a look at your new sub.



I hope this finds you well. Yes, I still bake cookies and yesterday made James some sweet potato donuts, which he's gone totally mad for.



That stanza you point out is my personal favorite also. How the hell have you been? Did you get my book? If so, I sure hope you enjoyed it.



Blessings,

Jolen

orangedream on 30-03-2009
Cinderella Wants Her Slipper Back
Jolen, I am so sorry about 'careen'. I think I must be going mad!! I looked it up in my 2 volume Oxford dictionary and couldn't find it ... or so I thought ... hence my comment. Then, just now, having read your lovely detailed description of the word, I thought, OK, so I'll double-check the word. AND THERE IT WAS!! And I haven't touched a drop of gin all day, honest!

I have never heard of that word and so I shall put that down in my little book of 'things I learned today'. As you can imagine ... it is very full:-)

You mention 'your book'. Can I assume you have sent me a copy of your poetry book? That's wonderful!! When did you send it? Post is a bit slow round here out in the sticks. How kind and thoughtful of you. I shall of course let you know when it arrives. They say you can't judge a book by its cover, but it does looks good - judging by the picture on dear old UKA!

Sorry, I have rambled on and thanks so much for teaching me a new word and my apologies again:-)

Tina xx

Author's Reply:
Hello again,
No need to apologize, my dear and I have sent you an email. Thanks for coming back and letting me know about the book as well. I'm pleased you learned a new word, I love when that happens! Always pleased to hear from you.

Thanks,
Jolen

freya on 30-03-2009
Cinderella Wants Her Slipper Back
Well my dear, my mind is still trying to wrap itself around the image of those mice in tuxedos. Now that's high living, alright! Did Tom Thumb have anything to do with designing their livery, by any chance? You do know he employed six mice to pull his tiny coach during a high point in his life ?

All joking aside, I think the zing and down-you-go zap of your last stanza is totally slamming, mice included. But I'd probably lose the semicolon and use a comma in its place. As well as watch that you don't end any of your lines (throughout the rest of your poem) on conjunctions or prepositions.

Maybe a little awkwardness/unclear meaning could be smoothed in these instances, too?

[square brackets, suggested cuts]
(rounded brackets, suggested addition)

right up until it ends(.)[, and](Then) she’s a broken-winged
pixie, careening toward the lower level of hell.


Twisted up in sweat-soaked silk sheets(,)
[and] suppress(ing)[ed] screams, she stares at the nothing
filling the room and repeats the litany:
Tomorrow will be different.

She barely resembles that girl you promised
(a)happily-ever-after [to], before this travesty
of over-sized handbags, designer poison
and constant nasal-drip.

Jolen, you tackle issues head on, always, and use striking imagery to pack a powerful punch. I like what this piece says to me about marriage and dependency - whether that be on a man, woman, money or drugs. Nice! Shelagh xx

Author's Reply:
Shelagh, Shelagh, Shelagh,

You are such a divine poetess and an incredible reader/commenter. Thank you for all of the time you spend on mine and others work here.

I've used your edits and made a couple of my own that I feel make the piece stronger. Thank you for always giving it to me straight! I appreciate that so much.

I do take things head on, it's the only way I know how as I am not a huge fan of bullshit and pussy-footing around issues. I appreciate you noticing and that you feel my images are powerful. That's high praise coming from someone so talented.

Thanks again, my dear and I hope you'll be posting one of those two poems you've got on standby.


hugs and respect to you,
Jolen

Rupe on 30-03-2009
Cinderella Wants Her Slipper Back
I like this. It's the part of the Cinderella story we never got to hear about because it's the likely and dispiriting truth. It's also good that you've kept it specific and detailed and avoided vague generalisations that tell the reader what to think - we can draw our own conclusions. Good stuff!

Rupe

Author's Reply:
Hello Rupe!

Thank you very much. I'm glad that you see what I was going for here and yes, I do try to let the reader take what they will from my work. Your comment is greatly appreciated by me. I always enjoy hearing from you. I hope this finds you well.

blessings,
Jolen

macaby on 30-03-2009
Cinderella Wants Her Slipper Back
I like the way you have taken a fairytale and turned it upside down.Bringing it into the real world, where not everything that shines is golden.I liked the mice in tuxedos, nice images indeed.

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much, Mac. I based this on my experiences when I was younger. It's funny, really. The title came to me over the weekend out of the blue and I decided to write a poem about it.

I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.

blessings,
Jolen

Andrea on 30-03-2009
Cinderella Wants Her Slipper Back
Jolen, it's marvellous. I don't pretend to understand much poetry, but yours is so accessible I think I get it. I hope I get it.

Either way I enjoy the read. Thanks, you're a star!

Author's Reply:
Hi Andrea:
Thank you! That's one of the best compliments I have ever received! I will always remember it and cherish it as well. As I was telling Macaby, this is loosely based on my younger days, and I was writing this weekend, when out of the blue, this title came to me and so I quit what I was working on and wrote this. I'm thrilled to see others appreciate it.

blessings,
Jolen

Sunken on 31-03-2009
Cinderella Wants Her Slipper Back
Hello Ms. Jolen. It's me again, sunks. I feel ashamed for originally commenting in such a hopeless fashion. I hope you can find it within your heart to forgive yesterdays sham of a crit. I was high after receiving a lovely smile from a pretty lady. I have since brought myself down by watching news coverage of Home Secretary Jacqui Smith. I'm not surprised her husband had to turn to porn. I'll be frank, as a tax payer, I don't begrudge the fella a few blue movies. Ahem. Thanks for letting me know that you read Munky. It's always good to know that someone is actually reading the little fella. Well done on the nib. This is indeed a very strong write and it deserves all the credit that it has already received and will receive in the future. Thank you.

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he thinks a microsoft patch is some kind of cushioned band aid

Author's Reply:
Dear Smunky,

You should know by now that you never have to apologize to me for being you! Or being silly or whatever. But thank you for your return visit here and for your support over the years since I joined UKA. I appreciate it and I appreciate you. So fear not, my dear, party on and all that jazz!

I hope this finds you and that hamster of yours doing well.

love,
jolen

teifii on 31-03-2009
Cinderella Wants Her Slipper Back
Just been back to read it for the third time and every time I like it more. Wanted to nominate it but see someone got there before me. Well deserved. I'm a sucker for all fairy tale imagery and you use it so well.
Daff

Author's Reply:
Hi Daff,

You humble me and make me feel so good. Bless you. I have been in a real slump of late and then just a few weeks ago began to write again. So to have this piece appreciated so has really made me feel better. I'm very pleased you felt it worthy of the nomination and I certainly thank whomever did nominate it.

Thanks again...

blessings,
Jolen

RoyBateman on 31-03-2009
Cinderella Wants Her Slipper Back
I'm not sure I'd want the slipper back...it'd be a bit soggy after all that footwear misuse. As so often, you wring a real-life story out of what appear to be totally inappropriate images, making it all the more effective. Yep, we grow up and we don't believe in pantomime stories any more. Some people never did... (Mind you, I still do...) A worthy nib!

Author's Reply:
I have it on good authority that Cinders sterilized those slippers, Roy! LOL

Thank you so much for your lovely comment. I am always pleased to hear your thoughts and good for you, keep believing in panto....Fairy tales do happen and the way they should...I know...

Good wishes to you and yours, my dear.

Jolen

RachelLW on 31-03-2009
Cinderella Wants Her Slipper Back
I like it too - it's poignant as the Cinderella idea gives the sense of 'who'd have thought this is where I'd end up' to it. I loved the wide open chimes and the mice. The last stanza is fantastic and the last line is suitably punchy - if I'm honest, that's why I was less keen on the P.S as I felt it removed some of the power of the last line, but regardless, it's an excellent piece that I'm glad I came and read. Rachel.

Author's Reply:
Hi Rachael,

Thank you for reading and your considered comment. I think you may be right about that p.s. but I guess that was my 'parting shot' at the prince in the story, as it were. I'm looking over this piece with an eye at a few more edits and removing that may be part of it. So thanks for that too. I hope this finds you well.

blessings,
Jolen

cat on 01-04-2009
Cinderella Wants Her Slipper Back
Dear Jolen,

I am pleased to read that this, you're Cinderella story is based on past tense. Loved the imagery and the strength of you're words, also loved 'broken-winged pixie ...'
As others have said the nib is soooooo deserved.

My love and best to you, Catherine x

Author's Reply:
HI Cat:

Thank you. Yes, this was long ago and far away, as they say. It's amazing at what humans put each other and themselves through, but we do. I'm thankful to have survived it and now I am living a wonderful life with my wonderful husband. Cinderella was smart enough to pack up her slippers and move on, because the prince in this story died due to his lifestyle. Money doesn't buy immortality.

Thanks so much for reading and commenting.

blessings,
Jolen

Griffonner on 14-04-2009
Cinderella Wants Her Slipper Back
Hi Jolen,

Being incapable of penning anything worth the ink at this moment of my life, you dragged me back to read words that completely made me absolutely, dreadfully, incorrigibly jealous!

At the same time as feeling that I [i]oh so wish that I could have penned those words[/i], I recognised that I couldn't have that feeling without first having realising how magnificent they are.

I can assure you I did realise how magnificent they were:six damn stanzas that tell the whole damn story and in the style of a damn maestro!



Author's Reply:
Hello dear Allen:

HOT DAMN! What a fantastic comment and I thank you for it. I know the feeling you describe so well and have felt it many times when reading YOUR work, so a bit of turn about is fair play, I reckon! lol

I'm glad you enjoyed this poem. It was important for me to get it out of my system after all these years. As I mentioned the "prince" died due to the lifestyle and I am once again grateful that I got out when I did.

with respect and love,
jolen


Caramel Sin (posted on: 10-11-08)
Everyone needs a little taste now and then... :o)

The evening was a whirlwind - we were all frenzied and taut, bodies shaking and grinding with none of those wasted moments of precious and too little time. Tomorrow would come, but tonight my longing for you became a desire to hold you close and press my lips to your rich black-diamond skin. I slipped my tongue into your wet essence, delving into the dark depths of your liquid delights. My pulse quickened as your fluids rushed over my palate like a Jamaican waterfall of melted creamy caramel sin. I swallowed the first crescendo of satisfaction and reached for you again and again and again, until my need was sated and I switched to decaf.
Archived comments for Caramel Sin
Ionicus on 10-11-2008
Caramel Sin
Very clever, Jolen. Ambivalent, even after the last line.
I like the following, teasing, lines:
'I swallowed the first crescendo of
satisfaction and reached for you
again and again and again'
but the whole poem is a delight. Enjoyed it a lot.

Luigi xx

Author's Reply:
Hello dear Luigi,

How sweet of you to stop by. Thank you so much. I'm glad you found this one to your taste. 🙂 Sensuality encapsulates all of the senses and I like to give them all a thorough going over every chance I get!

love,
Jolen

admin on 10-11-2008
Caramel Sin
Hahaha, came down with a bang (so to speak) at last line. Very raunchy up until then. Hilarious (I do hope it was meant to be!). I did get it about half way through (so who says I don't 'do' poetry, eh? Show yourselves!) but didn't stop huge grin at end 🙂



Author's Reply:
Hello Admin-type person!

Thank you for the read and yes, indeed, this was intended to be funny! I'm very pleased to see it appreciated. To those naysayers out there who dare say you don't 'do' poetry, I would surely disagree!

Hope you're keeping warm.

blessings,
Jolen

Corin on 10-11-2008
Caramel Sin
Brilliant Jolen - you had me walking right up the garden path until he very last line!

David

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much, David. I'm so very pleased that this poem has been so well received. As you know, I wrote it while under the influence of the above mentioned sin....lol

Thank you to whomever nominated this as well.

I hope this finds you well and enjoying a cup of sin now and then.

love,
Jolen

e-griff on 10-11-2008
Caramel Sin
I enjoyed this very much. An excellent build-up, than a final comedown. Kinda thing I do myself in one-liners.

only thing I would consider is taking out the 'all' in the second line.

best, JohnG

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 11-11-2008
Caramel Sin
Hello Ms. Jolen. I was drinking coffee as I read this and I still got hoodwinked. To be frank, I feel used (-; A very clever write and no mistake. Well done on both the much deserved nib and nom.

s
u
n
k
e
n

he takes his to bed

Author's Reply:
Hello dear Smunky,

Well, now I'm just pissed off! You felt used? I never felt used and I wanted to feel used. Did it feel good? Was it fun? Did you see anyone else that you knew? If so, were they naked? I need to know!

Thanks for your wonderful comment! I hope this finds you being well used...I mean, well. 😉

blessings,
Jolen

RoyBateman on 11-11-2008
Caramel Sin
It's no good, all that coffee will keep you up all night. And if that doesn't, it sounds as if you're pretty busy anyway. A witty one! Keeping the tension up until the very end isn't easy...(whoops, what a giveaway) but you managed it here. A well-deserved nib!

Author's Reply:
Hi Roy,
Well, you know me and my penchant for appreciating anything that keeps up all night.. 🙂 Thanks so much for your read and wonderful comment.

I hope you're keeping warm and enjoying a taste of sin now and again.

hugs,
Jolen

delph_ambi on 12-11-2008
Caramel Sin
Super sensuous poem. Made me laugh. 🙂

Author's Reply:
Hello Delph! I wondered where you've been. How nice to see you back on UKA. Thank you for the read and your lovely comment. I'm very pleased that this poem made you laugh.

blessings,
Jolen

Rupe on 12-11-2008
Caramel Sin
Good stuff. I love the teasing, elusive, ambiguous technique you use here (the phrase 'wet essence' was the first clue that something was awry) - it's so much more sexy, paradoxically, than writing directly about caramel.

It slightly reminds me of all those songs in which it's never made entirely clear whether 'she' means the songwriter's girlfriend or drug of choice but it is clear that the same or similar effect is produced by both.

Rupe

Author's Reply:
Hello Rupe,
How are you? Thank you very much for the fantastic comment! I have to tell you, as I wrote this, I was sure that people would figure it out way before the ending. As you say, there are hints that all is not as it appears. But it seems that people have been surprised by the ending and that is rewarding.

I appreciate your taking the time to read and comment and hope this finds you well.

blessings,
Jolen

pencilcase on 14-11-2008
Caramel Sin
A tasty percolation!

What goes on in that mind of yours?

There's nothing like a cuppa, is there?!...

Your poem leaves an interesting aftertaste!

Best to you,

Steve

Author's Reply:
Hi Steve,
How great to hear from you. Thank you. I loved your little puns and am pleased this tickled your taste buds a bit. I am very well thanks, and pray you are as well.

blessings,
Jolen

Mezzanotte on 14-11-2008
Caramel Sin
Hi Jolen,

I'm new to this site and still working out how things go. So spent ages figuring how to comment on this fab poem. It's really inspring. I've been trying to write an erotic short story for about six months, but get stuck in cliche and embarrassment always. Your poem, what can I say...sexy, enticing, erotic and everything that I'm failing to achieve at the moment. well done!

Author's Reply:
Hello dear Mezzanotte:
Thank you very kindly for your lovely comment. And allow me to extend a hearty welcome to you. I write quite a lot of erotica, and it's not as easy as many would believe, so I can understand you having problems. Please do not worry about how to comment on anything of mine, just say what you think/feel. If I can offer any assistance to you, please don't hesitate to let me know.

blessings,
Jolen

discopants on 14-11-2008
Caramel Sin
Ah Jolen, I think your reputation has helped you to hoodwink us all.

By tagging this as romance, does it mean that you're having an affair with fully caffeinated coffee only to be unfaithful at the end with his little brother, decaf? Or am I wilfully misunderstanding??

Rather spookily, as I type this, my cd player has flicked onto the White Stripes track 'One More Cup of Coffee...'

Excellent write as usual. You're in tip top form right now!

dp
x

Author's Reply:
Hi DP,
I have a reputation? Does that mean that I'm infamous? I've always wanted to be, and thank you very much. I'm so pleased that this worked and if my reputation helped, that's fine. lol. After all, I resemble that remark!

Too strange and cool about the song playing while you were commenting. I love things like that. I hope this finds you well and am looking forward to catching up with your new posts.

blessings,
Jolen

Munster on 17-11-2008
Caramel Sin
Hi Jolen, enjoyed the read, Coffee might be the safer option it has never broken my heart, (to date).

Tony

Author's Reply:
Hi Tony,
Thank you very much for reading and commenting. I'm pleased you enjoyed this little taste. Here's to the future with no broken hearts via coffee!

Blessings,
Jolen

freya on 18-11-2008
Caramel Sin
Ha ha ha! Innuendo, your middle name is Jolen! Fun AND clever my dear. I see you continue in top form.

How's that for a sound and helpful critique? 😉 Hugs & stuff...


Author's Reply:
LOL, Welcome back, Shelagh, and thank you, thank you. I do love innuendo, as well you know! I'm so happy to see you back amongst us and hope to read something new from you soon. *hint, hint*.

hugs backatcha,
Jolen

freya on 20-11-2008
Caramel Sin
Well, m'lady hint hint, don't know about NEW, but I did release a small rewrite that has been languishing in pending status lo these many, many months. I'd totally forgotten it was there!

I'm here to beg, I say BEG, for some kind of a response actually because I don't think anyone except you remembers who I am! Yours, still steaming about the suck-faced mob and still Mad Moi *grin*

Author's Reply:


Bathed In Beauty (posted on: 17-09-07)
A return to my first love - Erotica.

I sit in the deep, leather wing back chair, basking in soft glittering light of the fire. Absorbed in soft primal music, I feel her hands gently caressing my calf muscle, her cheek resting on my knee. I softly whisper her name. ''jaycee, my darling,'' instantly her body responds, tensing slightly in anticipation of my desires. Her arms surround my legs, anxious in renewed desire to please my wish. The tension grows from the warmth that begins to spread through her belly; beginning from depths of her womanhood, with stirrings that I have come to seek; have come to adore. Her hair is wet and silky, and she is completely nude. Small drops of water dot her body like small crystal pearls, sparkling it the soft light of the fire. The flickering flames dance across her face, which is partially hidden in soft shadows. I run the back of my fingers across her shoulders, and feel a shudder as she clings tighter to my knees. I reach down, caressing my growing erection, watching as her eyes turn ever so slightly to take in my desires. ''What is the pleasure you seek from this one?'' she asks softly, her eyes averting my gaze. I can feel the fire that has ignited, with the mere mention of her name. I begin to caress her hair, drawing curls with my fingers. Without response, she presents herself to me, kneeling before me, and legs spread languidly; she sits back on her heels. With averted eyes, she begins to gently massage my thighs, watching as I slowly masturbate. A droplet of cum forms, and I swab it with my finger, painting her lower lip. She knows not to lick her lips, which instinctively she would do when we make vanilla love. Making love in that way, she would be devouring my cock, and she would now if I were to let her. Holding her at bay requires control on both our parts, I have the have power over this one in the love she has surrendered to me. I bend and lick her bottom lip softly, her lips part as my tongue slips into her mouth, and we join in a sensual fiery kiss, exchanging the warmth of our saliva. She seizes my tongue with her teeth, gently sucking, then releasing as our lips part. I push her mouth down on my cock, which she consumes in heated craving, and with a gentle driving force plunge into her. Feeling her gag reflex taking her, I take her by the hair and pull her from me, withdrawing from her warmth. ''This one is here to give to your every desire,'' she whispers. Though soft and barely audible, we have become attune to our positions, which at times require no speaking. She excites me with her desire to serve me. It is always this way as we share our inner most strengths of submission and Dominance. Jaycee is strong and very much a woman. She continues to amaze me with her sensitivities and knowledge. Just as I have taken her into the world of science, she has schooled me in the finer aspects of poetry and literature. Even when not in this position, she demonstrates a title of respect that draws me to her, just as a monsoon is drawn to land. Though growing awareness we formed a love bond. This at times was a complicated charge, as our mutual strengths could not be subdued. Doubts arose and fire-storms nearly ravished the fragile tether that bound us to our destiny. Were it not for our total love of one another, we would have burned as the brightest star, to streak across the sky in wondrous glory and be lost in darkness forever. ''I wish to taste your love.'' I answer boldly, softly. ''Yes, Sir,'' she whispers back. I have her scent within me. I liken it to soft leather worked to supple folds, luxurious, yet worldly. Within that luxury is the scent of her Yoni, musky and sweet, along with the mixture of sweat and urine. Ever so faint is the after presence of my secretions, which may be more imagination, yet somehow imparts an aroma of spent electricity. Still presenting herself to me, her hand slowly begins to seek the warm slit between her legs. I gaze at her in loving admiration, aroused at the site of her soft hairless mound and soft pink flesh of her inner lips. Even without touching, there is a silky sheen that caresses her vulva. Slowly she moves downward, withdrawing her hand from her parted lips as if she had touched a searing coal. I can see her trembling with greater want and desire. She takes her hand to her right breast and begins to tug gently on her nipple ring. I hear a slight moan arise as she presses her breast hard, rolling her nipple within her thumb and finger, pulling and caressing. I cannot take my eyes from her loving hands, knowing the pleasure we are about to embark on. Her legs spread a bit, exposing her sweet presence, soft and smooth. Her hands have joined to spread her lips, allowing her greater freedom to fondle her clit. Her breathing is quickening to the pace of her fingers, which have come to rest just to the right of her clit. Moving in small circles, she presses firmly on her most sensitive spot. With a sudden rush, her hands move to once again caress her breasts, pinching her nipples, pulling firmly on her rings, sighing in soft whimpers she is oblivious of everything but this moment. We had spent the previous hour basking in a steam bath, surrounded in scented candles and a deep red wine she had selected to perfection. The water was as hot as we could stand. I could see her nipples ascend from the heat as her breast rose out of the water with each breath. We laughed lovingly, unwinding from the day of our labors. I love her laughter, throaty, filled with a full life of joy. Sitting across from each other, I gently massaged her foot, splaying her toes and rubbing gently between. In a sudden urge, I began sucking her big toe. A languid smile crossed her lips, as she slowly let her head fall backward, closing her eyes. With her free leg, she softly nestled my erect penis. As I licked between her toes, she moaned softly. ''Jesse...my darling, you are so good to me.'' ''Yes, aren't I though?'' I quip, taking a momentary pause in licking between her toes. ''Some things cannot be helped.'' Small low laughter escapes between her sighs. I can see her hands move between her legs. ''You know, darlin,'' she begins, ''I performed my missives this morning, and there is no stubble, but would you be a lover and perform your wonders. Nair is okay, but nothing like your expert shaving.'' Again the laughter is enticing. ''It would be my pleasure,'' I respond eagerly. I shaved her gently, cleansing her in my fashion. This was hardly necessary as jaycee maintains herself perfectly to my desires. It is this ritual of submission that pleases me, as she gives herself completely to my care. It is also so very erotic to have her before me in this fashion, I can take in her scent; see the slightest twitch as I may touch her most sensitive spot. I take a sip of wine, and softly taste her sweet lips; an exotic mixture of earth and fire. A low moan softly nudges me back to the present, as I watch her hand move down her belly, slowly, in anticipation of the meeting of hot fingers with burning desire. With deft experience of smooth unaltered motion, she parts her lips with her index and ring finger and slides her middle finger down along her clit. A jolt of pure current rises through me, as she lets out a long slow groan. Her head bows gracefully, her hair falls across her face like a full willow, covering her expressions of joy, but not containing the sounds of pleasure. I watch with growing pleasure as she begins to massage her sweet fire sprung clitoris. Her fingers disappear in the swollen folds of her lips returning to deposit her silky liquor on her now ripened clit. She lingers on her special place next to her clit. Again the jolts pass over me in quiet electricity, as a new moan escapes her, and her fingers disappear, moving in and out. Removing her fingers, silky and wet from her search, she raises her hand to me as a gift of pearls of love. I take her hand gently, raising it to my lips, breathing deeply as if taking the aroma of a fine wine. I kiss the back of her hand, and then slowly take her fingers in my mouth. Sucking the fire from her fingers, I savor her true womanly aphrodisiac. With new vigor, her hand retreats to her pond of desire, feverishly pressing and probing, move up and down. Lingering at her clit now and then, to finger nimbly, pressing again her spot of pleasure, rising to the pinnacle of orgasm. ''Sir!'' a soulful cry escapes, pleading with her eyes now, glowing in the fire that blankets our sensual pleasures. ''Sir, this one needs...'' but the final words are muffled in deep whispers of pleasure. This is our place of total submission of desires. She gives now her all to me, to have at my gratification her own deepest needs. I know her wishes; it pleases me to take the power of her love. To give her to her needs in a moment of sweet orgasm would be to dash her gift in the fire of her desire. ''Yes, my sweet, and your needs do please me so. It should be I to give you your pleasure.'' With that, an extended moan of longing escapes, as her head falls to my knees, her hair cascading around her face and my thighs, I feel a tender tear pressed against me as she kisses the inside of my knee. Raising her face, gazing into her lowered eyes, I lift her to kiss her. Her lips are moist; her mouth is hot, and sweet. Our tongues dance the dance of hot love. She straddles my erect member, and slowly engulfs me. A cry escapes with sudden yearning. She begins rolling over me like a wave. With each penetration, she moves forward and down, and with each retreat she moves backward and up. Riding the length of my cock, she slides her clit along it with each pass, and then plunges down to touch her depths. She repeats this motion, with ever increasing frequency, with renewed urgency. I caress her breasts, firmly kneading and roughly pinching her nipples. Pulling her rings, stretching her nipples; she gasps with new yearning, riding my cock with heated vigor. Her chin is on her chest; her hair is draped over her eyes in animal like lust. Moans and growls break away from her soulful joy in the same wanting. ''Master!'' she moans, "Master...please...you make me crazy, I, please...ahhhhhhhh!'' ''Yes, my sweet.'' I whisper lowly, ''you are my precious gift...'' ''Enchante! My Love...Enchante!'' Her head flies backward, as if shot from cannon, her hair takes to the air like a horse's mane running in full stride, exposing features of a woman caught in her orgasmic power, eyes clenched, nostrils flaring, lips grimacing in pleasure. A deep moan rising from her depths rises to a primal scream of joy as she is overtaken. Her fingers dig into my belly and chest as she is lost in the moment, pressing down into me. She is caught in spasms of sheer joy, moving softly, taking the moment to an eternity. Slowly she collapses on me, kissing my chest and neck, caressing me with her lips, she whimpers in complete submission. ''Sir? What of you?'' she asks tentatively. It is her way of honoring me in knowing that she has pleased me in giving her this pleasure. From her depths she knows the joy it gives me to take her to this place. ''And, what is it that you must concern yourself with, my precious?'' I answer, continuing in the dance of our gathering respect. She demurely secedes to my dominance, again taking pleasure in her position of submitting prominence. ''Your pleasure is my deepest desire,'' she answers softly, complying with the nobility of our positions, ''And pleasure we shall have again.'' We rise, and I lift her in my arms. Her arms gather around my neck, as she continues in her kissing and admiration. Admiration I adore; admiration she gives so completely. I carry her to our room, to our bed, to our Domicile of love; there to further delve into the loving we had begun in the steam of the bath. I lay her gently down on the bed, ''now my love, we shall take our pleasure.'' Her head turns demurely away from my direct gaze. ''Yes, Sir,'' she whispers. I firmly caress her breasts, kneading, fondling, and pinching her nipples. Quickly, I attach a gold chain to each nipple ring. Drawing it up, her back raises as the pain increases, and a soft whimper escapes. ''Yes, Sir...yesss.'' Holding this position, I begin pressing her left nipple with my thumb and forefinger, with ever increasing pressure. At the right moment, I slowly clamp her nipple, replacing the pressure of my fingers with a new exquisite pressure. ''Ahhh....Ohh...my...yesss.'' In like manner, I pinch her right nipple, and at the right moment clamp her nipple slowly. A long slow moan arises, as she instinctively draws her knees up, rolling slightly to her side, then, rolling back. Her eyes are clenched, and bead of sweat crease her forehead. Releasing the gold chain, she slowly relaxes, laying flat on her back. I kiss her lips, and her tongue darts out hungrily, as she opens her mouth and sucks my tongue in with hers. Moving down, I begin sucking each clamped nipple, drawing new moans and groans of desire. Her body is shaking erratically with renewed energy. Slowly, I raise her up, drawing her from the bed, instinctively, she drops to her knees. ''Yes my Love, kneel before me,'' drawing her arms behind her back, I tie them together with soft leather. Her head is bent low, her nipples resting on the short mat of the Oriental rug depicting a Sutra position. Kneeling behind her, pulling her arms back, I slowly begin to enter her. Pulling her down to me, and thrusting forward, I fill her with my hard cock. And the dance begins, as our motion becomes one. With her hands behind her, she begins fingering her tight hole. Massaging and probing, my hands on her hips, I thrust deeply, pulling her down hard onto me, stretching the foreskin with each thrust, feeling the soft fluid friction growing. Moving faster, getting ever closer to the star-filled orgasm, our passions abound. Releasing her binds, I begin whipping her ass with the soft tether, each whip raising a pink welt. On her hands and knees, she is moving with me in this wonderful motion. Reaching around, I release one nipple clamp, then the other. She screams with new pain as the blood rushes to replenish her nipples anew. ''Sir...pleases...Sir....'' ''I am cumming, my lovely,'' I moan deeply, as the throws of orgasm overtake me ''Cum with me, my precious. Enchante'...Enchante.!'' The sound drifts into a long spasm of jerks and upsurges. ''Sir...yes....yes...YES!'' the moment is taken to a new high, as we languish in this moment of bliss; taken over in spastic eruption. Finally, we collapse together lying on our sides spooning. She reaches around, drawing me to her, holding me inside. My hand reaches to stroke her smooth mound and swollen lips. Drawing our fluids with my finger, I take it to her lips, which she sucks lovingly. Our mouths come together to share in the essence of our orgasm. We hold this position for what seems an eternity. Our bodies are one, skin and muscle melding together in perfect unity, waiting for the life that will come again.
Archived comments for Bathed In Beauty
Kenart on 17-09-2007
Bathed In Beauty
Such fleeting pleasures there I took
That with the fancy I awoke;
And found (ah me!) this flesh of mine
More like a stock than like a vine.

The Vine Robert Herrick Yes that was what I meant. Ken.

Author's Reply:
Thank you for sharing that lovely verse. I don't generally post such lengthy pieces of my smut. But I haven't posted any for quite some time on either site, so thought I would see if I can still write it. These two pieces here deal with a particular 'theme' but I do others on just about every sort of 'loving'. I like to be versatile, as I told you. I appreciate you taking the time to read this, as it is so long and for commenting.
I hope you're enjoying the day.

blessings,
Jolen

RoyBateman on 17-09-2007
Bathed In Beauty
Phew...that was a long one, wasn't it?? How DID you keep it up? Okay, I'll try to keep off the puns...I know you're pretty good at this sort of thing, but this was steamy stuff even by your standards - and they're not slipping, are they? Definitely cold shower time...

Author's Reply:
Hello Roy,
Yes, this is a longer piece for me to post, but I wanted to get it out there, so to speak! lol
Thank you for your witty as hell comment and for the wonderful compliment. I do love erotica, so if people enjoy it, that makes it all the more special.

blessings,
Jolen

Linear on 17-09-2007
Bathed In Beauty
"“What is the pleasure you seek from this one?” she asks softly, her eyes averting my gaze. I can feel the fire that has ignited, with the mere mention of her name." This is simply beautiful, Jolen, you have pulled the reader into this world wonderfuly.
"This at times was a complicated charge, as our mutual strengths could not be subdued. Doubts arose and fire-storms nearly ravished the fragile tether that bound us to our destiny. Were it not for our total love of one another, we would have burned as the brightest star, to streak across the sky in wondrous glory and be lost in darkness forever." I can not tell you how much I love these lines, bg, you have captured the spirit of pain and near loss that underlines and supports the great Love that held the pair together.
You've made the characters more human and made their love deeper with this. It is perfect.
"“Sir...pleases...Sir....”
“I am cumming, my lovely,” I moan deeply, as the throws of orgasm overtake me
“Cum with me, my precious." And there is the raw passion, the closeness of body and spirit that you excel above all other at writing, bg. I have said it before and I will say it again, your smut if by far the greatest that I have ever read.
I love it. This is a fantastic example of something you do beautifully, Jolen.
Bless you for this.
Love,
D.

Author's Reply:
Bless you so much, Alex. I am glad you enjoyed this. Your comment blew me away, but I sure thank you for it. Yes, you have always told me that you love my erotica and that means so much coming from someone who writes some amazing erotica his own self. Thank you. I shall cherish this comment.

love,
bg

Abel on 18-09-2007
Bathed In Beauty
Yes, wonderfully done, a painting, a long moment. Your strength in writing for sure! Always evocative.

Best,

w

Author's Reply:
Thank you, Ward: I appreciate that so much. As you know, I do love this genre and I try to give it a 'real' voice, in both beauty and truth. I am so glad you enjoyed this.

blessings,
J

Ionicus on 19-09-2007
Bathed In Beauty
“What is the pleasure you seek from this one?”
'Jaycee is strong and very much a woman.'
I don't need to know more: when can I get an introduction, J.C.?
Very 'real' and powerful narrative. And stirring, I should add.

Luigi x

Author's Reply:
Luigi, you crack me up! I actually do know a Lacey and Jaycee, and they are not me! I'm glad you enjoyed this and if you would like an introduction, we can talk. lol

I hope this finds you well.
Jolen xoxoxo

silversun on 23-09-2007
Bathed In Beauty
Hey beautiful, don't worry, you've definitely still got it. And you can still write smut, too. I would have commented sooner but I can't type with my left hand.
Love,
M


Author's Reply:
Awww, you are too sweet. No worries on commenting sooner or later, I know you appreciate my 'love' of this genre. 😉
It's great to see you here and doing so well, Congratulations, I am very happy for you and ever so proud.

love,
lightning

Mezzanotte on 16-11-2008
Bathed In Beauty
Dear Jolen,

Thanks for the welcome and your kind offer to give me some advice. I may well have to take you up on that! Especially after reading this story. I love how you balanced her submissivness with his great love and respect for her, making their love, need and trust of each other as great as their physical desire. And your prose really reads like poetry. You paint some beautiful, and highly provocative images. Fantastic. You have a new fan. Jackie

Author's Reply:
Hi again, Jackie.

What a beautiful comment. Thank you so very much. You humble me, truly. I’m pleased that you enjoyed this. I love to write erotica, it was my first love and is something I will always do, regardless of other projects.

You summed up the relationship so well, which is wonderful to hear. When I first began to post erotica on the web, it was with the intention of doing justice to alternate loving lifestyles. Because so many people have the wrong ideas of what some of them are about. This style of loving is my particular favorite to write about as it’s one that I engage in. But for years, I read so many things that had no clue what it was about, and how it could/should be. I wanted to put work out there that showed the truth and beauty of it.

Judging from your wonderful comment, I feel that I have succeeded. So, thank you again.

I was quite serious in my offer to help, should you wish it. I do a great deal of editing for people and I love doing it. I’m looking forward to reading some of your work.

You can always email me; my address is salemsgate@mac.com

Take care, and again, thank you for this comment, it means a great deal to me.

Blessings,
Jolen


Delights (posted on: 15-06-07)
A wee bit of smut for your reading pleasure...

The room is dim as the late afternoon sun slowly drifts behind the distant hills. He approaches the bed where his pet lay in a light slumber. She is on her side; her leg is crossed over, accentuating and exposing her left buttock. He becomes instantly aroused seeing her in this position; not only is the desire of exposed flesh exhilarating, but images of soft red welts on white flesh enticing as well. Stepping back in the shadows, he slowly undresses. Removing his tie, he drapes it over the edge of the bed; his silk tie will make a perfect bind for what he had in mind. Completely naked, he lowers his hand to stroke his cock, pulling the skin back hard so as to milk a bit of precum which he takes first to his nostrils then to his lips, ntasting his essence of dark enchantment. Gently sitting beside his pet, he softly runs his hand over her bare flank. He senses her awakening, hearing a slight cooing sound from her sleep. ''Master,'' she moans huskily ''Yes pet, it is me,'' his hand moves up her back and then back down to her thigh, crossing over her silky white buttock. ''Stay as you are my love, I have something for you,'' he says softly. The gentleness of his voice and caress, make the sudden slap of his hand across her bare ass a bolt from the blue. She lets out a soft whimper, followed by a throaty growl. She does as she is told and does not move or flinch from his spanking. His hand is once again moving over her, only now his fingers seek her ripe lips which have suddenly become wet with desire. He brings his same finger from which he had taken from his own pre-cum now wet with her, and paints her lips, which she licks slowly. Bending down, he draws her face to his and they share a passionate kiss. Once again the tenderness of the moment is broken, as his hand lays another slap across her sleek cheek. Again, the whimper and growl, she does not move or shrink from this spanking. ''You are very good, little one, that pleases me,'' he smiles, softly caressing her cheek and thighs, slipping a finger between her lips. As he gently nudges her legs apart, she follows his lead, rolling slightly to her knees, giving him full access to her other hip. ''Thank you, Master, I love pleasing you,'' her voice is taut and forced, not from the twinges of pain, but from the excitement that has suddenly filled her. With shallow breaths, she waits in anticipation for more of her Master's pleasure. His fingers drawing her pleasure from her in waves. She is barely capable of maintaining her submission as her hips move slowly in a new gyration. Suddenly, there is new cutting pain as his hand comes down hardest of all. ''You forget yourself, little one, I told you to stay as you were,'' he did not speak harshly or hurtfully. His strike was not from anger but from the force of his will, which she would lovingly bend to just as a willow flows in the wind lest it break. He tenderly guides her to her knees. She complied silently. Her breathing is hard and fast, her nostrils flaring with each breath. Her ass raised in complete submission to her Master's will. ''To remind you of your place, I will bind you.'' She lifts her head slightly, as the soft leather pliant is firmly secured around her mouth. Her eyes are wide, with thrilling anticipation. He pulls her arms behind her back, wrapping her wrists with his silk tie. ''Now, my dear, we shall play,'' he says, whispering into her ear, his breath sweet and warm. He moves behind her, slipping his knees between her legs, forcing them apart. Reaching down, taking his cock in his hand, he runs it between her lips. She feels the tip of his soft slick skin against her clit. Her pussy is tingling with new sensations; the mere contact of her clit with his cock nearly brought her to orgasm. What came next most assuredly was meant to take her there and beyond. From nowhere she heard the wisp of wind then felt an intense sting and instantaneous crack as his whip lay directly across her two ass cheeks. Then another and another. Repeatedly he strikes with the time of a silent metronome guiding his timing. Each lash-raised welt sends its own current to her throbbing clit as she now reaches her first sustained orgasm that is heightened as another fiery welt is raised. He presses his warm belly against her burning flesh which feels cool in comparison to her new wounds. Then he slips into her quickly, forcefully filling her to the hilt. His hands move down her back to her shoulders, bracing her, drawing her back to meet his advance. She is light headed from breathing through her nose, barely able to catch her breath. Then she is there again, feeling that tiny flicker around her clit that grows with each penetration until she is filled with the full fire of her orgasms; coming in spasms that wrack her with desire. Her lips caress her clit with each thrust and she is there again, reaching the peak of her joy. With quickening pace, he takes her fully. Reaching for a handful of her mane, he is driving her forward to his own orgasm that is rising from his full groin. It radiates to the tip of his swollen cock till he can hold it no longer. With one deep thrust, his essence rushes forward in bursts of stars. He grinds his cock into her wet cunt, surrounded in her warmth that prolongs his ending to an almost indeterminable time. They lay together in their love, coupled and sated for the moment. Her wrists now unbound to caress her masters strength; her lips freed to express her joy and love. She dutifully tends to her Master, washing his body in warm scented water. She pours him a glass of chilled wine, taking a sip in her mouth; they kiss deeply, sharing in the fine acrid bitters. He takes the glass without saying a word; she lays her head in his lap silently kissing his awakening desires. ''Ah my pet, I do love your attentions and love.'' His voice soft and low ''You may speak.'' ''I love you, Master,'' she sighs with new found desires. Her words are taken with the richness of the moment forever laid to rest in their closeness.
Archived comments for Delights
Dil on 15-06-2007
Delights
Good piece of erotica.
Dil

Author's Reply:
Hello Dil:
Thank you so much. I do love to write erotica, I just don't post much of it here. I thought I would for a change. I hope this finds you well.
blessings,
Jolen

Linear on 15-06-2007
Delights
MMMM, That is some nice erotica Jolen. Fantatic to see more of this from you. I love how the relationship between pet and her Master has evolved in this peice.
*Her eyes are wide, not with fear but with thrilling anticipation. He pulls her arms behind her back, wrapping her wrists with his silk tie.

“Now, my pet, we shall play,” he says, whispering into her ear, his breath sweet and warm.*
Just beautiful bg. beautiful.
Love, D.

Author's Reply:
What a beautiful comment, Alex. I am pleased that you enjoyed it. As you know, I do love erotica and haven't posted any for quite a long while. But I am currently working on a new piece and hope that it is up to the mark. 😉

love,
bg

shackleton on 15-06-2007
Delights
Coo missus... I need to go and have a cold shower now. I've got to stop reading pieces like this... they send me all wibbly-wobbly. You're a very wiccad lady, Jolen.

ps. Very well written. You have a certain style that lights up my computer screen.

Author's Reply:
Hello Mick:
How are you this fine evening? Oh yes, you're wibbly-wobbly. I like that term. I love erotica, it was the first thing I ever really wrote and I do enjoy sharing different 'tastes' of it. I am glad you found it well written. As I told Alex, I haven't done any for a long while and am now returning to it. Once a smut queen and all that. lol
I am a Wiccad Woman, for sure, and well, someone had to fill the shoes, and so I just slipped right into them. lol

Thank you so much for stopping in and be careful of that bright light on the screen. 😉

I hope this finds you well and what was the name of that fruit again? lol

blessings,
Jolen

jay12 on 15-06-2007
Delights
It's Friday night and I'm a little pissed. Reading this has made me long for my girlfriends company. Tomorrow I'll sort it all out and thats for sure. I can't wait! hehehehee

A nice read Jolen!!

Author's Reply:
Hi Jay! Thank you so much and I am happy to hear that you will get it 'straightened' out! LOL

Hope this finds you well.

blessings,
Jolen

Sunken on 15-06-2007
Delights
Hello Ms. Jolen. Sorry I've not this all yet. I really do struggle with longer pieces. My eyes can't take the strain. I blame wanking. I've enjoyed what I've read so far tho (-:

s
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Author's Reply:
It's okay, Mr. Smunky Man... I understand the need for wanking and hope your hand is good to you. Thanks for stopping in to see a bit of em naughty bits.

hugs,
Ms.Swollen

littleditty on 18-06-2007
Delights
Hi Jolen - not smutty - an intimate relationship and well written sex, which is believable and engaging, and complete - a peek through the keyhole in just over 1000 words that i think is really well done - it aint easy! i've read some subbed erotica around the sites recently and most, like my attempts at prose erotica, are really bad, woefully abominable - for many different reasons! may be a hot blue moon, sun sea and etc will get me to write a piece that i like - i hope you do sub some more - i'm studying :o) xxldx

Author's Reply:
Hello, ld, I thank you greatly. I just realized that I forgot to reply to your lovely email and so will do that. I am sorry. My minds been elsewhere of late. lol
Yes, the blue moon tide of this month is making me a total mess with everything from 'whoremoans' to writing.

I loved this comment and I sure appreciate it greatly. I know what you mean though, you would think erotica wouldn't be that hard, but it's not as simple as it seems. thank you for seeing that, as well.
sending hugs and good thoughts,
Jolen

RDLarson on 19-06-2007
Delights
beautiful and delicate as it is erotic. A few too many "pets" but all very nice. Balanced.

Author's Reply:
Thank you. I realized that this needed more edits than I thought, and thank you for pointing that out. I am glad you found it pleasing and appreciate your comment very much. I hope this finds you well.
blessings,
Jolen

glennie on 19-06-2007
Delights
This stuff should be banned from UKA. Isn't sex still illegal in this country, if it isn't it should be. All that putting things into slippery holes where they don't belong - it's not natural and I know for a fact that my parents didn't do it and my gran would be horrified. I never did it, well, only wtih my puppy and that doesn't count because he wasn't human ...

Author's Reply:
Oh Glennie, that's a horrible thing to say! LOL I know what you mean though, my parents didn't do it either, which is why I make up for their share (and our whole family tree)...I am relieved to know you haven't participated in such goings on, but had sex with your puppy. Do you think that is where the age old saying of 'you really fucked a dog' comes from?

Thanks for stopping by and I hope you are well. How't your wife doing?
blessings,
Jolen

glennie on 20-06-2007
Delights
Hi Jolen. Lorraines out and getting drunker, fatter, and won't shut up! Great to have her back though.

Author's Reply:
HI Glennie:
I"m so glad to hear she's home and things are well. Blessings and best wishes to you both.
Jolen

Kenart on 17-09-2007
Delights
Moist is the only word that immediately springs to mind for some reason. It is a good word though, like fecund and squirm and, and, excuse me a moment......

Author's Reply:

Kenart on 17-09-2007
Delights
Oh and cummerbund and cumquat and and back in a tick

Author's Reply:

Kenart on 17-09-2007
Delights
and this is a lovely piece about love in its myriad forms and is not smut at all. The only smut is violence and use of others when they do not wish it. All else is scyntillating oops here we go again

Author's Reply:
Loved your comments, reminded me of the old Burma aftershave roadsigns in America. Thank you. I only call it smut in that I don't take myself too seriously, and for a joke. I'm glad that you see the truth, of what violence is as opposed to mutual loving choices. 😉

Moist is a great word, as were all of your other ones, you crack me up!

blessings,
Jolen

len on 09-11-2008
Delights
That's my Aces!!.. You make the master-slave scenerio a loving affair. NObody does it like you do, darlin'...len

Author's Reply:
Well, thank you, my dear Mouse. As you know, I believe there is a certain order to things and when done right, this is the order I prefer. I sure do love you, darlin'. Thanks for taking a stroll through an old bit of my smut.

yereverlovinaces


Melancholy Hues (posted on: 07-05-07)
A song I wrote in a sort of Billie Holiday style. Joe Petrocelli did the music and vocals for me.

Another Monday of blues, Another day of melancholy hues. I'm wearing the dusk You designed for me, But it don't keep me warm. * All of your slippery lies, All those shaky alibis, I'd caress the songs of night, If I could just get the words right. * In this Monday of blues, Sweet melancholy hues. I'm still wearing the dusk You designed, The one that won't keep me warm... Melancholy hues Melancholy hues * I'd walk through fire for you. I've lived on the high wire for you, Trying hard to hold on So tight... 'til the dawn.. * In this Monday of blues, Sweet melancholy hues. I'm wearing the dusk You designed for me, still it don't keep me warm. * There's a melody of you, Keeps replaying in my heart. There's a melody of you Singing, singing in melancholy... hues * Melancholy hues Melancholy hues
Archived comments for Melancholy Hues
Linear on 07-05-2007
Melancholy Hues
Sweet and dark ma petite fille, and very much your style as ever!
Always a pleasure to read your work Jolen.
Be well, Linear.

Author's Reply:
Thank you, Alex. As you know, I love the blues and every now and then enjoy writing a song, this one filled both those requirements. lol

Love,
Jolen

shackleton on 07-05-2007
Melancholy Hues
Enjoyed the audio, Jolen. Good melancholy sound - excellent lyrics.

Author's Reply:
Hiya, Mick,
I am so pleased you enjoyed this. I appreciate you taking the time to have a listen and hope this finds you well, and not melancholy at all!

Blessings,
Jolen

Sunken on 08-05-2007
Melancholy Hues
Hello Ms. Jolen. I've not checked the audio yet, but I likes what I read and I read what I likes. I hope this helps and that your toes are well. I shall be working up your body in future correspondences. Ahem. Thanks.

s
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it slowly dawned on him that her death was for the best. He never did like that avocado bathroom suite

Author's Reply:
LOL, Hello Mr. Sunky Munky! How are you? Thank you for checking me out, er, I mean, my song out. I hope you like the audio when you listen. Joe did a great job on it, I think.

Take care and napkins.
Jolen of swollen fame

pencilcase on 09-05-2007
Melancholy Hues
Hello Jolen. I've just listened to this and it has set me up for the rest of the day - not perhaps in the most optimistic way, but it's set me up nonetheless. Do you like Shawn Mullins? I could imagine him singing this. I like his music very much, even though he's from America. Well, you can't have everything, can you? Oh, I just remembered that you're not really from Yorkshire at all. Ah well, nay bother.

Yes, I enjoyed listening to this! As Glasshopper might have put it: in a world of shouting, the blind man hears the strength of a whisper.

Have a nice day and ecky thump,

Steve

Author's Reply:
Egads, I had a shit load of typos and nobody told me...Ah well, damn. Yes, I am an American and sad about it these days. LOL



'Ah, young Pencilcase, I see that your wit is sharp, but what of those pencils? Is it not easier to write with a newly sharpened pencil than a broken leaded one?" Sighing heavily, she continues, "Many men have succumbed to lesser evils than no lead in their pencils, so we must seek to be ever viagra, er, I mean vigilant."



You are my kind of silly, and I sure thank you for the read, comment,and slur against my nationality. 😉



been reet fun, it 'as.



ta, love...

Jolen

Andrea on 09-05-2007
Melancholy Hues
Jolen, loved the audio. Billie Holliday is one of my faves.

Who is Joe Petrocelli? Gawd, the boy is good!

Er...would he like to come to the UKA do? And you too, of course!



Author's Reply:
Hello, Andrea,
Thank you so very much for stopping by and checking out the audio. I'm so happy you enjoyed it. Yes, Joe can sing and was in a band called 'Taylor Dane'. I will certainly invite him to the UKA get together and see what he says. And if possible, I will show up too. lol

I hope this is finding you well.

blessings,
Jolen

Andrea on 09-05-2007
Melancholy Hues
Actually, Jolen, I've now listened to it three times, and it's quite brilliant.

Author's Reply:
Wow, thank you...And I've done as you suggested and am able to access the members list now. Thanks again for all of your help. Have a wonderful night.

blessings,
Jolen

littleditty on 10-05-2007
Melancholy Hues
Hi Jolen :o) - there's the word! melancholy! i liked this very much - esp - 'I'm wearing the dusk you designed for me' - tres cool xxx

Author's Reply:
Hello lovely Nicky! Thank you so very much. I do like this song, I feel it's one of my best, and Joe knocked it out of the ballpark IMO. I hope this finds you well and enjoying yourself. Are you going to the UKA live thing? I am gonna try and be there.

blessings,
Jolen

glennie on 14-05-2007
Melancholy Hues
Hi Jolen. Sorry for the delay but for some reason I couldn't get the audio for this until now. I must say how impressed I was with the writing and wondered, do you sing and strum yourself, if not why not? Glen.

Author's Reply:
Hi Glen.

Please never worry about apologizing or for that matter for coming to see my work. I am honored that you do, whenever you do. Thank you about this. I am delighted you enjoyed it. I can't play anything (gods, I could say something so naughty there, but I'm seriously trying to be good) and my voice? I hate it! Seriously, when I read my work, I won't listen to it, I have a friend tell me if it's okay or not.
I have been trying to get more comfortable with it however, and so have put new audio up here.

How's your wife doing? Are you ok? Please remember to look after yourself too. I like having you around.
blessings,
Jolen

Gerry on 19-05-2007
Melancholy Hues
Jolen, this was so professional--well done all round...

Gerry. xxx.

Author's Reply:
Hi Gerry:
How are you? I'm a weeeeeee bit hungover this mornin', but I blame Linear for that. 😉 Thank you so much, I don't know how to add the music dots, but I love music and writing a blues number now and then. I'm so happy you enjoyed this.

blessings,
Jolen

freya on 05-06-2007
Melancholy Hues
Jolen, first listened to this, then read your words. Really, this is a quite remarkable piece of song writing. I notice pronounced rhythm in most poems I've read of yours, and this piece in particular surely attests to the melody you always appear to hear in your head with everything you write.

I was particularly moved by the lines:

I'm wearing the dusk
You designed for me

A unique and mood setting image.

I too love the blues, and there's something about this that brings to mind, for me, Bonnie Raitt singing Guilty...one of the most heartbreaking songs ever, imo. I think it's the utter vulnerability, pain and sadness that you evoke with your words and allow others to experience. As does Bonnie in her song writing. Well done! Shelagh 🙂

Author's Reply:
Dear Shelagh:
You have not only made my night, but also brought tears to this old Witch's eyes. Thank you so very much for your beautiful comment. I really am just so blown away by such a lovely comment and if I ramble, please forgive me.

I do love to write songs. I always have loved them but never believed I was any good so only did joke songs for fun, unlike the ones I have done more recently, like this.

I especially thank you for enjoying that line.. It's one of my faves, as well. I agree with you about Bonnie Rait, but to be compared at all to someone like her(even loosely) is just nearly too wonderful for words.

I am also deeply honored that you selected this as a fave, and for that you have my deepest thanks, as well. I pray this finds you well. And may I take this moment to say how nice it is to have you back among us.

blessings,
Jolen


I might be a fucking poet (posted on: 22-01-07)
Inspired by two other Bad Pennies Len's "I am a fucking poet" https://www.ukauthors.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=15424 And Linear's "I am not a fucking poet" https://www.ukauthors.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=15800

I might be a fucking poet. I guess you could say it's so. I've read a couple of poems Written by Dickenson and Poe. I can spin a web or two Using contrast or metaphor. Sometimes I wonder if it makes me Another egotistical word whore. Will future generations speak of me? I have wondered, I'll admit. If so, I am sure they'll say, "That Jolen was full of shit!" I might be a fucking poet, But I refuse to suffer for my art. I leave that to the readers, That's how I'll make my mark.
Archived comments for I might be a fucking poet
eddiesolo on 22-01-2007
I might be a fucking poet
Well in my book (beginners guide to writing with pictures for ages 5 and up) this is a poem and you...YES YOU...are a poet...so there!

I liked it, good flow and I found that as you read it shouts at you...makes no sense but then I never do lol.

Nothing excretory about this!

Si:-)

Author's Reply:
LOL Thank you, Si... I hope this came across as a humor piece.. It's supposed to be funny.

How are you and the family?

blessings,
Jolen

Sunken on 22-01-2007
I might be a fucking poet
Hello Ms. Jolen of America soon to be England. This is a cheeky little number and no mistake. I might be a road sweeper, there's poetry in pavements, or so I once told. Mind you, the bloke who told me was high on crack so it could be all balls. I hope my advanced crit has helped in some small way. Thanks and, before I forget, great.

s
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regrets the summer of '99

Author's Reply:
Greetings, Smunky, how are you this fine day? I think it's a lovely day for a fucking poem, don't you/ Thank you for reading and commenting and I hope you got a giggle as that was my intent here.
ah well, it's only poetry, (sort of) I'll just make more.
Sending well wishes and dead fishes
Ms. JOlen of America soon to be of England

Zoya on 22-01-2007
I might be a fucking poet
Oh, I just love this Jolen!
(((Hugs)))
Love, Zoya

Author's Reply:
Hi Zoya:
Thank you so much, I am just a strange old Witch, that doesn't take herself too seriously. lol I am glad you enjoyed and hope this finds you and yours well.
blessings,
Jolen

woodbine on 22-01-2007
I might be a fucking poet
Dearest Jolen,
You are a spry woman in love with words.
John XXX

Author's Reply:
Dearest John:



Could I adore you anymore? Thank you and for always being there for me, thank you. I can't help that I like to have fun and so do ... lol I pray this finds you well. Did you listen to the audio?

much love,

Jolen xoxox

red-dragon on 23-01-2007
I might be a fucking poet
'egotistical word whore.' loved it!! Ann



Author's Reply:
LOL Thank you, Ann...Can you tell that I dont' take myself too seriously? I love to do crazy things like this. I hope you are enjoying this new year.
blessings,
Jolen

len on 24-01-2007
I might be a fucking poet
Heey, little Miss Most Read..I guess this means you ARE a fucking poet..I knew it from the start...hee hee..yereverlovin

Author's Reply:
Hey Darlin', Don't I know you from someplace?? lol Thank you, thank you. And yes, yes, you did. Bless you for it. I loves ya, baby..

yereverlovintomightbeapoetaces

orangedream on 25-01-2007
I might be a fucking poet
Just wanted to say, Jolen, how much I thought your reading of the poem enhanced it for me anyway. The icing on the cake. It's a poem that needs to be read out loud to gain the full impact. Great stuff!

regards,
Tina

Author's Reply:
Hi Tina;
The other two poems that inspired this are freaking hilarious, mine was just a bit of cheek. However, thank you about the audio. I normally don't read my work as I hate my voice...I'm glad that you felt it enhanced this piece though. I hope this finds you well.
blessings,
Jolen

Kazzmoss on 27-01-2007
I might be a fucking poet
Just listened to this and you read it really well, Jolen, it made me smile, you certainly are a poet! - Kazz

Author's Reply:
Thank you so very much, Kazz and Congrats to you on WOTM!!! I love to have a bit of fun is all and can laugh at myself most of all, so there ya go! lol I really appreciate your kind words, as I told Tina, I don't normally read my work because I can't stand to hear my voice. In fact Len (the author of 'I am a fucking poet") and my fellow Bad Penny member had to listen to this audio for me. I wouldn't even listen to it to see if it was ok. lol Yes, I am insane, but thanks so much for coming by. I pray the new year is being good to you.
blessings,
Jolen

wfgray on 28-01-2007
I might be a fucking poet
Hi Joleen, I can see and hear that you are a fucking poet. Why because you said so. I enjoyed your rendition. Will

Author's Reply:
Hi Will:
Thank you so much for stopping by and having a read and listen. Just so you know, this isn't any of my 'high art' ...okay, so I don't really have any high art, but I do like to pretend and so I do.. I am sorry that you have had some health issues of late and pray that you are much better now. Best wishes for the new year to you and yours...
Blessings,
JolenPhotobucket - Video and Image Hosting
There, I waved my magic wand for you, to help you be healthier... 🙂

Kazzmoss on 28-01-2007
I might be a fucking poet
Hi Jolen, its a great trait being able to laugh at yourself. You really sound like a fun person. Lovely! I honestly thought your voice had a nice ring to it, but its funny you should say that because when I hear myself back, I sound awful, so sort of false. So I am glad I am not the only one. Tina also sounds good when she reads, doesn't she and she has some lovely stuff to read too! Kazz

Author's Reply:
Hi again, Kazz,
I gotta tell ya, if I didn't laugh at myself, everyone else would have all the fun and so that's just unthinkable. lol
Thanks about the fun person thing, I like to think I am fun, though most people say things like 'nuts, mad, crazy as hell, insane' and other adjectives that may not be suitable for discussion on this fucking page. lol
I sure am enjoying Tina's work, as well. I have been absent from the site for quite some time and so am trying to catch up with favorites and read new work.
Have a great one,
Jolen

jay12 on 29-01-2007
I might be a fucking poet
Another egotistical word whore - aint we all one of these!!!

Great poem!

Jay.

Author's Reply:
LOL, just having a bit of fun, as I tend to do whenever possible. LOL Glad you enjoyed this one!

discopants on 29-01-2007
I might be a fucking poet
Nicely written- playful but with a hint of darkness, particularly in the audio which really adds to the piece.

Author's Reply:
Hiya again, DP,

Thank you. Us Bad Pennies have to stick together and when Len did his 'I am a fucking poet", (Which is brilliant, btw) I dared Linear to do "I am not a fucking poet" (Which is god-like great, and his read is perfect) as he's a prose sort of guy, so I was left out, and that won't do... lol I jokingly said "Oh yeah, well, I might be a fucking poet" and that was it.. Interestingly enough, (to us, anyway) on the other site we are all on, it inspired a bunch of different takes on the 'fucking poet' thing. From "I want to fuck a poet" to "So, you think you're a fucking poet" and on and on... it was great fun. I really only added it here for a lark, as I usually try to post serious work here (Because my poetry mentor, Ross McCague told me I had too!) lol



Now, aren't ya glad I am a woman of few words? LOL.. Seriously, I wanted to tell you again, how much I enjoyed that short of yours, "Ice"...Oh well, anyway, thank you so much for stopping by and having your ear chatted off in writing. lol



blessings,

Jolen

Macjoyce on 30-01-2007
I might be a fucking poet
Hey there Jolen,

Would you mind if I offered you some poetic guidance? I believe you have a real talent, which could go a lot further if you realised certain things and developed your craft thereupon. It’s not because I see myself as some hoary old wizard-poet (I’m only 26, but I AM Welsh...), it’s just that I think you could massively benefit from some pointers, and if no-one else will do it, I will.

Metre.

One word. The golden rule.

I realise you probably write mainly in free verse, I’ve read some of your free verse stuff and it’s generally very good, but I think you need to develop your skills in rhyming verse.

If you’re going to rhyme you must have metre as well, otherwise it sounds clumsy. You don’t need metre in free verse because there it’s images that drive the poem. When rhymes drive a poem, you need more order. A lot of poets rhyme without metre, and it usually doesn’t work. They are lazy. The only reason they don’t use metre is simply because they’re lazy. They are aware of metre, but can’t be bothered to use it, though that is what poetry is all about. Metre is not that difficult to master, and their work could be a lot better for just a little bit more effort.

I’m not saying you should always stick like glue to metre. Some people, wrongly, believe that what makes a great poem is how rigidly it adheres to the form. As though Shakespeare isn’t a great poet because of his mastery of language, but because all his sonnets are in precise iambic pentameter. He’s not, and they’re not. His metre is at times frankly clumsy, but he can get away with it by writing a great poem. The same goes for all the major poets who have formed both British and American literature. As long as your metre is, for the most part, intact, it’s ok if you break the rules now and then, if the poem is a good’un. Some people, for example, read my work, and frustrated at being unable to find anything wrong with it, just go “Nyuhh nyuhh nyuhh, a couple of the syllables are irregular, nyuhh nyuhh nyuhh.” Don’t listen to people like that. They’ve probably never even read a Shakespearean sonnet in their lives.

First of all, you must make sure your lines are either of the same length, or of a fixed pattern of varying lengths, for example tetrameter then trimeter, then tetrameter then trimeter. This, if rhymed abab or abcb, is the standard ballad form. This stuff is simple, all this dimeter, trimeter, tetrameter, pentameter, hexameter, heptameter, it’s just line length, and you should read up on it. What is even more important, and a bit more complex, are the iamb, the trochee, the dactyl and the anapaest.

Let’s start with the iamb, the simplest one. You can easily master this.

- / - / - / - /
I wandered lonely as a cloud
- / - / - / - /
that floats on high o’er vales and hills.

Do you see the regularity of the rhythm there? That is perfect iambic tetrameter. Iambic: weak syllable, then strong syllable.
Tetrameter: four strong syllables per line.

Trochaic is also quite simple, it’s the other way round:
/ - / - / - /
London Bridge is falling down.

My own personal favourite metre is anapaestic, or anapestic as you Americans spell it. This looks hard but isn’t. Two weak syllables, then a strong one. Take a look at Byron’s poem, ‘The Destruction of Sennacherib’.

- - / - - / - - / - - /
The Assyrian came down like the wolf on the fold
- - / - - / - - / - - /
and his cohorts were gleaming in purple and gold,
- - / - - / - - / - - /
and the sheen of their spears was like stars on the sea
- - / - - / - - / - - /
when the blue wave rolls nightly on deep Galilee.


Now, certain pedantic bastards, and there are a few on this site, would tick Byron off and say, “Ooh, that’s not proper anapaestic metre! ‘Assyrian’ has four syllables in it, not three! The fourth line doesn’t scan at all! ‘Wave’, ‘rolls’ and ‘Gal’ are all strong syllables, not weak ones! Nyuhh nyuhh nyuhh!” Again, don’t listen to them. The metre here is largely intact and so has earned the right to break the rules a bit in line four.


My dear Jolen, I cannot emphasise enough the beauty of metric and rhymed verse, and the possibilities open to you if you are willing to experiment with it, and persevere with it. There is an entire universe of verse out there waiting for you to traverse it, if you’ll pardon the awful triple pun on ‘verse’ in this sentence.

Read up on meter, and on irregular metric forms like the much-misunderstood accentual verse. (Much misunderstood by some people...) Accentual verse was mainly popular in medieval times (see Langland’s ‘Piers Plowman’) but has had revivals in modern times, notably through the work of Gerard Manley Hopkins. He adapted accentual verse and developed it into ‘sprung rhythm’. See his poem ‘Felix Randal’.

If you are interested, and I think you will be if you dipped your toe, then foot, then, like me, the rest of your body in it, you will eventually be writing Petrarchan sonnets, Wyattian sonnets, Shakespearean sonnets, Spenserian sonnets, Shelleyan sonnets, Pushkinian sonnets, Cornish sonnets, Spenserian stanzas, terza rima, ottava rima, rondels, rondels prime, ballads, ballades, ballades supreme, rondeaux, rondeaux redoublé, rondelets, roundels, roundelays, kyrielles, ghazals, rubaiyyat, rhyme royals, skeltonics, anacreontics, sapphic odes, pindaric odes, lyric odes, horatian odes, gwawdodyns, rhupunts, tawddgyrch cadwynog, clogyrnachs, limericks, triolets, poulter’s measure, six-line ballads, clerihews, villanelles, sestinas, burns stanzas, luc bat, pantoums and droighneachs.

Like I say, there’s a universe of verse out there, yours to play in if you want to. I strongly recommend you give it a go. I think you would do really well. It’s not as scary as it looks. Trust me.

If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask me.

Your friend, Macjoyce


Author's Reply:
Hey there Paul,





I am not sure where to begin here, so I may as well just dive right in and let it fly, as is my usual "savous faire'...


"I realise you probably write mainly in free verse, I’ve read some of your free verse stuff and it’s generally very good, but I think you need to develop your skills in rhyming verse."


I don't know that I do use free verse more over all, but I think on this site I have mainly non-rhyming work. I cannot but agree that I need to develop all of my skills, as I am always trying to do.


"If you’re going to rhyme you must have metre as well, otherwise it sounds clumsy. You don’t need metre in free verse because there it’s images that drive the poem. When rhymes drive a poem, you need more order. A lot of poets rhyme without metre, and it usually doesn’t work. They are lazy. The only reason they don’t use metre is simply because they’re lazy. They are aware of metre, but can’t be bothered to use it, though that is what poetry is all about. Metre is not that difficult to master, and their work could be a lot better for just a little bit more effort. "


I am not afraid of hard work and appreciate this a great deal, as I would say you are correct. I will say that I am more than a bit afraid of the mathmatics issue. In my head, I have a hard time getting it to embrace it as fully as I should. .(My fragile side speaking here) However, being afraid will not stop me from trying, as I have to do it, for me, as I am sure you can understand. (you have a warrior in you, too)


"I’m not saying you should always stick like glue to metre. Some people, wrongly, believe that what makes a great poem is how rigidly it adheres to the form. As though Shakespeare isn’t a great poet because of his mastery of language, but because all his sonnets are in precise iambic pentameter. He’s not, and they’re not. His metre is at times frankly clumsy, but he can get away with it by writing a great poem. The same goes for all the major poets who have formed both British and American literature. As long as your metre is, for the most part, intact, it’s ok if you break the rules now and then, if the poem is a good’un. Some people, for example, read my work, and frustrated at being unable to find anything wrong with it, just go “Nyuhh nyuhh nyuhh, a couple of the syllables are irregular, nyuhh nyuhh nyuhh.” Don’t listen to people like that. They’ve probably never even read a Shakespearean sonnet in their lives. "


Well, I have read all of Shakespeare's sonnets, and a book of them is in front of me at this moment. I agree that it helps to know the rules you break, but I have tried to understand some of what you now speak to and failed miserably. I do see it more clearly, since you broke it down in plain English for me. Thank you again...(You'll probably get sick of hearing that from me)


"First of all, you must make sure your lines are either of the same length, or of a fixed pattern of varying lengths, for example tetrameter then trimeter, then tetrameter then trimeter. This, if rhymed abab or abcb, is the standard ballad form. This stuff is simple, all this dimeter, trimeter, tetrameter, pentameter, hexameter, heptameter, it’s just line length, and you should read up on it. What is even more important, and a bit more complex, are the iamb, the trochee, the dactyl and the anapaest. "


Egads, now you've done it! A clue for you, if you ever get a 'whut?' from me, it means that I am totally lost.. I think I am letting the names alone scare me here. However, I have due to your gracious and detailed comment decided that I am going to take another stab at it and come out the victor or die trying...(warrioress speaking there)



"Let’s start with the iamb, the simplest one. You can easily master this."


Are you sure? I'm not. :)>


"- / - / - / - /


I wandered lonely as a cloud


- / - / - / - /


that floats on high o’er vales and hills.


Do you see the regularity of the rhythm there? That is perfect iambic tetrameter. Iambic: weak syllable, then strong syllable.


Tetrameter: four strong syllables per line. "


Yes, and I will drag out my poetry guide again (I had it packed for my move) and see if I can't really get down to it, as it were.


"My own personal favourite metre is anapaestic, or anapestic as you Americans spell it. This looks hard but isn’t. Two weak syllables, then a strong one. Take a look at Byron’s poem, ‘The Destruction of Sennacherib’. "


As Ross McCague (Rosco on here) can tell you, I always follow directions when ordered to do so by someone I respect..So, I shall do this today. Thank you.


"Now, certain pedantic bastards, and there are a few on this site, would tick Byron off and say, “Ooh, that’s not proper anapaestic metre! ‘Assyrian’ has four syllables in it, not three! The fourth line doesn’t scan at all! ‘Wave’, ‘rolls’ and ‘Gal’ are all strong syllables, not weak ones! Nyuhh nyuhh nyuhh!” Again, don’t listen to them. The metre here is largely intact and so has earned the right to break the rules a bit in line four. "


Well, I believe you know my thoughts on pedantic bastards...


"My dear Jolen, I cannot emphasise enough the beauty of metric and rhymed verse, and the possibilities open to you if you are willing to experiment with it, and persevere with it. There is an entire universe of verse out there waiting for you to traverse it, if you’ll pardon the awful triple pun on ‘verse’ in this sentence. "


I agree with you, which is why I have such a fondness for classic poetry. I love puns! LOL and awful puns are my favorite. lol I will do as you suggest and see what this old witch can whip up.


"Read up on meter, and on irregular metric forms like the much-misunderstood accentual verse. (Much misunderstood by some people...) Accentual verse was mainly popular in medieval times (see Langland’s ‘Piers Plowman’) but has had revivals in modern times, notably through the work of Gerard Manley Hopkins. He adapted accentual verse and developed it into ‘sprung rhythm’. See his poem ‘Felix Randal’"


I will do this, as I have said, and I plan to go into it as a battle. lol (have sword, will travail) (see, I told you, I loved awful puns) lol


"If you are interested, and I think you will be if you dipped your toe, then foot, then, like me, the rest of your body in it, you will eventually be writing Petrarchan sonnets, Wyattian sonnets, Shakespearean sonnets, Spenserian sonnets, Shelleyan sonnets, Pushkinian sonnets, Cornish sonnets, Spenserian stanzas, terza rima, ottava rima, rondels, rondels prime, ballads, ballades, ballades supreme, rondeaux, rondeaux redoublé, rondelets, roundels, roundelays, kyrielles, ghazals, rubaiyyat, rhyme royals, skeltonics, anacreontics, sapphic odes, pindaric odes, lyric odes, horatian odes, gwawdodyns, rhupunts, tawddgyrch cadwynog, clogyrnachs, limericks, triolets, poulter’s measure, six-line ballads, clerihews, villanelles, sestinas, burns stanzas, luc bat, pantoums and droighneachs. "


You are an astute and talented young man, and I shall take this sage advice. It is the least I can do after you took the time to suggest so much.


"Like I say, there’s a universe of verse out there, yours to play in if you want to. I strongly recommend you give it a go. I think you would do really well. It’s not as scary as it looks. Trust me."


That's a tall order, and I am sure hoping you're correct, as it scares me to my toenails. But bless your kindness and considerate remarks.


"If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask me."


You may wish to rescind that offer quite soon. lol Because I will do just that. Thank you again, for everything.


*exhales* that's that, then..


Your friend and a fan,


Jolen

erniewall on 02-03-2007
I might be a fucking poet
I would never have thought such foul language could be so poetic! This is fantastic stuff, I hope to read more of your stuff soon.

Regards,
Ernie.

Author's Reply:
Hi Ernie:

Thank you so much. I am not above using anything for 'poetic' fun. lol I appreciate your kind comment and thank you so very much too for choosing me as a fave author. I look forward to reading some of your work too. I'm sorry it took me so long to reply, but I have been away on holiday.
blessings,
Jolen


The Trail (posted on: 06-03-06)
A song, born of a poem, and alive thanks to Ward Abel's own special brand of magic. My undying gratitude to him and his exceptional talent.

The Trail I. Below the misty mountains In an emerald glen Is a spot my memory travels Back to time and time again. I was sitting all alone there On a clear midsummer morn, The dew slowly lifted And the day began to warm... CHORUS: The eagles they were soaring Searching for some easy prey, Dipping and diving along The crystal waterway... Along the Trail, That day. II. I thought I was alone there Underneath a tree, Then I heard a twig snapping Someone moving cautiously. I was afraid to breathe but I waited patiently, then you walked out of the woods into my destiny. (CHORUS) BRIDGE: We found love out on that trail I never knew your name We held each other afterwards I never was the same...never was the same. III. Our moment didn't last Now it's just a memory, Just like the crystal waters That later found the sea. I still take that journey often when I hear an eagle's cry, I still taste the evergreen Along the trail we left behind. (CHORUS) Words and Music (c) 2006 Jolen Casper/ Ward Abel
Archived comments for The Trail
Linear on 06-03-2006
The Trail
Dear Jolen:
A very nifty song you have here. I'm no poet but I thought this was very beautiful and erm, visual. I enjoyed the water finding the sea bit. And the audio is brilliant.
I'm very jealous of you. Be well. Linear.

Author's Reply:
Hi Linny!
Thank you so much for swinging by and listening. I'm so overwhelmed by the response to this piece. I think Ward made it magic. I'm so honored to share my words with his, and his genius for music.

I hope you are doing well this day.
blessings,
Jolen

Andrea on 06-03-2006
The Trail
That's absolutely fabulous Jolen 'n' Ward.

Tha audio is...well...quite brilliant.

Bit Neil Young-ish (hope that doesn't offend! It's meant to be a compliment)

Author's Reply:
Hi Andrea,
Thank you so much. I don't know if Neil will be offended or not, but I'm not in the least.. LOL. It's a compliment to me, and I am sure to Ward, as well. This was great fun. I'm glad it's being enjoyed.
I hope you are having a wonderful day.
blessings,
Jolen

sirat on 06-03-2006
The Trail
Never knew her name? I would have got her name and also her phone number. Great song lyrics, maybe Ward can record it and we can have itin UKAudio format?

Author's Reply:
Hello David,
Yes, indeed, a phone number and name can be good, but then a lovely encounter in the woods, ain't all bad either. lol. I'm glad that you noticed it is on audio. Ward did an incredible job with this. I thank you so much for taking the time to read, listen, and comment. I hope this finds you well.
blessings,
Jolen

sirat on 06-03-2006
The Trail
Good lord! I've just realised it's already there. Brilliant!

Author's Reply:

Apolloneia on 06-03-2006
The Trail
Hi Jolen and Abel, the song lyrics and the music are great. Well done!
Nic.

Author's Reply:
Hi Nic,
Thank you very much. Ward is so very talented. I loved working with him, on this and another poem we did together. I'm so thrilled to see this is being enjoyed. I hope this finds you well. I'll be catching up soon with your wonderful work.
blessings,
Jolen

Abel on 06-03-2006
The Trail
Many, many thanks for all the very kind comments here...Jolen provided the wonderful imagery, and I just tuned it up a bit. It was great fun, recorded in my home studio, and Jolen is such a fine talent, so it came together nicely.

Best,
Ward

Author's Reply:
Thanks again Ward, this was so wonderful of you, and I very much enjoy it. I cannot thank you enough, for working with me, but I sure do thank you.

We done good!
blessings,
Jolen

Sunken on 06-03-2006
The Trail
Take a piece of Jolen (I'm thinking rump) add a dash of Abel of Ward fame and what do you get? A song so chunky you could feed a family of six on it for a year and still have enough left over to keep a hamster, of Rudy fame, happy for a lifetime. Ahem... and this is why I don't do critique. Really well done you pair... and Abel (-;

s
u
n
k
e
n

yes sir, i can striptease - but i need to get dressed first

Author's Reply:
Dearest Smunky,
I thank you so very much for that visual..... lol. Too cute, no worries, I'll always take care of Rudy the hampster, he's a dear. I do love your comments, and your 'rump' ain't so bad, neither. lmao. I'm glad that people are enjoying this piece. Ward is a very gifted man. He is also incredibly generous. I thank you for the pair, and him as well.... lmao.

Blessings,
Jolen

Rosco on 07-03-2006
The Trail
I think you're a good songwriter. This is certainly evidence. I'm not in a position to say more. It's wonderful!

Author's Reply:
Bless your wonderful heart Ross, but it's not me, truly. You've seen my songs, haven't you?LOL they ah, er,ahem, tend to be more on the bawdy side... To put it mildly. Thanks for taking the time to check this out. I appreciate your time, and your kindness.
blessings,
Jolen (A septentrional Witch)

RoyBateman on 07-03-2006
The Trail
I think it's all been said - but what the heck! Great Lyric, which certainly isn't as easy to do as it sometimes looks. Well done, both of you.

Author's Reply:
Hi there Roy,
Bless your wonderful heart. I'm so pleased you liked this. I have to tell you, it was really exciting and fun to think of a song done with my work. Ward is a generous and talented man. He made this come to life.

I hope you and your family are doing well.
blessings,
Jolen

Bradene on 08-03-2006
The Trail
Congratulations Jolen and Ward on a fine piece of work it sounds really great I thoroughly enjoyed every word and note. Love Val x

Author's Reply:
Thank you so much Val. I think Ward is so very talented and I was and am so very honored to have worked with him. I love what he did with this.
blessings,
Jolen

Griffonner on 11-03-2006
The Trail
Great work, Val. And of course, Ward. Excellent.

Author's Reply:
Hi Griffoner, I'll say thank you on Ward's behalf, and Val too, though I think you might have the wrong gal....... I hope you are faring well. I'm so pleased you enjoyed this.

blessings,
Jolen

MiddleEarthNet on 11-03-2006
The Trail
I really enjoyed listening to this song and following the words as (was it you or Ward Abel) sang.

I noticed that the words in the audio are slightly different in areas to the typed words. Personaly I though the audio ones worked better.

Author's Reply:
Hi MiddleEarthNet,
I apologize for the mix up, I must have put up the wrong version of lyric's. I'll change that, thanks so much for pointing it out. Thanks also for taking the time to read and comment on this piece, and yes, it was Ward's wonderful voice you heard. I hope this finds you and yours well.
blessings,
Jolen

Abel on 11-03-2006
The Trail
MiddleEarthNet, I'm afraid I transcribed the lyrics wrong when I sent the final version to Jolen, so I confess. We'll adjust the lyrics to match the song in an edit...I agree with you, and thanks so much for the kind words. Jolen started with the wonderful words, and as I said above, I just tuned them up a little in my home studio.

Best,
Ward

Author's Reply:

woodbine on 11-03-2006
The Trail
Great song, sensitively arranged and sung, with playful fingerwork by Ward, who always gives us his best shot. He and Jolen make it sound effortless. Bravo!
john

Author's Reply:
Dearest John,
I thank you so very much. Ward, as you know is so generous and talented, just like yourself. It was such a joy for him to have done such a beauty with my humble poem.
I pray this finds you and Bobbie well.
blessings and hugs,
Jolen

freya on 15-03-2006
The Trail
Jolen and Ward: just have to take the time to express my great admiration for this collaborative effort though, like others, I do feel the slightly different wording used by Ward in the musical rendition contributes a clearer and more believable flow to the 'events' that take place. Superb concept and lyricism Jolen. As for you Ward...well.. what a wonderful piece of music you made out of Jolen's words and imagery. I thought I heard an echo of a soulful Roy Orbison myself, though (especially in the bridge!). Very catchy tune indeed, too. Love it! Shelagh xx

Author's Reply:
Dear Shelagh,
I apologize for taking so long to reply, but I am not getting any notices again for comments, replys or pm's. I thank you very kindly for taking the time to visit and am thrilled that you enjoyed this. I don't know how the wrong version of lyrics wound up here and I really need to fix that. I am still amazed at how he brought this to life. It was a little poem about love on a trail one summer day, and now it seems much more.
Thanks again and I pray this finds you well.
blessings,
Jolen

Corin on 29-03-2006
The Trail
Jolen and Ward - this was absolutely brilliant - fantastic words and music. I especially enjoyed the wonderful metaphor - the eagle eyed predator walking along the trail and Jolen the easy prey!:-)

Great listen

David



Author's Reply:
Thank you so much David. Ward did a phenominal job with my humble poem ... I still cannot belive that my words can be so beautiful.. I'm glad you enjoyed. I hope this finds you and yours well.

blessings,
Jolen

Lare on 08-04-2006
The Trail
Hi Jolen...what a fantastically beautiful song/poem. It flows like a finely woven strand of pearls. I love this...sad that their moment didn't last...but what a moment they had...this is precious...Jolen...you really are a very talented writer...

Lare

Author's Reply:

Lare on 08-04-2006
The Trail
Good God, Jolen...I just listened to the song...this is FANTASTIC! The words come alive with the music...guitars and vocals...chorus...this is so very well done...wow....no, I mean WOW...did you sing this along with Ward? This sings so well....This will be with me for the rest of my day, today...what a nice song to carry with me...

Lare

Author's Reply:
Hi Lare:
I didn't know that you had left this comment. I'm sorry for taking so long to reply. Also, my deepest thanks to you for selecting this as a fave. No, I didn't sing on this, it's all Ward. I just provided the imagery from my poem. I hope this finds you well. Thanks again, I'm very touched (yes, in the head too)
that you enjoyed it so much.
blessings,
Jolen

pencilcase on 20-04-2006
The Trail
I nominate this for the debut uk-album. Well, it could happen!

I very much enjoyed listening to this - brilliant.

Steve

Author's Reply:
Hi Steve:
I just now saw this. I apologize for taking so long to reply. Here is a reply from Ward as well.
Comment posted by Abel (21-04-2006 09:06) Send Abel a Private Message
So glad you liked it, Steve. It was fun...yes, a UKA album...!

Best,
Ward


For myself, I thank you sincerely. He really was the talent here. I just lent him a poem. He made it magic. Thank you so much for taking the time to read, listen and comment.
blessings,
Jolen

Abel on 21-04-2006
The Trail
So glad you liked it, Steve. It was fun...yes, a UKA album...!

Best,
Ward

Author's Reply:

Kazzmoss on 29-11-2006
The Trail
Lovely, a sheer delight to listen to. - Kazz

Author's Reply:
Thank you, Kazz, Ward really brought this to life. I know he will be pleased to know you enjoyed it, as I am.

blessings,
Jolen

pageorge61 on 09-12-2006
The Trail
Jolen,
This is just amazing, I loved it ...And ward definately braught
your words to life...I applaud you....
George

Author's Reply:
Thank you, George, I thought I had replied to this but see that I haven't. I am sorry for being so late. I am glad you enjoyed it and hope all is well for you and your wife.
blessings,
Jolen

jody on 20-06-2007
The Trail
Jolen and Ward This blew me away. First, I liked the poem, but the song..... 'sigh'. Mighty fine picking Mr Ward, and very nice tryst Jolen.


Author's Reply:
Ahhhhhh thank you, Jody-won.. Ward kicked the door down on this one and it's such a joy to have done it with him. I am so glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for the lovely comment.

hugs and kisses,
Jolen