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dougie555's (dougie on UKA) UKArchive
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Tales from Mauritius Part Eight (posted on: 04-05-07)
Tales from Mauritius continued....Part Eight.

     In almost every village, there is at least one " Ojha, " in real term, the voodoo man. Some are well known because of their powers to cast off evil spells or show you the way to good fortunes. And if one is really famous , people travel miles to go and see him. And this is done by the word of mouth and some people go and see them for trivial things such as losing a gold ring,losing a dog , a cat, any job promotion ahead , having marital problems or winning the lottery.      One of my neighbor's had a son who was suffering from learning disabilities and some people started calling him " Pagla ", meaning Mad and the poor woman got really uptight about it . At that time the theory was, if you had a mental problem you were possessed. And that was despite the medical diagnosis explained to the parents for which there was no cure.      So she asked me to accompany her to one who was really famous in one of the remote village. And of course she took with her the bottle of rum , the black cockerel and some cash.      As soon as we arrived, she handed him the cash and the bottle of rum. The cockerel was still in the carton box. It was a moment of experience for me too as i had never seen that before , but only heard of such ritual. He asked us to sit down on a mat as he sat with the boy on a separate mat few feet away.He started making a noise like, HM which gradually grew into a chant which was Greek to me, as he repeated the same thing over and over. The tempo started increasing as he started making loud noises and both his hands started shaking like mad. His whole body started shaking and he clearly started saying ahoo ahoo ahoo and the more he said that the more his whole body was shaking ,he went into a trance and the poor mother put her hands into a prayer position. As he went into that trance i looked at him, he had his eyes half closed and he stood up and i admit that it was also a frightening moment as his whole being was taken over by an outside spirit ,still shaking he reached for the bottle of rum and opened it with his teeth and put one of his hand on the boy's head,and with the other hand he started pouring the rum on the ground, but he made sure that he stopped when it was half empty. He was still shaking as he reached for the box which had the cockerel and disappeared as he did not want us to see what he was doing, soon he appeared with the headless cockerel , with blood still dribbling all over the floor and went in the kitchen , but soon came back with a plateful of yellow rose petals and still chanting touched the boy's head first then showered him with the flowers. He then sat down and started chanting again ,but this time the tempo started slowing down and he soon stopped and reached for a handkerchief and wiped his forehead dribbling profusely with sweat .He really looked exhausted. There was a total silence for few minutes. He looked at the mother and said, " i have done my bit and the rest is in his fate,".The mother just nodded in affirmation and threw a glance at her boy.      It was all over and we drove back. Honestly i saw no change in the boy. His condition is called, Trisomy twenty one, as we all have pairs of chromosomes , X and Y ,but in his case there is an extra one.              Next...... How you step outside one day, but come back in the house with different colors.
Archived comments for Tales from Mauritius Part Eight

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Tales from Mauritius part seven. (posted on: 27-04-07)
Tales from Mauritius part seven.

     The English and the French , though being the occupiers, made it plain that their languages be taught in a very strict way . And i remember how the teachers used canes and rulers to smack pupils who misbehaved or did not do their homeworks. They would also appoint class captains and you had to look up at them. Deep inside i personally hated them as they were bullies and even in the playground they used to taunt the weaker ones and i will never forget the day when i was just looking at a very attractive young teacher and they pounced on me and said, " why are you looking at her like that for and if we ever catch you looking at her again ,we will beat you outside school". And of course there were lots of scores being settled outside, but i used to walk away . The teachers would ask them to carry you to them and they would grab you by your shorts and bend you over and and let get smacked on the bottom. There was one teacher who used to walk with a long ruler and if you did something wrong , he used to ask you to open the palm of your hand and smack you really hard , not holding the ruler flat ,but turn it sideways, to inflict optimum pain. At times you had to kneel down on the concrete for more than ten minutes. some teachers were so cruel that they would spread a layer of rock salt on the concrete first, and that was painful.      The good thing that came out of all that was, lots of people got good qualifications ,but finding a good job started becoming a nightmare.      After the independence, many political parties were formed.Each party had well -paid agents in the villages who influenced the voters. The agents were very close to the ministers and if you knew an agent very well you could go and see the ministers and explain your situation and you were in,      At that time the most coveted jobs were being a teacher , a policeman or working in an office.      There was also a nurse training selection committee who interviewed people and wrote to hospitals abroad, but as there were so many who wanted to go , the waiting was a long one.      Many with lesser qualifications started obtaining jobs via favours of those corrupt ministers. I knew an agent and went to see him and he made an appointment to his favorite minister.We both drove to town and deep inside i was all excited because the agent told me that it was a certainty i will get a job.      The minister received us in his lounge. I told him how i had sacrificed to obtain my certificate and also told him how my parents were poor and how they were in debt.      He looked at me and said, " you know there are so many like you out there, what do you want me to do, take the rope off your head and put it on mine. sorry i cannot do anything at this moment, but i will bear you in mind,".      The agent asked me to go outside and wait for him. I will never forget that day and it made me think how life can be cruel at times, but it reminded me that when life kicks you to the ground do not just lie get up and kick life back.      After three months luckily i got a letter from the nursing committee and went to Scotland for nurse training.              Next........" If you want the spell to be cast off your son , then bring me a black young cockerel, a bottle of rum and ten rupees....    
Archived comments for Tales from Mauritius part seven.
reckless on 28-04-2007
Tales from Mauritius part seven.
I find this interesting. I'd like to read others; if this is 7, there must be 6 more.? I met a woman from Mauritius once. Must be an intrigiong palce, so small (or is it) and stuck out there in the middle of the ocean.

Author's Reply:
Hi Reckless,
Thanks for your encouraging comments . Please do look in the " latest 50 " and you will find the ones you have not read, yes there is one , two and up to seven if you cannot find them please do let me know, by the way i read your interesting piece too and they are fascinating. Thanks for reading it and have a good journey on the inky path,bye for now and god bless.


Tales from Mauritius part 6 (posted on: 23-04-07)
Tales from Mauritius continued....Part six.

     I came in this country with Forty pounds and i can call myself lucky as i have my own house and a car and i get by, but when i look back how difficult it was at that time makes me think," those were the days......"      Our house was a mud hut in real term and was built with wooden poles as support,The wall and the roof was made out of dried sugar cane leaves. The door was made of wood, with two iron hinges. once a week my mum used to mix three parts soil and one part cow dung with water and make a paste and plaster the wall and the floor. Honestly for the next few minutes the smell was pungent ,but as it is very hot in Mauritius it would soon dry and the smell would disappear.      Our source of light was a basic home made petrol lamp that would throw light to an area of about five feet and the rest of the room was in total darkness.      Our beds was made out of guni bags with dried grass as stuffing but it was comfortable and as it is hot we only had a plain sheet as cover.      At that time everyone had to pay for their education.My parents could not afford to send all the kids to school,but i do not know why they sent me .      It was about five in the afternoon, and i was sitting doing my home work and i heard my dad asked my mum what have we got for dinner tonight and my mum replied," nothing, but we have a bowl of rice and a bowl of lentil," well make kitchri with it," ordered my dad. It is like kedgeree in this country a concoction of fish and rice, and that was the way we survived. Meat was never on the on the menu. The only luxury was a tin of pilchards once a week. But on that night i made up my mind that i would go to work and pay for my schooling. It was hard work in the sugarcane field cutting about one ton of sugar.      There was a lorry that used to come at five in the morning to take me to the field.After cutting the sugarcane you had to carry them on your shoulder and climb a wooden ladder to fill the lorry.Then about eight i used to come back home and cycle to School .Luckily i passed my sc exam. the Cambridge school certificate and worked as a teacher, but the pay was one hundred and twenty five rupees a month. The current value is fifty five rupees to a pound so in other word i was getting two pounds and ten pence, a month. So as i was ambitious, i made up my mind to go abroad and better myself.      It was sad to leave everyone behind and my dad ,said to me at the airport , with tears in his eyes,"Go on my son , go there and live like a king,"     The rate of pay for me in the hospital is well over twelve pounds an hour.      My mum had pawned all her jewelries to pay for my fare, which was then one hundred and ten pounds by BO AC.      I sacrificed myself and started sending money back home and my dad transformed the mud hut into a proper concrete house and bought a color TV and all the neighbors started coming with their little mats and watched TV. It was a pleasure for me, when i went on holiday, to see them all sitting there and glued to the t.v.      Not only that. my dad used the money and built a shop with accommodation above, just in case i returned back home.I paid for his holiday and he spent three months here.      Because of that bowl of rice i teach my kids to respect food. One day i was telling my experiences to the kids and my little one said," but dad in this country we do not have sugarcane and people do not get up at that time to go to work....      The reason i wrote this is to show how we take things for granted and we must count our blessings for what we have got. Next.....It is difficult to get a job back home ,only if you knew a politician, and when i went to one minister. He said ,"what.....do you want me to take the rope off your neck and put it on mine ?"
Archived comments for Tales from Mauritius part 6
niece on 24-04-2007
Tales from Mauritius part 6
An enjoyable read, Dougie...very touching too!

Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
Hi Niece,
Thanks for your encouraging comment, i am glad you enjoyed reading it. Bye for now.
Kind regards dougie.


Tales from Mauritius 5 (posted on: 16-04-07)
Tales from Mauritius part Five.

     A Hindu wedding is one of the most spectacular event i have ever experienced. Preparations for the big day ,by both, the bride and the groom's parents are made months ahead . Up to one hundred and fifty invitations are sent to relatives and the villagers. It is still a fact that the more people you invite, the more presents you receive and nobody goes to a wedding empty handed.      The wedding is always on a sunday, but starting at the begining of week , the celebration starts and for the next six days, ladies from the village gather at night and sing and dance.It is a female only affair and no male is allowed .     From Thursday, right up to saturday a huge tent is erected with the helping hand of the villagers . The materials used consist of huge bamboo poles,surrounded by palm leaves and a huge tarpaulin as cover. Hundreds of chairs are hired from the council to accommodate the guests.     On Friday night up to ten cooks come and prepare the food all night for the feast on saturday. I witnessed the preparation of the puris, the fried indian bread and i was amazed. A huge double size white sheet is laid on the kitchen floor and up to two hundred pound of flour,mixed with just gallons of vegetable oil is worked out by the cooks and once the dough is ready it is fried in a huge pan. Then up to six vegetable curries are prepared.      At about ten o'clock the loud music is turned on, with the loudspeaker nestled on the top of a tree.The music can be heard a mile away and i reckon it must be be more than six hundred watts per channel.      Relatives start arriving with presents.All types of presents , ranging from kitchen knives, tumblers,clocks,mirrors and decanters are brought in tenderly wrapped in glossy papers. There are so many presents, that after the wedding is over most of the presents occupy prime position in a special cabinet.      The long awaited feast time starts at about four o'clock and goes right through the night and because there are so many guests there are many sittings and goes with the saying" first come first serve".There are gate crashers too and because it's such a happy occasion everybody is welcomed. people travel miles just to come for the food and listen to the songs sung by the top artists of mauritius. sometimes there are top bands hired just for the occasion.      The food is served on banana leaves as part of the tradition and honestly the food tastes better believe it or not. There are lots of volunteers serving food and the six vegetable dishes are enjoyed by everyone. Each of the puri is the size of a tea plate and Some guests say," right we will see who eats the most bread,"  and some guests eat about twenty and ask for more and the servers are on their feet all the time. All the food is consumed,but if there is any left overs it is given to the neighbours the next day.      It is time now for the Haldi, a ceremony where the groom is annointed with fresh pureed turmeric. The first person to rub the turmeric is the father followed by mum and all close relatives. All through the ceremony women sing songs of happinness and it is also a very touching moment , The same ceremony is conducted at the bride's place.By the time everybody has rubbed the yellow stuff it is a picture to see the groom.      The joviality goes on all night. At about ten in the morning it is time for the groom to get ready . He wears the traditional dhoti, like a loin cloth, with silk shirt , long coat and a headgear. Around his neck sits a garland made with colourful flowers.      Because there are so many guests all the taxis have been booked and the rest just take their own cars.Each vehicle accomodate five passengers. The groom car is lavishly decorated with colourful papers, flowers and silk ribbons.      Once everybody is ready the motorcade heads to the bride's village where all villagers line the streets to see the groom arriving.      All the cars stop about three hundred feet from the bride's place as a small ceremony is held where the groom's father,followed by all the guests walk to meet the bride's father and it is called" do mela",GETTING TOGETHER,where they both hug each other amid cheers.Then they slowly enter the huge tent and sit down. In the middle of the tent there is a space where the priest is sitting and chanting hymns,near a little fire which he keeps alive by pouring spoonfuls of ghee , clarified butter. He has lots of incence burning at the same time ,The groom sits infront of him. Now here comes the bride with her mum and all eyes are focussed on them. The bride is dressed in a colourful saree and wearing lots of jewelries.the parents fork out a huge amount of money for buying them. Some parents start saving money for buying jewelries when their daughters reach the age of thirteen . She wears lots of makeup and has her forehead, hand, and feet painted with colourful designs.      The priest starts the ceremony which lasts up to an hour.Sitting on the floor , on special mats and crossed legs could be a daunting experience,but it is worth it as this only happens once in a lifetime. Halfway through the ceremony,both bride and groom are asked by the priest to stand up and walk around the fire several times with each holding a white handkerchief.Then he asks them to stop,he comes and take both hankies and tie them in a single knot and hands them back, now after a little prayer he asks both of them to pull on the hankies and as there was only a knot ,it becomes untied. He says a small prayer and take the hankies and this time he ties both with a double knot and hand them back and ask them to pull again and this time it is difficult.He looks at them and say,"see how difficult it is, now you are both tied to each other as husband and wife," and he says another prayer and asks for the rings from each of the bride and groom parents who just sit feet away. The groom puts the ring first ,then shyly the bride puts the ring on her future husband finger and soon every body start throwing handfuls of confetti and rose petals.Once the ceremony is over both bride and groom at long last sit on specially decorated chairs and have refreshment.While they are sitting there everybody comes and hand presents or money and some crack lots of jokes.      Now comes the saddest part as the bride has to say goodbye to her parents and all relatives .There is tears in everybody eyes as she hugs them all and she is slowly walked to the decorated car.      As the motorcade nears the groom place ,special music is played ,the favourite one being ,"Baharo phool barsao mere mehboob aya hey mere mehboob aya hey," meaning, " o fresh air rain gentle flower petals on my bride as she has come home now...,"      With the bride also comes an auntie or her nan as she has to spend the night there.The groom is not allowed to sleep with his newly- wedded wife till the next night.      The bride is greeted by the groom's mum with a round metal plate on which there is burning camphor and she waves that around her head several times.soon all relatives do the same.      Once inside the house both bride and the groom change into casual gear and the whole village flock to see how beautiful the bride is.      The groom meets with all his mates and they start drinking and unwind.      The next morning a visit is made to the bride's place where special dinner is served and the auntie is left there and the groom comes back home.      Most of the relatives are gone, but the sisters stay back for the big night and very early they usher the bride to her bedroom.All hindu girls must be a virgin on their wedding night and to see that she is a virgin, a white sheet is laid on the bed and very early in the morning they knock at the door to take the sheet away.They must be convinced by the amount of blood on the sheet.The groom also expects that she is a virgin.If she is not a virgin the groom sends her back home in a taxi to her parents. Not only that, but they can claim lots of compensation for all the cash that was lavished. Some grooms already fall in love with their brides at first sight and they do not want to send them back and to convince the sisters they slit their hands and put the blood on the sheet.      When my sisters got married i remember my dad sitting in the front room and waiting just in case a taxi arrives. This brings disgrace not only to the parents, but the whole village.      When a girl who is not a virgin returns, the only way she can get married is to someone who had been married before and for some reason is split from his wife.      Girls in mauritius get married at an early age, the longer they stay single the more difficult it is for them to find a suitable husband. Next...."what is for dinner?" asks my dad, "nothing," replies my mum,"but we have a bowl of rice and lentil", "well make kitchri with it",     
Archived comments for Tales from Mauritius 5
niece on 17-04-2007
Tales from Mauritius 5
Although you speak of Hindu weddings, I found some of the customs strange...tho' a lot of Indians have the haldi ceremony as well as "sangeet" in India, not everyone has it. I think the Keralite wedding ceremony is the simplest among these. The whole thing takes about 15 minutes at the most and then everyone goes off to eat.The food too varies according to the region. An interesting read, Dougie!

Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
Hi niece,

Thanks for the email, this is the way they do it in Mauritius. maybe they have modified it , but Th's is the way i have seen it. please do let me know me know what sangee means as i have not heard that before. i will wait for it and let me tell you, i did not want that to be published, i pressed NO FOR PUBLISHING and it was published same day i wrote it coz i am on night duty at the moment and feel so tired staying awake all night and when you have time read it again coz i have not mentioned the wedding ring and the lavish jewelries of the bride,o k, bye and many thanks....


Tales from Mauritius 4 (posted on: 09-04-07)
Tales from Mauritius 4

     The Hindu community,the majority of the population, celebrate the festival called ganga asnan.Preparations are made months ahead where model airplanes, double decker buses,temples,lorries, and many other innovative models are built.The frames are made with bamboo,and covered with white frilly cloth and muslin paper,and decorated with baubles and tiny mirrors.Some models are just plain having about ten mirrors,but the ones that can afford the luxury have hundreds, Some models are about five feet in average,but the daring ones are as high as twenty feet and really heavy,      Pilgrims from all over the island,dressed in white start the twenty eight mile journey with their loads,walking barefoot singing religious songs to the beat of dholak,an improvised drum and cymbal.      It is a public holiday and the traffic is at a standstill and some processions are as long as a quarter mile. Well wishers who line up the streets to admire the white sea of models and devotees offer drinks and sweets. Some who live near the lake negotiate the journey in one day,but the pilgrims from the North stay overnight in a temple where food and drinks are provided and spend sleepless nights listening to religious songs sung by top artists of the island,      The meeting point of all pilgrims is near a lake which houses the sacred water and once there, they spend another night in the temple.Around the lake there are hundreds of statues of deities.It is a major tourist attraction.      In the morning, after all the ceremony and prayers the sacred water is collected in special containers and the devotees start the journey home and head to their individual village temple where it is offered to the Lord Shiva, the Hindu most adored Deity.      The devotees have great faith. Some people just go to thank their good fortune. I walked the journey once because i had said to God ," please make me pass my s c exams and i will go to ganga Asnan..." Fetch the holy water.      Next...."what ,you not a virgin on your wedding night, well i am afraid in the morning i am sending you to your parents and.......
Archived comments for Tales from Mauritius 4
niece on 11-04-2007
Tales from Mauritius 4
Dougie,
It seems you can write a whole book about the Festivals or Rituals of Mauritius...good work and interesting stuff!

Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:
Hi Niece,
Thanks for your kind encouragement and for reading part four. You also must publish your instalments. It will be compulsive reading. I like the way you create twists and turns and keep the reader's mind occupied. looking forward to the next instalment. Bye for now. Dougie.


Tales from Mauritius 2 and 3 (posted on: 06-04-07)
Tales from Mauritius 2 and 3

     One community celebrate a festival in the capital and the whole of the island descend there during the night,every year to see a group of youngsters walk on the streets with about fourteen inch knives in each hand and stabbing themselves all over the top part of their bodies.And to prove that they are genuine they take their shirts off. The most harrowing part is when they dig deep in the abdomen and one would think there will be blood oozing, but nothing.It is no magic or a spell ,just some songs of lament.    They walk round the capital and it goes on till past midnight. And some youngsters hold long swords and open their mouths and you see them driving them down the whole gullet and pull them out.           - 3 -     Every year one community celebrate a festival called ' cavadee' They fast by eating no salty food , just sweets. In the morning they gather near the river where the priest comes and conducts a ceremony, where the devotees , both men, women and children have their tongues pierced by long needles. some have only one, but the majority have up to four needles,stuck on their tongues.     Some have numerous needles on the bodies too specially around the chest. The most daring ones have several,both on the tongue as well as on the chest and the back.      Then they carry a home made ornament made of wood, palm leaves and loaded with flowers.      Once the needle-pearcing ceremony is over the devotees start the walk around the village about two miles and head to the temple with their loads.Everybody is dressed in yellow and walk barefoot.      The most amazing thing i saw was a man who had about fifty needles just like skewers on his back,then he had long strings attached to them and he was pulling a load,just by the leverage of those needles, a heavy box as he walked.      The priests and lots of followers chant religious songs accompanied by cymbals.People line the streets, ready with hundreds of coconuts and as the procession approaches ,they heavily throw them on the road and crack them. Soon everybody pounces and collect them.      Once the devotees arrive near the temple they go round and round several times and enter the temple where the needles are taken out by the priest amid closed door.     It is time now for everybody to sit around and a feast is served. The menu is exquisite, about six different vegetable curries. The ones i enjoyed most was aubergine and raw banana curries and of course the deep fried bread and rice. And this happens all over the island.      This festival is held here in Marble Arch and instead of taking to the streets the devotees walk around the temple with all the pomp of the ceremony........Next....faith, that makes you carry an airplane, a bus or a temple on the shoulders for thirty miles.     
Archived comments for Tales from Mauritius 2 and 3
niece on 08-04-2007
Tales from Mauritius 2 and 3
I've seen "Cavadee" being performed on television...it is a big festival down South...I think in Tamil Nadu, mainly...It's amazing what some people can do once they control their mind. Apparently, there are ascetics who live on the Himalayas and they wear nothing but a lion cloth. Neither do they eat anything...

Looking forward to the next instalment...

Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:

reckless on 02-05-2007
Tales from Mauritius 2 and 3
I'm amazed people can do such things; but they do. Ritual is a fascinating thing, that people will do in term of ceremonies. I sometimes wonder why thy do it, but it is all apsrt of tradition, history, background, belief.

Author's Reply:
Hi Reckless,
Thanks for both your comments and reading the piece. Yes ,it amazes me too and that is why i want to write them as many do not know what goes on in that part of the globe,Thanks again for the encouragement, kind regards.


Tales from Mauritius (posted on: 30-03-07)
Every country in the world is a gem,but Mauritius is a paradise and a pearl in the Indian ocean.A visit is a must to experience the beauty. Known to the Arabs in the tenth century,The Dutch occupied the island in the seventeenth century and destroyed the ebony trees by heavy export and were responsible for the extinction of the dodo,the french took the island in 1710 and promoted the sugar trade by importing slaves. In a fierce battle in the 18th century the English took over and for 158 years ruled the island. Mauritius became independent on the twelfth of March 1968 and now has a full grown economy and enjoys international status. Thanks to the french and the English nearly all Mauritians are literate. Some Mauritians handle five language on average and the university of Mauritius is churning graduates by hundreds, but there is a brain drain as all intellectuals are spreading wings abroad. I am one of them and would like to impart my tales,some funny, some sad and some thought provoking.

     Walking on fire and standing on sharp swords                  There is nothing more terrifying i have ever seen in life than those people who every year , in the name of a ceremony walk on raw embers, all morning the huge logs are set on fire and broken down, just like red hot charcoal in a barbecue.Big crowds gather for the occasion.About ten people all dressed in white and having fasted for a few days arrive and line up first, then one by one start the walk on the fifty feet ember. one man i saw walked halfway then he stopped and turned and doubled the walk, then stopped in the middle and started jumping on it.Everybody present are in suspense and spellbound.                  Then there is a ladder,and instead of having wooden rungs have really sharp swords, we call them sabres, there is a priest chanting and everyone sees the man take the first step on it, then he takes another,some of these sword ladders have about twenty sharp rungs and when he reaches the top,has to negotiate the journey down , i cast an eye on several women just lifting their hands in prayers. One man came halfway and bent over one of the sword,one would think he would cut himself in two pieces.............Next two festivals when bodies are pierced with sharp needles and knives play havoc on bare bodies...                  
Archived comments for Tales from Mauritius
delph_ambi on 30-03-2007
Tales from Mauritius
Interesting text, but the grammatical errors are offputting. You need shorter sentences, and you need spaces after full stops for starters. Then I'd grammar check it carefully in Word, or some similar program.

Author's Reply:

Bradene on 31-03-2007
Tales from Mauritius
You have the makings of some wonderful tales here, with some bulking out and as the reader above suggested, some corrections. I enjoyed the taster though. Val

Author's Reply:

niece on 05-04-2007
Tales from Mauritius
I've seen a whole procession of people, men, women and I think even children, with bodies and cheeks pierced walking past the place where I lived then a few years ago...they do it here too. Not so sure about the rest though "walking on burning embers" does appear in our mythological tales. Dougie, I think with a little bit of work this can be an enjoyable read...maybe, you could add a little more details as well...

Regds,
niece

Author's Reply:

reckless on 02-05-2007
Tales from Mauritius
Yes, I agree with niece, this is interesting enough to make you want to read more of the details and background. I'll be reading more.

Author's Reply:


wisdom words. (posted on: 08-12-06)
words that could change the way we think...

     One who knows not and knows he knows not is a fool, avoid him. one who knows not and he knows that he knows not is ignorant;teach him. one who knows and knows not he knows; is asleep; awake him. one who knows and he knows that he knows is very clever; follow him.     God gives us the nuts, but he does not crack them for us. Be not afraid of the enemies that attack you, but be afraid of the freinds that flatter you.      Heights achieved by great men was not made by sudden flights,they toiled while their companions slept. Happiness is like a shadow the more you follow it , the more it recedes.      The more you are bright, the more you have to learn. She was an angel among women and a woman among angels.      The higher you climb. the little you appear to those who look at you from the ground.      Knowledge is the wings that transport us to heaven. Love loving not himself none others can.      A man's reach should exceeds his grasp or what's a heaven stands for. From a tiny acorn grew the mighty oak tree.      There is a tide in the affairs of men, which when taken at flood leads to fortune; omitted all their lives end in myseries.      The world is a bridge,pass over it , but build no house over it. Laugh, and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone.     I slept , and found life is a beauty; i awoke and found life is a duty. I love my God because he gives me the freedom to deny Him.      Experience is not what happens to a man, it is what he does that happens to him.      Man, less than a speck of dust in the universe,has with his mind,which is the craddle of revolution, hurled defiance at nature and has been to an extent successful.      The darkest hour is that before dawn From love the world is born with love it is sustained towards love it moves And in love it enters. The moving finger writes, and after writing moves on........ when Romeo appeared on the balcony,Juliet asked,'how did you come here?' Love directed me here..' In Jane eyre, one of the famous line i have ever read,'breakfast was over,but none of us breakfasted.'
Archived comments for wisdom words.

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Feelings part 111 (posted on: 17-11-06)
what happens to a seventeen year old girlwhose mum kept her in the house then suddenly she finds love and passion and then thrown out in the whole wide world.

Lisa won't listen to anything i had to say so i entered in the car and followed her and stopped and opened the car door and said, "please Lisa get in the car," but she refused and angrily looked at me and said," can you stop following me as you are making a fool of yourself, beside look around, people are watching you, so go away and leave me alone," she said and started heading toward the town.     She went straight to the social security office and explained her case to a lady who was very sympathetic to her and said to her," do you know we cannot offer you a place at such short notice, but as you say you are expecting a baby, the only place at the moment is going to be a mother and baby unit, not very far from here and there is a warden who is very nice and she will help you too,take a seat infront of that bay and there will be somebody who will come and take more details and also arrange for a gyro, o.k,and this is my card if you need me just call, and this is the best i can do at the moment, but remember the most you will stay there will be not more than three months as by then we would get you a place of your own so just be patient," she said.    Soon there was a lady who came with some papers and took some details and said to Lisa," the taxi will be here soon and when you arrive there the warden is waiting it's all arranged for you ,so nice to meet you and enjoy your stay there,"she said as a gentleman appeared in front of her saying," Your taxi madam just outside the door," and she beckoned at Lisa and she followed the gentleman and sat at the back and the driver started the car, lisa became very ponderous and her thoughts flashed back to the place she    met dougie and the passionate moments she had spent while her mum was away on her retreat and at one stage she even thought of returning home, but her mum would be abroad by now and as she was so engrossed in all those thoughts, the driver slowed the car and entered a little road and soon they were infront of a big building, then little flats all in the same row and the driver said , " we are here," and he stopped just at the entrance of the big building and lisa saw an old lady smiling and waving.      The driver came and opened the car door and Lisa picked her plastic bag and walked to the old lady who came and said ," welcome to the family," and took her plastic bag and said, "just follow me love and i'll show you around," as they both stepped in a large hall and said ," this is the dinning room,but you do not have to eat here as you can take your meal into your room,"     Then the old lady took her to her room, which had a good sized single bed, a wardrobe , the sink ,a little table and a chair, and a bedside little table with a bed lamp.The shower and toilet were just outside her room,on the other side of the corridor.     Lisa was impressed by all and thanked the old lady who said ," i will leave you here now to settle and you may come down soon as tea and buiscuit is at three and meet other inmates who are now gone out on an outing,but will be soon here, " she said as she handed Lisa a bunch of keys and said , " o i forgot to mention you are free to come and go as you like , provided you are in by midnight, that just for security purposes o.k,"she smiled and walked away.      Lisa sat down on the edge of her bed and thought lots of things and also thought of how cruel life can be at times and how circumstances change suddenly, but she vowed to herself she will fight, as when life kicks you to the floor , it is no good just lying there, instead you should rise and kick life back and take control of yourself and be alive again and not be just living. she thought she had been taken for a ride and thought of the saying, " a man's reach should exceed his grasp or what's the heaven stands for and also god gives us the nuts , but he does not crack them for us,".      So    she went    downstairs and she was given tea and buiscuits and the lady serving came and introduced herself by saying , " i am helen and i am the cook here and anytime you need something just call here and i will see what i can do for you and while they were talking the other ladies who had gone out came back and joined her and they all introduced themselves and lisa was amazed to see so many young girls there and some had babies who were being looked after while they were out. one of the girls approached her and said . " i am kate and i am here because i went out with a coloured man who lied to me that he was single, but i foud out that he was married and had five children and it was after i was pregnant that i found all that and i ditched him so did my parents went against me and i ended up here , but we have a good life here and we go out so you are joining us this saturday when we go to the night club and really have a nice time it's no good sitting and being sad, life is too beautiful for that,"      Straightaway lisa fell good as she had been thinking on the same line as kate and kate also told her she does take dope and goes really high at times and this was also introduced to her by her exboyfreind.      Lisa went to her room and stayed there for a while and only came for supper where kate asked her if she could come to her room later and listen to her music which lisa agreed .      After supper lisa went to kate's room and she was surprised to see so many c ds and tapes, she had hundreds of them.      " you    have a good collection of music kate, honest i have not seen so many in one place,"lisa said.      " you got to pass the time here and this is my way of relaxation, by the way you don't mind if i roll a joint just now i am dying for one,"      " not all go ahead and kate tell me are hooked on that?"      " Yes you can say that but i have slowed down a bit now i used to trip a lot, gets me out of depression,"      " do you drink a lot ?" lisa asked.      " yes just at weekends you will see me on saturday, but l like to have a good time that's all lisa,"      " hey     that's a lot of questions you are asking me start telling me about yourself a bit," kate said and rolled her joint and lit it,and lisa just looked at her and the smell pervaded the whole of the room.      " o there is not much to tell it's just i met that guy at work and he led me to believe in love then i found out he was having an affair at work and i saw the letter that woman had written and i just left and here i am , but i am carrying his baby and i wanted to give him the news that night, but when i found out i just could not tell him,"      " so he does not know ,and are you going to tell him one day?"      " maybe, but i would never go back to him again kate i have been hurt, he showed me a dream and that dream i thought was everything to me even when he was on night duty i cuddled his pillow and his name was in my every breath i just could not sleep , but there he was romancing someone else."      " i know the feeling lisa, but you will come over it remember there is always someone out there and as they say there are lots of pebbles on the shore,"      " but i do not want anybody kate one is enough i do not want to get hurt anymore,"      " yes i know that, but lisa use men now do not give them your heart just go along with them and pretend and once you have got what you want just leave them as they have used you and that is what i do now and i am happy i do not want to get tied with one bloke anymore i thought the world of mine too and i had all those dreams, he even told me he was taking me back home and adopt his culture and he would do anything for me, but it all turned out different and now now i am lost and i do not want to face reality anymore, it is too painful and that is why i deaden all my senses by taking this,"said kate as she took another big puff.      " but kate you know that could lead to addiction and you could ruin your life you know that."      "Yes i know that but my life is already ruined and that is why i do not want to face reality lisa one day you will find out, that, when everything else is gone you have to take refuge in something and to be honest i took lsd just once and lisa that's a mind bender have you ever seen one?"      " no," answered lisa.      " well it's just a tiny substance, the size of a sacharin and once you swallow that you can either have a bad trip or a good trip and i admit that to begin with i had a good trip and all the wall paper in my room which had flower patterns started becoming alive and real, and i even reached to try to pick one and the smell of fresh flowers invaded my room and i had a huge poster of my favourite star and that poster came alive too and i could see him in real flesh and blood and of course i reached for him, but suddenly i started having a bad trip and i could hear the sounds of swords outside my door which was locked and as if they were going to get me and i could hear like waves from the sea splashing outside my door and i was really scared lisa so i went near my window which was on the second floor and as soon i opened that window i could see all those trees coming towards me and that dreaded sounds of swords clashing and that wave were getting louder and louder and suddenly those sounds turned into heavy breathing and i was trapped inside my room, then i heard roarings as if from a group of lions and i rushed to open the door, but as i touched the door handle the sounds became louder and louder and it began to deafen me, so i could not jump out of the window to escape or get out of the door so i went to look in the mirror and lisa i looked like a monster and awful and my eyes were swollen and my pupils were so dilated as if they were going to pop out so i threw myself on the bed and as i lay there i could see my idol smiling at me and the flowers still fresh and i must have dozed off at about six in the morning and when i opened my eyes, it was four in the afternoon and i went to look in the mirror,my face had gone to the original shape, but my pupils were still dilated and the room was reeking with the smell if my sickness and lisa that was the first and last time i had touched that stuff and i also looked in the dictionary, lsd stands for" lysergic acid dyethalamide" and lisa it is unbelievable how many people are hooked on that,"      " so that is why you take mild things now ?"      " yes lisa, but now and again i also take that ecstasy tablet and that only if i want to dance all night, that really make you go all night, but the next morning you feel drained, but its worth it,"said kate and started to yawn.      " am i keeping you awake kate, do you want me to go?"      "honest lisa when i smoke so heavy like this it does make me like that like that very dopey, but you can stay,"      " no it's alright beside i want to have a bit of time on my own so will see you in the morning o.k bye and have a good sleep,"said lisa as she left.      when she came in her room she got undressed and lay on the bed and thought of everything kate had said and gradually drifted to sleep.      The next morning, the warden came and asked how she was and lisa said that she was fine and also had found a good freindship in kate and the warden was happy to learn that and left by saying," remember we are all a happy family here and we all help each other see you soon bye,"      That day lisa kept herself in her room, she even took her meals and ate them by herself and when kate knocked to ask her to join her she said," sorry kate i just want to be on my own today, i just want to gather my thoughts together, but will join you tomorrow, promise," she said.      "And remember tomorrow we are going clubbing so be ready early o.k,"said kate as she left.      Lisa got on top of her bed and stared at the ceiling and touched her stomach and thought of abortion at first,but after thinking for an hour she decided not to,she thought of her religion and also how could she live with that thought that she terminated a young born and finally made up her mind that she will have the baby and teach her everything she was not taught as a child and vowed to make her child see the real world and not the world her mum had inculcated in her mind.      That saturday came with a bang and though at first she was not keen to go,because she had not seen that side of life yet, as even dougie did not once suggested that they should at least go there once for an experience and she was quite happy just to be with dougie all the time as she was mesmerized by him and she did not want anything else in life just him and that love which had blinded her not knowing that love could also be fatal at times.      She got dressed and kate gave her lots of her make up and she looked absolutely stunning. she even showed her cleavage as she had never before as she knew men like to see this first and conjure all sorts of things and as she had all why not flaunt it for a change.      The night club was just in town and they all got on the bus and when they stepped inside it was all packed with young ones and lisa had never seen so many people in one place like this and they all had a drink and the smoke from cigarettes was like a virtual rainbow in the already multicoloured atmosphere and the music was so loud as one had to shout to hear anything and on the dance floor there were lots of people just gyrating like mad.      " i will buy the drink lisa you just sit here," said kate as she went near the bar, but while waiting kept an eye on lisa as all of the group had already joined the ones on the dance floor.      when kate brought the drinks lisa just took a big mouthful and she felt good and while they were saying things to each other two asian guys came to them and one of them asked," have you ladies got a light?" and straightaway kate said yes and while they were lighting they looked at lisa and kate and lingered there and kate said," so you not offering me one then?" and one of them reached for his packet and drew one and offered it to kate and said,"sorry," and they were still standing there and both of them asked," may we join you as you two ladies seem to be a bit aloof," and kate said",we are o.k some of our freinds are dancing , but you are welcome to join us,".And the two just sat down.      One of them sat close to lisa and she felt a bit uneasy,but soon she was made to feel more relaxed as the bloke asked,"and what profession are you in,?" and lisa looked at him and replied," i am a nurse," and kate said she was a legal secretary.      They both asked what they would like to drink and kate said ,"bicardi and coke and make them a double please," and the two guys went to the bar.      kate said to lisa, now you know how you get treated here so make the most of them and they do look dishy o his brown eyes and long curly hair and his outfit so matching they both turn me on lisa tonight is the night," as she opened her handbag and took out an already rolled joint and lit it saying ," i better light this before they come and lisa don't be shy talk to them, i will go for the one wearing the blue shirt o.k," and lisa looked at her and said,"it's all happening too fast for me kate i am not ready for this yet," and kate said, "oh do not be silly girl this is your opprtunity to get what you have just lost and remember opportunity knocks but once,"      Both came with the drinks and said, "here you are madam," and they said thank you to them and one of them turned to lisa and said, " i gather you do not smoke," and lisa said," no not yet anyway,"     They both asked," please join us on the dance floor," and kate and lisa both got up and started dancing and soon the music changed to a slow and romantic one.      Kate was already in one of the bloke's arms and they were dancing to the beat and lisa was a bit hesitant and the guy just said to her," please join me," as he offered his hand which lisa accepted and soon they were dancing and he held her close to him and his hand gently travelled on her back and she did not mind as she felt relaxed.      It was coming to the hour of midnight and lisa said to kate",hey we better order that taxi now or we will be locked out," and when one of the guy heard that he said," why order a taxi i will drive you there," and kate turned to him and said, " you cannot drive as you have been drinking," and the bloke said," i always drive better when i have had a drink," and lisa looked at him and said," no this is too risky,"      The two guys then said to kate ,"you two are welcome to come with us just five minutes from here as we live upstairs in that indian restaurant and you may    have a meal and then i will order you a taxi from there,"he said ," and promise just that and nothing else,"      Kate went to lisa and said," hey let's take them on lisa and it's all on the house," lisa could not say no and kate said," if that is the case then we can stay here a bit longer," and they were soon on the dance floor again and the music which was playing reminded lisa of all those passionate moments in the flat. And that made her a bit sad and she was more determined to have a good time.      After another half an hour they all said ,"we better make a move as they started leaving the night club and soon they were in a little passage off the main road and they were all holding each other's hand,laughing and saying nice things to each other as they were nearly drunk.Lisa had never felt so good like this for a long time.      Soon they arrived in front of the restaurant and one of the bloke said,"just follow me and we have to tip toe upstairs as the boss is downstairs and he is a religious man and do not approve of us going out drinking and chat up girls as he says we must go out with someone from our own country ,but he is ancient and has not moved up with times and we always defy him."      Both lisa and kate stopped talking and for one minute, they appeared sober as they followed them into a large room which was sparsely furnished and there was only a table and two chairs and on the far end there was a settee and a matress and lisa straightway thought of someone telling her that the restaurant owners use lots of cheap labour as some do not have permit to stay and most chefs work cash in hand and the owner always get away by saying ," it's a family run business" and they own more than just one but several in many parts and earn a collossal sum of money as indian food is becoming more popular everywhere.     " Right you two make yourself comfortable here as we are going downstairs and bring the food ok won't be long,see you soon," as they both disappeared. lisa looked at kate and said ," what a way to live, you see all those nice building on the outside, but nobody knows what's in the inside unless you go in,"lisa said thoughtfully. "well i suppose they live simple lives, but they are happy lisa and that is the main thing and remember these people really work hard here and they also send money back home to support their parents and i should know by now as i went with one who thought more of them back home than he did for himself and he used to tell me it was his duty," said kate.      When they went downstairs the boss said to them , " and where you two have been i hope you enjoyed your night off and remember be up early as we are catering for that party and everything must be ready in time,"     "o do not worry leave that to us, anyway we are starving and we will go and make our meals now," they said and straightaway they prepared lots of food and put that on the tray and one of them sneaked out in the store cupboard and took three bottles of red wine and while the boss was busy chatting to the last customers he put the bottles safe on the landing as the other bloke took the tray and filled it with lots of food and they went upstairs.      " wow look at all these food ,"exclaimed kate as lisa just looked on and soon they sat on the settee and one of the bloke said,"self service help yourself," as he opened the bottle of wine and filled the glasses he had brought from downstairs and soon they were eating and drinking,saying ," cheers and this is to our happiness,"      Lisa was sitting on one corner of the settee and one of the bloke that liked her went nearer and nearer to her and lisa turned to him and said," you know up to now i do not even know your name and here we are sitting so close to each other as if we have been going out for years," she said , but with a smile, and the bloke said," hey you are right ,but you did not ask so i kept quiet and for your information my name is kumar," and lisa smiled and said," what a name kumar ,"and she raised her glass and said,"cheers kumar," as the other bloke looked at kate and said ," and my name is raj," and kate raised her glass too and said," hey cheers to raj,".      Both lisa and kate were well drunk and they were really merry and one of the bloke said, I am glad you two are enjoying yourselves and this is our pleasure to be of service to you and remember from now on if you two ladies fancy an indian takeaway you know where to come,"      "of course man we know this place and we will tell everybody about this place now," said lisa and kate as they raised their glasses again in merriment.      Kumar said to lisa," tell me do you believe in palmistry?"      " and what is that ?"asked lisa pretending not to know the term.      " don't tell me you do not that word," so that's new to you,smiled kumar, now let me show you, as he held lisa's hand and felt it at first,saying,"you really have soft hand, as he showed her all the lines on her hand and slightly turning it,he started showing her the lines on the sides and said, "look these lines here that shows how many kids you are going to have,right that's one , two ,three,"      " do not tell me i am going to have three," said lisa in amazement.      "well that's what it says here and now let me see how you are with money," as he turned her hand and said,"look these lines between your thumb and first finger,see this x in the middle does it not look like a fish tail,well see these lines how they are open, that's shows you do get money, but as there is a big gap between the lines it means that the money just goes out like this fish just goes in the sea,"      " o i hardly have any money so i cannot understand how it just goes," said lisa in a pensive tone.      Kumar was still holding her hand and lisa just caressed it saying," you have soft hand too what do you use?"      " o just plain hand cream,"he said as he caressed her hand and within seconds his hand started massaging her hand all over and lisa did the same and when she turned her head towards kate she saw her and the guy kissing in a mad passionate way.      Lisa looked at kumar and he said," you know you are a very attractive girl, please tell me have you got a boyfreind?"      " no , but i am carrying his child and i am finished with him now and please let us not talk about it o.k because it depresses me and please do not change my mood as i am very happy at the moment,"      "Sorry lisa i did not mean to say anything i won't mention that again o.k," as he held her towards him and lisa just let go and kumar lifted her chin and gently kissed her ,but lisa held his head and started kissing him passionately and he responded and soon both started caressing each other.      Kumar travelled his tongue all over her face and reached for her neck and lingered there for ages and he gave her a love bite,but lisa did not mind that as she reached for his neck and gave him a love bite too,then she stopped and sat on the settee and said, "can you pour me another drink please?"      "sure ,lisa as i want you to have a good time and we are going to get more drinks downstairs as the boss is now gone home and we can do what we want here now, we are the bosses",he said laughingly.      " kumar let me tell you i am sorry i had to stop, you know why because we were both getting carried away there and i am not ready for a serious relationship yet and i have also to think about my future with a baby o.k so let's just have a drink and a cuddle,"she said as she put her arms around him.      " Lisa that's o.k i understand,but lisa let me tell you ,we only met some hours ago and i am already in love with you honest and i want to marry you darling, please be my wife i will look after you and the baby too and i will take you to my country on holidays and come back and set up home, i have a secure job in the restaurant and there is a great demand for chef as you know there is an indian restaurant in every village."      "Kumar you are drunk and you do not know what you are talking,how can you fall in love with me just like that you do not know me or my parents and i do not know you either so think what you are talking about,"said lisa as she took another sip from her glass and looked around her and saw kate and her fellow still kissing madly.      " hey kumar, come here and hold me i need someone to cuddle me, hold me and make me feel wanted,".      Kumar came near her and held her very tightly and started caressing her back and as lisa was so drunk she just closed her eyes and as kumar kissed her on the forehead , sticking his tongue out he reached for her lips and started kissing her in circular movements and lisa responded and opened her mouth wide and kumar travelled his tongue inside her mouth and soon both were nibbling each other's tongues and lips as lisa started emanating all those sounds of pleasure saying ,"kumar, i do love you and o i do love you and yes i will marry you, you are great kumar," and she held his head and looking in his eyes she said," kumar l hope you mean what you said as i do not want to get hurt again,"      " of course lisa i meant i said,i just love you and will marry you, as he kissed her all over her face and gradually reached for her neck, then her shoulders, then her cleavage and lifted her top and started kissing her chest and under her armpit, then he moved his tongue all over her breast and her nipples and felt that they were extra firm as he travelled his tongue all over her belly and reached for her pubic area and as he was going to kiss her labia majora suddenly lisa pushed his head gently, saying," not now kumar as that really gives me extra pleasure and that we are going to save it for the wedding night, as she sat up and pulled her top in place. she looked at kate and said, " hey look at the time we were meant to be going a long time ago."      Kate said," shut up lisa, as here we both decided to stay for the night and what is night , it's morning now so have a rest on that bed if you want,"      "yes, lisa it's no point going now, i will ring for a taxi first thing in the morning,"added kumar.      " is that o.k then if we stay and may i go and lie on that mattress as i feel so whacked,"     " sure darling go on," as lisa just went and threw herself on the matress and wthin seconds she was dead to the world.      Kate was still in raj's arms when she closed her eyes.      It was well past ten o'clock in the morning when they all woke up and kumar went downstairs and made some toast and tea and brought all on a tray and said,"once you finish your tea i will get a taxi o.k".      As soon as they finished their tea kumar did ring for a taxi and soon both kate and lisa were back in the home and noone knew that they spent the night outside.      After changing lisa went to kate's room and they both talked about the night and kate said," go for it lisa you know this is an opportunity not to be missed as you know yourself in this country there are so many girls with babies and the fathers do not want to know them once they had a good time they just leave and do not want the responsibilities and at least he is offerring so my advice is go for it ," and they were still talking when lisa mobile rang and it was kumar and he said," lisa darling i am thinking of you and to prove to you that i meant it , well for your information tomorrow i am going to the registry office and announce the wedding and you and your freind could go and see for yourself o.k darling and i will leave you now ,but i will be thinking about you all day ,i am a bit busy as i have to prepare foods for a party so bye for now and god bless,"     " hey kate this is happening so quick as he just told me he is announcing the wedding tomorrow."     " what did i tell you see this is your luck and i need to get a new outfit to attend your big day",said kate.      " o do not worry wear anything as it is going to be a simple thing as i know he won't splash as he only earns a meagre salary, i need to get something too and i will do that when i get my next giro,it's all happening too fast and i still not have come to terms with all this," said lisa.      Lisa went in her room and lay on the bed and thought of dougie and wondered how he will feel when he finds out that she is getting married to a coloured bloke, but she did not care anymore as he did not give a damn about her so why worry and she felt happy at least her baby will have some love and someone who will care about her.      Late that evening kumar rang lisa and told her not to worry about money or any of the arrangements as he said he will buy her everything.And that really llfted a big burden off her mind and she felt emotional that there were still some people left in this world that are kind enough to help others in dire needs as she had nothing to her name so far.     Just after three weeks the wedding day came and lisa had invited some of the girls from the home she was and with kate and the warden they went to the registry office where there were about fifteen guests, all asians, and the women were wearing very colourful saris and lisa gathered that they must be his freinds as his parents could not have come at short notice.      It was a simple ceremony as the gentleman dressed in a brown suit read some lines and asked them to exchange rings and kumar kissed the bride and soon it was over and they headed to a big hall where kumar's boss had arranged a big party and it was there that she was introduced to all the guests.      There were lots of foods and all types of drinks and lisa had a few as she felt a bit nervous among all those asians and at one moment she thought would she ever fit in such a culture.     As everybody was eating, drinking and dancing lisa held kumar's hand and said,"thanks for everything even my parents could not have organised such a big occasion and thanks for all the flowers, the cake and this beautiful ring kumar and i love you and i will love you for ever and ever and not in my wildest dream it had occured to me that one day i will live to see this day, my life and culture is so different from yours, but darling i will do anything for you and try my best to make you happy and also try to convert into your religion as i do not believe in mine anymore, i have got nothing ;,but sorrow so one day i will be a convert," she said and held his hand. He looked in her eyes and put his hand in his pocket and took out a little present and handed it to lisa and said," open it and see what it is," She held it and said, " do not you think you have given me enough already," as she opened it and it was a key. he said," this is the key to our new home and it is all given to me by my boss, so we got our own place lisa," She held him and kissed him,saying" thank you again kumar." Lisa and kumar were happy and soon the baby was born and it was a girl.She was gorgeous and had no trait of dougie in her and lisa was glad about that as she did not anything about him to remind her of the past. One day when the baby was about two months she went to town and was in the toy shop and she bought lots of toys for the baby and as she stepped out ot the shop she bumped into dougie and he could not believe his eyes as he tried to come near her , she said please do not come near me because i am married and this is your baby and look at my ring and my husband is coloured and i hope you are happy with your girlfreind", she said as she started moving away from him. " please lisa listen to me for the last time, we need to talk," " no dougie it's all over and we cannot turn the clock back so leave me alone there is nothing and just go away i beg of you," She walked away from him and soon she was out of his sight. Both kumar and lisa went on holiday and he introduced her to all his family and they had a great time and when they came back to england kumar worked and earned all the money he could while lisa stayed in the house and looked after the baby and they lived comfortably. Lisa wrote long letter to her mum, but never got any reply. Maria and her husband made up and they lived like husband and wife happily. Now and again lisa thought, " once you find true love do not lose it ,because from love the world is born, with love it is sustained, towards love it moves and in love it enters...
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Feelings....Part II (posted on: 09-10-06)
What happens to a seventeen year old girl whose mum kept her in the house, then suddenly she finds love and passion and is thrown out in the whole wide world....

     "lets go in the kitchen and have something to eat as we are both starving," i said as we walked in the kitchen hand in hand. I made some soup, pieces of toast, a large omelette, some coffee and went back in the lounge and sat on the settee and ate it.I put the stereo on and as soon as Lisa finished hers she held my head and looked deep in my eyes, and said."you know Dougie you have the most beautiful brown eyes i have ever seen in a human being and have you ever heard the term ," come to bed    eyes," as she neared her quivering hot lips to mine and we both just started kissing in a mad and very passionate way, then i withdrew my lips and looked at her,she had her eyes half closed and stuck her tongue out as if to welcome me back and as if, that i should not have withdrawn my lips and i whispered ,"Yes, i have heard of that term and Lisa darling are you   implying that i should take you to bed," and as i said that ,she like woke up as from a dream and said, " o , yes you know i have stayed over the weekend and you know i have not seen that bedroom of yours yet,"she said as she ran her fingers into my hair.      I rose up and held her hand and we walked in the bedroom, she cast a cursory glance and went and sat on the edge of the bed and said," hey come here, "and as i drew near her she just grabbed both my arm and pulled me towards her and we just went back on the full mattress,and she started kissing me passionately and as i responded, her breathing started to increase in tempo and we both just went on a whirlwind tour of exploring each others body, and we both started undressing each other as i started massaging her breast with her nipples sticking out like nobody's business. and i climbed over herand while still massaging her we both thrust each other's tongue in our mouths and the fluids just poured copiously , as i placed myself between her thighs and started thrusting deeper and deeper and that was the first time i had experienced tripple pleasure, my tongue swirling in her mouth, both my hand rubbing her nipples and my body deep inside her.She started sighing and to make it last longer and longer i started writing the alphabets upside down and starting from z going back to A and it took ages and all the while she was wriggling and making her well known sound of aahs and ohs which enhanced the experience to a new high, then i drew a square and then from the middle , i started drawing a line right up to each corner then another and make all the lines join in the middle to make them join like a cross, then , started making circles and more circles and honestly i lost count how many orgasms she had then personally i started erupting and said, " iam coming,"to which she exclaimed," thank god for that, hey dougie you really wear me out,but l love you darling ,"and we both just held each other and she said,"this feeling just after love-making ,someone said, is that you have just lived in paradise momentarily ,"as she rubbed her finger on my lips and it was a relaxing feeling just lying beside her.      Within minutes we both just went into a deep sleep and i remember when i opened my eyes it was four in the morning and i had to go to work for the seven o'clock start, but i decided to take a day off and picked the phone and spoke to the night coordinator and said in abated tone",Sorry sir but could you leave a message for the morning staff that i have had sickness and diarrhoea all night and would not be on duty and sorry for the short notice." " ok dougie i will pass the message and you look after yourself ,"and put the phone down.      I made a cup of coffee and went and sat in the lounge , i did not want to disturb Lisa as i knew how tired she had been lately, then started thinking about Lisa's mum how she would be worrying as i know Lisa had completely washed her hand with her, and for a moment i felt a bit guilty but the feeling that i have got her now overode that feeling and started thinking about our future together because she was now my responsibility to look after her as she had noone to fall back upon not even a good friend as she said her mum was so strict.      After an hour i went and lay beside her and she did not move, as she was just breathing deeply,and i snuggled beside her and went back to sleep.      At about ten we both opened our eyes and Lisa said to me ,"hey you should be at work right now, what are you here?,"she said as she touched my lips with her long forefinger which always sent a chill down my spine,Lisa had so much sensation in her body that made me think if there was any other girl like her that possessed such magic as i had not had lots of experience myself with other girls and that was the magic of our true love and relationship,      " No darling, i rang and said i was sick but i do get paid for that so do not worry and i wanted too be with you all the time but i will go tomorrow and lisa it's a pity you cannot go and work there as your mum has tended your resignation, the place wont be the same without you,"i said as i got up and said to her ,"you stay here and i will bring you some breakfast,o.k", i said.      I went in the kitchen and made some coffee and some toast as i had not much food, payday was only a week away and that is when i would buy things but i had my plastic so i did not worry too much,      We both had our breakfast and Lisa said to me,"You know i do not want to be a burden on you Dougie ,could you take me to town this afternoon as i want to go and claim some DHSS money and i may get a crisis loan till i find a job if that's ok with you and i must also go to the second hand shop and buy a couple of outfits,"she said with a tone of sadness in her voice,"      "Hey Lisa you are not doing that as i will buy you anything you need, look i am here to help you,"      " I know and understand but you do not get a lot of money, i will appreciate what you give me, but remember i will give you back,once i get a job,".      We both just held each other and for a moment we did not say anything as we just felt comfortable laying there relaxed and Lisa spoke first and said ," Dougie i love you and i feel so good and honest i did not ever think things will turn out as it did, i had lots of dreams like my mum giving me away in marriage in a church and me being rich and wear lots of trendy clothes and high heel shoes and drive a fast car and live life in full ,but my upbringing deprived me of all that, but my mum told me the other day, she will tell me one day why she chose to be a nun, so i will never find out now,"she said ,as she held my hand.      " Lisa you do not mind if i asked what happened to your dad," i said but felt i was getting a bit too inquisitive to dig in her private life.      " Well, would you really like to hear this,?" she said as she held my hand tighter as if she was going to tell me a horror story.     " Mum was a voluntary nurse when i was only ten and my dad used to come home very drunk,yes,i mean very drunk as he could hardly walk as soon as he would step in and my mum would have a go at him and the rows that would follow was unbearable and i would just go upstairs and go to sleep, but the noise would keep me awake and i still remember one night my mum shouted at him and told him to go away because she said,she could not live with an alcoholic anymore and that he was not being a good father to me either, but he said, no, that we both should move out as he was paying the mortgage. My mum would then go upstairs change into her pyjamas and sit on the bed and i could hear her say her rosary and the words that she read used to move me and i also used to think, does god really exist and if he did why let my mum suffer so much because when they both rowed , it was my mum who used to shout as she was angry and always ended up in tears and i felt sorry for her.He was not good to me either because he used to shout at me if i asked for any pocket money and said that ,i did not want anything as there was lots of food in the cupboard and if i left anything on my plate he used to cover it and say," this is for tomorrow girl and you better eat this and if i left any breakfast he would cover that too and so many times i used to come from school and was really starving and wanted a packet of crisp or some    biscuits and he would step in and say, " so did you not eat your school dinner,my my, well here you are and would put the bowl of cornflake i had left in the morning and many a time i did not want to eat that as it was cold and gone spodgy, but he would make sure that i ate it.      And one day relief came at last ,as my mum got a telephone call from the joinery he used to work and said that my dad had callapsed in pain and was in hospital and when my mum went there the sister told her that he had a massive    heart attack and as i was at school my next door neighbour came to pick me up and i stayed there till five and when my mum came she said he was gone and i know, its bad ,but i jumped for joy really and mum was shocked as she did not say a lot,and life took a different turn since then.Mum got the house and his pension ,but told me that the house was just brick and mortar and she does not believe in material possession and that she would put some of the money he left in a bond and i would not have access to it till i was twentyone, so darling i will be rich when i am at that age but now Dougie you are my everything i do not want anything, so this is my life story o.k and o gosh," look at the time we better go to that employment bureau," Lisa said as she stood up and said," I will have a quick bath and come down,"      As she went upstairs i thought of her mum and my conscience pricked me and i decided that not today, but tomorrow i will make her write a letter and say that she was safe and not to worry about her and that soon she will be able to contact her if she wanted to and while i was in the throes of all that thinking she came down with a towel wrapped on her head and said," Dougie, we better make a move as that place closes at half past three," O.k honey give me a couple of minutes and we will be on our way," i said and went and had a quick wash and within minutes we were in the car park of the massive building and after parking we both went in.      Just in front of us we saw the sign,"Reception,"and Lisa went to the man and explained that she was jobless and wanted to register and he took her name and adress ,wrote them down and asked us to take a seat,We sat down and we both were amazed to see so many people milling around,some were on the phone,some were being interviewed and some were looking at different computer screens and Lisa said that she had been there before and that the screens tell you what are the jobs that are available and also you can get a print out.      After ten minutes, a lady came with a big smile and said,Lisa Light, to which Lisa nodded and was asked to follow her,but lisa politely asked if i can join her and the lady said,"of course,".      She ushered us in a big office and asked us to take a seat and started asking lots of questions and Lisa started from the beginning and said that she was working and what had happened and when asked where she was living, the lady gave me a funny look,as if i was the culprit.She explained what were the criteria first and handed Lisa a ten page of paper and said," here is a pen and you may go outside and fill them ,then when you are ready hand them at the reception and i will call you back,"she smiled and handed the bundle of papers.      We came and Lisa straightaway started filling the forms and we handed that to the man and waited,but this time it was not such a long wait as the lady came within minutes of receiving them and we sat again and she went on,"you know at one time whoever wanted to claim it was that easy to get a giro,but the government has now put some legislations and also you have to abide by them and if you did not you lose money straight away, this is a card that you must bring every two weeks to sign on and this is a form you have to fill in like what you are doing to get a job and within that two weeks you must at least and i stress to you, you must look in the local paper,look on our screens, and write to employers and go for interviews, whether you get the job or not, and make phone calls and also where and you must jot down all here on this form and bring all along when you come to sign on o.k,"she said as she handed all the bits of paper and also she gave her a card,This is my name and contact number i will be available here, five days and if you have any problems just call me and i will see you in two months time ,that ,if you still has not got a job," she said and she was sounded a right proper madam living to her status conscious name.      I was so glad to get out of there and though i had a job it made me feel like it was me that she was interviewing and not Lisa,as she kept looking at me now and again ,diverting her eye contact with Lisa.      Before going home i said to Lisa , "we have to go to the supermarket and get few things," "yes you do that but i will sit in the car as i do not feel like going in the shops right now,".      I went in the shop and bought just some basic things that we need as i did not want Lisa to be sitting in the car on her and she smiled when she saw me so early.      When we came back lisa sat down and said," you know that woman , o, she made me feel so cheap and as if i was begging for money, you know dougie in my street where i live most of the people i know live on social security,the woman next door to us, charlotte, she has three kids, and the coucil has given her a three bedroom house and her boyfreind who lives with her should not be there as she told the council she only lives with her kids, but Peter is living with her illegally and he is a mechanic and lots of people bring their cars to him for repair and he gets good money, cash in hand and he is on social security too, they have a forty two inch t.v and he drives a Bmw sport, and they go on holiday twice a year and they both smoke dope and all the youngsters gather there and play loud music and they are happy and yet today i went there for help and she made me feel like that, o it makes me sick , but Dougie i will get a job soon and will not have to meet that bitch again," she said as she put her head on my shoulder and held me tight and i said ," yes, darling you will get a job and i will help you too so do not worry and darling , i have bought a ready made indian curry and rice so we better eat it and remember i have to ring the matron and report fit and i am sorry i have to leave you on your own ,but have a long lie and i will be back as soon as i finish, o.k," i said and cuddled her and i felt a bit guilty that i will have to leave her on her own.      WE both went in the kitchen and put the meals in the microwave and came in the lounge ,sat and ate it and watch the t.v. and all along, i could feel that she was not that happy that i was going to work, i could sense it and it was coming to half past eight and i made a call because if i did not they would book a bank staff and if i did turn up i would be sent home.      When i rang fit, it was the matron who answered and could feel she was not not happy because all she said was",O.k bye see you in the morning then," and put the phone down.      At about ten i said to Lisa," darling i am sorry, but i need to go to bed, but you may watch t.v if you want and will see you in the afternoon."and touched her hand as i got up.     " Hey do not be so stupid, going to bed without me ,i want to be with you,"she said as she picked the remote control and switched the t.v off and we both went in the bedroom and got undressed and lay in the bed and Lisa said to me,"darling tonight just cuddle me and i want to cuddle you too, i do not want to live a lifetime in one night, i want to live for ever with you, i love you and adore you," as she planted a kiss on my cheek and put her arms around me and i could feel her breast against me and i started playing with her hair and rubbing her shoulder now and again and gradually i could feel her breathing slowing down and we both just went to sleep.      The radio alarm woke me up and i was surprised that Lisa did not wake up with that loud music as i must have put the volume a bit high.      I went in the kitchen, made a drink and went in the bath and got dressed in the bedroom and Lisa did not move,so i bent over and kissed her on the cheek and went outside and started the car and went to work.      All the staff always appear so tired in the morning and apart from saying, "good morning there is nothing else you can hear and even if you try to cheer somebody up, all you get is," Hey that's too early for me i am not awake yet,".      The matron took over from the night staff and delegated all of us,which client group we have to do and everybody rose up and headed for the door and i let them out first and as i was just about to go ,the matron called me and said," Dougie can you stay here a minute , i need to talk to you,"and after jotting something down,she turned round and looked at me and in a professional way and said," Lisa's mum rang here yesterday and asked for your phone number and address, poor woman, she sounded very depressed and dougie please tell me ,is that why she had to resign because of you?but i told her i could not give details of any staff for confidentiality reason and she did not like it,and do not be surprised if she paid you a visit here today maybe, o.k.It is not my business what you do outside of the workplace,but must remind you that it is very unprofessional to get involved with any of my staff and that could lead to disciplinary action,"she said in an earnest tone,looking straight at me," and by the way i forgot to give it first thing this morning,"as she reached the letter tray and shifted through the mail and picked a long brown envelope and said,"This was handed by the senior officer and i do not know what it's all about and you may go now," she ordered.      I just could not believe she did not let me have a word in between as she just talked and had her say and let me go, but deep inside i felt she knew what was going on as she was the cleverest matron in the whole unit and she had worked her way from grade A to G grade and earning well over thirty seven thousand pounds yearly, plus another six thousands working as bank or overtime.      As i went in the corridor i looked at the letter and it said,"Private and confidential and alongside of it ,"By hand,". I did not like it as i was already depressed by what she told me and decided not to open that official letter , a letter in brown envelope always spelt bad and not many times carry good tidings.      I was given the worse group of clients, and me being the only male staff on the shift, the matron always made sure that i get the worse ones, two wheelchairbound and an ambulant one, but all of them very incontinent of urine and faeces, and though the night staff had changed them at six, the worse to come was always at bath time and to be honest nursing is not for everyone to stomach, as i was asked by one of my mate,why did i chose such a profession and i told him," for the money," and he just said,"there must be other ways of making money."      I went in the bathroom with my first client and as expected i did strike gold, so i had to spend a long time and that did give me a lot of time thinking and as i opened the window, i could feel the fresh air invading my lungs and i felt good and as the client was quite happy there and enjoying the bath i left him longer and he was just splashing and looking at me now and again, and that is also the perk of the job you can spend a long time in the bathroom with the door closed, thus respecting the client's dignity and privacy as per when you had the interview and when you were asked,"what do you do when you take a client in the bath or changing him in his room," the reply must be obvious .And that helps kill the time too.After a long time there in the bathroom, i finally took him in his room and put him on the bed and dressed him and wheeled him to the dining room ready for his breakfast.      One down ,two to go and as usual i struck gold again and i took my time again and looked at my watch and it was nine o'clock and i was running late ,but no worry, the matron had said at the ward meeting,"this is not a factory and you are not delivering the clients on a conveyer belt, but you are delivering good care and take your time and remember you are giving a twenty four hour care,".      The last client was an easy one as he would do most of the things himself ,just with minimal prompt and after attending to him, i walked him in the lounge and everyone was busy feeding the clients, and the matron dispensing the medication, that was the only time she was there, the rest of the time she was in the office engrossed with her paperwork.      The dreaded break time came and i went in the kitchen and made some toast and coffee and went outside and sat on the wooden chair and after taking a sip of the coffee, opened the letter and i was shocked as i did not expected that, it read,"Internal rotation as heading and then, hi dougie, as per your contract to work nights and days it is time for you to work on night duty and please report to the night coordinator tomorrow for your ward allocation, and P.S thank you for your contribution on day duty..."      I just held the letter and read it again and my thought just travelled towards lisa and it saddened me to think that she would be on her own for the next six months and one cannot challenge that decision as they always have an answer,"service needs," as they call it and even the union boss would agree to that.      After half an hour i went in the lounge and there was nobody in as they all had gone to the various occupational departments.That matron knew all along about the content as they always write to her first to replace the staff, but the matron did not want to tell me , or was it a plan to get me off days,it crossed my mind.      But out of politeness i went in the office and broke the news to her and she said," you will like it on night,you have a good team there,"      I just could not wait for the shift to end and everything i did then was for the last time as on night duty the routine was totally different.      At last the shift was over and as i went home and opened the door, Lisa welcomed me with her arms wide opened and smothered me with kisses,which i did not respond partly and she felt that and said ,"hey what's the matter, you are not yourself today ,"and kissed my lips briskly and looked at me and i said ," Lisa,sorry, i am not myself, first your mum is after me, as she called the matron and asked for my phone, then the matron asked me if i was the cause of your resignation and darling, you read this letter i got,"as i handed the letter to her and just looked at her.She read it and said," no Dougie, you cannot work night duty, i cannot stay here all night on my own, it was bad today, all the time i kept looking at the clock and wanted you with me, o i love you very much my darling hey cheer up , i suppose i have to get used to being without you at night, but i will wait for you to come and snuggle with me in bed and we will make up for loss time," she said as she gave me a big cuddle.      I looked at her and despite what she had just said i could see the sadness in her eyes,but did not say much.For a moment we just held each other and caressed each other because it was just relaxing, as Lisa looked at me and said ," I have an idea, i will look for something doing night duty and in this way we both will go to work on night and in the morning we will both see each other again , how about that,"she asked and i said there is not much on night for a girl your age,but i hope for your sake something do crop up Lisa there not much i can do at the moment, but one thing i am sure i will be ringing sick a lot just to sicken them as i am sure they are doing that to me out of spite because that matron made me feel it."      " I am sorry all that is happening to you because of me,"      "do not be silly darling it's ok i do not mind working nights it's you i am worried ,Lisa ,i love you and always will and together we will face everything, hey let's go for a spin and then we will get a takeaway on the way back and i will get some wine too we will get drunk tonight,"      "that will be nice," she said and we both held each other hand and went in the car.      I drove her to a lake and sat on the grass and admired the beauty of the surrounding, there were tall trees and the bushes were green, the birds were landing on the edge and some were flying just above the water as if to catch something.Lisa put her head on my lap and she just gazed at me as i gazed into hers and she said," it's so peaceful here darling and dougie can i ask you something?" she said and i asked "what?', and she asked, "how much do you love me?"      " a lot and you should know that by now my darling and this love will stay for ever, i will always love you till the sun grows cold,"      "that's all i wanted to hear dougie please don't ever break my heart as you are my everything now, i do not want anything in my life just you and i will live in this world just a happy person,"she said as she pecked my lips.      "I will never leave you Lisa and this is a promise you have got my word for it, i cannot live without you now, i have got you and do not want anything or anyone now, and i thought about you a lot lisa i wanted to ring you ,but the matron was in the office all the time but when i am on nights i will ring you every night you will see,"      "Yes you better as i won't go to bed till you ring me,i won't sleep either, but wait for you to come in the morning,keeping the bed warm then we will sleep together my darling, o.k" she said as i held her tight against me and said,"let's go now,"as we walked towards the car and drove off.      Lisa sat in the car and i got a takeway and drove slowly to the flat. I went in the kitchen and brought two glasses and poured the wine and sat on the settee and ate the food,listening to a love album and it was relaxing and peaceful and we did not say much to each other just holding hands and enjoying each other's company.      At about ten we both went upstairs and climbed in bed and we held each other and Lisa said to me ,Tomorrow i will be here on my own, but i will cuddle your pillow and think about you , and will wish you were with me Dougie," she said and that made me feel sorry for her and i wish i could take her to work with me,as the night was going to be long because i had never work on night duty before.      WE held each other and Lisa said ,"play with my hair darling as i like your touch and that really relaxes me,"as i turned round and held her head and rested it on my left arm and started running my fingers through her long and silky hair, using my right hand and she just lay there and soon we both just drifted to sleep.      The next morning i made some scramble egg and toast and we both sat at the kitchen table and ate it and i said to her ," we will go to town and i want to buy you something nice," but she said," no darling you do not have to ,as i want to spend the day here with you, next week when you are off maybe,".      " o.k then," i said and agreed that we should just have a day indoors as i wanted to have a rest too as i was working night and my heart was just beating in an unusual way as i did not know how to cope with night duty and also leaving Lisa on her own.      We sat on the settee and watched a horror movie, with Lisa sitting on my lap with her both her legs sprawling along.At times i was running my fingers in her hair.It was relaxing and we both just got absorbed in that film as it depicted someone being killed in the same way as it happened in the film and the last bit was gory as a boy got knife backstage the blood splattered and a drop landed on one of the audience nose and suddenly the screen got ripped by the knife of the attacker,it was a woman doing that,but the police was in pursuit of the boy that just got knifed thinking it was him that was doing all the killing and as she got arrested,she turned the knife on herself and dies.Gripping stuff it was and after the film we both went in the kitchen and Lisa sat on the kitchen chair and watched me making sphagetti bolognaise.She admired my cooking for some reason as she always asked what ingredients i was adding and also asked me how did i learn all that and i used to say,"when you live on your own, you have to concoct things Lisa just to survive," and she used to say ,' iwish i could make things like you do,".      WE sat in the kitchen and ate it and then after the washing up i said to Lisa ,"darling, you go and watch t.v as i have my clothes to iron and also have a bath and get ready for the shift,"i said ,and she said ,"Yes sir, as you wish," and went in the lounge.      After an hour i cuddled Lisa and waved her goodbye from the car window and i could feel she did not make easy it for me to leave her, but i had to go as duty calls.      When i arrived in the unit i reported to the night coordinator and he sent me to a ward which houses some very difficult clients who can stay up all night and shout and asking for cigarettes,every ten minutes and if you refuse them they go outside and shout and many a times the neighbours had phoned the management team and complained of the noise.I was happy in a way as i know that would keep me busy.      So i went in that ward and introduced myself and the person in charge asked me to sit down and started giving me a proper handover as i was new and got to know all the details and as soon as we were in the middle of the handover,the night coordinator knocked at the door and said," sorry to disturb, but i have got this young lady here and she is working here tonight and show the ropes as well," he said and made his exit.      I just was flabbergasted looking at her as she looked so gorgeous and so doled up, one would think she was going on a night out,and not coming to do night duty.      The staff giving the report too looked at her in an unusual way too and continued with the details of each clients and also told us to press the buzzer and the staff next door would be there within seconds and they were all trained in constraint and restraint,and after concluding the report he handed me the keys and also a packet of cigarette and a lighter and said," Allan is due one at ten and give him one before he goes to bed and make sure that you make them know that you are the boss as they tend to play whenever they see new faces and as you are both new good luck and will see you in the morning," he said as he picked up his jacket and waved goodbye to the few clients sitting in the lounge.      "So we    have a long night,' i said as we both went in the lounge and straightaway one of them came and asked for a cigarette but i told him i was going to make him a cup of tea soon and that it was not ten o'clock yet.      We went in the kitchen and one of the client followed us and put the cups ready for us and opened the biscuit tin and put some on the plate and as i poured the tea he took them and gave it to the one in the lounge and that was part of his therapeutic chore and once they had the tea he brought the cups and put them in the sink and said," can i have my fag now," "of course you can," as i gave him and he looked so happy.      We made a drink and sat in the lounge as one by one the four remaining clients drifted to their bedroom.      " So where do you work usually because i have never seen you here," i asked and she said,"magpie, but there are only five clients there and i work there on my own, but tonight i have a problem so i asked the boss if he could put me with someone else as i was going to put an end to my life, but the boss took the bottle of tablets away and said," o.k i will move you ,but only for the night as we cannot afford two staff on a ward where the clients are ablebodied'."she said as she looked at me.      "So what's this about you trying to end it all, are you mad or something ," i asked, as if in a joke.      " Well ,we both went to a party and most of the night my husband danced with that woman in front of me as he was sozzled, but i felt jealous and to hit back, i rose up and started dancing with that hunk who all night had his eyes on me and when my husband saw that he flew and went for that guy and punched him on the nose and then grabbed me and brought me home , i felt so humiliated as all of the street was there and everyone knows me,and when we came back, he went beserk and hit me on the head,but i hit back and he could not take it and when he got up after a couple of hours he said he was going to see a solicitor for a quick divorce and i do not want that as i still love him very much,"      " how long have you been married," i asked and she said,' two years, but we know each other from school days and he has been very good and understanding towards me, you do not knoe much about me, but at the age of eleven i was abused by my step father and i just could not forget that and when i told my mum , after he died prematuely she said that was a lie and why did i not tell her when he was there and one day i just left and lived with my friends who introduced me to my husband and within three months we were married and for the first time i felt happy and wanted, but that night in that party everything went wrong and the idea of divorce just killed me and that is why i want to end it all and that is why i wanted to work with someone and dougie why is life so cruel to me," she said as the tears started rolling down her cheeks and i just went to her and held her and said ,'please do not cry life is beautiful Maria and you have to get a grip of yourself, do not worry there are lots of people who go through similiar situation and in the long run come out victorious, yes life is a struggle and you have just found happiness in your marriage and you are being rejected, would you like a cup of tea of coffee," i asked and we both went in the kitchen and she took a piece of tissue and wiped her tears and said," i am alright now , sorry about that,".      " Hey do not say that it's o.k i understand, just think you have found a freind," i said and we both took our tea and sat in the lounge. It was so quiet and i said to maria . 'once we drink this we will go and check if they are all breathing."      As i said that we both heard the toilet flushing , then there was a thumping footstep in the corridor as we both looked at each other and suddenly one of the clients came over and said," can i have a cup of tea and a fag please?"     " Of course Allan i will give you that ,but promise you will go back to , look at the time,".      " i promise," he said and i went in the kitchen and made him a cup of tea and came back and gave him a fag and he just said ,"good night," and walked away.      We went in the office and took a torch and went in all the bedroom and discreetly checked them all and they were all o.k.      When we came in the lounge Maria said this is cushy working here as where i work i have to do the laundry and iron their clothes , then i have to do the rounds and change the ones who are incontinent, o it's hard work down there and you work for your pennies, but here it's a doddle,"      "well here it's more of a mental strain as anyone can kick off and if you look at that c.r book you will see how many times they have used c.r technique so let's hope the night stays like that, we only have to take the laundry the afternoon staff left after they got undressed tonight and just fold them, but i will help you, you just take it easy," i said and we heard the front door go and the night coordinator appeared and said,"How are things ?" and i said , "touch wood so    far it's ok as we are both new and we are hoping to have a quiet night,"      " good ," he said ,"and remember to press the alarm bell as there are two c.r trained staff next door," and he turned towards Maria and asked ," and do you feel comfortable working here as i am going to ask the boss to find someone to work permanently in your unit as you will be based here from now on and we do need someone here so this is going to be your base," ," i am fine here,"said Maria, what a change for me to be here," as he signed the report looking at the clock at the same time, that he did visit.He then said goonight and left and then i looked at the clock and thought of Lisa how she will be waiting for my call and i did feel a bit guilty and said to Maria," you stay here and watch t.v , i am just going on the phone for a minute,"      "you go and make your call and i will go and finish that laundry then we know there is nothing much to do," she said as she rose and walked towards the laundry room.      "Sorry i am late darling ,but i have a new staff and we are both new and we had a bit of problem with a client," i lied to Lisa.      " I knew that because i kept looking at the clock and wondered if you were     going to ring or not, but do not worry darling i will wait for you in the morning , i am already missing you and it is not the same without you here and remember i love you, i will cuddle your pillow and sleep,anyway i better let you go just in case, o.k bye my darling and i love you bye," she said, and i said, bye lisa and i will think of you too,bye," and put the phone down.      " It,s all done now and it's my turn to make you a drink,"said maria and we both went in the kitchen and while she made the tea, i asked, " would you like something to eat," and she asked ,"what have we got here as in my unit there is hardly anything,"      I opened the fridge and told her, "here we are lucky as the charge nurse draws money every week and buys goodies for all the clients and every saturday they have an indian takeaway, i accompanied the clients once as they were short of staff and what a good holiday we had in Blackpool , and as i went as a bank staff it was good money as you are with them twenty four hours and get enhancement so if they ask you to accompany them on holiday just go and the money is good."      I told her there was pate,chicken, thin ham,peanut butter and cheese and she said ,"may i have a ham sandwich please," " of course," i said and after making the sandwich i also opened the cupboard and offered her a packet of crisp and went and sat in the lounge.She sat beside me and it was a nice feeling to be with her, i could smell the perfume and i do not why, but suddenly my heart began to beat faster and i felt a bit nervous and i could see her face too in the dim light and she looked absolutely gorgeous and i wondered why she got married as she looked so young and innocent.      She turned towards me and asked ,"so you have a girl freind i suppose and you just rang her, you do not have to answer me if you do not want to o.k, because i never ring my husband from work as he knows well i am always busy and if i was caught using the phone for private call i would have to pay as all calls registered there because someone made an international call."      "How stupid of her she must know that all calls are monitored,it's o.k for a couple of minutes, but not to take liberties like that, here the phone is open as the clients speak to their parents all the time,but you sit with them in the office as sometimes they do get aggressive and demand them to visit and bring lots of fags and yes maria i have a girl friend," i said, but deep inside i did not really want her to know a lot about me.     " I knew it, but that's fine," she said," but can i ask you something, do you love her and are you going to marry her,?"      " Yes, but why are you asking me all that?"i asked .      "You know when i came to work tonight, i was really down ,but just that little pep talk you gave has changed me suddenly and i suppose because i have been working on my own i did not have much chance of meeting someone ,but you know you make me feel so relaxed,yes and i will be honest i want to invite you to my place for a cup of tea in the morning as my husband is away for a week,and do not worry i won't keep you long as i know you will be dying to see your girlfreind, so is that o.k?" she asked and i was baffled by that because i thought she really loved her husband,but i was flattered and to be honest Lisa was always there and she would not know if i had an affair on the side.This is the perk of working in the health service, you meet so many people and having an affair is so easy and marriage breakdown is so common among a group of night nurses, it's the amount of time spent on night and you hear all stories about thier private lives at home and if someone is unhappy she is bound to feel secure with someone who make her feel wanted.Not only the workers who have affairs, but the bosses too , i knew a boss who was happily married and he had the most beautiful secretary and one day it was all over the place that he left his wife and was going to marry the secretary and that was the talk of the whole place , but the position he had soon made everybody accept the fact and soon his wife was working on night and it was business as usual for everybody and he was still the boss and still commanded respect from all staff.      "Yes,maria i will come for a quick cup of tea with you in the morning o.k." i said and maria smiled and stood up and said,"excuse me for a minute i am going to the loo,"but when she passed me she stood behind me and using her middle finger she scratched my back from the neck right up to my waist and honestly that was unexpected and the feeling she emanated in me just made me think that she not only want me to have a cup of tea, but she had something more on offer, but i was prepared to accept it as life is full of surprises.      When she came back she sat close to me and i looked at the time and said, "Maria do you want to have a sleep as you will be very tired, do not worry i will stay awake and will wake you as soon as i hear the door so close your eyes, besides i know the night staff here told me that he does not visit here again till the early morning which will be about six and by that time most of them will be up and coming for their fags and cup of tea so maria close your eyes,"      "Are you sure, as i do not want to be caught sleeping and he jolly knows i never sleep as i am always on my own where i work and he used to come and sit with me for ages and have coffee, i do not trust him as he has got lots of them the sack for just closing their eyes for some minutes," she said as she stretched her legs over the settee, but her head was just near my waist and she closed her eyes.      What a sight she was as she lay there and i could see her cleavage and her long legs and her hip and for one moment i just felt like touching her, but that would be too much for her as she had already invited    me to be with her in the morning.It is sad that all that time i had not been able to think about Lisa as she always was with me and talking but now that she was sleeping i felt the guilt too and i knew that deep inside i should not have said yes to    going with her , but the devil in me just agreed and i wanted to go for the experience i suppose as every woman you meet has something different to offer.      Time just flew because when i looked at the clock it was half past five in the morning and one of the clients had just come and sat next to me on a chair and he was also looking at maria who was fast asleep and he also said, " i wont say anything as i like her and i know she works in Robin because i went there looking for fags and she said she does not smoke and phoned here and i got told off for leaving the unit while i was outside,"he said as he shook his legs and smiled at me and i said to him ,' you better not or no fags when i come on duty tonight," i said jokingly as i knew him as he used to go in nearly all the units asking for fags and he was wellknown to all the staff because he even used to go to and sit with the managers and tell little tales on most of the staff.      I stood up and he followed me in the kitchen and while i was making the tea i said to him go and get a fag it's on the filing cabinet, but remember only one o.k,' i said and he said," i will,"      I made three cups of tea, one for me and for him and one for maria and came and shook her shoulder as she looked at the clock and said, " o look at the time and stood up and went in the loo and came and sat beside me and said," thanks for that and i needed that i feel refreshed now," she said and i said to her ,' John is up and he is having a fag outside, but do not worry i have already talked to him."      Within the next hour most of them were up and the day staff started coming and once the charge nurse came he looked at the report which i had put ," all clients appear to have had a good night sleep judging by the the way they were breathing at time of checking during the night,"      "That's good as it was your first night and you did not want any aggro did,"he said as he signed the laconic report.      " No touch wood and i am on again so keep them like this ," i said and picked my jacket and walked away and Maria waved goodbye too and followed me and when we were in the car park she asked to follow her car.      The journey to her house made me think a lot as i looked at the sky and the sun was just coming through the clouds and it was really marvellous just to look at the beauty of nature in the morning and suddenly i thought i should be driving home to Lisa and not in another direction. After ten minutes we arrived to a small village and i noticed her indicator on and i knew we were there and she slowed and stopped.      She came to me and said," this is where i live and now you know so you are welcome here anytime.o.k,but only when he is not in.." she smiled, as i followed her and we went in and she said i will make you a drink ,but you sit here i will turn the t.v for you," and disappeared in the kitchen.      It was a two bedroom nicely decorated and tidily kept place and my thought just went back to my place and thought one day i would buy my own place and keep it like this.      She came and put the two cups of tea on the coffee table and said," do you want to make a phone call to her and say that you are going to be late ",      To be honest , i did not like the way she said about her and that really bugged me the way she said " her" and that really proved she does not really care a hoot about lisa and to be honest i still cared for lisa and to be honest it made feel more for her than i ever did because i knew deep inside i was doing wrong and to admit that you are doing wrong and knew it proves that you have got a conscience and that brought me to a thought of one one of my freind who was married but he fell in love with a woman who was so beautiful and was mesmerised by her beauty that he even told her that he was not married , but in the long run he was caught and he asked the woman to come to his house , and when she came he stood there and said that he was not married and his wife had to to go and get the marriage certificate and show the woman , and that's when she believed and went away, but he follwed her to the car and she told him," you bastard do not ever come to me or i will kill you",, and he backed down and the next day his wife left and went to her mum and he was left on his own . and that killed me to think about my freind and honest i did not like this to happen to me, but i knew i was cheating on her and was being unfaithful , but then i was not married to her so..., and that made me feel a bit good, but i wanted to show maria she could not compete with lisa as she was the best and i made sure she will be , but i wanted an adventure and who knows would i succeed, and really, so i did not know what to expect now , but i was prepared to take her on and suddenly she came up to me and grabbed hold of my head and started kissing me and that made me feel good so i responded, but funnily she did not make any sound at all and if that was lisa the way i kissed her would have torn the room to pieces and all hell would have been let loose, so i changed my tactics and i started kissing her at the same time ,putting my tongue right up to her throat and staying there i gently let my finger go to her clitoris which was so erect i could have bitten it without her flecking a muscle , but i did not , instead i started caressing her buttock which protruded more than her waist and oh that buttock loocked really big so i dwelt on it then i turned her lying on her stomach and started caressing her shoulder and work my way up to her waist and she started wriggling and i could see her whole buttock rising up and down and she daringly said," do it there dougie so i pushed myself on her and could feel her hot body and i raised my johnny with my hand and travelled right up to her ass and she groaned and said that's hurt ,but i did not want to know that and i pushed right into her and she started screaming and the more she screamed the more i pushed forward and i started writting the alphabet back to forward and all the time she was wriggling and to be honest for some reason lisa came to my mind which i did not like so i thrust hard and deeper and she said that's hurt and it made me more adventurous and i lifted her both legs and made sure she rested on her knees and i put my johnny in her clit then up her ass and dwelt there for ages and the counting of the alphabet stopped and here went the writing of the numbers and counting of numbers 100 to one and to be honest she just said ahs and ohs all the time, but in very low tone and i did not stop there then i started saying a prayer in solemn holly mood and that was chronic and to do that and pray i thought" hey that's got to be profanity," but then i had read somewhere," i love my god because he gives me the freedom to deny him," and still i did not hear her coming and by now lisa would be well in her countless glories and i slowed down and i felt tired and just lay there beside her she turned and put her hand on my chest and said , " i know we both are doing wrong and you are tired too as you had no sleep ,sorry i lead you on ,but this is not the end o.k and we are both working tonight and we will talk there," she said as she rose up and started getting dressed and i just looked at her and said," i better be going or else she will make a call to the unit and they would say there is nothing wrong with my car as i left early and should have been home by now,".      I got up gave her a peck on the cheek and started driving back to Lisa, but i stopped at the corner shop and bought some roses and as i stepped in Lisa came and said," do you know when you rang me here i could not go back to sleep and i have been up and i was just going to ring there, but here you are and oh what beautiful flowers you have here , this is lovely, thanks darling, this is the first time i have been given flowers and hey what is the occasion,?" she asked in amazement.      " oh Lisa i missed you so much all night and thought this is the best i could do at the moment," i said lying through my teeth.      She came to me and held me and said, o thanks , but you do not have to spend money like that you know i love you all the time." she said as as she put the flowers on the sink and reached for the kettle and said let me make you some tea and then we will sit on the settee and you can tell me all o.k," she said and made me a cup of tea and asked if i wanted some toast. i felt a bit guilty as she thought i have had a bad night and she did not want me do anything.      "no thanks i do not feel like eating, but you have some ," as she made the tea and some toast and we came and sat on the settee.      " so how was your first night?"      " awful i should say that client kept on coming every five minutes asking for a fag and tea and refused to go back to bed and he kept us on our toes sorry i rang you late."      " You do not    have to apologise as i knew you would be busy and they will play you knowing you are knew and do not worry if you did not ring i will understand , but i missed you , i just wanted you beside me, she said as she kissed me on the cheek and said you really look awful shall we go to bed now and we both can sleep and you are working tonight so you need your sleep ok," she said.      " yes darling let's go to bed and we will relax," i said and we both went upstairs and as i lay there she started undressing and as she took her bra off she came and cuddled me and i said , can we just cuddle each other,"     " of course darling i won't tire you, but remember when you are off we have to make up for lost time,she said and held me and within minutes we both just went to sleep.      When i opened my eyes at seven she was fast asleep and i went in the bath and got ready for the night shift again and went down in the kitchen and cooked some chips and a medium pizza and brought it upstairs and wke her up.      " that's nice darling sorry i slept that long it shows how we both needed our bed it's sad you ae going again and have a nice night , and i wont get dressed now i will just stay in bed, but i will see here beside me in the morning." she said as she sat and ate her meal, then i went beside her held her and said ," sleep well do not worry about me o.k, i will be fine,"      i kissed her and drove to work and as i arrived in the office the charge nurse said, " wait for nurse to come and will give you the handover,"      He had hardly spoken these words when maria just came and sat on the chair after saying good evening.      "we had a good shift, but keep an eye on Frank as he threatened the female nurse twice this morning and said he was going to do a runner tonight so make sure all the doors are locked and the night coordinator is aware of the situation as last time remember he jumped through his window and was brought back by the porters as he managed only to get as far as the gate, but tonight if he runs away then he has to sectioned again and he has been told that so make sure you check him hourly," he said and turning towards, Maria," and no disrespect to you , but he knows you are new so make sure you are in the background do not affront him on his own personally as he knows you are new hwere and he will play you up if he does not get his own way and apart from that there is nothing exciting so have a good night," he said and rose up and taking his jacket from the chair he made his exit.      The very minute he left Frank came and as expected wanted tea and a fag and we both went in the kitchen and made all tea and also gave them biscuits and they all disappeared to their bedroom.      Maria said she was going to make tea for me as i sat on the settee and she came and gave me a letter and that was very moving because in it she said that she wished i did not have Lisa and she would leave her husband and come and live with me.      I just could not believe she would feel like that knowing that i love Lisa and she was special.     She came and sat as close to me as she could and her perfume invaded my nostril and all my other senses just went haywire and she said," darling you know when you left i just could not sleep and all day i have done nothing , but just thinking about you and let me also tell that i have not even thought about my husband once and that's really sad as i was prepared to end it all because i did not want to lose him," she said as she looked into my eys and held my     hand and gently squeezed it and that was enough to trigger something inside me so i said,"maria let's finish that washing and we can relax afterwards and also we have not had any visits from him yet as he can snoop on us anytime."      " o.k Dougie, but we need to talk, sorry i was getting carried away there,"      " that's ok ," i said as we both went in the laundry room and finished the task and came back and sat on the settee again and as we just looked around the night boss was there and asked if everything was o.k and then went and put his signature on the report book and waved us goodnight.      One thing about the night boss is worth mentioning as he was a crafty guy and to catch staff sleeping he used to wear soft shoes and also had his own lubricating small container of oil and he always made sure that all the noisy doors were well lubricated and at times he would say," see you in the morning," and most staff thought good as they could close their eyes, but he would turn up at four and five in the morning and some staff had to give up their night slots and revert to days giving all excuses on medical grounds.      After he left maria went in the kitchen and brought me a nice sandwich and a cup of coffee and sat close to me and had her legs well stretched along the settee and as soon as i finished my sandwich i held her hand and started caressing it and she responded by letting her upper part of her body on my lap and suddenly both my arms went into action ,touching her face, her shoulder and gradually i directed my fingers on her breast which felt so soft ,but her nipples were erect, i lingered there as she held my head and started kissing me madly and for a moment we both forgot we were on duty ,so i stopped and tidied my hair and said," Sorry maria but this is too risky , not only the boss, but any client can see us and you know how they talk." i said and the look in her eyes said it all, but i did not care, beside i forgot to ring Lisa and that did not make me feel good as she might have waited for me and the guilt was gnawing at me already.     " that's ok i got carried away, but in the morning could you come to my place again, as i won't ask you more because i have the next two nights off," she said ,but i replied," look darling , i cannot as i forgot to tell you that she was on the verge on ringing me , but i just arrived in time, beside why did you say in your letter you want to run away from your husband, i thought you love him?," i said and she turned towards me as if to affront me and said," yes i did , but not anymore as you have just given me a new lease of life and that is why yesterday i could not relax and i was counting the seconds to be with you, o i love you dougie and i feel for you,i hate sunday as he is coming home so i will be a prisoner of your thoughts all the time till i will see you here," she went on and held my hand as i held hers , but this time i did not feel that romantic towards her as i did the first time i met her and that showed how devoid of emotion i was beginning to experience.      " Look maria we have just met and please let us take one step at a time and this relation can only be a casual affair as you know i love Lisa and she needs me , i am not being funny, but no matter what happens between us it won't go further than that and i want to make this clear to you , we will meet here every time we work is that o.k with you ?, sorry,"      " that's ok but remember i will think of you all the time," she said as she put her head on my shoulder and i cuddled her and began to feel sorry for her and i knew i was being callous ,but then this is life and if i did not have Lisa thing could have been different.      With me holding her so tightly i could feel her heartbeat and if only we were not at work, but at home there would have been sparks of passion flying by now as she was sexy in some ways and any man seeing her for the first time would desire her.      As it was about three in the morning, we both just felt so relaxed and closed our eyes.      When i opened my eyes, two of the clients were sitting opposite us and luckily maria had her head on the other side of the settee and i gave her a nudge and she opened her eyes.      I said to the clients, '' iam going to make you a drink and will also give you a fag, that for being good," as they both smiled with gratitude.      while i was making the tea, the day staff started arriving and i came in the lounge and asked maria to give them a drink while i dashed in the office and scribbled something in the report book to make it look good.      The charge nurse came and signed the report book and we both left waving goodbye.      As we walked to the car park maria said," i will see you soon and remember what i said and i will miss you a lot bye,"      "I will miss you too and have nice days off," i said and entered in the car and started driving and the sun was just beginng to come out.      When i arrived at home, it was very quiet and i tiptoed upstairs and Lisa was fast asleep and i knew she must have waited a long time and finally closed her eyes. i got undressed and lay beside her and she mumbled something and rubbed her eyes and said," i missed you a lot last night, i wanted to ring you , but thouht you might be engagad in c and r techniqe and that put me off ,so i lay there thinking about you and did not close my eyes till well after four , o cuddle and hold me," she said and i felt her body really warm against my skin and cuddled and sarted massaging her shoulder and back and as she was in the nude i could feel her breast right against me and i rubbed her hair and she started breathing heavy as i pressed harder against her body and she started kissing me andwithin minutes i was inside her as i had not made love to her for few days and the feeling was sheer paradise as she scratched my back really digging her long nais right up my skin and i responded accordingly and we both must have come together as she rolled over , but still held me with her left hand.      It was about three when i opened my eyes and Lisa was sitting beside me and i said, " sorry i must have been so tired and just fell asleep,"      "Yes, you did and i fell asleep , but woke up about eleven and had something to eat and did the laundry and dougie tell me you said one day we will get married and did you mean that and also did your car really break down ?" she said and straightaway i knew something was wrong.      " yes Lisa you know i want to marry you and yes i love you and yes i did break down," and i could hardly finish the last thing i was going to say when she started reading that letter which maria had written me and said, do you know i have been good doing all the housework and said i will do all the washing, but dougie when i emptied all your pockets i found this in your shirt pocket and honestly dougie you do not love me i have been a fool," as she said that tears started rolling down her cheeks and i went to cuddle her, but she pushed me away saying ," no dougie don't touch me please i have been crying all the time i read that and you know you never loved me, i really loved you , but you did not respect that love or you have no respect for me     you have only done two nights and already you have had affairs , i was wrong to trust you and thought you were a different person," she said sadly and the tears still welling in her eyes.          " please Lisa let me explain nothing happened , honest listen to what i have to say darling," i said beggingly,but she did not want to know," no dougie i do not want want to hear anything it's all here in black and white and i have been reading it over and over again, i am going dougie, but i do not know where, it's over and please do not say anything anymore because it hurts and also do not ever ring my mobile number i beg of you ," she said and threw that letter at me, "yes you stay with maria and be happy she wants you, so now you can have her now dougie as i do not want to be here anymore," as she walked out of the bedroom and i followed her saying , 'just once maria please listen i love you and i do want you," and she turned round and angrily said," ha, love , dougie you do not know the meaning of the word love, i am going now and how wrong i was to leave everything for you and please let me go, i came here with a plastic bag and i am only taking that," she said ,as she put the few belongings she came with and wiping the tears away she looked around the room and walked out of the door and i follwed her and said,"please lisa do not go please i do love you honest nothing happened and please come back and i will ring her and you know the truth, lisa you got to believe me," i begged her ,but she did not even look at me, but kept walking so i went please go to part 111
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feelings... Part 1 (posted on: 14-08-06)
What happens to a girl of seventeen whose mum kept her in the house then suddenly she finds love and passion and is thrown out in the whole wide world...

lisa was the best thing that happened to me, she came to work as a nurse where i was working and the minute i saw her i felt that this is the female icon i always wanted to be     proud of...she smiled and instantly there was a fusion. i approached her saying," what a gorgeous girl like you doing in a nursing home you could have been in a model parlour ,"..."no," she quipped... i like to care for people... thats nice to know ...i was given the honour to initiate her to her surrounding..not many     staff has    that honour as the matron usually do all the induction and as she was on her assignment she only had to observe and not thrown to the deep    end ...at ten we usually have break and that half     an hour was very revealing... my mum is a nun and i am not allowed out at all this is a trusted place and my     mum has no qualm sending me here     , she confided..also i have no boyfreind and i am not allowed discoing or     alcohol...what i drink is only water.... the shift was very pleasant...lisa following me everywhere...hey what are you doing after the shift, i asked....nothing she replied ans my mum is gone in retreat in surrey so i have the time to myself....ancy having a meal tonight with me to a posh indian restaurant... love to she agreed.. at nine we both headed to my car and we went to the taj mahal where the indian music welcomed her. she was looking around like a lost sheep. we both enjoyed the meal and i invited her to my place ....she wanted to have a drink of water but     opened a bottle of white    wine...please try this... she hesitated at first then she took a sip thats nice...she            said and     we both finished the bottle within an hour ,,, i held her hand and she let me i carressed her     cheek and she let me i kissed her and she closed her eyes ... i stopped there and took her home....thank you for the evening she appreciated.... lisa had only three nights on her own and i thought this is the chance for her to know the world as she was only living and not alive. the next shift she worked with me , i     made sure that i took my break at the same time as her..hi i said to her and she gave me a big smile andshe came and sat beside me ..i wasted no time and asked    if i could see her afer work and she said...sure.. i could not wait for the shift to end, my heart was beating dreadfully fast and i was imagining all sorts of things...why did i feel like that for someone i hardly know. after work she meet me in the car park...may i ask you a favour would you be able to drive me to my place so i may change...of course, i agreed. within twenty minutes we arrived at her place. i waited in the car.when she appeared,it was a sight i never will ever forget....she was wearing a black seethrough blouse and a black skirt, and a pair of high heel shoes.you look absolutely gorgeous....i complimented...thank you she said as i started the engine. where would you like to go for a meal i asked...may we go for a pizza if you dont mind....no, i replied.after the     meal we came         to my place and put the music on and this time i opened a bottle of champagne...do you know you are turning me into an alcoholic...not at all its just you make happy and i want to relax with you thats all , i said as i sat near her... she looked into my    eyes and i looked into hers ...her makeup made her look a picture from paradise.i     caressed her fingers and the palm of her hand .she put the glass of champagne she was holding on the otherhand and edged towards me i looked into her eyes again..she reciprocated.i genltly kissed her cheek and as i was     just withdrawing my face she put her hand on my head and started ruffling my hair and drew me towards her, honestly that came as a surprise to me as i was not expecting it from a person who had lived her life like being in a cloister.she looked into my eyes as if     she had lost     something there    ..".lisa", i     muttered " do you know this is heaven being here         with you....", "hey", she said   " why dare you say things like to me....this is the thing i was going to tell you, yes you just snatched that from my mouth....yes i feel the same Darling," and as soon as she was finishing the sentence i kissed her     properly on the lips, she responded cooly and as she reached for my hand i said to her ,"lisa may i ask you to stay here tonight ",..." yes, i did not want to impose myself on you," she agreed smilingly. we sat there for a long time then i said to her..."lisa this is happening too quick for me i never thought i will ever find any girl to         make me feel like this.... " i am beginning to     fall in love with you lisa,"i said in a very tender tone.She looked at me and said aah thats sweet of you ," as she touched my cheek. I held her against me and she felt so warm and cuddly , i just looked at her    her pearly white teeth shone so bright as if to ignite a spark.I caressed both her cheeks and the warmth    it emanated made me feel like bursting with joy and saying on top of my voice , Lisa i love you and i love you     more than anybody and anything that i have ever loved before,Lisa let me tell you i read somewhere that when you are in love you can swim the deepest ocean and climb the highest mountain,and the other one went like this ;From love the world is born , with love it is sustained , towards love it moves and in love it enters.....", "Oh this is exactly how i feel right now," She looked in my eyes and whispered," I am beginning to fall in love with you too , what have you done to me darling, i never thought feelings like this ever existed," as she planted a kiss on my lips.      We both held each other for a long time.I asked her if she would like to have a cup of coffee and she said,Yes please,". I went in the kitchen and she followed me and stood leaning against the    work surface. As she     was slightly bent i could see her tender left breast and that ignited another flame of utter passion in me. We went and sat on settee.The song cherish the love pervaded throughout the room and she blinked appropriately as if to    join in the singing. i asked her if she was tired and she replied,"not at all i do not feel like sleeping tonight,"Why are you tired my darling," she asked." NO, i just did not want to keep you awake awake all night , that's all,"      Lisa just looked at me admiringly and    said," i    have only a couple of days to be alive and be happy     then once my mum comes back i will revert to my normal life then what i have gained here i will treasure that and think of you and just reminisce but nothing or nobody will ever come between us.I will aways love you because you have shown me the way to paradise and heaven and that is why i do not want to close my eyes or else it will just be a dream i want to know what proper love is and you are showing me and giving me that..."she said in a very emotion -laden tone.I pulled her towards me and started    kissing her in a very passionate way         , she just half-closed her eyes and i could feel she became very emotional. she started kissing me in a way as if to unleash all her inhibitions that she had been experiencing all that time,and now she was really making up for it and that     made    me think of that king who did not want anybody to see her daughter because she was so beautiful and he felt so protective towards her and jealous in case someone sees her and seduce her so he built a little house in the forest and made her stay there with all the provisions in the world but one day a wood cutter found such a beauty that he accosted her and she got carried away by him as she had not seen many men before and they both eloped and got married and lived happily ever after.          We both stopped kissing each other and she started asking me lots of questions like where did i do my schooling and what jobs i had before and i said nursing was my second job as i could not fit in the retail sector.she asked me about my exams as she said she only had three o level subjects.I told her that though i did not     have a good education, yet at work, i had followed lots of courses such as c and r meaning constraint and restraint of clients who display challenging behaviours,communication skills, report writing, health and safety,food hygiene, first level management,first aid course by the saint John ambulance crew.         "Cor,you have done a lot of courses in the short time you've been there," she said in a convincing tone."not at all darling, mind you some of the courses are mandatory but the best one i have done is the one which makes you relax after    work because mind you lisa you have been there only a couple days and do not know most of them yet but some are bad i mean really bad and please i am not putting you off as you are new but they do not tell you the bad side of if, like john can be very violent at times and he has bitten some of the old ladies and also bit one of the staff ,you know john had really sharp teeth and as he was being led in his room ,in a lock, he just turned his head and grabbed the tip of the poor staff middle finger and spit the bit on the floor , o that was gory and we had to let him go and the staff had to undergo surgery and up to now he cannot write properly.SO that is why c and r     is mandatory and you know we get an extra allowance of ten pounds and    we call it danger money so we can get beaten up or have our clothes torn by them and mind you its not a lot,considering all the stress we undergo, but as i was saying ,that course was entittled 'living with stress' and as i had not finished the sentence she interrupted, 'So you put that course into practice and does it     work ," she asked inquisitively."yes," i replied confidently".Oh you    must teach me that technique then," said Lisa admiringly.Yes i can teach that to    you right now its so easy and very straightforward."Please teach me now," she said smilingly, " as the night is still young," " ok then "lie on the floor," i commanded."Yes sir",she said in a jovial tone".      "I know you will enjoy that lisa it is very relaxing and do that at home it will help recharge your batteries when you feel run down and tense, right", i said as she stood up.          " O .k lisa     i want you to lie on the floor on your back and listen to what i have to say and do what i say deep in your own heart and that will be it,"right, breathe in , take a big deep breath through your nose and let the air come out of your mouth as you open it so breathe in... now breathe out breeze in and now do that at least six times, breathe in .... breathe out.."oh Lisa sorry i forgot to tell you about stress as you know we all suffer from stress at one point or anotherin ourlives, we have stress at work, in school,with girl freind or boyfreind,promotion seeking stress, while being stuck in the traffic jam and all these stressors play a big part in our lives', i said souding like a proper teacher,'o. k', ' say i hold a match stick between my thumb and the first finger and i ask you to place your finger in the middle of the stick i am holding and ask you to slightly press on it , then apply more pressure what will happen to the stick... now you tell me" and Lisa answered , "it will break," "exactly' i said,' so you see if we have too much stress we end up in a nervous breakdown and that could lead to other psychiatric illness in later life, right ,just lie flat again and place both your hands on the carpet with palms down o.k then lets start again, breathe in and breathe out and as i said earlier about six to ten times, now gently close your eyes as you know, our eyes take all the things we do see around us and that is a vast amount , now relax the inner muscle of your left eye, relax the inner muscle of your right eye, relax the muscle of your neck, relax the muscle of your shoulder, relax the muscle of your forehead,breathe in breathe out and again breathe in and breathe out, relax the muscle of your forehead, relax the muscle of your cheeks, relax the muscle of your upper lip ,relax the muscle of your lower lip, relax the muscle of your jaws, relax the muscle of your neck, relax the muscle of your shoulder, relax the muscle of your right hand, relax the muscle of your left hand, relax the muscle of your chest , relax the musle of your abdomen, relax the muscle of your hip, relax the muscle of your left leg ,relax the muscle of your right leg,relax the muscle of all the toes and all the bony protrusions,go over to the beginning again and do relax all the muscles like i said and by that time you will feel a bit heavy in the eyes and gradually fall asleep and lisa do this small exercise everyday and you will see how relaxed you will feel and your batteries will be recharged , and lisa i must give you a tip most of us sit down with our legs crossed, now do not ever do this again as it prevents the blood circulation in the lower parts of your body ok..."Lisa did not say anything and i said, Lisa again and she still did not reply,i looked athe clock,it was half past four in the morning and daylight had already peeped in.I went beside her and she was fast asleep, i looked at her and she was a true picture. I admired her all over from her hair right to her toe nail . I leant over her and gently kissed her forehead and eyelid and looked at her again and sofltly whispered," i love you darling Lisa, i love you baby and will always love you till the sun goes," then i laid on my back as close as i can get to her without disturbing her.I made myself comfortable in the same posture as she was and looked at the ceiling and drifted into the sophorific world.         Next thing i remember was the tickling feeling around my ears as Lisa tried to wake me up with lashings of kisses.When i opened my eyes her long and wavy hair was all over my face as she whispered",Hey sorry i dozed off and i blame you for that you put me to sleep , i did not want to sleep as she touched my face with her ever warm and gentle hand.I managed to push her hair from my face as to see what time the clock want to display.It was ten in the morning.Lisa i want to make you breakfast. she sat and looked at me getting up. I went straight in the kitchen and put three sausages each under the grill and rushed to open a tin of tomatoes, then i placed three pieces of bacon each rather thin on a plate ready for the microwave in three minutes, then got the plates, knives and fork ready, then took out the butter and the chopping board to butter the toast. Boiled the kettle to poach the eggs,Within minutes they were all ready and i said to Lisa "breakfast is served...my darling.She came and stood there watching me dish them all . She said "that look nice oh you are a good cook, as she picked up her plate and the knife and fork and sat in the lounge.Her eyes were focussed on the t.v. I took mine and joined her. After that Lisa said , " i am going in the bath and will see you soon," "o.k," i said to her and still eating my breakfast. After twenty minutes she came out all dressed in an orange outfit, the first thing that hit my nose was her perfume, oh a lot ancient but the fragrance was delectable. It was estee lauder cinnabar which reminded me of claire who used to wear that in a way that made everybody look at her when she had that on and commented" hey you are wearing estee lauder be    honest," "sure ," she    quipped...      It was nearly twelve o'clock and i said to Lisa," you    watch tv while i go to get ready,"      "sure,"she nodded,"but i wish we        did not have to go to work to-day can we    not just ring     sick ,"she pleaded as she held my fingers in her hand and looked at me.      " Lisa, i wish the same my darling,but is that not too obvious that both of us will ring sick at the same    time and you know that matron, she is a crafty little devil and she will make two and two   together and Lisa if she finds out we would never work together again she will move me to another    unit and how about you, remember you are still on probation for six weeks and if you ring now, plus of course another two more times ,then they won't give you a contract at the end you do not want to risk that do you", i said to her squeezing her hand firmly.      " Well, i suppose not , so you better go and get ready o.k," she said defeatedly,looking on the floor.         I could feel that and that made    me think how she was enjoying her freedom.I went upstairs, had     a    quick shower and rushed downstairs and we both went in the car and as i was driving i could notice that she was just looking at the landscape.         Well, Lisa why     gone so     quiet and what are you thinking," i asked as her     quietude    made me uneasy.         " YOU would not like to know," she replied as she turned her face towards me and i could feel she was unhappy about something.         " Lisa you must tell me what is it please why do you want to keep me in suspense ?"      " Well, if you want to know, i have been thinking my mum is coming back to morrow and as you went upstairs it just occured to me that i will never stay with you again and not only that, if she finds out about us i am dead meat that's all," she replied sentimentally.      "So your mum is very strict and she would even stop you seeing me,"      " o you don't know my mum , who she is, she will do anything, why do you think i never had a boyfreind, it is because of her, i am not even allowed to hold a conversation with the opposite sex. you do not know how i live ,i am not allowed posters in the bedroom or allowed a tv in my room,she says tv programmes are offshoots of the devil and she thinks eastenders, holby city,coronation street and emmerdale farm are immoral , too much sex and violence. At times i hate even living there and countless times do get fed up of my life. Let me tell you something, once while we were in church, i became a bit friendly with a priest, i admit that he was young and dishy and his name was Father Lawrence and he came to our house a couple of times when mum had a bout of infection. He used to look at me and i admit that i was beginning to be getting very fond of him ,then one day mum     told him that i had a bad flu and he came and comforted me as he was passing in the neighbourhood seeing some old dears.You know that, just because he visited me, out of his good nature and sadly feeling sorry for me ,my mum went out of her way and viciously, wrote a letter to the bishop ,that father Lawrence had been very fond of me and getting too close to me by visiting, when i only just    had a cold ,You know the Bishop called him and he was transferred to another parish and since then i knew my mum is capable of anything,"she said pensively.      " But LIsa i now love you and i wll do anything for you,".      " I know that darling and that is why its worrying just thinking about it, she said as we reached the gate of the nursing home.      " we are seeing each other to-night and we will talk about that," i said as i opened the car door.... and she went first so nobody who might be peering outside through the window piecing things together.          When we go on any shift we have to head straight in the office and have a proper handover catching the events     of the day. we both were sitting opposite each other and now and again lisa would pass a glance towards me and i would smile at her.      "we had a terrible morning,John kept on attacking Rose and finally we had to restrain him as he went to bite Angela fingers,poor woman she did know not know what had hit her and she squealed and that's when we applied the c and    r techniqe,now Barbara has been admitted to Saint John's hospital as the night staff discovered lots of coffee-ground colour fluids on her pillow and she looked pale and very dehydrated. Terry has been his usual self just walking ,but very    unsteady on his feet , twice the cleaners found him crouched in the bathroom trying to get himself up and he is sporting a massive bruise and swelling on his forehead," went on the matron focussing her eyes on the report, some reports are just read quickly but the matron always wrote lengthy ones paying attention to the merest details because she was imbued with all the codes of practice from the nursing and midwifery governing bodies and report writing is a major and vital one as this is the only document that is produced in the court if there is any suspicion of wrong doing and of course the clients folder that is written at the end of every shift and coutersigned by the person in charge, some reports were written hastily like " all clients had a comfortable morning or     afternoon and that reminds me of a night staff who had no knowledge of writing and asked one of the staff working night with him and she said jokingly,"franco just write," all clients and staff slept well ",which he did and of course when it was sent to the office he was in hot deep water and the staff working with him had her name put in her file for three months ,defendingly she said ," i was only joking when i said that but i did not know he will write that on the report"."And Grace, if the swelling continues please call the doctor , i am sure he has     hurt himself more than we can see on the outside,"turning her head towards the peron taking charge of the afternoon shift, "And please keep an eye on Barbara as she wandered off this morning and crossed the road and went in the shop and stuffing her face with sweets.We had a phone call and she was brought back, but she attempted three times again to abscond and heaven knows how she crossed that road without being hit because she has no road sense,"the matron said as she flipped the next report page.      I turned my head towards Lisa as all the staff had focussed their attention towards the matron, but Lisa did not look at me as she was absorbing all what was being reported by the    matron.      After the handover all the morning and afernoon staff sit down with the clients in the lounge with a cup of tea.      Lisa sat on the end of the table and i felt how she appeared very uncomfortable as i glanced at her, without anybody taking any notice of me.      After a good fifteen minutes,one of the staff mentioned,"there is a lot of laundry to be put away, as she looked at Lisa and smiled saying," here you are ,that will keep you busy this afternoon,"      " Do not worry Lisa I will help you,though there are names on the door, i will show you where everything goes," i said as she looked at me very appreciatingly.This was the opportunity for both of us to be on our own and mind you when the laundry is being put away, provided there is a staff in the lounge keeping an eye on the clients ,just in case someone goes in a fit one can spend a long time in the bedroom. i knew a girl who used to switch the clients stereo to listen to her collection of music and she would take ages and when asked why she was taking such a long time she would relpy that she was not just putting them away but sorting their wardrobes as well.      Both lisa and i went in the laundry room, picked up two baskets and went in the far room and started putting the clothes away and soon as we finished i touched her hand and she touched mine. i held her against me and we both started kissing each other in a mad passionate way,She withdrew from me         and said," hey we should not be doing this here what if someone comes...." "no one will come here as they know we are busy     and if someone wants us ,we will be called so do not worry Lisa," i said to her reassuringly     but i do not think she believed me.      "let's go and get    another basket, she said," and i obeyed as i did not want to push myself too much. Lisa walked infront of me and i can see she had the best and well formed bottom i had seen in any staff working there and her walk was fascinating too,she tend to wiggle her bottom and as if she was doing that     deliberately     but it was her     natural way of walking which she had no control over.She was    wearing a very tight pair of jeans and white top which revealed her luscious cleavage which enhanced her appearance.         We both went to another bedroom and as she finished emtying her basket she started helping me with mine.As she finished i held her again and kissed her forehead,"thanks for your help i usually take my time doing this, mind you we still have five hours till the end of the shift and that is why we do things slowly and once we finish we make them a cup of tea then we have our break, then wait till tea time which will last about an hour then toilet them and change the ones who want to go to bed and thats it, it's the morning shift that is the difficult one, the afternoon shift is a doddle,"i said, as she took all in.      She held my hand and i squeezed her fingers drawing her towards me,then i started caressing her back and then both her shoulders and cupped her face and started kissing her lips, she responded and we were both lost in a different world where only me and her existed.Her body    was pressed against mine and i could feel her breast rubbing against mine and she started rubbing my face and made a soft murmur,that's nice you are a good kisser darling and please can we stop as i am scared, the person in charge may walk in,"she said as she withdrew away from me. Do not worry about her she keeps herself in the office most of the time and there is not much to do now,I said release her."we better go to the lounge the other staff will be wondering where did we disappear,"      " O.k," i said and we both went in the lounge and sat on the settee,both our eyes were focussed on the television screen, the programme was about the golden days of pop music and it is really amazing how music change all the time and it is very difficult to keep up.      After the programme i went in the kitchen and made all the staff a cup of tea which earned me lots of appreciation and as the break was over the porters ushered the food trolley and deep in my mind and heart i was hoping the shift to end as soon as possible as it was my last night was Lisa and i think she made it clear too as everything we did together she brought the subject about and the time she was going to spend on her own and the loneliness that will haunt her at the same time.         She said ,"darling will you think about me tomorrow night when i will be sitting in my room and looking back at all the nice time we have been spending together,"          "Of course i will my darling, i will be on my own too and i will be hoping that i wish i had wings and would fly and be beside you and remember all the nice music we have listened together will bring you in my mind and i wish you were with me there and then," i said while we were inches away sitting and feeding the clients and making sure the other staff did not hear any of it.          It was time to change the clients in the night attires so all disappeared in different room and when we finished it was nearly time for writing the clients folders and i looked at the time and there was less than an hour before the end of the shift and my heart started beating in a very unusual rythm.I never had feelings like that and when i thought of the way the night is going to turn added a couple of extra beats to my already turbo charged organ. I just felt a butterfly was exploring my whole organ and yet there was a long time before we hit the road.The    last ten minutes of the shift is always dragging and    everyone just looks at the clock but that clockwatching on that special night had something    special in store for me and the more i looked at Lisa,who was sitting at the edge of the settee the more i began to feel nervous and at one time i looked at my hand and felt like all my fingers were going to shake but i said    to    myself "hey there why getting so    excited," nervously feeling like that made me think how when i was about seven i used to really look forwad towards opening all my     christmas presents, but Lisa     was not a toy and feelings of excitements made me cast a glance a her hand,she had really long fingers, with well polished long nails and just the thought of how i was going to hold her and kiss those fingers made my desire for her put another step towards the highest rung on the ladderof passion.Those passionate wishes was    interrupted by the voice of the person in charge who stepped in the lounge and smilingly said,"everybody home now," as she stepped towards the car park and i beckoned at Lisa to follow me.      As i opened the car door she sat on the seat and said," can we stay here for another five minutes as i do not want that staff to see me in your car", "Why," i asked," Oh, all the time she kept asking me if i go to disco     or have a boyfreind or this and that,she also gave me an impression that she fancies you, it is just the way she was talking about you o.k," she replied,as she    squeezed my hand and after obeying her wishes i started driving and i could feel her eyes turning towards me in the dark as she put     her hand on my left leg and that touch felt so warm and i asked her,"would you like     a takeaway as i do         feel hungry and do not want to make something when we go home",i asked as i did not want her to feel that i wanted to spend    more time with her than being in the kitchen.      "yes, please," she said, as she caressed my thigh and that sent a real stunner down my spine and made me want her more and more.      we stopped outside an indian takeaway and i left the stereo on for her to     listen and walked in the front of the restaurant and was greeted by the waiter who handed me the menu.      "two naan breads, two chicken massalas,two chicken tikkas, and two mango pickles," i ordered as he asked me to take a seat.Straightaway my thought drifted towards Lisa and i could not wait for the meals to be ready , i just wanted to be with her and the adrenaline was just gushing unto my whole being.And my heart was beating faster and faster as the waiter came with the goodies and presnted me the bill and after paying i rushed to the car and the smile on her face welcomed me.Within minutes we were in my flat as we both sat down and i just could not resist to hold her tight and gave her a big kiss which she responded wildly, i caressed her back and could feel the satin like skin through my finger and wanted to dwell there a long time but the whiff of the takeaway made me just caress her shoulder as i said,"we better eat that before it goes cold as i         held her hand and made her sit on the settee, saying,Give me a couple of minutes as i dashed in the kitchen and appeared with the plates and the bottle of wine i had put in the fridge before going to work.I dished hers as she looked at me and smiling at every move.I broke a piece of the bread dipped it in my curry and directed it to her mouth, i could see her reaction of just admiration and appreciation as i said, "did you know that curry taste better when you use your finger,"as i took another small amount and tried to feed her like a baby,but she stopped me there and scooped a little amount and instead put it in my mouth.      I poured the wine and raising the glass, said to her",cheers and may many happy moments like this come our way all the time as we both drank a bit of it and finished    our meals.      I put the songs she chose in the cd player and sat close to her and held her hand and as i looked in her eyes i began to see her appearing more beautiful and as if her maskara which had a tinge of black changing into blue and also like becoming purple, and her eyes shone and gradually widening at the same time , as she held both my arms and pulled me towards her.I looked into her eyes again and glanced at her lips which was so luscious that i just could not resist anymore as i gently touched them with my lips and the sensation was electrifying.I travelled my fingers in her head and massaging it with a gentle stroke at first and gradually increasing the tempo as she put both her hand on my head and rapidly playing with my hair as she pressed her lips harder and harder against mine as we both started kissing each other wildly. She cupped my face and directed her tongue right in my mouth as i responded vigorously and withdrawing my tongue from her mouth,i started kissing her forehead and her eyebrows and all over her face as she started making sexy moans saying,dougie, dougie as if she wanted to ask me a question and while my tongue was licking her ears, i stopped and asked ,"what," and she whispered," i love you, o i love you so much,"      I held her face and said," i love you too,"as i started caressing her back and working my way up to her bottom and lifting her blouse i began touching her bare skin and tried to undo her zip and caressing her at the same time. Her eyes were both closed and i licked both her eyelids as she gave a soft sexy moan which made me hold her tighter and tighter as she responded without any resistance.Within seconds i managed to undo her bra which was red and fully patterned and i started caressing her all over as she started unbuttoning my shirt and all that time we were both kissing each other in a frenzy-like way.         Within minutes she pulled out my shirt and put it on the floor and while we were both holding each other and rubbing our bodies together , i could feel her skin which was so soft and silky becoming more heavenly. Now and again she would stop and look at me, then closing her eyes plunge her tongue right in my mouth and holding me harder and harder and at the same time pressing against my body.i just could do nothing but respond to her intense passion, and i was amazed how she was so experienced in love making and made me wonder if she had been reading the kama sutra or just being goaded by king pleasure.At one stage i withdrew my tongue from her mouth and she looked at me with her eyes half closed and she just stuck her tongue as far out as she could and as if to beckon me to grab it straightaway, which i did and we just started kissing each other wildly and the noise she started to make increased gradually to such a high pitch that i had to deliberately force my tongue deeper and deeper and as if to try to swallow her whole mouth into mine just to smother the emanating noise which resulted gradually in whispers and sighs. She started caressing my shoulders and dug her fingers as deep as she could into my raw flesh and after about five minutes she started scratching my back and lingered there for a long     time and started digging deeper and deeper and thrusting her tongue at the same time into my mouth and to respond ,i pressed my    whole body against hers and invitingly , she just pulled me towards hers and we just soflty landed on the soft pile carpet and honestly that soft landing made both of us wanting each other more and more and also as if we had just discovered a new world where there were only just two of us and nothing else mattered.I began travelling my fingers starting from her neck right up to her thighs and at the same time digging and also scratching as deep like what she had done to me earlier and that resulted in her making that sweet sound of ,'' ah ah ah" as before and it increased louder and louder,only this time i did not try to stiffle them because the more she sighed and whispered the more pleasure it gave me and i started grabbing her skirt and pulling it down, as she moved her body in the direction i was aiming as if she was guiding me in doing so and within seconds i had undressed her.I looked at her and what a beautiful body she had, slim, well formed shoulder blade,and her satin-like skin and her nipple was standing out and there were luscious small protrusions around it which felt soft and as i felt them they hardened and they became alive as if just to my touch.As i touched her nipples tenderly and softly she sighed and drew her body closely to me and i    began kissing her neck,then her shoulder working my way right up to her chest and sticking my tongue as far as i can started licking her around her nipple and dwelt there for a long time,then started licking her left nipple first then travelling my tongue all over her breast and those whispers turned into wild groans.As i licked both her breasts in a circular motion,i gently started stroking her belly and moved my fingers all over her as if exploring her all over and she responded accordingly , i started touching her bottom and her belly button and she gave a big moan as i reached for her tongue so tenaciously that she groaned louder and louder and that really made me want her more and more and i reached her pubic hair and started pulling it harder and harder as she gasped and it made me want to lick her again all over until i reached her vagina and licked her all over in circular motion and directed my tongue on her clitoris which felt so hard that i licked it till it became soft and licked it again because it started becoming harder again , i lost no time but eased myself and raised my body and began stroking her with my genital which was so hard that it began to ache and as i travelled it on her pubic hair she thrust her tongue deeper in my mouth and i pressed against herlabia minora first, then against her labia majora, then i withdrew and forced my genital straight into her , she screamed at first and i withdrew for some reason and looked at her, she had her eyes closed so i kissed her and pressed my genital inside her again, so deep this time that she screamed louder as if the thunder was tearing the roof apart and i pressed again so hard that she started rocking her head back and forward as i pressed harder and this time so hard that i felt sore as she started crying like a baby as i started licking her     cheek and digging deeper and deeper till i knew that i had deflowered her , i stopped and she started kissing my face and said " i love you," and looked at me and put her finger on my     lips and saying ," i love you." again.         I moved away    from her as she stood up and went to the toilet and i knew it was all over and cast a glance at the clock , it was four thirty one in the morning as i sat up and put my trousers and went in the kitchen and made some tea and waited for her to come up.         when she came she had a towel wrapped round her and looked sad as i asked."what the matter,"and she replied, "you know that was sore and i was bleeding a lot;but Dougie to be honest it was nice and i love you still and wanted you     to be the one to do this to me i wanted you and only you and golly i just hope i wont be pregnant," she said and held me and started kissing me in a very mad and passionate way and i began kissing hermadly as she laid back on the settee and within minutes the heaven opened again and the rain of love daringly started pouring bitterly and we slid down on the floor and i climbed over her and held both her feet over my shoulder and put both my arms over her shoulder and pulled her as tight as i can towards me and began kissing her wildly and raised myself again and reached for her    private part, as she started groaning louder and louder,suddenly she grabbed my hair and pulled as hard as she could as if to hurt me as i looked in her closed eyes, which goaded me to penetrate her more and more voluptuously.She made a loud noise, so loud as if to deliberatetly trying to deafen me, as she passionately muttered, oh i love you , oh i love you, you bastard, what are you doing to me... honest tell me you bastard,"she went on as i thrust deep and deeper and this time she started shouting ,"aha aha ah ah ah ah ah ah ah a a a a a a a a a aaaaaa aha aaaaaaaaaaaaaa ah ah ah ah aha then the noise subsided then she started again aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aha," as i thrust deeper into her then visually, with my organ, started writing the alphabet backward starting with z and went right up to a and writing the alphabet upside down, then started counting the numbers 100     backwards right up to number one and all that time she just wriggled and wriggled and not knowing what my     idea was and just keeping her eyes closed all the time, i just wanted it to last and last for ever, and she started moaning and gasping for breath,and kept clawing my back with her long nail to inflict the maximum pain possible but that just gave me the most extreme pleasure and made me prolong it further and longer and i looked at her and gratefully said ," i love You, oh you are beautiful , i love you, oh i love you lisa you make me swell, you are gorgeous my darling, that's nice, oh you make me go on for ever, and she replied, oh dougie don't stop please don't stop and i will tell you when to stop ,"she said as if to beg me not to let the door of paradise be closed but to be left open all hours and dourly for ever.      The way    i pressed against her was so vehement that now and again she rocked her head back and forward in a folly and as if urging me to be more forceful and within minutes she started sighing and saying ," oh    dougie and oh dougie you are great," and     began kissing me all over again.      I held her and made her lie on her stomach and climbed right on top of her and sat on her thighs and started massaging her shoulder and vigorously ploughed my    hands on her whole body and started rubbing and applying maximum pressure all over and reached her bottom part of her body and when i reached her buttock i started massaging it menacingly as if to tear it apart to which she gasped,"you are a voracious animal dougie you are a beast and wild,"as she started making that ah and oh sound which made me wild and wilder as i started kissing her back and made my way to her buttock and kissed her all over and at one stage i bit her pleasurably and dug my tongue all over and as i did that there was copius fluids flowing around my genital and i rubbed it around her buttock and all over she was covered with the slimmy stuff.I massaged her buttock and     dug my fingers all around her, she felt so exuberantly slippery and really spongy all over.I started touching her with the end of my genital gently and travelled it all over her back and she whispered, "that's nice dougie, oh that's heavenly," she sighed as i reached between her buttock and gently directed my hero inside her gently at first then started pushing a bit with a bit more vigour as she lifted her head a bit as if to look at the ceiling then tried to look on the side.I slided my hands on her shoulder at first and while massaging it there gradually travelled both my hands on her sides and directed them to her breast and cupped her nipples hard, as she gave a loud groan",oh,Oh, Oh,"which subsided into sighs,as i said ,"tell me when to stop darling,"."no don't stop dougie oh don't stop,"she ordered masterly.      I began thrusting deeper into her and she began screaming and the more she screamed the more i thrusted and she began moving her head back and forward and started raising her buttock right towards me up and down and still screaming in an abated tone,and suddenly her," ah and her oh,"resounded in the entire room.      " i am coming , i am coming oh ah ah ah ah", as she stopped groaning and lifted both her arms and grabbed my head and turned herself round and started kissing me forcefully.That went for more than ten minutes and then she stopped and said,"i want a drink please can you make me some coffee please,".      " Sure", i said and went in the kitchen and made the drink and came back and we both sat naked and drank it slowly and she said,"you know i did not want you to stop but, i felt so exhausted and could hardly breathe and that is why i wanted a drink and you dougie you are so sexy and so full of energy that you are wearing me down and sorry but i cant keep up anymore and you know i am still sore down below and i am still bleeding but i am glad you did it there instead," o that was lovely and you know that my darling i never ever realised that feelings like that ever existed", and as she said that i grabbed her and started kissing her and she drew her tongue to me and i grabbed it with my tongue and started licking it voraciously and as i withdrew my tongue just to breathe she stuck her tongue again and grabbed it and started licking it and the juice and shall i say, the fluids from her mouth was just     running amok and i started licking it and drinking it ,like, i was as if , drinking palateable liquor and the noise she made when i was sipping the fluids made me more exuberant and i left her mouth and reached for her nipples and both of them were so erect and hard that i sat on her stomach and started travelling my organ on her left one first and i just did circles and more circles and held my organ and pushed it forward as if i was inside her, she started groaning and the more she groaned i pushed harder and harder and suddenly she started rocking her head from right and left and the tempo increased as i pushed more and more till she started sobbing and her hallmark of ah and ah started and oh became louder and louder and so loud that i heard a knock on the wall and i gathered that the next door neighbour could not sleep, mind you it was coming to about five in the morning, and i did not like that ,what a cheek,so i rose up and picked one of her shoes and started hammering on the wall in retaliation , oh that was malicious as i hammered from one end of the wall and kept banging till i reached the other end and she looked at me and said,please stop now, please dougie no more," and when she said that i stopped suddenly and realised she was a nurse too next door and she worked night duty and golly it was her night off, but i climbed on her again and started pushing my hero on her nipple again and with abated breath, she started exploding again and was thrillled to bits when i saw her coming and i started licking her ears and she started with her normal ah and ah and as she started groaning ,as i thrusted my tongue right in her mouth and grabbed her tongue as she started hissing like a cornered snake and at the same time held both her nipples and started squeezing them as hard as i could but i felt i could not really squeeze them properly as they were so slippery with the fluids that had been the tenant already and did not want any tresspassers barging in but i applied more pressure by caressing her tightly and spreading the fluids somewhere else around her stomach and i could feel her stomach becoming more slippery as i rubbed my body against hers and the wamth i felt was ecstatic then i withdrew my tongue and cupped her cheeks and started kissing them wildly as she withdrew her head back and i held her head with both my hand and started pulling it towards me and as i did that i got hold of her hair and pulled as hard as i could and ignoring her saying, "thats hurt,"i put both my fingers in her ears and she started sobbing as i dug deeper into her ear and started making circular motions and the inescapable ahs and ohs started making their exits gallantly and i could feel her, with open arms saluting another orgasm with a loud bang and as she came so vehemently, i started kissing her ears again as to satisfy    myself if i could giveher an orgasm there and to my disbelief she started her gasping and hissing and i knew straightaway that she was gifted and loaded with multiple orgasms as i went for her eyelids and started licking around her forehead first and working my way aroung her eyelids and hoding both her cheeks and kissing them at the same time,and with her eyes closed i just gently kissed one eyelid first then the other and increased the tempo gradually, she started moving her whole body and grabbed my shoulders with both her arms and tried to draw me towards her and groaning at the same time and believe it or not a surging wave of orgasm started hitting the shore of her whole anatomy and i could feel her moving recklessly under me as she was gasping for breath and i just moved away from the top of her and lay on the side of her while she was still in that tremor i grabbed her left breast with both my hand and started licking her nipple, gently at first then slowly increased the tempo as she started making the welcoming sounds again.I started licking her whole breast and at the same time swallowing it gradually as i eased my right hand, after making sure that the whole breast was well implanted in my mouth and started touching and rubbing her clitoris in circular motions at first then with the tip of my middle finger started writing the alphabets upside down and when i reached the vowel 0,i pulled on her breast with a little force and she gasped and i pressed hard on her breast, lifting my head up and down till i could feel her rib cage,she just started groaning as i moved my head up and down and the juice flowing from my mouth was running amok.I looked at her and she had her eyes closed and tossing her head back and forward as my finger reached the letter q,upside down i could hear her breathing started to increase louder and louder and at the same time sobs and whispers started to conquer the whole room as she started to hiss and opening her mouth wide uttered the word ah and ah as loud as she could, as she started shuddering at the same time and i knew the pattern already as she exploded with another orgasm and i could roughly figure she must have had about twenty by now,As the noise abated,she turned her head towards me and held me and we both just lay there.      "dougie,can we skip work this afternoon as we both are very tired and look at the time it is six in the morning,"she said and i agreed,but what are the reasons we will give,"i asked.         "Right you ring first then we will have a cup of tea and after that i will ring or we will make it too obvious o.k."she said.         I picked up the phone and the matron answered," hello,the lodge, matron speaking," and i, putting on an act, said,"hi matron the night before i had a chinese and all night i have been sick sorry but i won't be on duty this afternoon, i will ring to morrow to let you know when i will be on again," and she said unconvincingly,"sorry to hear that, but you have a good rest and i will speak to you soon," and put the phone down.         As i put the phone down, Lisa looked at me and smiled and we both went in the kitchen and made tea and came back and sat on the settee and i could feel Lisa getting a bit edgy as the clock ticked and as soon as she finished her tea she looked at me and said," i hate doing this", and dialled the number, only this time the deputy answered,and lisa said,"could you please let the matronknow that i won't be in today as i had a bout of diarrhoea during the night," and put the phone down and turned towards me and said," that will really mess them up this afternoon, two staff offsick,".      " oh that's nothing there will be bank staff, the only thing that bugs me is that i hope they do not put two and two together," as she held my hand and said, "o darling do not worry they will never find out,"and as she said that she slid on the floorand said ,"cuddle me,let me hold you dougie,".      I held her and started playing with her hair and within minutes i heard her breathing deeper and when i looked at her she had her eyes closed, i put my hand around her naked body and i drifted to sleep too and when i opened my eyes, it was half past eight at night and quickly i jumped to my feet and got ready and came beside her and looked at her sleeping and started kissing her ears softly and after five minutes she started mumbling and still had her eyes closed and turned her head and whispered ,"what is it dougie,?"as she tried to open her eyes,and i planted another kiss on her ears as she tried to open her eyes and i kissed her lips gently, and the warmth of    her lips made me want her more,but i looked at the clock and it was very late as she had less than twenty minute to get up,get dress and be home or all hell will be let loose.      " lisa, darling, look at the clock," i said, as she half opened her eyes and attempted to glance at the time,then she just opened both her eyes and said ,"o my god i need to go now or my mum will go at work to pick me up,".          She rushed to the bathroom and i could hear the tap running and also the brush going through her hair and within minutes she was with me and i had the car key ready as she said," let's go now dougie,".          When we were in the car she just sat there and said nothing and i could feel she was so anxious just to go home.she also looked very tired .          "dougie,just drop me round the corner and i will walk the rest,o.k but i will speak to you tomorrow,"she said as i stopped the car and she just turned round and gave me a kiss on my cheek and walked out,saying," bye,"          I watched her walking away and also admired herlong, slim legs and the grace she had was so eyecatching,and as she disappeared from view, i turned the car and came home and sat in the lounge and just kept thinking about her and all the things we did together, i looked at the empty wine glass and all the tissue paper on the floor and suddenly i became sentimental and wished she had phoned me that she was home but deep inside i knew she could not as her mum would be hovering in the lounge.             "And how was work today,"asked her mum ,as soon as Lisa arrived home.             "o.k just the usual routine,"replied Lisa as she sat in the lounge.              "Good,but i have news for you my girl,we are moving to India in three months time,and this time it is for good and we staying there for a long time ,as the good Lord has provided everything for us and in the assembly ,i went for the past days all the nuns are very keen to go there and help the needy ones Lisa, and you have to get used to live in a hot country, i do not know how i am going to cope with it, but Holly Mary,mother of jesus will be with us and help us to get through...", said her mum as she sat beside her and leant her head against the sofa to relax herself.             "But mum, i do not want to go to india, i have just started a very good job and i am beginning to enjoying it very much and that is helping other people to look after themselves and develop their own skills and i do not understand why we have to help or go to other countries when in this country there are so many disabled and poor people who need us mum,sorry, but i do not want to go there, i am getting job satisfaction here, mum and you would be pleased to know the other day i was teaching Barbara how to boil the kettle and make her own drink and teaching John to carry the laundry basket and put his clothes away, and this is hel[ping other people mum ,we should be helping our people and better their lives first before looking elsewhere mum,"said Lisa, assertively.      " Do not talk to me like this my dear child, the call has come from the Lord and we are going and i cannot believe how suddenly you are talking to me like this, what has come to you , this is devil talk and you are going to do what i say whether you like it or not you are going, you cannot live here on your own," said her mum , as Lisa stood up and went in the kitchen to make a cup of tea.      Her mother    just sat there without saying a word and when Lisa reappeared,she sat on the settee as if in a defiant mood as her mum said, you are going with me and there    is no going back now,i have already told the Bishop that my daughter too need accomodation too and all is arranged now,and as Lisa heard that ,she stood up and walked away and her mum shouted," come here child we need to talk, do not go away, come here i say," she shouted again.      " no mum , i am tired and i want to go to bed as i am on a morning shift,lisa said as she stormed out of the room and went upstairs and sat on the bed and suddenly all the thoughts of the past days began to unfold in front of her and she started craving to ring Dougie and wanted her mum to dash to bed so she could use the phone.It was coming up to near midnight and she heard the door closed in her mum's room and she waited about ten minutes and tiptoed in the lounge and pickedup the phone and rang and there was no reply at first as dougie was so tired too and had gone to bed knowing Lisa would never ring,but lisa rang again and again and after a long time Dougie, like in a dream ,answered and lisa said," hi dougie i have a problem we need to talk and tomorrow when i see you i have something to tell you but now i just wanted to hear your voice , oh i am missing you so much i wish i was with you, right now,yes i wish i had wings and would reach you within seconds,my darling, and i do not think i will be able to sleep tonight,and my heart,and before she could finish the sentence, dougie interrupted, "hey lisa, please tell me now i cannot wait till tomorrow, and i have    been missing you too and i did wait for your call but gave up, so tell me now , yes, i do insist that you tell me, so what is it Lisa,"begged dougie and lisa said, "well you know my mum came back after    the retreat and she wants me to go to india in three months time but i can't do that dougie ,i love you so much she does not know a thing and if she knew she would kill me and that will definitely lead her to make me go with her.,"said lisa in a very depressing tone.      "No Lisa, you cannot go as i love you too my darling ," i said, and as much as i wanted to hear her voice too, but all i could hear, was a commotion in the background, as i could feel her mum just pounced and snatched the phone from her and wildly asked,"who is that man you are talking to , you really thought i went to bed,; but no Lisa i was i n the middle of my rosary and as i was saying ," Holly Mother of God, pray for the sinners,Holly mother, deliver us from evil, thy kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven, "...then     suddenly i heard your voice, so this is what you have been doing while i have been away, and my girl i knew there was something wrong , the dishes i left are still in the sink and you have not even done any laundry so what have you been doing,why,well tell me, have you been away staying somewhere,so that's it you are not stepping anywhere from this house again and now you are definitely going with me soon and i will arrange all that to-morrow",she said as she pulled the phone away from the socket and started walking away as Lisa followed and said,"but ,mum , i am working tomorrow and they are short of staff ,".      "You are going nowhere near that place again i am going there myself to-morrow to hand in your resignation and you are staying here," she said in a very defiant and aggressive mood.      "You cannot do that mum,"begged Lisa as tears started to well in her eyes.      "o yes, i will, i do not want you to mix with sinners, i sent you there to help people, but see what you have done to me, and all that time you have been in my sight nothing happenned and just leaving you for the weekend you stepped out of boundary and my girl you are going to pay for this for the rest of your life as you have to repent for what you have done and Lisa do you know why i went in a nunnery and how i grew you up , well i will tell youone day, my child and you wont like it ", she said as she opened    her bedroom door and closed it with a bang.      Lisa just sat down as if the whole world had just collapsed and she started crying and she stayed on that sofa for the rest of the night,lack of sleep from the the night before and then all the words of her mum were just too much for her and with all that on her mind ,she just could not bear it any longer so she started pacing up and down and wiping her tears she went in the kitchen and made herself a cup of tea and sat down again and all sorts of wild thoughts started flashing on the screen of her mind,sleep had flown out of her eyes and taken refuge on the tree outside as her heart was beating restlessly, and the one thought that came arrogantly in front of her, was that, and she chose, to do ,if her mum stopped her from seeing Dougie ,was that she would wait for her mum to go and hand her notice and then, while she was away, she would just leave the house and wait ouside his flat and after work she knew Dougie never went anywhere but came straight home.      In the morning her mum got up and wrote a long letter of resignation, mentioning that Lisa was going abroad with her and that she was not coming back to work and when she walked in the lounge Lisa was sound asleep and she did not disturb her.At about twelve she went and handed her notice by apologising to the matron of the short notice.         When Lisa opened her eyes she looked at the time and was surprised that she had slept for such a long time and she straightaway peered in her mum's bedroom and noticed she was not in so she rushed and grabbed a plastic bag and put a few belongings and rushed out of the house ,and as she had no money, she walked to Dougie's place and waited. It was another hour before Dougie would finish so she sat on the wall outside and straightaway lots of thoughts started pouring in front of her and she became emotional and started to cry and she was so upset that an ache developed in her stomach. She thought what if Dougie did not approve of what she had just done but the stronger feeling of love he had shown her dominated the morbid one and she felt comfortable about the move she had just made as there was no way her mum would ever approve of her love as she always believed that sex outside marriage was a mortal sin.      It was half past one and the afernoon staff arrived and gathered in the office for the handover and as usual the matron gave a detailed rundown of the morning shift.She said,"touch wood we have had a pretty good morning."      I was sitting in the far end of the office and kept looking outside to see if Lisa would appear for the afternoon shift as she did not have enough sleep. ALL morning i had been very    quiet and did not want to communicate to any member of staff and also i was feeling very tired as i did not have any sleep after what had happened while i was talking to her.         Concluding the report, the matron said",And that's the family and hope you all have a good afternoon and oh i forgot to say Lisa won't be with us anymore as her mum came this morning and handed her notice, saying she was going abroad with her,and as usual we are short of staff again but no worry we will survive."      That news came as a shock to me and o gosh it felt as if a bee had just stung my heart.It was less than fifteen minutes before the end of the shift and all the staff just sat in the lounge with their cups of tea.         As soon as it was half past two i just rushed out and started driving. I just wanted to be at home just in case Lisa would ring.I just wanted to hear her voice as i did not know what was happening to her and while i was engrossed in all those thoughts i was nearing home.         Lisa looked at her watch and knew Dougie would be here any minute and as she turned her head she saw Dougie just slowing down and she was so relieved to see him that she went running to the car to meet him and as soon as Dougie opened the car door she held him tightly and said,"O i am so pleased to see you these minutes i have been sitting and waiting for you here seemed to be like years."         I held her tight too and looked on the floor and noticed the plastic bag and that there was some clothes in it and straightaway i knew what had happened and i said, "let's go in darling ,and as we came in the lounge i asked Lisa if she would like something to eat and she said ,"yes, please, i have not had anything all morning,"         "Funny enough i have not had anything either, i have been worried about you and the matron just broke the news of your resignation and my heart beat just went haywire."          "oh i have so much to say,sorry i could not ring you back as my mum unplugged the phone and took it away with her and she knows all about us now, so i waited for her to go out and sorry but i have left home darling because i do not think i could live without you," she said as she pl
Archived comments for feelings... Part 1
reckless on 17-08-2006
feelings
Interesting piece, and deeply felt. The punctuation thing .... is it deliberate or did you just not do it? Can't help feeling it would be more user friendly with some in.

Author's Reply:

Claire on 17-08-2006
feelings
Hi there, the lack of punctuation does make this very awkward to read. With poetry you can get away with it but not with prose.

What you have written is pretty good, I strongly recommend re-writing, adding caps, speech marks, starting a new line for speech etc.

Author's Reply:

Claire on 18-08-2006
feelings
I just want to add to this post that English is not Dougie's first language.

Dougie, it may be wise to say this at the beginning of every piece that you post.

Author's Reply: