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BaBy_PoeT's (baby_poet on UKA) UKArchive
104 Archived submissions found.
Title
Just someone! (posted on: 01-12-08)
Something I was once thinking about. But it is a fantasy I think!! Read and crits please as usual I always value your opinions and suggestion!

Someone to make my night shine. Someone to make my night smile. Someone to explain the meaning of life. Someone to teach me to live life. Someone to teach me the lost meaning of love. Someone who can show me the right way of love. Someone who can do this. Only in a night, Only a short night.
Archived comments for Just someone!
Sunken on 02-12-2008
Just someone!
All in one night, Ms. Poet? Blimey, that's a big ask. I think I might be able to help with the meaning of life question. I've been studying this for a while, I think the answer is 'cake'. Keep it to yourself, Ms. Poet. This kind of stuff could be explosive in the wrong hands. Oh, I enjoyed the poem by the way.

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he thinks celine dion sank the titanic

Latest Munky…



Author's Reply:

littleditty on 02-12-2008
Just someone!
Sunken is right about celine dion, and possibly cake. All in a short night...hm! Yes, I think its possible to learn a lot about love, oneself and others in a night - all about love and the meaning of life, it takes a whole lifetime, some say a few lifetimes! And lots of friendship. I'm thinking about your other poem now...and, for the time being, i have become: lil Miss Marple! xx:o)

Author's Reply:


A Sudden Relationship (posted on: 01-12-08)
.....

My life is no longer mine Now it is someone else's. Someone who I do not know A person who I have never met But just someone who is mine. We will soon share a relationship That will make me his And he will be mine. A relationship that will bring Us both, me and him together A relationship written by the ink Of a used pen on a printed paper. My life will no longer be mine It will all be his.
Archived comments for A Sudden Relationship
Sunken on 02-12-2008
A Sudden Relationship
Hello Ms. Poet. I've read this a few times now. It has an air of sadness about it, or is that just me? I'm sure you'll always be your own person, and a bloomin lovely one at that! So there! Enjoyed the read.

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uniquely unfashionable

Author's Reply:

Bradene on 04-12-2008
A Sudden Relationship
I've just read this several times and it seems to me only one conclusion can be drawn from it. It's sad if it is true. I hope for your sake it isn't. There is always a part of you that no one can take always remember that. Val x

Author's Reply:

Mezzanotte on 05-12-2008
A Sudden Relationship
You know BP, I've read this many times too. And I love it! Not only because it is a brilliant poem, but also because it makes me work.

I really enjoy poetry which alludes to something which isn't immediately obvious,( in this case still not obvious). A poem is much more interesting IMO, if the reader can in some way take part in the creative process by being allowed to form their own interpretation.

And, my interpretation of this...well...I think the writer could, perhaps be about to have a baby. Maybe these thoughts are the worries and misgivings of a first time mum, addressing the baby still in the womb.

I'd love to know what it's about.
Loved it!!!
Jackie

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 06-12-2008
A Sudden Relationship
Ms Marple, the world famous detective, has decided this poem is about the very interesting subject of arranged marriage - (you are an observer of culture and emotions as a poetess, and this is interesting to read from your perspective) - so i will concentrate on what the poem said to me about the feelings of a young woman about to enter into a contractual relationship of marriage that is based on arrangement, by family, and one not based on romantic love, decision and choice made soley by the couple.

I like how the feelings of fear, of losing ones independence come through so strongly in the last couplet - who wouldnt feel this? Otherwise, your poem is a description about joining of two people in marriage, you write - you his, he yours, life shared.

My life is no longer (only?) mine
Now it is (also?) someone else’s.

The last two lines the fear of losing all independence, comes through so strongly - i am sure in romantic love based marriages, many feel similar jitters before marriage also, but the last line is so strong, and worrying,

My life will no longer be mine
It will all be his.

When lack of personal choice is involved, and these lines do not contain 'only' or 'also', there is a worry for the young woman that she has no free will, and must give that up, give up her self it seems, to the arranged marriage and to her new husband. So your poem gets the reader to think about the kinds of arranged marriages that offer no choice and few rights, especially to the woman, who in this poem, feels like a possession. However, I know not all arranged marriages are like this, the couple having choice and time to know each other etc, and the right to say that wonderful empowering word: NO; but it felt like the narrator of the poem didn't have this choice, a sadness comes through, and the reader feels this as a resignation and fear of her losing her very self, signed away by old pen, paper - contract, tradition.

Good read Poetess xx



Author's Reply:

Bradene on 06-12-2008
A Sudden Relationship
LD, that was my feeling too. it came across to me so strongly, but as I know very little about this kind of culture I couldn't enlarge on or give advice about such a subject. That is why I added the piece at the end. You are so right, Babypoet is truly a poetess of stature now and in the future. Val x

Author's Reply:


Some Truth and A Little Lie! (posted on: 28-11-08)
Just little thoughts and a little bit of a fantasy maybe mixed in a mock-tail.

An Advice: Just listen to me. A Request: Please believe me. A Wish: That the sky could touch the ground. A Lie: Love is real. A Truth: Humans are the hardest thing to understand A Secret: I always smile. It's a physiological cure.
Archived comments for Some Truth and A Little Lie!
Mezzanotte on 28-11-2008
Some Truth and A Little Lie!
Dear BP,

Firstly, I found this an original idea, which I liked a lot, the word play on cocktail, made me laugh. Although the poem was a little sad.

Secondly, the typos are a bit of distraction: 'An Lie' and '.it's' for example. In your other, lovely poem where you address your dead friend, there are many typos, which trip the reader up a little. This is a shame as the subject matter of the piece deserves the reader's full attention.
When I write something, it is full of errors, really is, and I go through it with a spell and grammar check and read it again and again.

I hope I don't offend you at all, you are really a very fine poet, and I enjoyed reading your work.

A fan.
Jackie


Author's Reply:
Hey Jackie,
i always just paste whatever i have written without editting it.
I think it is a big bad habbit of mine. I don't know how i got B's in english at gcse and alevel... without ever drafting a peice of writting. My teachers must've liked me a lot lol.
thanks for reading and commenting and mentioning all the errors.
take care
xXxBPxXx


Just Remind Me (posted on: 28-11-08)
Just missing a freind, that i can no longer talk to, see or touch. as she is no longer in my world. I lost her a tong time ago now, but i cant stop missing her now can ??!!!!

Today, I feel close, Very close to you. I do not know why But I feel that now I will always need you Even though you will Always be far, very far. I know in my heart You will watch me From every angle that I will not see you from. Just remember to remind me That you are here, still near me. Even though I cannot see you. Even though I cannot hear you. Even though I cannot feel you. Just remind me that you are here. So I will always know that You are close to me, very close.
Archived comments for Just Remind Me
ruadh on 28-11-2008
Just Remind Me
I can relate to this very well at the moment. I lost someone nine years ago and have recently been feeling like this. Sometimes I try to remember what their voice sounded like and have to really try hard. Then I wonder if what I'm remembering is right. I think it's the thought that I'm forgetting them that's frightening, though of course I never will. Nicely done.

ailsa



Author's Reply:
Hey Ailsa,
I know how it feels, but we will never forget them, as they will always be a part of us and in our memories. yet we are worried we will forget them. but dont worry i'm sure they know we never will. and they are probably going to be happy for us no matter what we do.
take care
xXxBPxXx

Munster on 29-11-2008
Just Remind Me
Hi I like so many can relate to your poem its so very hard at times, but we gain such strength from our memories and thoughts.

Tony

Author's Reply:
I agree Tony, thanks for reading and commenting.

littleditty on 29-11-2008
Just Remind Me
BP, this is beautiful, well done xx




Author's Reply:
Hey,
how have you been?
hope your well.
thanks for reading and commenting.
take care
xXxBPxXx

Sunken on 29-11-2008
Just Remind Me
Hello Ms. Poet. She was obviously very special, as is your poem. Always good to see you on uka.

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Author's Reply:
Hey my Sunky, how you been, Yep she definitely is. It’s nice to be here and knowing their are people that care.
you take care of yourself and stay away from toruble lol.
xXxBPxXx


I Realised.... (posted on: 07-04-08)
another one that you can help me improve onas i just wrote this. take care

Meeting you, I realised You were always the one, I have been looking for. Someone to understand me Someone to see the real me. Someone to love me, for who I am Someone to argue with, without a reason. Some one to keep for myself, forever. Meeting you today I realised, you're the one I have always looked for And today i have finally Found the one for me.
Archived comments for I Realised....
orangedream on 07-04-2008
I Realised....
There is beauty in the simplicity of this bp. I wouldn't change a word.

;-)Tina

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 08-04-2008
I Realised....
I agree with Ms. O. I have discovered that it is generally best to agree with women. She is right though. Did you know, by the way, that she's not actually orange? Keep it to yourself. Thanks.

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tomorrow the greasy spoon

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 08-04-2008
I Realised....
i agree with Ms Orange too . Good one, Ms Poet :o) Ms Ditty xx

Author's Reply:


Can You Not See Me? (posted on: 07-04-08)
I just feel soo invisible these days... actually today. Hope you like this little entry. my net is a bit messed up so Take care

Am i invisible? Can you not see me? Have i become an unnoticed ghost? Can you not see me? I am right here Next to you just on your right. Why are you talking about me? Like i am no longer here Can you not see me? You are talking about my life Without asking me Can you not see me?
Archived comments for Can You Not See Me?
artisus on 07-04-2008
Can You Not See Me?
Ahh, the Invisibility phase of baby-poets, I actually enjoyed being "invisible", thanks for sharing !

Author's Reply:

e-griff on 07-04-2008
Can You Not See Me?
I liked the sound of 'unnoticed ghosts' , very resonant 🙂

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 07-04-2008
Can You Not See Me?
i like this one -i feel like that too often -and -i can see you say this one! Excellent. take care BP, lilMsG xx

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 08-04-2008
Can You Not See Me?
You will never be invisible so long as I am around, Ms. Poet. So you can get that idea out of your pretty little head for starters! I hope this helps, somehow. Take care and a whistle.

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ironing 1 - peeling potatoes 2

Author's Reply:

discopants on 09-04-2008
Can You Not See Me?
The repeated refrain of 'Can you not see me' is pretty effective and this works well. I am however, going to suggest some amendments. I'd be tempted to end each verse with the line 'can you not see me' other than the last one which I'd conclude with a realisation that they can't be seen (for whatever reason), although the ending I'd have in mind does spoil the symmetry! The other tweak would be to avoid using the word 'right' in consecutive lines. So, anyway, here's my tweaked version...

Am i invisible?
Have i become an unnoticed ghost?
Can you not see me?

I am right here
Sat by your side
Can you not see me?

Why are you talking about me
Like i am no longer here?
Can you not see me?

You are talking about my life
Without asking me
And now I understand
Why you can't see me.


dp
x

Author's Reply:

eddiesolo on 27-04-2008
Can You Not See Me?
Hello BP,

I like this. I suppose there are times when we do seem to be ignored and just unnoticeable. You're not ignored now, enjoyed.

Si:-)



Author's Reply:


Recognition (posted on: 28-03-08)
do we really know ourselves??? deep down really??? Hope u enjoy it.

Do I lie to myself? Am I in denial? I do not know. As I do not know myself. I have no idea what I am like. What I hate. What I like. I do not know what I am maybe even who I am. I need help! But I cannot ask for it As I do not know What can help me? What can I do? Where can I go? I'm just a frozen statue made with a laughing smile.
Archived comments for Recognition
littleditty on 28-03-2008
Recognition
Hi BP - i like those last two lines - very well written poem. Interesting isn't it? I guess we also get to know ourselves when we melt :o) Hope you are fine and dandy in my ol home town - missing London today, hope you are well - take care,y'hear? xxlilMsGx

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 28-03-2008
Recognition
Well I think I know a little about the lady behind the poem. She strikes me as one of the world's nicer creations. Take care and de-icer.

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the other-side of the windowpane

Author's Reply:


FEELINGLESS (posted on: 28-03-08)
a day where i realised i didn't know how to speak about my feelings.

It scares me that I cannot speak any longer. I feel so tightly closed up inside locked up. It's hard to breath in or out. am I dead? Am I just living in a fantasy of death?
Archived comments for FEELINGLESS
orangedream on 28-03-2008
FEELINGLESS
Hmm. Quite deep this one. The kind of conundrum my philosophical grandson would be interested in.

By the way, a wee typo in your description. Should be:-
a day 'where', or even 'when' perhaps.

Now I am going to read it again and have a good long think!

Tina

Author's Reply:

Macjoyce on 28-03-2008
FEELINGLESS
I cannot speak ANY longer...


Author's Reply:

zenbuddhist on 28-03-2008
FEELINGLESS
that WOULD be a blessing

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 28-03-2008
FEELINGLESS
Hi Najira -i wonder if zenbuddhist's comment was about what mac said or about your poem? Interesting - This poem expresses feelings that everyone can relate too - like mac said when you use one negative 'cannot' you need to use 'any', if you meant that you cannot speak....

It scares me that I cannot speak
no longer. (use any longer, to be grammatically correct in English)

Otherwise, using two negatives like you have,may be the opposite to what you meant to say! 'i no longer cannot speak' actually means 'i can now speak..' get it?! Interesting because your poem does speak, and gets your reader to ponder - so good'un, well done i say!

Author's Reply:

e-griff on 28-03-2008
FEELINGLESS
I liked two things about Mac's comment.

1. He is right.

2. Zen's comment on it. Wonderful bit of opportunism (in a light-hearted way of course) - after my own heart that one...

Author's Reply:

Macjoyce on 28-03-2008
FEELINGLESS
Ho ho ho! Me stop speaking, nah, I don't think so. Whenever there's an idiot on this site who needs dealing with, I'll be there, shooting my mouth off.

Someone has to.


Author's Reply:

Sunken on 28-03-2008
FEELINGLESS
Hello Ms. Poet. You invented a word (-: 'Feelingless' I like it. I'm feeling-less just lately. I could insert a cheap joke here, but you are sweet and innocent, (like me... ahem) so I won't. Well done, Ms. Poet.

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less of a feeling, more of an itch

ps. 'were' in the intro should be 'where'

Author's Reply:

ruadh on 31-03-2008
FEELINGLESS
You could also say:
It scares me that I can speak no longer

does away with the double negative 🙂

Author's Reply:

jay12 on 01-04-2008
FEELINGLESS
I live in a fantasy of death. It's not so bad.

Jay.

Author's Reply:

artisus on 04-04-2008
FEELINGLESS
Hi there baby-poet, this is another interesting poem of yours, and a very interesting short description... littleditty is right of course, thanks for sharing


Author's Reply:


Does The Touch Still Exist! (posted on: 10-03-08)
hello everyone. i think I'm back for good. i haven't written anything in a long time. hopefully this one isn't too bad. take care and please crit away. hope you all enjoy it.

It isn't the passion that I have lost, it's the meaning, possibly the reason. I have nothing now. There isn't anything to inspire me. Nothing will come to my mind. My heart wont speak to me. I have nothing to say. I have become lost. There is nothing to interest me. The excuses I gave to escape this, were lies, when the truth is simply, I have nothing left.
Archived comments for Does The Touch Still Exist!
littleditty on 10-03-2008
Does The Touch Still Exist!
Excellent. Everyone has felt like this and you have penned it so well. I like the short sentences. They work really well for the feelings you express in the poem. Ending is great - I have fiddled with the punctuation slightly, and may be an (and) there? Or not...Just ideas, you have probably thought about already - well done, strong poem poetess :o) xxldx

It isn’t the passion that I have lost,
it's the meaning,
possibly the reason.
I have nothing now.
There isn’t anything to inspire me.
Nothing will come to my mind.
My heart wont speak to me.
I have nothing to say.
I have become lost...
(and) there is nothing to interest me.
The excuses I gave to escape this,
were lies, when the truth is simply,
I have nothing left.

Author's Reply:
hi agn...
I'm not too sure about adding the 'and' on line 10. i feel like it looks wrong and doesn't quite feel right when in reading it... but then again it could be because I'm stressing on the 'and' when I'm reading it.
but i don't know i'll try it. lets see what everyone says.
thanks again
how are you doing? how comes you haven't posted anything this time round was looking forward it.
take care
xXx-B-P-xXx

Ionicus on 10-03-2008
Does The Touch Still Exist!
An honest expression of your feelings which makes a refreshing read.
Congratulations on your turning 18. No longer a Baby_Poet.

Luigi x



Author's Reply:
thank you. again.
and about me turning 18 aswell.
yep technically I'm not a baby any more
but realistically i think i have become more immature lol i just don't want to be growing any older now
take care
hope life's treating you well.
xXx-B-P-xXx

Sunken on 10-03-2008
Does The Touch Still Exist!
I think this is my fave of your current subs, Ms. Poet. As Mr. Luigi said, refreshingly honest.

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lost in argos

Author's Reply:
aww thats nice.
truth always does the work then...!
oi what you doing in Argos?? you haven't been stalking me have you lol.
take care sunky munky
xXx-B-P-xXx

orangedream on 11-03-2008
Does The Touch Still Exist!
Ditto, B-P about the poem and also about your 'coming of age'. Would that I could remember my 18th birthday. Mind you 'in those days' it was 21 before one got the 'key of the door'.

Take care
Tina x

Author's Reply:
hey Tina, hope your well!
well i suppose some doors have opened but not all of them yet i think I'm going to have to wait till i turn 21 and then all doors will be open unless the law changes again.
and thanks for reading and taking time to comment.
take care
xXx-B-P-xXx

discopants on 12-03-2008
Does The Touch Still Exist!
I liked this one- nicely expressed. I particularly like the last 3 lines which rounded it off just right.

dp

Author's Reply:

teifii on 23-03-2008
Does The Touch Still Exist!
Very well expressed. Hope the feeling doesn't last, though. Might be an idea to try some of the challenges in the forums. They are good for finding something to say when you didn't thin there was anything.
Daff

Author's Reply:


Who are you? (posted on: 10-03-08)
something like a riddle some one was trying to explain something to me. But this is what i felt... confused crits away again. i want to get back to writing so help me. take care xXx-B-P-xXx

Can you tell me who you are? You say you are from my past and you will be in my future, but you are not a part of my present. Why is it I can't remember anything about you? Your voice I have never heard. Your eyes I have never seen. Your face is unknown to me. Who are you?
Archived comments for Who are you?
littleditty on 10-03-2008
Who are you?
Hi BP - really good to see you back - now...i felt some empty feelings in this write, the place that all these questions come from, and it can take some time to find faith in some kind of answers, even though the final question asks Who are you...now. It is a good strong end line, which is difficult to do with a question, and i liked it because it challenges the reader to think. - You have all these elements in the poem of time -

now -flashback - im going to be lilMsG:
your - in your 2nd stanza is used correctly, 'your' in the 1st, aint!

(you're not) part of my present = (you are) not part of my present


Can you tell me who you are?
You say you're from my past
and you will be in my future,
but you're not a part of my present.

or, if you want a more formal, less casual sound, don't use the apostrophe ', that replaces the 'a' (you're) and just write it in full as 'you are'

Can you tell me who you are?
You say you are from my past
and you will be in my future,
but you are not a part of my present.

did you post another? ---->going to see! Hope you are well BP xxldx




Author's Reply:
ello lilMsG... its good to be back.
you know what the truth is.. i just wrote this random. thinking about something someone was telling me.
i just felt empty with all these questions. and thats about it.
but I'm glad you liked it, and thanks a lot for your opinions and the help.
take care
hope you are well and enjoying life.
xXx-B-P-xXx

Sunken on 10-03-2008
Who are you?
Dear Ms. Poet, I hate to start with a moan, but I feel that I must. You disappear without a word and then turn up unannounced as if nothing has happened? Don't you think we worry? I worry terribly. Please inform either my good self or another member of uka if you decide to leave for any extended length of time again! Disgraceful behaviour (-; This aside, Ms. Ditty has pretty much said it all (typical girl). I agree that your piece raises many questions, this can only be a good thang. It's smashing to see you back and no mistake. I'm sorry if I sounded harsh, but it's for your own good.

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he worries

Author's Reply:
I'm soo sorry sunky... really sorry. I'll make sure i tell you next time i get lost somewhere. and i didn't mean to make you worry about me. i ask for forgiveness for this disgraceful behavior.... am i forgiven (cheeky angel like smile) :} lol...
I'm glad you think of me while I'm not here though lol.
thanks for reading and commenting.
take care
xXx-B-P-xXx

Ionicus on 10-03-2008
Who are you?
Hello BP. As sunken said it is nice to see you back.
As for the poem: an interesting piece but the typos are somewhat distracting. In addition to the ones pointed out by littleditty, in the third line of the second stanza 'herd' should be 'heard'.
Hope you don't mind us drawing your attention to them.

Luigi x

Author's Reply:
Hey Luigi..
thanks.. and i must say its nice to be back and to hear from you too.
thanks a lot for reading and mentioning my stupid typos as usual.
i have altered the typos and taken in account what LD has said.
take care
xXx-B-P-xXx


Ballad: of Lost Love (posted on: 26-01-07)
a ballad for my English course work, hopefully you like it and enjoy it. take care

Somewhere where the sun sets from east and rises from west. Somewhere where she met the love of her life. In a place where the moon is as bright as a spark. Where the night dies soon is where she lived. Until the day her love Her life, met her. Where the beautiful white dove Flied around freely. She thought it was a fantasy in her dreamland. A place where she has Never visited or seen before. She didn't want to wake up, not again not to her dark reality. Her sad life full of nothing, but pain where she had no one to love. She was filled with emotions that you and I will never know. She sat near an deep dark ocean where she poured her heart out.
Archived comments for Ballad: of Lost Love
Jolen on 27-01-2007
Ballad: of Lost Love
I have to admit that a few of your lines tripped me up, but that's me, and not to reflect on your work...I absolutely loeved the ending, and the contradiction you used throughout is potent.

blessings,
JolenPhotobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Author's Reply:

Macjoyce on 18-09-2007
Ballad: of Lost Love
Yo wassup and ting blood oh my days you get me bredrin etc etc etc.

Hi, Baby Poet. This isn't an awful poem, but I think I ought to point out that a ballad rhymes abab or abcb, whereas this rhymes abac.

Also, really, a ballad ought to be in iambic metre, which isn't difficult if you're aware of what iambic metre is. If you're not then ask your teacher, but basically, a good rhyming poem ought normally to have metre, and a ballad goes

da-DUM da-DUM da-DUM da-DUM
da-DUM da-DUM da-DUM,
da-DUM da-DUM da-DUM da-DUM
da-DUM da-DUM da-DUM.


Also, the past tense of 'fly' is 'flew', not 'flied'.

Laters bruv safe yeah,

Mac the Chav


Author's Reply:


No one Will Ever Know..!! (posted on: 18-09-06)
something...well lovy dovey lol...!!

I cry with the rain, so no one can tell I'm upset. I get angry when the weather is hot, so people can say it's the heat. I miss you on birthdays, anniversaries, occasions, so people can think it's the day . I want you everyday, the ones I can make excuses for. So no one can ever say, I'm in love with you. I cry when there's no one there so it will be a secret. I whisper your name, when no ones looking. I miss you, when every ones there. Every minute, every moment of my day, of my night I miss you. Only the way, no one will ever know that I am in love with you.
Archived comments for No one Will Ever Know..!!
Sunken on 20-09-2006
No one Will Ever Know..!!
Hello Ms. Poet. I'm going to use that word, 'lovely' again. A lovely ickul write and no mistake.

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kite 2 - micro lite 4

Author's Reply:
helooo sunky...
u alright....
thanks for commenting.... i glad you like it...
take care
xXx-B-P-xXx


If Only... (posted on: 28-08-06)
i don't know about this one... but i kind of like it...actually i like it a lot... hope you like it too... its a short and quick one tho take care xXx-B-P-xXx

If there was a word to describe everything that happens in a persons mind. If there was a phrase to describe the things that are happening in a broken hearted persons mind. If there was answers to explain every question a mind asked another heart. If there was never a 'BUT' to everything you explained about a plan of love.
Archived comments for If Only...
Claire on 30-08-2006
If Only...
Hi there hun,

Ah, now this is a sweet little one and I like it too. Only thing I'd consider would be changing one or two of the 'was' to 'were'.



Author's Reply:

scotch on 31-08-2006
If Only...
i'm OK until the last stanza maybe drop it..scotch

Author's Reply:


Hidden Secrets...! (posted on: 28-08-06)
just a little something i wrote a while ago...! people i might not be any good at it any more its been a long while since i actually wrote something to put up here... this is kind of just for my book lol. hope you enjoy it and feel more than free to crit or praise lol... take care xXx-B-P-xXx

The poems I have written isn't just a hobby or another way to make money... But it is apart of my Life. It is every secret I carry, everything I have hidden away from everyone, even myself. It is every moment I cannot speak about, They are every word I died to speak. But no voice agreed to be spoken, they faded away from my dried tongue. These poems are the same as my life.... If I die today, you will know everything you wanted to know. Anything you need to know Anything I might've lied about. Everything I kept away from you. It has every answer to every question You wanted to ask me.
Archived comments for Hidden Secrets...!
Zoya on 29-08-2006
Hidden Secrets...!
Yes, we all write about our inner self in our poems. My mother who is one of the most accomplished poets of Urdu, in the Indian subcontinent, always says that in poetry you can say all that you cannot say in any other form of literary expression. And I must say, I agree with her completely.
Thanks for sharing your little secrets.
Love,
Zoya

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 30-08-2006
Hidden Secrets...!
Welcome back young Baby of the poet persuasion. It's good to see you back. I hope that this is the first of many. Take care and vitamins.

s
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k
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sponsored by silverkrin

Author's Reply:

scotch on 31-08-2006
Hidden Secrets...!
really true especially for soul poets... best wishes scotch

Author's Reply:

orangedream on 31-08-2006
Hidden Secrets...!
Your words, spoken as only a true poet could.

regards
orangedream

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 31-08-2006
Hidden Secrets...!
Well said poet!
Did you mean 'apart' as in a separate part of my life OR 'a part' one of many parts of my life?

But it is a part of my Life. (is more usual?)

dry tongue (only a suggestion, felt there were too many d sounds in there)

Well written BP xxxlittleditty x

Author's Reply:


Something... That Runs In My Mind. (posted on: 26-05-06)
Just a little something about something. Hope you like it.. Crit as much as you canI cant write as well as before I think.. take care

It's hard to stop thinking about something that lives in my mind. It's hard to ignore this as it's always in front of me somehow. I know what I feel But I don't understand why I cant accept it. I know everything I hide is true yet I don't know why I keep lying. Its all so bait now everyone can read it of my face. Everyone except myself.
Archived comments for Something... That Runs In My Mind.
littleditty on 26-05-2006
Something... That Runs In My Mind.
Hi BP....hmm...interesting and curious poem which I liked, the last line is strong, as is the discussion of something unrevealed/ not accepted fully yet by the speaker - 'It's all so bait now' is an original phrase - it's well done.

Typo
Its all so bait now (It's)
everyone can read it of my face. (not sure about of? it's not wrong exactly...did you want off? Usual preposition is 'on my face' .)

Keep writing (and reading) the lines BP - I think we all improve, even if it doesn't feel that way sometimes. I would love to see a story by you, it's been a while, although I have heard rumours of how well you've been doing *applauds*:O) xxxlilMsG x



Author's Reply:


Good Bye, But You Are Not Allowed To ForGet Me. (posted on: 28-04-06)
well as you all might know that i am leaving now, as it is my last week in secondary school. so i wrote this for all the teachers that have been there for me through out my five years for those who are gone and those who are still there init. yeh they all from EGA lolz i know a couple of them will read this. good luck in reading this crtis more than welcome as usaul. hope you like it.

A short and sweet note, To all you teachers the ones that have made me, me. The ones that are gone and the ones that are still here. Just something to say 'Thank you', for being there for me; for trusting me, for helping me go through my years at EGA, for making me work hard, for sitting me down and telling me I can do this, and for giving me the strength when I wanted to give up. Something sweet and short to say I'm sorry; to those who I may have hurt and those who I have disappointed or for being a pain in the back. A short and sweet note, to make sure you don't forget me, the one who wrote you this. To make sure no one forgets me because I can promise here right now, that I will never forget you...!
Archived comments for Good Bye, But You Are Not Allowed To ForGet Me.
Romany on 28-04-2006
Good Bye, But You Are Not Allowd To ForGet Me.
Lovely sentiment and a nice thought; I am sure they won't forget you BP! Well done, and good luck to you, too,
Romany.

Author's Reply:
Thanks Romany
yeh lets just hope they don't init.
take care
xXx-B-P-xXx

HelenRussell on 28-04-2006
Good Bye, But You Are Not Allowd To ForGet Me.
A lovely tribute to those who have helped you and those you've hurt.
Good luck in your future endeavours.
Sarah

Author's Reply:
Thanks Sarah hope you liked it too.
take care
xXx-B-P-xXx

littleditty on 28-04-2006
Good Bye, But You Are Not Allowd To ForGet Me.
hey Missy -made me teary in public *issues immediate detention* - it's a lovely poem, very well written... *snifs* it's good luck innit -and steady study leave - i'm in India - send me some dates (eg english revision day WHICH YOU ARE GOING TO, RIGHT?:) and i'll try to catch up with you at EGA when i get back:O) xxxlilMsG x

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 28-04-2006
Good Bye, But You Are Not Allowd To ForGet Me.
PS. Now - you are a cheeky monkey, so i am wondering if it is a deliberate mistake that you 'allowed' *coughs* in your title AND if you have noticed mine?

😀

Author's Reply:
ermmm lilMz G well look i know I'm cheeky but this was an typo lolz...
i'll be waiting to see you soon..!!
take care
xXx-B-P-xXx


Is That What It Feels Like Before...? (posted on: 27-03-06)
just another poem. interesting though from what i thought. but i don't know its up to you read it and find out init. hope you like it. cit as much as you can... I'll be waiting. take care

You run through my thoughts and slide down my spine, then give a tickle that I have never felt before. You climb back up to my heart and write your name there to prove me that I love you, to show everyone that my heart is yours. you run through my mind all night and all day you sit there making me think how bad I am for what I've done, how much I've hurt you. You make me regret every step that I take away from you you make me feel the wind and breath the air you make me see the stars and hear the trees. You make me what I never wanted to be in other peoples eyes but somewhere in my soul, that is all I ever wanted to be. But scared to accept it, as I know there's always pain after the happiness. I'm scared to believe in this dream you have fulfilled. I'm scared I'll be left alone again.
Archived comments for Is That What It Feels Like Before...?
littleditty on 29-03-2006
Is That What It Feels Like Before...?
I really like this write Miss B - very honest lines and good, clear consideration of feelings and thoughts. I did wonder about 'prove TO me' but perhaps you prefer it without the TO? Anyway, nice to see you are still penning the lines. The first two are my favourites i think. Nice! xxxlilMsG x

Author's Reply:
thanks lilMsG .....
yeh i ain't been writing much or posting even visiting ukauthors...soo busy with all the dead lines and revision. so i was like everyones going to forget me on Ukauthors lolz and i miss everything so i might aswell make a bit of time for my hobbies too init lolz.
glad you liked this

by the way you are coming to our graduation ain't you...its before the exams funny init...!!!
take care
xXx--B-P--xXx

Claire on 30-03-2006
Is That What It Feels Like Before...?
This is good little poem, but not one of your strongest

The only suggestion I can think of is shortening some of the lines.

You climb back up to my heart and write your name their -- there

Author's Reply:


We Still Say 'It's Not My Business' (posted on: 17-02-06)
well this ones from the original 'Not My Business' by Niyi Osundare (i think i spelled that right) anyways once we was reading that in english class and we actually has a person that just came to visit english classes or something but she started telling us about some of the history and facts about life at this time in Africa and while she was i was being a bit rude and writing this but only from what she was telling me though init, and apparently its still like that that is why i added the last line in. Hope you like it. please comment and crit as much as you want lolz. and I'll be waiting to hear from teachers. take care

Life was terrible then When there was no law It was painful, very hurtful. There was no way out Wether you saw the suffering or not You will suffer too. There will never be a way out Unless you my brother Unless you my sister Unless we Help. It will never stop Unless we, Ourselves Do something, anything. Life is still terrible But we still say 'It's Not My Business'.
Archived comments for We Still Say 'It's Not My Business'
redlobster on 17-02-2006
We Still Say Its Not My Business
A good poem with a very clear message. We did South African poets at school and it is easy to distance ourselves from other people's suffering. small typo - should be whether

Author's Reply:

Claire on 18-02-2006
We Still Say Its Not My Business
Hi there hun,

You have a very strong message in this, and it certainly does get that point across. It is a canny one hun.

Would adding a bit more punctuation to this help? Hope you don't mind I've add a few other suggestions too, feel free to ignore them though.

Life was terrible then
When there was no law
It was painful, very hurtful. -- It was painful - very hurtful ??

There was no way out
Weather you saw the suffering or not -- whether
You will suffer to. -- You'll ?? too

There will never be a way out -- There'll ??
Unless you my brother -- Unless, you, my brother or Unless you, or Unless, you ??
Unless you my sister -- same as above ??
Unless we Help. -- same as above ??

It will never stop
Unless we, Ourselves -- ourselves maybe us ??
Do something,
anything.

Life is still terrible
But
we still say 'It's Not My Business'. -- say,


Author's Reply:

littleditty on 18-02-2006
We Still Say Its Not My Business
http://www.teachit.co.uk/pdf/010331020.pdf

Which one is a good one to compare this too? 😉

Your poem (and his) is a message about the danger of apathy, disinterest and fear- it is a call to be brave and not a coward in the face of things that are wrong/unfair/unjust. Not easy - we often prefer to suck on the 'yam' (comfort, but basic food) and ignore the troubles of others, especially, if to act, might also put us in direct danger (scared of the belly of the hungry -personified- jeep) We think it is safer to mind our own business. Here is another (famous) poem, that is good to VERY quickly mention in your exam if you chose to write about this one, which shows how this is not so.

Poem by Martin Niemöller (German) that was said to have been written in 1946. (just after Hitler and the 2nd World War)

First they came for the communists, and I did not speak out - because I was not a communist;

Then they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out - because I was not a socialist;

Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out - because I was not a trade unionist;

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out - because I was not a Jew;

Then they came for me - and there was no one left to speak out for me.
~~~~~~~

There will never be a way out
Unless you my brother
Unless you my sister
Unless we Help.

It will never stop
Unless we, Ourselves
Do something,
anything.


Well done N, well done :O) xxxlilMsG x


Author's Reply:

Emerald on 18-02-2006
We Still Say Its Not My Business
Hi Babypoet - I think if something reaches out to you and makes you realise how some have suffered - then mankind has a chance of trying to make things better - the trouble is so many people are cowards and walk away =- saying its not my business. We should all learn to care and stand up for the wrongs. Not an easy task though.

Emma:-)

Author's Reply:

teifii on 22-02-2006
We Still Say Its Not My Business
It makes the point very strongly. It can't be said too often.
Well done
Daff

Author's Reply:

eddiesolo on 02-03-2006
We Still Say Its Not My Business
Hi BP,

This is a good statement to all. We do all need to say its our business and help.

Nicely done.

Si:-)

Author's Reply:


There's Fear (posted on: 30-01-06)
just about sometimes when life feels shit and dark init. feel free to comment and crit its always more than welcome. take care hope you like it

There's fear in my heart and hope in my mind. I'm filled with hopeless ideas in this living cave. Where the echo of mine, freezes, in the middle of this dark doom. Is there any hope of life? Will I see the sun and Smell the fresh air? Will I sleep again under the cheesy moon and the sparkling stars? Will I be seen again, by my loved ones or will I rot in this living death of mine? Is there any hope or am I another hopeless soul.
Archived comments for There's Fear
Romany on 30-01-2006
Theres Fear
Quite a desolate feel to this - just not sure that the word 'cheesy' was in keeping with the feel of the rest of the poem, although I understand the reference.

Thinking about it, I suppose it could be an oblique reference to being 'cheesed off' but personally am still not sure.

Nice write!

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 30-01-2006
Theres Fear
Hi -liked this BP -the word 'cheesy' i think is for the inability to see beauty or romance or anything soft when one is feeling shitty. So, i liked it for that reason as well as a visual description of the moon - a song 'The moon is blue Cheese' came to mind... I think your first stanza is excellent - well done x

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 30-01-2006
Theres Fear
Hello Ms. Baby of Poet fame. Isn't it cold? It's on days like these that wish I were a fridge, because they basically don't have to do anything when the temperatures are already this low. Anyway, that's not important right now... tho, if I were a fridge I'd be a Zanusi because they just seem to apply science to all of their products so well. Ahem. Your poem shines - like the inside of a fridge when you open the door. I personally think that this is one of your strongest to date Ms. Poet and I intend giving a 10 because I want to. So there! Eat mars bars, drink... lemonade and phone a friend with tales of distant planets that you hope to one day visit with a mouse named Cecil. Thanks.

s
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k
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tomorrow they prove him wrong

Author's Reply:

eddiesolo on 02-03-2006
Theres Fear
Hi BP,

This is a dark piece and one that I think comes across well. Hope you're not feeling like this all the time if its about you?

I did like the word 'cheesy' for it gave an innocent, childishness to the piece. I think it worked well.

Take care.

Si:-)

Author's Reply:


It's You... (posted on: 16-01-06)
well this ones ermm kind of obsessive in a weird way i thought. don't know. i think this one could be improve with my last few cause they don't seem to be popular lolz. I'm joking. take care hope you like it. and crits/ comment more than welcome.

It's funny, how you can keep me in peace and my mind at rest how no one else can. How you keep me away from stress and people only give me stress. It's funny, how you know what to say when I most need to hear it but no one else ever does. It's funny how I can trust you when I can't trust myself. It's scary, how I wait for you to call or even a small text to keep me alive and how I feel like my worlds about to end while I wait for my phone to ring or just a small beep. All I can see is you, leaving me while your not with me and when your here, I see life again.
Archived comments for It's You...
tai on 16-01-2006
Its You...
Awww sound like loves first bloom Baby poet. Very sweet verse indeed. Unless you want everyone to realise your age, I would get rid of the teenage speak like, 'no one else (never) does.' I think 'ever' would read more maturely! but it is just a thought. 9 from smiling at ya Tai



Author's Reply:

Griffonner on 20-01-2006
Its You...
Yes, written from the heart that is for sure. I'm with Tai about the language (just a tad) and there are a couple of typos, but otherwise, very, very.... charming would be a good word.

Author's Reply:


Without A Memory (posted on: 09-01-06)
how would life be without an memory init. ctirs more than welcome.

What if we didn't have a memory to save our old memories in. What if we can just forget everything as they happened: The arguments, The tears. If only we can erase our memories, If only we can restart our life every time something went wrong. If only we didn't have a memory that saved everything that happens to us: The feelings, The small moments, The emotions. If only They died or disappeared when we wanted to forget them. Life would be so much easier. If only our memories died as they ended there would be nothing to look back to. There would be no left arguments and pain. There will be no reason to hate. If only......
Archived comments for Without A Memory
niece on 11-01-2006
Without A Memory
Baby-poet,
Lovely expression of true emotions...memories of a bad past or the hurt someone caused you often prevents one from progressing spiritually which I feel what life is all about...at the end of the day. I guess, one just learns to cope with it, to forgive and to forget. It should happen eventually.
Regds,niece

Author's Reply:

eddiesolo on 16-01-2006
Without A Memory
You know BP I right liked this.

I have been away and very busy so have missed a lot of submissions but, I would have thought that more would have posted.

Good piece.

Si:-)



Author's Reply:


Stranger...??? Hmmm (posted on: 02-01-06)
just i don't know read it its about someone really... but guess init

You're not a stranger anymore You have become more than you think. You're not who I keep saying you are You are more than that now. Things have changed They are not the same no more. It's hard to speak the truth but now I know one day I have to let this truth come out. So why not let it be today. You're not a stranger, that I keep calling you.... But you're 'That ONE stranger', I always talked about. You're not who I kept saying you are But you are now that 'one' person You always wanted to be. Now I'm just hoping, Praying. That it is not as late as I think it is.
Archived comments for Stranger...??? Hmmm

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It May Be Too Late (posted on: 02-01-06)
this is one i wrote after i realised how short life can be. But sadly i cant stick to it. it makes sense after you read it a few times i think. Crits more than welcome. wont mind some you know...!!!! lolz hope u enjoy it. happy new yr

I'll say my good byes now just in-case I never get a chance, you will never know when life my finish. I'll give my love today maybe there wont be another chance, to send my love your way My life may end. I'll apologise to you soon If the sky comes close, I may just leave with the moon So life on earth may end.
Archived comments for It May Be Too Late
tai on 07-01-2006
It May Be Too Late
That 3rd stanza, should be 'may' BP. I agree, it is better to love today, instead of saving it all up for tomorrow, as your poem states. Tomorrow may never come. 9 from Tai. Happy New Year

Author's Reply:


My Pride, Or The Ego (posted on: 02-01-06)
for the first time in a long time iargued with someone and life is shit without them. but its all good now.

Today sitting near my own I felt like a stranger I was so stiff, my heart could froze in a beat. The first time in my life I have realised how weak I am and how much pride I have It's so hard to say sorry even to my own, my best friend. I have to learn to let go of this horrible ego of mine, otherwise I will loose life in another gamble of a game. Today sitting near my best friend, what I felt was a nightmare coming true.
Archived comments for My Pride, Or The Ego
niece on 03-01-2006
My Pride, Or The Ego
Dear B-P.,
Fighting the ego!!!---well, it's not easy. And the thing keeps resurfacing just when you feel you've managed to subdue it foreover. Keep up the fight! After all, a best friend is worth all the trouble.
Regds,niece

Author's Reply:


It's Not My Fault (posted on: 30-12-05)
I'm not heartless I'm just you know.

I used and abused him in a way that I cant explain I didn't mean to but its a game I play a game I enjoy one that I know tortures and breaks hearts but its not my fault they try to make me theirs.
Archived comments for It's Not My Fault

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Your In Heaven Now Sharmin (posted on: 30-12-05)
For my friend that has passed away 3 months ago. Sharmin Ahmed R.I.P

She is in heaven now, smiling at us, laughing, waving. I spoke to her today in my dreams and told her how much I miss her , how I feel like hugging her, how everyone talks about her and how proud we all are of her. I told her ' I can never speak to her again' and I'm angry cause she left me here, alone, to answer everyone, to make them smile and keep them going. She laughed at me and said 'Babe just cause you can't see me doesn't mean I'm not there. Now that I'm physically gone I'll always be there, with you all whenever you need me, I'll be right beside you , give me a hug whenever you want, talk to me as much as you like, whenever you do, I promise I'm there. wherever you are. I'll help you with the lame jokes and we call all laugh together and I will wait for you forever.
Archived comments for Your In Heaven Now Sharmin
littleditty on 30-12-2005
Your In Heaven Now Sharmin
Through teary eyes i can see her face - she is remembered and this fine poem is one for you to keep safe - 'You're in Heaven now Sharmin' - well done Najira, well done. xxx

Author's Reply:
thanks lilms G,
i've realised theres no point in bringing tears to my, our eyes cause we cant change the fact that she aint with us...
but still is. if you know what i mean. i've realised theres no point in hurting her soul
because she would never want us 2 cry over her or even be upset but simply move on.
thanks a lot
take care
xXx-B-P-xXx

Sunken on 31-12-2005
Your In Heaven Now Sharmin
So long as she is remembered she will always be there Baby. Well done, you do her proud.

s
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k
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n

Author's Reply:
thank you sunky munky....
been missing your comments and you.
yeh she will always be in my heart for sure no matter how old and where i am init.
take care hope you have a wicked new yrs
xXx-B-P-xXx

littleditty on 05-01-2006
Your In Heaven Now Sharmin
(wise - what you said - true xxxLilMsG x)

Author's Reply:


Mein Kesi...? (posted on: 19-12-05)
something different. its in urdu/hindi language but has the meaning in English underneath in brackets thought I'd try it out and see what happens. take care And no I'm not that good at hindi/urdu i just learned it from the movies and a few friends lolz so if your someone who speaks hindi or urdu then you know i might have spelt it wrong or not make 100% sense lolz. read it for the fun of it

Sagaar mein jo asso or dil mein jo dard hein woh yarro mein kesa batoan? ( The ocean full of tears The heart full of pain my friends how am I meant to say ?) Raat mein joh atta hein nindo ko churata hein usko mein yeh kesi kahoon ? (The one that visits in my dreams and takes away my sleep How am I meant to tell him?) Woh ajnabee joh hein joh meri dil ko chura liya yaro mein usko kya batoa? (That one stranger the one das taken away my heart how should I let him know?)
Archived comments for Mein Kesi...?
littleditty on 20-12-2005
Mein Kesi...?
What a beautiful poem - a suggestion is to put the english just in italics, without the need for brackets, under each line of the english. Then the reader gets the translation straight away and can compare the two languages easily. ('Search for my Tongue' - she does it that way, doesn't she? oops -forgotten - it's been a long time ;O) Hope you are well and well up for your winter break xxxlilMsG x

Author's Reply:
yep i remember that poem and we doing it again for our GCSE'z init,

we just did an timed essay on that for Mr silver init. and do you remember that one called 'not my business' i think i might've wrote a second part of that one, after having this women come in to talk to us about how life was in Nigeria then init.

and it was so awful she was actually a teacher there when all this was happening and a female student of hers was taken from her class oneday and was never returned. its soo sad. but i was a bit rude and just end up writing it in my english book lolz.

and i want to post it here but i haven't got the book with me Mr Silva does... *sniff*

anyways take care

hope to see you after our mocks and that. and yeh you best be at our graduation after all apparently we going to have it in school.

take care

xXx-B-P-xXx




niece on 20-12-2005
Mein Kesi...?
Pyaari Nanhi-Kavika,
Apki yeh kavita mujhe bahuut achchi lagi...meri kyaal mein apko hindi kavita aur likni chahiya...Excellent!!!
Baby-poet, one correction tho'. Isn't "kya batoan" actually "what shall I tell him?'. Please check it out...I am not very great with Hindi either!!!
Regds,
niece


Author's Reply:
hey...
hum to hindi sirf torisi janti hein. but i've written a few but i'm not sure they are write init.
so you know. but i'll send some your way.
mujeh pattanahi agar mein right ya wrong hoon init. so kinda darti hoon lolz
look at me mixing the two languages
but anyways take care
xXx-B-P-xXx

niece on 03-01-2006
Mein Kesi...?
Baby-Poet,
Mein Mumbai mein rahti hoon, so I am also kaafi kool about mixing Hindi and English...I wud love to read your hindi poem English translation ke saath. In fact, I thought your poem would sound good in a song. All the best! And Happy New Year, btw!
Regds,niece

Author's Reply:


Words Do Have Meanings. (posted on: 19-12-05)
ermm well this ones just confusing about how much the words us poets and authors write mean, theres always a story behind the words init. well thats my little quote anyways. hope you like it and i know its nonsense but theres some sense hidden in it.

These words are dispirit enough to be my blood. It may be written with black ink and spoken with an angel like voice. But these words on paper, mean everything. Not just something. It will take time, a long time for you to understand my friend. It will give you tension, possibility increase your blood pressure and stress you, for you to be sure of the unknown meaning This blood like ink will always write on its freshly made, crystal clean white paper. These words that make no sense to you but mean everything to me. You will never understand. It's only my unspoken words.
Archived comments for Words Do Have Meanings.
littleditty on 20-12-2005
Words Do Have Meanings.
Well -i think this is very very good! It's a mature write - are you getting older all of a sudden? I wonder about 'dispirit'... hmmm... *points to favourite book by Dick Shunnery* - but i like the idea and especially like the line breaks and organisation of the poem. Well written, Poet! xxxlittleditty x

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 02-01-2006
Words Do Have Meanings.
thanks LD
do you know what it is, desperate or dispirit cant find the right explanation under them.but dispirit made more sense to me and wasn't a spelling mistake lolz. but I'm not sure.....
ermm I'm growing mature one day and the next well I'm one of the Most immature i think i don't know.....
guess its just the age thing init. lolz
take care
xXx-B-P-xXx

Author's Reply:


It's Ju$t Another Feeling... (posted on: 12-12-05)
read it and find out. hope you like it or atleast have soemthing to say perhaps advice in how to improve like always lolz. crits more than welcome and yeh i wont mind comments either. take care

It's just a feeling that grows back, like a unwanted weed in the garden. It's another feeling that never disappears. like a deep life long scar. It's a feeling that comes back every time you think its left. It's a feeling I will never understand like how science works. It's a feeling that gets deeper the more you try to kill it. It's just another feeling that hopefully, one day, will just die.
Archived comments for It's Ju$t Another Feeling...
Claire on 15-12-2005
Its Ju$t Another Feeling...
hhhmmm... I'm still trying to work what the feeling is, it could be a number of things. I kinda like this... ;^)


Author's Reply:

Linear on 15-12-2005
Its Ju$t Another Feeling...
It is a nice monologue. As Claire says it could be any feeling, I know i have a bunch of them that still scratch their way across my soul occasionally. I've never understood poetry 🙂 but this line stood out as odd for me "like a deep life long scar." it didn't seem to flow.
No idea why though. Soz.

Author's Reply:


I Don't KnoW (posted on: 12-12-05)
life can be cruel sometimes, but this ones just about when its kind of complicated and hard i guess. not exactly cruel i think. anyways I'm more than sure that we have all been there once in our lifetime init. and if you haven't then you are one day soon. Cos thats just life init. crits are always more than welcome. I'm listening.

It's hard to say yes to what you ask. It's hard to explain the explanations you want. It's hard to answer your questions. It is something I don't know. It's hard to understand the feelings. It's hard to find the explanations. It's hard to find the answers. It is something I have never felt. The explanations I have are more than complicated, The answers to your questions are those you don't want to hear. The feelings that exist in me are none. So all I can do is lie to keep you smiling Or just speak the truth and break that heart of yours.
Archived comments for I Don't KnoW
alcarty on 12-12-2005
I Dont KnoW
The last stanza is the heart of the poem, and says it all. I know, that is a tough situation to be in. I'm afraid opting for the latter choice is both cruel and humane. Real feelings, nicely done, Poet.

Author's Reply:
thanks alcarty
really appreciate it.
take care
xXx-B-P-xXx

tai on 13-12-2005
I Dont KnoW
Hi Baby poet, there is a place called the middle ground, where you can use deplomacy and avoid hurting. Just because something is true, does not mean we must express it every time. There are way and mean, and life is about learning them. Good poem, that first line does not run quite smoothly imo. 9 from Tai

Author's Reply:

AlexClay on 16-12-2005
I Dont KnoW
that's a great line.....i guess i'll just lie to keep you smiling. that speaks volumes to me. good stuff.

Author's Reply:


It wasn't what he said.... (posted on: 09-12-05)
just about how the eyes can talk without saying a word.

It wasn't what he sad, but the silent in his eyes the words he missed, I know its over now his eyes never spoke but his words said something, it meant nothing. The look in his eyes spoke the truth it meant everything. It wasn't what he said but the silent i saw.
Archived comments for It wasn't what he said....
Jen_Christabel on 09-12-2005
It wasnt what he said....
Again, another great little piece.
I love your stuff!
Jen :o)

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 15-12-2005
It wasnt what he said....
This is good poetry BP - you are revealing thoughts and feelings very well - leaving spaces for your reader to interpret your ideas -well done Poetess xxxld x

Author's Reply:


Because..... (posted on: 09-12-05)
just something

Ill give up my eyes for you to see, I'll give you my heart so you can love again. I'll give up my life, so you can start yours all again. I'll give up everything i ever had so you can have something. I'll give up all my dreams so one of yours will come true. I'll pick the special shining stars to make you smile. I'll give away anything so you can have something. I'll give up everything ....Except you. Because......... You are my friend. You mean more than my life. You mean everything not just something. Your worth more than all my dreams come true. Without you there would be no real me. Because.......... You are my friend.
Archived comments for Because.....
Jen_Christabel on 09-12-2005
Because.....
This is quite lovely, lovely, lovely, lovely oh and did I say, lovely?!
Great read.
Jen :o)

Author's Reply:
thanks Jen,
glad you really liked it.
and thanks for adding me as 1 of your fav authors really appreciated.
take care
xxx-B-P-xxx


The Unexpected, The End (posted on: 28-11-05)
a horrrrrrrrrrrorrrrrrrrr nope I'm joking something like a thriller i guess. read it and you tell me what you think it is.

It's a dark shadow that follows around behind them, sometimes in front. Its middle is a very dark charcoal black and its outer layer is a fading grey It's a dark shadow that follows around It calls himself 'The Unexpected' It calls himself 'The End' but we call it 'Death' Once its shadow has touched yours, you will become its friend or its another part You will no longer be a part of humans, living things, Something that breaths in and out, but a dark Shadow, Death.
Archived comments for The Unexpected, The End
Jen_Christabel on 28-11-2005
The Unexpected, The End
Definitely horror!
Chilling and a good read
:o)

Author's Reply:

Ginger on 01-12-2005
The Unexpected, The End
Horror, liked it.

Got some good visuals!

Author's Reply:

Lare on 01-12-2005
The Unexpected, The End
Wow...what a good premise for a longer story...you could really get some fantastic detail and story plot from this nifty piece. Good stuff...well done...

Just me, Lare

Author's Reply:


The Darkness (posted on: 28-11-05)
i don't know. just done this after watching a movie that well just made me think. i actually wrote a few but this one seemed the best. hope you like it. please comment and strong crits to improve this one. take care NOW READ IT is it confusing????????

The darkness in my eyes, that you may see isn't as beautiful as you say but a living, a seeing horror that lives in my eyes, my mind Just like a movie you may want to watch on TV at late hours perhaps midnight. Only this is my view, what I see . You will never understand, but it's a dark, blacker than black, something you've never seen Only I have, Only my eyes, Only these eyes. This view is mine, only mines, these eyes can only see Not you, Not him or Her But my eyes. You will never understand, Cause you will never see What I see, what these dark eyes see.
Archived comments for The Darkness
Claire on 29-11-2005
The Darkness
Hhhmmm, I like this, I think a few lines could be shortened though... will pm you.

This is deffo a dark poem though. ;^)

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 30-11-2005
The Darkness
Interesting one BP - i think Claire is right about a little bit of editing but it certainly has some dark and spooky strength to it. A snip here and there may bring that out further -Well done xxxlittleditty x

Author's Reply:


Pictures for The Wall... (posted on: 21-11-05)
just something that came to mind from i don't know where cant really remember. hope you all like it. somethings wrong I don't know what thought. See if you can find it. take care

The dawn will die and the sun will rise, the time will come and she will go, leaving me behind to start a new life. She will walk away and I can never stop her, she would become memories and pictures for the walls, she will go away and I will remain. Today my sister is becoming his and I'm just watching crying and praying that she has made the right choice of love.
Archived comments for Pictures for The Wall...
chrissy on 21-11-2005
Pictures for The Wall...
Apart from living me behind perhaps being changed to leaving me behind and wondering why you switch from 'will' to 'would' (I'm sure there's some technical grammatical name for that but my brain is too frozen at the moment) I can't see anything wrong with this. It's very touching and a good read.
If these are your feelings you should be pleased and proud that you express them so well.
chrissy

Author's Reply:
thank you Chrissy,
for taking time to post a comment.
it was kind of done in purpose with the tenses will/would this is because she hasn't gone away yet and the pictures haven't been taken yet in my head and in real life. so i think thats it.
and the living should be leaving aswell that was another typo i have just changed that.
take care
xXx-B-a-B-y-_-P-xXx


Do I.... Or Do I.... (posted on: 21-11-05)
sometimes these questions can depress you. not that it has depressed me but you know. anyways hope you don't get depressed with it. take care

Do I believe in love, or do I just love to play with it like a toy? Do I want to be loved, or do I want to hurt some one again? Do I wait for love, or do I to break another heart? Do I live for love, or do I kill love? Do I search for love, or do I run from love? Do I hide from love, or am I scared of love? Do I love him, or does he love me? Do I believe in love or do I just love playing with the mind?
Archived comments for Do I.... Or Do I....
Linear on 22-11-2005
Do I.... Or Do I....
Well I like it 🙂 (it is not depressing me, but this sort of thing can very easily. I don't like these questions) One thing i wasn't sure on, this bit was not like the others:
"Do I hide from love,
or am I scared of love?"

Are both lines saying almost the same thing here?

Author's Reply:
Thanks Linear,
glad you liked most of it,
and that your not depressed lolz.
the lines are very similar but then again they are different cause when your hiding from something you don't really need to be scared of it
whereas if your scared of it you don't really want it to happen or face init,
its longly defined in my head and its going to take long to explain so I'll live you to it init.
Take care
xXx-B-a-B-y-_-P-xXx

littleditty on 22-11-2005
Do I.... Or Do I....
Yes -these are questions people ask themselves over and over - i like it - i wondered about this one though:
'Do I live him, (is that live or leave? Or live for him?)
or does he love me?

Just wondering - :O) xxxlittleditty x



Author's Reply:
sorry that was a typo. its meant to be love not live. i'm changing it right now
Glad you liked it. many thanks for your time.
take care
xXx-B-a-B-y-_-P-xXx


Addiction ( cant think of a better title im sowi) (posted on: 21-11-05)
It's confusing. but some kind of a nice confusion. its true though. I'm not heartless even though it makes me sound it. lolz hope you like it. take care crits more than welcome like always

I played with his heart like it was a volley ball throwing across the net to win some kind of a trophy only that it wasn't made of gold but blood and flesh I used it to get a buzz like people get from drugs and it only lasted for a few minutes until I start searching, planning new ways to feed my addiction just like how smokers look for lighters I love the way he tells me to stop, so he can prove me his not the same I can break his heart all over again but he wont hurt mines. its a lie just like every other addicts.
Archived comments for Addiction ( cant think of a better title im sowi)
tai on 21-11-2005
Addiction ( cant think of a better title im sowi)
Very effective work baby poet. We can be addicted to anything if we try hard enough. 10 from addictive personality Tai

Author's Reply:
lolz Tai its soo true we can get addicted to anything, but its hard to change it. now i understand why its so hard to stop people smoking.
thanks for the 10 and the comment.
take care
xXx-B-a-B-y-_-P-xXx

littleditty on 21-11-2005
Addiction ( cant think of a better title im sowi)
Liked this a lot - decide if you are going to use commas and full stops or not - as it works without -here are a couple of suggestions and i changed a couple of typos etc-:


I played with his heart
like it was a volley ball
thrown across the net
to win some kind of a trophy
only that it wasn’t made of gold
but blood and flesh

I used it to get a buzz
like people get from drugs
and it only lasted for a few minutes
until I start searching
planning new ways to feed my addiction
just like how smokers look for lighters

I love the way he tells me to stop
so he can prove to me he's not the same
I can break his heart all over again
but he won't hurt mine

It's a lie just like
every other addict's


Well done Miss Poetess - your poetry is always interesting -well done! xxx

Author's Reply:
Thank you Ms lil G,
i was kind of sure that i had to much punctuation done here. but i was just soooo obsessed with the comas and fullstops i don't know why though lolz. it must have been one of them really weird days.
but thanks a lot for giving the suggestions ill take some of them.
take care
xXx-B-a-B-y-_-P-xXx

littleditty on 21-11-2005
Addiction ( cant think of a better title im sowi)
I think the title is fine...you don't like it? xxx

Author's Reply:
i like it but I'm not 100 % happy with it. cause it gives away most of it before you read the poem init,
but glad you liked it.
thanks
take care
xXx-B-a-B-y-_-P-xXx


If it was.... (posted on: 18-11-05)
hmmm .... well a bit funny but true. read it and find out what I'm on about init.

If love was sold on eBay, everyone would perhaps buy it, it would be an easy product to find, a reasonable price, with a guarantee and its returnable, if it breaks your heart you can just exchange it for a new product, you can test them for two long weeks , before you make up your mind Weather its the one or not. So it would be: easy to find, better, more satisfaction, and you can keep it if your satisfied. Maybe eBay should start selling love.
Archived comments for If it was....
Kat on 19-11-2005
If it was....
Hi BP

Great idea for a poem - enjoyed!

Kat :o)

Author's Reply:


I'm His Friend now (posted on: 18-11-05)
another one of my poems about how the heart and mind work. also how us humans and aliens want things we cant have.

His my friend now, a really good one and I'm happy, After all that's what I wanted. But now inside me it feels wrong, And my heart, my mind isn't happy, cause it wants something more. Something that I've always run from something I never want something I always hide from. But today My heart is thirsty for his love My mind wont stop thinking about him But I'm his friend and he is mine.
Archived comments for I'm His Friend now
Jay on 18-11-2005
I
A nice piece baby... full of feeling.
I liked the title, he is my friend now. Very sinister! hehe.

Jenn. x

Author's Reply:

flossieBee on 18-11-2005
I
I'm really enjoying reading your poems, Baby poet. They've got such a straightforward honesty to them.

fB xx

Author's Reply:


An Image (posted on: 07-11-05)
i ain't written in ages, feel like I'm losing everything i got from here. but any ways this is just a little something i thought of after a small discussion on a book in school. hope you like it, comments & crits welcome.

The image in the mirror I can see today is what he has done to me, the mirror wont lie the way I would. But I can see the eyes showing its pain that it felt when he left me, alone. At the alter. With no explanation. With no clue. I stood there and waited. Waited and waited. Till today, for his return. I can see myself growing old, see my pure silk white laced dress become a yellow painless cloth, with no respect. No touch. I can see the wrinkles ageing my face, the eyes still sore, from the tears my lover gave me. As a unwanted gift. The image in the mirror Of me.
Archived comments for An Image
tai on 07-11-2005
An Image
Hi Baby Poet, this is very good indeed. Great Expectation are us. The best thing to do is stay open to perswasion and flexible, Then no-one can dissappoint you. You really are getting good at this poetry lark. 9 from me. Smiling at ya

Tai

Author's Reply:
thanks Tai. glad you liked it.
thanks for the 9
take care
xXx-B-a-B-y_-_P-xXx

tai on 07-11-2005
An Image
Oops! I forgot the spell check! 'persuasion'lol Tai

Author's Reply:

Bradene on 07-11-2005
An Image
Nice Poem BP.. Great Expectations ..one of my all time favourite books, nice portrayal of Miss Haversham's heartbreak. Hope you are coping, Nice to see you back. Love Val x

Author's Reply:
thanks Val
take care
xXx-B-a-B-Y-_-P-xXx

Claire on 07-11-2005
An Image
Hun, I think all women see that in the mirror, whether they're married or not... you've written a great poem here from an excellent book, good choice.

And don't you worry about not subbing. You post when you can, but no matter what, don't you dare stop writing.

By the way, cute photo, your son?

Author's Reply:
lolz Thanks Claire.
glad you enjoy my writing that much.
i wont stop writing for you.
I'm still to young to have a baby lolz. I'm only 16.
he my Lil cousin bro.
take care
xXx-B-a-B-y-_-P-xXx

salamander on 07-11-2005
An Image
very good. It also reminded me of Havisham by Carol Ann Duffy.

This was very good

"I can see the wrinkles aging my face,
the eyes still sore,
from the tears
my lover gave me.
As a unwanted gift."

Small typo. Should be ageing

Solomon



Author's Reply:
yeh thats what my teacher said aswell. and yeh after i read 'Havisham' by Duff. i realised it was so much similar.
thanks for pointing out the typo.
take care
xXx-B-a-B-y-_-P-xXx

Kazzmoss on 07-11-2005
An Image
You most certainly haven't lost your touch, its a lovely poem that tells a whole story and very nicely written. - Kazz

Author's Reply:
thanks Kazz.
take care
xXx-B-a-B-y-_-P-xXx

Kat on 07-11-2005
An Image
Good work, BP! All the best to you.

Kat x

Author's Reply:
thanks Kat.
take care.
xXx-B-a-B-y-_-P-xXx


The Date Was Set.... (posted on: 24-10-05)
some thing that came to my mind about olden times. read on to find out about what init. hope you like it ain't posted anything in quite a bit. take care

The date was set, for her to be sold to a stranger she never knew. The date was set , for her to be a strangers property. The date was set, for her to become a strangers slave. The date was set, for her identity to be a strangers name. The date was set , for her to become a strangers lawful wedded wife.
Archived comments for The Date Was Set....
karenuk on 24-10-2005
The Date Was Set....
A good idea for a poem. Just one tip, you need an apostrophe in stranger's.
Karen x

Author's Reply:
Thanks Karen i will make the changes ina bit.
take care

littleditty on 30-10-2005
The Date Was Set....
BP - i think this is excellent - it is however, not only about olden times for all the women in the world is it?... It's well written - the repetition works well and you have more 'shown' your opinion than 'telling' it - which is a good poetic/writer technique. Good one. xxxlil MsG x

Author's Reply:
Thank you lil Ms G
glad you think its really good.
yeah your right it is about the now and the olden times for women.
but thats life. and it has improved.
take care
xXx-B-a-B-y-_-P-xXx


Did You Get That...? (posted on: 24-10-05)
well ermm this is to/ for... read to find out

I heard his heart beat, and there it was again It played a rhythm of life. There it was again. Another one, did you hear that? Did you feel it? It was the beats of love and the heart of my newborn nephew ..!!!
Archived comments for Did You Get That...?
tai on 24-10-2005
Did You Get That...?
Hi baby poet, a sweet poem dedicated to love and your new nephew. Typo 1st line 2nd verse, There 'it' was.

8 from me

Smiling

Tai

Author's Reply:
thanks Tai for pointing that one out i would never had realised
cause I'll just read it through knowing its meant to be a 'it' lolz.
cheers for the 8 hun.
take care

littleditty on 26-10-2005
Did You Get That...?
Hi BP -i really like the way you are writing your lines and where you are chosing to break them . This is a sweet poem. Funny too -making the reader think it is the speaker in the poem who is pregnant. Nice one Poetess xxxlilMsG x (sp. Heard...;)

Author's Reply:
hey LD,
thanks i thought i should write something funny for my lil cousin init.
but glad you all liked it though,
NO I'm not pregnant lolz.
i didn't know it sounds like the speaker is pregnant something new huh?
Take care
XxX-B-a-B-y - P--XxX

littleditty on 26-10-2005
Did You Get That...?
Yeah -until the last line - the reader isn't sure if it is the speaker pregnant or the speaker listening at the belly of another -i thought from your title and the exclamation marks that you wanted this -i like poems or writing which has different meanings - or surprises -xxxlittleditty (layers of meanings n? good for GCSE marks to see and explain possible different meanings or interpretations of what the writer wanted to say - right? you did this in your poem :o)xxxlilMs Gx

Author's Reply:


The Connection (posted on: 14-10-05)
just something i came up with the other day. i don't know about the structure still working init but its different from the other ones. i think init. hope you like it. Crits more than welcome. take care BP ~~~~~~~~~NaJ~~~~~~~~

He gave me this strange look one I have never seen before, He stared into my eyes from a mile a way but still so clear, No one in between could break this connection, to make him wink. My heart starts beating fast as I froze, in the middle of nowhere and started this endless conversation. Where no sound was heard, but every word was told and then I woke to realise, it was another nightmare, of my broken promise and my lost dreams.
Archived comments for The Connection
tai on 14-10-2005
The Connection
Hi baby poet, this one is very grown up for a 16 year old, you never cease to amaze me!lol You need an 's' in starts on the 7th line. That is the thing about promises, people do build dreams on them.

Coming along nicely I'd say!

8 from me.

Smiling

Tai

Author's Reply:

Romany on 14-10-2005
The Connection
I think this is an excellent poem. Very thoughtful and actually quite touching; it dertainly rang a bell or two with me. The following lines I thought very good:


'and started this endless conversation.

Where no sound was heard,
but every word was told '

Excellent BP!


Author's Reply:

Romany on 14-10-2005
The Connection
For 'dertainly' please read 'certainly!' I hate it when I do that! Sorry.

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 14-10-2005
The Connection
BP -Excellent - your line breaks really work well - what do you think about thislittlechange:

My heart start beating fast as I froze,
in the middle of nowhere

and started this endless conversation

where no sound was heard,
but every word was told.

Then I woke to realise

it was another nightmare,
of my broken promise
and my lost dreams.

xxxlittle Ms G (this is a fine poem Ms Poetess :O)

Author's Reply:

eddiesolo on 14-10-2005
The Connection
Hi BP,

This is a very mature write, one of your best I think.

As for structure I think it could do with tidying up to get the full impact of the wording. Saying that what the hell do I know lol.

Like very much.

Si:-)

Author's Reply:

Apolloneia on 14-10-2005
The Connection
This is one of your good poems Babypoet. I liked it.

Author's Reply:

Leila on 16-10-2005
The Connection
I like what you've done here and my thought is to drop line 6, it feels out of place to me...L

Author's Reply:

freya on 16-10-2005
The Connection
BabyPoet, I too really like this. It rings clear as a bell and aches with a reflective regret and sadness. Technically, you reveal a good poetic instinct for where to make line breaks and you isolate just the right islands of thoughts, giving pause and emphasis to the best effect. What I particularly love is the rhythmic lilt and echo of both close syllable count and sound in these lines:

No one in between could break this connection (11)
and started this endless conversation. (10)

That said, I think you could make this an even stronger piece by more carefully attending grammar and punctuation, as well as omitting a few prepositions. I think leaving out punctuation altogether can work well, but as a poet under whom I studied would say: either use it correctly, or not at all. Here you've decided to use it, so think a comma added here, or left out there, would benefit. And like Leila, I had some problem with the sixth line, yet I'm feeling a word change could make the difference? As I've said before BabyPoet, I don't like to re-write someone else's work but it's so much easier to copy in order to show changes I would suggest. So for your consideration:

He gave me this strange look, (add comma)
one I've never seen before, (contract to I've)

stared into my eyes from a mile away (omit he)
but still so clear - (add hyphen)
no one in between could break this connection, (change N)
make him blink. (omit to, change to blink?)

My heart beating fast, I froze (omit start and as, comma/add)
in the middle of nowhere

and started this endless conversation (omit full stop)

where no sound was heard, (omit capital W)
but every word told. (omit was, add full stop)

Then I woke to realise (omit and, comma: capitalize T)

it was another nightmare: (change comma to colon:)
my broken promise, (omit of and add comma)
my lost dreams. (omit and)

BabyPoet, whether you change things or not, this is the best poem I've read of yours to this point. Would like to see it nibbed, myself. :O) Shelagh xx

Author's Reply:


1 FOR HER (posted on: 07-10-05)
I HAVE ADDED 2 MORE IN THIS SELECTION USING WHAT EVERYONE HAS SAID. BUT IT SOUNDS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THOUGH. YOU MIGHT WANT TO CHECK THEM OUT TOO. AND THANKS SO MUCH EVERYONE. OK people.. i need help.
1 of my close friend has had an accident and past away.
and on Monday at school they are going to have an assembly for her. and they all want me to right something for her. but i cant.
i don't know whats wrong with me. i feel like I'm soo rubbish at writing, i don't even know how to write no more. so i wrote a few and they not what i want. so i want you to pick a draft for me from the the ones below and tell me. PLEASE READ THIS AND TELL ME WHICH ONE I SHOULD READ OUT IN FRONT OF 240 STUDENTS. after editing it ofcourse.
plzzzz plzzzzzzz help me. i just cant write now. i want it to be one of my best and perfect for her but i just don't seem to be able to. so it will be great help if you pick one for me. I AM OBVIOUSLY GOING TO EDIT IT AFTER WARDS.
plzzz plzz read and tell me its for this Monday 10th October yeh. so plzzz
hope you like at least one.

1 from a mile away i see you smiling away with that cute look of yours you come out of no where and give us the hug we all love gangster is what you are love is what we feel for you sharmin you will always belong here right in the middle with your unforgettable smile even from a mile we will always remember you even after we grow old. you will always be young looking out for us from heaven i know we will always love you sharmin --------------------------------------- 2 you made us cry today you've dried out our eyes and made us a joke you laugh from beneath that white clean cloth and say 'look at you's', you lot are stupid, you lot are lame' but you see it might look lame from your point of view but from ours. well you've left us here on earth to miss you like mad to love you like crazy your the gangster not us. so you tell us how do we smile when we miss you loads how do we laugh when the pain full tears will drop, and drop until the oceans in our eyes will dry out ------------------------------------------------------------ 3 your name brings tears to our eyes those memories we have from you the memories we share with you what do we do with them we've kept them locked up in our hearts just like treasures we keep them safe but what do we do to help us live them moments we shares just round there and around the corner in that classroom in this very hall what do we do with them as they bring us these tears that are dropping from our heart right now your name brings us a smile gives us a giggle as we remembered one of them funny moments one that you made us laugh so much we cried. remember when we where in that class with that teacher what you said, my gangster sister do you remember you made us laugh, you got yourself in trouble and you still ask ' what did i do' the teachers still blushing and you my friend....... you would tell us at this point to laugh not cry to pray not cry to stay happy not upset to live life not freeze life ---------------------- 4 Sharmin Sharmin where are you cant you see we are searching for you we are waiting for your return we know your here just about there now your near me i can see you bopping like a bad girl Sharmin Sharmin where are you cant you see we need you we miss you we know we shouldn't but its your fault you made us love you and left us here alone to feel that pain that stabbing in our guts. Sharmin Sharmin where are you i can see you in heaven your going to keep your deep eyes on us your going to keep us under manners your going to help us through life i hear you say you will fulfill our wishes i hear then come back here that is our wish that's it. ------------------------------ 5 There she was, soo beautifully clean, she lied in her coffin, covered in white and rose water, she looked peaceful and free. I wonder where she has been taken away from us, to heaven I know, she deserves to be there, i know she is, and i know the one above us loves her more and needs her more than we here do. ---------------------- 6 So sweet i see you smile. so sad i see you cry so painful to know your not with me but so happy to know your in heaven i know we are all going to miss you but i also know your in a better place just that i want to be with you not without you . My friend you should know no matter where we are no matter where we go or even if we separate and go to another world we will always be together our souls will always remain together.
Archived comments for 1 FOR HER
dogfrog on 2005-10-07 10:28:08
Re: 1 FOR HER
Definitely 2 although 3 is just a longer version of 2. I like both actually. Pencil in 2 and if you're feeling brave do 3.

good luk bP.

df

Author's Reply:

Bradene on 2005-10-07 11:37:25
Re: 1 FOR HER
First of all BP can I just say I understand how terrible you all must be feeling and give you my condolences. I feel to that this should definitely have been placed at the top of the pile so that people were sure to see it. Being down here it could stay unread all weekend, just my opinion. I agree with DF. Number two, hit the spot for me I think you should do that one, it shrieks sincerity and is beautifully done. Hold your head high when you read it out, she will be proud. Love Val x

Author's Reply:

eddiesolo on 2005-10-07 11:41:52
Re: 1 FOR HER
Hi BP,

Just to say firstly, so sorry on your loss.

And secondly I think number two.

Be brave.

Si:-)

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-10-07 11:42:16
Re: 1 FOR HER
thank you so much....
i just cant think right now. and everything seems rubbish from my point of view cause i want it to be one of the best init,
but thanks for helping I'd post it on my journal or discussion aswell so more people will notice this one.
thanks alot Val and DF.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

Michel on 2005-10-07 13:01:20
Re: 1 FOR HER
I like 1 and 3
but No. 2 is outstanding,
in my opinion

Author's Reply:

Michel on 2005-10-07 13:06:56
Re: 1 FOR HER
But now that I read them again,
I got the lines mixed up, thought
No. 2 and 3 were one poem!
Anyway, 2 is strong and 3 is just
wonderful, also - has real power could speak that long I would suggest
combining.

Author's Reply:

karenuk on 10-07-2005
1 FOR HER
The first verse of the 3rd poem is my favourite, but number 2 is also very good and extremely moving. Good luck for the reading on Monday. I am so sorry you had to lose a friend, my condolences.
Karen x

Author's Reply:

AnthonyEvans on 10-07-2005
1 FOR HER
number 2 brought tears to my eyes and to me it seems that that is what it is all about: bawling your eyes out for a friend. and then that vision of her laughing at you (which brings her right before you in a very real and concrete way because i guess you have hit her 'gangsta' character here).

i also get the feeling that she would appreciate the directness of no.2 rather than the more traditional(slightly flowery) 3 and 4.

sorry about your sad news. good luck with the reading.

best wishes, anthony.

Author's Reply:

Gerry on 07-10-2005
1 FOR HER
Hi, Use 2 if you want to keep it short.
Use 3. if you feel you can handle a longer poem. Remember it won't be easy.
Good luck, and sorry for your loss of a friend.

Gerry xxx


Author's Reply:

Gee on 07-10-2005
1 FOR HER
I'm so sorry for your loss, but this is a really lovely tribute you're planning.
I like 3, but I prefer 2 in this situation. First, becasue it's going to be an ordeal for you to read at all, so I'd advise keeping it short. Second, because it reads more like something one friend would say to another.
Take care.
Gee

Author's Reply:

Kat on 07-10-2005
1 FOR HER
Hi BP

I think you have done amazingly well to write all of these tributes for your firiend at this time.

I would say 3 because it really seems to capture your friendship - it's so natural, and beautiful and it might be hard to do - but it's something you can do for your friend and I'm sure you'll do it well.

All the best, Baby_Poet - thinking about you.

Kat x

Author's Reply:

bluepootle on 07-10-2005
1 FOR HER
Hi Baby Poet.
I liked number 3 but I would cut the first verse and read verses 2 & 3 only, which I thought were a lovely, positive remembrance. Nobody needs to be reminded to cry, but everyone will want to be given a reason to remember and smile. Hope that helps.

Author's Reply:

red-dragon on 07-10-2005
1 FOR HER
Hi Baby Poet.
I think I'd lose the first verse of number 3, but add poem 2 at the end, after 'freeze life'.
Whatever you choose, good luck. You will celebrate her life, mourne her death and you'll never, ever forget her. Ann

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 07-10-2005
1 FOR HER
So sorry to hear your sad news. I remember when a boy died from our school and our headmaster had to walk off the stage in assembly cos he was so choked. I think it's so very admirable what you're all doing for her. Deep breath, and go with 2 or 3, or a combination of both. They seem to be the most popular... I'm sure you'll find the right words if you don't feel you've found them already.

Take care honey.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 07-10-2005
1 FOR HER
Hiya Ms. Poet. Sorry to hear of your news. I pretty much agree with the others and would personally opt for 2 with shades of 3. Whatever you say, it will be the right thing because it will come from the heart. Take big care.

sunken

Author's Reply:

allieuk on 07-10-2005
1 FOR HER
Yes, two or three, or a combination of them both. All of them cry out with your love and loss. I'm so sorry 🙁 I know you'll do her proud when you do your reading. I think you are an outstanding writer if you can do this at such a difficult time.

Take care

Allie xx

Author's Reply:

Linear on 07-10-2005
1 FOR HER
Baby Poet,
I agree with the majority, 2 and 3 hit me the most emotionally. But what matters most is how you feel. Just repeating others now, but your poems all convey your real feelings in an honest and poetic way, You can't get any more perfect than that.
Be well PoeT.

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 07-10-2005
1 FOR HER
HI N. Sharmin? What wonderful poems you have written her - what time Monday - morning assembly? I'll copy your poems now and look at them carefully to send you some ideas tomorrow. If you like, send me what you are more happy with now, for me to see what you are thinking - i will check it over for you - Ok? What a horrible thing - your words, whichever you choose from these, will be good moments for everyone to think of her- you have done so well - good luck, brave poet xxxlilMsG x

Author's Reply:

freya on 08-10-2005
1 FOR HER
BabyPoet,
I feel as littleditty. I'd like to print the whole and take some time to think about this. I find it hard to choose between these versions and wonder if some composite might work best. For myself, I think I'd like a few more details of what most dearly brings your friend to mind and heart. What a heartbreaking tragedy, and you ARE doing well to have been able to pour so much into these verses. Is there a way I can e-mail? Or e-mail me soneil@dandy.net. Shelagh xx

Author's Reply:

Apolloneia on 08-10-2005
1 FOR HER
Please accept my deepest condolences on the passing of your friend. In regard to which poem, I for some reason prefer number 4 after editing the last stanza. Best wishes, Nicoletta.

Author's Reply:

sirat on 08-10-2005
1 FOR HER
I am really sorry to hear about the loss of your friend.

I don't normally express an opinion on poetry but for what it's worth I think the emotions come across most powerfully in the last one, No. 4.

You say you are going to edit it before reading it out. I can't help you with that from an artistic standpoint, but in case the poem gets into print eventually, in the local paper or the school magazine for instance, you should tidy up the punctuation slightly. Mainly, when "your" means "you are" it's written as "you're". When it means "belonging to you" it's written as "your". Normally each line would begin with a capital letter but I'm sure you already know that. You could do it if you like. With a few minor corrections here is how the poem would look on the page:

Sharmin Sharmin where are you?
can't you see
we are searching for you?
we are waiting for your return
we know you're here
just about there
now you're near me
I can see you bopping
like a bad girl

Sharmin Sharmin where are you?
can't you see
we need you
we miss you?
we know we shouldn't
but it's your fault
you made us love you
and left us here alone
to feel that pain
that stabbing in our guts.

Sharmin Sharmin where are you?
I can see you in heaven
you're going to keep your deep eyes on us
you're going to keep us under manners
you're going to help us through life
I hear you say
you will fulfill our wishes
I hear
then come back here
that is our wish
that’s it.


Author's Reply:

tai on 08-10-2005
1 FOR HER
Hello baby poet. I am very sorry for the loss of your friend. I too like No 3 but they are all obviously straight from your heart and whichever you feel most comfortable with should be the one you read out. You are a very brave young lady with a lot of talent. Your friend would be proud of your heartfelt words, I am sure.

Good luck with the reading

So sorry

Tai

Author's Reply:

discopants on 08-10-2005
1 FOR HER
Hi BP

I prefer number 3 but agree with earlier comments that you could cut the first stanza- it will retain the good memories of her and keep it short.

It's never easy expressing feelings about those close to you and what appears in writing rarely reflects accurately what we have in our mind becasue it just never seems perfect enough. The fact that you have written these pieces and managed to convey your memories and feelings so well shows your strength of character and love for your friend. She would be proud of you.

Take care and good luck.

Author's Reply:

skinnyscot on 08-10-2005
1 FOR HER
hi just to say i think you are very brave and sharmin will love you the more for it. she must have been a special person to have so much love around her. I thought 2, 3, and 4 were good but especially 2 and perhaps you tie in verses from 4 but whatever you decide will be right cause Sharmin might just have a say in it? good luck and my prayers are with you and your friend

Author's Reply:

Romany on 08-10-2005
1 FOR HER
Baby poet - first of all I would like to echo the sentiments expressed above and say I am very sorry for your loss.
On a more prctical level, I understand that you are nervous about presenting such a personal tributeto your whole school, although It's one that i am sure they will understand and share with you. It is a loving and brave thing to do; you should be proud of yourself.

I have taken the liberty of doing something here that I would never normally do. I cut and pasted your poem number 2, which is generally accepted here as being the best, and corrected a few mistakes. Obviously, you are concerned with such things at the moment, understandably. Please understand that I am attempting only to help you make it clearer and simpler to relate (I have actually hardly changed it at all.) It is as follows:

You made us cry today
You've drained our eyes
And made us a joke
You laugh from beneath that white clean cloth
And say look at you,
You lot are stupid,
You lot are lame
But you see,
It might look lame from your point of view
But from ours,
Well, you've left us here on earth
To miss you like mad
To love you like crazy
You’re the gangster not us.

So you tell us:
How do we smile when we miss you loads?
How do we laugh when the painful tears fall,
And fall, until the oceans in our eyes dry out?


I think you've written a beautiful, touching poem here, however you choose to present it. Please feel free to ignore my comment if you prefer, but know it is offered with the deepest respect and sympathy.

Good luck on Monday.

Romany.

(I suspect lots of us here will be thinking of you.)

Author's Reply:

e-griff on 08-10-2005
1 FOR HER
The point here is we've been asked to be blunt, because this is so important. It is. So I'm going to be blunter than I would ever be to an aspiring poet, in an effort to support you in difficult times. Forgive me, I mean well, but forget all other opinions.....

You are not a very good poet, yet. BUT you have expression, simply lack technique. I absolutely STRONGLY urge you to go for PART of no 2. Keep it short (it will be hard enough to say in public anyway).

The bit I picked was

you made us cry today
you've dried out our eyes
and made us a joke
you laugh from beneath that white clean cloth
and say 'look at you’s', you lot are stupid, you lot are lame'
but you see it might look lame from your point of view
but from ours, well. you've left us here on earth to miss you like mad,
to love you like crazy
You're the gangster, not us.

THat's all. It has impact, it's enough. It's what you SAID! don't embroider etc. Be clear be simple.

very best wishes and encouragement, JOhnG


Author's Reply:

tai on 09-10-2005
1 FOR HER
Hi baby poet. Ignore e-griff he is an old un but he means well. I have taken another look at your well deserved great reads and I must say, I have to agree with the other miserable git...shywolf.

That first expression is so sweet, so clear and so full of your love for your friend. The others also express this love very deeply and I am sure you will lift them all with your words. Whatever choice you make. It is not the dead we should weep for, they are at peace, it is us losers as your poetry so beautifully speaks of, that need our love and care.

That is what your sharmin would want for you all. And never forget that her love will always dwell in your hearts. It is what overcomes the barriers of heaven and earth. How we are remembered that counts.

I hope this helps you make your choice. I know you will be a rock for your community.

As bektron would say...Onward and upwards all the way.

Smiling my love and encouragement in your face.

Tai x

Author's Reply:

Michel on 09-10-2005
1 FOR HER
That's a beautiful comment, Tai.
I looked at No.1 again, and it is as effective as you say.
Short, strong and in a natural voice, with a lovely finish.

I don't think it needs to, or should, read like
poetry, but like a direct voice.

Well, this is probably too long, etc, but I thought this sounded direct...perhaps (just a thought):

I see you smiling away
with that cute look of yours
you come out of nowhere
and give us the hug we all love
sharmin you will always belong here
right in the middle
with your unforgettable smile
I can see you in heaven

you made us cry today
but you've dried out our eyes
and made us a joke
you laugh from beneath that white clean cloth
and say 'look at you’s', you lot are stupid, you lot are lame'
but you see it might look lame from your point of view
but from ours. well you've left us here on earth to miss you like mad
to love you like crazy
you're the gangster not us.
so you tell us how do we smile when we miss you loads
how do we laugh when the pain full tears will drop,
and drop until the oceans in our eyes will dry out

your name brings tears to our eyes
those memories we have from you
the memories we share with you
what do we do with them?
We will keep them locked up in our hearts
just like treasures we will keep them safe
but what do we do to help us live
them moments we shared
just round there
and around the corner
in that classroom
in this very hall
what do we do with them
as they bring us these tears
that are dropping from our hearts right now


then your name brings us a smile
gives us a giggle
as we remember one of them funny moments
one that you made us laugh
so much we cried.
remember when we were in that class
with that teacher
what you said, my gangster sister do you remember
you made us laugh,
you got yourself in trouble
and you still ask ' what did i do'
the teachers still blushing
and you my friend.......

you would tell us at this point
to laugh
not cry
to pray
not cry
to stay happy
not upset
to live life
not freeze life



Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 09-10-2005
1 FOR HER
hi everyone. thanks soooo soo much. you lot are so caring and helpful, many thanks to you all, and I've just added 2 more poems using some of your advises init. but its 2 new poems.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

Michel on 09-10-2005
1 FOR HER
No. 5 is very nice, though not as *original* as your
earlier ones, with the gangsta talk and jokes, etc.

No. 6 is not specific enough (too generic) to make an impact, I think, so I'd say 'no' to that one.

Author's Reply:

e-griff on 09-10-2005
1 FOR HER
I may say that there are good poets on this site. Me? I class myself the same as you: not a very good poet yet - so we are in the same boat! 🙂 we will learn together, eh?

I stick by my advice to you most strongly. You have to get up and say this in public. Be short and sweet (how tall are you?)

all the best and good luck

Author's Reply:

discopants on 09-10-2005
1 FOR HER
I think that 5 & 6 lack the personal touches included in some of the earlier pieces. I think that the references to how she made you laugh and what she would say in poems 2 & 3 make your tribute more relevant to Sharmin and show what it was that made her so special. I'd still go for the last 2 stanzas of number 3.

Whichever you go for, do as many others have said, and keep it relatively short.

Good luck with whichever one you go for.

Author's Reply:

freya on 09-10-2005
1 FOR HER
BabyPoet, look for my e-mail now. Sorry this is arriving so late in the day for you, but I didn't open your pm 'til a couple of hours ago. Use whatever you like. Or none, but hope you can find something helpful in the suggestions.

Be strong tomorrow, little one. I know you will for your friend's sake. Shelagh xx

Author's Reply:

tai on 10-10-2005
1 FOR HER
We will all be thinking of you and your friends tomorrow Baby poet. They are all great. You will do a fine job.

love

Tai x

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 10-10-2005
1 FOR HER
thanks everyone much appreciated. its help me out a lot. but i have a bit more time i think.as we will be doing this with the memorial thing which is in a few weeks time.
but many thanks specially Val.
take care everyone, thanks all very much for helping out.
xXx...:::...BaBy_PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

flossieBee on 18-11-2005
1 FOR HER
I'm very sorry to hear about Sharmin and am moved to read these poems.

fB

Author's Reply:


As Night Darkens.... (posted on: 07-10-05)
a repost edited a bit. this was one of my 1st post.
hope you like the changed i made.


As night comes,
my heart starts beating fast,
the fright begins,
the fear takes place,
as it gets darker,
the times clicking away,
away till its time for bed,
the fright of my night,
is taken over.

I don't want to sleep,
not again to see a dream,
the horror that's in my bed,
I cant move it,
I cant tell anyone,
my nights are worse then hell,
my days are unfilled wishes,
for night not to come,
wonders of how I'm to live another night,
no matter how hard I wish
I cant stop it,
I cant stop my nights of fear,
I try to not think about it,
I try and ignore it,
I try saying to myself,
its a stupid dream,
dreams are nothing,
but it don't work,
I cant stop the fearful nights,
I cant stop my nightmares,
my fear,
cause its a dream I cant stop.

As the night comes,
my heart beats faster,
and the fright begins,
the fear takes place,
just waiting for it to be all over,
the night to be over,
for it to be a day again,
my fear, my frights,
its all a dream,
A nightmare.
Archived comments for As Night Darkens....
eddiesolo on 10-10-2005
As Night Darkens....
Hi there BP,

I can't remember the first draft of this but who cares...I like it.

Nice one.

Si:-)

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 12-10-2005
As Night Darkens....
Hi Poetess - you have made this more sophisticated -it shows you are improving you work successfully -so well done to you. Here are some things i noticed:
Stanza 1 -
the time's (or the time is...)
'til it's time
Stanza 2
but it doesn't work,
Stanza 3
it's all a dream.

I was thinking about your punctuation - especially the 2nd stanza - wondering if no punctuation would work. Or the odd full stop/capital letter where it feels right -tricky business though! It's good to see you writing like this, improving - well done BP xxxlittleditty x




Author's Reply:
hi lilMsG me going to have to think about what you have noticed its quite complicated
i think like you have said lolz.
but I'll fix it in a bit.
well I'll try init lolz.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

BaBy_PoeT on 12-10-2005
As Night Darkens....
Thanks Si glad you liked it
its not much changed from my draft just a bit more punctuation and improved structure init.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx


Author's Reply:


A Dark Soul (posted on: 03-10-05)
read it and comment it.... lolz






A dark room, with a soul alone
waiting, for her love to come
waiting, for one to find her
like always she lives something special, for her love
hoping he will come, to love her again
just as she falls asleep,
thinking its in her only loves arms.

Something comes with a breeze, so cool
she can just about feel it, as its coming closer
she feels this touch, full of love
she can feel his breath, so fresh
she can just about hear beats, of the heart
growing faster and faster,
as the two separate souls, are becoming one.
Alone.
Archived comments for A Dark Soul
Claire on 2005-10-04 10:00:38
Re: A Dark Soul
Hey there hun,

You have a good little poem going here, full of emotion. This is something I can actually relate to.

One niggle hun,

'Like always she lives something special, for her love'

Should there be a 'for' inbetween 'lives ... something' ?

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-10-06 13:21:33
Re: A Dark Soul
thanks Claire glad you liked it. but shocked you can relate to it. but then again thats life init. yep your right about the 'for' in between the line. I'll fix that error. thanks a lot for pointing it out 4 me init.
thanks hun
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


It Will $peak The Truth.. (posted on: 03-10-05)
a poem
i don't really know what made me write this.
i just did it now by the way.
and I'm not feeling much now. so don't know if its going to be good or not,
hope you lot like it tho.
crits are always more than welcome...!!

Look into my eyes,
and you'll see the real pain
Look into my eyes,
and you'll see the real truth
Look into my eyes,
and you'll see the true love
Look into my eyes,
and you'll meet the true me.

As my eyes will speak the truth
and my lips will always lie,
My eyes will show you the truth
and my lips will feed you lies
My eyes will show you my tears
and my lips will carry on smiling
My eyes will say 'I miss you'
and my lips will say 'I hate you'.







Archived comments for It Will $peak The Truth..
littleditty on 2005-10-03 13:08:02
Re: It Will $peak The Truth..
Hi BP - i liked the repetition of the idea -it is like a song...it is a good write and i wonder if you will leave it as it stands now - or develop it further? If you have just written it then i guess you'll see what you do with it. I like the idea and feel the same way about the eyes and the mouth. The eyes dont lie so much -you heard of iridology? The eyes tell ALL. x:o)littleditty xxx

Author's Reply:

allieuk on 2005-10-03 13:44:44
Re: It Will $peak The Truth..
The repetition here has a hypnotic quality, not unlike looking deeply into someone's eyes! I know exactly what this spoke to me. Sometimes we have to hide our true feelings, to save ourselves or others pain, but the eyes are the windows to the soul and the soul can't lie. Great write.

Allie

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-10-06 13:15:01
Re: It Will $peak The Truth..
hey lilMsG,
glad you liked it. yeh its interesting how one cant lie as much with the eyes than they can with the mouth. and how the eyes can speak just like the mouth as well init. I'm not sure about what I'm going to do with it. most of my poems well to say the truth i hardly go back to change it. unless people tell me to init.cause when i change it i end up re-writing a whole new piece init. nope ain't herd of iridology but I'm guessing it's got something to do with the poem about the eyes and mouth thing init.
take care
very glad you liked it though.
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-10-06 13:30:37
Re: It Will $peak The Truth..
yeh true aswell. but we are human and thats life. we do so many things for ourselves and others by lying .which is stupid but true.
i lie about some feelings cause I'm ignorant and its funny how I'm starting to accept it aswell. lolz
thanks stopping by
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

tai on 2005-10-06 15:10:02
Re: It Will $peak The Truth..
Hi baby poet, this is your best piece todate in my book. Very good. I think the reason you wrote it, is because it is a universal truth young lady!

Smiling. The eyes cannot lie.

The truth will out!

9 from me

Well done

Tai



Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-10-06 16:43:03
Re: It Will $peak The Truth..
Hiya Tai,
glad you thought this was one of my best piece in your books.
yep the eyes cannot lie.
thanks 4 the 9 sweety lolz
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


He Made Me Feel.. (posted on: 26-09-05)
A list of things at time someone can make you feel.
not that any one has exactly made me feel it yet...
lolz
hope you like it
i know I've done better.
Crit away...
don't be to hash lolz.


~~~~~~~~NaJ~~~~~~~~

Alive , Special, Wanted, Missed, Needed, Important Loved, Cared, He made me feel. While I knew him, When he tried to make me, That special one The one he can always love. Grin, Frown, Laugh, Happy, Dream, wish, Life, Fantasise, He gave me all the reasons. He made me smile Made me laugh until I cried Into his arms And feel the pain in my gut Until he made me lose myself Into his world of love.
Archived comments for He Made Me Feel..
Bradene on 2005-09-26 12:12:28
Re: He Made Me Feel..
I liked this, Did you mean lose as in losing yourself or loose as in hanging loose? Nice piece BP. Love Val x

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-09-26 17:23:35
Re: He Made Me Feel..
thanks Val. glad you liked it.
i meant loosing myself and losing a game aswell. so its up to you the way you would like it.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

Kat on 2005-09-27 03:17:28
Re: He Made Me Feel..
I enjoyed this, BP - well done!

Kat 🙂

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-09-27 07:18:59
Re: He Made Me Feel..
I think you have the sensitivities required to make a fine writer young Ms. Poet. You may want to alter 'loose' to 'lose' in the second to last line? Unless I'm being dumb (nothing new there then) and missing something. Nice little write full of big emotion. Nice one BP.

s
u
n
k
e
n

he sleeps upside down

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-09-27 14:12:55
Re: He Made Me Feel..
Thanks Kat,
glad you enjoyed it.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-09-29 14:59:22
Re: He Made Me Feel..
hi my Sunkyyyy.
how have you been. not herd from you lately...?
thanks a lot for commenting.
I'm very glad you think i am a 'fine write'
hope one day i can actually write something that is excellent init. about the lose/ loose thing. well when i actually wrote it to me it was both. but I just any init. n nope your not being dumb. don't worry i don't think your dum at all. you cant be dum cause you can write things that are good and interesting init. anyways
take care
sorry for replying so lately just been really busy with things.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

Futant on 2005-09-30 09:54:57
Re: He Made Me Feel..
A great write, its simplicity dominates this piece greately. Well done. Although the line "feel the pain in my gut" made me chuckle to myself, sounds quite emphasised, but maybe it's just me. Great piece overall...

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-09-30 13:35:53
Re: He Made Me Feel..
Thanks Futant.
very glad you liked this.
lolz about how the line 'feel the pain in my gut'
made you feel.
this ones a bit confusing if you know what i mean.
it was meant to be.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


Quik Dreams (posted on: 23-09-05)
ANOTHER QUICKY THIS WEEK FROM ME
not punctuated much. I'm thinking of structure and punctuation though so i might resubmit it or change it as advice or comments are given.

He held me tight , And breathed in this cold, Clear but perfumed in a poisonous way, That took my breath away And changed the atmosphere Into this dreamy mansion Then he touched me in a way No one ever has In a way no human can Its nails were dirty And very sharp and long Its colour was army green And I realised this was what I waited for It's a Vampire that visits me In this very same place Just in my dreams.
Archived comments for Quik Dreams
karenuk on 2005-09-23 11:34:43
Re: Quik Dreams
I love the idea of this and the vampire bit.

'away' should be 'a way' in lines 7 and 9.

Otherwise, it's very good, although I don't know if you could describe the vampire without using the word 'vampire' to let the reader realise for themselves. This might make it more shocking?

Karen.

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-09-25 00:47:33
Re: Quik Dreams
thanks Karen. for stopping by.
yeh i know what you mean i couldn't think if any other way to say vampire rather then the word it self. thanks for pointing out the 'away' for me.
glad you liked it though
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy_PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


R.I.P (posted on: 23-09-05)
well i did this one on the 7/7 it was about that day. and I'm posting it now for those who have passed away this year not just cause of the bombings but also the hurricane and Tsunami and everything else that has happened this year where people have lost a loved one.anyways hope you like it.


You may rest in peace, You innocent souls. They will suffer, The ones, that have taken, Your precious life away, In just a glint. You will be free, Your loved ones Will ,carry on living. As life wont stop. It will carry on, Even after you leave. You may rest in peace, You innocent souls.
Archived comments for R.I.P
tai on 2005-09-25 20:44:44
Re: R.I.P
Hi Baby Poet, a nice little tribute to the lost souls of the past 12 months. You need to sort the punctuation out a little though.

A sweet poet you turning out to be.

Smiling

Tai

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-09-25 23:19:56
Re: R.I.P
hey Tai.
many thanks for stopping by.
i was just so tempted to put soo many comas in,
i was in love with them in that point lolz.
god knows what was going through my mind that night.
anyways thanks for letting me know that i over did it by big time with the punctuation.
lolz I'm trying to prove people i ain't that much of a heartless person like some people keep saying init.
anyways thanks
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


I Knew It (posted on: 23-09-05)
a bit of a humour i think but then again its poetry and its about what the readers think.
so readers what do you think...?
whats the story behind it? (if there is one)

this is quick done yh so people be nice *sniff* OK 😛




I felt that it hit me right in the gut. I saw that it shot me right in my head. I heard that it hurt me right in my heart.
Archived comments for I Knew It
red-dragon on 2005-09-23 15:04:43
Re: I Knew It
Not sure about:

I saw that
it shop me
right in my head.


shop?

Ann
Ps Also check your spelling of herd

Author's Reply:

tai on 2005-09-23 15:31:14
Re: I Knew It
Hi baby...I you up late the other night. tut tut. You need to deal with this little poem of yours

I felt that it hit me,
right in the gut.

I saw that it shot me,
right in my head.

I heard that it hurt me,
right in my ear.

Was it love by the way?

Smiling

Tai

Author's Reply:

Bradene on 2005-09-23 15:45:25
Re: I Knew It
I got the feeling you meant all those errors! it sounded like something Lenny Henry would say, if you see what I mean. It made me smile as I could actually hear his voice saying it as I read. Love Val x

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-09-24 01:27:18
Re: I Knew It
thanks Ann
sorry about that its just i wrote it very last last night and had soo many things in my head and the spelling were right when i checked them but now i realised it was because i used the wrong words lolz. but thanks for pointing it out I've changed them.

take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::....xXx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-09-24 01:32:23
Re: I Knew It
yh i know my head must've been down the road while i was writing this. i was in a another world. was stressed out a lot cause i had to give in just about every course work i had in this morning and stayed up late doing them i guess and somehow i had that poem in my mind.

ermmm no its not love.
i don't really do the love thing.
but i don't know what it is.
just like chatting to him. thats it .
NO LOVE
thanks for stopping by though
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::....xXx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-09-24 01:34:13
Re: I Knew It
lolz. ermm Val i don't really know what i was writing yesterday, but i spelling errors were errors but i fixed them so you might want to read it again.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::....xXx

Author's Reply:

Bradene on 2005-09-24 13:30:59
Re: I Knew It
I still think it was so much more amusing before.. Like a Lenny Henry sketch. Hey! you were either P***** or stoned .. Which? ((-; Love Val x

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-09-26 17:25:32
Re: I Knew It
thanks Val but i guess it was mistakes. glad you thought it was a good piece though.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 2005-09-27 05:56:02
Re: I Knew It
I like it BP -it's got something, something good... (spellings? lilMsG says 'tut' - spellings are about being careful - I'm still rubbish at spelling - take care N, you know what i mean, not just of spellings;) xxxlittleditty x (are you alright with your english coursework? my email is on my uka front page thingy now...?)

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-09-27 17:50:47
Re: I Knew It
hi lilMsG, been missing your cute little comments all this time. i ain't been able to comment on the new posts so hope you don't mind....but don't worry i will. specially these 2 weeks as I'm on work experience and not much to do init. i finish everything soon cause its easy and they don't want to bore me with filing init. so i have my own desk and my own computer lol. thanks fro your comment.
spelling I'm rubbish at when I'm not thinking straight i end up doing it in txt language and half in formal english. thats me lolz. ill PM you about my english course work later.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


I Promi$e To be There. (posted on: 16-09-05)
just a little something for my friends to let them know I'm always here for them
Hope you like it just the way they did...

You maybe far away, You maybe near by, Or even in another world. But I promise you, I will always be there when ever you need me for what ever reason it may be. It could be a hug, or even some advice, But I promise to be there In a slight second, As I'm a soul, that belongs to you, For you are my angel That guides me too.
Archived comments for I Promi$e To be There.
littleditty on 2005-09-19 03:52:28
Re: I Promi$e To be There.
liked and understood this strong dedication to good friends -the last line bothered me (might be that Cause that set me off:) but i thought i'd leave you an idea or two:

For you are my angel
that guides me too

or

Because you're an angel
that guides me to you

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-09-20 21:39:40
Re: I Promi$e To be There.
Hey Lil D,
I've changed that last line.
so hopefully you shouldn't get too bothered when you read it again.
hope you liked it other than that though.
thanks for reading and commenting
appreciating it.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


I Know This Place (posted on: 16-09-05)
a place that feels so known.
but you cant exactly remember it.
where or even when.
and no one would believe you.


hope you like it


Maybe it was a dream. Or even a reality, But, I know I saw it. Cause it feels known. It looks familiar. I've seen it, before. I know I have. There must be memories. Somewhere, around here Maybe behind the dark green bushes. Or even beneath the deep blue river, But its just about, here somewhere I know it is. I'm sure I've seen this place. I've met the trees. The leaves. Even the birds. I know this place.
Archived comments for I Know This Place
ruadh on 2005-09-16 12:09:58
Re: I Know This Place
You've captured the feeling of deja vu very well. Even when you know you've never been somewhere, you know you have. Perhaps in another lifetime? Well done.

ailsa

Author's Reply:

Ionicus on 2005-09-16 21:40:02
Re: I Know This Place
Good piece of work, Baby.
We all experience from time to time this sense of deja vu and you have described this feeling very well.
Take care, Luigi.

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-09-16 23:01:59
Re: I Know This Place
Hiya Ms. Poet.
I occasionally go by a hedgerow that backs on to a garden, and I swear I visit that place regularly in my dreams. It's a very strange feeling. Your poem put me in mind of this place and I probably won't sleep now. I hope you are happy with yourself young lady (-; Nice write, rubbish comment. Well done.

s
u
n
k
e
n

also available in turquoise

Author's Reply:

Claire on 2005-09-17 03:22:26
Re: I Know This Place
Yup, been through that too. This is a canny little poem hun. ;^)

Author's Reply:

Gee on 2005-09-17 10:45:29
Re: I Know This Place
I think you've captured that feeling and the confusion that accompanies it very well in this.
Very well done.

Author's Reply:

Futant on 2005-09-17 12:26:09
Re: I Know This Place
This is a good write, I think most of us have experienced this. I especially liked the phrase"I've met the trees....." Brings the poem to life. Overall a great piece......


Author's Reply:

Leila on 2005-09-17 19:57:19
Re: I Know This Place
Liked this lots, and can relate to ...cause it feels known. Especially liked the lines...
I've met the trees.
The leaves.
Nice work...L

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 2005-09-19 01:21:59
Re: I Know This Place
and so do i -it got better and better too:

There must be memories.
Somewhere, around here
Maybe behind the dark green bushes.
Or even beneath the deep blue river,
But its just about, here somewhere
I know it is. I’m sure
I’ve seen this place.
I’ve met the trees.
The leaves. Even the birds.
I know this place.

i really really liked this BP -i might be tempted to lose the Cause - i think the short sentences might still work without it - but i think these things about poems that i really like - I think this is one of your best -very well written -very well done xxxldx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-09-20 21:30:50
Re: I Know This Place
lolz my sunky. u joker, its nice to know you cant sleep cause my poem is distracting you.
about the dream bit. i know exactly were your coming from. truss me i always have similar things. you visit this place or go by it one day and then after you just see these visions or something about this place in very details and your just not sure what the hells happening.
thats me anyways. and it wasn't a rubbish comment either. so you know like.
thanks for reading and commenting.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-09-20 21:34:19
Re: I Know This Place
thanks everyone for reading and taking time to comment and rate, i been soo busy with things ain't had enough time to read and comment or even reply to your comments.
glad you all liked it and everything.
bare with me being very very slow
just like a Slug.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-09-24 20:27:01
Re: I Know This Place
Very Very Glad you liked this LD. n Glad you think its one of my best. I'm starting work experience on Monday.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy_PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


SHE IS A WITCH (posted on: 09-09-05)
THE DESCRIPTION IS TO LONG YOU MIGHT WANT TO IGNORE IT AND JUST READ THE POST.BUT IF YOU REALLY WANT TO UNDERSTAND IT THEN YOU MIGHT WANT TO READ THIS.--------/
/

this is so true about some one i know.
i was kind of forced to go into this thing in school which is for people who are left behind in many of their subjects and coursework cause of attendance. an this teacher the woman who has made this thing called pathways which isn't good at all.
she brain washes everyone. she lies so much. in front of me she telling my head of year that my carer has agreed when she don't even know who they are.

and she kept me in this tiny tacky n such an ugly room for 2 hours and 30 mins i had to listen to her talking to me like I'm in nursery teaching me things that I've learned in yr 3.
and this is how i felt and end up writing on her desk in a sticky paper she gave to me to stick on of her easy baby novels.
I HATE THAT WOMAN, sorry i just do i can go on about her forever.
and she says I'm trouble cause i got myself out of it later on. and she making my life harder by not writing my a note saying i can go back to my normal tutor group n have my name back in the register.
I'M sorry this is really long.



In a Prison hear I am,
locked up as if I have sinned,
something so horrible
and she keeps saying its 'fear'
it isn't fear,
IT'S HER

She's a witch
that come into my life
to wreck every part of it
she says 'be realistic'
I am,
I'm being more than realistic
You are destroying my life, you witch
don't call me 'My girl'
I am NOT your Girl
Don't call me 'My sweetie'
'I never want to be,
Cause it sounds wrong
coming out of your mouth'
it sounds so careless
and forced to sound as if she means it,

Her voice tortures my head
It's trying to brainwash my mind
just like she already has done,
to everyone else
And she keeps saying:
'It's Fear, It's only because its a new place,
It's only because its not something I'm used to'
But she don't get it
It's HER not anything or anyone else
It's HER ALONE
She is a witch.
Archived comments for SHE IS A WITCH
littleditty on 2005-09-09 12:28:09
Re: SHE IS A WITCH
hey BP - you have expressed your feelings well in this poem. I like the way it reads. Sometimes it is good and necessary to express feelings about someone who you feel negatively toward, especially if you feel that they have power over you in some way - and you seem to have shared this sense here. (i will pm you the rest of this comment ok? :)xxxldx

Author's Reply:

Jay on 2005-09-09 16:58:38
Re: SHE IS A WITCH
She does sound like a witch indeed!!!
nice poem and like littleditty said, I thought you expressed the feelings you have toward her well. I liked the bit about her saying 'my girl' and you not wanting her to for it sounded wrong. Strong line.

Jenn. X

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-09-10 14:19:13
Re: SHE IS A WITCH
thanks LD.....
at times you defiantly need to express your feelings about the ones you don't like very much. specially if you cant tell that person or you just cant handle seeing them. for me its her.
I'll be waiting for your PM....
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-09-10 14:22:31
Re: SHE IS A WITCH
Jenn she is a witch..... she looks it and sounds it too....you should hear her speak.... they just get on my nerves.
but anyways. thanks a lot for taking time in reading and commenting.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


Will I Get The Chance (posted on: 09-09-05)
I'm not sure about this one.
take a look and let me know what you think
it's alot more sweeter than my other post this week lolz and shorter.

Is there still that something left
In between somewhere,

Is there still a chance
In between all the chances we destroyed ,

Can we feel the same
In between the feelings that are left,

Is it possible for us to live again
In between the lives we destroyed ,

Is it possible for you to love me again
In between all the hate that is left.

Archived comments for Will I Get The Chance
discopants on 2005-09-09 17:11:32
Re: Will I Get The Chance
I like this one- it's thoughtful and catches that state of not knowing if we should take another chance and risking just finding pain and rejection.

Not sure how many chances we should go through before we pack it in and move on elsewhere, though.

Author's Reply:

karenuk on 2005-09-09 19:03:11
Re: Will I Get The Chance
I liked this, but it did feel a bit short, as though there was more to come.

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-09-10 14:26:17
Re: Will I Get The Chance
hey discopants,
Us humans how many chances do we ask for. its never enough. and how many chances do we give, it just carries on i guess.

but glad you liked this one,
many thanks for taking time to comment and read this.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-09-10 14:28:35
Re: Will I Get The Chance
hey Karen
thanks for commenting,
yeh this is kind of short and sounds unfinished,
i thought it will keep the reader thinking about it or something.
and the reason i wrote this one well the ending ain't happened yet so maybe thats the real reason.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


It's The Truth (posted on: 05-09-05)
another poem about accepting to the truth i guess.

I've written about 20 of them
hope you like this on though


You have to accept it
it's the truth
don't run from it
don't hide from it
just accept it
it will be easy
as soon you accept it
your going to be free
you can be you
you can stop playing games
and be who you are
its easy I promise you
you have to accept it
it's the truth.
Archived comments for It's The Truth
Warhorse on 2005-09-05 11:51:57
Re: It's The Truth
Hi Baby poet,

a very neat and concise way of saying 'look this is how it is'

I read a similar one of yours sometime back, and i think this is better

well done regards

Mike.

Author's Reply:

Jay on 2005-09-06 04:13:08
Re: It's The Truth
I think this is a good way to explain something to someone in a spot of bother. You should carry this in your head for future reference 😛
Is there such a thing as truth though?
hmmm... ponders away to make a brew. lol.

Jenn.

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-09-11 14:35:22
Re: It's The Truth
hey Mike glad u liked this one more than the other, theres about 20 of them lolz. I'll post them slowly.
thanks for taking time to read and comment,
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx


Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-09-11 14:38:10
Re: It's The Truth
ermmm Jenn it all depends on what u define truth as.
it's never 'the truth, nothing but the truth' theres always a bit of white lies in there lolz
take care
thanks for reading n commenting,
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


5th September 2005 (posted on: 05-09-05)
a day were i will have to become a member of the 'adult society'

Today , the 5th of September, I have become: A young woman, An independent woman, one who people say, is free from everything she has the right to anything. Today, this very day, I have become 16 the year everyone refers to as 'sweet 16', I have my freedoms and can make important decisions in life. Today, this day of life, I have become a young lady, one that has to take dependability, and be mature, also take care of everything I am surrounded by. Today, the 5th September, is my birthday, where I have , grown a year older, taken more responsibility, and start to learn about how a young woman's life is.
Archived comments for 5th September 2005
Bradene on 2005-09-05 12:40:42
Re: 5th September 2005
A thoughtful poem.. Happy Birthday darling. Please DON'T waste it, always be as thoughful as you have been today. Love Val x

Author's Reply:

Jay on 2005-09-06 03:32:01
Re: 5th September 2005
Hey babypoet. I liked this poem, very thoughtful and being 19.... I understand completely where you are coming from!

The thing I have learned though.. well I was told it, but have found it to be very true... is the fact that you don't EVER change. Think about it. when you were little, you thought 16 would be all grown up and adult and you would know everything because it was such a long way off. But now you are... you know you still have a lot to learn. Our personalitlies, our mental state matures... and then thats us. Thats why it's difficult to ever try and change a person! You are who you are and you only feel more grown up when you are faced with more grown up things. The person you are will NEVER change, only what you have to cope with.
You don't suddenly hit an age and feel ready for everything! (Although it would be great!) 😀
Hopefully you know what I mean. LOL!

Sorry to ramble on, thought I would share that.

Jenn. x

Author's Reply:

Jay on 2005-09-06 03:33:19
Re: 5th September 2005
OOH by the way...

****HAPPY BIRTHDAY!****

Jenn.

Author's Reply:

stolenbeauty on 2005-09-06 17:37:59
Re: 5th September 2005
Nice poem! Can't say I relate to it - I won't be 16 for another month yet 🙂
I liked the repetitive way you started each stanza.
Cexxx

Author's Reply:

mynci on 2005-09-06 21:37:37
Re: 5th September 2005
alright BP? I thought you were talking about coming back to school!!!!! you didnt tell me it was your birthday!!!!!! I think with a little editing, this could be one of your best poems. Come to Ms Turleys poetry club!!

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-09-06 23:30:33
Re: 5th September 2005
thanks everyone.
for your time to comment and read.
glad you liked it and thanks for the 'happy birthdays'


Jay i know just about exactly what your on about.
all my mates asked me how i feel that im 16 now cause im like one the oldest. but guess what i still feel the same. its just my age has changed and more letters and forms been in my way thats it. lolz.
thanks for everything,
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-09-06 23:36:57
Re: 5th September 2005
yh I'm fine MsT...yeh i think i can edit this and improve it to... just need a bit more time i guess.
i didn't tell anyone about by birthday didn't find it much of a big deal like everyone did today lolz.

you really doing a poetry club in school.
I'll see you around and get more details OK.
Hope to see you soon for Citizenship.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-09-07 20:43:49
Re: 5th September 2005
Whoops, late as ever. Belated Birthday wishes Ms. Poet. I agree with that young Ditty woman, this is one of your best. Believe.

s
u
n
k
e
n

standing on the shoulders of munkys

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-09-07 21:44:55
Re: 5th September 2005
Its alright Sunky....
I'm still receiving birthday cards and presents even birthday beats. lolz.
my arms are killing.
thanks for everything. I'm also glad that you think this is one of my best.
thanks for taking time to read and comment Munky.
keep on having your fun.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-09-07 21:45:54
Re: 5th September 2005
Thanks Val, i'm going to try my very very best to not waist it.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

tai on 2005-09-08 14:12:56
Re: 5th September 2005
A bit late, but happy birthday for the 5th Not so Baby poet. 16 is truly a sweet age but you have a couple more years before it really gets serious, so enjoy your adolescents young lady.

I would change that last word to 'is' and also further up the poem 3rd verse 4th line, change 'an' to 'a' and there could be the odd bit of punctuation that would improve the flow.

Other than that a sweet little poem to remember your birthday.

9 from me.

Happy birthday

Tai

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-09-10 14:33:49
Re: 5th September 2005
hi Tai I've done as you told me to. lolz.
thanks its alright late ones are always memorable.and thanks for the advise.
take care
have a lovely day
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


An AngeL (posted on: 02-09-05)
me and my freind....
friends are angels
hope you like it
crit as much as you want




There's an angel right beside me
the one that keeps me away from danger
she helps me in every way she can
she lives right beside me

There's an angel right in front of me
the one that shows me the right way round
she helps me choose my paths
she lives right in front of me

There's an angel right behind me
the one that keeps me safe
she keeps everything bad away
she lives with my shadow

Archived comments for An AngeL
Claire on 2005-09-02 12:40:41
Re: An AngeL
I'd like to think we all have an angel watching over us. I like this little poem of yours. I can't see anything to crit on this.

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 2005-09-02 13:26:05
Re: An AngeL
i agree with Claire - angels are a girls best friend -nice one BP xxxlittleditty x

Author's Reply:

Bradene on 2005-09-02 14:31:45
Re: An AngeL
This is lovely BP. I believe we have gardian Angels, my one has worked overtime in my lifetime!! ((-; Love Val x

Author's Reply:

Jolen on 2005-09-03 00:03:12
Re: An AngeL
Hi baby poet,
Friends certainly are wonderful, and I like how you have the repetiton here. I think they are angels and I treasure them. A very lovely ode.

blessings,
Jolen

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-09-04 00:29:37
Re: An AngeL
thanks LD n Claire,
glad you liked it, yep angels are a girls best friend.
but who would we choose out of angels n diamond to be our best freind.......?
I'll be waiting for your answers lolz.
all the girls who check this poem can answer it lolz.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-09-04 00:52:28
Re: An AngeL
thanks all for reading. and taking time to comment.

i agree with the friends are important bit that everyone mentioned in different ways.
many thanks
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


Relationship (posted on: 02-09-05)
---------
hope you like it
i think there might be things i can improve.
take care



Me and Him have this relationship
one so different and unique
one without a name.

Me and Him have this relationship
one that no one understands
one that everyone finds confusing.

Me and Him have this relationship
one that has no meaning
one that has no eternity.

Me and Him have this relationship
one that no one likes
one that everyone envies.

Me and Him have this relationship
one that we wont accept
one that we don't want.

Me and Him have a relationship
one that I hate, but
one that he loves.


Archived comments for Relationship
Jolen on 2005-09-06 23:13:10
Re: Relationship
Hi Baby Poet,

I read this a few times over and I am a bit confused on some of it, but your ending is rather a bit sad to me, it seems to speak of a relationship stagnated that the you don't know how to get free of because you stay for his wants. Maybe I am reading this wrong. I like the repitition in the work, I do it often myself, it can be very effective.

blessings,
Jolen

Author's Reply:

tai on 2005-09-08 14:53:16
Re: Relationship
Oh dear! Hi baby poet, there is nothing more destructive than this sort of one sided relationship. It happens to us all at some time or another. You are getting yours early, so that is good! Smiling. I enjoyed your poem. A lot of the verses reminded me of one or two relationships I have had in my life. Not all bad I might add. Relationships have so many variations.

8 from me

Smiling

Tai

Author's Reply:


Where Are You...? (posted on: 02-09-05)
check this one out.
do you think its a bit too punctuated

My searching eyes search for him
All over, in this bursting place,
Filled, with all sorts of strangers,
But I, search for only him,
One, who is always needed here,
One, who is all ways occupied,
I'm still searching for him,
I just cant see him,
Even if I push around,
So I call
'' Waiter, Waiter Where are you ?''
Archived comments for Where Are You...?
Eccles on 2005-09-02 12:47:26
Re: Where Are You...?
The punctuation seems fine to me. Nice little poem, the last line got a laugh out of me, though I think it would have been funnier, (if that's how you meant it to be), if you had made the poem longer. But that's just my opinion.

Eccles


Author's Reply:

Kat on 2005-09-02 19:41:39
Re: Where Are You...?
Hi Baby!

To me, it works, because it, underlined, the waiting! I liked this funny one.

Cheers

Kat 🙂

Author's Reply:

Ionicus on 2005-09-02 21:54:07
Re: Where Are You...?
I had a little laugh when I finished reading this amusing piece with its final twist.
Punctuation seems OK to me.
Take care, Luigi.

Author's Reply:

thehaven on 2005-09-02 22:15:38
Re: Where Are You...?
Please dont think I a, being patronising but your poetry belies your age.This is great.

Mike

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-09-04 00:56:37
Re: Where Are You...?
lolz. thanks everyone for taking your time to read and comment also rate the piece to those who did.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-09-04 01:01:10
Re: Where Are You...?
hey Eccles my draft piece is a bit more longer but it doesn't sound right. I'll try and fix the errors in the longer piece and post it for you but thats not going to be soon.
but thanks for reading and commenting
really glad you liked it and gave you laugh that is what i aimed for lolz.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-09-04 13:36:50
Re: Where Are You...?
Another winner young Ms. Poet. Long may you continue ordering the weaker sex (males) around.

s
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k
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relaying the secrets of potatoes to a deep fat fryer

Author's Reply:

stolenbeauty on 2005-09-07 20:31:44
Re: Where Are You...?
Good poem, humorous I found. My only crit is that on the first line, you say 'my searching eyes search for him'. I feel that the repercussion of the work 'search' is unnecessary, and a better line would be 'my searching eyes looked for him' but thats just my opinion. an otherwise great poem.
Celia x

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-09-07 22:00:28
Re: Where Are You...?
lolz Sunky some has to init, so it may as well be me.
might as well enjoy ordering them and making sure they know WE woman ain't lower than them lolz.
but glad you think its good though.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-09-08 00:17:10
Re: Where Are You...?
i meant some one.

Author's Reply:


Cause..... (posted on: 26-08-05)
Questions of a confused mind or maybe a heart
Searching for answers the ones she already knows.




Why do I feel so alone ?
without him by my side,
Why do I feel so unloved ?
without knowing he still cares,
Why do I feel so invisible ?
without him noticing me,

Why does it hurt ?
to see him with someone else,
Why does it make me sick ?
to see him touch another girl,
Why does it make me angry ?
to see him talking to her,

Why do I need him,
to love me ?
Why do I need him,
to care for me ?
Why do I need him,
to notice me ?

I will never know
Cause,
I will never answer,
I will never admit it,
cause...............
Archived comments for Cause.....
Sunken on 2005-08-28 19:11:37
Re: Cause.....
Deserves at least one comment I reckon? Sorry it has to come from a munky. Another top effort Ms. Poet. You're getting good at this aren't ya? I think the hits are generally low this week as it's the last bank holiday before xmas. Sane people are on holiday right now, whereas I - I am on the internet. There's something wrong with this picture, but not with the poem. Take care and vitamins.

s
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k
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smelling the artificial roses

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-08-28 23:29:54
Re: Cause.....
yeh i know most of the people are on holidays and I'm happy for them at least they not stuck in home like poor me lolz. *sniffing*
but I'm glad you commented cause i was starting to think its a rubbish poem....
I'm really very glad my friend your a monkey cause I'm a donkey and i also have another friend thats a monkey and he calls me donkey lolz from Shreck...
anyways I'm getting carried away with this donkey monkey business
thanks for commenting
glad you think I'm improving.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXX

U cant smell anything from artificial roses unless you perfume it with something.
soz just felt like replying to that, I'm sure you don't mind.


Author's Reply:

littleditty on 2005-08-29 17:46:02
Re: Cause.....
I LIKED THIS ONE - I READ IT oops caps -and i thought id mind my business and see what happens - i think its a good one -but enough about the poem - YOU'VE GOT IT BAD AINT YA?????????????? HEEHEheehe - gowaaaaan - admit it!!! Sorry -being very cheeky - may love strike in a good place -(here comes mumsy...) may the person you love be as uniquely fabulous as you are xxxlittleditty x

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-08-29 17:51:49
Re: Cause.....
nooooo I'm not in love.....
its a poem.
just a poem.

how can i be in love.... i don't believe in it.
i don't think its worth waisting my tI'me on a guy that thinks he is the best and im his queen lolz how gay.


glad you liked the poem though. MISS CHEEKY LILD
you trying to get me back for being cheeky..... hmmmmm.... !!!!
not a good way to.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx
BP does not fall in love at this very young age....!

Author's Reply:

discopants on 2005-09-01 17:28:45
Re: Cause.....
Ah, so many questions so here's one for you- why do so many people feel worthless if they're not 'with' someone?

Don't ask me for the answer either. A good poem and your writing is definitely heading in the right direction.

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-09-04 00:21:27
Re: Cause.....
hey discopants
there isn't a right or wrong answer to your question thats why you cant answer it,
but glad you think I'm writing well and getting better at the moment that is one of my aims lolz.
many thanks for stopping by and commenting.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


You Will Be A Dead Soul (posted on: 26-08-05)
Life will be over one day....!


What's there to say, you know what the reason is, you know why you were born, you know you're to die, not today but one day, you will take your last breath , you will speak your last word, you will take your last look, and then before you even know.. it will be all over. You will be a dead soul . So what's there to say ?
Archived comments for You Will Be A Dead Soul
Linear on 2005-08-26 12:16:26
Re: You Will Be A Dead Soul
Very nice PoeT. Although I'm sure there are a million death poems out there (Poets: depressing much?) this one was effective.
I'm commenting because i spotted this:
"you know your to die," should be "you know you're to die,"... possibly?

Author's Reply:

Bradene on 2005-08-26 12:20:17
Re: You Will Be A Dead Soul
a nicely written piece BP.. But please remember the bit in between birth and death.. there is so much to do and achieve and enjoy, PLEASE don't waste it darlin. Love Val xx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-08-26 20:58:14
Re: You Will Be A Dead Soul
I should do more mistakes then... maybe you'll comment more then lolz.
glad you liked it Linear.
true there are loads of death poems and stories init. but every one has it done differently.
thanks for spotting it out.
i have made the changes.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-08-26 21:02:05
Re: You Will Be A Dead Soul
yes dear Val you are defiantly right about the bit between birth and death. but some times it seems dual and dark.
it feels pointless even though it is, and if we didn't have life we would say so much more about why we don't i guess.
its like you are never happy with what you have. kinda thing. i guess
although most of the time i love my life. but i think i wasn't much pleased with it when i wrote this one.
glad you liked it.
hows the new about your little one
hope he much better.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-08-27 18:59:44
Re: You Will Be A Dead Soul
'Sometimes I think about life and I think about death, and neither one particularly appeals to me.'
Morrissey.

Top little write young Ms. Poet. No one ever said that poetry should be all rose tinted did they. Good to see a bit of diversity in your work. Consider the plight of the butterfly.

s
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k
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supplying nasa with space

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-08-27 21:41:58
Re: You Will Be A Dead Soul
yep defiantly Sunkky...
' no one has said that poetry should be all rose tinted'.
poetry is about what the writer wants to say and what the writer feels thats what i define poetry as.
nice to know you enjoyed this one as well.
and thanks for commenting
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

Emerald on 2005-08-28 07:08:49
Re: You Will Be A Dead Soul
A good matter of fact look at death - I liked this.

Emma:-)

Author's Reply:

Elfstone on 2005-08-28 12:12:46
Re: You Will Be A Dead Soul
Like this, of all of yours that I have read. Yes it is a bit towards the black side [compared to some of mine it's just a gentle grey 🙂 ] but it is concise and well written. [A very small point - I would remove most, if not all, of the dots after "know".] Regards. Elfstone.

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-08-28 23:41:58
Re: You Will Be A Dead Soul
yeah its a dark black heading to jet black init.
are the dots annoying.
death and dark life poems are all different maybe they have the same meaning to it and try to give the same moral as well.
glad you liked it tho.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-08-28 23:44:04
Re: You Will Be A Dead Soul
glad you liked it Emma.
thanks for stopping by
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


I Don't Write.... (posted on: 22-08-05)
something i feel.


I don't write poems
not anymore,
I've lost my touch
the inspiration,
I cant speak
not now,
I've lost my voice
my strength,
I don't write poems,
not anymore,
I've lost my reason
somewhere unknown,
I've missed my chance
my last time,
I've lost him now
to the girl he never loved.

Archived comments for I Don't Write....
Griffonner on 2005-08-23 23:26:48
Re: I Don't Write....
Ah, such angst that is the right of youth.
Oh the sweet pain of missed opportunities.
Remember though, the yesterday is the tomorrow you once worried about, the only reality is now. And the now that is yet to come can be as surprising as a beautiful flower unexpectedly opening right in front of your eyes. Nothing is ever lost.
*Lecture mode off* (in the nicest possible way)
With empathy and affection,
Griffonner



Author's Reply:

eddiesolo on 2005-08-23 23:53:53
Re: I Don't Write....
Great piece BP, the pain in here is well crafted in the poem that you do not write. (?) I don't know what I'm on about either.

Si:-)

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-08-24 00:04:42
Re: I Don't Write....
are you two following each other...? hmmm
you both commented both of the poems together.
anyways thanks for rating and taking your time to read and comment.
glad you might know what I'm on cause I'm not making much sense here must be that coke i just had.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy_PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 2005-08-24 19:29:07
Re: I Don't Write....
COKE?????? COKE??????? CALL THE GUARDS!!!!!!!!! oh Coke? Coke...as in cola - hmmm -call a doctor then cos that stuff rots just about everything it touches... Now -the poem -this is very very good. You have said a lot and have demonstrated the control needed for a piece like this. This is a class act! Well done Miss Poetess xlittleMissDitty x

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-08-24 21:07:15
Re: I Don't Write....
COKE???? COKE???? yh cola coke not COKE DRUGS. u must know me more than that MslilG I'm sure you do lolz.
nah i hate coke but that was the only nasty thing their so i had it lolz.
now the poem well I'm glad you liked it and thought it was good and everything.
it was something i did like in 2 mins but it came out quite powerfully thats what i thought, all my poems are done straight away and i never go back to it cause i never make sense later on. ok i should learn to shut up at times lolz
take care
thanks
keep on enjoying my hun...
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


A Fresh Start (posted on: 22-08-05)
why do we always want a fresh start, a new start.
maybe i have my answer
hope you like it.
crit away
n comments welcomed

Afresh start
A new name
A new place
A new day
A new life
Even new friends
And a new job.

Why do all this ?

Is it cause we miss everything we had in our past ?
we miss the way things were,
the things we loved and the things we hated,
the people we met, the ones that meant something,
the places we visited with those close to us,

We didn't want to move on and change,
cause we don't like it much,
its only cause we miss our past
and we know it will never be like before

So we take the easy way out
by running away and beginning a 'fresh start'
A new name
A new place,
A new life


Archived comments for A Fresh Start
littleditty on 2005-08-22 12:52:17
Re: A Fresh Start
A very good thoughtful poem that, as i leave jobs. sell home and run off to the jungle, MADE ME THINK - hmmm...POETESS! xxxlilMsG x


Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-08-22 15:03:34
Re: A Fresh Start
lilMsG, it did take me a little while to put this in order but it was easy in the end. i was about to move places and a lot of tings happened then thats where i came up with it.............
glad it made you think about it too lolz.
NOW MISS POETESS I'd leave you to think about it.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

Griffonner on 2005-08-23 23:30:15
Re: A Fresh Start
Yes, a nicely crafted poem. I would have liked you to realise that we are afraid of the future because it is totally unknown, whereas there is a comfort to be had in remembering of the past what we want to remember; that which was pleasing and pleasant to us.
*Respectfully*
Griffonner

Author's Reply:

eddiesolo on 2005-08-23 23:57:36
Re: A Fresh Start
Nice well written piece BP.

A new start is a way to purge the crap we have...yet in the end it always ends up the same.

Si:-)

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-08-24 00:08:07
Re: A Fresh Start
true aswell i agree with your point too, but i wasn't thinking of that when i was actually writing this. in my mind i had why are we cowards sometimes and run from things we cant handle.
ooops
thanks for commenting and everything.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy_PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-08-24 00:10:30
Re: A Fresh Start
hey Si
your true as well.
but why do we end up having crap...?
.... i don't know.
and yeh i also agree with how most of the time we end up in the same situation as before.... so we do a runner again.
glad you liked it though
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy_PoeT...:::...xXx


Author's Reply:

Jolen on 2005-09-03 00:05:10
Re: A Fresh Start
Oh I really like this.... It is so true, instead of fixing the problems all to often we run from them.
A great think piece dear. Thank you.

blessings,
Jolen

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-09-04 00:11:57
Re: A Fresh Start
Thank you Jolen very much for commenting,
glad to know you really liked this and agree with what has been said throughout the poem.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


Let It Be Sooner. (posted on: 12-08-05)
this is a rewrite, from one of my first few.
changed a bit of it but i reckon i can improve it
give me your opinions and advise in maybe how it would be better.
or crits always help.
take care
EDITED......

A sleepless night a waiting sunrise, the time wont come so the wait wont stop, I'm still waiting waiting for this night to be over, Again. A nightmare waits for me to close my eyes, I wont sleep, I wont let it take over, I'm strong, stronger than it thinks I wont close my eyes, not this time. A wish waiting to be filled, its only a small one let it be true, let the sunrise be soon sooner than normal, just once, just this time. I'm asking you I'm starting to beg you cant you see...? just once, I'm desperate now I cant sleep another night, I just cant.
Archived comments for Let It Be Sooner.
Sunken on 2005-08-13 08:38:03
Re: Let It Be Sooner.
Hiya Ms. Poet. Sorry no ones commented on this yet. The only bit that doesn't work for me is -

A wish which waits

and

sooner then normal,

should be '..than normal'? I think. Lol. Other than that I think its a pretty mature write and certainly deserves a little more attention. Keep up the good work young Babypoet.

s
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k
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replacing bullets with feathers

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-08-13 22:02:17
Re: Let It Be Sooner.
hey Sunk....
why u sorry for...?
its up to everyone. if they want to comment or anything or if they don't. i don't really mind. but thank u for being the first to comment though.
I've made some changes let me know if you prefer it now.
take care
many thanks again
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-08-14 03:15:01
Re: Let It Be Sooner.
(-: You probably won't realise how much your reply meant tonight young Ms. Poet. You show great spirit and maturity, more than some twice your age could show. This version shines far more than the previous. Forgive me for being crap at comment, it's in my genes I'm afraid. You continue to put so called 'mature' writers to shame. Well done, and keep at it. We should be encouraging new talent - And you are a new talent. Smile, you have much to look forward to. Take care.

s
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k
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drunkenly sober

Author's Reply:

eddiesolo on 2005-08-18 13:15:09
Re: Let It Be Sooner.
Hi BP,

Yeah more should have commented, its a good piece.

Take care.

Si:-)

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-08-21 00:23:47
Re: Let It Be Sooner.
dear sweet sunken. you must be joking. i honestly ain't that good of a poet I'm just some one new at poetry. and every poet is great and has a style of their own, as we are all different and think different. we all have our own style. and about commenting i don't agree with you. i think your soo much better at commenting than me.
I'm glad, really glad about what you think of my work, but thats if your not joking about. many thanks for coming back to reading and commenting again.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy_PoeT...:::...xXx


Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-08-21 00:34:04
Re: Let It Be Sooner.
hey Si glad you think so.
thanks for commenting and reading.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy_PoeT...:::...xXx


Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-08-21 11:01:03
Re: Let It Be Sooner.
Definitely not joking Ms. Poet. You show great promise.

s
u
n
k


Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-08-21 17:14:47
Re: Let It Be Sooner.
thanks you Sunk..... for returning again to reply.
I've been told i show a good promise but i don't really know how...?
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy_PoeT...:::...xXx


Author's Reply:


A FaNTaSy MeaL (posted on: 08-08-05)
it does happen just not always and it don't always last for a long time i guess.
hope u like it



A burning candle,
A romantic meal,
A velvet red rose.

A handsome man,
A beautiful woman,
A loving night.

What the hell ,
Isn't it all a fantasy,
One that is all a lie.
Archived comments for A FaNTaSy MeaL
tai on 2005-08-08 22:02:44
Re: A FaNTaSy MeaL
Hi Baby Poet, it seems you are growing into a full grown poet! Of course it happens!lol at least once in a girls life anyway! (Joke) It happened to me and I sincerely hope it will happen a few more times in my life. Romance is alive out there, never fear.

8 from me.

Smiling

Tai

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-08-09 00:01:58
Re: A FaNTaSy MeaL
hi Tai
how you doing, yeh I'm growing lolz. yeh it does happen don't it it was just a moment of fun i thought when i wrote it, but the candle light dinners never last init.
thanks for rating and commenting,
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

Linear on 2005-08-09 00:22:43
Re: A FaNTaSy MeaL
Hello Baby Poet. I'm bugging poets at the moment 🙂 Very nice poem, not that I am a great judge.
A wonderful lie is sometimes more tempting than a hard reality. Enjoy the romance.

Author's Reply:

tai on 2005-08-09 00:36:58
Re: A FaNTaSy MeaL
Just ignore him Baby Poet! he's just a youngish cynic!lol there are a lot of them about. tut tut tut Linear! I am shocked!!!lol

A lie is lie...nowt wonderful about it!imo

Tai tutting!!!

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-08-10 21:39:46
Re: A FaNTaSy MeaL
lolz u 2. well I'm glad Linear you spoke your mind. lolz. nah i don't get offended that easily lolz.
why u buggin the poets for what they done 2 u Linear. got u or something u getting revenge ill help u if u want 😉
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

Linear on 2005-08-10 22:23:37
Re: A FaNTaSy MeaL
I'm Bugging Tai just for fun 🙂 All other poets I'm bugging out of jealousy, as I can’t write poems myself. Thanks for the offer of help, I’ll call it in if I ever need an accomplice 😉
Winter brings me Joy,
But I cannot express this,
I am no poet.

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-08-10 22:41:27
Re: A FaNTaSy MeaL
awww Linear. u bugging poor Tai lolz. I'm sure u can write a poem if u try really hard. its not that hard not really. if might not be perfect at first but then it does get better. how i found out i was good at poetry is when i use to write down everything or something i felt and then just get simple lines and add a bit of imagination and everything and then somehow you end up with one. then its just the structure really. and it don't have to be good at first. try one in it. and it don't need to rhyme. its up2 u if u want it 2 tho, give it a try n post it some where in it or even try out the UKA anonymous thing ok. take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-08-10 22:43:59
Re: A FaNTaSy MeaL
and i love these lines they could even be a start lolz.

' Winter brings me Joy,
But I cannot express this,
I am no poet.'

Author's Reply:

Linear on 2005-08-11 01:00:44
Re: A FaNTaSy MeaL
Thanks very much for the encouragement Baby Poet. It sounds like an interesting idea. i may give poetry a go. Although I'm not very comfortable and in touch with my feelings, so don't expect much early on 🙂
Good luck with your own work. I'll probably bug you poets more while I'm trying ot learn/steal from you.
Be well - Linear

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-08-11 21:05:05
Re: A FaNTaSy MeaL
thanks Linear. ill be looking out for ur work. I'm waiting for a poem from u. with high expectation lolz. thanks 4 the luck i think I'm going to need some. good luck to u. keep on bugging us. we all can get u oneday lolz. take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


No OnE $hOuLd KnOw (posted on: 08-08-05)
crits more than welcome

cant describe it just something a wrote quickly did when i went 2 see some one in hospital.



May blood drop
and life stop

So I wont
feel that agony

The unstoppable pain
the one he felt

May the lights die
and the sun drown

So it will be dark
so it will be black

Where no one
can see my pain

May the emotions die
so no one can cry
Archived comments for No OnE $hOuLd KnOw
littleditty on 2005-08-09 23:49:44
Re: No OnE $hOuLd KnOw
very powerful N - and i hope he is ok. I think this is a powereful start and that the ending may yet be waiting to be written. Perhaps this is one to continue? Perhaps not - whatever - a powerful, moving write -well doneBP xxxlittleMsG x

Author's Reply:

discopants on 2005-08-10 04:18:42
Re: No OnE $hOuLd KnOw
I'd echo littleditty's comment. This is powerful and thought-provoking but the ending slips off the page a bit. I presume you're looking to end with a rhyming couplet to mirror the opening lines but rather than write more, I'd be tempted to cut the last 2 or even the last 4 lines. Less is often more, as they say.

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-08-10 21:33:48
Re: No OnE $hOuLd KnOw
hey everyone thanks for reading and commenting. I'm glad you all liked it and thought it was powerful and everything. and about the ending i had it written quickly on my phone while i saw him and then i must have got distracted or something and have not finished it but i don't know what else to add as i cant take myself to that feeling again. but I'll try my best. if i do I'll resend this one again ina bit OK. take care everyone
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-08-10 21:35:53
Re: No OnE $hOuLd KnOw
your defiantly right about less is more. thanks for stopping by
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

eddiesolo on 2005-08-18 13:18:31
Re: No OnE $hOuLd KnOw
I like this, it is spontaneous emotion. Tis good and I do hope he got/gets better.

Strong write young BP.

Si:-)

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-08-21 00:14:26
Re: No OnE $hOuLd KnOw
thank you Si for your comment.........
yep he sure is better now.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


Special.. (posted on: 05-08-05)
to my mum. a short poem EDITED (A LOT) made changes through out the poem also the last stanza is completely different hope you like this one

It dropped from her eye so beautifully straight with a lovely smile it made my day. That diamond tear so special to me I'll treasure that forever something I will cherish for eternity. As it's from the one that brought me here made me who I am My beautiful mum.
Archived comments for Special..
e-griff on 2005-08-05 12:29:16
Re: Speacial..
a bit sentimental for me 🙂

the last line of v1 caught me as it has no subject or conjuction, a style which is not used elsewhere in this poem, whereas the last lne of the second verse probably has too much in 'It's a'

may I suggest the addition of , perhaps, 'and made my day' as the simplest. and drop 'its' (BTW it should be it's, as should the other = it is) because it's not needed, and you have it again in v3 line 1.

also, I don't like the repeated 'treasure', you could consider another word which implies 'treasure' or something precious, like 'a jewel' - and here's a cheeky idea of mine 🙂 why not make 'lose' loose' , which has more the meaning that you will never let it go, ratherthan you won't drop it in the street? (as its seen as an object, not a feeling)

Blimey! rambling on today... best, G 🙂



Author's Reply:

tai on 2005-08-05 13:34:48
Re: Speacial..
Hi Baby poet, a sweet little poem for your mum. I live the image of the diamond tear.

8 from me.

Tai

Author's Reply:

tai on 2005-08-05 13:35:18
Re: Speacial..
Sorry! that should be 'love'!

Tai

Author's Reply:

eddiesolo on 2005-08-06 00:46:07
Re: Speacial..
A nice piece to ya mam BP.

Si:-)

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-08-06 00:56:15
Re: Speacial..
THANKS ALL FOR READING, COMMENING, ADVICE AND FOR RATING.
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-08-06 19:30:17
Re: Speacial..
A lovely little poem young Ms. Poet.

s
u
n
k

changing light-bulbs.

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-08-06 19:46:21
Re: Speacial..
thanks sunken for your little lovely comment...
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

Jolen on 2005-08-06 20:02:37
Re: Speacial..
How sweet to feel so, a lovely little poem for your mother.

blessings,
Jolen

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 2005-08-07 03:12:33
Re: Speacial..
to my mum. a short poem

Special..

It dropped from her eye
so beautifully straight
with a lovely smile
it made my day

That diamond tear
so special to me
I’ll treasure that forever
it's a jewel I will never lose

as it's from
my loved one
from my mum
the one I’ll always care for.


Hey N -here are a few of e -griff's suggestions and mine - your poem is lovely and i know your mum will like it very much. Well done You - xxxlittleMsG x

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-08-07 14:29:10
Re: Speacial..
thanks lilMsG il make the changes. yeh my mum did like it.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 2005-08-18 17:13:47
Re: Speacial..
very cool edit -nice one :0) xldxx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-08-21 23:02:21
Re: Speacial..
Hey LD, thanks for coming back to check out the changes I've made here. and of course for commenting.
keep smiling
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx


Author's Reply:


The TiMe.. (posted on: 05-08-05)
.... i don't know... just a poem that is nonsense with a lot of confusing thoughts

Can I go back to my past and change everything Is it possible...? Can I go back into my past and change the options i made Can I...? Can I go into the future and find out how many more games are left For me to play...? Can I go into the future and find out how many mistakes Awaits for me...?
Archived comments for The TiMe..
e-griff on 2005-08-05 12:42:37
Re: The TiMe..
you should be less self-deprecating in your intros - it's a self-indulgence in my book! 🙂

This was a perfectly valid poem with interesting sentiments - it's fine for what it is intended to be.
Of course it could be deeper and more meaningful.... but that would be a different poem, wouldn't it?

oh - and should Waits be Wait?

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-08-06 00:52:27
Re: The TiMe..
hey E-griff
thanks for your comment.
it should be WAITS as in how many are left waiting.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy_PoeT...:::...xXx



Author's Reply:

eddiesolo on 2005-08-06 01:25:06
Re: The TiMe..
Hi BP,

I liked this and to be honest I didn't find this confusing, it was about the fears we hold on past, present and future. Where are we going etc...well that's what I got out of it.

Nice write.

Si:-)



Author's Reply:

eddiesolo on 2005-08-06 01:28:36
Re: The TiMe..
Hi BP,

Just realized that my comment really stated the bleeding obvious...

What I wanted to say was: This poem holds so many fears of life not only from the young but us all.

Si:-)
Does that make anymore sense or shall I bugger off?

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-08-06 17:52:30
Re: The TiMe..
Lolz Si.... it makes perfect sense. glad you enjoyed it, i thought it would be kind of confusing but glad to know you didn't fink it, yeh i suppose everyone has some kind of fear about something in their life. so its ok right,
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 2005-08-07 03:14:45
Re: The TiMe..
await me? xxxlittleditty x

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-08-07 14:32:29
Re: The TiMe..
yeh LD thats the word. it kept coming to my head but not clear lolz. thanks. i was waiting for someone to come up with it.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


Un-Expected ..... (Or $hould I $ay Un-Wanted.) (posted on: 01-08-05)
a poem about something thats confusing i think

crits more than welcom init




It's a pain I felt a day I unexpected something I never believed one thing I never wanted. It's a misery to know a feeling that grows one that I cant stop one that I never needed. It's a wish unwanted a nightmare come true something I run from something I hide from. You will never understand cause I don't seem to its something confusing something you wont get.
Archived comments for Un-Expected ..... (Or $hould I $ay Un-Wanted.)
littleditty on 2005-08-03 04:34:52
Re: Un-Expected ..... (Or $hould I $ay Un-Wanted.)
an interesting poem to read n - that thing that we cant express, that hurts and we feel totally alone with - you have challenged the reader(the 'you' in your poem) with 'something you wont get.' - a line which makes the reader think about what it is -

your poem expresses very well the difficult moments before either confiding in someone - OR - choosing not to.

interesting title too xxxlittleditty x





Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-08-04 00:21:00
Re: Un-Expected ..... (Or $hould I $ay Un-Wanted.)
The YOU business was kind of done without knowing but then later on, when i read it (just before posting it) i realized it would or should leave the reader thinking about it.
glad to know you thought it was interesting poem.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


A MoMenT Of 'FuN' (posted on: 01-08-05)
i did this one right now. i think i might edit it as i get crits and comments, and there isn't really any punctuation, it was just something i felt right at that moment.
be looking forward to the crits


An attraction that exists one that will disappear as time will change the lie about love the one that's there will be moved as the truth reveals a night of pleasure will be a lifetime of pressure a lust that's there will become a fuss without meaning.
Archived comments for A MoMenT Of 'FuN'
tai on 2005-08-01 11:16:26
Re: A MoMenT Of 'FuN'
Hi Baby poet, Yes a moment of fun can give a lifetime of something else altogether!

All I would say is to take out the 'no' in the last line.

8 from me.

Smiling

Tai

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-08-01 15:27:59
Re: A MoMenT Of 'FuN'
Thanks Tai.....
will it sound better without the 'no'....?
it don't make sense to me i don't know why i keep thinking theres something wrong with the last line but i don't know what is.

xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

tai on 2005-08-01 15:38:49
Re: A MoMenT Of 'FuN'
Hi baby poet, well I know your youthful language is a little different generally, but this poem seemed to me to be more refined. Taking the 'no' out does not change the meaning at all of the line, but keeps it in the style of the rest of the piece imo, but it is your poem and up to you entirely.

Smiling

Tai

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-08-01 15:45:31
Re: A MoMenT Of 'FuN'
yeh Tai maybe is the teen language I'll change it as your much of an experienced poet with wicked posts i should make you a role model lolz
take care thanks
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

AnthonyEvans on 2005-08-02 00:26:41
Re: A MoMenT Of 'FuN'
well, babypoet, for one so young you sure ain't falling for no romantic bull. i like these lines:
a night of pleasure/will be a lifetime of pressure. and i go along with tai about crossing out the 'no' in the final line. as to making her your role model, well, she's full-time you know. best wishes, anthony.

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-08-02 00:46:56
Re: A MoMenT Of 'FuN'
Hey Anthony.
thanks for your comment and everything. nope i defiantly ain't going to be falling for any ones sweet talks lolz.....cant be asked to really
yep Tai is great ain't she Lolz
I've taken out that 'no' from the last line. hope it sounds better
take care


Author's Reply:

littleditty on 2005-08-03 04:23:38
Re: A MoMenT Of 'FuN'
a really good poem BP. x littleditty x

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-08-03 08:04:16
Re: A MoMenT Of 'FuN'
Good effort Ms. Poet. You are beginning to carve out a style all of your own, and that's always a good thing. Keep up the good work. Eat yogurt.

s
u
n
k
e
n

envious of owls

Author's Reply:


Just...Searching... (posted on: 25-07-05)
a poem
crit away............!!! I've made some changes and fixed up the errors you might want to read it again.thanks if you do.

Just reading through your memories, searching for something I missed. I feel that shiver, the one I always felt after meeting you. That pile of 'junk' that I kept, That pile of 'rubbish' I saved, That pile of 'memories' of you, The ones I treasured until this very day. going through them, as if it's my last. Trying to prove, myself, I'm moving on. But am I really...? Or is it just another lie, I tell myself...? Can I ever erase this ever lasting memories...? Can I ever burn them away...? Will I ever be honest with the feeling that grow inside me...? I just can't see myself being me! I just can't be true to myself again, I've lost myself within these memories of yours. Just reading through your memories, My days go by. My nights come, and I live my life Saying: You're just not the one, not for me !
Archived comments for Just...Searching...
Anshu on 2005-07-25 11:34:18
Re: Just...Searching...
You lie a lot to yourself ... be honest to self and you would enjoy life...

lol Anshu

Author's Reply:

Hazy on 2005-07-25 13:49:27
Re: Just...Searching...
Hi baby poet

I will offer some advice. Not with your poetry as such, but with the errors you've made as there are quite a few in this one. I know you're keen to learn which is always a good thing so I hope you won't mind me pointing them out. I'll copy your poem below and put my comments in square brackets after each line.

=======================
Just reading through your memorise [memories, not memorise]
searching for something I miss. [missed, not miss (I think)]

I feel that shiver
the one I always felt after you. [After you what? Not sure that makes sense]

That pile of 'junk' that I keep, [if you're using past tense for the next line and throughout, I'd change to '...that I kept' rather than 'keep']
That pile of 'rubbish' I saved,
That pile of 'memories' from you, [I think 'from' should be 'of']
The ones I treasured until this day,
going through them as if its my last [its is short in this case for it is. Therefore, you need an apostrophe to show the missing 'i'. ie ...it's my last]
trying to prove myself I’m moving on. [...to prove to myself (ie add 'to' after prove)]

But am I really...?
Or is it just another lie I tell myself...?
Can I ever erase this ever lasting memories...? [these, not this]
Can I ever burn these away...? [would be tempted to lose that line as I can't see why you'd 'burn' memories]
Will I ever be honest about the feelings I have...?

I just cant see myself being me, [apostrophe in can't as there are letters missing from the longer form of cannot]
I cant be true to myself again, [same as above]
I’ve lost myself within them memories of yours. [would be tempted to change that line. 'Them' doesn't sound right. And whose memories are they? I'd consider "I've lost myself within these memories of you"]

Just reading through your memorise [memories, not memorise]
My days go by
My nights comes [come, not comes. Read stuff aloud to get it right if you're not sure]
and I live my life
Saying: Your just not the one, not for me...![If you are shortening "you are" to "your", you need to indicate the missing letters with an apostrophe. I've noticed a lot of your stuff uses "Your" when you actually mean "You're"]

Maybe you could ask for clarifications if you're not sure on the forums. The common tricky words tend to be "your/you're" and "they're/their/there". There are loads more though. If you can recognise your problem areas, you can improve on them.
=====================
Take care.

Hazy x

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-25 20:38:54
Re: Just...Searching...
Hey Anshu thanks for your comment. not all wishes do come true only some as they are meant to.
well thats what i think init. you may think different,
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-25 20:42:35
Re: Just...Searching...
Hey Hazy and Tao thanks for your comments and advice through here and PMs i have made some changes. i was a bit tired and dreamy when i wrote this one and i don't think i went through it properly. but big thanks for showing the errors and how to improve it.
let me know if you think its better and that and what else needs improving OK
thanks
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy_PoeT...:::...xXx


Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-25 20:49:36
Re: Just...Searching...
my other comment was for the wish poem got mixed up while replying soz Anshu. and i don't lie to myself i just don't be totally honest. more like i prefer what i say init, lolz
take care thanks for both ya comments
bye
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-07-28 21:18:34
Re: Just...Searching...
Well I'm impressed. It's quite a mature piece for one so young. Well done Ms. BaBy.

s
u
n
k
e
n




Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-30 00:13:05
Re: Just...Searching...
Hey Sunken....
your impressed well im glad....im trying to be mature....its not as fun as being immature though lolz. wow you never left a quote of yours lolz...
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

eddiesolo on 2005-07-30 14:33:54
Re: Just...Searching...
Hi BP,

Yes there are mistakes but apart from that I echo Sunks opinion...tis good.

I like it.

Si:-)

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 2005-07-30 15:02:51
Re: Just...Searching...
hi BP -MATURE???? - actually, you were always mature! Dont forget your cheekymonkey side ever -i reckon your cheekymonkey side helps your mature side write these very interesting and thoughtful poems you have been subbing lately. I prefered the other mysterious one, but liked this one also. POETESS! :o)) xxxlittleditty x

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-08-02 20:25:30
Re: Just...Searching...
LD...MATURE am I...? lolz screaming your head of. shrieking at everything you hate and everything you love...is that mature lolz.... maybe i have matured a bit recently thats why i write these ones i am going to be 16 soon very soon its kinda scary...feel old by it as well lolz.... nah i can never lose my cheeky side specially now that you like it lolz. i think you call me POETESS to get me annoyed lolz. well I'm use to this now so its all good.
take care LiL-Ms-G
have fun in this really weird weather lolz
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-08-06 22:21:55
Re: Just...Searching...
hi SI
glad you read it and thanks for your time to comment .
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


I Aint Needed (posted on: 25-07-05)
something like a story but in a form of a poem i think.
crits so i can improve it
cause this is kind of unfinshed, i think. i dont really know what i want to do with it.
its something new for me init so crits and commetns and if you are going to rate it, then please tell me why.
thanks
take care




The sky whispers to god and asks: Why have you made me so wide but still? I get bored up here all alone no one to talk to. The trees have their partners The wind has its storm The stars have its alike but I'm all alone, with everything below me I cant reach it nor can I feel it I'm just lonely and bored . God replies to the sky: You're not alone, You just don't realise How special you are How much you're needed Without you everything will be empty everything will be lifeless You're needed by every one You're special You are a kind No one can ever be like you The stars whisper to each other They wish they were you The trees wish they could reach you Everyone envies you Just you don't know Cause you're alone and no one is as special as you So don't feel lonely and useless Cause you're the most needed Your the most wanted..
Archived comments for I Aint Needed
littleditty on 2005-07-27 15:56:34
Re: I Aint Needed
this is an intriguing curious - very interesting read...in fact i have more nothing to say yet, until i read it a few more times.......sorry, except this, left over from my last profession: your/you're - what are your decisions about this? littleMsG xxx 🙂

Author's Reply:

Claire on 2005-07-27 18:38:58
Re: I Aint Needed
Interesting read hun. This ain't my type of stuff though, so I can''t really help you out with it, plus I wouldn't know where to start with critting poetry!

All I do know is that this line: The stars have its alike - sounded very clunky.

I was gonna mention the 'your' that should be a 'you're' but that has been said.

I hope someone else can help you out with this.

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-27 23:13:20
Re: I Aint Needed
Hey Claire thanks hun 4 ur comments and your time for reading this. i have made the changes with the you're/ your thing but i bet it's not right..lolz.... im rubbish at this...need a lot more work on it...init..?
and about the line 'The stars have its alike ' I'll try and do something about it...need to think n get the right word thanks for ya comment take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-27 23:26:27
Re: I Aint Needed
hey LD how u doing....hows this weird summer going..? thanks for your comment and all. the poem or whatever this is meant to be i dont know yet. it has a meaning, its a story about something thats why its a bit curious init....
i've made the YOUR/YOU'RE thing....but i bet i did it wrong cause i did nearly all of them in the last stanza. let me know if theres anything else or any other way i can change n improve it
take care
have a cool summer with joys
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

eddiesolo on 2005-07-30 14:30:20
Re: I Aint Needed
Hi BP,
I think this is an interesting poem and to be honest I can't see much wrong. Maybe you could lessen this piece by taking out a few lines and re-writing the others...keep it short and I think it will get the point across much better IMO.

I have given this an 8 because I think its good.

Si:-)

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-30 22:29:47
Re: I Aint Needed
Thanks Si...
I'll try and improve it....
thanks for taking time to read and complement glad you liked it though
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-08-04 00:13:11
Re: I Aint Needed
Hey Shywolf thanks for your comment and everything...wel most probably God wont but its not exactly about the sky n God its really about the meaning and about something maybe someone. i just gave it two things which i would say is one of my favorite and important things to me. thats all
but thanks anyways and yeh the second bit is an answer as when people are feeling low and when a Friend or someone tells things and makes them better. thats what it was all about.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


Wishes, wishes & wishes (posted on: 25-07-05)
we keep on wishing
but how many of them come true.
how hard how desperately do we wish for things
but they just never come true


I wish my reasons were easy
I wish my feelings wasn't confusing
I wish my thoughts were simple
I wish my life was as easy as people think.

I wish I could explain
I wish I could say why
I wish I could understand
I wish I could change everything.

I wish you were different
I wish I was different
I wish the moments were different
I wish our timing were different.

I just wish 'you' and 'I' could be 'us'
I just wish there was nothing to come in between
I just wish I never lied to you
I just wish I never lied to myself.

I just wish I could explain
I just wish I could be honest
I just wish everything was easy
I just wish we I never fell.

So many wishes I made
But not even one come true
I see the number of stars growing
As I keep on wishing
But my wishes just never come true.
Archived comments for Wishes, wishes & wishes
Anshu on 2005-07-25 11:31:32
Re: Wishes, wishes & wishes
Wishes come true dear Baby poet... You wish for certain things now and they are fulfilled in the future so don't worry just keep on wishing... God is listening...So happy wishing

Lol

Anshu

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-25 20:46:08
Re: Wishes, wishes & wishes
thanks Anshu 4 stoping by n commeting.
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

Jolen on 2005-09-06 23:19:08
Re: Wishes, wishes & wishes
Hi Baby Poet,
Wishes do come true, but we also have the responsiblity to work towards fullfilling our lives as well. As Shakespeare said in Hamlet, "To thine ownself be true and as night follows the day thou canst be false to no man." I am missquoting it a bit, I'm sure. But I know you get the idea.

Steady on course dear. Well done.
blessings,
Jolen

Author's Reply:


Ju$t Too LaTe... (posted on: 22-07-05)
I need to fink of a title I cant find the right 1
help me out with it.
a poem got repeated words throughout the poem ok.
hope you people like it
crits welcomes so are comments


**

Them moment, Them promises, The ones you and I made, The ones we were meant to keep, Them nights, Them mornings , We spent together, The ones we always wanted, Them wishes we said, Them dreams we shared, The ones that wait to be true, The ones we really truly wanted, Them moment, Them promises, The ones no one knows, The ones that are about us, We did care, We did love, Just never accepted, The whole truth , We kept running , Now its late, Just too late.
Archived comments for Ju$t Too LaTe...
littleditty on 2005-07-22 12:09:13
Re: *..........*
Hi there Poetess - i have just checked in to see your sub first -i like it very much. N - I don't press those numbers out of ten as i don't see the point -i notice that someone must have flown by and given you a low score and not yet left a message. I think this has merit as a poem -it is full of feelings that i understand very well - you have penned them in your voice -i can hear it - and the clarity and simplicity with which you express these common/special feelings is something that I admire very much. Well done You - this gets a MERIT from me to you -xxxxlittleMsG x

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 2005-07-22 12:11:42
Re: *..........*
oh - you will come up with a title -i reckon xxxlittleditty x

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-22 15:34:13
Re: *..........*
Thanks LilMsG...glad you liked it...thats good to know i got a merit didn't get many this yr lolz.
glad you understood it the feelings. i know what you mean about the rating thing. but then people can rate it with their opinions init. thanks for being or trying to be the first one to check my posts...lolz thanks take care

PS. was looking forward to see you. but its alright ill see you next year if you can make it. lots of teachers left this term aswell.

xXx....:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-22 15:42:11
Re: *..........*
Hey lilD i think i found a title but its not all it. if anyone has a better one then let me know thanks
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 2005-07-22 21:05:07
Re: *..........*
just to or just too late? asks me...;-) msG

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-24 18:47:26
Re: *..........*
i meant just TOO late...made the changes fanx 4 pointing it out 4 me....
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


CoNfu$iOn... (posted on: 22-07-05)
i don't know its just something i feel like i cant explain




It's a pain I felt, A day I unexpected, Something I never believed, One thing I never wanted. It's a misery to know, A feeling that grows, One that I cant stop, One that I never needed. It's a wish unwanted, A nightmare come true, Something I run from, Something I hide from. You will never understand, Cause I don't seem to, It's something confusing, Something you wont get.
Archived comments for CoNfu$iOn...
rex on 2005-07-22 19:54:16
Re: CoNfu$iOn...
Has a rythm i kind of enjoyed. And to the sentiments therein, i feel they are the stuff of lyf. You get what you dont bargain for a lot of time. And.. a lot of time too, you dont get what you crave.Hm..hm. Nice poem. Regards.

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-22 21:13:29
Re: CoNfu$iOn...
thanks Rex glad you enjoyed it.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


Oh No.... (posted on: 18-07-05)
something i did a bit after a guy asked me out...who is sucha prick and a player.
its kind of funny i think it is anyways
hope you like it
you can crit as much as you want lolz
cause i know it most probably is really crap
i was going to put this is 'comedy genre' but there isnt one so i just left it on poetry...

You want to love me?
Oh no you cant.
You want to touch me?
Oh no you wont, not even close.
You want to kiss me?
Oh no your breath stinks.
You want to share my bed?
Oh no, you wont even enter my room.
You want a part of my heart?
Oh no you cant, Why you want it?
So you can break it into a thousand pieces.
I'm sorry to let you down,
But I don't share anything with guys Like you
Oh no, I don't...
Archived comments for Oh No....
littleditty on 2005-07-18 12:56:33
Re: Oh No....
ok now -sorry about this in advance - but -i've known you since you were much smaller -so i am allowed to be a bit mumsy: Gosh you have grown upwards and grown up well - infact - from now on -it is your turn to give me advice on such things because i am a bit thick 😉 xxxms G x

Author's Reply:

Apolloneia on 2005-07-18 13:29:44
Re: Oh No....
this surprised me in a positive way and that's all I can say.

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-18 21:14:45
Re: Oh No....
Lol u joka LD.....yep I've defiantly grown a lot....gona be 16 soon...its kinda scary though lolz...ask for any advice you want if i can help then I'm sure i will. and nah i don't agree with you being thick...coz then you wouldn't be a good teacher will ya....? and don't worry you can be mumsy after all you were my teacher init lolz....i should shut up now
take care
thanks
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-18 21:19:52
Re: Oh No....
surprised Apollenia... why? cause you thought im a teen and thats when girls and boys mess about the most....well i do.... but i have my limits init and there isn't one guy that can stand to it lols.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT....:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


A MesSagE (posted on: 18-07-05)
a poem
a bit of a message to everyone as well i think
hope you like it



As we live a day, its a day closer to death.
As we sleep a night, its a night closer to death.
As we smile, its one less for the future.
As we cry, its less tears for the future.
As we grow older, we grow closer to death.
As a flower grows, it waits for its death.
As we say 'hello' to someone new, its a 'bye' to someone old.
As the ocean dries, the clouds come closer.
As a day goes, we grow older.
So death comes closer.

You should keep telling the ones you love ,
you will always love them ,
As you never know death might be waiting next door.
So carry on telling the close ones how you feel about them,
keep on loving ,
keep on caring,
keep on living,
Cause as we live a day, its a day closer to death.
Archived comments for A MesSagE
tai on 2005-07-18 09:45:10
Re: A MesSagE
An interesting little poem baby poet. I agree with it sentiments.

Smiling

Tai

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-18 21:09:40
Re: A MesSagE
Thanks Tai....
for ya comment and for ya time to read it.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 2005-07-18 21:30:10
Re: A MesSagE
i liked this one too xxxlittlemsG x

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-18 22:15:13
Re: A MesSagE
awww bless lil mis G sounds cute lols just like you.
glad to know you liked it
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

Emerald on 2005-07-19 18:06:29
Re: A MesSagE
A good poem with a nice simple and concise message in this Baby Poet. I enjoyed reading, although it made me feel slightly sad - sort of watching life go by.

Emma:-)

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-19 19:49:40
Re: A MesSagE
Thanks Emma...glad you liked it....yeh it is really simple and i know were your coming form about how its sad watching life go by.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 2005-07-21 14:41:03
Re: A MesSagE
ME? CUTE????? Right cheekyBP:
LUNCHTIME DETENTION and 100 LINES :

lilMsG AINT CUTE
lilMSG AINT CUTE....

:0)) x


Author's Reply:

eddiesolo on 2005-07-21 17:51:04
Re: A MesSagE
Hi BP,

I really liked this piece...made me too feel a touch of sadness yet made me feel that we must live for the hour!

Nice.

Si:-)

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-21 22:57:16
Re: A MesSagE
Thanks Si...
glad you liked it. yeh u defiantly need to live your life 2 the best coz death could be waiting for ya next door init you never know....and make sure u keep telling everyone you care about that you always will init...including me that is lolz....jokes...
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-21 23:01:13
Re: A MesSagE
isit...ok but can i change something LD...can that be break and the lines should be:
lilMsG IS CUTE, N SHE AGREES
lilMsG IS CUTE, N SHE AGREES
lilMsG IS CUTE, N SHE AGREES................
see thats better Lolz
n u can stop blushing.... i can see u 😉

xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx



Author's Reply:

littleditty on 2005-07-22 12:14:50
Re: A MesSagE
Now -THAT was FUNNY! :-)) You are FUNNY!

(and yes - cheekymonkey - i am blushing - xMsG x)

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-22 21:12:25
Re: A MesSagE
why does everyone say im cheeky...? lolz
i dont think i am not really...
aww atleast it made you laugh lolz.
take care
keep smiling
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


This Ryhthm (posted on: 15-07-05)
The rhythm which i needed once
hope you like it

crits away lolz
take care

You taught me this rhythm
the one I needed to know,
You showed me the paths
the ones to reach the sky,
Your the one that gave me the name,
the one I searched forever
Now you have left me,
alone, to feel it all by myself
Without anyone to share with,
I don't want the name,
I don't want the fame,
I don't want the blame,
Not the one I'm innocent for,
I want you back into my life,
I want that rhythm I had with you,
You taught me this rhythm.
Archived comments for This Ryhthm
littleditty on 2005-07-16 16:36:02
Re: This Ryhthm
I like this N - it is well written -looks like you thought about it a little? I understand -everyone will -this feeling and you have penned it in a charming, simple way -which i think is the way to pen these feelings.

The rhythm is with you and ahead of you too -this poem is looking back - this is fine -have you written one about looking forwards? Liked this one Poetess xxxlittleditty xxx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-16 18:28:37
Re: This Ryhthm
Hey LD
thanks for ya comment...nice to know you understand it....nah i haven't written one about looking forward but i might if i can think of one,
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

Apolloneia on 2005-07-16 23:27:31
Re: This Ryhthm
yes, must agree that this is quite charming it has something very sweet and desperate, baby poet.

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-17 20:15:58
Re: This Ryhthm
thanks Apollenia for ya comment and for taking your time to read.....
whats charming about this...?
i don't know you n Ld seem to say it but i don't know what your on about lolz...
maybe one of you would want to tell me whats charming about it. but anyways thanks
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

Anshu on 2005-07-23 11:34:37
Re: This Ryhthm
You have come ahead a long way.... to be more appropriate you have improved in leaps and bound.

I was going through your poems when I came up to this I was surprised ..... keep it up... Baby poet.

You should concentrate more and widen your imagination. It will help you to write descriptive poems.

Keep writing & Lol

Anshu


Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-24 18:52:12
Re: This Ryhthm
thanks Anshu for your comments.
im glad you think i have been improving.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx


Author's Reply:


That Pure White (posted on: 15-07-05)
i dont know where this came from.
i was just thinking about weddings
i think i maybe able to improve it
so tell me how with your opinions
take care

That pure white, long
but beautiful dress
the one she chose
and hand picked
for that one,
perfect day of hers.

She looks so beautiful
she looks just like an angel
she looks so true
she looks like the one
that's right for me,
She is mine.

As she walks in that
pure white long dress
how perfect she is
I realise I'm making
the right decision,
The biggest in my entire life.

She assured me
with that look
that it was alright
it would be 'perfect'
just me and her forever,
With our love all over.


That white, long
but beautiful dress
the one she chose
and hand picked
for that one,
Perfect day of hers.

Archived comments for That Pure White
tai on 2005-07-15 09:57:01
Re: That Pure White
Hi baby poet, Where this came from I have no idea. For a girl of your age, this is a wonderful little poem.

Well done indeed

Smiling

Tai

Author's Reply:

niece on 2005-07-15 13:11:06
Re: That Pure White
Loved your poem.
Where I come from, brides wear a creamish sari with gold on it. But a bride would look beautiful anyway, becoz she is glowing from within.
Regds,niece



Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-15 18:43:55
Re: That Pure White
Thanks Tai for ya comment glad you liked it...i don't know where this came from myself.... i was just going Through a catalog with wedding dresses n i did it there so i don't really know.

take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoEt...:::...xXx


Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-15 18:50:18
Re: That Pure White
Ta Niece thanks for ya comment....glad to know you really liked it...i think we from similar places as brides from where i come from will wear red/maroon kind of colors and the more modern ones will wear like pink or cream saris with gold work which is really beautiful and heavily done.
take care
xXx...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-07-15 19:00:52
Re: That Pure White
I agree with Tai (there's a first for everything (-; - For a girl of your tender age, this is a very strong write. Well done. Eat lettuce.

s
u
n
k
e
n


Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-15 20:22:34
Re: That Pure White
LOLz at Lettuce Sunken....to say the truth i do...
i like the salad thing even tho i ain't an health eater
oops just said a secret..lolz
but thanks for ya comment
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

Emerald on 2005-07-16 10:02:52
Re: That Pure White
Good poem Baby Poet - I like the repetition in this, works really well - and gives a clear picture.

Emma:-)

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-16 16:07:57
Re: That Pure White
Thanks Emma for stopping by n for ya comment
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy Poet...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


I ReMeMbEr..... (posted on: 11-07-05)
something new im trying...
this aint from my heart or experice but its based on some show i watched the other day.... hope you like it
crits welcome





Tonight I remember, the night of all, I member the memorise . Tonight I remember, the night were the twinkle in our eyes met, and the little mingles we had. Tonight I remember, the night we stared at the sky, to wish upon the stars. Tonight I remember, the night we slept in the beach, were we saw our dreams. Tonight I remember, the night we promised, to love each other for ever and ever. Tonight I remember, the night you fell on your knees, to ask me to be yours forever. Tonight I remember, the night I lost you, to that hoe next door, the one that keeps your eyes on her, with her slutty clothes: her short, tight skirts, her non-sleeved belly tops with her prostitute heels. Tonight I remember, the promises you broke, the ones you never kept, So hell with you and your promises, I'm a woman, a human being too, I can live just the way I want, I can be who and what I want, Just like any other person.
Archived comments for I ReMeMbEr.....
thehaven on 2005-07-11 08:39:16
Re: I ReMeMbEr.....
I was enjoying this until the last line. Not because of the language but becauseit didn't fit in with the rest imo.I can feel the anger of betrayal but it ends too harshly and abruptly imo.

Mike

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 2005-07-11 10:16:39
Re: I ReMeMbEr.....
I think this is a good piece -full of idea and emotion - i think, as a poem, it needs a little more work and a little more consideration - think about it - edit and see? It is brimming full of potential - i don't think the last line is needed as you have so many finely marked feelings thoughout the rest of your very cool, mature poem -seeya - xlittleditty x

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-11 18:41:16
Re: I ReMeMbEr.....
hey Mike glad you liked it until the last bit....i knew it didn't fit it but the moment i wrote it i just felt like saying it to that character so i put it down. but thanks for reading and commenting inti
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-11 18:45:45
Re: I ReMeMbEr.....
hey LD i haven't change much of the poem, but just totally changed the ending of the last stanza check it out and let me know... ayt safe
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-07-12 07:28:50
Re: I ReMeMbEr.....
Well I like it. Not many people will admit to being influenced by something on TV. Though I reckon sub consciously most of us are at some point. I think it works really well as the second half is kinda unexpected. Very sadly true to life. This just goes further to confirming my beliefs that you ain't no baby (-: I'll give you 'Poet' though. Well done.

s
u
n
k
e
n

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-12 14:17:33
Re: I ReMeMbEr.....
lolz sunken thanks...TV does influence people a lot doesn't it.....but you just don't know....yeh the end half was meant to give it a shock...but don't fink it did as much ...anywayz thanks for ya comment
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

LenchenElf on 2005-07-13 22:41:38
Re: I ReMeMbEr.....
Hi BabyP, you've caught the build up of emotion in the character to justifiable indignation and I really like the phrase 'little mingles' thanks for sharing this:-)
all the very best
LE


Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-13 22:57:18
Re: I ReMeMbEr.....
Thanks LE for stopping By and commenting...
glad to know you enjoyed it
take care
ßäßÿ Pöë†

Author's Reply:


ADMIT IT.....I Dare You (posted on: 11-07-05)
YOU HAVE TO ADMIT TO THE TRUTH.....YOU CANT HIDE FROM IT
AND THERES NO POINT RUNNING

thats what the poem is about
its not all it tho
you might think its rubbish or you might like it
i dont knw
check it out init
crits more than welcome

Its all there right in front of you
Its in your face
Admit it
I dare you to
Don't be afraid
It wont hurt
It wont bite
It will just be a memory
That's all
Its not hard
Its the truth
Admit it
Don't say you cant
Coz there is no such thing
That you cant do
Its something you wont do
I dare you go on
Admit it
Its the truth

Archived comments for ADMIT IT.....I Dare You
littleditty on 2005-07-11 10:12:01
Re: ADMIT IT.....I Dare You
This is very strong. Angry almost - and demanding a response -nice one Poetess 🙂 littleditty x

Author's Reply:

tai on 2005-07-11 10:18:56
Re: ADMIT IT.....I Dare You
Hi Baby poet. I really liked the energy in this little poem of yours.

Well done

Tai

Author's Reply:

Emerald on 2005-07-11 14:31:12
Re: ADMIT IT.....I Dare You
Liked this Baby poet - I like the get down to business tone in this - better to face it, than hide. Enjoyed/

Emma:-)

Author's Reply:

Kazzmoss on 2005-07-11 15:19:12
Re: ADMIT IT.....I Dare You
I agree with what has already been written - great and straight to the point.You can use it for anything or any body and I'm sure after hearing that they would do it or admit it! Kaz

Author's Reply:

Warhorse on 2005-07-11 17:08:08
Re: ADMIT IT.....I Dare You
Hi there Poet.

You really jumped on the line with this one, a very strong impression of a dominent no nonsense attitude.

loved it. congrats

Warhorse.

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-11 18:36:10
Re: ADMIT IT.....I Dare You
Thanks a lot everyone for reading and commenting...glad you lot enjoyed it...
its true tho...you cant keep up with the act...you just have to admit or say it once in your life time right....?
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

Jay on 31-01-2006
ADMIT IT.....I Dare You
truth is hard to take! Enjoyed this. 🙂

Author's Reply:


Waiting, For.... (posted on: 11-07-05)
short poem....


I'm waiting,
Waiting,
for my own beats
for my own love
for my own wishes,

I'm waiting,
Waiting,
for my own clouds
for my own rain
for my own storm,

I'm waiting,
Waiting,
for my own nights
for my own dawn
for my own mornings ,

I'm waiting,
Waiting,
until its all to be,
my own again,
just mine forever,
Archived comments for Waiting, For....
littleditty on 2005-07-11 12:16:15
Re: Waiting, For....
the first three stanzas are super cool - swirling rhythm going on there - the last - i think very nearly does it - but i suggest thinking about the constrasting rhythm more - you are trying for a open, airy feeling- that is also full of longing and hopes and dreams? - nearly done....Another class act N - you are getting better and better at this poetry ting xxxlittleditty x

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-11 18:32:14
Re: Waiting, For....
Thanks you LD....
i know about the last stanza it dont fit in with the rest....thanks for reading and commpenting.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

Emerald on 2005-07-13 15:46:16
Re: Waiting, For....
Hi Baby Poet, actually I really like that last stanza to this, as it finishes the poem off really well - I think had you ended with the previous stanza it would have lost its impact.

Emma:-)

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-13 21:48:34
Re: Waiting, For....
thanks Emma, glad you liked it....
thanks 4 stopping by and commenting
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


ThE BroKeN SiLeNcE (posted on: 08-07-05)
this 1 is rubish....it was about the 7th sept 05.... but i don't really know what i was writing as i wanted to say so much.
all the anger the upset and everything was there init. so its got a bit of everything
take care


You've broken the silence created a fuss with such a blast not just one but several. You've broken the silence created a trauma which such a blast killed a lot not just a few. ****2nd Part (i think)**** You've killed so many innocent people not just a few but a few hundreds with family and children. Your the one that will suffer not today but one day the people who have lost family will get you one day just not today. You've broken the peace and started the war the one we were waiting for the one we were preparing for you've started it.
Archived comments for ThE BroKeN SiLeNcE
niece on 2005-07-08 12:33:02
Re: ThE BroKeN SiLeNcE
Dear Baby_Poet,
Can understand the trauma behind this sad poem. It’s horrible isn’t it? That it’s unsuspecting innocent people who are harmed because of such a cowardly act.
Regds,niece


Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-08 17:03:22
Re: ThE BroKeN SiLeNcE
yeh it is just finking about all them innocent people that have lost their family and everything just feels so bad....i really wish we can get them dogs in the name of human and make them pay...jst don't you.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

tai on 2005-07-12 20:04:56
Re: ThE BroKeN SiLeNcE
Yes they have broken the silence Baby Poet and you have expressed yourself in your poem, very well indeed.

As you say, we all knew it was comming. We now need to try and put an end to it imo.

One typo 2nd line last stanza 'started'

Nice work

Smiling

Tai

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-15 20:31:15
Re: ThE BroKeN SiLeNcE
oops....
Thanks Tai for pointing that one out for me...
and for ya comment. glad to know you liked it....
yeh we defiantly knew it was coming....
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


A wAkE Up ThuNdeR (posted on: 08-07-05)
i did this in school while i was locked up in a class room with all the rest of year 10's that wer waiting for the parents to come and collect them as we wer on study leave. and it might not make much sense at th moment as i done it in a horror. hope you like it
crits wanted






Was it a thunder
a really loud one
or was it something else
that caused the bang.

As it woke me up
from my deep sleep
as it broke my dream
the one about a blast.

Out side it was
a world of frozen silence
with only shocked
and confused faces.

Was it a thunder
a really bad one
that caused the
trauma we are living in.

There's people waiting
searching for their lost ones
the ones went out as normally as usual
without and expect or a sense of what has happened.

It wasn't a thunder
not a bad loud one
it was a bomb
that did this to all of us.
Archived comments for A wAkE Up ThuNdeR
Warhorse on 2005-07-08 10:33:13
Re: A wAkE Up ThuNdeR
Hey there babypoet,

You really caught the mood of the moment with this piece, an excellent topical expression of the way ordinary people, away from the carnage of a bomb blast often feel.

Well done to you for giving us the often hidden perceptuon of your age group.

regards

Warhorse.

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-08 15:22:58
Re: A wAkE Up ThuNdeR
Thanks Warhorse
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-07-09 08:17:54
Re: A wAkE Up ThuNdeR
Hiya Baby-Poet, good on you for positively utilizing a negative time and managing to coming up with something/anything under such circumstances. It's my guess that you are anything but a baby. Well done.

s
u
n
k
e
n

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 2005-07-09 17:15:54
Re: A wAkE Up ThuNdeR
I am so glad that you -and all of you - are ok. I have been thinking of you and Kings cross - our funny school - so glad that it was after nine o'clock and you would all have been in registration. This poem is fantastic - it was like that and you have expressed it with beautiful clarity. Well done you:-)

Ban Bombs - peace littlefriend -littleditty xxx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-09 18:02:26
Re: A wAkE Up ThuNdeR
yeh most of us were init...but yr 10 were on study liv and some had exams in the morning and everyone had their R.E exams in the afternoon. i think our school and and everybody were just really good.....the teachers had most of it under control and everything, and the yr 10's that went to revise for R.E helped out with everything and kept the younger lots kinda calm as well as they didn't know what was going on init....but thanks to everyone and hope everyones safe at home now....
and hope your safe and was far from it all.
glad you liked it and all.

(you should come and give us a little visit sometime lolz.)

take care
xXx...:::...BaBy_PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-09 18:04:24
Re: A wAkE Up ThuNdeR
hey Sunken....
lolz yeh i am a baby...wel not much of a baby tho gona be reaching 16 on sept init...but thanks
glad you read it and liked it
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy_PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 2005-07-09 18:21:11
Re: A wAkE Up ThuNdeR
I will....i promise x

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-09 18:23:24
Re: A wAkE Up ThuNdeR
ayt safe....il be waiting...

Author's Reply:

Emerald on 2005-07-10 09:42:13
Re: A wAkE Up ThuNdeR
Hi Baby Poet, I thought you captured this excellently, Good strong poem.

Emma:-)

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-11 00:14:22
Re: A wAkE Up ThuNdeR
thanks Emma...glad you thought it was good.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


Shhhhh..... (posted on: 04-07-05)
shhhh...
just read.....
just comment....
just criticise....

lolz. hope you like it....


Shhh
Wait..
Just there,
Don't move,
Just wait,
Let me see you,
Let me know you,

Shhh..
Wait
Right there,
Just freeze,
Only for a moment,
Let me have a look ,
Let me feel you,

Shhhhh.
Please..
Just wait,
Just let me be yours,
Just let it be,
Only for a moment,
Let me have you all to myself.
Archived comments for Shhhhh.....
tai on 2005-07-06 00:59:55
Re: Shhhhh.....
I like this Baby poet, and the quite correct concept that people need people. We all need attention,
The younger we are, the more you would think we need, and we do as children, thats for sure, but you would be surprised how important it is to fulfil the same need as an adult, no matter what age.

I believe the best way to get what you need is give what you can of yourself. It kind of balances out in the end.

Interesting poem.

Smiling

Tai

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-07 21:22:28
Re: Shhhhh.....
hey Tai thanks a lot for you great comments. glad to know you found it intresting.....
yeh i think everyone always needs to feel good and wanted..
yeh you always get wat u giv dont you
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

Jolen on 2005-07-08 00:29:06
Re: Shhhhh.....
Well done here ..........


Strong message in clever format..


blessings,
Jolen

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-08 01:25:08
Re: Shhhhh.....
glad you liked it Jolen.
thanks for your comment and reading.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


HeArt....? MiNd....? (posted on: 04-07-05)
i really don't know where this is from.
but its from ages back as i found it in a note from a few years back.
so crits plz.

its really short. the layout is weird.
PS.. the (>>>) isn't meant to be there but cause i couldn't space it out. I've done that buts tis really annoying so i might have to change the layout.

The heart says,
>>>>>>> something.......
The mind says,
>>>>>>> another..........
The heart wont think,
>>>>>>>about anything else.........
The mind thinks,
>>>>>>> about everything its surrounded by.........
So which one,
>>>>>>> am I to listen to.........
The selfish heart,
>>>>>>> or the caring mind.......
Archived comments for HeArt....? MiNd....?
littleditty on 2005-07-04 19:39:19
Re: HeArt....? MiNd....?
N - this is GREAT. (did you hear me at the back there? I said this is GREAT!) This is simple, clear and cool. Bingo! Well done poetess xxx mslittle x

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-04 21:10:13
Re: HeArt....? MiNd....?
Poetess again.....ok...i must be quite good then lolz....nah I'm joking. glad to know you think its great. take care LD
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

tai on 2005-07-06 00:54:55
Re: HeArt....? MiNd....?
Now there's a question Baby poet! I think getting a balance between the two is the eventual idea, for me though, I always follow my heart, selfish or not!lol

Smiling

Tai

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-06 20:22:46
Re: HeArt....? MiNd....?
thanks for your comment tai...yeh you always should....but sometimes you just cant make us your mind....

Author's Reply:

LenchenElf on 2005-07-07 00:39:43
Re: HeArt....? MiNd....?
Liked this a great deal Baby P, thanks for sharing it 🙂
all the best
LE

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-07 20:06:46
Re: HeArt....? MiNd....?
thanks LE glad you liked it.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


A TorTuRed SoUl... (posted on: 01-07-05)
a very short poem



The dead soul awaits for your return, for you to come and save the tortured body, of the one you said you loved and always will, that pale skin, drying away from the bones, the soft skin which you always talked about, the one you always touched ,with tenderness, Now, where are you...? the dead soul awaits for your return, to save this dead soul, from the torture its taking, save me........... Save me.
Archived comments for A TorTuRed SoUl...
littleditty on 2005-07-01 10:58:01
Re: A TorTuRed SoUl...
Hello BP

I didn't see this one - sorry - been distracted. Wow and wow again. How did this poem come about? PM me if you like. It is deep - did you base it on another poem you have read?

My suggestions:

The dead soul awaits for your return,
for you to come and save the tortured body
of the one you said you loved and always will,
that pale skin, drying away from the bones,
the soft skin which you always talked about,
the one you always touched ,with tenderNESS.
Now, where are you...?
The dead soul awaits for your return,
to save this dead soul, from the torture its taking,
save me...........
Save me.

I'm a little speechless - so i will just go now....seeya Ms G x




Author's Reply:

Apolloneia on 2005-07-01 14:28:33
Re: A TorTuRed SoUl...
I'm a little speechless too B.
Your most promising poem today.

The dead soul awaits for you
to come and save the tortured
body,
of the one you said you loved
and always will.

That pale skin, drying away from
the bones,
the soft sking you always talked about,
the one
you always touched tenderly.

Now, where are you...
save me, save me.


I hope you don't mind offering you my ideas...
It can become a damn good poem.
Cheers!
Nicoletta x

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-01 19:42:49
Re: A TorTuRed SoUl...
Hey LD. thanks for commenting and ur sugestion...i've made the changes.
hope it sounds better now. thanks
this short poem is kind of based on personal experience. thats it. just exaggerated it a bit lolz.
take care
glad you liked it a lot.
xXx...:::...BaBy PoEt...:::...xXx


Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-01 19:45:10
Re: A TorTuRed SoUl...
hey Nicoletta, thanks for stopping by. i really don't know why your speechless lolz...it wasn't that well....bare people have better. and thanks for your suggestion. i may change it in a bit...ayt
thanks again
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


Do YoU....? (posted on: 01-07-05)
a short poem....
hope you like it

crits wanted...this aint somthing i really wanted to post.....but whats the point in having it locked up in a book...if i can improve it by sharing it. init..!
take care





Do you hate me...?
or aren't you just not bothered...?
you see I need to know,
it might sound lame
and nothing to you,
but its everything to me
right now it is.

Do you still care...?
or have you stopped....?
cause you see I deserve to know,
you wont understand
that's just the way it is ,
its important now
it wasn't before.


Do you still want me....?
or have you really moved on...?
I don't blame you if you have,
ill blame myself
but you see I need to now,
so I can move on
and live my life.

Archived comments for Do YoU....?
littleditty on 2005-07-01 10:49:57
Re: Do YoU....?
Baby P - the feelings in this poem of yours are expressed poignantly (dictionary!)sorry beak;) - the delicate raw feelings shine through your lines. May be you should keep this one to remember - and write another, with a little more of those poetic techniques, using these feelings here to see what you come up with next? Enjoying your writing N - littleditty xxx


Author's Reply:

Apolloneia on 2005-07-01 14:13:40
Re: Do YoU....?
I agree with Nicky, who said: "Maybe you should keep this one to remember and write another, with a little more of those poetic techniques", you are a baby poet (just 15 years old right?) keep writing, and take care.
Apolloneia x

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-01 19:51:09
Re: Do YoU....?
hey LD...yeh i think i know what 'poignantly' mean...isit when you express it good/ bad something like that. anyways ill look it up in the dictionary later. yeah i know i could improve this....but if i edit it im sure ill change everything about it...the whole meaning will probably change init. but ill try. glad to know your enjoying my post....thanks
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-01 19:54:37
Re: Do YoU....?
u alright Apollenia, yeah ill try to change it but its going to take ages...and like i said to LD its going to change the whole meaning of it...thats what happens when i change it lolz.
take care
xXx....:::...BaBy PoeT....:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

Warhorse on 2005-07-01 21:43:09
Re: Do YoU....?
HI Ya Baby baby,

Like me you write from the heart, sometimes we find the rhythm sometimes we don't.

The girls are correct of course, we both have to learn the hidden poetry techniques to be taken seriously.

Do not however in doing so, lose the raw edge of your emotions.

Listen to the good poets on this site, Appollonia Tai, Bradene, Emerald, Claire, lechenelf and especially Pullmyhair, They all have something offer, and read some of the famous poets like Rupert Brooke, Betcheman, and you might like Roger McGough .

Keep writing girl, get it all down every thing you think.

Keep a note book, a journal, and when an emotion comes into your head write it down there and then.

Enjoyed the raw emotion in this one, but that guy your worried about, tell him treat you right, or I'll slap his head a bit.

Regards

Warhorse.






Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-01 22:47:20
Re: Do YoU....?
lolz....thanks...its true about what you saying Warhorse...and i am taking my crtis and comments seriously and improving by it....and thanks for letting me know about the great poets from this sight,
lolz you can slap him if you want...but the truth is i don't treat the guy right lolz.....i made him sound like the baddy...when its me....oh well....cant make me look like the baddy can i.
thanks anyways
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

LenchenElf on 2005-07-03 00:41:33
Re: Do YoU....?
BabyP, you've caught a thought, a gentle thought of your need for resolution; now you will find your unique way to shape it, with your poetic voice as it changes over time.
all the very best
LE

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-03 13:44:35
Re: Do YoU....?
thank u LE.... for your comment and for reading the post.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


Am I FrOm HeRe... (posted on: 01-07-05)
just somthing i asked myself. when life feels bad.


Was I born to die,
or was it just to live on
my unstoppable life
the one that's so cruel.

Was I brought to this world
or was I meant to be here
an live the pain
the one life gives me

Was I abducted by human
to be sold to earth
is this my home
is this where I belong.
Archived comments for Am I FrOm HeRe...
niece on 2005-07-01 10:15:44
Re: Am I FrOm HeRe...
Dear Baby_Poet,
The true purpose of life is indeed very confusing. I think of it too. We all do. In truth, we are just pawns in the hands of the One who created us. So live on.
And by the way, your poem is really good.
Regds,niece


Author's Reply:

tai on 2005-07-01 10:43:57
Re: Am I FrOm HeRe...
Hey BaByPoet, a good poem with lots of questions. All I can say is, "life can be a bitch, but it can also be a beach! it's our choice. Go for it girl!

Smiling

Tai

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 2005-07-01 11:02:19
Re: Am I FrOm HeRe...
Ah BP! - I was ' abducted by human' too - you are a very good poetess - and i'm gawna keep saying it each time you come up with such good lines. (an/and?) Nice one - now -go and do some HW!!!x

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 2005-07-01 16:59:58
Re: Am I FrOm HeRe...
Just read this again (and again) - i like it more and more - i shall pop it in my favourite reads if i may? Ta xxxMs G x

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-01 19:56:49
Re: Am I FrOm HeRe...
hey niece.......yeh thats all we can do...live on with life... after all we cant stop ourselves unless the one who created us does..
but glad to know you liked it and thanks for commenting. take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-01 19:59:08
Re: Am I FrOm HeRe...
thanks Tai for reading and commenting....yep thats defiantly life.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-01 20:01:01
Re: Am I FrOm HeRe...
lolz LD....u must like it then....really happy to know you do....was you abducted too..?....then you must know what im on about lolz...
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

woodbine on 2005-07-01 20:17:11
Re: Am I FrOm HeRe...
Dear BP,
The answer is it doesn't mattter a dog's elbow where you came from, the big thing in this game is to play the cards the dealer gives you as well as if your life depended on it, which it does. Now go and have a nice cup of cocoa, and don't kick the cat. Drat! Who took my bloody zimmer frame?

Author's Reply:

eddiesolo on 2005-07-01 20:51:14
Re: Am I FrOm HeRe...
Hi Baby poet, I liked this very much.

We all think about life and where it will take us...best thing to do is just get on with it and not ponder too long.

Nice write.

Si:-)

Author's Reply:

woodbine on 2005-07-01 21:19:08
Re: Am I FrOm HeRe...
Dear BP,

Sorry for doing my A1 impression of patronising old sod.
Am in tetchy mood with sirens wailing outside as if they had cornered Bin Laden in the Cricklewood laundromat during Friday night rush hour and my beloved stuck in Henley for regatta with self regarding client. Life is a bitch and then you're dead. I apologise.
Woodbine.

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-01 22:51:43
Re: Am I FrOm HeRe...
don't worry woodbine...we always have them moments.....thats just life...we have to live it.....init...
but then again, who makes life a bitch.....don't we do that ourselves somehow...we don't even know how.
that dont really make sense...i cant xplain it init.
but thanks anyways
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoEt...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-01 22:53:24
Re: Am I FrOm HeRe...
Hey Si.....thanks for stopping by...yeh we cant change what we have init...
just have to live it...
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

Claire on 2005-07-03 23:58:12
Re: Am I FrOm HeRe...
Excellent one hun. Thumbs up here. ;^)

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-04 22:40:22
Re: Am I FrOm HeRe...
thanks Claire..glad you liked it
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoEt...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


MaYbe.... (posted on: 27-06-05)
a short poem.....
crits more than welcome..
hope u like it

take care

A wish I live,
A dream I sleep
I just wonder
If my life
Is real
or is it just
another fantasy,
Maybe.


A breath I take
A beat I live
Is that the way
Is it right,
Or is it wrong?
Can I ever know?
I'm still wondering
is there an answer,
Maybe.
Archived comments for MaYbe....
littleditty on 2005-06-27 15:48:28
Re: MaYbe....
Hello Baby Poetess - this is lovely - well done xxx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-06-27 17:12:01
Re: MaYbe....
hey LD..
fnx 4 reading and commenting....
aint much of a poet....not frm wat i knw
but thanks init...
take care

xXx...:::...BaBy PoEt...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 2005-06-27 17:27:23
Re: MaYbe....
yes you are x

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-06-27 17:43:51
Re: MaYbe....
lolz....safe if u say so.
thanks
u still teachin or just travelin n dat..?
xXx...:::..BaBy PoEt...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

tai on 2005-06-28 01:47:46
Re: MaYbe....
Yes, BaBy Poet, and in my opinion you are right on target with your poetry in expressing from the heart. As to the subject of the poem. I would say the answer is life! thats what we have and it's very precious. We should live it to the fullest.

all the best

Tai

Author's Reply:

woodbine on 2005-06-28 04:39:39
Re: MaYbe....
Hi BP,

I like your lilting short lines. Personally I would knock out
'just another' which makes narrator sound a bit jaded for a baby poet.

A delayed welcome to the site. Sleep tight.

Woodbine

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-06-28 23:02:27
Re: MaYbe....
hey Tai....
thanks for reading and commenting.
when something comes from the heart, most of the times its better. as its from deep down...well thats my opinion init. but thanks
take care
xXx...:::...BaBY_PoEt...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-06-28 23:04:44
Re: MaYbe....
hey thanks woodbine
glad you liked it.
thanks for commenting
don't worry about the late welcome lolz.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoEt...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 2005-06-30 22:55:54
Re: MaYbe....
...just travelin n dat, mostly innit - bit of teaching too - just to pay the bills and say hello to my likkle friends ;))

Hope you are well BP -work hard - sorry, its my beak again -littleditty xxx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-06-30 22:59:01
Re: MaYbe....
lolz i will.....you must be enjoyin then init.... we got our english exam nxt week.
wish us all good luck init
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 2005-06-30 23:04:56
Re: MaYbe....
Good luck you poor thing - watch out for heat stroke in the hall- eat bananas drink water and get enough sleep - INFACT young lady -What are you doing up at this time of night? - (It must be you the writer - writer's eh? 😉 Night night BP x

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-06-30 23:15:27
Re: MaYbe....
lolz init.....you should check out my face when its hot....i go proper red and get all ugly and spotty lolz....
but thanks...
yeah ill drink water....cant sleep...aint tired....and its hot...even tho its been raining outside....
xXx...:::...BaBy PoEt....:::...xXX

Author's Reply:


$ilence Proves..... (posted on: 17-06-05)
The title has it..all doesnt it??
Crits more than welcome..!
Hope you like it though.



Silence between two people
who never stop talking,
proves there's so much they want to say
just don't know were to start,
how to start.

Cause they want to say it all
all together,
just burst out.

All the questions that are dieing for answers.
all the things you want to say
that I want to listen to,
all the things I want to say
that you want to listen to.

The silence between us
proves it all.

All the answers that are waiting for your questions.
the question that needs the answers,
the ones you want to ask .
but don't know how to,

All the answers are waiting,
Waiting patiently.

Silence between two people
who never finish talking,
proves there's so much they want to say
just don't know how to.

I want my answers.

I want my answers,
to my deep questions.
which are dieing to cum out.
My desperate questions which need your answers
they are just waiting for you to start.

The silence between you and me
proves everything.

The silence proves everything.

Archived comments for $ilence Proves.....
Claire on 2005-06-20 00:38:50
Re: $ilence Proves.....
Hey hun. I read this one on your site. And I love it! Silence surely does prove everything...

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-06-20 02:04:53
Re: $ilence Proves.....
thanks Clair glad u love it,.......
yh silence definatly does....... sometimes u even get ur answers.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

brie on 2005-06-21 23:24:09
Re: $ilence Proves.....
I enjoy reading your submissions baby- poet.
I am not sure you need to use slang/symbols etc though, unless it is intended as a deliberate style. If so, apologies and I will read again.
I personally suffer from dyslexia and used to employ these tactics to cover my mistakes, when I was not really sure of spellings or what I was trying to convey.
Who knows! Perhaps I ought to imitate your form and might be more successful as a result.

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-06-21 23:44:11
Re: $ilence Proves.....
hey Brie....glad to know u enjouyed it. yeh i know my slag is an issue with most of my work. i try write in proper english. its just im so use to it. init but i've improved it alot. thanks for comenting ans stopin by
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


A$ Night Come$..... (posted on: 17-06-05)
my nights wont stop
no matter how hard i try
night comes
and i fall asleep
to see.....

hope you like it
crits and comments welcomed
i fink i can improve the structure and the punctuation too
as this doesn't really have any

take care


As night comes,
my heart starts beating fast,
the fright begins,
the fear takes place,
as it gets darker,
the times clicking away,
away till its time for bed,
the fright of my night,
is taken over.

I don't want to sleep,
not again to see a dream,
the horror that's in my bed,
I cant move it,
I cant tell anyone,
my nights are worse then hell,
my days are unfilled wishes,
for night not to come,
wonders of how I'm to live another night,
no matter how hard I wish
I cant stop it,
I cant stop my nights of fear,
I try to not think about it,
I try and ignore it,
I try saying to myself,
its a stupid dream,
dreams are nothing,
but it don't work,
I cant stop the fearful nights,
I cant stop my nightmares,
my fear,
cause its a dream I cant stop.

As the night comes,
my heart beats faster,
and the fright begins,
the fear takes place,
just waiting for it to be all over,
the night to be over,
for it to be a day again,
my fear, my frights,
its all a dream,
A nightmare.


Archived comments for A$ Night Come$.....
Macjoyce on 18-05-2008
A$ Night Come$.....
My earliest memory is a nightmare I had when I was three years old. It was about an octopus in a car park. It was an extremely tough, angry octopus that attacked the Volkswagen Beetle I was in, tossing it over and over.

I can smile about it now, but at the time it was terrible.


Author's Reply:

Macjoyce on 18-05-2008
A$ Night Come$.....
My earliest memory is a nightmare I had when I was three years old. It was about an octopus in a car park. It was an extremely tough, angry octopus that attacked the Volkswagen Beetle I was in, tossing it over and over.

I can smile about it now, but at the time it was terrible.

Paul.

PS What's with the dollar signs in the title? They look very silly indeed.



Author's Reply:


It's 3 In The Morning (posted on: 17-06-05)
a night without any sleep.....
only fear...
Crits and comments welcomed


Its 3 in the morning and I'm still awake,
I hear the birds singing and trying to wake the morning,
I see the sky going brighter but I'm still awake,
the suns coming out but I've had no sleep.

I'm scared to close my eyes and face the fear I need to see,
I'm scared to sleep cause then I need to dream,
I'm scared to turn of the lamp cause then its a room full of dark,
I'm scared to turn the music down cause then its a room full of silence.

Its 3 in the morning and I'm still awake,
the suns out but I've had no sleep, not even for a second,
I'm scared to close my eyes and face my fear,
I'm scared of night as I have to sleep and see my waiting dreams.

A dream which is full of fear,
a dream which is a symbol of death,
I'm scared to see my dream of death,
Its 3 in the morning and I'm still awake.

Archived comments for It's 3 In The Morning
littleditty on 2005-06-17 10:00:25
Re: It's 3 In The Morning
A very strong, honest poem - you are some poetess! Well done for sharing this - that's what being brave is - respect - littleditty x

Author's Reply:

mynci on 2005-06-17 10:17:55
Re: It's 3 In The Morning
hello BP. I have to be honest, I'd edit this quite a bit
(i'll tell you my ideas if you want). Having said that, theidea is good and you have some good lines in there. I especially liked


"a room full of dark"

what a good line. Well done.

Author's Reply:

tai on 2005-06-17 12:15:16
Re: It's 3 In The Morning
Hi Baby-poet, you did the right thing in writing, if the poem is about your sleepless nights. Don't be scared, there is always darkness before a new dawn. Just keep writing your lovely poems. I agree with mynci, you could pear it down and make it perfect.

Smiling

Tai

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-06-17 21:45:15
Re: It's 3 In The Morning
hey Everyone
firstly thanks for reading and commenting....i know i could improve it by SO much but i cant fink how so yeah mynci u can tell me your ideas init.... if i can then ill change it init....
and thanks again everyone for stopping by
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoEt...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

Griffonner on 2005-06-17 21:49:18
Re: It's 3 In The Morning
The concept... great.
The format... doesn't quite do justice to the idea.
But nevertheless, I recognise, applaud, and respect, honest, straight from the heart, poetry. I enjoyed reading it.
Griffonner

Author's Reply:

Kat on 2005-06-18 04:53:35
Re: It's 3 In The Morning
Hi BP

This has a lot of merit - I like the repetition which is very effective.

Kat 🙂

Author's Reply:

brie on 2005-06-19 10:37:18
Re: It's 3 In The Morning
I liked the feeling in this. I'm sure everyone has woken at three in the morning at some stage in their life, been scared and not really known what it is they are afraid of - dreams, death, the dark whatever. A good piece.
Brie
PS thanks for your comments on my own work. I have made the alterations you suggested.

Author's Reply:

Sunken on 2005-06-19 18:18:54
Re: It's 3 In The Morning
Ya know young Baby poet, when I can't sleep I usually telephone my friend Dave. He is so boring, it always does the trick. I hope this helps (-; I have his number if you need it. I like your poem, especially the line -

'I hear the birds singing and trying to wake the morning,'

s
u
n
k
e
n





Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-06-19 22:40:17
Re: It's 3 In The Morning
lolz Sunken....thanks for reading and commenting.
and no you keep your freind....
im sure it helps....
people call me all night long i just ignore them if i dont feel like chating to them
anywayz
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoEt...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-06-19 22:42:03
Re: It's 3 In The Morning
hey Brie
glad to know u liked it
thanks for taking on my suggestions.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoEt...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

Anshu on 2005-07-01 12:17:54
Re: It's 3 In The Morning
What can I comment ...?
This poem has a very good central idea but it needs to be re-written.
My suggestion is you rewrite the poem ... try for some rhyming and think about a different ending. Post it again with a new title.

Then you could test yourself how much you have improved...

Bye for now
Happy writing

Anshu

Author's Reply:

Anshu on 2005-07-01 12:19:44
Re: It's 3 In The Morning
And don't forget to select a new genre

lol

Anshu

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-01 20:04:13
Re: It's 3 In The Morning
hey Anshu....thanks for your comment....but you see I'm not really good with rhyming and i don't really like it either unless it flows automatically...which 1 out of 10 do.....so soz but i may not take on your suggestion for this one. but thanks anyways
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-01 20:05:53
Re: It's 3 In The Morning
thanks Griffonner, for stopping by and for your comment. glad to know you enjoyed the post.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-07-01 20:06:45
Re: It's 3 In The Morning
hey Kat...thanks....glad you liked it..
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


Wouldn't it be....?? (posted on: 13-06-05)
this was done long time ago....its more of a comedy. just some questions and things about if things were different how would it be.this has some of my little sisters ideas she only 11 but its just when they talk so much nonsense but make some sense if you get what i mean. crits and comments welcome....hope you like it
take care

Wouldn't it be funny.?
If the daffodils started to talk,
If the chairs hopped like a bunny,
If the tables were walking around,

Wouldn't it be crazy?
If the sky was dark and black ,
If people start eating the sparkling stars,
If the deep blue oceans start to drink people,

Wouldn't it be nice..?
If the life you wished was to come true and be yours,
If you could win your ways,
If you could make your own laws,

BUT is that ever to happen?
Archived comments for Wouldn't it be....??
littleditty on 2005-06-13 11:46:58
Re: Wouldn't it be....??
I really like this poem of yours. I mean i really really really like this poem of yours. Very well written (oh - yes - last verse - it is more than nice to make the life you wish for - you'll do it because you want to and you deserve it - and it will get better and better - study hard to get those GCSE certificates which are just tickets to dreams come true - sorry, Ms G sticking her beak in again!) x littleditty xxx

Author's Reply:

Linear on 2005-06-13 12:38:53
Re: Wouldn't it be....??
A great poem and, although I don't do poetry, a very enjoyable read. And the sense hidden in nonsense is usually worth hearing.
Be well -Linear

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-06-13 14:50:26
Re: Wouldn't it be....??
LD glad you really really really liked it lolz...n yh u still have the right to poke your nose in lolz....
after all you are my Ex-teacher lolz....
anyways thanks for reading and commenting.take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoEt...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-06-13 14:52:12
Re: Wouldn't it be....??
Hey Linear glad you liked it....yeh its true how sometimes nonsense has so much sense in it....thanks for reading and commenting init...take care yh
xXx...:::...BaBy PoEt...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


No Not Again...!!! (posted on: 13-06-05)
a poem about some one i know....i felt like dumping some one for them...cause i hated the way it was going...so i wrote this poem instead...
hope you like it
Crits and comments more than welcomed..
take care




I'm not going to let you win
not this time,

You've done it once
thats more than enough,

You've made me fall in love
but no you wont,

I'm not going to let you have me
not again,

I'm not going to let you sweet talk me
not this time,

You've had your chances
more than you wanted,

You've played with a lot
more than you needed,

So I'm going to get this one
and say the three words,
'YOU ARE DUMPED'

Archived comments for No Not Again...!!!
Griffonner on 2005-06-15 21:36:17
Re: No Not Again...!!!
I suppose the first thing that needs saying is that as an old'un I feel sorry for you to have to go through this see-saw of youth's emotions... so it is sad that this was the subject of you poem. Nevertheless, in its simplicity your poem has - dare I say it - a certain charm... yes, charm is the word I'd use. Keep 'em coming, BaBy_PoeT.

Kind regards, Griffonner

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-06-16 01:00:38
Re: No Not Again...!!!
hey griffonner... a lot of thanks for reading and commenting.....
I'm sure when you were teenager you must have went through similar things too....so its alright init...and this wasn't based on me it was for a mate...coz you see i don't get involved in them kind of relationships yet init....i got bare time for that....
glad to know you thought something different about my poem (about the charm)....
thanks
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoEt...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

LenchenElf on 2005-06-16 12:28:07
Re: No Not Again...!!!
I like the way you've introduced the idea of Love as a game to him, with the use of win, chance and played, until you throw the board and pieces in the air with the final stanza 🙂 Nice piece babyP
all the best
LE

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-06-16 23:25:11
Re: No Not Again...!!!
hey LE glad to know you liked it....thanks for stopping by and commenting....
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoEt...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


$cared to lose (posted on: 06-06-05)
I dont know...just a short poem. i think i could improve this by alot..so you know your crits and coments plzz....and even ideas how to improve it...or what to change.hope you like it.

The Poison of love Has reached me.... the Poison of love has reached me .... the hatred of him has left me.... the scared beats of my heart takes his name.... the missing beats of my heart is taken over by his beats..... the beats that make me feel so different and special.... the beats that made me trip..... were your beats...... now that i accepted the two hearts to be one I'm scared of losing your beats within it all.
Archived comments for $cared to lose
littleditty on 2005-06-06 16:53:34
Re: $cared to lose
Hey - this is great work!

The Poison of love Has reached me....
the Poison of love has reached me ....
the hatred of him has left me....
the scared beats of my heart takes his name....
the missing beats of my heart is taken over by his beats.....
the beats that make me FEEL so different and special....
the beats that made me trip.....
were your beats......
now that i accepted the two hearts to be one
I'm scared of losing your beats WITHIN it all.

Really good stuff - corrections (sorry, can't help it - least it's not in red pen this time eh?)

You have a good poem here - well done! ditty x



Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-06-07 17:36:47
Re: $cared to lose
lolz....thanks for pointing them out....yh Good to know you cant do them in red ink lol....glad you liked it tho... take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoEt...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


I'v Lo$t.... (posted on: 06-06-05)
something i want to say to someone but i know i never could so i thought i might as-well post it on here....so people can read it...and see if you understand it...by the way it has got some swearing init so you know...hope you like it.


You thought you had it all
all planned in that head of yours
you thought you can win
well did you..?
no not really
but you won in a way
cause I lost my own rules
the rules of never falling in love
the rules of never letting a guy hurt me
the rules of never letting someone make me do something
the rules of letting no one change me
but what the fuck
you did
and I,
I let you
I lost everything
just that you don't know .(what I done)
when you do know (my feelings)
Just, I wouldn't't let you believe it
change the way it is and make you confused
Like always you tell me..
'I'm confusing'
and ask yourself 'why ?'
'why do you like me
and why am I a bitch and so confusing'
well that's just me
and I never did ask you to like me
never did
never will
but what the fuck have you done to me ..
made me break my own rules
The rules no one has ever made me break
wish you knew everything
wish I cud tell you everything
I done
just for you
just cause of that moment
which me myself don't believe
I'm trying not to regret it
but it don't seem to be working
I tried deleting all your memories
but still I cant
I try and ignore everything,
that reminds me of you
but I cant
cause its nearly everything
I just wish
I just wish I never did know you
you did win,
you did win
you just don't know it..............

Archived comments for I'v Lo$t....
Claire on 2005-06-06 23:39:42
Re: I'v Lo$t....
Well I hope the person who you are talking to reads this one hun.

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-06-07 00:56:00
Re: I'v Lo$t....
u alright Claire....nah that person wont read it...thats why i had the guts to post it...so i I'm pretty sure the person wont find out. but anyways take Care c yaaa
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

mynci on 2005-06-07 22:04:56
Re: I'v Lo$t....
fuck em BP. Their loss

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-06-07 22:48:28
Re: I'v Lo$t....
lolz yh i knw....but the person knows were they stands...so its ayt...anywayz thanks take care.....
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 2005-06-09 23:34:31
Re: I'v Lo$t....
I liked this a lot! Cool poem - which everyone will be able to relate to - we've all been there one way or another - you have told it so well - nice one! Thanks - littleditty x
(did you notice that Ms G didn't stick her nose in? Actually she did earlier when she read before and she said she liked the brackets, where you chose your line breaks - and everything else x littleditty x)

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-06-09 23:59:26
Re: I'v Lo$t....
Hey LD glad you liked it....thanks for reading and commenting init...lolz about stiking your nose in....anywayz take care....Safe
xXx...:::...BaBy PoEt...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


U oLd pigeons.... (posted on: 30-05-05)
me and pigeons......how they feel about me and how i feel about them....hope you like it..

You old pigeons, always giving me the fright even though your so beautiful and fly just the way I want. You old pigeons, get me jealous all the time as you have something I want something I always wish. You old pigeons, piss me off every time you fly so high and reach the clouds just the way I want too. You old pigeons, come and take the bread the ones the oldies spread for you the ones they share with their love. You old pigeons, would you let me fly with you? would you help me reach the clouds? would you let me fly with that freedom you have? You old pigeons, I really wish that one day I can be like you have that freedom you have to fly where ever you want and reach the sky everyday.
Archived comments for U oLd pigeons....
littleditty on 2005-06-08 19:56:52
Re: U oLd pigeons....
Excellent opening:
'You old pigeons, always giving me the fright even though your so beautiful and fly just the way I want.

I like the idea here. I like that you introduce questions - i like the repetition of 'You old pigeons'
and I like every single capital letter after a full stop...( sorry, can't help it.)

'You old pigeons, I really wish that one day I can be like you have that freedom you have, to fly where ever you want and reach the sky everyday.'

What about a little comma here?

Your poem has a sense of freedom to it - and the repetition bring a sense of feeling tied to something, being brought down again - like this poem N - well done you x
x littleditty x



Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-06-08 23:50:59
Re: U oLd pigeons....
hey LD....thanks.... glad u liked it....yeh i knw i was finkin the same about the comma...but it dont go with the structure...coz the rest of the stanzas dont have the commer in the middle of any lines...so i left it out...but anywayz thanks for comenting.....take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoEt...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 2005-06-09 20:25:01
Re: U oLd pigeons....
good reply - say hello to all of 10B from me - Ms G x

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-06-10 00:16:25
Re: U oLd pigeons....
yeh sure i will...everyones all grown up lolz...!!!

Author's Reply:


''PerFecT'' ......(doz it xist??) (posted on: 30-05-05)
'Perfect' is it just a word, or doz it exost....????

'Perfect'.

You all want to be 'perfect',
you all want everything you want
you all want 'perfection'.

But
Is there anything that is 'perfect'
coz if there is anything
or any one who is 'perfect'
then why you all still moaning
going on about 'perfect'

Why, do you all want 'perfect'?
Perfection is not 'perfect'
coz there is no one who is 'perfect'

'Perfect'

Perfect doesn't exist
Its just a word you all say
A word you all want
Which don't have an real
An true meaning.

Why, do you all want 'perfect'?
Perfection is not 'perfect'
coz there is no one as such.


Archived comments for ''PerFecT'' ......(doz it xist??)
Bradene on 2005-06-02 21:20:56
Re: ''PerFecT'' ......(doz it xist??)
I liked this much better, and what a valid and original question. Well done. Val x

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-06-05 21:18:33
Re: ''PerFecT'' ......(doz it xist??)
hey Shywolf.....i dont see why some one really wants to be perfect....i mean wont you get bored of being perfecr...having evrything perfect...and if you get something perfect then your going to ask for somthing else...so in that way is anythin ever going to be perfect.....i dont really think so.....but thats me init...i personally dont believ in 'perfect'.....but gald you liked it and all...and fnx...i really aint got a proper answer to your question soz....lolz tke cre c yaa

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-06-05 21:19:27
Re: ''PerFecT'' ......(doz it xist??)
hey Val thanks....gald you liked it...tke cre c yaaa

Author's Reply:


A ConFu$iNg mOoD... (posted on: 30-05-05)
this was written about a month ago. its about a mood, so confusing, which i dont understand.i fink you need a pattern & some kind of speed to read it for it to make sense.im not sure. crits & coments welcome hope you like it.c yaa

I'm in a mood In a mood, to do anything anything, that comes to my head my head, which cant fink cant fink, why why I feel the way I am I am in a phase a phase, which I don't understand Don't understand how and why how and why someone like me someone like me, who is always is always, happy and enjoying happy and enjoying life life which, carry's on carry's on the way it goes it goes, the way it should it should and is wicked wicked and unexpected unexpected with all things happening things happening so fast so fast, they all change changes before you even notice notice it and its, too late late to do anything anything to help help,... I don't know I don't know, what's going on right now right now, I'm just lost lost n confused confused with everything everything that's happening happening with me, around me around me everything's changed changed really fast fast as a bullet, that you cant see You cant see nothing, its so fast so fast life ends so does this make any sense or don't it...????
Archived comments for A ConFu$iNg mOoD...
Bradene on 2005-06-02 21:16:50
Re: A ConFu$iNg mOoD...
I'm no expert with this kind of street speak, and even less of an expert with the text language I find it confusing, but I did find your poem interesting if a little frenetic with the repetitive lines and not much in the way of punctuation. Maybe it's me, but I have an idea your work maybe better as performance poetry. Love Val x

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-06-16 03:01:46
Re: A ConFu$iNg mOoD...
hey Val
tanks for commenting and reading....
yeh i understand where your coming from about the street speak and the text lingo....its just this one wasn't really really a poem in a form of a punctual poem if you get what i mean....i cant explain it....i was trying to tell myself something through this poem like thing....its just the way i felt at that very moment....it was like a phrase i was going through for about a month or a bit more....
but thanks again for the comment
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


EvErY TiMe.... (posted on: 30-05-05)
how u realise sometin important wen u lose it.....


Every time I lose you
I realise,
that I was the one that was lying.

Every time I lose you
I realise,
I was the one that was wrong.

Every time I lose you
I'm scared,
that your not going to come back.

Every time I lose you
I realise,
how much you meant to me.

Every time I lose you
I realise,
maybe everything you say is true.

Every time I lose you
I'm scared,
that the things you say are true.

Every time I lose you
I'm scared,
of losing myself and doing something stupid.

Every time I lose you
I realise,
that you were the one.


Archived comments for EvErY TiMe....
thehaven on 2005-06-04 23:35:32
Re: EvErY TiMe....
This has everything A wonderful contribution

Mike

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-06-05 21:21:03
Re: EvErY TiMe....
What do you mean everything Mike...but glad to know you liked this one.....well i think you did anywayz,,, c yaa

Author's Reply:

thehaven on 2005-06-05 21:35:26
Re: EvErY TiMe....
I mean it had every possible emotion and yes I did enjoy it.Very much.

Mike

Author's Reply:

Warhorse on 2005-06-14 21:43:16
Re: EvErY TiMe....
Hi There Baby,

This poem has and says it all, It has a good rhythm and I was reminded of an old Tom Paxton song lyric

Every time I hear a song bird singing.
I think of you my love,
I think of you.

You will no doubt be criticized by more experienced poets about the repeated lines,
but for me, they work in the strict sense of this piece.

It is from the heart, and special to you. I am not experienced enough in the theory of poetical structure to offer any worthwhile critique, but I write from the heart myself, and find this poem easy on the voice.

Well done keep them coming you have a talent that should be encouraged.

Regards

Warhorse.

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-06-26 20:40:10
Re: EvErY TiMe....
thanks a lot Warhorse....
I'm glad you liked it and enjoyed it a lot.
good to know it reminds you of something.
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoeT...:::...xXx

Author's Reply:


LoVe At FiR$t $iGhT....??? (posted on: 30-05-05)
its about love at 1st sight as you can probably know by the title...i dont believ in love at 1st sight...but no offnce to anyone who does....soz if anyone gets offended didnt mean to init....hope you like it take care c yaa

Love at first sight How can it be love? You cant love someone you don't know. You cant love someone by just seeing them. How can it be love? You cant love someone you have never met. You cant love someone you don't know. How can it be love? Its just lust and attraction Which can be turned to love by knowing each other. So don't tell me you love me From the first moment you saw me Coz you dint Coz you didn't know how i am who i am. How can it be love? Someone you don't know Love at first sight Its not love Its lust and attraction Its not love.
Archived comments for LoVe At FiR$t $iGhT....???
Anshu on 2005-06-30 15:28:30
Re: LoVe At FiR$t $iGhT....???
It is gained by experience... and I want you to experience it once.

You have written this piece from your mind the day you start writing from your heart then you have experienced "LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT". So do not worry you will write many lovely things in the future.

Best wishes

Anshu

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-06-30 22:56:56
Re: LoVe At FiR$t $iGhT....???
hey anshu thanks for stopping by...and about experiencing 'love at first sight' as i don't really believe in love....and as about it coming from my heart...your right about that...as its questions in my mind which ask it self all the time....and yeah when one does write from the heart then its really good and sounds right i think anywayz....as most of my work is based on personal experience and from deep down my heart...
but anyways thanks
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy_PoEt...:::...xXX

Author's Reply:


ThE OnE...... (posted on: 30-05-05)
abt a gal dat dont bliv in love but ends up falln in luv wiv sum1....n she dnt evn knw how....!!!





The one who never gives her heart
The one who never sheds a tear
The one who never loves
The one who never cares
nor does she give a shit

Just proved she's a hypocrite

$he's given her heart
$he's dropped a tear
$he fell in love

The heart she always kept to herself
The one she wouldn't't share
Not even a bit
$he just gave it away
Gave it away to a stranger

The one she said she would never give

$he gave it all away
Without knowing
Knowing anything

The one who never gives her heart
The one who said she is never to shed a tear
The one who doesn't't believe in love

Just fell in love

and,

And

Made herself a hypocrite
$he fell in love with a stranger .


Archived comments for ThE OnE......
thehaven on 2005-05-30 08:19:57
Re: ThE OnE......
BP I like the poem very much although using English and not text language in your intro.may help the reader understand a bit more.

The poem itself had rhythm and style.

Mike

Author's Reply:

mynci on 2005-05-30 12:57:04
Re: ThE OnE......
I agreewith mike. I'dwrite in " proper" English if you know what i mean.
Mynci

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 2005-05-30 18:54:48
Re: ThE OnE......
Liked this poem - littleditty

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-06-03 00:04:47
Re: ThE OnE......
hey Mike & Mincy i'll do the intro in 'proper' english next time ok....glad everyone liked it though...:)

Author's Reply:

mynci on 2005-06-04 20:53:20
Re: ThE OnE......
and don't forget your citizenship homework for monday!
Mynci 😉

Author's Reply:

littleditty on 2005-06-04 21:09:50
Re: ThE OnE......
(...but if your English coursework is more urgent, do that first...ms G! (i didn't know it was you b4 - ms T just told me);-))............littleditty x)

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-06-05 21:13:42
Re: ThE OnE......
Gald to know everyone liked it...thanks for commenting and evrything...bye

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-06-06 00:38:48
Re: ThE OnE......
Glad to know you still member me Ms G lolz.. take care c yaa

Author's Reply:

tai on 2005-06-06 10:39:58
Re: ThE OnE......
Hi baby poet, I think this is very, very good. I can't find a thing to change so I have to give it a 10.

Welcome, I look forward to reading more of your work.

All the best

Tai

Author's Reply:

BaBy_PoeT on 2005-06-07 23:58:29
Re: ThE OnE......
hey tai.....
Glad to know you liked it...
thanks for rating and comenting...
take care
xXx...:::...BaBy PoEt...:::...xXx

Author's Reply: