The official Jokes thread
In dark, deepest Africa, two cannibal chiefs are trying to finish off eating a local missionary, when one turns to the other and says:
“I can’t get any nourishment from this bloody bible-basher, she’s all gristle, cartilage, and bone !” "In God's name, why can't you get a younger, succulent and tasty Christian, for once!"
To which the other replied:
“You’re always bloody moaning!” Just like you did when we were at The London School of Economics!”
Okay, groan all you like, but this is only the African version of "You can take the boy out of the slum, but not the slum out of the boy", or "Jesus forgives the sinners, but do the sinners forgive Jesus?", etc, etc..
Late, one hot Summer evening, the young couple were feeling extra randy, and seeing the deserted churchyard, decided to make love on the flat-laid headstone of a well-hidden grave. Placing her elongated red cassette recorder with bluebottle-eye speakers on one side, with Jane Birkin/Serge Gainsbourg's “Je ’taime moi non plus” playing on repeat, they undressed, and lay down together, making passionate love well into the twilight hour.
In a rush now as her Mother said don’t be late; he was wiping the green moss off his knees, while she, flaying her hands behind her to remove most of the moss from her shoulders and back, laughingly said: “We don’t want her to know what we’ve been up to!”
Before putting her clothes back on, she spun round and asked him if there was any moss left on her shapely body. “No, most of it’s gone. The only problem is, your arse died in 1888!”
STD germ = sexually transmitted disease germ
gonorrhia = is a sexually transmitted disease
Penicillin is an antibiotic which kills the gonorrhia bacteria
"I'm a gonna 'ere" is English an colloquialism meaning, I'm going to die
it's a play on words .... capisce? 😉