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ifyouplease
(@ifyouplease)
Famed Member

I plead not ordinary

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Posted : 11/07/2019 8:54 am
Gothicman
(@gothicman)
Eminent Member

In dark, deepest Africa, two cannibal chiefs are trying to finish off eating a local missionary, when one turns to the other and says:

“I can’t get any nourishment from this bloody bible-basher, she’s all gristle, cartilage, and bone !” "In God's name, why can't you get a younger, succulent and tasty Christian, for once!"

To which the other replied:

“You’re always bloody moaning!” Just like you did when we were at The London School of Economics!”

 

Okay, groan all you like, but this is only the African version of "You can take the boy out of the slum, but not the slum out of the boy", or "Jesus forgives the sinners, but do the sinners forgive Jesus?", etc, etc..

This post was modified 1 week ago by Gothicman
This post was modified 7 days ago 2 times by Gothicman
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Posted : 11/07/2019 10:59 am
ifyouplease
(@ifyouplease)
Famed Member

Why shouldn't you tell a secret on a farm?

 

==========================================

Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears! 

I plead not ordinary

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Posted : 12/07/2019 7:55 am
ifyouplease
(@ifyouplease)
Famed Member

Knock knock

 

Who's there?

 

Grandad !!

 

Crap! Stop the funeral! 

I plead not ordinary

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Posted : 12/07/2019 7:59 am
Gothicman
(@gothicman)
Eminent Member

Yes, they're unsung heroes in farming circles; the CIA mashed, thrashed, and baked them for hours, but they gave up nothing but chicken-feed! 😊 

This post was modified 7 days ago by Gothicman
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Posted : 12/07/2019 8:13 am
Alfie_Shoyger
(@alfie_shoyger)
Estimable Member

What do gay horses eat?

 

 

..................................................

 

 

"Hey!"

 

(in a gay voice)

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 12/07/2019 2:40 pm
guajiros
(@guajiros)
Eminent Member

What is the non PC name for a gay horse

 

A Hoof

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Posted : 13/07/2019 5:30 pm
Gothicman
(@gothicman)
Eminent Member

Late, one hot Summer evening, the young couple were feeling extra randy, and seeing the deserted churchyard, decided to make love on the flat-laid headstone of a well-hidden grave. Placing her elongated red cassette recorder with bluebottle-eye speakers on one side, with Jane Birkin/Serge Gainsbourg's “Je ’taime moi non plus” playing on repeat, they undressed, and lay down together, making passionate love well into the twilight hour.

In a rush now as her Mother said don’t be late; he was wiping the green moss off his knees, while she, flaying her hands behind her to remove most of the moss from her shoulders and back, laughingly said: “We don’t want her to know what we’ve been up to!”

Before putting her clothes back on, she spun round and asked him if there was any moss left on her shapely body. “No, most of it’s gone. The only problem is, your arse died in 1888!”

 

This post was modified 4 days ago 5 times by Gothicman
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Posted : 15/07/2019 3:21 pm
ifyouplease
(@ifyouplease)
Famed Member

What the difference between an Irish wedding and a Irish funeral?

 

 

 

 

I plead not ordinary

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Posted : 15/07/2019 8:19 pm
guajiros
(@guajiros)
Eminent Member

 . . . . .one less drunk.

What did the STD germ say when it saw the penicillin tablet?

"Looks like I'm a gonorrhia"

This post was modified 2 days ago by guajiros
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Posted : 15/07/2019 9:19 pm
ifyouplease
(@ifyouplease)
Famed Member

problem I am trying to understand the last one by guajiros.

I plead not ordinary

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Posted : 17/07/2019 2:39 pm
guajiros
(@guajiros)
Eminent Member

STD germ = sexually transmitted disease germ

gonorrhia = is a sexually transmitted disease

Penicillin is an antibiotic which kills the gonorrhia bacteria

 "I'm a gonna 'ere" is English an colloquialism  meaning, I'm going to die 

 it's a play on words .... capisce? 😉

This post was modified 2 days ago 2 times by guajiros
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Posted : 17/07/2019 2:56 pm
ifyouplease
(@ifyouplease)
Famed Member

yes. we call such jokes here 'cold jokes' usually I like cold jokes 

 

 

I plead not ordinary

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Posted : 17/07/2019 3:06 pm
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