this one is for a female voice Evanescence style of music, probably needs an orchestra too which can be arranged with a synth. so far the two poems I read are not for simply an acoustic guitar. In my opinion of course.
Thank you. I agree. What you hear is actually a demo and it’s also included in a Project that’s finished (we had a very good time doing that Project btw)
the lyrics in my opinion again, should come after you find the music, I think it’s wrong the other way around. I think that Pulp worked like that the band found the music Jarvis wrote the lyrics.
yep.
Excellent piece. I imaging this will sound terrific when performed. I love the irony in this familiar tale most of us have experienced in youth and/or between marriages. You capture it very well, bringing me, at least, some bitter-sweet memories. Is this in you next book?
“we arm-in-armed the promenade” . . . . great line.
I originally had Lowestoft as the place of promenade but then discovered Lowestoft doesn’t have one – it has an unnamed road but somehow that wasn’t the same.
I used Bridlington for its 3 syllables.
This may go into 2020’s book – free verse (2019 collection) is at the printer so I wrote it too late – anyhow it gives me a year or so to get this right – or not 🙂
I have, as you may notice, added a name for the artist and the girlfriend and tweaked the pome a bit 🙂
Rick
Hi! I haven’t been around this site for a long time. Due to that, I decided to have a scroll through some of the latest prose. It was good to find ‘critique and comments welcome’ on many pieces. I happened to stop at your contribution just to take a look. I can see where you are trying to go with this story, and it is atmospheric in a way. However, I was distracted by the use of unnecessarily short sentences and repeated words.
(She took the man in her arms. She reaching around him and holding him close to her.)
How about?
She took the man in her arms, reaching around and holding him close.
I also spotted some poor punctuation, but generally feel your idea is workable. Good luck!
Isn’t it? That’s why we need to keep talking. Good, bad, ugly… if you talk, something brilliant has got to come out, but if you stop talking, then you’re shutting down all possibilities don’t you think?
it depends on the mood. you can always talk with imaginary voices. the mind is limitless. one thing conscious existence always has is the creation of imaginary friends or foes to find your inner truths and lies.
Imaginary friends or foes! Nice. Very nice. Consciousness is the only truth is a belief per our wisdom traditions, and in that consciousness, there is no friend, no enemy… it’s the light that shines. When it shines in any individualized consciousness (soul), then the notion of good and bad, right and wrong disappears. You become the imagination, the imagined and the process of imagination. You become the lover, the process of loving and the beloved.
I agree notions disappear, and when they do and you’re still there you need them to reappear, for another endless dialogue
the perpetual reconciliation of opposing qualities.
I used to ask “if there was a war between absolute yes and absolute no, which one would win?”
most people said yes and it’s wrong.
it would be no, yes would finally have to agree with no, and no till the end it would have to disagree with yes.
so no has no opponent now? what does it do? it becomes a yes, searches for anything that disagrees with it to force it to become a no, once it agrees with a no then it’s a no again, training itself to become absolute anew.
Interesting. I think you are bringing in the notion of choice, black choice, and the conflict between yes and no (Camusian thought) all at once. In fact, they are all intertwined, cannot be seen in isolation. So yes to yin and yang.
How to grow out of war has also been my favourite engagement since a long time. I couldn’t come to any concrete solution, in fact, I discovered many sub-wars hidden in the superset War. Physical, mental, psychological, socio-eco-political, visible, invisible, cold, hot, holy, unholy, micro (wars in families, between families and communities), macro (between countries), wars of habits, hobbies, statuses…the list is endless.
My next poem will be on lovemaking, and I’m already beginning to imagine exciting things happening in the glass village. What if everyone started having sex, will the glass break? Will the lovers still say ‘things are falling apart’! Literally!
I am suddenly filled with magicians in this glass village, the muggles are slowly disappearing from here.
I know! I like August Strindberg also because he was a drunk troubadour. I get a hang of the world when I’m drunk. To the brim. With my world of words.
A glass village? What a remarkable way to perceive the world. You have a way with words Goth. Now I don’t know why I’m not able to edit and add… this seems like I’m increasing number of comments to gain attention. I hate this kind of marketing. Can someone help?
No more. YES! But I pelt flowers, always. Also I’m perpetually in paradox 🙂
Hmm. Straightforward piece indeed and one of the few times I comment on your work maestro. Not much to add really other than that it’s not normally things like this I read from you but it’s very good as usual. We’re there again: are words things or “only” words lol?
Thank you so much. Glad you liked it. Yes the poem is an extension of ‘Empty words’ and ‘Thoughts are things’. But technically empty words is also an etiquette in grammar, which is also known as pleonasm or tautology, e.g. repeat again, reply back, uniformly homogenous, cubic feet in volume, past history, future plan, etc.
Yes I wanted it to be straightforward. I am trying to write a poem on lovemaking, something that promises to bring orgasm in the happy minds. Let me see if I can do it.
Thank you once again.
Best
Supratik
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