it has an erotic undertone but it is the first strophe that makes it memorable not the last.
I really could capture the moment ‘in your see-through cradle’ I could picture myself easily wondering the same things and describing as you have discribed it.
I think it is this connection with a collective appetite.
I have made significant changes in the last part after the soup boils over – nothing a casual reader would notice – eg. concierge for landlady to fit the tempo. and other small things – debris for rubbish – it’s all about gettng the timing right. 🙂
I have a long story to talk to you about all this one day but – on reading Tommy’s biography, lent to me by a by a friend in a tracksuit (because I asked him for it, not because he was being evangelical, although he is…:) me and Tommy spent some time together. He reminded me of my childhood – of all the (many dead) blokes I knew – and it felt so familiar. I get it. I don’t often? ever? find myself wanting to stick up for anyone because they are my race, sex. class, nationality -but often feel compelled to protect, to defend, to fight for – who? Some people. Some ideas…A stranger who drowning in a pool…a kid walking out in front of a bus…These things are much simpler than hysterics – and hysterics gets it all wrong until huge moral/crimes are committed. It is the lack of maturity in the discussion – culture and ethnicity are complicated nuanced topics, opinions abound – it all cultur-ism…but we are seeing the consequences of the people in sportwear of your poem, having felt silenced, (felt …is an important word here) by the moronic drivel of virtue signalling leftie flower waving hairy armpitted feministic liberals – anything vaguely lefty wetness. I feel your pitchfork in hell moment -we all do and have often -and we have a legal system evolving forever trying to catch up with all that rage and injustice. It never quite does, or doesn’t by miles, and never will. So here we are. It wasn’t Tommy who uncovered the injustice of the crimes and the injustices of the investigating of them. It was other people. I am not going to go off into the simple blah blah poem of your enemy’s voice. They make some good points, if only they would listen to yours without shouting racist, or many other labels/slogans/memes, without being moronic – but you have (always) asked too much. You are angry. I don’t give a shit mostly! Except my friend, who came by to shout at my partner not to have an opinion cos not from here, that colonisation was doing them a favour…and various moronic labels/slogans/etc before going off and taking his rage out on a random bloke doing his key worker work with a slab of concrete. Whatever.
The minute you say this is Jihad -you enter lala land for me -it is conspiracy – and an idea, many ideas, and not for me thanks. For me it is my non-hysterical feminist roots and slightly hysterical psychological perspective will always say it’s all noise, and behind is a deeper rage than being offended – a universal abuse of children, violence of the stronger, more independent of young boys girls women and men…by women and as in Rotherham or Telford or Anywhere, mostly by men – not of the classwar kind or any other kind -but of what we are – raging, violent and hurting/abusers wrong squabbling with the wrong moronic squabble, annoyed, divided, ruled and doomed! So there we have it. It’s Friday -it’s beautiful outside – and this is for big discussions and not little rambles. Merry Christmas pal xx
I’m too old for haste now, Nic… Couldn’t so much rush into something as shuffle… Your Granny was definitely right though, so fingers crossed!
I’m surprised that you know any Tommy Robinson fans. Maybe this is because you moved out of the knife-juggling belly of the beast and your boat is now parked in England?
No, I also would not stick up for somebody ONLY because they happened to be white, or British, or male, or working-class. However, I would definitely stick up for them if they were being attacked for being any of those things. And, as I’m sure you realise, people are increasingly being attacked for belonging to those four categories, in a huge hazy radioactive dust cloud of un-self-aware “progressive” hypocrisy.
Yes, “felt” is indeed an important word there. White working-class people (those with a soul, at least) feel cut to the bone by the disregard, disrespect and treachery we face on a daily basis from our supposed moral and intellectual superiors. It is an emotional wound. Our grandfathers fought and died in two world wars for these smug cunts.
Yes, Tommy Robinson was not the person who uncovered the sickening, unforgivable crime perpetrated against the children of my people, of our community. But he was the one who shouted loudest about it. He was the one who forced it into the public eye and made it impossible to ignore. Who before the formation of the English Defence League in 2009 knew about this?
We will just have to agree to disagree about the jihad. Fact is, 84% of the rapists were Muslim and 97% of the raped were white British. That is an act of deliberate, race-based victimisation and colonisation. No girls from the Muslim community were ever touched. This is an act of war made by members of one tribe against another.
I want you to imagine for a moment that the 97% had been Jewish girls. How would you feel then?…..
Those men should all be executed. Strung up. In Trafalgar Square.
In this case, as with any other, the abuse was abuse , was abuse – the statistics on who did what to whom can be arranged in various categories – the guilty/the victims in this case are clear. I put these cases next to all other (still underestimated) crimes against children, and women particularly. I am not newly shocked or outraged -I am continually and steadily aware of these things for nearly half a century! When you refer to ‘colonisation -are you not in danger of colonising? The body of each White British Girl groomed, abused, raped, is not yours. Or Tommy’s. It is Hers. This romantic nationalism is good for The Land body., poems about fields..but swerves off into a different kind of ‘feeling for me , when the ‘natural’ urge to protect ‘ones own’ , is in these terms. So you will get trite, true or not kickback when the outrage appears specific without also acknowledging fully that abuse, violence, is universal. We still don’t do that fully. Shouting Jihad does not do that. This contributes to tribes, and tribe against tribe against tribe, rather than the more objective acceptance of all the types of violence we are living in every day, all of us. How would I feel if 97% had been Jewish in this case? There’s a few Jewish jokes in here somewhere that I am not feeling clever enough to make. It’s about a 100% target…it’s about so much historical abuse that ends or continues with me. How I would feel is an imagined scenario and I don’t know. I probably wouldn’t be tribal about it, because, for me, the problem has always been bigger than that., and I’m not a tribal type in that way, despite my personal history. (I have always had varied reading material! London or Essex/Herts) For others that may not be the case for sure.
You might like Douglas Murray The madness of crowds and his other one on Europe – I haven’t read him but listen sometimes….here’s the
guardian critical of him, I am reading now…
https://www.theguardian.com/books/2019/sep/19/the-madness-of-crowds-review-gender-race-identity-douglas-murray – there’s plenty youtube and podcasts by him – I am going to listen – this is the thing. Peter Hitchens also -on Russia, is as interesting to listen to, as his brother, Christopher, was on pretty much everything. I don’t understand what is wrong with different perspectives!!!!!
negligent nannies not good -not sure about nannies in general- pretty sure about porn and martial arts – Karate Kid. PG ratings – who invented that? Has always seemed ridiculous.
it is parents it will always be a family matter first. young parents should be keeping an eye on their children and help them shape their own moral code and their own self defence mechanisms.
teaching them martial arts too, and how about stopping the porn industry and remove pornographic material from society? complete eradication. they should be inclined to “blue lagoon” naturality romance honoring but of course you need moral parents for that. not the type of parents that are promiscuous prone to porn forgetting they have kids.
Yes – we were definitely talking about cocks, circumcised and uncircumcised. I am thinking that you are a male and I am not and you are unashamedly nationalist and I am not. All of these things (smiles, but let’s not go there) can change! You say not. Identity politics knickers in a twist discussions is THE topic at the intersection these days…all very interesting I find.
“the moronic drivel of virtue signalling leftie flower waving hairy armpitted feministic liberals” – How fantastic it is to hear such a description from a gay Jewish woman, but especially from you!
A lot to take in and think about there, Miss Goodman. I’m not sure I can respond to it properly this evening. Today has indeed been Friday and beautiful outside, so I took the opportunity to walk around a lake for six hours with a very pretty, clever, interesting Polish woman. My first date in five years. I think it went well. I think I might even be able to rejoin the human race. It has been a long, long period of loneliness, isolation, sadness and fury (I blame Angela Merkel, as you know).
This is very interesting, this part -an intelligent Polish woman, who is clever…and pretty! Go slow and don’t will a disaster, precipitation…is not just for sedimentary my dear Watson rock formation, soft pre fishes to hard as flint – it means haste, too. Less haste Archie-san – enjoy! My moronic drivel virtue signalling leftie flower waving hairy armpit wishes you all the best with what my Granny always said is needed – Tesco rolls and ham scraps, and a good woman in your life. I disagree about the ham scraps. Bon voyage!
hey dude
dudette
düdin
look that one up in Duden
you dindu nuffin
with that dildo, man!
what a dandy indeed
in your dirndl
under the dado rail
are dodos real?
dodos do do doo-doo though
after din-dins
or they did do
de do do do de da da da
that’s all I want to say to you
a sea of la-la-la frivolous lifeboats, mine included. life is elsewhere especially when the Titanic just sank.
here? Great Expectations. stopped clocks. severe psychological distress, aint nobody got time to la la and listen to anyone else’s la la.
no they’re not just like Christians or Pagans. definition of race:
Race refers to a person’s physical characteristics, such as bone structure and skin, hair, or eye color. Ethnicity, however, refers to cultural factors, including nationality, regional culture, ancestry, and language. … You can have more than one ethnicities but you are said to have one race, even if it’s “mixed race”.
they
are
not.
if I strongly dislike a religion or many religions or all religions am I a racist? no I am not. it is impossible.
Yeah, isn’t it funny how “progressive” arseholes who hate Christians aren’t racist for hating Christians?……
Or racist for thinking that “Muslims” and “brown people” are the same thing? As though Hindus, Sikhs, Jains, Zoroastrians and Arab Christians do not exist?
I don’t care who hates whom but this not racist, progressive a-holes should find another word. if they cannot they should shut up and refrain from calling someone racist on the matter. if they do not refrain and call even a person like me racist, we have a saying here στου κουφού την πόρτα όσο θέλεις βρόντα. in other words I can -la la la- too.
This poem is a wonderful example of human decency, showing the self-awareness, courage, strength, honesty, maturity and masculinity needed in order to admit that one has made a mistake and to apologise for it.
Just replied but it’s disappeared. Difficult to see what I’m doing as awaiting eye surgery but dare not go out to a hospital at present. Have all the Russian days which I pencilled while there and have now typed all so will post next installment in a day or two.
Will try your trick tomorrow on the screen. Fingers crossed.
I really liked this piece. It’s full of passion and resentment, and I can totally relate to it on a personal level.
Just one constructive criticism. I think you use too many adjectives and adverbs. Such words are not good for poetry and should be minimised. For example:
“treating you like any ordinary slut,
reducing you to common status of just any prostitute”.
There are too many unnecessary words here. I would just say, maybe:
“treating you like a slut,
reducing you to the status of prostitute”.
You use the word “common” three times in this short poem, including twice in as many lines, it’s too much.
Yeah, I’m a right fascist sometimes when it comes to form. Especially with an absurdly structured poem like this one, with rhymes at both ends of the lines and the same rhyme (orange) zigzagging backwards and forwards fourteen bloody times.
In fact, I didn’t start out writing this poem with any kind of political imperative at all. I simply wanted to rhyme the word ‘orange’ as many times as possible.
It’s on Kindle at the pre-order stage. Release date 15th May. I’m doing the final read-through now. https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B086DQ12WP
Thanks for the kind comment.
Hi Daff, have you considered posting this as “journal” rather than “non-fiction”? Then it would appear on the front page, where people would actually see it.
I don’t know why non-fiction isn’t included under “prose” along with fiction and journal pieces, why it disappears instead under a button that nobody clicks on. But that’s what happens.
I’ve brought this matter up several times, but nobody listens.
Thanks for the advice. I shall go exploring and try to follow it. Being new (or rather renewed) here I am out of practice. I do remember there used to be a section called journal but couldn’t find it. Think maybe it is under assorted prose. Will go and look. I have one other problem that nearly stopped me replying to you: these days my computer monitor has a habit of showing text as pale grey on white and I have eye problems. The latter will, of course, not get sorted out till post virus. Thanks again.
Maybe you could adjust the contrast on your computer? Is there a button with a picture of the sun on it, that you could press? It might help, not sure.
Poor old Fred, eh? I hope you don’t mind me saying that I liked the concept of this – but the fact that it was phrased and rhymed like poetry took the shine off it for me: I found myself wanting to make it scan better.
You’ve covered a lot of the things that happen to people in confinement though, so good observational stuff. 🙂
Thanks for the feedback to my poem much appreciated. But I wrote it in the intention of it being a rhymed poem. I write in other styles and formats, but for this one I thought I’d write it in this way.
Cheers anyway.
Kevin.
Griff, if you posted this as “journal” rather than “non-fiction”, then it would appear on the front page, where people would actually see it. Instead it is relegated to some dark chamber where it doesn’t deserve to be.
I don’t understand why “non-fiction” isn’t included among “prose”. I’ve mentioned this several times, but nobody listens.
Oh, this is news to me. I didn’t know. The site has changed so much while I have been away. Can I change it classification without wiping comments and such?
Thank you for letting me know.
*Thankfully*
Griff
so, by selecting non fiction (which I can correct by using other tags) I can avoid front page for anything that’s prose? well that’s good news for me. off to edit my prose stories.
I am not a prose writer in English, a short journal or a script based on a story should normally disappear from front page as soon as new submissions are there, but this inactivity of proper prose writers on UKA makes my work, which can be seen as experimental, stay on front page for an undesirable – by me – period of time.
I do not want to write professionally (wrong word earlier came back to edit) prose and I even do not care about any rules, but this is not a good sample of the work that exists here by others and I don’t want people to not join UKA because this site has a front page with a couple of my personal pieces that I want to air for my own reasons. My poetry is no different (the intention has nothing to do with becoming publishable I just write my own poems just like I prepare my own meal) it’s just that in poems I can correct and use English easily and effectively enough to present them to an English speaking audience/readership.
[final edit, this language barrier sometimes obsessively makes me edit comments and work and I guess a proper poet here was right when he said I probably ruined my brain irreversibly and dichotomized it to write in two languages. yep maybe the cold truth. by the way I also prefer a sunny day and do not like noise but would also love that imperceptible hiss you mentioned]
Yes – good writing – can I write about one last date? I will anyway…
I’d had one of those times when I suited up, smart shoes, haircut – just a phase. This woman fell for the ‘new look’ me and we had something of a fling. However it soon became apparent that it was not me she liked but my ‘trendiness’.
I told her that I was not as she thought I was – we went out for a goodbye dinner at a restaurant (I paid) and at my door (she drove) kissed goodbye. Never saw her again, heard she’d moved to Whitby 🙂
I see what you mean, Alfie, but heads do not receive comments – ears do.
From Hebrews ch5 v11 -“For this people’s heart is waxed gross, and their ears are dull of hearing…”
or
“Friends Romans countrymen, lend me your heads?” Don’t work that well eh? But hey ho – cheers for your comments – love to get them – this site needs more and more – all good fun. Rick.
It’s synecdoche – poetry allows for all manner of devices and means of expression that prose does not. To account for every shade of meaning and avoid possible misapprehensions would turn a poem into a short story – my earlier stuff was more prosey as I was stil at heart a prose/short story/novel writer – over time, in poetry (hopefully as I would hardly call myself a poet yet) I’ve learned to trust the reader to discern what is being said.
I’ll grant you the win but won’t change a line ha ha 🙂 Rick.
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