I wrote this a couple of weeks into autumn, we had some lovely summery weather after weeks of rain.
But as you say it’s now time to turn our heads to harsher weather.
sue 🙂
Yes, I also feel summer is always reluctant to leave. However, now it’s Autumn’s turn to look over her shoulder, there’s a cold hearted monster on her tail.
Perhaps we should look forward to warmer days that await the turn
of the year, but we should not underestimate the icy spears the winter may throw. But Autumn is beautiful this year as compensation. sue xx
Ahh it’s becoming clearer now. I don’t know if I missed something, but for some reason in the opening preface I got the impression Derry was beaten to death. So now we know she jumped in front of a train, however you leave space for the possibility she was pushed. Interesting.
I may need to re-read this, but I didn’t see anything that might need changing, except in my opinion you do not need to repeat moment three times in the opening para.
I would suggest ‘moment, that moment’ and in the later sentence ‘that moment, the moment.’
However, this is a really interesting and well written part. Certainly looks like you have done you research well.
I once saw someone cross the track because he didn’t want to miss his train and an Inter city 125 at full speed missed him by inches. Everybody on the platform was stunned. I can imagine the horror of seeing someone actually hit by a train.
Thanks for the comment Bhi. As a matter of fact Riddley Walker was an inspiration for this project. I think my speculative language is more accessible than that novel which I had to work to get through.
As the Dai Lama would have said, and this was going to be the next poem:
Yesterday I was,
Today I, still, am was,
Can be no more than I was
While this is of mine
is striped by the will of them;
But Inside I am that which must be
Untouched;
That none can deny.
It is all very interesting, Daffni, but it would be much better if you could put the English translation next to ALL the Russian nouns, which is not always the case, for the likes of me who do not know that language. https://ukauthors.com/wp-content/plugins/wise-chat/gfx/emoticons/set_4/confused.png
Luigi x
Hello, Nic. Thank you for commenting. i’m sorry I have taken a while to respond. I know (from something you have said) that you will understand me when I say that sometimes the driving force for a ‘write’ is something rather mysterious: Subtle, would be a good word.
In all honesty I did not start writing this with the intent of it having hidden meaning, but of course some of the ‘flack chuckers’ (taken from the oft spoken ‘flack from above’) have much more devious intent than simply accumulating wealth and using others to create it for them! They are not only amoral, but also downright evil.
the rainbow is part of my theory. a big part, or should I say the post big bang part. I may try to illustrate it somehow some day over the rainbow (funnily enough this song has a hidden meaning, intentional or unintentional.)
Ain’t that the truth. My children were brought up with every animal under the sun. I tried to give them the life I longed for as a child.
My estranged daughter recently told me (before the portcullis went down yet again) …that I had been responsible for my grandchildren being animal lovers before they could even talk.
Still they were taken from me.
Life is often painful in the measure to how much we have loved.
Your poetry is so full of meaning and emotion skillfully almost concealed behind matter of fact words.
From sweetwater on Summer Regrets.
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From Guaj on Summer Regrets.
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From sweetwater on Summer Regrets.
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From Guaj on A Death Refracted - Part 3
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From Bhi on A Death Refracted - Part 3
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From Bhi on Time For Tea
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From Guaj on Time For Tea
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From Guaj on Time For Tea
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From Guaj on Time For Tea
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From ChairmanWow on Beamo's Gold part 2
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From ifyouplease on Achilles' Rising
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From Bhi on Achilles' Rising
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From ionicus on SOVIET HOSPITALITY part 2
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From ifyouplease on Flack Chuckers!
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From griffonner on Flack Chuckers!
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From ifyouplease on Flack Chuckers!
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From stormwolf on Fifteen-Years Later
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From slovitt on Fifteen-Years Later
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