For me, wonderful poetry, Gerald, your muse appears to have caught up with you again with the advancing years; much enjoyed read! (Shame we lost earlier comments).
Regards, Trevor
Thank you, shadow. Me too, my head seems to be full of dust, fluff, and feathers at the moment; political apoplexy seems to have made our brains redundant….
Thanks Sue. Keeping true to original meaning is difficult, ‘anguish’ for example, is too strong a word for a word that means ‘anxiety’, ‘angst’, or ‘trepidation’; with poetic tweaking between languages you always lose something, slight changes of nuance. It becomes roughly equivalent.
Trevor
I prefer the longer version too, Gerald. A sad and sensitive, dysfunctional family problem; domestic violence that needs to be aired and described at length. Skilled writing.
Best, Trevor
I’ll dig you up at midnight on Halloween, Shadow! (Or blast you out the cave with dynamite!) Just as soon as they release me from Broadmoor! Boris, get it done!
Goth
Good for you, Supratik! India seems to be a Continent of smokers? I smoked a pipe for a short period in my teens (cigarette with a built-in ashtray better for open sports cars!). So long ago, I can’t remember, but stopping instantly and suffering severe cold turkeying seems to be the only way to win with will-power alone? Success, by the way, has been besotted with me! (I wish!). I hope your mantra theory works for the black lung brigade!
Regards, Goth
I don’t believe this Goth! I replied to your comment long ago but I see it not getting reflected why pray! Au secours!
Rewriting it.
I was referring to success in quitting addiction. Therefore, you have also achieved success! It’s not necessary that smokers are not successful, or people taking weeds or alcohol aren’t, far from it.
But when you can conquer and win over a habit that has been troubling you for months and years, you can also sense success. These suggestions are a combination of the learning I received from the BKs, and Sadhguru. It works 100%, all the time. I could see myself losing the urge to smoke after a year or so, and lo and behold this 36 year old habit was out of my system.
If anybody is interested to try this out, please let me know. I know brainy people would scrap this outright, they believe in medication more than in anything else. So I want fools like me to take this forward.
Yours,
Supratik
Any psychological strengthening of will-power in the battle to reduce the metabolic-homeostatic pull-back of addiction until a more favourable chemical balance in the body is obtained, is to be applauded. And using mantra and other self-suggestion methods to create a sub-conscious resistance to unwanted behaviour, applied seriously and rigorously, and with the necessary perseverance, doubtlessly works, so I wish you well in helping others to quit practices that damage health. I think most people appreciate the mystic Eastern contribution to, and influence on, this science.
Cold turkeying will work, if the person and their nearest and dearest can endure the calamitous, bad-tempered journey through the sticky mire to the hard ground! Gradually cutting-down doesn’t usually work so well, as time scale too long on life’s long winding journey full of fast approaching potholes!
They say, with normal, naturally-occurring cell-replacement, after seven years free from smoking, the lungs are as pink as a new-born, plus the relevant years of traffic and industrial haze adding their dirty colouring!
Beautiful, skilful poetry. Lights from a secluded house at dusk always warms the heart, a moonless night too, always seems to stand still, with only the slow-moving stars as reference? Love your poetry, this, for me, an enjoyable read.
Goth
Metaphorically a love poem too, Sue (more so if ending ..’and bares her soul to fate’!). No, a beautiful poem about October, a much underrated month, deserving the respect you give it here; funny how we both refer to the vibrant ‘breezes’ loosening leaves, here that cloak Mother Nature, ‘baring her soul’, having been a seduced by an annual lover that unclothes her.
Your muse is serving you well now. (I think October needs a capital? I’m not sure these late-life days!)
Trevor
I suppose it could subconsciously be a love poem, I do find October the most seductive of months.
Like you I was unsure if October should have a capital letter or not these days, some say yes others say no, same with commas and full stops, they can go either way too.
Thank you for such an in-depth comment Trevor, it was very much appreciated. Sue.
I found this very interesting, wasn’t sure whether to feel sorry for him or applaud his only complaint of numb toes.
I greatly admire your ability to turn such a complex body part as the brain into a such an interesting and insightful poem. Sue.
Thanks Sue, yes, thankfully, Nature in such circumstances, at such advanced years, diminishes all that would induce anxiety caused by situation insight, so, with few body feelings left communicating, the distant toes symbolise this remote relationship that’s left. An old poem when I was into rhyming verse.
Trevor
Beautiful longer length poem from your practiced pen, a real pleasure to read, Sue. I love all the seasons equally for different reasons. The switchover storms, Winter-Spring, Autumn-Winter are particularly dramatic here. If only these fine poems of yours were presented better….sigh..
Trevor
Hi Trevor, Thank you for your comments they are much appreciated, I’m very pleased you liked this longer poem.
As for presentation, if you knew how much time I spend banging my head against a brick wall trying to come up with a better layout for my poems you’d be sending in the white coated chaps!
I just cannot figure it out, so annoying. I chop and change and fiddle but still it looks rather bland. :-/ sue.
I liked them both, the first one I felt I became part of their world and was drawn in to know more, like a good book.
The second was as enjoyable but there was less of the drawing in, more of a news broadcast.
Basically one was a story, the other was factual. Personally I liked the first one best. Sue.
I prefer the shorter version, it’s tight and hard hitting. Both are very true but the longer version drags out the agony. Best to let the reader imagine his own nightmares. IMO of course.
Thank you so very much. It means a lot to me, especially because English is not my first language, it’s my love language.
You have a wonderful day.
Best.
Supratik
Thank you for commenting, but I am not sure if you liked it or thought it mediocre? I’ve been trying to decide which for days. Appreciate you reading it though whichever way it went. 🙂 sue.
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