The excursionists

an old probably unpublished poem which I edited a bit.


 

There was nothing on the tape,
but industrial echoes, cold wind howling;
the fogged boundaries of reality
on each side of the unspooled road.

They have waved at people, at some point, sang
out of joy, but then they wondered, “when

are we going to stop for a leak?”

Their smile was freezing each time they rewound the tape
to listen to their singing, at some point. Many times earlier,
they had decided to drive back home, find another blank cassette;
this time, press play, not record, listen not sing, all the way.

Many times earlier. 

Ignored the smell of food coming from the basket,
tamed their growling stomachs

and left thirsty, maybe this would break 

the loop. Maybe.

 

Athens, circa 2004

© ifyouplease 2020
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critique and comments welcome.
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TheRecluse

You’ve delighted us all with your brilliance again. What a strange story that gets the cognitive mind eagerly trying to discover what’s in the messaging, for me left with a descriptive feeling somewhere between the title and seeing if it is being applied in a wider context. I always look for something deeply philosophic or metaphoric in your work, like I too am on an ‘unspooling road’, perhaps too much sometimes! I wonder how much this mysterious skill of yours is a second language, mental conversion, thing. This site has a rich variety of styles, yours always quality writes!

Guaj

This is wonderful Nic and the best part is, I don’t know why I found this so good …. but it bloody is!

Stormwolf

Well I did not get it ;-(
I never doubt your creative use of words and thoughts but sometimes I feel too esoteric for interpretation by the ordinary person such as me lol
I always find that your interpretation is so left field that I probably would never have deciphered it anyway.
I do enjoy esoteric poetry that makes me think, also abstract concepts but I would not be authentic If i was to say that something makes sense to me when it does not.
Sorry Nic 😉
Alison x

Gee

This sounds to me like a ghost story, some kind of journey that goes on and on, with the ghosts being aware and perhaps that changes their perception of it at times? I don’t know if that’s what you’re trying to convey, but that’s what I’m getting from it. The ending makes me think of purgatory, that whatever they try to do, the journey goes on regardless, without beginning or end.

Griffonner

Brilliant, Nic! I like the way you have written this. As usual, I am certain there are more ways to interpret this than might at first be seen (catch the eye). How many times? It could be an endless loop unless you waken to the manipulation. At least that’s how I see it.
Blessings,
Allen x

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