Falling in Love (not edited)

Wholesomeness

poems separately posted

 

special thanks to Alison, Bhi and Guaj.


 

As people pass by,
I think of proximity,
bodies that stop
at nothing, ours.
Senses unleashed,
tasting each other’s
comfort, as people
pass us by, we kiss,
knowing the more we
do, the closer we get.

 

Athens, 2019

© ifyouplease 2020
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critique and comments welcome.
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Bhi

People stream past;
I think of proximity,
Bodies that stop
at nothing; ours.
Senses unleashed,
tasting each other’s
comfort when we kiss
for the first time,
rooting one in the other
as we move even closer.

Guaj

I almost hate to say this, but the original was almost perfect due to it’s simplicity
Sorry

Bhi

It is exciting to see the adaptations that can be created from the original, but your original is the seed, and that seed was born of simplicity.

Stormwolf

Ha! I want to award you for your incredible desire to see your work speak for you as only YOU know what you really want to say. 😉
I have enjoyed every version tbh but this is succinct and perfectly executed.

It has been great to see the willing collaboration from others and I hope it encouraged others to be open to feedback and striving for our personal best.

Our work is always ours and so we are free to alter it, lengthen it, shorten it and even have several versions active.
Great stuff Nic
Alison xx 😉

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