Tips for Getting Published


Feed the masses on their leather sofas

juicy murders, shrewd detectives, blood,

feisty women sleeping with their chauffeurs,

spotty kids with magic wands, a flood

of swoon-inducing swanking Casanovas,

dialogue packed with “guys” and “dude” and “bud”.

Unless you want to die a penniless nobody,

whatever you do, for Christ’s sake, don’t write poetry.


But if you can’t resist the Sapphic charms

and don’t mind dying in a flammable shoebox,

don’t feed the masses. Don’t, with open arms,

approach the peasants in their caps and Reeboks.

Don’t try to catch their hearts with silly rhymes.

Don’t rhyme at all, as rhyme’s for vulgar peacocks.

Vigour is the lowest form of roguery.

It’s best to run a marathon from poetry.


Poetry is not supposed to be popular.

It’s meant to alienate, confuse and bore.

It’s meant to be about as fun as scrofula,

as inspiring as some cat-sick on the floor.

Its meaning should only be visible through some binoculars.

It’s not supposed to sell, but be ignored.

Just fly to Thailand and fuck some ladyboys. Hopefully

you’d get a book deal out of that. But not poetry.





© Gammon 2020
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critique and comments welcome.
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2 months ago

very publishable – enjoyable. I don’t think I want to know what a scrofula is, ever…but more chance of a close encounter with a scrofula than a penny from poems kind of poem. Funny business, poetry or not. ‘Art will feed itself.’ is an optimistic motto to live and eat by…

2 months ago
Reply to  Gammon

Aye – but I think you do! You should get a manager@10%…we all need one, along with a butler/butleress…and a room of one’s own….and a trust fund. Simple

2 months ago

I lack experience, never had a cat, but all animals seem to get sick, since you mention it here you probably know it for a fact

I dread to think about this

feisty women sleeping with their chauffeurs
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