Koumpounophobia

 

I’ve always hated buttons…

 


 

I’ve always hated buttons.

Fiddly fumbly four-eyed flat-faced

cunts

goggling gormlessly

offending my digestive system

off otherwise majestic

military jackets. No, give me a zip any day,

a zip you can flick up and down by a microphone

and sample its wavy and sibilant sounds

onto some electrofunk folk punk

with panpipes, balalaika, glockenspiel

and twelve-inch ruler

twanged off the edge of a chair,

you can’t do that with buttons.

 

Aged thirty,

I shared a thermostat with Stella,

a seamstress who sat by her sewing machine

all morning. In her bedroom

lay boxes and buckets and bowls full of buttons

that glittered and glinted and

dribbled their vomit-provoking

vapid glory. On the wall outside her room,

a button the size of a dinner-plate

glared its purple putridness.

“You’re a real koumpounophile,” I told her.

 

                                  A moth

                  fluttered around the asparagus plant.

 

                                          “That means you like buttons.”

She replied, “Oh, I see.

I thought you said I was a paedophile.”

 

Eight years later, strolling round

a lake in Poland,

Lake Stretchyourneck or something,

Shchetchanek? Stcheshanek? Whatever.

Past a huge coconut made of old deckchairs and drawers

on a stage, and a metal

star on a stick, there it stood.

A button the size of a bus shelter.

 

Fuck off.

 

 

 

 

 

 

https://alfieshoyger.blogspot.com

 

© Gammon 2020
Views: 207
critique and comments welcome.
Subscribe
Notify of
17 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Ifyouplease
2 months ago

what is koumpouno?

Ifyouplease
2 months ago
Reply to  ifyouplease

in Greek it is koumpi, κουμπί. if it has anything to do with the Greek word, it should be koumpophobia.

Ifyouplease
2 months ago
Reply to  Gammon

yes we do, koumpono not koumpouno.

if it is about to button it should be koumponophobia.
if it is about fear of buttons then it is koumpophobia.

Ifyouplease
2 months ago
Reply to  Gammon

what is that?

is hippo used instead of hype/ υπο popotono there is no such word in Greek mostro is not greek, pedalio you mean pedal?

Littleditty
2 months ago
Reply to  Gammon

cut cunt and fuck off!- that was not a random insult, dear -does this nice button stretchyourneck poem need random outbursts of such?

Littleditty
2 months ago
Reply to  littleditty

No! read it again -fair enough…bloody buttons…

Ifyouplease
2 months ago

will you take my word for it? it’s not koumpouno but koumpono.
just because wikipedia has it as koumpounophobia it doesn’t mean it’s correct

phonetically speaking it is incorrect and we don’t say “koumpouno κουμπούνω we say koumpono κουμπώνω.”
https://el.wiktionary.org/wiki/%CE%BA%CE%BF%CF%85%CE%BC%CF%80%CF%8E%CE%BD%CF%89

Ifyouplease
2 months ago
Reply to  Gammon

you know that’s bastardization of a foreign language usually done by those who absolutely hate all other languages. if you don’t show respect you lose your right to be worthy of some respect. I guess ‘Englishes’ is some sort of Nemesis then and I must not fret over it at all, but welcome it as I like Nemesis a great deal. Q (intentionally typed Q)

Ifyouplease
2 months ago
Reply to  Gammon

and actually if we want it phonetically correct it’s yeenee. no g can ever replace GAMMA Γ correctly.
comment image

Ifyouplease
2 months ago
Reply to  Gammon

I’m not a scholar, but the way I see it Modern Greek is at least phonetically the purest form of pronunciating Attiki Dialecto, furthermore laptop is λαπτοπ in Greek and sounds exactly like laptop internet is ιντερνετ fast food is φαστ φουντ (like food/φουντ, like koum+ Bono) can you see how irritating it is for me to see a pouno where there should be the singer of U2??????
comment image

Ifyouplease
2 months ago
Reply to  Gammon

surely we can bastardize our own language without a problem, I mean the mother is the same at least she knows we are her kids. so in a way mother language has many bastard speakers but most of them if not all are her bastard kids nice way to put it huh? O tempora O glossic bastards

Flag Content