The Nature of Advice

 

If a five-pound sack of King Edward potatoes

falls on your head from an upper-storey window,

there’s no point seeking advice from someone

whose left foot was reversed over by the back wheel of a taxi

or someone who tripped over a gherkin box

and fell through the opened roof of a wine cellar.

They don’t understand potatoes.

 

They won’t even mention potatoes

but they’ll mention and mention

the curve of the taxi’s mudguard

or the colour and nationality of the wine

in the keg they landed nearest to,

and insist that a five-pound sack of King Edward potatoes

falling on your head from an upper-storey window

doesn’t hurt, it’s never happened to them before

but it doesn’t hurt, now a taxi reversing over your left foot,

that hurts, don’t go whining to them about

a five-pound sack of King Edward potatoes

falling on your head from an upper-storey window,

you have no idea, they tripped over a gherkin box

and fell through the opened roof of a wine cellar,

so shut up. They don’t believe you anyway,

it was probably only a two-pound sack of King Edward potatoes

and in any case, you shouldn’t walk near window sills

with sacks of potatoes on them, so it’s your own fault,

oh look, there’s a cat,

let’s stroke it, hello kitty kitty,

 

when those potatoes

and the particular way your heart beats

are the only advice you can ever need.

 

 

 

 


 

From “Disoccidented” by Alfie Shoyger:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Disoccidented-Alfie-Shoyger/dp/1999922859

 

https://alfieshoyger.blogspot.com

 

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critique and comments welcome.

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Guajiros
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Yes this precisely details man’s obsession with self. Much truth in this philosophical discussion.

Archiemac
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archiemac **

It’s similar to the point he makes here:

https://ukauthors.com/2019/07/12/help-save-the-mentally-healthy/

Ifyouplease
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yes

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