The Dutchboy’s Thumb
In celebration of the Trumplet’s proposal for an all-out trade war with allies, I adopted a usa Ultra right wing bias (which I have been practicing recently rhetorically) for this bit of satire. Not all of it lacks merit. ;D
The Dutchboy’s Thumb
So much monetary water to keep out of the splendidly appointed valley. Only there is a leak. Inundation threatens the entire world. The mythical finger is not enough, a thumb may be needed to keep back the deluge of usa currency onto global markets. Imagine, for only a few seconds of course, the impact of an all-out trade war. For years we have been the bread basket to the world and, now that hardware and software specialties and computer scientology are dominating the marketplaces globally, we have to learn to be superior negotiators. We have to learn how to say no; which is what we need instead of the immature and harmful pervasive quick sale at any cheap price practices that hurt us long term. Normally, one would think that entrepreneurs would choose self interest over political and economic non-investment strategies, but these are not normal times. When GOP (Grand Ole Party) Republican voter dominated industries are targeted, someone is gonna sit up and take notice. They will draw their weapons and shoot you in the knee caps as an autonomic reaction. The global body politic will fall to the floor bleeding out. We are experts in such arts.
usa is not cheap and has incredibly enormous overhead, interest payments, infrastructure, business taxes, and higher annual wages to fold into the cost of our offerings to the world. (Shifting payments into wages shifts the paradigm from trade to paid is an idea grown ripe on the vine). Don’t buy from us, don’t borrow money from our banks. New PR campaign: It is in your interest to support our high standard of living in usa. Tit for tat can interpret in sooooo many ways. It takes money to make something or other and we have capital aplenty to loan. Our currency is our best bartering tool. The academic sorority gals and frat boys at Harvard and Columbia, Yale, and MIT can figure out new formula for our future success and install a pro-usa methodology to get world currency flowing into usa instead of out of it perpetually. Nobel prizes are awarded for such wondrous market formulas that change international banking structures and impact trade imbalances, nyet? Uncle Sam as Big Brother needs to become a bouncing baby Great Uncle to the world. (Yes, that may be make america great again in sheep’s clothing). We are not hungry. We need to remember what hungry feels like before it actually happens. We’ve been nice.
With our fear of losing customers and fear of a dwindling trickle of income, we allow countries to play us like tunes on their fiddle. Posturing before a giant claiming lack of monetary strength, they buy a little from us and sell us plenty. That dam backed up, and we are stuck with big ticket items we can’t move because smaller nations are using our dollar’s strength to purchase goods and services cheaper elsewhere. It’s smart and profitable, but, basically, we are supporting world trade. usa and China. If we withdraw by way of imposing tariffs to alleviate trade imbalances, we might start winning, We buy billions of goods and services from European Union nations and last year they bought over a billion less from usa than we purchased from them, which is a huge problem for usa. We need to start winning.
China WILL step up immediately and willingly take over our market share. It will look like we have forgotten how to compete. Maybe we should start dumping cheap products on the market and take market share back. Loans R Us is not a good motto. WTO, if we withdraw our silver coins all that manure crumbles to ineffectiveness because it will require other nations to step up to financially support it. (The 1% in usa who control it will be pissed but that’s the price you pay for renovating the entire edifice, or in keeping with the extended metaphor, renovating the damn dam). There is only so much money you should be allowed to make anyway. China does not have the expertise and experience with handling that much cash inflow. See: Inflationary pressures and aging population stats. They will learn. Nuff said. Dear 1%ers, your hand is in our other pocket and it’s time to learn humility and living within your multi-billions dollar empire means. (I love it when I talk dirty ~(;D).
The United Nations needs a new host country and we need to learn how to renege on our dues paying. Not too many fat kingdoms may result and a few smaller despots will starve and have less money to steal and invest in eu. I love it when a good trading bloc gets its act together. Money filtering will shut down temporarily: usa dollars to WTO & UN & NATO, and to poorer nations who purchase from EU. Hey, there is a word for that. Also, emerging nations will emerge less fast. We can claim poverty, that always works to quell debtors. Our UN dues can build a few bridges a year and patch a few potholes in usa, I’m thinkin’. Note: pliers may be necessary to get that hand out of our metaphorical and historical pocket. We break treaties and withdraw from compacts now. Brussels can have the UN. They have everything else. If Russia recently and, well since the rise of Russia as a world power, taught us anything its, “Bust a deal, face the wheel?” We have Las Vegas. We love to gamble.
Everyone got in the game that we used to dominate almost exclusively following WWII when Europe (and pretty much the rest of the world) was in ruins following Hitler’s little blitz and take-over of countries one-by-one campaigns. We bought in fleets of aeroplanes and bombs – like I said, we are great gunslingers. Tear it down, rebuild it, collect rent. I love Monopoly as a game, it builds capital acquisitions and financial character. Contemporary world politicians have forgotten their history and that debts are paid between allies in loyalty in spite of the brash overbearing pompousness and hubris of usa business folk, usa traders, and usa government regulators. We humbly regret and apologize for Mr. Trump. We did not see him and Russia coming. Europe is already under siege – immigration and pay-back bombs that are becoming more and more daring and, practice sessions done, will evolve to target bigger buildings and infrastructure. Never underestimate the revenge of a people exploited for centuries and left out in the sun to roast while jets destroy what little they were forced to live inside. Certain muslim country citizens are, per the Supreme Court ruling, no longer allowed in usa for security reasons. We bombed them and now we have to stop entry and the next step is to expel those who are already here. National security along side preservation of national identity and Christianity as reasons work well for right leaning political bases.
And now, the Russians are coming. Without access to the trade club to build their economy and feed their people, Russia may actually, after this lil test run in UK, threaten chemical warfare. Pay or die tactics are what got them into ouster status in the first place. Instructing usa presidents in bully tactics may backfire and they may learn a few moves not in their playbook from this usa president. And while excess is not a virtue, all the holy texts say so, outlandish behavior, though embarrassing, has pretty much become norm from the oval office.
Okay, usa jets are dropping a few payloads too and most prominently, selling jets to those who would use them. EU is talking defense as Russia and China have, or may soon be, using usa dollars to exercise force behind their trade deals. It is not pretty, but war machine building has kept a relative peace in major power streets for almost a Century. We are empire, after all, and are unapologetic about our size. Russia, China, and North Korea as our trading partners and allies is an iffy proposition. Yes, we should change our motto to Hubris Rocks! We have a few faults and kill lots of world denizens. It’s our nature. We love guns (and gun lobbyists). Truly civilized nations will be eaten if they do not arm and there goes economic bliss for their denizens. No more subsidies, no more freebies like health care. Oh Diety! Making the choice of paying doctor or eating this month will be a toughie. I speak from much experience.
Arrogance and dominance posturing gets a bit wearying, I’m certain, and judging by the way corporations ruthlessly oppress and dominate their employees in usa, it is easy to extend the practice inside our future trade relationships. There must be an equivocal lever to pry open the pot of gold at the end of everybody else’s rainbow. I say what we need is a Johnny Depp compass.
The stock market is the place to begin to address trade imbalances. If we sell it cheaper than we make it, then we lose. If we buy more than we sell, our corporation called Our Country Tis of Us fails, goes broke, face up in the dirt, gasping for a last breath, Great Depression flashbacks, bankrupt (too much?). Fact. Anyone who buys more than it sells goes out of business eventually. That is sacred economic law. Balance is required and a weight adjustment is about to hit the global economy. Insert damn thumb in dam here. I’m a usa citizen and I want a billion of eu’s cash to repave my streets that have large cracks in them. I demand new ones soon. Time to invest in educating usa nere-do’s and refuse to’s, et al. It is long past time to drop some biases against our own citizens. We have talent here for the developing. We don’t have to go to other countries for those expert and sublime services of human intellectual power any longer. Fewer European based humanities offerings at university and more high tech, economics, and hardware sciences is the thing needed here. Ten to twelve year old students should be building computers, playing chess, and monopoly vs home economics and one language. Two languages minimum (Russian and Chinese not French and Latin) to graduate high school would be a start. We have yet to learn that soccer and racket ball are the games of champions.
Not bullying or toughness (well, maybe that is unavoidable along with some tantrums and peevishly immature sand slinging), is not even close to domineering, just smart; merely better for later dealing the right cards and throwing the weighted die. We are the sleeping giant who has grown fat and is stuck in dreams-of-the-past mode. Time to get out of the big comfy armchair and go to the gym. Mixed extended metaphors aside, muscle is required for the work of putting the eu’s success based on milking us and then excluding us back into realistic proportions. Go get em usa. They won’t know what hit em. Start with banking. Financial wells can run dry and thumbs can keep back the flood of over exploitation rather efficiently if the right amount of pressure is put on that thumb blocking the hole coded world banker. Global integration can slow down for a while. It’s pretty simple, quite coquettish actually, but wells do run dry and whole hands and arms could plug the hole of cash and capital availability quite easily. Little Dutchboy will have a fat upper arm with a $$$ tat. usa business folks should rebuild here, on usa soil, for a while. Period. UK has been loyal in supporting our shenanigans in the middle east – they would get a pass, naturally. Possibly Canada, if they are patient for the next election in usa. More Bentley and Rolls Royce and fewer Lamborghini and VW on usa streets is my thinking. Who knows what horrors that might lead to? usa drivers driving on the correct side of the road maybe.
Otherwise, it will be interesting to watch as other countries use our dime to take us under. The finest minds in the world are behind our success as a trader in the face of piracy. Come on, there is a bit of piracy in usa brainpower, no? Tit for tat small tariffs will not do the job. The big items are the ones to target, the ones that will eventually hit them politically from their constituencies. It’s hard to barter unfairly if a burning flag of your nation is outside your country’s biggest cities government buildings accompanied by millions of unemployed angry patriots. With signs that say STOP BUYING USA JET BOMBERS.
Lumber, refined industrial chemicals, soybeans, or any staples not manufactured anywhere else in quantity is where to begin. We take a hit, but we have the option to dump our products cheap on world markets and take back market share by competing with those who have undercut us for decades. Deflation, recession, belt tightening; oh let’s please talk now about shrinking the usa government’s no longer flush with cash budget. They, the countries pulling us down into deeper waters, have learned well the game we helped to teach them. It is time to invent and develop a new game; the one where their capital is invested here and they pay for the privilege of using our infrastructure. We have economic geniuses who can work out the new formulas. Put the IRS (Internal Revenue Service) on it; they’re pretty good at pinching penny portions. No, they are really good at it. Who was it that solved the 2008 global monetary crash problem? Who sat back on their butts and refused to help? Everyone ran to their corners of nationalism and forgot about the hand that was feeding them, sorta. You know what happens to chickens who come home to roost; they get their eggs taken and then end up on the serving platter. It is a natural evolution.
Will potential investors in usa real estate build elsewhere? Not if we refused to supply them with the building materials and financing from our trading bloc. Whatever is left of it, that is. Will they retaliate in kind? Not if their alternate sites are full of starving workers, Coup d’etats, and crumbling infrastructures that we have nudged and will nudge into ruin via strafing runs. We have the means to coerce. We have that kind of power and a military might to enforce our actions and deter criticism. We do not have to agress, we simply have to be more selective about where we agress.
When giants wake up and start walking around, somebody else’s dam gets kicked down. Dirty pool? Yeah. Time to go gangstah on the world that has its slender fingers in our pockets. We can eat the vegetables we grow for a while, use last year’s computer, and bring our manufacturing base back to home shores slowly but home assuredly. Unintegrate the world and reintegrate it with usa as the hub of innovation and go-to financing. Some usa kid genius somewhere is sitting back thinking just how to do that in a civilized manner with pretty pleases and thank you’s aplenty in her calculator. We just need to find her ass and give her the job.
Just say no when they ask if we want to donate cash, capital investment, and ingenuity to their financial rape of usa’s economic future. Dear France, what about that war debt you never repaid. You flush with cash now, ain’t cha? Where is le gendarme when you need one?
I’m just sayin’.
Note: I think the debt from France was forgiven. History class and Lend-Lease was ages ago.