By One’s Own Hand

or why after retirement, solitary walks in Nature are so appealing now!



I‘ve met many
cut down in time, held back
before the tentative fall
successfully emptied
stemmed from emptying
damaged, patched and delivered
back to square one

I’ve read their notes, anecdotes
letters of goodbye, of resignation
scribbled obituaries, epitaphs
obsessions, confessions
listened to explanations
seen tears of regret
tears of joy from being a failure

their anger
at parent, lover, partner, friend
at physician, admission
at being saved
at their proof of incompetence
at the saviour’s insufficient display
of dismay

I’ve seen what love, loss, loneliness
mobbing, aging, craving, visions of doom
incessant pain, hoping in vain
does to us all
to some, more so
For others
living the good life
was just too blasé
having had and done everything
wondering where not living would lead
envious, curious, furious
of/at what only the dead might know

A retired friend
medical expert in forensic explosives
had it easier
piecing together filtered bits
of disintegrated hate
DNA without humbled eyes or
outstretched hands
still clutching broken straw

© Gothicman 2018
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critique and comments welcome.

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12 Comments on "By One’s Own Hand"

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An incredibly strong poem Gothicman and I really feel you nailed that last verse…Leila

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