UKArchive

UKArchive ID: 35790

Would you just be looking at those flowers?
by nemo
Originally published on November 13, 2015 in Poetry        


Sharing this again. Slightly revised.


Wheeled along by a nurse,
the limp girl in the garden
must be in her twenties,

with someone’s clothes,
someone’s hair-style;
her heels, institution-red;

her feet, at unnatural angles,
half-dibbled into slippers
sliding off the foot-rest.

I sense she does not have
much longer to live,
parked, as she now is,

at a bed of sprightly daffodils;
defenceless, as she now is,
against such a caring act of cruelty.


© nemo (Nemo on OLD UKA)

UKArchive ID: 35790
Archived comments for Would you just be looking at those flowers?


stormwolf on 13-11-2015
Would you just be looking at those flowers?
Fabulous Gerald

I remember this one from before I think it was my fav of your works.

I don't know what you have changed but it's perfect in its sensitivity and insight not to mention the skill of the poetry itself

Well worth a nomination

Alison X

Author’s Reply:
Thanks again, Alison, esp for the nom and, yes,you did fav it last time. A little tweeking of the stanzas and a change of title to involve the nurse a little more.

Gerald.


gwirionedd on 13-11-2015
Would you just be looking at those flowers?
A very interesting poem, especially the ending. Why might it be cruel to park her next to some daffodils?… I suppose because they are sprightly, Spring flowers in full bloom… Says a lot through what it doesn't say. Subtle and well-written.

Author’s Reply:
Thanks, gwirionedd. I think, if I were dying and parked in front of those daffodils, I would weep inconsolably.


shadow on 13-11-2015
Would you just be looking at those flowers?
Beautiful poem, very moving, in the contrast between the girl and the flowers.

Author’s Reply:
Thanks for reading and commenting, shadow.


ValDohren on 14-11-2015
Would you just be looking at those flowers?
Very moving, a lot said here. My one crit is that I think I would have avoided repeating the phrase 'as she now is.' Great stuff.

Val x

Author’s Reply:
Thanks, Val. I'm pleased you liked it. The repetition of 'as she now is' is no oversight but is there to make the reader think about why I have repeated it.

Regards,

Gerald.


Mikeverdi on 14-11-2015
Would you just be looking at those flowers?
Once again your poetry brings your thoughts alive on the page Gerald. Thanks for sharing this with us.

Mike

Author’s Reply:
Thanks, Mike. I'm pleased it's still being liked.

Gerald


Gothicman on 15-11-2015
Would you just be looking at those flowers?
Yes, brilliant depiction, Gerald. At a level where everything is done for her, with no apparent advocacy at all on her part, the last stanza with just a hint perhaps of awareness, of self-limitation, or is it still only the observers evaluation, assuming too little or too much, difficult to know the level of impression intake. If Alison hadn't nominated it, I would have. Brilliant.

Trevor

Author’s Reply:
Thanks, Trevor. Always room for conjecture: how aware was the girl? You've got me thinking about my own poem and I'm back in the gardens outside the National Neurological Hospital where I saw this girl in 1985.

Gerald