UKArchive

UKArchive ID: 36402

And Then It Rained
by mikeverdi
Originally published on April 4, 2016 in Poetry        


A new one to read if you fancy it.


The dry time,
words turned to dust,
and questions hung in the air.
Thoughts unable to breathe
in the heat of the moment,
drifting like tumbleweed.

Looking for a connection
we sat in the failing sunlight.
A song on a radio declaring
love everlasting.
I held out my hand
for something once mine.

And then it rained.



© mikeverdi (Mikeverdi on OLD UKA)

UKArchive ID: 36402
Archived comments for And Then It Rained


Gothicman on 04-04-2016
And Then It Rained
A poet's delicate touch, Mike, I hope it, like for garden flowers and ducks, brought better fortune with it! That's my hope anyway, great writing.

Trevor

Author’s Reply:
Nice to hear from you Trevor. This one didn't work out, just as well really, the next one was Lesley😊😀😊

Mike


stormwolf on 04-04-2016
And Then It Rained
Good one. Nice to see you writing new material. Wish I could do some too. ;-/

You captured the whole scene perfectly…the barrenness of the awkward silence, the wishing things were different. The last line perfectly summed it all up. Not the best of experiences but skillfully portrayed

There are several emotions all wrapped into this scenario. Awkwardness, hesitation, desperation, then hope followed by pain.

I liked the contrast of the words coming from the radio to the sad realisation things had changed…the rain put the tin lid on it. so to speak.

Alison x

Author’s Reply:
Thanks Alison, always look forwards to your comments and critique. As usual there is a touch of reality in this work. One of those time you both want to say the right words, do the right thing. I tried to hang on to long, fear of moving on kept me there. A new experience for me.

Mike XxX


pommer on 04-04-2016
And Then It Rained
very emotional piece Mike, I liked it.Im liked the last few lines especially,expressing such a lot.Well done Mike, Peter.

Author’s Reply:
Thanks for reading and your kind words Peter. Good to hear from you, hope things are okay with you and your

Mike


pdemitchell on 04-04-2016
And Then It Rained
A sad and poignant denouement there, Mike. Missing the 'e' on the 'breathe' on line 4. Excellent! mitch

Author’s Reply:
Thanks Mitch, pleased you liked it. 69 and still can't spell for shit HaHa!

Mike


sweetwater on 05-04-2016
And Then It Rained
I could feel the tension hanging in the air, the sadness of what had slipped through your fingers. The rain an added dot on the page washing away any final hope of recapture. Sue xx

Author’s Reply:
Thanks for reading this one Sue. It was a sad time, no one sets out on a relationship thinking its going to end badly. There were tears on both sides.

Mike


franciman on 06-04-2016
And Then It Rained
Mike, you've found a new woman? A muse at last, with a subtle, lyrical soul.

This is real verse. You need to listen to her, she's the real deal. Don't bed her, just hold her in the dark and she'll make you a poet. She's made a start already!

'Someone on a radio declaring

love everlasting.'

The two lines are inelegant, prosaic in a work of such subtle beauty. They take the reader out of the moment.

It would get my nomination but for that, mate.

Great to see you back at it…

Cheers,

Jim

Author’s Reply:
HaHaHa! Almost a compliment then😂😂😂 I've looked at the problem area, messed around with it, re-jigged it twice. It still may not suit you, but I think I'm happy with it now. To be honest… you were right and I will look again.

Mike