UKArchive

UKArchive ID: 36292

Another place in time
by mikeverdi
Originally published on March 4, 2016 in Poetry        


just a little something.


Streets filled with shops
grown new with the passing of time.
The bar where once I drank my youth
filled now with charity.
Yet you were there ..…
I only had to look.

Standing at the edge of infinity
looking out on tomorrow.
I know the price of consequence.
Drank the tears of self-pity
washed down with a whiskey chaser.

Life’s regrets hang as tapestries
telling tales of broken dreams, long lost loves;
kept alive in memories.
I dress my dreams in lace
chase them through the dark hours.



© mikeverdi (Mikeverdi on OLD UKA)

UKArchive ID: 36292
Archived comments for Another place in time


sweetwater on 05-03-2016
Another place in time
Oh wow Mike, this is just stunning, I have read it several times since yesterday, I can't find words that will praise it enough. So I will just put it into fav's and nominate it 🙂 Sue xxx

Author’s Reply:
Thanks SO much Sue,that's very kind of you. In hospital at the moment, will say more when I'm out in a couple of days hopefully.

Mike xxx


franciman on 05-03-2016
Another place in time
I missed this Mike. Didn't go deep enough. Great voice, but crying out for an edit. Potentially your very best piece of work. Yes it's worthy of nomination as is, but it sounds overworked. e.g.

don't use 'like' unless you have a shiny, new simile: 'like shit of a shovel' perhaps. 'Hanging tapestries of regret'. now that paints the image without sounding contrived.

Tell me to shove it, why don't ya? I'm serious, it could be your best ever!

cheers,

Jim

p.s. I wouldn't take this much time and trouble with anyone else, you know! lol

p.p.s. I know the price of consequence (singular) is sublime verse, and I wish I had written it…

Author’s Reply:
Okay Jim, I agonised over the 'like'. I'll see what I can do. Really pleased you thought it worth the effort. In hospital for a couple of days sadly.

Mike


pdemitchell on 05-03-2016
Another place in time
Jim has a point or two and I agree with him – this is a sepia-mottled corker, Mike, and the last two almost-throwaway lines were spot on; “I dress my dreams in lace / chase them through the dark hours.” Ahh, nostalgia's not what it used to be! Paul

Author’s Reply:
Thanks for stopping by Paul, I'm going to look at the edit. Just pleased you all liked it.

Mike


Bozzz on 05-03-2016
Another place in time
Yes, this is a very very good one, Mike. Only one small point – I agree with Jim about 'consequence' being singular, though indeed, you have a penchant for expressing regrets in brilliant fashion – wish I had committed as many gorgeous sins as you have – yes, I am jealous. As ever, your friend…David

Author’s Reply:
Thanks David , I will attend to the error. Ring you when I get out of Hospital.

Mike


Gothicman on 06-03-2016
Another place in time
Sorry to hear of your hospital stay, Mike, hope it's recovery routine, and the extra available help, means you'll be quickly sent home again. Like the others, loved this fine poem, written in your special gentle style that becomes so self-empathic to us all in its honesty. Wishing you well, my friend.

Trevor

Author’s Reply:
Thanks for the kind words Trevor, looks like I caught a nasty bug. So pleased that you liked my effort at writing, been finding it hard with the Chemo drugs.

Mike


stormwolf on 07-03-2016
Another place in time
Wonderfully moving, descriptive and from the heart Mike. I also feel one of your very best.

My only niggle would be line line 7 where I feel 'standing' would be better grammar than 'stood' although stood can work depending how you look at it (missing out the 'I' for I stood) but in this instance I am sensing the invisible Mike 'standing' watching and seeing everything with new clarity if that makes sense?

Can I request this as one to be recited at the meeting?

Alison xxx

Author’s Reply:
Thanks for taking a look young Stormwolf,alway pleased to have your opinion and critique. Double pleased when you say nice things😊 Yes I will read it for you.

Mike XxX


Kipper on 24-06-2016
Another place in time
Trying to catch up Mike, been playing truant and hoping that no one would miss me. (or do I mean everyone?) Found this in the Anthology page and I'm so pleased I did for it speaks so eloquently of life and love and memories, and yes, regrets too.

Sorry to hear of you stay in hospital – hope that is well behind you!

Best as always

Michael

Author’s Reply:
Pleased you took the time to read and comment, always good to hear from you. Just finished six months of Chemotherapy, not writing much at the moment. The hospital stay was a bug in picked up, they stuck me in isolation for a week. Hope all is well in your world, keep writing and posting!

Best wishes

Mike