Comments Stream

  • Potleek

    From potleek on Forgotten Coats.

    Sorry but I can’t quite agree with your answer to Ionicus.
    The last three lines in my reading gives closure to your poem.
    “Discarded coats” are what we cast off when the weather warms up, for once winter passes we forget how cold we have been “Like forgotten memories.”
    Towards the youth (beginning) of another year

    Go to comment
    2017/03/22 at 8:49 pm
    • Sweetwater

      From sweetwater on Forgotten Coats.

      Thank you Potleek I appreciate your kind comment, I was dictating my ideas onto my phone as I walked my dog, recording the things around me, it was warm and I imagined children playing and throwing their coats on the ground and rushing off to play in the woods as I did as a child, forgetting as you said how cold it had been. The last line was about the memories made in childhood which were scattered ‘across the path of youth’ and were left behind, forgotten, as we walked forward along that path to the present day. 🙂 Sue.

      Go to comment
      2017/03/22 at 10:04 pm
  • Gothicman

    From gothicman on The Sunshine Room

    Knowing the background to this story, Gerald, one can only pay tribute to a powerful, well-written piece based on real and special circumstances. I cannot imagine how going through all this process felt at the time. This is so experience-genuine it moves one more deeply than imagined narrative poetry normally would. Fine writing.
    Trevor

    Go to comment
    2017/03/22 at 7:03 pm
    • Nemo

      From nemo on The Sunshine Room

      Harrowing is one word I would use to describe this experience. Not a poem for everyone’s comfort, I realise. Thanks for your comment. Much appreciated, Trevor. I won’t be very active on this site for a while as I’m still caught up in the tribulations of down-sizing for sometime to come.
      Regards, Gerald.

      Go to comment
      2017/03/23 at 12:25 pm
  • Ross

    From ross on Other Paths.

    I’ve read five poems now, and I feel better all of a sudden. Thanks for the lift.

    Go to comment
    2017/03/22 at 5:56 pm
  • Ross

    From ross on Catkins And Longer Days.

    That’s delightful! I might change ‘mower tempt’ to ‘mower lend’ to cut back a little on the poetic license.

    Go to comment
    2017/03/22 at 5:36 pm
    • Sweetwater

      From sweetwater on Catkins And Longer Days.

      I’m very pleased you liked this, I hadn’t thought of ‘mower lend’ but I’m not sure how the grass can lend a mower? I would think this is greater poetic licence than ‘mower tempt’ unless I have misunderstood your meaning? I shall give it a lot of thought as I really appreciate your advice. Thank you, :-). Sue.

      Go to comment
      2017/03/22 at 7:03 pm
      • Ross

        From ross on Catkins And Longer Days.

        Perhaps so. Somehow I was thinking the grass be given figurative life rather than the inanimate mower. I may have made a mistake. Sorry. The mower could refer to the person as well as the machine and thus cancel out the issue. Ignore the suggestion. It works fine.

        Go to comment
        2017/03/22 at 8:41 pm
        • Sweetwater

          From sweetwater on Catkins And Longer Days.

          The mower and grass just stemmed from my neighbour being the first person this year to cut her grass, and it just made me realise very soon the grass in all our gardens will tempt us to mow it, one more sign of spring to go with the dawn chorus and the emerald tint hanging along the tips of trees. It is very kind of you Ross to take time to give this poem so much thought thank you. Sue. 🙂

          Go to comment
          2017/03/22 at 10:18 pm
  • Ross

    From ross on Forgotten Coats.

    I wonder if you could put “Her” in front of coats and change “youth” to age to extend and maintain the rather compelling anthropomorphic direction of the piece. “Yawns the year awake’ is rather fine.

    Go to comment
    2017/03/22 at 5:32 pm
    • Sweetwater

      From sweetwater on Forgotten Coats.

      Hi Ross yes that would work, thank you that’s a great help I shall have a good look at that idea and I’m pretty sure I shall use it. A second pair of eyes and a different perspective often helps. 🙂 Sue.

      Go to comment
      2017/03/22 at 6:51 pm
  • Ross

    From ross on Early March.

    I like the surface pleasures evoked as the mind rests content beyond the striking distance of memory and trepidation.

    Go to comment
    2017/03/22 at 5:20 pm
    • Sweetwater

      From sweetwater on Early March.

      Thank you Ross, it was a lovely day carrying away all thoughts except for those of pleasure in the joy of the spring. Sue.

      Go to comment
      2017/03/22 at 6:44 pm
  • Ross

    From ross on The Light Falls Dim.

    The line breaks go quite a way in deepening the mood and meaning. Diamond dust is a remarkable notion. It seems precious and yet so impossibly elusive. Well done.

    Go to comment
    2017/03/22 at 5:17 pm
    • Sweetwater

      From sweetwater on The Light Falls Dim.

      Thank you Ross, I’m pleased you liked the diamond dust, and your description of it is exactly what I was trying to convey. Sue.

      Go to comment
      2017/03/22 at 6:35 pm
  • Kats

    From kats on I Miss Your Smile

    And this poem is why I’ve always loved your work. Is it Mick? Distinctive style and so well-written, drawing the reader in. We all have these thoughts/memories and you put that ‘collective consciousness thing’ into words with a great rhythm. Well done!

    Kim x

    Go to comment
    2017/03/22 at 10:09 am
  • Kats

    From kats on The Witchfinder General

    Good to read your work again, Luigi. I like this historical poem very much and like the illustration. ? omit the ‘just’ in stanza 4, penultimate line, as extraneous and doesn’t affect your rhythm (I don’t think), in fact without it the emphasis and point is more effective.

    Just thoughts – enjoyed your poem as history fascinates me and these medieval tortures, often towards poor women, were beyond ghastly and unfair.

    Kim x

    Go to comment
    2017/03/22 at 10:03 am
    • Ionicus

      From ionicus on The Witchfinder General

      Your wish is my command, dear Kim. I have now got rid of the redundant ‘just’.
      Thanks for your useful and constructive suggestion.

      Luigi x

      Go to comment
      2017/03/22 at 10:15 am
      • Kats

        From kats on The Witchfinder General

        Good to see. :^)

        Adverbs can often be swept under the carpet, especially in poetry, but I know that posting here is what helps to flush out things editorially that we can’t see as authors.

        Kim x

        Go to comment
        2017/03/22 at 10:51 am
  • Kats

    From kats on A Pathetic Poet's Loss Of Pathos

    Concrete depth and depth of concrete are my initial thoughts. I like the shape of the poem, like balloons? Another write from you, Trevor, that shows *your* depth and integrity, I think. It could benefit from a wee edit and tidy up, but nothing major. Many lines and phrases I like within it.

    Lovely to be here again and to read your work.

    Kim x

    Go to comment
    2017/03/22 at 9:56 am
    • Gothicman

      From gothicman on A Pathetic Poet's Loss Of Pathos

      Thanks Kim, your comments much appreciated. T’would be good to know, though not obligatory, what needs tweaking as the word use is often compromised by the structural balance and presentation I seek to keep. Yes, balloons to represent the flighty imagination of the precious mind, as opposed to feet firmly on earth mind. The concrete thoughts of the myth-killer! Hahaha! So good to have continued contact after what… 15 years?
      Trevor x

      Go to comment
      2017/03/22 at 6:50 pm
      • Kats

        From kats on A Pathetic Poet's Loss Of Pathos

        I will rake over it in the next few days. :^) Have a few things on and away at the weekend, but I shall return with my good specs on.
        Yes, it’s lovely to still have this special interactive contact, especially with some original ‘oldies’ from even the BBC site. Always enjoyed UKA though, and the people here have helped me progress as a writer immensely.
        Kim x

        Go to comment
        2017/03/23 at 8:56 am