Comments Stream

  • Sweetwater

    From sweetwater on Self critique

    That could be me this week, really have no inspiration forcing it’s way in, very annoying as the need to write pursues me hourly. Great poem, very much enjoyed 🙂 Sue.

    Go to comment
    2016/09/04 at 8:15 pm
    • Savvi

      From savvi on Self critique

      Hey Sue thank you for your comment sorry so late getting back I’m still getting to grips with the new layout. I know exactly how you feel I’m the same at the moment. Best Keith

      Go to comment
      2016/09/18 at 10:23 pm
  • Mikeverdi

    From mikeverdi on Beautiful Secret

    Agree with most of what’s been said, I like poetry where the reader can spend time getting inside the poem, reading their own senerio into the words. It may be light years from the writers intention, but so what. That said, there are those so deep I would need a diving suite to reach the implications….I give up.
    The last few postings from you, I think, have (for me) been some of your best .
    Mike

    Go to comment
    2016/09/04 at 8:12 pm
    • Gothicman

      From gothicman on Beautiful Secret

      Thanks Mike. Yes cognition is joining half what you perceive to half of what you already know, so the results of interpreting things are as varied as human kind itself, as their individual experiences, even when all are looking at the same phenomena!
      I’ve just been reposting some of my old UKA stuff that were received well, to get a better look to the layout, and revise and edit some parts, after revisiting pieces with new eyes.
      I expect we’ll all be resubbing some of our older stuff, new times, new readers, and all that.
      You must have a mountain of old fine poems to edit, revise, or just directly resubmit, Mike.
      Thanks as always for your encouragement and support.
      Trevor

      Go to comment
      2016/09/04 at 9:20 pm
  • Sweetwater

    From sweetwater on This Little Piggy

    You have a very insightful understanding of other people’s feet, are you a part time foot masseur in your free time between cleaning windows hehe. Good fun poem, but glad I’m not eating my tea though 🙂 Sue.

    Go to comment
    2016/09/04 at 8:07 pm
    • Mistermarmite

      From mistermarmite on This Little Piggy

      Hi Sue. No I’m not a feet specialist but my sister who’s a nurse does reflexology in her spare time,and listening to her talking about some of the feet she’s come across,inspired this poem.Good job you weren’t having pigs trotters for your tea ! Kevin.

      Go to comment
      2016/09/05 at 10:43 am
  • Valdohren

    From valdohren on Why I Live Alone

    Very poignant. Grief and love, the two go hand-in-hand.
    Val x

    Go to comment
    2016/09/04 at 6:58 pm
  • Kipper

    From kipper on Death In A Drive By

    This deserves a response but I don’t quite know what to say. There is certainly a rhythm going on, and I enjoyed the rhyming device. Rap is not something I naturally turn to (as often as not it’s hard to keep up to) but here I rapped at my own speed (It makes smile to say it) and quite enjoyed it. Would have enjoyed it a little more perhaps if I had been able to get to grips with what it all means. (Archiemac clearly did not suffer that problem)
    Heres to the next time,
    Michael

    Go to comment
    2016/09/04 at 5:31 pm
    • Mitch

      From mitch on Death In A Drive By

      Hi Micahel – thanks for the read and comment. It’s an experiment in various rhymes, phonetics and rhythms usiing a flickering of US images on the net – a huge Californian muscle head became ‘a bovine steroid suck-ass chewing on used gum’ as they use super-strength steroids and a steroid-hound in a gym near me was using bovine steroids and his heart actually exploded during a power-lift. Basically it’s a thread of memory-flashes where a white US male starts drifting through fears of a drive-by shooting into drugs, failed relationships, excess and then ending up as a crazed sniper on a rooftop in the American Dream. Mitch

      Go to comment
      2016/09/04 at 11:22 pm
  • Stormwolf

    From stormwolf on Why I Live Alone

    Hi Swep,
    I remember this too. I cannot envision the pain and sadness to lose a child.
    I think the last line can be read different ways but the ‘is gone’ is painful to read in its finality. The simplicity of the lines adds much as it suggests deep pain and sometimes pain is so deep it cannot be verbalised.
    It also fits with the fact you are speaking of a child. Brought tears to my eyes.
    Alison x

    Go to comment
    2016/09/04 at 1:09 pm
    • Slovitt

      From slovitt on Why I Live Alone

      Alison: you read these kind of poems as well as you do the racy ones. a fully rounded woman. every time i read it aloud, or when i worked on it i cried. not in grief but just because that was the emotional dimension the poem existed in. anyway, thanks. Swep

      Go to comment
      2016/09/04 at 3:39 pm
      • Stormwolf

        From stormwolf on Why I Live Alone

        I understand.
        Not the grief, as nobody who has not experienced it can truly imagine, no matter how they may want to empathise, that is so personal to you but the tears that come as you enter that dimension.
        I often cry too, as I write a sad poem or read a sad one, that brings me back to that level of feeling.
        At the last UKA meeting I attended down in London, I almost lost it reciting one because at once I was reliving the feelings.
        It became a bit surreal for me. I have tried to share some with my mum but I become too emotional to finish.
        As a child she found me in floods of tears after reading ‘Goodbye Mr Chips’ I said I had something in my eye and we smile about it yet. Having deep feelings is a blessing. even when it brings us pain. x

        Go to comment
        2016/09/04 at 4:05 pm
  • Archiemac

    From archiemac on Passing by

    P.S. Talking of “Indiah”, do you know this song?…

    With big hungry tigers
    Table manners have no place
    Dear dear dear no
    Dear dear dear no
    Dear dear oh dear no

    After they have eaten you
    They never say their grace
    Dear dear dear no
    Dear dear dear no
    Dear dear oh dear no

    Hunting tigers can be ripping fun
    Like three blind mice, see the hunters run

    Hunting tigers out in “Indiah”
    Out in, out in, out in “Indiah”
    Yah!

    You all know how beastly tigers are
    Out in, out in, out in “Indiah”

    They bite
    They scratch
    They make an awful fuss
    It’s no use stroking them
    And saying “Puss, puss, puss.”

    Oh,
    Hunting tigers out in “Indiah”
    Out in, out in, out in “Indiah”
    Yah!

    They bite
    They scratch
    They make an awful fuss
    It’s no use stroking them
    And saying “Puss, puss, puss.”

    Oh,
    Hunting tigers out in “Indiah”
    Out in, out in, out in “Indiah”
    Yah!

    I say, J.O., it’s jolly frightening out here.
    Nonsense, dear boy, you should be like me.
    But look at you, you’re shaking all over! What’s the matter with you?
    Shaking, you silly goose, I’m just doing the Watusi, that’s all!

    Tigers don’t go out on rainy nights
    They’ve no need to whet their appetites

    Hunting tigers out in “Indiah”
    Out in, out in, out in “Indiah”
    Yah!

    How many tigers can you find
    With forks and serviettes?
    Dear dear dear no
    Dear dear dear no
    Dear dear oh dear no

    Don’t care in what part of you
    They fix their fretwork sets
    Dear dear dear no
    Dear dear dear no
    Dear dear oh dear no

    Hunting tigers can be ripping fun
    Like three blind mice, see the hunters run

    Hunting tigers out in “Indiah”
    Out in, out in, out in “Indiah”
    Yah!

    Hunting tigers out in “Indiah”
    Out in, out in, out in “Indiah”
    Yah!

    Go to comment
    2016/09/04 at 9:19 am
    • Supratik

      From supratik on Passing by

      No I don’t know of this horrendous song!! I normally use it before cities like Kerala, Kolkata, whenever I find it appropriate.

      Go to comment
      2016/09/06 at 8:00 am
      • Archiemac

        From archiemac on Passing by

        Why do you find the song horrendous? It’s totally harmless. Just a bit of fun, typical British humour.

        Go to comment
        2016/09/06 at 8:04 am
        • Supratik

          From supratik on Passing by

          I can see your point. It’s more humorous than anything else. In India, we have become a little too touchy about anything to do with hunting tigers. May be mine was a knee-jerk response. 🙂

          Go to comment
          2016/09/06 at 8:20 am
  • Belcanto

    From belcanto on Beautiful Secret

    Very interesting conceit. I like! It is good to have the introduction which spells out the scenario. I’m thinking I may well have understood what was happening without it though. The outcome of the chance meeting is pretty clearly drawn in the last two stanzas. Have you found people didn’t ‘get it’ without the intro?

    Pleasing ‘old world’ sort of self reflection and commentary, delivered almost as if your speaker were an actor presenting an aside in a Shakespearean play!

    But, in her vanity, she’s mistaken.

    Rather sad admission, this. But telling, in terms of his character -‘ I know I’m not CAPABLE of being the dirty old man you’re imagining me to be, and I don’t picture myself having sex with you as I am now’. At least, that’s what I’m reading into it.

    Your resolution is great with its punctuation and ‘hurried’ continuation of thought/speech to show how your speaker quickly exits the situation. Perfect last line lay-out!

    Two pieces I’m puzzling over a bit: the Beautiful in the title – she turns out to be a physically beautiful daughter, perhaps? The other is this line:

    She may not be contactable”

    I find myself wondering why the daughter is urging your speaker to visit if her mother might not be contactable. Wouldn’t she know whether her mother was contactable or not? Or perhaps you mean something else by ‘contactable’ than I am thinking?

    Another very good poem, Goth. Greatly enjoyed the read. bel 🙂

    Go to comment
    2016/09/04 at 3:31 am
    • Gothicman

      From gothicman on Beautiful Secret

      Hahaha! Freudian slip, Bel? I hope you mean “concept”? Fits in otherwise though! Hahaha!
      Yes, when originally submitted, I think the impression (from Bozz) was of a dirty old man trying his luck, even though I thought there were some giveaway clues. No, my intention with “in her vanity” was misread sexual interest on her part, first from being shown admiring eye-contact interest, and then realising who it was, thinking “mother’s great love” from school days, he must have been a bit of a romeo! Then, with realising the innocence of the situation with the connection to her mother, calling him back to inform him of the sad news. Well, people with early dementia often have good and bad days with memory recollection, with particularly long-term memories less affected, so being a very old friend, one invested with much passionate interest from ancient times, it might have awoken more attention than usual.
      I always add my titles after writing the piece, and as she “had inherited her mother’s beauty”, she was a “Beautiful Secret”.
      Thank you so much, Bel, for reading through this fictitious anecdote (honest) and revealing your impressions and thoughts about the piece, for the detailed criticism, and the praise and encouragement. Very much appreciated.
      Goth

      Go to comment
      2016/09/04 at 1:04 pm
      • Belcanto

        From belcanto on Beautiful Secret

        even though I thought there were some giveaway clues. No, my intention with “in her vanity” was misread sexual interest on her part, first from being shown admiring eye-contact interest, and then realising who it was, thinking “mother’s great love” from school days, he must have been a bit of a romeo!

        Goth, the reason I understood ‘in her vanity’ to be about the dirty old man being too old to perform lies in your two lines following that phrase:

        She’s lying naked on pink silk sheets
        loved by a much younger man, one I barely remember.

        So maybe the difficulty lies in what you mean to infer by THESE two lines? Perhaps you might want to think about that. Your poem, Goth. Respect, bel 🙂

        PS I’m sending you a copy of something I wrote here via pm – very, very lengthy. Wisely, I think, I removed it before posting. Sometimes we see these comment sections as the perfect way to channel a message to others, not the writer. Very inappropriate and offensive to do that. I plead guilty to using that kind of tactic in the past, pray I’ll manage to keep it clean and clear in the future!

        Go to comment
        2016/09/04 at 5:27 pm
        • Gothicman

          From gothicman on Beautiful Secret

          Well Bel, in the long lead-in to the poem, I wanted to convey the impression that here was an old man nearing the end of his life and making one perhaps last journey to where he once lived and grew up way back in his youth. The idea was to infer he wasn’t in any stretch of the imagination there as a “dirty old man” on a lewd mission, being not in a physical state to allowi him to think like that, let alone be like that.
          All beautiful girls are vain when it comes to attracting attention, from anybody, and rightly so! The title “beautiful secret” is the first clue. The chance meeting with the beautiful secret, the daughter he must never admit to, as being a gentleman of honour, he had promised the mother never to do so, and never would. The third clue. “She’s lying naked on pink silk sheets”, girl babies have pink silk sheets, boy babies have blue (even if this stereotyping is fast disappearing) loved (a father’s love) “by a much younger man, so long ago he can barely remember being so young himself. I honestly thought those three clues sufficient in keeping any reader interpretation in line with the later added intro explaining it all.
          The extra virtue this old gentleman had was to not reveal his true relation to her, even though he had been told, the mother might now “not be contactable”, and presumably unable to have a say in the matter any more, plus, he didn’t want to shatter the daughter’s presumably later happy family image. After complimenting both her and her mother, he left her life as quickly as, now by accident, he came into it again. It’s one of those writings that need to be read through to the end, before making firm inferences about what’s going on, it’s short enough, then I think it all falls in place more as the writer intended?
          As I said in my last comment to you, I’m pleased to have received your impressions and opinions, for you, like Bozz (David) were kind enough to point out the risk of misleading the reader, where clues are insufficient or lacking in helping to explain the story. This is a very human and sad story of a lost relationship, in the long run, for the better good, I really fail to see how “conceit” has anything to do with the story? We see now, it’s patently obvious why the intro was needed?
          Who knows though, perhaps any ambiguity present makes the piece even more interesting as a short anecdote about the trials and tribulations of life?
          Thanks Bel, as always for your time and trouble in conveying to me how a reader might interpret the story, that it may not come over as intended.
          Goth

          Okay “vain” and “conceited” mean much the same and have a connection to the story. I thought for one horrible moment you thought the story-teller conceited, and that would never do…!

          Go to comment
          2016/09/04 at 7:04 pm
          • Ifyouplease

            From ifyouplease on Beautiful Secret

            all beautiful girls are vain, that’s a bit unfair, handsome men are too quite vain if not more vain. but this is a generalization that beauty attracts vanity always. it is sometimes during various phases of a human being’s life that because of his/her looks he/she becomes vain. it is in the nature of being beautiful to become agreeably lets say vain. but horrible vanity rarely becomes a problem for beautiful people. men and women who are ugly also become vain, ugliness too and in an aggressive way claims attention. what is natural for beautiful people to attract attention is a matter of deviousness for ugly vain people, they often successfully attract attention unnaturally, stealing it from others.

            Go to comment
            2016/09/04 at 7:51 pm
          • Gothicman

            From gothicman on Beautiful Secret

            Well, IYP, in the context of the poem, the idea of seeing her initial reaction as vanity is because beautiful women, often dressed very sexily and provocatively for the purpose, usually think that any attention paid to them by men passing by, is generally at a level of interest that can be summed up by “Yes! I would! Wild horses wouldn’t hold me back! They’re usually right of course, to about 99.9%, and not disappointed!!
            Even though it could be for many other reasons, especially when admired by a decrepit old man: he simply admires her natural beauty at first, then she reminds him of a woman he once knew, she might well be the daughter he fathered in secret, so very like her mother, has the same eyes and other features, it must be her? He was prepared to walk on by, but she has recognised him (from photos her mother kept?), she calls out his name….memories then start flooding back ……!
            I don’t know too much about vanity, not being vain myself….Yes,beauty lies in the eye of the beholder, vanity lies in the eye of the subject! You’re so right there! But, in some ways it’s good, shows you like yourself, have an own worth, have self-confidence….
            Love your photo….is it Ingrid Bergman?

            Go to comment
            2016/09/04 at 9:04 pm
  • Belcanto

    From belcanto on Final Farewell

    Read your piece out loud, pronto. A really beautiful write,even inspirational. You have a flawless rhythm and rhyme going, too, which makes this all the more striking.

    This will be such a wonderful solace for the love of your life if that roasting/ planting should ever come about. (I can see you have quite the spirit, and a great sense of humor!) 🙂

    I do think perhaps:
    meet(s) in your first line?

    Good, good stuff. bel 🙂

    Go to comment
    2016/09/04 at 2:33 am
    • Pronto

      From pronto on Final Farewell

      Thank you for the kind comment and generous appraisal. I’ve just noticed that “meets/s” myself. I will amend it. Thanks.

      Go to comment
      2016/09/04 at 10:05 am