From The Stifling Paston
Well you know how I like to see poetry as an art form that can lend itself to many forms of presentation. I prefer the first submission. 🙂
I think its an excellent idea to present them both too.
Just as fonts speak to us subconsciously and colour also, so too do layouts (to me)
The first two stanzas are free and liberated. They suggest the hidden part of her that found expression in the “moss-clothed woods”
You could have gone one step further and had the middle stanza showing signs of the closing in claustrophobia of convention….
Then the rigidity of the last stanza (in contrast to the ones before) …highlights the emotional straitjacket in which she finds herself.
To me, on viewing the poems complete, then reading the content, I see a poem that speaks on many levels.
It has to be skilfully done with intention but I think it adds another dimension.
Well, I hope to God I don’t come back! I think I have burned off enough karma this time round. 🙁
I loved this poem. I would have nominated it too.
Short, philisophical and absolutely adored first stanza! which set the standard for the rest …..which did not let it down.
From The Boy of Silenceon
I loved this. The emotion raw, the pain tangible. The last lines genius. Left me with a distinct impression as all good poems do.
You need to put a few apostrophes here and there to denote ownership
see link 😉
So… say first two lines
The face behind the harlequin(‘)s gaze
hides the scars of yesterday(‘)s man.
You are without doubt one of my fav poets.
From April Day.on
Yes, that’s how the weather is here now during this season switchover period, Sue. The mornings open at dawn with a crimson horizon as night clouds float off away behind us. But, then comes cloud pushed in rapidly by the north wind, snowy-rain, and hail-stones; Winter’s not finished yet! Another little poetic gem in your inimitable style. A soothing lozenge on the dry tongue!
From April Day.on
Hi Trevor, I think those must be the most poetic opening lines of a comment I have had they are lovely, thank you so much 🙂
And then you compare it to a dry lozenge hehe love it.
Seriously though, thank you for commenting I’m pleased you liked it, I always hesitate when it’s ‘another’ nature one. Sue.
Supratik, I don’t know whether this poem is a “loose sketch of days and nights” or meant to “Losing sketch .. as in fading memories. It’s a compelling read with some thought-inspiring lines, but it feels too ambitious, feverish hallucinations moving erratically forwards, a touch too psychodelic in its representation, like you’ve just taken LSD! I can see it’s biographical and full of important mental fixing points in the writer’s history, but I think it’s lacking a cohesive story-line structure that allows the reader follow basic messaging. As chaotic thoughts, it works well. As there’s no lead-in or resolution, perhaps a better indication as to what’s going on?
From I hear youon
It’s a poetic pearl-string, Jamalbbd, but by being kept too concise, it loses emotional communication. It may be a layout problem, splitting sentences too much. But, I think the solution is in being less anxious and hurried, more lilting, in the ongoing flow of the awakening sentiments. It’s a cascade of words, needing the slowing up of levelling pools. Single line spacing helps the flow be less stacato too. It’s a shame, because I like the progression and descriptions of each phrase otherwise.
From I hear youon
thanks for your true effort and sincere literary advice which I’ surly consider.
A well-written, informative piece about a tragic sickness and destiny, Gerry. In ignorance, thank supreme fear for religious courage and commitment, in knowledge thank medical science for eradication. Because of the subject matter, I think you wrote this fine piece some time ago? When submitting, I always put original creation date, month and year, at the end.
I didn’t get notice of your PM, and there’s no PMs waiting to be read, Gerry, you must have failed to send it somehow (or was it the rollback?)
Goth, It was first posted on UKA in October 2006. I usually put some reference,
but missed this one. I will look into that PM business and get back to you. It was in answer to your earlier question about Deans which I have recently discovered,. It must have been hiding 😉
Thanks for comment
Goth just sent you a PM please let me know if you receive it. 😉
From Brexit and Circuseson
Yes, that’s about the sum total of it, Jim! Hahaha! But, “English Circus”? You forgot: “Long live an SNP Scotland, keeping just above half the population afloat on whisky for the rich and dwindling NS oil to warm the poor, with all sales determined and steered by the dictatorial 4th Reich” (Sturgeon, the lion-tamer?) The different party manifestos when published will reveal the whole run of circus acts, I fear!
The difficulties posed by the EU in just leaving the group shows how much our Country has been absorbed into Europe, and how much the few old men in the EU Commission have control over our Country, its decisions, and destiny? Timing is everything.
Another well-written sonnet, authentic too, from the heart, Shanachy. It may well be so too, that the classic formality of the rhyme, by keeping it a report on a single theme, helps keep it all slightly more personal to the writer, than it would be if presented in free verse, which, perhaps, is how it should be. In this respect, and as this write came about also from an acdemic interest in using classical poetry form, I think the only line that feels slightly manipulated is the “forsaking all else”, as you, in the situation, would be the one person he would not need to forsake anything for? But, that’s minor, and only my take on it. Anyway, as with the others, a very fine piece of writing and emotional read.
An interesting opening, TomSouthern, it starts off slowly, sleepily, foreshadowing the crime drama about to unfold and challenge DS Greaves later on. That is its hook for me. It left me with the feeling that his affair with DS Coleman would become the least of his worries once he becomes fully involved in working the Clare House crime. In my imagination, I see not only his special talent(s) tested to the fullest, but perhaps also his humanity. The fact that you’ve conjured such images in my mind reflects the quality of this intro. Look forward to reading more.
Many thanks Shywolf. Appreciate your feedback and it’s a great motivator to spur me on. I hope to be posting up more of this piece soon. Thanks for spending time reading it. Looking forward to reading your work.