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  • Savvi

    From savvi on Dark Dreamer.

    Re layout- Just a suggestion Sue.
    Re Poem- I like the feeling of abandonment that suddenly becomes trapped, it made me think of Meet Joe Black when William Parish says to his daughter “I want you to sing with rapture and dance like a dervish” enjoyed Keith

    All things wild are dancing, dancing
    where the night winds haunt,
    to carry dreams across the sky,

    in folds of midnight’s blue,
    there capture you with sirens song,
    and bind within a silver cage.

    To be forever mine

    Go to comment
    2017/05/22 at 7:49 pm
    • Sweetwater

      From sweetwater on Dark Dreamer.

      Thank you Keith, I appreciate your comment and helpful suggestion, I don’t know the film you mention but reading what you wrote
      In relation to the poem, it puts a different slant on what I was thinking as I wrote it, which is very interesting. While you see the first verse as joyful abandonment I saw it as wild frenzied creatures ready to go out hunting their prey, under the cover of a dark night with the idea in their heads how best to get what they want, lure it in for capture, then carry it back to their leader. I shall definitely think about your layout idea, as I said to Mike, I have no eye for layout so any suggestion is very welcome. Sue 🙂

      Go to comment
      2017/05/22 at 10:17 pm
  • Savvi

    From savvi on The Fortune Teller

    Very clever Trevor, love the changes in style and found the whole piece feels fresh and entertaining. I too enjoyed the end line but particularly enjoyed reading it, in my Micheal Caine voice 🙂 In fact I like it so much, I’m typing this in my Micheal Caine voice. 🙂 Hope you are enjoying the Hols Keith

    Go to comment
    2017/05/22 at 7:37 pm
  • Valdohren

    From valdohren on poems

    Beautifully expressed Peter. So sorry for your loss, I fully understand what you are going through, and my thoughts are with you.
    Val xx

    Go to comment
    2017/05/22 at 7:17 pm
    • Pommer

      From pommer on poems

      Thank you so much Val for reading and commenting on my few sad thoughts. I knew you would understand knowing that you have been in a similar situation,gathering from your well crafted poems. I hope it is a bit easier now, but thoughts will never leave us and I know we don’t want them to, as our memories will always be precious in our minds,even if they do cause pain at times. my thoughts are with you, Peter xxx

      Go to comment
      2017/05/22 at 7:32 pm
  • Savvi

    From savvi on poems

    Hi Peter
    You got my crying again, these words will resonate with many and offer comfort to some, you are very brave opening this window for us to look through. Heartfelt and lost for words. Keith

    Go to comment
    2017/05/22 at 6:23 pm
    • Pommer

      From pommer on poems

      Thank you Keith for your very thoughtful and kind comment.I had hoped that this few words would be of comfort to some of my fellow writers. I am sure that my late wife would have been all in favour to publish.Thank you again Keith, Peter.

      Go to comment
      2017/05/22 at 6:29 pm
  • Pommer

    From pommer on poems

    Thank ypu spmuch,Mike, Your thoughts are very much appreciated. Peter.

    Go to comment
    2017/05/22 at 3:59 pm
  • Sweetwater

    From sweetwater on poems

    Oh Peter, I have no words too many tears are filling my eyes, I am so very sorry.
    You have written so beautifully. Sue xxxx

    Go to comment
    2017/05/22 at 2:45 pm
  • Stevef

    From stevef on The visitors

    Agreed, it does need some tidying, punctuation-wise, but the story shone through well enough. You might perhaps consider the visitors being offered refreshment early in the plot as at present the reader only becomes aware of the tea after your wife’s exchange with Ms Antell.
    A neat finish that I didn’t see coming!
    I could suggest where the small errors are in a pm if you like, Keith (story copied and areas highlighted).

    Go to comment
    2017/05/22 at 2:32 pm
    • Savvi

      From savvi on The visitors

      Some good points you make here Steve, I will have a think how to implement. If you have the time to feedback that would be great and really appreciated. I don’t mind if its on the site or PM, your choice. Anything I put up is for work shopping, as I’m always wanting to learn and improve. I doubt I will ever write a novel but I do like to dabble with these short pieces from time to time. Best Keith

      Go to comment
      2017/05/22 at 6:07 pm
  • Stevef

    From stevef on The Latest from my Cancer Journal

    What heart-warming news, Mike! You and the medics have really kicked some arse. Have a great time in Roscoff; Brittany is my favourite French area. Reminds me to visit my brother who’s lived over there for the last 30-odd years.
    I don’t know much about poetry but I say you wrote some fine words here.
    Very best wishes to you and Lesley,
    Steve.

    Go to comment
    2017/05/22 at 1:17 pm
  • Mikeverdi

    From mikeverdi on Afterlife

    I bloody love this, it’s as it is. I can recall sensing much of this; even years later. On the critique side, it does need a tidy, prune a few words. I know I always say it HaHa!
    Mike

    Go to comment
    2017/05/22 at 1:11 pm
    • Savvi

      From savvi on Afterlife

      Thanks Mike, you and your prunes 🙂 ha ha if nothing else they keep you regular. But seriously yes I would agree and I was also worried it was a bit preachy. I will get out my secateurs. Best Keith

      Go to comment
      2017/05/22 at 6:13 pm
  • E-Griff

    From e-griff on poems

    I hesitated to read this as I felt I might be trespassing on a personal issue. But of course you posted these for people to read. What can I say? It’s very moving.

    Go to comment
    2017/05/22 at 12:57 pm
    • Pommer

      From pommer on poems

      Very many thanks Sue,
      I am glad you appreciated what I tried to convey..I am not having a very good time at present with having lost my darling Edna,and visiting Haematology on a two monthly basis.Suffering on two fronts at present, loss and treatment.Still I am in no way giving up. Life must go on,Edna would want me to do that. Once more Sue, Many thanks,
      Peter xxx

      Go to comment
      2017/05/22 at 4:06 pm
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