Obviously an old sacred site, haunted by the spirits of the indigenous people of long ago. A burial site mayhap? A good story that leaves the reader to paint their own picture, fill in their own blanks. Skillfully done.
An engrossing story that leaves something to the reader’s imagination. Reminds me of Shirley Jackson’s “The Summer People.” The same unspecified unease.
A really good one. I like the way you build up the picture little by little without stopping much to explain things or describe the place or the people. A very good example of ‘show’ over ‘tell’. When you read something like this it actually makes it clear why that distinction matters. It could so easily have been over-written, over-explained and reduced to the mediocre.
The scene you conjure is definitely North American, as emphasized by the inclusion of a Native American character, and the atmosphere is foreboding, as implied by the statement ‘Night is when it gets difficult’. I was thoroughly drawn into the story without encountering a ‘hiccup’, a giveaway that the author had no experience in the North American wilderness. I would suggest a stronger opening, however, to really hook the reader from the start, something along the lines of: ‘There was always that thought at the back of my mind: that night would inevitably come. But today was a good day.’… Read more »
Thanks indeed for your thoughtful comment, in particular your verification that I got the north American mood about right. Guess I’ve watched too many TV shows. I have read a lot of American literature.
I like your idea for the beginning and will edit.
As you may notice, I’m not that active these days with my writing and it’s nice to get a comment.
Cheers, JohnG
Obviously an old sacred site, haunted by the spirits of the indigenous people of long ago. A burial site mayhap? A good story that leaves the reader to paint their own picture, fill in their own blanks. Skillfully done.
Yes, you understood the aim was to involve the reader, which is the essence of good fiction. Thank you for your kind words.
An engrossing story that leaves something to the reader’s imagination. Reminds me of Shirley Jackson’s “The Summer People.” The same unspecified unease.
Haven’t read that, but unspecified unease – exactly. Thank you for your comment
A really good one. I like the way you build up the picture little by little without stopping much to explain things or describe the place or the people. A very good example of ‘show’ over ‘tell’. When you read something like this it actually makes it clear why that distinction matters. It could so easily have been over-written, over-explained and reduced to the mediocre.
Yes, thank you David!
The scene you conjure is definitely North American, as emphasized by the inclusion of a Native American character, and the atmosphere is foreboding, as implied by the statement ‘Night is when it gets difficult’. I was thoroughly drawn into the story without encountering a ‘hiccup’, a giveaway that the author had no experience in the North American wilderness. I would suggest a stronger opening, however, to really hook the reader from the start, something along the lines of: ‘There was always that thought at the back of my mind: that night would inevitably come. But today was a good day.’… Read more »
Thanks indeed for your thoughtful comment, in particular your verification that I got the north American mood about right. Guess I’ve watched too many TV shows. I have read a lot of American literature.
I like your idea for the beginning and will edit.
As you may notice, I’m not that active these days with my writing and it’s nice to get a comment.
Cheers, JohnG
It may be because I’m on my phone (or stupid) but I can’t find the way to edit this at the moment. Will try on my pc.
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