Pins and Needles

Someone told me to try writing a story as if I were a woman.This is my attempt, Still stubbornly full of all the things I’ve been criticised for,

Pins and Needles.

The white wedding dress, modelled by the bride to be, was a diaphanous cloud of silk and lace. And pins. Two women enthusiastically gathered, tucked and squeezed, inserting more pins as they went.
“Ouch,” said Ruth, the dresses occupant.
“Please be more careful Mother.”
“You want it to be perfect darling, don’t you?” Jane was unrepentant.
“She looks lovely Jane,” mumbled Elizabeth through a mouthful of pins.
“You’ll really wow them tomorrow, Ruth,” she continued.
“You must be excited too,” she said, this time to Jane.
“I suppose but after four one gets a little bit blasé. Weddings aren’t what they used to be.”
“Oh, Jane, how can you say that? Weddings are, well, heavenly,” cried Elizabeth.
Jane gave her spinster friend a cynical glance.
“Well, white doesn’t have the meaning it had in our day”.
“Do you mind Mother, I’m here don’t forget,” said Ruth crossly.
“Well you’re a good example Ruth. I’ve never trusted you since we caught you in the potting shed with that Ellis what’s ‘is name? She jabbed savagely with a pin.
“You did that on purpose Mother.” Ruth complained painfully.
“No I didn’t darling”, she jabbed again.
“And his name was Ellis Shufflebottom, not Ellis what’s ‘is name.”
“I remember him,” said Elizabeth. He had an awful reputation as a very naughty boy.
“I know,” Ruth said dreamily.
“His father was my postman.”
“Yes, a postman’s son,” Jane said scornfully. “She’s never had any taste,” Elizabeth.
Ruth began to cry. “You’ve never liked my friends. Just because my sisters have all married doctors, my Tom isn’t good enough for you. You’re an unbearable snob Mother.”
“As long as he suits you darling. You know best.”
“Oh Jane, I do think that’s bad of you. Tom’s a very nice boy and he’s devoted to Ruth.”
“So he should be, marrying above his station.”
“If you don’t stop Mother I’ll never ever speak to you again,”
Hold still. “Are you putting weight on?”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“You’ve accused all my sisters of having to get married and now you’re starting on me.”
“I was right about our Susan.”
“No you were not; Sue and Jim just clicked straight away. You’re just bad minded.”
I must say…”
“Shut up Elizabeth”.
“Well!” Elizabeth tucked and pinned angrily.
“His mother’s very common, Ruth.”
“She’s a very good hearted woman and anyhow I’m not marrying his mother.”
“I’ve heard…,”
“Shut up Elizabeth.”
“We’ll have to mix with them socially, I suppose, and drink pints of Mild and Bitter”.
“Daddy would like that if you don’t. It might do you good to see another side of life to your pampered one.”
“There, that’s finished,” said Elizabeth.
They stood back and surveyed their handiwork.
“Oh darling you look so beautiful,” murmured Jane. “And I do like Tom. If you love him he must be a very nice man.” All three burst into tears together.


© pixie 2017
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critique and comments welcome.

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3 Comments on "Pins and Needles"

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Nice work Pixie


Being stubbornly full of these things is probably why the dialogue still feels laboured and a little stilted. The idea is good, though maybe the ping-pong structure constrains the writing? Enjoyable, none-the-less.

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