Sod It Sonnet & Verbose Villanelle

Technically (im)perfect, both (almost) conform to all the rules, with just one problem:
the messaging content is as interesting as watching the fate of wet paint!
From the Nerd’s guide to the ABC of poetry series.

 

My past life, a map, spread out behind me
Sadly musing over things I’ve not done
Admired by so many, but loved by none
They say in life, anything you can be
Even with hindsight it’s still hard to see
What my fate might have been if only one
Had considered me as more than just fun
Had accepted me and set my heart free
Now too old to care for what went before
When too young and naïve to really know
Bereft of all hope I’m closing the door
For with nothing left and nothing to show
I’ve lost my faith, don’t believe any more
Just want to die when it’s my turn to go.
 
 

Peace will be yours at aging’s exit gate;
Though the body’s tired, muscle tonus low,
Let emotions ebb, do not rage at fate.

In still backwaters all streams will abate;
And in silent pools where currents move slow,
Peace will be yours at aging’s exit gate.

When the pulse of life falls to gentle rate,
Just calmly breathe as you gladly let go,
Let emotions ebb, do not rage at fate.

Be not tempted to leave a path so straight;
For beyond death’s shadow the sun will glow;
Peace will be yours at aging’s exit gate.

Though a lonely route do not hesitate;
When arteries of time ease up their flow,
Let emotions ebb, do not rage at fate.

Why sigh and regret when the day is late;
What might have been, is never ours to know,
Peace will be yours at aging’s exit gate.
Let emotions ebb, do not rage at fate.

 

 

won’t stay long! I thought, but kept by popular demand! Ufortunately
Goth:April:2017

© gothicman 2017
Views: 438
critique and comments welcome.

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9 Comments on "Sod It Sonnet & Verbose Villanelle"

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Mikeverdi
Member

I know nothing about structure or Villanelles, I do know what I like, and I like this Trevor. Thanks for sharing with us..
Mike

Elfstone
Member
I’ll leave the Villanelle to those cleverer than me who know about that structure. Sonnets I have written from time to time and know a little about and I believed they had to be written in iambic pentameter, regardless of which rhyming scheme one uses. This one isn’t and I had trouble fitting it into any consistent rhythm. If I may, I also want to disagree with your comment to Mike – I think there *is* something worthy in the content; I can relate to the feelings of hopelessness and regret in it (interestingly I also wrote a sonnet about… Read more »
E-Griff
Admin
I didn’t recognise the sonnet as such, although there are many types. You talk about counting syllables – but this is not syllabic poetry, it’s accentual-syllabic (because English has different length and differently stressed syllables.). It is beats (feet) that are counted. and words have a natural stress that must fit into the rhythm (eh ‘peaceful is PEACEful and never peaceFUL. Elf is right to say it should be in iambic pentameter with 5 beats per line.. Here, your first line has only 4 beats, and your second doesn’t scan at all. most of the other lines are 4 beats,… Read more »
E-Griff
Admin
Will add that I started writing poetry the same way until someone told me, so I understand . But once you have the info, it’s easy to pick up and learn basic rhythm . There are syllabic poems (Dylans do not go gentle) but they are difficult to write and limited in scope. Other languages (Greek, Latin) are strictly syllabic. English is a musical and expressive language, probably the best for poetry. BTW a Russian Sonnet (as opposed to a Shakespearean one) does have 4 beats per line (but the lines scan) But to answer your main point, I agree… Read more »
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