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14 Comments on "Another Police Killing"

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E-Griff
Admin

Interesting reflective story.
Bit of a mix of us/UK though (cop, gum) for me. Otherwise fine.

Mikeverdi
Member

Yes, well worth the read. I agree with Griff, a bit more attention to detail would work. I would also suggest better paragraph like everyone up to ease the flow of reading.

It’s only suggestions and it’s your work.
Mike

Sirat
Member

It’s atmospheric and quite compelling to read. As more or less everyone has said it needs proof reading (be careful about possessives, e.g. ‘my mothers concern’, ‘my master sergeants stripes’). Also a tiny detail: how did the narrator know what the police officer had come in for? But with a few small tweaks this would be great.

Skytrucker
Member

I liked that. Great pace and a good story line. However, Master Sergeant is an American rank. Just sayin’. Doesn’t detract from the story.

TomSouthern
Member

Hello pixie, nice pace and good character build up. You create a good sense of tension. Just a little niggle at the end, “master sergeant” is an American Air Force rank. Your main character and setting sound British.

Was your main character air force or army (including SAS)? Maybe replace master sergeant with “sergeant” or if Royal Air Force “sergeant” or what about going for warrant officer as a change?

Keep it coming.

-Tom

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