Dissecting the human brain – (mine).

I have resurrected this, with some alterations.
WARNING! Not for those with a weak constitution—surgery involved. 
Well–What would you find?

You will notice this is posted under fiction – it should be faction…

I have been told many times that I was brainless, or brain dead, so I decided to have a closer look and see if my accusers were correct. My first conclusion was that if I was brain dead I wouldn’t feel any pain when I investigated, the same applies to being brainless of course. I stood with a large mirror in front, and one behind and made a large incision across my cranium. I made a large one just in case there was anything there.

Well there was certainly something there and obviously now I had to proceed with great caution. To dissect, I had to remove first. I knew that if I damaged my Medulla Oblongata that my respiration, heartbeat,  blood pressure and overall strength would be in deep trouble. I had obviously to take very great care of the brain stem! I removed and dissected the Cerebellum first; this controls muscular and limb movement, as I am sure some of you will know. I proceeded very slowly. Obviously I had to be able to put it back together later.

Next was the Cerebrum, all sorts of things happened then; I started to cry when I remembered all the bad behaviour that I thought I had might have been involved in. It was a good job that I had two bits of Cerebrum – because one of them fell on the floor and I couldn’t remember what it looked like, or where it had gone. I was in too deep by this time so I decided to investigate the Neurotransmitters and Synapses regions to hopefully find out why, when I told myself to do something – I usually did it wrong, tripped up – or got things the wrong way round.

By now I was feeling extremely confident, and decided to risk it and go for the Cerebral Cortex. This of course is the real grey matter, and in higher mammals, (don’t know if that includes me I am 5-11) it develops folds in unassigned areas. These folds represent intelligence, personality, and higher mental faculties. I didn’t expect to find much here and I was proved to be right – even though I had a good poke round.

I then dissected the two small areas at the left side of the brain that I knew were to do with languages. When I opened them up, I found all these bloody French, Spanish, and German words all mixed up! No wonder I always had trouble stringing them together. The English words were in a different place and were all very short. There wasn’t a great deal of them either I’m afraid! So I soon stopped looking.

Next I encountered the Brocas’s area (this is to do with the spoken word) there didn’t seem to be much doing here either which probably explains why, when I try to say anything it usually comes out total rubbish. Wernicke’s section was my ultimate encounter, this as you are no doubt all aware (being writers) is the bit to do with comprehension of the spoken and written word. I have to be totally honest now and say that after scratching around in here for some considerable time, I came across absolutely nothing of interest at all.

I then found I had a right bloody mess on my hands, but never the less I had to set about trying to put it all back together. It took me quite a few hours – I was working through a mirror remember. When I eventually finished re-assembling, it didn’t take me too long to realise that I must have put it all back in the wrong way round; the reason being, when I try to lift my left arm, my right one comes up and when I try to walk with my left foot first, my right leg leaps out —
Mais allus ist richtig mit mio avec el parabla Espania und das Francais abla el deautch ich denka merci— Did I get that right?

I of course have one big advantage now, because if anybody attempts that frontal lobotomy that I have been threatened with on numerous occasions, I will bet my bottom dollar they make the incision in the wrong place.