Other Paths.

I was listening to a song on the radio and one of the lines caught my attention, and this stemmed from there.

 

Pain stalked theΒ 

remembering:

 

yet far more does the

knife wound the mind

in closing my door

to you.

 

What’s left is breathing

low, an attempt at non

existence.

You’re walking the ways

my heart cannot

travel.

 

Your direction is against

the winds, I can follow

no longer.

 

But still you call

to me….

 

And follow

I must.

© sweetwater 2017
Views: 766
critique and comments welcome.

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16 Comments on "Other Paths."

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Elfstone
Member

Poignant and deeply felt; I like this very much. May I suggest that –

yet far more does the
knife wound the mind
to close my door
to you.

– reads awkwardly. I wonder if inserting “in closing” in place of “to close” would help? I would also tweak the layout, but you know by now that that is one of my ‘things’. The layout of a poem is so important. For your consideration only and these points do not take away from the work. πŸ™‚ Elfstone

Ifyouplease
Member

I agree with Elfstone 100 %, In closing is much better. A really good poem.

Mikeverdi
Member

This is one of your best Sue, I love it. I also found this site difficult to organise a layout on. I would suggest centering and trying to get rid of the unnecessary gaps. I’m going to nominate anyway.
Mike

Gothicman
Member

Yes. I think you’ve written a real gem here, Sue. A couple of punctuation errors, but loved the well-worded sentiments expressed so poetically. If you go in edit and highlight the whole work (not the intro), then click “1” in the toolbar it will all revert to single spacing, and while all highlighted, you could “indent” too, three times, to take the work away from the left edge a bit more. Loved this one!
Trevor

Gezz
Member

It looks simple but it’s deep. Walking the ways my heart cannot travel. Great line! Do we exist? In what is existence? I breathe so I be.

Otreasaigh
Member

Ah yes. It’s what poetry is all about.

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