Until the Rain
Tomorrow arrives
and my emptiness
cringes,
stands on life’s edge
and lets it teeter behind
stained glass —
a mirror reflecting yesterday.
Your warmth used to run
like quicksilver through my veins
and present me to the sun.
I never saw
the gray skyline
or your shadow wane
until the rain came.
Pamela A. Lamppa
Copyright © 2011
All Rights Reserved
I feel, loss, in this poem. Nice write.
My apologies for such a late reply. I do thank you kindly. I had wanted the feeling of loss to come across and it appears it did. Thank you again. ~Pamela
Yes, so much loss here, and another one I can relate to. Beautifully expressed Pamela.
Val x
Thank you so much. I had wanted the feeling of loss to come across and it appears it did. Still, some tweaking is necessary thanks to the thoughtful comments I have received here. Please accept my apology for such a late reply. ~Pamela
Hi Pamela
I could not quite get the imagery here.
‘stands on life’s edge
and lets it teeter behind
stained glass —’
teetering on life’s edge suggests to me standing with nothing in front before potential catastrophe (falling)
but ‘behind stained glass’ suggests to me a partition between you and the edge of the cliff.
and stained glass does not mirror. ;-(
Perhaps I am reading it wrongly.
I do think a wee tweak may bring the poem’s meaning more alive.
Alison x
My apologies for the late reply. Thank you so much for reading and leaving your impressions, I appreciate them so much and understand exactly what you are saying about mirrors and stained glass. I will rework this. It is so helpful to review things long after it has been written. And to think all the readers who read this did not catch the obvious. Me either. :o) Thank you again. ~Pamela *hugs*.
Punchy and moving short piece about loss but I did have a wee problem with the leap from stained glass to the mirror so that line needs a wee tweak to qualify the context. Quicksilver is of course wonderful poetic licence but mercury is extremely toxic as any Mad Hatter will tell you! Best. Mitch
Hello and THANK YOU. M humble apologies for such a late reply. You are so right about the mirror and stained glass. I appreciate your review and critique very much. This poem will get some work and editing as a result. Most most appreciated. Again, thank you. ~Pamela